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angiewang19 · 4 years

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freshman year @ cmc: academic tips

Course Registration: Getting into courses is a SHITSHOW, but if there’s a will, there’s a way.

1. Talk to people. Listen to your FYGs. You don’t need to listen to all your FYGs. That can be overwhelming. Pick a FYG you trust and vibe well with. They’re committed to helping you, so that’s one reliable resource during this overwhelming time. Befriend other not-freshmen (especially folks with similar academic interests) and interrogate them about courses they’ve loved/hated. Ask for helpful people’s numbers or friend them on facebook immediately after you chat with them (24-hour rule: friend them before they forget who you are). However, they aren’t obligated to help since they aren’t your FYGs (note: being helpful takes time and energy), but you want to have options for people to call when you don’t know what to do.

2. RateMyProfs. Corroborate word-of-mouth advice on RateMyProfs; it’s decently reliable. Read the criticism and praise mindfully: pay attention to reviews that discuss specific strengths/weaknesses of the professor and teaching style. Obviously, ignore reviews where students are writing from a place of bitterness. For example, ignore if the reviewer is pissed about a hard class / getting an unsatisfactory grade. Also, ignore if the reviewer says the professor is a “great person.” Being a great person doesn’t mean they’re great at their job (of course, there are many great professors who are also great people, and vice versa). Generally, your life is a lot easier if the professor is wickedly good at teaching the concepts because (theoretically) it’s relatively straightforward to be a good student (there’s honestly not a whole lot to complain about if you’re comfortable with the material). That’s compared to a more problematic situation when you are forced to understand material from a professor who sucks at explaining stuff, regardless of whether they have a charismatic or repulsive personality. So... if you pick professors who are good at their jobs, here’s the best case: if they’re a great person, being a good student will allow you to (almost effortlessly) develop a good relationship with them. And here’s the not ideal, but not terrible case (and also unlikely case, since most professors are awesome on all fronts): if they’re an asshole but good at teaching you probably won’t even need to go to office hours and interact much but still earn a satisfactory grade. Also, on RateMyProfs, the perceived “difficulty” of the professor is worth paying attention to. The big asterisk is that it’s important to realize college students think about the difficulty of their classes compared to previous classes they’ve taken (aka for freshmen, the benchmark is their high school classes). Thus, this metric is somewhat subjective for ratings on first-year classes because that depends on how hard high school was for the individual writing the review. But if the reviews universally say the professor/course is mind-blowingly hard or easy, it’s worth keeping in mind.

3. Use hyperschedule.io to organize your life. Think about 8 a.m. classes (not that bad tbh) and how you want to schedule your free time. I personally find it hard to have 1 hour blocks of free time; I get nothing done. I need 2.5+ hours to hunker down and complete a task from start to finish without feeling unnecessarily rushed (like feeling panicked). 12:15-1:15 is the craziest time in the dining halls. If you get out of class at 10:50 am, you can catch an early lunch, where everything is stocked up. Or if you get out of class at 12:15 and don’t have another class until 2:45pm or later, you can catch a later lunch, a more quiet dining experience but fewer options (but you can still find something you like if you pick the dining hall wisely).

4. During course registration: don’t panic.

5. Nepotism is a thing. People get into classes because they have a relationship with that professor (so use this fact to your advantage as time moves forward). But, if you don’t get into a class that you really wanted to get into and have never interacted with the professor teaching that class:

a. submit a perm. it’s a tweet. be concise. don’t just say the class “works for your schedule,” but think about the specific reasons you want to learn from that professor. a perm that combines the prof’s engaging and effective pedagogy (lecture / discussion / a textbook the prof authored / project) with your interest in the content of the class is an unstoppable perm (think: if you are drawn to just the content of the class or that you have to do the course bc it fulfills a GE, your profs can be like, go take it somewhere else bc there’s almost always a class somewhere in the 5c’s with empty seats that’s covering similar material, if content / satisfying GEs is all you care about) .

b. send a follow-up email immediately after, and make your case more thoroughly. flattering words (that aren’t excessive) about the prof don’t hurt. talk to people who’ve taken the class to extract specific, once-in-a-lifetime classroom experiences that you can allude to in your email. finding alums of a class is easier than you think. ask around. you did sign up to go to a college with a sense of community. use it.

c. if no response from the prof or a response along the lines of “i can’t guarantee anything,” be ready to show up to class on day 1. even if the prof responds with a gentle no, showing up to the first class isn’t a bad idea. if at the first class, they are firm that they have no more spots and no questions asked, then unfortunately the case is closed (it’s a sign to take another course that interests you AND you can try again next semester). but if they don’t provide a definitive “no,” you can keep trudging forward, following the steps below.

d. at the end of day 1 class (i don’t recommend talking to the prof at the beginning of the class because everyone is anxious), talk to them. make your case again. be friendly. you aren’t entitled to a spot in their class, so don’t act like it.

e. if still nothing decisive, at this point you’re fighting a war of attrition. the prof doesn’t really care. nevertheless, you persist: do your homework diligently, show up to office hours, always go to class, sit in the front if you can. stay hopeful because this is the window where people are “shopping around” and often are dropping classes.

f. if the prof is consistently unresponsive, keep going with this strategy mentioned in part (e) until the add deadline. i always have told myself: if you make a point that you really want to learn, the professors love that, and they really can’t stop you from doing that. unless they’re really unreasonable / difficult or there just aren’t enough seats in the classroom, they’ll let you in -- at the end of the day, it’s their job to impart their knowledge to the next generation of eager thinkers.

Academics: it’s not always pretty, but it’s fulfilling if you do it right.

1. People say freshman fall is a throwaway semester, and I’ve seen academics get tossed to the side. Yes, use the time to adjust, make friends, and have fun. Respect yourself and the transition you’re making. But hold yourself to a high academic standard. I say this because most of us experience some level of impostor syndrome upon our arrival at (a top liberal arts) college. After a few months, we may feel like we belong socially, athletically, extracurricularly, and culturally, but in my opinion the most important aspect of college life is feeling like we belong to the intellectual community. While genuine self-confidence is the most powerful force to conquer impostor syndrome, a bit of external validation (aka grades) can go a long way in making you feel empowered and confident (also why people commit to colleges that give them merit aid -- it’s a form of external validation to prove that they belong at that college, intellectually).

2. First 3 weeks: don’t party too hard (or don’t go out at all, if cold turkey is easier than tempering the alcohol and fun). If the professor assigns textbook reading even though she lectures in class, do it. As concepts are covered in class, do the corresponding practice problems. Go to every office hour, even if you have, like, 1 clarifying question. The first few weeks of the semester is always when everyone is running around --adjusting, partying-- because there aren’t looming projects and exams, but the first 3 weeks are the most important weeks of the semester. Academic coursework in college builds on itself, and having a commanding grasp of the first few weeks of the material will ensure success later on. You can always stop reading the textbook and stop going to office hours if, after 3 weeks, you find it redundant or unhelpful. Think about this analogy: when driving a car, you have to push the gas pedal relatively hard to accelerate your car a tiny bit, but it is effortless to release the gas pedal. The car will slow down immediately. Go hard in the beginning; you can always chill out. In contrast, when you realize during week 4 that the professor’s way of explaining things is convoluted and then you turn to the textbook or tutors, your experience catching-up will feel hard and not very fun.

3. Preview the material before you go to class, pay attention in class (SIT IN THE FRONT ROW and ask questions in class, this alleviates any confusion immediately which saves time in the long run), and then review the material after class. Everyone is so scared of learning through repetition and memorization (especially in Western educational institutions, there’s this paranoia and fear about busy/rote work), but even at a top educational institutions like cmc/pomona/mudd professors are going to ask you to memorize stuff. Prof. Sarkis (linear algebra professor!) has always said that to speak a foreign language (understand linear algebra!), you first have to memorize the basic words (definitions/proofs!) in order to construct sentences (discuss complexities in linear algebra!). So if they make us do it in math (which doesn’t seem like a class that requires students to memorize crap), then every class has an underlying set of vocabulary, and you should know it like the back of your hand. Memorize by frequent repetition -- tip: schedule your (p)review habits around your classes (preview, go to class, review immediately after; rinse and repeat), which holds yourself accountable and establishes routine. Every time you do a cumulative review of the material after class, you should review the material so thoroughly that you’re prepared to take the midterm if it was the following day. This discipline will save you time when you prepare for and take the actual test. Since most of the stuff is already in your head, midterm studying will be easier. That’s a no-brainer. During tests, I’ll make the argument to you through proof by contradiction: if you choose to not memorize stuff and instead “reason” through it on the test, you waste time. So, why not just memorize the theorem or fact and save yourself time and mental energy?

4. Use the QCL/CWPD. They get paid. You get help. It’s a win-win! If there are a bunch of people available to tutor a subject: in the beginning of the semester, shop around. Try different people (perhaps present them the same assignment) and see who works best for you. Book appointments ahead of time. Planning is important -- anticipate a problem set or paper, and assume that you will have questions (okay, so if the pset was easy, you might not have direct questions about the pset, but the act of doing the pset forces you to engage more with the material, so you will probably have questions about the material itself), book an appointment before your favorite person gets booked up (unlikely to happen, but still, certain time slots with your person can be competitive). Tip: if you schedule an appointment 24 hours before the pset is due, that will motivate you to get the pset/paper done in advance of the meeting so you can check stuff with the mentor/consultant. This will force you to not do assignments last minute, which makes them a lot more enjoyable and interesting!

5. Go to Office Hours. If professors go over psets during office hours, make sure you try to solve the problems prior to attending. Learning and truly understanding material is NOT a spectator sport. You have to actively participate! Don’t show up to just get the answers. It shows, you aren’t learning as much, you aren’t pushing yourself to reach your full potential, and you aren’t getting your bang for your buck in terms of expensive tuition. If you don’t have questions about the material, ask professors about their lives. Did you know that people’s favorite topic to talk about / write about is themselves? It’s also a privilege that we get to interact directly with professors; that’s not the case at most top institutions. Showing up means you care (I have gone to many office hours, and it’s obvious that nobody else shows up because it doesn’t directly benefit their pursuit of earning a good grade). If you have a borderline grade at the end of the semester, being a regular attendee of office hours will bump your grade up.

6. Midterms. The word “midterm” sounds more stressful than “test.” Yes, they are weighted more heavily in college than they were in high school, and to guarantee yourself an A at the end of the semester, you must submit decent work for each midterm/project/assessment and for the final exam. This is speaking in terms of the A cutoff listed on the syllabus, which is usually 95+. So a final grade of a 93 technically won’t guarantee you an A but that doesn’t mean the prof can’t or won’t bump you up, but this is case-by-case and thus unreliable. Often, with 1-2 midterms, a final, and some free participation/homework points, there’s some wiggle room. That’s the truth, but you should never tell yourself that, since you will likely slack if you persuade yourself with that truth.

a. advice as your scramble in prep for your first midterm: study your hardest for your first midterm! you don’t know what to expect, and you shouldn’t expect an easy test (philosophically you’ll always be disappointed). prepare for the hardest exam you can imagine, and then if the exam is easy, well, that’s a lovely treat and you probably just knocked it out of the park. the material covered on the first midterm lays the foundation for the rest of the semester, so if the first midterm goes well, you’ll have an explosive amount of confidence moving forward.

b. nevertheless, the whole “midterms aren’t everything, they are an arbitrary measure of self-worth, and you have wiggle room moving forward” is a good reality check when your first midterm doesn’t go as planned -- which is frequent, since you’re adjusting to a new teaching style and often a totally different discipline of study. after a less than ideal first midterm, know that your overall course grades are more volatile in college than they were in high school, and that should be an empowering fact. your grades will change for the better if you’re willing to put in the work. doing well on the next midterm/project/paper can virtually erase any previous screw up, if you’re willing to put in the work (see the pattern?). what does a willingness to put in the work entail? you have to commit to working harder than you did before (even if you already thought you were operating at your max, you can push yourself harder!) to perform the way you want. that means being generous about your time: don’t complain about how much time you spent on a pset or at office hours. the newsflash is that understanding concepts thoroughly takes time, focus, and discipline. in fact, you might need more time than your peers, so quit comparing or internalizing that other folks are breezing through the class. they might be, but it’s in your best interest to assume that they are also grinding just as hard, if not even harder, than you to get the results they are hoping for.

7. Finals: in high school, it was really hard for final exams to change your grade for better or for worse, but in college, finals are powerful! If you want to raise your grade and you’re willing to put in the work, finals are the IDEAL opportunity (life hack: if you think of your work as opportunities rather than obligations, you will be happier).

*make a plan* (channel elizabeth warren, who has a plan for everything). think about each course that you’re taking, and classify it as situation (1) or situation (2) -- see below. make a list of everything you’d like to get done before the exam; this act helps you visualize which classes have more work. allocate time accordingly, and prioritize, prioritize, prioritize. prioritization takes bravery. do you really need to spend an afternoon, 1 week before finals start where time is still plentiful, studying for an exam in a class that you have a 98%? yeah, it’s always scary to leave stuff off to the last minute (at least for me), but it seems like you can probably cram for that exam the day before. since you understand the concepts, you’re just refreshing your memory. it won’t be too painful. more pragmatically, one week out before the craziness, the course that’s borderline A-/B+ is probably on the forefront of your mind. not groundbreaking, but worth noting: the only way to reduce stress about that class is to do something about it! in this case, study! use the 1 week before finals start, where time is still plentiful, to work though conceptual blips and re-teach yourself challenging material (this should not happen the day before the exam, so make time for it well in advance). trust me, that will make you feel accomplished.

key mindset: you will feel more steady/calm in the days leading up to the exam if you already have a good grasp on the major concepts and just have to fill in some minor gaps.

situation (1): in the most ideal world, you knock it out of the park for each midterm/project -- and the final exam/project will be chill. this is for 2 reasons: a) most pragmatically, you can afford to not do as well and still get an A. you’ve bought yourself extra wiggle room, and b) philosophically, the strong work you’ve consistently submitted throughout the semester shows that you have a solid grasp of the material, so that final will just come down to some focused memory-refresh.

situation (2): that ideal case is most often not the case. a rough midterm happens. that’s life. my advice after being in this situation every semester: midterms provide some indication of your understanding of the material (unless you have another metric, which is great!), so review those mistakes and make sure there are no conceptual gaps there. you’re going to have to go through everything discussed in class with a fine mesh sieve and ask yourself -- do I really understand this, or do I need to spend a few more minutes/hours hammering this concept out? (you shouldn’t be doing much during finals week anyway, so “I don’t have time” is not an excuse). it’s going to feel a bit more like catch-up (aka hell, as mentioned earlier) the days leading up to the final exam, and you’re probably beating yourself up about why you aren’t finding yourself in the circumstances of situation (1), but stop feeling sorry for yourself and start grinding. it is 11/10 worth it when you get that A!

sleep and eat during finals. take breaks. make sure you are crystal clear about when you’re supposed to be and where for your exams. last minute changes are all too common, so clarify logistics before everything gets crazy. then you can spend all of your time doing the important thing -- studying.

College midterms and finals are really rewarding! Since you have fewer of them, the adrenaline rush and stress is real. For me, high school was more a slow burn with a million tests happening simultaneously, but college workflow is more like short bursts of craziness with hearty breaks. You’ll be exhausted at the end of each stressful climax, but it feels fulfilling when you have a comprehensive understanding of the material.

8. Group studying: don’t do it. Much of learning is actually a lonely activity. I can’t speak for everyone, but here’s my personal experience: group studying is fun, but I reach record-breaking lows in productivity when I study with others. However, I consistently find myself in a state of flow when I’m isolated and have literally nothing to distract me. In my ideal world, I would sit in a room with no furniture, just white walls and a desk in the middle. My laptop would just disappear when I didn’t need it, since that is a major procrastination tool for me. In our realistic world, my preferred study spaces are the 4th floor of the library, South Quad study lounges (if people don’t collaborate in there), or the Reading Room (I do get pissy and will call people out or pack up my stuff and leave if I hear whispering). The sole purpose of convening a group of classmates should be last minute regurgitation of general concepts. Explaining concepts to another human is helpful review. But if you are your best critic, you can also just teach the air or the wall and get feedback from yourself about your understanding of the material? At the end of the day, you know yourself best, and you are able to be the most honest/brutal with yourself about your understanding (think fine mesh sieve analogy mentioned earlier). I also believe that group studying is only helpful when I have buddies who have a similar level of understanding as me. Otherwise, I feel overwhelmed because I can’t keep up with the discourse or I end up being the tutor. As discussed earlier, being helpful takes time and energy, and usually the week before a midterm is busy and tiring.

