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fortheloveofwonderland · 3 years

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Losing So Much Time | Part Thirteen | S.R

Requests are Open.

A/N - part thirteen of LSMT series. Find the series masterlist here.

CW: this is NOT the last chapter, there will be an epilogue so please don't fret as this chapter does not end on a happy note. Spoliers for Date Night, angst, some agression, did I mention angst?

WC: 4.2K

Richmond, Virginia - 2019

The 2018 conference didn’t go ahead due to budget constraints and honestly with Spencer splitting his time between teaching and the BAU and you caring for your mom, neither of you would really have had the time to go anyway.

Being that you were both so busy, you hadn’t found time to see each other since New Orleans.

It wasn’t through lack of trying, but with everything going on in your respective lives, your life together got put on hold.

You missed him. You missed him so much you’d learnt to live with a constant ache in your chest.

Something had to give. Something had to be done. Being in love with someone for fifteen years from afar had taken its toll.

And so you made a decision.

***

“Are you sure you want to do this man?” Luke spoke as they walked to Spencer’s apartment surrounded by armed guards.

“Whatever it takes.” He unlocked the door.

As he went to open the door, Cat’s hand on his stopped him.

“Hey,” she pulled him to look at her. “Did you really mean what you said?”

“She’s not you.”

Cat turned back to him.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not lying, I wish I was but I’m not.” he sighed. “There is some part of my brain, some part that you...you somehow inhabit and no woman, no matter how good, no matter how kind, no matter how...sexy she is can ever get you out.” he sighed again, hanging his head.

Cat chewed her lip.

“Do you think about me when you kiss her?”

“Sometimes yes.” he swallowed.

“Yes.” he confessed.

“Prove it.” her eyes were dark, dangerous. “And make it good, because I am this close to letting them die.”

Spencer’s eyes raked over her lips.

It was as though everyone else just slipped away and suddenly it was just him and Cat outside his apartment.

He grabbed hold of her face and he kissed her. He kissed her hard and passionately, gripping the back of her hair.

He was so wrapped up in the way it felt he didn’t notice her open his door. As he pushed Cat up against the doorframe he didn’t notice someone else now watching them.

He pulled back, keeping his grip on her hair and that’s when he sensed the new presence.

He turned his head to his apartment.

You were standing in the middle of the living room, arms wrapped around your body as though you were trying to shield yourself from what you’d just seen.

“Surprise.” you croaked.

He let his hands drop from Cat and he sped towards you.

“This isn’t what it looks like.” he tried to reach for you but you backed away.

“Isn’t it?” you fought to hold back your tears. “Because it very much looked as though you were kissing another woman.”

“Ok, so it is exactly what it looks like but I can explain.” he tried to reach for you again but once more you back away from him.

“This should be good.” Cat chuckled.

“Shut up.” he shot her a look over his shoulder. “Y/N, I had to do this. She’s got an innocent father and his daughter and if I didn’t do this Cat would have-”

“Cat?” you cut him off, eyeing the woman up and down. “Cat as in the Cat that put you in prison? The Cat that kidnapped your mom and made you believe she’d raped you?” you spat. “The Cat that you said the name of when I was...when I was…”

“Ohhh do tell.” Cat came closer to you, a maniacal grin on her face. “What were you doing when he said my name?”

“Don’t answer that.” Spencer instructed you.

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.” You spat at him.

“I like her. She’s feisty.” Cat chuckled. “How is the good doctor in bed Y/N? Is he oh so gentle with you?” Cat reached and stroked a finger down your cheek. It made you shudder. “Or does he pin you down and leave bruises that don’t go away?”

“What is she even doing here?” You ignored Cat, turning your attention to Spencer.

“She’s kidnapped a father and daughter and she’s using me as a pawn in her sick game.”

“You love being used by me Spencie, don’t pretend.” Cat smirked at him. “She’s cute by the way. Did you mind that I was kissing your boyfriend?”

“Shut up.” you spat at her.

Your anger spurred Cat on. She was trying to push your buttons.

