#the physical abuse ain’t enough for yall????? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eroticcannibal · 4 years

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Okay, I have a question for you and other parents/ child care workers/ect. So your kid gets upset and wants to/ trys to bolt in a random direction, what do you do? Because right now my main option is grab their wrist and threaten consequences? And like?? I don't wanna hurt my 7 year old and keeping hold of them when they're trying to get me to let go without grabbing hard enough to bruise is?? Really hard? So what the fuck do yall do to keep your kids from bolting into the road or the woods or some shit?

First of all agch I am so sorry u are dealing with that, this is one of those things where ur gonna be the bad guy and feel fucking awful about it no matter what.

Obviously the Big Obvious ‘of course I know that’ advice is look out for what triggers the behaviour and avoid it like the fucking plague. I will admit there have been times where I did not correct Dorito’s behaviour because I knew they would run if I did. Which ain’t great. But I decided better they have other shitty behaviours than run off. Also school was a major trigger for that behaviour I really should have homeschooled sooner but OH WELL

We struggled with that a lot. Constantly. Every single fucking day. It was BAD. Official advice we got from child services when it was getting really out of hand is if they run towards danger, Stop Them At All Costs. Better to try and explain a sore wrist than being hit by a car. (and like, that will suck sometimes. Sometimes they are gonna pull very hard. They are gonna cry. They are gonna scream that you are hurting them. Sometimes they are gonna pull so fucking hard it is going to leave marks and bruises. Fuck, my gf was reported for that once when Dorito tried to run out into a road and like, REALLY fucking went for it. But better a sad kid and dealing with questions than a dead kid.) Aside from grabbing, u can also try physically blocking them or picking them up tho that ain’t always gonna work. If they consistently run towards danger, hold hands at ALL TIMES and invest in a wrist strap like these

(also this is a pro-baby reigns blog. Restrain them kids. Keep them alive.)

If u threaten consequences, make sure they know the consequences ahead of time, don’t only tell them when they’re already trying to run, and FOLLOW THROUGH EVERY TIME. Normally I’d say give a chance but when it comes to safety I *personally* think it’s ok to give a consequence immediately. And keep it related, like if ur out at the park, oh u ran? We’re going home. Now. If you want to be nice and offer a chance, do it BEFORE they run. Like me brother used to run as a toddler. Me mum would jingle the baby reigns if he was getting cocky but before he actually legged it, shut that shit right down. Some Authorities think it’s reasonable to threaten more serious consequences when it comes to safety eg no tv, no favourite activity for the day, no pudding etc. I prefer to keep consequences related to the act as much as possible, but every kid is different and if it keeps them safe then go for it. Either way it’s got to be something they care about. It’s gotta sting so that running isn’t worth it.

If they are old enough and have the sense to run without running into roads, or u are in a safe enough place (obviously what point that is will vary by child, and may also depend on where u live, at our old place we could never do that cus it was main roads everywhere but we live in a quiet village now so it’s much safer) just follow them. They’ll give in eventually. Might take an hour if they are especially determined tho, fair warning. I think Dorito’s record is about an hour and a half? I will say it is a worthy investment of ur time and energy to work on road safety a LOT, cus following is the lowest stress way of dealing with the behaviour for the child, and it’s honestly just fucking boring so it reinforces the behaviour less (negative attention is still attention and all that). (also tiny bonus, u get less shitty looks from clueless idiots who’ve never looked after a kid which is nice)

Obviously just because this is Official Advice From My Local Child Services doesn’t mean that’s what child services would say where u live or even that I am correct here, I am not an expert I just did as I was told. Whenever it comes to a persistent behaviour that can put a child at risk, I would always advise that you get advice from any local authority that has a responsibility for children, and get it in writing. Like it’s shitty to think about but whenever there’s something going on with a kid that puts them at risk, even if it’s the kid doing the thing, u gotta cover ur ass cus if something goes wrong, people are kinda legally obligated to assume the worst and point fingers. (At least, that is the case here. I have NO IDEA what child protection services and laws are like where u are at, all I know is here it’s assume abuse first, ask questions later)

Also I know one person who just. Put her fuckin kid on a bike. Cus he was kinda shit at riding bikes so he couldn’t peddle off as fast as he could run and she’d just grab the bike. And he couldn’t climb off very easily so he’d be stuck until he calmed down. I’ve only heard of that one case of that so I have no idea if it’s effective or a fluke but that’s a thing.

