#seeing people react in live time is like a drug fr | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kharmii · 21 hours

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Probably the most unpopular opinion on the internet but I don’t like seeing all these posts glorifying autism or mental illnesses or see them as some sort of aesthetic or use every possible way to make sure you know they have autism or a mental illness.

As someone who’s been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and has been on meds for decades I kinda feel insulted by the way these conditions have become a quirky personality trait and an aesthetic to people as well as shoving it on all fictional characters.

I do like headcanon of characters having these conditions but it makes me uncomfortable to see characters getting stripped down to their conditions without anything else.

It is relieving to have characters go through similar things and have them react to them but it shouldn’t be the sole purpose to write them that way.

I also feel that no condition should be a free pass to be an asshole to the people around them. In the long run it does more harm than good and it doesn’t make "healthy" people more sympathetic towards their conditions.

My condition is not your aesthetic!

(Youre good for real but I have seen so many people in the submas fandom act like this and that autism is a quirky personality trait and reduce the twins to this it’s just tiring…)

This is all true. When you turn something undesirable into an aesthetic, then it has the disastrous effect of becoming a social contagion that will actually kill people fr. It's not fun to be autistic and/or mentally ill, and I'm sure most people with various neurodivergent dysfunctions would choose not to suffer from them if they could.

I wouldn't glorify suicide. I wouldn't glorify recreational drug use out of fear someone would join the tens of thousands of fentanyl overdoses every year in this country. On that same vein, I certainly don't want to see my favorite male characters with scars on their chests from getting their tits cut off. That results in death by suicide for almost half the people who go through with it. (LOL, complain moar about my 'codependent twincest kink' hurting the chillens when everybody and their grandmother glorifies something that causes the sterilization and mutilation of children).

A mutual over on Live Journal calls trendy autism 'fauxtism' and accuses those people of cosplaying autistic people as an excuse to act uncouth or feel marginalized. The worst thing they did was make an autistic spectrum (similar idea to a gender spectrum) because then people with mental illness comorbidities could jump under the umbrella of being autistic (or trans) because it's trendy.

Are you socially awkward? Maybe it's autism. Overly shy? Autism. The mutual had a falling out with a friend she called 'space case' who worked for NASA but had an 'autistic' daughter who suffered brain damage at one year of age after sucking down a bottle of medication carelessly left out. This mentally retarded daughter would smear shit on the walls and swing from ceiling fans, all while the mother claimed she was 'being creative' or some shite. It's proof you can be a genius working for NASA and also be the dumbest mofo on the planet.

Anyway, I personally have autistic symptoms, but my version of the 'tism comes from profound long-term abuse, -both from my family and from bullying from peers- going way back. I'm like irl Shoto Todoroki. Just look at this guy. You can tell he got the shit beat out him since he was little:

youtube

I can't count how many times I've said to myself, "If I smile then...they'll die?!" for laughs. Guy With Canon Abusive Family doesn't bother masking because he carefully guards his emotions. He comes across overly serious and deadpan, and some people might think he has no sense of humor because of it. Being a 15-year-old, Shoto is savvy enough to know he should be pissed at his abusers, but he isn't emotionally sophisticated enough to shake the deep insecurity that he might do or say something completely innocuous and still manage to make a mess of things or offend somebody.

Side note: That character is especially interesting because he was a product of selective breeding for a specific purpose. I imagine him being toddler aged pushing around a firetruck saying "I don't want to be the #1 hero when I grow up! I want to be a firefighter! Why can't I choose what I want to do!" No free will for him though. He has to hold up to the most impossible standard of perfection imaginable. What will the future hold for him? Will "too hot to handle; too cold to hold" become the #1 someday?

Having that personality type at my age, and I'm just recently realizing that, hey, maybe it's not always me. Maybe it's you people sometimes. If the guy stalking me has to repeat a joke several times so I 'get it' while I give him a thousand-yard stare, maybe it's less that I'm a retard and more that he's an unfunny goober giving me unwanted attention. If the middle aged incel weirdo with no wife and kids tells the same stupid 10-year-old joke again, maybe he shouldn't give me that knowing look when I flatly change the subject. Maybe I'm no fun, but he's an empty loser who has done absolutely nothing with his life, and therefore has nothing meaningful to talk about.

If I bring any of that up, I'm being MEEEEAAAAANNNNN....even if I had to take so much bs to get to that point. I'm the type of person who will take and take and take and take andtakeandtakeandtake before I finally snap. It's so typical of an abuser to have that sense of entitlement where they think you owe them something. -Like they feel they have the inherent right to be treated kindly and with dignity, but they won't reciprocate. Oh no....you are supposed to be a perfect slave who exists to please them and boost their egos.

Enough about me and my dysfunction. Sorry. This anon wanted to talk about Submas I think.....

Okay, so some people have the insulting head canon that Emmet is an asshole and therefore is 'more autistic' than Ingo. Does it have to be autism? Maybe it's more to do with how they represent 'truth and ideals'. Emmet (white dragon) is Truth, and that's why in the original game, he taunts the player when they lose against him. Ingo, (black dragon) is Ideals, and he still congratulates the player for a fun battle, even if they lose.

That's great. Let the truth guy be an asshole because the truth doesn't concern itself with being kind or worrying about a person's feelings. It is what it is. It can be both kind or harsh depending on the situation. Ideals, otoh, is polite and kind because it is always striving for the best. Nobody ever thinks....my ideal world has everything on fire and a lot of dead people in it. If truth and ideals don't work in harmony, however, that's what you end up with.

The head-in-the-clouds ideals guy might be considerate and kind all while walking you over the side of a cliff. The truth guy might say....heyy fuckknuckle! Don't walk over that cliff or else you will die! Okay, so maybe his delivery needs some work. Maybe he's being an asshole about it, but at least you don't end up dead from falling off a cliff. That makes the truth guy kinder in the long run (insert trans analogy in here, LOL!).

#fandumb fail #submas #ranty rant rant #neurodivergent #fauxtism #shoto todoroki #truth and ideals #black and white #srsly tho #social contagion #the usual bullshit #transtrender

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urdinosaurs · 10 months

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Hello, I love your hobie x reader where reader is giving a bj, can I have something similar but the reader can fully deep throat him and lick his balls at the same time 🤭 (it's my special move. 🥴) I just wanna know how he'll react, maybe he'll bust early 😝

╰┈➤ ❝ 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐑 ❞ | 𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐄 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍

PROMPT: going to hobie's shows is something you've done for as long as you can remeber. watching him perform on stage with his band never failed to render in a state of awe. only this time your boyfriend meets your heated gaze and decides to do something about it.

WARNINGS: nsfw 18+, exhibition, afab reader, canon divergence, no p in v, blow job, come eating, throat fucking, itty bitty degradation (slut, whore), the reader sucks him off in a dark corner, exhibitionist rockstar!hobie supremacy ♡, 1.6k wc

A/N: ahhhh ily *giggles cutely* this is such a slutty and silly idea fr!!! i tried to do my last fic from hobie's perspective, so now i'm doing it from the readers, so yay me!!!

out of all the ways the night could have ended, this wasn't totally out of the ordinary.

hobie played shows often with his band. who, in all honesty, were just a couple of kids who had the same political beliefs as him and translated them into music to play at any venue that would let them. not that there were many of them left anyways after having many instances of being "disruptive," causing property damage, a few cases of assault, although very justified, ended them up with quite a few permanent bans.

however, tonight was a good night for them: high energy from the audience, lively interactions, tips, and an atmosphere that could pump up your adrenaline until you were drunk on it. you're adrift in the crowd, hands in the air, and your voice lost in the sea of hundreds. you know the lyrics by heart, having heard hobie play these songs more times than you could count, you sing along, your head bumping to the beat. lights flash, and the rhythm vibrates in your chest. it felt good to let loose like this, dance with wreckless abandon in a scene of like-minded people.

through the dancing and singing, the moving bodies and screaming, your attention remains on hobie, in awe of him throughout the show and his expert fingers moving over the cords under the colorful lights blinking on stage. sweat drips off his face, gliding down his skin and trailing under his shirt, worn and ripped in places from so much use. you could never get over how gorgeous he looked in his element. entirely absorbed in the throws of music pulsing through his veins, the audience's energy pushes his body to perform to its absolute limits. fueled by the show's intensity, he takes its thrill like a drug.

