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id-rather-be-an-outsider · 3 years

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Pick Your Poison

Pieck Finger x Porco Galliard,

Pieck Finger x Zeke Yeager

word count: 1531

summary: Pieck is the receptionist for the science department at Marley U, Zeke is a professor in the same department. Porco is an intern who’s finishing up his degree to get on the faculty there as well. That is all. No story here, not at all.

a/n: I like college AUs, die mad. nothing horny here, just... aftermath. And just for clarity the behavior Pieck and Zeke exhibit as mentioned in this fic are NOT BEHAVIORS I CONDONE so if u do this I will berate you for it like a very disappointed mother

masterlist

“Fuck you.” I say as I put my clothes back on.

“You just did.” Porco says to me, “And don’t act like you didn’t like it.” He smiles like we’re in high school again and not newly hired university staff.

“I told you not to come over. Zeke’s gonna be here any minute.”

He scowls. “Oh, right, I forgot you’re only with him so your parents think you’re dating someone they like.”

I scoff. “Zeke is responsible! And mature, and thoughtful, and-“

“-Don’t forget using you for his own personal gain, purposely hiding your relationship from the general public so he can cheat on you-“

“Shut up.” I snap as he starts listing shit off on his fingers. “He’s only supposed to look the part, I never told him he had to act it.”

We rush to put clothes on in silence until he says, “Are you just expecting to date him until your parents die or something?”

I throw my hands up in the air. “Porco I don’t know! Are you expecting me to date you?”

“I’m just saying,” He deflects, “You know they won’t be satisfied with you and Zeke breaking up eventually. And considering you’re making attempts to hide us from him, you must know that Zeke feels the same way. And you’re catering to his feelings.”

“I am not.”

“Are too,” He insists, “And if I’m being honest, you need to figure it out. You know how I feel.”

I say, “And I told you, if you find someone you like better or are just interested in, you don’t need my permission to pursue them. Just don’t fuck me after that.”

“I know.” He says. “But maybe there is no one else who can pique my interest quite as much as you do.”

“You only like me because I’m unavailable to you, so it’s naughty and scandalous.” I roll my eyes.

“Maybe that was the case at first, but things change.” He admits, pulling on his shoes.

“What do you mean?” I ask, brows furrowed.

“What do you think I mean?” He counters. “We’ve been doing this, hanging out and stuff, for a long time. Don’t tell me you can’t think of one redeeming quality about yourself beyond just the sex that I’ve stuck around for.”

I can feel the heat coming to my face at his remark. “Well, not to be humble or anything, but I don’t really think about myself in that way all that much. So you’d have to tell me.”

“Oh, so you like it when I say nice things about you?” He says, standing up and walking over to corner me. “Didn’t know that.”

“That’s not what I said!” I argue.

He lowers his voice. “But don’t act like you don’t secretly like it. I know you too well for you to play me like that, Pieck.”

A knock comes from the door. My eyes widen. Zeke’s here. “Gimme a minute!” I call, then whisper to Porco, “You have to leave!”

“Off the back porch? But your neighbors will see me.”

“How else? And like they’d care, they have threesomes over there.” I punch Porco’s arm when he gets a look in his eye. “No. I don’t like sharing.”

“And I like it even less than you do.” He states, wrapping me in a quick hug and kissing my forehead. “See you later. Have fun with your Professor.” And climbs down the balcony as I run to the door.

“Zeke!” I exclaim, “I’m so happy to see you.” My warm smile falters when I see his face. He knows. I usher him in as I stare at the ground and close the door.

“I know that was Porco.” He says simply. Flatly.

“Y... yes....” I say, not sure exactly what to say.

“How long are you going to keep this charade up? Presenting me to your parents like we’re madly in love, meanwhile having him in your bed almost every night. Hm?” He asks me, not in an aggressive way, but definitely not gently.

I protest, “I could ask you the same, with all the panties I’ve found in your apartment.”

He sighs, rubbing his hand against his face. “Pieck, I only strayed when I suspected you and Porco. Not saying it’s an excuse,” He quickly defends, “But I think we both can agree the blood’s on both of our hands.”

“I didn’t start fucking him until I found the evidence against you anyways!” I scoff, knowing he’s full of shit. “And what about hiding our relationship from everyone and their mother?”

He looks surprised. “Well. Then I misjudged your relationship with him... partially. Anyways, why wouldn’t I? Everyone on staff thought you and Porco were together even before we started dating.”

