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buzzworddotie · 4 years

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A little (not quite) Anxiety Ramble

Do something! Do SOMETHING! Don’t stop doing something!

Welcome to 2020.

It won’t stop, my brain will not shut off. We’ve been in lockdown for… to be honest off the top of my head I can’t even get dates right but I’ve been in isolation mode, working from home for about 4 weeks now maybe?

On week 2, I became more lethargic than I ever have in my life, I withdrew from any contact with other people, my brain was in a fog, I couldn’t focus. My muscles were tired and refusing to function and my energy was entirely zapped.

I managed to pull myself out of that by attempting to not guilt myself for eating that bowl of carb loaded cereal or allowing myself to rationalise that it’s OK to just watch a movie.

But here I find myself in that cloudy little place again. My anxiety is in such a way that my brain refuses to shut down and my motivation is becoming a precious commodity that I’m unsure of how exactly to keep it in a steady flow.

When the anxiety kicks in like this for me, I stress and worry about every and any thing. Things entirely out of my control, other people, how I am perceived, why I am not now or have ever been good enough for anything or anyone.

My rational brain packs its bags and heads for the door as I stare in the mirror and hate everything I see looking back. My doubts, my insecurities, my shame - every dark little voice that can be mustered up gets louder and louder.

And so I overthink every action I make, I try too hard to impress a version of myself on people. I try too hard to force anyone who might give a shit that I am in fact OK! And you know there’s nothing saner than someone screaming “I’M OK!!” directly into another person's face manically.

Sleeping is the worst, or in my case not sleeping. It doesn’t matter how tired I may or may not be, I can be assured that as soon as I lay my head down that anxiety demon comes alive.

I cannot remember the last time I slept for a solid 7 - 8 hours. I can recall what it feels like to be at complete odds and ends at 4am because it’s happening every goddamn night!

Is this a symptom of what is happening in the world right now or is it just an exemplification of how screwed up I might actually be? These are the beautiful thoughts which haunt my brain in between scrolling through Twitter or Reddit, telling myself to not scroll through Twitter or Reddit and then, you know, casually reminding myself that I will never be good enough for whatever the fuck I think I should be good enough for!

I’ve always been a bit of an introverted extrovert, or am I an extroverted introvert? I’m not sure, the point is I’ve never had a problem being a bit “isolated”. I’m quite happy in my own company and just pondering about, in my own little world doing whatever silly things I decide to do with myself. However, that world of mine was always interrupted with everyday interactions - people I work with, the ability to visit someone and general activities which we just take for granted.

I’m starting to even question if I am as introverted as I liked to think I was at all! I told myself that being locked down wasn’t a big deal for me, not a massive shift in my life. I’m single, I live alone… Just a real wholesome and healthy picture there! “I’m OK!!!”

First World Problems.

One thing about me I’ve known since childhood is that I love my independence. I was told by my parents growing up I was the most independent of all my siblings. There is a sense of freedom that comes with independence and I think losing that is throwing me for a bit of a loop.

The freedom and independence to just make a decision to do something in the moment and being able to just do it. Even the smallest, stupidest of things like going for a browse in a shop. Such a boring and mundane activity but an activity that clearly ticked some kind of box for my mind.

Of course, I am wary of banging on about this word “freedom” but allow me to state, I do not mean freedom with the gusto of some hardcore, right wing, gun toting Murican (Or the Irish lady, she whom shall not be named… We all know).

No, I’m not trying to suggest my first world concept of freedom is being threatened on some conspiracy level, I accept the merit in the fact that for a period of time we have to do what’s best for the greater good. But jaysus, it’s not easy at times is it?

Without the fundamental freedoms which I take for granted as everyday life it’s as if my brain is being withheld vital nutrients for it to operate full steam ahead. Don’t get me wrong, this anxiety trip isn’t a new phenomenon for me, I know the bitch well, but I had such a great grip on things and I think the hardest part for a minute there was trying to figure out how I was allowing it all to spiral so ferociously when I know I have the tools to not do that.

It also bothers me because I am, by nature, incredibly laid back and positive. I flip between Energizer Bunny, Everything is Awesome and easily passing for a hippie stoner on my good days. So seeing myself behave erratically at times now makes me not recognise or like the person I am having to live with during this lockdown! Her neediness and desire to please is very, very off putting to me.

But maybe I just need to let her be a little bit, maybe I just need to let her know that it is fine. It is fine if a momentary lapse in the mind causes a mini freak out which embodies itself as wanting to just shut down, it is fine if she does just go a bit OTT at times with people to overly compensate for how weak and low she is feeling. It’s fine.

It is fine. Once you recognise that that’s all it is, it does not lessen your worth to behave in a way you might later regret and it does not lessen your value if you allow your insecurities or vulnerabilities to sneak through every now and then. You just have to hope that whoever is lucky enough to get the brunt of your vulnerability can appreciate the value in getting a taste of it at all. Because that right there, that vulnerability, that is a precious thing which is not afforded to many, if any at all.

It is the most beautiful aspect of humanity, to be vulnerable. And it is really fucking hard to let go of. Vulnerability takes an incredible amount of strength, it’s a feather that keeps on floating through regardless of how much dirt and debris gets attached to weigh it down. It is delicate and strong all at the same time.

And for me, it is terrifying to let that wall down. It feels frightening to think for a moment I let someone see weakness or gave a hint that I, with all my positivity and strength and being there for other people, could have a moment of weakness. It cracks the veneer of who I want to pretend I am.

Meet my friend, Anxiety.

Anxiety has been an under current which has existed within me since my childhood but something I only recognised as I began to get older and, yes, get help. Speaking to a professional allowed me the opportunity to begin to understand myself and learn about myself, gain self awareness.

Where I am now compared to where I was back then are completely opposed. At its worst, I was consumed by my anxiety and all the other little niggly things which tortured my brain. It all manifested in self-hate usually, maybe hate is a strong word but certainly a really strong dislike of myself! I would allow that to spin in circles in my mind until I was lost in it and trying to fix a million and one things about myself and others which really, was all very surface or non-existent.

The difference today is that I can, at last, recognise it. I can see the signs, at times I am deep within them and it takes a step back to shake it off and see it but at least I can find it within myself to rationalise and take that step back.

It doesn’t make it easy, there is nothing easy about managing mental health in the same sense there is nothing easy about managing physical health. If I want that toned stomach I will have to feel the burn and it has to work the same for mental health too!

Jesus, it is not easy at times. I will always remember an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race in which the contestant Katya suffered severely from debilitating anxiety. During a walk through Ru asked the Queen if she was, in fact, addicted to the anxiety. This registered with Katya and as time has gone by and that interaction replays in my own mind, I realise it often registers for me too.

When it is all you know, you can easily become all consumed by the anxiety, the worry, the stress and you can get sucked right down into it. And you can find a level of comfort within that discomfort, it’s recognisable and it can feel easier to submit yourself to it than seek out the light and pull yourself back from it.

When I break it down I can see the various triggers for my anxiety:

Opening up and being vulnerable = Opening myself up for rejection.

Feeling like I cannot help = Opening myself up for failure.

Failure, rejection = Not good enough.

Attempting to improve and increase my self worth is really something that I never understood was such an issue for me, mostly because the concept of “self worth” was never something that even showed up on my radar. But guess what? It’s a thing!

Self love is not about having an over inflated and delirious ego, it is about recognising that you do have worth as a human being. Recognise yourself as a human being.

Oh god, she’s going to talk about her childhood...

So, why is it that I may not have always recognised myself as a human being, worthy of care and love? Well, I will refrain from the details that will cause my very being to quiver but I was raised in a home in which I received a lot of love, but it was unstable. Arguments, raised voices, depression and a lack of seeing love between my parents. A tumultuous family backstory which, while I was not in existence for much of it, carried a heavy cloud over all proceedings. I was in existence for difficult times with siblings and parents who butted heads constantly.

I was a witness, I was shielded from being on the receiving end for the most part but I still stayed awake at night waiting for things to take a turn for the worse. I jumped at nothing and everything, like a scared little mouse. I was reserved and private with friends, I held the problems into myself and did not expose anyone to it.

As well as this, I faced a level of mental, physical and, like so many other girls and women out there, sexual abuse. I won’t delve into all the details but it seems like some sick, twisted joke that once you are forced to be subjected to this as a child, you do not recognise the issue with it which leaves you vulnerable for it again as you mature into an adult and set off on your own.

This is because your self worth has been destroyed. So when you see ladies coming to the fore as part of #MeToo or another movement, or no movement at all, don’t be so quick to judge. These ladies have likely held their tongue because their self worth has been so low that until they became exposed to others discussing it they didn’t even realise what had happened to them.

I won’t dwell too long on that, I could spend a long time dissecting it but it isn’t for now.

I will note, neither of my parents were responsible for that abuse. However, what my beautiful, kind and lovely parents were responsible for was me and as much as it absolutely kills me to have to admit, there were failings. Aside from generally being exposed to an unhappy home, as a child I was used to bridge the gap. Something which ran into my adulthood.

If my father was angry, upset or, as I now reflect and realise, in a spiral of depression it was my responsibility to pick him out of it. From a young age, I was the fixer - a tool to try to make things better.

Until I actually discussed this with a professional I never saw the problem here, everything was normalised to me, but apparently not great! It’s a lot of pressure to put on a child!

Add into that a complex / chip on my shoulder of never being as good as an older sibling, whom I perceived as the ‘golden child’, feeling like I had to keep things hurting me hidden for fear of disrupting an already disruptive home for which I felt responsible for keeping the peace or holding together and well, you get yourself a nice little stew that is a recipe for absolute fucked up adulthood!

Honest Reflection.

How could I ever expect to grow into a well developed individual? The balance of genuine love I did receive from my parents is what I believe kept me from falling down an even more desperate track, a track which I pondered along on many occasions. A dark road with flickering lights where the allure of escape was often far too real.

However, my internal commentary of having to be responsible for others actually kept me from ending it on many occasions as I could not release the feeling of not wanting to let anyone down.

Jesus, unpack this shit and it’s an absolute shit show! But I don’t claim to be special or unique, the sad reality is how many people went through a similar journey or worse and are now in their early to mid adulthood and attempting to get to grips with it all. And that’s only if they managed to find the tools and resources to recognise it in the first place.

Recognise that 1. You are not mental and 2. You are not a terrible human being.

I can’t speak to anyone else but clearly I have lacked the tools to manage or cope with my emotions. Anything outside of my control freaks me out and I lose the absolute run of myself! I panic, I seek out approval and validation and often in unhealthy ways. I have had eating disorders which I have been in denial about, I have drank too much, gone off the rails and slept with far too many people!

What now? What triggered my writing, which has evidently turned into an unintentional essay about myself (fair play if you’ve made it this far, you’re a better person than me).

I recognised irrational behaviour and a deep dip in my mood as well as an increase of self critical behaviours. That was when I began writing, this is now the future, or present, or wait, is this inception? I’ve incepted myself, just know as you read now a couple of days have passed.

And it took those couple of days for the lightbulb to click on but better late than never!

Let there be Light!

I began writing this aimlessly as a means to just put my thoughts down and that was a step in the direction of realising I had to do something. I am now slowly picking myself back up from it all.

First step, I went to the chemist and I just asked what can you give me for anxiety, I am not sleeping, I have not had a proper night sleep in close to two weeks or more - I asked for…… Help!

Gulp, scary, try it sometime.

The Pharmacist gave me a product called “Avena Sativa” (check it out). I added 20-30 drops to a little bit of water and it immediately relaxed and eased my mind. I took more before bed and baby, when I say I slept! Pure, deep, joyful sleep - all the z’s.

But wait, there’s more! Thinking I might as well hit this from all angles, I also grabbed some Vitamin D supplements and began retaking my B-12. I don’t know if one or all of these things did the trick but I can certainly feel the easing effects.

So that’s the taking stuff, but that isn’t all I did - Oh no, that would be too short for me!

I knew I really needed to hit this hard if I wanted to pull myself out of the hole I could eventually be down deep within. I’m a fan of meditation, I get that some skeptical people might huff it off as new age hippie nonsense or whatever, but it can work. Youtube has a host of wonderful meditation videos and for me, switching off from the world and onto one of those helps me massively.

Additionally, I stopped hanging out of my phone, for the best part at least. I have a bit of anxiety with my phone (of course I do). I went through a period of time where my phone was a bearer of bad news, any phone call could have been bad news and eventually, it was. I realised I find it hard to let go of that, the idea that if I do not have my phone on me and with sound on 24/7 I risk not getting an important piece of news, I risk letting someone down or not being there as I should be.

Should = dangerous word. Don’t let ‘should’ govern your life or mind. Every ‘should’ is an expectation and additional level of stress you are putting on yourself. Best advice I received was to replace ‘I should’ with ‘I want to’ and see what the end result becomes.

Let’s wrap this up.

All in all, this is a time that can lead those susceptible to anxiety, and even those who are not typically, to find themselves in the mental trenches. It’s imperative to look at yourself from the outside and attempt to recognise what might be the deep rooted cause of what is effing you up. Do you really hate your body right now or is your self worth a bit low because of some other reason that deserves to be addressed?

Maybe consider going a bit easy on yourself? Don’t beat yourself up over that response or message that you regret. Don’t assume you can control others, just be yourself. Speak your truth at any given time and allow yourself that beautiful release of scary, scary vulnerability.

Don’t run from it or beat yourself up over every and any little interaction or negative thought, give yourself a break and pull yourself out of the addiction of dark thoughts. Seek out help, ask for help - even if you are just asking yourself. Make healthy choices that will have a knock on effect of making you feel good about yourself or happy in your decision.

It is far from easy, but again, nothing worth having in this life is ever easy. But then the end result, when you push through and put in that effort - it is so, so very worth it to be able to have that moment of that day when you actually don’t doubt yourself or hate yourself.

I will keep motoring along with my own work and efforts and I ask that you do the same, if you find yourself in that dark place. Push through and don’t give up on yourself, you’re all you’ve got and that’s a pretty amazing thing to have.

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buzzworddotie · 5 years

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A Satisfying End to a never ending story: Game of Thrones

Oh god it's over. And the online journey has been so nasty but I'm dipping my toe into the scalding hot waters and presenting my feels on the final season of Game of Thrones.

Straight off the bat, I found the overall season really enjoyable. Was there a moment here or there when I wished to see something or I'd maybe nit pick a scene? Maybe on reflection but to absolutely in no way to ruin the season for me.

It was a blast, it was all of these characters we spent so much time with. (7 seasons of character development).

It was all leading to the end. And I think that hurt the show with the fans.

If this season had never been announced as the last and people watched it as though there will be more, it would be praised.

But parting is such sweet sorrow.... Anger fueling sorrow.

Regardless, here I go pissing people off...

Bran as King

Perhaps on of the most bittersweet character arcs of the show. Bran manages to give his siblings freedom, give the ruling of the 6 kingdoms to Tyrion and has to be trapped himself for eternity.

When you think back to season 1, you remember how free and full of life Bran was. He wasn't some meek little boy, he was fiery and energetic.

He dreamed of knighthood.

But first he loses his legs, then he loses his mind. Being the 3Eyed Raven has its perks but Bran is lost somewhere in there. And he can't escape.

And now he's King. He's trapped in another role.

But Bran only took that role so Tyrion could be ruler. No one was going to vote for Tyrion. History doesn't even remember him.

