#the tired isn't as intense

[sleepinglionhearts]

Libra, Libra, I'm always thinking of you 😊

#doodles #fire emblem #libra #fe art tag #what can i say i still love him so much #so like I'm starting to feel more like. energetic again #it's still on and off like a good energy day means I'm tired the next but! #the tired isn't as intense #I'm like.. able to do stuff #I've been able to draw a little more and I've been cleaning up my desk #apologies again to those who are waiting on commissions I'm getting there #i just got my desk cleaned (again) and i bought a TON of organizing thingies #so hopefully it STAYS CLEAN #anyway getting myself back into drawing slowly and whatnot #and i drew these at work over lunch and i feel like they look very nice #so onto the tumblr they go #pls enjoy

[araneitela]

Me staring at test results: It makes so much sense for her, but if I don't specify or elaborate, then we end up with the fanon take. Ugh, how do I easily explain that if you look at the word 'sex' through a much more old-fashioned lens instead of the modern one, that you'll get a vastly different picture of it?

/takes angycat.png typing to my tags

#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly. #[ post-it. ] in a way; you are poetry material. you are full of cloudy subtleties I am willing to spend a lifetime figuring out. #[ i'm so tired. i need to write a post on this or something. and somehow add it to my pinned. in some way. ] #[ 'sex' and 'seduction' are /not/ wrong in my opinion. HOWEVER-- they are /very wrong/ if we go by modern labels and perception. ] #[ god the horror of writing a muse that is so interlaced in a modern world; setting and culture but seems to /ooze/ something archaic. ] #[ this level of refinement isn't of our times in my opinion. these things that she loves aren't commonly loved nowadays. ] #[ there's so much about her that is old-fashioned to me and it's so in my face. and yet fanon doesn't see it. ] #[ i can't believe i'm an old millennial who's screaming boomer or older things. ] #[ but like can we acknowledge that sex in today's age isn't the same as it used to be? not /always/ but more generally so. ] #[ can we acknowledge that /seduction/ didn't always mean what people see it to mean now? ] #[ can we acknowledge that the FEMME FETALE TROPE HAS CHANGED /LEAGUES/ since the 2000s? ] #[ which is my biggest beef actually. and maybe all of my frustration plays into this most. it's that the femme fatale now is sexualized. ] #[ while that is /not/ what the femme fatale used to be. kafka plays into the old school femme fatale so well. film noir days. ] #[ i had this same struggle on yelan where they make VERY OBVIOUS draws to it by her music in her trailer. god; the jazz. ] #[ but kafka suffers from this so very much as well to a point where i don't dare to call her a femme fatale because then it's fanon. ] #[ the fanon i hate so much. ] #[ but just uuuughhhh. UGHHH. it's so much to explain. ]

[minnow-doodle-doo]

This week has been so long and hard. I knew what I signed up for at my new job, I just don't remember being so tired all the time from it.

#rant #personal #my sleep schedule is off too since I'm used to a 720 start time but now I start at 930 and I still wake up at like 630 every day #I just need to adjust my sleep by like 2 hours so I'm not nodding off so early #but I also blame how exhausting this new position is and that I'm going to school 2 times a week till 9ish right after work #even at my old job I would stay up late since I like to so I thought it would be a better time for me but so far it hasn't but hopefully #it will be in the future #Its not like I havent encountered the behaviors and stuff before its just very intense with a child I'm with so much and how many times #I've had to remove them from situations since they started to get violent (multiple times a day) #good thing the kid likes me and he's talking to me Ive had so many convos with social workers phycologists the partents teachers but still #anyway if I feel like this still by December I might have to find a different job while I go to school #its not like the school I work for isn't helping me its more that its a hard job and I'm tired

[adlamu]

i'm in a bad mood rn and it's all because of xwitter ppl thinking and spreading the bs you have to stop writing and making up characters at the age of 30. first of all, writing is the Only thing that i have that people Ever wanna engage with me about, and, second, i am allowed dreams.

#newtrabble #sadboitimez™ #it's also the only thing i'm good that and doesn't require me to Prove my knowledge on a special interest (which is tiring) and isn't... #isn't as intense as i apparently am re: “special interests” (i still don't like that phrasing... #). anyway. yeah i just feel like giving up and never speaking again rn #i'll likely feel better once i've had breakfast idk.

