#oh no!! poor guy ended up in the tumble dimension
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a wild spot has appeared on your dashboard!
(click for better quality, you know how tumblr is)
#across the spiderverse#the spot#johnathan ohnn#spot#spiderverse#atsv#spiderman#marvel#fanart#oh no!! poor guy ended up in the tumble dimension#digital art#my art#artists on tumblr#captain's log. stardate: armageddon
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Build Me Up Buttercup *PART 7*
Whooo man, I don’t know if this is a longer chapter or not. I had planned on splitting the situations into two separate chapters, but it seemed short so I combined them.
If you need to catch up!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 8
Tag List: @wanniiieeee
Rafael slammed the door to the men’s room open, terrifying some poor cowboy just trying to use the john.
“Sorry…” He nodded apologetically to the guy who grumbled some obscenities as he washed his hands and left, leaving Rafael alone to stew.
Why had he just done that?! Why did he have to glance back at your table as soon as you closed your eyes? In that split second, he had locked eyes with Olivia. They were so close it was like they could telepath whole sentences between each other; and the look she had given him in that moment was definitely saying “What the FUCK do you think you’re doing?”.
Truth be told he really had no idea what he was doing, it all happened so fast. Really, the whole day was a blur. Before today you were just a junior detective to him, albeit a very sexy one. But truthfully you were barely a blip on his radar; you didn’t speak much, and when you did it was usually insulting him or contradicting. How had this one out of town trip completely flipped your relationship through a dryer tumble cycle? First the song in the car, the coffee in the car, the Fahey’s bathroom, and now this. At one point did he start…falling for you? Was he even falling for you? Were you planning this thing all along? Had you been seducing him? No, surely he wasn’t that dumb to just be seduced by a pair of pretty eyes and a tight t-shirt...and a soft soul who’d been through so much at so young…
NO.
He wasn’t doing this. Not here, not now.
----
“What do you mean, he just left?”
Once again you had fled to the bathroom, this time to update your BFF on the never ending nightmare that was this day.
“I mean he LEFT. He mumbled some bullshit about being ‘sorry’ and just….walked away. No I’m sorry, he RAN away.”
“Well...maybe he got scared?”
“A grown man?”
“I don’t know from what you’ve said about him, he seems pretty high strung am I right?”
“That’s putting it lightly…”
“I mean the fact that you even got him on that dance floor sounds like a miracle to me, maybe he just got in his head all of a sudden,”
“Maybe…”
“Which means….” they paused ominously.
“Means what?” you asked skeptically.
“You’ve gotten yourself a def con one situation here, babe,”
“...What?” you were completely lost.
“Everyone knows the rule, Y/N” they kept completely serious.
“Wha-What RULE?”
“The RULE! Once you have a…’moment’ with someone that gets interrupted, you HAVE to actually kiss them...or bang them but let’s be realistic,” they continued in a very serious tone, despite the fact that they were talking conspiracy theories.
“Is ANY of that realistic? What happens if you ‘break’ this rule?”
“You have to kiss them in 24 hours or else you’ll just stay friends forever,” They stated like an oracle.
“Do you hear yourself when you talk, or has the crazy just become white noise at this point?” You rolled your eyes.
“Mock all you want, but you remember Duncan and Sarah?”
“They went on one date and decided to be friends?”
“No no, they went on one date and she got called away before the end of it, thus nixing the good night kiss. And then the next time they ‘went out’, it had been 72 hours and when he went in for the good night kiss, she said they were better AS FRIENDS,”
“...THAT’S what you're basing this insane rule on? A story about people we barely know?”
“Well, it was also on Scrubs. Elliot and JD had to go through SO MUCH just because he couldn’t man up in those 24 hours!” They insisted.
“Oh my god, I’m hanging up--”
“WAIT WAIT WAIT, Come on Y/N just hear me out,” They begged. You sighed, putting two fingers across your eyes.
“Alright, let’s hear it,”
“Look, you can choose to think I’m full of shit, but you gotta ask yourself: Are you willing to chance it?”
You bit your lip, actually pondering if she could be right.
“And you better think REAL quick, because your time has already been cut in half,” they added.
“NOW what the hell are you talking about?”
“You’re like, on a ‘vacation’ right now. Barba is FINALLY seeing you, like a person. A woman. Someone who’s not up his ass for warrants or bitching about deadlines,”
“I’m not that--” you tried protesting.
“Shush. No time. You’re in like, another dimension right now. I’ll bet money as SOON as you hit the city line he’s gonna go back to his robot self and remember the fact that you two are completely inappropriate--”
“Oh come on that’s a strong--” you once again tried defending yourself.
“I’m just saying what he’s gonna reason, babe. You know I’m right,”
You paced the bathroom now, thinking of all the reasons you and Barba were bad news.
“....What if he’s already there? What if that’s why he walked off? What if he’s talking himself out of….ANYTHING?”
“THIS IS WHAT I’M SAYING, HELLO You need another ‘moment’, but without everyone staring at you. I’ll bet you anything that’s what got him into his head all of a sudden,”
Your eyes widened, remembering the front row seats your entire squad had to your little romantic moment.
“Oh my god you might be right...they were all staring at us,”
“See?? You need to get him alone,” They went on, as you walked out of the bathroom.
“...Fuck,”
“What? Fuck what? WHAT?!”
“I may have run out of time,”
You saw Barba approaching the booth again, Olivia gesturing wildly. The body language of their conversation did not seem very encouraging. What was worse, Amber walked up and handed them a check.
“I think we’re leaving, Olivia got the check and she looks like a mad mom bitching out her ten year old for trying to swipe candy,” You groaned, ducking behind a man with a huge cowboy hat and following behind him to a seat at the bar, out of the squad’s eye line.
“You need more time! You can’t just get in the car and drive back with everybody there, the ‘moment’ will never happen!”
“Okay can you stop with this, I’m already flipping out enough without you stating the obvious,” you twirled your hair and bit your lip.
“....You need to do something to your car.” they suddenly threw that at you like it was a completely reasonable statement.
“EXCUSE ME?”
“Slash one of your tires!”
“Are you high right now, be honest with me,” You narrowed your eyes.
“Desperate times, babe,”
“Desperate times, not PSYCHOTIC times,”
“Look if you have a flat tire, you’ll have to call AAA and have them come and fix it, that should give you at least an hour. Then you can go back inside, get him ALONE, and get your moment!” They tried reasoning with you. Was that Hurricane THAT strong, or were they actually making some sense?
“...Why am I listening to this?” you kept a straight face, even though it was just a phone call.
“You can act smug all you want baby, but I can hear it in your voice; you’re considering it,”
“Of course I’m considering it! But it’s...it’s insane. It’s like, ‘Fatal Attraction’ crazy,”
“Ok I’m not telling you to boil his bunny, just inconvenience yourselves for another hour, drama queen,” you could hear both of you rolling your respective eyes at each other.
“And what’s more insane; puncturing a tire, or giving up something we both know you’ve wanted for MONTHS,” They pointed out.
“How do you--” You blinked in disbelief.
“Girl, please. I knew before you did, and I’ve never even met the man,”
After several more moments of silence, you pulled your keys towards your face.
“...I’ll call you later,”
Before you could talk yourself out of it, you sprinted outside to the parking lot and back to your car. You pulled the nail file attached to your key ring, and stared at your tires.
“God forgive me…” You sighed, making a sign of the cross across your chest before kneeling next to your left rear tire.
You dragged the nail file across the tire, it barely made a scratch. Panic began filling your head, thinking of missing any chance to have Rafael’s lips on yours. Your BFF was right, you probably had a thing for him the moment you met him; even though you hadn’t even dared to let yourself think about it, until this morning. This WAS like an alternate dimension, it was like the rules of the ‘normal’ world were moot.
The emotions of it all bubbled to a head as you stared at the tire; with a sort of pathetic battle cry, you PLUNGED the nail file into your tire and pulled it HARD across the top. Air came gushing out, the tire deflating in mere seconds. You sat back, the nail file in your hand like a machete, your breath going in and out like you had just run a marathon. Okay, you did go a LITTLE psycho there for a second.
You barely had time to admire the work, you knew you had to go back inside to make it look like you had been in the bathroom this whole time.
There was no going back now.
----
Back inside you weaved in and out of the crowd back towards the bathroom, then made a turn for the booth so it looked like you had come from that direction. You walked up slowly, still hidden in the crowded bar as you heard an exchange between Barba and Oliva.
“...What I’m saying is, don’t start leading her on when you know it’s not going anywhere,”
“How do you know it’s not going anywhere, Liv?”
“Barba. Be serious,”
Oh hell no. Who was she to make that decision? Surely he didn’t think that...did he?
“HEY, hi,” you spoke up loudly, the entire group jumping at your rather loud greeting.
“Oh hey Y/N we uh, I got the check. I just went ahead and paid for everybody, and when I say I, I mean Dodd’s,” She smiled, like she hadn’t just insulted the fuck out of you.
“Oh, yeah? Ready to head home then?” You acted completely oblivious, noticing Rafael was avoiding your eyes.
“Yeah, I’ve got my nanny waiting on me and it’s already...8 o clock?!” Olivia gasped, looking at her phone.
“Good lord, how long have we been here? I better call my sitter,” Amanda grabbed her own phone out of her bag as the group walked out.
“Well, we were driving for a good 45 minutes outside of Hartford before Rafael made us stop here,”
“Wait, what?” You now for the very first time, took a good long look at the parking lot. The bar was next to a motel on one side, a gas station on the other side next to it. And then field, across from it. And for miles.
You were literally in the middle of nowhere.
“Oh god…” you muttered, mentally yelling obscenities at your BFF and yourself for listening to their bat shit logic. Fin glanced at you quizzically, overhearing your ranting-- and then you heard Sonny’s voice.
“Is that….?”
You saw him gesture towards your back wheel. FUCK.
“Oh my god, are you serious?? A Flat tire?!” Amanda slammed her phone against your car.
“Barba must have driven across a nail, or glass, or something in the parking lot. Probably a broken beer bottle if we’re being honest,” Sonny scoffed looking at the less than stellar cars in the parking lot.
