#so am I ...god I'm so drained my mental health is in the negatives

[nipuni]

⚰️ A speedpaint video of this will be available at my Patreon on august 1st!

#the phantom of the opera #phantom of the opera #phantom #erik #my art #here have a a sad man #sorry the packaging is a little morbid and moist #he is having a moment #so am I ...god I'm so drained my mental health is in the negatives

[allamericansbitch]

Hi Sarah, I probably should just unfollow you and keep curating my experience here, but you've been one of my fave blogs for years so I'm gonna try to explain it just in case it helps. The reason why I'm leaving and other people I know have left is because your blog is so draining... Obviously we don't know you personally or how you behave on a day-to-day basis, and it's not all your fault since 80% of your blog is usually asks of people complaining, but do you really not realize this? I remember that you said once during your hiatus that you were going to focus on enjoying things and getting rid of the negative vibes and stop responding to asks that only created drama. That felt so refreshing and good for you, but it keeps getting worse now. And if it feels this way to me and others, I can't imagine the weight that you must carry every day from the moment you log in... I'm telling you this because I don't consider you a toxic person and I think that you'd like to know if someone perceives you the same way as you perceive that one blog you hate (only in your case, it's the other way around) because to be fair the differences are not that huge... Obviously you're the opposite, but in terms of behaviour and perception as a whole, the vibes are there. I'm sorry if any of this has offended you, you're free to ignore it, keep feeding your anons and move on. I know it feels like an attack and that you losing one or two of your followers that you don't even know isn't gonna affect you at all, that's not the meaning behind this. I say this because I genuinely care as I know how toxic these apparently harmless environments can be to your own mental health. You are so much better and clever than that. Anyway, I wish the best for you, maybe I'll be able to follow you again some day. Good luck and please take care 💕

You know what. You’re right. Obviously you can unfollow me no matter what that’s your choice but I’m going to be honest, I am really tired.

I kind of have begun to dread looking at my inbox in the morning because of all the negativity and while I agree with a lot of it, it gets so repetitive. I have been trying to practice not answering the worst ones because my god are they bad and I’ve been doing a good job at just deleting them but there’s so many. I honestly just don’t want to not answer people, so many people have told me this is safe space for them and when they’re venting to me I feel like I have a responsibility to reply and have them feel heard, and I have thought about how it must feel to follow me and have to deal with all these asks.

It’s also really hard to get out of. Like every time something happens I get 20, 50, even 100+ asks about it and I feel like I have to respond. And that’s not even including the insane amount of troll asks I get, it’s exhausting. And I don’t wanna sound ungrateful, people have been so nice to me and appreciative. But for the past week or two, I’ve been wanting to just turn my inbox off because of how bad the troll asks have gotten and how I dread seeing more complaints first thing when I wake up but I’d feel so guilty taking the space away from people.

I feel the need to apologize but I don’t really know what for, the negativity I guess. I do not like what my blog has become to be honest. I think I’m gonna take the day and think about some stuff. Thank you for sending this in such a respectful, constructive way.

#anonymous #answered

[satellitesoundwave]

9, 11, 23?

9. How do you find new fic to read?

ah well, i used to read fanfic and original fic voraciously, but a few years ago some mental health stuff happened and my capacity for reading got wiped out for the most part (i’m hopeful this will improve. my ability to play videogames took a similar dive, but as i’ve been putting work into rebuilding my wellbeing that has been coming back to me - in related news Rain World is fantastic and i love it to pieces - which seems like a good sign that over time reading will come back to me too. thank god bc i miss reading fic so much ;w; ). so these days i hoard update notifications from writers and fics i’m subscribed to, and pick out one of those when i’m having a particularly good reading day

back when i used to read a lot i my go-tos for finding new fic were; when i really like something i’d check out everything else that author has written, looking through the author’s bookmarks bc if i like their fic there’s good odds we’ll have similar taste, and searching the fandom tag + additional tropes i enjoy to see what’s around

11. Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity? If you are partial to any character/pairing, why do you think that is?

in terms of reading? well, i’m more likely to give fics a go if one of the main characters is someone i find interesting, but i find a lot of tf characters interesting so it effectively becomes equal opportunity

now in terms of writing i’m more narrow, but i’m not partial to a certain character/pairing so much as to dynamics where the ‘complicated relationships’ tag is applicable. taraprowl needs no explanation here, i like writing jazzwave most when they’re enemies grappling with being unfortunately very compatible as people, and even cdrw has shades of this with the patterns of poor communication and lying. i just really enjoy dynamics that involve strong positive and strong negative feelings simultaneously

