#sorry for being such a downer lately

[oasisofgalaxies]

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#im so pissed at myself I should have tried harder I should have used the last few hours here to study and not crochet #I should have put some effort in but god I just cant can I #I can’t do it #I know bad grades doesn’t equal a bad person the mere thought of it is ridiculously stupid #but I can’t get it out of my head #I should have tried harder and studied more #I should have gotten help but I just let it happen #let it get too much and now I’m sitting here with a failure on my transcript and all I can do is shrug #the amount of work I’m going to have to do to make up for this #the amount of pain I’ve caused future me #all because I couldn’t get my fucking act together #god #sorry for being such a downer lately #I just #I’m so sick and tired of my own bullshit but I know I won’t change #because I can’t even be bothered to try #fucking useless #nebula rambles #vent

[fandomsoda]

like a shadow on the wall starting to feel hollow, wondering if they see you or just don’t want to look🎶

#is this a vent? #Sorry for being such a downer lately

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Hey besties, ya girl is currently going through a bit of a menty b at the moment 😗 work is legitimately draining the life out of me (standardized testing season is the WORST) and I started looking for a new job (literally anyone hire me pls- I legit have applied to 50+ jobs at this point and have heard nothing but radio silence and rejection) and writing/being on here in general has really taken a backseat.

As much as it sucks, I probably won't be on here as much bc I am spending all my free time looking for jobs, and unfortunately, Javier Peña isn't planning on paying my bills any time in the future 🥴

I'm still planning on working on NTL or other things if inspiration (or time) strikes, but if you don't see me on here as much, just know I am fighting for my life trying to make it to the end of the school year and find a job that gets me out of teaching 😭

I also just hit 2k followers recently (wtf?!?!!) and it genuinely means SO much to me that y'all have been so sweet and kind to me and my stories. I don't think I have time to do a celebration, but I just wanna let you know I am so thankful for each and every one of you. Sending big hugs and smooches to all of you, I love you all so much 🥺💛

#madeline says things #madeline also cries about said things #my period also started today so life really said f u ig #sorry for being a downer but the vibes have NOT been it lately :(

[dailydegurechaff]

You don't have to reply to this, but I am very happy to stumble across a non-problematic Youjo Senki fanpage. 💖

Thank you very much!! I'll continue to do my best!

#ask #anonymous #not a daily post #“ask sent 3 months ago” oops #sorry again ;; #im cleaning up inbox ok. or trying to #this is the last one tho i just. needed to express how much everyone being very kind means to me #confession: sometimes i kinda resent this blog for no good reason. its kinda tragic #suffice to say i regret taking on this project sometimes and i get in these downer ass moods #but like. i remember there are people who do actually like the silly time im having here #and it makes me feel better. so i need to express that. thank you. to the people who sent messages to me but also just like everyone lol #if these tags read as kinda corny im sorry but i just am in one of those sappy moods yknow and i need to share it #sorry i love u all. as if its my fault </3 /j #anyway see u all tmrw for dailydegu once more. itll be the last day of huevember!! #it uh. might be late bc im tired

[mitamicah]

How did my mind decide to celebrate disability pride month? Well what about overanalyzing everything I am doing/will be doing/have done, how wrong my body is (especially with how the fat just didn’t want to place itself the right places) and how little I matter to the world if not for what I can give others? I love my neurodivergent, gender dysphoric brain sometimes /s

Some snippets of what I just wrote since I am not comfortable with sharing all of it in fear of getting judged

Also I am not submitting this for sympathy. Actually I am not completely sure why I submit it? Maybe just because this is my blog and sometimes I just need to use it as a diary? Maybe somebody will see it and know they are not alone with these feelings? Maybe nobody sees it and I can delete this in the morning. But it is not for sympathy. You do not have to read or write anything to me. I am not trying to be petty for cloud. I am trying to share my experience of life. Thank you and good night.

“My mind is telling me I am a loss cause. That I will never be thin enough to get my top-surgery. 

You are big and disgusting. You are a curious specimen. You are not built right. You are fat in all the wrong ways. You will never be seen as a man.