it was as you were admiring him that he finally caught your gaze from the crowd. when your eyes meet, a smirk pulls at the corner of his lips, accentuating his pearly white canines, his studded tongue flicking over them sensationally as he finishes off the last couple of notes, the song ending in roaring applause. almost as if he could see right through you regarding him hungrily, he subtly adjusts his pants with his boney fingers decked in rings, and it's then you see his distressed jeans tent, begging for attention against strains against the fabric.

gawking, you blink at the bulge in his pants, and his eyes light up with barely contained mischief at your shocked expression. he grabs the water bottle next to the drums, the other members taking a water break as well, an unusual act for most performers, but then again, they weren't like most bands, as clearly shown by hobie's bold display of lust toward you.

he's told you before how much he loves watching you dance at his shows: your face lit up in excitement, and eyes that stare at him like he's someone to be admired. it's a rush, he told you once after a show, cornering you behind the stage so you could squeeze in a quick fuck before he had to meet the rest of his band. despite how his cock twitches in his pants when he watches you, hobie loves it- lives for your engagement that brings heat pulsing through his body like a live wire. so really, it should have been no surprise that he was sporting a hard-on halfway through his own show.

hobie's head tilts back, beads of condensation running across his skin and adam's apple as it bobs. observing him with bated breath, his focus stays on you while he caps the bottle, his band getting ready to play again, but not before he shoots you a wink, lips quirking into a smug smile.

under such a heaty gaze, glinting with the whisps of arousal starting to fill them, it shouldn't have been a surprise to you that you ended up on your knees in a shady corner of the venue, hobie's cock shoved halfway down your throat. he manhandles you in a way that's positively addicting, furiously bullying more of his dick down your crowded windpipe, a groan hitched in his.

"good girl, such a good girl f'me, taking what i give you– fuck," hobie hisses, his choker bobbing deliciously at the nape of his neck, constantly shifting over his sweaty skin from the throaty moans spilling out without respite. your jaw is sore from going down on him for so long that drool drips down your chin.

he graciously swipes away the spit with his hand, and instead of placing it back on your head, he brings his fingers to his mouth, sucking on your saliva. his eyes roll into his skull pleasurably at the taste. the moan of satisfaction he relinquishes is muffled, and you can't help but gape at him, stunned by how a simple action can make your core ache so badly.

at this point, all you crave is his release, so you can get yours. selfish, yes, but you're sure your panties are sticking to your skin, soaked in your juices, and the utter desire for something other than the heel of your foot rubbing against your clit is almost unbearable. you trace the veins of his cock with your tongue, fully committed to speeding up his building climax with your newfound goal in mind. the hitch in his throat is distinct, his fist tightening over your hair for leverage while his dick twitches.

"that's a girl. fuckin' minx with that mouth, yeah?" his breathing grows more labored, and the chatter filtering into the corner you've secluded yourself from the rest of the pub has become background noise.

"finna fill you up early if you don't slow down, baby." his head hits the wall behind him, hips bucking into your mouth, and your vision burns with unshed tears. "but that's what a slut like you wants, innit?"

you clench around nothing, whining into his cock as you double your efforts, fueled by his dirty words. he thrusts down your throat, your jaw stretching wide to take him as far as possible. he guides your head, using it to bring himself closer to the edge. his grunts are escaping them faster than he can think to muffle them.

each sensation is multiplied by the feel of his fat tip hitting the back of your throat repeatedly, and you fight the urge not to gag. he's becoming more desperate by the second to cum, and despite the rough force he's using to shove your head to the base of his shaft, he's unable to fall into the oblivion of his orgasm. you can tell he's struggling and growing frustrated by the pathetic whines replacing his grunts, and before you can think about your actions, your tongue extends and glides over his balls in one swift motion.

he moans loudly, his back arching and his breath stuttering in a scene you can only describe as pornographic. slurred cries serve as your only warning before his body convulses, and he's shoving your face into his pelvic bone, your nose smashing into his pubic hair. his legs shake just as hot spurts of cum rapidly fill your mouth. you desperately gulp down what you can, but it's more than you're used to, and it dribbles out of the corner of your mouth.

when he finishes and his hand loosens, you tear yourself off, coughing and straining to catch your breath. each scratchy inhale is a reminder of your raw and well-used throat and the pounding it took. you message it, moving your sore jaw around while hobie comes down, slumped against the wall. now that the high is wearing down, your knees throb. not too bad, thanks to hobie's jacket underneath them, but it's enough to where your body is going to hurt the next day. the rest of your legs are sticky from who knows what on the floor, and your shirt sticks to your body, your thighs uncomfortably wet from your neglected pussy.

but despite all that, you look up at him with that glazed expression you know he loves, and he meets it, brown eyes practically black with lust as they flicker over your features. a gentle hand caresses your face admirably, the callouses from the guitar creating a pleasant contrast against your smooth skin. you lean into his hand, longing for the reassurance only he can offer.

"missed a spot." hobie mumbles, thumb swiping at the corner of your mouth to catch the droplets of cum that had spilled. he brings his thumb to your lips, and instinctively they part, expecting him to push the digit in, but instead, he presses his finger to your lips. carefully he smears his cum across them in a mindful motion, like he was applying lip gloss, leaving a thin residue of his seed behind. hobie leans back to take a look, a satisfied chuckle vibrating through his chest. he pats your cheek, his pupils gleaming with amusement and a devilish smirk pulling his lip piercing taut.

i hate the beginning and i've tried to rewrite it a hundred times and it's still bad, but atleast the smut's decent. honestly im a little ashamed to post this. tumblr…please…for the love of god, don't flag this

"now you look like a proper whore, aye?"

TAGLIST: @alicefallsintotherabbithole

#🦕 ⊹ ࣪ ˖ 𝓁𝓎𝓁𝒶 𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒𝓈 #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown smut #rockstar!hobie x reader #hobie brown #hobie brown atsv #hobie x reader #hobie brown x you #atsv hobie #hobie x you #hobie smut #hobie spiderverse #urdinosaurs spider verse

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sweet-seishu · 2 years

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hihi :) i don’t know if you take requests but i thought i’ll try

how about ran, mitsuya, kokonoi, sanzu, and/or chifuyu (time skip ofc) reacting to their wife dying while giving birth :( as for the baby… you can choose weather it will live or not.

have a great day/night! <3

oh god bby okay i think i got this .💜

TR boys react to you dying while giving birth & and how they are as a dad without you

Feat. Mitsuya, Ran, Chifuyu, Sanzu and Koko

Warnings: mentions of death, birth, losing the bbs, drugs, just overall sad hours.

I tweaked this request a bit but hopefully you still like it. 🥺 also the first i've written a headcannon so be kind😂

Mitsuya Takashi

this sweet boy will be completely destroyed. there is not a word to describe how broken he is

everything was fine at first. his beautiful baby girls were born and he was watching you, his beautiful wife smile down at them with tears in his eyes. everything he had wanted was all right here. he genuinely couldn't have been happier.

then he heard the monitors start to go crazy and he looked at you. your head was suddenly lulled back, and your eyes were rolled to the back of your head.

the nurses quickly came and took the babies, ushering mitsuya out of the room while he frantically asked what was happening.

he waited for hours before a doctor came to tell him they had lost you. he was frozen, stuck in place because you couldn't be gone.

he couldn't move for a while, luna and mana finally showing up to meet their nieces when he told them. the two girls sobbed as mitsuya sat still, feeling no less than numb.

when he got the courage to see his daughters, he couldn't help but completely break when he looked at them. they reminded him so much of you. his sobs were never ending as he held his baby girls.

would 100% raise those babies with so much love because that's what you would want. his sisters would be super helpful, as would your side of the family.

would take them to visit you all the time, and tell then how amazing of a woman you were.

he missed you everyday, but you lived on in your daughters as they were each a spitting image if you, from their smiles, all the way to their personalities.

took the best care of then, making sure they grew up to be good people, who were successful in life.

best single dad out there fr.