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

god okay this is very much a ‘no i am not allowed to think about doing anything like this when i already have other big projects going on’ thing but. i’ve been kicking around this idea for like, established relationship Jazz/Soundwave where the war is over and it’s all peace and good times… until Megatron gets assassinated. and the plot is a Soundwave pov where grief and hunger for revenge drive him to investigate who did it - not just who pulled the trigger, but everyone who was involved in forming the plan and making it happen. and of course the crux of the tension is whether or not Jazz was in on the plot. was their whole relationship a calculated distraction to keep Soundwave from seeing this coming and stopping it? i like the idea of there being strong evidence to support Jazz being involved and also strong evidence that he wasn’t, the tension of Soundwave (and also the reader) being genuinely unable to tell which is true is a tension i vibe with. which i think is why trying to cement whether or not he was involved then drains away the things about it i find compelling to write. so i’ve got this neat idea but no ending for it, and leaving it as a vague ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ‘i guess we’ll never know’ isn’t satisfying either

and a separate thing, which also brings me around to the question, is that a concept i’ve never written but would like to is one where Jazz and Soundwave are in love but such a significant personal/philosophical line has been crossed that even that doesn’t stop them from fighting to the death. the energy of that would be electric. except also in a sad way bc wow that would be a downer ending, i'm not too hot on the idea of getting people invested in a story only to do that to them

the breakthrough happened when i was talking to my friends about our yearly tradition of getting together and playing the new Dark Pictures Anthology game when it comes out; more than once during our first playthrough of these games we’ve gotten endings that are ‘bad’ in the sense of how they fit into the established genre schema of Good Endings & Bad Endings in videogames, or lack closure, or are incredibly tragic (thinking about part of the ending we got for The Quarry for this one, which is not a DPA game but is by the same developer) - but the ends never felt unsatisfying to us because we’d gotten there through choices we’d actively made and we knew it was just one ending of several. this conversation later made me realise that hey, i have experience with game programming. if i dust off those rusty skills i could probably make a text based game… and that would sort out the issues i’d been having with the above concepts! my programming knowledge is a bit basic, but using it to make a fanwork is also a concept i’ve always wanted to try since it seems like an interesting challenge 

the really exciting part about this imo is the possibility of having tracked variables. with those i could give the story branching paths based on decisions readers make, something like 1) Jazz is an active participant in the assassination plot, 2) Jazz was involved in the plot but stopped being part of it before the assassination happened (perhaps he opted out of his own accord? or was kicked out bc the others worried his attachment to Soundwave has compromised him?), 3) Jazz was not involved, or 4) Soundwave never uncovers whether Jazz was involved or not. having that branching + something like a loyalty meter for Jazz that tracks how loyal he is to the assassination plot/people involved, and something similar for how dedicated Soundwave is to getting revenge, allows for really interesting variation/directions for the story to take based on reader decisions

all in all this is something i’d really like to do at some point, but it would be a very big project so i’ve firmly parked it behind doing (Re)Experience and Networking first

#ask meme #the greatest struggle of being a slow writer #is the cool ideas you have have to ban yourself from working on rn least you drown in a sea of 10% done wips #satellite speaks

[everydaymusingsofj]

Mental Health Awareness

On the event of World Mental Health day today (October 10) I thought I'd put out my own journey on traversing through some of the tough phases and also highlight how important it is to to be aware and take care of our mental health and of our loved ones. It took me almost a decade to acknowledge the fact that I was having high functional anxiety since my college days. The definition of High functioning anxiety goes like this "Typically refers to someone who experiences anxiety while still managing daily life quite well. Generally, a person with high-functioning anxiety may appear put together and well- accomplished on the outside, yet experience worry, stress or have obsessive thoughts on the inside" I was definitely an overthinker and used to overanalyze situations ( I guess I am still ,but not as much as I used to be ) The first recognition was when I realized that people were able to take or understand and let go situations easily when compared to the way I dealt with them . And this was ranging from anything like falling out with your best friend, seeking external validation, peer pressure etc. As years passed I have definitely come a long way from living with anxiety to now coping with it everyday leading me to live a better life. Some of the important things that helped me overcome everyday anxiety were

Awareness of the self and acknowledging the fact that anxiety persists within.

Not seeking external validation, especially when things go wrong (maybe at a place of study/work/personal life) Learning to pick yourself up when things don't go your way.

Learning the art of letting go .This has been a gamechanger for me .Not holding onto the past liberates our minds in a great way to be able to focus on the now , thereby reducing anxiety about past events.

Reduce Mindless Social Media Usage. I had days and weeks of social media detox that helped me declutter my mind and also not compare my life to someone else's (You know what am talking about!)

