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logically-asexual · 3 years

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im so annoyed about this whole remus and logan thing i can’t stop thinking about it. so a long ramble under the cut.

i finally am being able to put into words what bothers me about logan’s character development, particularly him vs the dark sides.

first of all, virgil. virgil had a whole season for his development that was kind of natural and credible. he is a nuisance in different ways, thomas recognizes he has anxiety and looks for ways to cope, which logan learns to bring up later, then virgil keeps causing trouble but makes some good points sometimes, then thomas decides to accept him for the good he brings and they all manage better. all this happens within episodes that aren’t always about anxiety. they SHOW us how the sides’ perception of him and his character have changed through the stories, instead of lecturing us about it.

with janus they kind of attempted the same thing but with a speedrun of three episodes that crammed everything together with little plot. in fact the plot is just an excuse to make every single step of janus’s developement happen, and this progress with janus is the center of the episodes. at least there is some plot, but its not as natural, we don’t see thomas struggle with him casually, we don’t see logan or patton learning information about how to deal with him. its not how a normal person would go through this. but we do see different stages of his acceptance and we see all the sides learning new things about janus gradually.

but then with remus they just pressed literally everything in one video and all the learning thomas would have to do about him and dealing with him that he did with virgil in an entire year happens in?? 40 minutes? because he (logan) somehow already knew everything and he just had to remind himself (patton and virgil) of it?

that’s how i see the dark sides’ development (?). now logan.

with virgil you could assume logan took note of what Lilly said in that first video, then logan and had thomas research about it and find strategies to later use them when they were necessary. as if Taking on Anxiety was a first step with learner’s wheels and then My Negative Thinking was thomas being able to repeat the process on his own. it makes sense. first someone teaches you and then you do it independently. you can believe there was a learning process with Logan’s help right there, beginning with Logan (and thomas) not knowing something and then researching (between videos), understanding it, to finally accepting it.

after the debate logan was still neutral about virgil, and was pushed to reflect more about his role until he disappeared, to finally come to the realization of why he was necessary, by remembering a small fact he learned while researching strategies (the yerkes dodson curve). that one isnt a streategy, so makes sense that logan just saved the info and didnt completely internalize it until it became useful. thomas learned what he was told to and then used it when the situation required it.

but with janus and remus thomas has to figure it all out on his own. except he doesn’t, because Logan already knew everything. he already knows what the dark sides represent, every single thing they encompass, he knows what the studies say about the problems they cause, he has understood, accepted, and internalized everything before the videos even start!! and then its only him telling the rest of the sides what he already learned on his own? he learned all this with the rest not being present or without it causing any emotion whatsoever? how can logan memorize all this stuff if thomas used to be indifferent towards it? you learn through connection with your emotions. it mAKES NO SENSE that logan knows all this.

also logan is defensive and gets frustrated easily. thats essential to his character. and you could see he was annoyed and bothered by anxiety in the first season. anxiety got in his way sometimes so logan also didn’t want him around at the beginning. WHEn did logan have this development of suddently not caring at all what the dark sides do? not caring at all how remus affects thomas’s productivity while when roman does it he goes into screaming matches and even throwing stuff!!. it is stated that he does have feelings no matter how much he denies it, , then why doesn’t he feel anything At. All. when confronted by remus? why is he so calm around him? when did he learn to deal with him?

even worse: logan went through a whole arc of accepting virgil, just like the rest of them, but he still can’t even deal with Roman and Patton with whom he interacts literally every video?? he is so affected by them everytime they do something irrational, gets angry, and starts yelling about what does and doesn’t make sense. he says he doesn’t have this problem with remus because his ideas shouldn’t have an impact on thomas if they don’t let them. but when and how did he learn this? how does he know intrusive thoughts are different from other thoughts thomas has that he, as logic, doesn’t like?

