#second of all this is scheduled i'm asleep rn and i hope it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

twistedtavern · 1 year

Note

I'm okay with a segmented WIP.

I patched it up, and I'm putting it in little segments, so it's in a publish-able state rn. Enjoy your long asf "pt 2"! I wanted to pad it out more so it flowed more smoothly, but this is all I can provide in my current state. I hope everyone who's been waiting since last year for this gets what they hoped for! No beta we die like Grim

CW: traumatic flashbacks, cannibalism mention (in a comedic way dw), existentialism (dereality? idk just to be safe)

Part 1! Part 3

~ Segment 1 ~

Jamil thought back to earlier this morning, remembering not fully registering his situation, reaching over for his alarm clock, only to be confused when it wasn't there. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, squinting into the darkness, and the realization sinking in that he was far, far away from Night Raven.

He heard a soft sound beside him, and looked to find you, wrapped up in his arms. You looked happy like this, with you safe and secure against his chest, sound asleep.

So it wasn't a dream...

He was finally here, able to hold you, talk to you, live here with you, love you with all his heart, free from the shackles of his past. It was strange, to think of the reality Jamil had been living even just the day before as 'the past', but that was the truth of it. His life was with you now.

Jamil looked back at the clock, seeing that it was only 5 in the morning. For someone who held his previous schedule, a very sensible time to wake up in the morning, but for a free man, an abysmal hour. He blinked drowsily, your warmth tempting him to lay back down and go to sleep again.

He snuggled up behind you once more, happily holding you close. The room was dead silent, the only sound coming from your breathing and heartbeat. The warmth he had felt before was far more subdued, but quite a bit stronger than when you would close the game before. It made him wonder, would he be able to feel your emotions more strongly now that he was actually in the same reality as you?

And so, Jamil laid silently at your side, simply enjoying your presence beside him as he zoned out completely. He had a lot to process, after all.

The seconds ticked by, then minutes, then an hour. The sun had just started to rise, and Jamil looked back at the clock. It was now 6 am, and Jamil didn't feel any sleepier. He was usually up making breakfast right about now, so maybe he should start his day.

Slowly slinking his way out of bed, Jamil took extra precaution not to wake you as he went to grab his bag. In a few short moments, he was all dressed and ready for the day, making some of the extra curry he had brought.

That was when you ran up to him out of the blue, startled by your realization of his presence, and insisting that you help him set up breakfast. And now, he found himself sitting in your living room. The air felt tense and restless against his skin, no doubt the effect of your racing thoughts. It had gone quiet between the two of you, neither knowing what to say.

" So..." you awkwardly began, " You're... alive. Like, ALIVE alive."

" What do you mean?" he asked.

" You're human, not like an imitation of a human, but a whole, full package person with thoughts and emotions and stuff."

" Of course I am."

" That's so... weird... I thought you'd be like HAL 9000 in there or something."

He made a face, " What? I've never heard of that. Sounds like some kind of evil robot..." exasperation showed in his voice as he deadpanned, " You don't really think I'm an evil robot, do you?"

You shook your head, " I mean... You were crying and cuddling me last night, so you seem pretty human."

Jamil looked away, " Didn't have to bring that up."

" That couldn't be fake. Unless you're like... a REALLY evil robot. Then I'm just screwed."

He seemed to grow increasingly tired of this, " Could we not talk about the different levels of evil I could be?"

You, having chosen violence this morning, decided to push it further, " So you're denying that you're evil, but not that you're a robot?"

" I CAN PASS A CAPTCHA."

" That's not saying much nowadays."

His tone flattened as he glared, " Now that I think about it, I didn't poison check that curry before I packed it," causing you to pause and simply blink at him, confused. Until you remembered just who the hell you were talking to as well as his extensive history with poisoned food. Jamil laughed while you spluttered and panicked at the sudden realization, and the almost cartoonish look of betrayal on your face only made him laugh harder.

You realized you had been tricked, and could only huff at him, " You might not be a robot, but you're just plain evil."

" I do what's necessary."

The betrayal gave way to immediate concern, " Scary response, please don't kill me in my sleep."

Jamil's voice went low and threatening as he purred, " Only if you behave.♡"

You almost launched yourself out of your seat at the timbre of his voice, " JEEZUS- Okay, now you're just TRYING to scare me!!"

He sat back, his flinch from the now-fading burst of mixed heat and cold wiping the utterly terrifying grin from his face, " Did it work?"

" I think I saw a vision of my untimely demise when you made eye contact with me."

" Good. Then I won't have to put you in the curry."