Indulge in a new hobby .This year I leant a new language ,tried my hand at painting ,learnt investing,learnt to play a musical instrument and these have helped me enormously in keeping my mind calm and also provided a lot of satisfaction.

Journal - This is pure gold. I've ranted my feeling on my notes app than any human being on earth and honestly thought at the time it seemed pointless ,after a couple of months I realized when i re- read them I have come a long way.

Maintain boundaries-Learn to say 'NO.' This has been the hardest . Saying no to people who drain your energy ,who put you down constantly .Setting healthy boundaries to protect my mental health is something I'm learning everyday .Its a process.

Good quality sleep and eating clean - As we grow older ,this becomes so important and rewarding as well. Losing sleep over binging Netflix or random Instagram reels aren't going to help us positively in the long run . (Get that beauty sleep!)

Spending time with loved ones - This one is so important to make me feel better on any given day. Expressing how we feel is important and receiving the comfort/listening to others even for sometime can make their day. Checking with with loved ones is crucial.

Pray -Ive placed this last because this has been the most important aspect in overcoming anxiety/depression or any negative feeling.Learning to surrender and placing my trust in God and his plan relieves my mind to stop controlling everything and instead enjoy everyday as it comes and taking it one day at a time. Overcoming anxiety is definitely not an overnight thing. It takes time but it definitely gets better once you realize what works for you. I have come a long way and am at a place where I'm a lot more calm and unperturbed by things but not letting it affect me instantly.

#mentalhealth #anxeity #scripture #hope

[olibavee]

having to live with a nazi because i’m dependent on my parents is fucking bad guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m fucking tired!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don’t know how much longer i can take it!!!!!!!!!!

#liv asdf #negative// #nazi mention // #i use this blog as a safe space to relax and get away from everything but i still sort of. quietly educate myself?? if that makes sense?? #like i read all the stuff on here and talk about it and research social justice outside of tumblr but #god i need a place to retreat to and just look at happy pictures and think about gascoigne or something because god i am so sick #this is so fucking draining and i try to shut him out because shouting at him doesn't work and arguing doesn't work nothing works #i'm so tired i'm so tired #nowhere feels safe because he's constantly home with me and i have to hEAR HIM. SAY. THE WORST SHIT. CONSTANTLY!!!! #i have NO PLACE TO RETREAT TO he's EVERYWHERE i'm so fuck gin tired i feel ready to break #being constantly reminded every second of how terrible everything is is too much and my blog can only do so much for my mental health #even if my music is really loud i can hear him and i can shut myself off in my room but then my mom yells at me for isolating myself but god #i can only leave the house so much??? i'm recuperating from my illness still and going out requires a ton of energy #hggh one day i will move far far far away one day it'll be better but right now it's fucking horrid

[sylvyspritii]

An actual blogpost: Remembering 2013-2014 Tumblr

For the past few years (2015-2021), i think many of you have noticed that i've started to use Tumblr less and less, i've since become more active on other platforms like Twitter, because Twitter was where people where, and a part of the joy of creativity for me is seeing people's reactions to my works, after all, seeing the happiness my work can give people is a large part of my motivation and money to survive and pay the rent in our difficult world. To me personally, Tumblr started to feel more and more like a "corporate graveyard", something it didn't use to be. The reason i was attracted to Tumblr was because people told me to use it, weirdly enough, i fell into pear pressure, but i think now as an adult, i am starting to understand what i liked about Tumblr's "vibe" Tumblr always felt really accepting in a way, even when i wasn't ready for it myself yet, Tumblr's "vibe" has always been very progressive, pro-LGBT+, and open about mental health issues, unlike many other websites. But there was a special kind of magic about the pre-2014-Dashcon era, i think Tumblr used to be more "cohesive", like there was some kind of unspoken unity and solidarity, or maybe that's just my nostalgia blindness. Now in 2021, it's been...7-8 years since i've experienced that era on Tumblr, and funnily enough, i kind of feel like i would have been able to enjoy it better at my current age, because back then, i wasn't really ready to accept myself yet, but now i feel like i would appreciate it. After 2015, and after Tumblr got handed out to different companies like crazy, and the NSFW ban, i always felt like the "culture" and "vibe" of Tumblr changed gradually, it became more "corporate friendly", less "emotional goth indie hipster coffee", more "prude soulless suit", and as someone who grew up in the height of emo/edge culture (the friendly emotional teen kind, not the mean edgy kind), that transition of "vibes" always kind of felt disappointing to me, not because i feared getting older, but because Tumblr was an interesting combination of a "time capsule" of that friendly type of edginess (unlike other websites), counter-culture, and openness about progressive/LGBT+/mental health topics, but also really funny jokes (we call them "shitposts" now, but they used to have more meat to them imo), Tumblr was that kind of chaotically funny friend who would also listen to you when you are an emotional wreck, that was Tumblr's "vibe", as seen by my, admittedly, millennial nostalgia goggles that is. Oh god, i'm a millennial But yeah, slowly, i felt like people just kind of...moved away from Tumblr, to other sites, like Twitter. But let me tell you, Twitter is a fucking shitshow, like, let's be real, Twitter isn't well moderated at all. I used to think Tumblr was a "drama hole", but honestly, Twitter takes the cake, there are way too many negative things on Twitter, especially political fights are a big thing, it becomes very draining on my mental health to see that every day, so i've muted a lot of words on it. I've been thinking back about the past a little, about my journey as a composer and as an artist, and one place i feel like i've overlooked in that internal retrospectieve is Tumblr, Tumblr is...nostalgic, it used to be a very different place than it is now, but i felt very inspired by it at times. Remember that one time before Undertale for example? Where i made an arrange of one of Toby Fox's song, and he just reblogged it? That's still one of my favourite memories on this website. But yeah, aside from personal moments, i also really enjoyed a lot of the site's humour, there were just so many enjoyable posts here (Tumblr University and voiceovers and cool random stories where people keep adding new stuff always caught my attention), you just don't have the same type of "vibe" on other websites, Tumblr was an unique place were i've made a lot of nice memories, and i'd like to remember it for the good things, not the bad things (because of course there's bad things on Tumblr lol). If you've actually read this; thank you, have a nice

