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cillianmurphy · 4 years

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GIFFING 101 - YOUR ULTIMATE GUIDE ON HOW TO GIF

I have gotten many, many asks before about how I gif and I finally decided to make a tutorial. This is going to be very long, very image heavy and with a lot of details and examples. I mean it, I’m going through every, single aspect of giffing that I can possibly think of. From start to finish. And please read the disclaimer at the very start.

* I use a macbook pro but this should probably work on windows too!

I hate doing this but if this helped and you want to, please consider donating to my ko-fi or if you want, commission a theme or page from me at @amaanat <3

tutorial under cut, I hope it helps!

★★★★★

- CONTENTS

disclaimer

what will you need to create gifs?

how to download videos?

extracting your scene from handbrake using VLC / built in video player

opening in photoshop

trimming, cropping and resizing videos

sharpening

colouring and psds

masks

adding subtitles

editing frames / timeline speed

multiple gifs in one grid.

actions

exporting the gif

last minute tips and extra links.

★★★★★

- DISCLAIMER

First off, this is not meant as a post where I am saying look here, this is the only and perfect way of giffing. Not at all. When I started out, there were many tutorials available that helped me figure out how to gif, and I slowly developed my own style and I would like to create an in depth tutorial that helps you grasp the basics. Heck, make your gifs whatever way you want, go absolutely crazy on colours or whatever, this tutorial is just here to guide you through the process of gifmaking, because I know it can be very intimidating to people who are just getting into it. That is why I made this and why I spent 8 hours writing this, because I want others to know too and this is the kind of in depth tutorial I needed when I was starting out 4 years ago. Thanks for reading, hope it helps and go crazy ahhh go stupid.

★★★★★

- what will you need to create gifs?

photoshop. I use photoshop CC 2020 on a mac and I pay monthly bc of student discount. There are many, many links you can find on @completeresources for downloads. You can use any photoshop you like, as long as you have the timeline option.

Handbrake. This nifty program is used mostly to convert MKV files to MP4, but I also use it to quickly extract the part of the video I want, because opening an entire movie in photoshop can quickly clog up space bc of cache and it’s a pain to find that one second scene you want with that tiny scrollbar. Download it from here.

your video (downloading explained down below)

extras: VLC, just to find how many seconds the scene is at, so we can input the time in Handbrake. You can use any other player though for that step, I use VLC or Quicktime. Download VLC from here.

★★★★★

- how to download videos

Ok so I will quickly go through a few methods here for getting your clips.

1. t*rrenting.

This is the most popular method for getting your film or tv episode. I personally get my t/rrents from rarbg dot to or if I am having trouble finding one, I go to 1337x dot to, because they compile them from different sites. I copy the magnet link and go to the qbittorrent application, import magnet link, choose the files I want and it downloads. Remember, the higher the seeder leecher ratio, the quicker it will download.

But which file should I choose?? there’s so many? Well yes there are many many files for different movies. On RAR, I found more than 40 t/rrent files for Endgame. I think that generally, the 4/5 GB 1080p copies are just fine. I have compared giffing with a 60GB Interstellar Remux (which is directly ripped from bluray) file to giffing from a 4GB 1080 file, it literally gave me the same quality and the 1080 looked crisper. So yeah don’t kill your computers space, just go for those 3/4/5GB files.

hot tip - don’t download from yify, the quality is way worse.

2. movies from twitter accounts such as logolessHD.

these accounts post MEGA links to movies and shows, but you will have to request to follow them to be able to get the links. Then you can download the movie from there. The accounts you can get these links from are here: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4. The quality can be a bit less though compared to t/rrents. Here is a link to a tumblr blog with these kinds of downloads too.

3. downloading from youtube.

ok, use 4kvideodownloader for this. It is incredibly easy to use, you just need the youtube link. Always Always go for 1080p, if you can’t then 720 at the most because otherwise quality gets really bad really fast.

4. netflix / screenrecording

If you don’t want to download / can’t find something, try using netflix and screen recording. In my experience, SC only works on google chrome and not safari so jsyk!! Here is a tutorial on how to screen record on mac (or for quick access, click command+shift+5) and windows.

NOTE: quicktime screen records at 60fps, which is nearly thrice the frame rate of movies and shows, so at the end you may end up with duplicate frames in the timeline of photoshop, so you will have to delete those frames one by one sorry.

★★★★★

- extracting your scene from handbrake using VLC / built in video player

muahaha here’s where the magic starts to happen. Open handbrake and import your video. For this part I am going to use a scene of Keanu Reeves from the 2019 movie Always be my Maybe. I will demonstrate with that scene up until colouring, because then I will show how I colour different scenes!

So when you have opened the image in HB, you get this layout. (link to imgur)

it is a bit intimidating, I know. So basically, first, click on where it says chapters near the top right and click seconds. then, input the time you want to extract from the entire video. For the Keanu scene, that scene starts at 00:57:18 and ends at 00:57:21. These are not exact timings, I usually add an extra second so the entire scene is captured and I heavily recommend you do the same.

Now down below, you can click browse and edit where your new video will be saved and you can also change the name of the new clip. Always ALWAYS remember to keep the .mp4 ending do not cut that part out!!! If the ending says .m4v change it to mp4!!

Ok then I undertake the following steps to ensure the video that will be exported is of the highest quality possible:

Firstly, I uncheck all these three boxes:

Then you see this bar here right? Well I will edit the dimensions, filters and video now. You don’t have to do anything for audio, subtitles or chapters so leaving that alone is best. Lets go to dimensions first.

Here are my settings for dimensions:

The storage size depends on if your file is 1080p or 720p. Most movies are shot in a ratio of 2.35:1, so if it does not say 1920x1080 like a 1080 file should be, don’t fret. The cut off parts are just the black bars you see when watching the movie. Handbrake doesn’t recognise nor convert them so that’s one less thing we have to worry about.

Now onto filters. Literally do NOT change anything there. Leave the settings as they are, which is like this:

Finally, go to video. You will see this kind of window and these are my settings (imgur)

Firstly, leave video encoder at H264 or 265 depending on how your video is encoded. For the FPS, choose same as source for the framerate and click constant instead of variable!!! This will ensure your video is smooth. For quality, bring the slider all the way to the right. RF0 means it will be at the best quality possible. I didn’t edit the settings at the bottom at all so just leave them be.

Now click this green icon (imgur) at the top and your video will start encoding! It does not take long at all and then your video is ready to made into a nice lil gif!

★★★★★

- opening in photoshop

woohooo we got our video!! Ok now open photoshop. Click on file -> open:

now search for the file you extracted from VLC and import it! Now your screen will look like this (imgur). With a different video, of course lol.

★★★★★

- trimming, cropping and resizing videos

ok so firstly, we will trim the video. As you can see in the image I linked in the step before, the screencap you see is of someone else in ABMM, not Keanu, like I want. So use this slider:

and click and drag it to where your scene begins and shows up in the window. Then, click the following button to split at playhead.

This will split the clip and so the timeline and layers section will look like this (imgur) (mine has three sections because there was space before and after the keanu scene so I cut two parts which made three clips)

so now all there is left in trimming is delete the layers of the video you do not need! For me in that image it was layer 1 and 3!

cropping and resizing

This depends on the kind of gifset you want to make. This picture is a handy guide for resizing:

This post is also very very useful for resizing info

Ok now I will crop my gif. Click on this tool:

and now my interface looks like this. I am using the ratio 6 by 4 but you can use whatever you want.

Ok now you may need to crop some black bars but since I don’t have to, I just moved the crop area around a bit and clicked enter to crop it. Just play around with sizes and whatnot, and get a feel of what you like!!

cropping tip: crop as close as you can to the edges. The more you zoom in, the more pixels that will be visible and it will make your gif extremely grainy!!

So now for resizing, go to image -> image size or click command-shift-i

and you will get this window.

A LITTLE NOTE - I personally do not use automatic but a friend who shared her sharpening psd would prefer if I kept it secret, but automatic is what most people use and it is what I used up until november 2019 and it worked just fine.

Ok anyway now I want to make my gif 268px wide so I will input that as width and make sure you click this!! It makes sure your height and width are proportional!

ok now we have this. After you’ve done that, click ok!

congrats, you just resized a gif!! Your gif probably looks smaller now in the main window once you click ok, just zoom in to it! don’t worry about it looking bad quality, sharpening is next!

This is how my gif looks with trimming, cropping and resizing (with 0.05 speed)

★★★★★

- sharpening

Now we sharpen! Make sure your layer is selected Go to filter -> sharpen -> smart sharpen and this window will pop up:

These are my settings which most people use. Just remove gaussian blur

I have more accurate and use legacy checked too!

click ok! Now ... your gif might look a bit oversharpened. That’s why we use a bit of gaussian blur. Go to filter -> blur -> gaussian blur.

now I think most people also use a 1.0 radius so set that and click ok.

But now your gif looks too blurry. Lets fix that. Double click the icon below in the layers panel

and adjust the opacity! My go to is between 25 to 35, just so the gif looks smooth!

Now we’re done with sharpening! This is how our gif looks with sharpening with 0.05 speed:

sweet right? Now .... the best and hardest part ... colouring!!!!