Again, sorry ur dealing with this situation. It’s stressful and scary and upsetting for everyone involved

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kc-james · 2 years

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Generational Trauma Creates Insecurities Intertwined With Today Love Language…

Author: KC James

Authors Note: Triggering Language

You ain’t shit. You never going to be shit. You’re just like your father. The thought of being just like the man who helped create me. He implanted his seed into my mother only for her to weaponize and demonize my whole existence due to the man she choose to lay with.

I may have asked for a lot of things as a child growing up. One thing I didn't ask for was to be physically here in this realm. Who would’ve known the whole nine months wrapped securely in her womb as the cord that connects us as one would not be enough to end the generational curses she dealt with herself. Who knew that her job was to only feed and nurture me would be full of regret and turmoil. The tumultuous feeling I gave to her by just my presence alone. All she knew is that her parents did not do enough so she would do the same. I can close my eyes and repeat the things said to me rewinding in my mind like a movie reel. “Well my mom never did this for me so I’m not doing it for you” “I had to work since I was a child what makes you exempt” “Who put this cereal in the trash?, well we don’t waste food, eat it” “You going to be just like Musa a black derelict”

I can write a book on just the slurs alone. When growing up my mom wasn’t the disciplinary one, it was my bio dad then my stepdad. I could not understand at my age why my favorite book growing up was A Child Called “IT”. There was some I could relate to, that feeling of not being enough. The generation curses continued. I don’t blame my birther, I actually forgive her and those like her who have caused me harm intentionally and unintentionally.

The growth it takes for me to be this transparent, raw and not feel anything writing these words. I give thanks to my creator and my eguns. I had to do a lot of work to get to this point. A lot of healing, because like Sylvester Mcnutt says in A Care Package to Deep Healing: “I set a boundary with myself: I wouldn't allow any human to control me like they were God.”

Let me explain. I had to do the work. I had to forgive my mother, father, step-father, grandmother, aunties, uncles, half-brothers/sisters, teachers, deacons, church members and more.

I named a few of those who are inexcusably responsible for continuing the darkness of generational curses/trauma. My birther was a key factor in how I saw myself. She was the reason why I finally saw myself lol. I had to dig deep yall. I was told I was the problem child not just dealing with behavioral issues but body issues and being constantly sick as well. In high school, as I got more into activities, my weight would fluctuate.

The fat jokes underlined with heavy verbal abuse from my mother and her husband(step-father) was meant to be funny, to them. When being the brunt of someone else’s jokes it’s never funny when it’s detrimental to your mental health. I was also the child who found solace in a blade to my arm because of the blood, the pain, that I could control.

If we are digging deep about generational curses and trauma from molestation, rape, sexually promiscuity, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, spiritual abuse, hell just abuse.

The main issue in my community is the avoidance of hard conversation. No one wants to effectively communicate in a healthy manner. Those older whether patriarchs are matriarchs of the family like to draw their own narrative and forget of the human aspect that they could be wrong. The statements of “what happened in this house stays in this house”

That result of statements like this creates fear inside of the child who resides in those walls. It creates a narrative that the abuse they face is normal. Having a child who is being silent while being secretly touched on or beat on because they don’t feel that safe space to discuss what happened to them. These children put so much weight on themselves to protect the threat and having the responsibility of trying to protect your parent from a reality they should’ve been protecting you from.

Generation curses are defined as generations “Inheriting” the same misfortune of the generations before them. The flip side of curses is mixed in with a heavy dose of trauma. The trauma that gets passed down from generations ago could be your descendants, parent, living relatives, who directly experienced the trauma collectively passed down through your bloodline. A major generational trauma is slavery and racism. Different talk for a different day.

The cycle can be broken, it can take some time. Depending on your upbringing you can skip some of these curses and some of these traumas. I’m using myself and my family as an example because that’s what I know to be true. I am one of the oldest grandkids in my family, I am also one of few who had to deal with generational trauma. Most who came after me skipped the trauma due to their parents setting a precedent to not surround their children with what they experienced. However, the parents are still a part of the generational trauma and curses. They protected the kids but without the proper tools, they are still doing the things that were done to them to others. Whether consciously or subconsciously.

I learned over time, all my current love languages are things I lacked growing up. I love to talk, as you can see I am super long winded. I am so big on communication, especially positive communication. I believe you can tell someone how you feel, you all can disagree and it can be done with LOVE. I will talk you to death to find a positive solution in every problem, majority of the problems people have are the ones they create in their own mind and penalize others for not knowing. This is why effective communication is so huge for me. Talk to your children, your family in general. You will be either a part of the solution or part of the problem. The choice is yours.