Matsuno Chifuyu

like mitsuya, baby boy would be destroyed.

you were fine not even an hour ago, so why is the doctor telling him that you were gone? his precious wife was gone just like that.

he already lost his best friend, but now his wife?

he wouldn't know what to do, how could he raise a baby all by himself?

the nurses would take him to see his baby boy, and the minute he looked at his baby boy the dam broke.

he'd be so depressed, calling mitchy and hina to help take care of the baby as he sat with no drive to do anything.

would look at your wedding photos and wonder why this had to happen. why did you have to die and leave him alone?

when he finally had alone time with his son he cried, holding that little boy like a lifeline.

he just missed you so much, he was lost, but he knew that you would want him to live on and raise your son to be just like him.

he did just that, finding happiness in raising the little boy that had his eyes and your hair color.

would talk about you all the time, telling stories about you, making the little boy smile.

an amazing single dad overall.

Haitani Ran

would 100% try and beat up the doctor. how could they let you die?

major denial, wouldn't believe a single word out of the doctors mouth until he saw you on the operating table.

when he saw you there he felt rage, sadness and every emotion you could possibly feel in this situation. rin was probably with him, having to hold him back from beating everyone in the hospital.

didn't know what to do when he saw his baby girl, didn't know if he should keep her or give her up for adoption.

he was already so lost knowing you weren't coming home with him and your child, how was he supposed to be a good dad without you?

but you being the sly one you were, made him promise to take care of your child if anything were to happen to you.

rin would help raise the baby, being the godfather and all.

wanted to keep her away from bonten business at all costs, making sure her life would be full of light and happiness.

showed her pictures of you, smiling when she pointed at you and said "mama". would tear up when she flashed her eyes up at him because those were your eyes that she had.

raised her to be kind, to stay away from bad people.

decent dad, but left her with a nanny a lot because of bonten stuff.

Kokonoi Hajime

would blame himself.

he made sure to get you the best care possible to make sure you and the baby were both healthy.

so how did he lose both of you?

during the birth you lost so much blood that the doctors couldn't help you even though they did all they could. then the baby wasn't breathing, and again, even though they did everything they could he still lost both of you.

it was worse when he found out it was a boy.

everything he wanted and nearly had was snatched right from him.

would be distant, only focusing on his work, not wanting to talk to anyone.

his fellow bonten executives tried to talk to him, but he'd completely ignore them, a blank look on his face as he continued to look through accounts.

lost himself a bit honestly.

it wasn't until he was looking through his phone, watching old videos of you that he realized you would want him to be happy, to be okay.

so he cleaned himself up, started talking to people again, trying to find himself the best he could. even though it took a while, he became himself again.

wouldn't move on though, would rather be alone than be with anyone but you.

Haruchiyo Sanzu

similar to ran, would want to kill the doctor because there was no way you were dead.

what kind of sick joke was this?

but when he saw you laying still, no sign of life, he broke down. he broke down so fast he nearly wanted to laugh.

cause of course this would happen to him.

was informed that you had given birth to a boy. he didn't want to see the baby, instead giving him up for adoption since he wouldn't be able to raise a child.

you think he did a lot of drugs before? triple the amount.

completely goes off the deep end.

barely makes it to bonten meetings since he's always messed up due to the mix of drugs he's been taking.

he just wants to numb the pain, wants to forget about everything.

rindou literally thought he was dead once when he went to his place, had to literally drag his ass to headquarters just so mikey could rip him a new one.

lowers the amount, but still takes a lot of drugs just to numb the pain of losing you.

probably doesn't think about the baby much, cause if he does he'll just want to go back to barely being alive.

this kinda hurted.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #mitsuya takashi #bonten #tokyo manji gang #ran haitani #rindou haitani #takashi mitsuya #chifuyu matsuno #sanzu haruchiyo #kokonoi hajime #haitani ran #matsuno chifuyu #haruchiyo sanzu #hajime kokonoi #ran haitani x reader #mitsuya takashi x reader #matsuno chifuyu x reader #sanzu haruchiyo x reader

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smalltragedy · 3 years

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* herman tommeraas, cis man + he/him | you know donovan mercer, right? they’re twenty one, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ice boy by corbin like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 15th, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

yes hi i did bring ducky back. i promised. please love him jst the same im sry he had 2 go fr a while.

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

father ;; the front bottoms / ice boy ;; corbin / lose yourself ;; eminem / my own worst enemy ;; lit / say it ain’t so ;; weezer / maps ;; yeah yeah yeahs / star stopping ;; lil peep / benz truck ;; lil peep / trauma ;; nf / northern downpour ;; panic! at the disco / your graduation ;; modern baseball.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out).

pinterest.

biography.

born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)

his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.

implied abuse tw // their father was not kind, or merciful - and ducky was a runt compared to mercy, small and sensitive and kinder than his brother. weak, and filled with softness, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice - but it didn’t. and it never did.

he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed. implied abuse end of tw

he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.

abuse mention // but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be. end of abuse mention

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

abuse mention // anxiety mention // anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

heavy abuse tw // violence tw // it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse.

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

the mercer brothers have been floating around the north carolina scene for ~5ish years now, trailing after their father who is consistently chasing after their mother with no luck. they’re currently residing in palm motel. can we get a hell yeah?

personality & facts.

he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.

and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.

he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.

it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.

you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.

violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be on him harder. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs and leaves the rest for mercy. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy.

a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing.

he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.

in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.

drug abuse // has a. complicated relationship with benzos n xanax n a various assortment of painkillers. ironic bc he hates drugs due to. his chosen career n wldnt do most of what they sell, bt yknow. this ws inevitable. hates beer bt forces himself 2 drink it bc toxic masculinity probably man idk.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

violence mention // purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.

wanted plots.

u look good tonight ... ;; wld love a connection in which he is feeling emotionally compromised n maybe kinda hs a thing w someone bt hes like. very unreliable n kinda ghosting bc he is very afraid n it wld b maybe bad fr them to b anything other than hook ups. cld apply to smth very intensive or smth very surface lvl i’ll take thousands.

palms sweaty ... moms spaghetti ... ;; ppl tht ducky just hs fkn brawled. cld b anybody fr any reason. ducky prob lost n he prob lost on purpose bt also ur muse cld maybe kick ducky’s ass? cld b a fake fight cld b a real fight. cld b a npc fight n then ur muse cn patch up ducky? possibilities endless. maybe they hv a nice spaghetti dinner n both of them r both bruised up frm their fight. sometimes fights end in spaghetti dinners. thanks eminnem or whatever.

own worse enemy... ;; ducky needs friends bt hes bad at making friends n sometimes he fks shit up by pushing ppl away n self sabotaging n being a major cunt n sometimes he just ghosts bt hes always very remorseful abt it? this cld b a very like. up n down friendship of any type its just. where do they stand. r they friends. r they enemies. r they lovers? probably not lovers. prob just platonic. but still its the thought tht counts.

and also ;; literally just like. anything. clients who buy off of him n like. casual friends n casual enemies n casual hookups. ppl hes ghosted. ppl hes embarrassed himself in front of. maybe ur muse tries to get ducky to socialize or maybe ducky is like. u are too much fr me. n ur muse runs off crying. endless possibilities all u hv to do is call this number now.