“Hey it’s not Barba’s fault!” You snapped defensively, once again mentally face palming. THINK before speaking.
“I mean it’s...it’s nobody’s fault, right? I mean, maybe the road people? Or, drunk hicks? Certainly no one here in this vicinity though, I mean obviously,” Nope, still couldn’t stop talking.
Olivia’s eyes narrowed, looking from you to Barba, who was staring at the pavement silently. She started to say something, but realized she had no concrete evidence to start throwing accusations.
“She’s right Liv, it was just a stupid accident,” Fin chimed in, patting Olivia’s shoulder.
“Do you at least have AAA?” Olivia asked you, still suspicious of the sudden turn of events.
“Oh yeah, I’ve...I’ve never used it before though,” You dug into your wallet and pulled out a worn out AAA card. Olivia took it and started dialing the number into her phone.
You took this moment to start your mission, despite the fact that your plan was quickly running off the rails.
“Can we…?” You motioned sideways, Barba nodded and moved to the side with you.
“Look, Y/N. The whole dance thing it was, cute. Flattering.”
“Flattering?” you scoffed. Seriously?
“But, I mean you know we’re in front of the whole squad, and we’re working,” His words cut you like knives. Was he actually implying that whole was embarrassing?
“ ..And I just don’t think--”
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” Olivia’s booming voice snapped you both out of the conversation.
“Yeah, well-- thanks a lot,” she scoffed, tossing your card as she hung up the phone.
“Hey I might--” you walked back over to her, her red hot eyes meeting yours.
“You don’t have AAA out here,” she spoke directly to you, the annoyance of her voice turning to anger.
“W-What do you mean they don’t--”
“I mean, Y/N-- your AAA card is for NEW YORK, and we’re still in CONNECTICUT,”
“Liv seriously will you knock it off? Leave her alone, she didn’t know,” Barba finally spoke up in defense of you, putting space between you and Olivia.
“I’m...I’m sorry, Y/N. I know it’s not your fault,” she apologized, not knowing it was indeed your fault.
“What am I gonna tell Lucy? We’re going to be stuck here until morning,” She sighed.
“Morning?” Amanda exclaimed angrily. “What about my Jesse?”
“I’m sure Lucy will watch her at my place with Noah, Amanda. I’ll call her right now,” Olivia assured her, the two of them walking off to the side.
You started running your hands through your hair and pacing like mad, trying not to hyperventilate. This wasn’t supposed to happen!! This was supposed to be a MINOR inconvenience, not a crisis! WHY did you listen to your BFF?
“Hey, are you ok?” Barba came up behind you and put both hands on your shoulders.
“Come on Y/N you know that’s not what I--” he protested but you wouldn’t hear it.
“Why do you care all of a sudden? Didn’t I embarrass you in front of your colleagues?” You snapped your head around, glaring at him.
“Can we please just forget it, PLEASE? I am already getting my karmic ass kicked, I don’t need you lecturing me on top of it,” You started walking towards the door of the bar.
“What? I’m not lecturing you I don’t--” He trailed behind you.
“EXACTLY,” You spun back around, planting your feet as you stared directly into his eyes. He stopped suddenly almost on top of you, surprised by your sudden stop; his puppy dog eyes were begging you to forgive him.
“Exactly. You don’t want to, I get it counselor. I get it. I should have never--” you feigned tears welling up in your throat.
“Carino--” he went for your hand.
“Don’t. Just-- I’m sorry. For all of this,” You snapped your hand back and ran back inside the bar, noticing Barba following right behind you. Your fake tear filled face now slid into a sly smirk.
You were getting this moment come hell or high water now.
#rafael barba#rafael barba x reader#rafael barba x you#rafael barba imagine#law and order svu#law and order special victims unit#svu fanfiction#build me up buttercup
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Taste of Metal - Chapter 11: A Closet Full of Memories
AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26157634/chapters/66510040
What if the overwhelming VR experience Gordon went through, had a deeper purpose than just being a simple simulation & a freelance debug job for him?But most importantly- what if Gordon Freeman listens to Metal & used to be in a band? aka. the “Metalhead Gordon AU”
- -
“Okay, run this by me one more time, so I can be 100% sure this won’t wreck my apartment beyond all recognition.”
Gordon stood beside Tommy, the papers G-Man had given him days prior in his hand.
“W-Well, we just need to find something in your apartment that can be accessed through a door or something similar… a-and then Benrey and I can start working on the pocket dimension inside it! It is completely safe for everything a-and everyone outside of the pocket dimension, I promise!”
Earlier, Tommy had sat down the entire Science Team to explain what the papers were that G-Man had given to Gordon a few days prior.
As it was clear that their entire group that they only felt safe when all of them were in close proximity to each other, so finding a way to have them all live comfortably closeby was really the only option that could work for them in the long run.
Apparently, in G-Man’s mind, that meant that some part of Gordon’s apartment would become the entryway to pocket space. Which in turn would basically be an extension of the apartment where the other members of the Science Team could create rooms and spaces as they pleased.
“So… if something goes haywire in there, like an explosion-”
“- it wouldn’t affect your apartment!”, Tommy confirmed.
Gordon ran his hand through his hair in thought. This… didn’t seem like a too bad idea in all honesty, but he couldn’t help worry about the Science Team’s track record of somehow even turning the best ideas into pure chaos.
Eventually, he sighed and gave Tommy a nod, giving the papers to him and putting his hand on the taller man’s shoulder for emphasis.
“Alright. I will trust you with this. Just… please make sure it’s absolutely safe for everyone? And my apartment walls? This is drywall, man, not Black Mesa’s almost laser-proof tiles.”
Tommy beamed at him, bouncing on his heels in excitement-
“I will not only make sure this is OSHA-approved but also Science Team proved!”
Gordon smiled softly up at him, patting his shoulder gently-
“Tommy, you’re a godsend. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without you, bud.”
A quick search for a fitting area later, they decided that Gordon’s storage closet would be the best option.
For one, it wouldn’t look suspicious to his landlord. Additionally, should they ever decide to move elsewhere, they could simply take the closet with them and avoid whatever having to “de-install” a pocket dimension entailed.
The only thing they had to do at this point was simply emptying out the closet before they got to work.
Gordon carefully opened the doors and assessed the situation with a hum and furrowed brows. There were some things he would have to find new places for… and a lot of stuff he’d probably just bring to nearby thrift stores and the local Goodwill.
He almost jumped as he felt Benrey lift his arm and poke his head through under it to catch a glimpse at the closet contents as well.
“Oh, nosey much?”, Gordon asked with a smirk, looking down at the guard.
“Gotta make sure you don’t- uh, steal anything.”
“From my own closet?”
“Yeah, ‘cause that looks like quality loot to me. Lots of mystery boxes. Minecraft Lucky Blocks.”, Benrey said with a nod.
“Oh, those? That’s mainly stuff from my MIT days. Lecture folders and all that-”
Gordon pushed the leather jackets and winter coats on the rack aside to give Benrey a better view and access as he motioned at him to help him carry the boxes into the living room.
“- but I guess there’s also a lot of B.V.R. stuff in here too...”, Gordon added.
Darnold, who was currently watering Gordon’s (only slightly) neglected house plants, turned towards them with a questioning look on his face. He quickly walked over to where Benrey placed the stack of boxes on the floor, the plants forgotten for now.
“B.V.R…? What does that stand for?”, he asked.
Gordon smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Remember when I said that I didn’t really get to tell you guys much about my interests during the simulation? Well… uh, this is one of them. The biggest, honestly...”
Benrey picked up the box on the top of the stack and looked it over. It appeared to be an old and worn shoe box. It was covered in what seemed to be stickers of band logos he had seen around the apartment already… aside from the ones that read “BVR” and-
“...”Black… Velvet Rabbits”...”, he read off the box. Suddenly, it was if someone had finally figured out which way the battery went into his brain to activate a thought process, as he connected the dots.
Gordon liked music, judging by all the countless band posters on the walls, even if he had yet to share what their tunes sounded like.
Gordon could play different types of guitars.
Gordon also had said that he hadn’t played on any of them “in a while”.
And now this old box was exclusively covered in band stickers-
Benrey's head snapped up un-naturally fast to stare at Gordon with wide eyes.
“Yoooo… Gordo was in a band? Gordon... Musicman?”, he whispered out in a slightly unbelieving tone.
Before Gordon could even attempt a reply, Bubby yelled from his spot on the couch-
“WHAT?! NO! Now you’re just bullshitting us!”
“That would be several big boxes full of bullshit, dear!”, Dr Coomer countered as he looked at the stack in question from the doorframe to the kitchen.
“What are we yelling about?”, Tommy threw in as he opened the door to the balcony from the outside, looking in with Sunkist and a peacefully sleeping Joshua in his free arm.
Gordon let out a nervous chuckle at the entire scene-
“My band-past, apparently.”
He then ran a hand through his hair, fluffing it up and ruffling through his slightly out-grown undercut to psyche himself up-
“ALRIGHT! Time to dive right into this, I guess. Let me open these...”
It took a box cutter and several backseat comments on how to open a taped box properly, but eventually, Gordon managed to get each of the six boxes open.
He attempted to open the one covered in band stickers as carefully as possible, but as he pulled the lid open, several old polaroids and concert tickets fell out regardless. He silently cursed himself for having absolutely overstuffed the thing with memorabilia in the past.
He picked up one of the photos carefully, while the Science Team got closer to him to look at the other contents with high interest.
Bubby pulled out two seemingly hand-printed t-shirts. The print on each depicted a simplified front-facing head of a rabbit with ear piercings, lightning bolts at the side... and under all that calligraphy-like font reading “Black Velvet Rabbits”.
Meanwhile, Darnold was intently scanning the concert tickets. A good chunk of them were from big and small cities in America, but there were also a few European ones. Berlin specifically popped up several times.
