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#ok maybe hate is a strong word but I do dislike it mostly cause its kind of boring as hell to me
arolesbianism · 11 months
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Uh oh (is having Wormwood thoughts)
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buzzworddotie · 4 years
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A little (not quite) Anxiety Ramble
Do something! Do SOMETHING! Don’t stop doing something!
Welcome to 2020.
It won’t stop, my brain will not shut off. We’ve been in lockdown for… to be honest off the top of my head I can’t even get dates right but I’ve been in isolation mode, working from home for about 4 weeks now maybe?
On week 2, I became more lethargic than I ever have in my life, I withdrew from any contact with other people, my brain was in a fog, I couldn’t focus. My muscles were tired and refusing to function and my energy was entirely zapped.
I managed to pull myself out of that by attempting to not guilt myself for eating that bowl of carb loaded cereal or allowing myself to rationalise that it’s OK to just watch a movie.
But here I find myself in that cloudy little place again. My anxiety is in such a way that my brain refuses to shut down and my motivation is becoming a precious commodity that I’m unsure of how exactly to keep it in a steady flow.
When the anxiety kicks in like this for me, I stress and worry about every and any thing. Things entirely out of my control, other people, how I am perceived, why I am not now or have ever been good enough for anything or anyone. 
My rational brain packs its bags and heads for the door as I stare in the mirror and hate everything I see looking back. My doubts, my insecurities, my shame - every dark little voice that can be mustered up gets louder and louder.
And so I overthink every action I make, I try too hard to impress a version of myself on people. I try too hard to force anyone who might give a shit that I am in fact OK! And you know there’s nothing saner than someone screaming “I’M OK!!” directly into another person's face manically.
Sleeping is the worst, or in my case not sleeping. It doesn’t matter how tired I may or may not be, I can be assured that as soon as I lay my head down that anxiety demon comes alive.
I cannot remember the last time I slept for a solid 7 - 8 hours. I can recall what it feels like to be at complete odds and ends at 4am because it’s happening every goddamn night!
Is this a symptom of what is happening in the world right now or is it just an exemplification of how screwed up I might actually be? These are the beautiful thoughts which haunt my brain in between scrolling through Twitter or Reddit, telling myself to not scroll through Twitter or Reddit and then, you know, casually reminding myself that I will never be good enough for whatever the fuck I think I should be good enough for!
I’ve always been a bit of an introverted extrovert, or am I an extroverted introvert? I’m not sure, the point is I’ve never had a problem being a bit “isolated”. I’m quite happy in my own company and just pondering about, in my own little world doing whatever silly things I decide to do with myself. However, that world of mine was always interrupted with everyday interactions - people I work with, the ability to visit someone and general activities which we just take for granted.
I’m starting to even question if I am as introverted as I liked to think I was at all! I told myself that being locked down wasn’t a big deal for me, not a massive shift in my life. I’m single, I live alone… Just a real wholesome and healthy picture there! “I’m OK!!!”
First World Problems.
One thing about me I’ve known since childhood is that I love my independence. I was told by my parents growing up I was the most independent of all my siblings. There is a sense of freedom that comes with independence and I think losing that is throwing me for a bit of a loop.
The freedom and independence to just make a decision to do something in the moment and being able to just do it. Even the smallest, stupidest of things like going for a browse in a shop. Such a boring and mundane activity but an activity that clearly ticked some kind of box for my mind.
Of course, I am wary of banging on about this word “freedom” but allow me to state, I do not mean freedom with the gusto of some hardcore, right wing, gun toting Murican (Or the Irish lady, she whom shall not be named… We all know).
No, I’m not trying to suggest my first world concept of freedom is being threatened on some conspiracy level, I accept the merit in the fact that for a period of time we have to do what’s best for the greater good. But jaysus, it’s not easy at times is it?
Without the fundamental freedoms which I take for granted as everyday life it’s as if my brain is being withheld vital nutrients for it to operate full steam ahead. Don’t get me wrong, this anxiety trip isn’t a new phenomenon for me, I know the bitch well, but I had such a great grip on things and I think the hardest part for a minute there was trying to figure out how I was allowing it all to spiral so ferociously when I know I have the tools to not do that.
It also bothers me because I am, by nature, incredibly laid back and positive. I flip between Energizer Bunny, Everything is Awesome and easily passing for a hippie stoner on my good days. So seeing myself behave erratically at times now makes me not recognise or like the person I am having to live with during this lockdown! Her neediness and desire to please is very, very off putting to me.
But maybe I just need to let her be a little bit, maybe I just need to let her know that it is fine. It is fine if a momentary lapse in the mind causes a mini freak out which embodies itself as wanting to just shut down, it is fine if she does just go a bit OTT at times with people to overly compensate for how weak and low she is feeling. It’s fine.
It is fine. Once you recognise that that’s all it is, it does not lessen your worth to behave in a way you might later regret and it does not lessen your value if you allow your insecurities or vulnerabilities to sneak through every now and then. You just have to hope that whoever is lucky enough to get the brunt of your vulnerability can appreciate the value in getting a taste of it at all. Because that right there, that vulnerability, that is a precious thing which is not afforded to many, if any at all. 
It is the most beautiful aspect of humanity, to be vulnerable. And it is really fucking hard to let go of. Vulnerability takes an incredible amount of strength, it’s a feather that keeps on floating through regardless of how much dirt and debris gets attached to weigh it down. It is delicate and strong all at the same time. 
And for me, it is terrifying to let that wall down. It feels frightening to think for a moment I let someone see weakness or gave a hint that I, with all my positivity and strength and being there for other people, could have a moment of weakness. It cracks the veneer of who I want to pretend I am.
Meet my friend, Anxiety.
Anxiety has been an under current which has existed within me since my childhood but something I only recognised as I began to get older and, yes, get help. Speaking to a professional allowed me the opportunity to begin to understand myself and learn about myself, gain self awareness.
Where I am now compared to where I was back then are completely opposed. At its worst, I was consumed by my anxiety and all the other little niggly things which tortured my brain. It all manifested in self-hate usually, maybe hate is a strong word but certainly a really strong dislike of myself! I would allow that to spin in circles in my mind until I was lost in it and trying to fix a million and one things about myself and others which really, was all very surface or non-existent.
The difference today is that I can, at last, recognise it. I can see the signs, at times I am deep within them and it takes a step back to shake it off and see it but at least I can find it within myself to rationalise and take that step back.
It doesn’t make it easy, there is nothing easy about managing mental health in the same sense there is nothing easy about managing physical health. If I want that toned stomach I will have to feel the burn and it has to work the same for mental health too!
Jesus, it is not easy at times. I will always remember an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race in which the contestant Katya suffered severely from debilitating anxiety. During a walk through Ru asked the Queen if she was, in fact, addicted to the anxiety. This registered with Katya and as time has gone by and that interaction replays in my own mind, I realise it often registers for me too.
When it is all you know, you can easily become all consumed by the anxiety, the worry, the stress and you can get sucked right down into it. And you can find a level of comfort within that discomfort, it’s recognisable and it can feel easier to submit yourself to it than seek out the light and pull yourself back from it.
When I break it down I can see the various triggers for my anxiety:
Opening up and being vulnerable = Opening myself up for rejection.
Feeling like I cannot help = Opening myself up for failure.
Failure, rejection = Not good enough. 
Attempting to improve and increase my self worth is really something that I never understood was such an issue for me, mostly because the concept of “self worth” was never something that even showed up on my radar. But guess what? It’s a thing! 
Self love is not about having an over inflated and delirious ego, it is about recognising that you do have worth as a human being. Recognise yourself as a human being.
Oh god, she’s going to talk about her childhood...
So, why is it that I may not have always recognised myself as a human being, worthy of care and love? Well, I will refrain from the details that will cause my very being to quiver but I was raised in a home in which I received a lot of love, but it was unstable. Arguments, raised voices, depression and a lack of seeing love between my parents. A tumultuous family backstory which, while I was not in existence for much of it, carried a heavy cloud over all proceedings. I was in existence for difficult times with siblings and parents who butted heads constantly. 
I was a witness, I was shielded from being on the receiving end for the most part but I still stayed awake at night waiting for things to take a turn for the worse. I jumped at nothing and everything, like a scared little mouse. I was reserved and private with friends, I held the problems into myself and did not expose anyone to it. 
As well as this, I faced a level of mental, physical and, like so many other girls and women out there, sexual abuse. I won’t delve into all the details but it seems like some sick, twisted joke that once you are forced to be subjected to this as a child, you do not recognise the issue with it which leaves you vulnerable for it again as you mature into an adult and set off on your own.
This is because your self worth has been destroyed. So when you see ladies coming to the fore as part of #MeToo or another movement, or no movement at all, don’t be so quick to judge. These ladies have likely held their tongue because their self worth has been so low that until they became exposed to others discussing it they didn’t even realise what had happened to them.
I won’t dwell too long on that, I could spend a long time dissecting it but it isn’t for now.
I will note, neither of my parents were responsible for that abuse. However, what my beautiful, kind and lovely parents were responsible for was me and as much as it absolutely kills me to have to admit, there were failings. Aside from generally being exposed to an unhappy home, as a child I was used to bridge the gap. Something which ran into my adulthood.
If my father was angry, upset or, as I now reflect and realise, in a spiral of depression it was my responsibility to pick him out of it. From a young age, I was the fixer - a tool to try to make things better. 
Until I actually discussed this with a professional I never saw the problem here, everything was normalised to me, but apparently not great! It’s a lot of pressure to put on a child!
Add into that a complex / chip on my shoulder of never being as good as an older sibling, whom I perceived as the ‘golden child’, feeling like I had to keep things hurting me hidden for fear of disrupting an already disruptive home for which I felt responsible for keeping the peace or holding together and well, you get yourself a nice little stew that is a recipe for absolute fucked up adulthood!
Honest Reflection.
How could I ever expect to grow into a well developed individual? The balance of genuine love I did receive from my parents is what I believe kept me from falling down an even more desperate track, a track which I pondered along on many occasions. A dark road with flickering lights where the allure of escape was often far too real.
However, my internal commentary of having to be responsible for others actually kept me from ending it on many occasions as I could not release the feeling of not wanting to let anyone down.
Jesus, unpack this shit and it’s an absolute shit show! But I don’t claim to be special or unique, the sad reality is how many people went through a similar journey or worse and are now in their early to mid adulthood and attempting to get to grips with it all. And that’s only if they managed to find the tools and resources to recognise it in the first place.
Recognise that 1. You are not mental and 2. You are not a terrible human being. 
I can’t speak to anyone else but clearly I have lacked the tools to manage or cope with my emotions. Anything outside of my control freaks me out and I lose the absolute run of myself! I panic, I seek out approval and validation and often in unhealthy ways. I have had eating disorders which I have been in denial about, I have drank too much, gone off the rails and slept with far too many people! 
What now? What triggered my writing, which has evidently turned into an unintentional essay about myself (fair play if you’ve made it this far, you’re a better person than me).
I recognised irrational behaviour and a deep dip in my mood as well as an increase of self critical behaviours. That was when I began writing, this is now the future, or present, or wait, is this inception? I’ve incepted myself, just know as you read now a couple of days have passed.
And it took those couple of days for the lightbulb to click on but better late than never! 
Let there be Light!
I began writing this aimlessly as a means to just put my thoughts down and that was a step in the direction of realising I had to do something. I am now slowly picking myself back up from it all.
First step, I went to the chemist and I just asked what can you give me for anxiety, I am not sleeping, I have not had a proper night sleep in close to two weeks or more - I asked for…… Help!
Gulp, scary, try it sometime.
The Pharmacist gave me a product called “Avena Sativa” (check it out). I added 20-30 drops to a little bit of water and it immediately relaxed and eased my mind. I took more before bed and baby, when I say I slept! Pure, deep, joyful sleep - all the z’s.
But wait, there’s more! Thinking I might as well hit this from all angles, I also grabbed some Vitamin D supplements and began retaking my B-12. I don’t know if one or all of these things did the trick but I can certainly feel the easing effects.
So that’s the taking stuff, but that isn’t all I did - Oh no, that would be too short for me!
I knew I really needed to hit this hard if I wanted to pull myself out of the hole I could eventually be down deep within. I’m a fan of meditation, I get that some skeptical people might huff it off as new age hippie nonsense or whatever, but it can work. Youtube has a host of wonderful meditation videos and for me, switching off from the world and onto one of those helps me massively. 
Additionally, I stopped hanging out of my phone, for the best part at least. I have a bit of anxiety with my phone (of course I do). I went through a period of time where my phone was a bearer of bad news, any phone call could have been bad news and eventually, it was. I realised I find it hard to let go of that, the idea that if I do not have my phone on me and with sound on 24/7 I risk not getting an important piece of news, I risk letting someone down or not being there as I should be.
Should = dangerous word. Don’t let ‘should’ govern your life or mind. Every ‘should’ is an expectation and additional level of stress you are putting on yourself. Best advice I received was to replace ‘I should’ with ‘I want to’ and see what the end result becomes.
Let’s wrap this up.
All in all, this is a time that can lead those susceptible to anxiety, and even those who are not typically, to find themselves in the mental trenches. It’s imperative to look at yourself from the outside and attempt to recognise what might be the deep rooted cause of what is effing you up. Do you really hate your body right now or is your self worth a bit low because of some other reason that deserves to be addressed?
Maybe consider going a bit easy on yourself? Don’t beat yourself up over that response or message that you regret. Don’t assume you can control others, just be yourself. Speak your truth at any given time and allow yourself that beautiful release of scary, scary vulnerability. 
Don’t run from it or beat yourself up over every and any little interaction or negative thought, give yourself a break and pull yourself out of the addiction of dark thoughts. Seek out help, ask for help - even if you are just asking yourself. Make healthy choices that will have a knock on effect of making you feel good about yourself or happy in your decision.
It is far from easy, but again, nothing worth having in this life is ever easy. But then the end result, when you push through and put in that effort - it is so, so very worth it to be able to have that moment of that day when you actually don’t doubt yourself or hate yourself.
I will keep motoring along with my own work and efforts and I ask that you do the same, if you find yourself in that dark place. Push through and don’t give up on yourself, you’re all you’ve got and that’s a pretty amazing thing to have.
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Blank Faces
Mark lee has a lot on his hands, since he’s the city’s super hero. But he also has to face being a teenager, which is also a lot to handle. But With you there, he could get through anything. Even his feelings for you.
Genre: fluffy floof,action,angst, teen drama, spider man AU
Mark lee x female reader
words-23950+
Warnings!- blood, violence, cursing, kissing and hickeys lol
A/N I kinda wanted to make the villain somewhat like the main villain in into the spider verse like SUPER STRONG . I also wanted to make the reader badass so expect that. 
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He swings his way through the tall buildings of the forever lively city after a long night of watching over the place he calls home. The boy finally makes a stop on top of a small business, landing firmly on his feet at the edge of the building with his sore muscles and aching feet getting the best of him. He pulls off his mask with a long groan, and begins stretching his arms and legs with expected cracks and pops surrounding the quiet atmosphere. With a slump, he steps down from the edge and faces upon the thing he stopped for in the first place: a black backpack decorated with a series of cat doodles on it.
Swinging one of the straps lazily on his shoulder, the boy makes his way back to the edge of the building, where he sits watching taxi cabs and pedestrians. His fingers ruffle through his hair, fixing the flatness caused by the mask and taking the time to wipe the sweat from his face. 
“Sssst my feet are killing me!” He complains and grips his ankle, squeezing his aching foot inside his shoes. Though making it easy to sneak around with little to no sound at all, the spider shoes provided no comfort to his poor feet. 
“God if I knew he would run that far, I would have knocked him out on the spot.”
“Should have known better, Markie” Mark flinches as the sudden voice coming from the speaker in his ear.
“I don’t need your side comments DongHyuck, I asked you to be my partner in crime, not my mother.” Haechan scoffs in an offended manner. 
Mark pinched the bridge of his nose, he knew it was much too late for this. “And don’t call me Markie.” 
“Please! Without me you’d be nothing but a bug on the wall just waiting to be squished!” Haechan argues, which only resulted in an eye roll from the young hero as he slips his mask back on. “I can tell you just eye rolled at me!” 
“Well maybe if you stopped nagging then you wouldn’t get the eye roll.” Mark stretches his sore muscles one last time and gets ready to take off again. Standing from where he sat on the edge and putting the bag on his back fully, he looks down from the building.
“Man if ___ was here you wouldn’t be so mean to me.”
Mark just chuckles at the appearance of your name. Your face already making its way into the young man's mind,
“Ya, she’d beat the both of us for fighting…” his mind wanders for a bit before something comes up. “Oh! Which reminds me, I have a movie night with her at 8:30. So I guess I’ll just head over right now. I’m supposed to meet her at the theatre.” Mark backs up to get a running start, but just as he begins to run, Haechan cuts in.
“Ugh Mark… it’s 9:50.” Haechan says hesitantly. Mark launches himself off the building right as that sentence ended. Those words hitting mark like a ton of bricks. 
“Wait...WHAT?!” Almost losing balance Mark steadies himself and shoots his webbing to the nearest building. Swinging as swiftly as he could, he made his way through the air. “She’s going to kill me! I’m so dead, Donghyuk please make sure my funeral is a beautiful one. “ Mark pleads. The boy on the other line just lets out a nervous laugh in return.
Which didn’t make Mark feel any better at all.
Sure you were a small teenage girl, but damn you are a force to be reckoned with. Being raised with and eventually by your older brother.
