#so he has some bad stuff but also nice things

[erose-this-name]

Kabru is such a brilliantly written character, one of the best in Dungeon Meshi (which is a high bar as it is, most of the main cast are similarly genius). 

His thing is that he is very friendly and nice confident and maxed out his charisma stat, but is also kinda ambitious and manipulative. But not in an overtly malicious way. Which kinda scares me.

The most impressive thing about him, writing wise, is that it’s all show-don’t-tell. He very frequently uses his charm and empathy and understanding of how people think in really clever ways. We’re often walked through his thought process of how he does these social deductions. We’re never told he’s scarily charismatic, besides other characters reacting to him being scarily charismatic.

Kabru is a natural-born leader and social engineer with superlative skills in both, which makes him the perfect foil for Laios, who’s too autistic and unambitious that he’s not even the de facto leader of his own party that he’s the official leader of. He’s so bad at leadership that his party just, sort of, doesn’t have a leader. They just kinda argue and do stuff.

What’s also neat, and perfectly inline with Meshi’s general theme of clever and logical subversions of fantasy tropes, is that Kabru’s character design in no way clues us in on this fundamental character trait of his.

He’s sort of a human fighter / knight archetype, which in the language of fantasy RPGs is a class most would associate with being a white bread jock, chivalrousness optional. (Laios subverts the same trope in the same way. It’s really funny that the walking exposition dump of the group looks like the character creator default preset spec’d as the most generic class available.)

If Kabru was a bard or noble and Laios a wizard, their character traits would be far less interesting

Even better is that we would expect someone who looks like Laios to have Kabru’s personality, and vice versa. Their character designs are flipped; the confident super charismatic leader is a short wide-eyed twink, while the slightly naive and very autistic monster enthusiast is a tall conventionally attractive Aryan lookin’ mf. (see what I mean by Kabru being such a good foil for Laios?? No wonder everyone ships them, they’re perfect for each other!)

Yet, their designs also work for them. Kabru just has a face that’s easy to talk to, his piercing blue eyes and curly hair gives him a false sense of naïveté, while his iconic 👁️👁️ expression hints that there’s actually quite a bit going on inside his head. Meanwhile, Laios believably looks like someone who doesn’t know what hair conditioner is. His armor’s collar gorget thing is also pretty dorky.

You can’t trust people like that (I mean overly charismatic people with a manipulative streak, not blue-eyed twinks) because you can’t know what their real motives are. You can’t know they aren’t pretending, you can’t know they aren’t trying to or haven’t already manipulated you. How could you? When he has so much more social intelligence than you do, average socially awkward Tumblr user? He’s touched all the grass!

In episode 16 (spoilers, btw) Kabru finally meets Laios’s party, who he’s been trying to find and fight for the better part of the season, and he just decides that no confrontation is necessary. Like, immediately upon meeting the guy. Just from how Laios looked at him. He figures that since Laios didn’t seem to recognize him, they either have never met meaning he has the wrong guy, or Laios forgot meaning he didn’t think it’d be a big deal, meaning the treasure was a trap or something. Which is pretty in line with Kabru’s established ability to always roll nat 20s for every charisma and deductive reasoning check, so cool.

But he doesn’t even seem curious about which of those cases is true. (He might be interested to find out some of the treasure wasn’t dangerous, but accidentally got thrown off a bridge). Much to Rin’s dismay, he’d rather just not bring it up because that could upset the leader of the party he might be working with for the foreseeable future.

Actions speak louder than words. So, all we really learn in this scene is that Kabru’s goals and M.O. can change on a dime, and that he values reputation and political capital more than money and vengeance. More than his own party’s desire for those things. Not only is he someone with a silver tongue, but he knows its value and is determined to use it at every opportunity.

Kabru and his party might not be very good at fighting or surviving in the dungeon, in fact their frequent TPKs are a running gag. But, he also doesn’t need to be when he can just manipulate Laios’ and Shuro’s much more proficient parties into helping him.

So far, Kabru seems like the most likely one to become king of the dungeon or whatever the mcguffin is. He is the only protagonist so far who has said that’s an actual goal of his. He’s said that he doesn’t think someone like Laios who isn’t a born leader should get it.

In fact, Kabru seems to have very strong opinions on what kinds of people should be allowed to adventure in the dungeon, evidenced by the fact that he murdered an entire party over it, justified or not. Kabru seems to think that Kabru is such a leader, and he’s probably right about that, but what kind of leader? 

What would Kabru do with that kind of power if he gets it? Because I’m not sure. All I know is that he is the kind of person with the ability to use real political power to its full potential. For good, or for very, very bad.

I’m not saying that Kabru is evil or that he’s secretly gonna be the surprise villain. I dunno, I haven’t read the manga. He could just be a nice guy that’s just, like, is like that. Everything he’s done could be justified by the explanations he’s given. He actually reminds me a lot of one of my IRL friends, and I’d trust him with my life.

