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uwuwriting · 3 years

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Incompatible ships w/ Todoroki, Kirishima, Bakugou and Midoiya

Request: hii! i love ur posts so i thought why not request ajbakaha,, can i ask for todoroki, kirishima, bakugou, izuku getting jealous bc their s/o is getting shipped with another student :D (it can be their relationship is still a secret or smth) btw i love your posts!! it's free serotonin!! 😽😽- anonymous

Secret relationships are my favorite trope. This and friends to lovers. I live for these types of fics. Random fact, my allergies are acting up bc I helped take down the Christmas decorations and now my hands are on fire. Love ya. 💖💖💖

masterlist II rules

warnings: fluff, minor suggestive themes not something major though

Todoroki Shouto

-Things like jealousy are a rare occurrence in your relationship.

-Todoroki is the type of boyfriend who trusts you blindly and would put his own life in your hands without a single hesitation.

-Sometimes it bothers him how other people effortlessly flirt with you but he knows that nothing will come out of it no matter how much they chat you up.

-He knows you can handle yourself and get out of a situation if things start getting out of hand.

-And if you can’t, he will butt in glaring down at the person who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

-Everyone around you seem to believe that the two of you are really close friends; none of them have caught a whiff of your relationship and you are proud of yourselves.

-I mean it is pretty hard keeping so many romantic milestones hidden from your friends.

-But alas you both knew that keeping all of this to yourselves would be for the best.

-Now, we all know that the girls of your class drool over any remotely romantic interaction you have.

-Same goes for everyone actually.

-Oh Kirishima held the door open for you the other day?? I can see a new ship sailing.

-Sero helped you pick up your stuff when you bumped into a wall? Your knight in shining armor.

-Really any sort of kind gesture was interpreted as romantic interest at this point.

-The worst part of it all was the ship they had created and have been simping over for the past three months.

-You had managed to create an unexpected friendship with Monoma from class 3-B.

-The agency he interns in is right next to yours so you take the same train and then walk to almost the same building every single day.

-You see him during patrol, the pro heroes you work under have paired up once or twice so a friendship was inevitable.

-So imagine the surprise on your classmate’s faces when Monoma began waiting for you outside the 3-A dorm building.

-Mina wouldn’t shut up about how cute you two were together and what a perfect match you made.

-Soon enough the other idiots joined the party and you were drowned in ‘awwww’s and ‘love story in the making’s.

-You got tired of explaining that he was just a friend, that you weren’t interested in him.

-The fact that you could feel Todoroki’s gaze burn through your back didn’t help at all.

-Your boyfriend had asked you about Monoma because he too found it weird how he waited for you everyday.

-The boy’s presence didn’t bother him at first.

-He was lowkey grateful that you finally had company on your way to the agency considering he couldn’t walk with you since his building was in the opposite direction.

-It started becoming a problem when all he could hear during the breaks was the stupid ship name the girls had created.

-He could see how visibly uncomfortable it made you and how you would seek for his gaze during those moments.

-Then they started talking about how cute your kids would be and that’s when Shoto had enough.

-It’s one thing hearing about how cute your girlfriend would be with someone else and it’s completely different when you hear about their potential offspring.

-Grabbing your wrist he basically dragged you out the classroom and into an empty hallway, pinning you to the nearest wall before connecting his lips with yours.

-You let a surprised gasp which gave him the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth and deepen the kiss, making you grasp onto his shirt as your knees gave out.

-After what felt like an eternity he let you go for air before attacking your jaw, neck and collarbones.

-Soon those soft kisses turned into little love bites.

- “Sho you’re gonna leave a mark.”

-Releasing your skin from between his teeth, he admired the reddish hickey he had left at the base of your neck.

-He was sure your shirt’s collar could cover it up just barely.

- “That’s the point, love.”

-Intertwining your fingers, he led you back to class, going to his seat with a proud smirk on his lips leaving a very flustered puffy-lips-messy-haired you in his wake.

Kirishima Eijiro

-Kiribaby is not the jealous type.

-Like only if you give your undivided attention to a puppy and you smother it with all your love and affection then maybe, just maybe, he will pout a bit and ask for his own fair share of love.

-He trusts you just like Todoroki does.

-Nothing has ever happened to suggest that he should worry about others stealing you from him so he doesn’t worry.

-Plus you are always together no matter what.

-Almost everyone from your class knows that you are together so the shipping doesn’t start from them.

-Oh no.

-It starts from class 3-B who has seen you talk to Tetsutetsu quite a bit this past few weeks.

-You might wait for him outside their classroom during lunch breaks.

-They have caught you hanging out outside of the school grounds.

-So the only logical explanation they can come up with is that you two are either A) dating or B) have a thing for each other and are getting there.

-Soon enough rumors start circulating.

- “Did you know that someone from the hero course is dating that metal guy from class 3-B?”

- “Yeah yeah I heard it’s that girl Y/N. They do look really cute together, not gonna lie.”

-Eventually these rumors reach Kiri’s ears and they kinda get to him.

-He knows that you haven’t been hanging out extra with Tetsutetsu since every time you guys go out he is always with you.

-You are the type of couple who does everything together, literally.

-Apart from being in different agencies ya’ll are holding hands almost 24/7.

-So he really doesn’t get what everyone is talking about.

-Mineta doesn’t help.

-He really doesn’t.

-He starts making scenarios about what you do while Kirishima is out of the dorms; how you have wrapped both homies around your finger and toying with them.

-Oh the very vivid scenes he creates with all three of you in a…. compromising position.

-Kirishima hates that most of all.

-The words coming out of Mineta’s mouth disgust him to no end and soon enough he is walking to your dorm ready to talk this through.

-Opening the door you greet your boyfriend with a smile and a quick peck but you immediately know what is on his mind.

- “Baby what are we gonna do?”

-You basically whine at the question.

-He spends the whole night at your dorm brainstorming ideas until you both pass out on your floor.

-And your solution to the problem?

-Ignore the whole thing and continue on with your lives.

-He suggested maybe leaving a mark somewhere *like our boy Sho* but you shot him down saying that they would just think Tetsutetsu did it.

-After Monoma catches you in your classroom making out on your desk though the rumors soon die out.

Bakugou Katsuki

-Crazy boom boom boy.

-Your relationship is a secret because he doesn’t want to deal with all the other idiots gushing over your relationship and getting all up in your business.

-Your relationship is a sacred thing he has sworn to protect and he won’t let Mineta’s ugly ass hands get anywhere near it.

-Gonna taint it even with his thoughts.

-Guard dog Bakugou bark bark.

-It’s fairly easy to maintain a secret relationship with him.

-Sure he might be a tiny bit calmer with you and maybe just maybe his eyes linger on you during training but yeah he treats you just like he treats all the other extras he is surrounded by.

-Now, Bakugou is kinda *read a lot* jealous in general.

-He doesn’t like when people he doesn’t fully trust or like, talk to you or are close to you.

-He has butted in on your conversations with Todoroki one too many times and the poor crispy baby is so confused like why are you like this?

-I just want the chemistry notes please let me get them in peace for once.

-You have chastised him about that manier times but your resolve melts when he pouts *YES HE POUTS AT YOU RWIHPWIE* before wrapping his strong arms around you.

- “I just don’t wanna lose you, dumbass.”

-You can barely make out his words as his face is buried in your stomach but you heard him and now you are tearing up at the pure emotion he is showing at these moments.

-At the end of the day though, he trusts you.

-He may not trust the other horny extras around you but he fully trusts you.

-There’s no doubt about that.

-You can imagine ,though, the instant rage he felt when he heard the girls talking about you and Deku.

- “They do make a great couple.”

- “Have you seen how they look at each other?”

- “Good for her, Deku is perfect boyfriend material.”

-First of all, how dare you, second hold the fuck up…..when did this become a WhoRe hOuSe?!?!?!?!

-Legit someone has to shake him out of his stupor after that one.

-You look at Deku in a certain way?

-Fucking DEKU?!?!?!

-THoughts are swirling in his mind almost pouring out of his ears when he hears the voice.

-That annoying ass voice that he has engraved in his brain since childhood.

-And the moment his eyes land upon Deku and you speaking, he sees red.

-He is pouncing on Deku in -5 seconds, the poor green haired boy completely unaware of what hit him, literally.

-They are on the floor wrestling on another, you screaming at Katsuki to stop and get his shit together while your boyfriend is spewing curse after curse at the OFA user simultaneously asking what the hell he was doing with HIS girlfriend.

-Aizawa had to break them up.

-They both got detention even though Deku did literally nothing.

-Katsuki was denied cuddles for a whole week and he was set on explaining duty now that the cat was out of the bag.

Midoriya Izuku

-Izuku is the best boyfriend anyone could ask for.

-He is loyal, shows emotions, is good at communicating with you, has incredible date ideas although he is kinda forgetful at times and his packed schedule doesn’t leave enough time to spend with you, at least not as much as he wants, but he always tries to make up for it in other ways.

-You love how much trust he puts in you.

-You couldn’t be more grateful.

-But Izuku has his insecurities.

-At times it becomes hard for him to understand why exactly you’ve chosen him to love when you could have anyone you wanted in this school.

-He can’t wrap his pretty little head around the reason why you stay with him when the only thing you get out of all this is others saying you deserve better than some crybaby.

-It has become his mission to prove to you that he isn’t what others say he is; he isn’t some crybaby, he is a hero in training who won’t hesitate to risk his life for you.

-You have reassured him multiple times that you don’t care what others say.

-You fell in love with him, him and all of his flaws.

-No one told you that you should fall for him and no you didn’t agree to date him out of pity.

-Most of the time you manage to erase those thoughts from his mind replacing them with the warm feeling of your love.

-But there comes a time when no matter what you say, the words of other people will get the best of him and it will be a struggle to build himself back up.

-He is thankful to have you by his side during those moments because then he truly feels weak, he feels helpless, he knows these things shouldn’t bother him.

-He loves you and you love him end of story, but they do get to him.

-One of the worst times he questioned if he was good enough was during your third year.

-Being in the support department you couldn’t be by his side 24/7 but you did always manage to see him during breaks to the point the whole class knew you and slowly became your friends.

-The thing is they thought you two were also friends; neither had ever mentioned your relationship and things felt so comfortable between you that they assumed that you were really close friends.

-Izuku had suggested keeping your relationship on the down low; him being in the hero course and having created rather the reputation, he was afraid that you would be dragged into something dangerous.

-Plus All Might advised you two to keep it a secret and All Might’s words are law.

-Izuku loved how well you got along with his friends, it meant that when he revealed your relationship they would all welcome you with open arms.

-What he didn’t expect though was for them to start shipping you with someone else.

-For some weird reason the girls of his class started obsessing over your interactions with Bakugou and soon after that they started trying to get you two alone in the same room, much to your dismay.

-In reality, Bakugou was the only person who knew about your relationship.

-He had ran into you as you were leaving Izuku’s dorm room, catching you two kiss goodnight.

-Bakugou, as much as he disliked Izuku, would never get in the way of your relationship and he hated this ship shit as much maybe even more than you did.

-Izuku was ready to crawl into a whole and die.

-You had to stay in his room for almost a whole month to calm him down completely, him flying you to your own building in the morning so you don’t get in trouble.

-It was a difficult time aand his classmate’s comments didn’t help one bit.

-The tipping point was when he overheard Mina devising a plan of setting you guys up.

-He walked down to the common room the next day with you next to him, hands intertwined, a hickey barely visible under the hem of HIS shirt, shocking everyone in the vicinity.

-A new ship was created *after they harassed you for answers*

TAG TEAM AY:

@the-arcana-fan-fic @angelwritings @axerrri @reinyrei @dnarez @storage11037 @ezoyscorner @letscheereachotheron @wolfkid22 @dark-thoughts-and-red-roses @threeamwriting @ysatrap @yashinosakura @belladonna-coven @akita-l-lynn @angel6786 @meena-in-a-nutshell

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thatringboy · 3 years

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Hey there!

Saw ur post bout wanting requests and I'm happy to oblige. Percabeth is my absolute OTP and so I would love to read some fics based on them, esp when you write them soo well🥺

1.I've always wanted to read a fic where Annabeth spoons Percy! I think that wud be so cute.

2.Or would love to see a fic where one of them cant sleep at night so they go do smtg spontaneous, like stargazing or roadtrip or trip to McDonald's hehe.

3.A prompt (if that's how you take requests): "Did you just kiss my Achilles Spot?"

omfgggggg the amount of fluff i shoved into this is almost puke level. but percabeth will never get to that level. anyways i decided to do all three prompts because i couldn't pick one. enjoy!

Stargazing in Grey

Warnings: Rachel Elizabeth Dare being a little shit, but we love her anyways (so in other words, none)

Characters: Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, Rachel Elizabeth Dare (but only for like two lines at the very end)

Ships: Percabeth

Word Count: 1,405

Summary: Percabeth sneaks out of their cabins to go stargazing and realize (again) how much they love each other. Takes place between the end of HOO and the beginning of TOA

“You know… we could have just taken some Melatonin or something.” Percy made a confused face.

Annabeth rolled her eyes despite knowing that he probably couldn’t see her do that in the dark. “And where’s the fun in that?”

“Who are you and what have you done to my rule-following Wise Girl?” His smile was audible in his voice.

She elbowed him in the stomach and fell back onto the grass of Camp Half-Blood hill, her grey eyes searching the night sky. Constellations danced across her gaze and a smile curled over her lips. Percy’s eyes adjusted to the night enough for him to be able to see her features illuminated by the moonlight.

Gods, she’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.

“What was that?” Annabeth sat up.

Percy realized he had whispered his thoughts out loud and plopped himself down in the grass next to her. “Nothing! So tell me, Wise Girl,” he pointed up at the stars. “Which one is that constellation?”

She laid back down and followed his finger to where he was pointing. “Oh, that’s just Heracles.”

Percy made a gagging sound. “Oh gods not that guy!”

That was the game they played: Percy pointed out a constellation, Annabeth identified it and they repeated. Percy told stupid jokes just to hear Annabeth’s laughter and he felt like he was walking on air everytime he heard it.

This was his Wise Girl, he realized. Starting from “you drool when you sleep” all those years ago and now sneaking out of their cabins at night to watch the stars when the nightmares became too much. Everything else in his life was fleeting and frankly at the mercy of ungrateful gods, but Annabeth was his constant. She was his tie to mortality when he dipped in the River Styx, she was the one thing he remembered when Hera stole his memories and sent him west and she was the one who held his hand in Tartarus when the world quite literally swallowed him up. And now that they had survived two Great Prophecies and were finishing up the summer in Long Island before heading to New Rome, the realization of how much Annabeth completed him struck Percy in the heart. She was the one who kept him humane when he wanted to unleash his destructive powers, she was the one who treated his wounds when he hurt himself against monsters and she was the one who curled up and cuddled him when the whole world was against them.

How in Hades was he so lucky to have fallen for her and for her to have fallen right back - quite literally in their case.

When they had finished their game, Percy found himself staring at her once more. He could examine her face for years and still find new things to fascinate himself with. If he was given Pandora’s box and told that the Hope at the bottom was Annabeth, he’d rip the lid off in a heartbeat and slay all of the monsters that jumped out with her.

She yawned, pulling Percy back into reality, and stretched her arms. “We should probably head back before Malcolm wakes up and flips on us.”

Percy pouted like a child and turned over in the grass to face away from her. “No! This was your idea and I wanna stay!”

Annabeth sighed and scooted closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her face into his back. “You’re such a child, no wonder you live with your mother at eighteen.”

He wiggled a bit so that he could turn his head to glare at her. “I’ll have you know that I missed half of being sixteen and half of being seventeen!”

She squeezed the skin of his stomach to shut him up and the two laid there spooning in the grass for a bit. Annabeth could feel his heartbeat and the way his lungs expanded when he breathed and sighed at the realness of it all. For six months, she was without him. After years of fighting by his side, he had just vanished and both of them were pulled into another Olympus-Destroying calamity that they had to fix. She had found herself cursing out the gods during that time, begging to know why did it always have to be her family that got messed over by the gods? For once, couldn’t someone else take up the mantle? Thalia had died then joined the Hunt, Luke was… well, Luke and all of the other campers moved on and away as time passed if they weren’t killed by monsters. Percy was the only constant she had and Hera had taken him away. Her Percy, the one who held up the sky for her. Her Percy, the one who fell into Tartarus for her. Her Percy, the one who held her tight when a curse had taken her vision and promised to never leave her. Her Percy, the one who turned down immortality for her. Annabeth hugged him tighter and pressed a kiss to his back. She was never letting go of him again.

"Did you just kiss my Achilles Spot?" He turned his head to look at her again.

She pulled her head back and blinked. It must have happened subconsciously while she was reminiscing about the past. “I guess I did, sorry.”

He rested his head on the ground again. “No no it’s fine, I just haven’t had anyone touch there in a while. I guess I’ve always protected it from people, even after the curse is gone.”

And that was another thing. His only weakness, the small of his back, he exposed it joyfully to her. He took his life and placed it into her hands because there was no one else in the entire world who Percy Jackson trusted more than Annabeth Chase.

She untangled herself and sat up. “But seriously, we should get back before the harpies start their pre-dawn rounds. Washing dishes in lava again does not sound like fun.”

He sat up with her and brushed a stray piece of grass off of her cheek with a wide smile. There was still a tiny sliver of grey hair from when they were younger and took turns holding up the sky. “Yeah… you’re right.”

“When am I not?” She leaned into his touch.

Inches, centimeters, touching. The only thought in Percy’s mind was how soft Annabeth’s lips felt against his own and how much she smelled like fresh ink on sunwarmed paper. Was that a scent? It was now. His calloused hands caressed her face like if he let go, she would crumble into sand between his fingertips and she eagerly gripped his shirt right back. For either the third or fourth time that evening, the whole world seemed to melt away. Two heartbeats became one, two souls linked together and two bodies pressed together in such a loving embrace that even Aphrodite herself would have turned away with a blush.