Tommy and Dr Coomer were fascinated by the amount of seemingly random tiny items in the bottom of the box - Safety pins of varying sizes, bottle caps, empty lighters with sharpie writings on them, an ungodly amount of mismatched guitar picks, a pair of plush cubes, numerous cassette tapes and CDs, two pocket knives, patches, buttons, several pieces of steel jewellery… and a tooth???
While that was happening, Benrey had carefully picked up each of the polaroids that had tumbled out of the box.
Looking at them, he could make out that they were probably taken at concerts. Several of them were blurry either due to poor lighting conditions or the photographer moving… or both.
Some were of several people in dimly lit backstage areas… others of the same people in other spots, smiling, laughing, hanging out with food and drinks… and playing and tuning their respective instruments.
Benrey counted at least four people… plus the person he couldn’t mistake for anyone else.
He looked up from the polaroids in his hands and over to the one Gordon was still staring at.
On that one, standing on a small stage, tightly gripping a guitar and leaning into the microphone as he seemingly yelled into it… was Gordon. A slightly younger Gordon, but unmistakenly the man beside him.
He leaned over more to get a better look, his helmet bumping gently against Gordon’s arm in the process.
Most of what wasn’t completely in-focus was blurry... but Benrey could still make out the shine of a leather jacket, leather pants, heavy boots… and oh FUCK- okay, he was absolutely staring at this photo like a cat high on catnip now but he could not give two shits - the hair. Long and curly and 100% a sidecut that had been dyed an obnoxious orange. There was a shine of snake-bite piercings… and the hint of more piercings on the visible ear.
Gordon shifted slightly beside him, smiling at the photo.
“I think I still have most of the piercings… somewhere in these boxes. Black Mesa didn’t like seeing me wearing any to work, but you know… we’re not going back there anytime, so…”
Benrey needed to say something. Anything.
He had no idea what, but this was worth so many words-
“Awooga.”
Gordon instantly let out a sudden loud laugh, followed by a wheeze as he bent slightly over, holding his stomach-
“Really?? “A-Awooga”??”, he asked in disbelief, yet still smiling.
“Yeah, dude. Like… uh.. uuuuh...”, Benrey started, but it seemed like he couldn’t quite figure out how to exactly end his sentence. A stream of pink Sweet Voice escaped him before he quickly covered his mouth with his hands.
Gordon chuckled at that and patted Benrey’s helmet.
“‘s all good, man.”
He looked over to the rest of the Science Team, blinking in surprise as he saw that Tommy and Dr Coomer had picked out the cassette tapes and CDs and placed them on the table.
“Would you mind if we listened to some of your old tunes, Gordon?”, Dr Coomer asked as he held up one of the CDs. That specific one was labelled “First Band Practices with the Rabbits - 2012”.
“As long as no one comments about my inability to grow a proper beard back then-”
“You tried anyway, didn’t you?”, Bubby asked with a smirk.
Gordon inhaled deeply, looking contemplative for a second before replying-
“Look... I had only been on T for about 2 years when we founded BVR. This-”, he pointed at his current full beard- “- takes time.”
“A-And for some people it doesn’t get easier over time either, Bubby! That’s why I personally stay clean-shaven!”, Tommy added with a nod before he looked over to Gordon with a bright smile.
Gordon looked at Tommy with surprise, but quickly beamed and tapped his hand rapidly against his thigh in excitement.
“YOOOOO!!! NO WAY!!”, he exclaimed.
“Yes way!”, Tommy confirmed, followed by a soft giggle.
Darnold raised his hand with a shy smile.
“Same hat.”
Coomer stood up a bit straighter, patting Gordon on the back.
“Gordon, you’ll find that no one in our group of friends falls under the label of “cisgender”!”
“Yup.”, Benrey added, popping the “P” loudly- “You’re good. Not gonna pick on the stuff your body was still getting a hang of. Your tunes though? Those are gonna get the full, uh, the full IGN rating.”
Gordon let out a soft breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“You know what? Yeah, put that in the stereo! You can also help me sort through… well, all this.”, he said with a chuckle, looking down to the remaining boxes beside him.
Looking back up, Gordon saw that each member of the Science Team was fiddling with one or two smaller items from the shoe box. He let out a short amused huff as he smiled at the scene before him.
“Oh, and If you find anything you like, you can keep it! That also goes for the leather jackets-”
Gordon barely moved fast enough to avoid Bubby as he scrambled to get to the closet first, closely followed by Benrey.
Gordon called after them with a laugh-
“OH MY GOD! THERE ARE ENOUGH FOR EACH OF YOU AND THEN SOME, YOU HEATHENS!”
#hlvrai#hlvrai gordon#benrey#hlvrai benrey#tommy coolatta#hlvrai darnold#hlvrai bubby#hlvrai coomer#hlvrai joshua#hlvrai sunkist#metalhead gordon au#metalhead gordon#BVR#Black Velvet Rabbits#fanfic#fanfics
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Nuisance
(Bloom: Another chapter!)
Without a proper plan, Abigail was hesitant to tell the Conductor what happened, so instead she made her way over to Grooves' side of the studio and waited for the recording to be done for the day. Once she saw Grooves wasn't busy, she approached.
“Hey Darlin',” the penguin said, “how's it goin?”
“Not too good. Suffice to say I need a place to stay for a week or two.”
“Not a problem!” the DJ answered with a flourish, “you're welcome to stay in one of my many apartments. Here!” he wrote down the address on a piece of paper, “door's always open, so make yourself at home!”
With a sincere thanks, she headed out, making sure to avoid the Conductor as she did so.
The next week and a half went by uneventfully, yet far too fast for Abigail. Wracking her brain for days on end yielded no solutions to her situation. Between Snatcher's traps, those minions of his and her contract, she would either have to keep bringing others to meet their end or......or......Snatcher will eat my soul instead.
Abigail didn't want to continue bringing others to Subcon, but she also didn't want to give up her life (and subsequent afterlife) to a hungry spirit either.
It was the very same day that someone came knocking. Figuring that DJ Grooves needed something, she got up “hold on, I'm coming!” and opened the door to find...no one.
Until she heard a huff and looked down to see Conductor. “Oh, Conductor,” she stuttered, moving aside so he could come in, “what brings you out here? Can I get you a coffee?”
Conductor made his way to a kitchen chair, “na tanks, lass, I won' be stayin long. I only came ter see if yew had seen dat owl I had accompn'y yew to the forest. Haven't seen 'im since yew left.” Well, the cat's out of the bag now,' Abigail thought, taking a seat across from the bird. She thought for a moment, before deciding on a half truth, “I'm sorry Conductor, but we got separated while in the forest. Poor thing saw a ghost and took off running. I've been trying to round up a search party,” she pressed on, “but everyone's hesitant to go into Subcon.” “Useless owls,” the Conductor muttered, “everyone knows de forest is haunted, yew'd expect ta see spirits!” Abigail didn't know how to respond, so she left the bird to his own thoughts.
That turned out to be a mistake however, when he suddenly perked his head up, “I got it lass! I'll go wit' yew to Subcon, and together we'll find that peckin' owl!” Trying to stop this ball from rolling any farther she sputtered out, “why not send me with another? You must be very busy.”
“Ah appreciate ta thought, but I made up me mind. I'm not one ter abandon one o' me own owls!”
With that, he headed for the door, stopping in the entry way, “'Sides, I still want ter scope out da place fer my new movie idea. Well, I'll come git yew in a few days, lass!” And with that, he was out. Abigail sank into her chair, putting her head in her hands. What was she gonna do now?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try as she might, Abigail could not convince the bird director against this, and before she knew it the two of them were heading for Subcon. As they crossed the threshold into the forest, she wondered if she should at least prepare him for what would possibly probably happen.
“Listen, about that express owl...I...I didn't want to say this but h-he was...spirited away...?” Even though the Conductor didn't have any eyes that she could see, she could swear he was raising an eyebrow at her. “Now lass, it's okae if ye feel guilty abou' loosin' da epress owl, bu really? Blamin' it on ghosts? Dem spooks an' stuff cannae hurt a fly, let alone 'spirit away' an owl!” She was about to retort when she spotted one of those little Subconites running for them. Panicking she grabbed the bird and did an awkward half step and a stumble, avoiding the little one but loosing her balance. Still keeping a hold on the Conductor, who was sputtering in confusion about what was happening, they both wound up tumbling back into a shrub bed, and in the struggle to escape that they both found themselves rolling down a small incline. Once they came to a stop Abigail sat up, trying to get her bearings. A small group of Subconites ran down towards them, and the were...cheering?
“Yay! You did it!”
“Your first trap!”
“A bit different but hey, whatever works for you.”
“Congrats!”
The Conductor sat up “wha'?” Abigail also tried to figure out what was happening before she realized where they were: right in a ring of purple thorns.
Right before the trap sprang, one of the Subconites shouted out, “Boss says good work!”
“Work?” Conductor questioned before letting out a squawk as the thorns sprung up and over them both. The scenery seemed to melt away to reveal a purple dimension of sorts...the same one Abigail had first been in when she had initially tried to run from the shadow specter only a short time ago...
Snatcher rose out of the ground with a maniacal cackle, “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! FOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL!!!!!!!! YOU WANDERED INTO MY DOMAIN AND NOW YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE!” He spotted Abigail, and his expression lightened up, “SO MY MINIONS WERE RIGHT! YOU ACTUALLY MANAGED TO LURE A VICTIM INTO ONE OF MY TRAPS ALL ON YOUR OWN!”
Conductor turned to her, “wha' does he mean?” Snatcher replied for her, “OH, DIDN'T SHE TELL YOU? SHE'S UNDER CONTRACT BY YOURS TRULY TO BRING FRESH SOULS INTO MY FOREST, AND I MUST SAY SHE'S BEEN AT IT WITH GUSTO!”
The Conductor paled, “then...that express owl...”