“He told me you’re not me and that no matter what he can’t get me out of his head.”

“Everything I told her was a lie to save a family.” Spencer told you.

“Did our kiss look like a lie?” Cat shrugged, keeping her attention on you.

“No.” you swallowed.

“Please don’t listen to her Y/N. I just told her what she wanted to hear.”

“Oh Spencie, just tell her the truth.” Cat laughed. “You might love her, but love isn’t enough for people like us.”

“You’re a sociopath, you can’t feel love.” He scoffed.

“And you and I are one in the same Spencer.” She shot him a look. “You crave the danger I bring to your life.”

“That’s not true.” He swallowed.

“You wanted me from the second I walked into that restaurant. I have spent my entire adult life reading men, do you think I can’t tell when one wants to fuck me?” She gripped his tie, playing with it in her hands.

“You’re wrong.”

“Do you want to put your hands around my neck again? Shove me back against the wall? Fuck me until I can’t walk? That’s what gets you off isn’t it?”

“What the fuck is this sick, twisted thing between you?” You raised your voice to be heard, to be seen. It was as though they’d forgotten all about you.

Spencer looked over at you almost in surprise that you were standing there.

“Seriously? What the hell is this between the two of you?”

“Broken people find broken people.” Cat shrugged. “We are the same, Spencer and I. We need each other.”

“No we aren’t and no we don’t.” Spencer shook his head.

“Everyone thinks that Doctor Spencer Reid is just this nice, bookish genius who always saves the days and has all the answers. And has zero mommy issues. But I know the real him.”

“Oh yeah? Who’s the real me Cat?”

“The real Spencer Reid throws women against walls and hisses he's going to kill them.”

He glared down at her in the interrogation room, a look of anger on his features Cat had never seen before. He always tried to keep his disgust towards her bottled up, tried to play her at her own game. But he couldn’t pretend anymore.

“Was that a signal?” he slammed his hands on the table. “Was that a prearranged signal to kill my mother?”

“Spence, calm down,” JJ spoke from behind him but he ignored her.

“Tell me the truth!” he yelled, slamming his hands on the table again, harder this time. “Tell me the truth!”

“I am!” Cat yelled back. “You want to know the truth? Your mother is an Alzheimer's ridden moron who’s getting dumber day by day and if she’s dead it’s your fault!”

Spencer suddenly shoved the metal interrogation room table out of the way. It clattered as it hit the wall heavily, startling both Cat and JJ.

He turned on Cat, grabbing her roughly by the shoulders, dragging her up from the chair. He kicked the chair aside and shoved her back against the wall with force.

His hands wrapped around her throat tightly.

“Spence!” JJ grabbed his shoulder, trying to pull him off of Cat but he barely even noticed her.

“I will kill you.” he gripped her neck, shaking her. “I will kill you.”

“Spence!” JJ tried to pull him back. “She’s pregnant! Spence she’s pregnant, stop it!”

Cat was grinning menacingly at him as his hands tightened their grip on her.

“I’m gonna kill you.” he whispered, just as JJ managed to pull him off her.

“That was a very different situation.”

“No it wasn’t.”

“What’s talking about?” you spoke up.

Spencer looked at you with sadness in his eyes.

“You tell her, she’s not going to believe it coming from me.”

“She got under my skin.”

“And you threw her against a wall?” you frowned.

“Don’t skimp on the details Spencie. She deserves to know everything.” Cat started pacing the room.

“She was...pregnant at the time.” Spencer swallowed. “And I knew that when I hurt her.”

“And?” Cat sing-songed. “The next day...I miscarried. The end.”

Spencer looked at her with tears in his eyes.

“That’s not true.”

Cat laughed.

“It is most certainly true, check my medical records.”

“It doesn’t mean...I wouldn’t-”

“Stop.” Cat cut him off. “Look.” she nudged her head towards you. You had silent tears rolling down your cheeks.

“I thought you were a good guy.” you sniffed, looking up at him. At the man you loved, the man you thought you knew.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer hung his head, not sure if he was talking to you or Cat.

