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lollobarcollomanonmollo · 5 months

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women artists that you should know about!!

-Judith Leyster (Dutch, 1609-1660)

During her life her works were highly recognized, but she got forgotten after her death and rediscovered in the 19th century. In her paintings could be identified the acronym "JL", asually followed by a star, she was the first woman to be inserted in the Guild of St. Luke, the guild Haarlem's artists.

-Artemisia Gentileschi (Italian, 1593-1656)

"... Si è talmente appraticata che posso osar de dire che hoggi non ci sia pare a lei, havendo fatto opere che forse i principali maestri di questa professione non arrivano al suo sapere". This is how the father Orazio talked about his nineteen year old daughter to the Medici's court in Florence.

In 1611, Artemisia got raped, and she had to Undergo a humiliating trial, just to marry so that she could "Restore one's reputation" , according to the morality of the time. Only after a few years Artemisia managed to regain her value, in Florence, in Rome, in Naples and even in England, her oldest surviving work is "Susanna and the elders".

-Elisabeth Louise Vigèe Le Brun (French, 1755-1842)

She was a potrait artists who created herself a name during the Ancien Règime, serving as the potrait painting of the Queen of France Marie Antoinette, she painted 600 portraits and 200 landscapes in the course of her life.

-Augusta Savage (Afro-American, 1892-1962)

Augusta started making figures when she was a child, which most of them were small animals made out of red clay of her hometown, she kept model claying, and during 1919, at the Palm Beach County Fair, she won $25 prize and ribbon for most original exhibit. After completing her studies, Savage worked in Manhattan steam laundries to support her family along with herself. After a violent stalking made by Joe Gould that lasted for two decades, the stalker died in 1957 after getting lobotomized. In 2004, a public high school, Augusta Fells Savage Institute of Visual Arts, in Baltimore, opened.

-Marie Ellenrieder (German,1791-1863)

She was known for her portraits and religious paintings. During a two years long stay in Rome, she met some Nazarenes (group of early 19th century German romantic painters who wanted to revive spirituality in art),after becoming a student of Friedrich Overbeck and after being heavily influenced by a friend, she began painting religious image, getting heavily inspired by the Italian renaissance, more specifically by the artist Raphael. In 1829, she became a court painter to Grand Duchess Sophie of Baden.

-Berthe Marie Pauline Morisot (French,1841-1893)

Morisot studied at the Louvre, where she met Edouard Manet, which became her friend and professor. During 1874 she participated at her first Impressionist exhibition, and in 1892 sets up her own solo exhibition.

-Edmonia Lewis or also called "wildfire" (mixed African-American and Native American 1844-1907)

Edmonia was born in Upstate New York but she worked for most of her career in Rome, Italy. She was the first ever African American and Native American sculptor to achieve national and international fame, she began to gain prominence in the USA during the Civil Ware. She was the first black woman artist who has participated and has been recognized to any extent by the American artistic mainstream. She Also in on Molefi Kete Asante's list of 100 Greatest African Americans.

-Marie Gulliemine Benoist (French, 1768-1826)

Daughter of a civil servant, Marie was A pupil of Jaques-Louis David, whose she shared the revolutionary ideas with, painting innovative works that have caused whose revolutionary ideals he shared, painting innovative works that caused discussion. She opened a school for young girl artists, but the marriage with the banker Benoist and the political career Of the husband had slowly had effect on her artistic career, forcing her to stop painting. Her most famous work is Potrait of Madeline, which six years before slavery was abolished, so that painting became a simbol for women's emancipation and black people's rights.

-Lavinia Fontana (Italian, 1552-1614)

She is remembered for being the first woman artist to paint an altarpiece and for painting the first female nude by a woman (Minerva in the act of dressing), commissioned by Scipione Borghese.

-Elisabetta Sirani. (Italian, 1698-1665)

Her admirable artistic skills, that would vary from painting, drawing and engraving, permitted her, in 1660, to enter in the National Academy of S. Luca, making her work as s professor. After two years she replaced her father in his work of his Artistic workshop, turning it into an art schools for girls, becoming the first woman in Europe to have a girls' school of painting, like Artemisia Gentileschi, she represent female characters as strong and proud, mainly drawn from Greek and Roman stories. (ex. Timoclea Kills The Captain of Alexander the Great, 1659).

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essenceb · 1 year

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Virtual Sketchbook 1

WRITING AND RESEARCH

Good evening, Everyone,

My name is Essence Burroughs. I am 23 years old. I love taking online courses. I am currently pursuing my bachelor's degree in early childcare. I am even more excited to give this art class a try. I used to love painting, especially when it was time to gather as a family and go painting with a twist. A fun fact you should know about me is that I am short but love to walk in heels to make me look taller.

