Ok crazy thought. So if the last predating is to go through with Loki being tortured and reader saving the day like a boss, would Loki be hooked up to machines? More specifically a heart rate monitor? That for some reason increases when you get close? And goes ballistic when you touch him?
part 17, in which you absolutely snap
warnings: a big phat long chapter, prisoner situations, lots of emotions, the beginnings of tension, and big reactions
You’re mad—but you’re not exactly sure if you’re supposed to be.
Technically you didn’t kiss Loki. You kissed Laing, and it was all part of keeping up your cover, so automatically…no strings attached.
But the so-called god now strapped to the hospital bed a few doors down is definitely the one who’s lips had been on yours, at one time or another.
He’s also the highly dangerous criminal wanted by most of the worlds officials, who you also at one point let shower in your home, sleep under your desk, sat on his lap, brushed his hair, fed him, clothed him, patched him up—
Sheesh, that’s enough.
You scrub at your mouth with your shirt sleeve, blanching at the memory of almost liking it.
Now—and you really shouldn’t be surprised—you get to answer for it all.
Thor is not helping.
“I knew it,” he announces and points a finger at you. “You are attracted to him! You like him in a physical, romantic sense of the word—”
“God, no, that’s–that’s not even close—”
“Easy, Thor.”
Luckily Tony shuts the other god up while you bury your face in your hands.
After Loki had passed out, you’d been escorted—in a much gentler fashion than he was—to a crisp white holding cell and given some remedies to try and sober you up as best they can.
You recognised it to be an interrogation room, much like the one you’d seen Loki cursed to before this whole thing got blown to hell, but at this point, you can’t care.
Steve is the first to come question you (probably because he’s the only completely sober one), and the first thing you can think to blurt is “don’t hurt him.”
Then you mentally smack yourself across the face—they already saw you kissing him. Now this?
Maybe Thor was right.
“I have to ask,” the captain slowly starts, “was the motivation of your…partnership…romantic?”
Even with how furiously you deny it, you still don’t think he believes you.
The night becomes morning before you know it, filled with endless questions and exhausting interrogations, which you answered completely truthfully and to the best of your ability.
Even taking the liberty to include some of Loki’s story.
When Thor was in the room, you jumped on the opportunity to describe just how beat up his brother is and how he’s been covering it up because of some “target” on his back, how he’s been lying through his teeth about every motivation for the attack, how he needs help.
You’re still mad—you’re mad at Loki for refusing to talk for so long, for being so damn stubborn he nearly got himself killed, and now for dragging you this deeply into the newest villainous conspiracy.
…and for becoming himself when you kissed him.
Kissing Loki was never the plan; you didn’t mind kissing Laing.
The sun is fully risen by the time you’ve covered the whole story from day one, almost down to every detail—the avengers don’t need to know how many times you accidentally saw him shirtless—and you still have a team of people grilling you.
Marcus lounges against the doorframe, gun limp in his hands and visor down, most likely to cover his eyes as he tries to catch a few winks of sleep, but another guard walks in and they both shoot to attention—a bit groggily.
“He’s awake,” she says, “and he said he wants to speak with all of you immediately.”
Your head shoots off the interrogation table with a start. “Huh??”
“You stay here,” Tony instructs, gut twisting when your face falls. “Look, I’m sorry, but as far as we know now, you’re in kahoots with a criminal. We have to take every precaution, alright? Just while we get this figured out.”
“Tony, he’s been lying—”
“I know, I know, you’ve told us.” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “But we’ve got hardly any proof of that. Give us some time.”
Motioning for the two guards to follow them, Steve, Tony, Bruce, a pretty hungover Clint, Natasha, and Thor head out, leaving you in the cell to freak out about what the next few hours hold by yourself.
You’ll be fired, without a doubt. Even if Loki does admit to any of what you told them, you still aided in his deception.
Damn it, why did you have to let him sleep under your desk??
Who in their right mind agrees to that?!
Worst case scenario, you stay in jail for a good chunk of your life. Loki will either be in the same position or worse—if he was that adamant about not returning to Asgard, you figure it’s execution that awaits him there.
Or something worse. They’re gods, they probably have something much worse.
The little cot is relatively comfortable; this isn’t a jail cell, technically. It’s a holding cell, for…characters of interest.
Which is now you, apparently.
Thanks, Loki.
It’s comfortable enough, and you slip into a dreamless slumber within minutes.
—
Eyes on you bring you back to the land of the living, that eerie, squirmy feeling that you’re being watched.