I have been through trauma but trauma is not me. I have been molested by several different people in my life. I did not allow that trauma those curses to stop me from loving. I am overly affectionate. I love hugs and cuddles because these are the things I wish my birther would’ve given to me. I can count on one hand how many times I saw my birther cry and 2 out of 3 times were about her thesis statement. I say that to say physical touch can be a bad thing or it can be a good thing. I am big on energy so I will rub my friends back or hug on them, even if my words say it. You will know how much I love and cherish you just based on my physical touch towards you. I do not touch everybody, energy is very transferable. If you are a part of my tribe then I will give a heavy dose of me to you.

Lastly, I am a nurturer. I will give before I take. Even as a child this is one trait that stands out more than the rest. I will go above and beyond to make sure those who are around me get prescribed the right kind of medicine, which is me affirming into them, buying something or food.

This trait can be deemed negative to some. I changed my narrative because when my birther and I were going through something, she would cut me off. We could never have a conversation because she lacked accountability and I was always buying my way back into her graces. Literally would drop a bag just to get an I love you.

I do things differently now, when someone has done me wrong it doesn’t matter if it's a friend, kin, or foe, I will no longer give all my pieces away. This journey has taught me that you can make such good connections with outsiders who don’t have your blood. My nurturing nature goes hand in hand with accountability. It is easy for those to play the victim that fits their narrative but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty. I nurture those who nurture me and it does not have to be in the same way, just give me the same respect and love I give to you without victimizing something you created in your mind while demonizing me. I had to learn those closest to you, will hurt you without a second thought or care. “ One of the keys of power is to always control the narrative: don’t let others tell your side of the story” - S. Mcnutt. They will use the love you have for them to attempt to break you down. I know the generational curses stop with me. I am willing to tell it ALL. I am willing to pull receipts and cards because my character and my evolution are so prominent to me, they won’t be tainted because of these curses and traumas. I won’t be tainted by the ideals someone else create for me.

“There is no value in allowing others' opinions to rule who you are or who you’re going to be” - S. Mcnutt

Have you taken the steps to draw the line with the curses in your lineage??

#generationalhealing #writers on tumblr #generational curses #trauma #childhood trauma #author #endo positivity #lifelessons #kindness #my writing #booklover #business #self healing #s mcnutt #generational trauma #self growth

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i-am-adlocked · 6 years

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Tagged by @randombiochemist. Ghad, you know I’m a sucker for these things.

NAME: Allysa, pronounced as “Ol-is-a”, yeah like “All is a ___” A few years ago, I’d go out of my mind if other people found my name, but my pseudonym of “CA Hawkins” slowly seeped into Allysa D.

I can’t say my last name because I am the only one in the world with this name with this surname. There’s about 20 people with my last name in my country alone and all of them are my relatives, but it’s seriously not that hard to find me. I’m a bit loud in the Internet nowadays.

NICKNAME: Allysa or Oli to my friends. “Gurl” to my sister. My second name to my relatives other than my sister.

GENDER: Biologically female, identifying as female.

STAR SIGN: Capricorn.

HEIGHT: 5′2 ½. That’s actually tall in my country.

TIME: Right now, as I write this, it’s 9:27pm. I shall update when I finish this thing. Update, it is now 10:15pm and I shall click “Post.”

BIRTHDAY: Eight of January! I have the same birthday as Stephen Hawking and Elvis Presley, and when I was five, I had a crush on both (before I knew they were old men, shut up), and even so, I thought I would be both scientifically smart and artistically brilliant. Obviously, I was neither.

FAV BANDS; FAV SOLO ARTIST(S); SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: Bands: Coldplay, Radiohead, IV of Spades, and more. Solo: Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Adele, Miley Cyrus, Fleurie, and more. Stuck: Smokestacks by LAYLA.

LAST MOVIE I WATCHED: The Greatest Showman (which would have been the fifth time I watched it as well, but #NoRegrets).

LAST SHOW I WATCHED: Two nights ago, I binge-watched “Santa Clarita Diet.” Ghad, I love that show, and it made me hungry. Okay, that makes me sound like a psycho, but Sheila’s enthusiasm over eating made me crave for a burger.

WHEN DID I CREATE MY BLOG: I had a blog around 2011, when Sherlock just came out. Things were all gen but I was already shipping Adlock by then. By 2012 and Irene finally showed up, I shipped hard. By 2015, I had death threats for shipping Adlock so hard. As a 16-year-old, I deleted my blog, and made a Tumblr exclusively for Adlock on June 2, 2015 to show my haters, they ain’t gonna win against me.