Five facts about Damien Hirst

Damien Hirst was born in Bristol and grew up in Leeds. He then moved to London in 1986 to study at Goldsmith’s College.

Hirst became famous for a group of artworks, such as, a shark, sheep, and a cow, that were chopped up animals in formaldehyde and rotting meat.

The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Somone Living, artwork of the tiger shark which is considered iconic work of British art from the 1990s and has become a symbol of Britart worldwide.

The tiger shark was caught off Hervey Bay in Queensland, Australia, by a fisher who was asked to do so.

Hirst won Tate Britain’s Turner Prize, an award for contemporary art in 1995.

Hirst is supposed to be the richest living artist to date.

The way I think about art has changed since the first time I looked at this image. I notice that art does have a way of bringing things to life. My first thought about the image was scary because I know sharks can be dangerous. It also started making me feel like I was in the ocean with a live shark in deep water. Then I felt like I was at an aquarium where SeaLife is on display so that humans can learn how sharks communicate, what they eat, how they are trained, etc. The image made me feel so curious about how they created the illusion. Yes, I do see things differently in art after looking at this image. Most of all I see that art can be interpreted in many ways, and that everyone's interpretation is valid.

2. ART AND WRITING

The Last Supper is graphic artwork by the Italian High Renaissance artist Leonardo da Vinci. The painting was made between the late 1490s for the Dominican monastery Santa Maria Delle Grazie in Milan. The painting stands for the last “dinner” between Jesus and his disciples. Leonardo used tempera paint and mixed media directly to the stone wall. The use the painting serve is to let us remember the life and work of Jesus did for us, as he blessed bread and broke it, and the physical blood shed by him. The Last Supper painting is important to me because he sacrificed his last meal while getting ready to prepare a better place for us. Yes, the picture is stunning because it looks realistic as if I can touch the lord. I love that every day I see the picture hanging on my wall, I feel the lord's presence near me.

3. WRITING A SELF-POTRAIT

The “baggage” I will bring along when I look at art is positivity to the work of artists by keeping an open mind and appreciating their creativity and message it means behind it. The 23-year-old me has learned how to stay positive and supportive whether I created something or even if it someone else works. I am an African American female who is from Arcadia FL. If you know me well, you will know I love to try new foods and travel to different states and countries. I am so excited to travel to Jamaica Montego Bay area for my 24th birthday in August. I am currently not in an organized group, but when I was younger, around about 16 years old, I used to be in a group called the precious pearls youth. In the Precious Pearls group, we travel to Washington D.C, Tennessee, Orlando, etc. We were taught how to meet new people and still have self-respect to others, family, and friends. I was working at a childcare center for 2 years, which I loved dearly. I decided to give home health aide a try for a couple of years. What makes you uniquely you? When I get this question asked to me the first thing, I think about is my patience. My patience speaks a lot of value, especially when I was in childcare and had to learn it each day on how to tolerate a person being upset or mad. It worked out for the better more when I decided to give working round elderly people a try.

4. ART PROJECT (SELF-PORTARIT)

Essence Burroughs Collage!

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imaginedatstuff · 7 years

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Imagine interviewing Marilyn Manson

“So these’ve been a bunch of basic questions, i must admit, maybe the next one will also be basic for you, i don’t care.” you smile followed by him laughing.”Get it out, girl.” he says listening attentive. “Your overall opinion on drugs?”you say rising your eyebrows already being aware of the answer.”I love drugs!” he bursts out.”They helped me out of a lot of weird and difficult situations they’ve also rode me in, but all in all amazing.Whats your opinion on them.” He says grabbing your microphone and holding it in front of you. “Well, this might get me out of my job but here we go i also made my experience with them and.. well..” you smile at him awkwardly embarressed. “I see honey.” you both laugh until he breaks the laughter with another question, “Wanna make new experiences?”He raises his brows, you giving him an suprised look. “On my costs?” he playfully punches you on the shoulder.”At such a offer, how can I say no?” He grins at you.

#marilyn manson #marilyn #manson #brian warner #brian hugh warner #drzgs #marilyn manson x reader #marilyn manson imagine #imagine #dita von teese #sweet dreams #dope show #potrait of an american family #the pale emperor #i dont like the drugs but the drugs like me #tourniquet #smells like children

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roadto-saturn · 4 years

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Since a lot of you guys are discovering italian cinema thanks to Luca, I'd like to recommend you a different movie. If you've already watched Non Essere Cattivo/Don't Be Bad, you might have noticed another great actor, Alessandro Borghi. He made a movie with Netflix, which won some awards i think, called Sulla Mia Pelle/On My Skin, and i think you should watch it especially if you are involved in BLM protests.

