#saving lives you never knew

[high-voltage-rat]

something I do appreciate about red vs blue is its particular brand of “came back wrong”. you were brought back, but you’re just a memory of the person you’re supposed to be. you’re just the expectations of them. you’re just the pieces everyone else saw and remembered. you’re tough like the original, but you’ll always fail no matter how tough you are, because the original failed, too. you’ve got a personality like the original, but it’s not quite right because you didn’t actually live the life they did. there’s this person you love- who you would kill or suffer or die for- but you don’t know why, you just know you’re supposed to be together because that’s what you were made for.

#thinkin abt tex and epsilon at 4am on a thursday #anyway thinkin about the fact that tex and church were never *actually* together outside of blood gulch #she tried to save alpha. she failed. he didn't know who she was and she was forced to leave him. #but realistically? he'd never met her before. because she wasn't allison and he wasn't leonard #they were both just copies that knew who they were supposed to be #and epsilon never met tex. he only had the copy based on alpha's muddled memories. #and then when he brought her back... she was just even more wrong because she was a memory of a memory #and even with all of alpha's memories #epsilon wasn't alpha. he was someone different because he'd been through different things #alpha didn't remember what was done to him. epsilon did. alpha didn't know what he'd lost. epsilon did. #alpha lived his life. had relationships with the reds and blues. epsilon just remembered it. #and with that in mind you have to wonder... #what did tex actually remember? who did she think she was? what did she think the director and alpha were to her? #because epsilon had alpha's memories but beta didn't even have that. #anyway yeah roommate agreed to experience rvb with me and we watched seasons 1-10 together and hooboy #I'm back on my bullshit #red vs blue #rvb #Agent Texas #tex rvb #Leonard Church #church rvb #epsilon rvb #alpha rvb #beta rvb

[bride-and-bride]

Saw a neat Fourcheanult post about the ways in which he sucks but tragically I cannot reblog without at least SOME analysis on how the loss of Louisoix would impact his choices and views on his children's actions

#im telling you like #your dad might even KNOW the end is coming one day but he goes to help Eorzea because it's the right thing to do #and you don't agree that it's a priority (the world will end!!) but your father is smart and he's skilled and you say goodbye when he leaves #and then he dies. he dies and no one knows what happened he is simply gone in a flash. his plan to save eorzea? #it worked in that Eorzea exists but the land is DEVESTATED and will never be the same and he IS GONE #and YES when your kids want to visit the land he saved you let them go (but they better write their mother) #and they are doing amazing things but they are your BABIES and my god! what is happening to them??? #do you think he knew about Shadowbringers? do you think he knew his children were in a coma IN YOUR CARE? #and then he tries to disown his kids because maybe this will keep them from trying to save the world #and keep them from throwing their lives away #because all he wants is for them to live. even if they hate him #even if they never look at him again. they'll be alive.

[maddymoreau]

I'm enjoying Fallout 3 a little more but there’s one thing that’s extremely bothering me.

How come, in the dialogue options, I can NEVER can mention, I was FORCED to leave the vault?

I didn’t have a choice but to leave. Jonas Palmer was beaten to death in attempts to get info about my father James. The Overseer was going to have the same done to me if not WORSE.

The Lone Wanderer: "So they killed Jonas, and I'm next, is that it?"

Amata: "Yeah. It's lucky I got here ahead of them. But we can't stand here talking! You're got to get out of here!"

I understand my father didn't know this would happen. That he simply thought I wouldn't be able to leave the vault after he escaped.

But the fact I can never explain what happened when reunited with him is just so ODD!?!?!!?

I COULDN’T STAY!!!!!!!

I FEEL LIKE THIS IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION YOU SHOULD WANT TO KNOW DAD!!!!!

WHY ARE THESE MY ONLY OPTIONS?!?!?!?!!!!!

Why give me that entire section where I had to escape the vault to avoid MURDER!!?? If they were going to back me in a corner (dialogue wise) that I would've gone after my father no matter what.

It would've made the dialogue option, "Why would you throw away the life we had?" WAY MORE INTENSE AND INTERESTING IF I COULD TELL HIM HIS ACTIONS UNINTENTIONALLY AFFECTED ME!!!

It could've been followed by a cute bonding moment where he apologizes and says while this life was never what he wanted for me he'll now help me adjust however he can.