9. Studying: I like writing on blank paper! Try it. I feel freed, both literally and symbolically, when there are no lines on the page. I do all of my homework and study guides on printer paper.

9.5. Basic truth, but worth stating: Put your phone away, and put your laptop away when you clearly don’t need it. Often, I tell myself I need to look something up on my laptop, and 30 minutes later I’ve totally forgotten what I was actually supposed to be doing on my laptop. Also, you don’t need to respond to text messages and emails immediately! If it’s an emergency, people will call, and you can hear your phone ring even when it’s put away (or even better, they’ll find some other way to get a hold of you). At a minimum, I’m assuming you check your email/phone twice a day, so you won’t ever run the danger of accidentally ghosting someone; you can afford to not check your email or texts when you’re studying. I always think about my elementary and middle school years and how I was much more focused back then. Also, during that time, I had a phone that wasn’t all that interesting and didn’t use my laptop. Coincidence? I think not.

10. Always carry a folder with some scratch paper in it. Take the cover sheets from the printer (I take other people’s cover sheets as well, since everything left on the printer is fair game). Sometimes everything is a jumble in your head, and writing it down on an unimportant piece of paper allows all the thoughts to just pour out and organize themselves. In linear algebra we called our scratch paper our PSMS (private safe math space). In this space, we don’t feel the pressure of writing out a perfect proof or solution on our first try (newsflash: it’s impossible). It gives us freedom to think and try things out. Then once you get all of the thinking done with arrows and exclamation marks and things crossed out, it’s easy to put everything together in an aesthetically pleasing and logical way.

11. Grades: have the discipline to not discuss grades with your professors. If you focus on the material and the process of understanding the material, they will love you! And that love will help you earn satisfactory grades. Among all of the professors I’ve had, they share a universal hate in discussing grades (some will tell you that explicitly in the syllabus or whatever), but just don’t be that person. This semester in math we were fully banned from discussing grades and honestly that made me learn the material a lot more voraciously. Here’s a reassuring note that will hopefully persuade you to not worry about grades even more: after finals, professors will try their best to give you what they can. People say that they’re always pleasantly surprised when they see their transcript. You must give your professors a reason to give you the benefit of the doubt -- that means enjoying the process of learning cool new things and kicking ass on each of your midterms!

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toosicktoocare · 7 years

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Seizure Writing Guide!

****This is the seizure anon. I apologize for the wait, I was really excited to share what I knew with you, but then I realized that not only did I write way more than I expected, but I also added comments based on that story you wrote that are denoted with an asterisk at the beginning and end of each comment. I figured you could probably take them out before you actually post it because the notes are explicitly to you. If there’s any way to keep my screen name from posting with the submission that would be awesome because I’m not ready to be “outed” in the community just yet, but if it’s too difficult that’s okay (I’m only 16 and a senior in high school).

So the entire reason why I know anything about what a seizure feels like is because I have grand mal and juvenile absence epilepsy. I had my first grand mal seizure when I was 11, although my neurologist suspected that I had been having absence seizures since age 8. As I went along with my treatment, things started going awry and I developed narcolepsy with cataplexy and a slew of other problems.

Even though I’ll eventually grow out of the epilepsy, I will struggle with severe narcolepsy for the rest of my life. It has robbed me of all control over my sleep wake cycle and made my life touch and go ever since. Lately, I’ve been experiencing a flare-up, something that makes my condition much worse. They occur when I’m stressed or sick, mainly because my narcolepsy is auto immune (which is why, in my opinion, it would make good fic material, but that doesn’t concern this rn). I’ve been battling fatigue all week, and I’m sorry submitting it just slipped my mind. If you want to know more about it, talking about it helps and I can take questions. (After all, you know who I am now.)

So, once again, sorry for the wait. Guide begins below the hash mark, don’t forget to take out the asterisk paragraphs before you post. ****

This is a guide to writing seizures! If you have any knowledge/experience to add, or perhaps if I misrepresented something feel free to add your thoughts as this is for the community as a whole to use!

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General Information

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A seizure is an excess firing of the neurons in the brain. This misfiring can be generalized (affecting both sides of the brain) or focal (affects one side of the brain, a specific area of the brain, etc). Of the focal onset seizures, there are two sub categories, simple partial (person is fully/mostly aware) and complex partial (some changes in levels of consciousness).

Generalized onset seizures normally produce the more obvious/well known symptoms of a seizure, whereas focal onset seizures can have some pretty weird symptoms.

The categories and seizure types that fit into them are as follows:

Generalized- - Convulsive (myoclonic, clonic, tonic, tonic-clonic, atonic) - Non-convulsive (absence-typical/atypical) - Unclassified

Focal- Simple Partial (4 categories) - w/motor symptoms * convulsive/jerking motions, unusual head or eye movements, numbness, tingling, a crawling feeling on your skin, etc.

- w/sensory symptoms * feeling weird pressure or warmth, seeing/hearing/smelling/tasting weird things

- w/autonomic symptoms (autonomic = things that the body regulates automatically, like temperature) * usually things like sweating, stomach churning, nausea, unexplained sense of fear, etc.

- w/psychic symptoms * warped time perception, dysmnesic (deja-vu sense), strong feelings of fear, illusion, hallucinations, difficulty or discomfort swallowing

Complex Partial- - simple partial onset then impaired consciousness - impaired consciousness at onset simple partial evolving into second generalized

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Types of Seizures

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Grand Mal (Tonic-Clonic) Seizures

This is the main type, normally consisting of 4 stages; aura, tonic, clonic, and aftermath. Common triggers include the presence of epilepsy, flashing lights, fever, and head trauma. The victim needs to be monitored during each of the four stages to ensure safety. It is also important to note that any grand mal seizure lasting more than 5 minutes can result in permanent brain damage.

From the victim’s perspective, they may/may not know what is going on depending on whether or not they’ve had a seizure before. Many epileptics are able to tell when they are about to have a seizure based on how their aura phase presents itself. The most common forms are seeing/hearing/smelling/tasting/feeling things that aren’t there. For example, smelling something burning, a metallic taste in the mouth, or possibly even strong feelings of deja vu/turning of he stomach. For non-epileptics and people having their first seizure, it may present as just a feeling of uneasiness and slight drowsiness. It depends on what area(s) of the brain is/are affected.

After the aura, the tonic phase hits and the victim loses consciousness as the body stiffens, lasting 10-25 seconds for the average person. Then the clonic phase hits and the body convulses for an average of 30-50 seconds. The clonic phase is probably the most dangerous part of the seizure because of the possibility of injury. The most important thing to remember is that you have to get the person in a position where they cannot his their head on anything, and you should NEVER try to restrain them while they’re convulsing. It can cause a lot more damage if you try and restrain them than if you just let it take its course.

The aftermath can consist of anything from nausea to a fog-like confusion, and the victim should never be left alone until the stage is completed and the person has regained consciousness and functions normally. It is not uncommon for the victim to forget their name, nor is it for the victim to forget where they are.

Morning of my first seizure I felt abnormally drowsy and I had a mild headache, but I waved it off as the result of staying up late too many nights in a row. So I went to school anyway and made it two hours into my day when suddenly I began to feel extremely heavy, like a lead blanket had been placed over me. I put my head down on my desk, but I kind of knew that I wasn’t falling asleep; it was a different feel. I woke up in the hospital, thoroughly confused, disoriented, and slightly weak. I had woken up in the ambulance, but apparently I couldn’t remember my own name. It took me about 2 days to really recover, but only about a half an hour to an hour to become mostly aware.

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Petit Mal (Absence) Seizures

This is about as close to unconsciousness without actually being unconscious. Can be caused by flashing lights and hyperventilation, but they are normally unprovoked.

Characterized by a blank stare, they are well described by the phrase “time traveling” because you have no clue what goes on during them. It’s like one minute you’re there and then a second passes and you realize a minute passed and you can’t remember what you were doing before. It’s not painful, just really annoying and confusing. They last 30 seconds on average, but can last longer.

Given the elusive nature of absence seizures, it’s pretty unlikely that a quick trip to Web MD would be able to diagnose this. Petit mal seizures are extremely hard to diagnose, especially without an EEG (stands for electroencephalogram, which is a machine that measures brain waves through electrodes applied to the patient’s head). They usually cannot occur in rapid succession, but having multiple absence seizures in a day is possible.

****That is precisely why I liked your story so much! Yes, the “cloud” would be more of an aura phase because you usually can’t tell when they’re going to happen, but as the seizure are a result of possible brain damage it totally works. It was an inventive way to approach it, and I liked the idea. It just makes sense for him because he can’t control how often/intense the ‘glitching’ is.****

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Other, More Obscure Types of Seizures

Tonic Seizures

Seizure where the body goes rigid. Usually happens during sleep, but can occur when awake. Generally lasts for 20 seconds or less, minimal changes in consciousness. Can happen to any age group.

Clonic Seizures

Seizure where the body convulses in specific areas or full body. Usually only found in newborns/infants.

Atonic Seizures

Nicknamed “drop seizures”, it’s a sudden loss of muscle tone either in certain areas of the body or throughout the whole body. Normally lasts less than 15 seconds and person is conscious.

To the person experiencing the episode, it’s terrifying when to have the first one because there you are, going about your daily life and then BOOM you’re on the floor and can’t move. You want to move, but even if you will yourself to move with every fiber of your being, you can’t. Then, when you can move, you may realize you broke something on the way down, or maybe you lost consciousness because you hit the corner of a table on the way down. They are very dangerous, and many people (especially children) who experience uncontrolled atonic seizures are recommended to wear helmets to reduce the risk of injury during a sudden attack.

****I haven’t had an atonic seizure before, but I have had something very, very similar called a cataplexy attack. They SUCK. I developed severe narcolepsy w/cataplexy as a result of having abnormal neural activity (epilepsy), and my first cataplexy attack was TERRIFYING. I was standing up and laughing at something, next thing I know I’m on the ground in excruciating pain because I lost control of my muscles, landed wrong, and broke my tailbone. I was conscious the whole time but I couldn’t move for a good 20 seconds, was in extreme pain, and actually thought I broke my spine (I was 13). I wouldn’t be surprised is something like this happened during an atomic seizure. The important thing to note is that cataplexy attacks are triggered by emotions, whereas atonic seizures cannot be triggered by anything.****

Myoclonic Seizures

These are seizures that are shown through rapid jerking of the extremities. It’s like severe flinching, or like when a chill runs down your back, and it’s completely involuntary. They can occur at any stage in life.

****I can see the most potential in this for writing purposes because when I had them, I would think 'ey I’m glitching’ and I can see Jeremy and Michael freaking out over something like this. For me it usually didn’t feel like anything, but when it happened with my eyelids it was really weird (my eyelids would twitch and it Mede it hard to pay attention and sometimes got uncomfortable). It’s like muscle spasms, but without pain.****

Febrile Seizures

Not going to lie, almost forgot to add this to the list. Wasn’t sure where to put it, so naturally I just tacked it on to the end. So, febrile seizures are seizure that are triggered by fever. It mainly happens with newborns/small children, and it’s pretty much just convulsions.

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Hope you enjoyed, feel free to add things!

#this is so interesting and educational!!#ya'll check this out if you are writing seizures!#this is so detailed!#thank you sweets!#submission

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bronyinabottle · 7 years

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FAME AND MISFORTUNE THOUGHTS

Welp, it's time to dive into a bit of controversy

This episode while I can't say it's the most controversial episode I still notice that there's a decent amount of uproar about it. And it's pretty easy to see why that is. It's an episode that lampoons the fanbase or at the very least a certain part of the fanbase. Depending who you are you could either find it entertaining and be able to laugh at ourselves in regards to just how meta this episode gets or you're offended personally and think the writers and hasbro just gave you the middle finger with this episode.

Personally, I'm in the former in that I enjoyed this episode though I do understand why some might not like some things in the episode. Cause some of the parts of the episode may have some unintentional implications that may make it seem they have a problem with the more older fans. So I'll get this out of the way first, the staff and Hasbro love us. The fact they made episodes like Slice of Life alone should be proof of that. This episode is essentially just a little bit of airing of grievances for certain parts of the fanbase that either have had less then unkind words for the writers or a somewhat unpopular opinion and/or strong on one side of a particularly fandom splitting issue.

Though I think to some degree every one of us fans have said something or at least withhold an opinion that probably would count as one of the petty complaints the fans in this episode say. I'm pretty sure I've probably said something that would probably come out as petty to others. I'm not going to say that everything I've said about this show whether it was a positive or negative opinion on an episode was entirely on a strong basis. Cause that'd be arrogant of me, but there are those who ARE kinda that arrogant about their opinions, and adding a few more groups of the fanbase that are similarly annoying, it's exactly what the episode intends to lampoon.

Changing subject a little, this episode seemed to be made by M.A. Larson. Albeit there's a little bit of a asterisk on that. Considering while yes the episode is credited solely to M.A. Larson. It sounds like the episode was an old script of Larson's that was written anytime after Season 4 but probably before Season 6. And over time it's been left collecting dust until the staff decided to bring it over to Season 7. Making some changes to it so it reflects the season. So it's a little confusing since we don't know exactly how much of Larson's script was kept and what was changed. So it could very well be true that the original version of this episode was written before Amending Fences. And if so that still kinda counts Amending Fences as M.A. Larson's final episode for the show. But nonetheless it got me hyped to know M.A. Larson was even a little bit behind this episode for certain. And at least in my eyes didn't disappoint.

But time to actually talk about the episode proper. Now the episode begins with two fillies fighting. I'll get a little more about them later towards the end. But it's very much related to when I mentioned there may be some unintentional implications about the message of this episode.

It's neat seeing the journal from Season 4 again. Season 4 still stands as my favorite season of the show and aside from one certain episode, I appreciate any callbacks to such.

Starlight has the ability to make perfect (And more clean for that matter) copies of books. But of course we also get the mention that the original use for it was to make copies of a manifesto that we can imagine was used for that village. So… some awkward dark stuff.

Annnnnd that hopscotch scene mentioned that certain episode I mentioned in the Season 4 thing… Admitedly, I was like "Noooo anything but that episode". But eh it's just another opportunity for me to laugh at myself regarding the subject of this episode heh heh.

The scene with the two ponies who dislike Rarity and later the anti-rarity fans (Even with signs and such) represent fans who like the show and even most of the main cast. But absolutely despise one of the 6 that they wish that they'd write them out of the show. I'm pretty sure there's a group of people in the fanbase that are like that for each of the Mane 6. And I've seen people who are like that to a particular character. Though an interesting tidbit about this scene is that apparently they mention something that happened in a comic. Which means this is the first time something from the comics were explicitly mentioned. Does that suddenly mean the comics are canon? Welllllll that's a bit of a muddied subject there. As certainly now we must see that particular issue (I believe it was mentioned to be issues #30 and #31) to be canon but then you have comics like the one where Sombra is reformed but in the show he's pretty much dead as a doornail. A reformed Sombra would be kinda an important thing to mention canonically, even if the reformation in said comic is actually seen as possibly the worst villain redemption in the franchise (And given how much this show has had some controversy about reformed villains that's saying a lot)

Pinkie's part is kinda a direct contrast to Rarity in it's a positive reception from the fans. But kinda misconstrued. It's kinda like Pinkie's a famous comedian, and she's been invited to a party but not to perform. Yet people going to said party expect the comedian to be doing funny stuff and wisecracks the whole time. So they watch them attentively and laugh at things they say even if it's not a joke because they think the person's there for entertainment. It could also be seen as what some people say about sitcoms of having the laughter at lines that aren't actually funny.

Rainbow's is pretty much the polar opposite of Rarity's where they adore a character where they're only interested in that character's episodes and/or those fans who'd guilt trip them saying "You wouldn't want to disappoint your fans would you?". Considering Parental Glidance, we know Rainbow's had enough blind devotion in her life and at least family would be more understanding and loving then fans.

