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testostronaut · 2 years

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Change is the essential process of all existence.

— Spock

Hi everyone! ✨👽

My name is Jay and I am a transgender man living in the weird state of Indiana and gelatin. I've decided to document my transition here on Tumblr for my own progress and to help educate and support my trans siblings.

👽 About Me 👽

I am a biracial FtM transgender man. My pronouns are he/him/his.

My gender journey has been a long one. I'm probably not like a lot of other trans people you may know or hear about, I don't believe I was born in the wrong body. In 2020, I had decided it was time to start focusing on myself and I started ny weight loss journey. At the time I identified loosely as a girl, but later, with the help of my nonbinary friend, found that Genderfluid fit me best.

I worked on my body, my diet, and my mental health during that time. With weight loss, I learned that you have to accept your body's changes and progress. You might think losing weight is a line that goes straight down from fat to skinny, but I found that wasn't the case. My weight had fluctuated up and down, peaking and plateauing, jagged until I reached my goal.

To prevent myself from mental anguish and developing food issues, I stared myself down naked in the mirror. I said to my body that we don't have to be best friends, but I accept you no matter what. I accept you, because you will change, and I will celebrate every change along the way. I had also made the conscious effort not to let myself spiral for having a snack or eating high calorie foods sometimes.

I had hated my body until that moment. I already have depression, I didn't need to keep ruminating on how much my body didn't look or feel right. I accepted it with the condition that I would change it to make me happier. And I did, and I am.

I identified as genderfluid for a few years. I had a "girl season" (she/her pronouns and name) and a "boy season" (he/him pronound and Jay). Sometimes I had an enby season where I didn't identifiy as either and preferred they/them. It's no surprise to me now that boy season stuck a lot longer. I began to identify as a transgender man at 24.

Then I began the slow process of understanding what that meant for me. I always thought that everyone daydreamed of being a man. I thought every woman wanted to be able to walk around with their shirt off. More than anything I wanted my own full beard that went with my long curly hair so I could embody that rocker/stoner dude look. I have also always hated my DDD sized breasts and since I had grown them had always wanted a breast reduction. I detested the thought of giving birth since childhood, a miracle I am happy to forefit.

I didn't feel a strong dysphoria for my body. When I was a child and learning to use the computer, I wished I had a penis, and found an educational website that explained how sex reassignment surgery worked. I was determined from then on not to have a micropenis. I'd happy trade in my large chest for it's masc equivalent. I didn't think that this meant anything and assumed that it was normal for girls to feel this way. Who wouldn't want one?

Still, I struggled to perform femininity. Nothing I did wver felt right or comfortable. I hated being seen or called a girl. It wasn't that I didn't like women in general, I am bisexual and have had both cis male, female, and nb partners. It was that it didn't fit me and at the time I didn't know what that meant until I found my community. My home in my identity as a guy.

If you have any questions, stories, or if you're a terf who believes they have any authority to tell someone what they can and can't be, feel free to message me! I'm not going to leave any corner of my journey hidden. I want to be part of the discussion and education. I want to support my trans siblings in their endeavors, and I plan on being a huge nerd about it.