[grapecaseschoices]

as the time approaches us, i just wanted to say that i am IMMEDIATEY sus of anyone who does not have an F mc (mainly @ those who have an mc for each ro EXCEPT F Hauville) and/or (doubly sus) doesn’t have any F content on their blog. 

as someone who's also black myself I definitely agree with the F hauville not being as popular, specially since friends to lovers seems to be quite a popular trope in if, specially when the character in question is white or ambiguously light brown/tan skinned, but the author never mentions where the character is actually from (I wish more authors put where the character is from in terms of ethnicity and nationality because the amount of white washed art/erased ethnic features in art I've seen generally in the IF community is not cute but anyways). I do have some problems with the way F and M are portrayed and treated by the author at times, specially when it comes to some of the racial stereotypes used and the portrayal of Sin, an assyrian character in Book 3 as a trapped man, but that's a point for another day. I absolutely adore Wayhaven but I do wish that F was treated better by the fandom. I think sometimes some fans kind of infantilise F and just brush them off as the sassy best friend with no other role in the story, which is kind of sad because if you actually play they're route you get to see that theres more to them than meets the eye in the same way that the other ros do.

why do i need to say more when you already said it all so well anon?

bloop! what more can i say to this? this is true facts. like i get that sometimes a lot of people ARE tired of that trope -- especially on tumblr; and people do love the angsty. But it is STILL a very popular trope for a reason. And I've seen with my own eyes how the sweet RO/best friend RO goes well over when they aren't black (and in certain circumstances, when they aren't a person of color period -- but especially when they aren't black*) that I can't fully buy that the preference argument isn't back with some racial bias. But whatever, people can make peace with themselves about it. I will remain sus.

have you been reading my brain anon? because that was going to be my NEXT bitchy/vent post. But I was like let me pace the dashes. But respect for put it all out there.

I need writers to bring back putting descriptions on their intro posts (they did it for a time but stopped) or doing a description post immediately. 1) Because of what you stated and 2) because I want to make sure I'm not wasting my time on a game that is fully white. /shrugs. I mean I guess it is good that, if they feel they can't write minoroities not to include them at all -- because as you said, I wouldn't want to invest in a story where the black and brown characters are then treated stereotypically. But that still doesn't mean that I want to read a story where the majority is white and the lone amibigously brown/East Asian RO is barely developed.

No, do go on anon. (When you feel like it that is!) I'd love to read your thoughts. I do think Sera has improved in respects of her writing of F and M as characters in the story, both in and out of their own routes. However, I do agree that the whole Sin thing did make me side-eye hard. I heard she's gotten sensitivity readers, so we shall see how that goes.

Well stated. This is, in the crux, is my frustration of the matter. That and the fact that this is STILL an issue. As I stated in my tags, I HAVE seen improvement -- but just going through the F Hauville tag shows how much F is still a general afterthought to the general tumblr fandom.

#f hauville #twc #interactive fiction #my anons are so big brained #how about yours? #grapecase answers #the wayhaven chronicles #twc meta #*now there are exceptions: leo from lure of the gallows is a very popular black best friend ro #(but from what i can recall leo isn't dark skiinned. and leo is also the ONLY one i can think of) #speaking of that infantalization is why i was hesitant to reblog that one f fanart #with the arrow #it is interesting how experience shapes one's outlook -- bc as a black person that was immediately in the forefront of my mind #like if reblogging an art where f looks younger was enabling the treatment #i ended up reblogging it bc i didnt feel anything malicious wa meant but it's a reminder of how different our fandom experience is from a #white person's. #especially re: characters that look like us #and it sucks. and its tiring #(i mean sometimes it can be joy. and i love being black and lauding black characters. but man fandom is such such an intense microcosm of #the real world. and taht can be so annoying. #especially with how some of yall engage -- smh.)

