#need more trauma lmao. yeah he is evil and fucked up but no child deserves what spencer did to him

[arklay]

did not just think about diana finding al just sitting on their bed holding their wedding photo in his hands after she brings him back, and he's just looking at it, visibly distressed, and the moment she touches his shoulder he starts crying and buries his face against her chest because he thinks he really ruined their relationship. good lord

#leah.txt #pair: ewskers #baby boy she would not have spent years regenerating your body if she hated you i am going to disintegrate i can't do this #i think when his viruses are stable his emotions are very much Not. i think the mutant strain changed specific brain chemistry and he lost #a lot of empathy and just the ability to really feel emotions. he was very numb. he knew he should feel a certain way and emulated that but #he didn't really *feel* and after everything is stable he's feeling things he hasn't in over 10 years and he's also in a very bad state of #mind from everything that's happened so oh boy things aren't going great for them #also numb except like anger. and hatred. he was being turned into a literal killing machine after all. notice how blood thirsty he got? #i have so much post volcano lore for them i can't do this i need to just. explodes. and like they are still working through things ofc (it #takes years) when diana is alerted of activity with the company and even though they go and do all of that like he is still trying to find #himself again and decondition everything spencer and umbrella drilled into his head. they are still evil and scheming don't worry there #besties. and they still think they are better than everyone else. this is fact in their minds. but like. there's a lot going on for him #i put him through a lot of pain and as much as i joke that i want to put him through a blender it actually makes me really sad. he doesn't #need more trauma lmao. yeah he is evil and fucked up but no child deserves what spencer did to him #fictional man making me really sad. i need to wrap him in a blanket #sir why did you have to go and try and kill everyone on the planet whadda hell is wrong with you i'm holding your hand #maybe if your wife was there kissing you then you'd calm down a little bit and not throw yourself into a volcano #not unfolding time coming on shuffle as i type this what is wrong with you spotify i can't go through this right now #i like to see powerful men weak and cry but also he is a ball of trauma and it hurts me #i have Many thoughts about why he did what he did in 5 cause yeah it's out of character for him to follow through with spencer's vision #but i don't think that's what he was doing. kinda hinted a bit at this with that one fight fic but also i have a whole essay somewhere

[fantastic-rambles]

Im so glad there's sm1 who appreciates how well adam's character is written, i need to vent to u (sorry!).

Ok so honestly, despite all the terrible shit he's done, i feel so so bad for him. I know that with police involved it's probably not gonna end well for him, but holy shit i want him to mend his relationships and heal so badly (tho with 🍵🌸 it's probably ruined to the point of no return). I just wish he opened up to tadashi and/or 🍵🌸 when they were young, and found comfort in them. I know the majority of the fandom wants to run adam over with a truck or smth, but honestly it's his fucked up family that truly deserves that. U have no business fucking up a person like that, adam should've left em years ago(which hopefully he will eventually do in the end). Anyway rly hoping that sm1 saves him and bitch slaps his father(i actually don't remember if he's still alive lmao) and aunts.

Sorry again for suddenly throwing this at u (feel free to leave this unanswered, no worries!)

Oh no, please don’t feel sorry! I love discussing my obsessions, lol. And also finding other non-Adam-haters. <3

But yes, absolutely, I feel bad for Adam. It doesn’t excuse what he does (though what he does is child’s play compared to *actual* villains), but he’s a textbook case of an abused child turning into an abusive adult. On top of that, mental health has a huge stigma in East Asian countries, so all the people yelling that he should get therapy... while they’re right, I understand why he doesn’t due to cultural norms, as well as the fact that he doesn’t realize how fucked up he is and in his relationships with other people. The first step to addressing a problem is to understand that there is a problem, but he doesn’t see a problem at all with what he does (and his morality pet feels too guilty about his own sins to point it out), so he can’t take steps to fix it.

His family is definitely a root cause of the problem (for some reason, I’m under the impression his father is in jail, but I might be misremembering/misinterpreting something one of his aunts said--in any case, I don’t think he’s around right now), but to be honest, while I like Tadashi, I also blame him for part of Adam’s trauma too. It’s pretty obvious that Tadashi has some sort of inferiority complex--which yeah, again, understandable since he’s a servant’s child, but then why do all the secret skating with Adam? Like, he realized that it was Adam’s only safe space, and just because Adam’s dad found out, it seems like he decided to just take that away from Adam?

The scene when Adam first sees “Snake” skating and says something like “Why now?” really hit me hard, because I believe that Tadashi has refused to skate with Adam for years (which is why Adam made “S” and is looking for “Eve”), and then when he finally does, which is something that should make Adam happy and remind them of the few bright moments of his childhood (plus, Tadashi is one of the only people who can skate with him equally), he’s doing it to try to completely take away what Adam loves more than anything else, and the only place where he can be himself. As I mentioned in another post, I think that Tadashi has good intentions in trying to do this, but the most recent episode has just hammered home the point that Tadashi doesn’t really understand how badly he fucked up before.

Like you said, if he’d had a more open relationship/friendship with Tadashi when he was younger and Tadashi continued to support him secretly (which I believe he stopped doing after the board-burning incident), I think that things could have turned out a lot different/better. I also think that with Cherry and Joe, there was a chance for things to work out and make him into a better person, but he was forced to leave them/go to America, where they couldn’t have a good influence over him. And imo, something also happened during those gap years that drove him batshit crazy and looking for his “Eve.”

At this point, I’m mostly hoping for one of two endings (for Adam):

That Adam somehow is made aware of how badly he’s fucked up everything and takes steps to make amends, including confessing to perjury and going to jail, which would be a huge middle finger/cutting ties to his family/aunts. I’m kinda skeptical that this will happen in a believable way, though, if that’s the intent, given that it seems Ep 11 will be him trying to traumatize Reki again so having a heel-face turn in one episode is pretty suspicious.

That Adam just goes down in a blaze of glory and destroys his skating kingdom in a fit of madness when it’s clear to him that he can never get what he really wants. This is also unlikely since I’m pretty sure he’ll end up going to jail one way or another, but if he’s going to be played off as “irredeemably evil,” then they should damn well go the whole way. Nothing he’s done so far convinces me that he’s a villain who deserves as much hate as he gets.

But yes, I feel like Adam is a marvelously complex character (partly because there’s still so much backstory missing, probably), which is why he’s my runaway favorite in the show. His characterization is absolutely head-and-shoulders above any other character’s. He’s a terrible guy for certain, but he makes the whole show possible.

#sk8 #sk8 the infinity #skate the infinity #sk8 adam #shindo ainosuke #ainosuke shindo #sk8 snake #kikuchi tadashi #tadashi kikuchi #analysis #mine

[analyzingadventure]

I’M 5 EPISODES BEHIND ON PSI, I CAN ONLY WATCH 4 BECAUSE THE NEWEST ONE ISN’T AVAILABLE YET AND IT’S KILLING ME BECAUSE I SAW AN OUT-OF-CONTEXT MEME ABOUT IT AND IT HAD SOME IMPLICATIONS ABOUT IT

ANYWAYS, LET’S CATCH UP ON PSI, EPISODES 20-23, LET’S GO

Okay let’s save that widdle baby from that test tube

HOLY SHIT PSI’S VELGRMON IS HUGE

THAT IS A BIG FUCKING BIRB

That is a weird way for Devimon to ask Velgrmon to fetch Takeru considdering he was technically already captured by Devimon but okay I guess

MEGADRAMON!!! YEAH

Leomon please don’t die

Ah, they are acknowledging that the kids were missing for three days during a horrifying black-out, I was worried they wouldn’t like, acknowledge that at all

Koushirou’s hesistant to talk about his parents... Oh baby... ;_;

TENTOMON!! How’re you messaging to the kids?? IS GENNAI THERE TO HELP?? Or are you just in the Network messing with stuff?? Probably?