Live long and prosper. 🖖

#transgender #long post #ftm #about me

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toonatic92 · 5 years

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(TW/CW: Mild unrealistic gore) [Image description: Three digital line drawings done for Pride Month 2019 of my original characters posing together, wearing clothes with their LGBTQ+ identities' flags on them. First picture, from left to right: 1. Grace, a tall Mixed Race nonbinary person with an afro and vitiligo, wearing a hoodie with Japanese writing on it, a tank top with the Asexual and Cassromantic flags on it and jean shorts with the Vaguegirl flag on them, holding an e-cigarette and glaring at the other characters. Parts of their body are cut out, revealing grapefruit segments inside their body. 2. Ricky, a tall Latino man with a shaved head, wearing shades, a dress shirt with the Heteroflexible flag on it and creased pants with the Transgender flag on them, slouching with his hands in his pockets and a grumpy expression. 3. Robin, an average height Black nonbinary person with locs in a ponytail, wearing a jacket with the Venusic flag on it, a T-shirt with the Galaxian flag on it, bracelets with the Intersex and Agender flags on them and plain cargo shorts, leaning forward and making the peace sign with a happy expression. 4. Nerys, an average height Black nonbinary person with long natural hair, a support cane and one prosthetic eye, wearing pentagram earrings, a rainbow glass eye with the lambda symbol on it, a long cardigan with the Bisexual and Demiromantic flags on it and a maxi dress with the Witchgender flag on it, leaning on her cane and resting her arm on the head of Angelica, the character next to her, and looking at her with an affectionate expression. 5. Angelica, a short Black teenage nonbinary person with long natural hair with two braids, a birthmark on their face and a wheelchair, wearing braid decorations with the Intersex flag on them, a long-sleeved top with the Horrorgender flag on it and a dress with the Apothisexual flag on it, sitting in their wheelchair and looking up at Nerys with a cheeky expression. 6. Mickey, an average height Black nonbinary person with natural hair in an undercut, wearing rose earrings, a sweater with the Agender flag on it and leggings with the Asexual and Panromantic flags on them, standing with one hand on their hip and the other holding the hand of Ama, the character next to them, and looking at her with a loving expression. 7. Ama, a tall Mixed Race woman with a shaved head and ponytail, wearing a sleeveless top with the Asexual and Lesbian flags on it, bridal gloves and jeans with the Intersex flag on them, holding Mickey's hand and looking at them with a loving expression. Second picture, from left to right: 1. Neeta, a short South Asian nonbinary person with glasses, wearing a hijab with the Autigender flag on it, a long-sleeved top with the Asexual and Aromantic flags on it, purple and black bead bracelets and leggings with the Agender flag on them, leaning forward with their arm around Rillion, the character next to them, and an excited expression. 2. Daisy, a short female anthro duckling with natural hair in an undercut, wearing a daisy hair decoration, a T-shirt with the Demipansexual flag on it and jeans with the Transgender flag on it, waving at the viewer with a happy expression. 3. Rillion, a tall East Asian man with shaggy hair and a goatee, wearing a long-sleeved shirt with the Queer flag on it and jeans, leaning to the side with one hand on his hip and the other around Neeta with a happy expression. 4. Bride, a short Mixed Race teenage nonbinary person with a shaved head, a cybernetic eye and a mask covering half of their face, wearing a jumpsuit with the Genderflora, Asexual and Bellusromantic flags on it, shyly waving at the viewer with a small smile. 5. Dandelion, a tall male anthro duck with shaggy hair in a ponytail, wearing a dress shirt with the QPOC Gay flag and the Biromantic flag on it and jeans, posing with his hand on his hip and an irritated expression. 6. Jamie, a tall Southeast Asian nonbinary person with spiky hair, wearing a T-shirt with the Polysexual and Recipromantic flags and jeans with the Bigender flag on them, standing with one hand in his pocket and the other around Julie, the character next to him, and looking at her with an affectionate expression. 7. Julie, a short Southeast Asian teenage girl with long straight hair, wearing a long-sleeved top with the Transgender flag on it and jeans with the Neptunic flag on them, standing with one arm holding her other arm and looking up at Jamie with a shy smile. Third picture, from left to right: 1. Skylla, a tall Black nonbinary person with long natural hair in a high ponytail, wearing a Grecian-style dress with the Greysexual and Terasgender flags on it, standing with their arms around Kharybdis, the character next to them, and looking at her with a loving expression. 2. Kharybdis, a short East Asian woman with long curly hair, wearing a headband with the Sapphic flag on it and a Grecian-style dress with the Transgender and Intersex flags on it, standing with her arms around Skylla and looking at them with a loving expression. 