Many trigger warning about violence and police brutality, so skip if you are sensitive about this kind of stuff.

But before talking about the movie, I need to give you a little lesson about what's going on in italy.

Police brutality is not only an american problem, racial profiling too. Just yesterday a black kid (probably my age) was chocked by a cop because he refused to handle his documents. The pig got violent, and the kid was arrested because he tried to escape. Bit there are many other stories like this, and i would spend my entire day talking about the young people who died because of police brutality in italy, but I'll only tell you one, the most famous probably, the story of Stefano Cucchi, the one potraited in the movie.

Stefano got arrested because he was fund with some drugs on him, and after seven days in prison he was found dead, apparently because of and epilectic crisis and with injuries that caused by falling from a staircase.

I'm not going to put photos of him here as a form of respect, but you can find them online, but he was so skinny and full of bruises that his family said they couldn't recognize him. It was pretty clear he was beaten to death.

Of course, they didn't believe to that whole epilepsy/stairs story, and his sister fought for years to finally get to the bottom of this story, to finally get justice for his brother (she did in the end, thank God she did)

The story is much longer than this, you can find it online if you are interested, but anyway, Alessio Cremonini decided to tell this story through a movie, he risked everything by doing this since in 2018 (but also today) it was still a story that's hard to tell. Someone says that stefano deserved to die because he was a drug dealer, someone says that he didn't, much like the debate it's happening right now in the USA.

This movie is powerful, heartbreaking, and generally beautiful, but not easy to watch. Give it a try because Alessandro Borghi is an amazing actor (i will post his acceptance speech about this movie too) and he did an incredible job. Damn to me it's almost painful to watch this movie, but it reminds me why police brutality is not only an american problem, why we should abolish police and law enforcement, why we should keep fighting, for all the people that can't and for all of them who still need to get justice. For those who died alone and in silence.

#sulla mia pelle #on my skin #alessandro borghi #alessio cremonini #netflix #film #italian movies #italian actor #stefano cucchi #BLM #police brutality #tw: violence #tw: murder #tw: police brutality #ACAB #Sbirri demmerda

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sheinjrib · 5 years

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Okay, before I jump reading a next book, Kinsella's Tweanties Girl deserves a review in my blog 😉 Well, it was like the last quarter of 2018 when I bought this book from goodwill, and even I know for a fact that time that reading will be a hard time for me because most of my time are devoted taking care of Rommie, I still gave it a shot because it's Sophie Kinsella's and I love the Shopaholic series 😉

The story centered on Lara and her struggles in life because the what she considers the love of her life, Josh, ditch her in to the dead air without any explanation why; and her bff Natalie on the other hand left her to manage their startup business (Headhunting) and she being a newbie doesn't knew a thing about it. She also felt belittled by her Uncle Bill a coffee shop magnate, who's wealth as he claimed of came from 'Two Cents' that eventually became a business phenomenon across the globe. During the wake of her Great Aunt Sadie, who is unknown to her, she saw her great aunt's 20 y/o self and is desperate to get her dragon fly necklace. From then on, their adventure begins 😉 The Quest for the Dragon fly necklace wasn't an easy one, they bumped from every customers of the fair that Sadie's nursing home arranged, then rolling scenes on spilling the truth why Josh left Lara, slapping Lara the hard truth that she is just obsessing on her belief about love, then befriending and later on dated an estranged American consultant Sadie wanted to have dance with, and finally unraveling the truth behind his Uncle Bill's wealth. It was revealed that Sadie's almost forgotten love of her life, who became a famous painter under the name Cecil Mallory, gave her with her naked potrait (in which with her parents rage, sent her abroad) and was displayed on their old house in Archbury. The whole family thought that there isnt left in the house when it was burned ages ago, but then, Bill in-charge so he figured out that he could get money if he'll sold the portrait to the national gallery. That ended him with a half a million pound, and the necklace will prove it because its the only one Sadie wore on the portrait. The necklace was used to be in his keeping but stole by his daughter then the model on the fashion show and finally sent to Lara😉 Well, I almost tell the whole story 😂 but you guys have to read it to have a clearer gasp on it 😅