In fact, clock Ser Jamie's book entry, Tyrion is only going down in history as killing Joffrey. After everything he's done.

But maybe now he will get written in as hand of Bran the Broken?

Jon shoulda been King

Nope.

OK so maybe on paper it makes sense. But....

No one was voting in a Targaryan after all that mess.

Killing Daenarys may have saved them but Jamie Lannister did the same thing and people hated him for it.

Bran said he was always exactly where he needed to be. And Bran has seen it all. Bran is sending Jon north because he's saving him. It's where Jon belongs, with his second family. Tormond, the wildlings and Ghost.

Jon gets to be free and happy.

Arya's Faceless training was for nothing

Ehhh... Thanks to the training she literally saved the world. What more does she have to do? She used the faces to take revenge. Didn't she get told that's the exact opposite of what she should do?

Anyway, she did that. The more she started becoming Arya Stark and not "no one" she didn't need the faces. But she used the talents provided by all her mentors, The Hound, Syrio, Faceless Men...

The training wasn't just faces, it was movement, stealth... All that good stuff.

And she got freedom in the end, embraced her Stark side and got to go adventure. She said it's what she wanted, she told Lady Crane!

Daenarys heel turn was dumb

The problem that I think fuels this view is people think it was rushed or something. That she "went bad".

But the whole point was that's not what happened. She didn't lose her mind. She's been dillusional from the start!!

Maybe it wasn't the reveal you were expecting but the unexpected is good!!!

She literally had scenes where she looked like a Messiah! She has a god complex. And a nuclear weapon.

It's like if you watched a bunch of movies about Thanos and you're rooting for him but then he reveals his plot to destroy earth and you're just like, wait he's a bad guy? That's dumb in one movie...

Her ego has been fed since she was a child. And what is so so sad to see at the end was that she hadn't grown up.

She was still an innocent child who just believed she was right.

Jon Killing Daenarys - Dumb

Rewatch that scene knowing what you know now. Watch Jon beg her to not make him kill her.

He gives her so many opportunities to say something to show him a sign of compromise and reason.

It's what he's been all about. Free will. He believes in it. But she doesn't.

It was sad and beautiful and really, both actors did a great job.

Drogon's Reaction: Mixed.

I think everyone seems to like when Drogon first gives us Simba finds Mufasa tear jerker?

But part 2 reaction has some people salty.

Some I've spoken to can't understand why he burned the throne and not Jon...

Well Jon is Targ. Throne killed Dany.

Next are the people who get that and think it's dumb a dragon would get the concept of metaphor.

First, it's for entertainment purposes and secondly they told us before Dragons are intuitive and intelligent.

The whole season was utter Garbage

I think this show has garnered such a creative community. A community who are able to make weekly, video essays about it. It's insane. Like good insane.

But guys, just because you don't get your way, doesn't mean you get to ruin it for everyone else.

Going off on one and throwing a massive tantrum is sad and a serious buzzkill for such an epic show to be ending.

I mean, do people really need an apology?! Seriously?! A rewrite?

You know when you're in a shop and you see a kid who is way too old to throw a tantrum but goes off on one? Thats the equivalent to how grown adults are behaving right now.

If you've made it this far

If you've made it this far I clearly haven't triggered you.

And so I would like to just thank the writers, producers and cast of this show. The directors, editors, cinematographers. The composer.

Every fucker who for a long ass time had to work on this show, from the crew in marketing to the interns. Just bravo.

This show has been an experience that I don't think will get recaptured to this scale in my lifetime. Good stuff will come, stuff will get hype but it's the entire community and passion for the show that is amazing.

That passion from fans unfortunately can lead to disappointment. But it shouldn't, you should let yourself accept the story they have told and let yourself enjoy it.

It really really isn't as terrible as you want to believe it is.

And I really, really loved it.

Also, thanks to all the fans who made all the content I consumed!! Great work.

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buzzworddotie · 5 years

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RPDR S11E01 - Silky "Screen Time"

Season 11 of Rupaul's Drag race is here and what a whirlwind it's been to this point. We had our 2 magnificent Queens get the double crowing in the shakiest editing in TV history, the return of Vanjie, a new group of sisters and one very special Cyster plus the Queen Miley Cyrus in the worse boy drag ever (that facial hair... Girl...)

But in a show with so much diversity and love AND so many toxic, racist and straight up DUMBASS fans it's clear that one Queen may have a target on her back from Episode 1.

Attitude Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Miss Silky Nutmeg Ganache. I think it was pretty clear from the pre show build up these Queen was going to be quite the character.

If you're anything like me, you'll indulge yourself in the full, dirty world of Drag Race, including the sub Reddit where all the Nancy Drew's and Tea brewers like to play!

So today I pop onto my favourite sub and topic of interest seems to be around the debate of Silky and if her "extra-ness" is cute or you know set to drive people CRAZY!!

Act the Fool Girl, Act. The. Fool

So, a recent post showed this tweet of Ms. Ganache replying on the subject to someone and pulling the ever familiar and frequently debated EDIT card.

Check out Silky's response. It is a very fair and very valid point. We all know that any "reality" TV show is produced, edit and constructed for our entertainment purposes.

There is no doubt in my mind that Ms.Silky was super lovely and warm and nice to all in that work room. I don't doubt it for a second. She seems like the type who wants to have fun and bring joy, lovely gal.

And there is a good chance that what we saw on screen was the height of her "extra" behaviour.

But it was enough!!! If I was working with her, she'd have driven me CRAZY!!! I worked with a girl a bit like that, just very loud and constantly at me and my tolerance would drop to 0!!

Was she nice and all the rest? Course she was. Professionally did she annoy the fuck out of me?! YES!!!

Untucking the Character

Thankfully, Netflix Ireland is hosting Untucked this year as well. Praise the entertainment gods! And when you watch Untucked you may notice what I did.

Silky wasn't all up in everyone's grill. She was far more subdued without totally annihilating her personality.

Well, right up until Miley popped back in but let's go ahead and press pause on that right now...

In defence of the Ganache

My fear for Silky is that due to her initial behaviour, they say you get one chance to make a first impression, and probably due to the colour of her beautiful skin, the Queen may well come under attack of the vicious and disgusting racist fans. Unwarranted attacks on a Queen who is taking part in a reality TV show.

It won't be fair and it won't be nice.

My thoughts are that Silky probably was a bundle of nerves, her first TV gig (as far as I am aware). Stepping into a show where there is a level of self awareness that doesn't exist in most reality shows.

Come Thru.... The Fourth Wall

Drag Race is so interesting to me because it consistently breaks the fourth wall.

The Queens have a level of awareness of being on TV that most reality shows don't give us.

They sign up with a check list, make an impactful entrance? Check. Nail some catchphrases for merch? Check. Become a meme? Check.

Silky, like all the Queens, walked in with that on her mind, that's the impression I got. And she was all guns a blazing to get it!

You know word vomit? This was personality vomit.

But people can smell desperation and will attack it.

Own it Sis

So does Silky deserve to be attacked online for acting "extra"? Of course not, give her a minute and let her settle in before you heap on the judgement and leave the goddamn hate at the door. It's a fucking TV show!!

However, girl you jumped in with both feet and obvious awareness of being on TV and wanted to be on TV, you're out there talking about your spin off show, making your merch quotes, ALL IN.

And bitch, if you know all those sides of Drag Race then you need to be aware people are going to be critiquing you.

Don't just go on and start blaming the edit girl!!! The edit didn't manipulate you to pick up Miley, the edit did not make you loud!!

If we learned anything from the All Stars 3 finale its that the editing of this show is really not some kind of magical wand that can make things that didn't happen look real!!!

Did the edit choose to highlight certain moments ahead of others, yup! But they could only do it because it happened!

I Don't Want Anymore God Damn Excuses!

I think this is going to be a fun season. It's a fantastic mix of girls with varied experience in the Drag scene and plenty of different personalities, agendas and outlooks.

But what I want too see this season is less Queens feeling like they have to defend themselves.

Don't tell me on one hand that you're extra and you know you're extra and all the rest and then on the other hand jump on the defence and point the finger at production for only showing that side of you!

Don't announce you're brand as being THAT Queen and then denounce it. Fucking own it and use that big ass personality and voice to shout out all the good shit you have to say!

Vanjie Knows Best

Vanessa Mateo is the best example for these Queens. She accidently became a meme master in S10 and she's not out here apologising for it.

She owned it and now she's ready to show us more. She's not there to force shit to happen, she is proof that what works is the organic moments.

Alyssa Edwards is beloved because all her nonsense and memes are purely organic, it's here.

So going forward for this season I really hope we see people like Silky just relax into it. Don't keep forcing it, just do you Queen and let your bubbly persona shine through.

Again, the edit didn't do this to you girl, the edit didn't put words or tone in your mouth and the edit didn't make those other Queens get frustrated.

Like I said, I have high hopes for this season and my major hope is that we don't end up with Queens getting death threats or racists attacks or any of that other shit.

I hope that Queens like Silky don't feel like they have to defend and blame others for their show time appearance and just let the losers who want to come for them disappear.

Water off a Duck's Back, Queens.

Before I sign off, this season I've decided to follow the Queens on social as they get eliminated (well except Vanjie who got me season 10). Let's not allow these Queens who leave early to go unnoticed.

If you like, join me and follow each Queen when they are eliminated because they all have interesting things going on and it's a shame when they don't get the love because of elimination order.

Or don't and just follow them all from the get go. Do you Queens.

#rupaul #rupaul's drag race #silky nutmeg ganache #ms vanjie #drag race season 11

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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Will James Gunn bring the RenaisSquad to the DCEU?

I don’t know about the rest of you but I was not expecting to wake up to the news that Warner Bros had nabbed themselves regretful tweet master James Gunn to steer the Suicide Squad ship safely back to shore.

How’d We Get Here?

On paper it makes absolute sense, Gunn is the man who took the relatively unknown Guardians of the Galaxy and gave Marvel the entertainment injection it needed to revitalize and reimagine the entire MCU.

Now, we all know the man did a bad thing, he put up dumb tweets a few years ago trying to be edgy yet forgetting he was on a megaphone of a platform.

I mean, the tweets weren’t even jokes because they just weren’t funny but they also did not mean that he is some kind of evil villain, they just meant he's an immature, grown ass man.

Did he deserve to get fired? Well, that’s a tricky one but if you’re Disney – a company that is built and prides itself on producing family and notably kid friendly fodder – from a business stand point they didn’t have many other choices.

Because it was just that, a business decision. This wasn’t a move motivated by morals and ethics of the company, if it was they would have fired him much sooner, or never hired him in the first place.

But Gunn had become an integral piece of the MCU puzzle. He introduced a new tone to the Universe, he made the MCU cool and if it wasn’t for Gunn I’d argue we wouldn’t have gotten to see Taika Waititi take on Thor.

Ultimately, thanks to Gunn,Thor is now a badass.

What is this? Some kind of Guardians of the Suicide Squad?

Its clear why WB got Gunn on board, the DCEU just got their hands on someone who has already had success with a team up movie, reshaping a Universe and steering a ship in the right direction and that is exactly what that studio has been in desperate need of!

What can we expect from this new Squad movie then?

It’s interesting that the marketing, and to a degree the original film itself, was a desperate grasp at being the Guardians of the DC world but now they actually have the man behind the OG crew will they actually be able to capture some of that Gunn magic?

My fears for this move are that Warner Bros don’t give full creative control to the writer/director. They’ve been known to step in and over control projects before, the first Squad movie was edited by a team who make movie trailers for Cripes sake.

To Reboot or Not to Reboot?

Some rumours around this new partnership are suggesting the project will either be a sequel, written by and potentially directed by Gunn, or a total reboot.

A reboot could be exasperating, do we really need to sit through all the set up again? But the flip side to that is the question of whether Gunn believes in the cast that currently exists.

Could James look to recast some of the stars? Might he want to cut some of the existing players? Will we see the Joker getting laser tattoo removal? Is changing the Joker even an option now with a second already in existence through Joaquin Phoenix? Will we see Harley Quinn listening to Hooked on a Feeling as she dances her way through the Asylum?

Warner Bros have a lot of trust building to do with their audience, we’ve been burned before and while Gunn will likely put bums on seats there may still be a bitter taste left in the mouths of many fans from the original film.

No pressure gang.

The Boom Boom Gunn

Ultimately, this move is going to be a very popular one for the DCEU and may be the perfect way to rebuild a disenchanted fan base. I hope the studio gives James the reigns on this and step aside to let him work.

Let the man who brought us the surprisingly perfect casting of Bradley Cooper as Rocket do his thing and spread his nerd germs all over the DCEU.

With this news, Matt Reeves’ Batman on it’s way, a second installment of Wonder Woman and some interesting upcoming films like Shazam and Aquaman, maybe the DCEU are onto something, maybe the pieces of their puzzle are finally coming together...

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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How do you solve a problem like the DCEU?

You know when you really, really want to love something? You delude yourself that maybe this time it will live up to your expectations, you forget about how it may have let you down before and go with absolute benefit of the doubt. You tell yourself that, sure there may have been some bumpy times and yes, you’ve been let down before but maybe, just maybe if you put your faith into that thing or that person again, this time they won’t disappoint. This time they will rekindle your love, your faith. This time you will walk away smiling, you will finally get to say that fair enough, the past happened but the past is the past, it’s changed now and you can really love it once more.

And then you actually watch Suicide Squad.

Don’t believe the hype

At this stage in the game, WB is fighting a losing battle with their DC Universe. Wonder Woman’s quality felt like a separate entity to the rest of the movies because it was actually good but outside of that faith has been lost.

It’s obvious that the company has been buying into the Marvel vs DC hype which has been their own downfall. This competitiveness was generated on social media, by the few hardcore, loyalist fans and the click-bait media, so why did WB feel like they had to buy into it?

It’s confusing on the outside to see a studio that once gave Christopher Nolan the reigns to develop a Batman trilogy that stood outside of your standard fodder would now get blind sighted by a race to top the Box Office, to be the Summer Blockbuster and to hold themselves to the standards of Marvel.

I have to wonder why are WB so concerned with fast tracking this DCEU, this copycat of the MCU, when they have 1 singular world that can work, that can be different, that can stand out and be developed?

A world that can offer depth, character development, heroes and villains, cross overs and neat, small stories that don’t need the end of the world to call the good guys to action?

In my opinion, WB should scrap their current concept of a DCEU, stop trying to fast track to what the MCU has, you’ve lost, it’s over, done.

Build a world, not a universe

I can’t admit to being a comic book person, it simply wasn’t a thing where I grew up but cartoons were and growing up I was a massive fan of the Batman Animated Series, like so many other people my age, it was EVERYTHING!

And while I didn’t consume the comics, I am aware of them and I am aware of many of the interesting stories which have evolved from them and I know there is a deep well of content right there to draw inspiration from.

So why are WB not able to crack the code? Why is it so hard for them?

The truth is, when you talk to most casual or even hardcore fans of DC there is one character that we all just love, one name that is DC.

Batman. And they have done him dirty.

Its time WB altered its focus, gets smaller and develop the Batman story on screen, or The Gotham World. The studio can create their standalone movies, don’t lose Wonder Woman- she’s the best you’ve got right now, but there is a wealth of a world that exists right there in Gotham.