#irvingintro #abuse tw #violence tw #drug abuse tw #gangs mention #eye injury tw #chuckles evilly #im a madman #anyways this is like essentially a repost

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duckyaltalt · 4 years

Text

「herman tommeraas & cis male」⇾ mercer, ducky, the junior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 21 years old. he is studying business, living in gorham and can be tenderhearted, nimble, compliant & taciturn. when i see him i am reminded of fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown . ⇽「james & 21 & est & they/them.」

hi :D this is the last of my OG characters ... the next two will b sexy n new bt they wont arrive fr a while bc i <3 need 2 hv a steady pace <3 anyways hes. rly sad so. good luck charlie <3 okay bye :D

TW CHILD ABUSE / DOMESTIC ABUSE / ABUSE, VIOLENCE, INJURY, TRAUMA, MENTAL ILLNESS, DRUGS / DRUG ABUSE / ADDICTION , GANGS.

aesthetic.

bruises; from beneath your eyes to the edge of your jaw, aligned against your stomach and the sides of your waist and the groves of your knuckles. bleeding noses and bleeding gums, spat out teeth, tattoos scarred from improper treatment, a facial scar; jagged and old, now, from above your eye to beneath your lip. worn hoodies and scuffed sneakers, sunglasses inside. the night sky, and it’s many stars, and how brightly they shone during the 2019 blackout, and wanting to be up there, with them. knowing constellations by heart. wishing to be the face on the moon. beer bottles and secret exchanges. dark alleys. fear, through the very core of your heart. fear, hidden behind a stoic stare.

basic info.

full name: donovan mercer

nickname(s): ducky but i’m 95% sure he hates the nickname it’s just. Stuck with him.

b.o.d. - march 15th, pisces :)

label(s): the allegiant, the despondent, the grifter, the malleable, the vacant, etc.

height: 5′11″

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york

sexuality: bisexual bt make it closeted.

stats

inspired by: lip gallagher (shameless), freddie mcclair (skins), frankenstein’s monster (frankenstein), fez (euphoria) … that’s it i don’t know any other characters KJNSGLDNVLSDJNFDS

biography.

you can correctly assume that they grew up in a heavily abusive environment, and can imagine the sort of things the two have gone through. ducky was, maybe, the least favorite of their father’s -

- for numerous reasons, and one being that ducky’d always been a sensitive kid. kinder than his brother, and far kinder than his father - kindness is weakness, and ducky was filled with it. too much so, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice. should’ve - but didn’t. and never did, either.

but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be.

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. his grades fluctuated frequently, and it’s a surprise that he hadn’t dropped out of high school altogether.

anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip, the entire left side of his face a bloody mess afterwards. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly. corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse.

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

graduated high school and had been on-and-off attending community college since then. he’d miss days at a time, flunk an entire semester’s worth of classes - gpa dropped further and further. wanted to try, but life got in the way. always got in the way.

hadn’t intended on transferring to radcliffe, but their father’d been missing for a few months then, leaving ducky to handle the drugs side of their business in hell’s kitchen - and mercy’d disappeared, too, leaving their branch in lovell completely open. in a split decision - an opportunity, and opening - something he couldn’t miss, or he’d maybe never get the opportunity again, ducky bullshitted a scholarship essay (plagiarism, tsk) and transferred to pick up where mercy’d left.

this wasn’t very well thought out, because that meant there were no mercers in new york - and lars amaretto? not a very understanding man. more of a brute than their father was, by far. to keep a story short - ducky is missing a tooth (molar, luckily, this time) and is … more rough’d up than he’d like to be, for sure. but mercy’s back, now, and he’s still at lovell, at radcliffe.

and that’s enough.

UPDATE: heehaw. mercy is gone & ducky’s still here. feeling a bit lost - dealt with a lot of shit this summer, new wounds and old wounds and just. a lot. started an underground fight club on campus for some extra cash, reasons unknown. being blackmailed by someone named rocky - someone who knows ducky is skimming cash. god. i don’t know ... danger danger danger danger. nightmare-ville. wrapped up in more walls than ever.

personality.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be harder - and his hits will be, too. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures, occasionally, or physics - or anything that isn’t business, because he hates his major, but he knows it’s the only chance he’s got to stay at radcliffe. and that’s to follow his brother, to follow his father. a business degree treats you well, teaches you skills you’ll need to know for this type of work.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs, only to leave it in the gorham community fridge with no name, something for somebody who may need it. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing, the result of years of abuse. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy. his room is messy, but still oddly barren. nothing on the walls except for a poster or two, sheets a standard navy blue and a row of empty liquor bottles on his windowsill.

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it. it’s his first semester at radcliffe.

uuuhhh. god. okay so ducky’s got an addiction to xanax. it’s numbing and it’s better than feeling, and he’d rather this than that and it’s. a Thing. we won’t go further into it. besides that - he does smoke weed, does try out some of their products to make sure it’s not … fucked, for their clients, but otherwise fucking hates drugs. social drinker, but still doesn’t like it a lot. hates beer but drinks it often.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.

wanted connections.

clients… first n foremost. he needs people to deal to. i don’t think he handles the Hard Shit like mercy does, but like coke and mdma? works for him.

f…riend..s?… like it’s so hard for ducky to be sincere with people but if you don’t mind like … an emotionally distant man who doesn’t even hit 6′ then maybe? he’s your guy? maybe you can break him down a little? chip away at his cold shoulder?

a close…r friend… maybe not like. the best of friends. but at least one normal friend whose world does not revolve around fucking drugs and violence would be nice for ducky. someone he can be a little soft with, as a treat.

hook-ups… not many, because ducky doesn’t really enjoy sex too much but y’know. that’s just how it is. he do be having needs, tho. KDSJGSHDKLFSE god.

fisticuffs!… someone he got into a fistfight with. multiple people he’s gotten into fights with. he’s probably lost them (on purpose) but - mayhaps, some of them, he did not?

gorham roommate… god… i don’t know what these two cld get up to but! maybe give him a sexuality panic but who knows.

unrequited feelings… there’s probably a few of these. whether people are drawn to his fucking ~mysterious~ demeanor (he just has fucking anxiety, man) or mayhaps. mayhaps he has the feelings.

flirtations… he’s never been in a relationship so i can’t really include exes, but he can flirt with people i’d like to think … when he’s drunk. :-)

ghostees… everybody he’s ever fucking ghosted because he’s stupid and is afraid of both friendship and relationships and romance and platonic? feelings of warmth? so sometimes he panics and ghosts people forever. :) spite!

new yorkians… who are familiar with his family or the business they have there

enemies… god. i’m sure he has a lot of these even without attempting to make them. just like, by association, you know? sometimes ducky hates people because mercy does. sometimes he hates people because mercy likes them. JKSDGDSJGFSNLKF

i won’t lie i’m very tired and am having a Troubled Time coming up with connections please. bare with me.

annoyances… i don’t know if ducky can get annoyed very easily but? thorns in his side? something lighthearted? alternately, something Not lighthearted and then ducky :/ goes rogue JKDNGDSNLFK

idk something soft… literally anything soft. please :) give me something soft and cute :) and peaceful and not stressful :)

something ANGSTY and AWFUL… literally. i don’t know. duality of man.

ok i have been awake fr too long i’m going to bed goodnight.

#ruhqintro #child abuse tw #domestic violence tw #abuse tw #violence tw #injury tw #drugs tw #trauma tw #addiction tw #drug abuse tw #gangs tw

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loyolahcmass · 4 years

Text

Homily on I’m Still Standing by Elton John

Here is the preview of Fr. Rossi’s homily about the song I’m Still Standing by Elton John:

"Still Standing": How Elton John Survived Fame, Addiction and Suicide Attempts — and Learned to Love Others and Care for Himself

“Come to the feast.”

Gospel of Matthew

It was Oct. 25, 1975.

Elton John seemed on top of the world as he commanded a crowd of 50,000 fans at LA’s Dodger Stadium

The weather, like seemingly everything else in the 28-year old’s life, was perfect.

He vaulted across the stage, managing handstands on his keyboard while belting out hits like “Bennie and the Jets,” “Philadelphia Freedom,” and “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting.”

The sunshine danced off his spangled custom-made Dodgers jersey, emblazoned with an appropriate team number: “1.”

__________

Earlier that week, his new album Rock of the Westies topped the charts, just like his last six.

2% of all records sold on the planet bore his name.

Officials had declared it “Elton John Week” in Hollywood and honored him with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Now movie stars watched as John became the first person to rock the arena since the Beatles nine years earlier.

__________

His mother, stepfather and neighbors were also in the crowd, ferried over by John on his private jet for the occasion.

They were among the few who knew that just two days before, he had swallowed a bottle of tranquilizers.

“I shall die within the hour,” he announced to a crowd of friends and family, including his grandmother.

Then he hurled himself into a swimming pool and waited for the end to come, or for someone to save him — whichever occurred first.