Due to your parents having to leave the city for a business offer they couldn’t refuse, you picked up a boyish personality. You never like to wear dresses or anything considered girly whatsoever. Usually jeans with a T-shirt and a cap thrown on top. Not that your brothers friends being over 24/7 helped because you acted like one of the boys. You would sit on the couch and play video games for hours with them: and kick their butts too. Not to mention the roughhousing and lessons from your brother that caused you to be an expert fighter, which means Mark got the short end of the stick. You punched hard to say the least. But just because it was mostly playful hits on the shoulder and not true rage, it didn’t mean to say it didn't hurt, but you were mostly harmless. Pro Tip: no one should get you angry.
Mark on the other hand, you’ve known him since he was in first grade. Since he wasn’t always the most popular, he got picked on for being what the kids called “a nerd”, and his cute nice attitude didn’t help with defending himself. 
Once on the playground, Mark and Donghyuk, who at the time was in kindergarten, were playing with Pokémon cards by the slide. Everything was fine until a group of mean bratty third graders decided to throw their cards down the slide and into the dusty wood chips. Then the group started to push the two around for no reason besides the fact that kids were terrible.
You, who was drawing a ladybug in the grass, saw it happening. You were usually never one to dislike anything, but there was one thing you hated, and that was bullies. Throwing your notebook and crayons down onto the grass, you marched over to the scene, a small girl who rocked her brothers giant t-shirt. Taking each of the kids in order, you picked on the boys by the back of the shirts and kicked them down the slide one by one. You, a kindergartener, single handedly kicked a group of 3rd graders off the playground. A smile of victory made its’ way on your small chubby cheeks that day. Turning around to see the two boys wide eyed and sitting closely together, you sat down across from them offering your tiny hand.
“I’m __ can I play with you?” You said with sweetest smile on your face. 
Ever since that day, you three became best friends and never left each other’s sides. Growing up together like siblings, until… 
Mark started to see you more than just a friend. 
From kindergarten to high school, you’ve grown so much, but you’re still the sweet girl who hates the existence of bullies and will attack if provoked. Mark couldn’t get enough of you, wanting to spend as much time with you as possible. But after the whole spider accident and being busy with saving the city and everything, it only became so much harder.
Often, you would ask to go see some art show but would always be let down by Mark saying he was busy that day or he would just not show up at all. It broke Mark’s heart to know that you were left alone. He has no choice, it is his responsibility and he shouldn’t be bothered by a missed occasion like a movie. 
But he is. It bothers him like no tomorrow.
Mark made it the the theatre in record time, looking down from the building searching for any sign of you. He tried spotting you through the crowd of people leaving and entering the theatre.
“You see her anywhere?” Haechan through the speaker asks. When met by silence, he continues, “Maybe she already walked home?”.
Mark only face palms and leaps back into the air once again.
“Ughhhh walking home alone? She knows better than to walk alone. Does she know what kind of people walk these streets?!” Mark nags as he sways through the massive skyscrapers of the brightly lit city. 
“You would know best what kind of people walk these streets, Mark.” Haechan says but Mark just ignores the younger boy and searches on the floor for any sign of you. But seeing the streets as nothing but normal, he assumes you got home safely. 
Now seeing your apartment building in sight, Mark lands on a building close by. Noticing that the light in your room was on, his shoulders relax. 
“Ugh! What am I supposed to say to her this time? I’ve already used every excuse in the book.” The boy sits at the ledge of the building, staring at the complex that holds his doom.
“How about you saying you had bad diarrhea?” Haechan suggests, but Mark’s face scrunches in disgust.
“That’s gross. Plus she’ll never believe that, we’ve already used that one before…” There was a pause and it was clear nothing could save him his time. Only luck could keep him alive.
“Well it’s not like you can tell her that you’re the city’s super hero and you fight crime with the risk of being stabbed and dying every single day.” Mark just huffs and falls back, rubbing his face through the mask.
“I wish I could.” 
Not being able to tell you, his best friend, that he was Spider-Man was the most difficult thing he’s ever done. Not only the hardest thing, but the biggest stressor on your relationship. So instead of telling you the biggest secret, he just totally skips out on you. Not that he wants to of course, nothing makes his heart hurt more than that one sentence. 
“___ I’m so sorry I had this thing I had to do! I’m sorry I couldn’t make it today, but you gotta understand…”
“It’s ok, I’m fine Mark. Just try not to skip out on me again, alright?”
But he does. Over and over again.
Climbing onto the building, Mark strips after reaching the floor. Pulling his normal clothes from the backpack he prepared and folding his suit gently, he places it in the bag. After checking if he was presentable, he books it to your floor. 
“Ok Romeo, how are you gonna handle this one?” Haechan asks.
Mark wasn’t really sure himself. If anything, he was just terrified.
“I guess I’ll wing it.”
After a five minute run, he makes it to the front of the building. Taking a deep breath before pressing the button of the building’s buzzer. 
A loud buzz emits and he waits. Moments later…
“Hello?” A deep voice is heard from the speaker. Holding down the button to answer.
“Um hey. It’s mark…” Silence was only present for a while. 
“Oooh you’re in trouble.” The voice pops out of nowhere. Giggles are heard in the background, meaning that your brothers friends were there.
“Aye who is it?” A deeper voice asks.
“It’s mark.” 
“Ok move… get out of the way Taeil… hello?” The voice asks. Mark already knew who it was, having heard that voice since childhood.
It was your brother. Your tall, scary, protective older brother, Johnny, though honestly, you were scarier in his eyes. You made Johnny look like an angel even when he’s angry. Don’t get him wrong, you were nothing but the sweetest to Mark, but when you got angry… that's a whole other story. Luckily, he never got you to that point. 
“Ah ya hey! It’s Mark…” 
“Ooh boy are you in for it. Come on up.” He allows entry easily. Mark, trying to take his time making it up to your floor, was terrified. Climbing up a flight of stairs that lead to your apartment, he it makes to the door. Through the small space under the wood, yelling and laughter could be heard, but mostly just yelling. After knocking on the door, Mark stood there awkwardly as shuffling sounds were heard from inside the apartment.
When the door opened, a tall figure stood in front of the much shorter boy. Johnny nodded and moved away from the door and went to sit back with his friends. Mark took it as his signal to come, and he set his backpack by the door. Johnny pointed his thumb towards the direction of your room, not making eye contact. Mark nodded as he made his way down the hall and towards your room, but not before he heard laughing and teasing from the group of grown boys. 
Your brothers friends were always over, almost like they're your brothers as well. The group of friends consisted of six boys. Johnny himself , Taeyong, Taeil, Doyoung, Yuta, and a guy named Sicheng but only likes to be called WinWin. 
“I swear they’re like a bunch of teenage girls.” Mark whispers as he makes it to your door at the end of the hall. Mark took no time to knock, and he waited patiently for an answer.
“I already told you Yuta! I’m not letting you borrow my scissors, not after what happened last time!” An annoyed yell emits from behind the door and a laugh comes from Marks mouth as he knocks again.
“It’s not Yuta.” It was quiet for a second, but he knows you are able to tell it is him. You know his voice like the back of your hand, but in situations like this, it wasn’t a good thing. 
“Come innnn.” It was said in a sickly sweet voice. 
Mark gulps and slowly turns the knob. The door opens just wide enough for him to pop his head through.  But as soon as he does, and object goes flying towards his face. Luckily because his senses are way beyond the average human, he was able to dodge it. The object lodges itself into the wall beside where is head was. 
A foam bullet stuck to the wall beside his head. His eyes look toward You as you cock the nerf gun, still aiming it towards the boy. Mark swings the door open looking where the object is sticking from the wall. His eyes as wide as saucers. 
“Jesus Christ! For a second I thought it would be those pair of scissors you were talking about...” Mark says grasping his heart. You, who is giving him the deadliest glare, turns back around in your chair and goes back to doing what you were doing like nothing happened. With the nerf gun in your lap of course. Mark just sighs and pulls the foam bullet from the wall and walks towards you and places the weapon back on your desk. 
“___ …” 
“Mark if you want to keep all of your fingers, you better have a good excuse to why you blew me off… again.” The last word was said with a not so surprising annoyance. Mark looks down onto your desk to see that you were drawing, quite harshly. The lead was pressed down onto the paper with such force that it broke before it could get a decent line down. 
“I was… I was with Donghyuk. We were playing Smash Bros and I lost track of time. You could even ask him.” He makes up the excuse from the top of his head. Hopefully it was enough to fool you, but instead a loud snap bounced off the walls of the bedroom. You snapped your pencil in half, one handed. The room was pin drop quiet.
“___?” Mark asks.
“I’m going to kill you…” Mark’s stomach drops, he knew it wouldn’t have gotten by you. You’re one of the smartest people he knows.
“You guys left me out?! I would have burnt you guys to the ground!” You argue.
Maybe not.
“But noooooo! You had me wait at the movies for an hour! Only to have me wait and order popcorn, that wasn’t even good! It was cold! Not to mention I dropped it on the way here!” You stood up from your desk and slowly take steps towards mark. 
“You dropped me just like that popcorn Mark Lee!” You push your pointer finger into his chest. “The rats on the streets enjoyed that popcorn more than me!” You say in a fake hurt voice. 
You were face to face with the boy. Backed up to were the backs of his knees hit the bed. 
“Now you have to make it up to me.” You say with a wicked smile on your face. Mark feels his stomach drop, what could you possibly have in mind? It didn’t help that you two being by the bed made his mind race to other things. But mark slapped himself mentally not wanting to think such perverted thoughts. Especially in this situation.
“W-what is it?” 
“You gotta have a movie night with me…” you whisper. Most of the Weight and anxiety flows off of Mark’s shoulders but he knows there is some kind of catch. No way you would forgive him that easily. “And you know what we’re gonna watch?” You ask.
“Oh god please no.” Mark already knows what’s coming. The worst punishment, in his opinion. 
“I’ll go get my Bob Ross CDs!” Mark just groans and plops down onto your mattress. Spreading his arms out and kicking his feet. 
To you, Bob Ross was some kind of God, but to him, it was hours of boring painting. When he first watched it with you all those years ago when you first invited him over, you watched it. I was the most boring thing a six year old boy could watch. 
Since you loved it, he would bare through it. Seeing that it interests you. He just loves the expressions on your face when you watch the show. Your joyful expressions were the only way he could get through the constant talk of happy trees and free clouds.
 Maybe it’s also because he loves everything you do. When you talk, draw, laugh, and just live life to the fullest. And when you smile, it’s the best thing in his eyes. Though you think your smile ain’t the best, he loves it more than anything. Seeing you happy gives him so much joy. Even if he has to watch something he hates to get that smile he loves so much.
You run to your drawer and pull out your collection of Bob Ross CDs that your parents gave you one Christmas. After you put it into the DVD player you ask Mark to go get snacks from the kitchen. He agrees with no problem and walks into the kitchen. 
As he reaches into the cabinet he senses something reaching towards him. Almost without thinking he turns quickly and grabs a wrist. Almost bending it into a painful positions but his senses quickly stop him. The person attached to the wrist flinches back. 
“Damn I can’t ever scare you anymore. You have cat senses ,I swear...But if you can let go that’ll be great because you got a crazy grip dude.” Johnny pointing to his wrist says. Mark let’s go immediately and mumbles a quick apology.
 “So you managed to survive the wrath of my sister?” Johnny asks rubbing his wrist. 
“Ya, I got off easy, again. But she did try to shoot me. But with those cat like reflexes I dodged it.” Mark chuckles and grabs chips from the pantry. 
“I guess you did get off easy.” Johnny pats Mark’s shoulder with a laugh. 
Soon a sound of dragging feet catch their attention. Yuta walks into the kitchen to refill his glass of water. As he turns the faucet on and he cringes instantly. Clutching his head as he filled his glass.
“God, I swear your sink is the loudest sink in the city.” Yuta complains and downs his whole glass of water like nothing. 
“Or maybe you’re an idiot who drinks like an alcoholic, and on a Monday might I add.” Johnny adds in and Yuta winks in response. His gaze lands on the younger boy and he swings his arm around his shoulders. Setting his empty glass on the table.
“Aye you only live once, right mark?” Mark just gives a small nod and johnny just rolls his eyes. “Which is why you gotta take chances, aye Mark?” Yuta asks.
“What do you mean.” Mark asks. Yuta slings his arm off mark and leans against the counter. 
“I’m talking about how you haven’t made a move on ___ yet!” Yuta says a little too loudly. Mark shushes him and looks around to see any sign of you near.
“Are trying to let her hear?!” Mark whispers harshly and the two older males just laugh. “You know I can’t do it… what if she doesn’t like me back. Like she only sees me as a friend?” The thought just makes Mark cringe. He would hate to be put in that situation. Not to mention is would kill his young fragile self esteem.
“I mean you never know. She could be head over heels in love with you. But that’s kind of hard to say because she’s my little sister and all…” Johnny says unsure but Yuta pats his shoulder.
“Big brother Johnny has a point! There are countless ways to find out.” Mark’s interest is peaked. 
“Really like what?” He asks.
“Say you know Spider-Man! She loves that guy.” Yuta comments and Johnny pushes the other male. Mark all of a sudden gets nervous and just lets out a small chuckle.
But, Since when have you liked Spider-Man? 
“ What? that’s all she talks about when we watch the news. Like she’s obsessed with the guy. I don't know why though.For all she knows he could be an ugly Middle Aged  balding man!” Yuta says, Mark would take offense but doesn’t blame, I mean it’s hard to imagine what someone who wears a mask all the time looks like. 
“I think he would have to think realistically, there’s no way she would believe that, yuta.” Johnny says and walks out the kitchen not wanting to hear Yuta give his usual dumb suggestions. 
“Aye women love a man who knows people!” Yuta yells towards Johnny. “ but I guess he’s right. A nerdy kid like you wouldn’t know Spider-Man.” Ok that one Mark takes offense to.
 “ so just try the regular way, make her jealous!” Yuta suggests.
“Jealous?”
“Yes! Women love a challenge...Or you can just ask her out. Ya know, just go for it..”
“Um I don’t think that’s a good idea…” Mark says unsurely. Yuta grips Mark’s shoulders and looks him in the eyes.
“Mark, my little little Naïve Mark. You just gotta seize the moment!”  
“What moment are we seizing?” You say as you enter the kitchen. Your arms crossed and a blank expression present on your face.
Nothing to get your pretty little head worried about.” Yuta reassures.
 “Whatever. Come on I got Bob ready. He’s painting mountains!” You say excitedly and walk back to the room.
“When does he not paint mountains?” Mark mumbled under his breath and says a quick goodbye to Yuta and trails behind you. 
When he enters the room he sees you cuddled into your blankets already. And a space next to you big enough to fit another person. You stick your hand out to pat the space next to you, signaling Mark to Join.
Mark places the snacks between you two and he lays beside you. You both sit on the bed and you press the play button. The soothing voice of Bob Ross is the only thing heard in your bedroom. Which of course didn’t bring mark relaxation, only boredom.
When your full attention is in theTV, mark tries to scoot closer. His hand only an inch away from yours but just as your hands are about to touch you reach into the chip bag and shoved a handful into your mouth. Mark raises a brow at your actions. Clearly,when your watch your show, nothing else matters around you. 
After about an hour and a half you start start to grow drowsy. It was late, around 11:30. You could hardly keep your eyes open at this point. Your Body falling over slightly, Mark notices right away and moves much closer, closing the gap between you and having your head land on his shoulder. This was nothing new. You would always lay your head on his shoulder. 
It was nothing but something friends would do,right?
Not that mark didn’t like it, he might love it a little too much. He pushes the hair from your face and looks at your relaxed features. 
Mark reached for the remote to turn off the tv but then you speak. “Mark I’m… sorry.” You say just above a whisper. “For shooting at you.” You add. He looks down at you, your eyes were closed, so you were clearly half asleep. 
“I deserved it. You did nothing wrong… I’m the one who should be sorry. I skipped out on you again. I’m the real jerk here.” Mark lays his hard on top of yours.
“Just try not to forget about me.” You almost whimper. His heart was almost torn in half. He always  hates doing this to you, more than anything. “That’s all that matters…” you finish as light snores come from your lips.
“I’ll… I’ll try.” He says. He of course knows you couldn’t hear when you’re asleep . “You mean so much to me, that’s why I have to keep you safe...” You wouldn’t know what he said later. It was almost like his words were empty. He knew there was no way to promise that he’ll not be busy or safe. This is a big responsibility, he’s a superhero that fights the nastiest and most cold hearted villains for a living. 
And yet, he’s so easily defeated by a girl. 
The door squeaks open to reveal johnny. Mark pushes a finger to his lips, johnny just nods. Johnny just nudges his head signaling him to come into the hallway. Mark agrees and gently take you in his arms and places you down onto the bed . Bringing the blanket over your body and takes the chips and other snacks, placing them on your nightstand. He turns off the TV and goes to Johnny who awaits in the hallway. After coming out of the room he finds that Yuta and Johnny are waiting.
As soon as Mark closes the door, he shoves his fingers in his hair and slides down the door.
“I’m guessing you feel bad?” Johnny says. Mark only gives a nod and stands back up. “Aight kid I think you should head home, you need a ride? There are some crazy people out and about at night.” Johnny asks. “Nah I’ll be fine. I only live five minutes away.” With that, Mark gives a goodbye to Johnny as he walks out the door. 
On the walk home nothing other than the thought of him lying to you goes through his head. One day, just maybe… he’d be able to tell you.
-
The next morning went like any other day. An alarm suddenly rings and with a result of Mark shooting up from his slumber. He shuts it off and proceeds to get ready for school. After taking a shower and getting ready, Mark says bye to his aunt and heads to go meet you and Haechan at the usual  meeting area, so you could walk to school together.
After walking for a bit and trying to wake himself up ,he can see you and Haechan chatting. A sudden burst of laughter comes from the both of you. Mark could feel the ends of his mouth rise. Oh, how mark could listen to you laugh all day. Soon, The both of you take notice of each other. Mark gives you a slight wave and jogs over to you. 