But, I can’t help but feel a distinct sense of unease whenever he’s on-screen. I try not to trust confident natural-born leaders like him right out of the gate. I don’t like that our instinct as humans is to blindly follow them without thinking about it.

Tyrants and psychopaths also use confidence and charm and a friendly demeanor to make people think they’re a good guy, while manipulating everyone into thinking their self-serving actions are altruistic. Benevolent, confident, skilled leaders do exist. But there exists many more snakes wearing their skin. Wolves rarely bother with sheep’s clothing, they dress as shepherds and sheepdogs.

Anyway, my point is that I think it’s kinda neat that it’s possible to overthink this much about a character whose probably just a nice guy that is the mirror opposite of an autistic person. Writing that kind of ambiguity is hard, and employing it in this way is inspired.

#writing #spilled thoughts #dungeon meshi #kabru of utaya #laios x kabru

[yuri-is-online]

Head up this ask is kinda weird.

So do you think people wear perfume in omegaverse AUs 😀? Because the fact that everyone already has scents, perfume has to kind if clash with it right? Maybe some people use light perfumes to enhance their scents, and then those "Alpha Male" (omg that just gets a whole other meaning) podcast bros call it catfishing.

Would perfume even exist in the first place? I don't really see a purpose for perfume if everyone already has a scent... but bro imagine Yuu (who isn't from an a/b/o world and is getting really confused as to what the fuck an omega is and cringes every time of the guys calls themselves an alpha. Meanwhile everyone else is trying to figure out why this weirdo doesn't even have the slightest sent. Especially jade becuase I'm on that JadeYuu shit rn) that wears perfume or cologne trying to get more. And when they can't find any at Sam's they just try to fucking make it. I mean it's a little weak smelling and some of the notes don't exactly go with the others but hey! They have something to spritz now! :)

And now their friends are doing double takes because bro you did not smell like that last night. Also it smells artificial and it's weirding them out

Anyways I sincerely apologize for making you read that.

oh no you don't go apologizing for this confused, a/b/o is a guilty pleasure of mine (also i am doing concept drawings for asmodeaus rn. the timing of this ask made me laugh real hard) This isn't a smutty ask, but just so all of you know, I am good with those since I need the practice with suggestive stuff. I just won't be very good at it for a bit.

Anyway. I have never actually thought about this, but I have always sort of thought of scents in abo worlds to be a very instinctual thing that no amount of perfume can cover up. I don't know if you've ever encountered a scent you can taste but I have, a light in the room of a pool I was swimming in went out and let out a smoke so foul you could still feel it on your tongue and in your lungs when you pinched your nose. It was beyond overwhelming. That doesn't mean there's any less of a reason for perfumes to exist though, as I talked about in that post about Rollo's handkerchief in the past disease was thought to have been spread through foul smelling odors and bad air. If anything I could see that being an even bigger superstition in an abo world where scent is already super important. I could see people trying to make scents that complimented their natural one, maybe it could even be a courting ritual for an Alpha to give an Omega they are interested in a perfume they've made that compliments their smell and has notes of their own... Oh! Or working in notes of their scent to their own perfume to indicate interest!

a-twistedheartslonging mentioned in their tags on that post about Jade's scent that Morays use scents to attract a mate, so if you take that idea about perfume being a courting step I could see Jade just being so distraught that his beloved pearl has no discernible scent. And what's worse they keep changing what little scent they do have! What's he supposed to do with that huh? I think he'd be the only one excited by Yuu making their own perfume because it gives him an excuse to talk about the scents that Yuu likes and what perfumes are like in their world. Maybe they could make a perfume together next time (⚈_⚈)? Oh haha he's just thinking out loud he knows you aren't close enough for that ye- Oh you... you would like that? You think he smells nice and you want to know what sort of perfume or cologne he uses?

(he'd get so delulu so fast if you said that. sure Yuu you can smell just like him c: just let him dim the lights a bit first he hears that's important c: just remember to be gentle with him ok???)

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #jadeyuu #jade leech x reader #suggestive #i might #haveabitofabreed1ngk1nksouh #ilikeabostuff #shootmepls #a/b/o dynamics

[cyberbunny07]

Just Trust Me

A Vox x Reader Ramble

A. N. I’m so damn tired but oh well. I’ll fix spelling tomorrow. Might add things? I dunno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Btw made it gn somehow so yippee

Cw: Yandere Vox / hypnotize stuff / Grammar probably

Vox has taken a liking to his latest assistant.

As his assistant —hired by Velvette herself to get him to ‘Chill the fuck out, you mangy fuck’— you were tasked with making sure Vox wasn’t fighting with Val. And that he actually ate. You thought you died again when you saw him eat for the first time. Not too bad, right?

Right.

——

Only thing, you lived in the tower to ‘make things easier’. You wouldn’t turn down free housing. The only thing was how many electronics there were. And cameras. But, thankfully, there weren’t any in your room. He made sure to hide them well.

That, and the rather showy uniform he had you wear, were pretty normal. It was Hell, nobody was perfect. He was just making sure you wouldn’t snitch or lie or steal or whatever.