“I think the two of you deserve each other.” you croaked.

“Don’t say that.” Spencer came close to you and reached to cup your face but you pushed him away. “Y/N, please. She is insane. Don’t listen to a word she has to say.”

“I can’t do this. The two of you are just as twisted as each other.”

“Reid,” Luke poked his head around the door, cutting through the tension. “We don’t have much time.” he reminded him.

“I have a family to save.” he changed the subject, knowing nothing he could say was going to make this better right now. He placed his hand on your lower back. “Luke,” he called towards the door. Seconds later Luke stepped inside the threshold of the apartment. “Take her back to Quantico, keep her safe.”

Spencer motioned you towards the other agent.

“I don’t need to be kept safe.” you growled.

“Trust me, you do. You don’t know what we’re dealing with.”

“No.” Cat suddenly spoke. “No, she stays. She’s a part of this.”

“No she isn’t.” Spencer spoke without looking at her. “This is between you and I.”

Luke gave you a sympathetic smile and motioned you towards the door.

You looked at Spencer over your shoulder.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for this.” you told him before you followed Luke out of the apartment.

***

Luke took you back to Quantico at Spencer’s request. He set you up Morgan’s old office with a cup of coffee.

You sat on the old couch while Luke sat on the edge of the desk.

“Don’t you need to be getting back?” you asked him over your mug.

Luke shrugged.

“I think they’ve got this covered. Spencer knows how to out smart Cat.”

You sighed heavily.

“I’ve been so dumb.” you sniffed, feeling close to tears. “I tried to tell myself it was just a fantasy thing, that he liked the idea of her. But it’s more than that. I see that now.”

You couldn’t believe you were opening up to a stranger like this. But you had so much swimming around in your brain you needed to vent some of it.

“He loves you Y/N.” Luke told you. “He talks about you all the time. He has a photo of you on his desk.”

“A photo means nothing.” you scoffed.

“This thing with Cat is complicated. She got her claws into him a long time ago and he hasn’t been able to shake her since. She is the master of manipulation and she uses that to her advantage. She’s manipulated Reid time and time again. But he’s the only man that’s ever beaten her. And he will beat her again.”

“And where does that leave me? I can’t live with the fact that he’s always going to be thinking about her.”

“The man has issues. I'm not going to lie to you.” Luke laughed a little. “Cat got in his head. But after everything she’s put him through I think it’s understandable. You weren’t around all the time and Spencer needed some kind attention which Cat happily gave to him. He transferred those feelings he only got to show once a year on to someone close by.”

“So it’s my fault?” You frowned at him.

“No, no I didn’t say that.” Luke chuckled. “I’m saying his love map is fucked and it had been long before you met him. He grew up without a father figure and had to take care of his sick mom alone. He was a child genius who was profusely bullied. He had to grow up while he was still a kid. You were the first woman to show him real attention, real love. And he clung to that for so many years but I guess I get that he had a momentary slip. There was a woman here who was giving him the kind of attention he so desperately needed. I’m not saying it isn’t fucked up, but aren’t we all a little fucked up? It doesn’t mean he loves you any less.”

You sipped your coffee with a small sigh.

“I’m sorry, when did I enter a therapy session?”

Luke laughed heartily.

“I can see why Reid likes you.”

“I don’t know if I can get past this.” you confessed. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop seeing that kiss.”

“I hope for both you and Spencer’s sake you can.”

You finished your coffee in silence, you mind a buzz.

A few weeks ago you’d made a decision about your relationship with Spencer. But now you weren’t even sure if there was a relationship with Spencer.

***

He stared at the floor of the police van as they drove through the city, completely drained and dejected.

Cat sat next to him, too close for comfort but he didn’t have the energy to do anything about it.

He saw her watching him out the corner of his eye.

“Do you know why I did this?” her voice lacked its usual confidence. “Why I really did this?”

“You wanted to prove I’m a monster just like you.” he didn’t look at her as he spoke. His voice was haggard, broken.