And oh, oh, oh, ohhhhhhh that Fluttershy scene. I could swear I've seen the complaints about Fluttershy word. for. word. Saying all her lessons are the same, thinking they'd learn more then Fluttershy is, and even when Fluttershy does stand up for herself she's no longer the Fluttershy they like. The kind of hypocrisy that makes fans completely miss the point about Fluttershy's character. It takes more then one lesson to get over some of the anxieties and shyness Fluttershy had early on. And it's easy to see a clear difference between the Fluttershy of recent seasons compared to how she was earlier in the show. I'm pretty sure all fans of Fluttershy got this scene to heart for many reasons.

Meanwhile back at Rar- OH GEEZ the insanity of the face she had xD Been a little while since we've had a real crazy pony face.

The part where the press pony asks Twilight questions can be kinda considered Twilight's part in all of this and kinda represents on how real life celebrities get criticized when it seems unbelievable when other celebrities are friends with them because either they have opposite opinions on some issue (Usually politics, religion, or otherwise) or personality difference. And even when you post things that have actually happened some people might decry some things as if tt was a work of fiction. You can be friends with someone who disagrees with you on something, when both you and your friends are well-known enough that their thoughts on things are public knowledge and they happen to be the opposite of another it becomes difficult to understand for some people why they're friends when the public paparazzi don't put into account that there's more to a friendship then that.

And after a few more meta statements from the crowd including "Are AJ and Pinkie related or not" and "Twilight was better before she got wings" (Oh boy was that one said) we get the song of the episode. We're Not Flawless certainly isn't going to win any best song of the show awards but it certainly has a strong message and decently catchy. Each of the Mane 6 have their flaws and those same flaws aren't just what keeps them interesting it's what makes their friendship and interactions interesting too. They all have moments where we hoped they'd do something different or made a bad decision and it's fine to show how some feel by criticizing when an episode has something like that happen but when it comes to having it break the show for show or thinking it doesn't make any sense for the characters to be friends you start sounding less like a fan especially if you start forgetting that for every one of those there is also a good decision, awesome moment, or genuinely great interaction between the characters. Also the line "We're a work in progress" can also be something for how even after the characters have reached their new goals why they have more episodes for the Mane 6 because there's absolutely no way even after so many episodes this show has had we have reached all the potential stories we could share between a combination of the 6. Even with goals reached that just adds more things to potentially do. Eventually the show will end and probably even then there will be so many potential stories that the show wouldn't be able to get to. Even now the ponies are a work in progress that are constantly learning things and that's why the show is still generally focused on the Mane 6 even if as of recent there has been focus on some new characters like Starlight. Bringing in new characters also add some new situations to do with the Mane 6, but it was the Mane 6 that brought us into the show. And this show is going to end with them too.

Buuuuut even after the song it doesn't please the crowd. And that's the way with fanbases. It was an unappeasable part of the fanbase. Heck you could even say whatever controversy and drama comes out of this episode was predicted by the episode itself because the crowd might be saying the exact things that people who disliked this episode are saying. Basically proving the episode's point. (One thing I kind of wish would of happened though is having one fan who absolutely adores one of the Mane 6 to say "But I think you're flawless, (*insert whichever character they adore*)" as an alternate way of not getting the song's point)

And the ending where the two fillies from the start come back is what I mentioned about what some people might take the wrong way as the staff and Hasbro saying they prefer the children fans over the adult fans. Which I can kinda understand as an unintentional message. But there were kids amongst the annoying fans, and while maybe it would of been a little more fair to maybe have a few adult fans with the kids also there to say they were genuinely touched by the book. I don't think they're trashing all adult fans. As I said before, they love us, there is absolutely no doubt about that. One episode like this isn't going to erase all the support and pleasant moments between fans and members of the staff. Just sometimes there were interactions that WEREN"T so pleasant. And this episode is a bit of an airing of grievances of moments like that. It's an episode that's full of truth, and depending how you react to some fandom truths especially negative ones will be the main thing that decides if you can find a way to like the episode.

I for one know the fandom isn't perfect and many of the things in the episode I remember being said in the episode. Sometimes even word for word. And full knowledge that I've probably said something that could be seen as petty as some of the complaints in this episode. But I can look myself in the mirror and laugh at myself. This is an entertaining episode that lampoons certain parts of the fandom, absolutely the most meta episode of the show. And yet another good episode of Season 7. It's going to offend some and there's an understandable reason why. But there's certainly one thing no one can say about this episode: It lied.

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magnumbill · 7 years

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Maggy’s 2008 SpongeBob Reviews - A Chronicle of Teenage Anger and Cringe

Alright, time for me to open the archives and show you guys some dumbassery from my younger days. As many people know, I’m a contributor on the Annotation Station and one of the things we like to talk about and make fun of are cartoon reviewers who get extremely upset and personally offended by every little thing they review. They also like to take on shows like Spongebob and Family Guy and chronicle their declines in a very whiny and fanboyish manner. The hilarious thing is: I used to be one of these people.

Between February and July of 2008, I wrote a long series of then-modern SpongeBob reviews for a Facebook group I created to talk about how awesome old SB was and how shit it was at that point. The group was made in December 2007 after some high school friends and I talked about the decline of the show at our lunch table. I wrote these reviews in a series of message board posts back when Facebook actually had message boards. People seemed to really enjoy them, so I kept writing them. I also spent a lot of time on the SpongeBob TV.com forums and I even posted at least one of the reviews to the site. However, my obsession eventually got to the point where my dad intervened and told me I shouldn’t be obsessing over a show meant for 8-year-olds (and considering I’m now an annotator, I haven’t exactly learned that lesson), thus stopping the reviews. After walking away from SB reviews, I kinda came to the conclusion that it wasn’t gonna get better and that I should just walk away. Years later, I did watch MoBros and Mr. Enter respectively just to see how deep the rabbit hole went, but I eventually grew out of those as well. Today, I don’t really give a shit. I still think the show began to suck after a while, but I rarely think about it anymore and I’m not interested in rewatching them to see if I was wrong. All I really need is my childhood nostalgia for the first three seasons and Spingebill poops. I’ve heard the new episodes are actually pretty good now, so that’s a plus.

So just to for you to laugh at my 16-year-old self’s stupidity and to get a glimpse of people bitching about SpongeBob’s decline before it became a popular subject on YouTube, here are the reviews I wrote for that Facebook group all those years ago.

I should point out that many of the opinions I express in these reviews I no longer stand by. I was a dumb teenager attending an all-boys Catholic high school mostly populated by jocks, so there’s a lot of me praising low-brow humor, saying some really ignorant shit about homosexuals, and bashing science for some reason. I’ve changed a lot in the 9 years since these were first written and the internet was a different kind of place in 2008 (pretty much every mainstream internet reviewer was throwing gay jokes left and right), so please keep that in mind. I also wasn’t allowed to say certain curse words on Facebook thanks to my folks, so expect some pseudo-swears and asterisks.

So without further ado, here are the reviews.

Ok, I'm going to try to review all of the episodes from season 4 to season 5. Ok, here i go.

Fear of a Krabby Patty- This episode is ok. The plotline was recycled from The Graveyard Shift, except it lasts 43 days instead of one night. Plankton's plan seemed like a gamble and overcomplicated, while other episodes follow the process of him just grabbing a patty and running off. Oh, and you never question where someone got a piano. They just found one, end of story.

Shell of a Man- Again, ok, but not great. It wouldn't kill them to use the word "masculine" instead of "manly". Spongebob's Krabs impression about Pearl needing an operation was awesome, though.

Lost Matress- This episode seemed repetitive. Does it seriously take someone that long to kick Krabs out of the hospital for lack of insurance. Also, Squid's third plan was utter crap, he just wanted to see SB and Patrick get killed. Normally, I'd see this as totally appropriate for his character, except he's at the risk of going to jail. Also, they had no right to censor the word "murder." It was already said in Nasty Patty. Even today, Nick doesn't censor that.

Krabs vs. Plankton- First of all, Spongebob isn't licensed to be a lawyer. Second, Plankton didn;t have a lawyer. Third, Plankton's been trying to steal that damn formula for 28 years and SB JUST FIGURES OUT NEAR THE END that he needs to use that fact against him.

Skill Crane- Again, usual S4 errors like lack of humor, repetitiveness, etc. It was ok, but the biggest problem is the unnecessary censorship. Cartoon characters over the years are seen playing slot machines, so if they used the skill crane as a gambling censorship, then that's bupkiss. One could argue that the crane takes more strategy than a slot machine, so my point may be null and void, you decide. Also, in Squilliam Returns, Squilliam has a balloon/casino.

Good Neighbors- Oh my god, where do I begin? How about how TOTALLY GENERIC THE PLOT LINE IS!? All that happens is that Squidward is slowly driven to insanity, and no matter what he does, those two dumbasses won't get off his case. Usually, SB and Patrick annoying Squidward leads to the main story, but here it IS the main story! The Good Neighbors Club thing is stolen from Club Spongebob, as well as reuse of jokes from past episodes, mainly using a joke from Squidward, the Unfriendly Ghost as a running gag. (No, the other thing) Also, Squidward did not deserve to be punished at all, and even if he did, he wouldn't get community service for the rest of his life, he'd get it until the town was repaired. What Squid should've done was do what he did in Opposite Day and try to run over and kill those two mothertruckers. Also, a kid told me this was his FAVORITE EPISODE! See what this episode is doing to people!?

[For context, I took a camp counseling job at my old elementary school a year prior and heard the opinion from one of the kids. Looking back, I think he and several others were trolling me.]

Selling Out- This episode was extremely bland and it's only purpose is to show kids what really is in fast food. Also, we already know Krabs loves money, so you don't need to sing a song about it.

Funny Pants- This episode is basically Fools in April without the holiday theme. Seriously, Spongebob must be pretty damn stupid to laugh at a mild sarcastic joke for 2 days straight. Also, just because ONE episode has Sandy going on a scientific expedition to the moon, the creators decide to dump her original character and make her a 24/7 scientist. This trend will carry on for the remainder of the series, I kid you not.

MM&BB VI- Worst MMBB episode ever. Any idiot can tell Patrick did not have the lens cap on the whole time. Also, how did they get away with stuffing a boom mike in MM's mouth? Ren and Stimpy tried that same joke and got in trouble for it! Oh well, at least they added one adult joke in there.

Enemy-In-Law - Let us take a minute to explain how regular attraction works. A man is supposed to fall in love with a female of his age group. Plankton's probably about 30, and Mama Krabs is about 60-70. Who does he think he is, Anna Nicole Smith? Also, Plankton's robot dating Mama Krabs, that's just not normal.

Patrick Smartpants- It's ok, but again, it lacks humor. Also, Spongebob clearly pointed out the wrong area where Patrick's head was. It was close to the cliff, but Spongebob says it's about 30 feet away from the cliff, and Patrick says it's 50 meters farther away from that and it ends up being there! Brain coral is real, but it's shaped like a brain, not a standard coral. Learned that from Hoch's class.

SquidBob TentaclePants- This plot has been done before, and the only thing that makes this different from any generic teleportation plot (which I'm basing of that episode of Dexter's Lab) is the clarinet recital thing.

Have You Seen This Snail?- This episode actually had it's good moments. It's one of those few moments in season 4 where Patrick is funny. However, those scenes with Gary and Grandma didn't add to the episode are were just there to kill the required 22 minutes needed to make the special. "Earlier today at the craft store, I SAW...THESE HUGE BAGS OF BALSA WOOD! THEY WERE AWESOME!"

Dunces and Dragons- A lot of people hate this episode, but I think it's tolerable. It could've been better, like have the dragon be defeated in a different way. This episode does show how the Krabby Patty was made, and it fits the story told in Enemy-In-Law where Krabs said it was old family recipe. Again, same problem, lack of humor, but at least it isn't as repetitive.

Krusty Towers- This episode was actually pretty good. It was funny, it had a certain charm to it, and in some ways, it felt like a real Spongebob episode. I have no real complaints about this episode. If you play it in reverse, I hear Squidward yells "EAT SHIT!" They need to put that in a real episode with shit being censored by a sound effect. Instant classic.

Mrs. Puff, You're Fired- It was ok, the humor has improved a little bit. However, it follows the same formula as all of the other episodes (except Krusty Towers) where the climax doesn't really happen until near the end.

Ghost Host- If you remember in Shanghied, Patrick destroyed the Dutchman's ship many times, and it instantally got repaired, but here, he has to call roadside assistance. I thought the Power Within video was pretty cool, because it shows that if Spongebob was an animated series on land, it could be visually be as good as anime. Also, Squid has seen the Dutchman, like, 5 times already, so he has no right to be pulling this "don't believe in ghosts" crap. chimps ahoy- I think the reason they changed Sandy's character was to come up with more plotlines to add to the number of genres an episode can have. This episode was ok, though it's basically Texass with monkeys. It just seems like a normal S4 episode with attempts at humor and an ok storyline. Episode Ripoffs: Texas- the whole episode basically. Hell, they even have sandy singing. Suds- Patrick impersonating a doctor/professor was taken from when patrick impersonated a doctor. Whale of a Birthday- This episode was clearly made for little girls who think they're the shit. it does have good moments, like squidward trying to sing that song but failing (it's really funny in fast-motion). other than that, it's average. Episode RO's- Squeaky Boots- Krabs ruining Pearl's parties with his cheapness. It actually ties well with this episode where Krabs got her $2 boots...THAT SQUEAKED! The Chaperone- A bunch of fish from that episode come back in this episode. By the way, Billy Fishkin is not the blue fish with black hair, he's the fish with the brown afro. But like anyone's gonna notice/care. Karate Island- Not deserving of being the #1 episode or even getting its own DVD. This episode is all cheap action, but no humor whatsoever. The three bosses Sandy faces aren't even using real karate moves. Also, this episode shows footage of 2 trains colliding at one point. If you remember in the episode "Procrastination", there was a scene where a live-action drag car wiped out, but the scene got cut out. I think a train collision is more severe than a drag car crash. C'mon, Nick, make up your mind! Do you want live-action vehicle destruction or not? All That Glitters- This episode was stupid because the spatula was being treated as if it were a human being. Also, the frickin thing even comes to life near the end! Yes, I am aware that in Born Again Krabs, the bad patty came to life, but that was meant to be a joke, this episode they just give the spatula a life for no reason. I did like the scene where Spongebob killed the pirate, that was epic. Wishing You Well- This episode is actually pretty good. It's got some decent humor, not as strong as the old ones, but still enough to keep you interested. I actually liked the 2 songs Spongebob sung, the lyrics are OK, but the rhythm and instrumentals were top-notch. New Leaf- This episode is simply a showcase on how far Plankton is willing to go to get the formula. The episode is void of humor though, and it just seems to run on and on and on. There is one memorable quote though, and that is, of couse, "GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!" -Plankton. Episode RO's- F.U.N- It's basically that episode except with Krabs being the victim. Once Bitten- It's clear that they put a little more work into this episode. I like the Mad Snail Disease thing, because it rips off a fictional disease in our real world. However, it seems too repetitive. They say something about MSD, scream bloody murder, and run. Patrick is also WAY too smart in this episode. He actually sounds professional when he explains MSD, which is completely out of his character. I mean, he explained the entire history of Wumbo one time, but he doesn't sound nearly as proffessional as he does here. Everyone knows that the doctor fish isn't orange. Gary actually suffered from a disease called "GrouchySnailitus." What...the...f*ck? Episode RO's- I Was a Teenage Gary - Gary suffers from some ailment. Wormy- Mass hysteria. Squidtastic Voyage- Great, now they're ripping off Jimmy Neutron. One thing, Squidward swallowed the clarinet's mouthpiece, not the reed. I really don't have much to say about this one. RO's- Sandy's Rocket- whole episode. Bummer Vacation- This episode really isn't half bad. Patrick seems a little TOO dumb at times, but Patrick doesn't play a huge part in this episode. Also, Spongebob not knowing what a vacation is rather sad. Spongebob successfully backed a truck up in this episode. Spongebob can't even back a regular boat up, let alone a truck. Overall, not too bad. Definitely not a channel changer. Best Day Ever- This episode looks like it stole a plot from a children's picture book and added Spongebob themes. It only lasts 15 minutes and it sucks. Basically, it's Spongebob running around doing good deeds at the cost of the activities he wants to do. I actually liked the Best Day Ever song at first, but it gets old after the 11th time. Speaking of which, they only use the first verse and the chorus of the song. They add a custom verse near the end, but it's not from the official song. The only part that seemed Spongebob-esque was when Spongebob was trying to break into Squid's recital. That was good while it lasted. But here's what else is wrong with episode: -Nematodes are valley girls. What happened to the awesome nematodes that bounced around saying the same word(s) ad infinitum? -Sponge being on Squid's VIP list. I doubt Squid would want Sponge 3 feet from his recital, no matter if Sponge saved Squid's ass or not. -Squid succeeding at his recital. That's never supposed to happen. Don't watch the Best Day Ever, you'll hate it. Episode RO's- Jellyfishing- the original Best Day Ever episode. SquidBob TentaclePants- clarinet recital Squidtastic Voyage- Squid suffers from an incident involving a clarinet reed, except this time, it really is a reed, not a mouthpiece. Wigstruck- I thought it was ok. It got way too repetitive, though. Sponge looks like a dork, I get it. Episode RO's- One Krab's Trash- Sponge finds a piece of headwear and becomes attached to it. That's No Lady- This episode is ok, but it really doesn't make sense. Patrick, in his Patricia disguise, behaves and speaks like he would normally. How everyone was able to think that he was girl is beyond me. What makes even less sense is that not only do they buy this pitiful excuse for a disguise, but they aroused by it. I don't think this is the kind of fat bottom girls Queen was singing about. But then again, the singer WAS gay. The Thing- Not sure about this one. The beginning kinda sucked, but it got better overtime. The music that was playing when Sponge and Pat tried to break Smelly out was AWESOME. This episode is average at best. Hocus Pocus- First of all, I think they can come with a better name than Hocus Pocus. I think episode could have been better. The Wizard of Oz ripoff is so obvious, it's not even funny, and that's what Spongebob is supposed to be. Episode RO's- Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost- Spongebob thinks he killed Squidward...or melted him. I guess melting can be considered death to an ice cream cone. The Thing- Squid gets turned into something or is thought to have been turned into something. What's ironic about this is that these two episodes air with each other.