He also liked seeing his initial on you, but that’s besides the point.

——

You wouldn’t even realize anyone was wrong. If you had any suspicions in the beginning, he would easily sweet talk or even hypnotize you into listening. You were just a little birdy to admire.

Speaking of Birdy, that was his little nickname for you. A bit strange, but he probably did it to everyone. And because, you should just feel lucky to even work for him and stop questioning things-

——

After a while of being his little piece of decoration, he starts to feel… something. He doesn’t know what, be he knows that his newest intern clearly doesn’t know boundaries and don’t worry, sweetheart, he’s there to save you. From what? From him! He was trying to steal hit on you and you didn’t want that, did you?

That happened a lot. People trying to hit on you after you told them no. You did say no, right? Of course you did. And you always had him to save you from those annoying people. They were beneath you anyways.

——

He had you sit in on meetings to ‘take notes’. He really just wanted to show off the little bird he caught. Aren’t they just amazing? And nobody would steal you because you were his little Birdy. And if anybody tried, Val would have some fun during his little tantrums.

Speaking of Val, he was the whole reason for this. Vox had mostly ignored you up until Val got completely caught up with Angel Dust. With nobody for himself, he found you. His precious little Birdy. You would be all for him. You wouldn’t leave him for some stuck up prick, right? Right.

——

You can’t remember when it started, but the lines started to blur between being a bird on his shoulder to being his Birdy. But you loved it. It enjoyed the attention. It was all for you and it’ll all be worth it. All the waiting.

Waiting? Your head hurt, but Vox would be there to help. He was always there. He’d always be there for you. It certainly helped that he monitored your every move. All those cameras coming in use. He couldn’t let his Birdy get hurt.

What kind of boyfriend would he be if he did?

Boyfriend?

——

You never wanted to leave his side. Not when he was the only one to protect you. No, no, it was way too dangerous for you to leave. You might as well stay with him. All the time. Forever. Hell, you might as well move in with him at this point. And you do. It was your idea after all.

And he loves watching you do domestic chores. No more pretending to play nice. No more pretending to be okay with the bare minimum. There you were. All for him. And he would never let you go.

——

Just don’t wake up.

He doesn’t like that.

#hazbin hotel #vox x y/n #vox headcanons #yandere vox #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #vox x reader #yandere vox x reader #yandere vox x y/n #yandere vox headcanons

[xxstrangeangelxx]

Hi! I just want to say I LOVE your Human Mammon!! Do you have any headcanons on him? I'd love to hear it

HII! my first azk yippee^-^!!!

n THANK YOUUUUX!! he is so silly billy and i am SOOO happy you like my interpretation😭! thats very nice of you to say! have a scrunkly blorbo drawing:

he sure is mean! and its supposed to be a tattoo on his wrist there but i couldnt think of a design so idrew scribbles 🤕 anwayz i do have some random thoughts + random sketchy shite for ya lul

he is so stupidly tall, like 6'6 or so

really really strong obvi

he can technically still teleport but usually wont in order to keep some semblance of being a regular guy, he hates this and thinks its a really annoying waste of time to walk everywhere lol

he has a noticeable electrical energy around him. if you get close enough, you will feel your hair stand on end. if hes having a bad day, he often leaves behind a string of "freak electrical accidents"

compared to his long lifetime, he really has not spent too much of it in the human world. whenever he goes, especially for the first day or so, he occasionally slips up and thinks he is working with his usual four arms, which throws off his coordination and balance. he will sometimes try to catch/hold things with his second set of arms out of habit

verosika 😍anyways

something he does like about his human form is that its physical limitations allow him to actually feel at least physically satiated with food, drink, and other stuff without the insane amount of effort to do the same in his true form. the satisfaction is nice for him to feel for once

likes to party on earth because its easier to get wasted

he can magic away piercings/tattoos he gets bored of, pretty epic

the world has always had its share of greed, and he enjoyed the decadence and pageantry of super wealthy noblemen and royalty but he really loves modern widespread consumerism and late capitalism. he appreciates the casualness and convenience of the present day, and nothing is nicer for him than a smog filled city.

as clowning became less relevant, he got more involved with general show business. he especially fell in love with the rock star/celebrity image some decades ago and got seriously into the business side of the human music industry.

i go back and forth about whether he still preforms in the human world. probably, right? but i could see him satisfied just being the band manager/agent from hell, especially in recent years

that is all i can think of off the top of my head! hope you liked reading my ramble lol! he is so fun to draw and if you or anyone had any ideas about him i would also really love to hear them! thx uuu!!

#helluva boss #helluva boss mammon #mammon helluva boss #hb mammon #helluva boss humanization #human mammon #my art #rip verosika #is this really long? #it got long all of a sudden #too xcited lol

[bumblingbabooshka]

'Parturition' is so brave for being the yaoi ship trope episode of Voyager. "Neelix and Tom Paris had a physical.....fight." Also continuing Tom's beautiful habit of loving both infidelity and child abandonment with all his heart. Also, wonderful out of context quote: "I had no right to push that pasta in your lap."

