#problem/emotion doesnt exist?

[bunnyb34r]

Having a cranky crabby high frustration day and it made me think of something I hadnt in a long time

I was thinking ab how growing up I wasnt allowed to get mad or god forbid have an attitude (yeah having CPTSD and oh being a literal fucking child will do that to you) and how I would have to lie and say I was "just tired" bc that was more acceptable than "I'm fucking mad at you right now and I know that if I say anything about WHY I'm frustrated, you'll get mad back at ME"

And it's like we all knew it was a lie, like ffs let your kids be mad at you sometimes even when you think they have no reason to be! Especially if they have poor emotional regulation!! And for God sake look in the fucking mirror and see that they are reacting how YOU react to anger!

Idk it just made me mad to think ab how kids and teens aren't allowed to be angry or "have an attitude" and then parents wonder why kids act out. Like when you have no healthy outlet to deal with anger you're going to get it out however you can, and suprise grow up into an adult with anger issues! Who fucking knew!

#marquilla #what triggered this was i was frustrated w/ [rc] ab them correcting how i wrote the layout bc if they would just fucking read the plannogra #m on the app then we wouldnt even be having this happen! and i had said something that came off as attitude and she went #'why are you mad 😠' and i said im not im TIRED #my anger issues are so fucking bad lately it's not fucking funny and it's so hard to learn healthy ways to regulate it as an adult #and i was thinking ab how i dont have any coping skills on calming down in general bc i would ignore adults telling me to breathe deep #bc breathing isnt gonna make my problem go away and if i get quiet youre gonna go back to ignoring my problem bc well she stopped crying #so now i can't like take deep. breaths to calm down or count or shit bc my brain is like why so you can fucking pretend whats causing my #problem/emotion doesnt exist? #god i need more therapy

[jewreallythinkthat]

The most moderate, nuanced and productive people I have discussed the Israel-Hamas war with have been Jews, Israelis, and people with Palestinian family. Everyone directly affected by this just wants it to stop and to have peace and safety in the region in a way that minimises the casualty count.

The most extreme and performative and vile things I've been told are by people who have no connection to this and like to think they are experts because they have covered adjacent topics during learning, or read stuff online.

If all the randos in the west would just shut up for ten minutes and let those of us actually affected, with an understanding of the history of the land and the culture and the generational trauma experienced by Jews and Palestinians alike talk, we might actually have a chance to salvage this and stop it spiraling

#jumblr #antisemitism #i/p #nuance is something so easy to have and yet people choose not to #we are measured and non extreme because we dont have the privilege to be angry. #someone literally said that they wont ensge further with me because the topic makes me emotional #jews get called genocidal #palestinans get called Antisemitic #how about the rest of you shut the fuck up and let the adults talk #maybe youll learn how to problem solve and not be a bigot if you listen to those you so desperately want to hate #its pathetic #we all know hamas doesnt represent all Palestinians #we also know hamas teaches Antisemitism in schools in gaza and the west bank #these two things can and should co-exist in your head #that doesnt meam all palestinians are rabid jew hating murderers #it means the situation is complicated and not black and white and will take more than just screaming for a ceasefire to actually solve #we are not a football for your performative activism

[c0l0re]

Being bigender while also not giving a single fuck about the gender binary is honestly such a combo

Yes, I am both a man and a woman at the same time. No, these two things are not at odds with each other. Yes, I still manage to be genderqueer in both directions. I wear skirts and dresses while being a man and I wear men's clothes and work to deepen my voice while being a woman

I may have two genders, but that sure as hell doesn't mean I'm gonna be using either of them correctly

#bigender #transgender #trans #multigender #genderqueer #gnc #gender nonconforming #colore speaks #the longer im alive as a trans person the more i learn to love being trans and accept myself as such #i love my transness even if other people can can assholes about it #thats a them problem. it has nothing to do with me just existing as a multigender person #transphobes are idiots. it doesnt matter #ill never be totally accepted by them no matter what i do so i simply stopped trying and i have never been more confident in my body #my young trans self who was so terrified of never being loved while being trans would be ecstatic about this i think #it makes me a little emotional to think about