Oh, great, Algomon still isn’t fucking dead. HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO KILL THIS FUCKER

Is that squid thing Calmaramon? It looks like Calmaramon??

oH MY GOD it took me a moment to realize what was happening but WEREGARURUMON HITCHING A RIDE ON THE GIGA DESTROYER MISSILE WAS HILARIOUS OMG HE’S USING IT LIKE A SKATEBOARD LMFAO

YEAH YAMATO, SAVE YOUR BABY BRO!!!

TAKERUUU!! SASUKEEEE wait

ANGEMON!!!! BABY!!! WHERE ARE YOU ANGEMON?!?!

Megumin Han.... I’m so happy to hear your voice ;___;

A beautiful reunion

Takeru seems to be taking... [/points at the DW and the Digimon] everything really well

Jesus Velgrmon is stronk

NOOO THEY JUST SAVED TAKERU, FUCK

ANGEMON WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP!!!! WE NEED YOU!!!

OHHHHH TAKERU IS ANGERY no talk to him he angy

YEAH ANGEMON, FLY LIKE THE FUCKING WIND

God I love WereGarurumon’s nail polish, it looks fantastic yo

ANGEMON!!!!! Feather symbolism yeee

Is Angemon gonna spend all his powers to kill Velgrmon and die instantly? That’d be hilarious

Awe, no Giga Destroyer? Just Giga Storm? D’aww

HE IS GONNA DIE, ISN’T HE

ENJOY YOUR TRAUMA TAKERU LMFAO

oh mY GOD SKULL KNIGHTMON CAME IN AND STOLE IT TOO, YOU FUCKER LMAO

EPISODE 21, LET’S GO

Yamato I’m sure you could explain a few things to Takeru while you’re just chasing Skull Knightmon

Ah Devimon, your arms are as long as always, how wonderful

Ah, more Xros Wars rep! Splashmon! :D

TAKERU WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

YOU JUST GOT HERE LITTLE CHILD, DON’T JUST JUMP INTO THE HOLE HEAD FIRST, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING

Oh wow Devimon had prepared an Evil Incubator for Angemon’s Digiegg, how fast and nice

Poor baby is gonna get super corrupted, eh?

IT’S SO NICE... TO SEE THESE FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE KIDS, LOOKING SAME AS ALWAYS AND STUFF

Oh wow did Koushirou just hack the Digivices, WOW

IT IS CALAMARAMON! I KNEW IT, FUCK, I am so enjoying the Frontier/Xros Wars rep rn, thanks Toei, I wub you

Is that another nuke? Are they launching another nuke? No? Just a massive crash at a dock?

I was just gonna complain about Psi having a serious case of Takuya & Kouji Show-syndrome but if Sora and co get to deal with the threat in the Network while Taichi and Yamato are rescuing Angemon’s egg, I’ll be okay with it

Takeru, your Powers of Adorable will not save the world, I’m sorry, you’re just gonna get yourself killed and/or kill Yamato a third heart attack, PLEASE GO BACK

Holy shit METALGREYON NOOOOOOO DON’T HURT HIM LIKE NOOOOOOOO MY BABY ;A;

THAT IS A BIG EYE WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

A Digimon that was sealed away by Devimon or something? IDK it’s kinda scawy

METALGREYMON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

TAICHI PLEASE SAVE HIM ;_; YAMATO GO HELP HIM YOU WIMP

OWO WHAT'S THIS

A NEW METALGREYMON VARIANT? (Or a different Mode?)

Tbh the new cannon kida clashes with MetalGrey’s oldschool design a lil BUT IT’S FINE, IT’S COOL

Agumon deserves a nap

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

ELDORADIMON???? IS IT OH IT TOTALLY IS, RIGHT? YEAH

I love the textures on his face, the pencil strokes look really cool

EPISODE 22 WOOO

I think I’ve complained about this before but it has kinda bothered me before how the Digimon don’t have to rest or eat before entering into battle again, and like, while it’s been mostly fine up until now... Like ever since the kids entered the Fake Tokyo they have pretty much been fighting non-stop without resting or eating and like, it’s starting to get to me, their stamina to keep on fighting is a bit much and it’s just gonna keep on going until Devimon’s dead, isn’t it

How are you climbing this wall that’s this god damn steep, you are a little child HOW DO YOU HAVE THE MUSCLES FOR THIS, I’M A GROWN ASS ADULT I DON’T HAVE THE MUSCLES FOR IT

Gabumon is a sweetheart and I would die for him

Koushirou, why didn’t you have your partners evolve faster, jesus christ (like I’ll give Gomamon and Palmon a break but the other two? Jesus)

Oh that DigiEgg is getting so super corrupted, isn’t it? Oh yeah, Devimon is trying to turn Angemon into a fallen angel like him, amazing

I wish Skull Knightmon had like a personality... In fact I wish all of the enemies had personalities beyond Devimon being ominous and Orgemon dumb with lots of honor

Jyou is gonna get in such great shape from running up those stairs- he ain’t skipping Leg Day, not today

Skull Knightmon is so cool I wish he had more of a personality ;_; I wanna root for him but beyond doing cool shit he has nothing going for him

Ah, the upgrade to MetalGrey wasn’t permanent, just a temporary buff from the power of Courage

DARK KNIGHTMON! YEAAAH

I hope Eldoradimon is okay with all this chaos happening inside him; like I hope he doesn’t get an upset stomach from this

THE BABY TOLD YOU TO MOVE, SO MOVE, KNIGHTMON!

Poor Calamaramon died without ever getting a personality ;_;

How the fuck is this infact making these gigantic leaps over great distances

God Takeru you are so cute, you widdle baby you

Oh man the hightech wings really don’t fit with the punk look of WereGarurumon at all

Welp the DigiEgg got dipped in the miasma like an egg in soy sauce, Press F for Patamon, say “hi” to Tsukaimon

Oooo the egg is exploding! :D

Oh, the egg... I mean it didn’t explode but it destroy the fortress

POYOMON! :D

Devimon, are ya gonna finally show up in person

YEAHHHHHHH DEVIMON!!!! YOU LOOK SO PRETTY I MISSED YOU YOU EDGY GOTH BASTARD

OOOO DEVIMON AND ANGEMON GO BACK? THEY HAVE A HISTORY? Well this is a ship I’m into, let’s go

EPISODE 23!