★★★★★

- colouring and psds

First I will shortly talk about psds. They are photoshop files, that save the entire document which means you can share it with someone after uploading it and when they download and open it, they can edit the layers, tweak things just like they made the file in the first place. Many people upload psds of gifs with colouring so others can use that colouring. You can find so many psds on completeresources (I only linked gif psds but they have psds for icons and headers too) or allresources. I do not use psds but colour from scratch every time so I will not be explaining them further, sorry.

So for colouring, I will go very in depth into different styles. Here are the main types of colouring I have noticed people use on here:

simple - I normally use this for scenes with people in it

vibrant, bright - I use this for scenes with lots of colours in them

pale

black and white

gradients - I use this to spice scenes up a bit

colour palette

I only go for simple, vibrant and gradients and never do cp, pale or black and white, but I will link a few tutorials by talented creators who do and after that I will explain the three ways I colour by showing you three different examples :)

Some useful tutorials I have found for pale/bw/cp colouring are:

this pale tutorial by @samecoin. Especially useful read because Tippy explains how to avoid whitewashing in pale edits.

this pale tutorial by @kateausten. Very easy to read and to follow.

this colour palette tutorial by @freddyfreemen. They explain the basics and provide a psd too.

this colour palette tutorial by @stenbranlons. Very image heavy which guides you through every step of the way.

A blog dedicated to pale resources is @finesources and is definitely worth checking out!

this tutorials page by completeresources has many many tutorials on how to do different kinds of styles

Btw, this is a useful website that explains all the different adjustment layers in photoshop if you’re still getting the hang of them

ok now onto my examples for the colouring. I will first do simple colouring for which I will use the keanu gif. For vibrant and gradient I will use two different gifs. I usually put my colouring into a group so first, close the video group layer and click this to make a new group which will contain the adjustment layers for our colouring:

SIMPLE COLOURING

First I will brighten the gif up with some curves. That is this tool:

Then you get this window:

As you see, I have selected that white eyedropper tool. Using that I will brighten the image. Basically, you want to click on the whitest part of the gif using that tool. This is because wherever you click, the eyedropper will turn that part into white and adjust the entire gif that way so if you click somewhere dark, you’ll get this white bright fuzzy mess. So I clicked on the lightest place which imo is the white specks near the glass in front of his hand and now my gif looks like this:

Ok now if you look at the above image, there is a black eyedropper two steps above the white one. You want to use that to click on the darkest place of the gif bc it’ll turn that to pure black. Here is my gif when I did that:

not a massive difference but it balances things out. Now I will add some saturation. Click this icon:

which brings up this window. I have already set saturation to around 15 to make it a bit warmer:

and the gif looks like this now:

I think it looks nice, but I would like to add something extra. That is why I am going to play around with selective colour to make the background pop a bit and make the black colour more dark. So click this icon:

and you get this window and these colours (imgur). You can play around a lot with selective colour and manipulate colours! So if I turned the black dial on reds to +100, they would become wayyyy darker. However because I want the background to pop, I would use the colours magenta and blue (and black for the final touch). For those my settings are this: 1 - 2 - 3 (imgur). So now my gif looks like this:

And now i think we are done! For comparison, this is what the gif looked like with absolutely no colouring or sharpening:

And that was all for simple colouring!! Lets move on to vibrant colours!!

VIBRANT COLOURING

For this I will use an example from Thor: Ragnarok bc thor is my soft bb. I did not do much for this first example except play around a lot with selective colour and I used the exact way of adding saturation and curves as shown before. Honestly just playing around with selective is the best bet to get vibrant colouring. The gif without sharpening etc was this:

the gif after colouring and sharpening is this:

pretty sweet huh? Just play a lot with saturation, hue and selective colour and channel mixer and you can create a lot of styles that way!

GRADIENT

for this I will use another clip from Thor, but from The Dark World. It is a bare clip where it is raining and I will add a gradient on it. This is the gif without colouring nor sharpening:

now we will do the sharpening and colouring. I already applied a basic curves and saturation layer so now it looks like this:

It looks a bit better right? Ok lets get that gradient applied. Click here:

and click on gradient, NOT gradient maps bc those are different things and I honestly dont know how maps work.

now this is what will appear, I haven’t changed anything to this yet:

What style, colours, angle you choose is up to you. I personally am going for 0 angle because I want it going right. Now, to choose colours, double click on the colour shown next to the word gradient. This window will show up:

The fun part is you can do what you want here. Just experiment, click the buttons, adjust opacity etc. When you click at the bottom of the bar somewhere another stop marker appears meaning you can have even more colours! Just click on the bottom markers and edit to your hearts content! Use the top button to adjust opacities. Personally I went for this gradient:

Ok but now we have a problem because our gradient is fully covering the image and you can’t see anything. That is where blending modes come in. Right click on the gradient layer and click blending options. This window will pop up (ingur). When you click blending mode, these options appear (imgur).

Here is a good guide explaining the blending modes

I just recommend playing around seeing which one suits you. I went for overlay, which makes my final gif look like this:

and that was that on colouring!! Let me know if u have questions about it! Onto the next part, masks!

★★★★★

- masks

I will not go in depth here, but instead I will link some tutorials but the amazing @thepunisher who has explained it much better than I ever will be able to. The tutorials are all in this link. If you have any questions do lmk but idk how I could explain it.

★★★★★

- adding subtitles

although we wish we could, we can’t all lip read so we need subtitles also I’m hard of hearing and need them anyway but yeah, I will quickly highlight how I add subs! I use the font Arial Rounded MT Bold Regular.

I will first link to this post because it helped me a lot and may explain stuff better than I do.

Lets take the keanu gif we had earlier. In it, he says ‘fish flakes’. Now what I do is this. Click on this icon:

and drag a box around the gif fully. Add your text. Mine looks like this now:

Well that ... does not look like a subtitle. BTW my settings are:

*when there are two people speaking I change the colour of the second person to #ffff00 - also for 540px gifs I usually use 12/13px text.

Ok now I will add the stroke and drop shadow. Right click on the layer of text, click blending options and change your stroke and drop shadow settings to this and this (imgur). Now just click the move tool or hit V on keyboard to select it and drag the gif down wherever you want. Now my final gif looks like this:

Ok, now if you have two gifs and you want them to be the same distance from the bottom, right click the text layer of the first gif document, click duplicate layer and you will get this window:

now click on destination and depending on what files you have open in PS, you will get this window:

now just choose where you want the text to go and if the gifs are the same sizes itll appear exactly where it did in the first one and you can edit the text for the second. You can do this with adjustment layers, groups etc too!!

Now text is done! Off to the next part!

★★★★★

- editing frames / timeline speed

We are done editing, now time to convert to frame animation and edit the speed!

Ok click on the four bars on the right side of the video timeline. It will bring up a menu. From there, select this:

This will make individual layers of every frame into clips. Now, click this at the bottom left side of the video timeline:

This will convert your video timeline to a frame animation timeline. Now it looks like this (imgur). you’re probably wondering wait where the heck did my layers go well don’t fret, lets click the four bars on the right side again and click this:

now look! We have got all our frames into the timeline! Just delete the excessive frames at the front. Now click the four bars again, select all frames and then click the number at the bottom and change it to 0.05 or 0.06 or whatever speed you want:

Now we are done with this step!

★★★★★

- multiple gifs in one grid

I myself am not going to explain this, instead here are links to a few amazing tutorials that will help you further

this tut by @brolinjosh

this tut by @futurist

★★★★★

- actions

Now actions ... man they make everything so much easier. Basically actions are a sequence of steps you undertake in photoshop that are recorded which you can then save and use on multiple files. This makes the giffing process much much faster!!! For instance, these are the actions I have saved (mind the doubles lol I am experimenting a bit!)

As you can see, I have one for undertaking the entire video timeline to frame animation process and one for sharpening and the subtitles. It has saved me around 75% of the original time I put into creating sets before which is a lifesaver.

I cannot explain how to make actions bc I am really bad at explaining stuff, but here are some tutorials:

- https://helpx.adobe.com/photoshop/using/creating-actions.html

- https://completeresources.tumblr.com/post/66560261468/how-make-action-%D0%B7

- https://completeresources.tumblr.com/post/50583786863/how-to-use-an-action

- https://completeresources.tumblr.com/post/50362731526/how-to-use-actions-on-gifs

https://www.creativebloq.com/adobe/create-own-photoshop-actions-61411918

★★★★★

- exporting the gif

now we’re at the final stage! When you have your gif ready, go to file -> export -> save for web legacy

ok now the next window is this which looks intimidating I know

Well basically, those are my settings above. Make sure the looping option is set at forever. Also on the left size you see how big your gif is, make sure it is under 8mb but tumblr is unstable so keep it under 5MB and it should be fine.

I use different exporting types at times. Sometimes I use selective and pattern, sometimes diffusion or adaptive+dif. Just remember that the gif size depends on which you choose so keep that in mind. Here’s the difference (if u can even spot it).

selective + pattern

selective + diffusion

adaptive + diffusion

Personally I mostly only use selective + pattern!

btw make sure your matte is at NONE!!! This is because otherwise you have those whitish transparent borders on your gif, esp noticable on dark gifs, like shown in this tutorial by the talented @joewright !

And congrats, you have officially made a gif! Now go experiment, have the time of your life and do whatever the heck u want with your gifs. And if you want me to see them, tag me!! I track #usernums !!!