“Zeke, you know all the rumors are just Connie wanting to feel included. He’s a temp worker for a reason.” I remind him.

“Well. What’s done is done, then. But... I have something for you.” He gets down on one knee, producing a small box from his pocket. He doesn’t open it, but I can tell what it is.

“Zeke, what is this...?” I ask, extremely confused as to why he would propose after confirming Porco and I were having sex behind his back.

“I won’t ask you that question, because it isn’t fair of me. But.” He pauses, intentionally making eye contact. “I can’t be alone forever. You know my... condition, makes me a ticking time bomb. If I were to propose to you, it would be under the assumption that we would end our scandalous behaviors and be committed solely to each other. I love you, Pieck. I know you feel something for me. But I also know you care for Porco. If you come to my apartment tomorrow and tell me you’ve cut that attachment off, then I’ll propose to you. If you tell me you couldn’t do it, then I want to part ways. I want to find myself a stable marriage. A loving marriage. One where I can raise my children with my wife, with the picket fence, with the house that looks like a cottage, and maybe a few dogs padding around. When I die, I want to feel like a piece of me is left in this world, not that the woman I married is going to forget me and run to the footloose rebel her parents never wanted her to hang around as a kid.”

I smile sadly and gently push his hand down. “I understand.”

He nods, putting the ring box away. “Thank you, Pieck.”

Zeke’s always been very precise with his words. That’s why he makes such a great professor. That speech is probably the longest spiel he’s been on outside of the classroom. As the science department’s receptionist, I’m better at listening than talking, myself.

I mull this over as I walk to Porco’s apartment, only knocking once before he opens the door. It’s almost like he has a Pieck satellite.

“That was a short visit. What happened?” Porco asks.

“He uh... well, he didn’t propose, but he posed the option.” I say awkwardly.

“And...?” He pushes.

“I turned him down. I told him about this hot intern who caught my eye, and that the university wants to hire them permanently after they get their doctorate.” I laugh.

He smirks, “Well, I sure am glad I managed to catch the eye of the cute receptionist in the science department. What do you think the faculty are gonna say about an inter-department relationship?”

“Oh, they’ve been shipping Piecko forever. I’m more worried about what my parents will say.” I half-joke.

He actually looks worried for a second. “What will they say?”

“Probably something along the line of, ‘You’re an idiot for giving up money like that!’ But I don’t mind being an idiot if it means I’m happy and in love.” I smile and hug him. “You know, Zeke’s vision of our life together was very cookie cutter.”

“Told you he wasn’t right for you. You, Pieck, are no cookie cutter kind of gal. But for curiosity’s sake, what kind of life would that be?” Porco raises a brow, patting the seat next to him as he sits down on his sofa.

“He wanted...” I pause to gather my thoughts. “Dogs, kids, a picket fence - the whole package.”

“Oh, dogs would never do for my Pieck,” Porco says dramatically. “Everyone knows you’d want an African Grey and a Komodo Dragon!”

“Don’t forget a Pixie Frog!” I add, now grinning from ear to ear.

“That too. And your fence would have to be scary, like fake heads on pikes and barbed wire to ward off your enemies.” He suggests.

“Exactly. Why have a protective barrier if it isn’t cryptic enough to keep intruders out?” I say in a tone implying that should be obvious.

“If only the science department knew they had such a weirdo running their front desk.” He jokes, “They’d hunt you down with Tiki Torches.”

“If they did, I’d curse Connie’s mom to be a giant monster, then turn into one myself.”

Porco leans in to softly kiss my cheek. “The faculty wouldn’t stand a chance against you.”

#aot pieck #pieck finger #aot porco #porco galliard #aot zeke #zeke yeager #zeke x pieck #pieck x porco #porco x pieck #pieck x zeke #college au #modern au #outsider writes #fluff #steamy #sort of??? idk #connie springer

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lexaprogemini · 3 years

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how you meet | fred and george weasley

Requested: Yes

Content Warnings: None tbh... well, a lot of Ron degradation dslnfjfgnkjsfnskdjdnkjsf all jokes, though...

A/N: Woop woop we’re diving into the Harry Potter universe!! Sorry this took a bit to put together, I’ve been in a slump recently. I hope you enjoy! Friendly reminder that requests are open!!