logan said in the video its bad to try too hard to make sense of remus’s contributions. that sounds like something LOGIC would do. try too hard to make sense of him until (with experience and research) he realizes it is impossible and gets them nowhere, and also would end up hurting thomas more in the long run. then why can’t we see this development? how does he JUST. KNOW? how does he know before the duke is introduced what will and wont hurt thomas if this is the first time ever that thomas is hurt by him?

i can stay here complaining all day honestly. there’s so much logan as rational thinking, reason, logic, of a person (who doesn’t have any experience with therapy or believe in it, apparently) could have gone through while learning about dark sides of your personality. they dont have to show it on camera if they think they already showed enough of this process for virgil! but somehow imply that this development happened, and not just have logan suddenly be this perfect all knowing entity that knows exactly what to do before it happens. i think logan lecturing them about intrusive thoughts for 20 minutes was a lazy decision, no matter how much work it took to write those dialogues. its lazy because it doesn’t fit with the storytelling style they chose to make Sanders Sides with, but they didn’t take the time to figure out a way to make it fit.

im going off again.again i can do this all day. but im going to stop now. sigh.

#logan sanders #im no writer and i dont know much about intrusive thoughts #im just talking from my own reasoning #remus sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #thomas sanders #ts criticism #? i guess thats how ppl are tagging it?

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crowkingwrites · 5 years

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Bang Bang!: Guilty (Ch.10)

Pairing: Ramsay Bolton X Reader

Summary: You are now a full-fledged member of the Red Kings. After your first successful mission, Domeric comes with troubling news: they’re being watched and there’s a mole among them. The Red Kings, Ramsay, and You now stand against a new enemy: Stannis Baratheon, a high ranking FBI member out to seek justice who may have his own dark secrets he’s trying to hide.

In this next part of the series, you will be tested, face old enemies, and encounter faces you’d thought you’d never see again. You thought you were safe, but the game has just begun.

Words: 2177 // Ao3 Link

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9]

“What?” you responded. You saw the anger in his eyes. Something in him switched off.

“Everyone, get out. Now.” Ramsay commanded. Most men left the room save for Ben and Damon. Ramsay stared daggers at them. “I’m not repeating myself.”

“And I’m not leaving you alone with her,” Ben defended you. He stepped in between you both.

“Ben, you don’t have to—

“Shut up, Y/N.” Ben told you.

“He’s not going to hurt me,” you said defending Ramsay. In turn, Ramsay started laughing.

“Hurt you? Oh hun!” Ramsay looked around the room. A knife turned in his hands. What made it worse was that you had no idea where the knife came from. “You got some fucking explaining to do. And if you give me your shit about being a fucking whore, I’ll cut you up like one too. Just like Joffery did to your friend.”

His words cut just like the knife he turned in his hand. Your mouth hung open as you held yourself. Tears started to form in your eyes. You knew how mean Ramsay was, but this was a new level of low.

“Ramsay, that’s out of line,” Ben told him.

“You think I give a fuck? She was all over him. I saw it!” Ramsay started screaming. “You gonna fuck him too? Huh? What’s your problem?”

You tried to get a word in. “Ramsay—

“No, no, no,” Ramsay shook his head, twirling the knife in his hand. “Let me at her, Ben.”

“I’m not moving,” Ben said. He stood in place. Ramsay started laughing again.

“Oh, you gonna fuck my girlfriend too? Is that what you want? Is that what you’re doing, Y/N? You want everyone to fuck you? You miss being a whore?”

“Please don’t call me that, Rams,” you said, your voice breaking.

“I’ll call you what I want! You’re mine! Do you understand that? Mine!”

“Ramsay, you gotta calm the fuck down,” Damon interjected. “Someone here will call the cops and we’ll get fucked, okay? Calm down.”

Ramsay started to pace around the room. His breath shortened and his grip on his personal knife tightened. He made his way towards the kitchen and found a head of lettuce. Ramsay struck his knife through it several times, imagining it was your head. The thought did not go unnoticed by anyone there.

Ben and Damon stood in their places and watched Ramsay destroy the head of lettuce. Ben nodded at Damon and then turned to you.

“You got everything?”