★★★★★

- last minute tips and extra links

man idk what to say here really but here goes:

@completeresources and @allresources are amazing places to learn more about gifmaking, pls take advantage of the opportunity

reminder: quicktime records at 60FPS, so unless you want a laggy gif delete the extra duplicate frames in the frame animation timeline!!

When opening import video frames to layers, do not click skip every second frame!! do not!!!!

Do not steal gifs. Try making them. I know it takes time and it can get frustrating but don’t post someone elses gifs as your own. Even the ugliest gifset in existence made originally by someone is better than a stunning set put together full of stolen gifs from various users. Don’t be that person

Don’t be afraid to ask for help pls just go on anon if u want!!

use the tumblr dimensions!!! I cannot stress enough how important this is because if you don’t, your gifs will look stretched af and lose quality so like .. don’t do that

#completeresources #itsphotoshop #tutorial #resources #gif tutorial #allresources #my tutorials

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tantawans · 3 years

Text

i was tagged by @zhaozi @serannes and @thanaerngs! love u all 💘💖

1. why did you choose your url? because of my beloved wife tantawan from my ambulance! also it was from a voting poll so ppl also helped me choose <3

2. any sideblogs?

yes, too many! here is a comprehensive list of all my other blogs:

iloveziont (my main blog bc i love zion.t and everyone should know this)

5purs (my football sideblog yes i support tottenham hotspur no i don’t take criticism)

1vav (a kpop sideblog for vav that i don’t use anymore)

eloaomg (a blog for the krnb artist elo who is underrated and only has like 10 fans so he doesn’t really need a fanblog on tumblr dot com but here i am)

lqziont (self explanatory)

and finally lakornladies and lakornet <3

3. how long have you been on tumblr? too long! at least 10 years lmao

4. do you have a queue tag? i don’t. i prefer to just reblog posts as and when i’m online i’m too lazy to plan out my posts ahead of time

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? no one was giffing the thai dramas i wanted to reblog. i’m grateful that now there’s a huge interest in thai dramas and lakorns so there’s always fun and interesting content!

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? i’m obsessed with mai davika and what about it !

7. why did you choose your header? my bestie vianey made it for me because she is far more talented at making headers than me! also i love aokbab <3

8. whats your post with the most notes? probably a bl post i made back when i didn’t have taste (i checked and its this maxtul post)

9. how many mutuals do you have? i can’t keep track of my mutuals that well since this is a sideblog but i love all my moots even if i don’t realise we’re mutuals

10. how many followers do you have? 2.7k which is not reflected in my notes at all <3

11. how many people do you follow? 176 but that’s across all my blogs. i only follow very few thai drama blogs because u can’t trust anyone around here <3

12. have you ever made a shitpost? every post i make is a shitpost

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? once but continuously ajksadhsjq

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? i think we all know the answer is yes. although is it really an argument if they block u before u can respond because they know they’re wrong?

15. how do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts? they’re usually guilt trippy and annoying if i wanted to reblog it i would bestie if u say i have to then i’m not going to <3

16. do you like tag games? yes! they’re really fun and i enjoy reading other people’s as well. but i usually take a long time to get around to them and then never post them. i also feel really awkward about tagging people so i usually never do that ajshdjaks

17. do you like ask games? yes! i like drama related ones or personal ones the most since it can be hard to know what people are really like on here so i think they’re interesting and good to get to know ppl!

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? sophia @yihwas is tumblr famous and twitter famous i’m guessing she will be storygraph famous next <3 she is a god among mortals

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? vianey @thanaerngs i am love u <3 she is wonderful and also makes beautiful gifs (and headers.. it’s true look at mine) but i really love all my mutuals so much they are all so lovely!!!

20. tags? as i explained i’m too shy to tag ppl directly but i’m pretty sure everyone has already done this or at least already been tagged but if u haven’t then consider this as me tagging you <3

#thank u all for tagging me i love talking about myself <3 #tagged

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dont-reblog--i-moved · 5 years

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Thank you, little side of tumblr.

This post might be pretty heavy for some so tw for depression/mental illness/abuse uwu

It's also really long. Sorry. 😅

🌸

As many of you already know, I struggle a lot with my mental health. Especially living at a time and place where I can't really get the help I desperately need to handle it appropriately. As some of you may not know, I have struggled with my mental health throughout my entire life, stemming from disorders I was born with to several different sources of trauma and abuse during my childhood alone. This all went unchecked and untreated in me until it accumulated into an intense, months long breakdown in 2015/16. It was so bad that I am still very slowly recovering from the nothingness I filled my days with, which caused my brain to lower its tolerance a huge amount to everyday things like fatigue and typical life obstacles. I am so meek and timid compared to how I used to be. Not that I was super confident by any means, but you get my drift.

Now, one of my biggest coping mechanisms has always been little stuff. I never knew anything about littlespace or cgl growing up, so I never had a Daddy or anything like that when I was younger, I can promise you that much. But I did naturally enjoy doing (ns) little stuff like watching Blue's Clues and wearing Yo Gabba Gabba t-shirts in middle school and similar stuff. I did, however, feel like a freak for always really wanting to watch even smaller shows unironically or playing with baby toys and the like. So I avoided getting too deep into it. Still, little things were a very strong and reliable source of comfort for me for most of my life.

That's why I was so ecstatic to find out about cgl a couple years ago. I was already learning about bdsm and d/s dynamics in general, and was already calling my bf Daddy in bed bc it felt good, so connecting all these dots in my life really helped make me feel whole. It made me feel like I wasn't a freak. That I belonged somewhere, and that there were people just like me, who just need a little extra help bc of the cards life had dealt them being so shitty.

Anyway, one of the things I struggle with a lot more now than in the past (or maybe I'm just more aware of it) is sensory overload. I mostly get it from light/sound, but I get it from things around or in front of me moving too quickly as well. Especially if I'm forcing myself to keep up. I sometimes can get to where I can move on that level, but then I can't shut it off when I step away from the fast moving whatever and my anxiety is fucked for a while. Sometimes a long while.

When I got into sex work back in August, I was enjoying it a lot, but Daddy got uncomfortable so I took a break for a bit. He got more comfy with it after I explained some of the aspects in more detail and promised not to overwhelm myself by offering services I wasn't fully confident in doing. This helped me enjoy it a bit more when I got back into it in December. The bad thing tho, is that this is when the nipple purge happened on tumblr, so I was forced to move to Twitter. I deleted my old blog soon after for many reasons, one of the biggest being all the stolen porn I had on there from when I didn't understand the severity of sharing it. :/ So having only my sex work and littlespace Twitter really started eating at me when I realized that it moves so incredibly fast compared to other sites (esp tumblr) and the fact that on Twitter, you are just you. You are not hidden behind a page of pretty aesthetics unless you really work at it. It's catered much more to people who love to blab all day long about whatever they want to talk about. This made me feel pretty vulnerable, and I wound up deleting my ls Twitter bc I disliked it and (some of) the people on it so much.

I was already struggling a lot with a rough seasonal depression on top of my normal disorders, and Twitter littles were really alienating me from littlespace bc of how personal each of them took the different ways people would be little. It was very discouraging, to say the least.

Now that I've stepped away from sw and Twitter for a bit, and plan to stay away for a while, I've found myself falling in love with littlespace things again. Seeing all the cute things here on tumblr, especially seeing how littlespace can help so many of you with your personal issues, has really made me feel closer to home with being little. I'm drawing and coloring more, I'm talking little more, but most importantly, I'm feeling little again. I was so scared I was losing that side of me due to that depression. But more than anything, I think I was investing myself in the wrong type of community. I can't stand the toxic hostility of Twitter. Everything is a witch hunt there. While we do have strong antis here on tumblr, we have what I believe to be an incredibly strong support system as well. I love my fellow littles who show respect, follow rules, and work to educate others, even just thru reblogs. You guys really make me feel like I belong. And when I see y'all talking about handling your stress better thru being little, it makes my heart so very happy and filled with hope. I'm so proud of you all. But I'm also so proud of me, for stepping away from something I thought I needed, and coming back to where I feel needed and appreciated.

So thank you, little friends. Your cute pictures and drawings and colorings and stories and ask games and littlespace ideas are such a huge source of inspiration for me! And I hope my content can be inspiring for you as well.

Let's all love being little together, forever. :) 💖

#Katie blabs #Looong #I love my little friends #Tw: depression #Tw: mental illness #tw: mental health #tw: mental disorder #tw: mental breakdown #tw: abuse #tw: child abuse #tw: trauma

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arianaistired · 6 years

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My Experience Meeting Taylor (WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK)

@taylorswift THATS US WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

(also I just finished typing this and it’s so so fucking long I’m so sorry this is a warning. I don’t even get to rep room for so long I can’t breathe I’m so sorry)

Okay, so I’m at work right now, but I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about Saturday--which can really be the tagline for the past 3 days of my life--and then I realized that I haven’t posted a single thing about it on tumblr dot com!!! I’ve really not shut the fuck up about it on twitter but this is a whole new platform, a whole new WORLD that I have not tapped into and annoyed everyone by talking CEASELESSLY about this experience. Like I’m pretty sure that everyone is going to murder me on twitter if i don’t shut up soon, but we’re not there yet on papersairplane dot tumblr dot com so here we fucking go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay the story of my day on Saturday really begins on Friday night after Metlife night 1, a joyous occasion wherein Taylor Swift Touched My Hand at the barricade. So I was just like floating on a fucking cloud after that concert, trekking back to the lowly island of Long Island, New York and texting my friend jess @monica-geller. I was thinking about how I’ve done literally nothing to try to meet miss swift in my entire meaningless existence on this earth and I was thinking about how it doesn’t hurt to TRY so I was like hm. I’ll make a post!!! I didn’t but more on that later.