#Also I forgot about the Tom/Kes stuff in early seasons #You know what? I think Kes can flirt. Disaster as a real couple/ship but I do believe they'd do some going-nowhere flirting #post Neelix breakup. Also once again Kes SHOULD have been able to ADVENTURE more!!! #Tom's true wife is a beautiful woman named infidelity and he loves her more than anything except Harry Kim #Tom: (bothered & horny) Play the clarinet Harry. #Harry has a really cozy couch setup btw #OH ??? I sthis a thing??? #In two different episodes now Harry's said 'there's an old chinese expression...' <- was that something they were trying out?? #Thank God it didn't stick. #Harry: You keep setting yourself up for rejection. You must like playing the part. / Tom: Don't knock it 'till you've tried it. #<- Sound of a nail being hit squarely on the head...Harry's so handsome #YEEEAAAAH THE GIRLS ARE FIIIIIGHTIIIIIINGGGGG!!!! #Neelix being so possessive of Kes is obviously bad but him just out of nowhere insulting and tossing pasta on Tom IS very fun and good #removed from context. Tom: -eating. doing nothing- / Neelix: You fucking lowlife asshole. =_= #SNRKAHAHHAAH 'I'LL KILL YOU!!!!' CARTOON ROLLING AROUND ON THE TABLES~!!?!?? #I like how this is a fight but NOT serious at all....they are looney tunesing it #Even the background crew are like...smiling & laughing. This is so funny <3 #The doctor would love if two men fought over him. He'd be concerned and tell them to stop but he'd secretly love it I know him I know this. #'How delightful!' indeed. Kes' green & black outfit in this episode is really pretty! Also she & the doctor's banter is nice~! #'That's not funny!' / 'It's not meant to be. You LOVE autopsies?' and her laughing at him saying 'then your world must have very dry lit.' #Also love the doc's ultimate advice of 'It's not your problem' bc it's not~!! Yaoi sin planet with cure what ails em #NEELIX SAID TECHNOBABBLE!!!! HE SAID THE LINE!!!! #Tom: I'm picking up caves west of here. / Neelix: Yaaay. <3 <- negative. sarcastic. hateful. #YEEEEAAAAAAHHHH DINO PUPPET BABYYYY!!!!! #Janeway: Tuvok can you do X? / Tuvok: (preening) I have anticipated your request Captain. / Chakotay: =_= #Tom: The baby's shivering...that's normal right?? <- Yeah Tom <3 It's so normal <3 You're gonna be a great dad <3 #Also Neelix just smiling earnestly at being called Godmother...-raises brow- #Neelix & Tom: Kes - Captain - we've worked out our differences! We had a baby <3

[quirkeduptransguy]

YES my username on yt is a blood bros reference :33 i need to go to crimes world again i know in my heart and soul that i love her but i seldom show her attention .. i need to care her more ..

HOOFRAY!!!! also pretty please do!!!!!!! for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#such a good album it is Insane that like. you never really see it talked about outside of certain spaces #and even then it was originally derided for being much less heavy than its predecessors #such a smart album lyrically and even in just like certain songs like peacock skeleton with crooked feathers #which btw is my go-to song to introduce people 2 them #for obvious reasons. the way the vocals play off each other #the keyboard #aforementioned lyrics because man they’re good at writing political lyrics that are simultaneously very pointed and relevant to this day #and also just plain fun. the way they word stuff rolls off the tongue very well #which I suppose is very much in part to Whitney being a very literary guy from what I’ve read up about him #SPEAKING OF!!!!! Jesus Christ the vocals. the vocals #(positive) #very very powerful for a guy who was like…. 21-22 at the time of recording I’d reckon? #I know whitney’s vocals are a turn off for the band for most people but imo? it’s one of the main appeals. 2 me he is like an insanely good #vocalist. almost jealous that he can hit those notes as a cis guy and I can’t cause omfg in like. wolf party near the end #HOW DOES A GUY MANAGE THAT….. #I love how they incorporated elements of other genres in it. like I don’t see them as indie rock like people #for whatever reason #like to describe them as in that album #but you can hear the elements. bringing up wolf party again cause nick zinner did some of the guitar in that and he’s in an indie band no? #yeah yeah yeahs or whatevs. they’re cool seeming I should check ‘em out #ALSO sorry I kind of glossed over Blilie. he’s really fucking good in the album obvs!!!! #pretty sure he did the album art which. omfg it’s had an aesthetic chokehold on me as of late #and also just. he has a nice voice #the sort of warbley thing he has and also his screams… goated #contrary to my posting #I’m actually a bliliegirl I’d consider myself lol. Whitney happens to also have a psychic chokehold on me #this is obvious. I go by Johnny and want to go blonde HMMMMM I WONDER WHY.. #my bad for rambling in tags I just. I love that album so deeply #it’s very meaningful to my identity and songs like the title track and beautiful horses just. get me right at my core #evil neighing compilation

