#tbh when i was making this there was one thing that was constantly on my mind

[cuteskunkz]

╭──────────.★..─╮

One Night With You

~ Part Two ~

╰─..★.──────────╯

(Mike Schmidt x Reader)

Summary~ After getting your number, Mike takes you out on a date to get to know you better. Read part one here.

Tags~ fluff, Mike is a gentleman aww, surprisingly no smut this time, reader is conflicted on their feelings, character building, Older Mike (Mike is 28 and reader is 20)

Note~ I've had a mean case of writers block lately, apologies for the well overdue update. Shorter fic tbh!!! My attention span is crying for help... This entire thing is pretty much me practicing my dialogue skills. Chapter 3 will definitely have smut, I just really want to build up before we get there ;)

⊱✿⊰

You drive home with Mike on your mind. It's been hard for you to connect with men lately due to your occupation, generalizing them to being horny and emotionally unavailable creatures. Something in you feels... different about Mike though.

As you reach your apartment you take a deep breath, feeling anxious. You walk in, dropping your bags at the door, and pop in the shower hoping to calm yourself down with a little pampering. After an hour of self care you get a call from Mike. You answer after a few rings, hoping to scope out his vibe a bit more before going out to drink with a random guy you just met.

After the 4th ring he speaks nervously, "H-hey! You got home safe?" He stares up at the ceiling, trying his hardest to speak confidently.

"Yeah! I have to say your bar suggestion sounds awfully tempting right now... you're not one of those dudes right? Yknow the 'I get girls drunk to make them more agreeable' type? Cause I swear to god I'll-"

He cuts you off, "I promise.... I just wanna take you out as a treat after the day you had... we don't even have to drink if you don't want to!" He hopes his words provide a bit of comfort to you. He couldn't imagine how tiring it must be to be a woman in the dating world, having to constantly stay vigilant about the dangers men can pose.

You sigh feeling embarrassed for accusing him of such a terrible thing. "I'm down to hang out now if you're not busy or anything! Which bar were you thinking?" You try to hide the excitement in your voice but the butterflies in your stomach are making it very challenging.

"There's this place not too far from me... I could scoop you and drive us down there, yeah?" He throws his head back and bites his lip to fight back the smile creeping up on his face. Mike can't get the mental image of your beauty off of his mind while talking.

You begin to blush from his raspy voice and reply, "Sounds good!! I'll see you soon then!!!"

"Text me your address and I'll be there asap, okay?"

"Yeah of course! I'm sending it now... lemme know when you get it." You text him your address with adrenaline running through body. Your heart feels like it's going to skip a beat from just talking to him.

"Yeah I got it...I'm on my way, I'll call when I'm outside... can't wait to see you..." Mike says, his voice dripping with elation. He hangs up and starts making his way to your house.

You run to your closet and begin picking outfit options, practically tearing it apart. After finally making your mind up, you apply some makeup and spray your most enticing perfume. You stare at yourself in the mirror, making note of the little details and suddenly feel a little confused on your giddiness. You don't know this guy, he could be some murderer on the prowl for a fresh kill for all you know.

The doorbell rings, you shake your mind of all of your anxious thoughts and make your way down to meet him. He greets you with a smile and presents you with a small bouquet of roses.

"I wasn't s-sure If you liked roses, but I wanted to bring you something as a thank you for even considering me" he mumbles, looking down at his feet. it was adorable seeing someone this shy because of you.

"They're very nice Mike... Thank you. I'm gonna go put these in a vase and then we can head out, hm?" After putting the flowers away you run back to the door, "Ready?"

"Extremely." Mike chuckles. He walks you out to his car, opening the passenger door for you. He gets it and connects his phone to play some music. "Hope you like Nirvana...it's like the only thing I listen to, not to sound like some rock elitist or something!"

You giggle and poke his arm, "Nirvana's fine, but I'm gonna have to put you on to something other than dad rock!" you tease. You watch his hands as he steers the car in the direction of the bar. They're callous and strong, his veins becoming more apparent as he gripped the wheel harder during turns. It's embarrassing to admit you got so turned on from staring his hands, Imagining what they would look like wrapped around your waist or better, your throat.

He pulls into a parking spot and pats your leg, "You're so beautiful, you know that?"

You tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and turn away from him to hide your rosy cheeks. "You mean it? Not just saying that to get into my pants Mike?"

"I would never... I definitely mean it, sweetheart"

He opens the door and guides you both into the bar. You hold onto him, arm locked around his bicep. It's a quaint little bar. Dimly lit and cozy, perfect for getting to know each other with the help of a couple shots.