So i tell jess I’m gonna make a post and then in classic ariana fashion I just sit there on the train not making my post bc i was like deadass...I have nothing to say like nothing about me is particularly interesting it’s not like my house caught on fire and, in the absence of a fire hose, i used the soothing lyrics of stay beautiful from taylor swift’s debut album (2006) to will the flames into submission. like i just really love that woman i don’t have anything else TO SAY. omg side note i love how this started off with proper grammar and spelling and capitalization and now i’m talking like i don’t even know how to read. whatever. so then liz @lastskiss decides to get a fucking idk like a call from God Herself (stream god is a woman by ariana grande) and she’s like wow i should make ariana a post and i see her tweet and i’m life fuck it i’ve told her not to in the past but i’m tired and lazy and nothing’s gonna come of this anyway so i’ll let her make the post. so i text her my seat info and then i’m like “wow my work is done here i’m so talented for pressing send on the imessage app.”

so liz makes this post and is like “should i post it :O” and jess is like “yeah post it that dumb bitch is never gonna do anything herself” which...tea….and liz, being an intellectual in addition to being a magical wizard, is like “tea” and does it. Idk why this is a short novel already but i’m extremely bored at work and trying to get all the deets in. so this is at like i wanna say 1:45am EST aka everyone’s asleep except for liz in LA and jess in australia. so i reblog it once bc if you haven’t already grasped it i’m a lazy dumbass with low expectations and i go to sleep like “my work here is done.” so liz and jess and a few other beautiful souls by jesse mccartney reblog the post while i’m asleep, unbeknownst to me, and a few hours later at 8am i wake up and get ready for brunch. So i’m well aware that it’s gonna rain tonight so i’m like i should not put that much effort into my appearance bc i’m going to look like a drowned rat by the end of this day (stupid, but not untrue i really did) so i like actually do the bare minimum like i just basically put on whatever was most comfortable to dance around in the pouring rain in and then zoomed out the door for brunch bc it was in harlem at 12 and i was on long island at 9 so i was like g2g.

change of scenery now: i’m at brunch in harlem with a bunch of friends and soon to be friends and its 12:15 and i’m like “cool i’m with people from the internet so it’s not rood if i check twitter” and I do and i see a dm notification and i’m like oh the let me check. And check i did. And what the fuck was there??? 10 hours after liz hit send on that blessed post what was in my direct messages on the twitter for iphone app? That’s right friends and foes. It was a dm from one miss taylor nation. And what do i do???????????? I turn my phone face down on the table and my hands just start shaking and i’m pretty sure i blacked out as if i was having a petit mal seizure. So i come to, and pick my phone back up and send them my name, my number, and the best time for them to call (“you can call me at literally any time and i will pick up”) and i turn my phone face up on the table and stare at it. And stare. And stare…………...and an hour and a half (!!!) later FINALLY i get a call from miss nation. And i sprinted out of that restaurant. The poor waitress probably thought that denise @pettyswift had threatened to murder me with how fast i ran out of the premises. 10 mins later i return to the table and everyone’s staring at me with expectant gazes and i’m just like completely utterly non reactive like i think i was just in shock because i didn’t understand what was happening. Like i literally expected it to be merch lmaosafujkafn like so to get to speak to whoever that was on the phone and to hear her say the words “if all is fine and you get confirmed, you will be meeting taylor tonight” was jsut….a shock to the system to say the least. So i was still anticipating it to go wrong because like what the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK????? Anwyay. So i get the confirmation and i’m still completely nonreactive but i call my friend anthony @shakeitoffs to tell him (sidenote: i know we’re not supposed to tell anyone but like. I was going with him to the concert i had to. Like i was already under a lot of stress i’m sure everyone understands if i didn’t follow all the rules to a t) and i say goodbye to the table and i start making my journey from harlem to new jersey.

fast forward a few hours to ~4pm and literally the only thoughts in my brain are “what the fuck” “i’m so scared” and “can jess wake the fuck up” like idk why i was so concerned with jess waking up asjkfas like i just NEEDED HER TO WAKE UP. so anthony and i make our journey to metlife because i needed to be at will call between 4-5 to pick up my rep room pass. Anthony’s buzzing, i’m on the verge of throwing up, liz is freaking the fuck out, and jess still isn’t awake. And i get to will call and give them my ID fully expecting something to go wrong….and it does!!! The will call people are like “maam we havent gotten anything from taylor nation yet please check back in 20 mins.” cool. So finally at this point jess wakes up and is freaking out so now liz anthony and jess are all freaking out and i’m just terrified that something’s going to go wrong. FINALLY 15 mins later the will call people waved me back, i gave them my ID, and i received in my undeserving hands that yellow ass rep room paper. I nearly threw up. Bc at this point i had been like working under the assumption t hat something, ANYTHING, was going to go wrong like i half expected the uber to the stadium to spontaneously combust while i was in the car. So to have confirmation that i was supposed to be at a certain gate in less than 40 mins to then be brought backstage to meet taylor alison swift….was a lot. It’s still a lot.

So i take the picture and tweet it and everyone is being so nice and happy for me which only exacerbates the feeling of A Lotness bc i just felt so completely and utterly undeserving, but this isn’t me trying to get people to tell me i deserved it it’s just me being honest about how i felt. And on top of all of this, the fact that i had never in my life tried to meet taylor also meant that i had never in my life prepared to meet taylor. Of course i’ve thought about what i’d say, who hasn’t, but never under the actual assumption that i was meeting taylor. And NEVER with the confirmed knowledge that i was MEETING TAYLOR IN HALF AN HOUR. so, as aforementioned, IT WAS A LOT.

So skip to 5:30, the meeting time, and i’m standing on the floor where i’m supposed to be and waiting in line with like 6 other people waiting for taylor nation to take us backstage. And they start to!!! But then they get to me and ask for my name and i tell them and i’m NOT ON THE LIST JKANFKASJNFJ so im panicking once again like oh this is it. But i tell the tn guy that i got my dm at like 12 that day and i can show it to him and he was like “ohhhh i think i got a text about a late add” and looks through his texts and he’s like “yeah here you are.” which was terrifying like i was really a late ass add huh like someone was like add this girl huh. the.

So finally they bring us backstage.i think i must’ve been visibly distressed at this point bc one of the other fans in line came up to me and was like “you’re nervous too huh” like i’m pretty sure i looked like i was being taken to my execution. They stop us outside of the door and i can see scottifer swift and tree paine and andrea and i’m like “holy fuck this is actually happening.” And giuseppe the dancer walks past me and i’m like “holy fucking shit this is actually happening and also that man is so fucking hot.” they tell us to put all of our shit on the table, and i do (minus my yellow pass which i was still grasping as if it was going to be ripped out of my hands as cameramen crashed the scene like i was on punk’d and everyone including taylor was going to point and laugh at the fact that i actually for one second thought this was going to happen to me. Yes i’m dramatic what about it) and i enter the rep room. The snake habitat if you will. I enter a room and the first group goes in almost immediately and i hear taylor swfit’s speaking voice saying “hiiiiiiii” reverberate around the room and i’m like OH MY FUCKING GOD…….so like i said i was nervous and definitely visibly so. Like i’m pretty sure i was pacing. I was also singing along to lets get married by bleachers because i have morals, but i definitely looked scared. So the tn person in the room keeps offering to take polaroids of me next to all of the decorations ajkfjasnfkjnfa like she must’ve been trying to reassure me which i really appreciated.

The room is like a big dark well decorated room that has a well lit corner curtained off, which is where taylor and the photographer are and where the m&g takes place. So for my sanity i needed to like look into it so that my blood pressure could return and so that i didnt throw up on taylor the millisecond i walked into the glow of the ring light, so i casually walked to where the curtain area was and looked in between the two curtains where a sliver of bright ass light was escaping and i saw taylor in all her taylor swifitan glory with my own two unholy eyes and i was liek “well…..that did nothing to cure my stress” because she was just SO TALL AND BEAUTIFUL that i was just so fucking...idk. Idk i felt so nuts it was indescribable.

Lets get married stops playing and strawberries and cigarettes (i think?) starts and it’s my turn to go in. so i just like bite the bullet and do it and the first words that escape my stupid mouth are “holy fucking shit” and taylor laughed (i cant) and hugged me and she was just so. calm . well obviously shes calm shes meeting a known moron there’s nothing to be nervous abou there this was practically charity work for her like she’ll be able to use meeting me as a tax write off next year. Really i was doing her a service.

