#okay i'm done venting to myself

[penrose-quinn]

I hope my three day trip with my friends will finally put my mind at peace. I just feel so lonely...

#pen rambles #not the kind of lonely i'm missing out on ppl #more like the kind of lonely i enjoy this one thing by myself #it's probably my fault for keeping my hopes up for a bit #and yes i'm being v dramatic for still getting hung up on it #i don't really have another place to vent on this (and i really hope this is the last from here) #a part of me wants to blame something #i think it's lame and tiring going back to 'gl chp 11 must be that bad' and dragging myself down bc of the lack of reception #but i wouldn't feel this way if i didn't care a lot abt it #i still love that chapter #i still love gl a lot #it got me through rough times. i almost lost my job bc of my health issues #and i couldn't stop writing for it even when commuting got so bad or i couldn't sleep or eat properly for days #so if you love it so much why can't you just suck it up and be content with that? #i'm trying really haha #it just gets lonely loving it sometimes #esp when you decide to share it #i always feel like i'm talking to myself (which isn't very far off tbh) #i'm still going to write but i just hope this feeling wears off soon #okay! i'm done whining and i'll be disappearing again

[alex-the-bringer-of-chaos]

Gosh the new messy state (always been complicated, the motive is just different) that my relationship with my parents has entered a few months ago has finally decided to combine with the patterns of behavior and paranoia that became the pattern of thought and behavior from my childhood and teenage hood, and now I've been stuck for over a month in the same old cycle of self sabotage with the added factor of anxiety and fear that makes me terrified of taking an action and fucking things up.

And like, who am I gonna tell this shit? This happens all the time, the motives just change. So really, whose even gonna want to hear me talk about the same old shit of how I feel frozen and terrified of acting the wrong way, just because the motive is different. People have it worse and still can act, but no, Alex is always getting stuck in their head, he's always terrified of fucking it up on accident so she goes and fucks it up on purpose or does nothing in an attempt of making people leave. Cause that's what they deserve. Fucking hell I was a kid when I made one stupid decision towards myself and this is the outcome. What the fuck man?!?

#tw vent #so fucking done with my brain #like in regards of mental illness i've been healthy for almost two years #but i'm still not mentally well #so done with this shit #fells like i act as if i need to be a victim #cause i fucking believe u deserve the worst do to the mistakes i've done #but i was either too young or doing it on purpose to push others away #andyeah that doesn't mean it's an okay (at least the last part) #but it's gonna keep happening if i don't allow myself to get better #but i don't think i'm allowed to #i shouldn't get to be happy #i'm just gonna fuck it up #it always happens #so what's the point?!?

[blueparadis]

hi. just poppin' to say that I'll be back around the 2nd week of July even tho my exams will be done by the first week. i really can't wait to be back and write again. i miss writing, i miss it like crazy ( so crazy that i eventually gave in and started writing a ran fic. it won't leave my mind till I wrote it. anyways....) but I'm a little afraid to post or continue sharing or even write l like i used to before; since ai going at par with it. it's just makes me sad,,,,

#paradistalks #i was looking forward to comms cuz i need to save money to buy a tab for myself #but ai really kills my enthuuuu #idk how long will i be able to continue writing at this rate #im so sad over this #oh btw i locked all my fics in ao3 and you can read it if you are an ao3 user ( sorry but ao3 scrapping really scared me lol ) #i could not delete my works from ao3 or my ao3 account it would have solved my problems better but i just couldn't (: #there was this one thing that made me feel okay ( validated )and now it can be done with ai. woah great #also i'm so sorry to put all these in dash #now a days it feels like i'm coming here just to complain #sad.sad.sad. everything is just so sad !!!! #tw vent #tagging just in case

[biracy]

Tbh I should probably take a break. I almost definitely won't but I should, yknow