[raspberryjellybrains]

yknow I've been thinking about what dream looks for in friends and lovers and I've noticed that it's not necessarily people that are mean to him, but people that are direct. dream himself deals in metaphor and manipulation, it's simply what he is, so just about everything within his realm that he's encountering consistently will be such that as well. considering both his own tendencies, the environment it breeds, and his whole Thing about guilt and choice, it makes sense he would choose people who are clear and honest with him. he wants someone who will tell him how it is, but not what to do with that—even when it's not really what he wants, dream knows it's what he can need. I think that's why figures like lucienne, matthew, death, and yes, mervyn can be important! on some level, dream knows he's convoluted and shifty by nature, and he's tried to combat that with concise words and mind-melting beauracracy, but it can't fix everything. he likes people to keep him in check and I think that is the most self-awareness he has ever been capable of. so... clap? no? idk. nod acknowledgingly.

#it is also that he is autistic #i dont make the rules. its just true. #also didnt mention for sentence flow but this is 100% why i think he REALLY hates desire #theyre the only manipulator in the universe better at manipulating than him. and uses these abilities to fuck him over. #they know how to blend direct observation with subtly implied direction to get him to do what they want whilst thinking hes not #dream knows this and he HATES it. because thats like. his every fear confirmed. in someone who is supposed to care for him. #and desire simply sees this as an extension of their function and good fun besides without understanding how deeply this messes dream up #with the guilt and choice thing: dream wants someone clear to blame and he would prefer it not be himself #so he wants to be given the option to be left with no choice so he can escape all personal responsibility as disguising it for himself as a #personal attack. the problem is that this is an inherently selfish thing to do and his perception of reality is so warped by ass kissing and #paranoia (great combo) that he ALSO cant tell whats a personal attack. #see: nada rejecting him and dream damning her to hell for 10000 years. #that also hit some other stuff he lacks the emotional wisdom to grasp #but like. why else would mervyn exist. genuienly #mervyn knows hes made by an uncaring god for menial and unnecessary work. everyone else knows hes full of shit and kinda right. #if dream didnt like what purpose he served on some level he would just remake or unmake mervyn all together. but he doesnt. #mervyn is like a chainsmoking barometer of public opinion #like boyboss good for him but thats it #anyway #dream of the endless #the sandman #raspberry rambles

[soldier-poet-king]

I'm finally back into the way of kings and like.kaladin. Kaladin. Babe. My poor little meow meow. Sad boy times only. Prime Blorbo material. I would die for him.

What a shame bsanderson is such A Worldbuilding Guy and I'm very much more a character driven person where the world mostly exists to serve the narrative & themes bc like. Ho boy is this one dragging. The dalinar chapters SHOULD be smthn I enjoy! Sad old men! Guilt! Honour! Chivalric codes! The ever encroaching fear that you're losing your sanity! And yet. Mcdying.

Love shallan and jasnah. Absolutely fascianted by scholarly, philosophical and religious infighting and implications there. But Kaladin is THEE cosmere guy of all time. He's uprooted even my mistborn era 1 faves. Guilt complex chronically depressed sometimes suicidal enslaved soldier is actually meant to be a healer and a surgeon and he is kind. And good. He doesn't want to be a miracle but for his men he will be. But he also said fuck the lighteyes class oppression all my homies hate this shit. I stood ZERO chance of him not being my fave immediately