But anyway we pull back from the hug and she’s smiling at me and i’m pretty sure i was shaking a bit like my voice definitely was shaking. And i was just like “oh my god. I love you.” klasfjasnjkf like i was incapable of speaking at that point so i think she thought that i was just going to freeze up and not say a single word but before she could fill the awkward silence i just...started talking and did not shut upas fjkasnfjkajkf. Like i was like “oh my god hi i want you to know that i could not have anticipated this happening any less like i received the dm from taylor nation confirming this about 4 hours ago there was nothign to prepare me for this i didn’t even do anything my friend liz made a post and she and jess reblogged it at like 2 am last night none of this makes any sense” and she was like “oh my god that’s so nice of them” which TEA IT ABSOLUTELY WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then she said “i’m so happy i finally get the chance to meet you then” which i’m sure she says to everyone but she’s so good at making you feel like she means it like she said that and it was like i had taken a xanax like i was so calm after that. Everyone says you calm down in her presence and i’ve never taken that seriously, but YOU REALLY DO….like shes just so calming she makes you feel like she’s your friend and that she genuinely wants to talk to you as if this is a casual occurrence.

So i say “i really love you like i have an older sister and she’s cool and all but you have always felt like you were my older sister like you’ve been a constant in my life for like a decade. I don’t even remember my life before i was obsessed with you which is probably indicative of a brain issue if i can’t remember my life before i was 11 but its true” and she LAUGHED and like genuinely laughed which made me feel so good. Like maybe she’s just the most talented actress alive but i really felt like she thought i was funny……..the………..and then as if i didnt get it from her laughing she called me funny which is disgusting. I’m doing my best to remember this conversation i like blacked out ajskfnsanf. I DIDNT EVEN TELL HER ANYTHING ABOUT MYSELF whcih is so funny to think about now and honestly im fine with bc my life is boring anyway. But anyway i had been debating requesting a song all day, but i was like fuck it the worst thing she can do is turn me down and call me stupid for asking. So i prefaced my request with: “taylor i know youre probably getting different requests from everyone you meet and i know you also probably alreayd have a song in mind for tonight which is totally fine it’s your concert you can do whatever you want my opinion doesn’t matter i’l love anything you do” and shes laughs and is like “whats the song” and i tell her forever and always. And shes like “OHHHHH oh my god i didnt even think of that song. i have a list of songs in my mind that i can play at each show and forever & always didn’t even cross my mind i dont know why. I’ll be honest i already have a song in mind for tonight i’m going to play fearless because it’s raining” and i was like “THATS SO GREAT i love that song it’s your concert it’s your show do whatever you want i love fearless fearless is my favorite album” and she was like “that’s such a good request i didn’t evne think about that song” and i started telling her how i love that song because it was like the song that really got me into her music bc i saw her talking about it on ellen and she literally interrupted me which was an honor and goes “OH MY GOD and it has the ‘it rains in your bedroom eveyrthing is wrong it rains when youre here and it rains when you’re gone’ line and its going to rain!!! oh my god that’s such a good song i love that song” and i said me too!! Also i’m her complimenting her own song god she’s so talented. She’s absolutely right it is SUCH a good song. And i said “well its raining again tomorrow and i’ll be there!!!” and she was like “but i was thinking about playing [song she didn’t play but i dont want to say--not to be purposefully evasive bc i know its annoying--but bc i dont want her to hate me for saying it publicly asjkfjkas and also bc if she does it at gillette i want to let it be a surprise :( i feel so annoying im sorry] tomorrow because a lot of people requested it” and i was like “I LOVE THAT SONG” and then said something about the song.

And then she said (again) that forever & always was a good request and then looked SO SORRY when she was like “i’m so sorry i’m probably not going to play that today or tomorrow because i already have songs in mind but i promise i’ll try to play it later even though you probably won’t be there :(” and i was like “NO ITS COMPLETELY FINE i loved all the songs you mentioned. I’d love any song that you played it’s your concert do whatever you want you don’t ever have to play it if you dont want to it’s your show you call the shots” and she was like “i love how you keep telling me i can do whatever i want it’s so thoughtful and supportive you’re so nice” LIKE SHE KEPT TELLING ME I WAS NICE THIS WHOLE TIME and i was like “WELL PEOPLE CAN BE DEMANDING” and she was like “YEAH THEY REALLY CAN BE THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT THEY’LL GET MAD AT ME OVER ANYTHING they’ll get mad at me if i play a song they don’t like or if i dont play a song they like-” and i was like “i know they’ll get mad at you for excluding so it goes and i’m just like guys its her concert let her live” and she laughed again and called me nice again like she kept saying i’m nice which seems so inconsequential tkjajfnjsa but it was so kind of her shes the best.

So at this point we had been there for a long ass time like it felt long and i was like “wait fuck i haven’t even introduced myself to you” and she was like “whats your name” and i said ariana and she goes “wait like air-iana or like are-iana” and i was like “i literally dont care you can call me whatever you want and i’ll respond” and she like laughed AGAIN and was like “youll just respond to anything huh. But seriously what is it” and i said my name again she was like “ariana. Cool.” bye and then she was like “well do you want to take a picture?” which is when i realized how long it had been and i was like “YEAH” and she just pulled me into a hug for a hugging picture which felt cute bc thats what i wanted to do anyway but she was probably just like god this girl has been in here for 8 years im not asking her what pose she wants to do can we please get going with this jskfnajafs but i didnt mind i was on cloud 9. So as shes hugging me i’m like “oh my god i’m going to blink in this picture and then i’ll have to die” and she was like “you wont blink i promise you wont blink she (the photog) will check to make sure” so we take the pic, the photographer tells me i’m good, and then taylor hugs me again and was like “it’s so nice to meet you” and i was like “it’s so nice to meet you too i didnt expect any of this. thank you so much for all of this i love you” and she huggged me again and called me nice again and then we said bye.

And then the taylor nation girl who was taking my picture (who i then gave all of my polaroids and my rep room pass to for her to hold before i went int asjkfnsafj) was like “here you go sweetie” and gave it to me and then told me to go back out and wait in the hall. And like idk why but once i left the photo area it was like every overwhelming emotion i had felt that entire day came rushing out like i just started crying silently like w tears streaming down my face. Asjkfnaskfjafkj. Like i dont cry so it was so bizarre. I didnt know what was happening. So then i was the only one out there bc i guess the first group had already been escorted out, so i was waiting for the rest of the people to be done and just crying. And then andrea was there so i said hi while crying and she came up to me and was like “hi honey how was it?!?!?” and i was like sarcastically like “oh it was okay ive had better days” and i dont think she knew i was joking at first like her face fell a bit before she realized i cant breahjtraefjs btu she was like “yeah its just a normal saturday for you no big deal” and then i asked her for a picture and she complied of course and i was like “im so sorry for crying idk why im crying” and she was like “its okay sweetie youve been through a lot today” which is honestly the most truthful thing ive ever heard in my life. And then i said “i raelly have” and she was like “this is a really amazing experience for you” and once again no lies detected but it was so funny that she said that about me MEETING HER DAUGHTER JKjkjskafjkfjska. And then i thanked her for raising taylor because i love her or something i cant breahfghasf and she was like “it was my pleasure she made it easy on me” and then finally i was escorted out and i was just crying.

Okay so now i just wanted to tahnk everyone who has been nice to me since saturday it means so so much like obviously i didnt think people would be MEAN TO ME but everyone has been soooooo nice i appreciate it a lot. And also like mayb this is controversial 2 say in this economy but i also want to say that all of the taylor nation people were so nice to me like i think everyones a bit hard on them at times like theyre just doing their jobs guys and it doesnt seem like an easy job sajkfnkjas considering they have to deal with how annoying some of us can be. And also i want to thank all of my friends, jess and liz in particular, bc like i didnt do anything obviously akjfanjksfj like this was all them and i love them so much like they were so happy for me it was equally as exciting to tell them as it was to actually meet taylro idk i just love them so much. IDK WHY IM TREATING THIS LIKE AN OSCARS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH but i obviously obviously i want to thank @taylorswift Idk if you saw my post and requested to meet me or if it was just a coincidence but it was honestly such an amazing experinece and you were so GOOD at talking i cant describe it but you were so calming and i really appreciated it. I feel like we dont appreciate all u do for us enough like youre just so kind and amazing i love you taylor swift i aint never gona stop loving you taylor swift. Idk this was so amazing and so unexpected and i still dont understand how any of this happened to me. THIS WAS CRAZY and it was just everything like everything u hear about meeting taylor is just so true…..shes just so good shes such a good person i want 2 cry………………

if u read all of this…..idk why youd do that but thank you and also im sorry for how long it was i just needed to write it all down for my own memory. Thank youuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#this is so annoying im so sorry #i met taylor #what the fucknekdixsosk #save

