#terrified: social situations

[magpieddd]

Uni starts on the 3rd of October I'm excited and terrified

#excited: finally studying in a major i like #terrified: social situations #i booked a spot in my favorite library as a treat <3 finally I'll have classes closer to it #Grimm official speaks #uni tag

[muninnhuginn]

Time loops are just about the whiplash of constant highs and lows until you reach the point where it becomes monotonous, but in the back of your mind it's still a rollercoaster; you're just numb to it.

Death as comedy because there are no consequences. Is it allowed to be tragedy when there are no consequences?

Watch the descent laughing until your breath is stolen by the horror and you don't know if you even care anymore.

#time loops #ff stuff #idk don't ask me tnk #for someone who doesn't like rollercoasters I sure use them as metaphors a lot #I guess it's because as someone who's afraid of stuff like heights and social situations it's very easy to equate it to time loops #because at some point you're still afraid but you also don't care but you're also underneath that still terrified

[aptericia]

maybe this a strange thing to get hung up on but like. I can’t be the only one who subconsciously texts my friends a bit more professionally after writing a long email to my professor. Or whose internal monologue temporarily changes to sound like that YouTuber I just binged for 3 hours. Or who acts a little more excited and dramatic after watching an action movie. It’s normal to pick up patterns from other people and situations, right?? Why do my friends act so surpised when I start acting more like them, or tell me I “shouldn’t change who I am”? Like buddy. In NO social interaction am I presenting the Real Me. And besides that, you’re an important part of my life—why would it be so weird to be influenced by you? I don’t like being thought of as Weird or Not Genuine just because I do something differently from your previous expectations of me.

#personal #tbh most of the comments I get abt this are observations (like “when did you pick up that phrase??”) not judgy #but what really got me into this line of thinking was a comment from a friend about a year-ish ago? #she told me “you act so weird when you’re around [mutual friend of ours]. It’s like your whole personality changes.” #and I said “haha yeah well you two are pretty different from each other and I guess I tend to subconsciously act like the people I’m around #and she was like “yeah ik what you mean. I try not to do that” #which now that I write it… she technically said nothing about me #anyway I just. idk. so much of my comfort in social situations stems from being able to act like a part of the community #which I assumed meant act similar to them. but after that exchange it felt like it was more about what they already expected of me #which is absolutely terrifying because I can’t read their minds and CANNOT KNOW what expectations they have #I should probably get over that convo from a year ago like ik most people don’t think that way #but it really worsened my anxiety #anyway thx for reading now please forget I ever posted this #ramblings

[1dkreally]

WAGHDHDHSHhahshz

#been VERY anxious the past week #context. went to glasgow last weekend w a friend of mine #10pm friday night. we start getting a lil tired silly #we have this in-joke where one will say 'im gonna go do [extreme/socially unacceptable thing]' and the other will cheer them on #well my friend is like 'i have lots of energy im gonna jump on the bed' and me; thinking that she was joking; was like 'haha hell yeah haha' #SHE WASNT JOKING. SHE BOUNCED A COUPLE TIMES THEN THE BED FUCKING BROKE. #pretty noticable when laying on the bed; VERY noticable when looking under it #im terrified of checking my emails and seeing that ive got hundreds to pay for this bed since the room was in my name and beds are expensive #i dont think my friend is in a great financial situation atm but also. i covered the room + her bus fare + i didnt break that bed #i feel like i should just tell my parents but i dont wanna rat her out either. wtf do i DO WAAAAHFJCJCNXJJXKXKX #this has been eating me up all week to the point where its starting to come up in my DREAMS head in hands #vent #1dk rambles

[polyamoryprincess]

fuck it’s 3am and I can’t get my wheezing under control and I’m tempted to use my nebulizer but it’s loud af 🙃 I’m tempted to wait until my mom leaves for work but that’s in like 3 and a half hours