#fran reads #fran reads cosmere #not tagging bc i like to be alive and not yelled at for not loving it as much as everyone else #im having fun! but also the PACING OH MY GOD #and bsanderson worldbuilds for its own sake. and THEN populates it w characters #or it feels like that. which is fine. #but im such an emotive character and theme driven hoe its like. om. #ok. but i need to be compelled #ur little racial group cultures and religions that worship rocks and long eyebrowed traders #all fine. #but WHY do they exist like this. HOW does it affect our characters and why they behave certain ways #if youre gonna go ham on the worldbuilding i need historical anthropological explanations in world #else I just get. bored? #which is v much a ME problem its not really a criticism just a preference #i find i don't have the same issues w tolkien either bc nostalgia blinders or bc tolkien was a historian and linguist and that comes out #*out in his work #and most the rest of my fantasy novels are character driven. loke even tge which has an expansice socially stratified political world #it facilitates character arcs and interactions. it doesnt just exist for its own sake #REAL LIFE CULTURES. VERY RARELY. JUST DO SHIT JUST BC #yeah yeah archaeology for ritual purposes joke. but THATS SLOPPY ANTHRO WORK. WE HATE IT #unhinged insane of me ik. i am going back to being sad abt prime blorbo material kaladin #bc he truly is SO good. THE bsanderson character For Me Definitely

[theprinceandthewitch]

... The way i know these alternate versions of Adrien and Marinette are going to have a healthier relationship than the originals, but theyre gonna try framing it as a bad thing because they're "EEEVIL."

They're going to have open and honest communication with each other [since it looks like they're still choosing to work together as a team] and Claw Noir is gonna display some form of agency in his actions but the writers will be like "NO, this isnt good! Adrien can't have any agency of his own because he's too emotional and he exists just to be a pretty prize Marinette wins after defeating the villain."

#ml special #this show is so fucking funny bc it expects you to see it as a character driven story but its entirely protagonist-centric #when it comes to its morals and story structure #also it believes every teenage girl who doesnt like Marinette is an irredeemable monster but a man who terrorizes an entire city #and his family is capable of being redeemed. It is insane how this show tries to push itself as progressive but it's riddled with #misogyny. Treating Adrien like every single female love interest that has ever existed in action cartoons isnt progressive #idk why ppl think it is lol. The show is basically saying Adriens “girly” qualities are a problem and the reason why he has no agency #in his own story #like it immediately made me think about how women are denied humanity because men claim we are too emotional to make #rational choices for ourselves or others like they can #Also I cant believe Gabriel was able to go to heaven with his wife despite all the child abuse and terrorism.

[etchedstars]

hi i just wanted to drop a ss of the comments i wrote on my notion page for captured ghosts because im about to reread and i think this fic deserves all the recognition in the world it slays so hard and you should know the absolute anxiety and simultaneous joy you caused me!!!

HI OH MY GOD ?!?!??!?!? thank you asufaudsf this is so so nice the joy THIS brought me?????????? immeasurable ty <3333

(ps theres a lot of thoughts in the tags w captured ghosts spoilers for those who may or may have not read my will byers gets haunted multichaptered fic!!)

#if youre thinking hmm i should read captured ghosts!! dont take it from me take it from tumblr user romainlettusdinnerparty :) #okokok so !!! authors thoughts #one of the biggest problems i have with media and especially in fics is when characters just have. the worlds most perfect inner dialogue #which clearly. bc they are fifteen years old. they will not be perfect they wont think coherent thoughts #human emotions are messy and indecipherable and ESP w the st characters someone who has gone thru as much as will has. hes gonna be angry ! #i do my best to walk the line between good writing and realistic writing LMAO so im glad that came across :))) #ok abt joyce. this was less of a 'i think this is how joyce would be' and rlly just me being annoyed w my own mother tbh #i also wasnt a huge fan of her when i first wrote cg bc i thought she was way too paranoid over will and not caring much abt jonathan #so that is why shes Like that. im gonna be real i dont think id change it if i rewrote but i also dont think i wrote her fairly #and finally !!! im very sorry i lied about the rewrite. its not gonna happen bc i am so so swamped and i have nothing and i wrote it last y #but for the record will was supposed to be in the same sort of coma max was in and they were supposed to find each other and will #was going to promise max hed find her way out and then boom he was going to wake up there was going to be some jealousy w lucas and mike an #he makes it out alive max makes it out alive vecna doesnt fully leave etc etc. the end #anyways if youve read this far thank u and thank you for leaving this ask and this comment :))))) i havent gotten anything abt my fics in a #while tbh so knowing that like . They Still Exist and people still like them means so so much to me :')))) ok bye this was super long #overdue gets some asks #captured ghosts #happy chemical

