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stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage · 5 months

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This week on "CJ needs to gush about DAO": Morrigan's dark ritual.

I adore Origins because depending on how serious you take roleplay, every decision you make is a thread that leads back to your origin, and in this case of the ritual, who you choose to romance can have a major impact on how you handle this choice.

For context, my canon run is with a female Tabris who romances Alistair and keeps him as a Grey Warden, and is close friends with Morrigan. It's more in character for my Tabris to reject Morrigan's ritual and not even bring it up to Alistair, which would result in her leaving him behind while she makes the ultimate sacrifice in killing the archdemon... however, agreeing to convince Alistair to do the ritual with Morrigan is the only choice in the entire game where I break roleplay because I'm selfish and weak and I want Tabris to live.

I have a lot of strong feelings about the ritual, like it hurts me. It makes me want to chew on furniture. I can talk about it until I can talk no more. I so badly want to be strong enough to remain in character and reject the ritual.

Let me explain: Tabris survives an origin that deals with sexual assault. She gets kidnapped on her wedding day, she watches the other kidnapped women and her husband get murdered, and then is too late to save Shianni from being assaulted... and Tabris carries that trauma with her throughout the entire game.

If the way to save her life is to ask the two most important people she cares about; one being her lover and the other being her best friend; who she knows hate each other, to have dubiously consensual sex in order to make a baby to absorb the old god soul... she's saying no. The last thing Tabris would ever do is put someone into a sexual situation where consent is at all dubious after what she saw happen to Shianni and nearly happened to herself. She'd rather die than force that upon Alistair and Morrigan.

That's what I mean when I say origin affects everything; I know some will side eye that with "Really? Your warden would rather die than let Alistair sleep with another woman? It's one time, and Alistair agrees to it, so no one needs to die?"

Let me be clear in saying this isn't a "Morrigan slept with my man" issue. Sure, that part's awkward and it sucks, but that's not even breaking water tension, let alone diving into the deep waters to the core of the issue.

For my Tabris, this is about betrayal, consent, and accepting fate.

The person offering Tabris this deal is someone she thought of as a trusted friend who has actually been lying to her the entire time. It doesn't matter what Morrigan's intentions are now or if she genuinely wants to save the wardens. She knew from the beginning why Flemeth sent her with them, she admits as much. She knew a warden would need to make the ultimate sacrifice and then leveraged that to get what she wants. Morrigan waited until the night before, when Alistair and the warden learn one of them has to die to defeat the archdemon, and took advantage of the high running emotions and possibly the fear of dying to make the warden agree to her ritual.

At least, that's how my Tabris interprets this confrontation. She feels betrayed by someone she came to love like a sister and went out of her way to help Morrigan with her mother upon learning what's in Flemeth's grimoire. And then that someone tells her no one needs to die, she just needs to convince Alistair to sleep with her... which is a huge fucking problem.

The Alistair and Tabris romance is slow; it took a long time for either of them to be comfortable with being emotionally vulnerable and trusting each other with basic intimacy, let alone sex. Tabris is mortified at the idea of putting Alistair in this situation. Not only would it feel like a betrayal on her part to ask that of him, but she knows the last thing Alistair ever wants to do is father a bastard who then goes on to grow up without him. How could she possibly ask him to do that?

Then you consider that ritual or no, there isn't a guarantee that they'll survive anyway. Say they do the ritual and Tabris dies anyway; she made Alistair sleep with Morrigan in order to save her and then she died anyway. Or if Alistair dies then Tabris gets to live with the fact that the last person Alistair was with was a woman he hates because she asked that of him… and either way, Morrigan gets to walk away with what she wanted.

Tabris led the group, and she's accepted that if Riordan dies [which he does] then she'll be the one to make the sacrifice, even if it means breaking both hers and Alistair's heart.... except she doesn't because I'm a coward who doesn't want to lose her because my worldstate isn't good without her in it but I also refuse to lose Alistair so I just pretend it plays out differently in my head it's fine-

But... that's how I play Tabris and view the situation. My friend @pi-creates and I have discussed the dark ritual at length. While I play a Tabris who romances Alistair, Pi plays a Mahariel who romances Morrigan, so we have vastly different interpretations of the ritual itself and Morrigan's intentions.