Jamil felt another, smaller, flash of cold as you wailed " YOU'RE GONNA EAT ME?!?"

" Hmmmmmm, no. I don't think you'd taste very good."

" Okay, FIRST of all, why did you have to hesitate so long on that- and SECOND, you could have at least said I'd be too sweet..."

" What, you want me to taste test you?"

" NOT WHAT I MEA- Wait. Hold on a second."

Jamil made a sound like what you would expect a question mark to sound like.

" Do you... work like some kind of vampire?? Do you have to eat people or drink blood or something to stay here?!?"

" What? No-" Jamil defended, before he went quiet. His concerned expression only deepened, " I... don't think I actually know the answer to that."

" YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE TO EAT PEOPLE OR NOT?!?"

" Well, shit, I HOPE I don't, because if I have to live as a monster I would have at least liked to have a big scary castle to go with it."

Completely unprompted and without hesitation came your immediate response, " Would you accept me as a sacrifice from the nearby village-"

" Yes." was his, also immediate, response.

You paused in embarrassed silence for a short while.

It was Jamil who broke the quiet next, " I do hope that I don't have to do any of that, though. But... what you said about me being human before..."

" Wait, you aren't?"

" Not technically, I guess. Watch," he closed his eyes, reaching up toward his face. You watched with unprepared curiosity as he began to scratch at the center of his forehead, eventually managing to catch on a seam and tug at the split. Your heart nearly stopped and your body froze as you saw Jamil pull back a perfectly even section of his own face, revealing a luminescent purple skin underneath. You took in a sharp breath.

"OHMYGODWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK-!!!!!!"

A rapid, high pitched string of jumbled words erupted from you as you shot away like a spooked cat. The sudden cold and noise startled Jamil as well, the other sections of his face swinging completely open. He quickly moved to piece his skin back together, immediately going to comfort you.

" Hey- Hey! You're okay. I'm okay. You don't have to panic." Jamil reasoned, standing up to come closer to you. His hands touched yours, and he looked you in the eyes. Any trace of any sort of opening was long gone, and you couldn't help but to become overwhelmed with curiosity. Blinking owlishly, you reached for his face, your fingertips making contact with his cheek. Nothing felt irregular, and if you hadn't just seen what he just did with your own eyes, you would never have known.

" Hooooly shit."

Jamil leaned into your touch, " You do not want to find out how I learned about that."

The cold he had felt before faded, replaced with the pressing aura of your concern, " Is... Does it involve the others?"

" Yes. All of them, they've done terrible things. To each other, to themselves, but Malleus was the worst of them. They left me mostly out of it, but I think that's just because if anything happened to me, you would know immediately."

A horror, awakening deep within your bones, set into you. If Jamil was right, and you had no way of knowing if he was ever wrong, then you had spent months fawning and cooing over monsters, unknowing that they were alive, possibly watching your every move, listening to your every word. You clung to Jamil, seemingly the sole 'good' one, only because you had poured as much love into him as you had. He hugged you as well, clutching you closely in a safe embrace.

" But, we're both safe now." he said, letting out a breath as the cold left him. Jamil led you back to the couch, sitting closer to you than he had been before. You sat silently for a moment, gazing down at the floor. His soft smile faded to concern, " ...Are you okay?" he asked, " Did I scare you too badly?"

" I'm... No. I'm not really okay," you sighed, looking right at him with a seriousness he had never seen from you, " What happened in there?"

Jamil avoided eye contact, " A lot happened. That's a discussion for later."

" It's always later, Jamil! You're free now, you can SAY things!" the budding warmth in the air began to feel as if it were beginning to sizzle against Jamil's skin, " It's not like anyone can tell you to shut up, because you're MAGIC and you can SPLIT YOUR FACE OPEN and jury's still out on you EATING PEOPLE and- and you're REAL, and..." your voice faded into panicked hyperventilating as you stood up, wrapping your arms around yourself as the swirling, uncomfortable heat made an almost sour tang in every breath.

Jamil wanted to reach out and envelop you in a tight, comforting squeeze, but he withheld himself. Comforting Kalim, he had done that his whole life. He knew its every in and out and tip and trick, but you... You weren't Kalim. You were scared, overwhelmed by things far out of his wheelhouse of what he is used to giving comfort for. But... he would try. That was all he could do, in this new world.

Especially for you.

You felt his hand gently come in contact with your shoulder, leading you back to the couch to sit down as he stood in front of you. He looked at you with one of the most comforting expressions you think you've ever seen.

" Listen..." he began softly, " Just calm down and let me help you make sense of it."

A worried, muffled sound escaped you, but it was quickly silenced by Jamil cupping your face in his hands and tilting your head down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead.