[diegoshargrieves]

listening to my parents talk about me is so fucking funny. "she's dealt with us for so long that at this point she's done. she's mentally checked out from having to give a shit about anyone. can you believe how corruptible she is just because she's almost an adult and she thinks that we're not her problem anymore?"

like man you are literally so close. so fucking close.

#no it's not that ive dealt with everyone for my whole life and now im selfish and dont want to give a shit about anyone anymore #its that ive dealt with everyone my entire life ive been an emotional support pillar ive been rotting in this toxic dysfunctional household #ive been a third parent ive stepped in for my dad when he spontaneously decides to be a deadbeat ive supported my mom without fail #whenever shes needed it for years. ive dealt with everyones fits of mania & psychosis & breakdowns & chronic pain & depressive episodes #ive had my mental illness trivialized and belitted and downplayed. im exhausted and traumatized and so fucking burned out #of course it looks like ive given up on everyone from the outside because im struggling !! im struggling mentally and emotionally #and its spilling out in all the wrong ways and they just see it as me letting my anger ruin my character and everyone else around me #they dont care if theres something wrong with me even though im throwing out signs and cries for help literally wherever i can #they just care that theyre affected by it and inconvenienced by my deteriorating mental condition #they think this mentally ill freak is just what i am at this point and they cant stop emotionally blackmailing me #by reminiscing about how i used to be so kind and optimistic. i wish they would just fucking see me for once #ive played the role of the good emotional support eldest daughter my entire life. why didnt they think it would blow up at some point #and when i have tried opening up in moments of severe emotional vulnerability they just throw it back in my face later on #while simultaneously telling me i just need to change my outlook on life because im still young and cant define myself by childish problems #mom you are depressed and anxious you should recognize it better than anyone. you should be able to see it for what it is #instead of telling me to go spend a week volunteering at a cancer hospital so i can go see what real problems exist for people in the world #and what other people are going through and maybe ill come out with a new appreciation for life #mom just bc people are dying of cancer doesnt mean i can't be depressed just bc other people have it worse doesnt mean i cant have it bad #im so fucking tired! #3 am vent post yippee i am going to regret oversharing on the internet so badly when i wake up tmrw

[dirt-str1der]

Im going to start swearing more in front of doctors in order to seem more male coded , i just thought of a super masc thing to say about my jc life (did hockey during jc) and im thinking of driving fast and dying in a car crash in order to seem more assertive. In going to buy ... black combat boots. Actually im going to wear my brothers army clothes to my next appointment (in six months) and im going to get a girlfriend who i treat like shit because im not emotionally attuned to her needs and she’ll just have to spend the entire session trying to hug my arm while i shrug her off. And ill call her babe. And im going to pull out a butterfly knife during the appointment and play with it (spinning it flicking it) , actually not a butterfly knife because butterflies are for girls i mean chicks , im going to get a swiss Army knife and pop open a beer in the middle of my appointment and drink it throughout the thing and at the end of the session ill break it over the doctors desk and threaten to stab my girl with it as a joke and then we leave but she has to hang back for a few seconds to say ‘sorry about the mess!!!’ Hi

#Listen to my problems #im still mad (ohooo very masculine emotion) about that hack of a psychologist #motherfucker. shithead. all words i will say for my next appointment and words i will call the doctor because fuck that guy #and sorry to my hypothetical girlfriend who doesnt exist. i treated her badly but thats the burden of a real man

[fuckingwhateverdude]

Poem a 15 year old Milo wrote (and then performed at a school talent show event)

-------

You said that I turned you straight.

And if you are straight and you were straight that how many times did you lie to me. How many times did you call me beautiful. How many times did you push my hair behind my ear and say that you loved me.

