#terrified i might be one already

[violetren]

Growing up ma and I never had much money. More than some for sure; enough that I was always fed and warm and could even buy books every couple of weeks as I went through them, but always one late paycheck or missed bill away from being at risk of going without all those things.

And it's easy not to notice what kind of effect that has had until I have to clean out excess stuff so that I can properly clean my house.

There are cupboards and drawers and even a few side tables that I haven't had cause to touch or open or look at in months, sometimes even years, nothing in or on them is of vital importance to my daily life and even in those odd times of needing a super specific thing either that thing exists somewhere I use regularly, or I buy it. I need to emphasise just how badly there is nothing in or on any of these places that I need or use in my life. It's just stuff taking up space that could be tidier or better utilised.

But every god's damned fucking time I go clear one off or out I am suddenly confronted with the fact that it's potentially useful stuff. I might need that notepad, or that nail filing kit, or that dusty bottle of lotion. And even if I don't how can I just throw out a perfectly usable item? People need stuff, people might be able to use this stuff, except it's all junk stuff literally all of it would get thrown in a dumpster if I were to take it to a charity because it's old, partially used, or cannot be sold due to safety concerns. So it should go in the trash because that is what it is, but what if it isn't and how can I be this ungrateful and so the cycle fucking goes until I am standing there, garbage bag in hand, culturally poor and on the verge of tears from the weirdest combo of unnecessary guilt and decision fatigue.

The side table still isn't clean.

#chirping wren #venting #terrified i'm gonna become a hoarder #terrified i might be one already #paralysed by the fear of getting rid of things and my house just feeling empty #and thats just for the trashy stuff on a side table #what about the figurines and art projects and stuff that were never mine until there was no one else to own them? #if i can't even throw out an old box an mobile phone came in how am i supposed to throw out things that were loved by someone now dead?

[sergle]

(re: sssniperwolf and jacksfilms) It's laughable that she escalated it that hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure stalking him like that is illegal and it's terrifying regardless, but Jack said in a stream (can't remember which one) that he wasn't about bringing up past controversies of hers or cancelling. And now she shows up outside his house (wtf!!!). Like he was willing to only call her out for stealing and freebooting but she's gone and stalked him and Jack doesn't seem like the type of guy to take that shit. Actual WTF moment from her part. wild

omg long post below bc apparently I have opinions: YES!! THAT'S WHAT'S SO INCREDIBLE ABOUT THIS... Jack has been genuinely diligent about keeping things on-topic in his streams, and hasn't brought up any of her other Stuff, or anything Personal. Despite the fact that she kickstarted the whole thing by making it INCREDIBLY personal and attacking his physical appearance... His goal has been to call out and bring attention to content theft, and he's stuck with it. Dude's also cared about this for years, and she's not the first content thief he's criticized. He just hates the way that freebooting has become so accepted-- to the point where youtube praised her for "coming up with such creative video ideas"? Hey! Ew! Dude wasn't trying to get her cancelled though, there was no smear campaign of her character. He's been rallying to get her to CREDIT the creators that she relies on for all of her content. It would set a precedent for all other "react" channels on the platform for one of the biggest channels on youtube to actually give credit where credit is due. Or, god forbid, get permission first? It's not hard. It's already done the job of making some other people who do "react content" self-analyze whether or not their content is transformative, and to maybe care about crediting the creators they rely on for their genre to work. There is a way to make this kind of video that isn't so slimy. And making fun of her lackluster-at-best reactions is so far from even being a big deal. Bc she literally does just sit there and say nothing. Plus, his goal has a clear End built into it: if she started shouting out the creators she takes content from, and put links directly to their pages in her video descriptions, the job would be done! That's what he's asking her to do. Real bare minimum stuff. It legit would have been easy to steer away from the content theft and to also talk about her history of lying to her audience! her ghosting a dying kid with cancer who was a big fan of hers! the fact that she's been arrested for armed robbery! her history of transphobia! He would also get more clicks that way, which is what she claims is his sole goal- to get more clicks. I'll bring it up though! She's been a terrible person the whole time, and has kept a steady course of manipulating her audience of young children and/or, let's be completely honest, simps- into thinking that she's a Wholesome creator. (And now, into thinking she's an innocent victim.) All of the actual effort put in by her has gone toward optics, not the content she puts out. A carefully constructed online persona, for one, but also literal appearances. Jack totally can't say this, bc she already went off the handle and said the only reason he doesn't like her is bc he Hates To See A Woman Be Successful. But I can! That was a cheap shot for her to use that argument when, for once, it's not applicable! Much the opposite, even! Dudes online wouldn't go to bat for her if she didn't look the way she does. And it weakens any case she'd have against him by making baseless claims like that. She banks hugely on being an attractive woman to get her clicks/following. A massive amount of effort is put into her appearance. The makeup, the lip fillers, putting her hair in little pigtails, the chokers and tube tops, the big non-prescription Nerd Glasses, the thumbnails where she has her mouth open in That Expression?