Gryffindor!Reader

you became friends with ron in first year after he accidentally walked in on you changing into your robes on the train fkjcnxnjasndkjwefenkwrj

“blimey, i’m so sorry--”

you wanted to die tbh

but his quirkiness charmed you so you stuck with him for the rest of the train ride

even though his nose was dirty HA

you were tired of boarding with isobel macdougal, she was a nutcase

after following ron back to his compartment, you were acquainted with harry

they were pretty chill; apparently harry was some wizzy legend but you could not care less

you wanted to get off the mf hogwarts express™ your motion sickness was going berserk

ron seemed comfortable with the idea of attending hogwarts; he rambled about his older brothers nonstop who also went to school there

meanwhile you and harry were nervously looking at each other like

later that evening you get sorted into gryffindor ayyyy RAWR!!!!!

you met hermione after you both reached for the yorkshire pudding at the feast and she snatched her hand away from yours and blushed bc she accidentally touched you swenkdqknanjadnjwejfknw LMFAO POOR SHY GIRL

fred and george made a point to introduce themselves to ron’s new buds, much to his dismay, before everyone split off at the gryffindor tower

settling into school was pretty easy

you already had a great group of mates to hang around, they brought out the best in you

one day you’re walking to potions class with ron, harry, and hermione

you’re about to take a test hhhhhhhhhh nothing is more intimidating than being a gryffindor in the same room as professor snape

ron has been anxiously complaining about it to you guys and his brothers for weeks

“merlin, y/n, how am i supposed to know that eel eyes and frog eyes make the bulgeye potion? we’re only first years!”

hermione butts in, “actually ron, it’s eel eyes and beetle eyes--”

“shut it, hermione!”

the twins™ pop in, making sure they catch ron before his impending doom

“maybe you should listen to her ron”

“yeah ron, you wouldn’t want mum to find out you failed your first potions test--”

“--when the potion only has two ingredients!”

ron’s cheeks and ears are flaming red ohhhh boy

fred and george turn around

“good luck to you, harry” *they shake his hands*

“good luck to you, y/n” *they shake your hands*

“good luck to you, herm-- ah, who are we kidding, she doesn’t need luck”

they turn back to ron

“good luck you especially, ronald”

“yeah, your life depends on it!”

they ruffle his hair and run off

you giggle at them and ron is f u m i n g

you watch them scamper away and fondly admire them :’)

ron straightens his hair and says, “that was bloody embarrassing”

“to be fair, what they said was true, ron” you reluctantly chime in

“oh, shove off, y/n”

... ron ended up flunking the test

after potions the next day, fred and george are RELENTLESS at dinner

you know those people who say virtually anything and you laugh like it’s the funniest thing to have ever been spoken? it’s me, i’m y/n. gemini tingzzzz

to you, that’s fred and george

they immediately learn this when you’re trying your damndest to not choke on your lamb chops while laughing

... and simultaneously trying to not laugh at ron because he’s your friend

but boy are his brothers funny

the twins feed off of your reactions and continue to brutally torment their younger brother

to the point where you ACTUALLY choke on your food and have to excuse yourself to the bathroom, still coughing and wheezing during your laughing fit

harry tries to not laugh with (and at) you

hermione is like.... uhh wtf just happened can i eat my treacle tarts in peace please??

ron is clearly annoyed by the entire situation

fred and george are smirking and ease up on their teasing because your reaction was better than anything ron could have mustered up

after that night, fred and george’s sole purpose for teasing ron around you was to gauge your reaction

scratch that

any time you were with the twins, they just HAD to get you to laugh at least once

ron was getting f e d u p

“honestly, y/n, they’re not even that funny!”

you roll your eyes

every time you were with ron you secretly hoped fred and george would show up xcndjksdnjkewnrwkjfna

the twins never teased you though bc they have a soft spot for you

cheering for harry, fred, and george at gryffindor quidditch matches!!

siding with the twins when they argue with ron about quidditch stuff

soon you become actual friends with fred and george

meeting a bunch of their friends from their year so now you have a bunch of upperclassmen mates i was the same exact way i would just be a groupie among my older peers hahahah

they’d help you pass cheat in any class you’re in

you’re their biggest supporter

just say the word and they’d do ANYTHING for their new “adoptive” sister

“maybe we should swap you out for y/n, ron”

percy knows to keep away from you because he’s afraid the twins are tainting you dncwdjkfnkwjefnkjew but he still keeps an eye out, ya know?

molly CAN NOT wait to meet you

she sends you an owl one day and makes you promise to keep fred and george in line... oh, and ron too LMFAOO

Non-Gryffindor!Reader

let’s face it

gryffindor or not...

no matter what year you’re in...

everyone knows who fred and george weasley are

you’re the same year as the weasley twins and they had already built up quite a reputation for themselves...