And you are: stifling a yawn and blinking to clear your eyes, you sit up to find Clint and Thor staring at you through the cell windows.
You can kind of understand why Loki hated it. It’s an awful feeling, being a trapped specimen to be watched and studied.
It’s Tony who opens the cell door, and followed closely by Thor and Clint, he leads you to a couch this time, not the interrogation table.
“What happened, what’d he say?”
Tony laughs uncomfortably, chewing his lip.
“This…isn’t going to be easy for you to hear,” he carefully tells you, stepping around his words. “You, uh, you were influenced in this whole ordeal.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” You laugh, looking around to each of their somber expressions. “C’mon, we were all a little drunk.”
“Not like that.” Tony sighs and presses his palms to his eyes. “You were, for lack of a better term, mind controlled. Loki had you under his flying monkey spell, he admitted to the whole thing.”
You gape at him, trying to process what he just said. “I was not—”
“I know it’s hard to hear,” Clint cuts in. “It’s an awful feeling. But he made me his right hand man, so…you’re not alone in this. Loads of us were affected by it, too.”
Mind controlled. This whole time??
You fall back against the couch with a thud, mind reeling.
He hadn’t mind controlled you. Sure, he threatened it, but you made every one of your decisions perfectly consciously. You chose to let him come over, you chose to feed him, and yes, you’re paying for it now, but everything you saw with your own two eyes and remember vividly as your own.
He did kind of coerce you into pretending to date him, and it was a little more like blackmail, and yeah, he did try to alter your memory, and–and…
“Shit.”
“We’ll give you a moment,” Tony quickly offers, patting you on the shoulder. “Clint is here if you need a companion with similar experience, don’t be afraid to talk through this.”
“Nooo, this can’t—”
“The good news is you’re in the clear!” The false cheeriness is anything but reassuring. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to, but we do have some support, or therapy kind of things for people he hurt this way.”
You stare at Tony, then at Clint.
You’d seen footage of the assassin when he was under Loki’s control: terrifying and exceptionally believable, but nothing like what you looked like.
You take a deep breath and turn on Thor.
“Have you even thought to go talk to him??”
“Of course,” Thor immediately answers, brow furrowing. “He refuses to talk, he won’t say any more than what he wants to say.”
“But have you shown an interest in wanting the truth??”
“He’s the god of lies,” he exclaims, glaring right back at you.
Shoving up in the face of the god of thunder was never something you thought would happen, but here we are.
“That doesn’t mean anything, argh, you two are so stuck in your god complex—”
“Truth has never been his way,” Thor interrupts. “I tried to warn you he would do something like this, you can’t actually be surprised this happened.”
“Actually, I am, because apparently I’m the only person in here with an ounce of sense—you know what?” You drop your accusing finger and laugh. “Screw this. I wasn’t mind controlled.”
Then you turn on your heel and sprint down the hall to find Loki.
He’s being kept in a what’s basically a lab, and ten times worse than a cell: strapped at the wrists and ankles, he’s restrained to the bed but propped up slightly, an array of needles in his arms and cords reaching for monitors from his chest, and worst, a stupid little smirk on the lips you wish you hadn’t kissed.
“You little shit,” you hiss the moment you’re through the door. If it weren’t for the injuries still hiding beneath his facade, you’d slap him, but you resolve to grabbing the cup of water by the bed and throwing it in his face.
That wipes the smirk right off his face.
“You didn’t mind control me!”
Sputtering and shocked, he opens his mouth—
“No,” you snap, shoving a finger in his face. “No more bullshit, you didn’t mind control me. I saved your ass and I did it by choice. And I don’t regret it! You didn’t have any say in that, and yeah, you threatened it, but I never let you.”
Thor and the others crash through the doorway after you and come to a screeching halt as your rant rages.
Loki’s eyes flicker to them and for a split second he considers just taking all his strength and leaving—this can’t end well.
“Don’t even think about it,” you warn, and lean over him with a gaze so threatening and fiery the heart monitor next to him starts beeping steadily faster.
You pretend not to notice.
“I’m trying to help you,” he whispers, trying to keep up the cocky facade, but his eyes almost plead. “Trust me—”
“Trust you.”
You turn to Thor with a hysterical, exhausted laugh. “He wants me to trust him!”
The other God’s face twists in confusion.
“I don’t trust you,” you spit back at Loki. “You haven’t earned that, but I don’t want you to die, either.”
Loki’s eyebrows lift, water droplets clinging to their curve.
“Why?”
Clenching your eyes shut and chewing your bottom lip, the right words just won’t come to you.