#WHICH COULD'VE LEAD TO EVEN MORE UNIQUE DIALOGUE!!! #Accepting his offer + Being Neutral and saying you need to do this on your own + CRUELY REJECTING HIM!!! #At least Vault 112 was REALLY COOL!!!! #I had fun doing everything Stanislaus Braun wanted before reloading to an older save. #FIGURING OUT THAT MUSIC PUZZLE WAS VERY VERY FUN!!!!! #Fallout 3 #Fallout 3 Spoiler #The frustrating part is I'M ROLEPLAYING AS A CHARACTER WHO WOULD'VE GONE AFTER HER FATHER NO MATTER WHAT!!!! #But is also grieving the loss of the potential life she could've had inside the vault and her lack of choice. #How she HAD to leave because of her Fathers actions and is now feeling lost in this new world he never prepared her for. #MAJOR SPOILER -> #My only guess is it's because dad dies later on RIP I knew he died but I thought it was dependent on your karma. #SO IMAGINE MY SURPRISE!!! I really thought he was going to live in my route. #Writing my The Lone Wanderer the biggest revenge arc!! #Where she has to not betray herself and her morals in the process of getting revenge. #Long Text #Long Post #MaddyPlaysFallout3

[pettyprocrastination]

Joel Miller reuniting with his wife years after the outbreak to find out that she’s become just as twisted and hardened as him to stay alive. two fucked up people learning that they’ve both changed drastically and dont know how to be with eachother anymore but are still in love. 

#tj talks #ive begun the fic but i want to wait until tonights episode so I know where to go with it but. yeah. #mama reader and her twin boys who are. all a little bit fucked up simply because theyve had to adapt to live in an apocalyptic world #joel miller who didnt have the chance to save his daughter versus his wife #who has done and will do anything to keep her boys safe #let them smooch #joel meeting the children he never knew you had and were robbed of a childhood #sarah got to grow up in a time of passing notes during class and watching movies with you both snuggled on the couch #her brothers grew into hunters and guard dogs that you had to teach how to shoot and defend themselves from a very young age #PARALELLS PARALELLS IM SPINNING IN A CIRCLE RAAAAAAAAAAAAH #okie. back to homework time

[unloneliest]

the problem of the matter is i did internalize so much of what ex friend believed about me. even though i knew he was wrong and knew what was happening and tried to stop it and if i took more action to stop it would have been abusing power i held in a way i couldn't live with myself for.

#A BAD PERSON TRYING TO RUIN YOUR LIFE WOULD'VE GOTTEN YOU FIRED AND EVICTED IN WINTER IN ALASKA YOU MOTHERFUCKER. WHICH I DID NOT DO #he was renting a room from my dad. for cheaper than he wouldve been able to find anywhere else. his brother was too #his brother didn't pay rent for over 6 months and my dad just forgave him the debt because my dad knew how much of a difference it wouldve #made when he was that age. and i had told him ex friend was family to me & my dad applied that to the brother too. bc he is a good person. #and one of the strongest parts of my support system. and i didn't say a word to him about what was happening until i knew he already had a #plan for when he would be ending ex friend's lease. so there would be no subconscious impact on ex friend's housing either #mgmt at work straight up asked me if i thought ex friend should be fired immediately multiple times and i'm in retrospect livid they put me #in that position but told them to go by the strike system in the employee handbook and to follow policy that ex friend knew perfectly. that #it couldn't be on me as acting assistant manager to choose #and after 10 months of workplace harassment i got a different job to save my life. ex friend didn't get fired. #he did saw trap shit to my brain!!!!!! jesus christ #he moved cross country to live with his long time gf he called his wife despite never having met irl. to a way more conservative state. #despite being gay. and she left him this summer lol #hadn't checked his twitter in over a year when it got pulled up frm an old link and i saw that. and when he was already at a low point too #me voice. oh no who could've seen this coming. from how you behave in every relationship in your life #may delete this in the morning. but i have to talk about it sometimes #i'm never reaching out for closure both bc he wouldn't give me any and because i know it would trigger him and i don't intentionally trigge #people. unlike him :) #vampire pit #like. i have to talk about it sometimes. i have to talk about it. #jam posts

[birdmenanime]

Can you believe that the 2nd most important person to the story BARELY had ANY screen time of his blackout. WE SAW HIS BLACKOUT 3 WHOLE TIMES. NOT ENOUGH FOR ME TO DISSECT HIS GAY TRAUMATIZED BRAIN!