AS SECOND-YEARS!!

there had been so much gossip about these prankster twins floating through the corridors the past two years

even the professors had begun to complain LMAO

“those weasley boys are nothing like percy!”

“poor minerva must have her hands full with those rambunctious twins!!”

and sure, you’d had the occasional inter-house class with them, but hardly ever interacted with them

to be fair, they are a bit overwhelming to be around

anyways

it was quidditch season!!

and you hade made the chaser position for your house’s team!

so one day your team is playing against another (non-gryffindor) team

and like... you’re good

BLOODY GOOD

you score quite a couple goals and the seeker even catches the snitch! (as if you needed the snitch to win the game liiiiike you really carried your team)

fred and george are supporting your team because 1. they know good quidditch when they see it and 2. you’re definitely the mvp

the unspoken mvp of your team

and they’re scared for gryffindor’s match against your house fkjsfnkjrnrkfw

because they’re beaters

and the opposing team’s beaters were allegedly good uh oh

how tf are they gonna juke you out??

anyways

after the match you’re celebrating with your team

you bid them goodbye and head back to your common room so you can finish your paper for history of magic

when a pair of identical, red-haired, gryffindor boys take you by surprise and pop up out of nowhere

your grip on your quidditch bag slips and you drop your bag

you sigh, “can i help you?”

“brilliant work out there today!”

“sorry about your bag”

george hands you your duffel

your eyes narrow as you grab it, your focus flitting to fred and then george

“listen, binns is gonna have your heads if you don’t write two separate papers this time--”

“we don’t want to talk to you about class right now...”

“...we’re here to beg for your mercy on us when you play gryffindor in a few months”

you snort and push past them, “if you two stop pestering me in fourth hour, then i’ll consider it”

you spin around on your heels, “and i have a name, you know!!”

“we know your name, y/n!”

“we know who EVERYONE is!”

“go write your papers!!”

#harry potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter headcanons #fred weasley #fred weasley x reader #george weasley #george weasley x reader #fred and george #fred and george weasley #weasley twins #weasley #fred weasley headcanons #fred weasley imagine #george weasley headcanons #george weasley imagine #george weasley imagines #fred weasley imagines

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roselirry · 7 years

Photo

birthday cake shot

based on @beggingforfics antics and because it’s harry’s brithday. so why not write about someone else’s birthday on his birthday? does that make sense...probably not, but we’re going to do it anyway. also a very happiest of birthday’s to the main squeeze himself Harry Styles, I tweeted you, but will you see it? No, probably not even a little bit. Am I bitter? No. I’ve never been tweeted by you boys, so I’m used to the disappointment. But I love you anyway my now 23 year old frog son, you’re beautiful on the inside and out and you’ll never see this message so it’s irrelevant but hey. I’m gonna do it anyway.

Rhea met him on her birthday, when she was trying to justify her friend’s not answering their phones and why she was sitting on a raggedy old bar stool by herself, and drinking by herself with a stupid god damn sash on her front and a fucking tiara on her head. Both items were given to her by the same person who said they would meet for drinks that night.

She didn’t know where the hell they were, but she was there, alone, and ringing in her birthday with a vodka cranberry infused with melting ice cubes. The bartender must have felt sympathetic, or pity, because he kept shooting her this look that made her squirm uncomfortably, until he finally placed his attention on a boy in a navy shirt with hearts splattered all over it.

Her attention was on the boy now, as he looked over at her and at her sash, his eyes widening as he excused himself from the small group of people that seemed to crowd around him. He walked over to her with an 1000 watt smile and pink lips that couldn’t possibly be his natural color. At first he said nothing, just sitting next to her and waiting for something to happen, and something did. Two shots were put in front of her.

Birthday cake shots. Is what the boy told her, nudging one closer to her and grabbing the other one with his fingers. Nobody should have to spend their birthday alone. She told him how she wasn’t alone, how she wasn’t supposed to be alone, but her birthday fell on a weird day, and people tended to leave town on her birthday. She made it out to not be a big deal, even though it was a big deal.

Harry introduced himself, and Rhea did the same, explaining the origin of her name to him when his eyebrows raised at the unfamiliar name. The two of them counted to three and took the shots together, and Rhea knew that it was dangerous by how easy it went down. Two more were put in front of them, and they took them, breaking the ice with Harry wiping the whipped cream off of her nose and stealing the tiara off her head.