“ morning, Mark.” Haechan greets, though it holds a slight worried tone. Mark notices right away but you on the other hand seemed happier than usual. 
“Morning Donghyuk and you too __”
“Mark I’m glad you showed up today because I have something really cool to tell you.” The excitement overload shows. Mark looks at Haechan with an unsure look. “But I’m gonna have to tell you later when I know for sure.” She informs the two boys. Mark just raises a brow and just decides to forget about, thinking it wasn’t really anything.
 You guys make it to school faster than usual due to your fast pace walking and bouncing. Now it was starting to peek Mark’s interest seeing you this excited by something. He hadn’t seen you this excited since he took you to the art museum for the first time.
Waking into the halls of the school you disperse into your different ways. You have class on the opposite side of school while Haechan and Mark have a class in the same hall. Since Haechan and Mark we’re both way beyond their grade levels in academics, they had most of their classes together. 
“So what's got __ all excited.” Mark’s asks. But all he received was a nervous look from the younger boy.
“I’m sure it was just that she woke up in a good mood today.” Haechan reassures and makes his way to his desk.
Mark decided to not think much of it at that moment, but the moment Haechan left his side, it was on his mind. 
What wouldn’t he tell him? 
Why would he give him that kind of nervous look if I wasn’t something bad? Mark mindlessly scribbles on his chemistry paper. Not paying attention to the lecture didn’t really hurt him. This stuff was too easy for him anyway. 
How else could he make his spidey equipment without knowing the ins and outs of chemistry and science?
A few hours pass and then it was time for lunch. Mark quickly makes his way to the cafeteria and sees Haechan eating a sandwich, while working on a small device.
Sitting down next to him Mark takes out his bagged lunch that his aunt prepared for him. His eyes wander and take a peek at the work of Haechan fingers, and his curiosity gets the best of him.
“What are you doing?” Mark asks and takes a bite of his ham sandwich. 
“A new spidey tech attachment. I noticed that your strength outmatches the strength of you webbing, so I wanted to make something that could make it stronger. I know it was strong before but with this, you can swing with an elephant like nothing.” Mark was very much impressed. Haechan was usually the one to help make advancements to his gear. Thanks to Haechan his equipment was better than anything he could do on his own.
Haechan decided to go back to his work in peace while Mark sat in quietness. Which brought Mark back his worry in the first place. 
You.
“Hey I wanted to ask you something.” Mark directs at the working boy. But he seemed to be too caught up in his work to notice or care. Mark was about to ask again when a female figure caught his eye.
You were across the cafeteria. Waiting patiently by the doors of the building. Fumbling with the edge of your shirt nervously. 
Elbowing Haechan next to him Mark grabs his attention. 
“What?” He asks looking a bit annoyed.
“What’s __ doing?” Mark turns Haechan’s head to your direction. Haechan raises a brow turns back around going back to work. 
“Beats me. Maybe she’s waiting for someone?” He says. 
Waiting for who Mark thought. They were already both at the table and you didn’t talk to anyone else but them. 
But the worst did come. Well the worst In Mark’s mind.
A boy. A boy indeed makes his way up to you, to which you greet happily. He flashes a smile to you and offers to take your backpack. Mark smacks his friends shoulder. An annoyed grumble directs it’s way towards Mark.
“DongHyuk look.” Mark harshly whispers, slapping his shoulder again. 
“What?!” Haechan turns his head once again but immediately his eyes fall on you. 
“Oh boy.” Is all he could say. Glancing at the older boys direction, he could almost see the green in his eyes. It was true, jealousy bubbles in mark’s belly. His jaw clamped shut with a great force. 
“Hey chill maybe he’s just telling her that her shoe is untied.” Hyuk tried to reassure.
“She wearing her laceless vans today.” Mark with the vision of a hawk could see a mile away. Haechan was surprised by his quick and weird reaction.
After a good minute of the both of you talking, you follow him out of the cafeteria. His hand on your back guiding you out of the crowded room. 
How dare he touch you? Mark’s mind is racing with a million thoughts all at once.
“Mark chill, they’re probably just friends-“
“But we’re her friends DongHyuk!” Mark slams his fist on the table grabbing the attention of a few students next them. Mark lets out a sorry and sits down with his head in his hands. Haechan pats his back gently. Haechan badly wanted to say something but his promise to you rang in his head. 
“I wouldn’t worry about. Why would she have a boyfriend and not tell us? Isn’t it unlike us to jump to conclusions?” He was right. Mark knew they Weren’t ones to jump the gun right away. 
“Then why is she with him?” 
“I don’t know Mark, just calm down.” With that said Haechan takes his milk out of his lunch box and sets it on the table. 
“Why would she keep a secret? Aren’t I her best friend?” Mark’s asks, Haechan gave him a skeptical look before digging into his bag to find a straw.
“You get mad at her for keeping a secret? Look who’s talking buddy. You have no room to talk.” Haechan says annoyed. 
Mark knew his friend was right. He thought How dare he get angry at you when he was keeping the biggest secret of them all. That’s all Mark was now, secrets. 
But why was he feeling this way?
Disgust. Anger. Jealousy. Is all that he felt at once. 
Without noticing mark’s hand was around haechan’s milk carton, his fingers clamping down on the cardboard. But without noticing his strength the top rips open. And a volcano of milk splashes all over Haechan’s face. The younger boy inhaled deeply as he wipes the milk from his face. Mark was at his feet to get napkins in a hurry before his friend could get his hands around his neck. 
Grabbing the napkins he stops to look at those doors that you walked through earlier. But then rushes back towards the soaking boy.
-
The rest of the day mark didn’t see you. 
He would usually see you around in the halls. Where you would talk for a few minutes before getting to class. But you were nowhere to be seen.
And It kinda worried him. 
Leaving school he suited up and made his way through the city like Every day. Haechan making it home soon after to get on voice call with him.
“Any police calls?” Mark asks jumping of the building falling half way until he decides to shoot his web towards a building opposite of him.
“Nope just a few calls about barking dogs and loud neighbors. Nothing juicy yet.” Haechan can be heard adjusting in his desk, papers shuffling around.
“Did you finish your micro biology homework yet?” The younger boy asks. Mark just rolls his eyes, landing and sticking on the side of a building. Not taking his eye off the people down below.
“Now is not the time to ask that hyuk, besides I have a lot going through my mind.” A groan leaves the voice on the other side of the speaker.
“Are you really still worked up about that? I told you it’s nothing to worry about.” Mark just huffs and proceeds to patrol the neighborhood. 
“No! I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” Mark explains. But DongHyuk could see through any lies that his best friend tells. But he decided to ignore it for now. 
“Well snap out of it. You’re working.”
-
It was calm out tonight. 
Today was a bunch of small things like walking a lady down the street and getting a few cats out of trees. So nothing too stressful for Mark. Swinging through the buildings of the city, Mark takes a minute to just look around. Haechan’s light snores could be heard but mark just let him sleep while he just listened to the police radio. 
Mark decided to take a break. Landing gracefully on top of a building. Taking off his mask to wipe the sweat off his damp forehead before he sits on the edge of the building taking in the scenery. 
The city was quite the place to live. There was never a dull moment. He was always on his toes…Kinda how he felt when he thought of you. 
Of course the city couldn’t never be as bright and beautiful as you in mark’s eyes. 
You’re his star. No his universe.
A slight chatting wakes mark from his thoughts. Looking down he sees you, the person who was just in his thoughts. Pulling his mask back down he crawls down the edge of the building. 
You’re on the phone. Talking to someone excitedly. 
Mark takes a moment to admire you. You looked beautiful tonight. You’re hair was done and you wore a casual but fancy outfit. 
What were you waiting for?
Mark found out his answer too soon. Because the same boy from earlier in the day rounded the corner. Mark’s fingers scraped against the brick at the sight of him. 
“Hyuk look at this.” Mark whispers. He hears Haechan snort and groan as he wakes up from his power nap.
“What?”
“Look it’s __” Haechan looks through the camera and indeed sees their friend, but also to his surprise, with the male from earlier. 
“Wowie.” 
“Is that really all you can say?” Mark’s bites. 
“Listen I’m not the one desperately in love with her, ok? It’s your fault that you didn’t have the guts to tell her how you felt anyway. Now look, she’s has a new man-“
“Hyuk!” Mark warns. 
Soon you start to walk with the boy into a nearby building. Which happens to be an art museum. 
“A museum… That's where I used to take her.” Mark’s voice sounded sad but Haechan could only huff.
“Mark you’re on duty. You can’t  worry about this-“
“Backup! We are in need of backup! An armed robbery with hostages at a bank. Backup is needed right way!” The police radio couldn’t be at a worse time. 
“You have to be kidding me!” Mark complains. “The one time-“
“Mark just leave her and hurry up!” Hyuk scolds. But like it was the hardest thing to do, Mark latches off the side of the building and into action.
Leaving you.
Mark made it in record timing. His swift swinging through the buildings made his pursuit to the bank easy. Landing on the nearest building he looked down to see the semi circle of police vehicles surrounding the bank. Other pedestrians around hoping and waiting for something to happen.
“Got anything Hyuk?” 
“I was able to hack into the security cameras already, you would think a bank would have tighter security.” Haechan snickers. His rapid typing in his keyboard rang into Mark’s ears. On his computer Haechan could see exactly what was going on in the bank. 
“Looks like a group of guys. With about 13 hostages.” Mark clicks his tongue looking at the situation like it was no problem. He had done this many times before. 
But this wasn’t like others. There seemed to be a leader to this robbery. A giant man in an all black expensive suit walked through one of the doors of the building. A group of buff and roughed up men behind him. Making his way through the main room of the building, kicking civilians from his walk way. 
“Donghyuk?” Mark was waiting in silence. Haechan shushed him with his eyes still in the Camera. 
Soon the man stood before a giant brown desk. With the snap of his fingers one of his goons wipes his arm across the table, causing papers and pens to fly across the floor. The man then takes a case from one of the others and places it gently on the table. And his men start yelling at the hostages to move into a giant safe. The Hostages quickly file into the safe as a man closed the door after they’ve entered, locking them in.
“Mark it looks like he has something and he’s got the people locked up in a huge money safe.” Haechan warns. Mark takes it as his cue to jump into action.
“I need a place I can get in. Any idea what he might have.” Mark swings on top of the building running towards the door leading to a staircase but it was locked. “Well that wouldn’t have been a subtle way of getting in anyway.” Mark says to himself. 
“Alright I think I found you a way in but it might be a tight squeeze.” Haechan sighs. Mark looks to his side to see the thing he was talking about. An air vent. Mark groans a bit to himself and makes his way to the vent. Pulling the heavily bolted vent cover like it was nothing and dives in. 
“So any idea what might be in the case?” Mark whispers as he crawls swiftly through the vents.
“No not yet it seemed like they have been discussing for a while.” Haechan looks deeper trying to find a good camera angle. But another thing catches his attention. The man who brought in the case was making a move out of there. Along with all the other men. Leaving the hostages along with a few the man that caused the robbery. Just waiting.
“Mark I think the boss is leaving but there are still some goons there.” A man who was heavily armed made his way to the case and flipped a switch that seemed to cause some kind of beeping. 
As soon as the beeping starts. They run for it, booking it out of the bank as soon as they can. Haechans heart dropped realizing what’s happening. 
“MARK ITS A BOMB!” Just as he yells that Mark finds the correct vent and kicks it down . Dropping into the floor of the main room. There he could see the briefcase sitting just where Haechan said. He acts quick taking the case off the table and running towards the doors, locked. 
30 seconds were on the clock.
Mark takes a few strides back before running toward the doors and kicking it open. What was waiting out front were the huge amount of cops. 
They flash their lights at him. Pointing their guns at him accusingly. 
“Spider-Man hands up!” 
“Sorry guys but I’m kinda in a hurry.” Mark sets the case down and points his web shooters at two lamppost a good distance away. Grabbing the two webs and tying them together to make a slingshot. 
“You guys might wanna duck!” The officers and civilians drop to the floor instantly as Mark pulls the case down as far as he can before letting go. The case went blasting off into the sky above them. 
But before it could come down a giant blast lit up the night sky. Causing various car alarms to go off and windows to be broken. Yells of civilians were heard all around as they ducked low, covering their heads. 
So mark took it as his time to leave before he has to deal with the police. 
Mark made it far enough so he can rest. His heart pumping at the close call back there. He lands into an ally way, but he could still hear the sirens of police cars and ambulances.
Mark slides into the floor and rests his head in his hands.
“Looks like they got the hostages out.” Haechan says through the speaker.
“That’s good.” Mark massages the back of his neck. “Why did this have to be such a stressful night?” Mark complains. Sliding his foot forward towards a can, knocking it against a wall.
“My question is why take over a bank for nothing? They had a chance to take money but decided to blow it up instead? That doesn’t make sense to me.” He couldn't wrap his head around the situation. Haechan looked through the cameras once more to see but what he saw surprised him.
“Mark I don’t think they did this for the money. I think it was a distraction.” 
“Why do you say that?”
“Well I’m looking back at the recordings from before the robbery. A banker was looking at the funding for several different events going on in the city . But in the next clip it shows the guy being thrown out and one of the goons takes a goon at these. He even downloaded it.”
“So what are you saying, Hyuk?”
“I think they used this bombing as a way to distract from something bigger.”
—-
The next day at school Mark couldn’t even think. He didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. But even though he didn’t sleep, he felt more awake than ever. The stress of you and the evil scheming had his mind about to explode. 
After putting his stuff away Mark closes his locker gently. But rests his head against the cool metal surface. Just wanting his mind to be clear for just one second. But Haechan ruins his moment by grabbing his shoulders and turning him around. 
“You look like a lifeless shell.” Haechan says just straight up. Mark would usually be offended by a comment like this but still carries no expression. Haechan just rolls his eyes and grabs his backpack to start dragging him.
“Where are we going?” Mark asks as he just lets himself be dragged like a doll through the halls. 
“To see __, she usually cheers you up.” Little did Haechan know, Mark was even more anxious to see you.
Since it was lunch, you decided to get some more artwork done. You were beyond excited for what was coming up that you didn’t think you could keep it in much longer. You couldn’t tell Mark yet, it had to keep a secret until you were sure.
you couldn’t hold yourself back enough because you ended up telling Haechan the first day. 
But you just had to surprise mark. You could hold off on telling him for sure.
You were in the art room waiting for Renjun, another art student, he said he would help you in exchange for help to talk to his crush, a thespian who was in the school play. He’s been spending time after school with you to help prepare. And you of course have been giving him the best advice you could give. He was very sweet and did his best to help you in every way.
A ding from your phone yanks you from your thoughts. A notification from the news saying that Spider-Man had saved the day again. You rest your hand against your chest, because how could you not swoon over that guy. Something just drawn you to the superhero. 
Maybe it was just hormones. 
You shake it off and decide to get back to painting. Painting two figure under a tree, the girl resting her head on the males shoulder as he held her hand. It looked beautiful so far in your eyes. And you couldn’t help but think of that special someone with you like that.
Mark instantly drills into your head. You try to wipe the thoughts away but you couldn’t. It’s what was on your mind most of the time. It’s hard having a crush on your best friend. 
You couldn’t possibly confess. No way!
What if he didn’t like you that way? Wait, you knew he didn’t. 
He thought of you just as one of the boys. Like all of them did. You’re rough and boyish exterior turning boys off or just uninterested in general. 
Maybe if you were more like a girl?
You’ve considered that sometimes. Maybe dressing up a little nicer than just your brother and his friends hand me downs. And some of the Mark's old T-shirts, the ones you love the most. 
Then maybe he would like you. 
But You remember when he told you he never wanted you to change. That You are perfect the way You are when you were feeling terrible about yourself.That stuck with you since and You couldn’t fall for him more after that. You love that he was there…
He’s always there. And how you wish you were more.
You were so into your thoughts that the blank face on the boy in the painting was now someone who resembled said best friend. His same soft features but mixed with his matured face shape. 
You painted someone perfect. Well perfect in your eyes. You couldn’t help but paint yourself on to canvas. The painting would just be a fun little thing, no one will see it.
But, you look up too see said perfect face through the window of the art room making his way to the classroom. You act fast and grab the nearest tarp you can find and throw it on the wet painting.
  The boys walk in, Mark still slumped over. You walkover to greet them but another person walks into the class. It was Renjun. 
He looks over to you and then back at Mark, knowing fully well about your crush. 
“Is this a bad time?” You were quick to stop him.
“No no this isn’t. Um guys this is Renjun, Renjun this is Mark and Donghyuk.” You introduce, Haechan happily shakes his hand.
“You can call me Haechan.” Renjun was happy to be greeted positively. But…
The second he goes to shake marks hand. Mark grips his hand a little too tight. Renjun flinches a bit. “You can call me Mark, just Mark.” Mark almost tried to make it as friendly as possible. Renjun lets go off his hand and moves his fingers trying to get blood flow back through. 
“ so __ did you want to head out now?” Renjun asks. Mark raises his brows and looks over to you, you’re a little nervous but grab your things. “Of course I have to get a few things done here and we can head out.” You grab your art brushes and head over to the sink to rinse them. 
“So, where you guys going?” Mark asks and you flinch. You almost lose hold of the brushes. 
“Um were just gonna head out into town, I’m already excused from my classes so it’ll be ok.” 
“You and him alone?” Mark asks.
“Um yes?” I says unsure of the situation.
“No.” 
“What?”
“ I said no. You’re not going anywhere with a boy into town, alone. Especially since I know you don’t know him that well.” Mark explains. Haechans eyes widen and he wants to step in but you go first.