They came crashing back to the real world when the sound of a camera clicked behind them. The two jerked their heads to the sound to see a familiar redhead holding up a camera.

“Rachel Elizabeth Dare!” Annabeth's voice came out as a harsh whisper.

The Oracle of Delphi cackled as she turned heel and ran down the hill towards her cave. Annabeth moved to chase after her, but Percy grabbed her wrist, covering his mouth with his free hand to keep from laughing. “Let’s just get back to our cabins before she goes leaking that to Lou Ellen and Piper.”

The daughter of Athena couldn’t argue with that. They gathered themselves and made the trek back to the Athena cabin. They stood outside the door, not wanting the moment to end, but also understanding that they both needed sleep. Annabeth moved closer and pecked Percy one last time on the lips before heading inside.

Percy made the walk back to the Poseidon cabin with a goofy smile on his face and was humming a tune who’s name he couldn’t remember. His Wise Girl had broken the rules and was ready to fistfight the Oracle of Delphi to keep it a secret. He was so proud of his negative influence on her. He silently made a vow to get that picture from Rachel to hang up in his room in New Rome. It would brighten up his dorm tremendously.

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bts-ficrecs · 4 years

Note

hey!! can you recommend a few series (any member)? thank you very much!

“a few” hAHAHAHA you’re really funny.

Bro, why’d u have you make ur request sooo broad 😂 i tried to reign in the crazy and failed. I decided I’m going to give you a list of series that are sitting impatiently on my to read list! Making this list makes me want to devour them all right now lol.

Feel free to go through my archive to find series that I have read, cause there are plenty of those too :”) So without further ado…

Note: please be aware several of the ongoing series are either on hiatus or discontinued or just haven’t been updated in 17392 years lol. I know some people can’t deal with that so do make sure to check if the writers are still active and/or when the last update was! And don’t pressure the writers about updates kthxbai ❤

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Genre: fluff

Parts: 2/2 + Epilogue

Summary: Yoongi accidentally gets spiked pumpkin juice, but it’s not by alcohol. More like it was spiked by a Love Potion – Beguiling Bubbles, to be exact – and Sora may or may not have had a hand in this. The point is, she’s hoping Yoongi will never find out and she’ll be alive to take her N.E.W.T.’s.

Fragility by @writtenyoongi

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 3/3

Summary: “There are a lot of fucked up things about me, you know? And there’s a lot of fucked up things that have happened. But when I’m with you all of those things, yeah they still exist but it’s like they’re a lot further away, I don’t feel as if they’re eating me alive.”

Long Time Coming by @an-exotic-writer

Genre: fluff, angst (?)

Parts: 6/6 + drabble

Summary: In which it’s been a long time coming since you’re meeting Min Yoongi once more.

Private Lessons by @baeseoul

Genre: smut

Parts: 2/2

Summary: “I have an idea,” Once he saw how you straightened in your seat, your gaze flaring with aggravation, he continued quickly, “For every question I get right, you tell me something about yourself.”

Skin Deep by @aquaminwrites

Genre: fluff, smut

Parts: 10/10

Summary: Yoongi has never—and presumably will never—like tattoos.

ONGOING

Bygones Of The Sun by @scriptaed

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 3/?

Summary: Jung Hoseok was once the sweetheart of the school, the dance captain whom every girl, including you, can’t help but fall head over heels for. But like the force of the ever-glowing sun, everything that rises must also set. A year of inactivity later and he’s now the school’s resident bad boy. You’re a firm believer of allowing the past be the past, and yet you can’t help but wonder where the rises sun has gone into hiding- because perhaps its shadows have out-shines its own radiance.

Euphuistic by @guksthighs

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 2/?

Summary: Hoseok’s delivery of flowers does not go as planned when it starts raining and someone mysertious gives him an umbrella.

Plant A Kiss On These Tulips by @honeyedhoseok

Genre: fluff

Parts: 2/?

Summary: After your boss, Jisu–head wedding planner at Ornate Events–develops a ragweed allergy, you are put in charge of working with the florist company In Bloom. But instead of their top-notch flower arrangements, their incredibly radiant owner Jung Hoseok proves to be what catches your eye over the course of the months that follow.

Salted Caramel by @your-miss-right

Genre: fluff

Parts: 9/?

Summary: She liked him…a lot and she just wanted to get the point across. Too bad the wrong guy got it. Note to self: Check orders before writing little notes to the wrong customer!

Starfire by @readyplayerhobi

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 6/?

Summary: The schism that broke the galaxy began, as it usually does, over a disagreement. The resultant civil war has raged for hundreds of years. When a ragtag group of travellers discovers something that could turn the tide of war, for good or for worse, the bonds of friendship and love will be tested.

Note: ok but basically just read all of Tali’s Hoseok series sdjfakjaf

Wall to Wall by @winetae

Genre: smut

Parts: 1/4

Summary: Temporary popularity is the biggest threat to your career right now. Without a solid core fan base you’re doomed to be forgotten. If not now, then in a month or two, and if not then, surely by the end of the year. That’s how quickly the adult film industry cycles through their actors, especially when you’re a woman. Your agent comes forward with a proposition to help put you back on the map.

COMPLETE

By Its Cover by @crystaljins

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 8/8

Summary: Your annoying little brother Jimin accepts a dare and summons a demon into your living room. There are multiple problems with this. 1) Demons are the most hated species on earth. 2) That demon happens to be Jung Hoseok, the most popular guy on campus 3) The fact that Jung Hoseok is a demon is his biggest secret and 4) Jung Hoseok hates your guts. You’re in for a wild ride.

Life in the Fast Lane by @sugaxjpg

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 1/3

Summary: Hoseok was not someone who expected to find love, even less under the conditions he met you—bleeding to death in an alley, unable to go to an hospital without being recognized by the ones who did such thing to him. Though, he would soon learn that the best things in life are the unplanned, kind ones. Especially the kind ones.

The Black Book by @honeyedhoseok

Genre: smut

Parts: 9/-- (discontinued)

Summary: Being personal assistant involves doing a lot of different tasks for your boss Jung Hoseok–including setting up his rendezvous with his black book clientele.

The Gentlemen’s Club by @brookelegend

Genre: smut

Parts: 15/15 + Epilogue + author’s note + drabbles

Summary: You’ve been in a dating drought, more specifically, a sex drought. Your best friend has the perfect remedy for your problem: The Gentlemen’s Club.

ONGOING

Contraband by @leadermon

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 11/?

Summary: If you had known what you had known now, would you have gone? If you knew who you would meet, the boy with the bright orange hair, and how getting wrapped up in him would tear all your brother had built to the ground, would you have gone?

Crossroads by @honeyedhoseok

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 4/?

Summary: You summon Park Jimin, the crossroads demon who rather than taking your soul and granting you wish, wants to become an extremely annoying life companion.

induratize by @hobiwonder

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 5/?

Summary: Prince Jimin had grown up despising people from your empire and vice versa. When your father weds you to the crowned Prince of Haelyra, your kingdom’s sworn enemies, as a form of alliance to fight a greater evil, you struggle to make sense of your new life as the future Queen to be and deal with a husband who cannot stand you.

Jealousy Games by @avveh

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 3/?

Summary: You decide to play a game of push and pull with your ex Jungkook, bringing Jimin along for the ride.

COMPLETE

Handyman by @drquinzelharleen

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 5/5

Summary: Jimin is your landlord’s son. After one stressful day he comes to fix your shower for you. You find yourself constantly thinking about him. Could he be the perfect submissive?

I’ll Never Be Her by @anon-luv

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 5/5 + Epilogue + drabbles

Summary: You loved him with all your heart, but he could only give you half of his. Jimin was the love of your life, your night in shining armor when she wasn’t around. She was his ex girlfriend, his first love, actually she was his many firsts and she kept coming back. He had warned you she was his weakness, but you didn’t listen, because to you having him even if it was only partially was better than not having him at all. At least for now.

Neighbors by @jkeuphoriadreamland

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 7/7 + Epilogue

Summary: Finally achieving your successes in life you never expected the distraction that came with your new hot neighbor. He however, had been trying to get your attention for a much different reason.

Nine One One by @yminie

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 2/2

Summary: When murder and crime threaten the city of Seoul, there’s a team in place to help keep the public safe, but just what do you do when all your training is to help others, and the one that needs help is actually you?

Limerence by @jiminscenarios

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 14/14 + Epilogue

Summary: He was a coldhearted asshole and the leader of South Korea’s most wanted gang, whereas she was an innocent and kind college student. They were polar opposites, yet he was so infatuated with her. But opposites are supposed to attract after all, aren’t they?

Love Yourself Trilogy by @threeletterslife

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 3/3

Summary: Excelling in every school subject, acing every math test and conquering the academic world is something you do as easily as breathing. As your residential social outcast nerd, you live rather as a recluse, talking to almost no one except for your dear ol’ cousin and that sweet boy in a few of your classes—Jungkook? was that his name? Befriending your ʰᵒᵗ AP stats teacher was the last thing on your high school senior agenda… but when life throws you curveballs, it is what it fucking is.

ONGOING

Begin Again by @writtenyoongi

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 4/?

Summary: Things had been tough since your divorce from yoongi, you were still heartbroken over losing him whilst trying to balance being a single mother and providing the best you could for your daughter. When Kim Taehyung enters your life you start to learn how to love again, but the beautiful man is not without his own source of heartbreak.

The Client by @jungkookiebus

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 2/?

Summary: Your services applied to many types of people and you were good at what you did, delivering sexual fantasies. This particular client happens to be your personal favorite for more reasons than one.

Van Gogh by @btsjeonjazz

Genre: smut

Parts: 1/?

Summary: Who would have guessed that Kim Taehyung, honorable student and your tutor, had some dark secrets?

V2 by @honeyedhoseok

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 9/12

Summary: This series is reader-insert revolving around Taehyung and his long-term surreptitious relationship with Y/N.

When You Least Expect It by @johobi

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 12/15 + drabble

Summary: You’re in love with your childhood friend, Taehyung. The problem is, you treasure your friendship with him far too much to ever risk losing it. Oh, and he’s quite the Casanova. At your wits’ end with feelings you can no longer hide as diligently as you once did, you ask him to set you up with someone, anyone, in a last ditch attempt to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.

COMPLETE

Change by @junghelioseok

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 9/9 + Epilogue

Summary: A kind, handsome stranger makes you question your deteriorating relationship.

One Good Purr (Deserves Another) by @jinpire

Genre: fluff, smut

Parts: 4/4

Summary: Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to visit Taehyung just before your heat. (Or to ask if his best friend was available.)

Summer Love by @analovegirl

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 3/3

Summary: It was Summer when he lost his whole world, his family and his identity. And it’s summer again when he comes across the girl he swore was his enemy. Join Taehyung, as he tries to find his true identity– as a human and as a merman, along with the mystery of his parent’s demise.

The Chrysanthemum Effect by @rosaetae

Genre: angst

Parts: 10/10 + Epilogue

Summary: Keeping your flowers, keeping your pain— it’s already everything you need to move on. How do you move on from things if you’re not willing to accept them?

Yarn by @dreamhimcloser

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 2/2

Summary: The mere idea that someone will kiss you while you slept made you shiver with disgust, but your educators promised you time and time again that this is exactly how you reach true love.

ONGOING

Block Party by @minlucent

Genre: smut

Parts: 2/?

Summary: Moving into your new apartment brings back memories of your biggest mistake.

Employee Perks by @chiminiemoans

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 3/?

Summary: Sure, the employee perks at your job were bonuses, life insurance, sick leave, health benefits etc. etc., but the best employee perk of all was working with a man known as Jeon Jungkook.

In Debt by @ichirakukpop

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 2/?

Summary: All your life you’ve been taken care of by your rich father and his money, but when a someone named Jungkook barges into your home demanding for his money back, your life is turned upside down.

Serendipity by @rohobi

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 10/13

Summary: The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. After forgetting to click out of his pornhub incognito tab last night, you find yourself shoulder-to-shoulder with Jungkook at 3am watching the rest of it.

COMPLETE

Anima Meaology by @arckook

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 4/4 + Epilogue

Summary: Your best friend was never supposed to know that his name was on your wrist.

Falling Skies by @fortunexkookie

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 6/6 + drabbles + spinoff oneshot

Summary: Jeon Jiyeon was your childhood best friend; her brother, Jungkook, was something else entirely.

Goldilocks by @perpetually-jungshook

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 10/10 + drabble

Summary: After getting evicted, your two best friends Jimin and Taehyung offer you a place to stay until you get back on your feet. Needless to say, with a part time job and a mountain of student debt, that’s not happening any time soon. Eventually, they DO become really fond of having you around, helping with chores and even splitting rent. So when you come home one day to find someone has been sleeping in your couch-bed, well… it’s something you won’t take lightly.

Oath by @bangtan-yeonghon

Genre: angst

Parts: 33/33

Summary: What if one day everything you ever wanted is taken away and your whole world comes crushing down? If you were to forget today, who would you be tomorrow?

Watch Me Babygirl by @lunarimagines

Genre: fluff, smut

Parts: 20/20

Summary: Jungkook is your brother’s annoying best friend. You can’t stand him but he just can’t resist teasing you. How far will he actually go?

Will You? by @jungee

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 2/2

Summary: Jungkook + you = prom dates??

ONGOING

Bangtan Crossing by @mintedmango

Genre: fluff

Parts: 4/?

Summary: You step off the train in the quiet of dusk with a relieved sigh, just looking at the awakening of some stars and the bottoms of trees of this countryside town in awe. It was so different from the city, so dark at night, not lit up by thousands of street lamps and buildings turned on in the wee hours of the evening.

Lifeline by @forgottenpasta

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 6/?

Summary: What happens when a witch curses seven vampires to share one fated mate between them?

Lueur De Lune by faery_kth (AO3)

Genre: fluff

Parts: 5/?

Summary: Your recent move has caused a lot of stress and you decide to take a stroll by the little lake behind your house only to find the moon and her fallen star.

Over the Moon by @threeletterslife

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 6/8

Summary: You feel isolated in the vast American country with no one but your older brother and your six rowdy friends to keep you company. But when they disappear without a trace, you’re left with nothing. Nothing until you become dragged into the world of the mob. The mafia world promises glory, fame and big bucks. But that comes with backstabbing, pain, regret and vengeance behind the veils. You’re not ready for that alone. Are you?

Potions, Magic, And Otherworldly Charmers by agentlemanshat (AO3)

Genre: fluff

Parts: 3/7

Summary: Have you ever imagined Namjoon as a high-end witch? Jungkook as a werewolf or Jimin as a merman? And a magical world full of possibilities? Well, look no further! Because here is where it happens.

Twisted Tails by @kmseokjins

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 4/?

Summary: After the death of your older sister, you're suddenly entrusted with her two hybrids. Who knew that following your sister's wishes would eventually turn your life upside down.

Void by @btssavedmylifeblr

Genre: angst, smut

Parts: 6/?

Summary: You are the only female crew member on a 12 year space mission with seven handsome men. The sexual tension is real, y’all.

COMPLETE

A Fairy Tale’s End by @bangtan-dreamland

Genre: angst, fluff

Parts: 8/8 + Epilogue

Summary: You wanted, for once, to be someone important, someone needed- to be wanted and appreciated, to love and be loved. Well, you should be careful what you wish for.

College by @btslibrary

Genre: smut

Parts: 7/7

Summary: A 7-part BTS smut series.

Hybrid House by @hollyhomburg

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Parts: 3/3 + Epilogue

Summary: To Seokjin, Home consists of his human partners Namjoon and Hoseok as well as their Hybrids; the pups- named Taehyung and Jimin, their black cat- called Yoongi, and their foxboy- called Jungkook. Together they have the happiest family possible, everyone loves everyone equally. So what happens when Namjoon finds you? A cat hybrid, beaten close to death left alone in an alleyway on the coldest night of the year? He takes you home, shows you his family, and together they teach you what love can be like.

congratulations you made it to the end....lol. enjoy all these fics and give the authors lots of love, okay? 🧡

#bts fan fic #bts fic recs #namjoon fluff #jungkook fluff #yoongi fluff #taehyung fluff #seokjin fluff #hoseok fluff #jimin fluff #g recs #g replies #anon

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princessamericachavez · 4 years

Text

Fjorester in the Bjreaus talk

It’s yelling about Fjorester hours. I haven’t done this breakdowns in a while but there’s so much to analyze in that Bjreau’s talk and so much subtext and admissions and feelings in Fjord’s explanations that I really need to go step by step

this is mostly focused on the Fjorester side of the conversation because so many people have already broken down the BY in it and maybe i will too later but for now let me focus on my main OTP because wow

Beau: So…. Jester

Fjord: *pikachu panic*

Fjord: There it comes. I was wondering when that melodic intro was gonna hit.

Fjord: J-J-Jester?

THE WAY HE STUTTERS HER NAME. IM SO SOFT.

Beau: You know what I’m gonna ask, dude, right? Like, what’s the deal?

Fjord, still deflecting: when you come with the ‘dude’, yes, I know what you wanna as.

Fjord, getting serious suddenly: What? What about Jester?

THAT’S THE FACE YOU MAKE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN CAUGHT ON UR CRUSH AND UR TRYING TO PLAY IT COOL BUT YOU’RE FREAKING OUT ENTIRELY

I MEAN THAT SMILE

Beau:

Fjord:

Beau:

THEY BOTH KNOW. THEY ARE JUST DARING THE OTHER TO SAY IT OUT LOUD.

Beau, finally giving in: You know how she feels about you. Or, at least, how she did. I don’t know if she still does.