The night went on, and he pulled her to the dance floor during some top 20 ballad and danced with her until she was laughing and trying not to trip over his gangling limbs. He let go of her after a moment, venturing towards the stage and grabbing the karaoke microphone, my friend here, Rhea, is turning...what age are you again...20 oh good...she’s turning 20 and we’re going to sing to her.

Rhea blushed bright red, and nearly cried when at the end the same bartender brought out a cake that was obviously from the grocery down the street, with sloppy lettering but it still said happy birthday Rhea. Someone still sang happy birthday to her, and Harry serenaded her with his tipsy rendition of a Spice Girls classic, and danced with her until she had to remove her heels. He turned her birthday around in no time at all, kissing her cheek for a blurry photo and wiping cake on her cheek before drunkenly licking it off.

Same time next year? She asked him, only half joking as they waited outside in the night air for her cab to arrive since his flat was only around the corner.

Maybe lunch time tomorrow instead?

That was the beginning of their story, meeting at a salad place and him stealing her tomatoes while she ate his olives. He asked if she had talked to her friends and she said she hadn’t, nobody even apologized. She asked about him and he explained that he was in school, I don’t know how I’ve not seen you before, but it was because his major was on a different part of campus. An English major, how pretentious. She told him, sipping at her lemon water and stealing a piece of chicken from his salad as he attempted to steal a piece of steak from hers.

He laughed at her jokes, and rested his foot next to hers, and she locked their ankle. She listened to his stories, about how his sister worked in the fashion industry, and was constantly sent items for both of them, and how he once choked on a cherry stem and spat it out on the girl he had a crush on when he was thirteen.

He had a class at 4, but he walked her to the library and requested that she stay there until his class was done so that they could study together, or so he could steal her table. She let him leave with a kiss on the cheek and a new phone number in his phone.

They kissed in the library that night, his hand on her cheek even though they both tasted like spicy buffalo wings from the shop down the street. It was hidden behind the stacks, but they still acted as if they were doing something wrong, pulling away to answer another question in their separate homework before one of them would sweep in and catch the other off guard.

Rhea loved holding his hand, loved walking through the streets with him and feeling him pick their hands up and press his lips to the palm of her hand, or how he sometimes stopped and pulled her back in the middle of the street, just so he could surprise her with a kiss.

His birthday came before hers, and he woke up to Rhea breaking into his apartment with all of the ingredients for a proper English breakfast and a box that housed the red button down with his name stitched into the chest. They’d only been together for a few months, but as soon as she pushed him back into his bedroom and told him that he was going to have breakfast in bed, he knew he loved her. He was positive though, when she came running in and kissed him before she started cooking.

He told her that when she came in holding a tray with a full plate and tea, just a simple I love you, thank you. And the look on her face was the best birthday present he could have ever gotten, and the food was unsurprisingly forgotten in favor of tasting her instead.

Her 21st birthday didn’t fall through, in fact Harry surprised her with a weekend at home, making her have an entire car ride with a blindfold on until she walked through a door way and found herself in her house, her family and school friends all yelling surprise. He mingled with everyone, dealing with drunk cheek kisses from her aunts and intimidating talks from her brother, but at the end of the night when he snuck into her childhood room and under her bed sheets he told her how happy he was. I never want you to have to spend another birthday alone.

The same could be said for her 22nd birthday. After a year of trying to get through school, finding a job, and a flat that was close enough to Harry, all she wanted was a simple birthday with the boy she loved and her friends.

He listened.

He had everyone over to his apartment, kissing Rhea as soon as she stepped in the door and not stopping until gagging noises sounded from around the room. He served steak and sides she couldn’t pronounce, but the entire night she felt so loved by everyone in the room, to the woman who didn’t complain when I had to stay with her in her dodgy dorm because my flat was being fumigated, and to the girl who took a chance on the boy who wanted to make her smile on her birthday. She wanted to cry.

She nearly did when he came out of the kitchen, his entire face lit up by his smile and by the lights from the candles. I made this for you, baby.

Rhea had to take a photo of him, he was too beautiful not too, she was too lucky to not remember that moment for the rest of her life. He sang to her, loud and off key, just because it would make her laugh. He loved seeing her loved, by him, by her friends, it made his heart soar. He wanted everyone to see what he saw in her, and on nights where the sole purpose was to appreciate her, it was clear they all saw it.

And at the end of the night, when she posted the picture of him and not her on Instagram, they ended the night drinking tea in his kitchen and smiling at one another because they were so in love.