LAST THING I GOOGLED: “Harry Potter sent to alternate universes abuse fic” shut up

DO I HAVE ANOTHER BLOG: For me alone, it would be theoneallysa.wordpress.com but I seldom use it and I think the last post was made last year. Co-blogs would be bucketlost.com where my older sister posts about what we did when we travelled around Europe (just the two of us). I was the photographer in this blog.

DO I GET ASKS: No. Or rather, very rarely. Like, once or twice a year.

WHY I CHOSE MY URL: To show my Adlock haters that I am not fazed by them hating my yacht. This is also to stand for my yacht and all the members in it who are being attacked. I will so fucking fight for yall gals, but I also won’t hesitate to put you back in line. I don’t want members of the yacht attacking others.

FOLLOWING: Oh I’m just following 217 people. Most of them Adlockers or Harry Potter blogs that post a lot of text post. I’m more of a text-post kind of gal, despite my usual posts of GIFsets and all that crap. I love metas or text posts with memes. There will be days that I will hoard a lot of Tumblrs for the hell of it.

FOLLOWERS: I feel like an arsehole for never thanking my 2,621 followers, but I just don’t know how to thank them without bursting in tears.

AVG HOURS OF SLEEP: About 3-4 hours of sleep. Both intentionally and naturally. I’ve had this sleeping pattern since I was about nine years old. I remember just lying in bed and getting restless because I can’t bloody sleep. Although, yesterday, I slept at 5pm and I woke up today at 12 noon. So that’s 19 hours of sleep. Go big or go home, that is my motto.

LUCKY NUMBER(S): I don’t know about luck, but I am fond of the number eight, six, and thirteen. In day-to-day life, or like visual patterns, I prefer three and five.

INSTRUMENT(S): Piano (self-studied, one-month with our glee club maestro, then self-study). Voice (two-year training, same maestro as above). Violin (two-days training before I got frustrated and my sister took it instead).

WHAT AM I WEARING: Right now? Er, brown shorts, silver shirt with elements of dull scarlet, and a dark scarlet jacket. Even though I’m at home, I do like matching clothes.

DREAM JOB: To be a good wife and mother. If you dare tell me I should be going out and get an actual job, then you have no idea how tiring being a housewife can be. Ask my mother. With future kids that will have MY bloodline? You bet my arse it’s going to be a full-time job. By then, I would have saved up a lot of money from working in a desk job whilst also performing in the theatre from time to time.

DREAM TRIP: You have no idea how much I want to go to Peru and just see a random llama. Before, I would say Paris and London, but my sister and I went to a Europe trip last year (we didn’t go to London btw) and it’s amazing and all but I want to go hiking next. Although, I also want to go to back to Rome, and visit Greece as well. My sister and I do back-packing, and just AirBnB. We always get mistaken as locals, especially since we learn the language before heading to a country.

FAV FOOD: Boi, my love for McDonald’s Cheese Burger and Fries right now. I’m craving. Also, Coca-Cola, oh boi.

NATIONALITY: YAH GURL BE WAVING MY PHILIPPINE FLAG RIGHT NOW YAH BOI

FAV SONG RIGHT NOW: Smokestacks by LAYLA.

SEXUALITY: I am still confused between asexual and bisexual. I don’t want to be touched and I hate physical contact because of my not-too happy childhood, but also I find both boys and girls beautiful, and if there are people I like, goddamn will I be flinging myself to them... Demisexual. I think I’m demisexual.

HOGWARTS HOUSE: CAW CAW EAGLES YAH RAVENCLAW WOOPITY WOOP WOOP

FAV ANIMALS: EVERYTHING UNDER THE BIOLOGICAL FAMILY CANIDAE

DOG OR CAT PERSON: CANINE ALL THE WAY, my sister is too much of a feline lover.

BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH: A thick blanket as well as placing two pillows on top of me for added weight.

WHY YOU GOT A BLOG: I’ve been on Tumblr for years before I had an account, then I got fed-up so I made one in 2011. Then I made this one to fight haters of Adlock.

TOP (3) FAV CHARACTERS: Harry Potter. Sherlock Holmes. Leo Valdez.

NO. OF POSTS. 3,519. Mostly reblogs lmao.

POKEMON TEAM: I’m sorry. I don’t watch Pokemon because my older sister and older cousins (who were living with us at the time) didn’t let me watch TV when I was a kid so I just never bothered.

FAV COLOUR: I’d say Black but black is a hue, not a colour. In fact, it is the absence of colour so I ain’t saying black. I was a sucker for Glaucous in aesthetics and stuff, as well as Navy Blue. Nowadays, I have also taken a liking to red. It compliments my skin colour well, as well as my personality.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Er, a bit complicated.