“AN OWL, A COUPLE OF THOSE MAFIA GUYS...,” Snatcher counted off his claws,”AND NOW, YOU. LIKE I SAID, MY LATEST CONTRACTOR HAS BEEN DELIVERING NEW SOULS TO ME LEFT AND RIGHT! GOOD JOB, NUISANCE!” Snatcher cackled, towering above the bird. Conductor turned to her, “How could yew dew this, lassie?!” He sounded so hurt. She didn't want this, but what could she even do? She couldn't even bring herself to speak, as she looked away. “SHE MAKES QUITE GOOD BAIT, DOESN'T SHE?” Snatcher mused, before focusing again on the Conductor, “NOW THEN...”
“Ai'm not goin down witout a fight!” Conductor yelled, pulling out way too many knives. Snatcher just laughed, “YOU CAN'T HURT ME!” “Wannae bet?!” Conductor contested, throwing a knife. It passed right though the specter, who only smirked back at the bird. He reached for Conductor, but the owl(?) dodged and threw another knife...which again passed through the ghost. “STAY STILL!” Snatcher commanded, throwing a blue flame at the bird. Conductor saw his chance and swung a knife through the inferno, the bade becoming ablaze with blue fire. Conductor swung the knife at the ghoul, and this time it actually cut him. With an echoing howl of pain Snatcher reached for the Conductor, only to have the bird turn and slice the specter's hand, which he quickly pulled back with a grimace. With a snarl he cried out “THAT'S IT!” and snatched up the Conductor by the back of his coat. The bird struggled to stab the hand that held him, but stopped when he realized he was dangling right infront of Snatcher's face...and the ghost appeared to had grown in his rage, the purple void dissolving around them as he did so. “YOU SOUL ISN'T EVEN WORTH THE EFFORT. GET OUT OF MY FOREST AND STAY OUT.” With that, he reared back the arm holding the bird and threw him over the trees and out of sight.
Abigail just stood there, mouth agape. Snatcher was slowly shrinking back to his regular size, his cuts glowing as yellow as his eyes. She quickly snapped to her senses once her brain registered that: the Conductor was safe, Snatcher was now both mad and hurt, and she never got him to tally off the Conductor before hand...but maybe she could still make it work. She did bring him straight to Snatcher, after all. It wasn't her fault that it didn't work out in the spook's favor.
She had to try. Mustering up her courage she spoke up “Sn-Snatch...er?” The specter turned to glare at her, and before he could say anything, she continued, “the contract...it s-says that, as long as I bring someone to the forest, I meet the conditions. Y-you still have to tally for...for...” she paused as the shadow loomed over her. “YOU REALLY NEED TO CHECK THE FINE PRINT, NUISANCE.” he all but hissed at her. Pulling out her contract she frantically skimmed it over, before realizing with dawning horror that she never checked the back of this one. On the underside were the damning words 'only person(s) who have their soul taken by The Snatcher will count towards any progress on the part of the contracted' Slightly shaking, Abigail gulped and looked up at Snatcher, “no...” “YEP! ITS ALL THERE, IN BLACK AND WHITE!” Snatcher appeared to calm down as he continued, “BUT HEY, YOU STILL HAVE A FEW DAYS. I'M SURE YOU CAN BRING SOMEONE ELSE IN!”
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Across Another Dimension Ch. 51
Last time on Across Another Dimension, King Zeus have order his Black Art Beagle Wizard to brainwash both Donald and the Boy Princess Donald so they would marry him. Meanwhile, the Super Caballeros, two Caballeros and their friends head off to stop King Zeus and the wedding before they say “I Do”. They arrive just in time to witness the complaint ducks pledge their love for King Zeus?!!? Can it be??!!
Everyone look up as the Super Caballeros and the two Caballeros began to march toward the King. The heroes have crash the wedding as most people in the chapel got up and left the ceremony while others stay and watch the battle. The King Zeus minions began attacking them as the hero's fought back. Two rooster walk up to the double boy brides while two green bird fight the minions as the roosters hug them. "Donald! Thank goodness you two okay! We gotta get out of here!" Unknown to them, two ducks are still being hypnotized.
"I love you, King Zeus darling… I love you, King Zeus darling..." they both creepily said it at the same time as the red roosters eyes whine open. "Huh? What are you talking about! Never mind that! Let go!" Both Panchito and other Panchito carry two Donald in the bridal style as they hops on the guards head and get to the top of the railing. "Release my beautiful boy brides at once!" King Zeus demands. "Not going to happen!"
"Alright- let's crash this wedding!" Louie called, and all of the gang began entering the chapel with a bunch of different Power up.
Black Art Wizard screamed as a small flock of triplet kids with Tanooki tail and ear dived at him, darting aside as they swooped past. The triplet boys see this guy got what he deserved, Manny galloping happily, tugging on his lead as Fenton tried to control him.
The wedding guests screamed as the gang dropped some egg onto the floor. Seeing the hateful look in their eyes, Black Art Wizard backed away from them, right in to the table of the chapel.
Charging at him one more time, the kids dropped eggs over the Black Art Wizard. Screaming in disgust, he stumbled around the floor as he tries to get the egg off on him, crashing into the wedding cake. The rest of the crowd stay and watches.
"Now!" Princess Della yelled. On cue, Scrooge, Launchpad, Beakley, Gyro, and Duckworth water sprayed the Wizard, the kids understanding their part in the plan was done.
The Black Art Wizard gasped when he saw the lead flower princess dive towards him, at long last, she charged at the Black Art Wizard. She rammed right into his left arm.
With one final scream, Black Art Wizard tumbled to the floor, his magical wand went flying off and shattering on the title floor.
A harsh gasp gushed from the ducks body as their senses came flooding back, the dark haze that once clouded their mind finally clearing. Moaning as they stood upright.
“Huh? W-what...” Donald began to speak. “Happen to me?”
“Donald! You’ve come to your senses!” Panchito was glad that Donald and Boy Princess Donald got back to normal.
They turn around as both Panchito and other Panchito stood in front of their ducks protectively.
"You know, I've been thinking. If I'm going to remain King of all of the Dimensional world, I'm going to need some sort of story. Hmm. What if a giant, vicious monster showed up and killed everyone? And poor, defenseless King Zeus, he just couldn't save them. Let's begin with the duck who started it all, shall we?"
"Over my dead body!" Panchito growl as the King huff.
"Then I suggest we get on with it, but this time. We’re not fighting here. We are fighting up there!" King Zeus said, Two roosters and ducks were confused at him. What does he mean by “fighting up there”? And with that, He then led out a roar. Suddenly, the chapel roofs pile off and theirs feet were lifted off the ground, as gravity pulled them to a glass planet, with green platforms and breakable blue domes.
"GAH! Give it up already!" King Zeus roared. "Why won't you stop trying to mess up my awesome master plan?! I'm building my dimensional empire right here! And you can't stop me! Why don't you just run off and go find some green pipe or a special stage to hide in?!"
King Zeus then turns his head and reveals Boy Princess Donald and Donald, who was both trapped inside a purple bubble.
"Panchito/Panchito!" Boy Princess Donald and Donald both called for their hero. Panchito and other Panchito glared at King Zeus as he continues:
"Can't you see that I'm busy here?! I don't have time to chat, so let's cut this short… Shorty!" his eyes were directing to them.
King Zeus shoved the boy brides away and starts to attack them by doing a leap, creating a shockwave. Panchito jumped on one of the green platforms to avoid the shockwave while the other Panchito jump the other. King Zeus then tries to do a homing stomp over them. They quickly moved out of the way. But King Zeus didn't stop doing that.
The whole entire guests and gang ran out of the chapel and gasp in shock as they are going to watch the finale battle.
"We have to find a way to attack him!" Panchito shouted.
Panchito notices the blue domes at the sphere's ground; King Zeus's stomping should be strong enough to break one of these.
"Oh! I got an idea! Follow me!" Panchito directed his counterpart to one of the blue domes.
"Hey! Over here!" Panchito called for King Zeus. King Zeus didn't hesitate and does his homing stomp to where they were. Eventually, they both moved out of the way at the last second, and when King Zeus accidentally stomps the blue dome, his tail catches on fire and he begins to run around the planet in pain, trying to fan the fire out.
"Ha! Gotcha!" Panchito taunted.
King Zeus, not paying attention to where he was running, ended up reaching the spot where the two of them were. As soon as he notices them, he skids to a stop to turn around, but this gave Panchito an opportunity to strike his tail with his Spin Attack he had been given from Princess Selene. King Zeus flipped over his shell and was spinning around stunned on his shell. Panchito delivers a blow on him, the first strike of the match was done.
King Zeus stands up, and roars in anger. He then pulled off his second trick; shooting three fireballs from his mouth. Instead of leaping once, he leaps twice, creating two shockwaves followed by one another. After executing these same attacks for the second time, King Zeus start to home stomp again.
"We have to stop him!" Scrooge panicked. "Throw something Storkules!"
"I can't!" Storkules told him. "I might miss him!"
Panchito located another of those blue domes, “Oh King Zeus! I’m over here! Come and get me!” He let King Zeus break it once again, catching his tail on fire, again. Panchito charges at King Zeus head-on, and spin attacks his tail once again when King Zeus skid to a stop. But this time, once he was flipped on his shell, not only he was spinning around on his shell, but he was also sliding around the planet on his back.
"Hey! Not cool at all!" The other Panchito growled and Panchito immediately chases after King Zeus and home attacks him, delivering the second blow.
King Zeus stands up again, and roars furiously. This time, he shoots five fireballs, and leaps three times, creating three shockwaves followed by one another.
But the same thing happened again; King Zeus does his homing stomp, following them as they were running to the blue dome, Kings Zeus's tail catches on fire, Panchito spin attacks the tail, and when King Zeus was sliding on his shell, and both rooster attacks him two times.
"Raawwwrrgh!" King Zeus grumbled in defeat. "My powers…gone… My empire…shrinking… My huge wedding cake… Never got a slice…"
King Zeus stretched as far as he could, but he was too weak and began to fall onto the hard ground. King Zeus was defeated.
#ducktales 2017#mariotales au#across another dimension#across another dimension fanfic#super caballeros#super caballero fanfic#fanfic
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Reactions to Yu-Gi-Oh: Dark Side of Dimensions
Okay so, this started as one reaction to something, but then I had more reactions and just kept adding on aaaand... Yeah. XD
Now obviously there will be some spoilers, but most should be fairly out of context.