“No,” she laughed, shuffling even closer to him, wrapped her arms around one of his. “Silly. I just wanted to see you again.” she laid her head on his shoulder. “I just wanted to make sure you would never forget about me. Because when they do put that needle in my arm, I just want there to be even the slightest chance that maybe...you’re still thinking about me.”

He turned his head now to look down at where she was resting on his shoulder. She sat up to look at him too.

“You didn’t have to terrorise more innocent people. You could have just written a letter.” he croaked.

“Would you have written me back?”

He didn’t respond. The van came to a stop and soon the doors at the back were opening.

Cat was pulled to her feet by the armed guards and dragged out the back of the van, her hands being cuffed behind her back.

“Goodbye Spencie, I really enjoyed our date.”

He watched her being dragged towards the prison.

It was finally over. He was finally done with Cat. Soon she would be put to death and he wouldn’t have to worry about her forcing her way into his life again.

That was one problem sorted. But a bigger one awaited him back at Quantico.

***

He found you in Morgan’s old office with Luke. Luke saw him coming from his position and stood up from the desk.

“I’ll leave you guys alone.” He spoke, patting Spencer on the shoulder as he passed.

You stood up from the couch, tear stains on your cheeks and the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Spencer was exhausted from the day's events. But he knew he was going to need his energy for the fight that was surely about to ensue.

“Let me start by saying I’m an idiot.” He closed the door behind him, taking a few tentative steps further into the room.

“Oh well that makes it all better then.” You rolled your eyes.

“I would never have saved that family if I didn’t do what I did. It’s not an excuse but it didn’t mean anything.”

“Yes Spencer, it did.” You shook your head. “I just don’t get it. I don’t get what she has that I don’t have.”

“What?” Spencer frowned. “Nothing! She is a manipulative bitch and I hate her! You are sweet and kind and perfect in every single way.” He cupped your face and for a brief moment you let yourself succumb to his touch.

But then your anger came back and you stepped back out of his grasp.

“You clearly don’t hate her that much Spencer.”

“I do! She sickens me!”

“Then why kiss her?” You spat. “And don't you dare tell me it was because you had to because we both know that isn’t true.”

He sighed heavily running his fingers through his hair.

“I’m fucked up.” He grumbled. “I hate her, I really fucking hate her. She told me that we’re alike me and her. And I think she’s right. I’m just as fucked up in the head as she is and on some level I think she’s the only woman I truly deserve. I don’t deserve someone like you, someone good and kind and nice.”

“Don’t try and get sympathy from me Spencer.” You shook your head. “That’s bullshit. You're just making up excuses. If you’re attracted to her just say it!”

“Fine!” He raised his voice. “I’m attracted to her. Is that what you want to hear?”

“I knew it.” You scoffed. “Does she turn you on Spencer? Does she make you hard?” You shoved him by the shoulders.

He stumbled a little.

“No of course she doesn’t.” He pouted. “You told me it was ok that I was attracted to another woman.”

“Yes to be attracted to her. Not to make out with her! Jesus Spencer.”

“You’re not so innocent in all this.” He found himself saying, maybe to get some heat off himself. “Or do you not remember getting engaged once upon a time? I’m sure you did more than make out with him!”

“That was totally different! You and I were casual then. There weren’t real feelings on the line.”

“There weren’t…” Spencer couldn’t help but laugh. “There weren’t real feelings on the line?” He started towards you. “Are you insane? How can you even say that?”

“It was no more than sex Spencer!”

He kept advancing on you and you kept backing away from him until you found your back against the wall and Spencer was right in front of you.

“That’s a fucking lie and you know it!” He growled. “We were never just sex Y/N! You got engaged because you ran scared of your feelings for me. Yes I kissed Cat but you were off fucking another man and that’s so much worse.”

“Oh I get it.” You snarled. “This is some kind of vendetta against me for that. You never got over the fact I was engaged and now you’re getting your own back on me for it.”

“How could I get over that?” He slammed his hand against the wall dangerously close to your head. “You were off with another guy while I was pining over you. What if I’d fucked Cat? How would you have felt?” He slammed his hand against the wall again and you felt a rage bubbling inside of you.