day! (PS: Do you want me to make more of these blog-style posts? It can be about other topics too of course) (Btw feel free to comment/reblog comment on this with your thoughts!)

#blog #restrospective #nostalgia #2013 tumblr #2014 tumblr #remember

[punkscowardschampions]

Savannah & Jac

Savannah: 🙌 forced family time is cancelled 🙌 hallelujah Savannah: what are we doing? Jac: Celebrating that, obviously 😘 Jac: What excuse did you use and/or what's the sitch? Savannah: Give me a guest list because honestly does not need to turn into a downer as soon as Savannah: it was a great excuse though, taking a mental health moment Savannah: school has me INCREDIBLY stressed Jac: It should be ILLEGAL how hard they make us work, though, preach 👏 Jac: Is totally doesn't get it because she isn't in the top sets like us Jac: it 👏 is 👏 SO 👏 much 👏 more 👏 work 👏 Savannah: if her mother wasn't a teaching assistant, she'd be languishing in the bottom set Savannah: even she knows it Savannah: IMAGINE if she worked at ours Jac: Seriously, ugh, she's stressing me out rn actually Jac: some of us are trying to keep good skin over here, babe, please 😬😖 Jac: She would die, it'd be bad enough having your mum be a teacher, but a teaching assistant like... 🙈 I can't Savannah: you were GLOWING when I left you Savannah: what's she done now? Jac: ❤❤❤ Jac: this is why you CANNOT okay Jac: if we are partying, we need to have such a pamper sesh first, NO ONE but you can 👀 me like this, I swear Jac: it's so typical her Jac: like I love you but the drama, and she always makes it herself Jac: she's 💔 about that boy, the one that's friends with Xav? LIKE I'M SORRY, you didn't even LIKE him before but now he's NOT available to you, hmm 🤔 interesting 💅 Savannah: Baby girl I have got you, my auntie just got this shit imported that's like next level skincare Savannah: you'll look as beautiful to everyone else as you do to me Savannah: 🚫🚫 Is Savannah: I don't know what boy she means so he's obviously not all that important, my god Jac: 🙌 Come through Auntie!!! Jac: you are THE sweetest angel, like how did I even survive before you ??? Jac: 🙄 Serious! Jac: She's definitely mad I'm over it but like, we all have shit on our 🧠 and it's frankly way more important than this non-drama boy drama Jac: you weren't out there looking for sympathy and you're actually struggling, like, why can't she be more like you, and everyone else too, tbh 😘😘 Savannah: I'm religious about this one serum, you will be about ready to die seeing yourself afterwards Savannah: & so will everyone else we invite to this party Savannah: it's no wonder you're over it, she can't let a single thing go! The leggings incident being case in point, it happened such a long time ago Savannah: but she still has to be in my face about it Savannah: Like, sometimes depressed people are slightly thoughtless Savannah: let me live Jac: I'm SO here for this Jac: you wanna come over here? Jude is out and I can easily get rid of the others too Jac: FACTS Jac: you think she'd be more understanding Jac: someone who claims to have social anxiety, remember that too? Jac: WHERE THOUGH??? 😂 Jac: I'm so much quieter than her, like, it's such an excuse with her for when she embarrasses herself or doesn't want to do something Savannah: YES to everything! Savannah: & remember when she had too many shots at Laura's 15th Savannah: Say you think I'm faking it if that's what you think Savannah: I can't cry constantly, I don't look cute doing it Jac: You ALWAYS look cute and that's like all her issue Jac: it's really blatant Jac: babe, the insecurity, it's so sad 😥 Savannah: The last thing I want is for Ty to think that I'm upset because of him when he's the sweetest and the most understanding boo ever but that's clearly what she wants Savannah: he'd be so upset if he saw me cry Jac: ❤❤ such a good boy Jac: her jealousy is so out of control Jac: I wanna help her but how is lashing out at us, her ONLY friends, helpful? Jac: why should we, sometimes, honestly Savannah: every time I've suggested a work out, she shoots me down Savannah: I can't be any more helpful, it's really beneficial & you refuse to try Jac: it's pure laziness Jac: like you said, she'd be bottom everything if her mum didn't like DO her work for her Jac: 🙄 over it, like, lowkey don't even wanna invite her rn Savannah: we could have it at mine, you know what my family get like when there's too many people Savannah: it's not personal Isabelle, it's my mum's crazy acting up Jac: See if she's gonna pop off on your mum too, like Jac: Ugh, I dunno Jac: do we give her a chance to redeem herself? Savannah: The divorce hit hard, as well you know Is, that's why my auntie lives here Savannah: Ooh what kind of chance? Jac: She doesn't get anything about real life Jac: be lucky if her mammy and daddy let her come anyway 😏 Jac: I'm thinking, okay, don't judge me for this 🙊🙊🙊 Savannah: never Savannah: you're perfect Jac: love ❤❤ Jac: So, she's made her bed by acting all salty about this boy, yeah? So, for all this nonsense, I think she needs to invite Shane and let me have him Jac: because she can't POSSIBLY be into him really if she's still hung up on this other boy? Like, that's not fair Savannah: she would string him along but we're not letting her Savannah: There's no way Shane deserves that Savannah: he doesn't deserve you either because WHO could but if you want him Jac: and actually me and him have way better chats and so much more in common Savannah: he's told Ty endless amounts about how much he likes you, bear with, I'll show you Jac: He's really cute, right? Jac: 🤭 oh my god, babe Savannah: [a million screenshots that you don't deserve to have, get off your man's phone hoe] Jac: 1000% saving them Jac: she'll act so pressed but he wants me anyway, what are you gonna do? FORCE him? 🙄 girl, STOP 🛑 Savannah: ^^ 👏 Savannah: remember when she kept walking away from Aaron & he told her to stop & like TOUCHED her arm, she acted like he grabbed her or something Savannah: double standard there Jac: OMG yes Jac: like, I swear she wants to RUIN these boy's lives, who hurt her? 🤔 it's not cute, cannot deal with girls like that 🙅 Savannah: Let the boy speak Savannah: my dad left & I'm not taking it out on my boyfriend Jac: ^^ the immaturity Jac: we're out here trying to grow and heal and be the best versions of ourselves we can be Jac: and she just... 😑 I can't Savannah: she needs Jesus & we're closer to Buddhists 👌💅 Jac: Literally Jac: IMAGINE if I was still stuck with just her and Amelia Anderson, please Jac: actually saved me 🙏🙌😇❤ Savannah: Honey, NO I will not think about it Savannah: I swear you're my soulmate Jac: It's SO true Jac: no one else is on our level, I swear Jac: you just get it Savannah: who was I & what was I doing before I knew you? Savannah: it hurts my heart to even think about past me Jac: Me too 🥺 Jac: but no one is ever gonna fuck with you again, I swear Jac: least of all Is, that's that 👋 Savannah: now I am crying Savannah: I love you Jac: I love you too Jac: we're totally taking my dad's best 📷 and having a MOMENT Jac: the world has gotta see how good we look after our skincare vibes Savannah: everything I ordered during my midnight madness has arrived & there's a dress I'm giving to you Savannah: Shane will die Jac: You are the MOST generous, best best friend ever, I can't even Savannah: how do you want your make up because we can do barely there since you'll be 🌟✨ Savannah: or you can make a statement that you're ready to go all in for him and bring that effort Jac: What do you think? Savannah: You never have to go hard with your 😇 face Savannah: there's no flaws to hide Jac: 😚😚😚 okay then Jac: that's the mood Jac: like I'm not crazy 💕 on him, or anything but he's sweet, we could be cute Jac: not as cute as you and Ty, of course 😘 Savannah: You'll feel it when you feel it Savannah: if you forced it you'd be like Is Jac: 😱😱 NEVER Savannah: she's trying to start a conversation with me Savannah: I don't want this Jac: Oh my GOD Jac: and when does she