"So... what's your drink of choice? I'm a tequila guy myself, especially with some salt and a lime"

You think for a second, "Hmmmm... I gotta go with Jager! Tastes like cough syrup a bit but the aftertaste isn't too bad"

"Bet." He walks up to the bar and orders the shots, bringing them back to the booth. "I got you a soda too y'know...in case you need a chaser"

"How thoughtful of you Mikey" you say sarcastically. What, does he think you can't take the shot like a big girl? 

He scoffs at the nickname. "I'm just looking out for you! I nearly died from fucking up a shot dude! It came out of my nose and everything." Mike laughs and rubs his nose as if he's having war flashbacks.

You laugh with him and pick up your glass and clink it on his. "Don't let it happen again!" You both tap your shot glasses on the table before knocking them back and sharing a drink of soda.

After a few minutes of small talk, asking the important questions like favorite colors and such, you start to feel the buzz. 

"Much better this time... my nose will live to see another day... or I guess... sniff another day? I don't fuckin' know anymore" He giggles and stares at you.

"S-something on my face?" you slur. A double shot wouldn't usually get you drunk this fast but you hadn't eaten all day, allowing the liquor to hit you harder than normal.

He shakes his head in defense, "Nah... you're just unbelievably hot." It's very clear the alcohol had made him lose his inhabitations.

"I could say the same about you y'know." you flirt back. "One more shot? Or are you scared it'll pour out of somewhere else?" You couldn't help but to snort and giggle at your own joke.

"Very funny little girl... One more won't hurt."

⊱✿⊰

Not gonna lie...self inserted twice here lmfao (I just turned 20 and JagerMeister is literally the best alcohol on earth).

@honey-eyed-munson this one's for you bbg, I wrote this today because your comment gave me so much inspiration :,)

#Spotify #josh hutcherson #mike schmidt #mike schimdt fanfic #mike schmidt x you #fnaf movie #josh futturman #josh hutcherson smut #mike schmidt smut #mike schmidt x reader #peeta mellark #billy burn #jhutch #burn 2019 #fnaf movie fanfic

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

Why I Love Crosshair- A Story About Persevering

I talk about Crosshair so much on my blog. With TBB ending in a few days, I wanted to share with y'all why he resonates with me so deeply. This show and these characters have touched the hearts of so many in this fandom. I'm curious, which Batcher has resonated with you? Anyways, here we go!

Crosshair's hot. That's it. I'm a simple woman. Moving on.

He's really freaking cool- I'm not gonna like, seeing Crosshair make those trick shots has me on the edge of my seat. It's just so much fun to watch someone do an incredible skill whether it's dance, playing music, or in Crosshair's case, take out several battle droids with one shot. I love it.

His character arc- Crosshair is one of the most interesting and complex characters I've met in recent years. I'm not going to lie, it's refreshing to see a really well-written morally grey character. Crosshair's one and only loyalty is to his family (plus a few others). He will do anything for them. However, Crosshair isn't drawn to some bigger cause like Echo or Omega are. From my POV, it's something interesting to think about. What makes a good person? How far is one willing to go for someone they love? At what point does that loyalty and love turn selfish or self-destructive? These are all questions that Crosshair's character brings up.

I also appreciate the love and passion put into his character. Jennifer and the team took their time to give Cross a proper redemption. It wasn't as simple as "Crosshair just flips on a dime" or "he dies proving he still loved them." No. The change had to come from Crosshair. Crosshair had to be the one to make the steps towards coming home. It had to be his choice and his choice alone, not something that was forced onto him. I really appreciate that tbh. People are so complex and we all make mistakes. Crosshair made some pretty bad choices (not that he was 100% in control). Still, he had to figure things out for himself and when he was ready, he decided to come home.

His story- Crosshair's story is one of struggle and persevering in my eyes. "The Outpost" is one of the best depictions of what it's like to struggle with mental health. It's why I love it so much. I see a lot of myself in Crosshair. So often, it's much easier to just lie down and quit. But Crosshair doesn't quit. No. He fights. He fights so hard and in the end, he makes it. To see Crosshair come home after so long meant the world to me. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can and will make it. And he didn't do it alone. Omega continued to be a light in his life. Crosshair reminds me to never give up. Even when it all seems impossible, we need to keep going and there is hope for the future. When he meditates with Omega, I almost cried. That episode reminded me of my mom because she's constantly encouraging me and supporting me. She always tells me that I have to be the one to help myself. It's difficult and she will be there, but I can't just expect things to fix themselves. Similarly, Omega told Crosshair that he needed to help himself. I don't think I've ever related to a SW character as much as I have with Crosshair.