“Yeah, why?” You said, not taking your eyes off of Ramsay just in case. Ben turned you around and guided you out the door.

“We’re leaving,” Ben ushered you outside.

“What? W-wait, Ramsay—

“No, we’re going. He won’t calm the fuck down, Y/N.”

“Ben, I have to do something. He’s really mad at me,” you said with tears in your eyes. You tried wiping them away. Ben dragged you to his car.

“No, we’re not arguing about this. You’re coming home with me tonight, ok? You need to stay away from him.”

“Ben—

“Y/N, we all heard you guys. It’s like you forgot you had a mic on. Ramsay does that for your safety, and here you are talking to another guy about your problems. Trusting him and he’s our enemy.”

“But, I talked to you and—

“That was between us, Y/N. Ramsay heard every single word you two said to each other,” Ben started his car. “I told you that you needed to talk to him.”

“I told you that he wouldn’t understand.”

“Yeah, and now look where that got us,” Ben said as he pulled out of the apartment complex. “I’m trying to help you, but I can’t do that if you pull shit like this. I told you that Ramsay cares about you more than you even understand.”

The car ride back to the brewery was in mostly silence save for the soft jazz music that played over the radio. Everything inside of you hurt. You held all of your fears and terrors inside of you. Your demons crept up to you at night and sometimes during the day. How could you even explain that to someone who hasn’t been afraid of death since he was thirteen? Truth was, you found comfort in Jon. He wanted to help you and he wanted to listen. Enemy or not, Jon Snow was someone you needed. It felt good to have someone understand you. It felt good to have someone say the same things you were scared of.

A slow, ugly feeling started to settle in you. You started to think that Ramsay would never even try to understand how you felt. And why would he? Ramsay was invincible. Nothing could touch him now.

You felt isolated in your world and the moment you reached out, Ramsay wanted to hurt you. You were his, and he meant that. If he was like this when you wanted help, then what would the rest of your future look like? Ramsay loved the dangerous and wild side of you. The parts that were sexy, murderous, and bad. The moment you were vulnerable or weak Ramsay couldn’t understand.

You laid in a different bed from Ramsay’s top floor bedroom. Damon’s bedroom was mostly left unused because he slept with so many other people. Still, it was good use to you. You stretched out on the bed, letting your body take up space and all the comfort you wanted. You felt your phone vibrate.

Damon: [Ben told me you were in my bed. Have fun, darling ;) But I wanted you to know, you did a good job. You distracted Jon enough to help all of those immigrants ass through. Innocent people are safer now because of you. Mance is gonna give us the weapons.]

You smiled to yourself. At the end of the day, the mission was complete. With Border Control distracted and taken down, people were now safer and happier. At least you had that. Your eyelids felt heavy, but the thought of Ramsay’s anger weighed heavier on you. You felt your phone vibrate again. This time, it wasn’t Damon.

Ramsay: [I wuznt gona hurt you]

Ramsay: [I don’t want to]

Ramsay: [Where r u]

Drunk Ramsay was nothing to mess around with, and you hoped that he would make it home okay. As drunk as he was, you wondered if he was still angry.

You: [Are you angry with me?]

Ramsay: [Nooooooooooooo. Where r u. I cant see you in the bar]

You giggled to yourself. Ramsay forgot about all of the arguing already. You wondered how many drinks that took him.

You: [I’m not at the bar. I’m in the brewery. In Damon’s room.]

Ramsay: [That’s what I said! I’m here! Where r u??????]

You: [I’m upstairs, silly. Damons room.]

Before long, you heard laughing and some shushing outside the door. It seemed like there was more than one person out there.

“She could be sleeping. You gotta shut up!” Damon laughed.

“She’s not sleepin’. She’s waitin’ for me, stupid.”

“Ramsay, come on, let’s take you upstairs.”

“No! She’s here. She told me!”

“You’’re not mad at her?”

“Mad? Why would I be mad with the hottest girl in the world? Fuck you.” Ramsay said, busting into Damon’s room. You wanted to snort with laughter, but you kept quiet and under the covers to see what Ramsay would do.