ever Jac: bet she wants to bitch about me Savannah: Yeah totally Savannah: Who does she think I am? You're my everything Jac: You can see if she does though, play along Savannah: She's started unprompted! Savannah: 'What's Jac's problem with me? Why's she being like this' Savannah: Let me say hello Jac: Wow, like, where's the 'how are you?' but I'm the rude one 🤷 Savannah: Are you okay JJ? Savannah: this is so unnecessarily mean girl of her Jac: Like, I'm so unsurprised but Jac: what's my problem, why is it MY problem suddenly Savannah: ^^ Savannah: [screenshots screenshots screenshots lol] Savannah: she's the one with all the issues, look Jac: 🙄🙄 how much of this did you just say to my face, babe? Jac: if you can't then maybe you should keep it to yourself Savannah: I feel sad Jac: 😿 Jac: we can't let her ruin our night with whatever negativity she's trying to bring rn Savannah: if she's not bringing your boy to you I don't want her around me Savannah: she has to Jac: Like, seriously, do we even invite you? Jac: Ty knows Shane Jac: I was being a good friend and essentially asking for her blessing but why when it just gets thrown in my face like this Savannah: She doesn't deserve to be your friend Jac: It does feel that way 😟 Jac: just so glad I have you Savannah: It can be the 4 of us, you'll feel so much better Jac: I think so Jac: just not in that party mood now Savannah: I'm gonna pamper you & then Shane will too, that's the mood now Jac: 😍🙏 Jac: thank you so much Jac: that's what I need rn, forget her Savannah: She can cry all she wants, I'm not interested Savannah: we're gonna have the best time Jac: We always do Jac: especially when she's not there draining our energy Savannah: Come over whenever Savannah: Ty's got basketball & then he'll be standing in front of the mirror forever post shower taking selfies Savannah: if I wasn't so secure I'd be worried about the time he spends photographing his muscles Jac: his ❤ and 👀 are on 🔒 Jac: bless him Savannah: I can't imagine being with anyone else Savannah: if he leaves me I'll be joining my mum as a wreck who stays in bed constantly Jac: He never will Jac: he's not INSANE Savannah: am I too much? I feel like I have that gene Jac: Oh please Jac: he's rightly obsessed with you Jac: you're so gonna be together forever and get married and have all the cute babies Savannah: They would be the cutest Savannah: I hate not being from a big, close family like yours Savannah: I'm gonna make one Jac: Hey, you're my sister Jac: soulsisters, right, no matter what Savannah: Yes! Savannah: We're gonna be together forever too Savannah: & our babies will grow up as best friends Jac: That will be the best Jac: I wish we'd known each other from being babies too Jac: you were so sweet omg 🥺 Savannah: Shoutout to your dad for taking the perfect amount of pictures of how perfect you've always been Savannah: 👼🏻 Jac: Some of them are so cringe though 😒😂 Jac: thanks so much, dad 👌 Savannah: my dad's head has been ✂ out of all of ours Savannah: what could be more cringe? Savannah: my mum can literally never stop herself Jac: do you have any you managed to save? Savannah: I have some she didn't know were in my room Jac: that's good Jac: you could do something with them Jac: or, failing that ✂ her head out Savannah: Will you help me? Savannah: you're like the most artistic person I've ever met Jac: Of course I will Jac: we could make a frame out of 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 Savannah: OH Savannah: I love that Jac: Right? Kind of everything Jac: we could get one of those fake garlands to hang all our polaroids on too Savannah: 🥰 Savannah: this is why you're in top set for everything Jac: Awh, I just like beautiful things Jac: that's why we're best friends Savannah: you're SUCH a beautiful thing Savannah: I hope you know Jac: Thanks to you Jac: NEVER gonna let you forget ❤ Savannah: Do you need a lift? My auntie is asking because she loves you too Jac: 😭😭 family of 😇s Jac: yes please 😘 Savannah: 10 minutes, baby