*Fjord, immediately, starts touching his mouth in that nervous mannerism he always has when his image insecurities are brought up, like he wants to hide his tusks*

*i start quietly sobbing*

Fjord: I don’t either! I have no idea.

DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING ABOUT FJORD, AFTER 108 EPISODES, ACKNOWLEDGING ALL THE FLIRTING JESTER USED TO DO AND THE FACT THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD A CRUSH ON HIM EVEN IF HE DOESN’T KNOW IF THAT’S STILL THE CASE?

HE’S NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED THAT BEFORE

Fjord: I’m actually the less clued in as to how Jester feels. I actually tried to… ask, but I don’t know.

WHEN FJORD? YOU HAVEN’T ASKED. SO WHEN DID YOU TRY? WHEN DID YOU WANT TO AND DIDN’T? WHAT CONVERSATION WAS YOU CAREFULLY TRYING TO SEE IF SHE STILL LOVES YOU? I NEED ANSWERS

Beau: You have to kinda be direct with Jester. Like, if you tried to side-step it-

Fjord: I get that. It’s just that there are more pressing matters at hand

I KNEW HE WASN’T GOING TO DO ANYTHING DURING TC BECAUSE SHE’S SO STRESSED ALREADY AND HE WANTS HER TO HAVE HER TIME AND ALL THEIR SUPPORT WITHOUT ADDING STRESS

Fjord: And… I feel like I’m the fourth version of myself since I left Port Damali. And I feel like it could change again in a month or three months. I feel as if the ground is shifting underneath my feet every few nights that I wake up. And it’s crazy, I actually love cause it’s all been for the better, it no matter how crazy it’s been, but what I wanted when this all began is so far in the past I can’t… I forget about it sometimes. It comes for me in the middle of the night. But… Jester is hard to ignore.

I HAVE (as you might expect) SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS WHOLE LITTLE MONOLOGUE

FJORD SUMMING UP SO MUCH OF HIS ARC AND HOW HE’S STILL NOW TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF AND WHO HE REALLY IS AND HOW HE KEEPS CHANGING AND GROWING

but clearly that lack of stability, as much as it thrills him, it also makes him anxious, not knowing who he will be next and what he will believe and what he will want

AN ALLUSION TO HIS DEATH THAT WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT BUT CLEARLY —CLEARLY— IS STILL IN HIS MIND AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO ADRESS ASAP PLS

And then, right there after the nod to his death, Jester comes back into the statement. Fjord describes the changes and turmoil in his life like all of that is already too much to also focus on love… and then says but she’s still there, in my mind, by my side, all the time. In that mess of these pasts few months, Jester is his lighthouse

Beau: Yeah, no. I- I know! I’m pretty certain literally everyone has a crush on her.

Fjord *panics like that Joey meme*: WHAT?

Beau: Like, at least all of Mighty Nein. I don’t know, though, but I’m pretty sure everyone she meets is like ‘well, I’d maybe kill for you, yeah’

Fjord: No, yeah, I totally agree with.

ME TOO BJREAUS. ME TOO.

Fjord: No, I- where is she?

I’M SO SAD THAT FJORD MISSED HIS PERCEPTION FOR HER BECAUSE I WONDER WHY TRAVIS WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY

I HAVE THE FEELING THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE OTHER THAN BEING CAREFUL SHE WOULDN’T HEAR HIM

Fjord: I...

LOVE HER? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY FJORD WHAT

THIS PAUSE IS SO LONG IT’S AGING ME

Fjord: You know when someone makes you feel a way that you don’t think you have any right to feel? Or you never thought that you might?

I AM SCREAMING

FJORD

BABY

WHY DON’T YOU THINK YOU’RE EVEN ALLOWED TO LOVE HER

WHY NOT??

YOU DESERVE LOVE AND TO BE LOVED AND YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN LOVE HER LIKE PLS TRAVIS WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME ALL THIS PINING MY ROMANTIC ASS CAN’T HANDLE THIS

BUT ALSO LOOK AT THAT SMILE

HE’S SO IN AWE WITH HIS OWN FEELINGS AND HAPPINESS

Fjord: And that feels... off... because I should know how I feel or what I want!

*low wisdom frustration intensifies*

Fjord: But... there’s a gravity around Jester, at least to me, and she’s the one I’ve known longest in this new part of my... life. And I really thought that when this started there would be an end for me in this, and I would get even or retribution or payback and then I’d be... done. And it hasn’t been that way at all! It shriveled up and died and in its place seven new interests sprouted and...

[i can’t type the whole Academy thing, im too tired and this is so long already but what a great throwback]

Listen listen listen tho

i wanna talk about this

i wanna talk about fjord noticing jester’s crush and not acting on this because he was convinced the m9 were temporary

i want to talk about a part of him always feeling like this will eventually end and be ripped away from him and how then it kept going and going

and this woman he met was just such a steady and supportive presence in his life through it all that finally, finally after months, he can’t deny that she’s part of his life for good??

but that also explains what he said before and how he’s afraid that he’ll change again and lose this

like, there’s SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE GUYS SO MUCH ABOUT THEIR EARLY HISTORY AND WHERE THEY STAND NOW

Fjord: I... I... I want Jester to be happy.

Fjord: I do feel v-v-very strongly for her.

FJORD LOOK SO FRUSTRATED WITH HIMSELF AS HE —WHO IS KNOWN FOR HIS SILVER TONGUE— STRUGGLES TO PUT INTO WORDS HIS FEELINGS AND KEEPS FREAKING STUTTERING SO MUCH IM SO

Fjord: But I also know, when this began, her affections might have been based entirely on whimsy... I don’t know!

I AM LIVING FOR THIS ANGST

FIRST OF ALL: SECOND CONFIRMATION THAT FJORD NOTICED ALL THE FLIRTING

SECOND OF ALL: HIS INSECURITIES COMING FORTH AND TELLING HIM MAYBE SHE NEVER LIKED HIM ANYWAY

THIRD AND FOREMOST: I FREAKING LOVE THIS TROPE OF PINING SWITCHAROO AND THE WAY THIS REFLECT JESTER’S DOUBTS DURING THE PIRATE ARC ABOUT MAYBE FJORD NOT BEING WHO SHE FIRST MET AND THE WAY THEY KEEP SECOND GUESSING THEIR OWN JUDGMENT OF EACH OTHER EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW EACH OTHER THE BEST

AND LISTEN LISTEN IM JUST

this is the perfect parallel to her talk with caleb in darktow ok

and im fucking living for this angst and this doubts and to see fjord yearn for her the way she did for so long

WHAT A DELICIOUS DYNAMIC

Fjord: And I don’t really feel like asking, either. I almost don’t wanna... know.

THAT HESITATION DESTROYS ME SO MUCH

FJORD IS SO SCARED TO RUIN THINGS, TO LOSE HER, TO HAVE CONFIRMATION THAT HIS FEELINGS AREN’T RECIPROCATED

but here’s the thing. He’s ok with that. He doesn’t expect her to love him back, doesn’t need her to feel the same way. Fjord is just happy loving her and being her friend and being here to support her and make her happy. That’s enough.

How selfless is that? How absolutely romantic and painful and heartfelt?

I love this so much. This love isn’t possessive nor demanding. All he wants, all he really asks for, is the chance to make sure she’s happy and safe.

He requires nothing in return. Being around her light and showering in her warmth are enough. She’s already given him so much support, he can’t ask more... certainly not love in the way he would want, in the way he would hope, because life has never told him he’s worthy of such thing —not a monster like him— so why would she?

Fjord: I just like it and, to me, as long as she’s alright...

hOW MANY TIMES BY NOW HAS FJORD SAID IN DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS “as long as she’s alright” “as long as she’s happy” “as long as she’s not getting hurt” “as long as she trusts him” HE KEEPS REPEATING IT LIKE IT’S THE ONE THING THAT TRULY MATTERS TO HIM IN THE WORLD IM-

Fjord: It seems like this is not a permanent... thing. It’s not like we’re gonna leave her in this island and we’re gonna just go off which I was worried about before, but it sounds like it’s all... for show and it might be the Nein again after all this.

HEAR ME OUT

FJORD WAS WORRIED ABOUT JESTER LEAVING

ABOUT JESTER STAYING HERE

ABOUT JESTER TAKING OFF WITH THE TRAVELER AND NOT LOOKING BACK

and we know that was a possibility right?

BUT I THINK BACK TO THE VERY FIRST TIME SHE MENTIONED THIS (iirc it was after the giants fight way back during their second xhorhasian mission) HE SEEMED CONCERNED ABOUT JESTER GOING FOR GOOD. THERE WAS A HESITATION THERE

But really I wanna know how long... how long has Fjord been worried about her leaving, about loosing her... how much of what’s been going on has been him —without saying it— concerned that she’s about to leave the group, how many of their interactions and conversations (”i’m glad you’re here”, “we are happy to have you”, all the talks about disappearing and leaving the sad parts of the world behind) had him secretly concerned that she would soon leave??

AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LATER HALF OF THE EPISODE

Fjord: and then, I don’t know what. I wanna explore the world! I want to see the lands we haven’t seen! I want to find the things that people are scared of and solve them or do what everyone else needs to do...

Fjord: but....... I- I hope- I hope she’s a part of that

I’M SCREAMING PLS BOY HE’S SO IN LOVE AND ALL BUT CONFESSING IT HELP ME PLS

the way he deflates and gets very quiet and earnest as he admits this????

im sobbing

[im not gonna get on Beauyasha territory because as much as that made me want to scream too this is soooo long already that i feel like that deserves a meta on its own]

i do wanna point out that fjord definitely seemed kinda jealous when Beau started describing her former crush on Jester

Like, he’s so excited to talk about her and Yasha but when Beau brings past feelings into this you can feel a note of panic and defensiveness as he says

Beau: so I definitely had a crush on Jester, just since we’re drunk and we can be...

Fjord: when you said it before, it was like a thing... you had a real crush on Jester?

Beau: well, she’s so enigmatic, like you said and she just like... she’s got this way... just when she talks...

Fjord:

Fjord: I’m talking about Yasha! You can go back to Yasha! It’s- uhm-

HE’S SO ANNOYED IM LAUGHING SO HARD

also fun thing

it’s similar to when he’s reacted to the traveler before and jester calling artagan handsome lmfao

im just saying

and I like that he’s being supportive and he listens and all, even when Beau brings Jester back up... but then he confirms that Beau’s feelings for Yasha are deeper than for Jester and he definitely seems happy with that answer, both for Beau’s happiness (you know Fjord is so excited about these two since forever but especially the way he asks when he turns the tables on Beau he’s so excited for her!) but also because maybe it means one less chance that his own feelings won’t be reciprocated? like an... “alright, so we are good? with this? this is not going to hurt your feelings if i.. if i do love her?” and i think that’s very sweet? like regardless he’s gauging the depth of Beau’s feelings in this regard and I think if she confessed something deeper he would, heartbrokenly, step back and let her have a chance... especially since he’s happy just loving Jester from afar

ANYWAY

I WILL KEEP YELLING ABOUT THIS CONVO IN MY CORNER

AND OTHER MOMENTS THAT I WILL PROBABLY BREAK DOWN LATER

BUT THAT’S ALL FOR NOW

OKAY THAT’S A LOT OF YELLING

bye

#fjorester #fjord stone #jester lavorre #beauregard lionett #critical role #cr spoilers #sofia's nonsense #bjreaus

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sweetcheol · 4 years

Text

college boyfriend!sehun

—genre: fluff

—au: college, friends to lovers

—pairing: oh sehun x reader

—song to listen to while reading: fall again — klang

—word count: 2.2k

—warning(s): mentions of sex, sehunnie being the best boyfriend ever, choking on chips ??? (but it’s nothing bad, i promise)

sehun was your netflix binging partner before he was even your friend

okay ... he was your netflix binging partner before you even knew his name

you guys were in an ethics class together

and it was one of those common classes everyone in uni had to take no matter their major, so it was like 60 of you in a huge ass classroom

so you resorted to the only alternative to keeping you awake during 2 hour long, powerpoint based, boring lectures:

yoy got the best out of your netflix subscription plan

god bless airpods bc you could just hide them with your hair and nobody ever noticed anything

except for sehun

who conveniently sat one seat to the left on the row above you

so he had the perfect view to your laptop screen

and had watched the whole fifth season of peaky blinders with you

of course he never told you bc that... that would have been kind of weird

so he just kept to himself and tried his best to keep on being your anonymous netflix partner

he had even started to buy himself some snacks to munch on during class and was truly living his best life

until you finished peaky blinders ... and were about to start watching crash landing on you

sehun just ... sehun loved that show, okay?

so when he saw the intro pop on your laptop he started choking on his shrimp chips, creating a commotion

like ... even the professor stopped talking and asked him if he was okay, causing everyone to turn around and face him

red-faced, choking him

even you, who had paused the show and turned around in your seat so quickly he thought you’d cracked your neck

and in that moment, sehun did the only thing he could think of

which in that case meant bolting straight out of the classroom coughing like a madman

and just like the concerned netflix partner classmate you were, you had walked out right after him

“yah! don’t run, let me help you!”

and tbh ... sehun had never expected to turn around and come face to face with you, holding a bottle of water for him to sip on

that alone helped him stop coughing

he reluctantly accepted the water while turning beet red in the face

so the two of you sat down on a set of stairs that were near the classroom while sehun drank his water

he was trying his best to zone you out, eyes set on the floor and only focusing on the bottle in his hand

bc that had been ... embarrassing, to say the least

and he had asked you, in the smallest voice possible to please wait until class was over to pick ur things up bc he didn’t wanna go in and then interrupt the lecture again

so you granted him his wish

and when people started piling out of the classroom, you were like well

and sehun didn’t even say anything to u before he walked back inside, took his backpack with him and walked away

so you were like ???? as you stashed your laptop in ur bag and walked back to your dorm

you didn’t see him the next class

and since the room was so big you were like wtf did he sit someplace else

you couldn’t even watch your show in peace that day bc ... what had you even done to him

the lesson after that ... you were resigned

whatever was his problem you wouldn’t mind

but then someone placed a blue thunder gatorade on your desk with a hot pink post it pasted on the cap

“spare airpod ???”

and sehun was sat on the chair next to yours, drinking from his own gatorade bottle while he waited for your response

so you fished the earbuds from your bag and extended your hand, one of them resting on your palm

sehun took it

and the two of you watched the third episode of the show together

the two of u didn’t speak much though

he’d muttered a soft “thank you” when returning the airpod when class was done and that was it

but then he sat next to you the following lesson

and the next one

a couple of weeks after that he started giving you bags of chips and cookies alongside the gatorade

until you had finished a couple of dramas

... and the semester

the two of you were quite bummed the last day of classes

bc neither of you had seen the other one in any other classes so you were sure you weren’t in the same major

and sehun had only said “it was very nice meeting you” after the last class was over

and that was it

or u thought

until half-way through the summer, you had finally found enough willpower to clean your backpack

and had found a cute little note on the bottom of it

from none other but your cute, tall classmate

“maybe we could hang out and actually talk sometime?” alongside his phone number

and at first you were like oh a month has gone by, he won’t remember me

but then you wrote a simple “hey, it’s (y/n) from ethics”

and sehun almost ... choked once again when he read it

bc he though you just weren’t going to text him at all

and so the two of you started talking

he was very funny and easy-going, so you became friends pretty fast

you texted all through-out the summer

and ofc sehun told chanyeol, his best friend and roomate, about it

which prompted chanyeol to tease him 24/7 abt how he should just ask you out

and sehun was like “it’s not like that”

but everyone could see it was like that

so sehun was like ... okay i might

and he was like “so i was thinking ... maybe we could go to the movies”

and you were like !!!!!! red code !!!!!! alert !!!!!! oh my gOD

bc you had been like ... crushing on him ever since the chip incident

and answered him like “yeah that’d be nice”

a few days after you went to the movies

and were both a mess at first but the date actually turned out pretty well bc you went for dinner afterwards and everything ran out pretty smoothly

sehun was like OOOOOOH YEAH I’M UR BOYFRIEND NOW ... right after he walked you to your door

but you weren’t complaining bc you liked him a lot too

SO NOW

onto the relationship

ngl you are like low-key done with him the week after you start dating bc he is ... a little shit

like if he feels he isn’t getting enough attention he’ll go like “(y/n) that’s so unfaiiiiiiiiir”

but then he’ll start playing around with vivi and you’re standing there like okAY

and if you tell him he’ll get all sassy and go like “i knEW u just can’t live without me”

but then when you spend enough time with vivi and he starts running to you instead of sehun ... he goes like “wAIT (y/n) he’s MY son wtf”

but inside he’s like “that’s OUR son oh my god”

gets low-key jealous of all the lead actors of the dramas you watch together

like suddenly you’ll turn around and he’s pouting

but he forgets about it halfway through the episode

even though you two aren’t in the same class anymore he likes studying together

and is always buying snacks for your study dates

he’ll study for like 15 min and then will start pouting bc he wants kisses

wears a lot of hoodies and sweatpants but will also clean up somedays bc he wants to look nice for you

will very subtly leave his hoodies at your dorm

he thinks it’s romantiquè

and you’re very grateful for it bc he’s very tall and thus his hoodies are very cozy

you kinda want to kill him sometimes but he’s definitely the kind of guy that calls you at three am just because he wants to talk to you“i just wanted to hear your voice”

and he’s just laying in his bed smiling like a fool while you tell him about your day

you both end up constantly falling asleep over the phone but neither of you mind

and then chanyeol enters the apartment and sees him passed out on the couch with his phone in hand and your name on his screen

it’s safe to say sehun’s not going to live it down

i don’t think he’d be a big fan of pda

so in public, you kinda only hold hands

he might give you a little kiss from time to time but that’s pretty much it

oh but in private ... he can’t keep his hands off you

and your butt

he gives the best hugs ever??? and it doesn’t help that he loves hugging you

forehead kisses

so so so many forehead kisses

definitely takes advantage of his height

for that, and for placing stuff on high places so that he has to help you on getting them down

lowkey touches your butt when he’s doing it

okay but when you’re ... doing the do

sehun’s a switch

i feel like he’d either be such a whiny sub or a very ... whiny dom (but he’d still be very soft ngl)