How many times did you kiss my scars and say that I was perfect. And that I would forever be your baby. How often did you see the vulnerable parts of me. The parts of my mind that I couldn't even fully understand.

How many times did you see the real me, and still want to hold me when I was crying or sing me to sleep.

You say I turned you straight. But I think I turned you away. Because I had those thoughts.

I have those thoughts.

The guilt from seeing another girl and feeling sick to my stomach. The image of my sexuality having a big red x over it, crossing out all thoughts of admiration.

Your smile was all I could see in a crowd of strangers. When I look at a sunflower all I can see is the way your eyes light up.

The way your smile turned to a laugh as if it was slow motion. How you were always warm when I was cold.

The way your fingers intertwined with mine so well.

How we laid together like two missing puzzle pieces under a sofa. We might not have gone together perfectly but at least when everyone else left us behind we had someone left to love.

You say I turned you straight.

Because you don't want to look into a picture frame and find the love of your life. It was easier for you to say that none of it was real, than it was for you to move on. Easier to waste two years of your life and say it never happened. Easier to forget than to grow.

I was a flower in a broken pot. Dying and dropping petals on the table, you tried to pick me up and when the thorn pricked you, you threw me away instead of letting me grow stronger and protect myself.

I was thrown away

All because you said I turned you straight.

milo, 2.16.23

#this is such an amazing writing piece on the queer experience bc like #a lot of ppl will use their experiences w queer folks to justify their own sexuality #bc they see us and our lives as experimental and they can use us as a board to experiment on #but we are living beings #and we have emotions #and we are not teachers on sexuality as queer ppl #we are People #and you using ur relationship with us to justify ur sexuality may seem positive to u #but to us it seems like ur using us to learn ab urself so u can go and fuck somebody else #and its hurtful!!!! #i had a girl in hs makeout w me repeatedly and then say she might be bisexual but she hated the idea of romantic relationships w women... #girl that is not my fucking problem #queer people dont exist so u can use them to vent and discover ur sexuality #we are not springboard to bounce ur ideas ab sexuality off of #we are PEOPLE and we have FEELINGS #just bc we're queer doesnt mean we're a fucking sexuality counselor!!!! fuck!!!! #thank u for sharing tho i loved this 😭😭 #sorry for going off LMAO

[strwbrymlkshake]

I don't think I've ever been in a relationship this healthy before I don't know what to do 💀

#mine #🎸 #DUDE my feelings are so weird like i cant even describe them cause theyre all over the place. im hoping someone sees this and sends me an #ask or something with advice if this is even gonna make sense. because i am so confused lmfao #First of all im always expecting something to go wrong so i feel like it might be the absence of Problems thats throwing me off #But he reassures me all the time and genuinely cares about me? in regards to my last post we talked about it and he comforted me #i feel like im kind of in an emotional limbo where im still processing everything. my yan moments make appearances more than my dere #i feel so cringe saying that as a native english speaker. well im here to express my feelings not to be judged <3 #but i definitely FEEL the jealousy more. like i exhibit both equally but im more emotional in a bad way than a good way #but its not cause of anything hes doing at all! hes perfect?! i dont know how to handle it!! i only know how to be jealous #at least if im mean im not as likely to get hurt and thats why im afraid to feel lovey things as much??? im making myself sound like #a bastard but ive just been feeling more anxiety and getting worried about Relationship Stuff and that kills the vibes #but he doesnt even mind he doesnt treat my problems like a burden. he isnt sick of them he doesnt abandon me. he loves me and i am still so #bewildered? like. hes the nicest guy ive ever dated. ill gush about new people i meet but they do have flaws. i just dont acknowledge them #because im so blinded by idolization. but for this one ive thought everything out i have PONDERED for so long and he really is just such a #good person. how? WHY?? he has not done anything wrong and its just my mental illness that causes ALL the problems. but he wants to #BE there and comfort me. what the fuck my brain is like short circuiting. people this nice exist? he doesnt want to use me?? #and ofc this is all in the romantic sense. i still have friends that i value very much but this post is focused on romance #watch me say all this then he does something horrible. <-SEE IM SO NEGATIVE i expect things to go wrong #my main problem is im confused about my feelings they feel very tangled and muddled. im happy of course but i feel like the part of me that #feels romantic happiness/genuine satisfaction is all fucked up and broken. but he doesnt mind that im this way 🥲 WHY #HE ASSURES ME EVERYTHINGS OKAY he is there for me he cares about me but i cant wrap my head around it! im. this is so weird #one of my goals is to be less focused on being insane and actually get things done. w all my relationships i have a time blur thing #where i feel like time passes differently even more than it does for me. im just thinking so much bruh #right i think i was gonna go about getting adderall because of the everything all the time. im feeling numb but also #literally every emotion all at once. and it consumes me and my waking thoughts. i guess it was easier to ignore before?