Which yeah, it makes total sense that someone who romanced Morrigan with a different origin, and has the option to do the ritual with her rather than asking someone else to do it, wouldn't see this the way I do.

To quote Pi: "Playing as a male warden in the Morrigan romance makes the whole situation feel different, and maybe it’s because she’s presenting it differently due to the emotional connection, but it feels more like she’s opening up about her initial instructions (that she had been given by Flemeth) and offering a solution to avoid the possibility of death. And for my Mahariel, the constant threat of sudden death has haunted him from the start – he caught the blight and was ripped away from his clan (something he did not want to do in the slightest), got forced into a Grey Warden ritual that could kill him, was forced into a battle that could kill him, going on this whole quest that he never wanted but has now become responsible for regardless of his thoughts on the matter… the dark ritual may be one of the few moments where he is presented with an option to decide if he wants to walk into certain death, or take actions of his own volition to stop it.

"The idea of the ritual still feels like a dodgy thing to do since the ultimate outcome is unknown at that point, he’s taking Morrigan at her word that it will save the warden and that this child would be unharmed, just with an old god soul that she isn’t exactly clear on why she wants that and is determined to runaway immediately after the battle to secure it properly. It could be interpreted that it’s purely a preservation thing, but I’m biased to wanting Morrigan's intentions to not be power based.

"But also, taking part in the ritual isn’t as outlandish for my warden since he and Morrigan have already been involved in an intimate relationship. It’s the future of the ritual that is scarier – the idea of this old-god baby, and the idea of Morrigan insisting that she’s leaving afterwards when Mahariel and her have a loving relationship. He’s hurting, but he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want Alistair to die, he doesn’t want Morrigan to leave, he definitely doesn’t want pregnant Morrigan to leave on her own… it’s complicated, but for completely different reasons."

And I find that fascinating. I want to know how other players approach this part of DAO, what origins they play, and who they romanced. Seriously, this is an invitation to anyone reading to share their thoughts.

What about a warden who doesn't even have Alistair in their party because they made Loghain a warden? Is there anyone out there who has Loghain do the ritual with Morrigan and why? What about male wardens who don't romance her? Do you choose to do it with her anyway, or do you ask Alistair or Loghain to do it? Do you tell Morrigan to fuck off with the ritual? Why? Who makes the ultimate sacrifice in that case? And what about Morrigan herself? How do you interpret her intentions/motivations? I want to know.

I'm telling you, this is a discussion that gets me excited, as most discussions about DAO do.

#dao #dragon age origins #alistair theirin #dao alistair #dao morrigan #da morrigan #tw: sa mention #long post #i love origins so much #every time i replay i end up on discord having this discussion with pi because it makes me *emotional*#and yes this is why i was looking up alistair's dialogue about a dead warden before #also want to clear up that while i am harsh on morrigan based on how my tabris feels i don't hate her or anything i love her #morrigan's one of my favorite characters and that's why the whole thing hurts like... tabris was happy for her to come along with them #since she still didn't know alistair well and felt more comfortable with another woman around even though she never felt threatened by him #and for them both to be her closest companions like.... it's a lot to take in #and its not like tabris is totally in the right here- she doesn't tell alistair it's an option when it could be argued that she should've #but like i said i've never actually turned down the ritual because i love my warden too much... i just close my eyes #and pretend there's an alternate solution where Alistair and Tabris do the ritual and they have the old god baby instead sksksks #that way no one has to sleep with someone they hate and alistair gets to be there to raise his child. it's fine everything's fine sksksk #i don't care if it doesn't work that way okay it's the only way this works out better for everyone... except maybe morrigan but still

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lacefuneral · 1 month

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thing that sucks about fibromyalgia is that it really only started to be taken seriously by doctors the last couple of years so there isn't much information about what treatments are effective and what aren't

so a lot of people lean into like. pseudo science bc they think it will fix their pain

which is frustrating because it's like. i want to know what is actually helping people. not some anti-vax person covering themselves in arnica montana (which is a poison at best and absolutely nothing at worse, which is the case of homeopathy) and guzzling laxatives (i shouldn't have to explain why is this an issue)

the scary thing too is seeing ppl on reddit say "no yeah my doctor just mixes me a special lotion with opiods and ketamine and gabapentin" or people saying they're taking all of these medications orally. ARE YOU INSANE.