“Excuse me? Since when did you tell me what to do, Mark Lee?” You were close to him, looking up at him with eyes like fire.
“Since I decided I don’t trust him.” Mark bites back. Never in your life have you seen Mark like this, he usually cool with new friends. 
“Umm if I may say-“ Renjun tried to step in.
“Shut up, we’re talking.” Mark hisses at the poor boy.
“Mark!” You grab his shoulder to turn him towards you again. “What the fuck had gotten into you? This isn’t like you.” Then It snapped, or he snapped. He looked at you. You were worried, it was true, he was never one to get angry at you. But for some reason he couldn’t take it here.
“I’m just trying to be a good friend.” 
“You’re not acting like my friend, Mark. You’re acting like a jerk.” His jaw clenched and he walked out. Straight out the door and down the hall…
Leaving you again.
You stood back in shock as you saw your friend swing the door open and walk out. But as stubborn as you are, you went back to putting stuff away. Haechan stayed back with you to help you out. Taking your water cups and rinsing them beside you , while Renjun carried some boxes to his car. 
“What’s gotten into him, hyuk?” You whisper, you couldn't just not talk about that little episode mark put on. Haechan just sighed and turned the sink off. 
“He’s just really stressed right now. He’s got a lot on his plate.” You couldn’t hold it. A frown makes its way on your face. Your hands getting rough as you wash the brushes. But it doesn’t go unnoticed by your other best friend.
“Hey.” He grabs you gently and turning you towards him. “What’s wrong?” You nod, not sure if you should tell him. 
“You can tell me anything. I’m your best friend.” He reassures. You didn’t have a choice but to talk to him.
“Well, he’s so secretive now. Like he’s hiding something from me…” Haechan tenses a bit but not that you noticed. He knew all along that you would catch on to his constant absence, it was only a matter of time.
“But that’s not the part that got to me.” 
“It was the fact that he said friend. And I hate that I’m just his friend.” As soon as you said that, Haechan brought you closer. You buried your head into his chest but Haechan looked at the wall,smiling just a bit.
—— 
Mark went on patrol in cold spirits that night. His mind was so out of place, his swings were sloppy. And he almost got hit by a car. 
He couldn’t help but feel bad about the whole thing that happened with you. He would scold you of course sometimes but he never really told you what to do. He knew you were very free spirited and did what you wanted. But he just couldn’t help it. His blood was boiling at the thought of you with some boy... alone. 
But you were with him… alone. So what’s the difference? Well the difference was what made 
Mark so angry.
It wasn’t himself. He knows he shouldn’t be angry, that you can do whatever you want and that he should be fine. But he wasn’t fine.
“Aye Mark.” Haechans voice was brought up. “You seem a little quiet.” Of course Haechan knew what was going through his head. Though Haechan was disappointed in the way his friend acted but he couldn’t help but feel some sort of pity.
“I’m fine Hyuk.” Haechan clicked his tongue, not satisfied by the answer. 
“Just go talk to her, Mark” he suggested. Mark just sat in silence for a bit. He sat on top of a skyscraper, looking into the city. The city you both lived in. 
He liked the city. 
He always thought, even though two people might not be near each other, they were still in the same city. Still in the same place. 
That’s how he would think. 
While he would swing all along the giant buildings and alleyways. Going god knows where in this giant city. But He knew you were in this city, the city he protected with all of his might. So you could be safe, his family could be safe. He wasn’t in to for the glory, the fame, no. 
He did it for the people and the city he loves.
“I think you’re right.” Mark let’s out breath. 
“I’ll do it now. I’ll confess my feelings”
——
After patrol, Mark just had to talk to you. He wanted to apologize, no he needed to. He didn’t want you feel like he didn’t trust you. So after changing into his regular attire he rushes straight towards your apartment. He was anxious to walk  up the steps, it was late after all. His patrol ended late and he doubted you’d still be awake at this time.  But he pushed himself to the buzzer and rang.
“Hello?” A voice rang. Johnny answered the buzzer of course. He would usually stay late playing video games with his friends or doing work on his computer.
“Um it’s Mark. You think I can talk to __? I know it’s late-“
“She’s actually not home right now.” And like nothing that feeling hit Mark’s stomach again, that nasty gross drop of his stomach. 
“Where is she?” If you’re not here this late at night then where the hell would you be? It wasn’t like you to stay out late at all. You’d usually want to be in bed before midnight. 
“She’s with her friend, Rodger? They went to go do some stuff for-“ 
“Mark?” 
Mark’s attention is no longer at Johnny, but you standing before him so late at night. You still looked stunning, like the other night he saw you out and about in the city. Your hair was curled around your face perfectly and light makeup done. It was unusual to see you like that ,but  what surprised him the most was your beautiful dress. He’d never thought he’d see the day when you would look like this. Though he thought you were beautiful all the time, you just looked so elegant.
“What are you doing here?” You ask. You didn’t seem angry, if anything you looked happier than ever.
And you had amazing news to tell him.
“I was just coming by to talk to you. What are you doing out so late?” Mark knew. He could only assume that you and Renjun were on some kind of date. And why you came back so late was something he didn’t want to think about.
“Umm I was with Renjun. But that’s besides the point I have to tell you something Mark. It’s been something that I’ve been wanting to tell you.” You say excitedly. 
But for some reason it made mark angry in the inside. 
Has Renjun kissed you? Held you? Touched you? Everything Mark has dreamed and this boy that you hardly know could have it all. What did he have that he didn’t? What could be so special about him to be granted the best human in the world? All the questions stormed in Mark’s head. Making him angry again.
“Actually i need to get going.” Mark says gruffly. Turning to walk the other direction. Not wanting to be there. 
“Already? I wanted to tell you something-“
“It’s late.” Mark cuts you off and walks away. He used a venomous tone. “I’m leaving.” You didn’t take the tone well and grabbed his shoulder.
“Mark.” You say with an equally as hard voice. His head turns slightly to get a glimpse. You’re stance said everything, you were on edge. “What’s up with you lately?” You ask but not harshly, more concerned than anything.
“What’s up with me? You’re the one who’s out so late at night doing god knows what with some dude.” He bit back, yanking his shoulder out of your hold. “You’ve been keeping stuff from me thinking I wouldn’t notice. But guess what __, i did!” His voice was getting louder by each word. But you stood your ground.
“Me being secretive? You’re one to talk Mark Lee because what I’m doing right now, is you everyday.” You pointed out. “And what could possibly be going on be me and Renjun? Oh wait, that’s really none of your business what I do Mark.” You throw down your bag to your side. He could tell you’re getting riled up.
“It’s ok I don’t need to ask anyway. I could already assume what’s going on. No girl just dresses nicely and returns home late on a regular day. I can tell what’s going on.” Your jaw clenches.
“You think Renjun and I are a thing? And what, you think I got back late because I was out on a date?Or out getting into trouble?Last time I thought you trusted me.” Your voice breaks a bit.
Mark stays emotionless.
How dare he accuse you of doing something like that, he was assuming for sure. And it just got under your skin.
“So that’s how it is. You can leave me when we have plans, you can miss my achievements, you can skip out on me when I need you. But the one time I skipped on you, I’m some kind of kind of villain ? A bad friend?” Tears were threatening to spill but you drag your palms against your eyes roughly. “All those times I was sad, I wanted to see you, you were god knows where! Hoping you were ok.” 
Mark couldn’t say anything. This was way more than Renjun or coming home late. You were angry, angry that he was mad at you for something stupid. And you thought now would be the best time to call him out on his BS.
“But instead of assuming you were some fuck boy or gangster Doing fucking crack. I waited, I waited and I forgave.” Your fists are tightly gripped. “ but little did I know that my best friend, the one I trust the most… thought so little of me and leave whenever he saw fit.” Your lips quiver.
“And now here i am. After I wanted to tell you something important to me, I’m here crying like a baby-“
“Maybe you should go to Renjun then. I don’t care what you do.”
Cold. His voice had never been so frigid. He didn’t know why. But immediately he regretted it. 
You grab the collar of his shirt, Mark was surprised. His eyes widen as you lift your face, tears running down your cheeks. Raising your fist, you wanted to punch him. Let out your anger, but that didn’t seem right. A punch wouldn’t make it go away.
Your boyish Mentality pushing through. But wasn’t that the thing that he didn’t like you for in the first place? It was clear now in your eyes. He’ll never be more, he never thought more of you.  You felt like nothing to him now. 
Your fist trembled. You just couldn’t do it. 
Your arm lowers lifeless to your side. And your hand lets go of Mark’s collar. Pushing away from him harshly. 
“I…thought you cared about me.” Then that’s when it hit him. “But I guess not. So why don’t you do what you do best and leave…” 
That was the final blow. At this point he would’ve wanted the punch in the face, hell, he would take a million. Because this pain was far worse.
All those things he said to you in that moment. He hated himself. He could feel his heart shatter into a million pieces. How could be that way to you? How could he hurt you like this, the person he wanted to protect most of all. He hurt you. He was so quick to jump to conclusions he totally went over you calling him out for being a terrible friend.
You grab a few rocks throwing them at him, crying.
“LEAVE! Get out of my face!” Mark tried to block the flying stones. “I don’t want to see you!” You screamed, not caring who heard. But soon it all came rushing down.
You fall to your knees. Crying into your hands. As Mark stood in front of you. A look of pure sorrow in his eyes. 
“Just please… leave.” And as you wished. Mark took off running. He couldn’t stop running, he didn’t care where he went. Taking out his web blasters he took to the sky. Tears running flying off his face as he flew through the building not caring who saw. Of course one one saw him. But when he reached a dirty alley, he kicked over every trash can in sight. Pounding his hands on the moldy bricks. 
As he cried. Hating himself. 
For hurting you all this time.
—-
Mark didn’t want to leave bed. After crying himself to sleep last night he wanted nothing more than to stay and rot. 
A soft knock was heard in his room. Mark didn’t say anything. So of course his aunt took it upon herself to walk in. “Hey mark? You ok honey?” Mark just shoved his face into the pillow more. A weight came on the bed as his aunt sits next to his feet. 
“Girl problems?” She asks. And mark just gives a slow nod. “You know I still think that __ will be my niece in law one day.” She says as she gets up and opens the curtains of his room. 
“Well maybe you should have her marry another nephew because I messed up.” She gives a sad smile and crouches down to where Mark’s head is.
“Come on, let's get you ready for school.” 
—-
Mark enters school almost with a soulless body. He ended up getting a ride from his aunt today. But he didn’t see you or Haechan in the morning. Probably due to the fact that he was late and you two had already walked to school together, which means Haechan…
“You fucking dickhead!.” As mark walks into class he was greeted by a five subject notebook coming his way, he dodged it of course. But Haechan was steaming around the class. Making his way to mark and grabbing him by his collar, much like you last night. “How are you going to do that to her?!” Mark just slaps Haechan’s hand away and starts proceeding to his seat. Pulling out his chair not so gently he sits and rests his head against his desk.
“You think I don’t feel like shitty? I’ve never felt this horrible in my entire life…” Mark lifts his head from his desk slightly and slams his head into the desk, repeatedly. “Stupid. stupid. stupid!!!” Mark chants, making a scene in the class. Haechan rolls his eyes and slams his hands on the desk besides mark’s head. “All because of my stupid jealousy! Just because I can’t get over the fact that she’s with Renjun-“
“Idiot! She told you she’s not with him!” Haechan counters. Of Course he would defend you, Haechan was as much as a best friend as Mark. 
“Ya right then why were they together so late at night?” Mark’s words were almost muffled because of his face against the desk.
“Man, you really are stupid. The reason she was with him wasn’t because she’s dating him! The guy already has a girlfriend-“
“What?!” Mark’s Head springs up. His full attention on Haechan . “He’s taken?! Then why was she trying so hard to hide things from me? And why did she only tell you things?” Mark had so many questions, too many things racing through his mind. How could he be so stupid to accuse you? Still even after you yelled at him about it yesterday?
“Maybe if you would let me fucking finish!” The younger male scolded. “The reason she was hiding it was because… I wasn’t supposed to tell you this but, she did it to surprise you.” Mark’s brows furrow. Haechan did seem uneasy just telling him something that you were planning to keep secret, but considering the circumstances, he saw no use in keeping it on the down low.
“What do you mean?” Mark was trying not to sound desperate. But he was truly thirsty for answers. With a nervous sigh Haechan explains.
“ The reason she only told me was because it slipped out, but the reason she was hanging around Renjun was because he was helping her get into an art show. One of the biggest art shows in the country, they said that they’ll select one lucky student from the city to display their art with professionals. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity that any artist could possibly dream of. Not only will their art be on display ,but a full ride scholarship to the finest art school in the country would be granted.” 
“Don’t- don’t tell me-“ Mark couldn’t even bring himself to form sentences. 
“She got it.” Haechan wasn’t going to lie, he wanted Mark to feel the blow. But being both of their friends he felt both sad and glad. “ Her art will be on display with some of the most expensive and priceless art.”
“But why didn’t she tell me?” Mark asks, his palms started to get sweaty already. “Why did-“
“You were the person she wanted surprise the most, after you supported her. You were the one that she was looking forward to telling the most, but she didn’t want to unless she was sure. That’s what she was going to tell you last night but now you messed everything up. Now her feeling are destroyed because you decided to be a fucking jackass.” Haechan has no mercy. He always allaying it down honestly. 
Mark stands up quickly, his chair flying back. “I have to go find her! And tell her I’m sorry for being such a fucking jerk!” As mark tried to go for the door Haechan stops him.
“She’s not here today. She’s taking today off so she could prepare for the gallery opening night tonight .” Mark looks at the clock, class was about to start but he just had to talk to you. Ignoring his friends words Mark books it to the art room. 
Getting there in record time, he sees Renjun prepping the art supplies for later art classes. Mark opens the door catching the other boys attention. Renjun nearly almost drops the pencils he was holding in his hand as he sees a panting Mark. Mark stumbles into the art room, closing the door behind him. 
Renjun grows nervous. Moving towards the end of the class subtly. No one else was in the class because the lack of a first hour class. So it was just him and Mark. 
“You.” Mark points an accusing finger. 
“M-me?” Renjun was confused, but not only confused, he was unsure of Mark’s intent. 
“I need you to tell me everything.”
———
Mark skipped his whole first hour class just for Renjun’s reasoning. 
It was all true.
Mark lee was a total jerk. 
Mark could just feel his whole body react to the negativity. His stomach aches, hands sweaty and an overall gross feeling. Sure this might only be teen anxiety, but he still feels like garbage. 
Mark decided to attend the rest of his classes that day. While school was able to take his mind off it for a bit but was painfully reminded of it at lunch, when Haechan gave him the silent treatment the whole time. He even scooted away from him a few feet. 
So mark ate his sandwich alone. 
So he decided he NEEDED to talk to you. He needed to say sorry for being such a jerk. So after school, he decided to head straight to your building. He made a beeline to the buzzer, pressing it a little too eagerly. The obnoxious buzzing was ringing as he anxiously waited for an answer. He wasn’t sure if anyone was home, Haechan said you were preparing for the opening night. And Johnny doesn’t get off work till later in the evening. 
But he did get and answer. 
“Yo this is yuta.” The man answers. His voice had a tired feel, like he had just woken up. Probably crashed at your place after another night of drinking. 
“This is Mark.” He answers, he was bouncing on the balls of his feet as well. He couldn’t stay still, not when you were on his mind. 
“Oh….. bye.” Yuta ends abruptly. Mark wasn’t having it and pressed the buzzer again much harder as if it would make a difference.
“Yuta I need to talk to ___, it’s important.” Mark almost commands.
“Why the hell should I? After what you said to her? Besides she’s already busy getting ready for the opening night. So scram. She doesn’t need anymore stress on her big day.” With that Yuta leaves mark hanging. Mark’s teeth grits with stress.
“Yuta. Yuta!YUTA!” But no answer,He presses his finger one last time, cracking the buzzer. “Fine have it your way!” His finger finally lets go of the poor button and he starts his way home.
“I guess I’ll have to go to her another way.” Mark says and he books it somewhere else.
-
You had just arrived back at school for your final piece to display. After doing one last check of the art room, the canvas that you were working on previously, sat in the corner. Walking over the painting you try to lift the tarp off, but it stuck to the canvas. But only on the faces that you had freshly painted before throwing the tarp over it.
The painting of both you and mark, well it wasn’t supposed to be you both. But you did remember mindlessly painting yourself with him that day he had a sudden outburst. You remember throwing the tarp over the freshly painted faces, forgetting about the consequences of wet paint. 
You give the tarp a sharp tug and the tarp came off but brought the faces with it, leaving blank faces left on the two people,The bright white canvas showing. 
Without thinking, rage fills every vein in your body and fills your brain with such anger that You pick up the canvas roughly. 
And throw it across the room. 
It hits a table with a loud band and bounces back towards your direction, sliding in front of your feet. You look down at those blank faces, thinking about how accurate they are. 
The once bright faces of the both of you were gone. Who knew it be secrets that would be the one who torn you apart. His lying, his excuses of all the times he’s left you alone. The times when I walked home alone from the movies he forgot, or the time when You ice skated alone for two hours, just waiting. But...
You never thought to be mad… of course you liked to show it like that, but you never really got angry. If anything you were just disappointed, sad, but never really angry.
Until that one night, was when you finally let it all out. All you could remember is the anger on his face, and that’s when you got mad, then of course things happened and here you are now.
Just staring at those stupid blank faces. 
A slight buzzing in your back pocket takes your attention away from the pathetic painting. Taeil, one of your brothers best friends, name showed on your phone. Sliding the answer button, you go to sit on the stool.
“Hey you ready? I’m outside the school, Johnny said he was busy at work-“
“So he got the best next thing to pick you up!” Taeil was cut off, already knowing who it is.