[starsandthorn]

no but actually. losing my mind over the running theme of kaeya making up some elaborate excuse for a benign request only for diluc to see right through all of that and give him what he wants anyway

#personal stuff #ragbros #like........................! #he is so willing to do things for kaeya it makes me crazy #jean's outfit. windblume. weinlesefest. the hangout #he just doesn't want to hear him make up stories just to get what he wants #like god. god. ''give that silver tongue of yours a rest'' [gives him exactly what he wants and invites him to stay for dinner] #and diluc leaving in the hangout so he doesn't have to listen to kaeya come up with excuses. but giving him what he wants anyway #kaeya feeling like he has to do the same thing with Everyone. putting up that distance and making it into a game #partly because it's fun and it's fun to watch people's reactions but also #genuinely ASKING people for what you want???? absolutely not. they might say no #but if they say no to ''oh nooo you bought some low quality wine better have me test it for you!!'' you can just laugh it off #and come up with something else to say. #except for when your brother remembers the stories you've told him to get wine and calls you out on your bullshit #i'm normal. #just . godd to go from them being so close and knowing each other's thoughts and intentions without a word #to kaeya feeling like he has to make excuses for diluc to be nice to him #even though he is so willing to help out like. SHAKES HIM!!!!!! #it must suck so bad to imagine that your brother wouldn't be willing to do things for you just because you ask. #and to see your brother treat you like a stranger and not ever just tell you what he wants because he doesn't trust you anymore. #the brothers. explodes

[gojowh0rcs]

me reading hcs with a reader that thinks theyre being funny and sassy but are really just being mean and stinky to gojo:

#dont get me wrong i think he'd do the best w a s/o who spoke their mind and stood up for themselves #most importantly against him too cuz he knows he has a bad personality so he's bound to not get certain things unless they told him flat #and directly** #he'd like someone with a sense of inner strength in them like nah they dont gotta match up w him in physical strength #(no one can anyway :p) #but someone that provides a sort of stability would be nice in his otherwise v hectic and spontaneous life #he might call them boring from time to time cuz hes a jackass but in the end and in the long term he'd come to appreciate the normalcy they #provide*** this man got trauma out the wazoo #life is all over the place for him but still he serves as an anchor for the jujutsu world #ppl turn to him for help when they dunno what else to do #hes often a source of stability for other sorcerers. a lot of responsibility piles on his shoulders #so having a little piece of that for himself would be smth he'd eventually come to look forward to. it wouldnt be smth that'd cross his #mind at first*** but hes like a cat u gotta psspspspspspsp ur way into this man heart #but once ur in ur locked in anyway so its def worth it #BUT. idk sometimes i read stuff and im like hmmm this is mean :((( DSJKDSJK #be nice to this baby :(((( not that nice ofc u can knock him around when hes bein an asshole too #but in relationships idk i think he'd do well with someone who had some patience for him too #not let him get away with things like they def hold him accountable but they also have acceptance for him #he'd relax w someone like that i think

[highwaydiamonds]

As someone who hates the sisyphean task of cleaning, how dare my mental health prefer a clean room.

#like come on brain - you could have made this one easier on the rest of me but ( as usual) NO You didn't #did i think about this as i sit in my tidy bedroom where everything just looks a lot cheerier and cozy and happy now that it's clean? yes #did it literally take me DAYS to get it this clean - and by this clean i still have laundry and stuff to do - so it's not perfect #but it looks like it p much is #and while my skin has not been cleared no my depression cured - it certainly is a boost to feel like this is a refuge #i actually want to spend time in her and feel like it's a nice room to be in - awaaaaaaaay from the other people i live with #and lbr - i need a plce to get awaaaaaaaay from them (and ok fine vice versa most likely) #but still - it would be a lot simpler if my brain liked a messy room more- my lazy parts would prefer that- but no #depression brain says -BITCH CLEAN UP - you will be happier and capable of doing some of the things if it's clean #also - you will feel LESS OF THE BAD HORRORS if it is clean #so UGH - FINE i will have to work to keep it clean - I GUESS. #i should reread camus's myth of sisyphus because iirc he didn't talk about dishes or laundry or room cleaning in that #he probably talked about death - been too many years since i read it - i don't remember - probs death and suicide #but not cleaning - he should have talked about cleaning. or wanting to die when you realized living means more cleaning #that would have been way relatable - but anyway - here we are- i'm not dead - and not planning on being so any time soon hopefully #partly because there is shit i still wanna do - but also partly because this room looks p decent and i'm not gonna make it messy #especially not by dying in here when it takes forever to get it clean #moral of the story: cleaning makes you feel like you wanna die but when it's done for the moment you'll be like i'll do that another day #because now the room is clean and dying in there would be a waste of the efforts of cleaning. just appreciate the space - vibe w/ it #and then you realize - ok life is maybe okay - and there's art and books and flowers and sex and chocolate and cute animals #so even if there are sisyphean tasks - and there are many - well do em anyway - brain will like it and then get back to the good stuff #thus endeth the tag saga after a short text post #welcome to how shit is around here sometimes