LIPSTICK OR CHAPSTICK: They feel weird so neither. But if I had to choose, Chapstick cos my lips are so chapped, I can’t even.

LAST SONG I LISTENED TO: Smokestacks by LAYLA. I’m editing a vid.

TOP (3) SHOWS: Sherlock, Doctor Who, and Mythbusters.

TOP (3) SHIPS: Adlock (Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler) R11ver (River Song and the Eleventh Doctor) Leyna (Leo Valdez and Reyna Ramirez)

BOOKS I’M READING: I’ve been reading a lot of novel-length Harry Potter fics right now. I’ve related to Harry Potter a lot. Before, I always related to Sherlock, but finding out about his familial relationship, I found out I was more Mycroft (never good enough) and Eurus (crazy violent kid) than a Sherlock.

TAGGING: To anyone who wants to do this.

@musical-chick-13 @thank-you-for-being-with-me @antarktica @sentimentalgenius @addignisherlock

#personal

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shababyj · 6 years

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Suicide…The act of ending one’s own life. Such a strange and selfish thing to do on one hand but on the other, who the fuck ever cared in the first place to even make you consider the alternative??? Such a dark and gray area for some people to go, yet some of us live in a constant state of dying alive every-single-day.

Most people often wonder what was going through their mind or what could have been so bad that they had to end it all? Did YOU bother to ask them how THEY were doing? Every time they seemed off or distant, did you ask them if they wanted to go somewhere and talk? Were You really paying attention?

It is never the world’s responsibility to bring you out of your dark black hole and save you. But it helps to have people in your circle have some understanding and knowledge of what mental illness looks like. It’s not always textbook with everyone or like it is in the movies. I think people are being misled by the media on what REALLY happens when you are hit with this disease.

There are so many mental illnesses that lead to suicidal thought and some end in death by suicide or even murder. I know right…scary huh? But it’s the truth! Most of the time people are so engulfed in their own pain that they don’t realize someone else’s pain. But for the most part, that is not the case. Many people are ignored and told to go to a doctor, get some medicine, have a drink, learn to relax, and the most famous of all, just deal with it. Kinda fucked up, ain’t it!

Some people, like myself, deal with people who claim to be victimized but it’s for pity. They find people who make them look better, make them look superior in a way, and then stomp all over their lives one small fraction at a time. It’s no illness but it is sick. They have several different types of a narcissist and most will play the victim card all the while they are abusing the shit out of you. It’s not treatable and it can be corrected only if the person themselves wanted to do so, but they love to cause pain, so they remain the pieces of shit they are. Be aware they claim the victim card all the while they themselves are indeed the abuser. (NOTE: They will only threaten suicide for attention and pity but would never kill themselves because they hold themselves above all other…only they matter)

Depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, bipolar, postpartum depression, trauma, ADHD, schizophrenia, and many others are main causes of suicide. Today, there are many children and teens committing more suicides than adults. It breaks my heart to know that so many young kids decided not to fight another day. I wish I could have saved them all. 😦 Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to be able to save myself but I keep pushing through all the hell and fire that gets thrown my way.

It seems every single time a celebrity commits suicide, the world notices the sickness that’s spreading. It’s as if it’s contagious in areas where people have more money and fame than they can ask for. But is it all worth it? Sometimes we only see what people want us to see and we forget to ask about the other half we don’t out of fear. The world has been so offended by every damn thing, that even people can’t ask each other if they’re okay without getting offended. You don’t need to know all the details but make sure people know you are there and make sure you damn-well mean it!

Mental pain is brutal, gut-wrenching, and soul-sucking, breaking you down little by little into a person you won’t even recognize. You become edgy and angry at times but other times sad and guilt-stricken. It plagues you with thoughts and emotions that tear away at you piece by piece. You become who the illness creates and feeds; no longer the human you once were.

The sharpness of the pain is suffocating, intoxicating, and makes it hard to breathe. At points in time, it overtakes every ounce of your thoughts and consumes even the greatest parts of your better days. You are manic from the suffering and trying to run away or paranoid with all the voices in your head and they are the only ones who stay. Maybe your eyes are swollen shut from all the pain that melted away only for new hurt to surround you and bring you down once more. Maybe you just can’t escape your own hell.