There is so much canon when Batman is your seed to grow from, why do you think the Arkham games work so well? Seriously, all these epic, intelligent villains, all these incredible opportunities are ripe for character growth and for world building.

I do think world building is an integral factor to build a solid fan base, it’s just the way media works now. Game of Thrones and the rise of TV and binge watching have solidified the importance of creating a universe, a world where people can escape to and get invested in.

Dare to hope?

But maybe this is what DC/WB has in mind? Maybe this is why there is The Batman standalone movie, a film slated to star a younger Batman and a host of villains, a smaller detective focused story with its roots in the heart of the character.

Could WB have a success on their hands? I mean Matt Reeves is at the helm of this thing.

With so many let downs by the studio however, it’s hard not to imagine that even if The Batman is great WB will let us down again and treat this as a separate entity that doesn’t get to go anywhere, instead pulling their focus back to the Summer Blockbuster, figuring out some other half assed way to throw a bunch of under developed characters together to stop the Big Bad from shooting some kind of laser beam into to, or from, the sky and wreaking havoc on the world… Again.

WB and the DCEU need a major rethink, and it’s really not so hard, just understand your potential fan base, because we want you to be good.

They don’t have to target the kids who will drag their parents to the cinema, it doesn’t have to be shiny and epic. All they need to do is make good movies and develop a world that is smaller, more condensed, where the foes are not looking to wipe out the human race but are real bad guys: criminals and sociopaths who play mind games – because sometimes, that threat is more worrying.

It doesn’t have to be this hard

Let the MCU do their thing, they’re got it figured out now and they’ve mastered it, it’s their baby and it works for that universe. But WB you have the most beloved hero of all and some of the most impressive villains, stop over thinking this!

And god dammit WB, do not give me a tattooed Joker, just stop!

We don’t need to literally see ‘Damaged’ across his fucking forehead! He’s a crazy manipulator obsessed with Batman and being the yang to his ying, Nolan explained that perfectly.

Fuck it, while we’re at it, give me an older Joker to take on Affleck’s Batman and see if you can’t get Mark Hamill to take that role because holy shit, Mark Hamill bringing his Joker to the big screen?! Take my money!!

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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The Final Countdown RPDR S10E12

Miz Cracker is gone, it’s the Top 4. Time to plug RuPaul’s latest single!

As we join the Queens in the workroom for this final regular episode we get to hear them talking about a potential Top 3 situation as if they haven’t been watching Drag Race for the last couple of years. Come on Queens, we all know whats happening.

So the Queens have to come up with lyrics to “American” and team it up with what we are continuously reminded is the HARDEST CHOREOGRAPHY EVER!!

Get Yo Freaks On

I kind of love Todrick during these challenges, I know some people think he can be a bit of a dick but it’s Drag people, this is a performance. But the faces he pulls crack me up, especially when Asia was singing her bit for him.

Also, Asia said she can’t sing, girl you’re seriously not that bad! In fact, they all sounded alright with Kameron being the clear standout in terms of her voice.

I do like that we get some rehersal but what I miss from old seasons is seeing them actually putting the “video” performance together. Like, when you think back to when the girls were in the video with Ru and you would get to see the mess ups and mistakes and then it all come together for the final video. But maybe this was a one take video like AS3?

Rare Steaks

The stakes don’t feel high the episode, we already know its going to be a Top 4, I appreciate this episode existing for what it is but I think it’s a shame it wasn’t bigger. This is Season 10. They kicked off the first episode with a focus on how much of a big deal this was and that significance teetered off and it’s a shame, I wish they would have kept it going.

I'm not Crying... You're Crying

During rehearsals Aquaria has her moment of tearing up when everything that's happening hits her. It felt so genuine and I think that's something Aquaria has brought all season, a kind of genuine (hate to say it) "kid" kinda joy and excitement. Its super adorable to have seen her allow that side to shine. I mean this is the Queen that cracked up over "Doo Wah" in confessionals, she fucking loves this show! And it's evident.

What's the T?

The podcast bit is always cute, have I missed these episodes or do these interviews actually go up on What’s the T? I know some girls have been on it but I don’t feel like I’ve ever heard these. I suppose it would be a bit much to do a full podcast per Queen. But have I missed these airing? let me know.

It’s a cute chance to get to know the girls a little bit and that’s all this episode is about, showcasing the Queens more. The challenge doesn’t really matter and while I think that’s a shame, but it's nice to get a positive view of the contestants.

Kameron is called out for being shy, we get it but I find the “We don’t know you" line from Michelle tricky. As far as we are aware the judges, Michelle and co, see Kameron on the stage and in the challenges. On Stage, Kameron has easily blown them away with looks and in most challenges she did well, she was a stand out in Pharmarusical, she was strong in the Drag Con one, as far as I remember she did OK with the Bossy Rossy... I’m just not entirely sure where that “quiet” comment from Michelle comes from because it seems to be more based on Queen on Queen or workroom behaviour.

Asia's Strength

I can’t imagine what Asia has gone through. I am facing a tough time right now with a illness of one of my parents and it takes so much strength. What i respect about Asia is that she never once makes me feel as though she sees herself as some kind of victim. I do believe Asia has insecurities that she keeps very close to her chest, I do believe that her comment on Cracker was not as clear cut as she let on, I truly believe the inner saboteur saying it was Cracker’s season reads that Asia maybe did feel threatened by Cracker’s relationship with the judges. But I like Asia, she is sweet, kind and has the most incredible skin, like bitch what is your secret?

SiNG YOU BiTCH SiNG!

I missed Asia calling out bullshit, I love how she does it. She had so much fun with that when Monet and Monique were there, I was so happy we got to see it again when Eureka decided to be extra annoying to Kameron.

Let's take a look at Eureka, first she says she has borderline PTSD after being forced to sing by her father and beaten and this had her traumatized!! Second, she claims to be Kameron's sister and know her so well.

The way she nagged at Kameron to sing was irritating as hell and so weird given how contradictory it was to her own past "issues". I mean, the Queen said no what more do you want? At least this moment gave us back "call out bullshit" Asia, when she hit her with that Kameron Whisperer lined I cracked up!

Must remember, we're at the end, positivity for the top 4... Eureka stop making my mantra hard to keep!!

But in the end, it doesn't really matter

In the end, the Queens perform after a really awkward "Today Tix" promo. It looked really... Cheap didn't it? The way the Today Tix sign was held up and the camera or something just felt... Off.

It was kind of like they were going for the same feel as the AS3 performance but it didn't have the same vibe. I mean was it all one take or was it edited? They all did fine, I'd argue that Asia's choreography at the start at least wasn't that intense and she kind of lacked something during the group routine versus the other Queens.

Kameron and Aquaria were stand outs for me but when Eureka did her talking bit, laugh and the whole "I'm the Elephant Queen, what are you going to be" line I thought that was cute from her. She chose a really clever delivery for her lines.

We made it

On the main stage the judges were generous with their positive critiques. The Queen's spoke to their younger selves which was cute but probably not as heart wrenching as previous finales.

But that's it everyone. That's our top 4. Not much to say about Untucked. Asia was adorable when she did end up receiving her message and Aquaria melted both our hearts when we saw the clip of her gushing over Asia on stage.

Does this feel like the tightest knit group ever? No, Bob, Naomi and Kim have that crown as well as Adore, Bianca and Courtney.

But this is it. Just the grand final to go. And of course the reunion! I cannot wait to see how that turns out...

Final Thoughts

Aquaria

Aquaria was the Queen I didn't expect to like but her/his charm has oozed out and she has really proven herself across all challenges. Just when I thought acting or Snatch Game was going to throw her off, she knocks them both out of the park!

She really does tick all the C.U.N.T boxes because quitting college and following the scene he followed do that Nerve! Talent, unquestionable, Charisma, boundless and Uniqueness, 100%

Asia

Asia O'Hara has been a fave for me since the early episodes. I have loved watching her banter and playfulness with Monet and Monique. I have found her heart to be so big and so pure.

I feel like losing those girls was something she had to figure out but she never stopped being her kind self (forget the Cracker comment, I've covered my thoughts on that). She has star quality and a great attitude.

Kameron

Kameron Michaels was one I kind of slept on a bit at the start. She brought some amazing looks to the runway and in many challenges she really did do quite well.

I think Kameron is very clever and also very sweet. Kameron is relatable, that's what I like about her. Sometimes, in life, social media, TV, it can feel like there is no place in this big, bad world for the quiet ones. As if being shy or a bit reserved is some kind of weakness. It's really not, I am realizing, and I think Kameron has done a great job of representing that.

Eureka

The other other O'Hara. Look, I can't pretend to suddenly be on Team Eureka this season. My main problem with her was just the fact she was being forced down our throats. She got away with a lot of middling performances and honestly, it shouldn't have been a double save that week.

But, aside from all that, it cannot be denied that Eureka can bring some amazing looks to the runway, she can perform the hell out of challenges and when she isn't performing for the cameras, she can be very sweet, funny and kind.

I am sure she will do great things with this platform, not just for her but for others who deal with body issues and confidence issues.

Who wins?

I think it's safe to assume it will be a lip sync for the crown. In a just world we'd end up with Asia and Aquaria as Top 2 and it would be take your pick but maybe give it to Asia because Aquaria has already won.

But I will not be surprised when it ends up being down to Eureka and Kameron. I shudder at the thought but I can see it happen. And maybe, with a lip sync, Kameron does it one more time.

But ultimately I think Aquaria will win this season. And deservedly so.

Taking the whole season into consideration and my general feelings during and since each episode, if any Queen could be crowned next week, it would have been....

Monet X Change

Until next time x

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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YAY Clear Pee! RDPR S10E11

Disclaimer, I feel like I’ve been writing this post for the past 10,000 years because the lovely Tumblr app keeps crashing every damn time I get my shit together! Out with the laptop and on with the show...

Episode 11 of Dr.Rupaul

To Rucap, Season 10 kicked off with one of the most interesting cast of Queens we’ve had in a long time! A cast of brilliant and interesting contestants, Ru seemed to be back in the groove, those first few episode were EVERYTHING! But when we started to whittle away those lovable Drag stars, shenanigans and tomfoolery took over and here we are, Episode 11.

Let’s take a second to see how this goes

So this episode the Top 5 Queens had to personify their “Evil Twin”, kind of but not really. What they really had to do was delve into the darkness of their subconscious minds, tap into their psychological scars and unearth their inner demons as part of a super fun reality TV show!

I get the reasoning behind this one on paper. Give the inner saboteur, that Ru consistently tells us about, a voice - confront it. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, because apparently vulnerability is : 1. About hating yourself and 2. is what it takes to win the show!

But sweet baby Jebus, was this really the time or place? When the Queens are probably the most stressed out they have ever been, minus who knows how much sleep? If the challenge had been to look at it in a fun way, take the piss a bit maybe it would have felt a little less... triggering! But Ru was pushing these girls with some armchair psychology and it didn’t exactly scream “this is a fun moment!”

You really need to hate yourself, and I’m gunna tell you why

What was slightly off putting about this episode, for me at least, was the Ru visits in the workroom. He pushed the Queens to go deep into his psychosis. When he spoke to Queens such as Aquaria or Kameron, he refused to accept how deep they were willing to go.

Ru is great, I love Ru. Without Ru I wouldn’t have a show to give out about! I love What’s the Tee, there are times when I find the things Ru says to be inspirational and offer a chance for introspection that I may not have considered before. I have been in deep levels of anxiety and depression and have found Ru, and this show to be such a help in picking myself back up again.

BUT, and it’s a big butt, in those moments Ru has been relaying a story about his own life and how he got himself through it. The issue for me in this episode was that he didn’t really do that here, he didn’t offer the Queens something to relate to. Instead he told the girls how he believed they should feel and how ‘evil’ their inner voice should be.

Should is a dangerous word. No one can ever tell you how you should feel, what you should think, should do.

So in the end, in a challenge where they wanted to see the Queens let go and stop producing themselves, Ru took hold of the puppet strings and tried to produce these girls himself.

Source

What’s Even Happening?

Something that has confused me throughout this season is what exactly the judges are looking for. When we got to the runway, Kameron was read for her looks being too similar, Cracker for the looks not being similar enough, Eureka received praise for the looks being similar...

What even was the criteria? Was performance ke? Was it about the voice over? In which case why was Asia not the winner and why didn’t Cracker get stronger praise? Was the look all that mattered? Was it about having comedy or about being as harsh as they could be? Did the looks matter? Was it supposed to be about making looks? Why did Ru ask them all if they were making a look if it didn’t matter? What is going on in here on this day?!

Let’s get Eval

In terms of the runway, I thought Kameron was going to get the classic read from Michelle, “How are you going to stand out here, Top 5 of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 10 in a bra with a piece of fabric wrapped around your waist?!”

She got read for the look a bit but I was surprised we didn’t see Michelle go full Visage on her ass. Kameron’s evil performance seemed to, from memory, focus mainly on more aesthetic self-reads, which I don’t think was key to the challenge.

Cracker’s first look was adorable and had she had the time to put together the second, we all know it would have worked, we’ve seen Instagram. But I have to wonder, would that have saved her from the bottom 2? Because Cracker was pretty fucking mean to herself in the voice over, deep cuts. That she is unoriginal, that she coasts to the middle. So would an outfit that worked combined with that have kept her safe, or kept her in the competition - who knows?

Eureka’s voice over to me read more of the few things she knows she has been called out for, being loud, attention seeking and it didn’t really feel like an introspective moment. She did have a couple of things but she played up a character and maybe that means vulnerability?

Aquaria looked stunning. She really, really did. I loved her performance, personally, it was drama mawma, but did it meet the criteria of the challenge?

Surely Asia really ticked the boxes? She bared her insecurities and did it with two great looks. I’d argue Asia had the most “evil” looking twin of all of them.

Celebrate Mediocrity...

It’s strange to see Eureka sail by and Kameron stay. I like Kameron and I’m mostly fine with Eureka but neither has blown me away, ever. Well, to be fair, I have on numerous occasions enjoyed their performances but overall I didn’t feel like these two were top, top Queens.

Cracker’s run confuses me most. From the off, Cracker was in the Top consistently. She had interactions with Ru and the judges that I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Queen have before, the banter and the back and forth. And if Review with a Jew is correct, there is footage on the cutting room floor of far more interactions that we never got to see,

Does this tinfoil hat make my ass look big?

I think Miz Cracker was screwed as soon as she didn’t go in for the Cracker vs Aquaria storyline. This may be a total reach but I felt like the show wanted to push that, it’s a reality TV show, they need drama, they need to be able to create characters and Cracker was not having it. Cracker never really took the bait, Eureka tried to stir it with Aquaria in the first episode and it almost worked as Aquaria had a moan but The Vixen stepped in and blew it all up when she tried to get Aquaria to face it head on.

But ultimately, this potential feud was not in Cracker’s favour, she didn’t want to be known as some copycat Queen. So does that mean Cracker gave us nothing? Well, not exactly, as I mentioned she had more interactions with the judges than we ever got to see, she was in the Top consistently and never got the reward, unjustly at times. She also had fun moments with Monet that again, we never got to see. Without a back story how would a casual viewer know that Monet and Cracker were so close? Why did we not get to see any of that? Is it because people complained with Season 9 being so sisterly?

If anything Asia convinced me more that Cracker was actually doing well this season. I know she has gotten heat over what was an unfair comment but look at the context. During her voice over performance, Asia’s inner saboteur says “This is Cracker’s season”, surely she would say that because as far as any of them could see, without the edit, Cracker was nailing the competition.