(i mean he’s the spoiled maknae for a reason)

favorite thing ever is when you ride him and he can just hold your hips really tight and guide your movements so they can match his

moans so fucking loud you’re sure your entire floor can hear the two of you

i’m not sure he’d be a very kinky lover

like i feel he’d be pretty vanilla

but i mean ... he dances ... his hips can ... do things

so it’s not like it’s anything bad, you know ????

a huge fan of hickeys

but on more ... private places

like he’ll never leave one on your neck

but your chest is a completely different story

bc he doesn’t leave them so that people can see them

he leaves them so he can see them and remind himself that you’re his

that you chose him

that was really sappy

he’s a dance major

and he’s always asking you to go with him to practices

both bc he loves being with you and bc he likes it when you watch him dance

he’s a tease and we all know it

he’d run his hands over his hair and smirk all the time bc he knows you’re looking at him

sometimes he even takes off his shirt and acts like it’s just bc of the heat

and you blush so hard and he’s just like 😌

but also when he has a show or presentation or something

he gets so so so so nervous

but then he spots you in the crowd and just smile a bit bc you’re there, supporting him, and that’s all that matters

his phone background is this selfie the two of you with face masks on

you had your hair up in a bun and both of you were lounging in sweats

you had been playing around with snapchat filters and accidentally took the sweetest photo ever

so he asked you to send it to him

and he set it up as both his lock screen and his home screen

yours is a mirror selfie you took when you were watching him practice

you were taking a photo and when sehun noticed he came to give you a kiss on the cheek

and it was the sweetest thing ever

he literally sends you each and every selfie he takes

and sometimes goes like “hey does this look okay?”

and sometimes it’s more like “your boyfriend is so hot wth”

and just as he takes so many selfies so he can send them to you

he also likes taking photos with you

literally everywhere you two go

he either takes a selfie or asks someone to take a picture of you

and everyone he asks always thinks you’re the most adorable couple ever

bc the love you two have for each other is like so obviously there

and he gets so soft whenever people tell him that

even when it’s chanyeol who says it

truth is chanyeol loves you because of how happy you make sehun

he once told you when you got back home from a club

and like ... you were kinda, slightly, a little bit drunk

and hearing him say that only made you feel like you were walking on clouds even more

bc if anyone asked you to describe just how happy sehun made you ... you were sure you weren’t going to find enough words to describe the feeling

even though he usually is like hell yeah i’m a cool bf

he gets really sappy at night (and when’s drunk)

and goes on and on about how much he loves you and he’s happy he found you

bc you always get that look in your eyes that make his heart melt

bc he’s the sweetest boyfriend ever

and it doesn’t help that he’s my ult bias bc i reallyyyyyyyy wanna date college!boyfriend sehun 🤧

#requests are open :)#exosnet #sehun scenario #sehun smut #exo scenarios #exo smut #sehun imagine #exo imagine #sehun boyfriend au #exo boyfriend au #type: [bulletpoints]#marwrites

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sunsetsover · 5 years

Note

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on Ben having BPD

ok WHEW you just opened a fucking can of worms this about to be the longest post i’ve ever made i hope you have your seatbelt on

let me just preface this by saying nearly everything i talk abt in this post will be based off of my personal experiences w bpd. some people experience it differently, some people might not agree w some of the things i say, but i can only talk abt my own pov. therefore, this just my own personal opinions on ben having bpd. so yh lmao

and disclaimer!! i’m not a doctor!! don’t take anything i say in this post as diagnostic criteria! i’m not an expert or mental health professional!! when it comes to your own mental health or the mental health of ppl in your life, do not consider me a source to reference like ‘oh well lauren sunsetsover said xyz’ like pls just don’t do that. do your own research. and most importantly consult a doctor!!!!!! i am not one!!!!!!!!!

also there are very few sources in this post bc most of this is just shit i’ve absorbed over the years from doctors and doing my own research lmao

now that’s out of the way let’s go! (this became part character study, part informational masterpost on bpd. also it got really fuckin long, hence the read more, so be warned lmao)

warning for potentially triggering content (abuse/mentions of suicide and self harm - nothin too bad but i do touch on ben’s behaviour and history, and this is a p serious mental health issue we’re talking abt here so! take care of yourselves!!)

ok so! some things to keep in mind before we even get to ben:

i believe (at least in the uk) borderline personality disorder is considered to be an outdated name, and one that essentially isn’t appropriate or fit for purpose anymore, so in my experience, a lot of the time now it’s referred to as eupd (emotionally unstable personality disorder) in medical settings. which is way more apt name imo, and tells you more abt what bpd actually is (but i still call it bpd bc it’s easier and ppl know what that is lmao). so like. emotionally unstable personality disorder. i bet that conjures up a way more vivid idea in ur head than borderline personality disorder does.

no one 100% knows what causes bpd, though it’s thought to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors, like most things. but the general consensus is that bpd develops when something (usually traumatic, but not always in an extreme sense. ppl w bpd have often been victims of some type of abuse in their childhood, but that’s not necessarily always the case) happens in your childhood that impacts the development of your personality. kind of a bizarre metaphor but hopefully it will help u understand: u know how in finding nemo, the egg nemo was in got damaged by the shark? and even tho the damage looked minor, it actually meant that one of his fins was permanently damaged - it was malformed, it didn’t grow right, he couldn’t use it properly? well imagine the fin = the personality; that’s what happens to a person w bpd’s personality. smth happens to us in our childhood that permanently damages our personality, and so it doesn’t grow and develop properly as the rest of us does, making it less functional than an average person’s. u can imagine how that can lead to all sorts of problem (we’ll get to them later)

but bc it’s a mental disorder that affects the personality, you can’t be diagnosed w bpd until you’re 18, when your personality is basically developed fully (i believe it can be diagnosed slightly younger, but those are rare and extreme cases). however, symptoms can start to present themselves earlier, as ur personality begins to develop and mature. (mine started presenting in my early teens)

bpd doesn’t really go away, and treatment with medication generally isn’t effective for long periods of time. however symptoms can be treated with continued therapy, and symptoms sometimes can start to ease as you get older!!

bpd also gets misdiagnosed a lot bc a lot of the symptoms are similar to that of other mental health problems. the biggest one it gets misdiagnosed as seems to be bipolar disorder, which i get tbh. i’ve always considered bpd very similar to bipolar, just like… quicker cycles. there are even memes about it. also bpd has a tendency to coexist w other mental health issues, which makes it harder to recognise and diagnose.

so now lets look at this from a diagnostic perspective

in order to be diagnosed w bpd you basically have to deemed, by a medical professional, to be meet certain criteria, and to have been meeting these certain criteria for a significant amount of time. there are some variations to this criteria, and proposed subtypes and basically different flavours of borderlines but i’m not even gonna go there. i’m just gonna talk abt what i’m most familiar w and how i think that applies to ben.

i’m copying and pasting the diagnostic criteria part from here bc as far as i’m aware this is the criteria doctors use for diagnosis. there are 9 different ‘indicators’/’criteria’, and you have to display or meet at least 5 of them in order to be considered for a bpd diagnosis:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

this is one of, if not the biggest part of bpd. that trauma i mentioned earlier? often stems from or is related to abandonment, or perceived abandonment, in childhood, be it physical or emotional. for example, a child that’s being abused by one parent might feel abandoned by the other parent if they don’t do anything about it, even if the second parent has no idea the abuse is going on. sound familiar? a similar thing happened to ben, with stella. phil not doing anything about the abuse ben was facing at the hands of stella - even though he didn’t know it was happening, even though phil did do something once he found out - was an abandonment to ben. and that’s just the tip of the abandonment iceberg for ben - kathy faking her death and leaving him was an abandonment (even when he thought she was actually dead), phil’s own abuse was an abandonment, as was his reaction when ben came out, and so on. and abandonment like that skews your thinking so you believe that everyone is going to abandon you, sooner or later, that they must be abandoning you for a reason, you must be a terrible person, you must be unworthy of people’s effort/time/love etc etc.

even when paul died, that was an abandonment to ben! like logically we know - and ben probably knows too - that paul didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to leave ben, he didn’t deliberately leave ben. but that doesn’t matter. mental illness is illogical, bpd is illogical, esp when it comes to abandonment. e.g. my therapist had to cancel a few of our appointments once bc she was ill, and it felt like an abandonment. like it was personal somehow, like she wasn’t coming into work bc of me, bc i was too much work, too hard to handle. ofc that wasn’t true, but that’s how it felt. it’s illogical. so ofc my solution was to just not go to my appointments even when she came back, bc like what other response is there lmao. it’s just that everything a person does feels personal, like it’s because of/about you, even when it isn’t. even when it has nothing to do w you. that’s probably why ben can come across at selfish at times, like he’s making everything about him. because it is all about him, in his mind. everything is because of him, is his doing, his fault etc. his way of thinking is skewed into thinking like that, bc shit keeps happening to him and ppl keep leaving him, so it must be his fault.

and!! ‘frantic efforts’ isn’t necessarily what u think it is!! it can be desperate begging ‘i’ll do anything to keep you in my life’ type actions, but it just as equally can be lashing out and abandoning someone in order to prevent them from abandoning u first - a ‘get them before they get me’ mentality (the whole scene where phil was in the hospital comes to mind - the ‘why doesn’t he love me back?’ was the more desperate part of him, tho it wasn’t necessarily an ‘effort’ per se, but then him trying to kill his dad basically in order to have the abandonment be at least on his own terms? that’s lashing out, and def qualifies as a ‘frantic effort’ lmao). and how often do we see that in ben? lashing out at jay in the hospital because he knew he was mad at him, and he’d rather hurt jay physically before he could hurt him emotionally? ben trying to support callum and showing him kindness, only to turn around and threaten to out him when he finds out callum asked stuart to sort him out? everything that happened w his dad, trying to fuck him over before his dad can get there first, trying to get rid of keanu so he can’t be abandoned in favour of him (although that didn’t really work, but it rarely does work the way u want it to lmao). and the biggest one to me, though probably one that people have already forgotten, is him breaking up w that guy he was seeing in newcastle even tho they were into each other bc he ‘had to, otherwise [he] would have ruined his life’. even tho we don’t really get details, that says it all to me. it’s v much a pattern that’s present in ben.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as “splitting”)

i feel like this one doesn’t need much explaining lmao

here is a definition of splitting from here (which is a very good article on splitting imo if u wanna read more abt it): ‘Splitting is a term used in psychiatry to describe the inability to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. Some might say that a person who splits sees the world in terms of black or white, all or nothing. It’s a distorted way of thinking in which the positive or negative attributes of a person or event are neither weighed nor cohesive.’

a little explanation of it from me: ppl w bpd can sometimes have very simplistic, all or nothing views on things. and splitting is basically when ur opinion on something or someone changes very quickly (sometimes instantly), often to an extreme (e.g. going from loving and idolizing someone, to absolutely fucking hating them, or from having a neutral opinion on something to suddenly becoming extremely angry abt it) sometimes without even having an identifiable trigger. it links into black and white thinking, which u may have heard of before - u either love someone and they can do no wrong, or u hate them and they disgust you. either something is amazing or it’s terrible. there is no grey area, no in between. it goes back into the whole ‘not being able to regulate ur emotions properly’ thing lmao there’s rarely nuances to our emotions or feelings, we’re all or nothing a lot of the time. so splitting is when ur opinion rapidly changes to one of these extremes. sometimes u can even go back and forth, splitting over and over on the same person/thing which is super fun.

ben splits on his dad all the time. all the fucking time. he doesn’t care about phil at all and wants to ruin him, then he wants phil’s approval and to be welcomed back into the family fold and the business. then ben hates him and wants him dead, then 5 minutes later he wants his love, wants to be a good son again. that’s splitting. u can also see it w jay, too, but no where near as extreme as w his dad. and i’ve seen it a couple of times w callum too, but again, it’s way more subtle. u probably wouldn’t notice it if u weren’t looking for it, whereas w phil it’s obvious.

but like i don’t need to explain ‘unstable and intense interpersonal relationships’, do i? just look at the relationships w phil, w jay, w lola, w callum, even w paul - they were unstable back when they first got together, and were arguably kind of intense too. (he settled a bit w paul, but his death/perceived abandonment fucked him up a lot beyond the expected ways). he’s always arguing w the ppl he loves. he tried to get poor billy killed, and yet since then he’s had no problem w him!! none of his relationships - apart from maybe his mum and ian (i don’t include lexi bc she’s a child) - are stable. and i would definitely describe his relationships as intense lmao

3. Identity disturbance: Markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

u can see this most - as most things - in his relationship w his dad. he fluctuates between seeming to know his worth (and demanding other people know it too), knowing he deserves his dad’s love and approval (why else would he be so mad abt the fact hes not getting it, if not bc he knows he’s worthy of it? if he didn’t think so, he wouldn’t be so angry abt not getting it - he’d be accepting/understanding, wouldn’t he?) and being desperate to do anything to get his dad’s love/approval, even things that are below him, turning into a child, begging to know why his dad doesn’t love him, why he’s never been enough. that scene where phil had found out abt ben trying to frame keanu and leaving him for dead is the epitome of this. u can see ben fluctuate between a hurt, traumatized little boy, begging his dad for some answers, some explanation as to why he’s not enough, begging him not to start drinking again, and a man who is angry, angry at his dad, angry at himself for crumbling like this, bc he should be stronger than this. u see him change multiple times in that one single scene. go watch it again. you’ll see it too.

some more examples: his absolute certainty that he is better and more qualified than the likes of shirley and keanu for working with his dad, and then being like ‘my dad was right, i’m good for no one’ - they don’t line up. does he have self esteem and know his worth or not? also his entire relationship w callum is an example of this - all those changes in his attitude towards cal and their situation? he often treats callum like they’re equals who understand each other, yet sometimes it seems like he thinks he’s superior to callum (e.g. the scene outside the cafe), and others he behaves (keyword) as though he thinks he’s not good enough for callum (why else would he just take all that shit from whitney and not say anything in retaliation? why, if not because he deems it more important that callum has an easier time of it than he does; that he regards cal’s comfort more important than his own? and why would he do that, if he held himself in such high regards? i mean he certainly acts like it sometimes, so why not then?)

also like……. who is ben? is he the bastard who cares about no one but himself, who’s always causing trouble not only for himself but for the people he cares about? is he the guy who just completely folds when people he knows hurtle abuse at him, accepting it lying down, who thinks he’s no good for anyone? the guy who goes out all night and drinks himself silly and purposefully gets himself into fights? the guy who shows callum so much empathy even tho it brings him nothing but pain, who loves jay unconditionally, who tried so hard to help bobby when he came back from prison? which one is he? which one does he want to be? does he even know?

(and you could argue that people are just multi-dimensional, but there’s just such a vast gap between these different facets of ben’s character and he can flip through them so fast it’s jarring, which is why i think it’s more like he straight up doesn’t have a consistent sense of self. which is a big part of bpd)

4. Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

again, does this need explaining?

doing illegal shit, excessively drinking, becoming unnecessarily violent, fucking up his relationships, just generally doing reckless things regardless of the consequences - this has always been a part of ben’s character.

(his constant hook ups could be another one, but the jury’s still out on that one. if anything it’s less the sex that worries me and more the flippant attitude he has when meeting up w ppl - they could be anyone and do all sorts, at the end of the day)

it became most obvious recently around the anniversary of paul’s death - drinking himself sick, gambling all his money away, deliberately starting fights. but even before that and since then it’s been there.

it’s basically just a way to self sabotage.

i feel like this one isn’t a consistent part of ben’s behaviour like the others are, but it is undeniably there, so.

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

although ben (to my knowledge) hasn’t displayed any suicidal behaviour, he has at times spoken in ways that could kind of sway that way. (i’m no good for anyone, i’m not worth it, why do you care etc)

also self harming!!! just because he doesn’t hurt himself in a direct way doesn’t mean he doesn’t deliberately put himself in situations where he’ll get hurt, and that is self harm!! letting stuart beat him at pride was self harm!! picking that fight w those homophobes at e20 was self harm!!! drinking to excess is a form of self harm!!! putting himself in harm’s way, even if he doesn’t get hurt, is self harm!!!! just bc he might not be self harming in the traditional sense doesn’t mean he’s not hurting himself!!! this one has been on my mind for so long!!!! oh my god!!!!! he absolutely has a pattern of self harming/self destructive behaviours, and just a general disregard for his own safety and well being!!!! the fact that it doesn’t worry more ppl in his life is so upsetting to me!!!!!!

6. Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

aka the biggest part of bpd: pt 2

i feel like this definition doesn’t really do justice to this aspect of bpd. this is basically you literally having no control of your emotions. ‘day-to-day events’ have fuck all to do with it half the time. u could be sitting there minding ur business and all of a sudden you wanna smash up the entire room, for seemingly no reason. one time i was crying - like uncontrollably sobbing, a complete mess - and had been for maybe half an hour? and then all of a sudden, literally mid sob, it stopped. like it just stopped. i was done, i wasn’t sad anymore. i went from inconsolably crying to perfectly fine in a split second. can you even imagine that? it’s fucking crazy. that’s what having bpd is like. it’s like mood swings x1000 (that’s why i describe it like bipolar on a smaller scale - their mood swings last days/weeks/months, ours last minutes/hours, sometimes days but not often). you can be fine, then all of a sudden you’re not. or you can be not fine, and then all of a sudden you are. you can be ecstatic, then all of a sudden all the joy gets sucked out of ur body n u wanna die. then 5 mins later ur fine again. u can cycle thru every single human emotion in the space of a few hours with no warning whatsoever. u can go from feeling so many emotions u don’t know which one to focus on to feeling none at all. it’s exhausting. so yes ‘day-to-day events’ (this can be as minor as the way someone speaks to you, or not enjoying ur food as much as u thought u would, and it can make u terrifyingly sad or spark uncontrollable rage in u) can trigger it, but it’s like… at least that’s kind of justifiable. most of the time u just cannot regulate, control or predict ur emotions whatsoever. and often the emotions u do feel are not appropriate for the situation at hand lmao

on top of that, ppl w bpd have massive problems processing their emotions. while most ppl have the capacity to identify what they’re feeling and why, ppl w bpd often can’t. and bc they can’t identify it properly, they don’t know how to process it. that’s why emotions and feelings are so often black and white - we might develop the ability to recognise Big Emotions, like love and hate, happiness and sadness etc, but we can’t figure out the smaller, nuanced emotions. it becomes or, not and.

this is also why our emotions feel so big and all encompassing!! we can’t ignore our emotions!! they are our focus in a lot of ways. when ur sad, it feels like the world is ending, every single time. when ur happy, ur euphoric and nothing else matters, and so on. every emotion has the volume turned up to 100. that’s why our emotions sometimes come out in extreme or unhealthy ways - our emotions often feel so big we have such a hard time handling them. so we go to drastic lengths, whatever they may be, to cope.

(also bc most ppl w bpd are victims of abuse, we’re often hyperaware of other people’s moods, which can impact ours. someone can be annoyed for some innocuous, innocent reason, and yet bc we can sense it, we become scared or defensive and may lash out.)

and ben… little old ben, have u ever seen him have a rational reaction to anything in his life? how often have we seen him have an appropriate response to smth? my dad is shit, so i have to destroy him. failing that, i have to kill him. oh, my brother isn’t gonna let kill him? time to punch him in the face. my daughter ate all my cereal? it’s Overreaction Time. (this one in particular is Very Me like yes lexi is a child and he was unfair but my 7 year old cousin once drank all my j2os and i almost had a breakdown so i Get It) i’m feeling like shit? time to antagonise these homophobes until they beat me in the middle of the street. i sleep with this man once? time to get overly involved. he shows me a little bit of love and kindness? time to develop feelings for him despite him insisting he’s straight, the fact that he’s with a woman and i have been harassed and beaten by his homophobic family multiple times. but it isn’t going the way i wanted it to? time to impulsively hit him for not knowing what he wants, then immediately regret it.

and like. he went from crying his eyes out in his dad’s kitchen to threatening kat slater within the span of what, 10 minutes? he went from trying to kill his dad, to falling tf apart w jay, to trying to manipulate his dad - who had just woken up from a coma - for his own gain again, in the span of maybe an hour. if that doesn’t say rapid cycling, inconsistent emotions idk what does.

like idk enough about the old bens to say if this is a consistent characteristic of his or not (although based on the fact he killed a woman bc he was angry w his dad, i’d say it’s fairly safe to assume lmao) but ever since he came back his reactions and emotions have been pretty much never once been rational, stable or consistent.

(and like i wanna say i am saying all of this from the perspective of the bad days. so if you’re thinking ‘well, ben isn’t like that all the time’ ur right. neither am i. some days i’m fine, some days it’s not that bad, sometimes i can cope. but i still have bpd, even on those days. and imo, so does ben.)

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

this is one i don’t really see in ben. we maybe see moments of emptiness, but certainly not enough to call it ‘chronic’.

also a lot of the moments we do see emptiness in ben, i feel like it’s forced emptiness, more for his own benefit or for the benefit of others rather than actual genuine emptiness. it’s not that he’s not feeling anything, it’s that what he is feeling he’s not showing. that’s very different from actually feeling empty.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

this! is! such! a! massive! part! of! having! bpd! and it’s a part that no one ever fucking talks about either!!!

and again, does this one need explaining?

ben is anger. he’s a ball of it, and he has been for a very, very long time. he’s angry at his dad, at the world, at himself. for all sorts of reasons, both complex and simple. if i sat here and tried to get into all of it this post would be twice as long as it already is. and i don’t think i really need to, anyway. it’s not as if any of us need to dig very deep to see it, is it?

‘frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights’ like i really don’t need to elaborate do i? bc what does ben do when he’s angry? his temper flairs up, he gets physical, lashes out, makes threats.

and he’s so often angry in response to emotional pain, which is the saddest (and for me, most relatable) part. just look at paul’s anniversary, how angry he was just in general, to everyone - even his mum, who is like the only exception to his anger since he’s been back - when he was just hurting and sad. how angry he got when he found out keanu had replaced him in phil’s will, when really he was just hurt. he gets angry and violent so people don’t see him as weak bc he’s hurting. he has been conditioned to get angry instead of getting sad. it’s not healthy at all.

there is so much more but i feel like it’s unnecessary for me to get into it. bc u know. ben’s not exactly subtle in his anger is he lmao

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

this is the only other one that i don’t see in ben at all, and it’s one that i don’t really experience myself either so i don’t even have any insight to offer lmao

so!! more or less 7/9!! that’s a passing grade for diagnosis!!! welcome to the club, mr mitchell!!!!

all of this, of course, has been purely from a medical, diagnostic standpoint (w some of my personal experiences sprinkled in lmao). there’s so much more to say from like a ‘living w bpd day to day’ standpoint but like, this post is already way too fuckin long so i’m just gonna hit on a few that i feel are important in regards to ben, and ones i have’t spoken abt yet

most ppl w bpd have a ‘fp’ or ‘favourite person’ (tho it can be multiple people), which sounds nice but it’s kind of a really complicated and difficult thing tbqh. here’s the best definition i could find: ‘When someone with BPD uses the term “favorite person” to describe someone else, they are typically insinuating that this is a person they cannot survive without. For BPD sufferers, the favorite person is the person who is a source of emotional support and dependence. This individual has the ability to truly impact the BPD sufferer’s day in either a positive or negative manner. The favorite person to someone with BPD holds a critical role in their lives by holding the power to ‘make or break’ the successful navigation of daily tasks and struggles.’ it’s a difficult thing to explain/understand (so please feel free to google ‘favourite person bpd’ to get a better understanding), and is not always as dramatic as it sounds, but it’s like… even if they aren’t a source of ‘emotion support’, ur mental wellbeing can hang on this person’s every move. (which is not healthy, i know, but it’s just a thing that happens w bpd!) and phil is absolutely ben’s fp. ben hates phil, and yet is still so desperate to be in his good graces, in his life no matter what that costs him… and ben’s self esteem, his actions, his moods are so dependant on phil. it just?? makes so much sense to me. i realize it may not make much sense to someone who doesn’t have any understanding of what a fp is, but like if u do, i’m sure u see what i see.

i think maybe jay was another fp of ben for a while in the past. i don’t think he is as much since ben has come back, but in the past?? maybe. like less in the ‘my happiness is dependant on u’ way and more in like a ‘i’m very very attached to u and need u in my life and would maybe go crazy if anything or anyone got in the way of that’ way.

and i think callum might be sneaking into territory now too tbqh. it would explain why callum’s actions and words have such an impact on ben’s moods despite not much really happening between them. and like i wanna say: someone becoming ur fp is not a choice. it just happens. it’s not like ben is going ‘oh im going to get overly attached to u just for a laugh’, no. this would be completely out of his control. and when it happens, it fucking SUCKS. so if that is what’s happening, it’s going to have a massive impact on ben - and it seems like it already is.

and like taking the whole fp thing out of it (bc i know it’s complicated and hard to grasp) bpd would explain why ben seems to be so attached to callum even tho very little has actually happened between them!!! like bpd will have u falling in love w someone who just shows you basic human kindness and decency, and i mean that very literally!!! bc like i said when you have bpd, you struggle to navigate and handle basic emotions, so all the nuances of romance and love? jesus christ. it goes back into black and white thinking - i either love this person or i hate this person, there is no in between. so callum, showing ben kindness? showing him support with what’s going on w louise and what happened w phil? not hating him and thinking he’s despicable and evil and all those things people say about him? and ben, having bpd? he probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend that maybe cal’s just being friendly, esp not after they slept together. so ofc he would latch tf on to that. i would latch tf on to that. his behaviour towards callum just seems very on brand for having bpd to me, genuinely.

and !! all those things whitney said the other night !! people complained about him not arguing back, but like… she’s almost saying what ben wants to hear, when it comes to callum. bc i touched on it before but like the thing is when, you have bpd ur thought process is like ‘i care about this person, they are good, i don’t deserve them, i am bad, i am going to ruin them, i’m probably manipulating them into spending time with me and caring about me, but i can’t let them go, i need them, i bet they don’t even like me, i don’t deserve them, i don’t want them to get hurt, i don’t want to hurt them, i am going to hurt them, in the end.’ (and eventually it spirals into ‘actually they’re probably going to hurt me first bc everyone always does so let me completely destroy this relationship so it’s unrecoverable and hurt them now so they can’t hurt me later’ but that’s another story) and whitney more or less confirms that for him!!! in essence, what she says to him is ‘you’re bad, he didn’t want anything to do with you but you manipulated him into it. you don’t deserve him, you’ve hurt him, you’ve hurt me, how could you do this?’ so like… ofc he’s not gonna argue w her. he’s already had a shit day, all of the fight is gone from him, and he agrees w her!! i’m sure he was thinking that he deserved what whit was throwing at him - not necessarily for what he’d done to her, but because he is Bad and callum is Good and he needs to stay away from him, otherwise he’ll ruin him. bc that’s just what bpd brain tells u, even when u’ve got no basis to believe it. (unless ur splitting or experiencing a big emotional high, but again, that’s a different story)

and that kind of makes sense as to why he’d go to the wedding. going back to the anger instead of sadness thing - he’s hurting, so he’s going to get angry and vengeful. he has been hurt, so now he is going to hurt in return. esp considering both callum and whitney have seen him in such a vulnerable state. it’s probably a pride thing, too.

also just to expand a little more on the ‘unstable sense of self’ thing - ppl w bpd (and also victims of abuse, but sometimes that particular venn diagram is a circle) tend to change the personality based on who they’re with. which is what most people do, yes, but i mean the Extreme version. it’s a trauma response thing - u’ll reflect parts of a person’s personality back at them, or even take bits from personalities of ppl u know they like in the hopes that they’ll like u more like that, as opposed to ur real personality (if u even know what that is). and sometimes those parts stick (esp when you idolize the person u stole them from/they’re your fp), and it’s like u all of a sudden realize ur entire personality is built of parts of other ppls personalities that you’ve stolen. so it makes sense to me that ben seems to have so many differing personalities/sides to his personality, bc he’s learned which parts to show to who, and in what situations - in response to his abuse as a kid, if nothing else.

(and before anyone can even go there: that is not an act of manipulation. it’s a trauma response. it’s something that happens without us consciously having any say in it, as a way of self-preservation. it’s like if i make myself likeable and appealing to u, you’re less likely to hurt me, physically or emotionally. and yes ben has a habit of manipulation, but this is not a part of it. none of ben’s manipulation is directly bc of his hypothetical bpd, it’s bc that’s just who he is. i don’t ever want to see the two equated, or see anyone say any shit like ‘ben must have bpd bc he’s manipulative’, ever.)

just for the hell of it, here are some spicy bpd memes, bc that’s how we communicate on the internet. (here are two in particular seem quite relevant to ben rn lmao + bonus one for phil!!)

so! there we are!!! i’m sure there’s some important stuff i overlooked and that this is not what u expected when u sent me this question, but there are so many misconceptions and stigmas out there surrounding bpd that i wouldn’t have felt right half assing it. and i hope, if nothing else, u learned something abt bpd that u didn’t know before :-)

if u read this far ur a trooper lmao but if anyone has any questions, be they abt ben having bpd or bpd in general please feel free to ask!! i’ll do my best to answer them to the best of my ability 💖💖

#ben mitchell #ballum #eastenders #petty as hell but it was really bugging me that this wasnt showing up in tags so i'm posting it again lmao #sorry if u already liked/replied to it :-(#bpd #anon #question

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preserving-ferretbrain · 5 years

Text

Nildungsroman

by Dan H

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Dan finally identifies something that has been bugging him.~

I've always had a problem with Modern Fantasy. Not in the sense of "published within the last five years" (although there is also that) but in the sense of "set in the real world, only with magic and shit, which most people don't know about". Possibly that's Urban Fantasy.

This whole thing struck me while I was reading Cassandra Cla(i)re's City of Bones, which funnily enough seems to have a lot of traits in common with a certain other modern fantasy series that the author may or may not have heard of, and which I may or may not have said a few things about in the past, so these comments are slightly biased towards those two august tales, but I'll also be talking about other elements of the Geek Canon, including Buffy, Tolkein and Star Wars.

As ever, contains spoilers.

The Hero's Journey: Ur Doin It Rong

For what it's worth, I'm not actually a big fan of Joseph Campbell. I think the observation that lots of different myths have lots of things in common rates somewhere between "dog bites man" and "Bishop of Rome Espouses Nicene Creed" on the duh-o-meter. On the other hand, the Hero With A Thousand Faces One Of Which Is Luke Skywalker does nicely identify a basic structure which can, at the very least, make sure that a mythically-slanted story doesn't suck donkey balls.

Very broadly, the Hero's Journey has three stages: the departure, the initiation, and the return. The hero starts out as Joe Ordinary (or possibly as Joe Destiny), then goes off into the Crazy World of Magic Shit, then comes back a better and more complete man. Along the way he has to get eaten by a whale and meet a goddess, but that's basically the deal (any inaccuracies can be attributed to my not actually having read The Hero With A Thousand Faces and thus getting most of my information from Wikipedia).

Star Wars, as you probably already know, was based very, very, very (very, very, very) closely on the classic Campbellian journey (right down to including the trash compactor scene pretty much entirely to tick the "hero goes underground and bad shit happens" box). Early season Buffy actually holds fairly closely to the model as well, both in terms of its overall arc (at least in seasons 1-5) and the structure of individual episodes. An episode of Buffy usually opens with our heroine facing a Typical Teenage Problem, then getting drawn into a supernatural event which allowed her, at the end, to resolve her Real Life problem as well as lay the smackdown on some vampires. As I've argued before on Ferretbrain, I think Buffy lost its way around the point it stopped bringing everything back to the real world.

And that, in a roundabout way, is what I think is wrong with Modern Fantasy. If you blinked you might have missed it, so I'll say it again more explicitly. A lot of Modern Fantasy seems to be at least loosely based on the Hero's Journey, and while it does the departure and the initiation really well, it seems to write the whole "return" bit off as a waste of time. Modern heroes leave their home and family, descend into the underworld, and bloody well stay there.

Now I admit, part of this is going to be structure. In a TV series about fighting vampires (for example), you'll always get to the point where you can't view "going out to fight some vampires" as anything but routine, and you can only escalate so far before you have to play the "real life is the greatest battle" card or the "fighting the very essence evil itself" card (neither of which worked). On the other hand, part of it seems to be an issue with people actually missing the point of the Hero's Journey. I'm going to talk about both these phenomena, because I like to hear myself talk.

Sunnydalization: Myth Invades Reality

If, like me, you wasted your entire undergraduacy watching Buffy videos, and can quote pretty much the entire seven series end to end, including the "grr-arg" bits with the mutant enemy logo, you'll probably remember the bit in Prophecy Girl where Willow finds two dead bodies in the student lounge in Sunnydale High and, despite having seen at least a corpse a week for the past series, gets totally freaked out. When challenged about it, she says:

"I'm not okay. I knew those guys. I go to that room every day. And when I walked in there, it... it wasn't our world anymore. They made it theirs.

And at that point, Buffy changed subtly but irrevocably. Prior to that scene, Sunnydale was the real world, and the Hellmouth was the place where the monsters were. Every week, Buffy would battle the legions of hell, and every week she would come out and go to class and we would see exactly what she was fighting to protect. We'd see Jonathan and Cordelia and Harmony and the rest, all going on with their totally normal lives, totally unaware that little Miss Summers had been saving their collective assi.

After that moment, though, it all changed. Things got bigger and scarier, and the Demons didn't go back into their box. Buffy may have defeated the Master at the end of Season 1, but she failed to defeat the Hellmouth, and as the seasons progressed the line between the "reality" of Sunnydale and the Underworld of the Hellmouth became more and more blurred. In season three we are told that the mayor "built this town for demons to feed on" and by the end of season seven the two are so inextricably linked that the final closing of the Hellmouth actually destroys the town.

As I said above, I ultimately think this is an inevitable effect in a long running series. The first time a vampire attacks somebody on school grounds it's scary. The twelfth you just start to wonder why the school is still open. The Sunnydale body count became something of a running joke ("if we train hard, keep focus, and don't have so many mysterious deaths, Sunnydale is gonna rule") but while it was funny it also began to undermine the point of the show. What started out as a nice little town threatened by a supernatural enemy became itself a seat of magical corruption. By the end of series seven there is literally nobody normal left in Sunnydale, they've all evacuated because of the effects of the Hellmouth (even the more sympathetic demons get out of town).

What this means is that, by the end of the series, Buffy has literally nothing left worth fighting for, except possibly Joss Whedon's ropey feminist doctrine. The later series of Buffy fall flat because, as Sunnydale itself becomes a place of evil, the Slayer loses all contact with the real world.

Mugglism: The Family Romance

Ultimately, though, I can forgive Buffy for its structural flaws. What I have more trouble with is the peculiar tendency in a lot of Modern/Urban Fantasy to treat the Fantasy World as just flat-out better than reality.