Suicide to a sick mind and broken soul is a way out for them. An escape to remove the burden they carry and all the baggage they drag around. Coming from personal experience, family and some of your closest friends are often the first to shut you up and turn you away when you need them most. It’s not a secret, but they claim to be tired of hearing about the same shit all the time. But have they ever put themselves in your shoes? Have you ever felt what I felt? Those are questions our people…OUR PEOPLE… need to ask themselves. How would you feel if the roles were reversed???

When no one else will listen to a sick person, they often isolate and disassociate with life and the things they used to enjoy. Happiness doesn’t come by all that often so solitude and disconnect is often the next step. Many times you will still see the laughter here and there but it won’t be the same as before. Hurt people tend to replace joy with other habits such as sleeping a lot, staying locked away from others, not going out with friends, drugs, smoking, and alcohol. Some even form an eating habit.

When all else fails and you have nothing left to pull you out of the darkness because all your cries for help faltered; you succumb to your own self-destruction. You might start cutting yourself (my specialty once) to relieve the emotional pain through physical drainage. It brings relief for a time and leaves a scar that tells your stories painful truth. You might even start to starve yourself thinking it will starve the pain, or feed it and binge feed every single ache and then some may even make themselves vomit. There are so many ways that people deal with pain and it only leads to other illnesses.

At last, no one hears your cries or bothered to help you in your time of need. Hell, maybe some didn’t even believe your pain was real. Some thought it was fake or made up and some thought you were strong enough to handle it. The fact is at some point, every single one of us breaks. We shatter like glass and we struggle like hell if we have to pick up all the pieces…especially alone. How overwhelming for a sick person, right? It becomes too much and they only see the shattered pieces and make a decision to end it all.

No one just decides they want to die just because. No one knows the pain of another but with some strong understanding of human life and the way the mind work, you can potentially save a life. These people are broken individuals that lack something and are tired of pain. Meanwhile, you are parading all the joy you have in your life in front their faces while they are just asking for your time and understanding. Now time is up and you were never there and they are devastated that they have to turn to the only thing that ends it all…the bullet, the knife, the razor blade, the rope, the pills…and most of the time those things are always available and always work correctly in their favor.

There is no coming back from the dead. Someone is suffering in your life and I promise you, even if you think you know them well, they have thought about ending themselves. It’s not uncommon for even the happiest person on a bad day to think about suicide. Sometimes there are no warning signs and we have to pay attention to our people, especially our children and teens. At some point and time, we will all have the blues but not everyone will fall victim to a serious mental illness.

Most men don’t express their feelings well and they are left behind when it comes to suicide prevention. We need to let the men in our lives know that they don’t always have to be the strong one, the tough guy and the rock for everyone. They can break down and cry and have moments of weakness whenever it may be. They are entitled to be an emotional wreck just like us women. It’s okay to be a man and be tough and still know that when it hurts, it hurts, and its okay to express it.

The big thing we fail women on is postpartum depression. I think more a lot of women, that’s where the illness began. We are shamed as fat, not losing enough weight after birth, not having enough energy, not keeping ourselves up, not being the once amazing lover, not having time to do work, not being the good enough mother and wife, and we are exhausted. Someone is always criticizing bottle feeding, breastfeeding, cloth diapers, disposable diapers, pacifiers, and co-sleeping and all that bullshit. Fuck what you and everybody else thinks. So what if your husband’s mother wants this or your mom wants that and his or her sisters thinks that’s not good enough….FUCK THEM ALL!!! You are the momma and that baby is you and your husbands…do it yall way!!!!

The intimidation is causing more women after childbirth to stay in this depression longer than the typical postpardum time. It’s ridiculous that people have to throw so much bullshit at a new mom or dad for that matter. It breaks you down when you need your strength the most. It continues a destructive path because of hormones imbalances and lack of sleep and major life changes. Mothers are ending their life when their children need them most and I believe it all started in this very personally important period. Selfish? Maybe but its all personal opinion.

Photo by NIKOLAY OSMACHKO on Pexels.com

I think we all should help each other in our most vulnerable moments. A hug or a simple talk would most likely help anyone. For the new mom or dad, a new coffee maker or a night out would help. For the person who is being bullied, don’t justify the bully and disable the victim (see narcissism). Always know that someone you run into every single day is tired of living and is waiting for someone to give them some kind of hope. Be paying close attention.