“Ok Taeil and hey Yuta, I’ll be out in a minute.” With that you hang up the phone. Gathering your stuff to leave, you look at the painting one more time. 
With a sigh, you snatch it from the floor and rush out the door of the art room. Off to home to get ready for tonight.
—-
Hours had passed, and it was now time for the art show. Hundreds of people of all walks of life waited to enter one of the most prestigious art shows of the city. And for such a prestigious show, means fancy people were sure to come. Like CEOs, models, and famous talk show hosts. 
At first you couldn’t even believe you were in such a show, but you knew that you deserved this. You’ve worked hard for this. 
Now you stand in the gallery hall. Hearing the people chit chat from outside the building. Also looking around at the other artists, they looked like a million bucks, some dresses in outfits that could pay your college tuition. While you stand there in a dress, that you spent all your saving money for, just to look the part. 
“Hey you ok?” Renjun who was with you, helping you get everything ready. 
“Ya… just a little nervous.” Renjun pats you on the shoulder and give you a gentle smile.
“No need to be nervous. You’ll rock it.” He holds up his hand for a high five, which you gladly give to him. “Oh and by the way, I just hung up your newest painting.” He informs. You quickly thank him and he runs off with the school administrators who were monitoring your section of the gallery.
Checking the time on your phone, it was almost time and you wanted to be sure to touch up your makeup before the public sees you. Taking your small backpack you walk quickly towards the direction of the bathroom. Not really watching where you are going you bump into someone, causing you to stumble back a bit.
“Watch it brat!” You look up quickly and see a very large man wearing the security uniform. He’s was 6 foot at least and had the build of a pro wrestler. You stutter a quick apology and quickly go around the man, while he just grunted in response and proceeds walking. A heavy looking briefcase waving back and forth in his hand.
“What the heck is his problem?” You say to yourself and jog your way back towards the bathroom, not really having a good feeling.
——
“Sold out?!” Mark who was running through the crowds of people on the busy streets, yelled out. He had been looking for hours on how to get his hand on tickets to the event, but alas, they were sold out or either cost an arm and a leg. 
Thunder boomed as the night sky was covered with even darker storm clouds. Mark zipped up his hoodie further as he ran through thin puddles from the downpour earlier that day. His shoes are soaked and his socks the same, but that was the last thing on his mind. 
Making it to the area where everyone was lined up outside. The majority of people were covered in thick expensive coats, protecting them from the rain. Crowds of upper class people waited for this events doors to open, so that meant Mark couldn’t get in this way. 
Mark stood there and thought for a bit.
“Mark?” A person calls his name. Mark’s head snaps back seeing Haechan, dressed in a sleek black suit.  His hair slicked back nicely and shiny. He looked like he belonged in that crowd indeed, while mark stood with a hoodie and soaked shoes. 
“What are you doing here?” Haechan asks looking around anxiously. “If Johnny sees you, it’s not gonna be good.” He warns. Of course Mark knew to be wary of your older brother, he knew how protective he could be. 
But he never thought Johnny would be angry at him. Which made it scary to think about.
“I know… it’s just… I-i have to see her, Donghyuk. I was a huge jerk and this is the most important night of her life. And I just have to be there to see her!” He explains. Haechan could hear the desperation in his voice. 
Mark’s hands fly to his hair and grab roughly as his knees sink to the floor. “I’m such an idiot, I let my jealousy get the best of me and know I can’t even see my best friend on such an Important night…” his voice wavers at every word he speaks. Letting his regret do the talking. 
“Mark” Haechan sighs as he grabs mark by the back of the shirt and lifts him back to his feet. “Mark get ahold of yourself. I know you feel terrible but I think this is-“
“Donghyuk!” They both look over to see Johnny and Yuta. Along with the others, dressed just as nicely as Haechan . Johnny didn’t look happy, his fists clenched along with his jaw. 
“Let’s go.” Johnny almost hissed as he walks away from the scene but Mark was quick to be on his feet.
“Johnny I know you’re-“ Mark was cut off by your brother before anything else.
“I don’t wanna hear it lee. Not on an important night like this. Because unlike you, I actually care about how she feels.” Mark knew not to say anything after that. Instead he just walked away, not looking back.
“Mark!” Haechan calls but Johnny just scoffs. Fixing his tie, he walks to the vip line along with his friends.
“Come on donghyuk, he’s not worth her time right now.” And with that, Haechan walks away with Johnny.
-
“Fuck!” Mark yells as he slams his hands on a brick wall over and over again, in an empty alley.  His knuckles almost becoming bloody. But instead of the skin breaking first it was the brick. A large crack appeared on the wall that he punched. 
“Well I guess that makes two of us that are broken.” Mark slides down the wall of the alley, landing in a puddle but not caring at the moment. Taking out his phone and checking the time he sees that the doors have since opened, and you must be having the time of your life.
Without him there to support you.
Without any mind Mark chucks his phone at the opposite wall, shattering it into pieces. The bits and pieces falling into the wet ground in front of him. 
A hiss leaves his lips as he just realized what he’s done. Mark goes to pick up what’s left of his phone but a gruff voice catches his attention. Mark looks down the alleyway to see a spot of light.
“I’m telling you! Everything should go according to plan tonight. The police are still occupied with bank shit.” The voice grows closer as he walks towards the end of the ally. 
Mark quickly pulls his hood up and jumps into the wall nearest to him.
“I know you have worried but once we get the word, that art show will have another surprise coming to them.” The man laughs and hangs up the phone. He then walks over to a dumpster, throwing his suitcase into it. 
The man then picks up his phone again. Mark waits still listening closely. After seconds, someone has seemed to pick up.
“Evidence is disposed of, 30 minutes until we light it up. And the art will be ours.” The man smirks and takes out a cigar, taking a puff before throwing it into the dumpster, he then lets out the smoke and looks behind the dumpster. And behind holds a bottle of gasoline. 
Opening the jug the man spills the Fluid into the dumpster, lighting it a blaze. But what he wasn’t prepared for was the hooded figure above the dumpster. Looking down at him as he crawled down the wall. 
“W-what the fuck?!” Mark leaps into action. The man throws to throw punches but Mark was much too fast. Dodging the hits like nothing and returning punches twice as effective. Jumping off the man and back into the wall, Mark pushes himself forwards and nailing the man right in the face, making him stagger backwards. 
“What are you planning to do to the art show!?” Mark yells, has he walks towards the man. Whose nose was bleeding like no tomorrow. The man says nothing and lets out a growl as he charges towards mark. But like the blink of an eye the man was back on the floor, and into a dirty puddle. 
His arm bent back in an unnatural angle as Mark stands on top of him.
“I’m not gonna ask again scumbag! What the fuck are you planning?!” Pushing his arm back, the man lets out a wail of pain. 
“It doesn’t matter! It’s already done. There’s no evidence! All that art is ours and the artist, they would cost millions. Imagine having a personal money maker!” The man gives the most disgusting grin, not feeling any guilt.
“You’re planning to kidnap artist?! What would that do?” Mark was beyond angry but also confused. But then it hit him.
“You want some kind of art slave? So they could keep producing and you get the profit?” Mark had learned enough, he was sick but then the thought of you jumped into his head.
You’re there and an artist. 
Mark felt like he wanted to throw up. 
“It’s no use kid-“ 
A fist collided with the mans face immediately and the blow knocked him out instantly. Mark’s hands clench and he runs straight home. 
Because this wasn’t something for mark to handle…
This was Spider-Man’s job.
-
A nervous feeling swarmed around in your stomach as people came and gone from your art exhibit. Luckily people were nothing but impressed at such a young artist. 
Colleges and buyers of all over were amazed at your pieces. Some buyers offering thousands for your art but you kindly rejected. Seeing that these pieces were far more important than money. Your pay off was the fact that people enjoy your art. And that’s all you could ask for.
“Hey you ok kiddo?” Johnny, who had just come back from looking at the other exhibits asked. “You seem kind of on edge.” You just nod as if nothing was wrong but he saw right through you.
“Hey, I know you’re upset. But you shouldn’t be.Mark is the one who is a jerk and doesn’t deserve to be here.” Johnny tried to reassure but he really wasn’t doing a good job. He lets his own emotions take over what your feeling. 
But a cough cuts him off, Yuta, who’s carrying a water bottle and hands it to you. “Johnny, that’s not how you make people feel better. God, you’ve always been terrible at it.” You take the water bottle from his hands. “I’ll talk to her.” He says as he pushes away your brother gently. Johnny just huffs and walks away towards Taeil and winwin.
Wrapping his arm around your shoulder, yuta gives you a hug. “Listen hun, I know you feel upset. Betrayed even, but your brother is right. This is your big night. You’re the star. You look beautiful and the same goes for your artwork.” You stay quiet, taking a sip from your water without a word. Yuta sighs, taking your hand and lead you both to a bench. When you both sit, yuta places your head on his shoulder.
“Let it out.” He says. And right as those words come from his mouth, all he could hear were sniffles. You attempt to wipe your eyes but yuta stops you. You look up to see that he was grabbing the cloth in his suit pocket. 
And began wiping your eyes gently, trying not to smear your makeup. 
“I know it hurts. Not seeing the one you love here.”
Your eyes widen as you look at him dumbfounded. He just looks down with a slight smile and pushes your head back down to his shoulder.
“It’s ok, I promise that whatever Mark said, he didn’t mean.” You just nod and watch as people pass by.
-
Swinging with all of his might, Mark rushes towards the museum. He knew he didn’t have much time left. Plus he didn’t even know what’s going to happen anyway, so not only is he rushing into the unknown, you’re in there. Along with Haechan and your brother and hundreds of others. 
He had no time to waste.
You on the other hand, are mingling with the other art goers. Chatting with the people who were curious about your many art pieces.
“Now little lady, if you don’t mind me asking. What is that one supposed to represent?” A small old woman asked. Her old hands shaking as she pointed with the finger that was covered with diamonds. 
The art piece that seemed to catch her attention was the painting that had the faces ripped off. The last minute piece that You just decided to put up, which surprisingly didn’t get asked about until now. 
“Ya I’m curious about that one too.” Another man, one who was talking to you earlier about his prestigious art school that he ran, asked. 
“Oh um…” You didn’t really think of anything. You just put it up there for no reason really. “I actually don’t know.” You say, unfortunately letting people down. But then Yuta comes in. You look towards him and he gives you a wink in return.
“If I may say something.” The older folks look over that the handsome young man as he steps forward. “I think that this piece tells a story only your mind could comprehend, not one story set in stone. But the story that’s in your heart.” You blink, you were confused to say the least. But you wanted to see where he was going with it.
“If I could ask, __ can you look at it and see a story?” He asked you , turning the attention back into me. 
“I-i uhh..” now it seemed like more folks have gathered around to hear you speak. Curious expressions on everyone’s faces. Your eyes glance over to where Johnny and yuta stood, Yuta mouthing a quick ‘go on’ and sending yet another wink. 
You just let out a breath, trying to let go of everything that was built up inside. 
“Well, what I see… is secrets.” Looking at the painting again and those sickly blank faces that they held. “What i see are two people who are masked by secrets. Though they are together  and holding each other, they still can’t see what each other really look like. They are forced to trust that they are the person they were told they are. But maybe one day, when the secrets pass and trust emerges, then with their faces show.” Quiet, not a sound was heard. As all the faces of the crowd were all different, even Yuta and Johnny are surprised at such a description.
“I’ll pay you 100,000!” A lady shouted. 
“No she couldn’t even buy a yacht with that! I’ll pay 500,000!” A man butts in. Others soon start to swarm in, offers coming like no tomorrow. You didn’t know what to think of the whole situation so you try to calm everyone down but they instead that you sell it.
“Please it’s not for-“
“750,000!”
“800,000!”
“Hey you heard her it’s not for sale!” Johnny tries to conform but people instead came closer as Johnny and Yuta try to hold people back. Taeil and Haechan rush over and get in front of you. You couldn’t back up any further as your back touches the gallery wall, but the people still grew anxious as the security came in and tried to get people back. 
“This is unexpected.” You say to yourself but with somewhat of a proud attitude.
-
“When do you think they’ll get here?” A skinner man asks while lighting a cigar. Putting the cigar to his lips he lets out a dark cloud of smoke. They both stood guard behind the gallery hall. Waiting for the giant trucks so they could easily take and load stuff in. 
“I don’t know but if it’s not soon then we better be getting paid over time.” 
“Wait you’re  getting paid?” The two men look to the side to see spider man resting against the wall staring off into space. The two men act quickly and take out their guns aiming them at Mark straight away.
“Really guys? Did all those guys nights out mean nothing to you?” Mark asks but it didn’t get a very good response because both of the men charge. “I guess not.” 
And he leaps into action.
-
“You ok?” Johnny asks as you rest back down on the bench, the whole scene died down after security really dropped the hammer. 
Though it was overwhelming, you couldn’t have felt more proud of yourself. They wanted something of yours, they appreciated your art. You really count ask for anything better.
“Hey I heard what happened. Are you ok?” Renjun who rushes forward asks. He hadn’t been seen since the opening until now. He was much too busy exploring the gallery with his new girlfriend. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help.” He bows slightly to Johnny. And your brother walks away letting you both in peace.
“You’re fine. It wasn’t too bad. Nothing that we couldn’t handle.” You explain, which Renjun smiles back sitting down next to you. 
“So nothing from you know who?” Renjun asks reluctant, but you just shrug it off.
“Not since earlier today. But I guess it doesn’t really matter. This is my night after all, can’t always be a Mark Lee night.” Renjun frowns a bit but just leaves it as it is for the time being, not wanted to spark anymore bad emotion. 
“Ok.” He rubs your shoulder gently and goes to sit up but the sight of a very large man in all black blocks his path. 
“Oh excuse me..” Renjun tries to make his way around the man but with a rough grab, he's thrown back down on the bench.
“Sit down.” 
You immediately butt in. “Excuse you?!” But like Renjun he tosses you back like a rag doll. “What the fuck?! Johnny-“ a meaty hand slaps over your mouth pushing your head against the wall roughly. 
Both you and Renjun are speechless as he grabs the boy next to by the hair with his freehand. As Renjun tried to fight back but his head was immediately slammed against the wall behind you, knocking him out cold. 
You scream against the man's hand as Renjun slumps down in his seat. Trying to pry the hand off of you, his other hand was now locked around your neck. 
How could no one be seeing this?!
Your legs kick frantically, trying anyway to get out of this man's grasp. But it didn’t nothing, losing air and getting dizzy you try to claw his hands away.
“HEY!” Johnny comes running over with Yuta by his side, both of them having murder in their eyes. “GET THE FUCK OFF OF-“
Then everything trembled.
-
The two guards groan on the floor as Mark starts to look through all their stuff. 
“Hmmm nothing really helpful here. Just truck rentals and a recipe for triple chocolate cake.” Mark throws all the papers on the floor not having a use for them. “I take you as the kind of guy to like chocolate.” He mocks at one of the men knocked out on the floor. 
“Well it was nice hanging out with you guys but I got a gallery to save.” Quickly Mark runs towards the back door, jiggling the knob he noticed that it locked.  Not really having the time to search for the key, he just slams his fist against the knob, knocking it off like nothing. 
“Well.. call me when those trucks get here, ok?” The men again stay quiet and Mark goes to open the door but as soon as the door cracked open. 
Heat over took his whole body as he flew back away from the door. 
An explosion.
Flames rush out of the back door and clouds of black smoke surrounds the small back area. Mark looks down at the two unconscious men and grabs one by the collar.
“What did you do?!” Flailing the man back in forth, Mark saw no point in talking to a man who couldn’t hear him. But he then drops the man like a rag doll.
“Forget about the truck… my friends.” Mark’s Heart drops. “___!!!Donghyuk!!!” Mark yells and runs straight into the room of flames.
-
All you could hear was ringing in your ears. Along with bright orange flames on one side of the room. People were running around but you couldn’t hear them scream. 
You breath heavily as you try to pick yourself up from the floor. Broken glass and other debris scratched up your arms and legs as you moved. 
Then a muffled voice.
“___! Where are you?!__!” It was like they were speaking through a wall. The smoke burned your eyes and tears ran down your dirty sute covered cheeks.
“I’m right here…” you try to call. “I’m ok!” Picking yourself up you try to wobble your way to finding your brother. The ringing in your ears is starting to go away and the screams of people and flames replaced it.
“Johnny! Yuta! Donghyuk!” You yelled trying to go over the yells of other pedestrians. So many people rushed passed you in attempted to get to the exit. One even bumping into your shoulder roughly causing you to stumble but luckily someone caught you.
Yuta.
I didn’t even think before I wrapped my arms around him. Just thanking any god that would be listening to me because behind him was my brother along with everyone else.
“Oh my god __!” Johnny lumps over to you, pulling your head into his chest.
“You guys we have to get out of here!” Haechan says looking around at the building that was Engulfed in flames.
“Wait! Where’s Renjun!?” You panic, remembering he was knocked out cold before the explosion. “I have to go find him!” You say looking around for any sign of him. 
Then you saw him.
Renjun was being carried away by one of the men. He was unconscious on one of the man's shoulders while another artist was on the other. He seemed to be carrying them away towards the back.
“Hey!” You call out. The man just looks back at you not even batting an eyelash. “Get back over here!” You take off towards them. All of the boys call out to you.
“___ get the fuck back over here!” Johnny chases after. You try to make your way over to Renjun, jumping over things and making your way around fire. But before you could get to him you were grabbed. 
Another man yanked you away, covering your mouth as you tried to weasel away. “Well isn’t it our prized artist of the night. You’ll go for a high bid.” The man whispers to me and immediately I kick my legs trying anything to get away.