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yamlog · 3 years

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before february comes

ok so like, it is one thing to know about smth hurtful when it has just happened but it is A COMPLETELY OTHER THING ALTOGETHER to be asked about it by someone who for some reason, thought that you knew all along all these months WHEN YOU DIDN’T. and why would i? did i not say many many times that i am NOT going to keep up? i am actively avoiding, i am keeping my feed clean and free from distractions, i NEVER look at my explore page except to follow very specific hashtags. i have been PROTECTING my peace of mind and sanity with all my energy and effort for like, what, 1.5 years. for good reason. and then to be asked (borderline informed) something so PREPOSTEROUS. do you know how sick i felt when i heard? i was trying to work and it became impossible because my brain was so confused i started feeling nauseas. i had to skip dinner and immediately take action instead of letting that horrible feeling burrow deeper into my chest. i didn’t even have to see anything in person. people sent me screenshots, telling me that they will look at it on my behalf and i shouldn’t go and see. and that’s not even the worst thing. the worst thing is all the consolation messages that came from SO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE later on, coming out and confessing and saying they knew and they suspected but they didn’t want to tell me because they knew i’d be shocked and disgusted and upset and they wanted to protect me from the news because i was trying to pass practicum. and i love them for that, i really do. my friends really just do want the best for me and they are not willing to start a war or actively do anything, but they do care enough to message me in private to share their thoughts on the matter. i got so many ‘i saw her story and i was so surprised,” “it’s such a shady thing to do,” and “what is she trying to prove.” then of course there were people who were very critical of the presentation and how it seems deliberately designed to mislead. and when i clarified, it just made everyone even more confused. ‘huh, if not dating then why she post as if they were’ ‘need to tag meh’ ‘she tag for who to see’ ‘is she trying to show off got a guy wait for her to end work and take many pictures of her on their dates? and then must tag the guy so everyone can see who it is even though he’s not inside?’ ‘how come her username is like a copy of your tinycl0ud’ (lmao i wish i knew the answer to this one but at this point is anyone surprised? no.) ‘is it she want his dick’ ‘dating or not dating it’s very obvious she has interest’ etc etc

so here are MY thoughts, after having talked to practically everyone in my life about it. my thoughts reflect most of what others think. i am trying to be conscious of the fact that i’m still too emotional to really formulate my own opinion, and so of course it is easier to mirror and receive the opinions of those around me. but i think until i can finish processing, i am okay with received feelings.

number one: indignation. because Yes, why the fuck even do this? sg is so fucking big and full of other men. if you want a bf or new friends it’s so easy to find. must go after your ex-friend’s ex-partner? the rest of the sg don’t have men isit? you won’t be happy unless you get to experience that which you have always envied in me isit? you tag, knowing full well that people in MY life still follow and EVERYONE knows what he looks like and who he is. so what is the fucking intention? to show that someone finds you attractive enough to take photos of you? you know, quite a few people have pointed out to me the fact that i used to be the frequent subject of his phone camera (i am grateful but i have also thankfully moved on), and that maybe you have always envied it, and now that it’s your turn you’re revelling. ppl take picture of you like you always wanted, ok good for you, but must tag to make sure everyone knows exactly who did it? so everyone knows you hang out? or maybe date? because who else would wait for you to end your shift and buy you drinks but someone you’re romantically involved with. and you tag so everyone knows it’s a guy, and it’s THAT particular guy. gross and pathetic. which brings me to the next point.

number two: disdain and disgust. why hanker after someone’s ex?? i really don’t get it. was it because on my private twitter i said that i enjoyed myself and he treated me well, so now she has it in her head that she wants the same treatment? a normal human being doesn’t do that. in fact, i have read her tweets about how much she enjoyed having sex with the guy from tinder she had a fling with, with very lengthy descriptions of his dick size and texture, and not once did i feel the need to go and experience it for myself. because there’s this thing called girl code, on top of basic human decency. normal people DON’T hanker after their friends’ exes, even after friendship ends. MORE THAN ONE EX TOO. normal people also don’t tweet stupid shit like ‘every time julian took public transport and waited outside studio i felt so envious because ___ never did that for me, even though he had a motorcycle and could go anywhere, which makes me wonder if i’m not worth being loved.’ LIKE UM OK HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL, reading something so MANIPULATIVE AND GUILT-TRIPPY ON TWITTER DOT COM. julian wasn’t a great ex (or even a great person) but he did occasionally do nice things, and you romanticise the ONE thing to the point of comparing it with your own lacking relationship?? red flag. and then when i have another ex, you hanker after what he represents once again, which is good treatment. well idk what to say but people i date generally treat me well sometimes. and the common factor here is obviously me. so even if you date the same guys i date it doesn’t mean?? u will be treated the same way?????? just a thought. it is truly extremely pathetic to hang onto hope that this Perfect Idealised Boyfriend On A Pedestal could someday be yours if you just wait long enough. you waited 2 years for your RC ex and he still dumped you for a virginal year 1. i hate him on your behalf, and never in a million years would i consider wanting him, no matter how attractive or charismatic he is. simply because, even though i hate you, i will NOT touch your exes that I KNOW FULL WELL have hurt you.

number three: anger. i don’t hate people. not really. like i don’t think i’ve ever hated anyone enough to wish they’d die a horrible and gruesome death. but the past two days i have felt anger so big it felt like my entire chest was on fire and if i screamed it would come out like a blowtorch. i wanted to take my new ceramic knife and saw off her fingers one by one and then grate her stupid ugly nose off. that was for a moment, and the moment has passed. but i don’t think the hatred will. i can very confidently say that, at least for the next two weeks or so, i will hate her enough to risk damnation. because she IS fucking despicable. and now i guess everyone knows it too.

there was a moment when i wondered why i was so stricken. i spoke to a friend to try to figure it out. i asked her, why am i so bothered. is it because if he dates her after dumping me it means that she’s better than me and that’s what i can’t stand? or is it because he actively makes time to meet her but not me, so on some level he actually does prefer her to me? then my friend said that she doesn’t think that’s the case, and that he probably can meet her PRECISELY because he doesn’t have romantic feelings and he won’t get entangled. additionally, she also reminded me that just because one man, even my ex that i loved deeper than anyone else, chooses her over me, it doesn’t mean his opinion is god’s opinion (or even a wise/informed one) and therefore it is fallacious to jump to the conclusion that he is right and that she IS better or that she has ‘won’. i added to that and said that yes, people are not prizes to begin with anyway. and yes, one man’s judgment does not determine my worth. another friend just said, very bluntly, that his initial thought was ‘let the trash take the trash out’. im still not okay with someone i still love being called trash because like, hello my feelings, but i understand his sentiments lah.

no matter how i rationalise it, i guess it does hurt that he’d spend time with her but not once try to spend time with me. i’d make all the time, i honestly would. and i have endless reserves of care and attention and i feel like over time my capacity just increases, even with the new job and the new charges. but i also know that i never had any power in this relationship. i can’t make the first move, i can’t ask for anything, i will never call the shots because it’s imbalanced from the beginning. so if he doesn’t care to meet me but cares enough about HER to meet HER then what can i do? nothing. just accept it like a horrible itchy clothing tag giving you a rash but u can’t exactly strip down bc ur in public. maybe over time he will start to think that she is right for him, she can make him happy, she is his soulmate. she will have won, my friends’ predictions will be right, i will have been wrong about his character, and once again there will be nothing i can do.

maybe it’s better that he cares so little for me he doesn’t even want to see me at all. because i don’t think my feelings have gone away. it’s magnetic. like an orbital pull. and i know that if i get a little bit i will just want all of it. it was hard enough to pull away the last time and pretend i had to go and pretend i was fine. so if he doesn’t want me in his orbit, maybe it’s actually god’s blessing in disguise and god is trying to tell me that it’s better to be untethered in space than it is to be attached to someone who doesn’t even love me. better to be unhappy on my own than believe i’m happy with someone who doesn’t want me right???

serenity prayer: grant me the serenity to accept that which i cannot change, the courage to change that which i can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

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localwitchboy · 7 years

Text

i’m very frustrated right now and i need to let it out and i was going to post it on twitter bc i know i’d get more direct feedback and support from my immediate circle of friends (none of which follow me on tumblr) but the character limit is so annoying and i’ve been told i complain too much- so here i am!

so i’m feeling very very overwhelmed and frustrated and defeated and there is so much going on right now in my life and i just? don’t know? what to do? about a week ago i stood up to my parents with the support of those close to me as a major courage boost- and it was a total fucking shitshow. my friend sam came with me as my backbone and did a marvelous job standing beside me. my parents refused to accept me, refused to let me leave, physically restrained both sam and myself, and called the police. the police came- one was very nice and the other was not- and asked a lot of questions and tried to figure out what to do. they called DHHS (social services) and they said, essentially, that since they were unable to prove mental or physical abuse at the time, that i must stay with my parents. (SPOILER ALERT I ENDURED ABSOLUTELY AWFUL FUCKING TREATMENT THROUGH THE NIGHT LMAO SO SURPRISING). after listening to them tear down all of my friends, my boyfriend, my entire social life, and anything they could latch onto; as well as their plans of taking me to the hospital to be “fixed”, sending me to boarding school “where they’ll vomit on [my] plate”, and “reeducation centers”, i decided i was not going to stay (wow who would’ve guessed right??). i didn’t sleep, i kept my clothes and shoes on all night, packed what things i could, and at exactly 6:40 the next morning i walked out the front door and sprinted to sam’s house. i puked six times :))))))

at sam’s house a policeman showed up- obviously my parents had called the police again- and asked me what had happened, why i wasn’t home, and if i had an thoughts or feelings about hurting myself or committing suicide. i said no and told him everything that had happened, and all he did was ask me if i was going to school, which i did. at school i talked to our resource officer, our lgbt+ teacher advocate, my guidance counselor, and basically anyone that could possibly have an idea of what to do. my father was supposed to come for a meeting at the end of the day to which he did not show up to, they did not call the police to force me home, though my father did call the police to check that i was okay and to bring me my packed clothing bag. (the policeman said “i would stay the hell away from your mom” lmfao she’s terrifying). after that my father requested, through my guidance counselor, that i check in with him daily to be on the same page, and said he would make plans with a local counselor for us all to speak. this sounded okay to me tbh, i was like whatever i’ll sit and watch somebody tell you that you’re the problem that’s totally cool w me i respect that.