[raspberryjellybrains]

remember when delirium was worried about destruction being gone and it was rooted in her loneliness and genuine love for her siblings and the other endless wanted to ignore her sudden upset over this because she's delirium and she gets this way sometimes, don't worry about it, she'll forget soon enough so it really doesn't matter at all. I should get to bludgeon all of them with a bat for that.

#no i am not sparing dream he was nodding along with them. eat wood you little cunts. #the value and intensity of emotions are never qualified by their duration. if someone feels something at a point especially over a #long standing subject then it is most likely that this is not new nor temporary sentiment but simply a flareup of existing emotions that #have become too large and intense to reasonably handle for any variety of reasons. just because shes only saying it now doesnt mean its not #always there but just that she now feels it umanageable enough to seek outside help which SHOULD be provided by an emotional safety net #COUGH COUGH HER FUCKING SIBLINGS. #their dismissal only exacerbated the problem and her inability to clearly articulate her distress only confirmed in their minds the wisdom #of the very action thats causing the fucking problem. which isnt her fault but theirs for assuming that because she wasnt performing what #they needed to see that it did not deserve to be seen at all. #the fact that this is the pervasive attitude of the endless explains so goddamned much about dream and desire while making their #mutual toxicity and self loathing all the more insipid and potent. #it lays bare a massive ill-functioning mechanic of their family unit and makes reference to real world issues in families with disabilities #so long story short i should get to beat their faces in with my therapy bat. called such because it is therapeutic. to me. #delirium of the endless #the endless #the sandman

[gayday]

.

#chronically lonely and not havingn a good time #time to rant #long whiny probably triggering tags below youve been warned #im so fucking alone and its never gonna get better #nothing has ever been okay and nothing will ever be okay and tumblr post by people with so much privilege they have no idea #cant convince me life is ever gonna be okay because its not its just not thats a lie by people who already had money and friends and #stable lives at my age #‟youre too young to know‟ too bad i know how data analysis works and based on almost 18 years of data Nothing ever gets better and it rly #only ever gets worse #im not good at anything and no one likes me and no one ever will. or i will get abandoned by anyone i think i can trust because thats just #the way it always goes #the only escape and the only rational solution at this point is to put a bullet in my head #‟suicide doesnt solve anything‟ what is it not solving. I am the only reason i have problems #if i was not there to experience the problems I have. the problems would not exist #and theyre never gonna get better #if i remove myself from the equation ill never experience a negative emotion or a problem ever again therefore making there no problem #no one would miss me if i was gone and i serve no purpose besides being an annoying burden and a waste of resources #everything would be better without me #oh also i experience no positive emotions that last long enough to matter or that dont get tainted by 10x more negative ones #so staying around to experience positive things doesnt work bc i literally only feel numb or angry or hopeless #btw im in therapy and on 3 psych meds i think im just a lost cause #no point! #this is not a suicide note i have no means of doing so I'm just really frustrated and nothing is okay at all so i needed to rant ok byeeee

[dog-girl-zezora]

...