#We’ve also got so many dishes and I gotta do at least some of it 😭 #I’ve literally been wearing a mask to sleep hoping to reduce how much dust and hair I’m breathing in #But I didn’t hydrate well enough today and my nebulizer session today felt like it was wearing off quicker than usual #I really need to see someone… #We’re working on getting me disability so I can be on my mom’s insurance #Covid has genuinely ruined my life even before I caught it earlier this year #And now it’s seemingly destroyed my lungs #I had agoraphobia like 2 years before Covid and I started getting it under control in early 2020 #Now I have agoraphobia because im terrified of unnecessarily risking illness #That was before my lungs got so fucked up now I’m scared a second infection will actually kill me #I keep thinking of how much I let my guard down at that small NYE party/wedding party at my cousin’s house why did I not keep my mask on? #The pressure of social a situation that I felt wrong footed in might literally kill me great 🙃 #What’s so fucked up is the fiancée literally was going to have heart surgery soon and I have no clue if he got Covid #I’m convinced I got it from the bride’s relative who I literally had never met before #But who I felt socially pressured to hug for NY I just hate it I feel so stupid

[albatris]

invite me to your group chat so I can feel included and so so scared

#aaah #???? #i always feel like I'll be better in chats with More Than One Other Person bc then they can carry on a conversation #even if i have a moment where I'm brain blank #but often i just end up not talking. yet. i am just happy to be here. but also terrified #anyway dw I'm just having a Night #yearning. longing. yearning #i feel like i got good (comparatively) at irl social situations bc i could observe other people #this skill did not translate to the internet #its hard to mirror on here #how does one...... chat #i reiterate: aaaaaaaah ???? #anyway this is not. like. a command. not an #@ you hey you specifically #i am just. idk. #*yearns*

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

*smacking myself in the face* SHUT UP BRAIN SHUT UP

#like girl this is NOT something I need to spend every waking minute stressing out and making myself miserable about #and YET #LITERALLY LOOSEN UP I WANNA BE ABLE TO BREATHE AGAIN #Lu rambles #literally nothing has happened I went out with the theatre boy ONE time and we chatted and it was fine. I said some stuff #that in retrospect was probably super awkward but like that's life. like it was just a chill hang out except for that #I HATE social situations. theatre is one thing bc it's With A Purpose but just sitting and talking to someone #is REALLY REALLY HARD. I feel small and terrified like a frightened animal. #but it was fine! it was literally fine!!! at the end we were both like ''we should hang out again sometime'' even though #neither of us is sure if we want like... a Relationship(TM). we're just hanging out bc we get along well. it's Normal #so WHYYYYYY can I not just feel any peace or confidence anymore why did I do this to myself #I wish I'd never said anything to him in the first place. like it was chill and easy to just be friends but now?? UGH #I literally do not care enough to be THIS freaked out about it and I know that logically and yet my brain won't stop panicking constantly #I just want to RELAX 😭 #shrimp emotions

[kindnessoverperfection]

I can't stand being open about negative emotions, but covering them up feels like a fucking knife to the chest.

I think it's because the system is autistic and misses social cues / boundaries, so Grey has overshared and accidentally put too much on people in the past.

And from a combination of autism trauma + abuse & us not actually knowing the line between healthy sharing/support and Too Much, my brain processed it as "if you admit you're having a hard time or ask for support, they won't love you"

#ed mention in tags / #some social rules actually are useful and are good to mind. #i just need to take away the emotional association with ''if you break this social rule you're unlovable and deserve abuse and you should #be deeply ashamed" #if it's a valid rule then i should follow it because it's healthy for all involved. not because i'm terrified and have a deep hatred of #myself. #it reminds me of the concept of intuitive eating. except... idk if our autistic ass actually has a natural feel for things when applied to #social situations #which ig is why i based my identity around perfectly following social standards. that's all i have if i want to be accepted. #venting/seeking support in moderation + being there for other people + focusing on others not just yourself + other stuff i cant #think of right now... these are all healthy #in the same way that sugar in moderation + vegetables + exercise are healthy #but my associations aren't with health. they're with threats. so it's hard to approach and mentally process in a healthy way and it's #hard not to take ''''healthy'''' stuff so far that it destroys my life

[wizardnuke]

what's funnier for a meet-ugly fic. if it's a meet-ugly from the start ("we first met each other in a holding cell") or if it starts cute ("my grocery bag tore open on the street and they helped me pick everything up, also I got their number") and then gets ugly ("I didn't call them because I was busy and five days later we met again, in a holding cell")