Don’t let the morning dehydration fool you - don’t get your hopes up when you push your elbows into your hips and hit the bone: it is all an illusion. You know it because you see it when looking in the mirror, when your hand grasp around your hips and is met with handfuls of lovehandle.

Why does boobies have to feel this icky and clammy and heavy and melty and just ... they are like rubber and rubber is not meant to be on your torso. Somebody glued bouncing balls to my chest and now they are melting in the sun. The synthetic material is being rejected by the skin on my body and so there’s no way around it: the boobs must get off - or get separated from the body somehow. Thank God for binders and sportsbras for being the protected filter between the chest and the rest.

Is writing this making me more dysphoric? Who knows? Maybe? Putting into words what I am feeling is a blessing and a curse. 

Nothing people tell me these days is analyzed as fully positive in my mind - call me sensitive and I know it is code for being too whiny and awfully easy to tears. The killjoy at the party. Call me funny, kind, approachable, easy to talk to ect. and I know that is only because I am coping with the feeling of being alien that if I stop being something positive to others I will be left behind. Call me attractive and I know that is just the camera angle – that you don’t really see how misshapen I am irl. Call me talented and I know yet again this is all I am good for in the world - if I stop creating, I will be an empty shell of a person that only takes and are way too f*cked up to do anything useful.

#I'd actually written out a way longer (2 word pages) rant out but decided it was too much and I am afraid of being judged #so this is all you get instead #basically I am not feeling great rn and it is late so maybe I should just end today by going to bed #what a downer ending huh #(sorry for being this whiny) #you don't have to react or read this #I guess I am just in a mood #me #personal #micahs thoughts

[tvrningout-a]

i know that bc i'm tired and hurting, what i'm feeling is amplified, but i just want y'all to know that i'm not trying to avoid talking to anyone ooc. i really wanted today to focus on messages and plots, if i'm honest! but there's certain things going on right now that are kinda taking everything out of me, and it's just so much easier to make a post and maybe reply to a comment -- even those i haven't been great about. but i promise it's not intentional, and more than likely, i'm excited to talk!! i also just feel very exhausted and funky mentally atm. reaching out or replying to messages seems so daunting when i feel like this.

if you're currently waiting on me, thank you for being patient with me, and i'm sorry to make you wait. these moments always pass, so this one will, too! but i'm sorry if it at all feels like i'm ignoring you in the meantime or like i'm hard to connect with.

#i'm already not great with messages but i feel extra horrible with them lately and it really is just a matter of feeling so off and drained #and guilty tbh #i feel like i'm slacking so much as a writing partner and it feels really hard trying to get back to where i used to be #and i'm sure i'm being critical of myself but i don't want anyone to think they're doing something wrong or that i dislike them #especially bc some of y'all have been so kind and sweet to me while i've been going through things #it's literally all on me and not y'all #now that that's off my chest (and sorry if i'm being a bit of a debbie downer) i am!! gonna try and work on some plot asks!! #i'll be slow about it most likely but i want to at least brainstorm some ideas for you guys #get ready to ramble | ooc

[m4niackkyun]

Hi. (Announcement in the tags)

#uhmm...i don't know how to explain this... #so my family has been having a lot of trouble lately #mostly our relationship with our step father #there's been ups and downs..well..more on the downer side. the only main reason my mother married him was because of..well.. #money..as trash as that sounds. i can't deny the fact that I've been able to continue my studies due to his financial support. #i don't want to justify anything that i've probably done wrong to him but emotionally right now—i'm simply scarred to the point where— #I don't think I could heal without professional help. I've been struggling a lot with it ever since of what he did #i felt disgusted. dirty. I felt lost. I didn't want to forgive him. maybe this is the punishment i have to endure because I didn't have it— #—in me to forgive him. I know the principles of my religion and it is stated that one must always find forgiveness towards others. #no matter how big their mistake is. but you see—I'm not God. I am human. my kindness isn't as grand and as big as Him. #my patience is limited and so is my forgiveness #that applies the same to my mother. my mother is a very patient person when it comes to her husband. but yet again she isn't an angel— #nor is she God. she is also human and has limits to what she could handle and what she could forgive and forget. #they argued tonight. and I don't think it'll slide or end well like the past arguments. and I'm sorry to say but— #I won't be able to be active all that much either. #without him now I'll probably have to look for part time jobs. which is gonna limit how active I will be here and on my main account #I will probably go into an indefinite hiatus for some time #maybe I'll come back...maybe I won't. hopefully I will. just...pray for me that I have it in me to continue doing what I love and— #—sharing these little bits of what I do in my free time with you. #I won't have the time to reply to anything for the time being. college tests are on the way and I have to prepare myself for— #—the better or worse. #if things go downhill and you don't hear from me for a long while. then this will probably be my last post here. #I'll still be able to reply to messages on other platforms #but I just don't have the emotional stability to talk right now. No it's gonna be fine. I have faith in me and God. #I know that He doesn't put His children into burdens that none of them could handle. #and if He thinks I could handle this. then I will. and I can. He is with me and so is all of your faith. #that puts me in a sense of reassurance a little hahah... #yeah.. so...I'll see you then..bye.