The chronic offender in this case is, of course, the Wizarding World of the Harry Potter series. Harry is rescued from the dull, dreary (and psychotically abusive) Dursleys, the "biggest load of Muggles" Hagrid has ever seen. He is then taken away into the wonderful Wizarding world where everything is fabulous and magical. He then discovers that he is a figure of the utmost importance in said world, and people either treat him with awe or loathing, both of which he finds equally affirming, while the infallibly wise guardian of his new world assures him that he really is all that and a bag of chips. Meanwhile the author informs us in interviews that everything in the Wizarding world is indeed superior to everything in the real world.

Oh, and just to forestall the inevitable "but the Wizarding world is really dangerous" apologia, there are two things to say about that. Firstly, until Rowling writes a scene that actually reminds me of the Holocaust, instead of just vaguely alluding to people making Nazi salutes, real life has Rowling licked when it comes to being dark, man. Secondly, horrors of actual, non-school-based wars aside, "like the real world but nastier" is yet another way of saying "like the real world but better". I'm going to hark right back to my third ever Ferretbrain article here and say that one of the things that really impressed me about Pan's Labyrinth was the fact that the really scary thing in it was not the Faun, or the Labyrinth, or the dude with the eyes in his hands, but the brutal mass-murdering fascist.

Anyway, where was I. Oh yes. The "fantasy is better than reality" style of Urban Fantasy usually winds up being a version of the (Freudian, and therefore almost certainly no longer reputable) idea of the Family Romance. The belief, common in young children, that their parents aren't their real parents, and they're actually something different and special. Of course most of us then grow up and realise that our parents are pretty okay people, and that being a Magical Princess probably wouldn't be that great, and actually there's some pretty radical stuff in the real world which we could be getting on with (like writing for webzines or playing World of Warcraft).

A mythical journey in which the Hero leaves the real world and then never comes back is always going to seem, to me (and therefore to anybody who matters), to be fundamentally juvenile.

Pan's Labyrinth would have been completely meaningless if Ofelia did not ultimately end up confronting Vidal (albeit hopelessly), and the Lord of the Rings loses a lot of its impact if the Hobbits don't go back to the shire. Harry Potter may save the Wizarding World, but muggles like me have no reason to care about that. Stories like the Potter series work absolutely fine, as long as you're still labouring under the illusions that you're a beautiful unique snowflake, and the only people that matter are you and the few others you're willing to accept as equally special. The moment you - not to put too fine a point on it - grow the fuck up, and realise that everybody else (yes even the teachers at your school, yes even your parents, yes even the kids who are mean to you) are real people with their own lives and ideals, you have to let go of the belief that your secret world is the most important one.

I've not yet finished City of Bones, much less the whole "Mortal Instruments" series, but it's shaping up to go the same way as potter: a long story about somebody totally failing to grow up.

In Conclusion: Why Americans Damned Well Should Be Afraid of Dragons

Roleplayers in the audience will probably know that White Wolf Game Studio used to publish, as part of their risibly-entitled World of Darkness line a game called Changeling the Dreaming. It was a game about, like, the loss of innocence and the death of dreams, man. Players took on the role of Changelings, fairy spirits in human bodies, who were slowly losing their beautiful-unique-snowflakeness under the crushing "Banality" of the modern world.

As games went, it was alright, it fetishised childhood in a slightly iffy way, but otherwise was decent Guns and Wizards Urban Fantasy fare. What bugged me about it, though, was the way it essentially divided everything in the world into "Banal" (soul destroying and imagination crushing) and "Glamorous" (drawing on the power of the Dreaming, the wellspring of human imagination). In particular, what bugged me about it was that it assumed that "imagination" was associated purely with the trappings of medieval fantasy. An artist who paints grim cityscapes and urban decay is Banal, an artist who paints forests full of dancing elves is Glamorous.

Who Wants to be a Millionaire is Banal wish-fulfillment tapping into people's desire to get something for nothing. The hundred or so fairy stories about farmer's sons who get fantastically rich because of a stroke of good fortune are totally inspiring and bring out the best in humanity.

In her article Why are Americans Afraid of Dragons? Ursula le Guin observes (perhaps correctly) that the Fantasy genre is looked down upon in America, and that this is perhaps indicative of a society too obsessed with industry, productivity and profit, and distrustful of the imagination. Fiction in general, and fantasy in particular, encourages the reader to stop thinking about how they can best make a million bucks before they're forty and start thinking about any one of the million other things they could be doing. As Le Guin puts it:

"Fantasy is true, of course. It isn't factual, but it is true. Children know that. Adults know it too, and that is precisely why many of them are afraid of fantasy. They know that its truth challenges, even threatens, all that is false, all that is phony, unnecessary, and trivial... They are afraid of dragons, because they are afraid of freedom."

Of course the important thing to remember about this particular essay is that Le Guin is using "dragons" and "fantasy" as a shorthand for "fiction in general", and you could the mistrust of Fantasy in the twentieth century with the mistrust of the novel in the nineteenth. A lot of fantasy readers (and, by extension, some fantasy writers) go further. Like Changeling they come to view "elves and dragons and shit" as being synonymous with imagination, and to view imagination as the only virtue required in humanity, instead of as part of a healthy, well rounded personality.

Sensible proponents of Fantasy argue that it is perfectly okay to like dragons and wizards, and that the presence of fantasy elements does not make a story frivolous. Less sensible proponents of fantasy seem to want to argue that it is perfectly okay to like nothing except dragons and wizards, and that fantasy elements make a story more meaningful by their mere inclusion. This is particularly common in fandom and geekdom, where people are massively more inclined to focus on the details of a particular setting (elves, vampires, wizards) than on the actual contents of the narrative (destruction of rural England, coming-of-age in small town America, why suicide is totally heroic).

Obviously, I don't want a return to the nineteenth century, I don't want a world where nobody reads fiction, or where it isn't considered perfectly okay to pick up the odd bit of Laurel K Hamilton if you feel like something light and pulpy, but I am deeply concerned about a Fantasy genre that is coming to view fantasy as an end in itself. That's fine if you're aspiring to nothing more than light holiday reading, but a lot of fantasy (even, or perhaps I should say especially children's fantasy) takes itself very seriously, and it's ludicrous to try to deal with "real" issues in something that's totally divorced from the real world. You can't show us the reality of war in a world where everybody acts like an overgrown five-year-old and people only die when the author is trying to make a point.

Fantasy is not factual, and because it is not factual it must remain true, and the truth is that the real world matters, and that real people are amazing, and a Hero who doesn't return is no hero at all.

Themes:

J.K. Rowling, Books, TV & Movies, Sci-fi / Fantasy, Whedonverse

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Arthur B

at 15:31 on 2008-09-27I'm reminded a little, in fact, of Terry Gilliam's

Tideland

, which kind-of repudiates the fantasy-as-an-end-in-itself stance he took in some of his earlier films: in that one you have plenty of people who use fantasy as a means of escaping from the world around them, with the result that their lives are completely stagnant and horrible, and you've got the protagonist who uses fantasy to endure the world around her whilst still progressing through it, so she comes out the other end more-or-less unscathed and with a potential adoptive mum to boot.

You've glossed over an aspect of the Hero's Journey a little, which is that when the Hero returns to the everyday world he isn't just a fuller and more complete man, he actually enriches the everyday world by the fact that he's gone on this journey in the first place.

Lord of the Rings

is an exceptionally good example of this; not only are the Hobbits better people for having gone to fight Sauron, but when they get back they solve the Shire's problems and then (for the most part) become its primary movers and shakers for the next generation. Arguably, part of the problem with the way Buffy developed was that whilst Buffy's own real life problems were often solved by her adventures, she didn't so much enrich the community by her adventures so much as prolong the death throes of the status quo: things gradually get worse, and worse, and worse in Sunnydale until it all goes to shit. Harry Potter's magical studies not only have no beneficial effects for his community in the mundane world, he's actually legally prevented from letting that happen.

I think the problem with Hero's Journey type narratives in fantasy set in the modern day is that "it's the modern day, but with vampires" seems far too close to the real world, if you see what I mean. Back in the day it was sufficient for the hero to walk a long long long way away and people could accept that "oh, OK, way over there is the land of magic and adventure". The problem with the likes of Buffy and Potter is that the land of magic and adventure is

right on their doorstep

, and this actually makes the return to the real world slightly problematic; because the vampires and werewolves and death eaters are in such close proximity (physically and in terms of always getting in each other's face), you'd expect the hero to be concerned about them all the time. The reason

Narnia

does the Hero's Journey so well is precisely because Narnia is a mythic otherworld which it's non-trivial to get to, and I would argue that that's a requirement for any mythic otherworld in a Hero's Journey-based story: if you can get to the Hellmouth by walking down the street then that's not so much a Hero's Journey as a Hero's Morning Jog.

I suspect the answer is to use a different myth for modern-day fantasy.

Supernatural

seems to get a lot of mileage (no pun intended) out of the old Lone Ranger/Fugitive "Eternal Wanderer" story (which has the advantage that it's a lot easier to adapt to television, because you can spin it out for as long as you damn well like, whereas the Hero's Journey pretty much demands an end point).

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Andy G

at 20:52 on 2008-10-05Great article! That really put the finger on something that had been bugging me, except actually I hadn't realised it had been bugging me until I read the article. I was just wondering how you think Star Wars would fit into the pattern of the Hero's return, as you'd given that as an example of one closely written to the pattern, but it doesn't seem as clear-cut an example as the LotR or others where the magical world/magical powers are left behind?

Possibly a stupid question as you have clearly read a lot of stuff ABOUT fantasy (where on earth do you find it? I mean I do like to read fantasy, but I can barely ever find anything interesting written about it - except on Ferretbrain, of course) but have you read On Fairy Stories by Tolkien? It covers a lot of the themes from above, and it's one of my favourite essays with some really well-made points.

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Arthur B

at 21:15 on 2008-10-05As far as I can tell, the supposed precise mapping of

Star Wars

to the Hero's Journey is a bit ropey, and came about mainly because John Campbell was all "Hey,

Star Wars

fits the Hero's Journey perfectly" and George Lucas said "Oh... really? I mean, yes. Yes it does."

So working out where all the various bits and pieces fit in is sometimes tricky, but I think the Hero's Return is very much there, although it's pretty much described in a single scene - it's the bit at the end where they're all getting their medals and all the rebel forces cheer them. Having ventured into the depths of the Death Star's chasm and faced the dark lord, Luke emerges victorious and the community (said community being the rebellion) is enriched for it. That's all you really need for the Hero's Return - tenuous, I know, but so's the entire Hero's Journey idea to begin with.

(The end of Return of the Jedi is interesting in this light, actually - the community is having a big party, but Luke isn't really part of it - he's off at the edge, burning his father's body and communing with ghosts, his experiences finally alienating him from his community because he's endured so many things that have no parallel in the common experience of the war - hundreds of people can claim they were involved in the attack on Death Star II, for example, but only Luke actually saw Darth Vader's true face.)

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Dan H

at 16:29 on 2008-10-06

I've not read it actually (I'm far less well read than I pretend to be, I just shout my opinions loudly and hope people assume I've done some research).

As for Star Wars, the "real world" if you want to call it that in the SW saga is (IMO) the Rebellion, the big deal is that while Luke goes off and learns from Jedi Masters and confronts Darth Vader, it's the regular guys in the guns-and-bombs shooting war that he comes back to. Our Esteemed Editor also points out that Luke's return to Han and Leia is a quite literal return to family at the end of the series.

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Sister Magpie

at 20:38 on 2008-10-30Great article! I've been catching up and had just read your review where you asked why someone would have to add fantasy to New York City to find a sense of wonder--quoting that paragraph that's a beautiful image strangely undermined by the addition of werewolves, fairies, vampires and mermaids. (Central Park, Chinatown, the Hudson River are all far more interesting.)

I've always liked "our world, but with magic" in terms of books starting in our world rather than a totally different secondary world, but I totally agree with this--because as you say, setting something in our world and adding magic doesn't have to mean that our world is the world that sucks or can't hold it's own. A sense of home is always present in LOTR and that makes the Shire stand up as just as wonderful as any magical place.

It reminds me of the book Hatchet that I had to read a couple years ago for a thing I was doing on YA books. I have only ever read that book, but there are several in the series. It's not fantasy, it's about a boy who survives a plane crash and must survive alone in the Canadian wilderness. But in the end he's rescued and there's other books, some of which follow a "what if?" scenario where he never leaves the woods. What struck me about the synopses of the later books was that the main character pretty much wound up going off to live in the forest. He didn't like civilization any more and preferred his solitary life.

The idea seemed to be that the author enjoyed the more "real" life experience of fighting for your survival, hunting your own food etc. But I thought it made the whole series a failure by not realizing that the point of a Vision Quest is to find out how you can help your community. Deciding to be a hermit--a fine choice in other contexts--is here just selfish and avoiding the responsibilities of being an adult in the community.

It's just important to make the distinction between this really being a flaw in Urban fantasy and it being just something urban fantasists can use it for.

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Dan H

at 15:25 on 2008-11-17Hiya, sorry it took me so long to reply (this just in, doing NaNo is

hard

). Thought I'd clarify one particular point:

It's just important to make the distinction between this really being a flaw in Urban fantasy and it being just something urban fantasists can use it for.

Oh absolutely. By "a flaw in Urban Fantasy" I basically meant it in the specific, subjective sense (as in "this is something I consider to be a flaw in the works of urban fantasy which I have personally read") not a fundamental weakness of the genre.

I find it particularly infuriating since so much Urban Fantasy is either targeted at children or "young adults" and if there's one thing that young adults *don't* need to be told, it's that being an adult is for losers.

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Sonia Mitchell

at 01:52 on 2009-06-25Once again I know this is old, but I hadn't read any Campbell when you wrote this. I'm rehashing now I've read enough of

Hero With a Thousand Faces

to comment. Not all of it, I have to add (psychology texts bore me) but a fair amount (I'm also cribbing the exact terms from

here

because it's been a few months since I touched the book).

And while I agree with the points you make, Dan, I don't think HWATF backs them up. It's not a check-list of ingredients for a story, but a variety of factors of which some (not all) can be found in a given hero's journey. Refusing to return

a valid stage of the journey, even if it makes for an unsatisfying narrative. I agree that it marks Harry out as an immature hero, just as I think it does Achilles and the Sandman and the Pevensies (who never intended to return home in TLTW&TW). For most of us there does come that point where we stop thinking Dorothy's mad for wanting to go back to Kansas (we grow the fuck up, as you so rightly say), but nevertheless according to Campbell heroes who don't return are still heroes.

Suicide

can

be 'totally heroic' in the classical model Campbell's following, which isn't using heroes as role models. Working in the chivalric model, which I think maybe you are, naturally it isn't. And Harry Potter seems to strongly invite one to take the chivalric viewpoint, right up to telling us how 'gallant' Harry is for protecting a(n extremely competent) woman with an unforgivable curse. If nothing else, the cosmetic details (suits of armour, portraits of damsels, Arthurian treasures and constant references to Merlin) are knightly not classical, and invite one to take a certain perspective (there might be an article in this, actually...).

As far as I can tell, the supposed precise mapping of Star Wars to the Hero's Journey is a bit ropey, and came about mainly because John Campbell was all "Hey, Star Wars fits the Hero's Journey perfectly" and George Lucas said "Oh... really? I mean, yes. Yes it does."

Which I'd say is the right way to do things - treating. HWATF as a tool for analysis rather than an instruction manual on how to write fiction. I think consciously ticking off the elements of the hero's journey would make for a rather boring (not to mention contradictory) story, since the natural temptation would be to take them far too literally. I'll take tenuous any day :-)

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http://ruderetum.blogspot.com/

at 16:20 on 2009-09-10Great article and it immediately reminded me of Guy Gavriel Kay's Fionavar trapesty, which is a bit narnian in its basic plot, has some slight elements of urban fantasy and I thin generally is a surprisingly awesome take on what seems on the surfce to be an awfully cliched fantasy world. Commenting on heroic suicides, I think this one has one brilliantly haunting example and a few others might qualify as well.

But really made me recollec this is the development of Dave, who is kind of an average guy compared to the rest of the cast and doesn't get any cool pwers or even the girl or anything. But in a very awesome ending, without any sense of needless fanfare, you know that he'll return back to the real world and things will be okay.

I won't explain more because I'd hate to spoil it for any one and I guess it would be a bit tedious.

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#Ferretbrain #Harry Potter #J.K. Rowling #Buffy the Vampire Slayer #Ursula K. Le Guin #The Mortal Instruments #Cassandra Clare

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radramblog · 3 years

Text

Album Discussion: ANThology (or: A return to my roots)

Those who have been with this blog for the long haul, or who’ve scrolled down all the way to the first couple posts, may recall that there is exactly one “album discussion” that existed before the daily postings you now know and love. That was the original intent for Me Blogging Online: to do weekly reviews of albums I had on CD. Like, if I got one done a week, it’d only take….four years… to get through all of them. Of course, the only one that actually got uploaded was for Hard-Fi’s Stars of CCTV, which is still a pretty good album.

That is not the first one I wrote, however. The first I wrote is a post that never made it beyond my own eyes. Actually I think I sent it to like one person, but it wasn’t in a completed form. I don’t have convenient access to that review anymore- I’m certain I only saved it as a sticky note on a laptop that may or may not still work- but I sure do have access to the album.

The fact that I haven’t listened to it since might indicate how I feel about it. Because this week, we’re getting a blast from the past in more ways than one- it’s Alien Ant Farm’s ANThology.

God help us all.

I will give AAF credit for one thing- naming the first album Greatest Hits and second one Anthology is exactly the meta shit I like when it comes to album names. I’ve said for a while that if I was ever a musician, I’d name my first album “Self-titled Debut” and the second “Underwhelming Followup”. When I was younger and disliked electronic music as a whole (because I was an edgy teenager) I also thought having an electronic instrumental named ��Oxymoron” would be quite funny.