[linoguy]

likeeeeeee to me. to Me. why dance big and crazy when you could dance cool, smooth

#dancing big = big ego to me #cause you're trying to be impressive yknow.and i get that but.. someone who 'under dances' to me but is on time w the beat - is matching th #build up of intensity - is using momentum in their moves rather than forcing their way through it will always be more interesting to watch #this isn't about skz just w dancing generally #rewatching this vid of a dance troupe dancing to a choreo to heyday that i think they made themselves #and some of these dancers under dance or are on their way to getting better and it's far more interesting to watch them than the people #who come in looking to impress and be pet emotionally #its tiring <3

[lindwurmkai]

it makes my brain hurt that we've simultaneously popularised saying "i'm being so normal about [topic of interest]" sarcastically to indicate we are not in fact being "normal" about it (having intense emotions etc.) and asking people if they're "normal about [group of people/sensitive topic]" to imply that in this case "being normal" means behaving like a decent human being

like i know what each of them means but seeing both in short succession gives me whiplash! there are even edge cases where it can be hard to tell at first (group of people is "celebrities" or something)

and then every time someone misunderstands the latter because maybe they've only encountered the former or aren't familiar with online slang at all, people get mad. sorry but that's not even remotely surprising

#you can't expect that question to be interpreted correctly after establishing that having intense emotions about your interests isn't normal #consider the venn diagram of people most likely to have special interests and people most likely to misunderstand slang #ugh i have been arguing about stuff like this on the internet since 2004 i'm tired #;

[queerhawkeyes]

I only have two more sessions with whitney, my therapist, since my student health insurance ends this month (and she’s at the student health center--when I decided to go with someone at the university I didn’t think I would end up staying in the city after graduation). we talked yesterday about whether I want to immediately look for a new therapist once I have health insurance through my job or not, and also maybe finding a therapist who specializes in OCD, since that’s always kind of been on the back burner but has gotten worse over time. like I don’t want to go home to visit next month for a variety of reasons but one of the biggest is because I can’t touch anything there without getting anxious, which is an understatement actually, and my family has never taken my anxiety about this seriously or even tried to do the bare minimum to accommodate me. I am really only relaxed about contamination in my own apartment, and even then a bunch of new compulsions and issues have cropped up, including not wanting anyone to touch me at all ever because of contamination. I’ve also gotten more anxious about smells but have tried really hard to shut down those thoughts because I really don’t see a way to counter that anxiety other than extreme avoidance of like literally everything. anyways it’s potentially an actual problem now rather than just being another thing to work around, so maybe it’s time to do something about it.

#human crap sack tire fire #got really upset thinking about this during therapy yesterday #and I don't know if it's because the specific worries that cause the compulsions are so intense #or if the idea of changing things is too overwhelming #but idk 60mg of prozac isn't cutting it and tbh never really has #so maybe exposure therapy is worth a shot #ocd cw

[fly-sky-high-09]

I'm so glad the era of people calling me innocent, pure or an angel of a person to a "sweet summer child" degree is long over

#surprise: i was just Scared Of Everything almost All The Time #without properly realizing #because I was (and still partially am) afraid of conflicts and tried to make things work out peacefully if possible #which is unrealistic which is why I was constantly lowkey anxious and scared #but at least i tried #<- this isn't about anything extreme like 'should you punch nazis in the face or not' #but more personal conflicts that wasn't even up to me to resolve #but i still tried because i was so scared of things going bad #like more than necessary #but sometimes things have to go bad it's fine #i am better about all of this but that's probably because i'm still tired of it all lol #and i know because of the way I react emotionally intensely to things that i will not fully get so good at handling it #any tense situation especially between friends is something i know i'll handle bad #i lost so many people close to me to death but have never cried without being able to stop #one full morning and afternoon #when i was losing friends around me to conflicts #and then was later called out for not doing anything #bruh i was so unwell #i didn't realize at the time but i was experiencing trauma #critical thinking was the last thing on my mind

[wereh0gz]

Issue 62 good

#ramblings #idw sonic spoilers #it's so chill compared to the previous arcs. it's a nice breather from all the intensity #amy and knuckles' friendship is so cute. they're besties!! amy is one of the few ppl knux trusts on the island!!! #they're everything to me #also. mimic in his catboy era #he's like genuinely kinda cute as a cat tho. i have to keep reminding myself that he's not actually a nice kitty dude #seeing clutch again is nice i actually kinda like as a villain #he's interesting. he doesn't want to dominate or destroy the world he just wants to run his evil business and that's so epic of him actually #also also. lanolin is tired. mood honestly #poor tangle isn't allowed to play with her pingpong paddle but like honestly can't blame lan for being annoyed by it #it'd be pissed too if someone kept playing with something like that right next to my head #ok i'm sure i'm not the only one who thinks this but i feel like they're hinting at amy having some connection to the echidnas? #like she might be part echidna or something #idk but it would be cool if they did something with that #i actually read the issue yesterday but at midnight so like. i couldn't do words then lmao #but i loved it it was so much fun