#warning. long tags that got wildly off topic real fast. there's caleb meta in here #I think it's the difference between them being like 'huh. who's this guy' and the spiderman pointing meme #fic im writing doesn't have this thru a ship lens but it has a similar thing except like. it's a meet ugly where they don't exactly meet #but they see each other #smash cut four years later spiderman pointing meme in a holding cell YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE #pov you're trying to convince everyone you're interacting with (while in the holding cell) (well. a dungeon) that you're an assassin from #another country but your mother in law is in the next cell over and she CLEARLY recognizes you and does NOT believe the show you're #putting on because context from the prev time you were around each other states you are not loyal to that country and that you are also a #lying liar who lies shamelessly at the first chance you get if you think it'll get you what you want. and it's making shit complicated #because she visibly wants to ask questions about why the hell you're here but you're under surveillance so she's just staring holes into #ur skull and she doesn't know she's your mother in law. this is the funniest thing I've ever written #it's a HARROWING experience for caleb in the fic. he is terrified out of his mind. but also. it's so so funny. my guy why did u do that #'caleb is a master manipulator' common misconception! he is a conman and scammer! he wishes he could operate on pure unfeeling logic and #intellect but sometimes and even oftentimes he is made of 80% panic minimum and then he commits to the bit #it's a very nuanced complicated situation etc etc but honestly a large part of it is also deirta being like what the fuck is this guy's #plan. why the fuck is he even here. and caleb's internal monologue is 'do NOT accidentally call her mother. do not do fucking not' which #is if anything making it more difficult to not call her mother. big fan of the way he refers to elders with titles I 100% think he would #call her that if he and essek were officially together. 'caleb has good social skills and awareness' common fucking misconception he is a #conman and scammer and knows vaguely what to say to get what he wants or more often how to direct attention away from what he's doing but #when he's just Being Caleb he gets to the fuckin point and that lady is his mother in law and he would refer to her as such even if #that's. a fascinating choice to make given everything about essek and also the lingering political situation between the empire and dynasty #I love caleb sooooo much I think he makes a good few snap decisions that are objectively DEEPLY unhinged and I think abt that a lot #calebs not a stable guy! I think it's rlly interesting how not stable he is even when he's doing well he has a few screws loose up there! #this is coming from someone who can relate to the irrational thinking that mental illness does I think he just sees point A to point B and #Does Shit. that's why he fireballs people when he knows it's going to trigger him. it's why he told essek to get it together instead of #killing him- he saw an ally. his morality and his decision making skills are removed from normal logic bc fuck normal logic he's caleb #widogast (sometimes- he goes by a fake name and considers himself entirely seperate from bren while he also holds himself accountable for #the crimes that bren was manipulated into committing) and its why he's Like That and I think he's neat. #I'm done now. what is this.

[wren-kitchens]

anyone else find themselves trying to flaunt their queerness around someone who you think could be queer cause I sure as hell do

#it’s like a socially awkward ‘same hat!!’ situation #just walking in a circle totally not showing off my pins and my split dyed hair and my ikea shark #my sibling does this but way more obviously they’ll just start talking loudly about their non binary-ness to me lmfao #then when the persons gone they’ll turn to me and whisper yell ‘they look GAY’ #half of my clothing is chosen with ‘if a queer person saw me wearing this would they know I am queer’ #if I wasn’t terrified of social interaction I would go up to them and compliment their hair/jacket/etc #however I most certainly am so I will just demonstrate how I am wearing plaid from afar #queer #lgbtq+ #hoax rambles

[theambivalentagender]

WITCH ASK :)

Fuck there are so many things but, uh....

I guess the one thing I would change about the world is make it so that being unemployed isn't essentially a death sentence anymore, anywhere. That you could still have a basic standard of living and just vibe even if you're not employed.

One of my favorite comics is Spaceshipping by Alex Steacy (if you like goofy slice-of-life sci fi, and you're at least ok with porn, I highly recommend it). And I think I recall him describing his world's "boring utopia" as "the worst you could ever do is a small apartment with basic appliances, food, and free healthcare." Or something to that effect, I should try and find the actual quote.