In one swift move you brought your knee up and drove it into his crotch.

Spencer howled in pain, stumbling backwards until he found the couch and fell on it, groaning and holding his damaged manhood.

“You’re a real asshole.” You spat. “You might not have actually fucked her but you wanted to. You thought about her while you were with me, you said her name when I was on my knees for you!”

Spencer was still groaning and trying to catch his breath. You stood over him, glaring down at him.

“Maybe she is the only woman you truly deserve. Because you sure as hell don’t deserve me.”

Spencer managed to stand up, pain still swelling in his groin but he tried to push passed it.

“I don’t know how many times I can say I’m sorry.”

“That’s the thing though Spencer,” you shook your head at him. “You never once said you were sorry. “You came in with your excuses and your self pity like I’m the one who should have sympathy. But you never once said you were sorry.”

“I am sorry.”

“Me too.” You snarled a little. “I’m sorry she’s more important to you than I am.”

“Y/N that’s not true. That’s not true at all!” He reached for you but you slapped his hand away.

“If you’d had a chance, you would have slept with her, wouldn’t you?”

“What?” he sounded incredulous. “When would I have had the chance?”

“That wasn’t the question Spencer.” you chewed your lip. “The question was not about the lack of chances, it was about whether, hypothetically you would have slept with her if you could. And you just answered that.” you felt tears brimming in your eyes as you headed to the door.

Spencer grabbed your arm as you passed him.

“She means nothing to me Y/N. I love you, only you.”

You shook him off, a small tear escaping your eye.

“I wish I could believe that.” you shrugged. “To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It’s not very pleasant to realise that to you it was only an episode.”

“The Painted Veil.” he sniffed. “That’s not the case, you’re my whole life too.”

“Yesterday I would have believed that Spencer.” you sighed. “But not now. I’m only glad my transfer to the DC field office didn’t get approved.” you stormed past him and this time he didn’t try to stop you. “Oh, except for the fact that it did. My mother convinced me to move here for you. Good job I found out about this before I gave up my entire life, huh?”

Spencer stood there slack jawed, tears immediately spilling from his eyes.

“Y-you...you’re m-moving here? For me?”

“Not anymore I’m not.” you scoffed, wiping your eyes. “I suppose it’s a good thing I saw what I did. I just hope it isn’t too late to cancel my transfer papers.” you flung open the door and stepped into the corridor.

Spencer watched, his heart shattering in his chest as he did so.

Suddenly you turned back to him, eyes still watering.

“Was she worth losing me?”

Spencer swallowed being taken back to a dream he had years ago where you uttered those same exact words to him.

“No.” he choked.

“Too bad.” your voice cracked but before you could cry anymore in front of the man who had broken your heart, you fled.

You ran down the corridor towards the elevator and you didn’t look back.

Spencer wasn’t following you anyway. He couldn’t move. Your words had paralysed him.

He stared at the now empty doorway, playing the words over in his head. You had finally decided to move here. After fifteen years of loving each other across the country you decided to give up everything for him.

And he’d fucked it all up with one stupid kiss.

Eventually Spencer’s legs gave out and he fell to the floor in fits of tears.

Luke was the one to find him, although Spencer had no idea how long he’d been there by the time he did.

Luke had helped him up from the floor, helped him out of the office and into his car. He’d driven the younger man home and helped him into his apartment, all the while Spencer didn’t speak a single word.

Luke sat Spencer on his couch while Spencer stared numbly at the opposite wall.

“Do you want me to leave or do you want some company?” Luke asked him.

Spencer simply shrugged, not taking his eyes off the wall.

Luke sat down next to him and almost as soon as he was in reach, Spencer’s head fell to his shoulder and he started to sob loudly.

“I fucked everything up.” he spoke into Luke’s t-shirt. “I fucked everything up and now she’s gone and it’s all my fault.”

Luke didn’t really know what to say to that so he patted Spencer’s back to try and soothe him.