3. Alisha, a short Mixed Race teenage nonbinary person with afro puffs and a prosthetic arm, wearing earrings, a T-shirt with the Heliogender flag on it and shorts with the Lesbian flag on them, standing with their hand on their hip and looking up at Zeta, the character next to them, with a happy expression. 4. Zeta, a tall nonbinary anthro axolotl with straight hair in a bob cut and glasses, wearing a necklace, a sleeveless top with the Lunarian flag on it, bracelets and a pencil skirt with the Caedosexual and Biromantic flags on it, hovering above the ground with their arm around Alisha and looking at them with an affectionate expression. 5. Gopi, a tall South Asian nonbinary person with a TV for a head, wearing a T-shirt with the Staticnonbinary flag on it and jeans with the Requiessexual and Aromantic flags on them, leaning forward with one hand on their hip and the other doing a small salute. Their TV head has a pixellated image of a rainbow on it.] Part 1 of this year's Pride Month picture. Sorry it's so massively late, but I had computer trouble and a shoulder injury. These are all the protagonists of my original stories and their canon LGBTQ+ identities. The second part will be my fan characters and their identities. Most of these identities are fairly new or not well known and will probably require some explanation, so I'm including links to their respective entries in Pride-Flags' DeviantART gallery, which is where I got most of these identities from. Also, don't worry if the link name is different to the identity name I've used, those are the right links. From left to right: 1. Grace McKenzie (27 years old, Biracial (Black/White), British Jamaican, vitiligo, lupus, autistic, depression) - Asexual, Cassromantic, Vaguegirl (they/them). The protagonist of my unnamed pastel gore story, a grumpy vaporwave girl with a weird condition that makes their body split into fruit segments. Links: Asexual (1) Cassromantic Vaguegirl 2. Ricky Hernandez/'Agent Aries' (45 years old, Latino, Mexican British, autistic) - Heteroflexible, Biromantic, Trans man (he/him). The secondary protagonist of my unnamed magical girl story, a hotheaded career criminal turned magical boy who is secretly geeking out about how cool his new destiny is. Links: Heteroflexible (1) Biromantic Transgender (1) 3. Robin Adebayo/'Agent Taurus' (25 years old, Black, British Nigerian, autistic, anxiety, 5-ARD) - Venusic, Galaxian, Intersex, Agender (they/them). The primary protagonist of my unnamed magical girl story, a nervous anime fan who gets their dream come true when they are turned into a magical enby. Links: Venusic (2) Galaxian Intersex (2) Agender (1) 4. Nerys Bridgewater (47 years old, Black, Antiguan British, cane user, missing eye, autistic) - Bisexual, Demiromantic, Witchgender (she/her). The secondary protagonist of my unnamed witch story, a socially awkward witch who has to suddenly look after her niece, despite the fact that she's not good with kids (or anyone else, really...). Links: Bi- Demiromantic Witchgender / Magusgender / Magegender (1) 5. Angelica Bridgewater (14 years old, Black British, spina bifida, leukemia survivor, autistic, Perrault syndrome) - Intersex, Horrorgender (they/them), Apothisexual. The primary protagonist of my unnamed witch story, a stroppy teenage cancer survivor who has spent most of their life in a hospital bed and now has to go live with their weird aunt in her creepy mansion. Links: Intersex (2) Horrorgender (2) Apothisexual (1) 6. Mickey Montague (24 years old, Black, British Caribbean, schizoaffective disorder, autistic) - Agender (they/them), Asexual, Panromantic. The secondary protagonist of my urban fantasy/detective story 'Truth Seekers', a sweet social butterfly who had to drop out of college for mental health reasons and has lost their direction in life until a chance encounter with a runaway princess gives them a new lease on life. Links: Agender (1) Asexual (1) Panromantic (5) 7. Ama Grivillix (20 years old, Mixed Race (Black/Latino/White), Mixed British, Erb's palsy, autistic, CAH) - Asexual, Homoromantic, Intersex (she/her). The primary protagonist of my urban fantasy/detective story 'Truth Seekers', a reserved fairy princess who ran away from her underground kingdom to become a detective and avoid being crowned king. Links: Asexual (1) Homoromantic (1) (This isn't the right flag. The flag I used is the more inclusive version of the lesbian flag, but Pride Flags doesn't have that one.) Intersex (2) 8. Neeta Kandhari (26 years old, Desi, British Indian, Muslim, autistic, OCD, depression, anxiety) - Autigender, Asexual, Aromantic, Agender (they/them). The primary protagonist of my sitcom story 'Failure to Thrive', an adorable shy nerd who needs to go outside and make friends, so they get sent to a house full of strangers with issues. Links: Autigender Asexual (1) Aromantic (1) Agender (1) 9. Daisy Drake (11 years old, Mixed Race (Black/Arab), Mixed British, autistic) - Demipansexual, Trans woman (she/her). The primary