#so i don't feel the need to vent here

[nell0-0]

Too tired to draw, what is this curse. I wanna draw so badly but can't even focus on the screen, augh

#talk tag #rant #i guess? #i feel super bad about complaining in here #but where else would I go with it #I just got a stressful job and keep messing up #not the job itself. but relationships with coworkers #it's so stressful bc I don't wanna come across as mean #it's just my face/voice when I'm not constantly making sure it's soft and nice #I don't wanna be mean #can't just go and say “it's the neurodivergence” #since I don't even know wtf is wrong with me #<- afraid of therapists #bc if I go to even one therapists and disregards my struggles I may just cry. and impostor syndrome again #rambling in the tags #will delete this later #i just needed to get this out #I also keep infodumping to clients and not sure how that's gonna fly with the bosses #...probably not well #english is hard today wtf #tw vent

[babacontainsmultitudes]

80 or so years of life really ain't enough can I have an elf lifespan instead please? Or at least a dwarf's... I need at least a couple hundred years... Oh and a new spine every 5 or so years, if that's not too much to ask. 3. 3 years actually. Yeah, a new spine every 2 years, and a lifespan of 350-750 years, that's all I want really.

#SORRY this is such a random thing to be posting about and I guess it's a vent post haha #I suppose I've just been feeling a lot of... dread and fear lately... especially in the late hours... #''Lately'' as in on and off for most of my life but *a lot* as of the past few months #Like #Oh it's weirdly embarrassing to talk about this here it's a tad personal uh **tw (discussions of) death #But do you ever just feel paralyzed by the knowledge that one day you'll be 40? Or 60? Or 80? If you're lucky! #I worry a lot about wasting my life #I worry a lot about dying an unpleasant death #Or a painful one #I suppose I've always been gerascophobic... #But finishing school and turning 23 and not having a job and having just a hard time with my physical health lately... #I haven't been great I guess #I just feel like time has been moving so quickly lately!!! #And I've been going nowhere. #:0 not to be too much of a bummer y'all I'm not like feeling horrible rn or anything but I do need to vent I think #Cause if not it just stays coiled up inside of me. #*gah* I should channel all of this energy into Glenn in my pirate fic lol #😌 he's insecure (in part) cause he feels old #🥲 ough and I don't feel amazing about that most recent chapter but I guess that's a whole new vent #working on some different stuff for a bit. #ANYWAYS #I hope whoever happens to be reading this is having a good night ✨️ #oh or day if it's day for you lol

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

...

#trying /really really hard/ not to let the overuse of terms such as 'secular' bug me here at school #but honestly I'm starting to get annoyed with it :') #ugh dear Lord I am trying SO HARD not to be argumentative and annoying and avoid my real problems in life by being snarky and unteachable #but it is HARD SOMETIMES LOL #bc I really want to argue #I really need the energy release it provides #even when I don't really care about the subject being argued about #college complaining #I think I'm using a different tag by accident every time lol #I'm trying so hard to grow up and put away childish things but I'm feeling so worn out. the problems aren't fixed. #and venting on tumblr isn't fixing it but I don't want to ask to schedule another appointment with my councilor bc I know it costs a lot #and I don't want to burden anyone here at school with my problems. that's self-seeking isn't it? and it's not fair to expect other people t #fix my problems. #I should turn to Christ alone since He should be enough for me. right? #I don't know and I hope I'm not being rude or blasphemous but I'm tired some of the depression/anxiety symptoms are showing up again #and I don't want to go back to shaking in fear and not being able to get out of bed for days in a row

[novuit]

I was going to say something really deep and worrying but then I realised that it sounded like something England would say and I could've drawn him saying it instead of venting like the sorry man I am lmao

#another engcest idea for the win! #personal tag #I don't need to vent here bcs I have a councilor #but then again sometimes i feel a bit to poetic for any therapist/councilors #so i just end up not talking about some of the really deep fucked up stuff #(some of them are just plain fucked up) #so i just put it on my engcest ideas notes #<- dealing with yourself is not a pretty job #it's like im taking care of two separate people in one body #which is def something arthur would say #okay okay ill sleep now

[providnce]

is it cool if I start posting Foals stuff on here?

#instead of just. reblogs #not really a vent but just me rambling #this is gonna sound so dumb but #i feel like i’d be annoying my catb mutuals on here #especially bc i’ve been a catb blog for a little over a year and a half #and people who want foals content wouldn’t wanna see it along with catb content #and i don't wanna make a sideblog #so i’d be in a weird place #and like. the foals mutuals i have i’m too scared to message LMFAOOO #and idk man there’s not many people really posting foals stuff i’ll feel super alone #and it’d be like being a part of TWO tiny fandoms #BUUUT at the same time their tag is so fucking empty #either that or it's just horses #and i need to scream about foals and yannis #bc hyperfixation #personal

[saltpepperbeard]

you ever feel trapped? like you’re just treading water, waiting to drown?