[After these reviews, someone commented “You’re my hero.”]

I'm back to review more episodes. Also, I'd like to thank [NAME WITHHELD] for his statement, because it's people like him that make me come back and support this cause.

Driven to Tears- I personally thought this episode was too repetitive. It's basically 8 minutes of Patrick bragging about his accomplishment and then the other 3 minutes shows them getting in a wreck, and Sponge having to do the right thing. Not terrible, but not that good. Episode RO's- Help Wanted- Patrick pumps Sponge up for his test the same way he pumped him up in the first episode. The Smoking Peanut- Sponge turning himself in to save Patrick's ass. Rule of Dumb- Typical episode where a character gains authoritah and then abuses it. Nothing too special. That's all I can really say, except that there's no way Patrick and Gary can be biological cousins. The Pink Purloiner- To tell you the truth, I've only seen the last part of this episode. I just gotta say this, why do the jellyfish have rooster combs? Couldn't they just be multicolored or something? Some people may be confused why Ol Reliable looks totally different in this episode. This problem is explained in the godawful Best Day Ever episode. In that episode, Sponge had a net that looked just like "Ol Reliable 2.0", but he also had another net that looked like a standard net, presumably the original Ol Reliable. I think Sponge just got rid of the original one and replaced it with Ol 2.0. I also heard that Patrick grows a third arm in this episode. Last time I checked, starfish can only grow arms to replace any arms that have been cut off, not grow as many as they want at will. If they did, starfish would have, like, 100 arms or something. Episode RO's- Nature Pants- Two words: Ol Reliable The Gift of Gum- This episode was OK, I guess. I just wish they didn't put old, rotten pizza slices on Gummy. That's just taking it too far. I think the Best Friends Day was generic, but appropriate. After all, every day is a holiday for Spongebob, even if he has to make one up. LEIF ERICSON DAY! Now, on to the 5th season: Rise and Shine- Never seen it, moving on. Waiting- This short was bupkiss. Sponge was malevolent to all of his friends just because he wanted a g*ddamn toy to show up. Then Patrick does something to the toy, Sponge thinks he broke it, their friendship's in jeopardy, and it's up to Squid to tell them that the toy was supposed to do what it did, and that Pat didn't break it. CRAP. Episode RO's- Big Pink Loser- I bet the "breaking of the toy" was "inspired" by that scene in Pig Pink Loser when Patrick opened the jar and he thought he broke it. The only difference was that BPL's scene was funny. Sing a Song of Patrick- I'll be honest, this episode is actually pretty good. Patrick's song was retardedly amusing. My only complaint is that you can't stick a turntable on top of a radio antenna and broadcast the song on terrestrial radio. It doesn't work like that. Born to be Wild- Yes, they seriously called it Born to be Wild. Well, the Wild/Mild Ones thing was a good plot twist, and it does show that clothes don't make the man, not to mention SOME good jokes (like Krabs saying that they could beat Sponge and Pat in the parking lot, not as funny as other jokes, but OK). Also, Squid reveals that he wants to be a biker. While out of his character, it does show that Squid has balls after all. But still, it's average. Best Frenemies- The first part of the episode seemed kinda pointless, because the Kelp Shake vendors don't seem to know/care who Krabs and Plankton are, so they really could've just bought one. I think the theft plots were mostly Plankton's ideas. Krabs actually suffers spending a dollar in this episode. A little TOO cheap, are we? Plankton's analyzer is completely inferior to the one he had in the original Plankton episode. A little TOO scientific, are we? Friend or Foe- The episode really isn't any different from the other 100 villian-origin cartoons. I do have to give them some credit on this, they were able to answer many questions about Krabs and Plankton, like how Krabs discovered to joys of cash and got his first dollar (which we've seen in Wet Painters), and how hard Plankton really had it. I also liked when Stinky first seems to be this poor-but-kind store owner, but then he turns out be a rich bitch. However, this episode makes it seem like the creation of the Krabby Patty was done by Plankton and Krabs plagarized the idea. Also, this episode contains one of the cheeziest lines in SB history: "This is the greatest sensation my still-developing taste buds have ever experienced!" or something like that. Episode RO's- F.U.N- At the end of the episode, Plankton lulls Krabs into a false sense of security and grabs the formula, just like he did to Spongebob in F.U.N. Spy Buddies- Well, it's an ok episode. The battle between Krabs and Plankton was pretty exciting. This episode does have crazy moments, like Patrick getting his crotch blown off by a bomb, and Sponge sticking a quarter up Patrick's...OK that wasn't really funny. The whole disguise thing should have explained more, it seems cheap that Krabs said the change was from events far too elaborate to go into, but I guess it's because they were near 11 minutes at this point. The multiple-disguise thing was pretty entertaining. I say give this one a chance, you may like it, you may not. Episode RO's- The Algae's Always Greener- Krabs and Plankton switch lives. I Had an Accident- the occurence of two Patricks. Boat Smarts- Basically, it's the Krusty Krab Training Video with boats. Well, to be honest, it wasn't too bad. I liked it when they took footage of a crash dummy test and stuck Squid's head the dummy, no matter how cheap it looked. If you like random boat crashes, you'll get a kick out of it. Good Ol' Whatshisname- It's ok, but it's got problems. First of all, who gets 10 years for stealing a guy's wallet and running a stop sign? That's a little much for two minor offenses. Second, what kind of name is Mr. Whatsit Tooya? This name is stupid, and the writers knew that, because Squid says "What kind of ridiculous name is that?" Not even Moe from the Simpsons would find that name convincing. Finally, why is Patrick in jail, and why is he allowed to have a parchesi board in his cell? Episode RO's- SB Meets the Strangler- Patrick, to the dismay of a certain character, becomes that character's cell mate. However, this episode gives no explanation about why he's in there. The Krusty Sponge- Krabs's got a brand new marketing strategy...and it sucks. It seemed like most of the time, it was Krabs telling Squid about his cosmetic change. Also, how can patties become yellow from being rotten? They're usually darker colors, like green and brown. Did those patties have cheese on them or something? Episode RO's- Bossy Boots- cosmetic change to KK as well as a name change. Born Again Krabs- Krabs tries to sell people rotten patties. Squidwood- I haven't seen the whole thing before, but it doesn't seem to make sense why everyone loves Mini-Squid for doing everything Squid does. That's just cruel. Also, Mini-Squid talked BY HIMSELF at one point. However, I'm not gonna take points off for that because that's what happened to Bubble Buddy at the end of his episode. Episode RO's- The Paper- Mini-Squid is based off Lil' Squid from The Paper. New Digs- This episode was decent. It had some pretty OK moments. I have only two complaints. One, did anyone notice that on the day Sponge is late, it goes from morning to night in 2 minutes? If that was gonna happen, why did Sponge even bother going to work? Come to think of it, he'd go even it the day only lasted 2 minutes. Two, why are Sponge's parents moving into the KK? Is Sponge trying to find a retirement home for them? Who knows. Krabs a la Mode- This episode is pretty good if you like epic Plankton fights. There really isn't much humor in this episode. Just two complaints- One, Plankton got into the KK when it was closed. Plankton just threw the perfect time to steal the formula down the crapper. Two, how can freezing Plankton cause Krabs to automatically win? Krabs was still on the floor when he froze Plankton, so he would've gotten frozen too, and nobody would win. I guess the only thing you can do is use your imaginaaaaaaation. To Love a Patty- The writers haven't learned their lesson from Enemy-In-Law about normal attraction. Let's face it, we've all been waiting for Sponge to get a girl, whether it be a female sponge or a certain underwater squirrel, people have been waiting for this moment. Well, it's finally come...and Sponge falls for a krabby patty. Do you know ANYONE who's had a sexual relationship with a burger who wasn't on drugs? Another thing is that the song isn't as good as it should be. This would've been a good song if Sponge didn't switch between talking and singing every 15 seconds. Also, why do we need to see a close-up of the now-ugly patty every minute? We don't want to look at an unnessesarily-detailed nasty patty all the time. I'd like to not upchuck my food, thank you. Finally, Patrick says that he would get a patty girlfriend to show up Spongebob. This NEVER happens. What they did was drop a subplot. Now for the positives. Yes, there are positives. This episode perfectly describes a long-lasting marriage. It's strong at first, but then it gets ugly. (Note: This is not an insult to htiched people. I'm only going by a stereotype) And...that's it. Breath of Fresh Squidward- Yay, Sponge and Pat find a new excuse to stalk Squid! Why are they doing this? Sponge and Pat finding excuses to break into Squid's house and stalk him is precisely why Good Neighbors sucked extremely hard. Luckily, it only lasts a few minutes, as Squid gets shocked by the electric fense and becomes super-happy. How can an electric fense change someone's personality? But then again, this is new Spongebob, and nothing makes sense in new Spongebob. So, Squid is super-happy, Sponge isn't. It starts to take the same path as Driven to Tears, where Sponge gets slowly pissed at Squid's accomplishments, and then he finally loses it. He begins to yell at the innocent squid and kicks him out of Patrick's party for pogo-dancing with Patrick. GAY. Finally, Squid gets shocked again and returns to the pissed-off, sarcastic squid we know and love. But then Sponge and Pat get shocked and turn into Squid clones. Basically, this is Good Neighbors and Driven to Tears's lovechild. It's really not that good, but hey, you make the call.

Gotta go for now. BTW I plan to make a new, bigass review for Good Neighbors because it's just that bad. [This never happened.]

Roller Cowards- This episode is actually good. It has good humor, like Patrick punching his own reflection, Larry trying to get people to smell his adrenaline. The plotline is good because we can all relate to it, right? Give it a go. Not necessarily a ripoff, but the episode takes place in Glove World, the theme park from Rock Bottom. Bucket Sweet Bucket- They clearly tried to ripoff Wet Painters here. The episode had its moments, like Plankton trying to steal the formula with Sponge and Patrick either helping or hindering his progress. Sponge and Pat seem to not know what they're doing when they're trying to paint the chum bucket. They were painting themselves instead of the Bucket. Kinda weird, because they knew what they were doing in Wet Painters. Also, Sponge and Pat seriously act like they're meeting Plankton for the first time in this episode. They act like they're doing one of those charitable acts that you normally do for strangers. Plus, this is PLANKTON we're talking about. After all the turmoil he's caused, I wouldn't help him at all. The Original Fry Cook- This episode was kinda boring. Nothing really happened. All you get is some background info about the KK and some of the characters. Squid used to have hair, Krabs tried to enter the 90's with new rags and fly lingo, and Jim was the shit. There is one good moment, and that's the frozen krabby patty scene. That was true Spongebob. Night Light- The first problem is the person that needs the night light: Spongebob. This is more proof that the writers think that when his character calls for being a kid at heart, they take it literally and make him a flat-out kid. Seriously, have you ever met anyone shameless enough to still be sleeping with a night light? Sure, you get creeped out at first, but then you get used to it. Spongebob thinking that darkness is an entity that captures people only adds to the destruction of Spongebob's adult nature. The surprise appearance by MM&BB was good, but when Spongebob talks to MM, he speaks in a tone like he's talking to a little kid, increasing his tone as the sentence nears it's end and calling MM "silly". Sponge, MM may have Alzheimer's and generally stupidity, but he's sure as hell no baby. Also, at the beginning of the episode, Spongebob has a lazy eye. NO HE DOESN'T!!! Bad plot, ok episode. Episode RO's- Krab Borg- Sponge reads/sees something that scares the hell out of him, which causes him to overreact. MM&BBII- MM tells Sponge not to a shine a huge light in the sky unless it's an emergency. Kinda similar to what Sponge was told about the Conch Signal in MM&BBII. Money Talks- Average. Good plot, good progression, it's ok. The ending is a true mystery though. I mean, I think I get why Spongebob had Krabs's soul, because he was short on payday, so Krabs gave him his soul to compensate. But where did the other spirits come from? Why do they hold a claim on Krabs's soul? Who are they? Somebody please tell me!!! Episode RO's- Born Again Krabs- Krabs does something with the Flying Dutchman that involves Krabs risking his soul. Sponge vs. The Patty Gadget- This episode is pretty good. The fight got exciting near the end, and the rhyming was executed in a good fashion, except one of Squid's verses uses too many syllables. There is really only one thing wrong here. Why give a machine a funeral?