“Get your hands off of her!” Johnny who comes through with his friends tackle the man. Causing him to land on top of you and nearly knock the air out of you. Since it was a group of men against one, they start beating the shit out of the kidnapper.
Luckily you’re able to squeeze out from under and continue your pursuit towards Renjun. Haechan notices right away and runs after you.
“__!!”
You’re able to make it to a room that didn’t have fire or smoke. You squint your eyes due to the bright light. Around you, hundred of art work piled and being carried by giant men. But it wasn’t just art work but people as well.
Artists. 
Not wanting to get spotted you crouch behind a pillar big enough to hide behind. Soon Haechan  rushed through the door and you yanked him behind the pillar with you.
“What the hell are you doing?” You whisper yell at him but he only seemed to have a confused expression. 
“I could ask you the same thing!” He says a little too loudly. You quickly cover his mouth with your hand and check behind the pillar slightly. But you saw that the coast was clear.
“You idiot, are you trying to get us caught?!” He does nothing but roll his eyes, and reaches behind to his pants pocket and pulls out his phone.
“What are planning to do? Call the cops?” You ask but he does nothing but scoff.
“Are you stupid? The cops already know what is going on. I need to call someone else.” You go to say something else but he dished you with a finger causing you to stop. Letting the phone ring for a minute.. no answer.
“You gotta be kidding me…” he hisses. Pushing his phone back into his pocket. Looking around before grabbing your hand and yanking you up. “Come on we have to get out of here.” He says pulling you towards the door you came but you yanked your hand away.
“No I’m not Leaving without Renjun.” You state but it doesn’t seem to please haechan. 
“Oh ya and what’s your plan, huh? What the heck can we do against a bunch of jacked criminals?” He asks, already knowing you didn’t have any kind of plan whatsoever. “Listen I know you want to help but trust me I’ve seen enough stuff like this to know that we can’t do anything. Plus your brother is looking for you, we have to go.” He demands grabbing your hand again. 
“ How could you possibly know, heachan?” He was taken aback, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “Listen I just do ok? But for now we need to get out of here.” Pulling you towards him he didn’t quite watch his step and accidentally kicks a stand, holding a very expensive looking vases.
And In seconds the case knocks over and shatters on the floor. You both look up, life almost leaving your eyes.
“Who’s there?!” One of the guards shouts as heavy footsteps grow towards the both of you. Haechan looks around for anything and spots a small tarp on the ground. 
Pushing you both down he leads you towards the tarp. Lifting it slightly so you could crawl in. But just as you were expecting him to crawl under with you but instead he stands up taking a small  metal rod from his back pocket.
“Donghyuk! What are you doing?!” You called towards him but he still stands his ground. 
“Shut up and hide. They’ll expect someone who knocked over the vase. I don’t want them to find the both of us.” Kneeling back down to you he gently pulls the tarp over you completely. “I’ll be fine but after I distract them I want you to run.”
“But-“ 
“No, stop being stubborn and do something you’re told.” His voice was somewhat stern but also wavering due to nervousness. He stands back up waiting for the guard to come around. 
The small rod in his hand makes an appearance and he presses a small button on the side. Causing three prongs to pop out, all three with strong electrical currents. 
Soon the guard looks around the pillar slowly finding Haechan standing there.
And Haechan jumps toward the guard.
-
 Mark runs through the harsh flames. Looking for any form of survivors, luckily it seems like everyone made it out because he didn’t find any bodies. But still making sure he decides to run to the main gallery hall with the most open space. 
The main hall was in complete shambles, the walls were destroyed along with beautiful chandeliers that once hung from the ceiling. The sections of each hall had the names of each featured artist. Most of the names had burned or been completely blown to pieces. But one seemed to be fine. 
Your name.
Mark takes steps forward looking at the gallery wall that once held your hard work. Your passion that you adored so much. The walls blank now, because the art that you once worked so hard on was now being packed in a dirty truck only to be sold to someone who didn’t deserve it. 
If only he could see it.
“Help! Please help!” Mark’s eyes swerve toward the middle of the gallery hall, where he saw a figure running through the smoke. 
To his surprise, it’s Johnny.
Mark sprints towards him while Johnny makes his way through the smoke with no form of protection except a handkerchief around his face. Johnny stumbles through, tripping over his own feet as his eyes search frantically. Mark makes it over to him, steadying him by gripping his shoulders.
“What are you doing in here?! You need to be outside!” Mark yells through the overbearing sound of flames and falling structures.
“M-my sister! She wasn’t outside, I can’t find her anywhere!” He gripped mark’s forearms with little to no strength as fits of coughs escape from his mouth. Mark nearly drops Johnny, his heart beating frantically as his mind races to where you could be.
Not wanting to think the worst, he decides that you must have been taken by the robbers. He couldn’t even think of anything thing else happening. He knew you could be strong if you needed to, but he just needed to find you.
“Please… she has to be somewhere. She couldn’t have died-“ Mark cuts him off by throwing his arms around Johnny. Almost like a hug but Mark knew not to make it seem like one. But the thought of you dying was something that made the young hero want shatter into a million pieces. Johnny was now crying, from the thought of his sister or maybe the smoke in his eyes but he was crying. 
And Johnny never cries.
“I’ll find her. Please… don’t think like that.” Mark says the Johnny while supporting him, walking through the rubble and smoke. Johnny coughs roughly as Mark maneuvers his way back outside. Mark was fine since his suit had the feature of giving a clean air supply in these situations but he had to get Johnny outside quick.
Luckily he was able to get him outside safely. 
A group of people swarm the both of them, the media acting like vultures just to get any news. But mark pushes through.
“Johnny!” Yuta pushes through, roughly moving any media, along with his other friends. Yuta takes johnny from mark’s arms holding him close. “You idiot! I could’ve lost my brother!” Yuta eyes threatening to spill along with his other brothers.
“But __…”
“Not only her but Donghyuk is missing…” Taeil brings up. “He went to go for __ and never came out.” 
Johnny looks towards the hero but…
He was gone.
-
A painful yells leaves the giant mans throat as the rod makes contact. Haechan acts quick and rushes his legs under the man, making the man fall to the ground. 
You on the other hand stayed under the tarp like you were told. Hiding while your best friend risked his life out there. And that is just tearing you up inside. But you still decide to listen to Haechan,
But the younger boy seemed to have it under control as more men approach. It didn’t really faze the boy as he runs over into the group attacking with such strategy. Haechan didn’t have power but he had his smarts. He knew when to exactly attack and how, since he would always watch mark. He saw what worked and what didn’t from the hero, they learned together through his time of being spider man. And for that mark couldn’t be more thankful that he was his partner in crime.
But of course Haechan knew he couldn’t only fight for so long until more guys come through. Which they did. 
But it was just the gruff men but along with the men was a man in a bright colorful suit. Rings that cost more than his whole life’s earnings decorated his fingers. His face totally unfazed as he walks in with his whole group of goons. 
Scars littered across his face and neck, but an even bigger scar laid across his eye. His eye underneath was a sickly white. The man sure looked like he had his fair share of fights because the man was jacked. Twice as big as the others that surrounded him. Like the man wasn’t even human.
Haechan gulped nervously as the man pushed his way through the crowd. His had was still clutching the rod with white knuckles as the man grew closer with every second before stepping before Haechan. Towering over him as if he was nothing but a rat in front of a bear.
“Hey little man, you’re the one causing a scene?” The man grins down at the young boy. But Haechan tries to look up at the man as if not an ounce of fear was in his blood. 
“So what if I am?” Haechan hisses. But the flame in his eyes left a long time ago when the man first stepped in. But he couldn’t give in now, not until Mark arrived.
If he arrived.
It was a gamble Haechan was willing to play in order to keep you safe. It wasn’t only mark who had the will of fire to keep the city safe. This is what kept Haechan going, and he wasn’t going to back down now. 
“You got a bite, even in the situation you’re in? Please, let me put you back in your place.” You flinch at the words, you were still under the tarp waiting anxiously. Your nails dig into your skin as very second passes. Praying that Haechan will be ok.
But praying isn’t the only thing you could do.
“But please let me introduce myself, the name is Scar.” Haechan would’ve made a snarky remark be he didn’t see it as the appropriate time.
Before Haechan could even realize, a meaty hand wraps around his neck, lifting him a good distance from the ground. Haechan tried to act fast, lifting his arm with the rod in his hand, jabbing it towards the man but unfortunately, his arm was caught a mere inch before contact.
“Ah ah ah, I don’t go down that easy.” Scar chuckled as he lifted heachan higher and then throwing the poor boy. He flew across the room landing on his back roughly and skidding the rest of the distance before hitting the wall. 
In front of you. 
You heard the thud and rip the tarp over your head to see your best friend slumped against the wall. But a wobble catches your attention, a vase holder wobbled unsteadily due to the impact of the wall. Causing it to fall towards Haechan, but you take quick action pushing his body with all of your weight. 
Luckily you were able to get the both of you out of the way but you couldn’t stop the vases from shattering around you, having shards of glass around and on you. But you ignore the fragments of glass in your arms and legs and crawl towards Haechan who laid across the floor with blood dripping down the side of his head.
You grab his face in your sliced up hands but you didn’t care, your blood coated his cheeks and hair. You open his vest and lay your head against his chest searching for any chance of a heart beat.
His heart was still beating.
“Haechan! You’re gonna be ok, I promise-“
“Well well, what do we have here?” Scar watches amusingly at you both. You clench your jaw and pull Haechan closer towards you. “Looks like he had a friend or girlfriend-“
“Shut the fuck up you ugly ass bitch.” The man's eyes widen at your response. Not really expecting a phrase like that you come out of your mouth. “You did this and now you’re going to pay.” Your voice wasn’t loud, if anything it was quiet. A deadly whisper.
But the man saw nothing but humor. He thought nothing of you in anyway of being a threat. So with a clap of his hands the crowd of men start to walk towards you. You just sit and hold your best friend close, putting your forehead against his as the men surround you both. 
“I’m sorry Donghyuk. This is all my fault, you did everything so it’s my turn. I’ll fight with my life.” Whispering close to him. You knew you stood no chance against them but you would do anything for the people you love. 
Even if it meant getting kidnapped and shipped to god knows where.
One of the men reach towards you but you slap his hand away. Then another tries to wrap his arms around you but before he could you knock the back of your head against his nose. Making the man hold his face while you turn around quickly to kick right between the legs. The man falls to his knees when you deliver the last blow, grabbing his face and nailing him in the face with your knee. 
The other man watched awestruck as you look at them with no intent to go easy but it was not in your favor because an arm wraps around your neck, putting you in a headlock while the others grab your legs.
“You fucking bastards! Put me down!” You flail and try to bite the them.
“Now is that anyway to treat a lady?” A voice catches everyone off guard, a red blur swings into the room, in front of you, the man that was holding your legs goes flying. Soaring into two other goons and they slide across the floor.
Now that your feet are free, take this as an opportunity to free yourself. Swinging your legs you manage to kick his knee as hard as you could. Hearing a disgusting crack as his knee now bends the opposite direction. With a cry the man's grip lets up and you land on your feet.
“That’s what you get you fucking flamingo!” You finish with a kick to his chest. 
You we’re proud of yourself, you have to thank Yuta later so teaching you self defense. But you had other priorities and you look back to Haechan. He still laid on the floor while pure chaos was happening around him.
Mark while somewhat distracted, still kept an eye on you two. Grown men threw punches like no tomorrow towards the young hero but like nothing Mark managed to dodge them all. Maneuvering swifty, knocking people out, bending arms in unnatural angles. 
Seeing that there was a lot of them, Mark looked around for any thing that could help. when his eyes landed on a rolling shelf that carried various sculptures on each side of the room. Then a hungry grumble caught his attention. He didn’t eat all day but he couldn’t have had a better time to be hungry. 
He had an idea.
“Hey meat heads over here!” Calling for attention the men all snapped their heads towards the masked hero. He made a run towards the middle  of the room watching and waiting for the perfect moment. Just like he imagined the suckers moved to be in the perfect spot. 
Grinning under his mask the boy worked his magic. Stretching his arms out on opposite sides of the room he shot a webbing on two shelves pulling with all of his might. The shelves drove towards the middle of the room before they could even know it. 
Mark took this as his time to jump up just in time to see the two shelves squeeze the group of men like a sandwich. Making the sculptures crack and break with impact. The loud bang catches you off guard and you flinch, covering Haechan ears as well. Looking toward the noise you see a pile of men sandwiched between two shelves along with groans and even cries. 
You’re eyes loop around to find the swift hero but you didn’t see him. 
“How is he?” A sudden voice appears next to you. A squeak leaves your mouth as you fly back in surprise. A laugh was let out by Mark, he always knew you hated being surprised. Your hand flies to your fast beating heart and you give him a glare. “Here let me help” Mark reaches for Haechan  but you only pull him closer. Wrapping your arms around him protectively, afraid to let him go. 
“Hey it’s ok, I won’t hurt him. I won’t hurt you.” His voice sounded sincere. But in the situation you were in, you couldn’t really think straight. But this is your best friend you have in your arms, you needed any chance you could get, to make sure he was alright.
Reluctantly you push the boy gently into the hero’s arms. Stepping out of the way of the two males. Mark gives a sigh of relief when he puts his ear to his friends chest and hearing that his beat was strong. He was really a tough nut Mark thought. 
But it seemed right on cue that the injured boy wrinkled his nose. Soon his eyes open, adjusting to the bright lights of the room. It takes a while but the red blur in front of his face clears, seeing his best friend looking down at him. In the mask that was so familiar to him.
“M-mark?” A stream of coughs follows causing him to hiss. He reaches his hand to touch his throbbing head and feeling the warm liquid steam from the back of his head. He looks back up at  Mark pushing him away and he sits himself back up. Mark topples over into his back as Haechan rises furiously.
“Mark you idiot! You couldn't have come sooner?! I tried calling you but your bitch ass didn’t answer and now thanks to you I have this fucking crack in my head! You better hope this doesn’t affect my brain or else you’re dead.” Haechan jumps on Mark putting him in a head lock as the older boy pleads for forgiveness.
“Don’t say sorry to just me! Say sorry to-“ Haechan stiffens. Daring not to look toward the thing he feared the most. The person that they cared the most about stood right there. Now seeing the truth . Looking down at them with such conflicted eyes.
You.
You stayed silent as your fists clenched as the scene. You were safe, Haechan was safe but your stomach still burned. Not only your stomach but your heart stung. Your teeth hurt at the amount of pressure your jaw forced. 
The boys didn’t say a word. 
But instead of saying anything you turn your heel making your way towards the exit on which the art was carried through. Not only your hands but your knees shook. Anger, sadness, maybe even relief rushed through your Brain.
Haechan was the first to move towards you. Stumbling while he stood. He caught your arm halting you. “Please, we can explain!”  This only made you more furious as you yanked your arm away from his grip. The hurt in your eyes stopped him in his tracks. 
“You don’t need to explain anything. I’ve seen enough.” You growl. 
“___ please!” Haechan begs but you push him roughly. Regretting it afterwards as he stumbles back landing on the floor. Mark took this as his queue to come in, lifting Haechan off the floor. You watched and kept your mouth shut. Trying on to look towards the masked boy.
“__ please say something.” Mark pleads.
“What do you want me to say?! Huh mark?!” You yell causing the two boys to flinch back. “Thank you for saving me? You want me to say that? Just like everyone else in this god forsaken city?! Because that seemed to be what you saw me as! Just another person in the crowd admiring their precious hero.” Tears slide down your face taking the ash down with it making clears streams across your cheeks. 
“Just please understand this was to protect you!” Mark argues back taking a step towards you, but you take a step back for everyone of his.
“All this time. I didn’t know, that the both of my best friends, NO fuck it! My best friend and the love of my life went out putting their lives on the line every night. Every time I worried about you was for good reason. Now I just feel like an idiot, and idiot that stood at home not knowing the people she loved weren’t really the people she knew.” Wiping the tears from your eyes you smear the blackness across your face. Leaving your hands even dirtier “and that they lied to me every. Single. Day”
Mark didn’t even have the power to speak, the love of his life confessed her feelings, to who he doesn’t know. Whether it was him or Haechan it didn’t make him feel any less guilty. You thought you were an idiot, and it made him angry that you would even think of yourself like that.
Mark grasped your shoulders tightly. Wanting you to look at him, he needed you to look at him. But before your eyes could meet his, Haechan’s yell got his attention. 
It seemed to be to late because Malr had the air knocked out of him as he flew towards the wall. Landing on piles of shipping boxes to break his fall. The boss of this whole ordeal emerges from nowhere,
 how could you even forget he was there?!
“Spider-man!” You scream as you try to run towards him but Haechan stops you. “We have to get out of here! He can handle it!” Haechan tried to drag you away but you insist on helping. You run around looking for something to help.
Mark emerged from the boxes looking around but sees the monster of a man charging towards him. Thinking on his toes Mark webs himself towards the ceiling, hanging upside down as the man makes contact with boxes, causing them to fly all across the room. 
This guy must have been no joke because he managed to force a hole in the wall.
Scar tried to force his hands out from the wall but webbing forced his arms to the wall. Mark continued to shoot the webbing so that the man's whole body was covered. Scar struggled to get out. Mark lets out a relieved breath of air but it was short lived... 
A jagged piece of pottery rips through the webbing and allowed Scar to escape.
“Aw common! You’re one lucky dude, you know that?” Mark comments, the man just growls and picks up a large vase, one that hasn’t been broken surprisingly and rockets it towards Mark. Mark jumps down but before his feet touch the ground he shoots his webbing on each of the man's shoulders, pulling himself towards the boss. His feet make contact with his face.
The impact was supposed to knock Mark in the opposite direction But a strong grasp on mark’s ankle leaves him no way to escape.