#pacing around the room crawling on all fours admiring the yellow wallpaper #we know it’s a bug we know his parents were entemologists we KNOW #that his parents jobs uprooted him from a young age and never had him learn social skills we KNOW that the job in south america #cost them their lives and caused Takayama to become what he is and we KNOW that certain bugs can fly and #that bugs are misunderstood. most people see bugs and freak out and you have to be patient and learn to like them #Takayamas blackouts always take up space and are ‘unsightly’ or mutated in some way #they’re impulsive and headstrong and lean with force and logic not heart #one of the bugs chanted ‘kill’ like it was the only word it knew. all Takayama ever did was fight and kill the trauma inside of him #and NEVER addressed it. kill the emotions kill the trauma kill the guilt #the second blackout was a mosquito a creature that takes blood and can cause malaria #the eyes VERY IMPORTANT were the same eye rings as to which seraphs get #tosses everything on the floor and madly trying to scramble up a connection #anyways. Takayama has done everything he could intentionally or not to kill anything human within him. he doesn’t know what hes doing or #who or what he is and it’s scary. he fails to save people over and over and he thinks he’s unsalvagable. #the real reason he reached out to the bird club was because he was lonely. so crushingly lonely. he can fight and kick the trauma #all he wants but at the end of the day hes the same kid he was the day his parents died and he became a seraphim #and maybe that’s why the third blackout is when he was about to finally meet eva. she is the only proof that he is real #eva is the only proof that takayama was once a kid. the only reminder #eva and Takayama’s relationship is weird but to me it I would say to Takayama Eva is like a mother to him #and eva used him from the start. #idk Takayama makes me lose my mind. have u ever considered how takayama #views himself as a bug. and the fact that bugs have never bothered karasuma #karasuma knows what Takayama is like but Karasuma has seen all of Takayama and still loves him #anyways how are YOU guys I wrote this while in horrible stomach pain. #birdmen #takayama sou

[gh0stlymoth]

It's kinda sad what for a grip newmann still has on my brain, i will just be going about my day and go: they wrote letters for 3 YEARS that's 36 months of letters, presumably not short either, also long enough to become a constant in each others life, only to then meet and the reality and difficulty of irl convos crashing in and them disliking eachother, spending 3 years with no contact to then getting assigned to the same shatterdome for 5 years, in which their research department dwindles and dwindles but they stay put, they stay together, probably form the weird kind of friendship you form when you are both scientists at the end of the world and survival depends on your numbers and your analysis, supporting each other in little ways, like reminders to eat and sleep... they still bicker, they still fight, but ultimatly they are still the one stable constant they have in the uncertainty of everything, and even if they don't show it, they care for each other and then the double event happens, they drift with a Kaiju and each other and then the world is saved, everything is layed out in the drift and they can rest, learn to live with each other without the pressure of war because a life without the other has become uninaginable, or so it seems, only for Newt to draw back, not noticable at first, but steadily, until he tells Hermann that he is going to Shao Industries and he leaves... 10 years of sparse contact... 10 years in which Hermann still keeps the picture of himself and Newt close... 10 years in which Newts mind is taken over by the Precursors... and still the one thing that brakes him out, the one thing that breaks the 10 year grip the hive mind has on him, if even just for a second, is seeing Hermann about to die by his own hands and not fighting him and and..... nghhhhhhhhhhdhdhshdhd

#the ghost rambles #long post #newmann #In the like 20 years they knew eachother newt spends half of it mind controlled let me just walk into the sun #and Hermann never stopped caring.... he never stopped.... nghhhhhhhh #all i want for them is silly little dinner dates and long walks around wherever they live... #newton recovery arc focs u r the only thing holding me together... #me at work like: 10 YERS. 10 FUCKING YEARS AAAAAAAAA 😭😭 #AND WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE CANOICALLY CAN BE SAVED. WE DON'T KNOW. DMDJDLJDJDKD #fuck u uprising fuck u u r so bad why do u give me these feelings. #you are laughing; my boy lost 10 years of his life and you are laughing

[abri-chan]

Not having read the manga I thought Rukia's rescue arc took place somewhere in the middle of Bleach as a series, and not at the very beginning, with it being in the middle making it make sense for a more romantic reading of IchiRuki. Now you can read it as romantic regardless, it's up to the reader. Or you can see it as Ichigo being the older brother to two younger sisters and the oldest kid of a single parent household, where older kids (especially if girls) act as a surrogate second parent, taking on the vacant slot left by the other parent (his mom in this case, not surprisingly he looks so much like her)--as usual, in families a role that exists and is left empty must be filled, even if you need to bring in outsiders for that purpose.