" Better?"

You looked up and let out a deep breath before nodding. The air seemed to settle with your heartbeat.

" Good. Now," he clapped his hands together, " The concerns. The face thing is normal, it doesn't hurt if I do it the way I showed you. I didn't mean to scare you when I said you don't want to find out, it's just embarrassing."

You nod again, as gullible and trusting as he thought you'd be.

" I'll be honest, I'm not sure if magic works here. I was able to get here with magic, but that doesn't guarantee I'll be able to use it now that I'm out," he paused to briefly think on it, " We'd have to test it somewhere..." the air was now quite a bit calmer than before, but he felt the need to continue, " And no, I'm not a robot. I'm not evil or a vampire, either. I'm just me. Happy now?"

You stood up and hugged him, and he sighed as he rubbed a hand along your back, feeling you ease up. A part of him thought you just liked listening to him talk, and he honestly didn't mind that.

A mix of a laugh and sigh of relief left you as you joked, " Usually the way things go when video game characters are alive is that they want to kill somebody. 5 times out of 10 that usually happens, so I had to check my bases, yknow?"

Now it was Jamil's turn to be concerned, " Wait, that happens? Is that just a common occurrence here??"

" Nah, just in scary internet stories. They usually suck." you laughed.

Jamil sighed in exasperation and squeezed you, " Don't scare me like that."

" What, like you did to me earlier this morning?" you teased.

" What, like you haven't gotten dressed all morning?" he gently tugged at the collar of your pajama shirt. Amid your surprised embarrassment, you could almost feel his smug expression behind your peripheral vision.

" Shit! I forgot!!" you let go and bolted into your bedroom, rushing to your closet to find something to wear. Jamil sat down and waited for you to get dressed, simply waiting for you to return.

~ Segment 2 ~

" Are you sure? Am I recognizable?" Jamil asked as he fussed with his hair. You had suggested that the two of you go to the park, just to get into an open space and test if things like magic and flight still worked on Earth as they did in Wonderland.

" Relax, Jamil," you soothed, admiring a particularly pretty hair clip, " Your game is a bit more on the obscure side, it's not like you're Mario or something."

He resisted the urge to tilt his head in confusion, " Who's that?"

" Oh. Guess I can't blame you for not knowing. You've probably got something wonky 'cause of copyrights," you mused to yourself.

Jamil sighed, " I don't get it."

" I've gotta show you all this later, we pretty much have... forever," you paused for a moment, letting that sink in, " ...wow."

Jamil went quiet for a moment, too, processing not only his new life situation, but the implication that you thought of this new arrangement as forever. He tensed. His own surprise at your willingness made him consider the alternative outcome, you not wanting him. Him being kicked out into a world where he knew nothing, his chest cold for what may be the rest of his life, having to make it with what he managed to steal from his old world. Jamil swallowed thickly, his fingers beginning to fidget as he considered the possibility.

" Hm...? Jamil, what's wrong?" he jumped slightly as he heard you ask.

" W-What?" he turned to face you, failing to entirely conceal his emotions before your brow furrowed, " Nothing's wrong."

" Jamil, you're from an anime game. You're a lot more expressive than you think," you said, giving his head a loving pat, " You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I wanna know what's bothering you."

He placed his hand over yours, giving it a slight squeeze as he avoided eye contact. His silence hung for a few seconds before all he could do was shake his head no. Your features softened, and you moved to gingerly cup his face with both hands, " Hey. I love you, okay? I'm not gonna love you any less any time soon, and that's a promise."

As you leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead, Jamil felt a bloom of warmth in his chest, and when your lips connected, it felt like a circuit had been completed between your heart and his. His insides swirled with the tingling softness of butterflies, and it felt like you had taken all the thoughts that troubled him and muffled them with a big, warm blanket. Jamil wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to bury his face in your shoulder. You leaned into it, embracing him in turn and shifting your body to support his, slowly rubbing up and down his back for good measure.

Eventually, the tension in his shoulders was released with deep, shaky breaths. You knew those, those were about-to-sob breaths. Jamil felt you give him a squeeze, and his next breath was steadier. He took in another one, and quietly said " Do you... Do you promise it'll be forever?"

" Well, I mean, unless you get tired of me. You're uh... kind of way out of my league." you muttered, internally wincing.

He squeezed you tighter, and the rhythm of his breathing hiccuped slightly with the barest hint of exasperated amusement, " I crossed the boundaries of realityto be here. I wouldn't let myself get tired of you."

Relief flooded you at the feeling of the situation lightening. You gave him a little pat, " That's good. Do you want me to hold you a little longer or are you all clear to go?"