In the beginning, I was like kinda having a hard time reading it because the pacing is quite slow and boring (sorry), but as you continue to flip the pages, you'll get to feel the thrill of what's going to happen next chapter 😅 Perhaps the element of different traits between Lara and his Great Aunt Sadie gives it excitement as well as Lara's struggle to juggle between her love life and the start-up company in which her then bff messes things up. It is really a good read, I could've sworn! Hahah there are many surprises that each pages will unravel that make you want it read more and more. Although I hate the fact that Ed and Lara's relationship is an open-ended one in the book (because we couldn't tell how a trans Atlantic relationship works up there eh?), I just hope that she should've ended it like Ed will gonna stay in London for good hahah 🙏 perhaps Kinsella just wanted to leave to her readers imagination 😉

I really recommend this book and I swear you could never go wrong spending your time reading 😉

#sophie kinsella #twenties girl #book review #bookworm

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stretchjournalemerson · 3 years

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Girlhood: The Forgotten Céline Sciamma Film We All Should Have Seen

By Ivy Miller

It is not a hot take to question the usefulness of queer films that seem to insist on being white, old and reminiscent of each other. In fact, when Potrait of a Lady on Fire came out, and I told my gay friends about it, they practically rolled their eyes. Many of my friends who happen to be young, queer, and women of color, were understandably not going to scramble to applaud another white woman for making another film about white women—even if these ones were in love.

What may have surprised my friends however, as it certainly surprised me, was to learn that the director behind Potrait of a Lady on Fire had made very different films prior to her lesbian period piece. In fact, Céline Sciamma made three coming of age queer films all before Potrait of a Lady on Fire, and the last one in particular stands far apart; Sciamma’s Girlhood is everything that Potrait of a Lady on Fire could never be. Girlhood (2014) is about a young black adult named Marieme growing up in the suburbs of France. We follow Marieme as she confronts issues with race, gender, poverty and sexuality alike, all while finding joyous moments with her friends that strike just as genuine a chord.

Girlhood starts with a montage of people playing American football who we can’t tell are girls until they victoriously take off their helmets in a group huddle, and we see their proud wide grins as they shout to each other. While some of the girls are revealed to be wearing eyeshadow and lipstick, and sporting long hair under their helmets, others are shown to wear black streaks as their only make up and display nearly shaved heads. This small detail becomes increasingly relevant throughout the film; it's as if the masculine football armor—with room for a plethora of identities underneath it—foreshadows the fact that our lead Mariame will continuously change her clothes and hair as she tries to discover where both her power and comfort lies. At one point Mariame exactly mirrors the friend group she makes, and wears a stolen tight dress and shimmery makeup after all the girls have dressed up altogether in a modest hotel room. This scene is arguably the most fun we see Mariame and her friends have on screen—which is only fair considering Sciamma makes the conscious choice to cut the playful montage to the entirety of Rihanna’s “Shine Bright Like a Diamond.” At the start of the song the girls have gotten to know each other a bit, but by the end of the song we are convinced of the magic of a girls night in to cement a group of girls together as true friends.

Mariame makes friends and she makes mistakes. For instance, it is hard not to wince when we hear Mariame’s younger sister accuse Mariame of becoming just like their older, and abusive, brother. Furthermore, when Mariame seems to be leaving one dangerous situation only to “escape” to another, we root for her friends when they try to attempt to forbid her from doing so. However, only moments after the harsh exchange takes place, Mariame says simply to her friends: “make me laugh.” In response, her friend Adiotuo looks briefly right into the camera —and thus intimately into our eyes—right before she tells us and Mariame that the charismatic leader of the group, Lady, is actually named Sophie. This exchange is exemplary of what Girlhood does so well: it lets its characters be vulnerable, and even miserable, but it is never too long before they are funny, caring and defiant once again.

Before allowing Adiotou to say her “real” name, Lady says a very important line: “my name’s Lady, it’ll be on my grave.” In this sense Lady will not be defined by her birth given name, instead the only name that matters is the one she chooses to die with. As the captive audience, we know Lady’s real name is Lady because we have watched her friends and her world use that name, just as we will stand with and recognize Mariame when she starts to look a bit different. Towards the end of the film, we see Mariame wearing a binder and with very short hair. It is unclear if this outfit is for her physical protection against the seemingly violent men she works with, or is reflective of what Mariame feels her true form may be. When we then watch Mariame slow dance with a girl we are reminded of the deep loyalty and fondness that she once had for her old friend Lady, and we wonder if the friendship we had witnessed earlier carried a different kind of love than just platonic.