I don't even have to say anything. But making a weird facial expression and putting your hair in pigtails aren't moral failings. Showing up at someone's real life home (whose address you shouldn't even have access to), filming the front of their house at night, doxxing them to your audience of millions of people? Because you were mad at them online? That is fully scary! Yeah girl I'm pretty sure that Jack can press charges! There is absolutely no way to take the moral highground now that she's literally stalked him, and doxxed his home. She tried to goad him and Erin (Jack's wife) out of the house, also, which creeps me out even more-- because what was she planning to do? The fact that she's been arrested for violent crime before does pop into my mind! lmao! Jack was streaming a game at the time that she was outside his home, and these clips of him, his friends, and Erin reacting in real time to what is genuinely a scary situation have been taken down in case he needs to use them in legal action. Shit is legitimately serious!

#sergle answers #long post #LONGEST POST ON EARTH I'M SO SORRY #saying all this out loud only takes a few minutes but typing it... girl this is a BOOK #clearly I have thoughts on this Online Drama but also this isn't online! #these are people who exist in real life. and compromising a person's safety bc he criticized you for stealing tiktoks #is a real life thing. this isn't confined to online spaces! you can turn off your computer to get away from An Argument #but someone going to your house?? that's absolutely terrifying #and all of this is just because he's been telling her to credit the creators. it could have been resolved so simply. #I hope he takes legal action against her bc he genuinely has grounds to do so. #and I can't imagine how terrified and upset I would be if someone was outside my door. filming my house for their audience. #also the 'what if the roles were reversed' argument is rarely made in good faith... but she's already brought up the topic. #this would be getting even more coverage and the optics would be Even Creepier if a strange man with millions of followers showed up #at the home of a woman- just bc she criticized his videos- filming her home address for all to see and trying to get her to come outside. #It's just as creepy that sssniperwolf did this as it would be coming from ANYONE else #it's been downplayed bc her being a little skinny woman means that A Man shouldn't be threatened by her #which. even if she wasn't going to Do anything. any one of her rabidly loyal online followers MIGHT. she's not the only one who could go to #his house now! anyone could show up. #sergle.txt #Jacksfilms #Sssniperwolf

[ride-a-dromedary]

The thing I love about the Orin kidnappings is that all of her imitated companion voices are a *fraction* higher and reedier/unbalanced and than their regular voices - I think that's a neat detail as a give away. Just subtle enough that you might not be able to spot it right away, but jarring enough that you can tell something is different right off the bat.