But yeah, as someone who has been unemployed for about eight months now due to factors outside of my control (believe me, I've been working my ass off trying to find employment) this is something I'd love to just wake up one day and see.

#asks #personal #i'm extremely lucky I have a parent with the means to help support me at this time #that's not what most people have and that thought is a little terrifying #i also think a lot about how much life we kinda end up wasting on bullshit at work #“bullshit jobs” and all that #and all the stress that comes with holding down any kind of job that we just...don't address in any real way #like think about how working at a grocery story is considered the “first job for teens” kind of thing #you've got these kids with brains that haven't fully developed yet particularly in the emotional side of things #and then sending them in to a work environment that's rife with exploitation and constant social stress #and they might be in this situation all throughout high school or college and beyond #what does that do to a younger generation? #yeah there are lots of factors but I think this might be yet another reason you see so much anxiety and depression in gen y and z right now

[llycaons]

'this is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation' sounds like the kind of exaggerated, colorful complaint that I associate with like, modern-day internet humor, but when hear see it in context it's completely different. jack's voice is breaking, he's holding back tears. the pain in his delivery of that line is starkly audible. this is at the end of nearly two decades of seeing ennis only a few times a year, and just hearing that ennis has to cancel their next meeting. he's at the end of his rope, and he's ready to break down. as much attention as "I wish I knew how to quit you" got, I think this is the line that stays with me for the sheer emotion in its delivery

#I wish I knew how to quit you is legendary for good reason tho #and the fact that jack is cheating on his wife with another woman means he's TRYING to quit ennis right? #on some level he just wants to be happy with a conventional lifestyle with a woman #but it's not working for him. that's not who he actually wants and he can't change that no matter how hard he tries #it's sad! it's really sad! #and ennis is obviously afraid of being outed and terrified of dying the way the old man did when he was young like he's obviously #traumatized too. and sure maybe he could have left his family after the divorce and moved to texas #but wouldn't that miss the point? homophobia ruins people's lives #jack is angry that ennis refuses to move #but it's not ennis's fault he may be murdered if people suspected and he's not wrong to be concerned about that #it's a commentary on a wider social issue that ALSO leads to that rage in him that brings him to violence #they could have said more about income inequality and poverty too but that's not the focus of the film #even tho imo it's a really big part of the story and the things that factor into ennis's situation #if he was independently wealthy he'd have more freedom #furthermore if they were women their movements and lives would be far more tightly restricted #bbmtn lb

[theriverdalereviewer]

just remembered how in the sixth grade there was a fucking riot in the cafeteria that ended in the entire grade getting silent lunch for like 3 months

#I think it was 3 months but it felt a lot longer. my god middle school was the school to prison pipeline at its finest #on one hand I think its unfair that we were all punished but to be fair the entire grade participated in this riot. I don't even remember #what we were rioting? I just remember a girl named whitney was involved and 1 thing led to another and whitney ran out of the cafeteria #and THE ENTIRE GRADE WENT AFTER HER 😭. myself included I didn’t even know why either but WE WERE AFTER THAT BITCH 😭 #it was so bad I remember everyone was heading one direction and then everyone started running back the other direction. #and I got knocked down in the process looking back this was really dangerous. but after that we got silent lunch for what felt like forever #like not only were we forced to sit with our homerooms (and some us didn’t even like our homeroom) but we couldn’t even talk to each other #which is honestly not good for socialization?? but again I can’t entirely blame them cause the situation was out of control. #but also shouldn’t the adults have had that thing under control??? anyways the person who ran silent lunch was the vice tyrant dr levine #he fucking hated us like that man was PISSED OFF and he made it clear cause if you made a sound during silent lunch #that man was gonna threaten you with detention extended detention ISS (aka in school suspension) #he didn’t even mean it but it was pretty good for instilling fear in us good kids. but one time I remember there was a kid who didn’t buy i #he didn’t give into levine’s fear tactic and levine started yelling “ISS!! OSS!! EXPULSION!!!!!” like calm down #I feel bad thinking about how so many kids who would ACCIDENTALLY make a sound were punished. and they were so damn terrified #cause it was like you were on your best behavior all of the time and then one noise and suddenly you had an out of school suspension #one time a boy named jc’s phone went off and he picked it up and it was his grandma asking him if he wanted ice cream 😭 no fucks given #and levine was screaming at him to hang up the phone and jc was like “this is my grandmother I can’t hang up" #and there came a time where we were finally off the hook and I just remember people in the cafeteria were clapping 😭 #like this was school sanctioned oppression and we were finally liberated... but then we were back to silent lunch and I don’t even know why #I remember once even I ended up in Levine’s office but I dont think its cause I was talking during silent lunch?? #I think it had something to do with bullying idk?? I just remember levine had my back during it and made the other kid cry and apologize #so shout out to levine. always good times goodbye!