Crosshair has taught me so much about myself. Through him, I've learned that there's a lot going on in my head that I need to work on. I realized why S1 Hunter pissed me off so much. Because like Cross, there are times at home where I feel like no one listens. He taught me to keep going, to keep fighting, especially in times of great uncertainty. Crosshair and Omega's relationship shows just how special the impact of one person can have. I see their relationship reflected in my life in many ways. There's so much more I can say about Cross, but we would be here forever lol.

I am so grateful for Crosshair. I am so grateful for his story. He might be just a character, but he's really helped me tackle some rough times in my life. I love him with all my heart and will forever be thankful to TBB team for bringing his story to life.

Thank you DBB, Jen, Brad, Michelle, and everyone on TBB team. Thank you for everything ❤️

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb crosshair

[tinapaipai]

#tbh when i was making this there was one thing that was constantly on my mind #that one fic that broke the fandom #the fic that where you rewatch donnie's gifts it isn't the same as ot was before #hnghhh #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #save rottmnt #save rise of the tmnt #leonardo rottmnt #donatello rottmnt #disaster twins #pai art

[nadiaerre]

“You know Mozzie is an orphan. An orphan's gonna wonder about his parents, so he imagined they were spies. Occasionally, something happens that triggers Mozzie to revisit his childhood. When Ellen told me my Dad was corrupted, I ran from the truth and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Mozzie tells himself these stories to maintain his faith in the world. His faith, however limited, is all that separates a man with a conscience from a man without one.”

#white collar #mozzie #neal caffrey #one of my favorite episodes #i appreciate this show for taking the subject more seriously than most while adding an interesting twist to it #i always think deep down this is what lies beneath the surface of many conspiracy theorists #granted not all of them are Mozzie and it's easy to ridicule them but when you really think about it #how exhausting must it be to live while feeling constantly disappointed or threatened by forces beyond your control? #Mozzie is terrified of his own childhood truth so he ends up rejecting the entire concept of universal truths #I love that Neal knows Mozzie enough to understand that indulging in his theories and ideas (unless they pose a threat to his health) #is sometimes the best thing he can do for him #Neal knows Mozzie is a good person and his friend couldn't bear living in a world that shuts off too many possibilities #Not even the most absurd ones #Including the one in which their parents at least somehow loved him #The fact that Willie adopted a son makes the scene all the more touching tbh

[pastafossa]

Hey I just wanted to ask a writer question. I really admire your writing and the amount of work and dedication you put into your stories and characters. You are one of my favourite authors ever. I have been wanting to get into writing and I was wondering how you flesh out your characters? For example you have a character that you’ve thought out, do you have a template that you fill in? Or just write a whole bunch of points about the character in a Google doc? I know that question might not make the most sense but I have a few characters that I’ve given quirks and backstories in my mind but I have no idea how to transfer them onto paper? Like Jane from TRT, is there just a big template or doc where you randomly put points into or some other type of organization? I know it’s not an easy thing to answer on text or even something you might not want to answer but even one sentence of advice is much appreciated :) Thank you so much for everything! I appreciate you. I will also put this into the ask thingy if you want to answer on there instead of PM 😁

I've managed to hammer this out in bits and pieces over the moments I've been more coherent so I think I'll make sense. First, thank you so, so, so much! I honestly love these characters so I'm always happy to hear someone likes it, even if I enjoy the work! 😭

Second - I do in fact have a template in doc form that I use to keep things organized! It's one I've been using since I took a novel writing course years ago by a published author, and in one particular class we went over character development, which is where I learned the template. The way I was taught (and the way I develop major characters) - first, even before filling in the template, I figure out their archetype(s). What story role are they filling? Who will they be a foil for? I like to think of those as your foundation, because every character is an archetype of some kind, and you can use that to build them up. To use Jane as an example, she's an antihero archetype, yes, but I've also pulled elements from: the Unscrupulous Hero, the Sympathetic Murderer, the Combat Pragmatist, and the Ineffectual Loner. Compared to Matt's hero archetype, she's the Lancer. Archetypes can help you if you're struggling to build up from the bottom.