#BG3 Musing #also dave jones delivering that 'bellyfull of orphan flesh' with the little titter of a laugh SIR I AM GOING TO THROTTLE YOU #Aside from Halsin who's voice is already very deep and therefore you can tell very easily when it jumps up an octave #the other three are so subtle you might miss it but if you listen closely it's evident the VA's are pitching on the higher end #excellent little detail #also 'halsin' is the only one who is crying throughout so his voice sounds more choked and stuffed up and minty sounds terrified #halsin is also just a whimpering mess like a kicked dog and gale sounds like he's *mad* with it #excellent voice over performances bravo 👏 #the orin kidnaps are so ripe for angst exploration

[scintillyyy]

when it's written that way because it's a patented chuck dixon -ism but it unintentionally creates a really interesting potential narrative for the character-

#still thinking of steph and class and knowing that dixon made her lower middle class on account of he's a classist #but how placing her in that nebulous position of between the have and the have nots #where they're too poor for comfort or stability and too rich for benefits #lends a lot to steph's anger at her situation #her desire to fit it and move up and separate herself from her origins #her showcase '95 story where she has a veneration of what she feels must be the comfort of the true middle class #and her veneration of her coach who she insists can't be anything like her mom #her anger and shame at her mom coming to her gymnastics meet because she doesn't like seeing that part of her life #interact with the better life she's trying to carve for herself #her activities as spoiler being so linked to her desire to throw away the legacy her father left her #that for everyone to say she's not good enough or shouldn't do it is for them to say #you are already where you belong and that thought terrifies her #a steph who grew up hearing sarcastic remarks about those welfare recipients who can afford nicer food than them #while her mom works and gets no help and and struggles for it #a steph who internalizes that no one is going to help her and if she wants it she has to work for and take it #which leads to some bitterness when she sees everyone else such as tim and cass receive the help and support she's always denied #but also only motivates her to keep going harder. if no one will help you you have to help yourself. #what ugly biases might she potentially have as a result of this upbringing #it's like i hate it it's such a conservative story of bootstraps #but i love it because gives such potentially interesting things to play with in steph's arc

[angelnumber27]

Oh sick turns out actually MULTIPLE of my meds have gone up in price.

#again. #I literally already couldn’t afford them #at this point I might have to just stop taking the more expensive ones... #but going off meds you’ve been on for a minute cold turkey is a horrible horrible horrible idea #and I fuckin need them AHHH #idk what to do #the prospect of having to go off my suboxone my adhd meds prozac or seroquel is terrifying #if anyone wants to buy content please please dm me #I need help I was not expecting this raise in price :/ #medications #ugh #American health care system is a fucking joke

[theramblingsofadork]

…It has been brought to my attention that the Bumblecast has a FULL SERIES of Q&A’s with Dr. Starline?

I— I don’t know what to make of this.

#i uh… don’t deep dive into non-comic/game content that often #how long has this been going on?? #i knew they did one or two but CONSISTANTLY? #im suddenly both terrified and excited by what i might find #do i dare now is the question #i may try to watch them eventually but not right now #so forgive me if I keep eluding to things that have already been answered

[compacflt]

wip wednesday: trying to solve my narrative issues by spending a fuckton of time mapping them out

#purple are scenes. red are themes. blue are… don’t worry about blue it was just for me to track some motifs #a nice way to visualize which scenes are actually worth finishing & which ones might need to get scrapped if i can’t find the juice #procrastination takes many forms! #this is a true wip unlike most of my other wip wednesdays. Peeling back the curtains here. #welcome to my twisted mind #this will not be my only post of the day bc it is a little lackluster lmao #i am afraid to finish writing it because then i will have written it and it will be finished if that makes sense #then i will have said everything i wanted to say about ice & mav and i will have nothing left to say #actually… ive already written all that. what isn’t written is all the connective tissue ‘character moves from A to B’ stuff #boring stuff #I’ve already written everything i wanted to say about ice and mav. that’s a little terrifying. #it’s all in this document.

[hopeinthebox]

i was tagged by the biblically accurate angels @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for the september round up <33

i'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this combination of tracks but i'm simply not privy to it. tagging favs if you fancy it: @thvinyl @btscontentenjoyer @spicyclematis @hoseeok @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda MWAH and always @monismochi !!!!!!!