[luxraydyne]

pop quiz what breed of childhood trauma borne neuroticism is it called when being condescended to on just the most neutral, limpid, nothing thoughts you express like you’re a little silly child, or “out of your depth”, or woefully misinformed, or just speaking on something you shouldn’t cause fuckin hell you’re doing it *wrong*, and with the most plainly obvious remark too, makes you want to chew on your own arm until you reach bone marrow

#i hate internet discourse i hate internet discourse i loathe online Big Fandom it makes me come out in hives #i'm not stupid. i'm NOT stupid. i know this. i'm not being mean and nasty and bitchy either. just saying shit wrong. #siiigh i don't want to just stop making shit and like speaking. about stuff. on the internet. but like also. why would you? #there are exceptions (who i hope would recognise themselves if not i apologise) but largely i am more miserable #and more self destructive more regularly since stepping out of anonymity and engaging with people online #except animal crossing. like everyone i've interacted with through acnh has been. really Nice tbh. which is nuts lol #the stories you hear are almost universally bad and yet everyone i've chatted with albeit briefly has been so nice #i get anxiety over whether or not some stranger i'm never gonna meet thinks i'm an imbecile or not like how stupid is that? it's ridiculous #my self esteem has somehow gone backwards??? #it don't fuckin matter! proving a relative nobody wrong and keeping her in her place don't matter! i mean it's daft but what's the point #and i know i need to internalise that i KNOW but damn it's hard #i want to just say fuck it and leave. become like a fandom esque zombie or whatever. but i also want autonomy over what i've produced now #unless i just delete all that too ig #but why should i!! #i go through this cycle every month it's like having an extra self-loathing hormone #if you're super attached to something w my username on it just download it for yourself you have my blessing give urself peace of mind lol #in principle i want to ghost and all of a sudden i'm am unperceivable and none of it's my damn problem any more lmao #but then i'm too bullish and prideful and egotistical so i'm like 'bbbut my seven tumblr followers who always like my silly text posts uwu' #i'm the dw in this scenario. the sign says 'just leave you're a nuisance' and i'm looking right at it like 'he he. no <3' #even if just doing what the signs says would definitely go some way to help with not wanting to just perish. or the arm chewing thing. #i just. simply. think. i would like to know. what it is i have done specifically #i know the answer is somewhere between nonexistent and nonsensical like it's not worth thinking about #what i've done is exist in a way that is arbitrarily deemed stupid/distasteful/ugly/deviant/noisy/irriating/etc it's irrelevant #and yet. there is a burning black void of needing to know in me. anon hate get into my dms tell me why you dislike me so #nothing is scarier. is the phraseology #like a game of wackamole with every utterance. is this one gonna get bapped with the hammer of 'you are so wrong'? why? does it matter? #who knows....it is a mystery...... #i matter so little! i have 50 followers! two (2) ppl read the fanfic and thought it was 'aight! i don't matter! i am such a tiny fish! #what is even the point just leave me be no one cares! #i *could* redirect this hysterical existential horror energy into my original work. i *should* do that

[foxcassius]

jiwon is so nice.

#I WANT TO CALL SOMEONE ON THE PHONE AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM. WHO IS READY FOR THIS. #first of all. 2 days ago we were in the car talking about moving to america (common conversation topic in this house) #and he was talking about how he imagined life would be there vs korea and his image of it is very nonspecific #he just said 'more time to enjoy life with you and our baby' #our baby. who doesnt exist yet. who isnt a thing yet. that he is still thinking about so much and feels so attached to that he has begun #commonly referring to it as a real thing. our baby. #ALSO today i was like having a slight crisis bc i started just absently talking about hagwon stuff and started to get upset thinking about #potentially having to do hagwon work for another year or even three more years and also going into a spiral because ive hated every job #i've ever had and he was like 'okay. 1) once we move to america you dont need to have a job once we have our baby for 6 years minimum.' #'2) if you hate hagwon work we simply WILL find some way for you to do SOMETHING else for the next 3 years once you get on the f #visa. dont worry about it.' #and i was like but i feel bad if i dont work and he was like 'well dont 🤨 idc if u work once we get established in america' #'u can if u want otherwise who cares' hes such a nice guy. wah. scream. #t