I am 36 years old and I suffer from ADD-ADHD combined type and OCD. I have been diagnosed with manic depression before, now called Bipolar depression, but I am better than I used to be. I have anxiety brought on by my ADHD but on medicine, it is a lot better and manageable. I have PTSD brought on by the trauma of my daughter’s heart defect diagnoses and the events to follow. The thought of facing losing your child is unbearable and seeing what she went through was very traumatic for me. The worst part of it was I was still in the postpartum period even when she had her open heart surgery, which was the most debilitating and painful place in my life I have ever been. I am the victim of narcissist abuse. My husband, myself and my daughter are all victims of these people’s selfishness and even once we are free, damage remains done. But they always lose because playing the victim as a bully for so long only gets you found out about. Keep on playing the games while I keep on laughing and moving forward with my family.

Suicide: Are You Dying Enough Yet? Suicide...The act of ending one's own life. Such a strange and selfish thing to do on one hand but on the other, who the fuck ever cared in the first place to even make you consider the alternative???

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ahmenati-blog · 7 years

Photo

Say,

When it comes to this nation building business, and you bring me into ✌🏾We✌🏾, if the topic let alone energy being used ain’t being dedicated to restoring and replenishing this Black Woman, just know ✌🏾We✌🏾 ain’t having a discussion; I’m just versed enough to help you draw out and manifest your part of the exchange.

My sole focus is Her. My energy is dedicated to Her. My conversation is potentially for all of us…there is a difference. Don’t mistake my aptitude and engagement in what you’re presenting for zeal or even passion…my zeal, my passion resides solely in bringing her home.

A Black man has never been subject to anything other than physical atrocity; whips, chains, sodomy. We were never psychologically warped. Never emotionally crushed. No mental annihilation spread amongst us; we only received particles of of such treatment from our Black woman…..after generations of Jim Crow. After being told Her child born a Christian would receive the blessings of a wight Christ that she couldncheeking taken as a heathen only to have wight legislation pass laws saying Christianity won’t save the child she’s raised to turn the other cheek. The child she endured rape, experimentation, repeat sodomy, while watching and standing by me during my physical abuse; that child would not have a chance at freedom, at Life. Generations my nigga…

A man is responsible for a community; we gather and change small shit. Community outreach, our immediate family, getting together to pick up trash or repaint an elder’s home. We setup fundraising via basketball tournaments, martial arts. That woman gives birth to and indoctrinates an entire generation, and that’s small scale. She’s gonna associate with like minded generation bearers and engage; whether it’s ways to beast punish children, talk about niggas not being shit, etc.

It’s a fucking shame that so many of my Queens come together to bash men, praise wight Jesus, or watch fights. I’ve seen on all my different timelines Sisters who watched Girl’s Trip mention how they wished they could get together like that but “can’t trust bitches”…do you know how tragic that is? Black women actually feeling that way about other Black women born of Black women?

But no one wants to discuss our mental instability until a MFer come out the closet on done “I was molested by an adult as a kid” or attempted/Black suicide…..

So tho I can go back and forth with you on your Black subject, my mission and energy is dedicated to my Sister’s well being; Ion’t give a shit about Black Wall Street, Umar or anyone else’s Black school, when it comes to building….She gives birth to the employees from the janitor to the founder as well as the students.

She and She alone comes first and until I can see Her shine in this light outside pic l photo opps, until Black communities are a safe haven for Black women, the rest of yall talk is elaborate rah rah with me…not to say it ain’t important to you, but unless it’s pertaining to Her it ain’t a priority with me.

#wombman #black girls #black girls rock #black woman is god #ebony #queens #share #tag a black woman #rbg #kemetic #hebrew #moorish #aboriginal #autochthons #naturalhair #melanin

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socialattractionuk · 4 years

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Woman goes viral with list of 20 questions to ask your partner before marriage

Some of the suggestions to discuss before marriage (Picture: Saag Jaan/Twitter)

If you’ve agreed to get married, you probably think you know your partner pretty well.

But one woman’s list of 20 questions to ask before walking down the aisle has gone viral with many people picking up on some things they hadn’t considered.

Saag Jaan, 21, from California, was previously in an arranged engagement but it ended before the wedding and she wanted to share some of the things she learned.

She told Metro.co.uk: ‘I was arranged in an engagement when I was 19 years old, but that ended due to irreconcilable differences because of my lack of commitment, educational ambitions and personal values.

‘I included what I thought was important all from personal experience.’

Saag's thread in full

DONT GET MARRIED BEFORE: a thread

1. Talk about DEBT 2. FULLY and WILLINGLY committing to one another. No “im not sure” and “what if’s” and “its not the right time.” you are either in or you’re OUT.

3. When/how many kids yall want (adoption? are one of you infertile? etc.)

4. Talking about STDs. Get checked. Seek medical help/informed professional knowledge. Keep those tests up to date and find ways to do so even within the marriage.