other people are like "ya my routine is simple!" and then lists no less than 10 very expensive supplements

like. okay. i do take some supplements. i am intending on trying another. but like..... can we get some actual medical professionals running trials on fibro that don't rely on extremely addictive drugs? y'know, during a fucking opioid crisis. and stop having doctors shrug at their patients and say "idk maybe go for a swim? get stabbed with needles?"

#obligatory: i do not judge heavy drug users period #i especially do not judge ones with chronic pain disorders. it's hell.#i'm mad at doctors. i'm mad at profit over care. i'm mad at the stigma of people dependent on drugs #that they're just dumped by medical staff after getting hooked on things #makes me so fucking mad. esp since my gab withdrawal #nothing will radicalize you more than 4 days of sleep deprivation and convulsions #we need safer drugs. we need drugs that actually help people.#we need them to be affordable. we need them to be accessible #we need real solutions for conditions like fibro and other pain disorders

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brinnanza · 13 days

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guilt based mental illness and capitalism will really have you thinking shit like "I shouldn't have gone hiking in the woods yesterday because I knew then I'd probably have to call out today but then I did it anyway" as if 1. I chose to be bugnuts with bad body syndrome 2. there's a universe where spending time in nature enjoying yourself is some kind of crime 3. calling out while the pool is understaffed is a crime I am committing against my coworkers and not a consequence of shoddy hiring practices

#I have been out of my night meds for a couple weeks so I have been sleeping like dogs hit #and I have a solution it's go to urgent care and get more meds #only I haven't done it because of the aforementioned Syndromes so everything is just getting Worse #and that is very frustrating like can my executives PLEASE get it together #it's so fucking frustrating to be brickwalled by a simple task #I wish my fucking brain worked #I don't really think the pot is helping in that department #but it does make being alive in my human body slightly more bearable

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windwardstar · 5 months

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see the problem is that i've got actual brain power at work and a lot of downtime where i can futz on my phone but not actually write, and that when i get home my brain also clocks out, so the result is that i've got more posts rambling about my fic than i've actually gotten written on the thing

#although i think part of it is that now that i've shifted to like normal people work hours #and eliminated my afternoon naps #and keep a normal working person bedtime #i run into my brain is just out of brain spoons by the time i get home and can write #and i need sleep to reset #but since no nap the reset doesnt happen until bedtime #so i basically don't get any writing done ever #and i'm not sure trying to reintroduce naps and fucking over my sleep schedule is the solution #although it would likely result in more writing soo...

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lucky-clover-gazette · 5 months

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i would like to not wake up wanting to cry. like can we maybe not start the day like that as a default, brain. can we do that.

#imagine going to sleep and not having dreams that force you to think about the things you are consciously trying to move past #with a side dish of other sad nonsense that more than anything just makes you panicked and tired #what the fuck is even going on with me. i’m beside myself.#sorry to be venting i just don’t have people around and i don’t like the idea of burdening any one specific person #esp when there is no Solution to the Troubles but time passing and slowly caring about other shit #and the additional stress responses are idk. probably a ptsd thing i don’t care ab labeling it #last night i dreamt that for some unclear reason i surrendered my cat to the shelter and then regretted it so bad but couldn’t get her back #if you know me you know how distressing that would be #brain. why.#i don’t even have a reason to be stressed about my cat why did we bring her into this

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doctorweebmd · 3 months

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chapter 11 is 4800 words already but i can't get it to flow right. arghhghghg biting spitting hissing crying why is writing so hard why did i choose this as a hobby

#i haaattteeeeee when the problem is getting the chapter to flow #there's not like. an easy solution. its all about vibes and hoping that the way it sounds in your head is nowhere near as you think #i'm starting to feel impatient because i feel guilty for not posting in over a month lol #i know sleeping on it and looking at it again a few more times helps #but i want my story and i want it NOW

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elibeeline · 4 months

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How do i go about Eating More