[pepprs]

meant to post abt this yesterday and ik it’s kinda mean but i think the counselor i have rn is the worst one ive ever had possibly even worse than (or tied w) the one i had over the summer who kept ending our sessions well before the full hour was up when i was going thru a horrible time and kept spending the sessions mostly talking abt herself and her own problems. actually no now that i write that out she was probably the worst (though she was one of the warmest / nicest and our personalities meshedreally well so i feel bad saying that she was the worst). but the one i have now is so…. lke idk. my experience w the worst counselor made me rly want to work w a clinical intern again bc i wanted someone who would like. actuallytake things seriously and give me the time i was paying for and spend all of it talki ng abt the things i was paying to talk abt and draw from the most recent / cutting edge info instead of entirely personal experience (WHICH AGAIN I FEEL SO BAD ABT BECAUSE. my work is all abt healing each other by sharing things like that and i realt did like her but it just wasn’t appropriate i guess bc it was a counseling relationship!) but my current counselor is so… rigid and restrictive. like i think he is trying too hard to apply what he’s being taught and he seems like nervous and talking out of his ass and he masks that by taking up SO much space and spending like 3 minutes responding to every one minute i talk and literally like strongarmimg the convos and deciding what we’re going to talk about and moving us on to a new topic abruptly before i feel ready to move on and like taking time out of our sessions to do paperwork / admin stuff so he doesn’t forget later (and a lot of the time i think he’s doing it while im talking bc i see his eyes moving around his screen and the light on his face like he’s not even listening to me). and it fucking sucks. i want to crack him like an egg so bad and make him realize it doesn’t have to be this way but i know that’s not my responsibility and in our session last night i basically gave up trying to create enough space for myself and just let him steer things bc i was having side effects and it was just rly unsatisfying

#purrs #i know it is entirely within my right to address these things both for my sake and for his / his future clients but im so scared lol like i #don’t want to tell him he’s doing a bad job and making it hard for me to navigate but literally when you keep steamrolling and silencing me #and cutting me off and forcing me around… yeah. also he has to record our sessions and show them to his profs / supervisors and it’s so like #idk. ive been recorded in sessions before and im totally fine w it but there’s 2 things abt this specific instance of it thst distress and #annoy me. 1) when we sign on to our session he says like 2 things to me then starts the recording and is TOTALLY fake and forcing it like #hello tess welcome to our session and he’ll repeat some of the stuff he said but in a more like.. extensive way so it just feels rly fake #to me lol. WHICH ALSO REMINDS ME 1.5) not related to the recording but every time he asks me questions he asks like… 3 questions but doesn’t #give me space to answer the two like it’s just a bridge for him as he&/ working his way to the thing he actually wants to ask me and i #fucking hate when ppl ask me questions and then answer them themselves or like don’t want to hear the answer. i had 2 profs like that in #brighton and it fucking pissed me offff so being around someone who does that again is rly agitating ik it’s just a nervous habit but yeah. #and 2) i am kinda concerned that none of my counselors profs or supervisors have seemed to call him on how he doesn’t give me space or let #me guide the convo. like idk maybe it’s just that all of my counselors before him were too loose w me but i feel like it s not supposed to f #feel this rigid and i am kinda scared abt the implications of no one actually watching these recordings and see how i try to speak but he #almost always talks over me and i just give up. lol. i like him he’s a nice person i just think he’s nervous and trying too hard and it #would be passable for like.. the little kid clients who usually go there but it doesn’t feel good for me a 23 year old who has had like what #6 counselors before him all of whom gave me space and didn’t shove me around. i miss the counselors i had from oct 2020 - jul 2021 and sept #2021 - feb 2022 they were the best ever and i am inches away from terminating here and just trying to go to wherever they are full time now #and working w them again bc they rly got me and i didn’t know how good i had it lol. i guess i don’t need someone as good anymore bc things #in my life are objectively better than they were during those times but my mental health is still bad so i would uhhh… like someone good #and don’t think that’s too much to ask and need to get it into my head that i CAN ask it. ok rant over #*no one actually watching the recordings has seen / pointed out to him how he steamrolls me etc etc

[tropical-lazor-beams]

[image description: black and white sketch. dangeresque, further in the background, points his nunchuck-gun forward in a wide stance. dangeresque too, in the foreground, leans back on his feet & points his own gun in the air. they both look seriously to the right at an unseen target. at the left are some crates in the background. the caption is red, blocky & curvy text, reading "you take the big guy". end image description]

i honest to god put more stock into the relationship between these double-fictional characters than sb & hs themselves sometimes

#the implications man the implications #i read that one comic yes and i think the honest to god nice level the dangeresque two's relationship is built upon is. so fun #i will analyze that in another post. this post is for me to say. i really like it #god what if i wrote a story. see i really like the idea of stories where sb has to confront the beings from his own creations #in a messy & extremely freudian manner #so one where he meets up with the cast of dangeresque would be fun to make. i can imagine it #if cutsey/sultry buttons craig & strong sad's misc brother characters are any indication there is a good deal of actor influence #in the cast's realization as characters. i mean like bubs & the kot & pom pom & the poopsmith play their parts pretty straightforwardly #but let's face it. sb can come up with very nice concepts but he can't do super varied character types. #the rest of the cast are responsible for much of the variety in the actual character trait department. he makes up the drama fine #okay i said i wouldn't do analysis in this post. my point is a fcusa/dangeresque cast meetup would be interesting #because some of them are direct strong bad products & there'd be some people dealing with #yep yeah i figured out that's how sb views me while i was playing that character. or even just yep i'm not like that at all #meanwhile others would be like man it sure is nice how i'm not actually like that but it kind of hurts how sb views me so #and yet others would be like say strong bad since dangeresque & dangeresque too are getting up to some stuff right now #wouldn't it be so cool if we also did something. so that they could see their progentitor-types have also got epic things going on #god ask me about this again at a time not so late at night okay. and also once i've had more time to think about it