Once I have the archetype, I start filling in the Major Character/Hero template, which roughly looks like this (if you don't fill it all right away, that's fine, because there's a step after this to fill it in the rest of the way). I like this one because I feel like it covers VERY important things that a lot of online character profiles skip, and has much less of a focus on looks (which I find way less important from a writing perspective):

Name: Age: Family History: Career: Physical Description: (include things like scars, notable or unusual features) Preferred Style of Clothing: (instead of listing brands, try to instead describe their style of clothing as it relates to their character - ex: Jane wears upper-end pantsuits in muted colors when meeting clients, because they carry a strong emphasis on professionalism; when hunting things down, she wears what is practical over anything to do with aesthetic) Goal: (every character should have one; what are they trying to do?) Motivation: (WHY do they want that goal?) Big Secret: (if it were Jane, it'd be what happened in Los Angeles; so what are they hiding? Keeping to themselves?) Self-image: (How do they see themselves? Are they confident and secure? Insecure and depressed?) Internal Conflict: (what are they struggling with?) Game: (What's some little game they enjoy?) Pet: (if applicable) Temptation: (what's aaaalways going to lure them in?) Vehicle: (if applicable; alternatively, how do they prefer to get around?) What makes them unique: (our fake post-apocalyptic character we made as a class had his teeth sharpened into points to scare people; Jane is often fidgeting with threads; just anything that stands out) How do they speak: (do they speak very precisely? Use lots of slang? Do they have an accent?) Quote: (What quote sums them up, or what quote do they relate to most? I have an entire folder of these for Jane tbh, and some for Ciro as well) Lesson Learned: (All characters should grow in some way, rather than stagnating. So how do they grow? What do they learn through the story?)

Now, this is something I was encouraged to do after the template, and also something I was already doing on my own. Once you have the template as finished as you feel comfortable with, you might feel like you need to develop the character a little further to fill in the rest, or solidify what you already have. The way you can do that? Write something short with this character. It doesn't have to be anything you need to post; it can be based on a short scene, based on a prompt, things like that. I like dumping them into: humorous scenarios, angsty scenarios, and Action Oriented (TM) scenes. Those really help you get into the meat of the character (aka: how they react to teasing/flirting/jokes; how they react to strong emotion; how they react in situations that might cause panic). Basically, it's your way of introducing yourself to them and becoming more comfortable writing them, because often a character might act a certain way in a cold, rigid template, but behave entirely differently once you drop them into a scene. Alternatively, you might get to writing and realize you need to make an adjustment so that they have better chemistry with the other characters. Writing a new character's a dance, and you're both going to step on each other's toes in the beginning, but once you learn how they move, it gets easier. And it helps them develop and grow as you learn about them!

#writing advice #writing #character templates #this is the template i've used for most of my major characters and i love it tbh #i've tried some other ones and they just don't work for me #i feel like they focus WAY too much on appearance which is fairly minor in the scheme of writing #and not enough on things like goals and motivations and who the character *is* #because that's our job as authors #we're here to show you who these characters are at their base level so you can watch them grow #we are here to dissect them so readers can see their squishy insides #or as the author who led the class said: 'your job as a writer is to cause pain and suffering' #and you can't DO that if you don't know the inner workings #so i've used her template constantly since then because it makes that easier #it also emphasises growth which is something i LOVE #because i hate when everyone just stays the same in a story #ok i think that's everything #been writing this up in bits and pieces over the past two week and was finally coherent for long enough to clean it up a bit #now to keep seeing if i can start write writing again

[starlooove]

Ok but the Duke in my mind having the feeling that those who choose vigilantism have a responsibility to uphold the SECOND they curate a space where others are reliant on them + Cass solely wanting to fight at first and putting the mission above all else due to not caring about herself being Bruces (who also puts the mission above all else and feels a responsibility to Gotham that he knows will kill him one day) favorite kids

#is it rlly that they’re his faves bc of being the ‘good ones’ #or do they reflect parts of himself that he’s constantly told are detrimental in a way that allows him to take pride in said parts #taking HEAVY liberties with canon btw this is basically a hc to me do not take it seriously this is NOT srs character analysis thx #I mean it’s kinda serious in MY mind but it’s purely based in being tired of fandom and not actually comics 💀 #this is my version of the ‘Everyone treats tim badly so he is sad till they’re sorry’ thing #anyways #BONUS #Bruce is so mean to damian bc he reflects him in ways he doesn’t like #and he’s projecting his failures onto him instead of seeing him as a fucking child #thinking of that one panel #yknow the one #anyways everytime damian does smth he doesn’t like he sees it as the Batman failing on a moral standpoint #not his kid having his own personality or needing some guidance #whatever tho #I’m deleting this tomorrow but if I ever learn how to write #imma make my own sad tim fic where it’s just tim wallowing over nothing and everyone ignoring him <3 #for my piece of mind #I promise I like Tim guys this is abt fanon Tim #but yknow what writers are riding tim too much atm tbh so this is current tim hate as well #Tim was cooler when he was well adjusted and bitchy and everyone knew it #instead of pretending he’s right all the time and every1 just went “ofc Tim! #ALSO I’m a big fan of great dad Bruce I just know him kinda sucking is also canon and fun for angst