#idk i don't have much 'real stuff' happening irl besides like. job hunting and college applications. so it's hard #but i think if i at least ease off some time on here n read a little more n watch more movies i might start to feel better #haven't really liked where my head's been at lately it feels like whatever persona is The One Who Blogs is 'taking over' more #to put it in a very dorky comic book-sounding ass way LMAO but that's how i feel! like i'm losing my own 'voice' yknow #my mental health is Bad my physical health is also Not Great n i kinda feel like ass. if i'm being honest #idk i feel like i'm crashing from whatever high i've been on for the past couple of days n i'm not Really super happy w myself #except the media literacy posts those were good. but like the more discoursey stuff i'm not proud of #again sorry to like. publicly vent LMAO i'll be fine i'm good. i'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this #but again. sorry abt the Shite i was posting earlier today i wasn't really in my own right head #just kinda wanted 2 get all that off my chest idk if it's clear that i don't really have anyone i feel like i can talk to right this moment #i'm very socially isolated irl and i'm so scared of becoming socially isolated online too just bc i'm an idiot who doesn't think b4 he post #NOT to make it sound all about me or whatever but it's true. i'm very very scared of losing people n right now this is My Space #i'd forgotten just how bad it felt. in this Specific case it is kinda my fault tho LMAO don't worry i've apologized as best i know how #okay i'm done. i'm done. i'm gonna go watch tv and go to bed i hope #open mick night

[tvrningout-a]

yells!! i'm gonna update my resume and put in some applications but i don't wanna!!

#i hate trying to sell myself as an employee bc all i can think about is the ways in which i'm not qualified :(( #like yes i do have good qualities and i can brag a bit but i'm thinking about my day-shift only availability and #my lack of experience/education the entire time #like there's a job for a librarian's assistant!!! i want it!!! but dude i have no experience with that sort of thing #i've done strictly customer service and sales stuff BUT i'm a really good student and computers aren't hard for me to figure out #BUT ALSO they prefer a 2-year degree and i'm still completing mine so i'm ;;;;;;;v;;;;;;;; #anyway sorry to vent on here!! i'm just nervous and hate the job hunting process #and while i could easily pick up a customer service job i wanna change it up if i can #or at least surround myself with things i like -- like books or skincare/makeup and whatnot #if i can't get work relevant to my future career that's okay but i at least wanna be able to enjoy talking about it you know #OKAY SORRY ASDFGH #lemme stop rambling and just do the hard thing and perhaps distract myself from nerves with a bit of writing and plotting uvu #i truly hope y'all are having a wonderful thursday <3 #if you also have to do hard things i believe in you!!! you got this!!!! #get ready to ramble | ooc

[wildflowercryptid]

kinda got smacked by paralyzing fear towards the future of this country and whether i can actually rely on my parents (or 2/4s of my siblings) to be a safe space to go to when the going gets tough... yeah, i think i need to go to sleep.

#sorry to get all serious out of nowhere #i'm not really out irl to my family (2 of my siblings know) and it gets rough hearing them talk about lgbtq stuff #those 2 siblings have said i can come to them if anything bad happens but... they're both new parents and i wouldn't want to impose #this is one of the many things that suck about living in this exact period of time #stuck in one place that's becoming suffocating bc the world's shit and idk how to find a way out #pls don't worry i'm safe & not in harm's way just.... really stifled by my current environment #if only everything wasn't so damn expensive & i had a better job i could start to support myself 😔 #okay i'm done brooding in the tags #i'm gonna go to bed and think about kissing women ig ✌️😬 #mj.txt #cw vent

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Gol-ly I sure wish I hadn't waited until I was being full-on triggered to realize that my living situation isn't good for me!