5. Talk about your 5-10 year timeline regarding career/education. Can you move? Willingness to relocate? etc.

6. Levels of religiosity. Openness to growth? Lack Thereof? Do you share fundamental CORE beliefs about life? VERY important.

7. Anger managements issues: do one of you struggle? Are you in therapy for it/taking it out on others? Seek help, bc it will destruct you and the future and the children….

8. Energy. Does it match? you decide. Follow your gut

9. CLOTHING: it may seem like a small problem but small things eventually ADD up. Make sure your expectations MATCH one another to full comfort

10. Sexual compatibility. Not going to go into details, but yall need to be on the same playing field. Consent wise, willingness to try things, traumas, etc… figure it out.

11. Finances: how do you intend on splitting bills? Gender roles? Taking the parents in during old age? etc.

12. Age doesn’t matter too much. In my experience it’s about the person & what their world views are. If you are young, make sure the person you’re with will allow you to keep growing at your own pace and in your own way. It’s called respect.

13. Opposite gender boundaries. Set what’s okay. What’s not okay. Hugs/handshakes/etc. I know it sounds tribal & trust should be there but you’d be surprised what people’s boundaries are. Better to know than not know

14. Social media: believe it or not, people WILL break up over this. Some prefer privacy. Some not. Get on the same page or you’ll be clowning on one another.

15. I mentioned this before, but SAVINGS. How much do y’all have earned & combined? How much is your intended salaries? Is it sustainable? Apartment? House? Condos? Etc. speak futuristically if it’s not smthing u can afford right now. Get on the same page.

16. What is cheating? Entanglements? Define your breaks? Breakups? Etc.

17. Physical and verbal abuse: what is and isn’t considered abusive language and decorum? Seek help, please. Professionals can always step in.

18. What are your dying wishes? Burial proceedings? What if one of you becomes paralyzed? God parents? Uncertain events? Death? Speak it. Speak on all of it.

19. Importantly, LOVE is not what keeps relationships going. An active commitment to LOVE, despite the downfalls, keeps it going. Get out the princess-king happily ever after mindset and you’ll be fine

20. I want everyone to notice how I failed to mention level of education, family or tribal background, ethnicity, job level, & all. It’s because none of this matters in the long run. Trust. you ain’t a good person based off superficial attributes.

Saag covers everything from money to ethics to STDs and your five to 10 year career plan.

After posting the thread at the end of last month, people started to share it.

It now has over 220,000 likes and 61,000 retweets and comments.

Some commented saying they loved the list and they wanted to bookmark it for when it came to getting married.

One person said: ‘I seriously love this. You mentioned so many points that are beneficial to a relationship that so many people miss going over before getting married.’

Another said: ‘This is AMAZING advice !! Someone posted on a fb group I’m on and I came to find the full thread wow it’s a gold mine of information for singles.’

One response said: ‘As someone who’s been married for almost 16yrs your thread is sound and comprehensive.

‘Good to discuss all of these things keeping in mind perfect match is impossible and compromise is necessary – a wise thread from someone who looks young. Well done.’

The 21-year-old was previously engaged (Picture: Saag Jaan/Twitter)

But others weren’t so sure and called the thread a little reductive.

One tweet added:’Not to sound carefree or irresponsible, but checking on literally every single possible thing just to make sure everything goes right afterwards doesn’t guarantee you won’t have issues later on. Marriage has its own learning curve and teaches on-the-job. This isn’t a PhD thesis.’

Youâre right. But we minimize the damage as much as possible so this way, when people see fundamental flaws between each other they donât actively try to change the other person. They just leave beforehand.

— Saag Jaan ð¦ð« (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020

Another person said they felt these were things most people would discuss anyway.

Her tweet said: ‘I do love this thread as is mentions many great points but surely people talk about half of these before even thinking of getting married? Like I wouldn’t even think of marrying my partner if I didn’t already know half of this stuff.’

But Saag pointed out that it might seem obvious but she felt it was important to flag it all and give people something to think about.

In response, she said: ‘A lot of times young people aren’t developed enough to talk about half the shit I mentioned. Sometimes within family and culture, women’s desires are not respected or even asked about. It’s important for both individuals to have full say and ownership of their title.’

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Although the thread meant a lot to her, Saag wasn’t expecting the response she got.

She added: ‘I didn’t think it would blow up. I usually talk to the wall with my followers because my engagement is a huge part of my current identity.

‘My followers and I usually discuss it on the twitter platform as a healing mechanism. I had no idea people would resonate with my words of wisdom but I’m glad they can learn from my past experiences.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch at [email protected].

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