DEVIMON AND ANGEMON USED TO BE FRIIIIIENDS ohhhhhhhhh I wanna know more about their history THIS IS A JUICY SHIP RIGHT HERE

Ohhh he is so OP, I love that, thanks

How’d MetalGrey and WereGaruru get the message to use the rubble as cover? Not that it worked really

Devimon can use finger beams, lovely

Sora and co should really evolve to Perfect, like they should’ve evolved earlier to begin with

OH SHIT, WE GOT EVOLUTION ALREADY! I mean it’s only Tokomon, which ain’t that useful rn, but okay

Oh Devimon just gave Tokomon this angry-ex look oh my god

I wonder if Devimon’s plan was to like, bypass the need to use humans directly to evolve, instead using the data from humans to forcibly bring forth evolution

NeoDevimon isn’t as cool and sexy as vanilla Devimon, F

Honestly I’m kinda sad he evolve to begin with because Devimon was already super OP, like he didn’t evolve because he was losing, he evolve because his ex made him angry (although I mean I guess that is funny)

Oh WereGarurumon can just do the wing thing at will? Seems OP but okay

Ah, but I know Devimon isn’t dead yet... Saw the new Digimon Bandai shared on Twitter, the new Devimon form that is VERY SEXY (IDK if this needs to be stated but I do say “sexy” here ironically)

OH, Dark Knightmon, you’re still alive? You gonna take lead from now on?

Ohohohohohoh let’s go, gimme that new Devimon

OH MAN, IT WASN’T THIS EPISODE? HE’S SHOWING UP IN THE NEXT EPISODE? Boo, now I gotta wait :(

So I saw some memes on Twitter (along with the art of the new Digi), them including Taichi dying, dark evolution, a clip from the Adventure dub finale where Agumon’s like “next time I’ll evolve into one of the Dark Masters” so like

NEXT EPISODE IS GONNA FUN, also I’m kinda unsure if I wanna watch the preview or not... Like I already know so much out-of-context so I’m afraid if the preview is gonna tell me even more to a point it gets too much, or if it should be fine...

No, I have no chill, Psi has been teasing Mugendramon to me this whole god damn time, I NEED TO KNOW IF WE GET MUGENDRAMON LIKE THE MEMES PROPHESIZED, I NEED TO KNOW

PREVIEW!

LMAO IT REALLY DOES JUST START WITH “TAICHI DIES” JKSDFHKJSDFGJSFDGHJ

OH MAN WE ARE GONNA GET MUGENDRAMON AREN’T WE

I’M SO EXCITED

ALSO DOWNDEVIMON OHOHOHHOHOHO

NEXT EPISODE IS GONNA BE GOOOD I can’t wait

#Psi #Psi reaction

[viktcrr]

「maxence danet-fauvel & nonbinary」⇾ samuels, viktor, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he/they are a capricorn and 24 years old. he/they are studying visual arts, living in noland and can be observant, ingenious, reticent & dependent. when i see him/them i am reminded of a sculptor’s hands clay-ridden, the insistent hum of tv static, and a crying preacher inside a dusty funeral home.  ⇽「james & 21 & est & they/them.」

hllo !!! i’m james n here’s one of my big idiot muses <3 he’s not actually dumb he’s :/ a bit evil. bt thts okay hes still <3 beloved <3 LKDSFHLSADLKGFSHLKD anyways!

TW DEATH, HEAVY GRIEF, OVERDOSE / DRUG ADDICTION, HOSPITALIZATION, HYPERSEXUALITY, RELIGION MENTIONS, MENTAL ILLNESS

aesthetic.

old tvs and their static, worn tapes, horror movie screams, spilled ink, a sculptor’s hands, clay-stained, chicken scratch handwriting, messy notes, messy hair, scoffs and eye-rolls, bruised knuckles, sore throats, funeral homes and a crying preacher, shattered ceramics, knife fights, high ledges, vertically-striped pants, red lights, the moon shrouded in clouds, cigarette butts, graveyards and half-empty wine bottles, sitting there for hours and talking to nothing, about nothing, a god complex, gold rings adorning both hands, barbwire baseball bats, having never played baseball in your life, deep eyebags and broken mirrors, a permanent chip on one’s shoulder, yearning, longing, wishing.

basic info.

full name: viktor phillip samuels

nickname(s): icky vicky :/

b.o.d. - jan 2nd

label(s): the black hole, the crepehanger, the impious, the opaque, the tempest, etc.

height: 6′1″

hometown: rochester, new york

sexuality: pansexual uwu

pinterest

stats

inspired by: beetlejuice (beetlejuice), sid (toy story), jack sparrow (pirates of the caribbean), francis wilkerson (malcolm in the middle), azula (avatar: the last airbender), vicky (the fairly oddparents), stu macher / billy loomis (scream), marshall lee (adventure time), bojack horseman (bojack horseman), any it’s always sunny character :/

biography.

born to mama and papa (preacher) samuels in rochester, new york - fifteen minutes after his twin sister, tatiana samuels. years later, rosa samuels joined the gang.

was an awkward, quiet kid growing up, he didn’t interact well with others and preferred being left alone to dig up worms and draw on the walls of their childhood home. the only exception was his twin, really.

as he got older he grew out of this, but instead became like … sort of an asshole? maybe to compensate for years of childhood awkwardness. he’s the sort of person who will bite the hand that feeds him & developed into a full time nuisance by middle school, unlike tatiana who was much more subtle about her conniving manners.

always has been a fan of ‘darker’ materials. grim & creepy morbid shit. probably the biggest tim burton fan, ever since he was a kid … not a good look for a preacher’s son, but he never really felt ‘in’ with the rest of his family to begin with. classic black sheep syndrome.

drew disturbing pictures as a kid that probably prompted one or two or five phone calls home to assure everything was fine.

just really had a knack for art at a young age, from drawing to painting to playing with clay. it’s always been his Thing and probably is the only thing he’s good at.

being twins with tatiana was hard. they were near opposite besides both being quite mean-spirited. tatiana handled being in public better, left a better image behind - but viktor had talent, more than she did. they loved each other deeply - y’know, those unbreakable twin bonds as cliche as it sounds - but found each other as competition for their parents’ attention. a rivalry for affection.

in high school is when viktor really started to act out. it started extreme, like losing his virginity in their church and vandalism around the neighborhoods. faked being possessed in the middle of sunday service & almost had an exorcism performed on him.

his only redeemable trait was like … just his sheer talent in the arts. was in a 3D art AP course and specialized in sculptures. he could pretty much create anything he wanted with enough dedication.

because he was the problem child, the one who deserved to be disciplined for all his antics, tatiana could sneak away and get away with whatever she wanted much easier. on the bright-side, for her, i guess.

not a very motivated person - wasn’t planning on going to college, much less going to radcliffe but his parents literally wrote & sent his college application for him because they weren’t going to house a deadbeat but had too much heart to kick him out onto the streets. cool!

he’s actually pretty smart but he just doesn’t apply himself. has a minor in english because he didn’t care for an extra course-load, but he’s good at writing & analyzing literature. is going to use it to write and illustrate his own series of children books with a style similar to tim burton’s. not for the kids, but because he likes to leave a trail of terror in whatever he does.

has been experimenting with himself since high school but college is where he really had started to crack down on himself. was out as pansexual & nonbinary by his sophomore year of college just … not to his parents, who don’t really need to know.

if you asked him if he believed in twins having a psychic connection with each other - he’d tell you he wouldn’t know. it felt believable at times, but sometimes he had no idea what was going on inside of tatiana’as head. on the other hand - viktor had always felt oddly transparent to her, like she knew all of his moves before he did. the only person who could predict him accurately.