protagonist of my kid hero story 'Daisy Bubblegum', a cute, bubbly little duckling who is just starting secondary school and just starting openly presenting as female, when the ancient gods of her world suddenly show up and tell her that she's the chosen one. Links: Demipan- Pride Flag Transgender (1) 10. Rillion Shimada (27 years old, Asian, British Japanese, depression, abuse survivor) - Queer. The secondary protagonist of my sitcom story 'Failure to Thrive', an embittered cynic who has successfully alienated everyone in the halfway house where he lives, until Neeta arrives and melts his icy facade. Links: Queer (1) (This isn't the right flag. The flag I used is the queer chevron one, but Pride Flags doesn't have it.) 11. Bride McGuire (15 years old, Mixed Race (Roma/Irish Traveller), Mixed British, autistic, anxiety, burn survivor, missing eye, scoliosis, heart defects) - Genderflora, Asexual, Bellusromantic. The primary protagonist of my cyberpunk dystopia story 'Planet Earth', a painfully shy teenage cyborg working at their family's flower shop, until an incident with the police awakens their mutant powers and forces them to go on the run. Links: Genderflora (1) Asexual (1) Bellusromantic (1) 12. Dandelion Gadwall (21 years old, Desi, British Asian, albinism) - Gay, Biromantic. The secondary protagonist and main antagonist of my kid hero story 'Daisy Bubblegum', the lazy, mischievous son of a cult leader who has been chosen by the cult to be their messiah and implement their new world order, even though he'd rather mess around with his friends. Links: Philadelphia Gay Pride Biromantic 13. Jamie Phung/'Supernova' (26 years old, Asian, British Vietnamese, autistic, anxiety, PTSD) - Polysexual, Recipromantic, Bigender (he/him, she/her). The primary protagonist of my superhero story 'Supertwats', a kind and humble graphic designer who is coping with raising his sister on his own and being heavily closeted about his gender identity, when he and his sister are suddenly kidnapped by the government and turned into superheroes, giving him a powerful, genderfluid super identity. Links: Poly- (1) Recipromantic Pride Bigender (1) 14. Julie Phung/'Sailor Rage' (16 years old, Asian, British Vietnamese, autistic, anxiety, PTSD) - Trans woman (she/her), Neptunic. The secondary protagonist of my superhero story 'Supertwats', a shy, sensitive teenage girl who is coping with the loss of her parents and trying not to be a burden on her brother while repressing her anger issues, when she and Jamie suddenly get kidnapped and turned into superheroes, leaving her with an anger-powered beserker form. Links: Transgender (1) Neptunic 15. Skylla (??? years old, Black, Greek, autistic, depression) - Greysexual, Terasgender (they/them). The primary protagonist of my Greek myth story 'Skylla and Kharybdis', a depressed former nymph who was turned into a man-eating monster by a jealous love rival and is now stuck in a cliff with very little company or food and forced to eat passing sailors to stay alive, until they strike up a friendship with their neighbour Kharybdis. Links: Gray Asexual (2) Terasgender 16. Kharybdis (??? years old, Asian, Greek, autistic, anxiety) - Sapphic, Trans woman (she/her), Intersex. The secondary protagonist of my Greek myth story 'Skylla and Kharybdis', a cheery former mortal priestess who was chained to the bottom of the sea by Zeus for stealing cattle from his son and became a ravenous whirlpool, forced to eat ships to sate her never-ending hunger, until she strikes up a friendship with her neighbour Skylla. Links: Sapphic (2) Transgender (1) Intersex (2) 17. Alisha Roberts (14 years old, Biracial (Black/Desi), Mixed British, autistic, nonverbal, amputee, depression) - Heliogender (they/them), Lesbian. The primary protagonist of my video game idea 'Coping', a moody autistic teenager who is being bullied at school and babied by their parents and seeks solace in video games, until an alien virtual reality device lands in their back garden and creates a new world for them to escape to. Links: Heliogender Lesbian (This isn't the right flag. The flag I used is the more inclusive version of the lesbian flag, but Pride Flags doesn't have that one.) 18. Zeta (30 years old, Asian, British Asian, autistic, depression, PTSD) - Lunarian (they/them, she/her), Caedosexual, Biromantic. The secondary protagonist of my video game idea 'Coping', the friendly AI interface for the virtual reality device who helps Alisha create a fantasy world suited to them and despite her limited programming, starts to form a deep friendship with Alisha. Links: Lunarian (1) Caedsexual / Caedosexual Biromantic 19. Gopi Shiraz (33 years old, Desi, British Indian, autistic, depression) - Staticnonbinary (they/them), Requiessexual, Aromantic. The primary protagonist of my unnamed original species story, a grumpy tech geek who fixes old televisions, computers and gaming consoles for a living and through exposure to their magical essence, ends up turning into a TV objecthead with the power to create and control electricity. Links: Staticnonbinary (1) Requies- Aromantic (1) Photoshop CS4