but NO. fucking of COURSE NOT, bc JASON DON’T HAVE ENOUGH SHIT GOING ON, DOES HE?? FUCKING HELL.

yesterday afternoon i emailed my father thanking him for the space he had given me and just like basically checked in with him. he responded with “you need to come home.” and nothing else. today he asked when to expect me, and i responded with a polite request to see a third party and work things out before i returned. at this point i suspect my mother has convinced/taken control of his communication with me, and he has replied with nothing other than “you are expected home,” “unfortunately preference is not your opportunity to have,” “you are expected here. today. april 11, 2017,” “i expect you to come home,” and the like. i am expecting him to call the police again this evening, as i am definitely not returning to that house without some sort of effort towards making a change; but seeing as he’s responded with nothing but stubbornness and refusal for any help besides “there will be help for you in the future,” (”help for you”??? what the fuck they think i’m fucking sick?????) i don’t think change will be possible. v sad. i don’t want to have a shitty family.

update bc i had to go in the middle of writing this and now it’s night: my parents did not call the police, my dad just emailed me and said “it is sad the lack of respect you have for me” and i’m just so done honestly like what the fuck. they don’t fucking respect me, i’ve been very respectful and kind to them and i am trying so hard to work with them and they’re like fucking brick walls, this is ridiculous.

i called kidslegal to see what information they could help me with, like rights wise and what the best path for me to take would be. at this point i’m going to be filing for emancipation as soon as possible (like by tomorrow) and getting them out of my life for good. i don’t think they’re going to come to their senses, so i guess i have to come to mine and start looking out for myself. i didn’t fucking want this to happen, but i guess it has to.

on top of all of this my boyfriend is having issues with his family too, regarding his identity, almost as bad as i have. his family fucking hates me dude lmao they think i’m the shittiest kid and that i disrespect gabe and that like i’m to blame for all of his identity stuff?? and i’m so tired of it. like. i want them to like me. i’ll sit through formal dinners and intense questioning and take him out on dates to have him home by 8′o’clock on the dot i don’t care i’m a good kid i just want them to like me? i’m so willing to work with them and they won’t listen. why do i have such bad luck with parents?? ugh and his sister won’t even fucking look me in the eye when we’re passing in the hall, we had to walk past each other through a doorway today and she like barely glanced at me and wouldn’t look up even when i smiled.

nobody likes me. i’m tired. i don’t wanna fight anymore.

#that was a lot i'm sorry #is that mop of hair talking #family crisis #trans #trans guy #trans issues #legal help

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coin-river-blog · 6 years

Link

Interview

What is a proud college dropout, world traveler, Ayn Rand devotee, and son of an international arms dealer doing artfully, doggedly defending bitcoin as a form of cash? Not even out of his 20s, Derek Magill is many times wiser than his chronological age lets on. In fact, he’s arguably the most important apologist around when it comes to bitcoin cash (BCH). Through rational arguments, funny retorts, solid philosophical foundations, he’s developed quite a following. He’s even started his own think tank, The Nakamoto Studies Institute, to document BCH’s importance in monetary history. News.Bitcoin.com caught up with the troll slayer for an exclusive interview.

Also read: UK Financial Game Show Uses Comedy & Bitcoin to Entertain, Inform

Derek Magill is the Troll Slayer

News.Bitcoin.com (BC): You waded into litecoin for a while, hoping to find a crypto sans excessive fees and mempool nonsense, right? I remember you posting a schematic or something, explaining how it worked to your grandfather. Derek Magill (DM): That’s correct. I gave up on the cryptocurrency community not long after I got my first bitcoin in 2013. I bought bitcoin here and there over the years, but I never liked what I saw as indefinite utopianism in the space — that kept me away from participating. The events leading up to Mike Hearn’s famous exit piece made me glad I’d stayed out of it at the time. But I started getting excited again in early 2017.

I liked the fact that, at the time at least, the Litecoin community was committed to litecoin being usable for real-world commerce. There were problems with litecoin’s value proposition from the start that I was aware of (mostly in the fact that the ‘silver to bitcoin’s gold’ analogy sounds nice but is nonsensical), but I hoped it would be able to come out from bitcoin core’s [BTC] shadow as the developers and the community took BTC down a road that seemed increasingly irrational. And in a way, I think I was vindicated for a time. Litecoin grew in price and volume incredibly in mid-to-late 2017, I think in large part because people needed a more reliable way to transfer value than BTC. But when it became clear to me that the Litecoin roadmap was little more than testing ground for BTC’s roadmap, right around the time BCH got off the ground I traded my Litecoin for BCH, which I now think has the only serious chance of challenging BTC’s roadmap. Frankly, Litecoin is still one of my best investments though, funny enough.

Argumentum ad Rogerum

BC: Your favoritism of bitcoin cash has turned toward advocacy. Is it important BCH proponents be versed in apologetics? DM: Long term, no. You should be able to be philosophically illiterate but still be able to transact with BCH and get value from it. In the short term, I have been totally surprised by the effectiveness of the Core madness, and I suspect the more reasoned arguments we can deliver on the BCH side to counter that will be valuable. That’s why I’ve spent so much time writing. I do think in general BCH/BTC need more communicators, philosophers, writers, salespeople, marketers, and creatives. Developer-only culture is the reason we got into this mess to begin with.

Actual footage of the troll slayer in action.

BC: One of the first viral essays you wrote about BCH was to separate its more charismatic advocates from the cryptocurrency itself, Argumentum ad Rogerum. Why is that important? DM: That really had two goals. On the one hand, I think Roger Ver is a hero for the work he’s done, and what is being done to his reputation by idiotic internet losers and a handful of genuinely mean people is disgraceful. I wanted to counter that.

On the other hand, and related directly to your question, I think it’s a very bad sign for investors if the success of Bitcoin is said to rest on a tiny handful of good or bad actors. The simple fact is that Roger could be a total scammer charlatan and it wouldn’t change my evaluation of Bitcoin Cash. I wanted to point out the stupidity and hypocrisy of making everything about Roger and show how it is not an argument at all. Core’s obsession with the personal character of Roger and others as arguments against Bitcoin Cash is frankly more revealing about their own warped views of Bitcoin than BCH or Ver.

Nakamoto Studies Institute

BC: The Staggering Lies and Scams of Bitcoin Core is a definitive polemic of its subject matter. What drove you to write it? DM: That was a fun one to write. I suppose it was directly inspired by a rather unlettered rant Saifedean Ammous left me on Twitter about how BCH is a scam run by sociopaths and criminals, the same old nonsense you hear all the time.

More broadly though, it was just this question of “scam” in general. You hear it all the time that BCH is a scam but very little evidence is ever given besides the fact that Roger Ver sold some firecrackers on Ebay once and Jihan Wu is from China. Meanwhile, there’s a good deal of evidence that a lot of bad things have been done by people in the BTC community that might be relevant to potential investors.

I wanted to make a roundup of the ones I considered most egregious — the puffed up lawsuits against Bitcoin.com by people who claim to be anarchists, the false advertising on Bitcoin dot org that went on for months and months, and the imaginary victims, they claim are ‘deceived by BCH,’ but whom they can never point to, are just a few. These are evil, evil acts and they should be brought to light, especially when their perpetrators are constantly pretending they have some kind of moral high ground. Maybe more importantly, as Roger himself as said, the propaganda and censorship was effective. BTC became a cult, and if we want to prevent that from happening in BCH, speaking out fast and effectively will be one step to doing so. BC: Your advocacy has bloomed to starting an online Institute. It’s attracted at least one of the founders of the original idea. In fact, he’s left (or was booted), and has said he intends to collab with you. You’ve described it as a fork. What are your hopes for the Nakamoto Studies Institute? DM: A lot of the lies in the Bitcoin world today can be addressed by returning to Satoshi’s writings. I want to create the world’s best archive of his writings so that you can easily search them by keyword.

Mr. Magill in Serbia.

For example, if you want to find Satoshi discussing Moore’s Law (he does) or ‘micropayments’ (he does that too), you’ll be able to click a link and find all the times he mentioned those terms. I think that’s powerful intellectual ammo for people who want to defend themselves against Core propaganda and who want to push the development of Bitcoin in the right direction.

Satoshi is not God, of course, but nor are the Core developers (they seem to have forgotten that). Satoshi’s writings are a good reminder to the world of that fact. It’s a good check against the 1984-style rewriting of Bitcoin’s history they’ve been attempting recently.

Are game shows and entertainment important to crypto adoption? Let us know in the comments.

Images via the Pixabay, Dominic Frisby’s Financial Game Show.

Verify and track bitcoin cash transactions on our BCH Block Explorer, the best of its kind anywhere in the world. Also, keep up with your holdings, BCH and other coins, on our market charts at Satoshi Pulse, another original and free service from Bitcoin.com.