On to the main point, it is so funny to me but also such an accurate portrayal of peak teenage behavior, that this group of kids did sneak into the Soul Society (yeah dude, let's do it! we will save our friend. we will bring her back. no one messes with our circle. we'll definitely come back in one piece, trust me!) to save their friend of... at most six months or a semester of school as Shunsui points out and learns from Chad approaching him.

And Shunsui, being the perspective of an adult who has formed frontal lobes (which he actively tries to destroy with alcohol) and can see in retrospective how teens are and how he was as a teen, realizing that "Oh god! you are dumb. (you are dumb because) You are kids. I cannot kill you!'

Only a teen would pull off a wild stunt like that, because adults either care less about their friends or get too caught up in overanalyzing the situation (Ukitake as Rukia's captain), afraid to be involved (Shunsui because while he didn't like the execution, he doesn't want to do unnecessary work and make things worse, less if he uses his connections or cards right for any little thing that happens in the world there will be nothing left to use when things come down to his niece Nanao), or fearing the loss of social status and family shame (Byakuya as Rukia's brother).

#anime manga rambles #bleach #renji should have helped #but to his credit he did admit it that he knew rukia was out of his league and the easy way was too pretend she never existed and #thus not think that they could never be together #he came to his senses and begged ichigo to save her and then fought byakuya and still went to the execution even if he already lost to bkuy #it's not clear if renji would have eventually not kept himself from saving rukia and ichigo just accelerated an event about to happen #there's also pride and respect in that Renji may have felt he was dishonoring Rukia's choice to die by throwing a tantrum that she should.. #continue on living at her execution like who is he to decide for rukia (in his head) #he cared abt protecting the image of rukia more so than protecting rukia bc he was too weak to protect rukia & that's all he was strong... #enough to do #he grew complacent in his choice that it took an outsider to shake him up that #there's no dignity in a dead loved one and you should strive to keep them alive #anyway i wrote an essay on renji in the tags

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[lizzybeth1986]

I sincerely wish we had the option to say some version of this to Damien, rather than the options we got in the cushy little Ch 15 eighteen-diamond scene where we could either excuse his past behaviour towards Hayden and Sloane, or a milquetoast "yeah go talk to them" (which, btw, he never canonically does).

To date I'm still mad this guy never fucking apologized genuinely for whatever bullshit he spewed in Berlin.

#perfect match #anti damien nazario #dames claims (believing he is damien) that he would never put other people's lives on the line even for those he loves #yet bro that was LITERALLY WHAT YOU SUGGESTED in berlin after hayden proved his loyalty #by jumping in front of a fucking taser for your friend!! #after sloane - the girl who gets nervous at the supermarket checkout - saved not just hayden #but the entire group who she BARELY KNEW at this point!! #sure ppl can claim he was 'justified' in suspecting them or w/e #or that he was caring and protective later #coz the only reason he is even friends with hayden and sloane is because they're better people than he could ever hope to be #i remember some would claim he made some sort of apology in SF and that makes me laugh tbh #'hayden is a good person. water is wet.' yeah that's not an apology #there is also those words he says to keegan that calmed them down...which people in the fandom hailed as 'growth'... #there was a match and a handler in his circle who never got to hear those words said to them despite what they suffered...some 'growth' 😑

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

When I tell you the MajiMako farewell scene hits like a freight train I TELL YOU.

#it was the only outcome that could happen b/c prequels #but he makes a CHOICE & so does she and it FCKIN HURTS but its AMAZING storytelling #all their sudden bonding developed trust & care 4 each other culmimates in CHOICE #he frees her and makes his choice & she NEVER KNOWS HIS NAME- #she ONLY NOW can even SEE him but she knew his trust and his voice and safety 1st so she knows subconsciously but he remains NAMELESS 2 HER #he cant go either theres too much at stake 4 him w/saejima etc #so he lets her go they let EACH OTHER go #the impact of someone being so important 2 you 4 a short intense period #and there is LOVE there and that love lets her go 2 save her #and to let her live #screaming clawing crying i LOVE THEM #majimako #yakuza 0 #yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #thoughts posts #yakuza 0 hits man it HITS SO HARD #goro majima #makoto makimura

[weird-life-of-a-closet-fangirl]

surely I'm not the first person to think this, but there's definitely been at least one timeline where engie walked in on the captain living their life with the alternate universe's version of him, right? and surely that would cause immense emotional turmoil for anyone having to experience that, right? RIGHT??