[cinnamon-notes]

i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)

#feeling so bad about it but like i cant bring myself to interact with people right now but i am also constantly sad because i dont interact #with anyone out of work :/ but working makes me socially exhausted & tbh all i wanna do is be depressed with my books & my movies &my tunes #but i also crave affection like i realize i have zero social life and i sometimes schedule some hangout with my friends but it's almost #become like idk a task? something i look at through work eyes. like- i arrange our hangouts the way i arrange work meetings. it's so sad. #i know it is. but still- i cant help it. through all my life ive been missing having a lifelong friend who knows me like the back of their #hands and i know like the back of mine. never had it. cant cry over that. it's passed. i cant invent lifelong friendships that never existed #and i gotta make peace with that. plus- what am i complaining about if im just incapable of keeping any friend for longer than a month??? #after the first month- maybe the first couple of months- it all gets boring and dont get me wrong i really love my friends but somehow they #lose interest in me and i lose interest in them and we become just people who know each other and occasionally hang out but like- i've never #had a friend who's there for me when things happen in my life. i've always had friends to tell things to afterwards. like- i know i cant #really pick up the phone and say “hey. im having a bad time. can we take a walk? talk on the phone? can you tell me about your day? can you #just be here for me?“ and i cant even idk just randomly pop up with a ”oh my god i hate him i hate him i hate him it's a whole montague vs #capulet but if romeo and juliet never existed kind of hatred!!“ i just cant vent right away. ive always thought that that's my problem. #and maybe it is. but still- how's come they can vent to me? im always there right away. i do love my people and i show up for them. #sometimes my depression makes it soooo difficult to hang out constantly but if there's one thing that cannot be said about mw is that i dont #care. cuz i do. and maybe that's the problem #and maybe it's just easier for me to care than let others care? idk? but then again- i did try to open up. i did try to let them care. i did #try everything by the book & off the book but still- idk it's always just an “im sorry” never an “i care so much to say more than im sorry” #and yeah it's my problem cuz i am not a constant person im not that steady in what i do. i still dont know if it's because i havent found #yet the people worth doing it or if i am just traumatized (my ex is knocking on this door lol) but- idk it makes me extremely sad!!! #and ive rambled on way too much but i jusg needed to let some things out of my mind cuz i cant understand whats wrong with me and why i #crave true friendships although im hella scared of and bored of and unwilling to nurturing one :) #cinnamon diary

[bonestrouslingbones]

btw big shoutout to that woodworking class i took in my final semester of high school for allowing me to 1. not constantly sound like i'm talking entirely out of my ass and 2. hide some very niche secrets because of the like 2 full months of paperwork & osha training before i got to actually build anything

#dont click see all on the tags i accidentally went insane over woodworking Its Not Worth it #god that class was such a mess. it took so long bc we couldn't all go to the shop unless everybody passed the safety test #and. well i'm pretty sure only i and like 3 other kids actually wanted to be there . im still a bit angry about it yeah #i wanted to build a table for my mom for mother's day and didn't finish it til JUNE and then it fell APAAARRTTTTTTTT!!!!! but its FINE #I WAS GRADUATING LIKE A WEEK AFTER BUILDING THAT TABLE BUT ITS ///FINEEEEEE//// #THE actual knowledge that i still retained from it is really funny tho tbh #the only thing you can call a guard on a bandsaw is the lil 2" radius circle printed around where the blade goes through the table #if you put your fingers inside of that circle they will be Swiftly Removed #i am more comfortable with that fucking thing than a hand drill #however drill presses are fine. kinda fun actually #walnut smells really good when it's being ripped but the dust gets fucking everywhere somehow even more than white oak #that was my last class of the day that semester and i would constantly go home with my black clothes having turned brown #and i'll say. most fulfilling class i've ever taken to be completely honest #ik i am not attending a trade school but WHYYYYYY DOESNT MY UNIVERSITY OFFER WOODWORKING AAAAGGG #WHAT IF I DROP OUT TO BECOME ONE OF THOSE YOUTUBER GUYS THAT MAKES TABLES THAT ALL LOOK THE SAME HUH. WAHT THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! #WHAT IF I WANT TO MAKE 32 TABLETOPS OUT OF MINIMALLY TRIMMED SLABS AND EPOXY THAT ALL SOMEHOW LOOK BORING. WHAT IF I MAKE BANK ON THAT #ITS! BETTER!! THAN ALL THESE ESSAYS!!!!!!!!! #ahegm sorry folks. what i meant to say is that whenever ebony looks like he's creaming himself over furniture that's me talking through him #all that being said if i ever have to look at autocad ever again i will start huffing the polyurethane