“Mar- Spider-man!” You could only watch from afar as the two men go at it. 
“You little pest!” The grip on mark’s ankle tightens as he’s  hurled into the tile flooring, leaving an impressive crack. “I’ll squash you like a bug! You and those brats ruined everything!” Again mark is slammed into the floor like a rag doll being thrown by a child.
Haechan cringes at the sight and looks for anyway to get out. Seeing that an emergency exit is in good sight for the both of you escape but when he turns towards you,
You’re gone.
Mark couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. All he could feel was the intense power this simple man had. As he makes contact with the ground again he tries aim his webs towards the mans face but the boss grabs him by the wrist and tosses him against the wall. The air was totally knocked from the boy as he slides down the wall. His butt lands with a thud . He tries to keep himself straight. 
The man only chuckles as he stalks towards mark, as his meaty hand reaches into his jacket. His palms bleeding because of the jagged pottery before now held a gun. Aiming towards the young hero before he pulled the trigger. 
“NO!” Haechan yells as the bullet hits marks leg. 
“I’ve had enough of this shit!” He’s only a few feet from mark, towering over the poor boy. “Months of planning down the drain! Because of you brats! I’ll kill you!” Mark gulps heavily, the only thing on his mind, as scar points his pistol towards his heart. 
You. 
You’re the only thing on his mind, even at his last moments. 
Your smile, your laugh, your everything.
You’ve must have escaped with Haechan by now, getting as far away as possible, while mark, spider- man. Tried to take care of it. 
He was happy with dying if it meant you and haechan would be ok, he couldn’t wish for anything better. Maybe when he goes to the next world, he could watch you live your life, because he knew you had some much going for you. Though it pained his heart that the last time you would see him was when you were angry, sad and even betrayed. 
But he still loves you and that all that matters.
And maybe since there might be a chance that you loved him back too, made it all the more worthwhile.
Which is why you would do this.
With clenched teeth the man puts his finger on the trigger. Mark closes his eyes waiting for the final shot to end it all. 
Then he fired. 
The bang echoed in marks ears as he waited for the burn of the bullet but he felt nothing. Instead the bullet hits the wall near his head, missing.
“___!!!!!!” Haechan screams, his throat feeling like it would give. 
Mark’s eyes snap open to not only seeing the man but you infront of him. Guarding him as you held scar’s hand, the hole in your torso gushes blood. Leaving hot globs of crimson to leak into the tile. 
Mark’s world crashes around him. 
“What the?! You fucking brat!” The man roars but you just smirk, blood dripping down your mouth as you cough, splattering it on the mans face. 
“Didn’t I tell you… you’d pay for that.” The man's eyes widen as your arms swings it way towards the man. 
The rod in your hands and you stab it into scar’s thick neck. 
“Like I said, you’re an ugly ass bitch. And..” You press the button. “Don’t mess with the people I love.”
The man yells in agony at the intense pain running through his body. Falling to his knees to see you towering over him now. A fire in your eyes like no other. 
And for the final blow, you grab a brick and smash it on his head. Hopefully leaving another scar.
 And Knocking him out cold. 
The electric rod stops and the man's body is still left compulsing. 
“Fucking bitch.” You spit.
Soon the adrenaline leaves your body and you could feel everything. The gut wrenching pain of being shot takes effect. Your knees begin to wobble, your eyes roll to the back of your head as you fall .
But mark was there to catch you. 
“__?! Answer me! You’re gonna be ok! I promise! Just hang in there and don’t sleep!” Mark hoists you up into his arms, though he was experiencing the same searing pain in his leg. “Haechan  let's get out of here quick before this place falls. It’s only a matter of time before the fire spreads here.” Haechan follows the hero out from the emergency exit. 
But just outside the door, they are bombarded with bright lights and guns pointed. The police lower their guns seeing that it was no threat.
“Spider-Man!” The officer says but mark cuts him off.
“Please help! She’s been shot! Take her to the hospital!” Mark pleads and officers jump to action. Breathing masks are strapped to your face as they push you towards the ambulance. 
The paramedics shining the bright lights in your eyes for any sign of you still being there. Haechan and Mark were right beside you as they quickly push through the crowd.
The other paramedics swarmed Mark hoping to fix up his leg but he swatted them away.
The media swarmed around you three, trying to get any sight of what has happened but an angry figure pushed through a long with others.
“Get the fuck out of the way! That’s my sister!” Johnny and his friends push through, yuta couldn’t even look at the sight of you being like this. Johnny's face hovers above yours as tears and sobs could be heard. Making it to the ambulance the paramedics laid you in, Haechan and Johnny hop into the car watching over you.
Mark wanted to badly hop into the van with you but he was still in his suit. He stood while the sirens started and you were rushed to the hospital. The news outlets of all sorts surround the hero after the ambulance left, asking questions, but no thoughts rushed through Mark's head. He stood silently watching as the streets cleared for the paramedics.
A hand slaps it’s way onto Mark's shoulder.
“Get yourself fixed up. Go change and get out of here.” Mark’s heart drops at the familiar voice. 
Yuta, though he looked worried as anyone else, smiled at mark. 
The boy didn’t even question it as he made his way to the on scene paramedics as they fixed up his leg. Luckily the bullet barely grazed his leg, so it was an easy fix. After he got the ok he ran off and swung his way away from the mess of media and made his way towards the hospital.
-
The soft beats of the heart monitor steadily echoed off the bright white walls of the hospital room. Your slow breathing and rising and falling of your stomach was the only movement in the room. 
You could smell hospital. The smell of rubber gloves and hand sanitizer. Your eyes were still closed but you never felt more awake at that moment. You breath from your mouth breathing in a large gulp of air. 
Slowly opening your eyes, you try to adjust to the bright lights of the room. The white light almost making your eyes tear up. But you still open them wide, looking around at your surroundings.
You were indeed in a hospital room. IVs attached to your arms along with the hospital bracelets  that decorated your wrists. But a shuffle against your leg is what caught your attention. The Mop of brown messy hair, unkempt and sticking up in all different places. A small groan escapes his lips and he sticks his head up. Suddenly everything that happened rushes back into your head.
You’re alive. 
“Mark?” Your voice was barely above a whisper but he seemed to have heard it. His head pops up in surprise as you’ve finally awoken. Taking your hands in his, he squeezes firmly. 
“God, thank god you’re awake! I don’t know what I’d do with myself if you-“ his voice cracks as tears run down his reddened face. You look fondly at him, he was safe. That was everything you could have hoped. No more anger or sadness flowed through you but happiness and relief.
“I’m so sorry, I know I should have told you! I know I’m a complete idiot for getting mad and yelling at you! Im-“
You grasp his hands firmly, rubbing your thumb across his hands. Those hands that you held when you first went ice skating, the hands that you held when you watched a scary movie. The hands that saved your life along with hundreds of others.
Those hands were your lifeline.
“Mark… I missed you.” With a little bit of a struggle you bring his hand to your lips. Intertwining your fingers with his. You couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “I’m so glad your safe.” Mark couldn’t help but smile as he brought both of your hands to his lips and giving them hundreds of kisses. 
Feeling like there isn’t a better time, given that you almost died. You wanted Mark to know now, no more secrets…
“Mark?”
“Hmm?” He hums against your hands. Closing his eyes at the caress of your hands against his face.
“It’s always been you, Mark.”’ Marks eyes open and look straight at you. You’re looking at the ceiling just smiling to yourself. “The boy I fell in love with when I was 6 and the man that I’m still in love with today.” You smile and he couldn’t help it he rushes up so that his face hovers over yours. Not wanting to be too overbearing given that you just woke up, he looks down at you.
“It’s always been you too,__ . You’re my rock, my best friend, my inspiration, my everything. Hell, you even saved my life. I love you so damn much that it hurts seeing you like this, because of me. Which is why I wanted to keep this from you..”
“Mark. I don’t care what happens to me if it means saving you. I wouldn’t even care if I lost both of my arms. So don’t ever blame yourself for this.” All he could do was nod. He place his forehead against yours, noses touching.
“I’ll make sure nothing happens to you.”
“I love you so much,Mark Lee ,and I’ll love Spider-Man just as much.” And like it was a dream, Mark pushes his lips against yours. Your hands make it on mark’s face as you bring him closer, moving your lips in perfect sync. 
As much as you both didn’t want it to, the kiss ended. Mark still had his eyes closed which made you giggle and flick his forehead playfully.
“Ouch what was that for?”
“For being best.”
“So all that anger from before is gone?” Mark asks sitting in the chair next to your bed again. You just scoff and roll your eyes.
“Take me getting shot as the easy way out. If I didn't you would be in a whole lot of pain right now. Plus I can’t kill spider man, the world would hate me. But take this as warning mark lee, don’t lie to me again.” You hiss crossing your arms and pouting.
“Never again. Plus I never want to go through this again, if you being shot  is the easy way out then I don’t want to risk finding out what’s worse. Plus that wasn’t the only thing that had me going through the wringer.” He sighs.
“Oh really, what else?” You questions as you prop yourself up with pillows, which mark got up to help place the pillows behind your back carefully.
“I thought there could have been a chance you were in love with Donghyuk.” You just laugh as the boy and he blushes.
“What I’m serious! If that were the case I would have launched myself off the highest building.” You smack his arm at the comment and he gives a small sorry.
“Well you’re lucky then.”
“Very.”
-
It has been a good four months since the incident happened. You found out that you had been asleep for three days from all the blood loss, and that had Johnny, Haechan and mark go through hell and back. Johnny told you how worried he’d been and that him and yuta would spend hours a day singing to you hoping that would wake you up. That ended up reminding you when he would sign to you to wake up in the morning for school. 
But what really caught you by surprise is that yuta told you that mark stayed by your side the whole time, watching you while Johnny had to go to work. He didn’t even leave to shower,while gross, is still sweet. 
Luckily Haechan only had a small cut in the back of his head but nothing serious. But he would be blaming his head aches on it for months to come. 
You were delighted to see Renjun come visit with flowers and all your favorite treats, which made Mark’s eyes roll. He was lucky to have the van that held the artists found by the authorities and gained his freedom. And even luckier the truck he was on also had most of your paintings, ones that you thought surely burned in the fire.
You hug him but not without a pout from mark.
As for Scar and his goons, they were taken and arrested for too many crimes to even count. The main boss would even go to say on live television that the girl who knocked him out still haunted his dreams. 
With that you felt even more proud.
Now that 4 months have passed and you’ve long since left the hospital. You felt more energetic now that you’re out and about. Of course your brother and mark occasionally scold you about taking it easy since the scar is still new. It’s a good thing you're a painter because anything other than that, mark and Johnny would have a heart attack. 
It’s evening and you waited desperately for an email. You’re going to graduate sooner than the rest of your class since you’ve taken a bunch of extra classes along with Donghyuk, which meant you would be graduating with Mark. 
But what comes with graduation… is collage.
Since the art show collages form all across the world wanted to get their hands on you, but with gently rejection you deny all of them. And chose to apply to a local university for art. You thought it would be best if you stayed close to family and Mark. 
Mark, who is now your boyfriend who’ve you know been dating for 3 months, would be very glad to know that you’ll hopefully be staying in the city. 
A ding sounded from your computer and you nearly fell off your chair. You quickly open your inbox to see an email from the uni you wanted to attend. You click on it eagerly and skim through the email as fast as you could. A sigh of relief leaves your lips.
You got in.
You slump into your seat just staring at the screen. Shutting your laptop gently, you stand up…
And start hopping around happily and throwing yourself into your bed signing and laughing with joy. Your stomps making your desk and art supplies shake and maybe making unhappy neighbors but you didn’t care.
You’ll be staying home.
“Well isn’t someone happy.” A voice says from behind you. You turn around to see mark, or should you say Spider-Man, standing upside down from your ceiling, his face inches away from yours. You almost yelp but mark covers your mouth with his gloved hand. You yanked his hand from your mouth and start smacking Him with a ruler.
“You scared the crap out of me, jerk!” You don’t stop with your assault, but he raises his hand trying to protect his face.
“Well maybe you shouldn’t leave your window unlocked so that anyone could get in.” He states and you just pout. 
“Mark no one else could climb up the side of a building.” You say and you sit on your bed, opening your arms waiting for your hugs. Mark hops from the ceiling, landing on his feet and taking off his famous mask. 
You laugh at his messy hair as he slides into your open arms. Lifting you from your bed, he wraps his arms around you tightly, you quickly wrap all of your limbs around him as he spins around.
Laughter leaving you both as you both plop onto the bed.
“You know I love you right?” He asks kissing your lips for the first time that night.
“Yeah yeah. You’ve might have told me once or twice.” He just laughs at your response. He probably tells you he loves you at least 20 times a day. At least.
He sits up from your bed, looking around your room, seeing that you’ve worked on quite a lot for your portfolio. “Any new school offers?” He asks, you push yourself up and wrap your arms around mark as you hug him from behind. Kissing his cheek lovingly.
“I actually think I found a school…”
Mark’s looks back at you excitedly. “Really? Where? Paris? Berlin? It doesn’t matter how far because I would still visit!” You laugh at his excitement and nuzzle your head into his neck.
“Well Mark, lucky for you. You don’t have to buy expensive plane tickets because I’m staying here.” You confirm. 
Then before you know it, you’re being spun around in his arms. “Really!?” He stops and looks down at you, you were dizzy and couldn’t really look straight.
“Yes mark, I’m not going anywhere.” Then his lips crashed on yours. You squeak in surprise but melt into the kiss anyway. Your eyes flutter shut as mark lifts you off the ground with ease and lays you on your bed. Hovering his whole body over yours as his lips attack yours. 
“Baby, you don’t know how happy that makes me.” His grin was ear to ear. 
“I’m glad” you pull him towards you again but this time the kiss was much more eager as you tangle your hands into his messy hair. His kisses begin to trail from your lips your jaw, then soon to your neck.  You hands wonder from his neck to his covered back, holding on as he kissed and bit on your neck, probably to leave marks that Johnny will have a heart attack if he sees.
But you both didn’t care.
The only thing on your minds is each other and the feeling of each other. His hand slides under your shirt slightly, lifting it just a bit. His fingers finding the scar that reminded him of that awful day. 
His fingers trace it gently as he continued to kiss your neck and collarbone. You didn’t mind, in fact you found it nice. 
Grabbing your legs and putting them at either side of his hips. Your head was far beyond the clouds as Mark kissed you like it’s the only thing he knows. His love bites now decorating your skin as attempted to show that he did that to you and you very much enjoyed it.
“Baby.” He says as he takes a break from your skin to look at you and You just hum in response. “Is anyone home?” He asks. Giving you another kiss on your lips.
“No.”  You answer. You both sit up but not without him dragging you into his lap, holding on to your hips protectively. 
“Then tonight. Let’s celebrate.” He states simply, pushing your hair away from the place on your neck that he’s marked.
“Celebrate what?” You ask looking into his eyes that held so much.
“Your achievements, our happiness…mostly us.” You couldn’t be more happy as you nod rapidly. The smile on your face not faltering. “How about we go out for dinner? We can swing there!” Like a child he gets excited and you just stare fondly at him, think what did you do to become so lucky?
“I would love that.” And like that his lips meet yours once more but with so much passion than the last. You both laugh as you pull him from the bed and getting him some normal clothes and escape out into town.
You both spent the night like any night, together.
No longer blank faces on a canvas.
Because you’ve truly found each other.
<3
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aelinbitch-archive · 5 years
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unpopular opinion: i don’t like rowan/rowaelin. i’m not here to convince u to unstan lol ppl are allowed to like/dislike things w/o feeling bad about it omg but i hate that some rowan stans are so insensitive when it comes to those who don’t like him! they’re so thirsty for him that they condemn anyone who doesn’t stan him & then excuse his problematic/lowkey triggering actions bc he’s hot and it’s gross. AGAIN not saying ppl can’t like rowan it’s ok lol but it’s more about some stan’s behavior
That’s totally fair my angel. I dislike the vibe that some people are locked out of the fandom for not being a cheerleader for every aspect of the series, and I hope that my followers/mutuals know that if they dislike stuff I like, or like stuff I dislike, expressing their opinions regarding that won’t ever cause me to cut them off (unless it’s like, some truly gross shit, which disliking rowaelin isn’t). 
Also I have to say, even tho I do like rowaelin, I understand where you’re coming from about people excusing his actions because he’s hot. I’ve toooooootally seen that. And I’ll just be 100% honest - no shade to anyone, but some of the rowaelin content on this website disturbs me a little bit, in terms what’s considered hot/romantic/acceptable when writing or depicting them in art. I’ve seen some weird stuff defended as hot or even just “not that bad.” Which isn’t necessarily a problem with canon, but your ask was more about stans anyway, so yeah. 
A while ago I actually wrote rowaelin meta in response to some other peeps (which was more about Aelin in relation to Rowaelin and how she’s included or not included in discussions of the ship, but it has some thoughts relevant to this ask) so I’m gonna just copy and paste what I wrote below and feel free to read if u want. (It’s like very overdramatic and fiery lmao but anyway). 
I agree with a lot of this, but (at risk of derailing ms aelinapologist’s amazing post) I do have a few things to say, which are
1. OP took two whole paragraphs at the beginning of her post to say that the point wasn’t to discourse about rowaelin being abuse or not abuse, it was to talk about how the conversations centering around said abuse consistently display a disturbing lack of empathy for the character who should be the main concern of the debate. So I just find it a bit funny/odd that the replies (including a portion of the one I’m about to make, I admit that) have been like “Yeah great post! And now to discourse about Rowaelin-” but I digress.