#girl help im iswm-posting again #i keep thinking about how its implied that engie has the biggest crush on the captain #and how he must've seen them living out so many lives across so many universes #and none of them with him #like that's gotta hurt right? seeing the person you have feelings for live out their best lives- sometimes with different versions of you!! #and realizing it wont ever happen with you #like idk about him but i would've had a whole identity crisis #like that's not me obviously but its me?? just a little different?? so its still me and technically they fell in love with me #so there's a chance #but its not me???? #'that's not me captain that isn't me please don't trust him more than me please don't stay with him that's not me stay with me stay with me #and the captain never chooses him (they don't know they never knew he wanted them with him until the universe imploded) #and isnt that a tragedy #iswm #captaineer #y/n captain #head engineer mark #clearing my drafts out again #obsessed with the fact that i have so many iswm posts saved in here i dont even remember writing this

[thefandomcassandra]

In Other Gaming News:

Beat Prey (2017)

I won't say much, of course, but it was a game with heft. Love me a hefty game.

#the sheepy speaks #prey #i was kind and careful #i dont like being mean esp in games #(unless ive played em a bunch then its like no rules no gods) #and when given sidequests? #ill fucking go for them #i tried to save everyone i could because i KNEW these people #prey does a good job giving you personalities for people you dont meet #and so i wanted them to live #i wanted to be sentimental even if it didnt matter #i wanted to give people the benefit of the doubt #i wanted to be myself even if myself wasnt who other people remembered #i heard everyone out #i tried to be nonlethal #i dipped enough into typhon to make the turrets aggro #but i ran and hid and beat typhon to death with my wrench #fully upgraded two weapons #never used the boltcaster or the q beam #tried to not hoard items #i wanted to be good #i wanted to protect those who were left #and while i wont get into details on what happened #i think i can definitively say that my conclusion was #I Am Me

[shadowed-yet-vibrant]

An act of kindness I'll never forget - I was in elementary school, and both a classmate and I were reading the same book series. We were both bullied at recess, so we would stay inside and read in the library instead (with one or two other students). The elementary school librarian knew us both well, and she told us that she was buying a copy of the new book from the series for the library. She promised us both it would be ready for check out on release day.

My classmate and I talked for WEEKS about running to the library on lunch break (against the rules!) to get the book first. The day comes, we both tear out of the classroom and bolt for the library, and up to the desk.

Our librarian is there, waiting for us at the desk, smiling. We ask her who made it to the desk first (I think he did, honestly) - who gets to check out the book first, and who gets it second? We're out of breath, but she just laughs...

She pulls two copies of the book from underneath the desk.

#literally Ms. B you changed my life #no - saved my life #in so many different ways #I've done more than three years of grad school and I'm a working adult now #and your kindness and love have NEVER been forgotten #I know you're gone now... but hopefully the positive influence you made in my life and others lives on #in all of the ways you would have wanted it to #I hope other kids are still enjoying both copies of that book today <3 #those few moments will be some of my most treasured memories for the rest of my life #realizing that someone KNEW me and LOVED me and CARED about me #invaluable

[gideonisms]

thought about working a job again 20 dead 40 injured

#thought about existing in the world again 20 dead etc #would love to get to the point where thinking about having to live my life instead of sitting in my apartment doesn't make me cry! #eventually my savings from 2 years of the soul killing job + living with my aunt will run out #not like. right now or even within the next few months bc. i worked so hard to save all of that bc i knew i was about to crash again #but eventually #like. when i got that job i did have to come home and cry a lot until i adjusted and then i only cried sometimes #it got to where i would have my 2-3 predictable breakdowns a month pause everything to have the breakdown #call in or skip class or whatever #and then recover faster #but the fact is i was still having like screaming in my car breakdowns a couple times a month #i was just like waiting for a private location #if i think about continuing to do that forever i really want to throw up #you can never explain why sometimes you have to isolate yourself completely for a bit either! #what are you even supposed to say #i got really good at being like oh i'm just tired from work need a nap! #but then people could tell i wasn't doing anything but going to work and coming home and getting in bed #idk how i passed those classes #i mean i didn't pass all of them #most #it's just like life is so stressful and you can't even explain why and people's advice is stop getting overwhelmed #i would also like to stop!! #or they'll be like just find a less stressful job! where?? i've tried