He stumbled more into the room and fell to the ground, laughing.

“Ramsay?”

“I fell!” He chuckled. “Where’s Y/N? Oh! There she is. Shhhhhhhh. She’s sleeping. See? I told you she was sleeping, stupid.” Ramsay pulled away the covers as softly as he could and made himself comfortable next to you. His arms wrapped around you tightly. He hummed in your ear as the door closed behind you both.

You didn’t move or budge. You still listened to Ramsay humming a song into your ear until he spoke again.

“You’re my favorite person. I like fucking you and kissing you and fucking you more,” Ramsay rambled on. “I could fuck you right now if I wanted to. But I wont. Youre sleeping.”

Ramsay yawned and curled up into you more, speaking his last words to you.

“I love my girl. I’ll always love my girl.”

The next morning you didn’t wake up in Damon’s bed, but in Ramsay’s bed on the top floor without Ramsay. You looked around, but you knew very well that you wouldn’t find answers to your questions here.

Wrapping yourself in a shawl, you made your way down to find a hungover Ramsay nursing himself back to normal. Your hand reached out to him until he caught your wrist. “Don’t bother me. I’m not in the mood,” Ramsay said. “Just go away.”

“Ramsay?”

“I told you to go away,” Ramsay repeated himself. Feeling rejected, you took Bacon and Eggs out for a walk. This time, Damon accompanied you.

“What happened?” you asked.

“I’m not so sure myself. Ramsay’s always been difficult to handle,” Damon explained. His cigarette smoke blew in the wind. “He loves you that’s for sure.”

“I don’t even know about that anymore.”

“Well you heard drunk Ramsay last night. ‘Why would I be mad at the most hottest girl in the world?’ He cares. Just in his own way.”

“Did this happen to the other girl?” you posed the question like it was a loaded gun. The answer could fire you off at any moment.

“No,” Damon assured you. “That I know for sure. Ramsay didn’t care about Beth the way he cares about you. Have you ever fallen in love before?”

“No,” you told Damon. It was the truth. “I signed a contract with Petyr when I started working for him. I wouldn’t get attached or romantically linked to anyone.”

“And before then?” Damon asked.

“I joined Petyr when I was 18 years old.”

“People can still fall in love before they’re 18,” Damon stopped in his tracks. You started to sink from the slushy mud beneath your boots. Damon’s cigarette smoke blew out of his mouth. “You know, we don’t know much about you. Ramsay told us all he could. Your last name. What you did for a living, but I don’t think he knows everything about you. Just like you don’t know everything about him.”

“What are you trying to say?” you asked. Your grip on Bacon’s leash grew tighter.

“I think you’re hiding something,” Damon said point blank. “Something you don’t want Ramsay to know.”

“That’s stupid,” you reacted, walking away from Damon. Eggs followed you on her own accord. Damon called out to you from behind.

“I didn’t mean it like that! Come on!” He started to rush after you. “It’s the truth ok? No one here knows that much about you. Can you blame us for being distrustful?” You ended back up in your room again. The top floor had views you could look out to, but not much was there. Just dirty forest with muddy forest grounds. All of the leaves had fallen to leave their trees bare and begging for some kind of beauty.

You continued to look out, but your mind left. It travelled to the past when you were a child. A tenth birthday cake was laid right in front of you. Candles were lit as your friends and family sang a big ol’ happy birthday to you song. You laughed at all of the happy company you had.

There was your grandmother who had gifted you a beautiful porcelain doll that year. There was your Uncle who took pictures of you and the cake on his expensive camera. Your best friends Lilly and Rebecca were there. Each of them wore matching party hats just like you.

It wasn’t until you looked to the right of you. You wished you didn’t see it.

“We need to talk,” Ramsay snapped you out of the memory. The door slammed behind him. He may have jarred you out of your head, but you didn’t give him the courtesy of even looking at him.

“What do you want?” you asked.

“You don’t get to ask me ‘what do you want’.”