( TW DEATH, GRIEF, OVERDOSE / HOSPITALIZATION BEYOND THIS POINT )

when tatiana disappeared, viktor knew something was up. it was a twist in his gut, pure instinct that something wasn’t right. and it wasn’t right - and when she was proclaimed missing, they couldn’t find her.

and when tatiana died - viktor knew. it felt wrong, something cut so severely in him he could pinpoint her death to the second. he didn’t know how, or why, but he knew it. knew it before anybody else had.

afterwards he went on a sort of bender. he’d begun to struggle with a mild drug addiction late senior year of high school / early college, but he was managing it up until this point.

his mental health had also sunk to an all-time low, when it’d never been great to begin with. (manic & depressive episodes. once fixated on a sculpting project for six months and then knocked it off the table and destroyed it as soon as he finished it for no apparent reason.)

tatiana’s body wasn’t found immediately, and when it was … viktor went off the rails. ended up overdosing & being hospitalized. spent six months in & out of psychiatric care after that.

came back to radcliffe to finish his senior year because … for the reasons above, he hadn’t been able to complete it. just wants to get his credits and get out of here.

is still dealing with a lot of trauma & grief, especially since the one year anniversary of tatiana’s death was this month (january) - causes him to spiral and be unpredictable in regards of his mental health. he stopped taking his medication, so. :/ some days are alright, other days are pretty bad.

UPDATE: now that summer’s come n go ... viktor hs been thru <3 a lot <3 recently. switched therapists (his :/ last one got her license revoked) & started new medications, went to a treatment center briefly ‘cos .. he wasn’t doing too well :/ bt now he’s back baybey! trying to be better n trying to be sober but ... :/

personality.

the human embodiment of a gremlin that was fed after midnight. a goblin, if you will. one of those cats with a narrow head and really big ears … that’s them!

a big horror & halloween enthusiast. loves the old campy horror movies & probably has an abundance of masks from different movies. dresses like a grimy millennial beetlejuice more than they should because they just … love those black & white vertical-striped pants.

can appreciate the lore & cryptids at radcliffe and likes to feed into the fear that surrounds them. is probably the cause of a few ‘anomalies’ and ‘paranormal sightings’ because they’re just … a jerk.

fashion alternates between e-boy (they would be tiktok famous if they were 17 & didn’t think that a majorly minor based app was weird.), millennial beetlejuice, and goth in a crop top & sweatpants. big fan of crop tops and a big fan of sweatpants.

they can be really fucking mean? petty, aggressive, a major instigator. will literally spit in your face for little to no reason, you could just look at them the wrong way. the kind of person who will stick their gum into someone else’s hair. other than that? they’re like … sort of okay. they’re not always mean, just a dick about 90% of the time lmao

like okay yeah they’ll call someone a stinky bitch for no reason except they feel like it and believes it. it’s fine, they’re fine, we’re fine.

despite the fact that they’re probably getting into a fight whenever, considers themself to be a lover and not a fighter but that’a primarily because they fuck a lot. uses it as a coping mechanism, like they’re this big fancy carnival show that’s like ‘come one, come all! fuck the dead girl’s twin brother!’ and it’s … a Lot. might have a problem with hypsersexuality but they’re not fully aware of it.

the preacher’s whore son, basically :)

pansexual & nonbinary, switches between he & they pronouns often and without a pattern, but they have such a fragile grip on their identity that you could call them ‘dog-faced bitch’ and they’d turn around like. sup.

vastly impulsive … like i said, they destroy their own creations for the fun of it. spends all teir money on useless shit, will cheat on someone because they feel like it & likes the thrill, screams into the night sky frequently like a cat in heat.

will also spend months creating useless shit for no reason too. spent six of them sculpting a hollowed out tree the size of them & then took a sledgehammer to it.

they’re very super dramatic. would play the organ at church when nobody was looking after them and service was about to start. would just churn out these super haunting, creepy melodies like they were phantom of the opera. would do the same exact thing at home on their keyboard with the pipe organ setting whenever they got grounded until their parents took it away HBDSJFNGKH

will absolutely not talk about their ‘time away’ because it’s not anyone’s business, not even their own younger sister. still refuses to talk about tatiana’s death, or their mental health, or their addiction (fallen back into it but it hasn’t gotten severe … yet :/), or anything involving their own emotions.

will just change the topic abruptly, no warning. asks about the jonas brothers instead and they fucking hate the jonas brothers.

that being said they’re absolutely not over tatiana’s death & it’s to the point of obsession over it. like there’s some kind of secret that needs to be uncovered, even though there just. isn’t. tatiana was their rock and they were pretty much dependent on her. kept them grounded. could control them when nobody else could, got into their head easier than others. it’s sort of like rosa lost two siblings that day because viktor hasn’t been the same since.

emotionally unavailable while also crying twice a day. cries during their brawls but still wins. is stony-faced when they tell you they cheated on you with your much hotter best friend.

will tell you straight up what they want from you, no bullshit & no beating around the bush. just blunt. if they want to fuck, nothing else, then that’s it. if they feel deviation or developing feelings then they’ll ghost in less than a second. is awful like that but feels no shame.

but also emotional as shit and it’s confusing. will cry on a whim and then flip you off if you try to console them or ask them what’s up. will bite you.

they go to therapy but they just fuck around and wastes their therapists’ time … also is fucking their therapist, but that’s neither here nor there. so they’re not really getting the help they need.

likes to be intimidating but not … with their body or anything because they’re a TWIG but uses their love & knowledge of horror and creepy shit to their advantage. has an abundance of fake blood. has channeled the energy of jack nicholson and used it on tatiana’s boyfriends before (also is a big fan of sfx makeup & has dabbled in it)

probably chases kids around with a chainsaw without the chain on halloween every year.

generally never doing good, both mental health wise & morally. would probably steal candy from a baby for funsies.

i don’t know if there’s a good to them somewhere deep down, but they don’t see any issues with themself either. nothing really breaks through to them anymore because the only person who ever made them stop and think about their actions was tatiana, and well, y’know. :/

an introverted reclusive type who doesn’t like most people or going out, but does so anyway if it means a quick high & a cheap thrill.

pretty observant and likes to analyze people even though they’re often like … partially wrong. judgmental because they like to make people feel bad, not because they’re a righteous mighty person. because they’re not. so like, a hypocrite!

wanted connections.

a roommate… but it’s an absolute nightmare to live with him.

enemies… because viktor would have a lot of them…

familiar faces… people who knew tatiana or of her / were her friends. maybe even those who dated her, and who viktor would’ve tried to intimidate / scare at any given chance :/

pitiful glances… people who take pity on viktor and he hates it sooo much.

hooligan gremlin kids… just a friend group of grown ass adults who do drugs and fuck shit up around town like they’re edgy teenagers.

high school girlfriend… probably the one he lost his virginity to inside his family church :/

childhood acquaintances… people who knew him from his youth.

exes… good & bad terms, but mostly bad terms because viktor is an actual demon. probably cheated on them.

soft… i don’t know if he’s soft towards anyone and/or is capable of it but we can try. we can try.

unrequited… either viktor just doesn’t like them or he’s holding back because he’s :/ got issues with relationships & is self-sabotaging as one does

enemies with Tension… of the … spicy kind if you know what i mean. wink.

friends… old friends, new friends, bad friends, good friends, close friends, frenemies, etc. i don’t know how many he had but if your muse likes to cause a ruckus and fuck shit up then viktor’s your man.

hook-ups… current or old. friends with benefits, one night stands, anything and everything because he fucks around a lot.

ride or die… friendship but make it extreme.

bad influence… he’s just toxic to be around and brings out the worst in people :/

bad egg… he’s gotten into a few fights :/ maybe you witnessed it. maybe you were in it.

literally anything i wld love all sorts of plots.