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

I really hope this album isn’t fully produced by Jack…

#taylor swift #midnights #I’m sorry but I prefer her stuff with Aaron #if you look across various artists’ songs that jack has produced you can tell because they sound so similar #I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to have a signature style/sound but it just starts to get a bit repetitive when it’s all so similar #like branch out a bit try something new! #it’s not a coincidence that my least favorite songs are the ones jack produced #they just usually aren’t my favorite on the album #he seems like he’s a nice guy and she clearly trusts him but I’d wish they’d experiment a bit more #and I know she is involved in production choices but his style is so clear especially considering other artists #like when I listened to Florence + the machine’s new album I could tell which ones he had a hand in because they sounded like other stuff #and I ended up not liking them as much as some of the other tracks #and the first two bleachers albums sound like one giant work which isn’t great they should be distinct bodies of art #I also want her to work with new producers too just in general! I think she’s got a good balance between frequent and new collaborators #is this an unpopular opinion? I don’t know

[rosykims]

i think the reason (or at least one reason) why varric is so unapologetic abt his bananas retelling of cillian's ~champion of kirkwall~ tale is bc cillian's life was quite honestly already batshit insane before he even met the guy. i love the idea of him being a jack of all trades kinda dude so yeah he was a carpenter in lothering in the three years between malcolm's death and enlisting for ostagar, plus a hobbyist painter on the side which is... eh its cool ig. but he also left home when he was 18 and travelled to orlais and antiva for several years was briefly. ahem. a mercenary. a lord of fortune. an acrobat with a travelling circus. a cat burglar. a BARD. and also (very briefly) an assassin <3 so honestly varric at this point is underselling him lol

#he is JUST as unhinged as the rest of the kirkwall squad like he's very nice and kind but also a TERRIBLE influence lol #he probs considered joining the wardens at one point too. but he's too sporadic & wouldve just ended up leaving after 6 months like anders #oc: cillian #also to be fair cillian was not good at Any of those things <3 except the assassin part unfortunately which he hated #him being a bard is so funny to me because hes such a bad liar too #like the reason varric straight up believes every crazy story he ever tells is bc hes SEEN this fucker try to lie and its PAINFUL #anyway this is why theyre friends. cillian has seen SO much shit and so a lot of stuff doesnt phase him quite as much as it should #and varric is just. consistently flabbergasted by some of the things he learns abt him #sometimes when he's got writers block he'll just show up at hawke's house like 'hey tell me something fucked up you did in antiva city' #and then hawke's like 'have a seat. how much time do u have' #writers block cured <3

[lilgynt]

my dad called me his guardian angel and that i have more patience than my mom and i know i told myself he just says shit but like that actually helped cause same day he was like i do not want to be alone with you and ur crazy so like. that did help a lot!

#personal #he doesn’t mean it and apologizes when his mind comes back to him but like #still good to remember during the bad moments #and this will sound horrible but #it’s not bad. per say. #when he says the nice stuff #but sometimes i do get an uncomfortable spike of anger #it’s like he says stay with me don’t leave help me or calls me nice names like guardian angel or something else #and it’s a flash of anger like im not made for you i don’t exist just for you #and obviously he doesn’t mean that #but hearing that from the guy you’re basing ur whole life around for the past few months #who due to things out of his control and frankly some of his own nature can get pretty nasty #and god im pretty sure it’s just the demita and anxiety but he’s so needy #like my mom can’t get any sleep or space around him #and my dads acting like their married with all aspects and my moms allowing it bc she has her own complicated feelings on the matter #but mostly for him so that’s cool to watch in real time #also watching the stats of how marriage benefits men and not women while my dead sucks the life out of my mom #like he doesn’t mean to but he doesn’t let her relax sleep eat anything like she took a week off work to clean the house & take care of him #and not to martyr my mother cause love her sympathize with her she is still. her. #but no one deserves what she’s going through and i will never have a bad word to say about how she acted during all of this #other things? fuck yeah but this no she handled it like a saint #and she’s been treating me better too so that’s nice #but anyway so fucking needy. i can hear them talking rn bc my dad wakes my mom up to reassure himself #i mean last night i was with him for five hours never left and if i did i warned him. he goes to bed. wakes up screaming my name #not his fault he wants to be reassured but jesus #i mean you go to the kitchen or bathroom from the living room and he says hurry back and interrupts you mid wipe #i’m a little spoiled bc he lets me go to my room some days but my mom doesn’t have any luck #he should get better with meds hopefully #and then worst of all you’ll #okay literally stopped typing bc my dad wouldn’t let my mom sleep and she freaked 😭😭😭 i talked him into just laying down but for how longuh