“You’ll work it out.” he muttered although he didn’t know if that was true, he was just trying to help.

“No, we won’t.” he sobbed.

Fifteen years was a long time to be in love with someone you only saw once a year. But Spencer knew he was going to continue to love you for the rest of his life. He just had to try and consolidate the fact, the rest of his life would no longer be spent with you.

————————————————————

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rogue-durin-16 · 3 years

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THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part VI/VII)

"the downfall"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst mostly

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @sunshineandshadows @missmulti @accioweaslcy @andreaareynoso @georgeweasley16 @dianarte @skarlettmikaelson

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality

Warnings: language, allusions to sex

A/N: my apologies for keeping y'all waiting for this one darlings, but here comes the next part YAYY! Enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

He had left me in the room that morning, alone, with regret and guilt straining my chest, with embarrassment and panic heaving over me, my only company being a terrible headache and a sore body.

I was still waiting for him to come back. Of course, he still lived in the apartment, but the day after, he slept at Shell Cottage because Bill needed help with the chores, and the next night at the Burrow because Molly had asked to keep an eye on 'the kids' —the kids being Ginny, Harry, Ron and Hermione— while she and Arthur were off to visit Andromeda, and at Lee's because Angelina was away and they were going to have a boys' weekend; in summary, he managed to avoid stepping into the flat while I was in there for an entire week.

I would be lying if I said the idea of moving out hadn't crossed my mind, but I knew I was being dramatic— we were being dramatic; we were adults, even if we forgot about it more often than not, and adults talk things out, so I decided to confront him at the only place I would manage to corner him; the shop.

When I descended from the office on the second floor, I spotted the ginger turning the 'CLOSED' to face the glass door. "Oi!" His head snapped to me as I climbed downstairs and he instantly walked to the shelves on the opposite side. "Can I have a word?" I requested, following him, only for George to move on to another shelf.

"Right now I'm quite busy." He replied, seemingly absent-minded as he pretended to check the products in front of him.

"This is important." I insisted, moving to stand besides him.

Not fast enough, though, because he was off to yet another part of the shop as soon as I got close. "I'm sure it can wait."

"You know it can't," I assured intently, stalking after him, only for him to speed up his own pace, moving from product to product without stopping too long in front of him. "George I'm- Oi, stop! We need to talk about this!"

"Well maybe I don't wanna talk about this!" He exclaimed, taking big steps under one of the stairs in order to shamelessly dodge the hand with which I had reached out to stop him.

"George Weasley don't run away from me!"

"I'm not running away from you!"

"You're literally RUNNING AWAY!"

He stopped circling the counter and stood across from me, slamming his palms over the till. "ALRIGHT, LOVE!" for the first time, I didn't like the way the name dripped off his tongue. "Let's talk about how we accidentally FUCKED! That's what you want so badly, isn't it?!" Flush crept up his neck and ears, and I couldn't tell if it was from anger or from timidness. "Go on, darling, lead the bloody way!"

I felt my own cheeks going red, partly because of his straightforward statement but also because I genuinely had never heard George raise his voice like he had just done.

"Cat's got your tongue now?!" My stuttering seemed to fuel his anger more. "C'mon, Y/n, talk! You wanted to talk!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, GEORGE!" He clenched his jaw as his freckles drowned in a sea of pinkish red. "Yeah I want to talk! 'Cause that's what grown-ups do! We don't know how to act around each other so we just don't spend time together anymore— Fuck, I've barely seen you! AND WE. LIVE. TOGETHER!" I emphasised each word with stomps. "We can either pretend it didn't happen or talk it out to make sure we're on the same page, you choose but for Merlin's sake, don't avoid me!"

"OKAY!" His eyes widened, surprised at his own tone, and then he repeated in a softer, self-conscious one, "Okay." He breathed deeply and then added. "We're on the same page, right?" His eyebrows raised as he looked into my eyes. "It was... A mistake."