2. I have consistently loved reading about Rowan and Aelin and they’re one of my favorite fictional couples. So nothing I’m about to say is intended to be like “GOTCHA they suck and you suck for liking them!!!” Because I like them as well. A lot. And in addition, nothing about this reblog is intended to be shady or confrontational in any way shape or form. I just think this is a great and very needed discussion I’d like to contribute to, so here goes.
3. Even if we look at HoF alone and ignore how things play out later: yes, they are both mean to one another, yes, they are both in a dark place and end up having a mutually positive effect on one another (so I definitely agree that, at least for HoF alone, it’s not a “douchey guy changes for the heroine story”) but. There IS still a power imbalance. I don’t think it’s entirely accurate to say “they were both bad The End” without also bringing up the fact that Rowan is 300 years old and Aelin is 18, and that Rowan is training Aelin and is in a position that gives him a massive amount of control over her, and that he is stronger and more powerful than her physically, magically, and socially (he is a prince and legendary warrior, she is a AWOL teenage princess currently working as a scullery maid).
Maybe I’m reading into it too much, but I really just don’t think that Aelin, a 17 y/o girl going through an unimaginably shitty time, being like “fuck you!!” to this 300 y/o jerk who doesn’t know shit about her is on the same level as aforementioned 300 y/o jerk hitting her, biting her, and telling her she would have been of more use to the world if she’d died when she was eight.
And in addition to that, we see that his behavior effects her a lot more than it effects him. When he verbally tears her down, we see her experience genuine and devastating despair and shame, whereas everything she does and says to him, no matter how snarky or outright cruel, is not having that same effect on him. People always seem to think they’re giving Aelin credit for being a Strong Woman™ by saying “she’s tough! she can handle it!” when in reality… we have evidence for the fact that she kinda can’t handle it. That the way he treats her in the beginning is slowly wearing her down and sending her deeper into a depressive state. And I don’t understand how it somehow reflects poorly on Aelin (or is even misogynist) to acknowledge this. Women, especially literal teenage girls, should not be measured by their tolerance for mistreatment.
All I really wish is that somewhere along the line we’d gotten a genuine apology from Rowan for this besides a throwaway line in KoA about regretting their “brawling.” And again, none of this is to say “see!! it IS abuse!!” it’s just to suggest that, even as an enemies to friends to lovers story, the “enemies” part was not exactly on a level playing field.
4. But with that being said, I could probably forgive the imbalance in their early relationship, mostly because their later relationship, as both friends and lovers, is so amazing and supportive in pretty much every way. And the great thing about enemies to FRIENDS to lovers, like you said, is that 1) none of the assholery occurred during any kind of romantic or sexual relationship or a transition into one, so it was sort of “fair and square” in that way, and 2) they had the opportunity form a solid, platonic foundation of trust and caring before they crossed into the lover territory.
Aaaaaaaaaand then Sarah did a retcon job on HoF which negated… pretty much all of that. I can totally be down with “good old fashioned mutual hatred thaws into caring which grows into love” but once we start hearing shit like “‘Sometimes, you’d be sleeping beside me at Mistward, and it’d take all my concentration not to lean over and bite them. Bite you all over’” and “‘That was the first time I really lost control around you, you know. I wanted to chuck you off a cliff, yet I bit you before I knew what I was doing. I think my body knew, my magic knew. And you tasted… So good. I hated you for it’”……. hhhhhhhhhhh.
I can’t think of many arguments for this NOT contributing at least a little to the “he’s mean because he loves you (and stick it out because someday he’ll figure it out)” trope. And while it might be a bit different because Aelin was quite mean as well, her behavior was just… meanness. Not some sort of weird outlet for repressed sexual attraction/love. I guess I just get flashbacks of “No sweetie, that boy in your class kicks your desk, pulls your hair, and calls you names because he likes you and doesn’t know how to express it.”
And I think this decision on Sarah’s part to go back and say he was into her all along is 1) a result of the mating bond thing she’s so fond of and 2) kind of a panicked backpedalling to the backlash she might have gotten over Rowan’s behavior in HoF? Which is…. so ironic because she made it SO much worse. In my humble opinion, she should have just doubled down on what she originally wrote as enemies-friends-lovers (and had Rowan bring up his early behavior and apologize in some way), and the problem would have been solved. And while I personally feel that I can recognize this for what it is - a shitty retcon - and enjoy the relationship despite it, I don’t think we should talk over people for whom this is a deal-breaker for the ship.
5. I don’t think about all of this and have the reaction that so many “anti tog” people seem to have of “FUCK Rowan he’s ABUSIVE and PREDATORY and I wish he was DEAD!!!” I think there are things to criticize about his behavior and about the way Sarah decided to spin their relationship, but they have had many great moments, especially in the later books, and I don’t think I or anyone else is “shipping abuse” by enjoying that. All of this is just to emphasize how, in OP’s very succinct words, “your inalienable right to enjoy two characters’ dynamic does not outweigh the right to criticise it.” Because there ARE valid things to criticize, and we as Rowaelin shippers (lol.) need to be careful not to conflate ugly hatred with valid criticism when we speak over it.
And because there IS so much ugly hatred for Aelin and her relationship with Rowan on this website, I completely understand why there’s a kind of knee-jerk reaction of jumping to defense of this ship we love. But that impulse, quite frankly, means nothing to me if defense of Rowaelin includes the erasure of Aelin’s canonical experiences. And maybe this is wacky and controversial, but I’m pretty sure we can express our enjoyment of Rowaelin AND keep Aelin as an individual from being swept under the rug.  
6. More than saying any of that what I really really want to do (and have been trying to do in the previous paragraphs, but maybe unsuccessfully) is bring the conversation back to OP’s original point which was not “abuse!” or “not abuse!” but about how the ways in which we discuss “abuse or not abuse” often includes a stomach-turning lack of concern for Aelin and some frustratingly reductive arguments. And somehow I have the sneaking suspicion that Rowaelin shippers are reading this post and missing the point, which that this is happening on BOTH sides of the argument.
Everyone is perfectly entitled to ship Rowaelin and argue their opinion about its merits or lack thereof, but when we cover our ears and say “she was mean too she was mean too she was mean too she was mean too la la la la la la la” that’s completely ignoring the genuine pain that she did experience in HoF and the power imbalance that she was subjected to, no matter whether or not we personally feel that it was sufficiently rectified in later books.
And I see this ALL THE TIME, in both the fandom and “anti-fandom”, and I’m honest to god quite sick of it. I’m sick of the willful ignorance of a teenage girl’s pain in order to further an agenda. Yes, it’s more stomach-turning when the agenda is to prove what an evil bitch she is or whatever, but it’s not excusable if your agenda is to prove Rowaelin is great, either! And I don’t understand why we have to throw all nuance out the window and ignore how Dorian hurt her, ignore how Chaol hurt her, ignore how Rowan hurt her, fucking hell, ignore how SAM hurt her, just so we can make our arguments! Because as much as the antis love to scream about “WHAT MESSAGE IS THIS TERRIBLE SHIP SENDING THE TINY GIRL-CHILDREN WHO READ THE BOOKS???” it’s also like, what kind of message is our ongoing discussion of it sending by sweeping a teenage girl’s experiences under the rug when we argue about her relationships?
And like OP said, what have we even got to show for it? No conclusion has been reached, nothing has been achieved besides valuing a romance (or the hatred of that romance and preference for a different romance) over individual characters, namely an individual character who happens to be a teenage girl that has suffered an ungoldy amount - suffered, sometimes, at the hands of male characters we like.
In conclusion, the mass allergy everyone seems to have to giving a shit about Aelin unless its to further their agenda is sickening. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve had to hear about how poor Manon’s character was “ruined” by Manorian (although not directly by DORIAN, of course, because apparently Saint Haviliard can do no wrong) I’d have enough money to buy a lamborghini and drive it off a cliff like I wish I could every time I hear someone’s terrible hot take about how Aelin is complicit in her own alleged abuse. Yet somehow I’ve never heard anyone complain about the damage done to Aelin’s character by any of the male characters, including Rowan. It’s never “Rowan ruined Aelin’s character!!” it’s “Rowaelin sucks and so does Aelin.” In fact, one of the REASONS Aelin sucks in the first place IS Rowan/Rowaelin! What a great implicit message to send to people reading your “critiques”: if you are annoying and #problematic enough, your suffering will be used against you and you will receive no sympathy for it. Cool!
And for other ships, too: it’s never “Chaol and Dorian, while at points a very good for Aelin, also caused her a lot of pain” it’s either “Chaol was right about Aelin in QoS and both he and Dorian are ruined because of her #chaorian” OR, from the fans, who, again, are not off the hook, “Chaol and Dorian and Aelin are BFFs forever #originaltrio.” And as a teenage girl myself, who loves and identifies with Aelin, who is more invested in her story than anyone else’s… I’m just tired. And more than a little appalled. And I wish we could do better.
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I need more batman media but I don't know what to watch or where to watch it and Netflix took off Young Justice and Justice League :(:( do you have any fic recs or fun facts
A.  Blogsto follow if you haven’t already followed them, the first three write FREAKINGAMAZING fanfic and the fourth creates THE BEST fanart I have literally sat and scrolled through these blogs for hours
@camsthisky (good GOSH I love her she writes so much about Dick Grayson)
@audreycritter
@preciousthingsareprecious
@laquilasse
B.  RandomFics to Read (and honestly there are so many more, I just can’t think of themat the moment):
1. TheAcrobat Series 
by fishfingersandjellybabies http://archiveofourown.org/works/4079917
Look anytime anyone talks about how much Dick loveshis family they’ve won my heart and soul. I especially like the Kori section.
2.  Mori Shej 
bydickiegayson  https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12298375/1/Mori-Shej
OH MY GOSH.  Ilove this story so freaking much.  Ok,imagine if Jason Todd, after coming back from the dead and going through allthat stuff with the Lazarus Pit and training, goes after Dick Grayson to gethis revenge on Bruce.  Except when heshows up at Dick’s apartment, ready to kill the Golden Son, he finds somethingcompletely unexpected.  Jason has a lotof issues, Dick has a lot of issues (courtesy of the Blockbuster incident).  I have read and reread this story countlesstimes, and I can never not cry because I love my broken sons so much.  There is a lot of anger, some cursing, muchregret, and brothers being brothers.  And Dick is the sweetest most protective [redacted because spoiler] and Jason has a mushy heart after all.  Itcan stand as complete but I think the author is writing more?  Also, either before or after, or both, go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqeNxdyp5CEand listen to the song.  It is my newfavorite song and CAN YOU IMAGINE DICK SINGING IT OH MY GOSH
3.  the roadwill only be wide (the rain will never stop falling) 
by weird_bird (2weird4) http://archiveofourown.org/works/8610391/chapters/19743343
A collection of Dick and Damian moments.  So very beautiful.
4.  The RobinsUnited Series, first story is Bird by Bird 
by laceymcbain  http://archiveofourown.org/works/2656487/chapters/5936243
…some hurt/comfort, Jason doesn’t know what the hellto do with his family, and they all insist on calling him brother.  *shrugs* family feels are my drug of choice
5.  Penny Lane 
by @jerseydevious  http://archiveofourown.org/works/11757690
Damian wants a horse, and drat I’m crying?  (tbh I cry very easily over my sons…but still)
6.  Sun Spot 
byDawn’sEternalLight (@preciousthingsareprecious) http://archiveofourown.org/works/11748606
This fic is a quiet moment of beauty and rest for Dickand Damian.  Damian draws, and Dickwatches his talented little bro.  Thereis sunlight.  You skin will clear andyour crops will grow and any heartache you have ever had will be healed likemagic!
C.  Abunch of fics by Kieron_O’Duibhir
1.  TheTill-Then From the Ever-Since http://archiveofourown.org/works/3506603/chapters/7707866  
There is a problem in the Batcave, as in, youngerversions of the Batfam keep turning up. It’s absolutely fantastic, and one of my favorite things is youngerJason being SO done with his older self and calling him out on stuff and being all protective of his brothers.  It gets better and better with every chapter.
2.  But a Walking Shadow http://archiveofourown.org/works/4259511/chapters/9641367
 Sothis story is not finished yet and the author takes waaay long to post updateson it but she has promised not to abandon it soo…It is Nightwing-centric, witha whole mess of comic Teen Titans making appearances.  The author has written a lot of stories abouta world where Dick became a Talon, and in this tale Talon-on-the-run winds upon Earth-1 and Nightwing is trying to figure out who this apparent clone of hisis.  Talon Dick has always intrigued me,and it is interesting seeing him and Nightwing face off.
3.  All the Roofs of Uncertainty http://archiveofourown.org/works/2273208/chapters/4994631
HOLY HECK this is one of my favorite Jason Todd fanfics EVER.  I love the description by the author “The onewhere Dick bleeds a lot and Jason argues with everybody.”  Jason is in the wrong spot at the wrong time,ie. He finds Dick bleeding to death and is forced to save him.  Tim and Damian make appearances.  Jason has anger issues.  That doesn’t stop him from caring.  Bruce and Jason hash things out in the mostbeautiful (painful) way.
4.  Wheel and Blade 
http://archiveofourown.org/works/2492957
 Inwhich Dick confronts Damian about his practice of taking weapons to school, andalso gets slightly distracted by the idea of living in a vardo.  I love this story because it shows the bestway to parent Damian—not by telling him no “because I said so” but byexplaining and debating things like he is smart and capable.  
5.  I Pass the Night Watchman on His Beat http://archiveofourown.org/works/2326226
Thisis a cool one-shot of Dick and Amy, his partner on the Bludhaven police force.  I freaking love Dick being a cop.
D.  Okay now if you want something towatch:
 1.     Nightwing—TheSeries 
by ismahawk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o297A1wmys0
This is THE BEST Nightwing fan film I haveever seen.  I love the Dick Grayson in it—he’sgot acrobatics, sounds like Jesse McCartney (Robin/Nightwing’s VA in YJ), and is quite handsome.  He fights, gets the stuffing beat out of himand keeps getting back up, has a bit of a temper, loves Barbara—perfection.  Watch it, you won’t regret it.  (Also Jason is there yay!  I will take him in any capacity I can get. And I kinda really like the actor for Bruce?)
2.     RedHood: The Series—Episode One “Homecoming” 
by tenshunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BdVSgshgFA&t=136s
My favorite Jason Toddfanfilm!!!  Heavily featuring TimDrake!  Look this adaption is fab, I lovethe actors and the dialogue and the fight between Jason and Tim (spoiler?)  As far as I know they are trying to puttogether a second episode.  Watch thevideo where Jason Todd tries to get people to donate money for it, itsHILARIOUS
3.      Batman The Animated Series is on Netflix tillSeptember 1st.  I’m in thesecond season and love it a lot…Alfred is so freaking sassy!  
4.     DamianWayne: Robins Fly at Night
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tS30bYjVmL4
 It’s just five minutesand doesn’t have any dialogue, and it doesn’t come close to deserving an Oscar, but dang it it’s hard to find Damian stuff…and also seeing a littlekid running around in the Robin costume made me realize that there is nothing Iwant more than to see Damian Wayne on the big screen, being all angry assassinkid, and Dick Grayson capturing him in a hug…
5. Gotham on Netflix
I am pretty sure you already watch this? But if not, DO!  It is AMAZING.  I love it so much, especially Bruce and Alfred and Selina Kyle
E.  Some things from Batman: Dark Victory
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Okay I know he is a talented young acrobat and all but how the FUDGE did Dick get up on that chandelier?!  the kid can truly fly (yeah yeah, the stairs probably lead up to a hallway floor/balcony that Dick leapt off of but still) I wonder how many grey hairs the kid gave Alfred in those first weeks alone
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On dark days I like to remember the time bby birb Dick Grayson caved in the Joker’s cheek with a well-placed kick.  My nine or ten year old son then proceeded to smash in the Joker’s teeth with a stick a few minutes later and it was amazing
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You think I lied??  Nah my son Dick Grayson was cracking teeth and bones and witty puns from Day 1.  Go Robin!!!
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Okay so just look at this picture.  Bby Dick is SO FREAKING TINY!!!  also very intense. OMG Batman’s fists are as big as his first son’s head!  *cue a very many feels in my heart*
F.  Random things I am including because I feel like it, and they all revolve around Dick Grayson mostly because he is my fave so…
1. Apparently some official websites say that Nightwing’s martial arts specialty is Aikido.  I do not think that word means what they think it means
2. “I close my eyes now for a few moments and I can see my parents riding the air current with me. Forever young. Forever strong. Their faces wide with excitement, big smiles on their faces, enjoying the adrenaline surge even more than I do. And there is one thing I am sure of … my parents would be proud of my life.” (Nightwing, Nightwing #141, 2008)  
3.  [Talking about Blüdhaven] “It’s a hopeless case. A lost cause. A town so mired in corruption and sin that it’s drowning … When Batman sent me here, I thought I’d solve one case and book. But then I realized … if I could make a difference here – well, that’d be something. This filthy old town needs me…. Surrounded by a dozen of my worst enemies. No way out. Nowhere to hide. The little brat was right. I do love it. (Nightwing, Nightwing Secret Files #1, 1999)
4.  There once was a dumb writer who thought killing Nightwing for real would be a good idea, and he tried writing toward that end, but everybody else was like hahahaha NO
5.  I used to hate when fic writers would shorten Damian’s name to Dami (kind of like how I majorly dislike when people shorten Sirius Black’s name to Siri, he is not an iPhone gosh).  But then I read a post on tumblr that said something about Dami actually meaning something in Arabic, something like blood or life-blood or heart blood…I can’t exactly remember what and maybe it isn’t even true but I choose to believe it is and that Dick knows exactly what it means and he calls Damian Dami as a way to show how special he is, how much Dick loves him.  Because Damian is his little brother/son and means the absolute world to Dick.  And Damian, though he pretends to despise all nicknames, absolutely LOVES that Dick calls him this
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