[andromeda3116]

...i just recalled bits and fragments of a dream i had in which i had made a post for some reason criticizing an aspect of ao3 (which i do not now recall) and the antis took it and ran with it and my followers were all betrayed and i just had to screech through my recent posts to make sure that it was only a very stupid nightmare

#i guess it's actually a good sign though? #things are going better irl so my nightmares are getting less awful as well #from ''horrific storms and death and terrifying situations'' #to ''oooh bad social move take minus ten points to companion approval''

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#psicoanalysing myself in the tags this time so it's easier to ignore on y'all's dashes #don't say i don't care fo you guys <3 #lol #no but of course i'm still thinking about autism tratis (haven't stopped thinking about it for one second) #everything i do or think now i'm comparing it to a list of autistic traits and drawing the same conclusion... #there is a big fat chance i am autistic (i'm now like 90% sure but i'm still looking things up) #anyways one big thing that is very annoying for me right now is masking... #i think i've done it all my life to such extent that i don't know what i've been faking and what's been real.. #i overcompensate A LOT so i feel like i can't bring this up to people who know me (spacially my mom) #cause none of them would believe me *because* i overcompensate so much #and i'm drawing a lot of parallels with gender stuff #like to people who see me around I am VERY MUCH a girl #but for me and the people close to me i'm very clearly not #it's just that my enormous aversion to bringing attention to myself won't allow me to be myself #like i will overcompensate my masculinity by being very feminine when i'm out and about #because i know how i look! and it's more ''''normal'''' to see an afab behaving like a woman #and i don't want to be ''the trans weirdo'' everywhere i go #same with social situations. i act like i don't hate speaking because the thought of having to explain that i hate speaking #and being labeld as weird terrifies me #i once brought this up to my therapist and she dismissed it very quickly (which is why i'm no longer in therapy...) #but like i was explaining to her that i'm so anxious about going into a shop to buy anything and once i was with my mom #and i was expecting her to go and buy the things but she sent me in (validly *I* was the one that needed the things lol) #and i went in and did the buying... seemingly normal #but what wasn't seen was my thought process #the idea of having to embarrass myself in front of my mother and in public as a 20 yo who couldn't go into a shop... #and then have a back and forth discussion with my mother about how stupid that was and having to justify my anxiety and the confrontation #that was WAY worse in my head than just going in having a horrible time and buying what i needed in like 10 minutes you know? #the ''''social'''' decision i made wasn't because i don't have social anxiety it was because that was the least worse option #and i tried explaining this to my therapist and she just said ''if you had anxiety you wouldn't have gone in'' #and changed the subject... just because i didn't fit what he textbook said was anxiety

[gunchamber]

i guess it's sort of a taboo thing that hunters just love to drink & make merry . but there's one thing that is for certain , krissy doesn't get drunk with just anyone . being intoxicated means being vulnerable . vulnerability is one of krissy's most hated things . sure , she will get tipsy with friends . but she only gets white-girl wasted with people who she knows wouldn't take advantage of her or leave her to the wolves . to her it's one of the utmost signs of TRUST .

#❛ ch. study // 001. ┊╳ headcanons . #tw alchohol mention #/ just thinking about the amount of times she's probably acted drunk in drinking social situations to not look like an outcast??? #/ but it's really her being terrified of anything going wrong the entire time #/ i think this is why she's a w.eed gorl #Q.