I have no idea if this will even be of any interest to anyone, probably not, but I had fun doing it so eh. *shrug*
I'll keep the first few visible but will hide the rest under a read more cause this got kinda long. Whoops. >.>
Also, I intend to write a proper review of this movies because I have many thoughts on things, but that will be tomorrow. Is quite late, much later than I had intended on staying up, and I need sleep.
(Also I will apologize now to anyone who likes Kaiba that happens to read this. I distinctly am NOT a fan of Kaiba and it very much shows throughout this.)
---
"It's true, I went through a great deal of trouble recreating the Pharoah's deck, strategies, even his perfectly quaffed hair. In fact that part is what took the longest."
Oh my god what even is this movie??? XDXD
(Quick note, this was the original reaction I was going to post on it’s own, but shortly after I had another and that’s how this whole thing came about. After this they’re in order as the occurred in the movie, it’s just this one that’s out of place since it started the whole thing.)
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*movie opens with us flying through space, comes to a space station with the letters KC on the side*
Me: Oh dear god, his ego had reached space!
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Uh... Excuse me what? Why do you have that???
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*people digging stuff up, dude has a picure of the Millennium Puzzle on his phone*
Me: Uh... Okay... So are these Kaiba’s guys or...
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*Yugi and his grandpa talking about Tea*
Me: Oh? Will there finally be some eluding to Yugi and Tea?
*little further along*
Me: Guess not.
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Sploosh!
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*Bakura surrounded by girls, completely flustered*
Me: XDXDXD
(I’m glad they included this because it’s never played up in the show despite being canon)
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*gang goes around, talking about what they’re going to do after graduating*
Me: But what about Bakura? (No I’m not a Bakura fangirl, no not at all >.>)
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*Aigami is introduced, gang standing around trying to remember his name*
Me: He hasn’t been in their class the whole time has he.
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Geh, what is up with these character designs? What’s with that dude’s head??
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What is this these characters and jumping off things?
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*Joey tumbles into his landing*
Me: *snort* Nailed it.
Joey: Dat was on purpose!
Me: Close enough. XD
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Aigami: You’re Joey right? And Tea? And you... You’re Yugi Moto, am I right?
Yugi: Yeah but, don’t we already know each other?
Me: Yeaaah... He definitely hasn’t been around this whole time.
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That whole thing was a set up wasn’t it?
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Joey: How do we know him and not know him at the same time?
Yugi: I wish I had an answer.
*conspiracy theory continues to grow*
Dirty water dogs...
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Seriously this dude’s head!
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Well. They certainly didn’t waste any time revealing you as the villain did they?
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*shadow people start showing up*
Is... Is that Bakura??? The hell???
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Aand the whole thing was recorded.
*Aigami picks up the camera after having been seen walking away through it*
Wait. How did-But you just- HUH???
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Pharaoh? Uhhhh... what?
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*Kaiba immediately summons three blue-eyes*
Me: Doesn’t anybody know the rules of this game? (Throwback to Yu-Gi-Oh abridged. XD)
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*Kaiba internal monologuing about how he’s better, how he’s done so much to get to this moment, how he’ll finally show he’s the best*
Me: *groans and rolls eyes so hard it’s a wonder they didn’t pop out of my skull*
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Kaiba: You set me up. *attack happens, things explode, Kaiba still stands* But I knew you’d set me up.
Me: Aand of course. Wouldn’t be Yu-Gi-Oh if there weren’t constant, “But wait!” moments.
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*Kaiba unleashes attack, Pharaoh doesn’t try to counter, things explode*
Me: ... This wasn’t real was it?
*world begins to fade away*
Me: Yup. Only way he’d actually beat the Pharaoh.
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Crystal cloud network... How far does that go exactly? Dear god that’s a terrifying thought...
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Okay so wait he... doesn’t... have it yet? Then what was up with the beginning of the movie?
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Duke! Wasn’t expecting to see you.
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Kaiba: It is I! Seto Kaiba and once again I am about to change your lives.
Me: Oh lord here we go...
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Huh... Well that’s certainly interesting how they played this.
(This was in reaction to Diva and his friend overlooking Yugi and his friends at the mall. I went into this movie having seen a rather key scene involving Diva and Bakura so was impressed at how they mislead us early on)
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Kaiba can't you just wait for the plane to land like a normal person? You really had to jump out of it? Seriously, the characters in this series and jumping from things.
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The guns aren't invisible!
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Kaiba... Only you would be extra enough to have an automatic trap door build into your coat.
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"There are no limits when you're as brilliant as Seto Kaiba!"
Me: Ugh...
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How may different types of Blue-eyes White Dragons does this guy have???
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*Kaiba internal monologuing about how it can't end here, I've come too far done too much*
Me: I swear to god if he says something about the heart of the cards I'm done.
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Uh... Whut.
Whut
Kaiba you're breaking the world.
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What is that? Wait... Is that...
Aigami: It's Obelisk the Tourmentor!
Me: WHUT. He still has that???
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*glowing coming from the hole the items fell into, dude teleport down, Millennium Ring is poking out of the rubble*
Oh dear.
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Huh. So they're actually graduating.
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Kaiba why... WHY do you need a space station?
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*computer goes through a bunch of techno babble*
Kaiba: Don't you think I know that? I invented the blasted thing.
Computer: Affirmative. But my AI has recognized your affinity for being reminded of your genius.
Me: UGHHH!!! MY GOD YOUR EGO.
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Huh. Well THAT just threw a bunch of my Bakura head canons out the window.
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Oh dear. Well that's not good.
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Tristan: Come on! Something's happened to Joey!
Me: How do you know that?!
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*Aigami’s friend shows up acting all creepy*
Oooh snap.
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Okay so is the ring manipulating this dude's emotions or is this the spirit talking and he's pissed at Bakura.
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Aigami: The ring didn't do it it was you!
Aigami: *2 minutes later* Manny the ring is doing something to you!
Me: Dude! Make up your mind!
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*Yugi and co. running around, calling for Joey*
Me: No concern for Bakura though. As usual. *sigh*
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Friendship is magic!
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Kaiba. Go. AWAY.
Seriously, I feel like I'm watching two different movies here.
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HOW DO YOU KNOW HE HAS THE PIECES?!?!?!
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Mokuba: Hey Yugi what's up? Lookin good!
Me: How are these two related...
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Mokuba: *cocky* We know were the second piece is and it's practically ours.
Me: ... Okay now I see the family resemblance.
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I swear to god just when I start to think Kaiba can't get any more extra...
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*Kaiba goes through long-winded, ego boosting speech that I've already forgotten most of*
Me: Ughhhhhh......
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Kaiba: Behold! The Millennium Puzzle!
Me: Dude, you are LITERALLY one of 7 people in that entire stadium who even knows what that thing is.
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Yeah Yugi! Put that egotistical prick in his place!
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These poor people have NO IDEA what's going on.
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Yugi: Dimension dueling? Guess I'll have to learn as I go.
Me: Ladies and gentlemen, Yu-Gi-Oh in a sentence.
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Must we do the DBZ power up scream?
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Oh boy, these things again.
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Ah... But... He... Hm... *me trying to work out a plot point*
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Kaiba: (card name)'s ability allows me to to summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon!
Me: Of course it does.
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Seriously, HOW MANY DIFFERENT BLUE EYES DOES THIS GUY HAVE???
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APPLE Magician Girl??? Dafuq?
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And now Lemon Magician Girl. He's got a magical fruit salad in the works here.
---
*Diva comes across Millennium Ring*
Me: Oh shit.
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*Kaiba plays Monster Reborn*
Me: Oh hey, a card I know!
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Geehh.
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EIGHTH Millennium Item??? Sure why not.
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Yugi and Kaiba having a back to back bad ass moment to team up against the bad guy... Not sure how I feel about this.
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*Kaiba shows concern for Yugi, Kaiba sacrifices himself for Yugi*
The ease in which he changes his focus depending on the situation is... Something else. Because I know when this is all over he'll be right back to, "Yugi I will defeat you!" mode.
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When did you pick that up?!
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Heart of the cards. Knew that had to come up at some point.
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Return of the Pharoah! (?)
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He's... Not gonna say a word is he?
*Pharoah poofs*
Nope.
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HIS SPACE STATION IS SHAPED LIKE A K AND A C. HOW DID I MISS THAT. Dear lord this guy...
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*Kaiba is shown to have Diva's cube thing*
Me: Uh oh...
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... Whut...
SERIOUSLY DUDE??? DEAR GOD GET A LIFE!
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*credits roll, remixed version of original theme plays*
Me: *cackles*
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*credits scroll through songs, three of which were on the shows soundtrack*
How did I miss those??? (Though to be fair its been a LOOOONG time since I last listened to that soundtrack)
---
THERE WAS NO POT OF GREED.
On one level, I’m relieved. Back when I watched the show I came to despise that card because despite it being played ALL THE DAMN TIME they STILL felt the need to explain that it, “Allows me to draw two cards” EVERY.FRIGGIN.TIME.
But on the other hand, because of that it became such a part of the series that it almost seems wrong for it to have not been included.
#Yu-Gi-Oh#dark side of dimensions#my various reactions to things#Kaiba is a prick#BUT BAKURA FINALLY GOT SOME FOCUS!!!
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Lost Traditions
He shouldn’t ask. He should just walk right by. There is no need to be involved in whatever this was. It was best for him if he kept his route undisturbed. Really.
“What are you doing?”
The words left his mouth before he knew it and Sasuke hated himself for it.
Naruto jerks in place utterly surprised by his presence, out in the middle Konoha’s thickest and darkest forest. Well besides the ones used for training but these ones used far less than those ones, which is why Sasuke like walking them. It was the place he went to when he to have some alone time from his family and all the expectations that nearly suffocated him.
The idiot lost his balance, tumbling backward from the stole he crouched down on while the book he had been writing feverishly writing into fell into the barrel of oldy colored green goo.