[cycloplasm]

art tags that are like 'my dumb art/ocs' i am looking at you like this

idk who taught you that self deprecation is 'cool' but the greatest disservice you can ever do to your work is insulting it

#thats a post i made! #i cant word anything right now but deel frown at self depraction these days #genuinely try to stop and see how it makes you feel. #as a post on here really well put it: 'it's hard to improve on anything if you constantly are demeaning it' #always keep in mind that such thoughts are intrusive thoughts. this isnt who you are normally unless you like #see someone's else work and actually go 'well! this isnt as good as (other artist)'s work! this deserves to be ridiculed' #chances are you're not like that and if you are then you're setting yourself up to be miserable tbh. comparing benefits no one #i say this because i used to do that (self deprecation/insulting my own work etc) and shocking news but it actually drove people away #no one was laughing when i made negative 'jokes' at myself and even more shocking: when i progressively stopped i felt much better #genuinely if someone laughs at your self deprecative 'jokes' they're either not aware you mean these things or. #well red flag on their part. there's a difference between laughing WITH you and laughing AT you #anyway im not saying this to make ppl feel bad but im just very concerned and think this is highly undeserved/a disservice to you+your art

[gifti3]

Im cursing [REDACTED] right NOW

#god i better never have contact with this guy again or i might flip out on him #im about to ramble about my past “dating" adventures (we were casual but sheesh cant even be friends with this guy tbh) #im realizing months later how much this guy i used to talk to sucked #like DUDE be a better or stay single FOREVER (ΘдΘ) #and by that i mean learn how to better handle approaching others feelings! #god the way he would just shutdown others ppls feelings and it was just an endless loop of “that doesnt make sense” or “thats dumb” #sure emotions can be irrational but if someone is desperately TRYING to explain why they feel a way (even if theyre struggling to be clear) #maybe dont be so dismissive #like literally one time i was annoyed cause talking to him was grating on my nerves #and i was like ik it doesnt make sense so let me step away cause im annoyed #and hes like trying to logic me out of my annoyance??? #like worstie im literally walking away so i can cool off #leave it be! #god looking back on all this.... #i hope to god whoever hes talking to (if hes talking to anyone) isnt dealing with similar things #ppl can change so ill just hope for that #or maybe he'll meet his match #someone who reflects the same energy he has! #tho im not sure if hed like that haha #the guy seemed to have a lot of relationship problems in general (romantic and platonic) and i wanted to have the benefit of the doubt #but now im thinking maybe his personality was also just clashing with everyone elses #which isnt necessarily a bad thing on its own #gotta get context for everything u know #but in this case....naur #like im a pretty anxious person so how ppl i care about will react to what im doing or saying is constantly at the back of my mind! #so ppl who just come off as flippant about my fee fees annoy me fr #im like “ahh what if i upset so and so” constantly #trying to make sure not to make things harder for them #and they cant even spare me a single thought before doing something and dismiss me when i get upset #but also they wanna come to me when theyre feeling sad about something???

[skitskatdacat63]

Me rewatching True Detective, fully knowing of the fact that I'm incapable of being normal abt anything, and finding myself getting increasingly more insane about it as the days go on: ah look it's consequences of my actions