I wouldn’t expect much more praise for them, I’m afraid. Because this album is painfully mediocre early 00s nu-metal, and this is coming from someone who likes that stuff. Our first track, Courage, feels like an offcut from a mid-level Limp Bizkit album- the instrumental is fine, but nothing outstanding, and…look, I don’t know if Dryden Mitchell is a nice guy in real life or not, but it’s kind of hard not to come for his ass here. Because he’s really not a great vocalist. A lot of nu-metal was kind of about being ugly and whiny, and my mans just doesn’t hit either angle. Too clean for the genre but not good enough to succeed despite that.

youtube

Our second track on the album is Movies, one of its three singles and by far AAF’s second most popular song. Don’t worry, we’ll get to the first one. This song feels much more like something you would hear on the radio back in the day- a cleaner version of the kind of sound these bands were known for, that’s acceptable enough for pop/hit stations to play. Because that was relevant in 2001, and I mean that without sarcasm. Honestly, I remember being kinda harsh on this song when I last listened to the album, but it’s mostly just…inoffensive. The lyrics are romantic in a painfully cheesy way, and the performance and instrumental are both functional at the level of a 00s rock track. It’s just…really forgettable. Its blandness is kind of its downfall, I’m afraid.

Speaking of blandness, I kinda have to skip the next few tracks. Because there is just so little to take from them. Flesh and Bone (Track 3) is at least trying to do something a bit more interesting in the instrumentation in the verses, with this staggered, staccato bit which isn’t bad, but lets it all go in the verse/bridge. Much like Courage felt like an unreleased LB track, Whisper (Track 4) has a bit of a Deftones vibe, but it just makes me want to listen to Around the Fur again Or just loop My Own Summer, because that song fucks, much unlike this album’s 5th track, Summer. And I have actual nothing to say about Sticks and Stones (Track 6). I always feel bad when I’m jumping through songs like this, but this is a genre I actively like, and yet these songs still manage to blend together into a generic sludge.

youtube

So we’re going to reach the second single, Attitude. I actually really like the guitar melody this song opens up on, and the way it cuts back into just drums to begin the first verse. Genuinely, the instrumentation on this song is simple, trying to suit the more low-mood of the track, and it actually works. Unfortunately, considering it’s trying to be a more lyrics-driven, emotional track, this is where Dryden’s delivery really lets the whole thing down. If you don’t mind me ruining this entire album: he does a thing where he ends a lot of lines with a little “-ah”, and it’s really noticeable in this track’s chorus. And it gets extremely grating when you notice it. I’d genuinely like to hear a cover of this song, because I do think the non-vocal aspects are solid (well maybe the lyrics are a bit shite), but as it is, I can’t say I give this one a pass.

My plan was to cut ahead to the third and final single on this album, but there’s another song on here that randomly has more listens than Attitude despite not being a single- Track 9, Wish. You weren’t missing much on Track 8. Wish is at least an excuse to say another nice thing about this album and band- they’re clearly trying to do a bunch of different things within the space of the album. The guitarwork on Wish’s verses has that chugging tone reminiscent of System of a Down, and the track as a whole is definitely one of the better ones. The…bridge? I think? Is kind of godawful, though, if I’m honest. This is a track that I think needed a couple extra passes, and could have been great if it got them, but as it is is just kind of eh.

So all of this begs the question. Why the fuck am I talking about this album? I mean, it’s because it’s the first album I really ever wrote about, but beyond that- why did I write about it all that time ago? I think it actually might have been two years ago, when I decided to do that, and since then I’ve learned a lot about how I like to write about music, what music I like to write about, et cetera. But when I first started, I didn’t have a fucking clue what I was doing, I was basically doing things on a whim. So why this album? Why Anthology?

Well, that’s because of Track 12, which I guarantee you’ve heard before. And if you haven’t, then I’m so, so fucking glad I get to introduce you to this.

youtube

That’s right, these guys are the ones who did the Smooth Criminal cover. And they own that shit. It’s the most popular song they’ve ever done by an order of magnitude, two orders more popular than the album as a whole, and the one-hit-wonder that brought them up and brought them low.

The difference between this cover and the rest of the album is utterly jarring. Smooth Criminal was always a very good, very funky song, but this translation has such an incredible bouncy energy that it’s hard not to get into it. And I can tell you right now that nothing else on the album sounds like this. It’s kind of surprising- like you’d think a band’s one cover would be roughly in the same style as the rest of their work, but while this is undoubtedly a Nu Metal Smooth Criminal, it just has a power and swagger about it that would have been lovely to see for the rest of it.

I guarantee if you’ve heard of this band it’s because of this cover. It’s how I knew about them. If you want a more big-brain analysis of the whole thing, probably check out Todd in the Shadows’s video about the track, because it’s better researched and more nuanced from someone with more music knowledge than I. But what I can tell you is that it’s clearly the best track on the album, and it’s not particularly close.

And that’s the album. Well, no it isn’t, there’s still Universe and the bonus track, one of the few I can remember where Spotify doesn’t just separate it out from the last song. Universe is actually pretty okay, surprisingly grim-sounding which I do like, and the hidden song (“Orange Appeal”) kinda sounds like a remix of something from the Left 4 Dead 2 soundtrack. But It might as well be the end of the album. Like, Smooth Criminal is why we’re all here, right? I suppose putting it so close to the end was a good move to make people actually listen to the album, but you do risk people zoning out through the album’s dregs.

Anthology is kind of the ur-example of a one hit wonder band’s album that…kind of deserved it. A lot of the time, you find a one hit wonder, and it’s like dang, they’ve actually got some really good stuff that deserves time in the spotlight (e.g. The Veronicas, The Raconteurs arguably Franz Ferdinand), but Alien Ant Farm…kind of aren’t one of them, based on this. I think it is extremely telling that the most recent output by the band- a 2020 single that’s the first new music from them since a 2015 album that isn’t even on Spotify- is another cover, of Wham!’s Everything She Wants. It’s decent? Like, better than most of Anthology easily.

The long and short is, you can probably miss this album completely with the exception of Smooth Criminal and be completely fine. Even if you are into this genre, you can probably miss it, unless you’re really hunting for new material. It’s a forgettable album, unfortunately, which isn’t great when it contains your one hit track.

And yet I think this is still less harsh than I was the last time I wrote about this record. I remember jumping around a lot more, and going in way harder on the vocals. I remember slagging off the actual album cover and lyrics booklet (it’s real bad!), because the idea was I was talking about the whole CD package as well as the music. But I also remember not having as much to compliment, so I suppose maybe I’ve matured a bit. I’d like to think that. Maybe at some point I’ll try and dig up the old original ramble, but for now, I’m happy for this to be my final word on Alien Ant Farm.

#ramble #music #nu metal #alien ant farm #anthology #its fine?

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uniformbravo · 6 years

Text

“quick” life update while i wait for my ipod to charge

(do ppl even still use ipods in this day & age. whats spotify)

i never made any posts abt it but i started the new semester & im taking 2 classes, it’s funny actually bc i waited even more til the last minute than i usually do to figure out my classes & spent the 1st week of school trying to see a counselor to find out if i still needed classes and that’s a whole other story for a whole other day but long story short the answer was no but i decided to take a couple anyway

mainly because every time im not in school The Depression takes over & i just needed something to Do so im taking intermediate painting (even tho painting 1 made me want 2 die every day) and animation (even tho i’ve already decided i don’t want to be an animator????)

so heres the thing, okay, since these are classes i don’t need in order to fill any requirements or anything i had to pick them based on nothing, really, like my main reason for taking classes this semester was to give myself something to do, right. i picked painting because my friend had told me she was taking it so i was like yo i’ll just do that too bc we had fun last time & it’s a good way to stay in contact. originally that was gonna be my only class bc i knew it’d be a lot of work and time but then i talked to my school’s art counselor about transferring to another school after im graduated from here and i’d said i was maybe interested in storyboarding so we looked at schools with animation programs and i decided super last minute to just take the animation class here and Boy what a mistake

last semester i was talking on here about a computer art class i had considered taking but dropped bc it seemed kinda... shitty?? because i hated the way the teacher taught and i felt like i wasn’t gonna gain anything from the class??? well animation is taught by the same guy and hhhhhhhhh he’s so fucking unhelpful it’s such a nothing class

see i was hoping to learn some hand-drawn animation basics like timing, squash & stretch, the fucking bouncing ball assignment, shit like that, right. the teacher was like “today we’re gonna go over the 12 principles of animation” and i was like “sweet i’ve heard of that this’ll be good” & literally he brought up a list, read off most of the names, briefly described a few, and told us to google it if we wanted more info like?? holy shit dude????? thanks for nothing oh my god

i’ve been taking a lot of time practicing animating in flipnote studio on my 3ds and watching youtube videos and i’ve been learning so much more from that than anything explained by my teacher bc godddd. basically what the class boils down to is like. flash animation. so far we’ve been working in adobe illustrator and animate & i cannot stand illustrator. i know it’s a good and useful program and if i wanted to i could learn how to use it & eventually get used to it but just the way he teaches it makes me want 2 slam dunk my computer

the computer art basics class was strongly recommended to be taken before this class but tbh i don’t even think that’s the issue here because i tried to take that class and his method was the same; he does a demo on screen that you’re supposed to follow along and do with him and he explains what hes doing as he goes but he goes so fast that if u miss a step ur fucked

and it’s not just that he goes fast, it’s also that theres no understanding of the program itself, like ok u know how in math there’s all these formulas where if u just plug numbers into them it gives u the right answer? i always understood formulas better when i knew what each variable stood for & why the values were being added or multiplied together because then it made it easier to extract the information i needed from word problems and also helped me memorize the formulas themselves easier because i could make those associations between numbers and purpose. i had the groundwork of the formula, so i could apply it to all kinds of situations

this class is like, he only gives you the very specific formulas required to accomplish very specific tasks in the programs so i can’t make the connections to figure out how to perform other tasks and i get super lost every time & it’s super frustrating & i could ask for help because he comes around and helps people who need it but i sit in the back corner so he never really even looks my way so i feel like i can’t get his attention w/o speaking up or getting up to go get him & i get lost so often that it’s really just a pain to ask him every single time

i just hate when i have a problem in one of the programs & i just have absolutely no clue how to fix it or even work around it? im used to photoshop and illustrator is just so opposite that my brain doesn’t want to work with it so im. 100% floundering in this class

we have 2 assignments during the whole semester, the first was a group project where we hand draw a 3-second animation (~30 frames) and that was literally the very first thing we did in the class with no prior guidance and honestly i suspect that the only reason he assigns it is to fill the requirement for a group project (which i know is a thing bc a lot of my past teachers have talked about it being a thing) so it was literally just. a nothing project

the second assignment is our final which is a 90-second animation (~1080 frames) and we have basically the rest of the semester to work on it, so about a month and a half-ish? and all we’ve learned how to do so far is motion tweening in animate, basically. i mean we did a ball-and-string thing which was kind of different but it mostly involved a lot of copy+paste bullshit in illustrator & also like automatic shortcuts & stuff, there was really no drawing involved at all

also it’s one of those classes where everyone just kind of messes around and does their own thing like?? i saw one girl reading manga on her computer & these two dudes at my table were comparing yugioh cards & i hear like 50 thousand conversations about anime every day & i mean im not one to talk tbh but it’s just the atmosphere, it feels like u either know what ur doing or u just fuck around w/ ur friends and im in the “neither of those” category and the girl who was reading manga is in the “both” category bc every other time i’ve looked over there she’s got this amazing masterpiece on her screen that she made in illustrator & i die inside every time what the fuckkc

he showed us examples of final projects from last semester and i noticed that some of them were done traditionally or in programs that were obviously not illustrator so i asked him about it & he said it doesn’t have to be done in illustrator/animate as long as it’s 90 seconds long so Guess What i think i’m just gonna make it somewhere else lmaooo i mean i feel like it’s a missed opportunity bc i have these programs at my disposal & im not even using them but god amn. god fuckign damn

im thinking of animating it in flipnote bc that’s what i’ve been using & im pretty familiar with it by now but im not sure because there are some important things im not sure i’ll be able to accomplish with it like backgrounds (which are another requirement for the assignment) and i don’t want to back myself into a corner, especially with how little time i have to do it, so idk for sure. my other idea was to use clip studio paint but i have the pro version which only lets u use 24 frames per animation which totals out to a whopping 2 seconds so idk if i want to have to deal with that bullshit either. right now im considering making the rough animation in flipnote so i can figure out the timing & shit and then slapping it into clip studio to finalize everything (or technically i could even do that in photoshop, since im more familiar w/ it & can probably work faster there- from photoshop it’d be a matter of copying the finished frames into clip studio to export into 2-second clips & then compile those in movie maker & then bam finished animation)

so!!! it’s a lot of shit im dealing with in this class & im just like. if im doing it this way then why do i even need to show up for class. what am i even in this class for im just basically making an animation on my own time with my own resources using none of the techniques taught in the class. im only doing this animation because it’s an assignment for the class im not gaining anything from. it just seems so pointless & the only thing getting me through it is the thought that i could possibly put this in a portfolio somewhere down the line, and for that i’d want it to look nice and not rushed so im thinking that for the sake of finishing the assignment i might just use my rough animation so that i can spend more time on the “nice” version afterward

aaaanyway it’s um Late for me & i went on about this for too long but i needed to get it off my chest tbh, i’ve been thinking abt making this post for like 2 weeks so there u go. i didn’t even talk about my painting troubles good lord. if you’ve been wondering why i havent been online as much lately This is why. also bc im a huge loser and 100% of my free time has been going into watching anime bye

#retag later #me? complaining for an hour?? maybe #school /#i usually reread these & edit them to make things sound better but this time im too tired so if anything doesnt make sense sorry

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jungblue · 7 years

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My God, FH gives me conflicting emotions and I really have no clue who I want her to end up with. On one hand, there's Jimin who is an absolute sweetheart and would a hell of a lot for her and on the other hand, there's JK who feels so strongly for her (not that Jimin doesn't) and wants her back. I think I'm leaning toward JK but then Jimin pops back up and- ugh. I love this series so much, it's giving me a dilemma, but I still really love how it's written and everything. You're a great writer x

thank you so much! i’m glad you’re liking it and that it feels conflicting bc that was my goal for this series. to make a love triangle that was legitimately conflciting and not just ‘’’this is the clear choice’’’ as i had done in the past. but again thank you for the kind words!

Anonymous said: All these jimin stans makes me so sad as a jungkook stan for FH 😭😭😭 like the poor boy just wanted to go after his career he didn't do anything terribly wrong I mean okay hear me out cause imo oc is the one love he will probably ever have in his life like even if she chooses jimin he will always always always choose her b/c their history is just so 😭 I go so soft for it but she brought the real him out that wasn't a fuck boy and she turned him around for the better 😭😭 agh but jimin is ❤️❤️

i would say it’s actually pretty even tbh! i should do a poll just to find out how even it actually is just bc i’m really interested to know. but yes i’ve said this a lot but i agree that he did nothing wrong by choosing to move to seoul. as for jungkook’s history with the oc i do agree. he had never experiences those types of feelings before, so when he met the oc it did take him by surprise, and it did change him in many ways

Anonymous said: I wouldn't be surprised if the OC goes off to live in the wilderness with a pet cow to sort her Jimin / JK thoughts out. To be honest though, you've drawn out the characters so well that irrespective of whom she ends up with, I'll be both happy and sad anyway... I love both the characters to be able to pick one. Just don't go Lord Voldemort on the spare, please :'D

lolol honestly that’s what i would do bc making that decision would be way too hard ahaa. but thank you so much for saying that about the characters it means a lot!!

Anonymous said: I'm Team idk-who-the-fuck-to-ship in FH lmao like I'm leaning more towards Jungkook, but at the same time I'd feel more bad for Jimin than I would for Jungkook if he doesn't get the girl... I just feel so bad for Jimin for getting tangled up in this mess so I just want him to be happy in the end and Jungkook seems like he's hiding something but then at the same time I get the whole "she's meant to be with Jungkook" feeling too... AHHHHHHHHH I'LL JUST SCREAM UNTIL WE FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS

ahaaa yeah it’s definitely a messy situation. but when it comes to jimin he is an adult and he’s choosing to stay in the situation due to his ever-growing feelings towards the oc. there are lots of reasons to like both jungkook and jimin, so i think your personal perspective / experiences with life are what really decides who you prefer in the story

Anonymous said: I know FH is loosely based off the series 'NANA' (one of my all-time fave anime/manga). . . even with your own spin on the story, I really lowkey am scared that Jimin might get himself in a similar hurtful situation like Nobu did & idk if I can handle him going thorough that. The character you've created/build up for him with such a big heart despite also being somewhat closed-off, like please protect him at all costs.

i love nobu ;;;;;;;;;;;;; literally my heart still breaks for that kid bc of everything that happened. they were so close to being happy together //sobs// but as for jimin’s similarities with him they’re definitely there so i can see where you’re coming from. but don’t worry about jimin he’s a strong headed person and he’s got more things coming in the series!