Asia saying she didn’t think Cracker was a star... Well girl, I love you, but after you said it was her season to win and then that I think there was a lie there somewhere. And I think the lie was when she said she wasn’t going to call out her top competition like Kameron did. I think Asia did do that and in that moment Asia acted as Cracker’s inner saboteur.

It was not a nice thing to say but it contradicts what I felt she really thought.

Who can say? I think in this challenge Cracker was bottom two. But I think her fall from grace is something that hasn’t made sense to me. Maybe on rewatch it will but I’m not buying it. She refused to play the game they wanted, she refused to give the growth they wanted, she didn’t do what they thought she should do.

And she was right not to.

The Top 4

Against all known Drag Race tradition, being bottom 2 three times, giving the same/similar performance each lip sync and a piece of fabric wrapped around your waist was enough to keep Kameron in the race.

Sometimes you wonder if the purpose of the show is now to create a great cast for All Stars as opposed to celebrating the more interesting girls during their season.

But, we have our Top 4. And I’d like to end on a positive note because I can sit here and type up my critique and honest opinions but I can’t do it without knowing in the back of my mind that there are “fans” out there who will verbally abuse and attack these Queens for doing little more than competing on a TV show.

Do I agree with every decision? Hell, no. But that’s part of the fun. We still get to discover these Queens we may not have heard about otherwise.

Kameron looked great, her make-up for the evil look was a fantastic, sexy tribal bitch and the Queen can bring it in her performances.

Next it’s time to see who makes it to the final and then we’re almost done gang. Another season of RuPaul’s Drag Race will be over.

Until next time x.

#RuPaul's Drag Race #drag queen #drag #Drag Race #evil twin #mizcracker #the vixen #Aquaria #eureka #Asia O'Hara #Kameron Michaels #Michelle Visage #rupaul #fashion #tv #vh1

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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Rigga Morris RDPR S10E10

Yes Netflix, I will skip the recap, no one needs to be reminded of the abomination of last week's challenge. Also, Netflix, how does it not say Skip Rucap? You can do better.

What the fuck is going on in here on this day!?!

For the first time in Drag Race history, a moment in this show made me literally sit up and exhale a shocked and surprised "Whhhaaattt!?" as my mouth flopped open in utter disbelief...

Pleasantries be damned, simply put:

First things first

To kick things off we had Aquaria pissed off with the Top 6 and Asia being fucking awesome in the talking head as she went to take a drink and puts it back, "I'm not done!"

Next up was the mini challenege. The Queens had to "butch up" for Ru's new fragrance photoshoot for Trade. It was cute, I thought Kameron did well, Monet cracked me up especially when Ru says "Y'all some real trade" and it cuts to her just looking so cute and adorable! But in the end Eureka brought it and deserved to win...

Social Media... Celebrities?

And so Miss "Don't resort to fat jokes" and self proclaimed "Elephant Queen" got to pick the partners for the challenege and decided to do so strategically.

Now maybe I'm not down with the kids but out of those guys I just about knew who Frankie Grande was because of Big Brother and of course the Ariana connection.

The rest of them? Fuck if I know, but this is 2018 and these guys are on my TV so that's where we are right now.

Asia instantly clicks with her partner, Monet is having fun with Shor(t) Change, the T is silent. We also find out that Cracker and Kameron have gotten straight guys.

That's fine by Cracker who crackered me up with her "I accept your lifestyle" line but Kameron is not feeling it due to very reasonable, personal issues with straight guys. When he revealed he has a girlfriend she shrunk into herself and as much as she tried to claim otherwise, they never looked totally comfortable together.

There is one moment where is shows both Kameron and her guy wearing tights and it is so awkward, he's bent over fixing himself and she's just standing there, staring into space just completely isolated from him, it's so awkward.

Werkroom Walk-ThRU

I really enjoyed this segment, I found that Ru was really engaged with all the girls and having some great interactions. He was really into it and encouraging to both the Queens and the guys and it felt very natural. He seems so incredibly comfortable with this crew of girls, and the analysis of Cracker being outside herself looking in was too real.

I don't know, I've said it before but it just feels like he's really into this season and has a new life for it. Maybe it's the VH1 treatment, maybe it's a new pay cheque or maybe it was two simple words that relit the fire...

If she isn't back on Season 11 we will all be, I believe the term is, gagged.

Ru continues pops around to all the Queens, calls Monet out on the Pussycat wigs again. Monet should win this whole season just for appearing to be having such an incredible time all the time, even when she's being hounded for perceived short comings the bitch's smile and energy is infectious.

Asia totally got a good pairing after that pagent answer from her new sister about how he uses social media as a platform.

Eureka is praised for using strategy and is acting like the other girls are having a horrible time with their partners like she's some kind of evil genius.

A Pointless Bonus Challenege

On top of the makeovers the teams also have to do a DIY video for Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent which is totally pointless, we don't see it happen, the results are kind of weak and honestly, past seasons they've had to choreograph stage routines so what the is the point of this? But Ru is cute and they're all having fun so fuck it.

Time to turn those menseses into womenseses

Adored Cookie's reaction to the makeup Ruveal, the moment he saw himself he transformed into a Queen. Eureka was spot on calling him out with the Alyssa-isms. Sometimes Eureka has moments when I really do like her, when she's not just "playing the game" and it's refreshing.

It's also fleeting.

Run Run Runway

On the runway we meet an incredibly excited, can barely contain himself, I think he may just explode with joy Miles from 13 Reasons Why on Netflix.

Ru again breaks her shit laughing at the memory of Vanjie and gives us a little Vanjie reenactment on stage. Name another Queen with this much impact. Try it.

We also meet Lizzo and being out of touch I was like "who?!" and then I heard her song and off to Spotify with me!!

Now Prance my Queens, Prance

Here we go, time for the big ruveal as the Queens and their new sisters take the stage. I'm going right there. I saw the Instagram posts of how this should have looked, the fixed version, the version Mr.Grande wanted the world to see.

So when Eureka was showered with praise I had to ask "are you for real?!"

Was that make up good?! Seriously. I want to know. Was that make up good on Frankie? Because it look like she took her fingers and smeared black on his eyes right back to blend into his fucking hair.

Cracker and Cookie were hilarious and adorable, Asia was meh. It was fine but it wasn't amazing. Monet and Shor(t) had so much fun together. Aquaria's look for Capriciacorn(?!) Was TERRIBLE. The body on that boy and you put him in THAT?! Kameron and Kelly were also from the Meh family but those arms in that walk by Kelly, Kameron you couldn't stop that mess?!

Deliberations

As with every challenge, regardless of how well or poorly she did, Eureka is praised and in this instance it felt like she had more adoration than Cracker, which is mental.

We hear that it's OK that Asia's outfit and make up were better than America's, we also hear that sisters don't have to look identical. So despite Monet looking great, Shor(t) looking pretty OK with body on point but totally living, she doesn't get the same pass as the others.

Where my head was at

I thought the lack of body seen in Asia would get critized.

Was sure they would read Eureka on that makeup.

Was convinced Aquaria would be in the bottom given that the look was fucking horrible.

Positive Monet was safe.

So I was pretty much totally off versus the judges with the exception of Cracker being the clear winner.

Kameron and her partner were ok, certainly bottom 2 or at least 3 though.

Gagged

Fair enough Kameron had to lip sync and the bitch can lip sync but Aquaria should have been bottom, this was utter nonsense, I could not believe. She didn't make her Queen feel comfortable, she didn't look like she was having a good time, the outfit was awful.

In the lip sync Monet lost as soon as she did her walk to the back of the stage, wrong move but she shouldn't have been lip syncing in the first place.

When her name was announced as lip syncing, that's when I sat up. She's a star anyway. I fucking love Monet.

What can I say, I'm salty.

Untucking The Truth

I usually try and jot down my thoughts on an episode before I watch Untucked so that I can digest the two separately. Sometimes I do this and sometimes they end up merging together.

However, this week I compiled my episode review pretty much entirely before I watched Untucked and so my opinions up there were not influenced by it at all.

Oh no, not influenced just fucking reinforced!!!

Do I begin with the state of THAT make up or Miz Cracker being on my wave length?

Not holding back. Oh at All.

I suppose they tie together. Seriously, it turned out the stage lighting was actually being kind to Frankie Grande's look on the runway because it was fucking horrendous. 100% agree with Miz Cracker entirely. It was so bad. But I mean, soooooo bad.

Can you imagine if any other Queen's transformation looked that rough? You, Michelle Visage, have the audacity to call out Monet on slightly, I didn't catch it, off eyebrows but that face is ok?!

Miz Cracker nailed it, not one other face for this challenege looked as bad as the one Eureka did. And when you did get to see more close up and an overall look at Frankie it got worse and worse.

Get her a spoon

Then the lady who tried "so hard" with The Vixen and is totally not here for the drama look to try and stir the shit with Kameron. She was practically begging Kameron to bitch with her, OK she was right the girls had spoken about her but they weren't dwelling on it, simply pointing out a fact that was totally accurate.

And don't get me started on her exchange with Capriciacorn, or whatever the hell her name was, who was clearly offended, I mean that was within a couple of days being a part of the show and you could already see that The Vixen levels of annoyance were building up with this newly formed Queen! But in the end, when the guy was clearly unimpressed with his treatment Eureka says what she always says, "aww but you know I love ya gal."

No you don't.

Nope.

No.

It's like nails on a chalkboard for me when people are so dismissive like that.

You don't know the guy, you're barely aquantices, you pulled a shitty move on him and annoyed him.

God, I honestly tried to be more chill about Eureka, more reasonable but she's fucking insufferable at times!!!

That whole exchange rubbed me the wrong way. Sure, as we were reminded twice strategy is good, remember this clip of Ru talking about strategy like he does to at least 1 Queen every season?

But in this challenge it wasn't just the competition, these guys were stepping into your world, just because he's black and Asia is black of course does not mean they would have slayed together but maybe, Eureka, maybe he would have been made feel a little more comfortable feeling like his make up and look was being done by someone who is familiar with his tones or can relate more easily? Maybe it would have actually been nice to do that for the guy not the Queen?

I'm at a loss with Eureka I've realized, I just don't like her in this show. I like her drag to an extent, I think she pulls some killer looks and sure she can perform fairly well but I can't stand her within this competition.

I don't hate her, I don't know her but as far as this reality TV show is concerned I want to vote her off the island, put her up for eviction, not give her a rose!!

But somehow we had to watch Monet get her letters and we lose that beautiful energy from the show.

I love this show so much but these decisions are hilarious.. I almost convinced myself after all the talk of a second double save they would do it and keep both Queens but nope. Wrong again.

Holy shitballs you guys, at this stage, given all the tomfoolery I'd fucking love Miz Cracker to win.

Until next time x

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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The 8th Amendment Referendum in Ireland

And how history is being rewritten one step at a time

It's been a long time coming but on May 25th 2018 the people of Ireland were asked if they would like to amend the Constitution to decriminalise abortion in Ireland.

What's it all about?

Up until now, an Irish women who seeked out an abortion for personal reasons or medical ones was a criminal under Irish law. A woman would have to either travel to the UK or attempt to dangerously take abortion pills acquired illegally at home under zero medical supervision.

Or the alternative, for years, decades, Ireland and the stronghold held over her by the Catholic Church, would force girls and women into homes to have the baby. Often these babies wound up dead, buried away, hidden. Bones have been found in septic tanks.

Girls and women were treated brutally.

Secret pregnancies were also a thing, who knows how many women and girls suffered in silence?

Right up until May 25th 2018.

That's when we finally got to be heard.

Enough is Enough

I can't take a single piece of credit for getting this vote to happen but there are countless women who can. Women who have been banging on doors, demanding bodily autonomy, demanding rights, demanding choice. Finally the demand was heard, finally the government agreed to allow the people to make a decision.

The Campaigns

As soon as the vote was announced, I knew this was not going to be a particularly nice campaign. That's putting it lightly. In 2015 Ireland held the Marriage Referendum. An opportunity to change the Constitution to recognise and allow same sex marriage in Ireland. It passed, of course, but the campaign was filled with some uneducated, hateful rhetoric fuelled by the Catholic Church. Regardless of how much they wanted to deny it, hardcore religious groups and their followers were against that law with vigor and venom.

And I knew that hate would amplify for this one. I already knew what way I wanted to vote, I didn't need anyone to convince me either way, much like the Marriage Ref. But unlike then when I did tune into radio debates and absorbed the arguments, this time I made the conscious decision to avoid it as much as possible.

Marketing

Despite that it was tough to avoid, every pole, every surface available was covered with Yes and No posters. The Yes posters usually said something like "Yes for choice" "Together for Yes" or a simple "Repeal"...

Murals went up by artists like Maser, badges were made, Repeal jumpers and through the help of crowd sourcing the Yes campaign managed to gain more support for their message.

Our message.

On the No side there were an abundance of posters, I have seen images of feotus in the womb telling me babies will be murdered. Billboards across towns, rural and otherwise.

The whole thing turned into a massive marketing campaign. To a degree, on both sides. Paid ads on social media, Google and streaming services, posters... So... Many... Posters.

Social media attacks, hashags... I just didn't want to hear it. I know burying your head in the sand isn't a solution but I personally don't believe that an issue as important as this should boil down to who has the most money to promote a post or buy a billboard.

One thing I will say is that, at least where I have travelled, there was far more "No" campaign imagery than "Yes". Those were the ones with the billboards, the video ads that interrupted my viewing and I had to wonder, where was all this money coming from?

In the end Google and Facebook to the best of my knowledge pulled paid advertising on their platforms but there were other means.

Attacks on People, places and things

Another side of the campaign was the inevitable attacks. Digital rows blazed up as the concept of reasoned debate flew out the window. Some of the words I have witnessed being used against women on social media were beyond appalling, disgusting, shameful.

Were there bot accounts? Yes, there were. It doesn't take too much probing to see that and that minor exercise in investigation proved that really the "No" side was in the minority. It was clear but you could never be certain.

And by no means would I ever suggest the "Yes" side were entirely innocent, I just didn't catch the trolling by them.

"No" campaigners also attacked places, apparently in one constituency very graphic posters were hung very close to a school, causing uproar.

They also stood outside maternity hospitals.

Let me reiterate that, MATERNITY HOSPITALS.

They stood outside them holding graphic posters, other establishments too, but that one made me sick to my stomach.

Then on the stunning Benbulben, in my home county, a place I adore, they stuck a massive "NO" sign. For some reason this triggered me. Using the landscape of this country, which throughout history has been defined with feminine pronouns, to announce that women's rights were not of value was disgusting.

Photo: https://garethwray.com/product/classiebawn-benbulben-sligos-iconic-duo/

Not more disgusting than standing outside a hospital or plastering graphic and insensitive imagery around a school but a different kind of insult. As if they were claiming this land shared their voice.

What was even weirder was the fact the people who did it were practically a parody of themselves, announcing on radio that the men had put up the sign as the women made them tea and sanwiches.

This had to be a joke, right?

It's not funny

Truthfully though, this issue wasn't a joke, not to me or to anyone involved. This vote could actually be the difference between life and death for so many women.

By night, reports were coming out saying that the turnout to vote had been exceptional, people had been travelling back home from all around the country to take part.