#OFMD #had to channel my inner ed because i just shdklsjdhks #jodi's no good very cranky day #here's the tea sis #i left a comfortable yet somewhat annoying job for a job that is currently VERY annoying and distressing #annnnddd i'm feeling that PARTICULARLY hard today #it also doesn't help that part of that stress feels like it's coming from neurodivergent burnout/issues and that can't be like #easily ~*~Explained~*~ to people #like the lack of structure/communication/transparency is driving me BANANAS because i very much need stability/cut and dry processes #annnnnd upper management is supposed to be fixing that #but it seems like they're making it Even Worse #so it just feels extremely overwhelming right now #and i can also feel everyone ELSE'S stress?? #and it seems to be upping my own because yaaaaayyy empathy (derogatory) #IDK man sorry I don't normally vent #But my health is starting to get affected by all of this l m a o #And the thought of having to uproot AGAIN if it doesn't improve is just #I feel like it's an unending loop of going from job to job to job where the spaces are toxic and no one communicates and> #<efforts are not respected #Soooo I'm just gnawing on my arm and wishing I very much could ZOOM AWAY ON A PIRATE SHIP SHDKLS

[nonokoko13]

Ok so today I found out Nanbaka ended some time ago so I spoiled myself and man, the ending was so rushed and angst for no reason and overall disappointing??? The author threw very important lore info and a plot twist that felt all out of the blue near the ending... I love angst but when it is well written, and this was not. Their friendship was real, even if prior to the series start wasn't I know what I read was real friendship and this ending ruins for me one of the main themes of this show.

I don't post a lot about this series because I started it before I even had Tumblr but Nanbaka was everything to me back then. Even after I was forced to move on because the english translation stopped and finding all chapters fan translated was very difficult I'd find myself thinking about these characters sometimes and I almost dare to say that it was a comfort series. Not being able to keep reading it without going through a Odyssey was already upsetting but the ending? What in the actual fuck is that. Is not even the fact it was a sad ending what bothers me the most, it's that it was sad and felt bad written or without proper building 🙁

This literally summaries my opinion regarding what happened to the main group:

Now I feel bad? Bad like when you receive bad news irl? Like I've received a punch in the stomach or a betrayal from a dear old friend

If spy x family or yuu & grim (including all of their friends in twst) separate in the end I'm losing all hope of being happy and relaxing with this trope without fearing the chance of getting backstabbed again forever

God please let them stick together or I'm going to make you the same thing you have done with me

#♡ — shut up noko #sorry I needed to vent #endings like that get my trust issues acting up /srs #how are you gonna enjoy a lighthearted family found series if you can't lower your guard bc you're afraid this will happen?? #on top of that it was all the time a comedy gag slice of manga except for some action and blood here and there #and then they really decided to struck me with a bitter ending. Hurt/comfort without the comfort. all misery #and it feels so rushed and unnecessary and unnatural and too vague for an ending???? #I wish I could unlearn it and keep believing they all live happily together in prison #because reality is already disappointing and mid-ish as it is. no need for more of that in fiction thanks #never thought it could happen to Nanbaka something worse than not getting a continuation of the anime #or being difficult to almost impossible to find chapters for non Japanese fans. Or being criminally underrated and forgotten for most peopl #but Murphy's law strikes again. There's always another level in the misery basement that is being fan of this series #sorry I don't handle well series I hold dearly having endings that I dislike or being cancelled #I was still recovering from Inside Job being cancelled so Netflix could give B*g f Mouth another season and now this #why God likes to ruin my day so much #nanbaka

[mxanigel]

why do some people insist on complaining about a ship on art/fic/etc featuring that ship??

just. move on. we've got so much we can love on. don't waste energy hating.

#I have multiple nope ships in my favorite media #but I'm sure those ships give others serotonin like my faves do for me #so I'm not going to shit on them #because real people are what matter here #(sorry for the negative post. I don't feel well today and I needed to vent.)

[chemblrish]

x

#ngl my mental health has been garbage lately #can the ex overachiever ever know peace? #im starting to think the answer is no #years of therapy and nothing has changed #this whole thing is so painful to me the only way i can bring it up irl is through jokes #i don't live in the us we don't have this gifted program stuff here #but i was so brilliant so excellent absolutely perfect #being mediocre now is like having my heart ripped out of my chest every single day #watching people do better than me has me on the verge of losing my mind #i know it has to sound whiny and ridiculous to people who never experienced this #but success was all i ever had #successful was all i ever was #and now i have nothing and i am no one #years of being used by teachers only to end up spat out by the education system #all this pain for nothing #my therapist used to say im quite literally grieving #how long is this supposed to last? #how long until i stop feeling so worthless and miserable? #im so sick of being like this but nothing ever changes #ill probably delete this later but i needed to vent first

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#sigh. another vent post.... #almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope. #.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it. #......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for) #mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for. #thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

[galaxywhump]