#ruhqintro #death tw #grief tw #drug abuse tw #addiction tw #overdose tw #hospitalization tw #hypersexuality tw #religion mention

[spnreactionblogging]

LAST HOLIDAY

spoilers below - backdated from 10/9/020

oh hey abaddon, is alaina huffman in this? that would be nice all these beheadings, damn I couldn't watch this live when it aired because I don't have cable but I bought season 15 on amazon this time last fucking year so technically any time after 2AM I could've watched it, not actually sure I'll make it through everything tonight because I started at 10pm and I am Tired the livestream misha did was fun for the first 30 minutes but then I had to turn it off to avoid spoilers so I guess I will revisit that later I like sam's flannel in this one too. like gold, light grey, dark grey? A+. this is queer flannel. this is from EXPRESS, not Kohl's the bunker has a gas stove I guess which I should've known having all the appliances fail suddenly is very relatable to me and perhaps one of the worst monsters of all don't mock luigi, he knows how to deal with ghosts sam has the plans and dean just smashes buttons god that burger does look great "meat man" who wrote this one ah the dean deluxe the scooby doo boxers are pretty cute honestly who is jeremy adams 1958, yeesh "everybody?" "everybody's dead" standby mode huh, were they supposed to have like... lights this plot is very narnia, wake up to find out everyone you loved is dead they have extra abilities in the lead-up to the final boss, and the network is willing to spend more on the electricity to give them more lighting sam is right to doubt anything ever being good is anyone going to tell jack they're leaving him alone with some random person and lmao thank you sam as I was typing this he pointed that out jack's shirt/sweater looks very cozy snickerdoodles are great magic roomba... thanks for calling him the son of satan, lucifer doesn't even want to be called satan "ignoring your trauma doesn't make you healthy" THANK YOU SAM time + space, indeed uh just throwing this out there he could use some emotional support too probably please accept this sandwich as an offer of solidarity god it's nice to see alex be allowed to emote again leave these guys alone, they're drinking blood packs with curly straws aw, come on :( those guys didn't deserve that I guess if she's a wood nymph she can summon a christmas tree? where's the secret christmas decoration storage room in the bunker yeah tell sam to smile :\ I hate holidays except halloween god I love how jack waves I do love how much jensen loves wearing goofy outfits, this made me smile big time. I'm glad they clearly had so much fun on the set with this stuff especially knowing what comes next IRL :( she's right to be worried about his cholesterol just waiting for the other shoe to drop with something terrible befalling this group watching dean run in that outfit is hilarious poor jack doesn't deserve all this but I'm glad that she's helping him kind of work through the grief where the fuck is cas so it seems like ultra fucked up to be watching them do no-knock shit into people's homes and shooting them no questions asked, and it has always seemed fucked up but right now the methodical nature of this and their goofy smiles taking packed lunches while setting out to murder people minding their own business is not cool with me and never has been the 50s were bad, actually god sam has the hammer of thor. thank fuck. is it may? is it sam's birthday in-universe? what files was she going through, eyes emoji jack is smart, actually oh boy is she brainwashed, are they keeping her held hostage with magic or something, because the men of letters don't give a FUCK about monsters and will use them jack's a millennial and can look up instructions for how to operate a reel to reel and 100% knows what it is because he lives in the bunker "son of a bitch" jack's spending too much time with dean sam has a big date huh, I hope it's with eileen "abercrombie and bitch" IT IS EILEEN!!! dean should definitely be nicer to sam poor jack has no one to turn to for help :( where is cas!!!! can they not afford to pay misha also I don't feel sorry for nazis there are a lot of beheadings on this show, pulling someone's head off definitely seems like yanking on a plant vs pruning it with sharp pruning shears or whatever oh you're shitty lady "do you ever think they're scared of what you'll do to someone else" uh yeah there was that time they locked him in a coffin please stop hurting this child if she's so sure sam and dean would approve then she'd do it when sam and dean can see her yeah I am not surprised she was poisoning him MAKE THE BUNKER SAFE AGAIN!!!!! maga shit, get rid of all the monsters, says a monster the writing here is.... iffy. little heavyhanded dean's thinking about it, that's what's so fucked. like "look I already tried to kill him one time" we just keep comparing jack to snakes but I prefer when yockey's doing it sam looks so much like vincent from silent hill 3 in this outfit sam really is the smart one. jack's a child, he hasn't had a lot of experience with this. dean... I guess tried to explain what he wanted but didn't realized he'd get overruled but sam is smart because sam knows how to deal with witchy shit. like he'd survive in a hansel and gretel situation. GET HIM JACK GET HIM this is BULLSHIT dean tried to kill him and he didn't answer the question re: "do you still think i'm a monster" fuuuuuck this WHERE IS CASTIEL, why is jack always trapped alone with dean and unable to get away OTL dean won't admit he himself is a monster either lol oops. or that sam is. oops!! dean is mourning the loss of omelets and his new mom who can cook and some semblance of normality "evil mary poppins" is very funny to me because I've been watching venture bros and dr killinger has been showing up how long has this been actually? sam's birthday is in may, did they actually celebrate all those holidays in real time? I got the impression that it was a holidays-speedrun but now I'm doubting myself why is it always torture THANK YOU SAM!! SAM SAID IT!!!! "jack is not a monster, he's a kid who's gone from one tragedy to another" THANK YOU!!! sam just won so many points with me for saying it out loud "pain is just weakness leaving the body" huh, at least it opened the door :\ sam poor baby lost all his fucking fingernails trying to stand up for jack :( it's wild seeing smoeone's eyes glow green this is why cas can't be here, because castiel could just stop her just go back to your forest lady sam's right, the men of letters just use monsters for their own ends sam goes "we care about him" dean goes "oh yeah jack's useful" which to be fair dean's trying to logic/rationalize it, that the world needs jack, but I don't know that those lines would have been reversed insofar as characterization feeling authentic she's having trouble processing her own grief ah yeah there it is "sorry I ripped your fingernails off one by one" yeah god she hasn't seen the sun in decades?? "it's an interdimensional geoscope" "I looked into it earlier and didn't see anything" "oh that's... not good" I'm glad sam and jack are talking about how jack is feeling and if he needs to talk I'm glad dean is cooking happy birhday jack where is castiel for this I have mixed feelings but I guess this turned out okay, still waiting for DEAN TO APOLOGIZE TO JACK? but dean never apologizes to anyone. the cake is a step in the right direction but cake doesn't make up for locking him in a box and threatening to kill him several times over, sorry

#s15e14

[purplesurveys]

883

1. What kind of textures do you enjoy most in your food? Crunchy, crispy, soft, hard, grainy, slimy, etc? I love chewing on any meal that involves rice. Born and raised with it, can’t feel full without it. I’ll give a special mention to slimy too, because I love seafood.

2. Do you keep up any seasonal decorations outside of their season? No. My mom removes our Christmas decor by late January, which is when Christmas season ends here. We don’t decorate for other holidays.