#i can feel all my major trauma responses kicking in and it's like. i can admit when i fuck up but they cant. #did text my landlord earlier to ask about open rooms and he gets 24 hours to respond before i call him #i should've done this sooner but was like nahhhh we get along it's okay and it is very much not okay #i cant communicate with someone who gets aggressive unpredictably and it's like. i understand WHY the aggression is there #but it doesnt make it any less scary for me; flat out did not eat my lunch at work and am making myself have some dinner #like. yes i messed up in not knowing how to care for a special needs animal while the owner disappeared for 3-4 consecutive days #I'm just. venting at this point but. there is an option for me to duck my head and go and I'm taking it as soon as i can U_U #hoatm rants

[running-in-the-dark]

Just had a really uncomfortable conversation with our landlord & his wife - basically he was angry at us for drilling 'so many' holes in the walls (we really, really haven't drilled many holes in the walls. though we did build a shelf a few days ago, that could have sounded like that I guess?) and that it's getting very annoying that we've been moving in for four months now (it's been three months, and the vast majority of that time we didn't do anything, especially not anything loud. the only thing that's happened in like the last month is that we brought home and set up that shelf, and the holes we drilled today).

And it's just.. so confusing. Because we always ask them when we do something that could be loud/bother them, and they always say it's completely fine and everything. I just quickly wanted to get the drilling done today because I had to borrow my brother's drill for it, so we didn't ask this time.

And mainly it's confusing because they've told us SO MANY TIMES that they can't hear us at all, that we never bother them and that they're so happy to have such nice and quiet tenants. Like?? Okay??? How does that make sense. Last week we're great and sooo quiet and today we've suddenly been super loud for "four months".

So anyway after they left and I almost had a panic attack I realised I didn't take my anxiety medication this morning. Now it makes sense at least.

#I have not felt like this in months #it's so scary #my brain immediately went to 'they hate us and they're kicking us out and I have to kill myself now because I can't handle this' #and seriously like. there were SO MANY random holes in literally every wall of this apartment that WE fixed when we moved in #so the few that we made really don't fucking matter like come on now #I don't know I'm really feeling bad #almost like I have a fever #I took my meds when I realised but I don't know if it was too late #I guess that's my day and possibly week ruined then #I was JUST starting to feel good. like things were finally almost done. I was so happy #hanging up those small shelves was the last thing basically #and now it's all just ruined and I wish I could go somewhere else and not be here ever again #great!!! #why can't I just have rich and nice parents that have a house that I can live in 😭 I'm not strong enough to live like this #why is renting an apartment just literally actually hell #I want to d.i.e. #okay I've vented I hope it'll be fine now. it doesn't feel like it will but. it better be #I'm just gonna go rewatch abbott elementary and cry now #personal

[phantom-does-a-thing]

i love literally just trying to vibe and then the most raw insecurities start to crawl out of the walls like scurrying insects

#vent #like ok wow #I am literally just sitting here #and I feel like an absolute waste of a human being #okay yeah wow #sure yeah mhm yeah where the hell did that thought come from #god I really am tho aren't i #I wasted an entire day doing pretty much nothing #and I still can never bring myself to actually be productive #whatever man #I have nothing else to do tonight the day is wasted and ruined #theres ntohing else for me #I might as well go to bed now and maybe I can get some stuff done tomorrow #since I have no school #I can get up a little earlier n get the day started #I probably feel so worthless bc I didnt clean my room #I'm supposed to do that every sunday #get everything taken care of for the week or whatver #dude idk I #whatever #rambling #phever dreams with phantom #phantom's lament

[therequiemforthelost-archive]

I wanna FUCKING PLAY VIDEO GAMES

#vent tw #tw vent #yes this is a vent because my wrists have been acting up since monday #they feel a lot better today but i need to be good and behave myself and let my wrists rest #which sucks cause ive been wanting to play ff7 SO FUCKING BAD since i got hime from ohio #but i either keep getting distracted or im exhausted from work or I've got other shit to do #and now this on top of it like #it's frustrating man i just want to play this *one* god damn video game but either my brain or my body won't let me #okay I'm done jgadueuhd back to regularly scheduled posting

[neon-zoologist]

.