Many popular Irish female voices had been so loud in their messages to push this cause, many Irish men got involved too stressing the importance of men getting behind women, taking a stand with them, recognising this is their issue too. Women should not be alone in this.

Soon we began to hear the results from the Exit Polls. First the Irish Times showing a landslide in favour of Repealing. It was something like 68% in favour, an insane number.

RTE Uses Us

The "main" Irish broadcaster, the state owned one, decided to announce their Exit Polls on what I think is supposed to be a late night chat show, The Late Late Show.

I found this disgusting and I didn't watch, because I never watch, because it's utter fucking drivel. But what RTE did was decide to use this campaign for their own ratings gain. They knew people would tune in and so they decided to, as far as I know, discuss how "Toxic Masculinity is a Myth", very fucking timely decision lads. As well as this they had some gobshite on NATIONAL TV talking about how she speaks to fairies.

Because heaven forbid we take a step forward as a nation.

Now, I don't know at what stage they announced the results but I do know that it wasn't before any of that other shite. Again, that was a calculated move and they will point to those viewing figures to justify the ridiculous wages that we fund for that show and it's (wooden) presenter. I'll pause that one right there.

History is Rewritten

In a move that has the potential to shock anyone not clued into who most modern Irish people actually are, the "Yes" side achieved a mammoth victory with over 1.4 million people deciding to Vote Yes, over 66% of voters.

And the 8th Amendment has been Repealed. I am so proud of all of us.

Photo: Maser, https://deandublin.ie/events/maser-exhibition/

What Now?

So where do we go from here?

I can never shake a Bell X1 lyric from my head in times like this. Fitting, given they are an Irish band:

"...History is written by the winners. And I want my say."

If we want to continue to create an Ireland that is just, inclusive, fair and reasonable we have to keep banding together and becoming the winners. The people on the reasoned side do not always need to feel like they are being walked all over.

That's how things have felt for so long, I won't even say in the past because it is still happening. This moment was monumental and something that, just like the Marriage Referendum, should be really allowed to sink into the minds of every single person who voted, the real power of what was achieved this day is epic.

We didn't just pop an X next to a box. We have literally changed the Constitution of this nation twice. We have asked to please get a chance to update this nation to reflect who we are and not to be bound to the decisions of the past, which maybe were the right decisions back then or maybe the alternative was too alternative. We had to crawl for a while, but we started to walk and now we have the chance to run.

I don't want our interest in matters like this to start and stop with things that are so clearly emotive. There is so much more to do to keep pushing forward.

And the further we move ahead the more resistance will be out against us but we can't turn a blind eye.

OK the 8th is Repealed, what can we put in place now to ensure any womelan who require ls a clinic is not harassed with hate on entry and exit as is the case in other countries?

And there are more issues outside of this.

We need to really strive to separate Church from state, the stranglehold the Church has over schools is poisonous. There are laws that exist that people are not even aware of, did you know that if you work as a teacher in one of the many, many Church affiliated schools and you do something outside of the Catholic ethos like sleep with someone outside of marraige, they can fire you?! Can you believe this shit!?

Then there are the other social issues including housing, homelessness, classism which are still very active and we need to fight back against those structures too.

We have to keep saying when enough is enough.

We have to keep looking out for each other, from all walks of life.

Sure, An Taoisach gave some really character defining moments during this debate but he and his party need to be just as active in helping people out elsewhere. Maybe it won't get them as much PR but it should and if they make the best decisions it will.

Simon Harris has been charming people during these debates. Is that enough? Is that all it takes? He is Minister for Health of a system that is simply disasterous. A system where hospitals are under funded, where women are being improperly diagnosed with ceverical cancer, where patients are left on trolleys, where I don't know if my own father is getting the best treatment he can be getting right now because I simply do not trust the HSE.

The rich are getting richer, you can barely afford a basic, single bedroom roof over your head. People, families are homeless. Maybe the few are doing well but I'd argue the majority are struggling still.

Prospects are few and far between.

Really heinous crimes have been committed, some very recently, against women and girls. A lot of them. These are issues too that need to be examined, there is an underlying problem to this that needs to be addressed.

Mental Health needs to be treated as a real issue with real, available and affordable treatment. People should be able to get counselling or therapy as easily as they can get the flu shot.

That barely scratches the surface.

Yes, we achieved something outstanding and worth celebrating but this should be the fire in our belly to ignite us to realise we can do so much more.

We don't have to sit back and take our lot. We need to keep demanding better from our leaders and our services from the extreme examples to the basics of decent roads, schools and water.

The water in my own home been undrinkable for nearly 6 months that we are aware of. And it could have been longer.

Honestly the Irish rail service Iarnrod Eireann's slogan sums us up perfectly, "We're not there yet. But we're getting there."

This country is moving forward but we can't stop demanding true equality, for everyone.

A chairde, comhghairdeas, rinneamar stair le chéile. Ligeann an treocht seo a choinneáil.

Is féidir linn é a dhéanamh.

#repealthe8th #repeal the eighth #repeal #ireland #eight #8thammendment #irish #vote #history #constitution #yes #politics #voting #church #simon harris #leo varadkar #may #change #marraige equality

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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In which I lack all understanding of the judges RDPR S10E09

Welcome to Breastworld, hold tight because we are in for a humpy ride...

I'm going to start at the end and work my way back because I need try figure out what goes on in the judges minds.

So, you set a challenge for the Queens to drag themselves +50 years, then you praise a look that doesn't really scream aged (Cracker), laugh off a look that was in a similar bracket (Aquaria), come down hard on a look that was clearly older (Monet), reward a look you claimed to not like (Asia) and sure, Eureka's wasn't ancient looking but exactly what was the criteria? Did Kameron nail it? In which case why wasn't Cracker bottom 2?!

You guys, the judges have me baffled this episode.

Back to the start

The episode kicked into gear with Aquaria getting read for being too competitive and Kameron for not being happy enough.

Then Stephen Colbert does his She done already done had herses (sp?) and away we go. Fair play to Stephen, I mean is it cringy to hear all the drag slang coming out of a guy doing an impersonation of a stereotype but it was his drag moment and he's a genuine guy who has supported the show so fair play again.

Ru enters and the girls get to play a game with the pit crew matching their Andrew Chris- nope, wrong, can't remember the new brand but they show their asses, the Queens swoon and get distracted and Ru pervs out a bit.

Aquaria wins and so gets to pick the roles for Breastworld. Following on from the critiques of not being a team player Aquaria is now read in the confessional by Eureka for... Being a team player?

Anyway, they pick they're characters and then all freak out when they realise what the role entails.

During walkthroughs, Ru talks to Cracker about her "canned responses", I can see where he is coming from as she can come across as over thinking at times. But on the other hand I still feel like at times her performances have been a bit over looked.

Case in point...

As well as her Cher.

Kameron is told she needs to stand out more basically and while I see that perspective to an extent I also feel like why does she have to be nuts and wild? Why can't she just be herself and continue to slay most runways and challenges?

Asia has a touching moment, Eureka is told to be Eureka, Aquaria is told to bring herself to the role and poor Monet is told to wear a big wig! Because, you know winner Sasha Velour always mixed it up with wigs...

In the challenge itself Michelle and Ross are directing and specifically tell the girls that they are there to guide but essentially all character choices are theirs to make....

They then proceed to readjust every character decision the majority of girls decide to make and instead demand they do it their way!

So Cracker's delivery ends up being totally wrong, Aquaria needs to tweak it slightly, Kameron is not what they want AT ALL. Monet is good, Asia is spot on and Eureka can't say Iiiivvvvyyyyyy Wiiinnntterrrsssss.

Monet delivers a great read of the Ivy Winters bit in her talking head though. It's what she do.

After this bomb it's time to age themselves for the runway. And low and behold shenanigans arise.

Monet's look for the judges just isn't right. Why didn't she put on a big wig and a pair of heels, Ru wonders. Well Ru, sorry but that's not what this challenge was, they had to age themselves and the bitch looked aged!!!

Asia's bit falls flat and she has to explain it, the look was quite messy to be honest.

Cracker's look is spot on apparently which is weird because aside from the fake lips effect it didn't read aged at all. I get the joke but if you're going to scrutinize the others... Come on...

Aquaria gets read for a great look, wrong challenge. Couldn't disagree more, when she is walking that runway it looks aged, the lighting when standing still maybe loses it a bit on screen but I bought it. And if Cracker gets a pass and Monet and Asia aren't glam enough, Aquaria nailed it. That's logic. I fucking loved it.

I thought she won the challenge but more on that to follow...

Eureka's look didn't do it for them, ok she didn't look that aged but she looked mature and I'm not known to be a Eureka fan so I'm defending this in light of how nonsense the judging of the runway was.

If the challenge was runway only Kameron won it. Hands down. Case closed. She looked perfect, not just the prosthetic face but the entire head to toe look.

Performances, Cracker was called out for not getting it, Eureka was called out for taking so long to get it but at least coming across well on screen. And Kameron bombed.

Ok so on these 3, Cracker's performance was nothing special, I did love when she joined Monet and Aquaria for that line, can't remember it. Was cute though. But she had had a character in mind in the workroom, kind of stepford wife turn psycho robot and I thought it was clever but she wasn't allow do that.

Eureka was just off her game during it, it did come across fine in the edit but she didn't have that much to do either.

Kameron, I was torn on Kameron's crique mostly because I kind of thought she did ok. And Michelle droning on and on about the lack of change for the "touching moment". I thought she did, I thought she gave that kind of realisation moment and I didn't think it was as tragic as they claimed.

I agreed Asia was great but I thought Aquaria was hilarious. Doing that robotic "Where my people at?" during the song at the end was so funny. Again Asia was great, challenge only it was a toss up between the two but with runway, Aquaria won. Sorry not bloody sorry.

Monet was praised for her challenge, she wasn't in it much but any chance for Monet to do her little ad lib quips is just so adorable to me. She was a strong safe.

Kameron and Eureka were bottom. I think Cracker, whom I love, should have been bottom 2. Cracker and Eureka or Cracker and Kameron.... Probably taking runway into consideration Cracker and Eureka. It's weird, runway matters sometimes, not other times... Boggled mind.

But Eureka and Kameron must lip sync. Kameron KILLED it. 100%.

You could tell she had Ru's attention, for a while they edited to show is more Eureka than Kameron when honestly, I just wanted to see Kameron as she performed the hell out of that song.

Eureka's lip sync took a while to warm up, that first split did nothing for me, even as she swept the runway with her v-jj, I just wanted to watch what Kameron was doing.

Once Eureka got there and landed the second split and slapped the floor I worried she had it.

But before it ended I just knew, I knew if Eureka didn't win, no one would lose. And I was right.

Once Ru called Kameron first I knew Eureka would stay. They claimed it was what a god damn lip sync for your life looks like. Was it really? Another disagreement with the judging. That was not epic, that was no Alyssa vs Tatiana, a synchronized split has happened before and LaGanja wasn't safe. That was not epic Ru. Readjust your set. That was a decent lip sync that Kameron nailed and won but Eureka is being gently led to the final and we all see it.

Untucked

Untucked was fine, Cracker got a sweet video and as someone going through a tough family illness, I feel for her. Kameron's mood is effecting the girls, I wish the default wouldn't be to just lack tolerance and they would just accept the girl is different to them but maybe they're dealing with it a lot more than we see.

Eureka was sweet telling the girls how much she loves them. Bemoaning the fact the judges are holding her to a different standard, which they are. But 99% of the time, that has been in her favour because we see the judges give Eureka a free pass. Alot.

But that's not Eureka's fault, obviously when it impacts her negatively it's going to be shit and she probably doesn't notice when it's in her favour.

Not much else, things are starting to get down to the wire.

New predictions

At this stage I've lost a lot of girls I thought would get to this stage so I'm really evaluating my predictions. I think Monet and Cracker will not make top four. Which is shit, I love them. I love them so much.

But Asia will and I'd like to see her win. I'd appreciate Aquaria getting maybe Top 2 but she probably won't win. I like Kameron but she's not winning and well, if Eureka does win I look forward to people losing their god damn minds on social media!!!!

Until next time squirrel friends....

#mizcracker #rupaul #rupaul's drag race #rupaulsdragraceseason10 #aquaria #asia o'hara #eureka #kameron michaels #michelle visage #monet x change #monique heart #vh1 #drag #drag queen #drag race #dragcon #ross matthews #breastworld

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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Shnap Out of It! RDPR S10E08

Do you believe in life after Drag Race?

Yay another episode of Asia O'Haras Drag Race! This week we kick things off with a slapping challenge, loved it! It is so much fun seeing Ru really enjoying his time with the Queens, he's more like Ru from AS2 with these girls.

The slap off was hilarious, but obviously Asia stole the show with her over acted response to actually getting slapped by RuPaul. It was so funny and reminded me once again why I absolutely love Asia. She's the O'Hara I'm here for Season 10.

I thought the weakest in this mini challenge was Eureka.... Can I just skip ahead because it happens, we all know it happens. Eureka and her singing melt down. Well not melt down but her emotions... I didn't believe her! I'm sorry, I know I'm not her biggest fan and it's probably seeming super bias but I didn't buy it. I'm also kind of certain she released a single or something before this and I'm pretty sure a couple of days after the season wraps she'll have something out on iTunes.

I get that the story she told was sad and Jesus knows it shouldn't happen to any kid but assuming it's a legit story it felt like she was reaching. And this will tie me back to chronological order (ISH) as we discuss the workroom.

Ru announced it's an all singing, all dancing Cher Rusical. I actually used to watch the repeats of Sonny and Cher when I was a kid and really liked her so I thought this was a fun challenge.

During the walk though I think we saw Ru chat to most girls. This includes a moment with Eureka where Eureka discusses The Vixen seemingly just not liking her.

Skip ahead and Ru chats to The Vixen and I don't know about the rest of you but it didn't feel like there was any warmth there. Don't get me wrong, I love Ru but this season feels too much like she is Team Eureka. And not for nothing but absolutely no one appears to find any issue with Eureka stirring shit with The Vixen back in that episode of Untucked.

My Problem With Eureka

Ok if you don't give a shit about my thoughts on Eureka you can skip past this piece to the heading "On with the show" but I just really wanted to pop in an aside here about Eureka. I think I figured out why she is bugging me this season, it's because she is absolutely not being held to the same standard as the other Queens. Nothing pisses me off more in life that seeing double standards or blatent favouritism. And that's what's happening this season.

More to the point I don't understand why. But is annoys the hell out of me. I have seen this is real life as well, maybe I just have a chip on my shoulder over it. But if I ask myself objectively has Eureka performed best on the runway this season? The answer is no. If I ask myself has she performed best in the challenges? The answer is she had a couple of moments but there were times I totally disagreed with the judges on her being in the top. And I get that's my opinion versus theirs, fair enough. Has Eureka been completely blameless, totally innocent in any drama arising this season? Hell fucking no.

I loved Trinity in S09 and I get her now. I totally get why she didn't adore Eureka. Also, the judges die for her point and walk off stage and the way she does it is a complete rip off of what Trinity did. OK maybe that's just how they do it in the pagents both of them enter but stop acting like its brand new!!!!

Even the way the guest judges swoon over her in deliberations, like Snatch Game or this episode, it doesn't feel genuine!! Maybe I'm missing something, but I'd like to reiterate that I was 100% here for her being back this season. I was looking forward to it so I didn't start this season off with a wall up against Eureka.