__________

“It was stress,” John now says.

“I’d been working nonstop for five years.

“But it was typical me.

“There was no way I was going to kill myself doing that.

And, of course, my grandmother came out with the perfect line: ‘I suppose we’ve all got to go home now.”

__________

Paramedics fished him from the water and pumped the poison out of his stomach.

The show went on, as it always did, but the cost was becoming increasingly apparent to those around him.

“I was at the height of my ‘can’t do anything wrong’ thing, and yet my personal life was a total wreck.”

__________

He would characterize the act as a cry for help.

It was like, ‘Look at me, I’m really unhappy.

"Can you do something about it?

"Because if you don’t, I’m going to be dead.’”

__________

The jarring incident forms an emotional pillar of Rocketman, the biopic starring 29-year-old Taron Egerton as the music legend.

The “based on a true fantasy” film blends flamboyant musical numbers with gritty drama, evoking both the public and private sides of rock’s greatest showman.

The unique blend underscores the turmoil behind the glitter, particularly at the moment of what should have been his greatest triumph.

__________

“That iconic Dodger Stadium performance is a part of rock history,” says Egerton.

"Elton wasn’t well at that point.

"I think it’s such an incredible thing for someone to survive such a low ebb."

__________

Elton was increasingly alone, because his friends didn’t want to see him destroy himself.

He spent most of the ‘80s in the grip of his cocaine addiction, recalling only a “complete and utter blur.”

He began to suffer seizures as a result of his drug use.

__________

Associates would find him blue on the floor and help him to bed — only to discover him snorting lines a short while later.

At one point, he was using it every four minutes.

“I would only know how to be the myth ‘Elton.’

"I wouldn’t know how to live off stage.

"There was no balance in my life.

__________

“The self-loathing I had was awful.

“I would walk around the house, not bathing for three or four days, staying up watching pornography all the time, drinking a bottle of scotch a day.

“And I was bulimic as well.

"So, I wouldn’t eat for three days, then gorge on six bacon sandwiches and a pint of ice cream and throw it up.

"And then have a shower and start the whole procedure over again.”

__________

Flying across Europe on his private jet, he’d look down at the snow-white peaks of the Alps and think, “That’s like all the cocaine I’d ever sniffed.”

And this was during the time that the star Elton John sang his greatest anthem, “I’m Still Standing”.

It’s a brave song, but unfortunately, it wasn’t true for him as a human being at that time.

__________

In the Gospel today, Jesus tells a parable of a king (God) who invites a bunch of fortunate people to his royal feast. (A good and fulfilling life with God).

But they all say, “No thanks!”

Why would people ignore an invitation to an incredible party?

Why would some react with violence to the bearers of such an amazing offer?

__________

Why not ask Elton John?

He’d tell you himself that such behavior, his behavior, exemplifies an irrational spirit and self-destruction.

It’s a symptom of a false understanding of freedom.

It's the refusal to let ourselves be loved by God and other people who care about us.

__________

When Elton John made the video of “I’m Still Standing,” his behavior had just broken up a long- standing relationship.

And he was blaming the other person.

Even though he had been up until 4:00AM that night and had six martinis and a lot of cocaine.

He was fooling only himself.

__________

It would take him many years to realize that true happiness comes when we learn that we've got to take care of ourselves and let others, including God, love and care for us as well.

Elton can now sing with honesty the lyrics of the song:

“I’ve finally got a taste of love.”

Thank God it wasn’t too late!

#Elton John #elton john i'm still standing #i'm still standing elton john #i'm still standing #elton john music #homily #homilies #catholic homily #mass #Catholic Mass #hcm homilies #loyolahcmass

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bunny-lou · 5 years

Text

My Love Letter to Descendants/Cameron Boyce

This gets pretty personal and mentions a temporary depressive episode.

So, a few years ago, in 2015 when a lovely franchise was just starting, I began my second romantic relationship and I fell in love very hard very fast. This guy was great and his family was everything I wanted. My family life has always been weird - both of my parents are/were former drug addicts and my mother died of a drug overdose in 2013. This boyfriend had a mom and dad (still married) and two brothers and a little sister and I fell in love with them as much as I did him. This guy is not a bad guy and I don’t mean for this story to portray him as one, but when he broke up with me, I was devastated. Looking back, it doesn’t make much sense. We only dated for three months, but I was heart broken at the loss of not just him, but the family he came with and I wanted to be a part of. I wanted to introduce his little sister as my own, I wanted to be able to call his dad for advice and hug his mom like they were my own.

This was during my sophomore year of college. I was constantly crying for months after, nearly a whole year. Getting to class was a fucking battle, getting to sleep without crying was impossible, homework was never done because I was trapped in this little self pity hole I had dug myself in to. Please understand that this was daily - I did not have good days and bad days, I was constantly in a bad state. I did not want to live and thought about dying all the time. I never tried to kill myself or became suicidal, ever, but the idea was constantly with me that I had nothing to live for if I didn’t find that sense of family and love that I found with my ex and his family.

After about a year of my pity, I watched a young cousin of my and stayed at her house. She wanted to watch Descendants, so I joined her.

It was the dumbest movie I had ever seen. The plot was unbelievable, the villains did not make sense, everything was over the top but I loved it because of the characters, the villain kids. I loved it because of Mal and Jay and Evie and Carlos and who they were, the family they represented.

So I forced myself out of self-pity and into Descendants. I got inspired to write again after I had dropped it in high school. I became social on tumblr and AO3 and made friends.

The love and the passion I had for these characters pulled me out of my own despair. I especially loved Carlos because who doesn’t? He was scared and small and just wanted to be loved, who doesn’t see themselves in a character like that? Of course, those traits are found in all of the Isle kids, but we see it the most in Carlos because of his fear of dogs and eagerness to escape his mother.

The fanfictions I read have gotten me out of so many bad times. Or, they pushed me into crying when I just needed to have a good sob session, but couldn’t get the tears going.

And the actors/actresses grew on me too, but Cameron always stuck out because of his charity work, the stance he took. He was proud of his grandmother being a civil rights activist, he supported Black Lives Matter, he raised money for clean drinking water for third world countries. He was influential and he knew it and he used it and I loved him for it. He wanted the world to be better and he did what he could to use his platforms to spread positivity.

Now that he is gone, this admiration I had for him is painful. The family he had built with Dove and Sophia and Booboo is hard to think about. The family Carlos had with Mal and Evie and Jay is worse to think about.

That’s why this death has me sitting on my couch, unshowered and unfinished homework everywhere, because this hurts. He and his cast mates, his character and his friends, represent the little family I’ve always wanted and now that’s gone.

I don’t typically react to deaths of people I don’t know. I shed a few tears for Alan Rickman because I loved Harry Potter, but Cameron’s death has shaken me deeply because of the hope and love I saw in him and the Descendants franchise.

My passion for writing came back because of him and these films. I wanted to get out and have fun. I came to terms with the potential family I had lost because I found one that I loved more, even if it was built of fictional characters.

I owe so much to Descendants, to Carlos, to Cameron and I just can’t stop the crying and the disbelief that he has left us. He was and always will be a blessing.

---

I am okay, just crying a lot for a man I never met. I am in a safe place and sound state of mind, but very hurt and lost with Cameron’s death.

#personal #cameron boyce #descendants

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altduckyfm · 4 years

Text

『HERMAN TOMMERAAS ❙ CIS MALE』 ⟿ looks like DONOVAN “DUCKY” MERCER is here for HIS SOPHOMORE year as a BUSINESS student. HE is 21 years old & known to be TENDERHEARTED, NIMBLE, COMPLIANT & TACITURN. They’re living in GORHAM, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ JAMES. 21. EST. SHE/THEY.