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s0ftparade · 6 years

Note

There’s no need to be so rude to your followers. This is There’s no need to be so rude. You have people that have been following you for years. There’s no need to be so rude to your followers. There’s no need for you to be rude to your folllowers. This is social media, remember? You’ve constantly posted much more information about your personal and social life than most people do so don’t act surprised when you have people that would like to keep up with your life.

Sorry u feel like it was rude but if u read my follow up post and tried to b a little empathetic maybe u would understand. I followed people on here for years too that I looked forward to seeing their posts but a lot of them aren’t active and I would never dream of sending them anything mean. Sorry ur clearly in such a negative space that u need to do that to me bc I don’t overshare on tumblr dot com lol I still think it’s weird and creepy that someone came to me and told me I need to post on here more. No I need to mind my own business and so do u! It’s a personal decision! Also I had people I know in real life saying things to me about my posts and it made me uncomfortable because I felt like tumblr was more of a diary. But it’s public and anyone can see. Like I said I’m much more active on twitter and it is for my own mental health that I don’t post here. YOU don’t need to b so rude to someone who u don’t personally know.

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bestnewsmag-blog · 7 years

Text

New Post has been published on Bestnewsmag

New Post has been published on https://bestnewsmag.com/period-tracking-apps-get-failing-grade-theyre-not-accurate-and-theyre-way-too-pink/

Period-tracking apps get failing grade: They’re not accurate. And they’re way too pink

Accurate a new assessment of the exploding marketplace in period-monitoring apps gives the tracking technology a failing grade.

A research group at the University of Washington examined some of the wildly famous apps, inclusive of Clue, Eve, Glow, duration Tracker, and Red Pad and determined many came up wanting.

Even though they collectively attract tens of millions of users, a number of whom rely on them for fertility predictions, the apps are frequently some distance from correct — especially for women whose cycles are not every day. “And those are the folks who want the apps most,” said Daniel Epstein, a UW doctoral pupil reading human and laptop interfaces who led the research.

The lack of accuracy is demanding given that girls may also depend upon the apps to timetable pricey infertility remedies — and that many teens use the apps as a number one shape of delivery manage, counting on them to flag the days in the month whilst they’re least possibly to turn out to be pregnant, stated co-author Julie Kientz, an associate professor of human centered layout and engineering at UW.

Follow Kimberley @clrchronicles My period tracker says I’m 8 days late but funny story’s on the app bc the last time my period got here whilst it changed into imagined to turned into when I used to be 13 xoxo 2:18 AM – 3 might also 2017 Retweets 2 2 likes The apps also are in large part one-length-suits-all. They don’t account for the way a girl’s menstrual patterns may additionally change while pregnant, breastfeeding, or coming into menopause, the researchers said.

Some other trouble: many of the apps are Crimson and flowery, which women interviewed by the researchers stated made them embarrassing to open up.

Many length monitoring icons literally do include huge, Crimson flora. Others use photos which include Red bikini underpants, or huge Pink dots on calendars. “All that Pink in the interface made humans experience awkward,” Epstein said. “They felt horrific starting the app in public.”

Observe Jen @jendeclinesyou Thanks, length tracker app for alerting all and sundry at breakfast that I’m fertile. Bless u. 9:37 PM – 22 Apr 2017 4 4 Retweets 130 130 likes But Some other flaw: The layout and wording of the apps, which commonly talk to the users as the lady and their sexual partners as male, aren’t welcoming to customers who are gay — or who may additionally menstruate but identify as male. “It makes people sense excluded by using their apps,” Engbert said.

There are dozens of menstrual tracking apps available, some advertised mainly for fertility and others as birth control reminders. They variety in fee from free to $5.99 and analysts see them as a strong and growing quarter of the health app market. Twitter traffic indicates many users are thrilled with their trackers, while others are outraged by inaccuracies.

Observe _hzytation @CiarraWilliams5 My period tracker knew as me “babe” and asked me how I used to be feeling and that I near burst into tears I used to be so satisfied 12:27 AM – 2 can also 2017 Retweets 4 four likes Comply with Petty & The Jets @BarackRubama duration tracker app maintains asking me if I’m bleeding Yet. It really is like raising your hand to see if the instructor is gathering the homework. NO! 1:47 AM – 18 Apr 2017 Retweets likes Epstein and his colleagues determined to attention on duration tracking apps due to the fact they’re becoming so famous — Clue reports it has more than 5 million users global — however were little studied.

The crew combed thru numerous thousand reviews of the apps, then performed surveys and interviews with users. They may present the paper next week at a convention on human factors in computing being held in Denver.

The team is hoping that app builders will use their consequences to improve their merchandise. One easy way may be by using letting users correct their apps whilst predictions are wrong, so the apps can study the woman’s cycles and end up more accurate through the years.

Some other recommendation: Drop the “cut back it and Pink it” mentality and use sleek, gender-neutral interfaces.

As for users of apps, the researchers offer this recommendation: Don’t depend upon the predictions for fertility or start to manage. And when you consider that among the apps are loose or low-value, download a pair and use them in parallel for some months to find out which one works high-quality for you.

Credit Karma Free Score: Is It Accurate for Credit Repair?

accurate

There are some of the web sites that claim to provide the same offerings totally free. However, by the time you sift via the scammers and the much less than beneficial websites, you are left with only one seemingly worthy contender. Credit score Karma is completely professional and is permitted with an A+ score through TRUSTe and the Better Enterprise Bureau (BBB).

This places to mattress any doubts about it being a rip-off and leaves us with only one query: does it provide the whole bundle?

Registering without spending a dime Account

If you nonetheless deliver unfounded doubts about its legitimacy, the truth that the website does no longer save your Credit score card information must position your thoughts at ease.

On registration, the best sensitive statistics you could need to offer is your identification details as it uses this to tug your records from various databases.

Other than that, the standard monitoring of the login behavior and some other non-critical information are the most effective things the web page will do not forget.

Signing up is quick and smooth. Moreover, your information is blanketed by SSL technology. It additionally does now not collect data about your region or maybe Social Safety Wide variety – apart from the ultimate 4 – as an introduced measure of Safety.

After you join up, you’re able to get right of entry to all the services without cost.

Credit rating sites often provide you with a 7-day trial duration earlier than imposing their monthly fee, so in this rating, Credit Karma appears to convey a Better deal to the table. Way to this, you do no longer want a Credit score card to enjoy their offerings.

How Accurate Is Their Reporting?

It’s far natural to think that the offerings offered by a free Credit score website could be mediocre at nice. However, Credit score Karma once again proves to be worthy as it gathers its data from of the most important, maximum trusted rating bureaus. As such, the accuracy of your Credit score report should now not be in a query when you consider that Credit score Karma retains world-magnificence standards regardless of being completely free.

Additionally, you’ll be capable of access statistics on a weekly foundation as the web page frequently updates your Credit rating each week. This could be a vital function in case you are looking to strictly monitor your Credit score rating, even though a few might also discover it much less than beneficial for the reason that not loads of Credit score interest are going on in every week. Additionally, they have a software that allows you to venture how your present day selections will effect for your future Credit score.

Credit score Karma rating a Reputable Type of Credit score?

Granted your Credit rankings will range from FICO scores, Credit score Karma uses TransUnion which continues to be capable of come up with an amazing visualization of your modern-day status and determine your worthiness. Creditors prefer to use FICO scores when determining your Credit score worthiness so in some unspecified time in the future, FICO will become a need. Moreover, using an exceptional source of Credit statistics outcomes in Credit ratings which can be distinct from the Experian Vantage Credit score scores you might be used to.

Teflon PTFE Virgin and Mechanical Grades, What is the Difference?

grade

There’s often some confusion about the distinction among the maximum commonplace grades of PTFE, frequently known as Teflon: Virgin Grade, and Mechanical, or Reprocessed Grade. This information will assist you to recognize those kinds and their exceptional applications, and consequently, save you time learning the information.

Cloth and applications

PTFE ( polytetrafluoroethylene ) is a form of plastic maximum normally referred to as the brand call Teflon®. PTFE resins have a continuous temperature score of 260°C (500°F). Mechanical residences begin to degrade above this point.

Each Virgin and Mechanical grades are 100% PTFE Fabric and feature comparable chemical homes

tracking

. those are Each unfilled sorts of PTFE. Other sorts are available with fillers such as carbon, bronze, or glass to enhance performance for sure programs.

Mechanical PTFE is a cost-effective, reprocessed PTFE with slightly decrease physical houses than the virgin grade. It’s also called “recycled” or “reclaimed”. Reprocessed Fabric is brought during the producing procedure; typically a small percent however it varies. It’s far greater in your price range than virgin. This is the grade used for maximum programs, for less annoying uses where high purity substances are not required, such as noncritical chemical, electrical, and mechanical programs. It has higher wear resistance and compressive electricity than the virgin grade. Not appropriate for food contact.

Virgin PTFE is a better grade, pure Fabric, and is extra luxurious. It’s miles made with no recycled Material introduced. It is chemically inert as much as 500ºF, the high-quality chemically resistant Material to be had. Virgin has better physical homes and retains flexibility in low temperatures. It is a superb electric insulator, with excessive dielectric properties. It’s far FDA accepted and is used inside the pharmaceutical, meals and beverage, and cosmetics industries. It’s far often used for medical or electric packages. Virgin has higher friction traits, which can be critical in some packages.

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