Slimy Dancing- Well, this episode was ok. I liked Squid's methods of getting into the competition. It was kinda weird that Spongebob was completely hollow in this episode, but that really doesn't matter because continuity doesn't matter in Spongebob. The cramp dance is kind of weird to be a dance, but the epilogue makes a halfway decent joke out of it. Also, if the dance competition only allowed single dancers, how did Sponge and Pat get into the competition? In the qualifying round, Sponge and Pat danced as a double act, so they shouldn't have qualified. One of the cheating competitors cheated by having a muscle fish in his pants. That was kinda weird, but funny if you can laugh at sick jokes. So that guy can't dance unless *insert sick gay joke here*. Anyone else notice Krabs appeared in the epilogue? It seems the writers absolutely have to put him in every episode if possible. A Flea in Her Dome- This episode was below average. To tell you the truth, not much happened. It was just three guys against an army of fleas, and most of the time, Sponge, Pat, and Sandy are fighting with each other. Patrick was the cause of most of the fights, but not for being hilariously stupid, no, by being a huge bitch. I do like how the fleas look. They look pretty realistic. So really, not much happens, not much humor to compensate for it. Episode RO's- Wormy- both episodes involve main characters fighting insects. The Donut of Shame- This one was kinda dull. Patrick's hiding places for the donut weren't funny, Spongebob eating the donut that had been in Patrick's ass wasn't funny, the angel donut agreeing with the devil donut wasn't that funny. What was funny? Sponge and Patrick getting high at the party. That was funny. The Krusty Plate- This episode had a good ending, the rest was meh. I liked when Spongebob went completely with his sanitizing, 007-style lasah. At least half this episode is worth watching. Episode RO's- Dying for Pie- the nuclear bomb footage is used in this episode. Picture Day- Why Sponge has to get his picture taken before he gets his license is beyond me. The episode was repetitive and had a terrible ending. Why? Because Sponge was crying because he was covered in Patrick's taco, and when he got cleaned up, when he was clean as a whistle, he was STILL CRYING. Dammit, Sponge, you got what you wanted, WHAT MORE DO YA WANT!? Pat No Pay- This episode is basically a shortened version of Big Pink Loser. What happens is that Pat can't pay for his krabby patty feast, so he has to work of the money, and he screws up all of his jobs. It's not that good and it's extremely predictable. Blackjack- This episode is a perfect example of how a terrible ending can ruin an episode. This episode is meant to be suspenseful and have a creepy atmosphere. In this episode, Spongebob's cousin Blackjack, a totally ripped sea sponge who used to beat the shit of Sponge during his youth, has been released from prison is threatening to take out his parents. Sponge must scan Bikini Bottom, find Blackjack, defeat him in a final showdown, and rescue his parents. Sounds thrilling, right? Seeing Sponge search down his childhood foe and beat him in an all-out brawl sounds epic, right? Well, if your looking for a funny episode, this one will leave you disappointed. They try to crack a few jokes at one point, but it ends up being a failure, because having Sponge's uncle make Sponge do stuff just because he can't hear what Sponge is saying really isn't that funny. Well, Sponge finally reaches Blackjack's shack, where his parents are being held. Turns out Sponge's parents are just celebrating Blackjack's release. But that doesn't stop the battle between Sponge and Blackjack from happening. Blackjack finally shows up, challenging Sponge to a fight. Sponge gathers his courage and prepares for the fight of his life. This is what you were waiting for, right? The epic battle that everyone in the episode had been making a big deal about is about to take place, and you're eager to see who will come out the victor. Well, guess what? The epic fight turns out to be COMPLETE, UTTER BULL SHIT!!! Blackjack, as he's about to attack Sponge, turns out to be AS BIG AS PLANKTON. Not only that, they all act like Blackjack has always been small. So Blackjack isn't a huge hulking sea sponge like Sponge said he was? Sponge was tortured by THIS GUY as a child? Ladies and gentleman, this episode marks that Spongebob has officially lost his balls. Trying to find answers to this oddity, I searched Google and found that sea sponges can only shrink if they're boiled in water. Wow, that jail must have had some pretty hot showers... Or they just f*cked up.

Well, yesterday, I saw some episodes from the new 6th season. Personally, I thought most of them were below average. But I watchd them so you don't have to. The first one I saw-

HOUSE FANCY- Well, it's been about seven years since we've seen Squilliam Fancyson, and in this episode, he finally returns. The first part was kinda boring because we already know how rich this guy is. I did get a kick out of the running joke about golden doorknobs. The joke about Spongebob eavesdropping on Squid for days wasn't that funny. It just makes him look like a legitimate homosexual. There was one funny part I though was both entertaining and strange. Patrick comes over to Squid's house to use his toilet. He then tells Squid in a subtle matter that he took a huge dump. The toilet then comes to life and wants to be put out of its misery. Well, it looks like the new writers have learned something from their past mistakes, and are only giving inanimate objects mortality for comedic reasons. The ending was interesting, as Squid's house, in its shattered remains, resembles that of the cave men, apparently. However, Squid shouldn't have won the award for fanciest house. It may date back to early ancestral house styles, but Squilliam's house is beyond fancy. Golden doorknobs, bitch. OK, not great, but some good jokes help it out. Episode RO's- Snowball Effect- Patrick trying to use Squid's toilet. SUN BLEACHED- This episode sucked. Of all things to celebrate summer vacation, this is the worst form of celebration. It begins with this really tan seal, who's tan is so good, he is worshipped by everyone. Why? Because the people of Bikini Bottom are stupid. He decides to throw a party exclusive to tan people. Is that supposed to be a reference to dress codes at parties or is it referencing a certain issue about skin pigment that I'm not gonna bring up? So Sponge and Pat think, "we gotta get tan so we can get into the party." So they turn Patrick's rock into a tanning bed. Patrick gets in first and comes out all tan and wrinkled. He then says he looks like one of those old people from soda commercials. It then cuts to an old guy advertising soda. Ok, name me one brand of soda that remotely uses old people to advertise their product. This joke makes no sense. If they want to use a joke like that, they've got to refer to something that actually exists. This is also a ripoff of Family Guy, who uses jokes like that all the time. The only difference is that Family Guy knows exactly where it's going with it's "manatee" jokes (that term's from South Park), whereas here they just go down a path of utter stupidity. A bunch of girls go up to Patrick and start worshipping him. At first, I didn't get this because Patrick was wrinkled and looked like he was 50, but then I thought if Hugh Hefner can get chicks with his aging appearance, so can Patrick. Sponge gets stuck in the bed for 2 hours and looks like how he does whenever he's exposed to air: cracked up, wrinkly, and talking like an old guy. Squid then enters the episode and laughs at Sponge for being sun bleached. No witty sarcasm, no smart remarks, he just laughs at him. I was like, "Am I supposed to laugh at that?" Patrick tries numerous times to make Sponge tan, and he eventually does. Party time! Before they get in, the seal actually takes a baby, throws him at a dumpster, and he lands into a wastebasket. Look, just because it works for South Park doesn't mean it'll work for everything. I mean, babies are delicate. He could've died from that. PRO-BABY TORTURE!? ON A KID'S SHOW!? WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO!? The ending is dull. Sponge is praised for being sun bleached I guess because he laid in the t-bed for 2 hours, they crank up the heat, everyone dies, the end. GIANT SQUIDWARD- I bet they came up with this episode after one of the writers was done playing New Super Mario Bros. and thought, "What if we make one of the characters extremely huge and chaos ensues?" Well, that's what happened. Well, Squid becomes giant from some sort of growth formula that was sprayed on him by his two idiot neighbors. Sponge, seeing Squid's massive size, says that Squid could play a game with them where Squid tries to tag Sponge and Pat while they're screaming bloody murder. Two words: unnecessary censorship. We all know Squid is going to use his newfound size to try to kill Sponge and Pat. Yeah, I know that's not nice, but they could have just said nothing. They could've just had Squid chasing them and leave it at that, no need for explanation. This also makes it seem like Sponge and Pat are unable to sense danger. Everything's a game to them. I bet if The Camping Episode was written by the new writers, Sponge and Pat would be trying to ride both the sea-bear and the sea-rhino rather that try to defend themselves from them. In other words, Sponge and Pat are out of character by being too damn stupid. An angry mob ensues because Squid tells Sponge and Pat to be quiet. They then tie Squidward down and try to burn him. Welcome to Bikini Bottom, home of the wussiest, most immature people...IN THE WORLD. Part of that angry mob is the medieval fish from Dunces & Dragons. Ok, either Bikini Bottom has an Amish community or they have found a way to travel through time. Neither is likely. A kid then says that the monstrous Squid may be nice. Look, I know the kid got the idea from a picture book, but this is SQUID we're talking about. Squid wants Sponge and Pat, two idiots who refuse to cooperate and think that danger doesn't exist, to somehow shrink him. He, of course, is not gonna play good cop in this situation, he's gonna play bad cop. Squid, being shunned by so many people, hating his life, and being the second biggest prick in Bikini Bottom (first is Patrick), is gonna show no mercy, so what would possess them to think that he MAY be nice? The Bikini Bottomites then ask Squid to do various odd jobs. *cough*SpongeWhoCouldFlyRipoff*cough* But the angry mob is reformed and tries, again, to get Squidward. Why? Well, a guy sneezes, everyone but Squidward blesses him. WHAT!? YOU CAN'T START AN ANGRY MOB FOR A PETTY, LITTLE REASON LIKE THAT!!! Squid, being so huge, probably couldn't hear the sneeze, you ever thought of that? Sponge and Pat have a sleepover in Squid's belly-button. Um...how gay are these people? Sponge and Pat decide to get Squid out of his blue ruin by making him a giant clarinet. Squid plays the clarinet, and it turns out to be the most beautiful thing he's ever heard. But then he shrinks, and cannot play it. They don't explain how Squid returned to normal size, but I think it was because the growth formula wore off.

Ok, I'm gonna skip a few episodes because they are ones in particular that I want to review. Also, I take back what I said about Sponge losing his balls. Stuff like that doesn't matter. Sponge is just supposed to be funny, which he hasn't been lately. I'm going to start with one people constantly rant on about: ATLANTIS SQUAREPANTIS-

[This review has two versions: the original Facebook version and an edited version made for TV.com. Half of the Facebook version is missing due to Facebook reformatting the message boards into regular comment chains. The TV.com version was not only edited to remove the curse words and some of the more offensive jokes, but the TV.com mods removed many cases of all-caps within the review.]

This "TV movie" is nothing more than an overhyped 45-minute episode containing none of the stuff that makes a Spongebob episode great. This is how the episode goes: Sponge and Pat are in Jellyfish Fields trying to take snapshots of bubbles. The only problem is that the flash pops the bubble and doesn't show up in the picture. They then proceed to sing a song about how everything in the world has to end at some point. It's not a bad song, really. They then enter the cave from Nature Pants and Your Shoe's Untied, where they find half of THE HOLY ATLANTIAN AMULET!! Our heroes then run over to the museum, where Krabs is trying to get some cash by putting a toll gate at the museum's entrance. Sponge and Pat enter the museum where they meet up with Squid. Squid thinks that Sponge and Pat stole what he thinks is the other half of the amulet that's on display at the museum, but to his surprise, he sees they have the second half. Squid then tells Sponge, Pat, and Krabs about Atlantis and what great things that they have accomplished. Sandy pops outta nowhere to say stupid shit about science, they assemble the amulet, and summon a pimped-out bus. But this isn't any pimped out bus. This pimped-out bus has the most unusual fuel source. Electricity? Water? Plankton? No! It runs on SONG! Since the bus, despite being pimped out, doesn't have a radio, the five lucky riders will have to sing their way to Atlantis. Only one problem. In musicals, there is never a logical explanation to sing, you just sing when the time is right, that's it. Also, the song is just about going to Atlantis and doing the stuff that piques their interests. In fact, the song is so basic, it could have the same amout of meaning as the song Sponge and Pat sung in the episode Neptune's Spatula after Sponge won the cook-off. "We're going to Atlantis! We're going to Atlantis!" Come to think of it, that song was kinda catchy. After Patrick crashes the bus into Atlantis, we see Plankton. Plankton wants to get ahold of Atlantis's weapons of mass destruction to do everything he said he was going to do in his version of the FUN song. There are many signs throughout the special that indicate that Plankton was just thrown in as an extra. First sign: they give no explanation as to how he got on the bus. Second sign: They have him exit the bus in the most illogical way: through the tailpipe, which the bus shouldn't have because it runs on song fuel. We then meet up with Lord Royal Highness (or Lord Royal Jackass, as I like to call him), who looks like a Blue Meanie from the Beatles's Yellow Submarine video and is voiced by famous singer David Bowe. LRJ falls down a large flight of stairs, which is about as funny as watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. So the episode follows a certain pattern for each character. They enter a room that reflects on one of the character’s traits, they sing a song, and the remaining characters continue on with the tour while the other one stays behind to bask in the room’s godliness. Well this isn’t a Willy Wonka ripoff! As all of this is happening, Plankton is trying to get to the WMD’s. The first room is the money storage room. Krabs gets such a big orgy from this, he even considers turning himself into money via a money press. First of all, a money press just prints the dollar design on dollar paper, so Krabs shouldn’t have been flat, he’s not paper. Second, and this is the main argument, how far can they take this simple characteristic? What sense does this make? What is turning yourself into money gonna accomplish? NOTHING. ZILCH. NADA. It has nothing to do with greed at all. Did they just do that to make the song longer? I bet that’s why they did it. I don’t remember it exactly, but I don’t think the beat of the song was consistent. Not surprising. Next, we go to the R&D room. We see an ice cream transmogrifier, good for the tonsil-less, I guess. Then we come to the main invention: a machine that shrinks a person down to microscopic size to fight viruses in MORTAL KOMBAT!!! Well, not Mortal Kombat, but in other video games. That’s right, this sequence rips off of video games. Basically, Sandy has to defeat a bunch of viruses in video games and defeat the giant nose boss to save Sponge, Pat, and Squid. They ripoff DDR and Bust-a-Move and that’s about it. What, no Pac-Man ripoff? No Tetris ripoff? What about Mario? That would’ve been easy, just ripoff Dr. Mario. We ARE fighting viruses, no? Also, the 8-bit versions of the characters look bad. I have a Spongebob video game for the Game Boy Color, and that game, the characters looked better than in this movie. The song? Ouch, not too good. Sandy, no one gives two shits about the periodic table of elements, at least when watching TV that isn’t Discovery channel. Next up is the art room, filled with artistic marvels painted by only the most talented artists in the sea. Squid’s song was OK, but the song’s video was average. The painting ripoffs are well placed, and many of them are easy to point out. Unfortunately, that really isn’t saying much. Plankton’s song is the shortest out of the bunch, another sign of him being thrown in as an extra. The video only uses the colors red, white, and black. This was to make Plankton look like a Nazi. Did they forget that Jewish people are watching this show? Making references to a group of people that caused the slaughter of a bunch of Jews on a kid’s show…not too smart. Finally, we get to Sponge and Pat, who get to see the World’s Oldest Bubble. Just go with it, ok? Surprisingly, there’s no song. Instead, LRH just leaves the two there with the bubble. Patrick snaps a picture of the bubble, and…OMG THEY POPPED THE BUBBLE!!! Yeah, after all of the singing and touring bull, we finally get to the climax of the story. The group meets back up at the banquet hall for a FEAST (sorry, no Snickers at this feast). Sponge tells LRJ about the sin that had committed. LRJ tells them that the bubble they popped was a phony, and he then pulls out the real one. Patrick takes a picture, and…OMG THEY POPPED THE BUBBLE!!! Yes, after popping a fake bubble and giving us a cheap adrenaline rush, we finally get to the REAL climax of the story. We then get to an action scene. Five main characters vs. an army of Blue Meanies. This would be ok if Sandy wasn’t the only one doing all the work. Sponge knows karate, Pat is a self-renowned world championship kickboxer, Squid can be a hell of a fighter when he’s pissed, and Krabs was in the freakin’ Navy. I think all of the characters can hold out on their own without acting as Sandy’s weapons. The characters successfully escape the Meanie armada, only to be stopped by Plankton, who has acquired a big-ass tank to kill people with. Death is inevitable. This is the end of Spongebob. Plankton fires the tank, kills the five characters (no blood, of course), and destroys the city of Atlantis. He then destroys Bikini Bottom, then moves on to the United States, North America, the other Americas, the whole world, the solar system, the universe, and all beyond that. In Heaven, Sponge realizes that like everything else in the world, his life would had to have ended at some point. Patrick is happy to find a place where he is not judged by his IQ, Squid tearfully reunites with his deceased father and finds love, and Krabs regrets his actions from his mortal life, wishing that he could’ve gotten more out of it than getting every cent and bill the sea had. Sandy, however, was sent to Hell for being a sciento

[the rest of this review is from the censored TV.com version since the original Facebook version got cut off. Honestly, it’s better that way, that Scientology joke makes no fucking sense.]