I should have noticed the uncertainty and hope in his voice, but I panicked and was too quick to respond, "Yeah! A massive mistake." My words stung my heart and, to my dismay, his own just as much. "Can we go back to being friends? Because I'm going crazy without you." I blamed our watery eyes to the argument we had had, and not to the fact that it had been a mistake.

He circled the counter and walked to me, hesitating before pulling me into a hug. "Can I...?" I tugged him closer, wrapping my arms around his middle. It took a moment for him to ease into my embrace, and I could tell we had fucked up our friendship for good. "It's alright, we'll make it right again." His words made me squeeze him tighter, as if he was about to vanish from my side.

And from then, we tried to make it right, we tried so hard, because it seemed so easy to make it wrong again.

Everytime we stood too close, everytime he leaned on to whisper something, everytime I helped him with his tie, our eyes would fall on each other's lips; I would sometimes drift off the conversation, staring too much at his mouth and hands, wandering if they would feel just as amazing as they had done while we were drunk.

"Y/n are you listening?"

"Uh yeah- I mean, no- sorry, what?"

I was so focused on trying to hide it that I didn't notice George was in the exact same situation, meaning that neither of us could give in, because we would go down together. In all honesty, it was doomed to happen at some point, we were just delaying the inevitable.

The moment came the last night of January, when George showed up in my room due to a really rough nightmare, and I, as always, invited him in so we could lay down together.

"Isn't this... Weird?" He murmured as we scooted closer. We had kept physical contact at bay for obvious reasons, and cuddling had been off the table since New Year.

"It doesn't have to be." I replied, my voice as quiet as his. "We've done this a thousand times."

"Right." He cleared his throat, averting his eyes from mines as we shifted in our places ever so slightly, trying to find a position where the situation turned less awkward.

And it happened, my mind got lost on the way his neck tensed, on the damp locks hanging over his forehead, sweaty due to the nightmare; on his plump lips, which he had just wetted with his tongue in the most subtle way. It was a nervous habit of him, something he would usually do, but that didn't make it any less hot.

"George..." I called his name without noticing, my heart hammering violently against my chest when his gaze landed on my eyes, quickly falling on my lips.

The next thing I knew was that he was holding my thigh over his hip, his other hand on the back of my neck while we shared a hungry kiss that, as soon as my hips involuntarily rocked against his, turned into something more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

The next morning we swore to each other that it was just another accident, that it would happen again.

And the next one too.

And the following.

The fifth time that happened, we agreed to call the situation a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing, well aware that it was an euphemism for the downfall of our friendship.

I had longed to be hers for so long, and it that moment, as I lay by her side in her bed, that wish seemed so close yet so far; I could reach out and my fingertips would touch her skin, yet I had never felt that distant towards her.

The moment my eyes were averted from her form, her gaze was laid on me. "You don't have to go."

"I know." I replied in a mumble, already sitting up and reaching for my pants. "But soon we'll have to get up, so I might as well do that and let you sleep." I didn't want to turn around, I didn't want to see her beautiful irises pleading for me to stay by her side, because I knew I would.

I saw on my peripheral vision her fingers attempting to carefully wrap around my wrist, and I was quick to stand up and walk to the door; sadly, I did not miss Y/n burying her face into the pillow, her hands fisting on the fabric ever so subtly.

She tried to hide her tears like that, and I agressively wiped mines as soon as I reached the corridor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Morning, lady!" I light-heartedly greeted Y/n without turning my back to the making of our breakfast when I heard the steps approaching the kitchen.

In the morning it was easier to pretend everything was back to normal; usually, the refreshing sunlight and the drowsiness provided by a night of sleep were enough to wash away the sad truth of our relationship.

"Good morning, sir." She responded with a yawn, rubbing her eyes as she walked to stand besides me, leaning against the counter with her arms folded. "Smells good." She commented, leaning on to take a peek at the scrambled eggs.

I was about to make a cocky, playful comment when it dawned on me what she was wearing; it was my jumper, one of the old ones that I exclusively used for pyjamas.

I knew she didn't do it intently; I had left it on the floor the previous night, and it was probably the first thing she grabbed, but it struck a nerve.