Same time next year? She asked him, reaching over and brushing away his hairs and kissing him softly, they both sighed, content with the way they had fallen into one another on a sad birthday.

Can’t let you spend anymore birthday’s on your own can I?

#1dff #happy birthday harry #it's also 6am here #so in LA he's still technically 22 #but hannah said i should post it now #so even though she called someone else bby #i like to make her happy #tps

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wellmeaningshutin · 7 years

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Short Story #47: Water Park.

Written: 2/20/2017

Being homeless was a pain in the ass until the water park closed down for the Winter, then it became something magical. No longer would she have to sleep in bushes, converse with crack heads and winos, hope every night that somebody wouldn’t try to cause her harm, wonder about what she was going to eat each day, all of those problems had been easily solved, the water park had become her sanctuary.

In the dried out wave pool, which was now only a concrete pit, she had set up a tent, a fire pit that she had stolen from somebody’s back yard, two ice chests to store all of the food that she had stolen and scavenged, an old radio that she found abandoned in the locker rooms, a windsock, even though she didn’t understand its purpose, and several large umbrellas just in case it would start to rain. Inside the tent she had placed a large, inflatable raft that she now used as a bed, and had a large collection of blankets to keep her warm as she slept. On the walls, in her little pit, she used chalk to make abstract drawings, just lines of different colors intersecting and moving around each other, just to make the area look better, and whenever it rained and washed these markings away, she would have the pleasure of being able to draw in new ones. In her opinion, this set up was much better than living in a home, because who wouldn’t want to live in a water park?

When she first stumbled upon the place, she had expected to get caught by a security guard or a cop, and then would have to move on to the next source of shelter, which probably would have been under the overpass. Yet, nobody ever came by and told her to go away, to find a new home. Sometimes, when she was in the park alone, it felt like she was the only person left in the world.

Food was easy to come by, because there were all sorts of stray and wild animals that would set up homes within the park. If her father hadn’t been a survivalist who-after joining a doomsday cult-hadn’t moved their family into the woods, teaching everyone how to survive in the wild, how to hunt, kill, and cook animals, well she would have to keep going in and out of the park, and would eventually have been caught trespassing. All she had to do was set up simple traps throughout the park, and every day she would usually catch a little more than she could eat, then food would eventually stockpile, leading to days where she didn’t have to bother with traps at all. The best thing she ever caught was a lion, but the circumstances of how she encountered it wasn’t very pleasing.

One night, late December, she was lying in her life raft and sitting in silence, thinking about the old days. There wasn’t too much going on in her isolation, so she spent most of her times either remembering pleasant memories, that were actually unhappy at the time, but satisfying in retrospect, or she would think about all of the embarrassing things she had done. Sometimes she wished she had a little bit of cannabis, just to make everything more pleasant, but that would require money, and a trip outside of the park. This night she was also trying to figure out where any batteries would be stored in the park, so that she could get her radio working again. It had cut out a couple hours before, and without it sleep became difficult, because she wasn’t used to sleeping in silence. Then she heard sounds, in the distance, of people talking.

The sounds were so foreign to her that she almost jumped out of her skin, then she froze, waiting, not knowing what to do, until an alarm sounded off in her head, saying: “Hide hide hide!” Quietly leaving her tent, she questioned where she should run to. Where were the voices coming from, what direction, and would they find her camp? If they found her camp would they look for her? Would she be arrested for trespassing, and would she have to spend the night behind bars? Panic set in, darkness surrounded her, and she bolted off in a random direction. The safest place to hide seemed to be inside of a slide, but she didn’t know which one to choose, and there were so many to pick from, practically covering the park.

She ended up crawling into the closest one, it wasn’t a very difficult decision to make when she walked by it, and she was lucky that the soles of her boots had plenty of friction, because if they didn’t she would keep sliding down and would’ve been caught by the strangers in the park. They could be heard talking nearby, but it was all muffled, none of it was clear. Mostly, she just heard her own breath and her heartbeat. Covering her mouth was near impossible, since she had to use both of her arms to keep her from moving down the slide, and had to stay contorted in that uncomfortable position, hoping she wasn’t too loud, fear growing every second, swelling like a frog’s vocal sack, and this was all happening while she only thought that it was an owner, employee, security guard, or officer who was wandering around the park.