[potholefullofsoup]

lately i’ve been opening my day counter app and looking at my clean streak a lot. it usually makes me feel a sense of accomplishment, and it motivates me to keep going out of a desire not to disappoint all the versions of myself from all the times in the past four years i’ve been tempted to relapse. right now, it makes me feel like a trapped animal.

#what if the weight of recovery felt suffocating?? wouldn’t that be fucked?? anyways i’m rod serling #sorry for being a downer lately. it’s baby’s first real grown-up sort-of-breakup/indefinite break/??? and i’m handling it Bad #self harm mention #tw self harm #ask to tag #the thing speaks

[adhdbisexualramblings]

I wish I was creative.

#I wish I could draw or make intricate stories in my head about OCs #I don’t want to sound like I’m whining but #It’s…hard not to have the energy or ‘mental capacity’ to do that sort of stuff #I feel like I missed out on that time when places with beginner art like DeviantArt thrived. It may have been shitty #But there were a lot of young people who got encouragement #I don’t feel like that really exists anymore?? #I hate this. My writing falls flat every time and I can’t fucking write the sorts of things other people my age have #vent post #i guess #sorry for being a Debbie downer #But I need to tell someone #late night venting

[mickstart]

oh I feel like fucking GARBAGE today

#laurambles #sorry for always being a downer lately I would blame it on pms but pms doesn't last 4 months #me trying to be kind to myself and reassure myself vs getting angry at myself because I can't DO anything and it's so stupid

[cetoddle]

goodnight i hope i don’t wake up !

#i've gotten a lot of new mutuals since i was last this consistently miserable and dare i say suicidal #so i'm sorry 4 being such a downer lately :( #i hope u can find it in ur heart to not get sick of me #... #i'm going to bed now night night #snow.txt

[welcometotheindex]

Why are ALL the warframe askblogs last updates on 2020

// cant speak for the others (although most of the ones i know of and interacted with on here are run by a handful of us who are pals tbqh. the more you know!) but a LOT of shit happened to me irl, some good, some terrible, and in the chaos i simply forgot lol . the main deciding factor is that i finally quit the horrible retail job i hated that was making my life miserable, which is fantastic, but i actually wrote most if not all of my posts on the clock so once that was done with i suddenly had a lot less writing time because my current career is actually one that i enjoy and have an interest in remaining at. i also just had a bit of a mental break and cant really do angst like i used to anymore, it stresses me out too damn much and fucks with my head, and sadly all the blogs i was running and threads we had going were driven primarily by angst. so i had to put them out to pasture for a bit. theyre on a nice big farm now. plenty of room to run around and play.

i may circle back around, i may not. im having a bit of a health crisis at the moment so everything is up in the air indefinitely rn. if its meant to be its meant to be or whatever i guess

#sorry for potentially being a downer its just been rough out here lately lmfao

[butchboromir]

r u guys not miserable all the time. lol

#SORRY i’ve been having a time lately i will stop being a downer soon i promise

[magmellenium]

anger management gotta be the most underrated skill because i don't have it and boy is it not fun

#normalposting #sorry for being a downer lately i'll get back to your regularly scheduled yuriposting asap