#thoughts and/or feelings (delete as appropriate) as follows: #say you'll be there - and what can i say? it's a spice world and we're just living in it #de selby pt.2 - still has me by the throat. must be the domnhall gleeson of it all #pusherman - love love love but genuinely not a single idea as to where this one came from #talk tonight - potentially one of the dreariest oasis tracks and that's saying something #(i'm a manc so i can say this without risk of being clotheslined by a gallagher in town) #growing sideways - lord forgive me but i do believe it is the season of the sticks. i'm terrified that i might never have met me??? #500 psychic damage #teardrop - cover of the century. exceptional. no notes #don't let me get me - because missundaztood is an album and a half #linger - and i will be letting it!!!!! fuck #for us - she's the stand out for me. though don't worry i have already developed an unhealthy obsession with the entire album #american teenager - please for the love of god give ethel cain a chance if you haven't already. no one else is doing it like this #as for the artists. paolo nutini making a strong bid this month. i will always have feelings for you #also something something about every fleetwood mac girlie also being an abba girlie. can't fault that logic. #unrelated i need that stevie nicks barbie so bad i don't know what i'll do #tag #receiptify #mwah mwah mwah #thanks for coming <33

[builtintripping]

Hey! I love the concept of your forgor AU, so I was wondering...

We kind of know the reactions to the Timmy's friends. But what about Crocker and the rest of the Evil Syndicate? Would they be happy? Or weirded out? Disappointed?

ooooHHH INTERESTING QUESTION!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR ASKING!!

I already answered about Crocker's reaction, but basically he only vaguely rembers Timmy having Fairy Godparents. Da Rules affected him somehow but not as directly as on Timmy since he's still passionate about hunting fairies down whether Timmy's involved or not. Sooooo he's still salty around the kid. He just targets him less than he used to.

As for the rest, they probably don't even notice (or care) about Timmy forgoring lawl. If they did, it would be convenient for them cause that's one less ally of their nemesis should the Syndicate and the NU Gang ever engage in battle once again. Unless they actually turned into a new leaf, which could yield interesting results...

#plankton: he's basically that man i need some time to think abt this meme since i think out of everyone he's easily the most forgiveable #for not comitting genocide and because he's from the silliest and least serious show out of the four #vlad: i will die for unkie vlad au so not only will he be sad for timmy (yet be resolved that he's powerless to help) #he can't help but see that his spiritual nephew danny will get his first taste of what it's like to outlive his loved ones #even when timmy technically didn't die yet it seemed like it. vlad'll try to be there for danny even when deep down he's just as terrified #terrified of the prospect that one day he'll also outlive his friends same way danny already has (again redemption or unkie vlad au) #calamitous: im gonna be honest i know nothing about this guy RIP #but as a father himself he might understand what timmy was going through the most out of the other four syndicates #losing one's parents is just as devasatating as losing one's child (if anything it's worse for the latter) but yeah losing family and shit #i put these in the tags cause these are all hypothetical reactions in which the syndicate aren't baddies #cause let's be real i cant kind of see them actually giving a shit about their nemesis's friends 🥹 #asks #i forgor lor #nicktoons unite

[camscendants]

Taylor swift:*is releasing the eras tour as a movie in theaters*

Me:Ooooooo I’m totally going! So excited im gonna check if people already bought tickets today!

Also me:*sees that most showings opening night are completely sold out and remembers I Work at said movie theater* FUCK IM NOT WORKING THAT DAY JESUS CHRIST

#ITS GONNA BE LIKE BARBIE BUT SO MUCH WORSE #honestly terrifying #like I love Taylor but the huge swifties honestly scare me #I’m requesting that day off as soon as I possibly can #godamn #the tickets were literally Just released today and it’s already completely Packed #no #the late showings are kinda empty tho (those don’t get out until after 1am 🫠) so I might go to one of those #Taylor swift #ta