Anonymous said: tbh im a HUGE fan of jungkook for FH!! i dont think he did anything wrong leaving her for his dreams. i think thats really realistic and he technically didnt cheat on her because they werent quite together then! i love your writings :)

thank you! but yeah i don’t think leaving was the wrong thing to do. that was a once in a lifetime opportunity so not taking it would’ve been dumb on his part imo

Anonymous said: for me, I think oc could end on her own? Idk I really like jimins character but the same I didnt think she could give him the "love'" he deserves and that would let her wonder if its not better for him to find someone who gives it to him. and jeongguk really hurt her and has this secret that maybe she can not accept. my ultimate bias is taehyung so maybe oc and he... hahaha Im kidding // sorry for my bad English.

your english is great don’t worry! but that is definitely a possibility! she might need to take a step back from these two guys bc she knows that being unsure of her feelings is really going to end up hurting someone in the end, so it might be better for her to take some time by herself. ahaa yeah tae isn’t too big in this story, i need to give him some lines lmaooo

Anonymous said: asgklhas im not gonna lie LOL i completely forgot about future hearts. I know it takes a while to update a long scenario, but idk.. it just slipped my mind after 3 months. When i saw that anon i wsa like ?? tf are thry talking about whats future hearts. and then i saw ur name and thought of Hidden stars at first and again was like ??? its already finished tf why is that anon talking about it now? O_O and only now i remembered the story and that its still on going LOL but yeah im excited n scared

ahaa yeah it takes me forever to update i know ;;;;;;; but that’s only bc i don’t want to force myself to write when i’m not feeling it bc i don’t think it’s fair to anyone to rush something out that won’t give the proper development that it deserves you knoww

Anonymous said: girl everytime i reread FH i die inside bc i relate to so many parts like dating a band dude, him leaving, a few years later me getting with another band dude and joining him on tour only to see the first guy being in the band thats also on the tour (-: i hope FH has a happier ending than my scenario did bc yikes

wow that is wildly similar ahaaa. but i’m glad that it’s relatable!

Anonymous said: TEAM JUNG-JIMI-FUCK 🙃

SAME IT’D BE SO EASY THAT WAY ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

#future hearts #x1epj1x #message

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rennyji · 3 years

Text

June 2nd - thoughts and normal tweets

June 2nd tweets...here we go...

I’m nothing like Ashton Kutcher, not even in my own right, especially nowadays.-

-But in my old Twitter days (back in 2012), I’d tweet this following train of thought often. It went along the lines of: Ashton Kutcher is actually famous, “a somebody,” who needs to safeguard his reputation from libel, “and probably has and pays ‘agents’ of his own choosing” to-

-to monitor his likes and reputation. I’m so not Ashton Kutcher in that regard or any regard. Yet I have people “steering my life as a whole.” I did not select them, and I do not even know them. They’ve been doing what they want with a regular nobody’s life for 11+ years. -

-What do you make of that? Why am I not protected by my American citizenship amidst mindless zombies who just see - say it slowly: 11 years of secrets on a massive scale- everything as “cute” or casual. I mean to see this as cute... what kind of a rosy picture are you getting?-

-Do U know what great lengths the orchestrators took 2make me look crazy? The actual things done recently, &over these past 11 years? Where is that famous American altruism? Did they tell people these things? Not going to say it myself at this point, let the orchestrators do it.-

-Do they tell people, that I wrote complaints 2the FBI &that they hijacked my phone calls 2the police or rerouted them? Do they tell people about my run in w/the police at my old house &what they did with me, 4talking about “the situation” with my parents and telling the truth?-

-Do people care to ask? Are the orchestrator waiting for my permission to disclose? I mean, I give the orchestrators permission to disclose their aforementioned misdeeds. In cr*p American psychology, they’re usually concerned about psychological impacts and trauma. -

-These racist f*ks didn’t give a d*mn with me cuz I wasn’t a blonde girl. Sick people on me, I dare you. Im not attached to conveniences of my life through years of meditative practices. Watch, despite that, for who I am during our 1st &actual confrontation/meeting. &my parents?-

-While you’ve been living and continuing with your lives, while giving me a hard time, remember all these things you had me face. To speak in terms of your background, you had an altar server face the police, so don’t dare to judge me for what I say or write. -

-and throughout all these experiences, I was compliant throughout everything-that too for 11 years. It just goes to show you, words usually being the answer, can only do so much. You deal with man-demons, don’t waste time on word

next thing...-

-So on 6/1, I find out a doctor who my family knows, died on the evening of 5/31. She’s Harvard educated-all that work and to only pass away in her 40s. She’s a doctor and her husbands a doctor. They have two small kids, 10 and under. -

-She has the figure of someone, out of this world: like nice face, nice voice, only says nice things, goes out of her way for others, and smiles through everything. God bless her soul. -

-You see it as a privilege to be close with someone with those qualities and wish you could’ve had the opportunity, outside of this situation.-

-Thats 1 woman who dies without seeing me on the other side of theSituation. Life, every second of thought/words/action is a gift thats normally invigorating. But its never long enough. Its in such a world, where 11+ years are taken out of ur life by genuine demons. They smile,-

-may seem altruistic, but the reality is, a normal human being cannot inflict pain on another, for an extended amount of time, without reason, simply for everyone to watch. They are Legion from the Bible, enveloping the masses.

oh and something else -

-I used to think of Americans as world saving altruists, and the setting here, on a good day without crime, to be like heaven with all its people. But in the last 11+ years, there’s something very wrong with the general mindset. -

-It doesn’t seem like the common man is “awake”-May sound like something from The Matrix. Everyone here is so plugged in and lacking in insight. I mean of all people, it was Americans that allowed this situation to fall on another American. -

-Rather than following your heart, your human spirit, you mindlessly/mechanically do what some...people?! ... tell you to do. Christ talks about the flesh and spirit being at war. But here, in America, the country lacks a soul. The nation’s people lack maturity.-

-How then can I continue to see here, as heaven-like. Live in each second, be conscious of what you do, follow your heart. Some of you hear this or something else, and look to it because it’s “nice sounding” or “tantalizing” based on the subject. -

-But I speak/write to instill it’s meaning, to make a point, for others to learn from. Wake up, live a life of meaning.-

-Don’t do things “for show” as “this situation” relays everything “for show.” Do things cuz it’s right or cuz it matters. Me? From all this? I just want a natural setting as described several times. -

-Relaying accomplishments, possible purchases, or whatever, has nothing to do with the goal set by me. It just builds random hype around a regular guy. -

-The orchestrators go against my whole way of doing things. Im a liberal when it comes to religion, but I go by whats said Biblically with respect to this. Do things good, do things in secret, to please your Heavenly Father who sees what’s secret, and He will reward you. -

-The orchestrators just can’t respect my faith and wishes.

and something that happened the other day...-

-Went down to my basement - the other day-to do one thing, ended up doing 10 different things roaming through the mind, for other things present in life-

-I mean I have a focus now: Working, and working out. Based on those 2 goals, normally I’d ignore other thoughts/ideas to possibly 10 other goals you didn’t consider—hence how a person focuses. -

-(And then there are the thoughts/ideas/whatever cluttering ur mind b/c of orchestrators & the daily problems created & sourced in them, that is also taxing on ur focus-too much upstairs-& thats when every1’s having U explain every word, every action- peace of mind is priceless.-

-at Iona Prep High School, my GPA, weighted, was a 4.2 out of 4.0...at the party school where my parents paid for a private appointment and food delivery, having to only study, I should’ve had at least a 4.0 GPA. -

-Knowing what theyve invested in me, I don’t know why my parents are allowing this 2 happen 2 their son for 11 years. For 11 years, my mother has shown me a worse attitude then usual, minus loving listening or conversation or empathy...this is my world, but back to the point..)-

-But then when you’re in a problem multiplied by a worsening factor against you by 11 years, you think to show other aspects of you. Attending to “the thing”, “ the situation”,”the unknown” is time consuming and expensive. -

-Be it writing away your life or buying your coffee to meet people you’re pretty sure will not talk to you. Truth be told, times 11 years, "the situation" and ur life in it, is all unrewarding. -

-Fills the mind with too many things to do...I mean when you do stuff, you orient your focus accordingly. But with the unknown and its variables, too many things demanding of your focus.

on a related note, but also transitioning to normal tweets for the day-

-Clear and settle your mind, you slowly but surely, make progress in getting things done, and ultimately get things done...writing such things down can provide a release in normal situations, where everything’s not relayed-like in the Harry Potter series,-

-Dumbledore uses what’s called a “Pensieve” (a bowl of water where thoughts can be transferred to, until needed, or desired, for whatever be the purpose, ultimately clearing the mind...-

-I remember writing that in my first Twitter or the first time I had Twitter, with 16000 followers+...life repeats when no solutions...say the same old things cuz no one listens or likes to follow or hold onto tantalizing cr*p instead...-

on another note, talked to someone the other day and he suggested not to overdo something else...he’s cool, but it makes you wonder in these situations while something else is going on...is it a natural assumption or the result of a picture put in his head by someone else?!-

-(to the orchestrators, I’m as good as a I say I am i.e. I take on and handle multiple kinds of sh*t)...really affects how one sees things I.e. this nonsense...-

-I mean, was talking to this hot girl for months a few years back and couldn’t help but wonder if the correspondence was “for real” or because it was for entertainment...for whatever reason, she never disclosed the truth about "the situation" either...she would talk about issues, and sadly, i couldnt tell if the orchestrators made it up, or if her issues were real...

so a thought on education...Education is not just math and science. It’s about being a thoughtful, well rounded individual. &the beauty of it is, you don’t need a degree for that. Life experience, insight, or something else could do it too. Seeing it as anything less is ur ego.-

-2try 2achieve status of "educated", &then constantly be put in midst of those who are uneducated or who act as such can be frustrating..gotta expand the world..could lead 2meaningful conversations..rather than mechanical/uninterpreted literal understandings/talks of the Bible.-

-the orchestrators, in their childish way of doing things come off as uneducated. may have big degrees to use this kind of tech...but once again, it goes to show "educated" is not just about degrees, its how you use knowledge/experience.

more normal tweets in addition to the previous...-

When you need a dual or triple monitor setup on the go, or say, studying/working at a coffee shop: Try the Mobile Pixels Trio monitor:

https://www.mobilepixels.us/products/trio

Want to keep your coffee drinks oh warm for an extended amount of time? Try the “Ember mug” on Amazon...

https://ember.com/

If u drinkTea, some teas require u 2 boil water&let teaBags sit 4at least 3min. But 4freshly brewed coffee or tea, it takes a while 4the beverage 2be only drinkably warm. Like 20 minutes 2 half anHour. I didn’t want 2wait, so I thought Id give “HyperChiller” a try. $25 on Amazon.

So, I incorporated orangeJuice in2 my mornings, &thought Id invest in something w/comparably less sugar. Found Trop50 from Tropicana. Normal orange juice has 20+ grams of sugar. Trop50? 10 grams. Sucky part is that the Trop50 containers aren’t as big as their biggest containers.-

-Trop50 tastes just as good as the original recipe...you wonder why they got to sell a version with extra sugar that has no added benefit...

If you’re typing something in the Notes app, or I guess wherever on your iPhone, did you know, to undo typing, you just have to shake your iPhone up and down a few times?

If you have the AirPods Max headphones, did you know you cannot turn them off with a button? To conserve battery life and put them in standby, you gotta out them in the small case that it comes with.

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stellarsquad · 7 years

Note

ur turn to answer all of them, lets hear it

thanks michelle ur the binch best

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?

depends on the circumstance, but I’d say yes.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?

nope

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

shapeshifting, or the power to refill things bc lets be honest that one (1) post was actually quite logical

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

mmmmmm, maybe. maybe not 7 - 9 yrs but maybe sometime

5. Tell us some funny drunk story.

i don’t drink, so none on that front.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?

didn’t love her romantically, feelings didn’t go both ways. we’re g now though.

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be?

hmmmmm, probably drowning.

8. What are your current goals?

ace my exams.

9. Do you like someone?

fuck yeah i do!!!

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?

not sure, actually. generally if someone disappoints me they make up for it pretty quick.

11. Do you like your body?

it does its job (mostly)

12. Can you keep a diet?

is that a joke??

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

let people live

14. Do you work?

yeah, i tutor beginner trumpet students.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?

sushi, probably

16. Would you get a tattoo?

maybe, but probably not. not rlly my style.

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?

my FRIENDS I LOVE MY FRIENDS

18. Can you drive?

i can,,, but am i a good driver?? up for debate.

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

not sure

20. What was the last thing you cried for?

i’m playin the lead in a short film about a woman who’s husband dies in a crash and we filmed a scene at a graveyard for that this week, so i cried there about my ‘husband’ dying.

21. Do you keep a journal?

not anymore.

22. Is life fun?

honestly it’s looking up. so i’ll say yes.

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?

i don’t,,, even know what this question is asking??? yes?? no?? maybe??

24. What’s your dream car?

mini cooper, teal. or red.

25. Are grades in school important?

mmmhmmm don’t fuck around in school kids.

26. Describe your crush.

literal angel honestly, the sweetest boy i’ve ever met.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?

fuckin baby driver!!! that was good shit!!!

28. What was your last lie?

“dont pull that shit again i stg i will rearrange ur spinal structure until u resemble a goldfish”. it’s a lie i don’t even know how to do that.

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?

um,,, idk most of my lies are pretty stupid one likes that ^^^ and i don’t lie a lot nowadays anyway. i try to avoid it where i can.

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

this is kind of a double standard thing for me, like,, i don’t mind if other ppl cry in front of me and i certainly won’t shame anyone for crying in public / in front of other but i’m always embarrased crying in front of other people. sooooo, idk.

31. Something you did and you are proud of?

topping 3 of my classes atm, i think.

32. What’s your favourite cocktail?

once again, not a drinker.

33. Something you are good at?

i’m okay at singing, i think.

34. Do you like small kids?

mmmm, depends on how small.

35. How are you feeling right now?

exhausted but i always am sooooo,

36. What would you name your daughter/son?

lmao me?? having kids?? is that a joke??

37. What do you need to be happy?

music, my best Friends and/or my boyfriend. preferably all of em.

38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?

mmm, not really?? myself mostly for not doing my work.

39. What was the last gift you received?

um, idk. probably smnthn for my birthday?? that was at the beginning of the yr i don’t remember.

40. What was the last gift you gave?

i gave a sloth enamel pin to one of my friends this thursday just gone.

41. What was the last concert you went to?

twenty one pilots!!

42. Favourite place to shop at?

h&m, or jay jays.

43. Who inspires you?

sebastian stan

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?

are there gonna be more of these drinking questions??

45. How old were you when you first got high?

i don’t even drink bruh,,,

46. How old were you when you first had sex?

umm, well i’m ace so,,, no.

47. When was your first kiss?

recently, actually. it was good but the second one was so. much. better.

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year?

stay in a relationship with my boyfriend, and beyond the end of this year, too.

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?

[pulls up 178 slide pptx] where the fuck do i start

50. Post a selfie.

how’s this: https://stellarsquad.tumblr.com/post/159788715857/flora-200417-artist-and-photographer

51. Who are you most comfortable around?

my two Best Friends ever nd my boyfriend.

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.

fuckin hell, spiders man.

53. What kind of books do you read?

fantasy and adventure

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?

trust your damn instincts. don’t be blind.

55. What is your favourite flower?

orchids!! or roses. hmmm

56. Any bad habits you have?

i scratch nd pick at my face a lot

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?

i don’t,,,, know? i don’t rlly know if i have a type, but lookin back at the people i’ve loved, good sense of humour and good jawline. i guess.

58. What was the last thing you cried for?

fuckin,, cried in A Dogs Purpose in the cinemas i’m weak.

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?

if u fuckin come at me with chicken liver,,, i will fight

60. Are you in love?

yeah, yeah i think so.

61. Something you find romantic?

i fuckin love,, holdin hands. like thats dumb but i love it.

62. How long was your longest relationship?

abt 3 mnthn. 2 ½ i think.

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?

girls are catty sometimes, and some girls think they’re the Queens of Everything regardless of where they are / who they’re with like,, sit down please you don’t have any power here at all.

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

misogyny is one thing but that’s grouping all guys together a bit generally so based on one of my guy friends, who is pretty much the only guy i have any contact w besides my bf: if i get any more texts from u tryna argue abt religion when you’re high i’ll delete ur number and change your netflix password.

65. What are you saving money for?

a camera

66. How would you describe your bad side?

a ghost but i think she’s dead.

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?

i try to be but,,,, hmm.

68. What are you living for?

idk my friends i think.

69.Have you ever done anything illegal?

probably!!

70. Do you like your body?

haven’t i already answered this??

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?

i try to avoid it but when i’m sometimes when i’m roasting all hell breaks loose.

72. Ever sent nudes?

no.

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?

no and who the fuck would honestly.

74. Favourite candy?

mmmmm, milk bottles.

75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!

not rlly sorry. my own?? my sideblogs?? idek.

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?

NIVA!!!

77. Favourite TV series?

The Checkout. yeah i’m a nerd!! come at me!!

78.Are you religious? Does God exist?

yeah, i’m Christian but im probably not a very good example of one. and God’s out there alright. He exists.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?

honestly,, Emma by Jane Austen can die

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?

props 2 anyone who can do it u are dedicated.

81. How long have you been on Tumblr?

since like,, 2014 i think??

82.Do you like Chineese food?

yeah boyyy

83. McDonalds or Subway?

maccaaas

84. Vodka or whiskey?

- _-

85. Alcohol or drugs?

- __-

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?

heck yeah

87. Meaning behind your blog name?

space gang

88. What are you scared of?

being forgotten

89. Last time you were insulted?

My Best Friend (if she even is that,, MICHELLE) called me a preschooler yesterday nd she can choke

90. Most traumatic experience ?

nov2015 to like,, jan2017

91. Perfect date idea?

stargazing and makin out tbh.

92. Favourite app on your phone?

spotify!

93. What colour are the walls in your room?

purple nd white

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?

not rlly anymore?? probably still dan and phil.

95. Share your favourite quote.

“And just remember, bad times, are just times that are bad.” its from fuckin,,, animal crossing i love it so much it’s so dumb.

96. What is the meaning of life?

live for others, and others will live for you. its,,,, cyclical.

97. Do you like horror movies?

no no no nooooo

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?

yeah, i went to state level in a public speaking competition and she cried bc she was proud.

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?

i’m lucky to have an actual angel as a bf, my guy

100. Can you keep a secret?

yeah. i’m good at those.

and thats all of them!! sorry this is so long guys

#askgame #asked and answered

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