Sandy's mental strain finally goes away, as she is now in a place where science really doesn't matter. Yeah right. Plankton fires the tank, only to find that it shoots ice cream! Could it have been any more anticlimactic? I mean, I get the ice cream transmogrifier from earlier, but how does that connect with the ice cream tank? Also, LRJ said he locked the "WMD's" to promote the growth of world peace. So ice cream causes wars and terrorism? Real educational. Because LRJ is in need desperate need of a main attraction, he captures Plankton and displays him as a sideshow as opposed to the now-destroyed bubble. LRJ does this because he thinks Plankton is a "talking speck." Well, you got half of that right, he does talk, but he's not a speck! Was he not paying attention at all during the fight scene, where Sponge and Pat clearly yelled "Thanks, Plankton!"? He's a plankton! A common microscopic organism normally eaten by small fish and whales. Note that I used the word "common." Why capture a common organism? What makes Plankton so special? The only thing that makes him different from other plankton is that he isn't a redneck, but I doubt LRJ knows that because he's confined to an unknown city separated from the rest of the world. So after that bizarre moment, our 5 *ahem* "heroes" set off for the journey home. Sponge sings a final song about how Bikini Bottom may not have everything they'd like it to have, but it's still their home, and to quote The Wizard of Oz, there's no place like home. So even a trip to Atlantis would have had to end at some point. This shows that no matter how great something is, it has to end. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, it will have to go past the point of no return. While the special sucked, it had a good lesson to teach. But wait! Wasn't the first song about how nothing has permanence? So we just had to watch the first 5 minutes of the freakin special to get the message, and that we waste the other 40 minutes watching beyond the point where the first song ends? That just proves how much substance this special has. What could be explained in 5 minutes was explained in 45. Overall, not funny, not deep, no plot, waste of time, waste of money. The only reason to watch it is just to make fun of it. Final Grade: F

[I wrote a review for Banned in Bikini Bottom in the same post, but again, Facebook reformatting has made it lost to time. All I remember is that I got the villain’s name wrong and I kept bitching about how dumb the plot was, how annoying the recurring music number was, and how it was completely stupid that the Secret Krusty Krab had a giant sign advertising it’s presence.]

OK, I'm not gonna review the episodes in order anymore. I'm just gonna do it randomly. OK, here's a bad one: THE BATTLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM- I actually had hopes for this episode. If you've seen the first few minutes of it, you'd feel the same. The episode starts out with Sponge and Pat picking out shirts that read this: BEST FRIEND -------> So that they can promote their friendship. But later the shirts point at two girls, and Sponge says that they gotta ditch the shirts because their "sending the wrong message." This could either be funny or offensive. If you can take a gay joke, it's funny. If you don't like to see Sponge and Pat being portrayed as being gay, it's offensive. You know what, Sponge used to be straight, but ever since season 4, he's been trying to get as many anacondas as possible. So after getting booted out of the mall for product destruction, Sponge and Pat come across a war reenactment of America's battle against the Red Coats. Now you're thinking, "That's not too bad. Maybe we can get a few thrills from the action." But then Sponge asks what the war was about, and Patrick explains. He says that the war began when a Red Coat told Patrick's Revolutionary ancestor to wash his filth-ridden hands. A fight breaks out, and I guess the war begins. So basically, Pat says the war was about cleanliness, and it gave us the right to be either clean or dirty. Well, Patrick then says that he's never washed his hands in his life. At this point, you should just change the channel. Sponge gets disgusted at Patrick's customs and a fight breaks out. Trust me, you'd be disgusted at Patrick too. Why? Because the animators thought it would be a great idea to show Patrick's lack of sanitation in very detailed extreme closeups. I think they were trying to rip off some of the gross-out humor Ren and Stimpy used. The only difference is that R&S had actual humor to back it up, and that's why it was such a great show. Not this episode, it relies solely on disgusting closeups. As the "new" series progressed, Patrick's character began to deteriate. He went from being just a simple character that just happened to have ADD to a dumb f*ck that can't crack a decent joke to save his life. This episode is Patrick's worst episode. Never has his character been so anally raped. Not only did they change him mentally, making him a filth whore, but they also changed him physically. They give Patrick things that he should never have. First of all, they put 2 large toenails on Patrick's legs. OK, what crack were they snorting when they did this? Would any decent person in this universe even consider giving Patrick actual feet, let alone toenails? His feet look like fingers. He has fingers for legs! Yeah, that's nice to know. Second, at one point during the fight, he says that the glove must come off. Then, he actually takes off his hand. You know what's under it? A HUMAN HAND! A HUMAN HAND!!!! Are you shitting me!? A human hand!? They had the balls to give him a human hand!? So, now what are you saying!? That Patrick isn't a starfish, but just a FINGER PUPPET IN A STARFISH COSTUME!? Well, according to the new cast, that's what he is. Patrick is a human finger puppet wearing a cute little starfish costume, and Stephen Hillenburg has been lying to us all these years. I think they actually did this to explain how Patrick is always able to randomly generate fingers. That's something that needs no explanation. He just can. Finally, they make Patrick grow a nose. No, not a little hole in his head, or a small round nose that sometimes appears on his face. They give him a nose that would outnose Squidward's. This is pretty screwed up. He then proceeds to pick his nose, in a detailed close-up, and chase Sponge around trying to fling his...nasal waste...at him. Thankfully, they have of courtesy of not showing this f*cked-up act. Well, at least they know when enough is enough. Overall, for sanity's sake, don't watch this episode. If you do decide to watch the episode, then you are brave, my friend.

Two years after I stopped doing reviews, the “You’re my hero” guy left me this comment and this exchange happened.

GUY: “I haven't been on here in two years, but now I am even more impressed than I was. The cash hungry execs at viacom should read these.”

ME: “Waited four months to reply, but I've got to say this. Honestly, I stopped caring about this issue years ago. Not only is it irrelevant for me to be ranting about a show in which I'm not in the target age group, but this was going to happen anyway. The show was getting popular, so the network decided to keep making more and more episodes. If the original writers of the show decide to move on to new projects, the network will hire new ones to replace them. It doesn't matter if they actually know how to write for a particular show, as long as they write something, the network is happy. All of this ranting and venting I did was not helping the cause at all. In fact, what I'm doing now is helping it. I stopped giving a shit, so I stopped watching. Plus, I just did these things for fun. The fun came from just pointing out fucked-up parts of episodes and making jokes about them. Why else do you think they're so overcritical? I was like the friggin Nostalgia Critic. So yeah, don't really care anymore. If you want overcritical reviews of a dead cartoon show, well, find someone else to do it.” GUY: “Well, at least you know you entertained me.”

And then I became a hypocrite and watched MoBros and Enter’s videos on the subject later on.

So anyway, those were my SB reviews. I guess everyone goes through this kinda period at some point in their lives.

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mikemortgage · 6 years

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David Rosenberg: This bull market is many things, but ‘unloved’ is not one of them

Maybe it’s apropos that just as investors celebrate the longest bull market on record (actually debatable since this is a spurious and subjective definition of 3,354 calendar days without a 20 per cent correction), we have the party interrupted by the latest drama unfolding at the White House. Though as Wall Street legend Bob Farrell always said, it is the market that makes the news, the news does not make the market.

A guest on CNBC on Wednesday morning said this is an “unloved market” when discussing equities, and I hear that refrain often. So it’s funny then, that as I opened up my morning papers, I saw this on B1 of the USA Today — Bull Market Soon to be Longest, Has Room to Run with the subheading “Despite Numerous Scares, No Sign of Bears.” So tell me, how exactly is this an “unloved market” if there is “no sign of bears”? The USA Today article actually cites a Gallup poll showing that 45 per cent of households have sat out this bull market, which means the majority did participate — yet this is somehow labelled a stock market that is “unloved.” Never mind that equity exposure today on U.S. personal balance sheets has only been exceeded once before and that was in the late-1990s tech craze. I just don’t get it. But if you’re still long U.S. equities, please have a different reason than this drivel about this being a hated and under-owned asset class.

S&P 500 in longest bull run ever but still this market has plenty of skeptics

The bull that will not die: S&P 500 back at a record after months on ice

The longest bull run in history comes with a jumbo-sized asterisk

Let’s now assess the market as the bulls celebrate the alleged longest bull market on record. Breadth is a really big issue. On Tuesday, we saw four Dow components account for all of the 63 point gain in the blue-chip composite. And this followed, as we highlighted, five companies being responsible for more than 100 per cent of Monday’s 89 point advance. For the year as a whole, four flashy companies — Amazon, Netflix, Microsoft and Apple — have accounted for 40 per cent of the overall 7 per cent increase in the S&P 500.

As per Bob Farrell’s Rule #7: “Markets are strongest when they are broad and weakest when they narrow to a handful of blue chip names.”

Here are the facts. This is a very narrow move to the highs. Only 2 of the 11 S&P 500 sectors are at new highs! At the prior January high, 8 of the 11 sectors were at new highs. What does that tell you? It means a much lower level of participation and this is what happens at a double top historically. Back on Jan. 26, the share of stocks hitting a new 52-week high that very same day was 25 per cent. On Tuesday, as we hit that intra-day peak that could not hold in the end, the share of stocks achieving that pinnacle of also testing a 52-week high was down to 8.5 per cent. Back on Jan. 26, the share of stocks down 10 per cent or more from their individual 52-week highs was 22 per cent; Tuesday, at that failed test of the highs, we saw 43 per cent of the market still off 10 per cent from their 52-week peaks. Another sign of poorer participation, at those Jan. 26 highs, 83 per cent of the S&P 500 was trading above the 200-day moving average, and on Tuesday that number was below 68 per cent.

History may end up proving that just as investors celebrated the longest bull market ever, defined as the length of time without a 20 per cent drawdown, the very same day we saw a classic double-top that defined the end of the bull market. How ironic if this proves to be the case. But the second failed attempt on weaker internals, as we saw on Tuesday, is highly reminiscent of the topping process we saw in 1990 (June 4 peak followed by a failed retest on July 16), 2000 (the March 24 peak followed by the ensuing failed attempt on Sept. 1), and 2007 (July 19 followed by Oct. 9). Additionally, volumes Tuesday were more than 10 per cent lower than the last time we hit the peak in late January — a sign that institutional investors are just a tad more wide-eyed than the typical pundit being interviewed on bubblevision. Even when it comes to technicals, ignore history at your peril.

I should also add that the U.S. joined India and Norway as the only countries achieving “record” status when it comes to stock market prices (though time will tell if what we saw Tuesday was just another failed test). Keep in mind that, when it comes to the entire world, 28 per cent of the companies that make up the global index are still in an official bear market (as in, down 20 per cent or more from their highs). Yet another sign of a lack of broad participation — not everyone received an invitation to this party.

Now, as for this widely used assertion that this is the “most hated” bull market ever, let’s just look at the facts. Unlike opinions, they can’t simply be made up out of thin air:

1. The household asset share that is in the equity market, at over 32 per cent, has already taken out the 29 per cent bubble peak in 2007, and has only been exceeded once before and that was in the dotcom mania of the late 1990s. Only 3 per cent of the time in the past six decades has the equity exposure been this high.

2. The liquid asset ratio for U.S. equity portfolio managers is all the way down to historic lows of 2.7 per cent. They certainly aren’t bearish.

3. Net inflows to equity funds at the peak of the last two bull markets were $1.6 trillion, and it is true that net inflows this time since the cycle began have totalled $250 billion. Maybe this is what the so-called pundits are talking about. But then they fail to take into account all the ETF activity, which has totalled $2.4 trillion in the past nine years-plus. This then brings the cumulative participation by the retail investing public to a record $2.7 trillion. How can anyone forget ETFs??

4. Market Vane bullish sentiment is 61 per cent, and this is a ‘hated market rally’? You can’t be serious. In the AAII survey of retail investors, only 29 per cent are bearish — 36 per cent are bullish and the remaining 35 per cent are neutral. Where’s the hate?

5. In the just-released University of Michigan index, the mean expected probability of higher stock prices a year out came to 63 per cent. Only 3 per cent of the time in the past have households felt this good about the equity market outlook. No hate; love only.

6. If there is a hate on, it is on the bond market, where speculators have never before strapped on such a one-sided negative bet on prices. And in the August consumer sentiment survey published by the University of Michigan, 75 per cent said they are bearish on rates while a mere 4 per cent said they were bullish.

7. Gallup just did a poll of households and found that 55 per cent of them are participating in the stock market. So a slight majority certainly do not have anything close to a “hate” on for this rally.

David Rosenberg is chief economist and strategist at Gluskin Sheff + Associates Inc. and author of the daily economic report, Breakfast with Dave.

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theconservativebrief · 6 years

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A few days ago, I came across this rather striking finding from a recent public opinion survey by the Public Religion Research Institute:

It is striking for a couple of reasons. For one thing, the question is not about illegal immigrants, or even immigrants at all, it’s not about crime, or welfare, or jobs … it’s just about racial diversity as such. And more Republicans are against it than for it! (So much for “economic anxiety.”)

But the question is also notable for its unstated premise: that the growing presence of people other than whites in the US (what else could “increased racial diversity” mean in a majority white country?) is a subject of active political debate. It is not taken for granted as constitutive of a multiethnic democracy, but treated as a kind of add-on, an extra feature. “Is it working? Maybe we should roll it back. Let’s discuss.”

I tried to imagine how that question might strike, oh, someone whose grandparents immigrated from Uganda. That person is just as much a citizen as any other American. She did not choose to be black and cannot choose to be some other race. But now she hears that it is, at the very least, an open question whether her very presence — and her choice to have children, to further diversify America — is detrimental to her country. Is it bad to have her around at all, because she’s black? Let’s discuss.

It must be alienating to feel like one is on probation in one’s own country, that one’s presence is subject to the approval of white people. And it must be a familiar feeling, especially these days, for everyone who is not white (and male).

It occurred to me that white people rarely if ever experience questions like this, about their very legitimacy. Do they belong? Is having more of them around good for America?

One thing white people have never experienced is a poll on whether their presence in their own country is intrinsically detrimental.

— David Roberts (@drvox) July 24, 2018

In fact, I thought to myself, I bet asking the question at all — not answering it either way, just asking it — would make a lot of white people flip out. Imagine if they saw that on a poll!

So, as a bit of goofy provocation, I made just such a poll:

Do white people have a positive or negative effect on America?

— David Roberts (@drvox) July 24, 2018

I should have said “impact,” not “effect,” to mirror the original poll question. (Twitter really needs some kind of edit feature.) It was not the best zinger ever, and probably not a very constructive way to make a point, but whatever, it was only a tweet. I went and walked my dog.

As you’ve likely predicted, a lot of white people flipped out.

By the time I got home, the poll had spread into Trump land, the thread was flooded with MAGA tweeters, and white people were being decisively vindicated in the poll. By Wednesday morning, I was the outrage of the day on the entertainment site The Wrap and on a couple of right-wing news sites.

For reasons that remain somewhat mysterious to me, the MAGA brigade seems to view their victory in my poll — as of closing, 82 percent deem white people’s net impact as positive, so congrats to my fellow white people! — as a grand self-own on my part. Presumably because I cared about this poll, wanted white people to lose, and assumed my followers would send them down to defeat.

Those erroneous assumptions and many more are reflected in the Twitter thread beneath the poll, which I recommend to anyone with a masochistic streak. The words “cuck” and “soy boy” come up a lot, as well as a wide variety of colorful anatomical suggestions.

The funny thing is, I never said a disparaging word about white people. I only said that, while other groups are accustomed to being discussed and polled and judged, white people aren’t, and they would freak out if they saw a question like the one in the PRRI poll about themselves.

Then they saw one, completely missed the context, and freaked out, right on cue, thus proving my point in real time. But they won my Twitter poll, so … burn, I guess?

It’s all pretty silly. In 24 hours, everyone involved will have moved on to being outraged about something else. The only lesson I feel certain about: Twitter is terrible, and no one should ever tweet again, even though we all know we’re going to.

But maybe there’s a little insight to be gleaned. I do think the reaction illuminates a larger point.

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I kept up with the first few hundred responses (there are over a thousand now), and it’s interesting to see what they shared and where they differed.

Substantively (if you can call it that), there were two basic reactions. One is to say that I’m a racist, or liberals are the real racists, because they keep calling attention to race and dividing people up by race, while conservatives are just trying to be individuals and judge people by the content of their character. It’s the “No puppet! You’re the puppet!” of racism.

The other kind of response was, to paraphrase: Of course white people are good for America, white people are America, and America, like every other shithole nation white people conquered, would still be a shithole if not for white people.

(I’m not going to pluck out individual tweets and embed them here because I don’t want to drag individuals on Twitter into a public dispute like this; you can read the thread to see if I’m characterizing it accurately.)

These are mutually contradictory points, of course. “You’re the real racist, and white people rule.” But they are both very familiar in conservative rhetoric and both delivered behind the same aesthetic, using the same keywords, in the same jumbled tone of fury and contempt.