While she was hiding, a small crowd of figures were moving through the water park, only silhouettes since the moon had been completely dark that night. As they moved, there were four figures on the outside, two on each side, and in the middle were three figures, each with sacks over their heads. A man started humming Chopin’s funeral march, another lit up a cigarette, and started monologuing to break the silence, and put the men on the inside at ease. “Now, don’t worry, nothing bad is going to happen to you guys. Don’t let my friend here make you think that its all doom and gloom. If you’ll be helpful, this wont be a bad experience for you at all. Hell, we might even let you one one of the slides.” This made the humming man lose his concentration and break into a snicker. “Its like Yeats said, ‘Life is nothing but a carnival if we all work together, because there is no stronger love than brotherly love, which is thicker than water.’”

“Yeats never said that,” said another one of the shadowy figures, “I don’t even think you’ve read anything by him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you read as much as a pamphlet.”

“Him? You know that Yeats was a woman, right?”

“I’m pretty sure they were a guy.”

“Well, that’s because you’re pretty sure, while I’m confident. I know this. I know a lot of things, and apparently you don’t if you-”

“You’re full of shit.”

“What can I say, I had a big dinner.” Another laugh from the march man.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” said a fourth guy,”If you guys don’t shut up I’m going to make sure you guys get killed too.”

One of the people with the sacks over their heads, the one in the center, yelped “So we are going to die!” Nobody responded, silence returned, and the man, once again, hummed the march. “Oh lord, savior in heaven, lamb of god, christ blood and holy spirit, savior of the meek and the willing, parter of the sea, sender of the whale, thou-who-knowest all our burdens, please deliver me from this situation that you have graced me in, oh I thank you for your kindness, thank you for this dinner that you helped put on the table, forgive them for they do not know how innocent I am, oh kingdom of heaven, kingdom come, come and save me-” and so on.

Eventually, they had arrived at their destination, which was probably the least interesting place in the entire park: the normal, Olympic sized pool. Nothing but a big rectangle carved into the concrete, which wasn’t to far off the mark of what it was like when the park was running, which was a large rectangle carved into the concrete, filled with water. However, at that moment it had become the most interesting place in the park, because inside of it there was a lion, prowling around, hungry. Two shadows of men were stationed on the end of the pool, opposite of the group who had just arrived, and it could be seen that they were holding rifles of some sort, most likely the killing kind.

The three people had the bags taken off of their heads, and they weren’t too happy when they saw the predator waiting for them, but none were too sure of what it was.

One said: “What the fuck is that?!”

Another said: “Oh sanctifier of the holy land, grail in the sky, master of everything clean and righteous, make me clean so that I could be closer to you, God, and with that saintly closeness let me smite these people, these bad men, these sinners who must be smited, for they know not-”

The other person was blind, and was confused about why a sack was placed on their head on the first place. They could only ask, “Can somebody tell me what’s happening?"

One of the men with the rifles really had to take a piss, and hoped all of it would be over soon, while the other guy was trying to get a song out of his head. The song went like this: “Love love love, wear it like a glove, don’t get me pregnant cause I’m not ready for that love, love love love, put it in your pocket, the pocket on your shirt and wear it like a locket, love love love, show it with a smile” etc. It had been stuck in his head for the past two days, and was starting to make him twitch. The man next to him though that the twitch was from a need to urinate, and felt sympathy for his partner.

“Seriously, where are we? What’s going on?”

Sitting in the slide had shifted from being nerve wracking and uncomfortable, to being boring and uncomfortable. It had sounded like the people, whoever they were, had passed quite some time ago, and she wasn’t sure if she should wait until she heard them leave, or if she should pop out and move somewhere else. Considering going to the top of the slide, so she could have a vantage point of the whole park, she wondered if she should crawl up through the slide, or if she should slide down and take the stairs, where she would risk being seen. It seemed like a better idea to do the slow crawl, because like her father always said, “Getting caught means getting dead, and being dead means that you were being stupid. I have no room for stupid in this family, because I don’t plan on dying. If you are dumb and die, you’re dead to me. Now, hand me the glue, these leaves wont stick to my skin by magic.”

In the end her father had been the first one in her immediate family to die, which meant that they could once again live in civilization. He had ADD, which was under wraps until he ran out of medication, and couldn’t return back to civilization to get any more because it was going to crumble at any moment. Caffeine couldn’t be used because he believed that it was too addictive, and thus a sign of weakness. Long story short, he ended up falling prey to one of his own dead falls.

Most of the men were quiet, except for the one who was still humming the march, and started to confuse it with the Star Wars theme, which really confused the blind man. The forth thug decided to break the silence, “Now, tell us what we want to know or we’ll feed you to the lion, its as simple as that.”