Sasuke watches it sink into the liquid with a morbid fascination. The pages didn’t either, instead, it almost seems as if the paper was absorbed into the gloo, a loud popping bubble it’s send-off as it meets its end.
“No! My notes! How am I supposed to do it now!?” Naruto cries. He stands abruptly seemingly unaware of the multi-color glitter clinging to his every being nor the fact that he was dressed in what seemed to be a cat onesie “I don’t remember the order Kurama!”
The Uchiha watched as the blond boy stuffed his hands into the goo, completely ignoring his classmate. He shifts about desperately but it was obvious that what he was searching for had sunk further down then his short arms could reach. It was an impressive barrel about a head bigger than both boys- or maybe two for Naruto seeing as the blond was smaller than anyone in their class. Itachi always claims it was a bad diet that lacks far too many vegetables but Sasuke barely believes that because his brother always tried to make Sauske eat his own after stating it.- he did, however, rush forward when the stool starts to dangerously tilt over.
If he fell from that hight he could get hurt, and even though they weren’t exactly friends Sasuke would never make an Uchiha Policeman if he just let him get injured right in front of him like that.
His hand curled around one of the legs in the exact moment Naruto nose-dived forward with a loud cry. The goo splashed everywhere, covering Sasuke with whatever it was the other boy swam about in.
“Mom is going to have my head...” The poor child moan already thinking of just how his very proper and clean mother would react. Not to mention what his father would do when he learns of Sasuke tarnishing the Uchiha name by being seen in public like this.
He let go off the stool to whip the green out of his eyes, some of the heavy stuff falling to the ground a loud wet splash and covering his ankles. Just then Uzumaki popped out of the water, his outfit ruin beyond repair shouting loudly “Victory!”
He waved his little notebook about, and Sasuke’s temple twitch.
“You idiot! What were you thinking, jumping like that! You can’t even read those pages anymore!” He shouts his own frustration being dirty bleeding into his voice. Naruto blinks at him, his wide blue eyes almost taking over his face. Sasuke notes the near void look in them and fights the urge to shiver.
Some of the other children whisper that something is just not right with the blond. Sasuke never had a chance to speak to him- it was like every time they cross paths something or someone got in the way stopping any attempts of conversation- but he had noticed.
For example, Naruto would often be sent outside into the hallway for nothing. Instead of being bothered by it he would skip right outside but not before giving the teacher a kind phrase and a gentle Don’t worry. I know you need something to be angry at. I forgive you.
If anything that seems make the teachers more upset. Other students roll their eyes or shook their head at him, thinking he was being stupid but Sasuke always found it odd how sure Naruto sounded. It wasn’t a kid back talking a teacher it was something more.
When he brought up at the dinner table both his parents had gotten quite then forbid him to repeat that ever again.
“Oh, you’re in my class!” The boy chirp and Sasuke briefly wonder if he was a genjustu prodigy. Because the Uchiha could have sworn he just saw flowers floating about Naruto’s head. “Uchiha Sasuke right? I’m Uzumaki Naruto!”
“I know. You’re the idiot that pulls pranks all the time” he grunts. If anything that seems to make Naruto much happier, beaming at him and causing more flowers to appear.
“Yup that’s me!”
He really shouldn’t sound proud of that. Really Sasuke regrets ever straying off the path from his hike. He should have just gone home
“What are you doing anyway?”
“Namikaze family tradition” Naruto’s answer is part air and part laughter “It’s traditional to do it ever seven years!”
Sasuke’s eyebrow rises. He’s never heard of the Namikaze clan but everyone knows about the deceased Fourth Hokage after all the Kyubbi Festeble always ended with a firework show dedicated to the man. What was Naruto doing celebrating the previous Kage’s traditions?
The blond seemed to realize something before holding one finger up to his lips, smiling a smile that seemed almost predatory “But don’t tell anyone okay Sasuke? It’s a secret”
A kid a head shorter than him, dress as a cat and sitting a pool of goo should not be intimidating but somehow it was. He swallowed down the fear that, appeared at Naruto’s near glowing blue eyes and nods unable to trust his voice.
As sudden as the change of behavior arrive it goes away like wind blowing away smoke, leaving behind a smiling blond once more. “Want to join? I have the steps for the ceremony. And you're already covered in the ceremonial seal containment- I mean juice!”
He was planning on saying no and leaving but something about Naruto made it hard to deny him.
Before he realizes it Sasuke was dragged into a family tradition he had no part being in and spent the rest of the afternoon helping Naruto create symbols across the floor while occasionally meowing.
“Most people don’t know this but the Fourth’s family was really close to the Cat Ninja Clan. They gave the Uchiha passage to the Cat Fort as a sign of friendship some year in the Great Clan Wars.” Naruto explains smile wide as he sits in the middle of the circle they have drawn “ They were one of the first clans to create Summon Contracts in fact. Namikaze were once on par with sealing with clans like the Uzumaki, but while the Uzumaki used their seals for war and battle Namikaze focused more on medical terms and summons. Because of this, they weren’t really that famous seeing as medical ninjutsu didn’t develop until hundreds of years later and the contracts only work if the animal agrees to form a pact. It was actually seen as weak support seals instead of the value advantages it was. So people didn’t bother them when they started to summon animals at random seeing if a contract could be form- often times it was a weak race anyway. It turns into a coming of age tradition at age seven to summon something eventually but no one really knows when or why seven.”
Sasuke stare at him not really sure where this sudden history lesson came from. Naruto didn’t seem to notice, happily patting down the goo all over his body “It’s a tradition to rekindle the connection with those Summon Contracts seals and summon animals that close to a Namikaze’s soul. Even if no pact was formed, it’s still seen as a necessity to call them ever so often. The Fourth was toads maybe with all the exposal he had to them before he made his own coming of age ceremony. But today we learn what ours are!”
“I’m not a Namikaze” Sasuke felt the need to say head spinning by the long-winded sentences of Naruto. Did the guy not a breath between words?
The flap his wrist about with a dismissive smile “You don’t have to be. You just have to have a Namikaze present to help you call an animal through the dimensions. And use the juice to help you access your hidden chakra.”
“We don’t have a Namikaze here.”
Naruto laughs loudly like Sasuke just said a joke. “ Not that anyone is aware of.”
“Then this won’t work”
“It will”
“No it won’t”
“Yeah it will”
He crosses his arms fed up with this weirdo “How are you so sure?”
“The toads told me”
Right. Sasuke turns and leaves ignoring Naruto’s squawking. His parents were right, he should stay as far as possible from the Uzumaki.
The next day in class Naruto gets in trouble for bringing a toad to class. He refuses to be separated with it even though it’s as big as his head and argues that he needed to be with it for a full week as that is what the toad told him to do.
He also refuses to take off the cat onesie stating it was to honor the connects of history. The teacher is not amused by this at all.
Sasuke sinks into his seat when he shouts “Sasuke back me up on this! It’s important Dattebayo!”
#naruto#Time travel#Namikaze traditions#Minato is so proud#Naruto is from the furture and his just going along for the ride#Sasuke's pov#From a fic I never finished#Kakashi has a mini heart attack when he sees the outfit#Minato wear one ever seven years too#naruto uzumaki#Sasuke Uchiha
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[Open Morty’s room] (Morty is asleep in his bed when Rick stumbles in, obviously really drunk, and turns on the lights.) Rick: Morty! You gotta come on. Jus'... You gotta come with me. Morty: *rubs his eyes* What, Rick? What’s going on? Rick: I got a surprise for you, Morty. Morty: It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about? Rick: *spills booze on Morty's bed* Come on, I got a surprise for you. *drags Morty by the ankle* Come on, hurry up. (Rick pulls Morty out of his bed and into the hall.) Morty: Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard! Rick: We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty. [Trans. Rick's ship] (Rick drives through the night sky. Morty looks exhausted.) Rick: What do you think of this... flying vehicle, Morty? I built it outta stuff I found in the garage. Morty: Yeah, Rick... I-It's great. Is this the surprise? Rick: Morty. I had to... I had to do it. I had- I had to- I had to make a bomb, Morty. I had to create a bomb. Morty: What?! A bomb?! Rick: We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start, Morty. Create a whole fresh start. Morty: T-t-that's absolutely crazy! Rick: Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty. It's gonna be good. Right now, we're gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica. Morty: Jessica? From my math class? (Rick puts an arm around Morty’s shoulders.) Rick: When I drop the bomb you know, I want you to have somebody, you know? I want you to have the thing. I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam. Morty: Ohhh…. Rick: And Jessica's gonna be Eve. Morty: Whhhh-wha? Rick: And so that's the surprise, Morty. Morty: No, you can't! *shoves Rick away* Jessica doesn't even know I exist! But- but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity! Rick: I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not... *spills beer down his shirt* You don't got… Y-You don’t gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about, Rick? Rick: You- you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything. She- sh-she- she, she, she's all for you, Morty. Morty: I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou— Rick: You know what, Morty? You're right. *throws empty bottle into the backseat* Let's forget the girl all together. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways. *presses a button* Robot Voice: Arming neutrino bomb. Morty: *unbuckles* That's it… that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel. (Morty jumps up on Rick and starts fighting with him over control of the wheel.) Rick: Get off of me, Morty! (They begin to talk over each other.) Morty: I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! *starts kicking at his face while grabbing the wheel* I'm put—I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin’… I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb…dumb person and just le-let you ruin the whole world! Rick: (at the same time) Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it? *pushes Morty off of him* What are you, crazy? Alright, Alright, Morty! (Rick manages to push Morty off of him. Morty glares at him, furious.) Rick: Alright. I'll- I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden. [Trans. Desert] (Rick lands the cruiser in an open desert. He opens the door and tumbles out among dozens of empty alcohol cans and bottles.) Rick: We'll park it right here, Morty. Right here on the side of the ree… road here. Morty: Oh, thank God. Rick: You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive. Morty: It was? Rick: Sure. Why not? I don’t, I don't know. Y-you know what, Mo- (Rick falls asleep and begins snoring.) Robot Voice: Neutrino bomb armed. Morty: Um... [The opening theme plays] [Open Smith residence, dining room] (The Smith family sits around the table eating breakfast.) Jerry: I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight. Who do you guys think is gonna be the best singer? (A very tired Morty falls asleep at the table, smashing his face into his plate.) Summer: Oh my God, his head is in his food. I'm going to puke. Beth: Morty, are you getting sick? (Morty lifts his head, clearly exhausted, and wipes food from his face.) I told you not to practice-kiss the living-room pillow. The dog sleeps on it. Morty: I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom. I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something. Summer: Or maybe you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick. Jerry: What? Beth: Dad? Rick: What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time? Jerry: Damn it! Beth: Jerry! Jerry: Beth! Summer: Oh my God, my parents are so loud, I want to die. Rick: Mm, there is no God, Summer. You gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank me later. Jerry: *glaring at Rick* Okay, with all due respect, Rick What am I talking about? What respect is due? How is my son supposed to pass his classes if you keep dragging him off for high-concept Sci-Fi rigamarole? Rick: Listen, Jerry. I-I-I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything. It's your house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar but I'll tell you something—tell you how I feel about school, Jerry. It's a waste of time. (Jerry stares incredulously at Rick.) Buncha people running around, bumping into each other. G-guy up front says, "two plus two." The people in the back say, "four." Then the—then the bell rings, and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or something. I mean, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry. And I know that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue. (Rick wipes his mouth and gets up, stopping behind Beth and putting a hand on her shoulder.) Rick: This was a good breakfast, Beth. You really made the crap out of those eggs. I wish your mother was here to eat them. (Rick gives Beth a kiss and walks away. She tears up in joy.) Beth: Oh, Dad… Jerry: What? For real? (Morty's face slams into his plate again.) [Trans. Ext. Harry Herpson High School] Mr. Goldenfold: Alright, now, everybody get settled. Get away from the windows! [Trans. Int. Mr. Goldenfold’s class] Mr. Goldenfold: Now, look, we're gonna be dealing with some real serious stuff today. You might have heard of it. It's called math? And without it, none of us would even exist, so let's jump right in. Two plus two. All classmates except Morty: Four. (Morty, sitting in the back row, stares at Jessica, who sits in the front row, answering Jessica’s name for the questions.) Morty: Jessica. Mr. Goldenfold: Five plus five. All classmates except Morty: Ten. Morty: Jessica. (Jessica hears Morty and looks back, confused, not sure who’s saying her name.) Mr. Goldenfold: Okay, good. It's time for the quiz. Class: Awwwwww. Mr. Goldenfold: Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad! Tough! First row, take one. Pass it back for me. The stakes are high in this room. (Morty stares at the quiz. The numbers on the quiz jumble together as Morty falls asleep.) There's crucial things happening here every day. People getting smarter. Some of y'all getting dumber. Some of y'all ain't gonna see 3:00. (Morty falls into a dream world filled with large number-shaped blocks. Jessica steps out from behind some of the numbers.) Jessica: Hi, Morty. Morty: Whoa! Hi, Jessica. Jessica: Can I show these to you? (Jessica opens her shirt, showing Morty her boobs.) Morty: Wow. Th-they're both great. Thank you! Jessica: You know what I named these? My little Morties. Morty: *rubs the back of his neck* Uh, that's flattering… and a little weird. Jessica: Do you know what I want you to do with them? Morty: Rename them? Jessica: Squeeze them. Manhandle them. Give them the business. See if you can shuffle them. I mean, really get in there and knock them around. No wrong answers. Morty: Wow. Well, okay, Jessica. L-let's give this a shot. (Morty grabs her boobs and starts fondling her.) Jessica: Mm. Oh, Morty. What are you doing to me? Morty: Uh, I-I'm just doing my best. (In real life, class has ended and Morty is fondling Mr. Goldenfold.) Mr. Goldenfold: Morty! What are you doing to me?! Morty: *sleep talking* Ah, Jessica. Mr. Goldenfold: Morty! Morty: Jessica. Mr. Goldenfold: Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad. (Mr. Goldenfold leans back and bites his lip.) Morty: Je-Jessica. Jessica. Mr. Goldenfold: Not my fault this is happening. [Trans. Hallway] (Morty is at his locker, where he is confronted by a bully, Frank Palicky.) Frank: Well, well, well. Morty; Uh, morning, Frank. (Frank pins Morty to his locker.) Frank: "Morning"? What was what is that supposed to mean? You making fun of me? Are you trying to say my family's poor? (Frank takes out a pocket knife and points it at Morty's neck.) Morty: Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it. Frank: You telling me how to bully now? Big mistake, Morty and now I'm gonna cut you, 'cause my family's rich. (Frank suddenly freezes and Rick steps out from behind him.) Rick: There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need an extra pair of hands. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank? Rick: It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of business. (Belch) It's important. Come on, Morty. Morty: I don't know, Rick. I can't leave school again. Rick: Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Morty? What do you think I can just do it all by myself? Come on! Morty: Aw, geez. Okay. I guess I can skip history. What about Frank? I mean, shouldn't you unfreeze him? Rick: I'll do it later, Morty. He'll be fine. Let's go. (Rick takes off with Morty and then Summer comes by, seeing Frank's frozen body) Summer (In her head): Oh, my God. I'm about to walk past Frank Palicky. This is the story we'll be telling our children. (Summer, oblivious to the fact that he's frozen, apparently, walks up to Frank and talks to him) Summer: Hi, Frank. (Frank's frozen foot breaks and he drops to the ground and shatters into a million pieces, dying) Summer: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! (Beth is at the Horse Hospital, performing heart surgery on a horse with Davin) Beth: Scalpel. Davin: Scalpel. (Jerry enters the room) Jerry: Knock, knock. Beth: Jerry? Jerry: My manager gave me an hour for lunch, and I thought, "hey, why not swing by where your wife works?" (The heart rate for the horse starts beeping really fast) Tom (Offscreen): We're losing him. (Beth adjusts the horse's organs) Tom (Offscreen): Okay, he's back. Beth: Jerry, please tell me you're here for an incredibly urgent reason. Jerry: Well, it's lunch. I mean, it's one of three meals that have existed for millennia. (The heart rate starts beeping again) Tom (Offscreen): Losing him. (Beth adjusts the organs again) Tom (Offscreen): Stabilized. Beth: Okay, I only ask, Jerry, because, as you know, my job involves performing heart surgery. Jerry: Well, yeah, on horses. Beth (Angry): Excuse me? Jerry (Scared): Okay, Let's not rehash that fight. (Normal) I sense that you're busy and will now be on my way. (Jerry drops a pamphlet on the ground) Jerry (Poorly Acting): Whoa! What is this on the floor? Some kind of literature for a really nice-looking nursing home. Hey, honey, crazy idea bad pitch let's put your dad here.(Straight out serious) Let's put your dad in a nursing home. (Beth looks at Jerry extremely angry at him and the heart hate starts beeping again) Tom (Offscreen): We're losing him. Beth: Hey, Tom! We know when we're losing him. (At the top of her lungs) WE CAN HEAR THE BEEPS! (Rick and Morty are in an alley and Rick uses his portal gun to open a portal) Rick: There she is. All right. Come on, Morty. Let's go. Morty: Oh, geez, okay. (Rick and Morty go through the portal and end up an a crazy alternate dimension) Morty: Oh, man, Rick. What is this place? Rick: It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty, called a mega tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about mega seeds. They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing. Rick: All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be- (A gigantic alien monster suddenly appears behind them) Rick (Terrified): HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!! (Rick and Morty take off, running in complete and total fear as the monster chases them) Rick: I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty! (Screen cuts to black for the intermission break) (Having apparently escaped, Rick and Morty are walking through Dimension 35-C, continuing their adventure) Rick: Oh, Morty, take a deep breath. Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of of of of a whole different evolutionary timeline. Morty: All right, Rick, look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at school by now? Rick: Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there. (A weird looking monster is seen cooing and rolling around on the ground) What the hell is that thing? You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school? (Offscreen) Look at it just lumbering around. Rick: It defies all logic, that thing. Morty: Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason why I want to leave. (They come up to a cliff and Rick stops him there) Rick: Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this? (Rick and Morty are looking down upon a vast forest of interdimensional trees) Rick: You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there? Morty: The mega trees? Rick: That's right, Morty the mega trees with the mega fruit on them and that's what I'm talking about, Morty. That's where my seeds are. If we would have done what you wanted, I would have never have found them, because you're so in love with school. Morty: All right, all right. So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways? Rick: You ask a lot of questions, Morty. Not very charismatic. It makes you kind of an (Belch) Under (Belch) underfoot figure. (Rick gives Morty a pair of shoes and Morty proceeds to put them on) Rick: Just take these shoes, Morty. They're (Belch) special grappling shoes. When you're wearing these things, these babies, you can basically just walk on any surface you want, Morty up, down, below, turn around to the left. These things really bring it all together. (Morty walks off the cliff and plummets to the ground, screaming and smashing into rocks) Morty: AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! Rick: You have to turn them on, Morty! The shoes have to be turned on! (During Beth's break, back at the hospital, Jerry and Beth are in Beth's office, arguing) Beth: I am not putting my father in a home! He just came back into my life, and you want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress like last month's Victoria's secret? Jerry: I told you I was ordering you something for Valentine's day. More importantly, your father is a horrible influence on our son. (Davin shows up at the door and starts hitting on Beth) Davin: Everything cool in here, Beth? Beth: It's fine, Davin. Davin: Okay, cool. You know, we did something great today. There's nothing more noble and free than the heart of a horse. (Jerry closes the door on Davin) Jerry: Since we're fighting, if you ever have an affair with that guy, I will come to the hotel room and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies. Beth: Look, I appreciate the stress you're under, but Morty was having trouble in school way before my dad moved in, and the only influence I can see Rick having is that, for the first time in his life, Morty has a friend. (The phone starts ringing) Jerry (Sad): (Sigh) Well, maybe you're right. Beth: Uh, yeah, maybe I am. I'm my father's daughter. I'm smart. Why do you think I'm a heart surgeon? Jerry: (Cough) Ahem, Horse heart surgeon. (Beth answers the phone and gets a call from Morty's principal, Gene Vagina) Principal Vagina: Hello? Mrs. Smith? This is principal Vagina, no relation. I wonder if you and Morty's father might be able to have a chat with me this afternoon? (Rick is standing by Morty, who is lying on the ground and his legs are