#she the

[liquidstar]

i always think abt my cousin in greece who's like obsessed with american culture, bc ill say that im going to a barbecue and she'll be like "wow.... a real life american barbecue... will there be red cups?" you bet your ass there'll be red cups. take my hand. have a hot dog. all your dreams can come true here at the real life american barbecue

#she needs to visit so i can take her to a mall #the food court alone will blow her mind #shes like 14 so claire's and/or justice would probably also blow her mind

[clandestinegardenias]

My therapist just told me my problem is that I need to write more fanfiction.

#NOT A JOKE SHE LITERALLY DID

[beaft]

my mum forbade me to say anything to my dad about the top surgery thing, and it's just hit me how funny it would be if i got it done and didn't tell him and just waited for him to notice. i mean, what's he gonna say? "didn't you used to have tits?"

#obviously she meant 'don't get it done and don't tell him you thought about it' but i am choosing to read it as #'gaslight him into thinking you've been titless all your life' #be shh now #containment breach

[temporalteardrop]

bass makes a dollar. i make a dime. that's why i think about lesbian sex on company time

#me serving customers while chappell roan's red wine supernova is stuck in my head #me: yeah that'll be £3.60 / my brain: she did it right there‚ out on the deck: put her canine teeth in the side of my neck #rose's incessant yearnings #rose's gay little job #rose's ramblings

[opiumvampire]

fuck w me

#my mommys cookie recipe except she makes them peanut butter cookies and i dont like peanut butter so we’re doing sugar cookies #sure hope nothing weird happens

[jewfrogs]

the problem with autism is sometimes you want to do something (brave) but you need someone to gently walk you through each step so you know what will happen. and people don’t like doing that

#the sun is setting outside my window and she is very orangy red....sauron...? #ribbits

[pirateprincessjess]

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

#still not really sure what part of this joke was funny? #cuz if the prank had worked #then they would have made an 8 year old think she had lost her family and been rejected by god #which isn’t really much of a joke #Christian’s are weird yall #pirateprincessjess

[thedisablednaturalist]

Im fucking sobbing looking at the new black footed cat at Utah's Hogle zoo

Shes just a fucking baby

Baby with a 60% successful kill rate

#wrenfea.article #theres a video in the article #her name is gaia and shes 8 months #shes part of the AZA breeding program #i now have a reason to visit utah #leetle baby gorl #black footed cat #conservation news #conservation #zoos #animals #also the highest successful kill percentage for big cats is like. 25% #so 60% is fucking crazy

[moveslikekeithrichards]

gertrude

[ID: a picture of an old, grumpy-looking brown tabby cat gazing dead-eyed into the camera.]

#tiddytaco #pets #cats #SHES SO UNPHOTOGENIC god bles .

[mqqqteor]

> mom spilled trace amount of curry powder on the floor

> cool ok ill sweep it up in a sec

> go to the bathroom, come back

> curry powder is suspiciously less

> cat is suspiciously yellow

#loki my darling loki . shes such a smart cat but she has her moments #her entire ass was yellow #mqqq.txt

[william-snekspeare]

conversation I have with my ferret 1000x a day

#she never answers 😔 #ferret #comic #digital art #art

[lorn-art]

Saw an old lady today that looked like an old lady and was dressed like an old lady except she was wearing big goth stomping boots like this

#lorn art #lorn talks #🤷‍♀️ #she was buying fish

[raskolnikovslawyer]

coffee shop by my house hired a new barista who is extraordinarily hot and flirts with me incessantly but she also makes the worst - and i truly mean the worst - coffee i’ve ever paid for. atrociously bad. just another of god’s little jokes

#she has to make a drinkable concoction one of these days right? #like. statistically #x

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Expertise can't help you here.

#dungeon meshi #kabru #laios touden #falin touden #Happy Thistle Thursday once again. Have I been holding on to this comic for several weeks? Sure have! #I forgot how long it takes for Chimera Falin to come into play. #I still really love my 'better drawn' art of her - unfortunately it was several weeks too early for the anime only folks. #Slowly getting the hang of drawing Laios. I don't know why I struggle so much but I am getting...somewhere. #Meta time: God damn I love how the chimera shows off the expertise and gap between Kabru and Laios. #The truth is: they are both *right* and they are both *wrong*. #This creature is a combination of monster and human and they only have the skillset to deal with one of those. #Kabru goes for all the human vitals - but she isn't human. #Laios tries to approach her as a monster and is struck down by the humanity he sees in her. #She is something new that defies what they *both* understand about the world. And that makes her such a perfect antagonist. #The damsel was the dragon all along! #...She is really so cute though. Terrifying! But adorable. I am so excited to see the boom of fanart for her.

[cuntstable]

i hate when people call marcille a girlfailure btw like SHE ISNT. and shes not a ”girlboss” either. this is a neurotic and Permanently On The Edge of a Breakdown overachiever late 20s virgin just out of her phd program with permanently shaky hands from an addiction to overly sugary coffee and a deep desire to be crushed to death under falins giant jugs no matter the cost. the only thing shes ever ”failed” at is going to theraphy

#she works hard and succeeds 24/7 she just has bunny animal neurosis. and shes surrounded by the toudens which is like if a small animals #closest two friends were 2 giant dogs that make it freak out 24/7 #dungeon meshi

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

Suzanne Collins gripping my face with her hands: listen listen the first step to evil is dehumanisation, always, the second you start to see people as less than people no matter what they've done to you that's when you start heading down a path of selfish destruction and violence

#thg #tbosas #and she is correct again