#the gayest bffs of all

[bluemoonpunch]

Could you describe what its like to have your energy center shredded or the soul body or group messed up? I'm reading your posts and I'm just having trouble understanding those parts. Would it be like they experienced depression or something?

Oh god... 

Well, yeah, actually, depression is a very real symptom of low-vibe attack like that. It’s not an exclusive cause, but there are a lot of people, myself included, who struggled with mental health issues horrifically but could never be aided with medication and it was because there wasn’t actually an imbalance in the brain, it was mostly energetic. (I still went to therapy though, so don’t be taking what I say as an excuse to quit your treatment, people >.>)

On a physical level, it feels like pressure and tension. Depending on what low-vibe shit is trying to do, it can feel more like depression, anxiety, paranoia, or aggression. Can even be all of those. Like, consciously you’ll be aware of it, like aware that something is off and that those feelings have no reason to be there, but unless you’re “in the know” you’re probably not going to look any deeper and just end up blaming yourself for feeling that way, which leads to self-hatred and a lack of ambition to fight back, which is what they want.

SO, when I was dealing with my shit, I wasn’t fully conscious of energetic attack past the spirit, but it was my core that was being fucked with, so I don't know how it feels on that level to experience that directly. From what I saw though when I was in the Soul Body, or when I was shown the inside of the Soul body where the energy centers were/are, it looked like it had been burned severely and cut up or sliced into. It was very graphic. And you know that thing where you look at someone’s injury, like after they’ve been injured and you’re like “ooh, that hurts” - like you feel it just by looking at it. I had some of that shit there, but it didn’t feel like burning or tearing, it was like all this pressure was building up and pressing into my stomach, just under my ribs. It was also kind of a cold feeling too. 

The thing is though is that his energy center was under attack for a quite a while, so that was damage that was accumulated within that time frame, not all at once. Energetically, it’s just as awful as it sounds, but on the conscious level, it’s not really noticed in terms of severe physical pain, but those mental effects that it can have, such as anxiety or depression, of course, can come with physical symptoms like feeling tired, having random pains, and headaches. 

But see, it’s really difficult (for me at least) to really be able to tell when I’m under low-vibe attack because like... those mental and physical symptoms are just things that people experience all the time. Like, recently I went through some emotional and energetic purging and I thought I was being influenced by some bullshit like I was that LOW DOWN. And the only way I knew it wasn’t was when I continuously tried to cleanse and it wasn’t going away and it wasn’t moving or settling in any way. It wasn’t going away because that negative feeling was there because it needed to be and it wasn’t carrying any negative intention, it was just time to purge, you know. But it’s so hard to tell what’s what with people without having to like, go in to that, and I personally am a bit afraid to specifically enter other peoples anxiety and depression because I’m afraid it will trigger my own, and that’s kind of what I need to do in order to see that.

Like, I did it for Hoseok when I did his reading and for Taehyung before the Soul Body healing because that vibe was so off and so distant from what I expected to see in them that I just wanted to know what was going on. I hadn’t really pieced things together with the Soul Map when I did Hoseok’s reading, but the reason I did look into Taehyung’s was that I was aware of that influence on them then, and that was what triggered the Soul Body healing thing.

As for the effect on the Soul Group, it varied a bit, I’m sure. The people that consciously took part and volunteered their energy and actually physically participated had a lot of low-vibe manipulation prior to the healing. I had emails and messages from people on insta, twitter, tumblr, and youtube, some of which are not part of this particular soul group or part of the BTS fanbase (their part of my other soul groups that I work with), and they had a lot of bullshit happening. I think I had 3 different people that actively participated tell me they had nightmares the night before the healing where they saw bad things happen to the guys. Some people were experiencing issues with their computers, issues with being able to open my blog on their browser. Some people were having physical shit happen where they were feeling sharp pains in their stomachs and legs. I was getting that as well about three or four hours before the healing. That was mostly stuff that the low-vibe shit was doing because they didn’t want us to go through with the healing and the Soul Body restructuring.

Then after that, I thought I was going to die, a lot of people felt fucking dead after the healing because of how much fucking energy actually went into that shit. The entire Soul Group’s (4,000,000+ people ffs) collective vibration was used, which I didn’t fucking know that that was going to happen which is why I asked for people to participate, I thought I needed people to physically participate, but I didn’t, however, I think it really fucking helped me. No joke, I swear on my life, I thought I was going die. But like, that feeling that we all had after the healing wasn’t low-vibe, that was just... you know, being exhausted and drained. 

It’s difficult to tell when it’s low-vibe shit or if you're just feeling low because you’re feeling low, but a quick cleanse and a bit grounding can help figure things out. For instance, I have sea salt in my bathroom and if I feel a bit off or stressed and I think it could be some low-vibe shit starting to wiggle in, I wash my hands and my face with some of it and if I still feel it, then it’s just me, lol.  