#this is why theres certain things i feel like i can never rewatch/reread again bcs they will take over my life #generation kill? i keep delayinf watching it even tho i rly want to bcs i know its just gonna take me over again #i didnt think id get obsessive abt true detective #bcs when i watched it the first time i noted that it had a fandom but didnt get into it at all #so im like yeah okay this is safe to rewatch! i like it a lot but its not gonna make insane #guys. i regret to inform you i feel insane. #lol also sry this whole break has been me rediscovering old fandom loves #so i keep having to be like 'WHY DID I GET BACK INTO THIS' #its just a stop gap i think tbh #BUT WHY DID I GET INTO THIS SO SOON BEFORE F1 COMES BACK UGGHHHHHH #also i think another factor is that have no one to talk abt vett/onso meta or AUs with #so my brain is just constantly searching for smth to latch onto #i keep getting sucked into old things and rediscovering my love #and its all very fufilling but ah man it makes me feel so insane ig #love bursting out of its seams and all that #haha just hoping tho main fandom will be a bit more active and communicative once it starts up again #stop my eyes from wandering anf all that #but anwyays yeah. i feel sooooooooo crazy abt TD #every time i watch another ep my brain is like 'man i wanna rewatch from the very start again' #im very loath to finsih things yknow? #theres a difference btwn completely starting smth over when you finish it #and savoring the world youre in before finishing it #yeah you can watch smth an endless amnt of times. but theres smth abt existing in that space btwn the start and the end #but aaaaghhh every aspect i just am so desperately into it #catie.rambling.txt

[bitchfitch]

i just got done with my third chiro appointment, and like. I've noticed a significant improvement in terms of how much pain I'm in but I'm also noticing i can't like. stay sitting up. I can sit, which isn't always the case, but the muscles in my back are so loosey goosey/ not responding/ spasming that I keep curling forward until my head is almost pressed to the bed in front of me while I'm sitting cross legged. Don't know what that's about but it's affecting productivity something awful.

#like #i have shockingly good muscle tone considering how little i can move so this isnt a strength issue. #Ish. Like. the thing with eds is that if you have it severe enough your muscles have to pick up the slack for your ligaments #which results in you building way more muscle than you would expect #I cant lift more than 25lbs in like a bag or something without dislocating my elbows/shoulders #but i can bench 180~ and barbell squat my own weight #its just a matter of not pulling on anything #Tbh i think this is just the level of Nonsense that happens when my muscles arnt constantly tense. #my ligament structure isnt sturdy enough to work without that extra reinforcement #Anyways ive needed a back brace since i was 12 but insurance wont pay for it and like fuck am i able to shell out the 20k myself. #Ive looked into corsets but my proportions are so weird that id need a custom pattern #which is Pricey to get from a reputable company. like 2-3k which is better than 20. but still out of reach. #Im not confident enough in my drafting ability to make one myself. #seeing ms.banner. a real and skilled seamstress who knows what shes doing. lay herself out with a bad corset pattern is kinda #a good sign that maybe i an idiot whos sewing experience is stuffed animals and quilts. should not fuck around with my spinal health #I think id be more comfortable doing it myself if there were more mens corset patterns and more examples of how non #lingerie mens corsets are like. meant to work #i dont exactly need bust support. and most women's corsets dont have the shoulder support mens do. and thats like. #the area im most scared about fucking up bc its already a nightmare #tbh when i get the sg shop open im putting all the profits into a savings account and just working hard to get the budget to pay #for a proper corset.

[wrecking]

expired white cheddar popcorn, my only solace rn.

edit: oh fuck i didn't mean to post this yet i wanted to like. space this out from my last post? sorry in advance i guess

#d #putting this one at the top -- jesus christ this got long sorry #you know this shit is bad when i. who has never drank in my fucking life. was considering just getting as wasted as possible #like so i could just not be here on the 17th lmfao #i'm not gonna do it because it'd be the worst possible thing i can do but like. was the thought there? yeah #i've been in a weird headspace since midnight on the 15th hit and tbh it was predictable #thankfully my mom cancelled my electrolysis appointment so i am just going to lose these 3 days to more or less nothingness #like just bouncing between reading stupid reddit threads and watching media and reading ...things... just to make me feel smth that isn't t #this* i'm not retyping that #like just not giving a single fuck about the ''time wasted'' or whatever the fuck cuz at this point this is the best i can do #like i've been unproductive all summer but right now i can barely stand to do anything that isn't escapism or direct sensory input or both #i'm honestly handling it better than i expected cuz like i'm at least not CONSTANTLY bawling my fucking eyes out or unable to get out of be #but like i also feel like any attempts to do more than just survive right now are futile #friday will come and i'll get my hair dyed and on saturday i'll get new clothes and then that person will finally be gone enough #''dozer'' is dead. literally and figuratively.