#personal #got a feeling again #... look becoming an adult is like. the worst thing ever for me i think #because i just recognize that i really wont ever have enough to live comfortably forever #and i will suffer and i will work hard and i have to figure things out on my own one day. #especially when i want to move out and live closer to friends. #it doesnt help that im mentally ill #i will go back and forth between the thought of moving out #and the definition of happiness. #its very hard to exist sometimes bc of how wildly my emotions fluctuate #i hate being caught in a thought and unable to escape #the thought isnt real #but im shackled to it #ah it hurts badly. #it should pass. soon enough. i suffer. #im not going to make something up. im not going to throw a fit about something that isnt a problem. i am triggered. #so small... it is so small. #i am so small. #it won't matter soon. nothing i feel matters. and thats how it should be. forever. #hope is not a word i can trust always. sometimes it is very dark. #i dont have hope often. #... #... what a mess. #tomorroe i will change #i hope tomorroe me will have hope again.

[hecksupremechips]

Rebecca gales has bpd she told me herself

#rebecca gales #the letter #the letter visual novel #listen im new here im not exactly a knowledgeable cookie here about bpd but the more i learn the more im like. inch resting #cuz for starters its like idk if it all applies to me but i find a lot of it very relatable #but when i think about rebecca i think it definitely applies and makes a lot of sense just like the way she feels emotions #shes got so much complex feelings about the people she loves shes very caring and loving #to the point where they feel its too much to handle alsjks like i love how cute she is with isabella when shes worried #she squishes belles face to check for injuries and she pulls isabella into her lap and pets her hair and sings for her #and always gets her food and worries herself into the ground to make sure isabella takes care of herself #and then with ashton hes definitely her favorite person she sees him like a prince charming and remembers everything about their #relationship like her way of showing love is definitely by remembering things and paying attention to how people feel and what they want #and then zach even though they arent as close she still helped him with his movie and she defends him when his movie gets hate #like in such an angry way he tries to brush it off but shes like NO NOBODY GETS TO TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT #and same when luke is shitty to him and tries to steal his camera rebecca lets that guy have it #and with luke even though she does hate him shes the only character who makes him see the good in himself #and she lets him know that hes fully capable of changing and being a good father and person #shes just so loving but at the same time so easily has a split where she cant stand anyone either #she thinks isabella is obnoxiously immature and is jealous as fuck of her and she is very quick to fight with ash #because he just doesnt show his love for her like she does for him and thats just such a problem like #that feeling that youll always love someone way more than anyone will ever love you and it makes her really upset #and like sometimes her feelings just get bitter so quick and at inappropriate times like when shes mad at isabella while shes fucking #in a literal coma because ashton is in love with her and not rebecca and shes just so like wrapped up in her own feelings there that she #completely disregards the entire situation and ashtons grief because she cant think about anything else she just cant help it #so yeah i think its just the way she feels emotions very strongly and switches between them very quickly that makes me think hm maybe #something is going on here 🤨 and i just love it i love her i love how shes just a character whos just like #got all these complicated feelings but shes still loved and gets to slay penis and simply exist as a complex person

[rainswings]

.

#idk i feel like there are specific problems that crop up for other people around specific disabilities #thay doesnt mean people woth disabilities are evil or that causing them makes you a bad person #but there is a form of emotional abuse that occurs more frequenrly woth depressed people than in other situations #living with a full size person with body difficulties that needs help from you can cause body issues for you #i remember my grandfather getting his hip messed up because he was the full time carer for my nona ehen she started going #i DO think theres depression abuse actually. and i do think narcissistic abuse exists too. #not that theyre inherent nor that thwyre exclusive!! #but that they're more commonly associated together #also frankly just fucking exhausted after hours with my severely autistic cousin #shes 17 and acts about as mature as the 9 year old. oftentimes less mature #and the toll she takes on the family can be a lot. doesnt make her less of a person or a bad person or whatever #but that shes a lot #idk. i get this is the site for having the problems but i do think talking about the effects on other people is fair. #im tired #glad to go home tomorrow