I'm really sorry for this but I could really use some cheering up tonight

#hella heavy venting incoming so i'm trying to hide it in the tags #so here's another otherwise useless tag that will hopefully bury it #anyway #suicide tw #i've been suicidal for a damn decade at this point #and it's gotten worse lately #way worse #and i'm struggling a lot #and the post by inkskinned i rbd earlier today hit me so hard and i wasn't expecting it #and it's hard to talk about this stuff to people you know irl #so i'm bottling it up and i feel like i'm going to explode #being alive hurts rn #so much #and i don't know how to handle it #and i just need a damn hug #marti vents #delete later #suicide cw #suicidal thoughts tw #i'm sorry if it's not tagged properly tumblr doesn't suggest any popular tags for this topic

[torchickentacos]

ok i slept for uhhh seventeen hours on and off since last night bc chronic illness <3 BUT that means I'll be up until like five am tonight. sad. BUT!!! that gives me time to read fics that i've meant to for months, and reading fic in general is something i don't do often so i'm kind of excited for my accidental all nighter era.

#ok. adding this in post. accidental chronic illness vent in tags #I FINALLY DON'T HAVE SCHOOLWORK TO BE DOING INSTEAD #deadass i finished my exam and project on sunday #and have been in crash mode ever since #i need to just give into it #on one hand i feel guilty that I HAVE the luxury of giving into it #because tons of people don't #but also i know that i have the luxury BECAUSE i planned my schedule/life around my illnesses #i KNOW this happens. especially in the fall (see: october slide) so I take lighter courseloads #and it's so hard. I feel like I struggle with things most people can do in their sleep. #I don't have enough blood in my brain to think half the time /literally and medically. not joking here #I'm chronically pretty fucking hypoxic and have blood pooling #so i know I need to be more understanding of myself here #but realizing your limits are different from other people is just so difficult to reckon with #especially in your early twenties (21.5) when I see other people making huge progress towards independence #i WILL still move out within the next couple years if i can help it. but I also know it will be uniquely challenging for me. #sigh. #I desperately want independence but it doesn't really want me lol #too bad for independence though. I've made it work this far and I'll keep pushing as far as I can with it. #my main concern is driving though. driving and brain fog reaction times/occasional syncope are. not great things to mix! #will cross that bridge when i get there

[newwave-lesbian]

they really did just give me all of the dogshit mental illnesses, huh

#i mean what mental illness isn't dosghit #anyways the reason why my depression meds probably don't work is because i'm bipolar #that's what my therapist thinks anyways. and it makes sense considering the lil manic episodes i have #so um. that fucking sucks but it also explains everything so its fine really #like i really really want to do drugs actually #i mean i am just so sad and empty feeling #i'm working on art but nothing i'm making means anything #can i just get permission to do a shit ton of stimulants #i am sooooooo bored #i'm really trying to make myself feel better here but only with things that'll do it instantly #anyways i want to not smoke because i am running out of weed and money #but i'm gonna smoke delta 8 anyways rn because even after all this caffeine etc i feel nothing and i need something #honestly can i just pass away though. i am so pathetic #or can i actually become hypo manic again. because at least i felt something #anyways does anyone want to be friends with me even though i am severely mentally ill #or can someone give me some dopamine/serotonin. i feel like shit #vent

[white-bow-tie]

Day six

United two friends who never spoke to each other (or did they??) in one day

Fun, talking, lots of walking

A bit more tired bc I barely slept at night and when I fell asleep finally it was like, after 6am and I had to wake up at 10am. And first 2 hours of this short sleep were some crazy nightmare. Welp, surprised I felt quite fine through the day.

In the evening I made it to my parents house (dacha) that's out of city. Everything is fine so far, no negativity or anything at all (thanks god hope it stays this way I want peace)

Red cat who decided our home is also it's home (and befriended parents' cat) stood here at night. It makes funny pigeon noises.

Dad also said their cat disappeared for a few weeks ago... let's say it's not that breed that just walks on it's own, it kinda has an understanding of some family relationship. So, probably something sad happened... Red cat is looking sad too, they said. They liked to play together.

#i share so much stuff on tumblr actually #i guess it's partly bc using english is distancing you from feelings a bit #i mean i never vented so much on an open account ppl actually follow for art and reblogs as i do here #and party i guess it's because it's tumblr #i don't need vpn for it and people here are chill #and I've been here since 2016 #it's not like i vented today and in this post #just random thoughts #bc open dairy is not something I've done either?? #visiting home

[tokruta]

love my nieces and nephew

but

my god do they reinforce my decision to remain childfree everyday

#i feel bad saying they're annoying #they're small children and that's how they're supposed to be #but omg are they annoying #the moments of sweetness almost isn't enough to make up for it #i would not be a good parent for many reasons #but one of them is my intolerance for loud noises and overstimulated senses #no need to inflect that trauma onto children i don't even want #thank god my siblings have children/want children #bc i sure as fuck don't want any and my parents already having grandchildren will ensure they don't bother me about it #they've been good about it so far #here's hoping that that remains true into my 30s and beyond #personal #hasan't #venting