HBDKJFNGDHLFNDJSLK god. this took so long n fr that i am. so sry. bt here is mercy’s wittle baby brother, ducky !!! remember to LIKE this if you’d like to plot !!! i’ve probably forgotten some things in this intro bt alas. i am just human. i am so tired. goodnight IJEBKSGHSOUFNE

TW CHILD ABUSE / DOMESTIC ABUSE / ABUSE, VIOLENCE, INJURY, TRAUMA, MENTAL ILLNESS, DRUGS / DRUG ABUSE / ADDICTION , GANGS.

aesthetic.

basic info.

full name: donovan mercer

nickname(s): ducky but i’m 95% sure he hates the nickname it’s just. Stuck with him.

b.o.d. - march 15th, pisces :) (he’s actually 20 right now not 21)

label(s): the allegiant, the despondent, the grifter, the malleable, the vacant, etc.

height: 5′11″

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york

sexuality: bisexual bt make it closeted.

stats

inspired by: lip gallagher (shameless), freddie mcclair (skins), frankenstein’s monster (frankenstein), fez (euphoria) ... that’s it i don’t know any other characters KJNSGLDNVLSDJNFDS

biography.

you can correctly assume that they grew up in a heavily abusive environment, and can imagine the sort of things the two have gone through. ducky was, maybe, the least favorite of their father’s -

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. his grades fluctuated frequently, and it’s a surprise that he hadn’t dropped out of high school altogether.

anyways ... at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

this wasn’t very well thought out, because that meant there were no mercers in new york - and lars amaretto? not a very understanding man. more of a brute than their father was, by far. to keep a story short - ducky is missing a tooth (molar, luckily, this time) and is ... more rough’d up than he’d like to be, for sure. but mercy’s back, now, and he’s still at lovell, at radcliffe.

and that’s enough.

personality.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be harder - and his hits will be, too. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs, only to leave it in the gorham community fridge with no name, something for somebody who may need it. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it. it’s his first semester at radcliffe.

uuuhhh. god. okay so ducky’s got an addiction to xanax. it’s numbing and it’s better than feeling, and he’d rather this than that and it’s. a Thing. we won’t go further into it. besides that - he does smoke weed, does try out some of their products to make sure it’s not ... fucked, for their clients, but otherwise fucking hates drugs. social drinker, but still doesn’t like it a lot. hates beer but drinks it often.

overall just ... he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

wanted connections.

clients... first n foremost. he needs people to deal to. i don’t think he handles the Hard Shit like mercy does, but like coke and mdma? works for him.

f...riend..s?... like it’s so hard for ducky to be sincere with people but if you don’t mind like ... an emotionally distant man who doesn’t even hit 6′ then maybe? he’s your guy? maybe you can break him down a little? chip away at his cold shoulder?

a close...r friend... maybe not like. the best of friends. but at least one normal friend whose world does not revolve around fucking drugs and violence would be nice for ducky. someone he can be a little soft with, as a treat.

hook-ups... not many, because ducky doesn’t really enjoy sex too much but y’know. that’s just how it is. he do be having needs, tho. KDSJGSHDKLFSE god.

fisticuffs!... someone he got into a fistfight with. multiple people he’s gotten into fights with. he’s probably lost them (on purpose) but - mayhaps, some of them, he did not?

gorham roommate... god... i don’t know what these two cld get up to but! maybe give him a sexuality panic but who knows.

unrequited feelings... there’s probably a few of these. whether people are drawn to his fucking ~mysterious~ demeanor (he just has fucking anxiety, man) or mayhaps. mayhaps he has the feelings.

flirtations... he’s never been in a relationship so i can’t really include exes, but he can flirt with people i’d like to think ... when he’s drunk. :-)

ghostees... everybody he’s ever fucking ghosted because he’s stupid and is afraid of both friendship and relationships and romance and platonic? feelings of warmth? so sometimes he panics and ghosts people forever. :) spite!

new yorkians... who are familiar with his family or the business they have there

enemies... god. i’m sure he has a lot of these even without attempting to make them. just like, by association, you know? sometimes ducky hates people because mercy does. sometimes he hates people because mercy likes them. JKSDGDSJGFSNLKF

i won’t lie i’m very tired and am having a Troubled Time coming up with connections please. bare with me.

annoyances... i don’t know if ducky can get annoyed very easily but? thorns in his side? something lighthearted? alternately, something Not lighthearted and then ducky :/ goes rogue JKDNGDSNLFK

idk something soft... literally anything soft. please :) give me something soft and cute :) and peaceful and not stressful :)

something ANGSTY and AWFUL... literally. i don’t know. duality of man.

ok i have been awake fr too long i’m going to bed goodnight.

#radintro #child abuse tw #abuse tw #domestic abuse tw #violence tw #injury tw #trauma tw #drug abuse tw #drugs tw #addiction tw #gangs tw #ok. i think this is all.

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micahllucas · 5 years

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Get to Know Calvin Love

Answers to the questions featured in this post.

What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded? His name means “bald” in French, which is rather unfortunate haha. Luckily for him he has a full head of blond hair.

What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness? He is quite insecure in general about himself. He is quite comfortable with his physical appearance but is not happy with his personality.

What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves? His favorite physical attribute is his blond hair.

What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical) His favorite physical trait about Micah is her blue eyes, and his favorite psychological trait is her compassion.

Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type? He is definitely more of a shy type.

Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying? He doesn’t really have any habits that annoy Micah. Both of them are quite similar in their ways so they’re pretty used to how each other behave.

Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)? He tends say “Jesus Judy” when things go wrong

What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it? His biggest flaw is his tendency to jump to conclusions and overreact to situations.

Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday? Calvin’s favorite season is summer due to the level of freedom he has and to the fact that he’s not in school. He also enjoys the warm weather.

Is your character more feminine or masculine? Calvin definitely has a more masculine sense of style, though he’s not a typical man’s man.

What is something that would make your character fly into a rage? Thinking that his girlfriend was cheating on him, though typically he is very laid back

Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up? He loves playing the guitar and I don’t think he could stop even if he wanted to

What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker? He sleeps quite stretched out and likes to have his hands against to headboard. If he is sleeping with someone else in the bed (typically his girlfriend) he likes to snuggle up to her

Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates? He lives with his parents, Linda and Paul, and his younger brother Oliver. He is typically on good terms with everyone but his father

Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear. His father

Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like? He is definitely more of a couch potato, though took karate when he was younger and played baseball as a child

Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children? He does but not in the immediate future, and at this point in his life he doesn’t think anyone will ever want to marry him. He doesn’t know how many children he wants but he secretly likes the name Lillian for a little girl

What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode? He wouldn’t want a place too big, but I think he has dreams of moving to California someday

Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily? He would very rarely get into fights, and if he did we wouldn’t be enjoying any aspect of it. Verbal fights usually result in him being very snippy and sarcastic

Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures? He loves dogs. He would love to have a pet dog, any kind of dog. As for mythological creatures he thinks dragons are pretty badass.

What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear? He fears snakes pretty badly, actually, and also has the generic fear of spiders. Mostly he fears being beaten, as it’s a very real possibility for him.

What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have? He has a freckle near his mouth and deep dimples on his cheeks. He also has a divot on his chin.

What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved? He is a mediocre student as he has ADHD and moderate depression, so school is not something he gives 100% to. He has always done really well with reading and history, despite not having much interest in either subject.

In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like? Funny and unique, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. We fit together like puzzle pieces.

Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day? The most traumatic thing that ever happened to him is probably when his father first woke him in the middle of the night and sent him out into the dark to pick up toys in the backyard, despite Calvin being terrified of the dark and worried someone was out there.

What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc? Both he and Micah are pretty generic sexually. She likes to talk to him during sex and ask him what he likes. She really cares about if he’s having a good time. Mostly she’s very caring and passionate.

If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it? He’d probably get arrested for pirating music off the internet. That’s the only thing I can think of that’d get him arrested

If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for? I’d like to think he’d make some good songs and be pretty good at playing the guitar, and that’s what would get him famous.

What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one? He had his arm broken by his father in order to protect his mother and siblings from him.

When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like? He is definitely more of a musical person.

Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what? No, I don’t imagine he’d be able to kill anybody. I don’t think it’s in his nature.

If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do? A dream date for Calvin would probably be a Pearl Jam concert followed by sex. Not too hard to please.

If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go? Most likely he’d lock himself in his room. There isn’t many places he can go as he doesn’t have a driver’s license.

Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc) If I remember correctly he is quite fond of lemon cakes!

Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go? He has gotten to points in his life when death seems preferable, but at the time he attempted suicide he overthought it and became afraid to die. So he has a nice balance of fearing death and welcoming it.

Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life? He is diagnosed with ADHD and takes Ritalin for it. He is also moderately depressed with suicidal tendencies. He doesn’t take an antidepressant.

What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them? He really dislikes the sound of people biting, especially people biting their nails

What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc? He likes sunny days, but not days that are considered hot. He prefers days that are “just right”, ie. somewhere in the 60s to early 70s

When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct? Most people probably think he’s a burnout, but he doesn’t do drugs.

Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others? He masturbates quite a bit, though I don’t think that’s really a hobby. It is definitely something he doesn’t want others to know, though!

Does your character’s family affect your character in any way? Calvin’s father definitely influences the way Calvin lives his life, due to the constant abuse Calvin has endured by him.

Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change? Small, trivial things that Calvin has done haunts him, though they are not of much consequence. Typical teenage anxiety.

Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self? He is his truest self around his girlfriend, Micah.

Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character? Losing Micah would definitely affect him for the worse. I can’t imagine how horribly he would deal with the event.

Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve? He hides his true emotions from most people, as he is in high school and doesn’t want the whole student body to know what is going on with him

What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover? He’ll lay his head on Micah’s shoulder when he wants attention

Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along? Calvin is quite introverted, actually. He has to force himself to initiate conversations with others

Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious? He gets a little jealous when Andre and Micah are having conversations. There were times when it looked like they were flirting and he got very jealous

What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood? He has nightmares about his father beating him and yes, they are quite frequent. He used to wet the bed as a child from them

If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? He actually did confess his feelings for Micah, except he was drunk! I’m not sure he would’ve said something otherwise

#love among freaks #calvin love #spoilers #get to know #long post

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blogfriedbearbouquetlove-blog · 6 years

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The Best Ways To Stop Sugar Addiction.

Conquering a sweet tooth might be much easier than you believe. When you reduce the quantity of carbohydrates in your diet plan, fat supplies the energy instead. To old favorites such as cookies, cakes, pies, candy and soft drinks; if it's filled with refined sugar, it will likely be desirable. Utilize a listening partner and schedule a listening session - Listening collaborations are a concept from Hand in Hand Parenting Developed for moms and dads, where parents take turn paying attention to each other in order to get psychological support for parenting, they're likewise an exceptional tool for softening sugar yearnings. A astonishing 37 percent of added sugars are consumed in sugar-sweetened drinks, while another 18 percent of calories originates from white our (which acts a lot like sugar in our bodies). No difference in between high fructose and high glucose diet plans on liver triacylglycerol or biochemistry in healthy overweight males. Do I have anything to say about your consumption?" And the response is, Yeah, you're costing me in obesity-related healthcare-- whether I'm obese or not-- due to the fact that of your weight problems." It's economic, however it's real. This will be difficult, considering that sugar is hiding in the majority of processed foods now days (especially in the U.S.) so you have to look thoroughly. Pontieri FE, Monnazzi P, Scontrini A, Buttarelli FR, Patacchioli FR. Behavioral sensitization to heroin by cannabinoid pretreatment in the rat. A drop of soda hits his tongue and we enjoy on the monitor as the 'Reward Region' in his brain lights up and dopamine is released into his body. High fructose corn syrup and diabetes occurrence: a worldwide viewpoint. Must be 0.8-1.25 g protein/ pound bodyweight each day. I'm trying to find out where the ideal 'stopping point' is ... I just understand I'm not there yet! Other than for potatoes and watermelon, most fresh vegetables and fruits rank short on the glycemic index thanks to their fiber content. It took many years for me to see that sugar (which I thought was my go to feel good friend" was really a false support). The statistics held up after they represented total diet plan quality; simply puts, sugar might damage your health even if you're eating and thin reasonably. The Yale Food Addiction Scale (YFAS 13 and just recently the YFAS 2.0 14 ), which is now the commonly accepted measurement tool for studying FA, checks addiction-like consuming behaviours with respect to 'certain foods'. breaking addiction to sugar And if they manage to quit sugar too, you might just be sparing them from future health complications like heart problem and Type 2 Diabetes. For healthy living advice, ideas, recipes, and more to help you reach your personal health goals subscribe to the SkinnyMs. Discover healthier replacements for the sweet foods you love the most. Sugar detox-- get guidance on the best ways to successfully wean yourself off sugar and ways to restock your kitchen and pantry to help your transition to a low-sugar home. However Andrew is braver than I am. In 2015, he quit sugary foods for Lent. To beat sugar dependency and conquer sugar yearnings, there are a variety of strategies that can assist you make much healthier food options and guide your glucose levels and general health in the best instructions. SOUTHERN MAN: Today, I am staying away from sugar, aiming to consume a much better, have a better diet.

If you notice a great deal of sugary products on your list, then it's time to make a modification! End Up Being a Health Mom VIP member free of charge and get access to my handbooks & quick start guides to help you detox your home, end up being a master of home remedies, make appeal products from scratch, and conquer mealtime insanity! But as a basic recommendation, I highly encourage keeping your TOTAL fructose usage below 25 grams each day, and restricting your fructose from fruits to 15 grams or less, as it is virtually ensured that you will consume concealed" sources of fructose from a lot of beverages and practically any processed food you may consume. I am presently doing the exercise and I am so disappointed because I expected to see substantial modifications in my body ... I'm on week 6 and no big changes. Together, my sweetheart Alex and I run this site! Taking a probiotic and briefly going on a yeast-free diet plan can assist restore healthy bacterial balance while eliminating sugar-hungry bugs that can't live without sugar/refined carbs. So it appears sugar may have addictive qualities There is no concrete proof that links sugar with an addiction/withdrawal system in people presently, but studies using rats recommend the possibility. I had a R-Y stomach bypass in 2003 and could not tolerate any sweets for 3 years and lost so much weight that I was skin and bones (generally starving since I couldnt keep food down). With sugar and easy carbohydrates we get the exact same dopamine rush as we would with drug. Consuming enough protein can also stabilize your blood sugar and help you feel more pleased.6 With that in mind, a fermented protein that contains gut-healthy probiotics might be a lot more reliable in motivating muscle growth and decreasing sugar cravings - providing you more bang for your nutritional buck. The reality is, nothing is excellent if you have too much of it. Nothing. I keep in mind eating my very first sweet and believing it was too sweet," he stated. Been doing 60% great fats, 20% protein, 20% carbs for 8 weeks. All of these foods need to be avoided on your Candida diet plan There might be some protests from your family, however you need to discuss to them how the sugar has been impacting your health. Bals-Kubik R, Herz A, Shippenberg TS. Evidence that the aversive results of opioid villains and kappa-agonists are centrally moderated. Disclaimer: Most of the links in posts and sidebar are affiliate program links. Lack of sleep, stress, dehydration, caffeine crashes and plain hunger go hand in hand with sugar cravings. Fructose: It's alcohol without the buzz." Advances in Nutrition, 4, 226-235. My yearnings are gone, my headaches are gone, and I really have the energy to get back to working out. In her brand-new book, Farewell Sugar, Hi Weight Loss, Great Skin, More Energy and Improved State Of Mind, Elsa Jones has put together a long-lasting plan to assist people return on track-- and to remain there. The USDA Dietary Guidelines recommend that grownups get no more than 10 teaspoons of sugar a day - a third of the present average. However, the effects do not last as long as when you consume sugar, so you may be more likely to grab sugary foods if given the choice. Schulte et al. draw upon an apparently shallow similarity between the addicting capacity of drugs, based on their dose and speed of absorption, to explain why processed foods are likely to be addictive. In animal screening, yearnings are studied by looking at seeking habits." After a duration of allowing the animals to self-administer something (a drug, or sugar), they then evaluate how much they look for the substance out after it's been removed. Energy drink: Monster Energy - This 16-ounce can of Beast Energy has 54 grams of sugar. And quantitative substance abuse treatment research does not attend to an especially crucial element of the healing process: biochemical addictive rejection. Extremely, reacting for the hint was greater after 1 Month of sugar abstinence compared with 1 week or 1 day. When you're attempting to stop your dependency, you need to keep away from all the sodas and sweet drinks. Deas D, Might MP, Randall C, Johnson N, Anton R. Naltrexone treatment of adolescent alcoholics: an open-label pilot study.