Jamil considered pulling away, but he just felt so warm in your arms... maybe it would be best to stay. He shook his head and clung to you, easing when he felt you get comfortable in his embrace. You sighed contentedly, " Aww, you're just a big lovey snuggle bug after a-"

" A BUG???" he cried, suddenly completely upright. You felt that if you hadn't already been holding him, he would have jumped into your arms like a cartoon character.

Startled by his outburst, you rushed to soothe him again, " No no no- not an ACTUAL bug. No, Jamil, you're okay. You're safe. There's no bug," you assured, guess you have to be more careful with your terms of endearment.

Jamil sighed in that exasperated way he always does, and instead of just moving on, you stayed stubborn in wanting to call him snuggly. He is clearly not a bug, so he was...

You beamed once the answer, an admittedly obvious one, came to mind, " You're a snuggle snake!"

Jamil looked at you with an indiscernible expression for a brief moment, before the most adorable smile you had ever seen broke out onto his face, and he started to laugh, the sound genuine and happy. You couldn't help but to start laughing alongside him. Your joy fueled his, and his fueled yours, making a beautiful cycle of laughter, warmth, and feelings of butterflies between you both. It pushed his worries away like pesky rain clouds, and made room for sunshine. Not the blistering hot sun of the desert, but the soft kind of sunshine in children's rhymes and storybooks. At that moment, the two of you were inseparable, and that was all he needed.

It was this kind of happiness that he was so unaccustomed to, this light brightness in his heart that melted him softly from the inside, even as the laughter died down. He looked at you with a soft smile, " What am I ever going to do with you?"

" Maybe come to the park with me, for starters," you teased.

Jamil conceded, " Alright, alright. I'm ready to go now."

You turned to walk towards the door, but out of the corner of your eye you saw a bit of movement. You looked and saw Jamil's hand trying to discreetly reach for yours, but your next step put enough distance between the two of you to make him give up the chase. But before he could lower it to his side, you turned to reach for it. You took his hand in yours, and Jamil felt his face heat up, as if the two of you hadn't just been all over each other. The feeling of connection through the touch returned, the pulse in your fingers meeting his and coming to share its pace.

You led the way as you went to grab your wallet and keys before heading out the door, Jamil shyly falling into step behind you. Once you left the apartment and locked the door, Jamil began to look around, curious about his new surroundings. His expression held a bit of innocence to it, and it almost looked to you like a puppy poking around its new home.

Once you reached your car, you noticed that Jamil was looking at it with a thoughtful expression, his head tilted ever so slightly to the side.

" Something on your mind?" you asked gently as you moved to unlock the door and get in the car.

" Ah- Well..." he took a moment to find his words as you opened the door for him from inside. He got in and simply said " I'm just not used to things looking like... this."

You looked at him quizzically for a brief moment before realizing what he meant. You couldn't help but laugh, " Looking like something that's not worth an entire country?"

It was plain to see that he was doing his best to be polite about it, but it was easy for you to put two and two together. Judging by how he looked away, you knew you were right.

" Yeah... I guess I'll just have to get used to it," he admitted, " But at least I have you."

Having been caught off guard by his soft, sincere tone, you tried to hide your flushed face, the butterflies in your stomach stirring. He smiled sweetly, unable to resist how cute your reaction was.

The car soon rumbled to life, and Jamil looked out the window, eager to see his new surroundings. You couldn't help but smile. It was nice, seeing this new side of him and knowing you brought that out. You turned on the car radio, switching between stations until you reached one that fit the mood. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Jamil look over at the radio, accompanied by a small 'hmm', before he resumed looking out the window.

But, as the scenery passed by, he laid eyes on a sight, a scene as common as they come, but one that filled him with a deep, all-consuming dread. Old voices filled his head, memories that could never be buried, for they laid the code by which he lived.

" Jamil! What are you DOING?!? Put that away before Kalim sees!"

A family. A mother and father, clutching the tiny hands of their children as they strolled merrily down the sidewalk.

" For every two you win, you must lose three."

A single thought crossed his mind.

" Quit your crying, you have to go cheer Kalim up. I know it scared you, but it's your duty."

What had he done?

They were going to face punishment, be thrown out, or worse. He ran, and they were going to suffer for it. His family was doomed, and it was all his fault. Jamil didn't register the sound of your voice from beside him, caught up in the downward spiral, a spiral so familiar it almost felt natural.

" Jamil!"