These are questions that Girlhood doesn’t answer. Admittedly, this can be frustrating, as sometimes as a witness to Mariame’s life we want her to answer our questions. Especially by the end of the film one may find themselves expecting Mariame to define herself to us—and more importantly to those around her. As I watched Girlhood, I waited for a dramatic monologue: a moment in the film devoted to Mariame telling her world who she is and who she isn’t. It is not a spoiler to say that this moment does not come. Mariame does not tell us—or her friends, or the men she works with, or her first boyfriend, or her family— who she is, but perhaps this is simply because Mariame does not know yet. Meaning, Girlhood’s nuance in its exploration of gender and sexuality seems to lend to a larger truth. The truth being that Mariame is still growing up, she’s still finding out who she is, and the film won’t announce or clarify an answer that Mariame hasn’t discovered for herself.

There is beauty in this nuance, and for many queer individuals alike, there is also a universal truth in addition to Mariame’s personal one. Just as Mariame does not have the words, or space, to verbalize her being yet, many queer youth may take comfort in watching Mariame and knowing they are not alone in not being able to define themselves. I watched Girlhood on a couch next to my dad and his girlfriend, both of whom know I am a lesbian. What they may not know however, is that sometimes this label feels inadequate in explaining how I feel about my sexuality and particularly how I relate to my gender. What a personal relief it was then, to watch a film called Girlhood that had no interest in prescribing to a definition or experience of womanhood that I—and so many others—have become increasingly severed from.

However, Girlhood tells the intricate story of a Mariame, a black woman, growing up in a community that is deeply affected by the product of France’s racism. Mariame and her friends all live in public housing and, through the lens of the film, it appears as though there are no white people who live in these apartment buildings. Furthermore, Mariame, although certainly not defined by her world’s limitations, undoubtedly has to deal with the intersection of racism and sexism throughout her daily life. In this crucial way most of Mariame’s experience of “girlhood” is nothing like mine— but that shouldn’t make this film any less meaningful to me. Often I hear people like me who are white and queer equate how much they like a film to how much they relate to it; but how can we push for diversity and at the same time only desire to watch films that tell the stories of people who look like us. Of course there were still moments and scenes in Girlhood where I “saw myself” in the characters, but I ask again: why is seeing yourself in a film more meaningful than being able to see someone else?

After I watched Girlhood I called my friends and told them they had to watch it. I did not promise them that they would love it, but I was able to promise them that it wasn’t another film about white gay women for white gay women. I was also able to promise them that the film wasn’t a period piece. I told them what I will, in a sense, tell you: while Girlhood and its beautifully portrayed Mariame may have not made it to the big screens in 2014 like its younger and estranged sister, Portrait of a Lady on Fire did in 2020, the film and Mariame deserve a place on your screen at home and, if given, they will likely find a place to stay in your mind long after.

Where to Watch: Hulu (with premium subscription), Amazon Prime ($2.99 to Rent), Youtube ($2.99 to Rent), Itunes ($4.99 to Rent), Apple TV ($4.99 to Rent).

Acknowledgements

Before writing this piece I had never written a film review. Of course I had watched films, analyzed films, texted my friends and family to demand they watch a film, but writing a review is a different story. To write a review of a film is in a sense to quantify its value, and to be honest I never felt I was worthy of doing this. Who was I, as a nineteen year old, to think my opinions on a film should matter to anyone? However, as we entered the “Literary Review” Unit of Research Writing I realized that this would be my opportunity to write a review for a film that I felt had been looked over by mainstream audiences and critics alike. I may not have felt worthy of writing a review of Girlhood, but I knew the film was worthy of a better review than I had been able to find scouring on the internet. I would like to thank my professor Livia Meneghin for encouraging me each step of the way, and for helping me to create a review that I think reflects the beauty and importance of Girlhood.

#stretch2021 #film review

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complexmagrparchive · 7 years

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EVIL IS WHATEVER DISTRACTS

NAME › Natalie Eunseo Howard/ Natalie Kim D.O.B. › 08 17 1991 (25) OCCUPATION › Freelance Photographer/ Receptionist INSTA › @dysofbngwld

content warning: alcoholism

PORTFOLIO

( Basically her style is based on JDZ Chung’s work so in no way am I claiming credit for any of the work but that’s who the actual photographer of these pieces are.)