However the shenanigans are feeling just so evident this season, it's too forced. It's too as if she is walking on water, there is too much bias towards her. And I don't even think she has bombed so hard she should be gone home necessarily but come on judges it's too much, it's too forced.

Am I missing something?

If we break it down, we have C, Charisma, does she have it? Well on season 9 she seemed to but this season I'm not feeling it through the screen. But the judges do.

U, Uniqueness? No, she's not unique, her runway schtick is a la Trinity and then her act is loud so no. Her looks can be cute though but even the glittery lines on the face thing, when I saw her doing that mid season-ish I remember thinking, is she doing Monique Hearts make up effect?!

Again, am I too Nancy Drew here?!

N is for Nerve. Well it took a lot of nerve to stir the shit with The Vixen and then act like the innocent bystander but that's not the nerve we're after is it?

T, Talent. Is rolling around dressed as a baby talent? Ok, Ok, her Snatch Game was fine, not a winner for me but fine. She is obviously talented, creative etc. But I think that goes without saying for all the girls and well the majority of Drag Queens in general.

But I think the thing that annoys me the most about Eureka is probably not even her fault. It's the fact that it is clear the producers of the show are edging her for the win or at least top 2 and it's forced and I'm not buying it.

On with the Show...

The work room slowly dissembles into some kind of alternate reality Cher universe as they all attempt their best Cher noises.

Can't remember at what stage it happens but we do find out how broke Miz Cracker was growing up and that's pretty messed up. I mean I did not come from a wealthy home, far from it, but it sounds like Cracker really went through some hard times.

Todrick Hall was in charge of choreography for the challenge, I love him, he's so handsome and sweet and insanely talented. Yes he goes full bossy on the show but I kind of love his no bullshit attitude. I mean, it is not these performers' first time at the rodeo, he doesn't need to watch their feelings.

If you have Netflix it's worth checking out his documentary, the way he is able to turn around not just songs but entire productions so quickly is sheer insanity.

Some of his songs are bangers as well, I love the one he does with Bob, 'Wrong Bitch.'

It's Cher, Cher, Cher, Cher Stupid

I'm going to keep this short and sweet. I thought the performances were decent. I agreed with the judges Kameron nailed Cher, she just did. She may not have had the most OTT performance in terms of dance but something so stripped back could have totally bombed and I thought she did a great job, her look, mannerisms and voice were on point.

Monet was really fun, I love her energy in general. You want to talk about Charisma, with that smile?! Monet puts the C in CUNT.

I thought Cracker was actually quite good, for some reason the judges came for her for the fact she had that voice changing mic?! Really?! It was the prop she had to use!!! It wasnt even her idea!!!

Yes, lovely Asia bombed it but I loved when she ad libbed that line about forgetting her lyrics, that is a pro entertainer move.

The Vixen's wasn't great just the voice was weird but I thought she performed well.

Zero apologies but Eureka was not good. Don't care, the fact that her big laugh came from A. Turning around and showing her ass which for some reason is hilarious because she's a bigger girl and B. A prop canon between her legs is horse shit. She performed half heartedly the majority of the performance while Aquaria gave it her all.

I did not agree that Aquaria was bottom 3, that should have been Eureka and it could have been a toss up between her and The Vixen to lip sync to be quite honest.

But again the judges and guest judges fawned over her.

Ugh.. anyway....

I loved this lip sync, I thought both girls did really well but that moment when the song stops and leads into the countdown was Asia's moment entirely! I loved it, I just want to see it again.

The Vixen goes home and OK fair enough it may have been her time. But I feel like The Vixen didn't get the empathy she maybe deserved entirely this season, I think she was pushed by Eureka and I can imagine there is footage on the cutting room floor to show that in more detail. Can't wait for them to reunite!

However, I did like The Vixen, I didn't always agree with her entirely but I have respect for the inner power she had during her run and I hope for great things for her particularly given the voice she projects and the way she uses her platform.

Should we Untuck?

Honestly, I don't remember much from Untucked. I know they were at Kameron for not being hyped enough for doing well.

Let the girl be, if she's not as wild as the others just let her be. Why does she need to be like anyone else?!

Cracker moved in on Aquaria calling out her confidence I think and probably making the point of how unappealing it is.

This is a bit of a Violet syndrome for Aquaria but I do think Aquaria comes across with more charm and goofyness than Violet did so I'm fine with her.

That about sums it up for this week. It's starting to get closer to the end and it's anyone's game. I'd love to see Asia win, or Monet. Cracker I do live for but she isn't winning it. And Eureka probably will anyway...

I have seen the next episode, I have many thoughts... But I need to digest it and get Untucked before I even go there.

Until next time.

#mizcracker #rupaul #rupaul's drag race #rupaulsdragraceseason10 #aquaria #asia o'hara #eureka #kameron michaels #michelle visage #monet x change #monique heart #the vixen #vh1 #drag #drag queen #drag race #todrick hall

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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Deadpool 2 Non Spoiler Brief Thoughts

I saw Deadpool 2 last night. You should see it too.

I could leave it at that, it really sums things up but here is a brief breakdown of my thoughts post seeing this sequel.

1. Deadpool himself

Deadpool 2 was hilarious, the thing is in the wrong hands I would imagine the character of Deadpool could become super annoying but Ryan Reynolds brings such a sweet heart to this absolutely nuts wise cracker that you just leave the movie wanting more Deadpool.

2. Characters old and new

Not one of the new cast felt out of place. They all fit seamlessly. Josh Brolin wins the summer superhero blockbuster anyway with this and Avengers under his belt. I fell in love with Domino, she has some really fun moments and there was one very fleeting, you could step over it comedic moment from her that I loved and if that moment is reflective of her character going forward I just want more. Loved her so much. Loved the treatment of her power as well. That kid from Hunt for the Wilderpeople is perfect. Who else... Sorry this review will lack some detail... The cast from the first movie are great in it too. Lots of other really great new faces and unexpected faces and it all just works.

3. The Plot

The plot is not what I expected at all. There was one moment in what I think they call the second act where I had a bit of a "move it along" feeling but it was a very fleeting moment because just as I was getting that vibe it all kicked back into gear. Unexpected plot in the best way possible.

Please do not let this movie get spoiled on you. Go in armed only with the trailers, trust me, it's worth it.

Final Thoughts

This is short and sweet and spoiler free so not too much to say other than its really great. I found it much funnier than the original, which I did enjoy, but it's funnier. There are some great moments that reference the comic book Deadpool, I didn't read the comics but I'm aware of them so for any comic book fan it's an extra treat. Feels like the character of Deadpool is now more fully realised and awesome. Some great little Easter eggs in it, a big heart, totally unexpected moments and it all flows together like a movie made by people who love the character

All the thumbs up, will watch again! I never pay to go to the cinema twice but I might just do that.

#deadpool #deadpool 2 #ryan reynolds #domino #cable #xmen #marvel #fox #movie #movie review #no spoilers #zazie beetz #josh brolin #superhero #summer

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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Believe it or not I love more than Drag Race! This is my first digital drawing using the Surface Pro & I present my fan art of the fucking bad ass bitch herself Lenny from Legion. If you don't watch Legion you are missing out on one of the most original shows on TV. Yes, it's a Marvel thing but it never feels like your typical "superhero" fodder. Legion is an incredible mind fuck that offers some amazing acting, characters, story and all encompassed within a compelling narrative around mental health. I fucking love this show.

#legion #lenny #Legionfx #fan art #digital art #digital drawing #digital painting #Irish #Ireland #marvel #surface pro #FX #legion fx

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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Snatched my Heart RDPR S10E07

Snatch Game!!!

Yes it is time for everyone's favourite episode right up until Season 10 happened! I've been sick all week and haven't had the energy to even think about writing.

Until now! I consume a lot of Drag Race related media from podcasts like Alright Mary, the subreddit, you get the gist. But by far the best thing you can watch alongside the main show and Untucked is Miz Cracker's Review with a Jew.

It doesn't matter that she is not a Drag Race rockstar right now in terms of performance but Miz Cracker is great and Review with a Jew is the perfect peak behind the curtain. And her episode for Snatch Game has made me enjoy the episode a little bit more.

Firstly though I was glad she confirmed this wasn't a good Snatch Game. I totally agreed.

To start the show the library is open. The reading challenge was so heavily edited, Monet got the biggest raction in the room for that Cracker read and then Ru announced Eureka's win as if it was just totally obvious. Felt weird.

Anyway, on with the show... Bianca Del Rio enters the work room and pretends she doesn't know anyone already. She is also made out like this Snatch Game hero, the best in the game. Which she wasn't. Her Judy was fine but Ben was better... Twice!!! But I'd imagine De La was not willing to come back, again.

Pearl was funnier for Christ's sake!!

But there we are.

Eureka pretends Devine was an option before being "convinced" she should do Honey Boo Boo.

Monet is going to make Chi Chi look really bad with her Maya Angelou.

Kameron Diaz is doing Blac China the wrastler.

Monique Heart never redeems herself as Maxine Waters.

Cracker is doing Dorothy Parker. (?) Interesting to note she reveals in Review that she had some nuts republican character to do but was advised not to given what a racist scumbag the women apparently is. I get the show doesn't really want to go there, probably for a ton of reasons, but I do think Cracker would have made that funny...er.

Asia can't do Whitney without a drug reference. Lies and fallacies America. She could have figured that one out, come on... So she chooses Beyonce instead?! Seriously?! Have you not watched Drag Race.

And The Vixen is Blue Ivy. Leave the Knowles alone girls. The Knowles/Carters are not Snatch Game ready.

Finally, Aquaria is Melania Trump. Not going to lie, I kind of loved this. Plus her acceptance of being a bit awkward with speaking to people, flubbing over her sentences was adorable, sweet and totally relatable.

Snatch Game

So Snatch Game just seemed so low energy to me, you had Eureka giving it socks the whole way through, Monet had just great moment after great moment. I don't care if the soliloquy was pre written, they were great.

I thought Aquaria captures Melania perfectly, her jokes worked, the Michelle Obama name card, the China comeback, she was spot on even her facial expressions were so good.

But beyond these three things took a dive.

Cracker disappeared for me and Chyna did too. This is where Review with a Jew shines a whole new light on Snatch Game. It's 2 HOURS LONG!! It takes them two whole hours to film it! According to Cracker they were warned to make it good or Ru would be pissed, they had a ton of awkward moments, it was really hard and sounded like a nightmare. And what we saw of these two was their best! Which wasn't that bad but pretty mediocre.

Asia and The Vixen's bit totally flopped. Aggressive Beyonce is not the Bey I want to see! I get it, she was trying to do this behind the scenes Beyonce but it was horrible! Plus if you're doing Bey don't over think it, just go act like some kind of robotic stepford wife or something, play off the demeanour we see, exaggerate it, cartoonify it, whatever. It always works best when it's clearly a parody. But Beyonce is one star who never lets you see her get mad or see her flip out. Beyonce is composed and sooo self aware. There is a joke there but Asia didn't come close.

The Vixen had an idea with Blue Ivy, I get there was an idea there but it wasn't fully formulated and it just didn't work.

Monique broke apparently twice, we got to see it once when she laughed at Ru. She had no jokes. Nothing. And it was shit because Monique is a funny Queen.

But it was two hours of filming... Ouch.

Mermaids...

The Queen's served Mermaids on the runway. Run run runway.

Cracker and Kameron made sense being safe and both were cute on stage. Monet, Aquaria and Eureka were tops. Aquaria's look was stunning though and I wasn't mad she won.

Asia, The Vixen and Monique were bottom. I think Asia should have been bottom two. There, i said it. And I'll say this, that fucking fish head thing, I hated it!! I loved her concept and idea in the voice over. She didn't tell Michelle that which was weird but I got it, I liked it.

But the look was not cute.

I hated The Vixens outfit and I hated that Monique was in the bottom. But mostly I hate that she didn't know the words.

And America, the Heart of the competition is outta here.

Let's Untuck this

On the main stage the Queen's were asked who should go home and it went down really well, didn't stir any shit and everyone was best friends after.

No wait, everyone except Eureka said The Vixen, The Vixen said Eureka, Eureka came for The Vixen's opinion and then they all had to disappear off stage.

In Review with a Jew, Cracker reveals her and Kameron were back stage for ages and then she does this great bit taking the piss out her obvious plug for Object furniture.

When the rest of the gang arrives The Vixen is wounded. She comes for every girl who picked her getting a bit nastier everytime right up to telling Monique she was the least prepared there. She also looks for back up on her opinions on Eureka but never gets it.

Now in her review Cracker explains how, I think Monique said at some live watch that Eureka had been told by the judges earlier to not rely on fat jokes and something else... Can't remember, also can't remember if we were shown that... But anyway she hints at this being a frustration of The Vixen that Eureka never changed like the judges asked and is skating by on it.

But that doesn't make The Vixens outburst Ok. But she has been goaded by Eureka as well, we saw it, I do believe The Vixen when she said Eureka is annoying.

Regardless of all that, The Vixen was clearly feeling hurt, she broke down when she saw her mother which was so beautiful to see, very sad.

Monique's exit was very sad, such a great character for the show, I really feel like she would have been missed in the work room. I hope she gets lots of opportunities from this gig because she really deserves it.

And that was Snatch Game. Can't recommend catching Review with a Jew from Miz Cracker enough, YouTube that shit... Until next time

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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I DO Declare RDPR S10E06

Well, that confirms it, I in no way have any authority in predicting who will stay, go or whatever else in Season 10 of RuPaul’s Drag Race...

(Before I get into this I will note that there was some heavy shit brought up at the end of this episode. I have decided to touch on it at the very end of this post.) So let’s get into this, for Episode 6 the girls were challenged to create panels for a Drag Con inspired challenge. I love seeing more popular icons from today’s culture showing up as guests on the show and it is so great to see a straight male comedian like Kumail Nanjiani on the show who doesn’t have to turn it into a confused about my sexuality bit and instead took his judging role seriously. Kudos Kumail, and Emily Gordon is clearly a fan, pulling that swimsuit and pair of heels read on Kameron.

But that’s skipping ahead, let’s move back to the work room, a somewhat dejected Monet has to wipe more lipstick from the mirror and handle some brilliant ribbing from Monique and Asia - I seriously fucking love this trio.

Cracker is moaning at being the bridesmaid, never the bride on challenges - don’t look a gift horse in the mouth girl.

Meanwhile, Blair offers up an overly enthusiastic “I’m so happy to be here” monologue and I immediately knew she was in trouble this week!

There’s the Sitting on A Secret mini challenge which is cute, what I have noticed this season is that Ru seems to be having so much fun with these girls. There have been a couple of seasons where she didn’t seem as passionate about this whole project but it looks like she’s gotten a new lease of life with these Queens.

Asia wins the mini challenge which doesn’t give any bonus for the maxi challenge, the girls get to divide themselves into teams and decide what they want their panel to be about out of 3 choices. No one wants poor Monet or Kameron so step in good Samaritan Eureka to save the day and form ‘Team Body’.

Asia, Monique and Aquaria band together for ‘Face’, I didn’t expect those three as a team, Asia an Monique yes but I guess Aquaria wanted make-up for obvious reasons.

Finally, The Vixen, Blair and Cracker team up, again, to take on ‘Hair’.