3. Can you remember the most awkward situation you've ever been in? What happened? Ugh god. Any time I’m left alone with Gab’s dad is bound to be awkward because he’s very quiet and stoic and I tend to be a vibrant, cheery people-pleaser and nothing I do will muster more than two words out of him...but our most awkward moment has to be when I was at their place and he had to leave to run some errands. I stood up and walked over to give him a hug, but for some reason the floor was slippery and I started to do the world’s clumsiest and longest stumble. As an instinct, I held on to his arm and shirt so that I wouldn’t fall flat on my face. It was terrible and nothing I could’ve done or said would’ve saved that situation. EUGH I’m wincing right now lmao

4. Can you remember the most scary situation you've ever been in? What happened? [trigger warning] Would have to be the time when my grandfather got too drunk off his ass that he physically assaulted one of my cousins, then a toddler. My aunt (cousin’s mom) is a little on the delicate and petite side and couldn’t do anything to confront my grandpa, who went on his rage for like 10, 15 minutes. Certainly felt like forever. Nothing has traumatized me more and that’s saying a lot, considering it’s been 13 years and I’ve been through tons of shitty situations.

5. Do you do anything unusual to help you concentrate? It’s not very weird but I did install an extension on my browser that would let me list certain sites (usually social media) I’d want blocked whenever I have work. I suppose not everyone has that kind of program so it kinda counts as unusual.

6. Do you ever wonder what your parents were like as children/teenagers? With my dad, yes. My mom tells me enough stories. I know her family hit a rough patch when she was a teenager and they had to sell a bunch of their stuff, including a grand piano. She went from living a comfortable life to having to skip meals in college because she only had enough money for her daily commute.

7. Do you think suicide is ever "okay?" Groan, this is so triggering. I’m not elaborating on this, soz.

8. Would you rather a close family member/close friend/significant other die of suicide or murder? Why is this? “>> I think having to deal with a murder investigation would be terribly messy and intrusive, and would add more trauma on top of what I’m already dealing with.” < All of this. You don’t always get closure with murders, too. And I would hate that.

9. In your opinion, what is the worst thing someone could ever do? Raping an infant is definitely up there for me.

10. In your opinion, what is the best thing someone could ever do? Be a positive change or impact in someone’s life. Idk, I’m easy to please.

11. Do you think about any fellow xangans outside of xanga? I’ll change the context of this question to Tumblr so I can answer it. And yes I do, sometimes. Not in a creepy way or anything; it usually happens when I encounter something in real life that I know another survey-taker likes.

12. What military installation is the closest to you? Fort Bonifacio.

13. Do you still open your windows during winter? We don’t get winter but yeah, December is the best time to leave the windows open throughout the night. It’s also a great time to be able to save on electricity haha

14. How cold is too cold? How hot is too hot? I’ve lived in a tropical country all my life so I’m a big-ass wimp when it comes to the cold, even though I love it more. I start shivering at around 23ºC. Too hot is anything reaching the 40s.

15. Would you rather lose both legs or both arms? Why? Legs. I use my hands a lot more, so it would be slightly more difficult if I suddenly had to move about without them.

16. If you committed a crime that landed you in prison for the rest of your life, but were given the option to receive the death sentence instead, which would you choose? Why? Death. I get to have the infamous ~last meal~. Lol in all seriousness though, I’d pick it because it would be a quick release for me, I guess. It’s a big reason why I’m not a fan of death penalty...it’s too easy an escape for criminals who deserve a lot worse.

17. Is there any specific album you can listen to in its entirety and enjoy every single song? After Laughter - Paramore

18. Would you rather be a famous movie star, television star, or musician? I don’t have talents that would make me succeed in any of these fields...I guess it’d be fun to be a movie star though.

19. If you are not religious, have you ever eaten dinner with a group of people that were and said grace before eating? How was this for you? If you are religious and say grace before dinner, have you ever eaten dinner with a group of people that weren't and didn't say grace before eating? How was this for you? Yes. I’m from a Catholic family, so we pray before every meal. I do a sign of the cross but barely, just so my mom sees I move my hands when we start the prayer; but I haven’t recited grace since I told myself I was going to be atheist.

20. Do you think an evil Santa or an evil Easter Bunny would make a better villain in a horror movie? I’d go with Evil Santa mostly because I have no attachment to the Easter Bunny whatsoever, and because it’d be hilarious to see a man with reindeer be mean.

21. Did you ever think any fictional story-book character was creepy as a child? Do you still think any of them are creepy? Yes. That girl who wears a ribbon around her neck still gives me the fucking creeps.

22. Would you rather wear nothing but white or nothing but black? Is there any color you'd actually want to wear head-to-toe? Black. I’ve done that many times, so it wouldn’t feel weird.

23. What physical/mental health problems run in your family? Do you have any of the same problems? I’m almost certain there are underlying issues on my mom’s side but seeing as none of us have ever gotten ourselves checked (and most of them don’t believe in mental health problems anyway) I doubt I’ll ever find out what exactly’s wrong.

24. What is your mental and physical health like right now? They are both doing surprisingly well considering how long I’ve had to stay home and how much everything has turned upside down. I’ve only had two bad breakdown in four months and I’ve since recovered from that nasty fever I got, so I can’t complain.

25. If you found a suitcase (with no information about the owner) with a million dollars inside of it , would you turn it into the police or keep it? Be honest. ;] “>> See, a million dollars is an exorbitant sum. There is no way I could just casually make off with a missing million and not suffer repercussions. It's just too much goddamn money, and in this particular scenario, it's highly likely that it's a trap of some sort (whether set for me, or set for someone else and my dumb ass just happened to stumble across it). I'm not dumb enough to try it.

Neither would I necessarily want to turn it in, because that might cause me to get involved in something I didn't want or need to be involved in. The most logical course of action for me would be to leave it the fuck alone.” < Yeup.

26. Would you rather gaze at the stars or clouds? Stars. The fact that they’re so much farther away makes them more fascinating to me.

27. Are they any foods you used to enjoy but no longer like? Are there any foods you used to dislike but now enjoy? There’s a certain brand of frozen sisig that I used to looooove and would have multiple servings of every time I had it. But I had it one too many times and now I can’t even stand the smell of it. On the other hand, I hated chicken curry as a kid, but I can’t get enough of it now.

28. Do you feel much older or younger than you are? Why? Neither. I just feel 22.

29. Did you get along with kids that were older or younger than you? I mostly got along with kids of the same age. I found younger kids too rowdy and being around older kids always felt intimidating.

30. Do you know any magic tricks? Nopes.

31. How much would life suck for you if you had a wheat allergy? A lot.

32. Are you able to watch gory scenes in movies? Why or why not? For sure. I always want to see how far FX artists can go; and if used correctly, gory scenes can be super integral to the movie. Midsommar is a really good example.

33. Do you constantly check the time? Does time seem to move quickly or slowly for you? Not anymore. I used to check it a lot while I was still in school. Sigh, I miss that life so much. Anyway, time definitely felt slower during the first few weeks of the lockdown, but now that I’m used to it days just fly by. I can hardly believe we’re nearly in the middle of July. So much of this year has been wasted. It’s miserable.

34. Would you rather live in a nice house in a bad location, or a less-than-nice house in a great location? I’m taking the great location. I don’t know if I can last living in a shady area, no matter how beautiful my house is.

35. Have you ever been a witness to a horrible crime? What happened? Domestic violence is the worst thing I can think of. I enumerated one of them in one of the earlier questions, but I witnessed several other cases as a kid.