[koishua]

shining solo ep 8. my reaction rn 😐😐 took it a bit hard lmao

#tp #very mixed feelings. as someone who associates herself with jeongwoo and having very similar personalities... this ep hurt a lot #idk idk #i mean i get it but i also absolutely do not get it #so many thoughts im taking this very personally what the heck #i cant really warm up to half of this part's girlies im sorry #i loved everyone on part one #as someone who also struggles with managing my social energy lvls... this was a slap in the face #bc my boy jeongwoo truly gave it his ALL the whole day and even managed to perform a couple songs for the girls #despite already having spent the whole day together #and his energy must have been SPENT already and then they pick him as MVP of the day and he has that 1:5 date with all of the girls #by himself!! which is so terrifying imagine being the one person who everyone's attention is on and you have to interact with these ppl #that you arent very comfortable with but you still try your best to give them a good time #AND THEN!! they give you NOTHING in return?? not even a recorder?? no jewel no recording nothing. just ignored like that by everyone #and i get that the girls dont know who's voting for who so they might have believed someone else was gonna give him a jewel or sth #but no one gives him anything (positive OR negative) #and yeah. he was absolutely shocked at the empty safe. i would have been too. #and why did they not give him a jewel y'all might ask??? IT WAS BC HE FELL SILENT DURING THE LAST BIT: THE DINNER #my gosh that's the part that i take offense to personally bc it's really really really difficult to always engage in convos with ppl #after spending the whole day with them already?? and your social battery is down so you quietly enjoy a simple meal?? #and then all the girlies threw him away like that?? #i mean yeah you're surrounded by sweet men who spend the day appealing themselves to you but come on?? #i would have been so impressed by jeongwoo and thankful that he put that much effort in and would understand how difficult it is to #maintain it till the very end because not everyone has hyunsuk's boundless social energy #no offense hyunsuk i love you dearly #and also??? what's up with admitting that you lack some confidence upfront?? #the girl's reasoning for giving yoshi the voice recorder was that he said he holds himself to a high standard and lacks confidence sometimes #and i get it. being confident is more attractive than someone who's always insecure and puts themselves down #(and makes the other person uncomfortable) but they were having an honest and deep convo when the thing he said in that convo was used #against him in the end? i would feel kind of betrayed too bc being able to admit that you feel insecure sometimes is a v brave thing to do!!

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#my brother's graphic card for his computer might be broken and that's terrifying because #it's in all likelyhood the most expensive thing in our house (and it's not that expensive) #because it is old as fuck and they don't make them anymore so if we have to replace it for an equivalent #it will be all my savings and still i would fall short #my brother has no savings basically and my mom is retired so this fucking thing better be FINE #and if something HAS to break it better be the monitor cause we can downgrade from it or get a cheap ass one #funny this happens today when i lost a work project (possibly) #everything is up in the air right now lol i'm sort of freaking out! sdkfhgfg #pls god we're already poor and with our fucking ass president we might be going into war at any minute lol (joking but idk to what extent) #might just burry myself in fun youtube vids and forget all my problems (: #angel talks #personal

[witchinatree]

yk i know i said my life would get worse after redownloading tumblr but this place is great why would i ever leave (stockholm syndrome)

#im deranged #like i do enjoy this site but im also too ashamed to use the actual app so i just have the url bookmarked on my phone #ive also been barely avoiding good omens spoilers and its terrifying there was one point where i just had to close my eyes and scroll #until i figured it was safe #it wasnt safe #although i did get to see the magnus protocol kickstarter update that the british have been hiding from me #and some heartstopper stuff but ive already seen season 2 twice #earlier i said this site is like unhinged gay instagram and now i think it might be more like gay twitter #still where i belong

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

this rewatch of sdmi has been wild because once you start taking the talking animals and their place in the worldbuilding seriously it's just like oh wow this is some real final fantasy plot huh. what do you mean the resident discriminated-against beastfolk are not only descended from ancient otherworldly beings masquerading as gods, and not only driven insane even more effectively than non-beastfolk by a curse because of their heritage, and not only serve as apocalyptically powerful vessels for those otherworldly beings, but are easy to read as having been created specifically because they're more powerful vessels than normal animals, and then abandoned to their own devices (being enslaved) for thousands of years until the next time their creators pop into this reality and want a convenient corporeal form to snatch. which game in the series is this