[vazaez]

that’s not very cis of you

BYE🛌

It's complicated alright 😭💀

#a lil personal story about this now that the topic came up: #some time ago i started questioning my gender identity but i didnt like the spanish they/them pronouns on myself #they just didnt sit right lol #so i tried using gender neutral language (ig yall know spanish is one of the many languages that is VERY gendered #even fcking objects have their own 'gender' lmao) so yea if it pas possible i phrased what i said abt myself in a pronounless way #but when it was not possible to do that id use male pronouns to try how i felt with them. the thing is that every fucking time i did that #some dude in a gc i was in said 'dO u hAvE a D¡cK????' and it made me really uncomfy as if i needed it to be able to use those pronouns 🧍 #LITERALLY EVERY TIME so eventually i gave up because i thought what's the point of finding my identity if it wont be respected anyways? #so yea im resigned to be seen as the same I was born with the same i've always been and the same everyone knows me #dont get me wrong i dont always hate being a girl but sometimes it makes me curious how would it be if i wasnt #and i dont mind what pronouns ppl use with me most of the time as long as it's not with a bad intention #I've wondered if maybe i'm a she/they? idk i just gave up thinking about it #at least for now. i have my whole ass life to find out what or who i am so i don't feel there's a need to rush tbh #woah this rant got rlly long sorry lol idk if anyone will read this far 🏃 #btw it's not only about that guy but he made me constantly remember that most people at least here in latam are very closed minded #just like him so if i ended up finding an identity i was happy with it wouldnt be respected by most people irl anyways #i'm not in that gc anymore tho #i hope i was able to like explain well what i mean? i don't wanna seem like i gave up that easily just because some dude was being a jerk #it's just that i'm kind of an overthinker

[tittyinfinity]

Oh so automatic updates were on for the app. because for some reason my Google account got switched on the play store. So I was angry old man yelling at cloud

#istg this is like the 4th or 5th time ive had to turn the automatic updates off though #good thing i went and checked it #HOWEVER it still blows my mind how the app can change IN-APP WHILE IM SCROLLING #specifically the photo viewer constantly changing #one post will let me see a pic when i tap on it but the next post will show me an entirely different post if i tap on the picture #i guess it's just post to post then? idk #maybe im not thinking right? there is a lot of issues in this house plus i have a lot of constant brain fog from pain and adhd #and memory loss issues #maybe im just making myself mad tbh

[gothcarmelasoprano]

maw why are these troll accounts linked through my ex best friends STILL following me

#im highly convinced at this stage she was the one that made the fake accounts #the gas thing is is that she was mainly an online friend and had she kept in touch with me at the time she wouldve known i was in the #studio in college preparing for my assignment for the semester so i dont fail like there were specific requirements we had to get done for #that week... and you think i would have that time to make fake accounts if anything itd be you and your online friends #emphasis on online because you could hardly make friends or even get a job here so you got one back home #the saddest thing is that the memes can be funny but its just what they represent in this whole situation that sours it completely #dont get me started on her friend she is honestly so polarising even from an outsider's perspective #ugh it doesnt annoy me anymore as it did because at the end of the day it has nothing to do with me but the fact that theyre STILL going on #about it makes me think that her and her online buddies have nothing else to do apart from being with themselves constantly #i had that life but no way did i want to live that way in my 20s 💀 #i fucked up before that incident but isnt it convenient when we hardly spoke for a month just for the ~fake account~ to appear to stop #being friends like as awful as it sounds but itd actually be a lot easier just to say you dont want to be friends #instead of dragging outsiders into it like you do best #the saddest thing is that she was actually quite fake even before she went down a permanent online rabbit hole #and i was aware of it but because i was emotionally vulnerable at the time i never cut her off since i really wanted friends to talk to #play that cool girl alty idgaf attitude all you like but it doesn't change the fact that you're superficial no matter how much you mask it #ugh im hormonal and i cant sleep but at the same time its nice to be able to freely bc not as many people use tumblr anymore #i block those accounts not because im offended or im precious about my image but they do spam and its annoying af so i dont want that tbh #having pictures with a school friend whilst under the same breath making jokes of their dead brother is not a good look 😬 #i did fucked up things as a result of coping with trauma and alienation as a teenager but this is actually low? #im sorry but it does it screams fake and im pretty sure that the fake treatment was given to me when we first became friends #fake people rarely ever change #i have to get ready for work in an hour this was unexpected #might vent later because i feel like i can do anything on this godforsaken website #the shocking thing to them is that they nothing on me if anything the 'proof' she showed me almost exposed her and her crowd #i have deleted my fb account but i still have the screenshots somewhere