#survey #surveys

[bartsugsy]

so where do you stand on the prison discourse then

lmao this is going to get out of hand very quickly and it’s going to jump all over the place and touch on about 15 different issues, i can feel it in my bones

but fine

i feel like people who show literally no empathy for other human beings who are in prison probably think of ~criminals~ as Other - you know, evil inhuman people, nothing like they themselves are. they believe themselves to be fully rounded humans whose bad decisions or carelessness or mistakes will never have repercussions bad enough to result in prison and that thinking is rooted in absolute blind privilege 

because the reality is that even the most violent of people who have done the most terrible of things are literally still human beings just like you and i

i think people like to believe that ‘evil’ exists, because it’s an easy way to put them above other people - but the only reason they think that is because they’ve never taken the time to even attempt to understand that the root cause of wrongdoing probably isn’t ‘innate evil’

and if it is innate evil, then that’s essentially saying there’s nothing we can ever do to change it or be better 

it’s like pretending that class and race don’t have a huge impact on whether you end up in prison or not - far more so than actual crimes committed. and frankly it’s like saying that society, the harmful ignorance we grow up surrounded by, doesn’t have an impact on people’s terrible actions

this dehumanisation - this insistence that you are above breaking the law (despite the fact that probably every single person in the world has probably broken a law before), this belief that you are better than these other people simply because you are a complete human and they are defined only by one decision made in their lives - is imo harmful and shows a supreme lack of emotional intelligence and empathy - and more than that, a lack of understanding about the ways circumstance and trauma and pain affect lives

maybe one day someone rallying for literal teenagers to be locked up in a system that does literally nothing proactive to either improve their lives or to help them fix the issues that ultimately led to them behaving the way they did/making the mistake they did/doing something harmful or dangerous to others, then all it is is an incredibly damaging plaster over a wound

it’s not a long term solution, nor is it statistically proven to actually do good

it just makes other people feel like they’re above it because surely they would never end up in prison

i guarantee that not everyone currently in prison thought they would ever end up inside

every single human being locked up is a human being. that’s not a tidy answer or an easy to digest answer when some of those humans have also caused immeasurable pain and suffering, but it’s still true. they’re all humans, their actions and decisions all developed from somewhere and just because you’re lucky enough not to be them, doesn’t mean it’s ok to pretend that they’re not fully fledged people with good and bad within them, imo

this isn’t an easy thing to do - it’s very easy to dehumanise people who have caused you pain. how many times have i sad to my lgbt friends that ~all straight people are the worst~ or ~men can choke~ - these are groups of people who have actively caused me pain and trauma - who still to this day often make my life worse. it doesn’t mean that i should forget that they’re all human. because the reality is that my anger at them doesn’t actually get to the root of the problem - the problem being the way they think. it takes an extraordinary amount of strength - sometimes more than we’re willing or able to give. but the fact that it’s not a nice thing to have to accepts unfortunately doesn’t make it any less true.

you can’t fit people in neat boxes. you can’t point at someone who is actively making the world a better place and say ‘you’re terrible, which means you’re evil’. those people out there harming the world still have good in them too. and that’s one of the most uncomfortable truths anyone ever has to face tbh.

there was a whole story on my dash this morning about a dude literally dressed in a confederate flag who randomly helped a black family change their tyre when it blew out whilst driving. like... the good deed doesn’t erase the fact that he’s clearly a dangerous idiot, but... it’s still a good deed because even people who do and believe bad things have good in them. (and jesus i really didn’t think i’d ever relay that fucking story in my life - it literally physically makes me uncomfortable to talk about)

i can’t stress this enough - this doesn’t give them a free pass for their shitty decisions or their ignorance or what have you. it just means that people aren’t either all bad or all good. everyone has good in them and everyone has bad in them. and most of the time there are actual reasons for why people are the way they are and act the way they act.

people are people.  

people aren’t evil. they do wrong. there are reasons for wrong doing. sometimes its arbitrary or selfish - we can all relate to that and if you say you can’t you’re a fucking liar. i’ve done things before - made careless fucking mistakes before and was so so so lucky that they didn’t ultimately turn out as bad as they could have been, or that i didn’t have to face the repercussions of those stupid mistakes in ways that would have literally destroyed my life. 

and sometimes those reasons are out of self-preservation, out of fear, out of feeling stress or pressure, out of society making you believe that this is the only way.

it isn’t always just something that happens to other people who probably deserve it anyway~~~. i think until you realise that, until you realise that it could honestly happen to you too, it’s difficult to understand necessarily what i mean. and if you haven’t yet made a mistake so epic that you feel guilty whenever you think about it, then that’s probably coming. humans don’t go through their lives without fucking up. yeah, even you.

dehumanisation doesn’t do anyone any good. it’s the root of all prejudice - i don’t like the word ignorance because i don’t think that conveys the point enough, although it is rooted in ignorance, be it willful or just simply because you’re not willing to do the work to question the way you learnt things as a child or the way society at present is designed purely to the advantage of the rich white straight man. 

and that doesn’t mean that doing bad isn’t bad. the active intent to harm other people is horrific. 

but prisons don’t help fix the actual problems

as long as they are our go-to, how can we truly help people change and better their lives

unless the betterment of someone’s life, helping them turn into a better person and do good in the world, isn’t what you want? maybe you just want them all to suffer?

in which case, what does that make you?

(and you know what, i get it, there are people that i think deserve to suffer, but that’s not the good part of me speaking, regardless of how justified i feel i am)

prisons won’t fix things

but sure

fine

everyone can carry on thinking that prison can never touch them or their loved ones, so they don’t need to acknowledge that every single person in the system is just like them.

it doesn’t make you a bad person to do so. i don’t think you’re a monster if you don’t agree with me. as we’ve established already, we’re literally all just humans. we’re all varying degrees of terrible and varying degrees of lovely. 

but pls i beg stop pretending that that’s not an absolute fucking privilege that you are lucky enough to get to do that.

#long post #i'm not saying anything more on this lmao i'm genuinely home sick today and suffering yike #answering anons #this is really difficult to articulate and i feel like there's going to be a lot of willful misunderstanding of me sigh

[sorikkung]

Can we please just talk about our Warriors?

Manga spoilers!!!!!! So many!! You have been warned!!

Yeah I’m talking about Annie, Reiner and Bertoldt. They did shitty things, yeah whatever. Just think about what it would’ve been like to be the, tho??? They had like…the shittest lives imaginable??

From a young age they were taught that Eldians are evil and terrible people, and blinded by the Marleyan lies, they accepted their roles as the Titans and set off on their mission, hoping to be the hero they thought Marley needed. Keep in mind they had a couple years of relentless training, so they’d probably be around what, ten? Marleyans trained ten year olds to be murderers.

And yet, before even reaching the Walls, one of their best friends were taken from them and eaten in front of their eyes. These poor kids were probably around twelve, if you think about the thirteen year rule and the times when everything happened.

They knew they had some troubles they’d need to face, so despite the trauma that gave them, they kept moving onwards on their mission.

When they joined the 104th, Annie had the right idea. Stay distant and don’t grow attached to them. Reiner and Bert, trying to fit in, became friends with the cadets. That was one of their biggest mistakes, and they took Annie down with them. By befriending the enemy, they realised that not all Eldians are heartless monsters. In fact, barely any of them were. Instead of finding heartless monsters, they found hearts full to the brim with passion and longing. Longing for freedom.