#vent #trying to remind myself a pass is okay #even if it's barely a pass #and for the course i care about and enjoy most #and most reflects the future career i'm after #not sure if i'm going to get any studying done today after all #maybe my mum was right and i do still put too much pressure on myself when it comes to grades #idk #i would be fine if it was for another course #just not this one #though i guess after how that test went a pass is good #ahh i don't want to cry every friday #but it seems like it's becoming a pattern #okay seems like maybe i'm not crying thankfully #but i do feel kind of dead inside/especially empty atm

[whitemochacoffee]

To my friends; i'm just really really sorry for everything. I love y'all

#delete later #vent post #personal #sorry i just really need to let this out somewhere #i've been following advice to get better #ive been working well and ive been going out #but i just feel so incredibly suicidal when i complete things that are meant to make me happier that are meant to improve my mental health #i want to be okay #but i think the fact that i'm sick just fucking messes with every bit of my being #i love my friends so much i dont want to hurt them by offing myself #but some part of me thinks that they'll be happy i'm dead because i've been such a burden #i'm deaf and i've got chronic fatigue and walking is hell for me but i try not to let it show #i feel like if i stop my performance i'm going to die #finita thats it thats done #i'm so fucking ingenuine i hate it but its better than being a fucking rock when i hang out with people #i hate that i was spending time with some folks down by the river and all i could think of was how i can drown myself #they would deem it an accident because yknow #i've been here since 8 am its now 6pm and i can't help but think of just offing myself in the most quiet way possible #i don't kmow if i'll make it through the month #but i think i'll be okay #i hope i will be okay. i will be okay #gOD WHAT IS THIS COUNTRY MUSIC MY FRIEND IS PLAYING #honestly the shock of hearing american english shocked me out of my daze 2hat the fuck #this music makes me want to go fully deaf #imagine being in the deep asian wilderness and outside the toilets youre taking a breather at fucking american country songs start blasting

[celibibratty]

i thought reddit were more down to earth, no!, this is not being down to earth, they are just rude...just rude!/jerks!, it-was-only-supposed-to-be a text saying that the pak mei form should have on Nintendo switch.........i have a fucking fuss/fighting magnet for some fuckin reason on this shit💢🔥 anything I say on this shit site appears a bunch of motherfuckers to disagree or complain about something, trying to be the known at alls, don't mess with me, that i don't mess with you, if you gonna bite/come to me with bad heart shitty comments, i will bite you too(and i will bite HARD), don't try me, i not in my best state of spirit🔥💢, you so coward and dumbass that you need a bunch dumbass homies like you to defend your shitty behaviour/comments so you feel right/in power, whata hell, i just do/write things on my own little way if don't like/don't have patient to read it, FUCK YOU!, so you not the person to read this, it makes me feel sad how such a cool game like sifu attract such motherfuckers(come on ana i already know/notice that since the moment that the game released (february 2022), don't get so surprised, gamers/fight game community is shitty), stop, stop, stop with this, i used to thought the same thing with lis2 on 2020/weird diazcest and extremist anti phase, i shouldn't take this things from heart, shitty people will always exist on things that you like(it's not the things fault, don't blame them, Ana)

#reflection #reddit #Bunch motherfuckers that play the victim/act to be better than others #*it's so immature to not do forgiveness* it's not me the one that it was trying too hard to impose a belief on... #Someone that just simply don't believe It/won't change their mind i respectfully disagreeing and you still trying who is the true immature? #Talk about forgiveness/forgive in the game is easy(s1fu is just a fuckin game) i want to see do it on real life🔥 #Bunch of 20s years old motherfuckers dudes who think are better than others just because they are adults playing videogames #God forbid if those motherfuckers know that i'm a woman the misogyn skin would release(i think they think i'm a dude cuz of the way i talk) #God that person was the ONLY person that it was nice to me/say something cool/that added something(I was kinda Lucky)... #And i not even know if i can rely much on that too but they were nice #I don't wanna use/look at this shit ever again even the nice post i don't to see it anymore💧(but was still cool/Nice) #What happened on reddit stays/dies on reddit! #Reddit people are shitty and annoying and judge you for anything and when you defend yourself they play the victim and dislikes your post #A BIG FUCK YOU RIGHT IN YOUR ASS🖕🖕🔥💢 #Fuck you too project of wannabe the mature person #People literally come to MINE! post being some bitchy-ass motherfuckers and i'm the disrespectful one *FUCK-YOU i'm done*(like ep 4 sean) #Only marina to save me open up to her changes everything(she makes me better) #(sigh)i'm okay i just venting I Will get over all of it i'm fine 😓💨 i just expressing this to be a reminder to myself and... #Maybe other people can relate too #Never will touch this hellish thing again #Fuck pak mei form or others people interaction #At least on my place/blog i can ramble/write my big texts in peace without no motherfucker complaining about it in my fuckin face... #and tries to make this mine problem(*bro* is your own problem if you can't handle my Crazy style of writing not mine) #I still want/wanted the pak mei form💧