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mauridianhallow · 7 years

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All of the questions xoxo

Hey Anon, what's up, how're you, wanna get breakfast, maybe see an early film? Hmu Also these took forever and I hate you thank you for asking 😂 (I love these kinda things) 1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? There is not, hasn't been for a while haha  2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? I do, because at the heart of it all, they were afraid. I've acted out of fear before, I wasn't proud of it. They were afraid and they acted out, it's been a long time and took me a while to get here, but I don't hold it against them.  3:What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” I...I can't answer that omg there's this inside joke between my friends and I and this...thing that happened almost a year ago just yeah I can't answer that Jesus Christ  4: What’s something you really want right now? Mental stability my dudes and also a coffee and maybe some physical affection because I realise it's been nearly 4 months since I actually hugged someone and that kinda sucks.  5: Are you afraid of falling in love? Terrified, but not in the bad way, in the way you're supposed to be scared of falling for someone.  6: Do you like the beach? I am inclined to give to answers, that I like MALTESE beaches because that country is like a second home, and I hate SCOTTISH beaches because they are not fucking beaches 😂  7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Never with someone as far as I can remember.  8: What’s the background on your cell? It's the Assassin's Creed insignia.  9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? Oh right, easy, eh, my friends: Andrew's, Laura's, Carol's and my nephew's.  10: Do you like your phone? I do like my phone, it's an iPhone SE.  11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? No they aren't, but a plan is only as good as how well it holds up when it fails, my English teacher used to say that to me and it's the truth as far as I'm concerned. Things aren't going to plan, nor are they going badly.  12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? Some girl in Firewater who I never called, who never called me, and I should probably delete.  13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? Comparing dogos is wrong and I shall have both please they will be called Alduin and Paarthurnax.  14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Right now, both.  15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Zoo for me!  16: Are you tired? I'm always tired 😔  17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Considering it's my mum? Haha about 20 years now!  18: Are they a relative? Yes.  19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Consider, probably. Actually do it? Never.  20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? Probably the night that I kissed them which was ages ago and not really a big deal.  21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? No, even if they were The One™ we would still be too young.  22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Not really.  23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? I don't wear them sadly.  24: Is there a certain quote you live by? Laa shay'a waqi'un moutlaq bale kouloun moumkine, that is to say, nothing is true and everything is permitted.  25: What’s on your mind? Food, having not eaten in a while, and college having not studied in a while.  26: Do you have any tattoos? I have a few, 3 to be exact.  27: What is your favorite color? Red or light grey.  28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? The next time myself and a person who wants to kiss, kiss. So probably never again lol  29: Who are you texting? Lots of people, mostly my sister to pick up milk.  30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? I have not.  31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? A few times, the last I can remember clearly was way back in August last year, when I was at my friends house, and my phone rang.  32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? I do, a few. All of them I trust, all my friends. Near or far haha  33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I wouldn't know, unless they felt like telling me.  34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? I have brown eyes, so, not really. Which is a shame, because brown eyes are beautiful.  35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? Good for them?? I don't really know how I'm supposed to react to these questions.  36: Were you single on Valentines Day? Lol yup.  37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? I'm just gonna ignore these kissing questions now wtf 😂😂 no I am not!  38: What do your friends call you? Condie.  39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? The last week? Not really no, it's been a chill-ish week.  40: Have you ever cried over a text? I have.  41: Where’s your last bruise located? My face, where most of my bruises have been located recently. All healed up now tho.  42: What is it from? I was in an accident, got some pretty bad facial injuries. Like I said, all healed up.  43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Usually every Monday in Psychology 😂 but in all seriousness, my house sometimes. Just, miss going out as much.  44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? My sister.  45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? I do, I have a pair of white converse I bought when I was in London, and they remind me of a pair I had when I was a kid. I love them! 46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? Yeah so that's why I'm wearing a hat in most pictures 😂 I love my hats leave me alone!  47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? Probably not.  48: Do you make supper for your family? We don't really do supper.  49: Does your bedroom have a door? It does indeed!  50: Top 3 web-pages? Fallout Wiki, Stanford University Sociology, tumblr.hellsite.  51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? Now I think on it, I don't.  52: Does anything on your body hurt? My soul? Ahaha nah my teeth, I don't get my face fixed fully till next Friday so I'm pretty much always in pain.  53: Are goodbyes hard for you? They can be, depending on the person.  54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Coffee, last night. Stupid thing to do really!  55: How is your hair? I haven't left my bed yet so eh not great 😂  56: What do you usually do first in the morning? Check my phone.  57: Do you think two people can last forever? If they work at it, yeah.  58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? I was 10 years old.  59: Green or purple grapes? Purple all the way!  60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? Ahaha starved for physically affection this question makes me sad.  61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? With friends?  62: When will be the next time you text someone? Later today probably.  63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? Probably still in this fucking house.  64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. On tumblr I think.  65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? I was in a relationship this time last year.  66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? There is. A message from any of my friends, or my niece and nephew.  67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? I hate these questions now, I'm lonely you asshole.  68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Gosh darn I hope I can sleep tonight.  69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Hey look it's the title of my autobiography 😂 yeah son  70: How many windows are open on your computer? Six.  71: How many fingers do you have? 10... 72: What is your ringtone? Because I'm a Fucking Nerd™ the TARDIS noise.  73: How old will you be in 5 months? Twenty.  74: Where is your Mum right now? At work I think.  75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? AhAhahaha because the world is a cruel place  76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? Can these physical affection questions actually fuck off?  77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? I am indeed, and I fail to see why, according to some people, that's a bad thing.  78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? Lol yeah I do  79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? There is not.  80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? I have, a few times.  81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? Maybe one or two? I'm not really sure I'm so starved of love these days I can honestly start to like someone if they are nice to me.  82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? Nah.  83:Will you talk to the person you like tonight? How about N O P E on this question.  84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? Alice, my legendary drinking buddy, or Heather, my other legendary drinking buddy, or ALTERNATIVELY, we're not harassing innocent people on the streets because that's fucking creepy and who does that???? You choose which one you think is right.  85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? Anything over weed and I'd be pissed.  86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? It was Logan and everyone cried.  87: Who was your last received call from? My sister.  88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? Y'know what, I would. Yeah it's fucking awful and disgusting and I'd feel bad but I'm also a student, I'm poor with bills to pay and I kinda need food. So yeah I would.  89: What is something you wish you had more of? Time.  90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? I have.  91: Do you sleep with your window open? Hell no because I'm no barbarian 😂 and also Scotland is freezing!  92: Do you get along with girls? I do, I get along with most people.  93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? Everyone is.  94: Does sex mean love? Sex means whatever you want it to mean.  95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? O H. MY. GOD.  96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? I think so...? I'm not sure. Would be up for it but I can't remember.  97: Did you sleep alone this week? I'm always alone dude.  98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? My friends yup.  99: Do you believe in love at first sight? For some people sure, if it ever happens with me, I'll be the first to tell y'all.  100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? I can't remember sadly.

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smalltragedy · 3 years

Text

looks away as i finally post his intro after being kinda awol fr however long. i love him a lot n hes also bri’s character mercy’s younger brother so u hv to be nice to him. think abt mercy’s life. then think abt ducky. im sry in advance tht his intro’s a little longer ive hd ducky fr like. a year or two n i’ve been playing him a While <3 as always like this if u’d like 2 plot n i’ll try 2 msg u bck bt otherwise im gna just hop right into threads bc obv i need to. change my methods.

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: intp & theorist / phlegmatic.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out).

pinterest.

biography.

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse.

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

personality & facts.

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

wanted plots.

#abuse tw #violence tw #drug abuse tw #gangs mention #eye injury tw #irvingintro #( ducky mercer. ) about. / ice boy.#sighs sm #also sry fr hw embarrasingly late this is #did i even spell tht rigth? no #did i spell tht one right? bno.#fuck.

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