But they couldn’t undo what they had done, and they couldn’t turn back on their mission. So Annie, who forced all that down and suppressed her emotions, continued on with her job while Reiner and Bert let their hearts take over and chose to join the Survey Corps instead of infiltrating the kingdom in the Military Police. You can argue that they just wanted to keep an eye on Eren, but that was probably just the excuse they made for themselves and for Annie. Annie knew what was up. But she didn’t let any of those emotions get to her.

She didn’t hesitate to do what she set out to do and complete her goals. Because after all, she had thirteen years to live and her father believed in her. She should’ve never befriended the 104th. She knew that. And she ended up in a crystal so she wouldn’t have to face them ever again until the time is right.

//Annie is the most mentally driven character and the most emotionally strong character I have ever seen in my life.//

She had such powerful control over her mind and heart to do that. She was //strong.// I honestly cannot begin to express my admiration towards Annie for what she did. Such strength to be able to bring herself to do it. I’m not saying it was the right thing to do; I’m applauding her for not letting anything get to her the way Reiner and Bert did. She was so strong and I love her so much. She deserves so much better and I hope when she finally emerges from that crystal, she escapes and lives. Even though she will die within a few years. Maybe she doesn’t pass on the power on purpose so that nobody else has to go through what she went through and the Female Titan is lost forever, and Annie dies peacefully in a forest or something. I really hope that’s what happens. She deserves the world for her accomplishments.

Enough about Annie; now Bertoldt. This boy had always been disclosed and shy; yet he still took up this impossibly difficult task. I don’t know why he did, but I bet he was in a similar situation as Annie. Blinded by Marley’s lies and hoped to be a hero.

He had one of the toughest tasks of all; to breach the first Wall. That marked such a dark day for humanity that was told as a tale everyone would know; a tale that would go down in history for all the wrong reasons. He knew what he was getting into. Can you just imagine the guilt he would’ve felt for doing that? That single kick marked at least what, 30% of humanity good as dead. That guilt, for a guy such as Bert, must’ve been unbearable. But he beared the unbearable.

Shy as he was, he fit into the 104th, and everyone loved him as much as he loved everyone. Bertoldt is a lover, not a fighter. He thought he was doing what was right and fighting monsters. But as he befriended all these Eldians, he realised who the real monsters were. Them.

Bert chose to follow his heart and go with the Survey Corps, manipulating himself into thinking it was the wiser course of action. But //he left Annie behind.// and as you would’ve saw, he loved Annie. I don’t blame him. She’s the strongest person in the whole series. Sure, Levi was emotionally strong enough to repress his emotions and face the amount of death he saw, but as bad as Levi’s life may have been, it doesn’t compare to the Warriors’. He was raised in a shithole and his closest friends died in front of him; but he got to fight for humanity and the chance to avenge them by beating the Titans. All the Warriors got was death and guilt and murder and the hope that their families back in Marley would be proud of them for being //murderers.// Bertoldt loved Annie. You could tell. He knew how strong she was, and he was envious of her strength, like anyone else would.

His bro Reiner told him to confess to Annie. I bet you he was planning to. But instead, he was killed for Armin’s sake…I love Armin don’t get me wrong, but imagine how that must’ve felt for him. Mixed emotions. Emotions of fear, relief, guilt, anger, helplessness….he didn’t want to die. He was tricked into doing his job. Manipulated, with no way out other than to finish it, so he wanted to live. But at the same time, he probably wanted death from all the guilt of the people he’d killed. Sadness that he never had the chance to tell Annie how he truly felt, know Annie would’ve been strong enough to do that much. But in the end, I think he was happy that he saved Armin. Relieved he could finally let go and not live in that hell anymore, and a much more worthy life lived.

Bertoldt deserved way better; he had a heart of gold and deserved the world.

And last but not least; Reiner. Reiner I think by far has the shittiest life and situation out of everyone in this fucking series of fucked up depressing shit. Just think about it. Annie sealed herself in a crystal for some sort of hibernation, and she was strong enough to actually go through with joining he MP. Bertoldt got the sweet release of death knowing his time was over and his hell was over too. But Reiner? Reiner saw two of his best friends get eaten and unable to do anything about it. He was thrown off by those thunder spears so he couldn’t do anything, that same helpless feeling of being unable to save someone like when he saw Marcel die. And now Bert. And seeing Annie crystallise. He saw all of that and kept going. Not because he wanted to, but because he literally had no choice at all. It was the only path for him to take.

I bet you all $20 that he now has severe PTSD. Also that Cushing guilt he cannot get rid of, as he has the curse of living. He’s probably counting the days left till sweet death comes. He had the power of the Armoured Titan and yet, his friends were taken from him one by one, and he was turned against the only friends he had left, that he knew full well he was going to betray from the start. He has nobody left in this world to be there for him. Except Zeke, but he didn’t grow up with and spend years with Zeke like he did with the 104th. They all went through so much together.

And now, all he can do is sit and watch as these young, misguided souls compete for his power, his burden, that one day will burden them just as bad or if not worse. And he can’t even rest yet; he continues fighting until his last hours, his last breath. He has kept living all these years without Annie, Bertoldt or Marcel, or any of the 104th except maybe Ymir. What happened to her again?? She kinda just disappeared with them? I swear to god if the Marleyans killed her in revenge for Marcel or to pass on her Titan, I will actually grow a riot because Ymir deserved the world just as much as all the other Titans.

Reiner must be so lonely, depressed, guilty and have no drive to keep going other than because he has to. I hope he dies quickly and painlessly and can get it done and over with, put him out of his misery.

And then Ymir, who literally was a normal human who did nothing wrong and is now faced with all this shit?? She wasn’t trained for this. She wasn’t promised to be a hero, she had no purpose. She just existed at the worst time and place and got so much shit for it. At least Ymir had the luxury to find love during her shithole of a life; thank god Historia exists. //Ymir did nothing wrong!!//

You know, when you put it like this, Eren, Mikasa and Armin’s lives seem like a stroll in he park. Heck, you can even argue that Levi’s life looked alright in comparison to these guys. I am a huge Levi fan so I’m not trying to hate on him, I love him to death and feel so sad for him but when people say he’s had it the hardest…I can object.

Once they had accepted the Titan powers, the Warriors were already marked for a shit life. They probably had around 9 years of peace as a child and that’s all they got before hell began.

This wasn’t meant to get this long oops. But I just felt the need to express my love for these characters, they don’t get enough of it in the canon and even in the fan base. Someone please just write a fanfic where they’re all happy and none of this happened, I need it pls.

To conclude this hell of a rant:

//WTF ISAYAMA. ANNIE, BERTOLDT, REINER AND YMIR DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER.//

Fuck I forgot to talk about Zeke. Oh well, he had it easy and seemed to feel little remorse and I should sleep lmao. Nyx out.

#attack on Titan #shingeki no kyojin #Annie #Bertoldt #Reiner #annie leonhardt #bertolt hoover #reiner braun #rant #aot #snk #manga spoilers #aot rant #snk rant #attack on Titan rant #shingeki no kyojin rant #important #important rant #berannie #aot season 2 #snk season 2 #aot manga #snk manga #they seriously need more love omfg