“And you wonder why I don’t share things with you,” you snapped. “Do all the Red Kings mistrust me?”

“Where the fuck did that come from?”

“Damon told me. No one here knows anything about me. Is that why people are scared of me?”

“That’s not what we’re talking about.”

“Then what are we talking about?” you yelled at Ramsay. You took a look at his eyes. Redness surrounded them as if he had been crying. Yet, he stood there before you as angry as ever.

“What happened?” Ramsay asked. You sat down on the bed.

“Ramsay, you wouldn’t understand—

“Yeah? Try me.”

An uncomfortable silence took over the room like a fog. It floated and settled in between you both as if you both had ghosts haunting and following you. Maybe Charlotte was right about this relationship. If you let this keep going, it could be the end of you.

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#bang bang guilty #bang bang!#ramsay bolton #ramsay snow #ramsay bolton modern au #ramsay bolton x reader #ramsay bolton/ reader #ramsay bolton imagine #game of thrones #game of thrones imagine #game of thrones fanfic

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ghelikblack · 5 years

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Welcome to Spacekru

You can read the full story over here

Space smells like the Mountain did. It is a pungent, unnatural smell, mixed with rust and new metal and rosins. The scents waft through the ventilation system, following her everywhere and making her nauseous.

Nobody else seems to be bothered by the stench, but Echo has to regularly swallow back bile, holding her breath for as long as her lungs allow. Sometimes, when there is nobody around to witness, she allows herself to empty the contents of her stomach when nausea overtakes her.

There is much to be done, and little time to be ill, so she controls herself. Raven Reyes needs able-bodied people to help her carry heavy machinery around. The skaikru second is a witty, spirited woman, always with a thousand things to do. She explains the tech in long rambling tirades that leave the spy struggling to understand. The frikdreina, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have trouble following some of the explanations. She readily asks for clarifications when needed and is rewarded with Raven Reyes’ appraising smile and gentle words.

It is slightly unsettling to be surpassed in rank by a frikdreina, but Echo knows her life lies in the mercy of her former enemies, which makes her a slave to their whims in all but name.

So she bites her tongue and helps Raven Reyes set up her heavy machines.

Monty Green is the group’s High Farmer – not that there are any other farmers in the small band. His mangled hands won’t allow him to do much of anything, so he spends his days ordering Bellamy Blake, Murphy and Echo around the soon to be his hydroponic farm. Bellamy Blake and Murphy are also responsible for aiding him in more personal matters.

Their healer is Harper McIntyre, and Echo cannot bring herself to cross the threshold of their med bay with the gleaming instruments and the pale walls and the syringes.

She stands at the door, holding the box of supplies they’ve ordered her to bring to the blonde woman, her feet rooted to the ground and her heart beating in her throat.

She hears it: the whirl of machinery and the thud of the boy's body as it is laid down on the floor. The crude comments of the two young monsters as they drag it through a metal door and turn to the silent cages. The impotence of knowing there is nothing she can do and the knowledge that she is too afraid to do anything even if she could. The room smells of death, and she knows it will rear its ugly head towards her. Next time their crackling electricity touches her and the world turns dark and unreal, next time their poison paralyzes her, and she's caged inside her own mind while they bleed her like a pig she will not wake. She's trapped, and she's in line for a dishonorable death and they-

“Echo?”

The monster touches her. Crackling electricity at its fingertips, the bars of her cage close in on her and she doesn’t want to die. This is not how she dies.

“Echo?!”

Another monster is on her, pushing her to the ground. No bleeding then, they just want to have their drunken fun with her. She pulls her lips back from her teeth. If they don't put her down with their poison, she might get an honorable warrior’s death after all.

She fights them off, waits for the bite of their lightning weapons, but it doesn’t come. Someone slams her against a wall, stone weirdly smooth and cold like the hands of death. Her arms are wrenched behind her back. Someone’s shouting. Someone’s sobbing.

She feels the sturdy frame of the monster at her back, squashing her. She feels the cloth rubbing on her bare back, the foul breath fanning over the side of her face.