#btssoulmap #soul group connect #btsask #Anonymous

[assaultandvandalism]

You and your gf are adorable! I wanted some advice from you and your amazing girlfriend if you don't mind. I'm really jealous with my bf, I m scared that he'll see other women and cheat on me. What's the key to just not worrying about it? Can a couple really stay together forever and not cheat on each other? What are some tips for a great relationship? And also, if your bf watches porn is it a big deal? Thanks so much!

Thank you! Let me just say jealousy has nothing good to offer to any relationship. It doesn't make a relationship stronger by any means even though it may feel as though you are trying to protect what you have because you love it so much. I myself am an extremely jealous person. I have trust issues that run deep within me and it has been hard over time learning that a partner in a relationship as good as the one I am lucky enough to have can be trusted. In a relationship it is both partners jobs to make sure each other are comfortable with what you have together but more importantly that you are both confident in it. I look at it this way. When I am constantly thinking of something bad happening, those things whether from coincidence or just the law of attraction tend to happen. It is pointless to spend all your time worrying about losing your partner, mostly because that means you are not going to truly enjoy the time and feelings you share together. If you go through life constantly worrying and nitpicking things because of your own insecurities it will never get better. It will continue on and on, getting worse over time and ultimately can become the reason why you lose a partner. To help any relationship firstly I feel that each partner needs to fully understand whether or not they are happy with themselves. If you are not happy with your self you may have problems bringing happiness into your relationship and in turn will constantly wonder if you're doing the right thing. I'm not saying it is easy but you must love yourself and be confident in what you have to offer to your partner before you will be able to truly feel their unconditional love. When it comes to working together on your relationship the words are communication and compromise. I often talk about being engaged to Koryn with people in long lasting marriages while working and ask them what they can offer for advice. These two words are almost always the answer. Once you can build yourself back up, you should have a better understanding as I said of what you have to offer to your partner and with that will come your confidence. At the same time this is where communication and compromise come in. Communicating with one and other about anything and everything should be something that feels open, safe, understand and caring. Both partners must be willing to spill there guts to each other without worry of judgment or backlash because this is how you will solve your remaining insecurities and create something that can blossom into a lifelong relationship. Both partners must be willing to listen to each others problems and concerns regardless of whether or not they both agree that these problems are problems, because even in the worlds best relationship you will not always see completely eye to eye and that's okay, as long as there is equal communication and compromise. If you feel that both you and your boyfriend would be able to pursue these aspects of a relationship, share in equal communication, be willing to compromise to recognize and fulfill each others needs, then you have the foundation of something that could be wonderful. If you have trouble working through the jealousy and trust issues you have yourself, I can recommend a few things. First of smoke some god damn weed and relax. If you have any hobbies (drawing, painting, playing music, reading, things that occupy your time and your mind) these are the things you should gravitate towards when your starting to feel down or anxious about things. Look into stones and Chrystal's that possess properties for grounding, mental health, strength, and healthy relationships. Fill up a bag of them and keep them in your pocket. Again when your starting to feel these negative emotions hold them in your hands and take some time to clear your mind and thing of the positive things in your life. Even if you have to say out loud to yourself "I'm being stupid and blowing this way out of the proportion" then do that. Like I said before you need to take the time to work making yourself happy. You will be surprised how much better you will feel both with yourself and with your relationship after adopting a more positive mental attitude. As for your boyfriend watching porn I will tell you this. Every person is different in their sexuality. This is another area where equal communication and compromise play a huge role. I'm going to be blunt here. As far as I'm concerned through life experiences, discussing with other people, reading articles about it, sex is super important to a long lasting relationship. If you are worried about your boyfriend watching porn instead of having sex with you, then you need to communicate with him. You need to make it clear to one and other what your desires and needs are, because if they aren't being met without change this part of your relationship will decline over time and your worries and trust will only go farther down the drain. I don't care what anyone has to argue towards this, if you are in a long term relationship and you don't know how your partner likes to be fucked or the things that get them going and drive them crazy, the sex will get boring overtime, decreasing the overall confidence, closeness and romantic bond. I hear so many people talk about how sex in their relationships or marriages steadily declined overtime and it kills me. I suppose if both partners have abnormally low sex drives and are both content with this it can work, but that means giving up on that part of you relationship and in turn your own sexuality and personally that is not something I would be able to deal with. If you're going to give him a hard time about looking at other naked people, then make a point to start fucking him so good he won't even think about it. If you do that and he still would rather jerk it to a screen then he is the one losing out. This is pretty long but I have some very strong feelings on these topics. I love the relationship I have more than anything and only hope as many other deserving people can find the same in life.