#its most likely the manic episode blocking out hunger. if it can do that.#bc im currently not eating until food is either placed in front of me or until i have dizzy spells and a growling stomach #and even then im either not eating all of it or im 'holding out until a more suitable time'#like right now its 10pm and someone is sleeping in every room i have to walk past to get to the kitchen #and in my room i only have babybells that are probably expired and chocolate and thats Not It #wanna know what i had today? three cups of coffee and half a bowl of chips #now im lying in bed trying to figure out why i feel sick and dizzy and my stomachs growling but i still dont Feel Hungry #i think the solution is getting actual food in my room #but i cant do that until friday and knowing my luck ill be in the swamps of depression and i wont want to leave the house

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redpiperfox · 3 months

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But mainly, and really:

#red's week in music #STORYTIME WITH RED GATHER ROUND KIDDOS!#was at kids club tonight and went in knowing little 8 year olds mom had her baby this morning and lil girl was now big sis if two #and knew she hadnt come from home bc her hair was a mess of someone who didnt know curls trying to do it lol #shes generally emotional and dramatic but we can all see that shes a lil more so tonight. understandably. lotsa change #well she kinda hinges on this one thing of not getting the verses said to earn a jewel bc she wasnt able to say them-- totally fine! we'll #practice and get them later! but shes distraught bc she worked on them with mum and wont get jewel so i keep telling her when we'll work on #them together and when ill listen to her and we can get it done. cool. then lesson time shes up and down sniffly and the lesson says smth #about childbirth-- bursts into disarray. i ask her if she wants to step out and we blow her nose and she keeps talking about the verse so i #tell her solutions for that and then shes working herself up so i work thru calming down and she goes from #“i think im mad” to “mom would let me do what i want!” and i know the real issue isnt the verse but thats what shes telling me so...#adult shes staying with cautiously steps in and she calms down to tell me “its not the verse... i think i miss my mom”#oh my heart i know honey i give her a hug and we talk about the sleeover shes going to have and when shes going to see mom #and shes sleeping next to lil sis so shes going to give sis a big hug and tell her theyre going to see mom in the morning #and then i ask her if she wants to go back and she does and i just hold her and hug her the whole time #i give her another squeeze when she leaves and tell her to enjoy her sleepover #her friend shes staying with i should not did a very sweet of coming over and saying “hey lookit this new book i got do you wanna color it #with me maybe?“ which was such an emotionally mature thing for her and to see lil kiddo cheer up warmed me #teachers we debriefed and talked about kids going thru stuff at home and not being able to tell and process their emotions and stuff #and then i shared with mum on the ride back and she goes “yup. lil toddler will just miss mom-- its trauma at this age. this is why i #panicked and called my mother to come for your sis's birth bc dad said he could handle you but my heart couldnt for what you would go thru.“#i was six when my sister was born. my grandma being there before consistently made me giddly excited in that time waiting for dad to bring #us to the hospital.#anyway my heart was full and im praying extra hard for two lil girls in a sleepover missing their mom tonight.#red's personal sitcom #Spotify

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fleshtrogen · 21 days

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this cannot continue

#genuinely worried that my chronic insomnia is going to lead to health problems. im sleep deprived like 40-50% of the time im awake #and of course this doesnt translate to me getting more sleep the next night. i just get the same sleep and wake up feeling Even Worse #sorry for being Sadd on my cool blog ive been dealing with this for years and have not found a single consistent solution

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areyoudoingthis · 2 months

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the thing about not fucking up my sleep schedule during the summer so that i don't end up having to suffer through a week of insomnia to fix it (aside from this being a new experience for me, usually i manage to unfuck up my sleep schedule in a day or two) is that staying up all night reading during the summer is literally the reason i stay alive. it may sound dramatic but i spend the whole work year subjecting myself to a hateful schedule of being up before the sun, and the reason i survive it is because i know come january I'll have night after night of reading for hours and hours and hours uninterrupted, peaceful quiet. I've been doing this since I was a child, it kept me going back then too, it's kept me going my whole life. i can't afford a lot of expensive pleasures like traveling, or buying that new gaming pc I've wanted for years, but i can stay up until 6am reading every day for a month. yes I'd love to avoid going through the hell week I've just endured ever again, but if you ask me to sacrifice my favorite summer passtime literally what's the point of being alive