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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Unknowingly Absent Black Father with a temper, and Black daughter’s hair not being taken care of

@kitty-kat-creations asked:

I’m working on a romance between a Black bisexual man (Jaiden) and a white gay enby (xyler). The story is complicated but basically they had a kid and Jaiden isn’t in her life for 5 years only because Xyler didn’t tell him. At the start of the story they reunite and Jaiden is determined to be a good dad, but I’m nervous this still perpetuates the missing Black dad thing? Should I change anything?

He also tends to be impulsive and a little quick to anger, but not aggressive, but this is because of his ADHD (smth I’m familiar with) and I’m planning to make that clear.

Also I wanted to include a scene where, after they start to bond more, Jaiden teaches Xyler how to care for their daughter’s hair; should I include this or avoid it since I’m not Black? (Previously the daughter’s hair hadn’t been taken care of well (the father that has her is white and extremely overworked so ey never thought to think of hair care))

Absent Black Father

Even though you wanted to avoid using a trope that harms Black fathers. However, involuntary absenteeism still contributes to that. At the end of the day, your character through his own actions or the actions of another character was not an active parent for the first 5 years of his daughter’s life.

In terms of childhood development, that is critical bonding time missed out. Imagine starting kindergarten and your primary caregiver introduced you to a strange adult that is supposed to be your father.

There are also legal consequences for this as well. For example, If this is set in the US and Jaiden is named as the father he has 5 years of child support owed.

I suggest that instead of Xyler not informing Jaiden that he is a father until 5 years after the fact, that he is involved as early as possible in the birth and care of his child. Some true narrative conflict could arise if you position Jaiden as a new, overwhelmed, and unsure father. The experience of wanting to do right by your child and being afraid of messing up is a universal experience not rooted in any racial stereotypes.

Anger Due to ADHD

Colette wants to say: I’d be careful with writing in the anger trait. You explain it is attributed to his ADHD. I don’t know enough about ADHD to comment, but make that abundantly clear as a source vs. just him being angry by default.

Try to lean closer to frustration than acts that come out in the form of physically hitting things or people or taking out his anger on his child, whether verbally or physically.

Black followers with ADHD, please chime in.

Black Child’s Hair Care

As for the child’s hair care and hair styling, I gently urge you to not write the daughter’s hair damaged and ill-taken care of. Not tending to the hygiene needs of your preschooler is a form of neglect. If you wish to show the parental figures as negligent, find another avenue.

Some Black-white biracial children with different hair textures from their white primary caregiver face emotional trauma from the lack of care they receive because their white caregiver “can’t be bothered, doesn’t know how, or finds it frustrating”.

If Xyler knows that the father of eir child is Black, then ey should do eir due diligence and learn about Black hair care. Jaiden could be the person that leads em to those resources before the birth. You could then reframe the haircare scene as less of a redemptive one “I didn’t know how to manage my daughter’s hair for half a decade but I’m glad I do now” to more of a fun familial one “It’s hair wash day, let’s grab our coconut oil and detangle in front of the tv”.

All of the above depends on the fact that you should be well-versed in Black hair care prior to writing.

-Norma

Ps: We apologize for the initial misgendering of this post. the pronouns have been corrected -WWC

#Black #Black men #Black women #Mixed race #mixed race children #Black hair #Absent Black Father #Angry Black man #neglect #abuse tw #asks

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