“It’s a valid question,” Thor helpfully adds from the doorway—and in that moment, you silence a god with one burning look.
“Because I don’t—I haven’t found any…ugh.”
“See,” Loki cuts in, “alterations to the mind—”
“Because I already should’ve killed you,” you blurt, then clap a hand over your mouth, eyes wide.
Nobody moves, all staring as you try to sort through everything that’s come to light.
“The day I first saw you,” you grit out, glaring at the stubborn god, “I wanted to hurt you, I wanted you to die and I made a stupid judgement call and decided that’s what should happen.”
“Thanks,” Loki dryly remarks.
“Shut up. I shot you, that time you showed up in my office, and I really thought I–I shot you—but, um, you didn’t die.”
Your hands clench into fists by your thighs.
“And now I have to live with that guilt, even though it didn’t actually go through. So…I don’t want you to die, ‘cause after everything you’ve failed to hide from me, I don’t think you deserve to.”
The room falls silent, and Loki shifts uncomfortably on his pillow.
Damn it all to hell, maybe you were mind controlled. Where did that come from??
“Sorry,” you mumble; then with one last decision, refill the cup with water and fling it in his face again.
Just for…everything’s sake.
You flop into the nearest chair and drop your head into your hands with a groan.
“So…”
Tony clears his throat, gaze falling on Loki.
He’s never seen the god trying so hard to look like himself.
“You better start freaking talking.”
Loki considers it for half a moment—eyes flitting to you and really weighing the options—and with a twitch of his lips, his restraints fade and he stands.
“Mm…no.”
The plan was to fade into nothing and leave them all grasping for him right at that moment, but you’re on him in an instant, tackling him back onto the bed.
“YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING TALK,” you screech, pinning him to the mattress. “YOU’RE GOING TO TELL THE TRUTH AND WE’RE GOING TO HELP YOU, YOU LITTLE—”
“Fine, fine, norns,” he gasps, struggling to catch your arms and flip the tables, “gods, woman, STOP—”
Thor moves to grab you, but you finally come to a stop simply holding Loki’s shoulders down—and straddling his hips, you realise, but like, professionally.
The heart rate monitor is going ballistic, and Loki can’t glare up at you with enough venom.
“You are the stupidest, most disdainful midgardian I have ever encountered—”
“Oh, cause all your interactions with mortals were so great,” you scoff, pressing down harder on his shoulders. “I’m sure all your subjects would agree—”
“Hey,” Tony cuts in, stepping closer to the two of you—on top of each other on a bed, you remember. Oh well. “What the hell is happening right now??”
“Loki is going to drop all his magic shit, right now.”
“Like Hel I am,” the god under you spits.
“Take it off,” you order and give him a good shake, “all of them, off, no magic.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Do it, dipshit—”
“No.”
“Yes!”
“No!” He mimics, that sick grin back on his face. “There’s no point at all—what are you doing??”
Practically ripping his shirt open, to be specific, and Thor gasps, positively scandalised by the image you can only imagine this looks like.
The beeping of his heart rate speeds to a ridiculous amount and you actually catch a deep flush spreading over his face; pushing the shirt from his shoulders, you climb off of him and take advantage of his fluster to shove him onto his side.
“HAH.”
You point in triumph at his back as he scrambles to pull the blanket over himself.
Gaze falling on the array of something on his brother’s back, Thor holds out a hand to summon mjolnir with a whoosh and a thud; he grabs Loki to push him onto his stomach before he can get away, and sets the hammer right on his butt.
“You have got to be joking.”
“Nice trick,” you tell Thor, clapping him on the shoulder before moving to stand beside Loki. “See? Told you.”
Thor moves first, stepping closer and reaching out a hand to poke one of the barely scabbed cuts on his brother’s back—you catch his wrist before he can.
“That’ll hurt.”
He can’t speak a word, silently staring at the plethora of half-bloody lashes striking across his brother’s skin. You can’t blame him.
“I hate every single one of you,” Loki announces from his pillow, still struggling to move. “You will pay dearly for this—”
“Yeah, yeah,” you cut in dismissively, “we know, you’re a big, tough, scary god. Now shush.”
You can practically hear him gritting his teeth together, no doubt holding himself back.
“So…someone did this to you?” Tony asks, cautiously scanning the god for other signs of abuse.
“No, I did it to myself, Iron Man.”
“Sorry, bad wording. Mind telling us who the hell we should be searching for, if it’s not you?”