#all due respect to my adhd doctor but you don't fix my sleep schedule by sending me into a depressive spiral that sounds like a bad idea #“wake up at the same time every day” yeah no thanks I'd literally rather die than give sleeping in during the weekends and holidays #how is “subject yourself to allowing capitalism to control your schedule every day for the rest of your life” good advice to anyone #“get up at 7.30 even when you don't have to”#hell will freeze over before i set an alarm on a sunday #if that's the solution thanks i don't want it #I'm also pretty sure the insomnia had more to do with everything going on than with my sleep schedule being backwards #alext txt

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elytrafemme · 3 months

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having depressive episodes in college is such a weird experience because it's like. i'm watching these stars projected onto the ceiling spin around my friend's dorm while my friends play minecraft parodies, and inevitably there's some shitty beer, and i'm laying upside down on a couch until i start thinking about killing myself. and i'm like damn! go back brush my teeth change into pajamas, well, i don't know if the happy days are worth these ones. but i've got lunch plans tomorrow, so i guess it'll have to suffice.

#neg #suicide tw #like i need to answer my friend bc he just saw me five seconds ago so he knows i'm on my phone #and it's a really easy question but like. i don't want to get lunch with him #because we've been at the hip since semester started and i just. i don't know.#i don't like this. i really don't like this.#i don't feel real around my friends these days #like i'm artificially placed. like my personality has completely changed #and some people like it more and some people really hate it #i know the solution is to sleep but like. this is before the depressive episode #i already knew i was acting wrong. and i made plans these next two days and i have people i go to class with #you can never truly be alone in college but like. i don't know #i think if anyone was going to have it happen it was going to be me #i don't feel like i'm capable of this #whatever though. i'll watch a video braid my hair write a poem i'll be fine. i'll be fine.

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lindwurmkai · 5 months

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sometimes i imprint on specific subgenres or "flavours" of stories and go slightly insane trying to find more of exactly this

which, funnily enough, happened twice in a very short time recently, so now i am desperately looking for two completely different types of sci-fi but only those two specific kinds. 🤷🏻‍♂️

one story was time to orbit: unknown. it's about humanity's first attempts at colonising planets outside of our solar system, using relatively realistic, near(ish)-future technology. most of the weird shit that happens turns out to be human-caused. aliens are only an abstract concern in the sense that characters worry about reaching their destination and finding unexpected life there.

then there's the southern reach trilogy. its entire premise is that Weird Shit is happening on earth and it's probably aliens. science is discussed mostly in the context of scientists having no idea what the fuck is going on, and there is a certain cosmic horror vibe to it all. things, including people, are being transformed in some way. coherent communication with the invasive entity is not possible.

now, these are completely different things and i've been oscillating between wanting one or the other. but at some point i realised

THE EXPANSE.

the expanse series is somehow, incredibly, a perfect mix of both. it's got humans venturing into space in shitty spinning ships, living in shitty colonies or research facilities on moons and asteroids. they're not even venturing outside our solar system yet - but then the probably-alien cosmic horror weirdness begins. it even involves things and people being transformed, too! and in the end it opens up possibilities regarding interstellar space colonisation. but watch out

i think i may have one unread expanse book left in my collection and there's another i haven't bought yet. since i struggled to determine if i had already read that one book or not, i may be due for a reread of the entire series - this is where i'm stuck, because my brain demands new stories but i know i'd be super confused if i just tried to continue where i left off. i'm sure i'd enjoy the reread! b-but,,

#my brain: new stories pls? 🥺#it is truly amazing how much the expanse has in common with each of those completely dissimilar things #ultimately it's probably *more* similar to ttou just because they both take place in the future #and because the southern reach is kinda. an exercise in futility if you will #it's exclusively a quest for information whereas the other two are more about solving actual problems #even if new problems constantly pop up and sometimes the solutions are less than ideal #i'm not sure a single problem gets solved in the entire southern reach trilogy tbh. which sounds horribly bleak but it's not #anyway here's wonderwall i need to sleep #;

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