“How do we know you wont just feed us to the lion anyways, so whats the point in talking at-” the man asking this was pushed into the drained pool, and it didn’t take very long for the Saharan predator to get to work. “Ahh, its eating me-” he screamed as it at him. The blind man thanked him for this little bit of exposition, even if it made him afraid of his current circumstances. Although, a part of him did wonder if those were actual lion sounds he heard, or just sounds played from a speaker. The man screaming could just be an actor, and this could all be a ploy for him to give up any information that was needed from him, it could all be a con. If he could see the black pool that was forming, the thrashing limbs, the wild eyes of the dying man that broke through the darkness, the glistening organs that were spilling out of him, then there would be no question if it was real. C’est la vie.

When the girl was close to the top, she placed herself in yet another uncomfortable position to hold herself still, because there was no question that those screams had some horrible source to them, and whatever it was she probably wouldn’t want to see it. A part of her kind of wished the slide was running at that moment, because she was starting to have to piss. C’est la vie.

“Now,” said the fourth man, “Are you two alright with these rules, or do you want to suffer the same fate as your friend over there.” The two men nodded. “Good. Now”, he pulled a picture out of his pocket, “where is this girl?”

“I’ve never seen her in my life, I swear on my grave, on my fathers name, on the lord in heaven, sanctifier of holier and thou.”

“What girl?” The blind man was starting to smell the coppery scent of blood, heard the death rattle from the fallen man, and was starting believe that this wasn’t a con, and was something very serious.

“Are you being a smart ass with me?” The fourth man was angry at this statement, “The one right here.” He shoved the picture into the blind man’s face.

“Can you describe her to me, I’m blind.”

The march was broken, again, due to laughter.

Tired of seeing his partner twitch, which made him aware of how much he really had to piss, the gunman told his friend, “Okay, wait here real quick, I gotta take a leak.” There weren’t any walls in sight, or really any vertical surface to relieve himself onto, and he was at a loss of where to go. The furthest surface that he required was the lifeguard tower, but the base was too open, so it couldn’t provide sufficient cover for his prick, and even worse it was facing the hostages. How would the interrogation go if they just saw some guy pissing away in the background? What would his chances be of finding other work.

“What’s taking you so long? If you have to piss, piss then.”

“What am I supposed to go on, huh? There’s nothing for me to go on.”

“What? Just piss on the ground.”

“The ground? What am I some sort of animal? My mother raised me better than that.”

“Well, did your mother raise you to help feed people to lions? No? Then piss on the ground you animal.”

Nobody was believing the blind guy, and he was starting to feel real fear, not the small worry he had been feeling throughout that night. “Can-can somebody describe her for me? I’m not kidding around, I really can’t see.”

The bullshitter waved his hand in the guy’s face, and his eyes didn’t follow. Could’ve just been a trick though, so he said “Okay, I’m going to push you into the pit, and if you move out of the way we wont kill ya.” It was a simple test: if the guy really was blind, he would get pushed, but not forcefully enough to send him into the pit. If the guy wasn’t blind, he would move out of the way, and then would get pushed in anyways.

Getting bored again, she decided to finally crawl to the top of the slide, and was able to see the following scene.

The armed thug finally broke down and walked five feet away from the other and tried to relieve himself on the concrete ground, however he was having stage fright and decided to calm himself by humming the following song, “love love love, wear it like a glove-”, which caused the other thug to snap and send a bullet into the back of the guys head, just when something was able to trickle out. The noise of the gunshot startled the bullshitter and caused the blind man to get pushed much too forcefully and was sent into the pit. The fourth man was livid at the idiot for dooming a man who was willing to cooperate, and tried to shove the bullshitter into the pit, but the guy held his ground and they ended up grappling with each other. The man who was pretending to be religious took the opportunity to shove the grappling pair into the pit, which caused the humming man to laugh again, and the faker turned and gave a smile to the laughing guy. Seeing the thugs get pushed into the lion’s den, the armed man mumbled, “love love love”, and fired at the pseudo-Christian, but ended up nailing the laughing guy in the chest. “When push comes to shove,” and he fired another round, which was able to, this time, pierce the faith faker’s throat. The remaining thug, who was mostly just standing there in shock, decided to run away, and the armed thug did the same.

The girl could not believe what she saw, but also couldn’t believe it when, during the next several days, no cops showed up. But hey, free lion.

#Well Meaning Shut In #Free Write #Short Story #Writers on Tumblr #Lion #February

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