Portrait A, for Dazed Korea

Portrait B, for Complex

Portrait C, for personal portfolio

Landscape A, for personal portfolio

Portrait D, for unreleased photobook

Portrait E and Portrait F, for Complex

Portrait G and Portrait H, for Nylon Korea

DETAILS

born to an american soldier and a young korean woman in busan.

father leaves the family, is never heard from again.

mother remarries, gives birth to siblings. natalie gets lost in the mix.

gets into art high school in seoul for drawing, stands out little among peers.

drinks for the first time as a teenager, likes it more than she should.

takes photography up as a hobby, posts to blog and slowly gains notoriety.

gets into hongik, continues to not stand out among peers, drinks more.

begins freelancing as a photographer, drops out of college.

spends too much time drinking/partying and not enough time working. sets foundation to ruin her own life.

comes to the realization that she’s probably ruining her life with destructive behavior.

A guy tells her about a condensed version of the twelve step plan, for new year’s she tells herself she’ll give it a try.

Step one; admitting that one cannot control one’s alcoholism, addiction or compulsion.

“Hi, my name is Natalie and I’m an alcoholic.”

The group greets her back as a collective, and it’s only when she looks around the room desperately searching for kind eyes to connect with that she realizes she’s the only person under thirty in the room.

Alcoholism, she notes, is not an issue faced by the average 25 year old.

“I like drinking because it makes me feel invincible, and I don’t get that when I’m sober.”

There’s the distinct throb of her own heartbeat that drowns out any noise. The group claps and Natalie takes her seat but her heart echoes too loudly in her ears and she can’t begin to focus on the next person speaking or anything that happens during the intermission.

She only knows two things for sure: she’d kill for a drink right now, and she’s never coming back to this circle of fucking losers.

Step two; recognizing a higher power that can give strength.

JESUS LOVES YOU!

It’s a gaudy sort of flier, with the words written in bubbly rainbow and a teenage girl all but shoves it in her hands as she tries to make her way past the ensuing crowd of forceful christian teens trying to spread the good word in some shit-stain sidewalk in Hongdae.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life” The rest of the flier reads, and it’s enough to make her laugh.

For God so loved Jesus he sacrificed him for the sake of the ungrateful humans who turned their backs on his majesty.

For God so loved Natalie he had her father abandon her physically, and her mother emotionally.

For God so loved Natalie he gave her younger half-siblings more wonderful than she could ever be and a group of friends with more talent than she could ever hope for

For God so loved Natalie he made her a jealous, insecure woman who self-destructs the moment anything remotely good begins to happen.

God doesn’t make mistakes, and the bible says he loves her as much as he benevolently loves anyone else. But Natalie’s ready and willing to call bullshit.

The flier crumples up in tight pale fists and she chucks it into the street, praying a puddle destroys it before God’s love has a chance to ruin someone else’s day.

Step three; examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member).

“Do you think I’m a fuck up?”

Phone cradled between her shoulder and her face she swears she can hear the hesitation in his breath as he sighs loudly into her ear.

“This is really what you want to talk to me about at 3 a.m.? Shouldn’t you be editing photos right now, not indulging in an existential crisis?”

His voice is still rough and raspy, and Natalie is sure that before she called he was nearing his REM cycle and dreaming about something wholly more pleasant than spending the wee hours of the morning talking to a girl with a lack of boundaries or consideration for others.

“I’m editing the photos right now. But I started thinking about it and I got curious.”

He sighs again, more softly.

“Natalie go to sleep. The photos can wait, you’re ahead of the deadline this time. Hang up your phone, put the wine bottle away, turn off your laptop, and go to sleep. Don’t worry about stupid shit this late at night, you’ll only stress yourself out.”

“I’m not drinking.”

“Really? Well good for you. Now go the fuck to sleep.”

It’s her turn to sigh.

He’s too damned nice and she hates him for it. Maybe that’s why they could never work out romantically, maybe that’s why they barely work out platonically. He’s beating around the bush avoiding the ugly truth that they’re both very much aware of.

“I’ll hang up after you answer my question.”

The line goes dead for a moment, and it’s only the steady subtle sound of his breath that makes her realize he’s still there

“I don’t think you’re a fuck up— ”

“ —Bullshit.”

“Shut up and let me finish for once. I don’t think you’re a fuck up. Do I think you’re a person who fucks up a lot? Yeah, anyone with eyes can see that. But do I think you’re a fuck up? No. You’re just some girl who’s kind of selfish and likes to make herself suffer and cut herself off from people who care about her. You’re also a girl who doesn’t respect my sleep schedule, but no I don’t think you’re a fuck up. Now will you let me go to sleep.”

The total honesty of it shocks her. Granted, it’s what she asked for (what she craves), but the reality of it catches her off guard.

“Okay.”

Her voice is small and timid and suddenly she can’t seem to be bothered about the pictures staring back at her from her computer screen anymore.