[la-galaxie-langblr]

How do I have less Irish than at the start of the summer when I've been studying to some degree nearly every day and also reviewing

#ik ik that language learning is a journey etc #but i so desperately want to be conversational in irish #i care about that more than my french skills at this point and that really says something #i've brought it up before but i really feel such a deep sadness that i didn't grow up learning irish at school #like it's heritage and culture and history that i don't feel a connection to because of *gestures vaguely* everything #while i'm here i may as well vent a little more #my friend is learning irish again since she used to learn it at her old school #and i really wish i could chat to her about learning it but then Intense Fear Of Judgement enters the scene #it feels really weird that i'm hiding about learning irish but not about learning dutch or my past attempts at german/russian #it's a cultural thing i think cus while there's been a movement for protestants to learn irish that really isn't seen as the norm rn #especially since the most well known irish classes for protestants are in belfast and there's no irish classes in my small town full stop #i'm tired of being confused about my cultural identity and being scared of judgement for exploring it #yikes oversharing much #anyway #ellis exclaims

[exerlin]

my life would be so much better with a 2nd non-bathroom room and a bunny rabbit

#bnuny thoughts #i think im getting burnt out on splatoon and it's making me sad #idk what else to do i wish i could pursue my hobbies but without space or meds i can't muster the strength i need #also i tried looking for a job today and wow. you even need a food certification to be paid minimum wage?? #i just can't deal with this shit at all still #job hunting irl doesnt work and neither does online #too many barriers to entry for the simplest of things #i don't understand how anyone functions under these conditions #im not good enough at anything to be paid for it i guess #this system thinks i should die i guess #food is taking up all my extra money nowadays #and im still running out of food stamps #im eating 2 cups of ramen a day ($3 each) because i keep gagging on the $1 maruchan cups of ramen #i ordered a copious amount of noodles on amazon hoping to keep my food costs strictly on my EBT this month #trying to go out by myself as little as possible so that I can afford to be able to *insert literally anything that isn't play video games* #im so so deeply tired of video games i wish i could experience the wonders of life and reality but that costs money each time #video games cost money 1 time and can be played over and over again #sometimes they dont even cost money #but a drink that isn't prepackaged costs at least $5 #and food is even more than that #and no loitering because everything is actually private property #and also i feel extremely uncomfortable in public places like parks because strangers have always been hostile to me (in georgia) #and i have not had any experiences that conflict with that trend as i avoid public spaces (which is easy because you have to seek them out) #i want to be in one but i won't feel comfortable because i will feel like i don't belong #also i wouldnt know what to do #and anything like “daydreaming” or “relaxing” would probably result in my dazed ass accidentally staring at someone for too long #i just don't know how to deal with such an intense fear #at least not by myself

[basicbats]

started a wilmon cut rewatch and I think I might have been a bit more harsh in wille then he deserved so far

#I did say I needed to rewatch at least ones before really making any judgements #Idk if it's seeing just the moments where wilmon are together nothing else OR it just being less intense with having seen things already #Either way my boys are allowed to make mistakes #Everybody makes mistakes (idk the test of this song's lyrics) #sayingthing #yr s3 spoilers #This is filled with spelling and grammar errors isn't it. I am very tired.

[mrfoox]