She bucks, but she isn't strong enough to shake him. Adrenaline is still coursing through her veins, muting the gut-wrenching fear. "Get it over with, then."

“Where are you?” asks a weirdly familiar voice at her back.

The question comes so out of left field, it leaves her blinking at the stonewall. Only it’s not stone. It’s metal. A metal wall makes no sense. The mountain didn’t have metal walls, only doors. To her left is a dark window. The mountain didn’t have windows. She turns her head and sees a familiar profile.

No monster. Just a Skaikru man – Bellamy.

The world comes rushing into focus, and she remembers: Praimfaya, Polis engulfed in flames, a small tin can rocketing into the sky.

“You with us?”

She nods against the wall, and Bellamy lets go of her arm, she can feel the throb of her skin where his fingers wrapped around her forearm. He steps back, allowing her to turn and see what she has done. Harper McIntyre is tipping her head back, blood pouring out of her nose. The frikdreina Emori has a red welt on her cheek and here is starting to swell shut. Still, she's holding a furious looking Murphy back.

Bellamy stays close, shielding his people from her.

Echo feels sick. She is on borrowed time already, and she’s lashing out like some rabid animal.

You know what has to do with rabid animals.

She backs away, her back colliding with the cold metal of the hall's wall.

Nowhere to go.

They are going to put her down. She is useless if she can’t perform a simple task like deliver supplies without causing a scene.

"Murphy, why don't you help Harper get the bleeding under control?”

“What about her?”

“I’ll deal with Echo.” Murphy doesn’t look happy, but he turns to Harper McIntyre, closely followed by the frikdreina Emori, leaving Echo and Bellamy alone in the hall.

“Come, let’s get out of here.”

The spy follows.

He’s probably kicking himself for wasting resources on her over the last few days. The precious air they spent on her could've significantly helped when they first arrived at the palace in the Void.

He opens a door and steps aside, their execution chamber, no doubt.

When the light snaps on, she sees a bed and a small desk, shelves mounted on the walls.

She turns to him, and Bellamy shrugs. "I noticed you sleeping under the desks in the mess hall. We have enough room for you to have a bed, you know.”

Echo looks around the room. Is this a Skaikru tradition?

“There is no need for last rites. It would only be a drain on your resources.”

Bellamy frowns. “Last rites? What because of what happened?”

“I attacked your healer.”

There is a moment of silence. The Skaikru leader can’t her in the eye, staring instead at the wall behind her left shoulder. “It was the mountain, wasn’t it? You thought you were inside the Mountain.”

It isn’t a question, so she doesn’t interrupt.

Bellamy rubs the back of his head like he’s wont to do and wanders into the room, collapsing into the chair. Echo remains standing by the door. When he talks again, he does so looking at his hands “I know what it’s like. Going somewhere and finding yourself back in-“ he cuts himself short, hiding his weakness as quickly as possible. With a sigh he looks up, eyes flitting over her before fixing in a point over her shoulder. “Nobody here is going to punish you for something you cannot control.”

“Warrior's dream is an infection. It needs to be cut out before it spreads to other warriors."

His eyes snap to her so quickly, she takes a step back. “I won’t kill anyone else. Like it or not you are one of us now, and I am not losing anyone else.”

“With all due respect, master, what good is a mind crippled warrior to you?”

"I told you once, and I'll repeat it. You are strong."

Echo huffs, fighting to reign her temper in. “I am a sick warrior with barely a grasp of what is going on. Let’s face it, there is nothing up here I can do to help you. I can’t even get supplies from one end of the ship to the other!”

“It took four of us to take you down.” He stands. “We need you to train us.”

Echo frowns at the unexpected command. “Train you in combat skills. That is my purpose?”

Bellamy nods. “Yeah.”

He is giving her a reason to be here, something to do and the wave of relief that washes over her makes her knees go weak.

“I won’t let you down, master.”

“Please, just call me Bellamy.”

full story over at AO3

#the 100 fic #becho fic #children #child fic

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