“You’re not a fuck up, you’re just a person who needs some work. Don’t get yourself so down, just go to bed and don’t forget to send me those pictures sometime tomorrow. Good night.”

The line goes dead before Natalie can muster a reply.

Step four; making amends for these errors.

After a decade, her mother’s house is more or less the same.

The same family portrait of three handsome children paired with two proud parents and an awkward gawky girl standing alongside adorns the living room wall. The same cream colored couch with hard, uninviting immaculately clean cushions. The same god forsaken coffee table whose corners only serve to gouge and bruise Natalie’s skin.

She’s been gone from Busan for ten years, and yet nothing’s changed; her mother’s kept a time capsule all of these years.

“What’s this?”

The satoori that her mother spits out so incredulously sounds all too familiar and all too foreign in the same breath. They talk every now and again on the phone, but the power of her mother’s accent gets lost in the distance. In person it’s powerful and a glaring reminder of how far from a Seoul-girl Natalie really is.

“It’s money, Mom. I got a second job because I wanted to pay you and your husband back.”

The envelope sits on that damned contraption of a coffee table untouched, but Natalie can’t miss the way her mother’s eyebrow perks up in disinterest and the way her lips purse. It’s an expected gift, unwarranted as it is. Her mother spent fifteen long years raising her and another ten sending monetary support to encourage reckless habits. It’s the least Natalie can do even if her mother isn’t interested.

“I’m making japchae for dinner. Your father and your brothers will be home soon, why don’t you stay for dinner. It’d be nice to have a full family dinner for once.”

In the reflection of the coffee table, she can see that fucking family portrait she’s spent years forgetting existed. Her mother sits on a chair and smiles brightly, with a cherubic looking baby sitting on her lap. Her mother’s husband stands behind the chair, one hand resting on the wicker, the other resting on his young son’s shoulder. Another boy stands to the side with the same twinkle in his eyes as the older boy and the beautiful baby. Then, off to the side, stands Natalie in all of her awkward gawky teenaged glory. Her features don’t match up with the children who mirror each other so well. Her forehead is too wide, her ears stick out too much, a face too exotic to fit perfectly amongst a family so proudly and obviously Korean.

She’d like to rip that potrait off the wall and smash it into the ugly table her mother adores so much.

“Can’t stay. I gotta catch a train back to Seoul today, I’ve got work later tonight.”

If she doesn’t look, she’s sure she’ll be able to avoid the guilt that undoubtedly will attack her if she meets her mother’s gaze.

“Okay then. Call me when you get to Seoul and let me know you got there okay.”

She’s out the door before her mother can dare say anything more.

The guilt finds her in the end anyways.

Step five; learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior

Knees caked in dirt and gloves now soiled, she can almost understand the appeal old women find in maintaining a lovely little garden. Her roses are starting to bloom well, and the lavender look nice in it’s lonely little corner. It’s a patrician hobby; for those with enough money to afford the time to spend tending to pretty little flowers and enjoying the simple pleasures of life.

The sun bears down too hot on pale shoulders, and Natalie can’t help but sigh at the way her knees ache when she pushes herself up as she assess her work. It’s nice, but not nearly enough. If she works hard, by mid August the rooftop might look like the secret garden she’s got in her mind.

Her phone starts to ring the second she pulls her clammy hands out from their lycra and leather prison. Temptation has impeccable timing.

“Natty! Where are you, baby girl? I miss your crazy ass!” the voice on the other end clings to every syllable and there’s a familiar itch in the back of Natalie’s throat suddenly.

“Right now I’m on my rooftop putting away gardening tools.”

Laughter on the other end rings somewhere in between bemused and condescending in Natalie’s ear and she tries not to notice the way her fingers clench into a fist as her nails dig into the rough material of her gloves.

“What the fuck. Did you magically turn into an eighty year old while I was gone?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“Okay well Miss Howl’s Moving Castle, come turn into a beautiful young girl again and come to my birthday party tonight. I know you couldn’t possibly forget.”

Her teeth clench tightly, and critical eyes begin to assess the garden again. The lavender looks to far off and lonely in the corner, she thinks she ought to plant some celosia nearby.

“I don’t know. I’m kind of busy.”

“Oh boo, I’ll be so sad if you don’t come. Don’t ruin my birthday Natty, I won’t forgive you if you do. It’s at that one club in Itaewon, our favorite one.”

“I’ll uh think about it.”

“Good.”