He snapped to attention, looking over at you with wide, teary eyes. Your expression turned to one of surprise, and before he could wipe away the evidence of his thoughts, the car suddenly turned sharply. Jamil clung to the door beside him as you practically swung the car into a parking spot, stopping immediately. The click of your seatbelt came from beside him, and soon he was being smothered with affection.

" Are you okay? What's wrong?" you asked, your voice urgent but gentle. He could feel what he could abstractly label as a mix of your concern, your protection, and your love, all rolled into one. Jamil was still reeling from the sudden stop, but he clung to you the first chance he got.

" You... you stopped? For me...?"

" Of course I did! I couldn't just keep going! Now tell me what's wrong."

At first, he couldn't get the words out. But, the sincerity in your eyes compelled it out of him, " ...I guess I'll have to get used to that, too."

" It's just the two of us. I'll always stop and make sure you're okay," you assured. And, for a moment, you couldn't help but to see the boy that had been hidden and repressed under years of responsibility and terrible treatment. There was something in his expression that brought a protectiveness to your heart, and you wrapped your arms tightly around him, " You're with me now. I'm not gonna let anyone treat you like that again!"

You leaned in to give him a kiss on his forehead before looking him in the eyes, cupping the sides of his face in your hands. He put one hand over yours instinctively, leaning into the touch as if he were trying to hide his face in your palm. Jamil couldn't look you in the eye anymore.

" Would it be better if we got to where we were going first?" you asked softly, and when he nodded, you pressed your forehead to his in understanding, " That's okay, just hold my hand while we go."

You put one hand on the shift and the other on the wheel, feeling Jamil's hand settle on yours as you got back on the road.

It didn't take long to reach the park, casting furtive glances at Jamil as you went, and soon you came to a stop.

~ Segment 3 ~

You clung to Jamil with all you had, the only thing keeping you from falling being a thin rod of wood and magic you didn't know would even work until now. He had one hand on the shaft of the broomstick, his other arm over yours to comfort you.

Jamil took a deep breath in, savoring the sweet night air. The stars overhead were shining so brilliantly, reflected in his dark irises that looked at you with nothing but gentle wonder. The glass was no longer shimmering between the two of you, any and all barriers to your touch removed save for the clothes on your back. His face heated and he pointedly looked down to avoid the thought. But it brought a question to his mind, was this what he imagined this to be? This freedom, the loss of everything that had shackled him in his brief years of life? He looked back at you when he felt your death grip on his torso loosen, and he realized that no, for all his knowledge and experience and hopes, he could never have imagined a feeling so blissful and truly splendid.

To not only be loved and understood after a lifetime of hiding, but to love and to understand another, it was unparalleled. Soaring through the sky with the only person in this world and the world before to know him, truly know him, with their arms wrapped tightly around him, trusting him wholly with their being, there was no crime he could commit that he would regret should it be required for their safety. Jamil tilted his head back, resting gently against you.

" Is this scaring you?" he asked softly.

" Are you kidding? This... this is amazing! You're amazing!" came your breathless response.

Jamil's face heated, " I-it's just flying..."

" Jamil, it's MAGIC! I never even thought that was possible!" you exclaimed, smiling as the wind whipped at your clothes.

The sound of your disbelieving laughter and the feeling of your arms locked around his chest made him almost dizzy, and he felt glad that you were positioned behind him, or else you would have seen his flustered face. It was embarrassing, feeling like some love-drunk cartoon character whenever the warmth surged in his chest. He was usually good at not showing his emotions, but he couldn't keep the puppy-love smile off his face.

You buried your face into his shoulder, smiling brightly. Everything felt perfect, like riding off into a happy ending's sunset. Jamil had successfully managed to save you from a fate in the hands of his treacherous peers, and got to stay in this new world with you forever in return.

There was nothing that could spoil this. Absolutely nothing in this world, and this world specifically, that could be going wrong. Certainly not at this very moment. It's not like they could come through the connection that you and Jamil had absolutely closed permanently.

Or that one already had.

Jamil's brow suddenly furrowed slightly in thought, " Wait... We severed the connection, right?"

You looked at him, " What connection?"

He looked back at you, a horrific sinking feeling in his stomach, " We got rid of the game, right...?"

You thought for a moment, dread creeping in for you as well, " No... You just shut the phone off."

A terrible, freezing feeling stabbed through the two of you, the icy chill of fear.

In your humble little home, an intruder began to stare down the reflection of his own red eyes in a knife he had grabbed from your kitchen. An old friend of his had once told him not to touch knives, thinking that he could hurt himself.

Too bad he never would have thought he would be hurting someone else.

~ Segment 4 will get its own post because I hit the word limit ~

#self aware jamil #self aware au

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