[aberooski]

I was gonna try to work on the Mario crossover today but the ac in my room decided today was the perfect time to stop working and die when we're about to have an insane heat wave this week, the house ac doesn't work in my room ergo my own ac that is now dead. So it's way too hot up there so I have to sit downstairs with my family and no way am I gonna work on fanfiction around them so I guess that plan's down the drain 😑

#I literally can't have anything #I can still write on my phone I suppose but I won't get as much done as if I could be up in my room working on my computer #I'm sick of this every time I try to pull myself together something comes up to knock me back off kilter #fucking fuck summer I hate it I never want another summer ever again #yesterday was good too ugh #I have 1 good day and then thr universe slaps me with something shitty and ruins everything for me every fucking time #okay vent over I'm sorry #abby's just rambling don't mind her

[witchwhaat]

ayooo

#it's venting time and it's gonna be very negative so. #but i don't have the heart to bither my friends with it i already annoyed them with that enough #i spent two days. TWO DAYS on making that stupid presentation and it's still not done and not how i wanted it to be #amd i'm 90% not gonna present it tmrw anyway bc it's not ready #so i just wasted time on trying to make it work. i spent the whole day today on it. whole. day. #and i don't understand why i'm struggling with literally the easiest task like all i need to do is make a short stupid presentation #on any topic and i can't even do that #and every other exam or assignement is way more challenging so idk how i'll deal with that 🙃 #finals are a hell on earth and i don't even have that much work why is it so hard why #i can't motivate myself to do anything and it's gonna bite back it's gonna be bad i know it and yet i can't get myself to get anything done #how does anyone have the time and energy how #fuck and i'll probably change the topic of that presentation it's just not working #like why can't i just bullshit my way through it why is my brain always making me do everything perfectly or not at all #it's not an award acceptance speech ffs it's an english class noone listens to #im tired guys #too tired to be embarassed to complain so pls forgive me #hope everyone is doing okay and surviving! #hugs and kisses mwah mwah #neg #negativity #agnes talking

[anaalnathrakhs]

physically tired mentally too guilty to sleep yay

#it's not a recent realization or anything i pretty much did the things i shouldn't do knowing i shouldn't do it #but i gave myself excuses and what do ya know i dug myself a nice little grave and some random post unlocked everything #that yknow. i did shitty things. i can't own up to it because it would also blow up in other people's faces. #i also can't put it in the past because either i keep ''omitting details'' or the whole thing is gonna blow up in MY face #option would be to abandon all related accounts and just remake #but i don't want to lose the continuity and people would notice anyway since i don't want to abandon the topics i talk about #plus yknow. still didn't own up to it or right any wrongs. #and i COULD own up to it and then the people involved will block me and etc and okay that sucks for me but it's fair #but then yknow. i'm that guy who has done shitty things like last month. #which is also fair and is what i probably should do but as previously established: i'm a little bitch with no will-power #so yeah this is tonight's ''i hate myself'' rant to complete this afternoon's ''i hate myself'' rant #and this afternoon's other ''i hate myself'' rant #my morning was pretty nifty tho #anyway yeah i hate myself #nothing new under the sun #broadcasting my misery #vent