broken) Rick: Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on (Offscreen) your legs right now. You know, you got to turn (Onscreen) the shoes on, Morty, for them to work. Yeah, look I turned mine on. I had no problem getting down here. It was a leisurely breeze. Morty: I'm in a lot of pain, Rick! Rick: Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my seeds, Morty? Morty (Angry): Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like Hitler, but but even Hitler cared about Germany or something. Rick: Okay, hold on just a second, Morty. (Rick opens another portal and leaves Morty behind, lying on the ground to suffer for a few seconds) Morty: Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh! (Rick finally returns and injects Morty's legs with medicine, healing them to perfection) Morty (Happy): Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you. Rick: Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy? Morty: Sure thing, Rick. (Morty goes up the tree and gets the Mega fruit while Rick talks to him) Rick: Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. (Offscreen) The stuff was all over the place, Morty. Morty: Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick. Rick: There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that (Belch) they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. (Belch) It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they they they they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left. Morty: What?! Rick: It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do? I-I have to be back at school right now. How are we gonna get back home? Rick: There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid. Morty: Uh-oh. Rick: When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole, Morty. Morty: In my butt? Rick: Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that. Rick: Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty Morty: Uuuh. Rick: And they'll fall right out of mine. I've done this too many times, Morty. I mean, you're young. Y-y-you've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable. You got to do it for grandpa, Morty. Y(Belch)-you've got to put these seeds inside your butt. Morty: In my butt? Rick: Come on, Morty. Please, Morty. You have to do it, Morty. Morty: Oh, man. (Beth and Jerry are at Morty's school, walking down the hallway with Principal Vagina) Principal Vagina: The fact is, your son, Morty, has attended this school for a total of seven hours over the last two months. Beth: What? Why didn't you notify us? Principal Vagina: I done been notifying you. Have you not been getting the messages I've been leaving with Morty's grandfather? Jerry: Boom! Told you! In your face! He is ruining our child! Wait, what am I celebrating? Principal Vagina: Yeah, see, I thought something was fishy there, because it's usually Morty's grandpa that's taking him out of school. (They stop to see Summer and some other students, crying at an obituary for Frank) Beth: Summer? Summer (Crying): What kind of God lets this happen? Principal Vagina: We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. (Chuckles) And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them. (Morty is exiting the bathroom at Intergalactic Customs, and passes by a bunch of aliens) Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Alien: So, I told him, "give me the blimfarx," you know? This this guy he doesn't understand interstellar currency. Alien: It's, like, I'm trying to eat a flimflam like, that's what we eat on Girvonesk. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. (Morty comes up to Rick, who is waiting in line to get through security) Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick: That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a-(Belch)-all kind of things with them. It's gonna be great, Morty. A-(Belch)-all kinds of science. (The aliens are going through security with a Gromflomite, letting them through) Gromflomite: Okay, next through. (Stops Morty) Except you. You go over there. Rick: Why does he have to go over there? Gromflomite: Random check. He's got to go through the new machine. Rick: What new (Belch) what new machine? Gromflomite: It's a new machine. It detects stuff all the way up your butt. Rick: Run, Morty! Run! (Rick grabs Morty and they run through security and dart for the exit) Morty: Aaaaaah! Gromfomite: Red alert! (A team of Gromflomites start chasing after Rick and Morty) Morty: Ohhhhh! (Rick pushes over a giant capsule, with an alien fetus over, smashing some gromflomites, to slow them down) Morty: Ohhhhhh! (Rick and Morty crash through a life support system for a trapped alien life form. The alien becomes freed, and starts running through the glarp zone and goes through the entire aging process from developing fetus to decomposing corpse, over the course of three seconds) Morty (Horrified): Aaaaah! Rick: Don't think about it! (Rick and Morty become cornered but Morty activates the grappling shoes and runs up the wall with Rick) Rick: Ooh! Oh, nice, Morty! The student becomes the teacher. (The Gromflomites reveal that they can fly and then Rick and Morty start running away) Morty: Whoooooo! (Rick and Morty run through the equipment on the ceiling, before they slip off to the ground) Alien: Aah! Aw, hell, no, dawg. You know me I'm just trying to- (Rick and Morty crash to the ground and the alien dies. They then run to the portal computer) Rick: I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, Morty. Cover me. (Rick tosses Morty a gun) Morty: Oh, man. I mean, you know, I-I don't want to shoot nobody. Rick: They're just robots, Morty! It's okay to shoot them! They're robots! (Morty shoots a Glenn, blowing his leg off, and making blood gush out as he drops down in pain) Glenn: Aaaaah! My leg is shot off! Other Gromflomite: Glenn's bleeding to death! Someone call his wife and children! Morty: They're not robots, Rick! Rick: It's a figure of speech, Morty. They're bureaucrats. I don't respect them. Just keep shooting, Morty. You have no idea what prison is like here! (Morty continues shooting up the Gromflomites and even kills some innocent bystanders while Rick hacks into the portal to take them back home) Morty: Holy crap! This is insane! (Rick opens the portal and takes Morty in with him) Rick: Come on, Morty! We got to get the hell out of here! (The portal opens up in the lunchroom at school and Rick and Morty land on the table where Jessica and her friends are eating) Jessica: Wow. Did you just come into the cafeteria through a portal? Morty (Nervous): Uh, yeah. Well, you know, my my Ferrari's in the shop. (Nervously Laughs) Just kidding. Jessica: You're Morty, right? Morty (Happy): Yeah. (Rick grabs Morty and takes him way) Rick: You can get his number later. Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. You got to get those seeds out of your ass. (Rick and Morty are stopped by Jerry, Beth, and Principal Vagina) Jerry (Angry): Oh, look, honey. It's our son with Albert Ein-douche. Beth (Confused): What? Jerry (Put off): I'm an angry father, not an improvisor. Rick: Oh, hi, Jerry. (Poorly acting) Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your your parents and I are very disappointed in in this behavior ... No? No takers? (Rick and Morty are back at home in the garage while Jerry and Beth start taking all his things and packing them up so he can move to the nursing home) Rick: You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your reasoning. Jerry (Angry): You're beyond our reasoning! Rick: Takes one to know one. Beth (Angry and Disappointed): Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's. Rick: What what are you guys doing with my stuff? Beth: We're moving you to a nursing home. Rick: A nursing home? What are what are you, nuts? I'm a genius. I build robots for fun. Jerry: Well, now you can build baskets and watch Paul Newman movies on VHS and mentally scar the boy scouts every Christmas. Beth (Confused): What does that mean? Jerry (Put off): It's personal. Morty: Dad, mom, come on. Rick just needed my help is all. Jerry: Morty, stay out of this. You are obviously not capable of judging these situations on your own. Rick: What are you trying to say about Morty? That he's stupid or something? Beth: Oh, don't high-road us, dad. You know fully well that Morty is the last child that needs to be missing classes. Rick: I-I-I don't know what you mean by that. Can can can you be a little bit more specific? Jerry: Oh, for crying out- he's got some kind of disability or something. Is that what you want us to say? Morty: I do? Jerry: Well, duh doy, son. Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast as the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world, you got to work twice as hard. Morty: Aw, geez, dad. Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once. Rick: Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi. Morty: Oh, come on, Rick. You know I can't. Rick: The square root of pi, Morty. Go! Morty: 1.77245385... Whoa! Beth: What the hell? Jerry: Holy crap. He's right. Rick: Morty, tell your parents the first law of Thermodynamics. Morty: "The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to the increment of heat supplied to the system." Wow! I'm so smart! Jerry: But- Rick: I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's a gifted child. He has a special mind. That's why he's my little helper. He's like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me. Beth: Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop. Jerry: No, I-I understand. Uh, maybe we overreacted. But he has to keep going to school. Rick: Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no? You you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us, from now on, it's gonna be clear communication. (Summer buts in, crying over the death of Frank) Summer (In Tears): Frank Palicky was frozen to death today! Rick: No idea what you're talking about. (Summer leaves, crying) Jerry: Okay. Well, uh, Morty, it's your bedtime in an hour. Don't stay up all night again. This is good, though. This can work. I think we can be a family and now, Beth, if you'll have me, I would love to have you. Beth: You know what? Okay. (Beth and Jerry leave) Morty: Holy cow, Rick. I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter. Rick: Full disclosure, Morty it's not. Temporary superintelligence is just a side effect of the mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity. Morty: Aw, man. Rick: Yeah, and once those seeds wear off, you're gonna lose most of your motor skills, and you're also gonna lose a significant amount of brain functionality for 72 hours, Morty. Starting right about now. Morty: Ohh, man. (Losing consciousness) Oh, geez! Ohh. (Morty drops to the ground and starts moaning as he has a seizure) Rick: I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer. In reality, you're as dumb as they come and I needed those seeds real bad, and I had to give them up just to get your parents off my back, so now we're gonna have to go get more (While Morty has a seizure, Rick excitedly looks down upon him, telling him about their future adventures) Rick (Excitedly): And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that, Morty and you're gonna keep your mouth shut about it, Morty, because the world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important, and they'll tear us apart, Morty but if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, Morty, and you're gonna be part of them, and together, we're gonna run around, Morty. We're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, Morty. Just you and me, Morty. The outside world is our enemy, Morty. We're the only friends we've got, Morty. It's just Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty and their adventures, Morty. Rick and Morty forever and forever. Morty's things. Me and Rick and Morty running around, and Rick and Morty time. All day long, forever. All a hundred days. Rick and Morty forever 100 times. Over and over, rickandmortyadventures.com. All 100 years. Every minute, rickandmorty.com. (The garage door closes and the episode ends) Site navigation
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