Ru announces there will be a live audience as well as the judges and the challenge begins. The girl’s are in their groups trying to figure things out and the word ‘Proportionizing’ is born. I love how we are shown the constant skepticism from the other Queens’, setting up the surprise win.

During walk through, Ru kind of does his best to point all the teams in the right direction. He highlights the importance of a moderator and branding! Because that’s what every one of these challenges is always about, what is your brand. Why should this Queen stay versus another aka why will fans want to see more of you.

As the Queens get ready we learn that Kameron wasn’t always muscles and that boyfriends have been the reason he has stopped drag. Now let’s settle on this for a moment, I actually think this was an incredibly important and somewhat overlooked conversation in the context of the episode, more on that later.

This is something that can happen in straight or gay relationships, this idea that once you start going out with someone if you are not fully confident or secure in yourself, you can lose the parts of you that you do actually love for the sake of that other person.

And sometimes that can be deliberate, in Kameron’s case it was made clear by her partner that he didn’t like drag. But sometimes it is not deliberate but you will priorities what your partners wants, dreams and interests are over your own and adjust yourself to suit that person. And at first it may not even be an overly conscious thing, but it matters. It matters because that is who you are, all those quirky things you do are a part of you and you should never feel like you have to push any of those to the side just because another person doesn’t ‘get it’ or like it. And it should not matter if in that moment that is the greatest person ever to you, if you are blinded by love or not, you have to hold on to who you are and what makes you special - not easy. And if it is love, they will celebrate every quirky weird thing about you. It can even be as seemingly small as not listening to a certain song or genre of music because of judgement from that other person. But do not allow anyone who is supposed to love you make you feel judged. Ever.

So kudos Ms.Michaels for saying goodbye to the douches in your life and embracing your drag self, because I happen to really enjoy Kameron as a Queen.

There is a strong feeling of learning to love yourself this season, well I suppose it’s there every season, but I feel like this season there is a deeper cut where we really get to see the Queens show their “weakness” and it’s special and humanizing and important.

Moving on...

Monet and Cracker are doing their make up and Cracker awkwardly enquires about Monet’s past/family. And I saw awkwardly because these two literally work together outside of the show so clearly there was some prompting for these conversations and while it is always interesting to hear these stories I wish the producers would just allow content to come more freely.

I have been listening to Bob and Monet’s podcast Sibling Rivalry and I have heard Monet explain about her family before so this wasn’t totally news to me but I was happy to see her get a little more air time. It obviously crossed my mind that it could be a bad omen but I watched with hope, these moments either happen for a really good reason (let fans get to know a front runner) or a bad reason (bitch, bye.)

P.S I loved the X Change between Monet and Asia much earlier in the episode when Monet called out Asia for having an ‘ashy’ back and Asia clapped back - looking fierce - with her talent being bottom two. Ugh, I love these Queens.

We find out that Monique is kind of broke and has to pretty much make her outfit from scratch every runway and holy shit, this girl is so talented because she seriously turns it out on that main stage.

Speaking of the main stage, it’s time to start the panels...

I thought the body panel of Eureka, Monet and Kameron was just so professional, so fun and literally ticked every box, unlike some of the others. I do question if they had somewhat of an unfair advantage given that I think Eureka has actually been on Drag Con panels before. But in general they were a strong team, they planned it out well with each Queen having a chance to talk about one aspect of drag body and creating a little branding with the ‘Proportionizing’ thing.

I was a bit taken aback by the audience question being a bit more society/politically drive and I immediately thought this was going to be a curve ball for all the Queens where the questions would not necessarily be about their panel or what they would be expecting.

I was wrong.

Monique kicks off the intro for the next panel and straight away was endearing and a total pro. I really enjoyed her during this and getting to see Ru have a giggle at that Eddie Murphy laugh of hers was cute. Also her intro of Asia!? The Danny Glover illusion line was hilarious!!

Asia came across well as always, Aquaria was OK. It’s not that I don’t like Aquaria but I find that sometimes it feels as though she is just trying a little too hard to convey a certain personality and I would like to just see her relax a bit more.

Their panel didn’t live up to the ‘Proportionizing’ Queens and things got really messy when Asia was over there playing with her eyelash and Aquaria was on the other side sticking glue on her lips at the same time. It was middle of the road.

Their question was about make up, their answer was decent, kind of generic and I discovered that the questions weren’t all going to be curve balls which felt like a missed opportunity to challenge the Queens.

The final panel was Cracker, The Vixen and Blair on Hair. This was so poor, I don’t understand why Ru would suggest to the Queens having a moderator and they wouldn’t have one. In fact, I think it was kind of dumb of Cracker to not say she would do it because that could have been a chance for her to shine. It didn’t feel like they had rehearsed at all because if they had, Blair could have figured out a way to shine. They stepped over each other quite a bit, I don’t personally think anything came across as mean, just poorly executed.

Blair during this challenge showed me that the character she had player in their App commercial is kind of her drag character I guess? Which is kind of over acted and really, really cheesey. And not in a cute way, it was cringe. When she did that corn bit... Stop girl, we have a corn Queen and she is perfect.

I thought The Vixen was OK, she had some cute moments but as a whole this group sucked. Totally agree with Emily Gordon, didn’t learn a damn thing about wigs. I also felt bad for the guy who asked the question because they gave him nothing, they didn’t seem to take it seriously, the only saving grace was seeing Cracker make sure he got one of those hair pieces at the end.

Hat’s off to ya mawma...

It’s a hats themed runway, if her team had killed the challenge Asia would have won this. That look was stunning.

But she didn’t so peace out to Asia, Monique and Aquaria all safe.

Top three are, surprise, surprise, Monet, Kameron and Eureka. They gave props to Kameron for coming out of her shell a bit more and now need to see looks - listen up girl because I would like you to stay a while longer.

Monet gets high praise all around and I am so happy for her, seriously falling more in love with her since I started listening to the podcast. I adored her church look, loved how she played it up on the runway and was happy to see her commended on her comedy. Monet is just so chill and cool, I love her!

Eureka was fan favourite we discover and it became obvious she would win. Am I warming to her? I don’t know, I do get the charisma thing, it was clear during the panel and I don’t think she’s a bad person but out of these Queens she just isn’t my favourite.

Bottom three, and rightfully so, are Cracker in her hair hat, Blair in her cute doll look and The Vixen in her look that probably deserved more credit than it got. The judges called out the piss poor performance, jokes not landing and all the rest. At this stage I thought, much like The Vixen, it would be Cracker vs Blair in a white on white battle royal.

WRONG AGAIN!

The Vixen must lip sync for her life against Blair and as I said, the writing was on the wall since the very start of the episode. The Vixen was a joy to watch during this performance, that smile, those moves, everything was perfect. Blair was very ‘performance’ during the battle but she just didn’t pop in comparison. And so finally, I was right as Blair was asked to sashay away...

I do declare...

During the judging and then followed up on Untucked, Blair brought up an incredibly personal incident to defend why her drag focused on the positive and daintiness.This was some show of strength by this young Queen. My heart bled for her, it didn’t mean she deserved to stay, but it was heart breaking to hear. To say that to mask the feeling of dirtiness or being unclean that she had was to be overtly positive was striking.

When we hear of rape or cases of rape in the media etc we often hear about the pain felt by the victims, we often hear about the actions of the accused and attention moves to condemning that scumbag and often questioning the accuser. Rightfully, we should condemn the attacker and we should know of the pain caused but there is that other side of things that I have always felt goes overlooked and that is the deep psychological damage that can and often is done to the survivor in the long term. I will no longer user the term victim here and instead use survivor because that means strength.

That idea of feeling dirty, that the survivor feels dirty, unworthy, as if they deserved it, that’s a real thing. That is exactly how it ends up feeling. It shouldn’t be the case but it is and I don’t know why that is. I don’t know if it’s because of the dialogue that exists out there about survivors ‘asking for it’ (fuck off with that one) or if it stems from the inner dialogue of shame, I don’t know. All I know is it is real.

This is why I always prickle when I hear, often men, judge women who act a bit ‘wild’ or might be deemed a bit ‘promiscuous’, be it in the world of celebrity (insert name of every female celeb who has ‘gone off the rails’ here) or in real life. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I always think to myself, you don’t know what this girl is going through or has gone through. You don’t know what pain she has suffered, how low her value of self worth is, how often she feels as though this - the body, her sexuality - is all she is worth, that being potentially used is not because she is some dumb girl but is because she has been damaged so badly by other people that she has what Blair explains as the feeling of being dirty or unclean.

I understand and empathize because I know, because I have lived it. And even typing that vague line, even eluding, makes my stomach flip, causing a fluttering in my head and makes my hands shake. I am trembling, I want to highlight and delete every paragraph written here. Blair chose positivity, I chose not to be open to being vulnerable, to hide myself. I carry shame, I carry anger and hatred, I carry such a low self esteem, such low value. I am doing what I can, and have been for many years, whatever I can to survive everyday and to try and work and grow through this.

I will say, if you have ever had to suffer like this, you must talk to someone. If you can call a helpline and just talk, if you can find a cheap therapist - they exist - just talk. If that makes you uncomfortable, write it out to yourself, write out your pain, your anger and then burn that piece of paper and let it go - that’s a launching pad.

Just don’t give up on yourself, don’t decide you can’t have good in your life. And don’t beat yourself up if you can’t feel like you can talk to someone, give it time. I started and stopped therapy so many times, but I eventually went back until I found someone I was actually comfortable talking to. One thing I learned from going was how easy it is it think such bad and negative things about yourself once its in your mind but if you are challenged to have to actually say hateful things about yourself out loud, be it alone or with a professional, you suddenly realise how absurd it is to be hard on yourself.

Take some time for yourself, take some time to say some really nice things about yourself. Look in the mirror, does your hair look good today? Do your eyes, your lips, your hands, your nails etc etc?

Take a page out of the book of Drag Queens, when you see them being extra and saying how fucking amazing they are or look, be inspired by that. Don’t be afraid to celebrate yourself like that. That’s something I have learned from watching Drag Race all these years, seeing the Queens look at themselves and squeal “Bitch I look Stunning!” has inspired me. We should all be our Drag selves as often as we can and especially when we feel like shit.

Until next week x.

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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Pickled Pink S10E05

A fun maxi challenge, beefs semi-squashed and a drama free Untucked?! I can barely mother-tucking believe it...

Thank you Netflix for allowing me to skip the recap and away we go! To kick things off poor Monet seems so heart broken after sending her New York sister home and Asia is more than a little peeved after being embarrassed on last weeks runway.

Cracker brings some wise words about how a gift should be given freely and she really does make some sense and is not trying to drag Asia down. Clearly there was an assumption on the part of many of the Queens that Asia had that challenge ‘sewn up’.

I’m a little torn on this one because on the one hand I do feel for Asia, especially when she says how the reason for coming to RPDR was to share their art, meet new people, gain a larger family and I would really hate to see her become intentionally blinded by the competition and totally ruthless. However, I do want her to slay and if she has to stop being so damn congenial to do so, she should! It is a competition after all, as we seem to be reminded in every episode there is 100,000 doll-hairs at stake!

There is a lot of time spent in this episode rehashing the events of last week’s Untucked between The Vixen and Eureka, so much time that when things went down they way they did I really did expect a different outcome by the end of this episode... But I digress.

The mini challenge was a cute little USA patriotism runway as the girls created Army inspired looks. The Vixen won (again, this girl got so much attention this episode...) and she got to pair up the teams for the improv challenge on Bossy Rossy!

To her credit, The Vixen mixed up the teams in a really interesting way, the sound editors would have you think the pairing of Eureka and Aquaria was mighty shady but I don’t see how! As if Eureka and Aquaria getting paired together was a major issue!!! They clearly got along since episode one!!! Why The Vixen thought that would be a genius move, I don’t know. Had she wanted to be truly cunning she should have tried to throw them under the bus by pairing them with someone who would be funnier and quicker than Aquaria and louder and brighter than Eureka.

Side note, Eureka’s face during the mini challenge looked fab, I really liked the darker lipstick on her.

Also, I was surprised The Vixen chose Asia for herself, I wonder if she was thinking along the lines of what she said before, wanting to work with someone who would essentially be subservient to her and not challenge her. I do think this came back to bite her in the ass...

The girl’s begin to work on their characters and back story, I loved the line from Monet when working with Kameron about whether she was home schooled! Bless Kameron, I do think there is a little introverted social awkwardness there which I can certainly relate to!

Blair and Monique seemed to get along well and, get them cookies, Vanjie makes even more impact in Season 10 as she becomes the safe word for the girls set. She is surely the greatest contestant to have sashayed away episode one?

We also had Cracker and Mayhem, I will say this, usually when there is a big, awkward costume to wear for a challenge the Queens never want to wear it but Cracker zoned right in on that thing and was dying to get into it! She also crackered me up with that white girl twerking bit in her Army runway.

Asia and The Vixen decide to rip on Aquaria and Cracker for their bit, which is probably what the assignment called for and they think it’s a bit wilder and shadier than I believe it really was since that was so four episodes ago! The Vixen needs to move past episode one already!!

We get a snap shot of Aquaria disagreeing with Eureka wearing a bonnet as if that is set up for some major conflict, but we know better now, don’t we?

Time to get Bossy with Rossy...

The maxi challenge kicks off and Ross is kind of adorable as the talk show host, Blair and Monique Heart get us off to a good start. Blair was really decent I thought, Monique stole the show from her without coming across as over powering. The Vanjie thing happened which seemed like Blair just running out of things to say and it was kind of cute but it was also a bit pointless but still, A+ for Monique and a B- for Blair.

Next came Monet and Kameron. Oh Monet, lovely, lovely Monet... It wasn’t good. I don’t know her, I have no idea where she was at during the run on Drag Race so far but I get the sense she has just such a high expectation for herself based on her success in the real world that she’s just buckling under the pressure a little. Like she’s too in her head right now, it kind of reminds me of Trixie during AS3 when she admitted not wanted to let fans down, or herself down, and the pressure that comes with it.

By comparison, Kameron really delivered in the improv, she had a full character and didn’t stumble across her words and out of the two of them she really did win.

Cracker and Mayhem. OK before the vomit inducing praise starts I’ll say this - Mayhem Miller was not bad in this challenge! She seemed to have so much fun with this character, she did a really decent job, she didn’t break (cough, The Vixen, cough). The judges’ comment that she shouldn’t have seemed afraid of Dr.Dill - Dill looked like and evidently was a pickle!! Of course she should have been freaked out by her!

It was clear however that her humour didn’t quite match Cracker though and now I shall gush.

Let me start with a segue, I am all for an over the top performance, I’m OK with it and I accept comedy is subjective. I’m not saying that Eureka isn’t funny, she was certainly loud, but give me Cracker’s weird, deadpan delivery punctuated at every step with a pun any day of the week. Her point of view is out there, cartoony and hilarious! And the thing is, it wasn’t just what she was saying, her every movement was a comedic performance. I could see how the cogs had worked in her brain, she embodied a total character. That moment when she “revealed” she was an actual pickle and stood, hitting that stance as she tried to reason with Mayhem was fucking laugh out loud funny.

(Gif from TheFilmExperience.net)

Right, grudgingly I will move on.