I didn’t answer the question I asked, but asking it was enough to trigger all the same outrage. Why is that?

Shutterstock

On his podcast, Vox’s Ezra Klein recently interviewed Yale psychologist Jennifer Richeson, noting she “has done pioneering work on the way perceptions of demographic threat and change affect people’s political opinions, voting behavior, and ideas about themselves.”

One of Richeson’s key insights is that reminders of coming demographic decline — the notion that America will soon become a “majority minority” country, with people of color outnumbering whites — not only cause increased hostility toward other racial groups (which might be expected) but also push white people in a conservative direction on seemingly unrelated policy questions like tax rates and oil drilling.

She also makes the point that the majority-minority narrative is bogus. By the time it is forecast to happen, who-knows-what demographic changes will have taken place, including changes in who gets coded as “white.” Since the idea is wrong and it freaks people out, she reasons, we should probably stop uncritically repeating it.

Still, what recent political evidence seems to show — and my Twitter brouhaha reflects in some small way — is that the effects Richeson found kick in well before news of any demographic apocalypse arrives (if you consider being a plurality rather than a majority apocalyptic).

Indeed, as research on “priming” shows, simply discussing race at all kicks up those effects among the racially dominant group. Or to put it more bluntly, in the US context: White people really don’t like being called white people. They don’t like being reminded that they are white people, part of a group with discernible boundaries, shared interests, and shared responsibilities.

After all, one of the benefits of being in the dominant demographic and cultural group is that you are allowed to simply be a person, a blank slate upon which you can write your own individual story. You have no baggage but what you choose.

In most situations in the US, a woman is a female person. Someone part of a racial minority is a black person or a Latino person, etc. Gay people. Trans people. Immigrant people. All these groups are [adjective] people, people with an asterisk, while a white, heterosexual male is simply a person, as generic as he chooses. His presence is taken for granted; it rarely occurs to anyone to question it. A white man in khakis and a polo shirt can walk into almost any milieu in the US and, even if he’s greeted with hostility, be taken seriously. His legitimacy is assumed.

The power and privilege that come along with that — being the base model, a person with no asterisk — are invisible to many white men. Simply calling them “white people,” much less questioning the behavior or beliefs of white people, drags that power and privilege into the open.

Some white men have even been known to rise above their level of competence. Timothy A. Clary/AFP/Getty Images

“Identity politics” — dragging around the baggage of one’s identity, being forced constantly to reckon with it, work around the stereotypes and discrimination it attracts, speak for it, represent it — is something that is forced on other groups, not something they choose. Do you think a young black man likes walking into a store knowing he’s already carrying the weight of a million suspicions and expectations, that he has to behave perfectly lest he invoke them? He’d probably like to be thinking about tax policy too, if he didn’t have to worry about getting shot by the cops on his way home. But that worry comes with his identity.

White men bridle at the notion of being part of a tribe or engaging in identity politics. (Ahem.) Alone among social groups, they are allowed the illusion that they have only their own bespoke identity, that they are pure freethinkers, citizens, unburdened and uninfluenced by collective baggage (unique and precious “snowflakes,” if you will).

No one else is allowed to think that — at least not for long, before they are reminded again that they are, in the eyes of their country, little more than their identity, their asterisk. No one else gets to pretend their politics are free of identity.

White people do. But simply saying the words “white people” is a direct attack on that illusion. It identifies, i.e., creates (or rather, exposes) an identity, a group with shared characteristics and interests. It raises questions (and doubts) about the group’s standing and power relative to other groups. It illuminates all that hidden baggage. Lots of white people really hate that.

In politics, we talk about groups all the time — minorities, immigrants, criminals, what have you — and by and large, no one blinks. The only time I get blowback is when I generalize about men or white people (okay, or baby boomers). Suddenly, “lumping people together” becomes a sin. Even among white liberal friends, I’ve noticed that merely saying the words “white people” causes a frisson of discomfort.

In fact, it’s difficult to think of a US setting in which the words “white people” are received neutrally. The term is always charged somehow, freighted with meaning and potential conflict, vaguely subversive. White people. White people. White people.

Shutterstock

What primes white people is simply the reminder that they are white people — that they are, and will increasingly be, one group of Americans among others, with particular interests, settling differences via democracy.

Right now, the white maleocracy is clinging to power, with disproportionate wealth and representation in Congress relative to its size. And all the while its leaders decry identity politics. They are used to being the default setting, people with no asterisks, no baggage, and they are extremely loath to give that up.

In fact, they want their America, the America where white dominance is so ubiquitous as to be unremarkable, back. They keep saying so.

As many have pointed out and this political era has made painfully clear, to a dominant demographic, the loss of privilege feels like persecution. Being just one group among many feels like losing. After all, what good is being white in the US, especially among poor whites, if some third-generation Ugandan immigrant has just as much control over their fate as they have over hers? If a poll asks whether they’re any good for her, rather than the other way around?

For the dominant group, being judged and asked to justify itself, as so many subaltern groups are judged and asked to justify themselves, feels like an insult. If you doubt that, go read this Twitter thread.

Original Source -> American white people really hate being called “white people”

via The Conservative Brief

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flauntpage · 6 years

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The Ben Simmons vs. Donovan Mitchell Debate Is Interesting, but Ultimately Pointless

If I had to go out on a limb, I’d say that Ben Simmons is the Rookie of the Year front-runner in Philadelphia while Salt Lake City is leaning toward Donovan Mitchell.

Both fan bases seem totally baffled by the idea that their opinions could ever be disputed, but I think we know that Sixer fans didn’t watch many Jazz games and Jazz fans, like Mitt Romney, probably didn’t watch a lot of Sixer games.

So we could defer to the opinions of national people, but how much attention do you think a guy like Reggie Miller or Kevin McHale really paid to both players over the course of a full season?

This whole thing is ultimately a wash, in my mind, because Ben Simmons and Donovan Mitchell are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT players. Simmons is a 6’10” converted point guard with a pass-first mentality who plays in an up-tempo and mobile system. Mitchell is a stone cold killer, the leading scorer on a top-five Western Conference playoff team.

That’s why the raw statistics are ultimately useless when you add a bit of context, but we’re gonna go down that rabbit hole anyway for the sake of the article, so here’s how these guys stack up against each other:

The nice thing about Simmons and Mitchell is that they both averaged very similar minutes this season – 33.4 per game for Mitchell and 33.7 for Simmons. Per-game numbers are going to look almost exactly the same as per-36 extrapolations.

Ben is obviously averaging more rebounds and more assists and shoots at a higher percentage because he rarely tries anything outside of the paint. Mitchell was a 43.7% shooter in the regular season and hit at 34% from three, averaging 10.2 two-point attempts per game and 7 from deep. Simmons didn’t shoot three pointers and his free-throw percentage was very poor compared to Mitchell’s. As a primary ball handler, Ben turned the ball over more frequently, but his assist-to-turnover ratio was, obviously, significantly higher.

On the other end, Simmons averaged more blocks and steals and finished with a 102 defensive rating. Mitchell logged a 105. Ben’s offensive rating was also better, with a 111 compared to Mitchell’s 103.

A big reason for that discrepancy is because Mitchell just requires more shots to hit his averages. He needed 17.2 average field goal attempts and 3.8 free throw attempts to average 20.5 points. Simmons needed 12.3 field goal tries and 2.4 foul shots to average 15.8 points, and that was without even trying three pointers. So even though Mitchell is more of a pure scorer, his efficiency is lacking, which is why the advanced stats like true shooting percentage, effective field goal percentage, and player efficiency rating all favor Simmons:

Among qualified shooting guards, Mitchell only had the 17th-best field goal percentage, finishing below guys like Buddy Hield, Courtney Lee, and Evan Fournier.

For comparison, look at a guy like Klay Thompson, who played 0.9 more minutes than Mitchell, shot the same amount of three pointers, and averaged almost the same exact point total, but did it with one less field goal attempt and 2.5 fewer free throws per game:

There was a little bit of Allen Iverson to Mitchell’s situation, where Utah was fine with him putting up 17+ shots per game. He had a 29% usage rate on that team, which is wild for a rookie. Simmons was a facilitator and involved a lot of his teammates while Utah needed Mitchell to be the primary scorer. Even though Simmons always had the ball in his hands, he wasn’t asked to carry the late-game scoring burden in the same way Mitchell was.

That sort of leads us into the whole issue of who played on the better team. Was one guy surrounded by better players?

I don’t think so.

Utah was missing Rudy Gobert early, struggled for a bit, then Mitchell found his feet and they went on a tear, putting together win streaks of 11 and 9 to finish 48-34 in what was probably the tougher conference. Philly similarly struggled out of the gates, going 14-18 through the hardest part of their schedule, then transformed into a different team after the All-Star break and finished by winning 16 in a row.

In a vacuum, both teams have elite defensive anchors in Gobert and Joel Embiid, both of whom are top-ten NBA centers. Gobert doesn’t have Embiid’s offensive chops, but he finished the season strong and is now averaging a playoff double-double. Both teams played chunks of the season without their big men, and both Mitchell and Simmons continued to perform at a high level without those guys on the floor.

Ricky Rubio isn’t an elite point guard and never has been. Joe Ingles can shoot the ball as a small forward. Dario Saric and Derrick Favors are different types of power forwards, so it’s hard to make a comparison there. I think you’d look at both squads and see that the biggest takeaway is that they were exceptional defensively, finishing #2 and #3 in DEFRTG after 82 regular season games. The Sixers liked to sling the ball around and play fast while Utah had the 25th lowest PACE in the league, so the style difference is apparent.

When you look at the talent on each team, I guess you could say the Sixers are better, but Simmons is surrounded by guys with a lot less NBA experience than Mitchell. Saric, Embiid, and Robert Covington don’t have half as many games under their belts as Rubio, Gobert, Favors, or Jae Crowder. Philly’s veterans are JJ Redick and a pair of bench players who were added in February. To that point, I think you’d have to be impressed that Simmons is orchestrating an offense that features two second-year guys and a Process-era success story.

Ben certainly benefited from being able to dish off to a variety of high-level perimeter scorers, but it’s not like Utah is chopped liver; they’re a damn good squad. If either one of these guys did what they did on the Suns or Nets, then the “better team” angle might be legit, but I really do believe that both teams are pretty good and I don’t see too much to pull from this storyline.

Here are a couple of other narratives being tossed around relating to ROTY:

What is a rookie?

Of course you’ve heard this thing about Donovan Mitchell being a “true rookie” while Ben Simmons sat out injured last year. Some people slap Ben with the “redshirt” label and feel like he had an advantage this season because he was familiar with the NBA game and the NBA environment even though he didn’t actually play last year.

Here’s Mitchell’s take on the redshirt thing:

“So, let’s say you have an exam to take on June 1 and you have a whole year to study for that exam, you’re going to get a pretty good grade on it, aren’t you?” Mitchell said. “But some people may not have all that time to prepare for that exam. So, that’s how I look at it and I hope that puts it in perspective for people.”

Simmons has brushed that off in the past.

Brett Brown is on the record with this:

I don’t have too much to add beyond that. Blake Griffin won ROTY in this “redshirt” fashion, and I don’t recall a ton of bitching about that, although Twitter and social media were not as “robust” back then. There’s a portion of people out there who felt like Simmons could or should have played last year, but that the Sixers were being extra cautious and simply looking ahead to this season.

Simmons and Mitchell are both 21 years old and were born about 50 days apart. Both were in the same class coming out high school. Ben was injured last year while Mitchell played an extra season at Louisville. Who really has the advantage here? I could see that argument being made.

If you want to slap an asterisk on the ROTY entry on Wikipedia, I think that’s justified, but it doesn’t hold a lot of tangible weight, in my mind.

Triple-doubles and double-doubles don’t always tell the story

I see people roll out all these arbitrary stats, like “Ben Simmons is the first player to do blah blah blah since Oscar Robertson did blah blah blah back in 1961.”

I’m not a fan of that stuff because I can easily just find a bunch of parameters I like and keep tweaking them until it fits my narrative. I can say, “well Joel Embiid is the first non-American right-handed Sixer since Manute Bol to average 10 points, 3 rebounds, and 2 blocks while a Republican is in the Oval Office.”

Philly fans see those types of tweets and go crazy, like, “wow that’s an incredible piece of information,” when it’s really just fudging a bunch of criteria instead.

To that end, I think triple-doubles and double-doubles often lack nuance. For instance, Ben Simmons had 10 rebounds in game five against Miami. One was on the offensive glass and 9 were on the defensive end.

A portion of Ben’s rebounds are usually uncontested snags where he then quickly starts moving up the court, stuff like this:

There’s no statistical value in that.

That’s an uncontested defensive rebound with no opponent within 10 feet of Simmons, yet it counts just the same as a tough offensive rebound in traffic. This was one of 10 boards that got him over the hump for a double-double, and then you’ve got Sixer fans saying, “well Simmons is averaging a double-double when Mitchell doesn’t do anything besides shoot.”

It’s similar in the sense that…

…sometimes assists don’t check out, either

We’ve all seen a ton of amazing passes from Simmons this year. You could put together a 20-minute highlight reel of needle-threading if you really wanted to.

Sometimes he also gets the benefit of the doubt on his assist totals, when a guy takes a dribble or two and pulls up, or Simmons simply just dumps the ball off to a wing player for a catch and shoot:

Same thing there. The discrepancy is between some of the amazing passes he throws versus those gimmes is significant.

Take that play there and compare it to this:

My God, that Ben Simmons pass pic.twitter.com/QCMpMqv5Xc

— Good Takes NBA (@GoodTakesNBAPod) April 19, 2018

You see how one might carry more weight than the other, yea?

It does, of course, go both ways, and you can apply these same things to Mitchell, too. Difference is, we aren’t using rebounds and assists as main part of the argument as to why he’s a better player. There’s just a lot more nuance in Ben’s game, stuff that requires you to pay closer attention. It’s very easy for the casual NBA fan to say, “wow what an amazing three pointer in the 4th quarter!” versus watching how a rookie ball handler runs an offense or picks out passes or positions himself for offensive rebounds. Ben’s game has more layers to it.

As an exercise, say that each rebound, assist, and point counts for one “unit” of production in an NBA game. Considering what I wrote above, look at these three statistical lines:

30 points, 0 rebounds, 0 assists

20 points, 0 rebounds, 10 assists

10 points, 10 rebounds, 10 assists

Option three looks the most balanced, right? Even contributions across the board, yea? But what if 4 of those rebounds are uncontested on the defensive end? What if two of the assists are just dumping the ball off for a catch and shoot?

That’s why the raw numbers are weird, because you just can’t take rebounds and assists at face value. Raw point scoring is much less nuanced. It’s more about what I mentioned above, the efficiency with which a scorer reaches his totals. If a guy scores 10 of his 30 points from the foul line, of course that’s worth noting, but the ball is going in the basket either way. Rebounds, to me, have the least amount of importance in a Simmons/Mitchell argument. One guy is a point guard and the other is a shooting guard and they’re playing completely different roles for completely different teams.

Of course, the fact that Ben can rebound the way he does shows how much more well-rounded and expansive his game is, but it’s more of an eye test thing and less about just data mining for triple-double and double-double narratives.

Consistency

One area where I think Simmons has a clear advantage is that he was performing at a high level from day one. He started 81 games and really didn’t have many clunkers at all. The Memphis loss stands out to me (6, 3, 7, four turnovers and five fouls). His numbers dropped a bit in December when he went through a deferential month where he wasn’t putting up as many shot attempts as he did in the two months prior. Otherwise, he showed incredible regularity throughout the year.

Mitchell started the season on the bench but ended up finishing with 79 appearances and 71 starts. He was a little slow to begin and threw up some rough lines, notably a 3-21 effort at home against an Embiid-less Philly and a 4-17 shooting night in Milwaukee. However, six of his ten single-digit scoring outputs took place in October and November. He finished the regular season with 24 straight double-digit scoring games.

So they both were excellent for LARGE chunks of the season, certainly light years ahead of anything Malcolm Brogdon did last year. But if we’re paying close attention, Simmons technically did what he did from day one while Mitchell needed a little bit of time to get rolling.