I had seen a similar scene way too many times before; a sleepy, dishevelled Y/n entering the kitchen with an ugly Weasley jumper as only clothing, ready to start the bickering with an almost identical version of me who would be making breakfast.

My head then travelled to the thought that lately crossed my mind more often than not and my heart clenched; In Y/n's eyes, I was, most likely, just a poor replacement for Fred.

"You alright?" That worried furrow appeared between her brows too often lately. We were both walking on eggshells, and it got me on my nerves.

"You don't have to ask if I'm alright every time I'm quiet." I hadn't meant it to come out harsh or curt, but it definitely did.

"You're not quiet, you're overthinking." She responded with a tinge of hostility.

"What's to overthink?" I fought the need to raise my voice.

"Dunno, you tell me." She squinted her eyes with a scrutinising gaze directed to me.

"Can we not do this?" I almost pleaded; heated arguments had become a usual thing between us —yet another sign of the unfixable problem we refused to address.

Y/n was about to reply something that would lead us into a fight when the doorbell rung. "Mister Weasley?" I took that as a cue to go open the door to Verity, already dressed on her uniform. "The Valentine's Day products arrived, should I unpack them or..." Her eyes flickered behind me and her cheeks heated up. "Y/n—" When I looked over my shoulder, I felt my own face flushing out of embarrassment. Y/n was still my employee and Fred's ex, so Verity catching a glimpse of her dressed in my jumper wasn't the best thing for any of us. "I— am I— sorry, am I interrupting?"

"You're not interrupting." I assured her with a reassuring smile. "Leave the boxes on the puking pastries section, we'll be down in ten."

"Alright, sir." Her curious gaze travelled to Y/n one last time, and with that, she was rushing back down to the shop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

The ache that had appeared on my chest the day after New Year would end up killing me, or at least it felt like that.

I had a dreadful gut feeling of knowing what caused that pain, but my mind refused to believe it was that, and kept pushing the sensation back into my heart day by day.

George had gone to relocate the puking pastries in the upper level of the shop so I could prepare the section with the Valentine's Day products.

My eyes dawned on the small packages of Amortentia. I knew it was a terrible idea but I needed to know.

I took a look around, making sure Verity wasn't near and George was up still, and brought one of the Amortentias under my nose. It didn't take long for the scents to besot me, and I had to put all my will on not to fall under the potion's spell.

The first smell to reach my nostrils was gunpowder; my heart skipped a bit when the next scent was vanilla.

Then strawberry and chocolate; candy floss cupcakes and George's cologne.

The tiny, heart-shaped bottle fell from my hands, scattering all over the shop's floor. "Shit!" I rapidly kneeled to pick the shattered glass when I realized it had echoed in the empty establishment.

"Oi! What was that?" George descended from the second floor, using the ladder. "Oh shit—" his hands took a hold on my bicep and pulled me away from the pool of pinkish pearl liquid that seemed to be attracting me. "Don't!" He warned Verity, who had attempted to jog in the potion's direction too. "Verity, can you bring me my wand?" The girl complied running up to the office.

In Verity's absence, George took the chance and cupped my cheeks, tilting my head up to check my eyes. "You alright?" I managed to give him a slow nod, my mind buzzing with the newly acquired information. "Getting the Amortentias was a bad idea, wasn't it?" I nodded again, producing a frown between his eyebrows. "No 'told you so'? Are you sure you're alright?" He chuckled nervously, his hands falling to his sides right in time for Verity to rush back to us.

"Here, Mister Weasley!"

"Thank you, darling." He politely replied, taking the wand and restoring the potion bottle in a swift movement. His eyes peeked at me again; I could see the worry growing on him. "Y/n-"

"I'm gonna go wash my face." The words hastily left my mouth before I dashed off to the restroom.

I closed the door behind me and took a look at the mirror; my pupils were blown and my cheeks pink. I ran the tab and splashed the water on my face a few times until the potion's mild effect was gone and my mind clear.

It was in that moment that it dawned on me that I was in love with George Weasley.

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