The Vixen and Asia did not work out too well, The Vixen broke character thanks to a bacon joke from Ross and in general she didn’t have any ‘haha’ moments. She was just kind of whiney and annoying, which I guess is her interpretation of Aquaria. Meanwhile, Asia was kind of funny and cute but their act fell flat against most others. I felt like Asia did her best, we don’t know if she really did miss performance cues from The Vixen since we didn’t see their preparation beyond the concept but let’s all safely assume someone will tell Asia what The Vixen said on the runway and it will result in some kind of argument next week.

Finally, Eureka and Aquaria. I thought Aquaria was OK, she wasn’t that funny and this is weird but she kind of reminded me of Dennis Reynolds when he’s in the baby costume in that episode of Always Sunny... Anyone? No? Moving on then...

Eureka, it’s not that she wasn’t funny, it just felt like the joke was ‘look at me, I’m fat and so look like a massive baby’. That seems unfair, she did have her moments but it just didn’t really do it for me. In terms of the assignment at hand, Monique and Cracker were my top 2 and while it seems like I did prefer Cracker, either of those two should of won.

Again, more screen time for The Vixen as we see a sort of resolution with Eureka via the mediation skills of Mayhem. The producers were almost as sneaky as when Shangela faked out the Trixie lipstick pull in this entire set up. They really had me going that The Vixen was heading to battle in a LSFYL and to be honest, since the maxi challenge I was debating in my mind what would happen in a Monet vs The Vixen performance, right up until that moment didn’t come.

It was certainly nice to see Eureka and The Vixen talk things out a bit, I do entirely stand by The Vixen though and I thought that Eureka was just nasty in that last Untucked, no, nasty isn’t the right word, maybe it’s vindictive... Anyway, I was thankful that The Vixen didn’t just hug or hand shake it out with Eureka by the end. I’m not a fan of that, when someone hurts you in some way and then once they say their piece, absolve themselves of their own sins look for some kind of recognition for the fact, to put a pin in it. It feels so awkward to me and I was happy to see The Vixen stand by her convictions, it seems like she is open to giving Eureka the benefit of the doubt but she’s also not about to turn this into RuPaul’s best friend’s race by any stretch of the imagination.

On the Runway, oh Monet... Monet... That face was beautiful but the look was a fail, I’m sorry girl I really hope I don’t see her in the bottom 2 again! Kameron had her moment with Shania which was cute just not near the adorable levels of Xtina and Farrah.

Cracker was cute and funny, The Vixen’s dress was stunning, go away Michelle with nit picking that look! Eureka looked good. Monique was adorable and I was so happy to see her in the top 2! Mayhem’s dress didn’t look denim but I found it weird to watch her critiques. First off, she had Carson and the panel giggling at her responses but then Michelle came in with the take downs. And I’m not necessarily saying Michelle was wrong, it just felt very deliberate.

Eureka won, it was her full circle moment and for some reason time and again on Drag Race loud = funny. And what is it with Drag Race loving when girls throw themselves on the ground?! Is that what commitment looks like, am I missing something? You know who else dropped to the ground, laid on a desk - Mayhem Miller! Eureka was extra during the challenge but she wasn’t side splitting, knee slapping funny.

Anyway she won.

The Vixen didn’t land in the bottom two, ultimately I think if 50% was the challenge and 50% was the runway maybe Mayhem and The Vixen were even. The produc-, I mean, judges decided Mayhem just wasn’t bringing the flavour so she landed in the bottom with Monet.

Man, I feel like a lip sync...

Monet vs Mayhem for the lip sync and honestly on first viewing I found it kind of hard to tell what way Ru was swaying. Usually, you can get a clear indication from Ru who she’s feeling but I was really unsure during this. As a viewer, Monet did take over. She is such a strong performer, and so is Mayhem, but Monet’s got tricks on tricks on tricks.

Thanks a lot to Mayhem for making me look like a complete eejit in my initial predictions and not getting Top 4!

Untucking Episode 05

There was no insane drama in Untucked, Mayhem was so sweet during the episode and so positive it really broke my heart to see her have to go. Kameron, who I really believe is one to watch this season (which probably means she’ll be gone like, next episode) got some screen and talk time before all the girls came back.

Cracker had her moment to hold her hands up and admit to not loving herself. What a very refreshing thing to say, and to word it in that way of not teaching herself to love herself. There is such a point made of loving yourself on this show, but it can be a challenge. It’s not that easy for it all to just click into place. It can take time, life experience but it’s not easy, it’s a process. Jesus, I’m not there but like Cracker I realise the need to teach myself how to do that and it’s important to not hate yourself, even if your not quite in the space of loving yourself. Just to be less hard on yourself and more accepting. Stop worrying about how you may be perceived on the outside or comparing yourself to others. It’s not easy, but nothing worth having is.

Eureka was being very supportive during this episode which was nice to see, it is nice to see that alternative, caring side to those big personalities like Eureka.

Monet broke my heart but she rode into the lip sync and slayed it. Mayhem reading her letters in the workroom made wet stuff come out of my eyes, such a sweet heart.

And now for my final thought...

Another great episode of Drag Race, was I thrilled with the outcome, no but at the same time this competition is just so fierce this season any Queen who goes is a star already.

It’s really nice to see how much fun Ru appears to be having this season, cracking up over the Vanjie things again!! She seems like she’s having a lot of fun interacting with the Queens and I love it.

If you want to get something to satisfy those cravings between episodes can I just recommend Monet and Bob’s podcast Sibling Rivalry? It is so much fun to listen to, the chemistry of those two Queens is absurdly brilliant, last I checked there are only 5 episodes so far but it is well worth a listen and a subscribe!

Sibling Rivalry on Soundcloud and you can find it on iTunes and stuff as well I’m sure!

Next week is the Drag Con Panel Extravaganza, which sounds... interesting! Until next time....

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buzzworddotie · 6 years

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EurekASS hanging out! S10E04

Another week, another foine episode of Rupaul’s Drag Race and this week we're having a ball darling!

But just when I thought it was safe to kick off with the main episode, Untucked throws yet another action packed episode to dig our teeth into.

Let me preface this by saying that I did like Eureka during her short run on S09, but I adored Trinity ‘The Tuck’ Taylor. And Trinity warned us all that Eureka runs her mouth and can be a bit much, and this extra air time is proving her point.

Eureka seems to be so much, so loud that if I were there I know my head would be so wrecked by this Queen.

Another aspect of Eureka we have been shown is that at times, she is nasty.

If you cast your mind back to Episode 1 when we got our first suggestion of Cracker vs Aquaria when their eyebrows were vaguely similar, Eureka was a real instigator in that moment, like a real Mean Girl. She was there for the drama, she was ready to drag Cracker. And she seems to love it.

But what happened in Untucked was nastier still. Can you imagine for one second if The Vixen started crying how horrible this would have all seemed? Because Eureka is a big girl, and not just in girth, she's tall, she's loud, she's kind of intimidating especially when she got right up in The Vixen's face. What triggered this whole moment? The Vixen was talking and both Eureka and Monique wanted to say their piece too, but both were asked/knew to wait their turn. Then following a comment from Monique, Eureka asked that the girls not "be so negative".

I was triggered, The Vixen was triggered. It was very triggering.I cannot agree more with The Vixen as she, in a light-hearted manner, asked to just strike that word from conversation.

How does an alternate opinion equal "negative"?!?!

Again this entitled way of looking at things is something that has become really highlighted by the internet and social media culture. This desire for a hive mind is something I can't get on board with.

But disagreeing with someone is not negative. It's an opportunity to argue your view, it's a chance to adapt some empathy and see another perspective and to acknowledge that while you don't have to agree with it, you can at least understand where they are coming from rather than paint that person as a problem or as negative.

This moment lead to Eureka doing something that I believe was a very conscious and deliberate decision. She made a comment directed at The Vixen and announced she was going away to have a smoke.

Why do I think this was deliberate? Well, I'll tell you why, The Vixen had already made it abundantly clear that she does not appreciate people saying something and then running away and not having the tucked balls to stand there and face the music or defend what they said. And Eureka was looking for a fight, she was goading The Vixen.

The difference between Aquaria and Eureka here is that I believe Aquaria didn't really think through her actions. I think Aquaria showed some naivety with The Vixen and instantly regretted what she did, not because she felt bad about it but because she didn't expect to get pulled up on it. She should have expected it but I don't think there was malice.

However, with Eureka there was malice. It was a calculated move. She admitted that to Mayhem. The Vixen is tough, we can see that but she is still human and I wouldn't be surprised if we do see her have a break down if people keep using her for their own moment of drama as Eureka has. Mind you, I don't think anyone else will. I hope.

For me, Eureka let her ass hang out in this argument, now to be fair, she came back in and very much held her hands up to being an instigator, but the damage had been done at that stage.

I do think it would require some immense patience to deal with Eureka, it’s hard to know what personality type is required to get her in check. Poor Asia had a task with her during the Pharmarusical.

So maybe Eureka did sense that The Vixen had little time for her, but as she said during Untucked, The Vixen held her tongue and did her best during the App challenge. It’s fair to say Eureka is a lot of Queen for one Queen but from the outside looking in it felt like she used The Vixen in this moment and I just hope that eventually The Vixen just doesn’t rise to this anymore. It’s not about wishing she would dial it down or be more “careful” in what she says, it is just about her seeing that some of these Queens are setting traps for her for their own benefit and I’d like to see The Vixen not even waste her energy on these shenanigans.

But let’s allow Untucked to settle right there and return to the main event - It’s a Ball DAHling!!

To kick things off we had a fun little photo bomb challenge, I actually thought Blair was really funny here. It’s so easy to cast her as this sweet little thing but Blair’s got bite!

On with the show, Ru announces the Last Ball on Earth, which is just great because usually these come much later and I love seeing these girls get to be creative.

So lots of workroom action as the Queens get to work, we get two - count that TWO Mateo references - first a beautiful Vanjie chorus line, these Queens are me-meing this thing before they even know! We also get a “Sickening, No?!” in honour of Mother Alexis!

Ru stops by for his check in and quizzes Asia on the O’Hara name, Asia mentions some of the family but not Phi-Phi and at this stage I’m not even 100% sure if she is of this clan or not. Aquaria gives Ru that little sound bite around ‘girls who choose to read books, while she serves looks’ and it’s so cute when she can’t spit it out for a second read.

I get the sense that Aquaria, for all her self-belief, gets super nervous with Ru and it’s adorable. I think it will be of benefit to her to have these moments. She could easily be painted as a bit of a Violet but she gives me more vulnerability and isn’t so on her high horse all the time.

Asia continues to be adorable, I love how she jumps at Monet's nonsense! The mother hen, she is so sweet. But if I could get her, Monique and Monet as final three just to see them interact more, I will take it because they are a hilarious trio!

And, side note, what is Asia's skin routine because she is literally flawless.

Skip forward and the ball begins...

Aquaria’s looks are pretty good in fairness, I did love her Martian look. I know people will comment on it being “simple” but it was a well conceived, graphic look that Gaga would happily wear on stage.

Also, just to note that she handled the questioning by Cracker around having a sugar daddy so well. It could have gone south easy, she could have jumped on the defense train but I feel like she actually did learn something from her spat with The Vixen.

But really kudos to Cracker who managed to keep the situation light and delivered a call out to sugar daddys direct to camera and made me love her dry humour even more.

Looks wise, Cracker was so cute in her Hawaiian inspired bobble head look and her second look, that pink winter outfit was a winner for me. Her Martian look didn’t blow me away but that bitch knows how to sell a runway.

Not leaving her until last anymore, Kameron with these looks, she sells it too. I don’t know how much time they have to change up their make up in between runways but that face for the second look was stunning! This was the episode that made me really sit up and clock her as a potential front runner.

The Vixen’s second look was stunning, creating her own snow storm, she knows how to put on a show. I don’t want to see her leave but I am looking forward to seeing her lip sync for her life because I get the feeling it will be epic. Could you imagine a The Vixen versus Eureka LSFYL?!

Monique Heart’s Martian dress was stunning but I would have liked to see her work the coat just a minute longer.

I thought Asia’s second look was cute as well, also clock the concept. Spheres on the swim suit, spheres on the snow look and then the worship of spheres in the Martian look. Bitch had an idea and ran with it.

Poor Monet, I wasn’t buying her look, from the neck up of the Martian look she was gorgeous but the outfit was busted. Sorry girl.

I feel like Dusty Ray Bottoms missed a trick, she should have done her signature dots for the Martian look. I also just hated that wig Dusty had on, I think that those short/tight wigs work well on some faces but Dusty is so slender. I don’t know what it is but that entire outfit she wore for the lip sync plus that wig just didn’t do it for me. I have seen Queens of a similar stature in those types of looks and it just never works, in my opinion. Especially when you have Monet over there looking like a stunning alien Marilyn Monroe.

Also, just to rewind the tape, how fucking cute, I wanna eat you up adorable was Monet in that leopard (or whatever) onesie at the start of the episode!?

During critiques, Dusty is called out for not looking Mars enough? I mean, come on, stretching a bit. Her concept was cute and I mean they can only offer their own interpretation. Did Aquaria’s read Mars?! And that’s not a read on Aquaria, it’s on these judges. Technically you could argue Cracker was the only one who looked like an astronaut but I don’t even think that was the criteria!

Anyway, poor, lovely, sweet Asia gets read on her look and on helping others rather than herself. What was really great in this moment was the other Queen’s jumping straight to her defense, you can tell she is loved and that is so sweet to see. Asia seems like one of those lovely people who is not selfish with her talents and I think that should be commended. I hope this advise does ensure she focuses and delivers 100% for herself but I also hope she doesn’t shut herself off from the others.

It’s a tight call, but Aquaria gets the win - prepare for that to spur Cracker on harder.

The time has come...

Ooh it’s time for a lip sync for your mother fucking life!! Monet -v- Dusty.

Poor Dusty just can’t sell the lip sync, the look is wrong, the movement is wrong, she’s a little too broadway for Nikki Minaj. But Monet X Change!?

Sometimes it is a blessing to see your faves in the bottom so that you get a chance to see them deliver. And Monet’s lip sync was signed, sealed and delivered! From the fake out jump, the comedy, the gas mask, vogueing and the spilts, this bitch sold the shit out of this performance!

Sorry Dusty but there was no question who won this one. Monet gave us a show and I was so happy for her to win.

I knew that Dusty had some work to do to get herself through landing in the bottom, I don’t think she clicked with the judges. She had her moments of shining in challenges but going out in this season isn’t going to reflect poorly on any of these Queens because the caliber is out of this world! (Clock the theme)

I haven’t seen a promo for the next episode but it’s an improv challenge - I hope it’s not replacing Snatch Game but who knows? Ru has been under the weather this season so maybe she needed to pass some of the action off, in this instance to Ross Matthews. But I do suspect it will be fun and I am hoping we see Monet, Monique, Cracker and Asia really step things up and shine. Those are my dream top 4, let’s see what happens.

Shout out

Before I sign off for another week, can we discuss how fierce RuPaul looked in this club kid look? It was so good to see her in something totally out of the box! I loved it!

Assuming it was Ru, maybe Trixie just stuck a mask on her face to get some redemption for Snatch Game!

Also, Dear White People on Netflix is awesome, if you haven’t I suggest you watch it and Logan Browning is probably the most beautiful person that has been created.

And there it is, another episode of an epic season of Drag Race. I cannot wait to see more from these Queens. Massive round of applause to all the Queens for stepping up their lip sync game and undoing the damage of Season 9!!

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