I'm kinda glad I can keep my opinions to myself but man

#miranda talking shit #Heard an story of... “I had my first strong love feeling like a woman. We met only a few times irl #But then suddenly she moved away and broke all contact for a year. I waited for her and tried to contact her. She sent an message 6 month #Ago about how she did it bc of anxiety and not bc of me. Then it's just been silence again. But I'm still waiting for her and I'd drop #Everything if she contacted me again“ me: what.... Wh.... Huh?! #Like I get it... First love? That shits intense but also like... Do you hear? Yourself? This isn't good for you... You've been waiting for #Someone for like two years who have not held contract with you like at all. As someone who struggles with bad anxiety and depression... Yea #Like if I really loved or cared for someone I'd try more than just give an excuse and then stop answering again #Everyone is different and we all have our past but... That sounds so... Yeah not good. #Heard this story and I was like wow... You're.. Over 30 and you... Don't respect yourself enough to break things off and move on? #First love makes us stupid but like... They weren't even officially dating it was more an “it could go somewhere” type of situation. #Maybe I've... Had practice but. Actions does speak louder than words. If I don't feel that return of care I'll tire and go to those I know #Will. I wanted to shake this man and scream this at him but... No one asks for my opinion and I understand when to not share it #It just sounds so sad to me. To wait for years for someone who can't even bother texting you? Still you're hoping they'll contact you #Hope is an wonderful thing and it's what keeps us alive but... Hope placed on people who has shown they do not care... Yeah #Maybe I'm harsh but I do believe in the idea if someone really does care. Texting and calling even just some isn't impossible. Inaction #Speaks for itself... No answer is also an answer. #Me sitting there sadly: you deserve better king... Love and respect yourself....

[threadmonster]

Today (yesterday actually) I learned there is a significant difference between being told by a physician "you're still so young" vs "not that I'm saying 25 is old" in regards to me having had a neck surgery at age 17.

Being told you are young, for me, has always had the implication that I need to take better care of myself. ...as if I was ever given the tools and support to do that...

Being told that "as time goes on and you get older things will degrade/get worse again" and that being followed with "yes 9 years has gone by but I'm not saying 25 is old"

The first one has always felt like maybe they had good intentions but it felt like I was being blamed or something. This time though it made me feel like I shouldn't give up hope because even though I feel old physically, I am not actually old.

#{domino rambles after dark} #i CANNOT sleep because of PAIN #words have so much power #nothing is worse than being reminded that you're so young when you are hyperaware of your age #THAT'S WHY IT'S TRAUMATIC #it's like i literally HAD to have that surgery but i feel like I'm always given a hard time about that choice #HECK my mother was given a hard time about letting me make that decision #i understand regular people not understanding what the consequences would have been #but for physicians it should he obvious even though the neurosurgeon didn't disclose it even just privately to my parents #it's just a good feeling to be called not old vs so young!!! #it's disability month so this feels appropriate to talk about #i got sent to a headache and neurology clinic it's been a really good experience #the phycologist validated my trouble with exercising #it almost sucked to hear because when i could run i actually liked it #but it was amazing to be told due to my health high intensity exercise isn't going to be for me #i should focus on walking or even just house work #anything is fine as long as i'm not sitting or staying in bed all day #i don't care about being coherent i'm using the rambling tag #i'm TIRED but just can't be comfortable enough to sleep #i have a lot on my mind too

[planningisnotmystrength]

every time I’m getting ready to leave the house I look at myself in the mirror and try to imagine what this person looks like to others. 

first I have to forget that I’m looking at myself so I’ll pick one feature and ask myself questions like “if you saw these eyes what would they tell you? if you saw a person with that facial expression what would you think?” sometimes I have to get really small before I can fully start so I have to be very aware of every little bit of this face. 

slowly I add more features until I’m going from looking at my mouth or my eyes to instead looking at their entire face, their posture, their body language, who is this person in front of me and what are they telling me with their appearance? who is this person with tired eyes? what does the droop of their shoulders mean? are they tired? are they scared? do they look approachable or would I avoid them? if I saw this person in passing what would I feel in that moment?

once I’ve severed my connection to the person I see in the mirror I can start to adjust their face and body, like a puppet of meat-based clay. then I just have to commit to memory what it feels like to look the way that I need this person to look and make sure to be on guard at all times so that I can continue to project this specific person that I’ve made to handle this specific journey or task. 

and then I just do it all over again when I have to go out for something else.

#where my 'I have intensely studied body language so that I can be perceived as normal' gang at? #and yes #I am very tired #according to my therapist this isn't something you do if you're like 100% but that's not news #I don't even really know how to tag this one #mental illness #I guess? #dissociation #I do all of this but then still leave the house in a t-shirt that says 'I did not ask to be born' #this is why I don't like spontaneous plans #how can I know what person I need to be? #I've gotten pretty good at doing it faster as time has gone on