“Thor, get your precious hammer off my arse—”
“C’mon, Thor.” You wave him over with a nod. “Let him talk to us when he can face us, I think he’s thoroughly humiliated.”
Thor removes the hammer, and you help Loki struggle to pull himself onto his pillows and face the rest of the group.
Most of the team has joined now, no doubt hearing the screaming matches from ten floors up, and sit sparsely around the little lab, waiting.
Finally situated, Loki draws in a slow breath, casting his gaze around the room at the somber faces.
You can’t help but notice when he makes eye contact with Clint and immediately gets a burning death glare in return—it only makes sense, after what Loki, or who you thought to be Loki, did to him.
“Talk to us,” you whisper, perching on the edge of his hospital bed.
The beeping from the heart rate monitor picks up in the slightest.
This time, you glance over to watch the little spikes get closer and closer together as Loki, the god of lies you almost killed, decides to tell the truth.
—
There’s a new air sitting heavy in the little room when Loki finishes, slumping back onto his pillows in defeat.
No one responds, and you don’t think anyone wants to.
To your surprise, Clint breaks the silence.
“No one should ever have their conscience ripped apart,” he states flatly, void of emotion and staring at the wall. “But you’ve got a long ways to go before you have my respect or forgiveness.”
That gets a couple nods scattered around the room.
“I am not asking for forgiveness,” Loki says, steeling himself. “And I certainly don’t need your respect. Just punish me, release me, kill me, make a decision.”
Steve stands with a slow exhale, gaze hard as concrete. “I think we need a moment,” he tells Loki, turning to nod to the rest of the team. “Thank you for your honesty. We’ll see to it that you’re healed, but past that…we’ll get back to you.”
Tony stands, too, shakey and deep in thought.
“Sorry you got pulled into this,” he says to you with a small smile. “But thanks for all your help. And thanks for jumping him, I don’t think he would’ve talked if you hadn’t.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it.” You point to the silent god next to you. “Thanks for believing me and letting him talk.”
Thor has yet to speak.
The rest of the team trickles out of the room, eventually leaving just the two of you and a couple guards stationed outside the door.
You certainly don’t want to talk first, so you slip off his hospital bed and wait uncomfortably by his bedside.
Not sure what you’re expecting, to be completely honest.
Maybe an apology for…everything, but your hopes aren’t too high.
Loki just picks at the palm of one hand, staring holes into the wall.
You clear your throat. “Well, I’m gonna go—”
“Thank you.”
That gets you to freeze. “Excuse me?”
“Thank you,” he repeats, still refusing to look at you. “I owe you a great deal.”
“I mean, I did try to kill you, so I think we’re even—”
“You’ve kept me alive,” he cuts in, “when I didn’t even want to be. That…annoyed me at the time, but if this is another chance they decide to give me, I–I suppose I owe it to you.”
It’s not an apology, but you’ll absolutely take it.
“Well.” Fighting back a smile, you drop your gaze to your hands. “Sorry for–for shooting you. And tasing you. And all that stuff.”
“Don’t be.”
A relieved breath lifts your chest and you give him a small smile.
“Mind if I stay a bit?” You point at the couch in the room, “I’m exhausted.”
He nods, fishing around in the blankets for his shirt again—it’s on the floor, but you find yourself deciding not to share that with him.
“Be my guest.”
You can’t help the sigh that leaves your lips as you sink into the cushions, as uncomfortable as they may be.
Maybe, for once, when you wake up, you can begin your normal life again, with no fake boyfriends and world-threatening secrets.
Then you remember you kissed a god last night.
Who’s still shirtless on a hospital bed, barely an arm’s reach from you.
“Loki?”
“What?”
“You passed out after I kissed you,” you grin, closing your eyes. “In case you didn’t remember.”
“And your point?” He doesn’t exactly sound happy to be reminded, but the beeping of his heart rate monitor speeds up again and tells differently.
“I gotta ask. If you passed out, how long has it been since—”
“Centuries,” Loki blurts much too quickly, and the beeping might’ve reached a concerning level. “Cut me some slack.”
“Centuries,” you repeat with a low whistle. “Well then.”
“It wasn’t because of that,” he assures you, wishing you’d just change the subject. “I was knocked out right afterwards by a guard, a fist straight to the head.”
“Right.” You smile at the ceiling, eyes still closed. “Definitely wasn’t the kiss.”
“Of course not.”
His heart rate hasn’t slowed.
Loki takes one look at the scribbled lines flashing furiously on the monitor and promptly rips the cords from his chest.
“Right.”
― ― ― ―
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