The line goes dead before she has a chance to give another half assed denial. Slipping her gloves back on she makes her way over to the corner of lavender. Another couple of hours in the garden won’t kill her, and neither will one night in Itaewon.

She’ll make one last great hurrah about it.

#cx:accepted #kiko mizuhara

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slutdge · 7 years

Note

did you make a doll for every song on potrait of american family? :o

no i didn’t but that’s a fantastic idea! I just might have to do that!

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amongst-shards · 4 years

Text

Dream 09.10.20

this dream was all over the place

I dreamt that dad sent my mom, my sister, and myself on an errand for his job. He wanted us to buy potraits from Mexico and bring them back so that the company he worked at could resell them marked up to their American customer base.

He didn’t tell us what to look for and just expected us to know. So of course we messed up and when we arrived back his boss said they couldn’t resell the apparently low quality art we had bought which would put my dad in the hole unless he fixed it. He made my mom tear up as he criticized us and my sister said she was not to blame, only me and my mom.

He told us to follow him inside the company building. My mom and sister were right behind him but I lagged behind, dreadng being around his presence. He shouted at me to hurry up and then went inside.

When I finally entered the building it was so busy and chaotic and made me think of home depot and bed, bath, and beyond. I saw my dad and he told me to go meet up where my mom and sister were in Lot #22. I saw the number way across the store and started making my way through the maze of people and merchandise and displays. At some point I reached a dead end, it was all confusing. And then they were hosting a football game inside the store/warehouse and they dimmed the lights as the players started coming out. I could no longer see where Lot #22 was and was lost.

I made my way to the bleachers where they were scanning to make sure people had tickets to be there. I tried asking for help from this white woman that looked like she worked there but at first she shooed me away disinterested. Then when she realized I was a lost employee’s kid her whole demeanor changed cause she could get brownie points for helping me be reunited.

Her and another female worker who also needed the brownie points guided me back to my family while gossiping with each other.

When I finally was with my family again my mom was upset with my dad for having made me try to find her in such a big place. We walked outside. I saw bills that someone had dropped on the gorund including a hundred dollar bill. I was conflicted on whether I should keep it or turn it in to Lost and Found but my parents made the choice for me because they said we had to hurry and go.

We arrived at this resort/hotel place.We had to go get on the subway to go somewhere else but then there was a disturbance as these three villains arrived at the scene and started shooting up the place with their super powers.

I tried protecting my family. I had the ability to create a shield that could bounce off their attacks. Once they realized that the leader of the trio said to eliminate me because they were eliminating all potential superheroes that could defeat them or turn the tables around.

I had to run and leave my family behind. I could also turn invisible but it was hard to use multiple powers at once. And I was having to use the shieldmore subtley so they couldnt see the refraction of their lasers bouncing off the shield because they would then realize where I was.

I ran to a restroom where a woman was hiding in one of the stalls with a laptop. The laptop had important information that the villains wanted and she gave it to me and told me to get it to a hero that could save the day.

One of the villains burst in there and I grabbed the laptop and ran. But the laptop was too heavy so I dropped it and the villain stopped chasing me since the laptop was what they wanted. But I had taken the two components of the computer that held the important data.

As I slipped through doors, they started closing off the entire hotel to seal it off so no one inside could escape (aka me) and no one outside could help (aka heroes)

I discovered my third power that way, being able to go through objects.

I also managed to pull a wounded hero and three sidekicks who had been by the entrance.

We made our way to a safehouse where a wealthy family lived. I knew the daughter and so we first slipped into her room to convince her to convince her dad to help us by letting us use his special computer since only certain computers could read the discs I had.

At some point I had a green ring slipped on my finger and I met her family who all had super powers, including one guy whose power was negating others powers.

The villains followed us there though and attempted to kill the girl so that the father would turn me in. I had to go on the run again leaving everyone behind and jumping into the ocean where I used this sea creature to hide within it. It was a creature that had been created to keep the girl safe if ever needed but now I used it.

The father of the girl sacrificed himself so she would live and I saw his corpse in the ocean. The villains started shooting up the sea and I was having to get the sea creature to hug as closely as possible to bedrock so I could protect us with my shield. At one point they were killing all moving things, including a lot of octupuses.

I kept going farther and farther, still in the waters trying to put as much distance between us but they kept knowing approximately where i was. i realized the ring was a tracker and dropped it and continued going farther into the sea.

At some point I had to also try to avoid these sea monsters that were like huge leeches that would try to eat the sea creature i was in.

I managed to trick most of them to go to the wrong water way when the ocean split into two routes but one did follow the route i went on.

That’s when i woke up.

#personal

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