#sdmi #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #shitposting #don't get me started on 'what if they look different to different people depending on what they expect to see' #'we're seeing them through the filter the gang/town would see them through; and/or the filter of the medium itself' #'and that filter might be kind of goofy and a bit abstracted; but still Recognizably Looks Like That Animal' #'if you take that away they look a whole lot less goofy and a *hell* of a lot more uncanny than what we get to see in the show' #'pericles is so completely removed from what his species is supposed to look like-- #obviously his head is *way* more human-adjacent than a real parrot; but also there are notable differences from greys specifically-- #because he has already been touched by the entity for his entire life; and he looks so completely different before and after the asylum #because the entity's had 20 years of isolation; among people who already see him as a terrifying monster; to turn all his influence on him' #'pericles looks the way he does because we are seeing the *real* pericles' #'or at least more of him than scooby or the others' #'that's what being the entity's special favorite will get you 🙃' #anyway these little fuckers are Interesting Actually and i'm having a lot of fun with them; even if the way canon handles them is upsetting #this isn't necessarily my main headcanon but it's one i like a lot and 'what do they *really* look like' might be a fun design challenge #SDMItag #to draw tag #professor pericles

[lukaherehelp]

okey I have to get back to working on the fox & the prince, I've being putting it off for like a week almost because I also need to get into the more nitty gritty stuff of explaining concept art and why I choose this project and present the draft to my project tutor in time to be able to adjust anything before going head first to work on it because the draft also counts for the final grade!

I'm totally not panicking or loosing my mind about this :D One of my friends (and former classmate) is being my emotional support, but she has recently found a job so obviously she can't be with me 24h and I don't want her to be either… I almost forgot about how nerve wracking the preparation of a project is, this is why I like to just make drawings and maybe sell them as prints, my anxiety and low self esteem are not made to go through these calamities not even at an academic level.

#the fox & the prince #I guess also kind of a rant? #I guess I'm really nervous because we are already 2 weeks into 2024 #and the final draft has to be presented on the first week of march #it also has to do with the fact that I don't take any classes anymore #not even the one where I have to submit the draft #so I'm terrified of going there with all my hopes up and then my teacher being like #“nah you have to make your old project yes or yes” #WHICH I DON'T WANT TO BECAUSE I'M BURN OUT #I want to got there with a first draft and be “please listen to me and let me change my project to this” #which can be another whole thing #because the tutor I have choose me because my last project was going to be a picture book #and now I'm changing to concept art which is not her field of expertise so I might need to change tutor #AND I ALSO DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN #please somebody save me :DD

[metaphysicpareidolic]

just found out about On the Road (2012) and i am PISSED OFF

time to go watch ANOTHER MID BEATNIK MOVIE SINCE I APPARENTLY HAVE NO CHOICE

#i recognized the poster IMMEDIATELY WHEN I GOOGLED IT #I WALKED PAST THAT THING EVERY DAY IN SCHOOL IT WAS IN THE COMPUTER LAB #why do the british blue eyed dark haired STRAIGHT actors always end up drawn to playing allen ginsberg #i swear to god if i hadn’t already watched swiss army man #i would have needed surgery to reconnect my jaw to my skull after the gay sex scene in kill your darlings #there is a special place in hell for me where i can just yell about the devastating impact all these so called COINCIDENCES have on me #gay anguish #you know you’re a real homosexual when Certain Men make you want to throw up and cry and punch things but also laugh maniacally #how dare i be a queer in this economy #it is normal to have certain feelings #about things that are of interest to you #gay #on the road #the sandman #dreamling #tagging dreamling because they are the only ones who might understand my plight here #and also because they might go insane over a gif of tom sturridge kissing a guy idk #i found it on pinterest and my entire world was shaken to its core i could not believe my eyes #I’M EXAGGERATING #the man terrifies me tbh i’m afraid of men with strong jawlines