The Verdict

There really is no verdict. You just have to decide which type of player has more value. Do you rate dagger-dropping two-guard as more valuable than a unique and well-rounded point guard?

I don’t know if there’s a right or wrong answer to that, but if you’re making me pick one guy over the other for an ultimately meaningless award, I’d probably have Simmons as 1A and Mitchell as 1B. I think Donovan Mitchell is a LOT better than most Sixers fans give him credit for, but I feel like there’s at least one Mitchell in every draft. I see a smooth scorer who is going to be a perennial All-Star for years to come. But when I look at Simmons, I see a freak athlete with a wildly unique skill set who reminds me of Magic Johnson. I see “eye test” type of stuff that makes me believe his ceiling is much higher than Mitchell’s ceiling. It’s not off-base to view Simmons a potential LeBron James type if he develops a jump shot.

That said, I don’t know what typical national media person thinks. I get the sense that there is a bit of an anti-Process crowd out there that might lean towards Mitchell out of spite, but I’m really not sure. That’s just a hunch. One thing that should help Simmons’ case is that Salt Lake City ain’t exactly a massive media market. If Donovan Mitchell played for the Knicks or Lakers, he’d be getting 10 times the coverage and plaudits he’s currently receiving.

At the end of the day, both of these guys are gonna be elite ballers for years. We’re talking about two different players in two different systems playing two different positions. One guy is asked to score and the other is asked to facilitate, and both are exceptional in their respective roles. If you wanna stand firmly on one side of the debate, knock yourself out, but it’s also acceptable to straddle the fence.

The Ben Simmons vs. Donovan Mitchell Debate Is Interesting, but Ultimately Pointless published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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georginaalvarado-blog · 6 years

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Get Convey . Your Knowledge Student Accommodation Various Considerations

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shitmodelmanagement-blog · 6 years

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Paper Mag

UPDATE 3/6/18: @shitmodelmgmt has now taken down its "Blacklist" of those accused, citing growing pressure and threats to her personal safety and that of her loved ones.

While she specifies that many models reached out to thank her for her efforts, the Instagram account has also been labeled a "defamation machine" by various people named, many of whom are trying to figure out her identity in order to sue for libel.

In a lengthy statement posted to her Instagram story, @shitmodelmgmt explained the list's retraction:

"Blacklist going down at midnight — I'm getting too many death threats and threats to 'find my family' and 'make me sorry I did this,'" she wrote. "I'm still not sorry for protecting models from future negative experiences. Thank you so much to the thousands of people that supported me through this scary but important movement."

She continued: "Someone had to do this. I know it's crazy that a meme account ended up being the person to do it, but it was just time. What would you do if you had thousands of horrific stories? Would you just go to bed at night knowing you had a way to help? ...I'm not the kind of person to stay silent. And maybe I'm too bold. but I couldn't wait around for 'change.' Because it wasn't coming. Not until someone spoke out, no matter how scary it is."

The creator also addressed those who have sent her names of abusers that she had not yet uploaded to the list, saying she would be adding names until the list was unpublished, and asking them to screenshot.

—

Mario Testino. Bruce Weber. Terry Richardson. Names once championed by fashion's gatekeepers are now black-marked for their alleged longtime abuse of models. Over the past six months the media has diligently pursued stories of sexual assault survivors, but social media is frequently the one getting there first.

First, the "Shitty Media Men" list (a Google spreadsheet for journalists to anonymously share allegations of harassment), though never intended to be public, became an outlet for women to air the publishing industry's dirty laundry, and now a memes-for-models account, @shitmodelmgmt, is offering a similar platform with its "Blacklist." Its nameless founder, who's a former model herself, wants to provide a resource to survivors with a list of names of the accused (photographers, stylists, agents, designers) that she suggests models avoid.

In our post-Weinstein world, the list has exploded. Models are submitting their stories directly to @shitmodelmgmt, who reads and verifies others' claims via screenshots or gut instinct, and adds the names to her list. For those who have three or more accusations from separate people to their name, @shitmodelmgmt will add an asterisk. Some of the men, she says, have 30 or more accusers.

The legality of the list remains for now in a gray area. In the "Blacklist" introduction, the creator writes, "Every name on this list was sent to me by other people, and I am simply reporting what was said to me. This is not my personal opinion, I am reporting the experiences of others. Until proven, these names are simply allegations. This does not discredit any experiences shared with me; as I am reporting what was told to me over direct messages, I'm formally stating that the claims are allegations. Take from that what you will." She says that she's received numerous cease and desist letters, which she has ignored, saying, "I'm not afraid because I know that they are afraid."

The introduction adds, "Remember that YOU are the victim. Not the abuser. Not the predator. Not anyone else. And you have the right to be ANGRY. Coming out with your story is terrifying, but naming your abuser can help keep other potential victims safe."

In an interview with PAPER, the "Blacklist" creator speaks out:

Are your emails blowing up?

I'm getting thousands. It's insane. I feel like Justin Bieber. It's crazy.

Have you considered revealing your identity?

I was considering coming out on it a few times, but I'm so glad that I didn't because I would be scared. My mom is scared that people are going to come find me and stalk me and I'm like, "No, I don't think anyone knows." I mean I told a few people, but it's so much better like this.

Tell me about @shitmodelmgmt's inception.

I've been a model for so long, and [it's] the reason I started the account two years ago. I'm really shy, so people can walk all over me in my jobs, and I kind of let my agents tell me what to do all the time. I was always making jokes about my life on Twitter, [and] I wanted to make a meme account that other models could see. It wasn't even really anonymous, but then it started getting so much traction.

How did that evolve into creating the list?

Ever since I started it people were like, "Thank you for being a voice for models." So that's just been my thing, I guess. Slowly it became this place where I low key exposed people. People were so glad to see that, and agreeing with me. I would take really long hiatuses from it because I get anxiety, but I came back a few months ago and I put on my story, "I'm bored, let's gossip." I did not know this would happen. People started saying like, "Here's some gossip: this agent at my old agency tried to literally molest me." I felt responsible knowing, [and wanted to] do something about it. People were DMing me like, "Please put this on your story." That's when things really changed and I started outing people. All the angry photographers are telling me people are lying. But people don't make this up. This is not something to lie about. I've never met someone that lied about sexual assault in my entire life.

Have any of the guys on the list reached out to you directly or responded?

So many. Almost half of them probably. My entire email is full of these pretend lawsuits and I'm just ignoring them. It's funny because most of the ones that are the worst and most repeated names are the ones that are scared. So that's why I'm not afraid because I know that they are afraid.

You're sending the industry a message?

It's crazy because this hierarchy of people think they're safe because they're at the very top, and it's also designers that have all these employees who know, but they all want to work for that designer, so no one wants to say anything. It takes one brave person to stand up and then it starts crumbling down from there.

Have you ever been nervous to add a submission involving a big industry name?

Yeah, there were some people. There was this photographer that shoots for Victoria's Secret and we were actually friends on my account. Someone messaged me off the fake account with no followers or profile picture. So I asked if they had any screenshots or anything, because if it's someone that's being anonymous then I feel like I can't get back to them. She was like, "No, I don't have any proof or anything." The story kept changing, it was weird. And so I just didn't put them on the list at that point because it is serious to get accused of that. Sometimes there isn't a lot of proof, and I know I have to trust my gut. It's so scary because I have shot with so many of these photographers.

Has anyone come forward to defend one of the men on the list?

Yes. I think it's a little bit annoying to be honest, because everyone has a different experience. They're like, "Oh my god, that is my friend. I go hiking with him every weekend. He would never do that." It's like, I'm so happy that he hasn't assaulted you, but clearly he did someone to else. There's no excuse. You can't defend these people, especially when they have stars by their names... that's serious. Instead of trying to defend him and get him off the list, talk to him, find answers and question him. You shouldn't automatically defend someone. Maybe be a little skeptical, you know?

Everyone's experiences are different?

Exactly, it wasn't happening to you. It's funny because when I was exposing Testino and Weber a long time ago, all of these girls were like, "Oh my god, he's the nicest ever. I shot Abercrombie with him." Like, I'm sure he was respectful because you're not who he's after. This industry is full of enablers. Everyone in charge is an enabler. The agents are so bad about it.

It's a power dynamic?

It's literally this feeling of power. And that's why I hate people who are victim shaming because they have no idea how much power these people hold over you. They control your entire career. Everyone I know has some story, big or small, that happened in this industry. We don't have any regulations, so it's just this weird industry that doesn't get regulated by anything. There's no consequences. It's crazy and nobody understands or knows about it because the people in it get away with everything. It's this weird private thing going on in the world.

Do you see it changing?

I want it to change. It's taken forever and it's still so bad. [Many designers] are like, "We love women, we're such feminists," but you literally only cast size zero models and are promoting unhealthy body standards and eating disorders. That is not right. You're not a feminist, you're not an activist, you're actually the worst.

Have you encouraged anyone to go on record with their accusations?

Some are more open. I put one person on my story, and a model responded like, "Please just ask anyone or tell me anyone that has a story about him and tell him to contact me," because he was in a lawsuit with the person and getting blackmailed. That's the crazy part is they're still trying to get away with it. I've actually been referring models to each other with the same stories. If somebody keeps [getting] reported, I'll just type his name in my email and it'll come up dozens of times. Some of these people are literally serial assaulters, like it's awful. So that's why this is so important.

#shitmodelmgmt #shitmodelmanagement

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stevemoffett · 6 years

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Movies, 2017 (TV and music too)

I didn’t have time to see too many movies this year, but I saw enough to be generally satisfied. Here they are below, in roughly chronological order. Ones I saw in the theater are marked with an asterisk.

Split John Wick: Chapter 2* Get Out* I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore Logan Kong: Skull Island T2 Trainspotting Ghost in the Shell The Discovery Graduation (Bacalaureat)* Alien: Covenant* Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Baby Driver* Okja Dunkirk* Kidnap It* mother!* Kingsman: The Golden Circle* Blade Runner 2049* The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) Star Wars: The Last Jedi* The Trip to Spain American Made Bright

I’ve just grouped them into a general positive or negative feeling. Many of the negative feelings were just a result of my expectations: if I expect a movie is going to be good, and it turns out to be just okay, then I tend to like it even less. On the other hand, there’s Kidnap.

Generally negative takeaway:

Split (Spoilers):

Oddly enough, it was M. Night Shyamalan himself who spoiled this movie for me on Twitter--well, the very end of it. Anyway, as with this and “The Visit,” I was surprised with Shyamalan’s gall in storytelling, how he implied some unspeakable acts, and killing at least as many people as would be necessary to make it scary, and then some. On the other hand, the whole split-personalities conceit was a little bit stupid. Especially the little kid one. What little kid acts like that? Little kid actors, that’s who.

John Wick: Chapter 2:

John Wick 1 I liked because it was a good action movie that didn’t have filler, not because of the all the “world building” it did. Personally, I could not care less about a bunch of assassins and their version of chivalry. This movie leaned into the world building part and sacrificed the urgency.

Kong: Skull Island:

The part liked the most was its blend of end-of-war Vietnam blue balls with something incredibly silly. Like most modern big action movies, though, aside from a few clever moments, it was pretty run-of-the-mill.

Ghost in the Shell:

I’ve never seen the original, but this movie seemed like it had parts cut out of it, and maybe the original was just so influential that this movie seems old because everything made after it has tread the same ground.

The Discovery (spoilers):

Big disappointment. It started with one of the best setups I’ve heard in the past few years (a scientist proves empirically that some kind of afterlife exists, and millions commit suicide when they hear about it), and then the whole thing devolves into a rip-off of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, without the convincing romance. I didn’t care much about any of the characters--they seemed like maybe the least interesting people the movie could have followed given the setup.

Okja:

Another disappointment, only because 1) it was too long, and 2) knowing Bong Joon-ho’s earlier movies made me ready for this movie to be truly biting, and it did not deliver. At times it was silly to the point of “why am I watching this,” and at other parts, it seemed to pull back when it could have really gotten dark.

It:

The kid-drama stuff was good, the actors were good, but it might have been the least scary movie I’ve ever seen.

Generally positive takeaway:

Get Out:

This movie’s been analyzed to death, and for good reason, so let it just be known that I thought it was one of the best of the year and that the movie kept me completely at unease the entire time. It had great script economy, by which I mean all setups led to satisfying but non-obvious payoffs. That’s one of the great pleasures of storytelling--when you get to look back on earlier parts of the story and realize that you’d read things completely wrong, but the correct reading seems obvious, even inevitable, when you look again. If I had one small criticism (and this is more critical of the online reaction to the movie than it is to the movie itself), it’d be that it wasn’t quite as astonishingly original as it’s purported to be since it had so many parallels to The Stepford Wives.

I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore:

This movie was made by a guy who works with Jeremy Saulnier (Blue Ruin, Green Room), and it was sort of a cross between Saulnier’s stuff and the Coen brothers’ movies. A well-timed sense of humor and well-earned anxiety about meaninglessness made it interesting.

Logan:

Yeah, Wolverine + realism + lots of F-words + no inter-dimensional cataclysm at the end = a better superhero movie than usual.

T2 Trainspotting:

I thought this was going to be some kind of sad revisiting of the consequences of the first one but it turned out to be much better: it was a sad revisiting of the consequences of the first one, wrapped up in a sleazy and funny story. It kind of made Begbie into a cartoon character, though.

Graduation (Bacalaureat):

I saw this movie because I wanted to appear sophisticated and cosmopolitan to the person I saw it with, but it was still pretty good. It seemed to be realistic about corruption--specifically, about the banality of that particular kind of evil. We had a long conversation about what makes a good or bad parent afterward.

Alien: Covenant (spoilers):

Some stuff was telegraphed too obviously so the “twists” weren’t surprising, and occasionally it went into the realm of the schlocky slasher movie, and there was a 20 minute part of the movie that seemed to have no purpose, but at the movie’s best, it was frightening and disturbing and had some big ideas. There’s a reason that when I have good nightmares (i.e., nightmares that don’t involve family sickness/death, or taking a final in a math class I forgot I’d registered for), the alien xenomorph is usually the thing that is after me.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2:

Cool movie.

Baby Driver:

I saw this on my birthday, and I was in a great mood, so I might remember it as better than it was, but I think in retrospect, 1) it was a better-than-average action movie, and 2) it was extremely well choreographed and edited.

Dunkirk (a big spoiler):

One cool thing I realized after getting out of the movie is that aside from one or two shots at the very end, you never actually see the enemy. I think that’s partially what made it effectively claustrophobic. It’s kind of miraculous that this movie was made--it was so spare that it seemed like a gigantically-budgeted art film.

Kidnap:

This one-long-chase thriller I was prepared to groan at, but it was like another movie I saw and loved called Breakdown with Kurt Russell. There were plenty of “why doesn’t she just...?” moments, but there were also a lot of moments where I was thinking “Yeah, do that, exactly! Yes!” Critically, I thought it was unfairly trashed.

mother! (spoilers):

I generally like Aronofsky’s movies, but this one I might like the least of the ones I’ve seen. In the beginning, by the moviemaking craft alone I was totally rapt, up until a little before the halfway point, when I suddenly figured out what was going on. It was like pulling the correct piece of string from a huge knot. The rest of the movie became meaningless when I realized that there was no logical progression to the story.

Kingsman: The Golden Circle:

This movie was of the same quality as the last movie, but it didn’t do anything as surprising as the original one did, either. I was entertained the whole time, but never really caught off guard.

Blade Runner 2049 (spoilers):

I think if I had to choose I’d say this was my favorite of the year. I hope that it gets a nomination for best cinematography. K’s character was great, the setting was great, and the mystery was actually involving (unlike in the first one!). One thing that bothered me, though, is how the most disturbing murders in the movie were of women. One of the murders seemed almost gratuitous. I guess it was meant to push my buttons, in which case mission accomplished. A huge success in atmosphere and acting, though.

The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected):

This movie could almost be a sequel to The Squid and the Whale, but I liked it more. It was more schmaltzy but also more realistic and prosaic (in a good way; lately I have less patience for Lou Reed and the final two shots from The Squid and the Whale).

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (huge spoilers):

Even though I wasn’t as over the moon for this movie as for The Force Awakens (this year, it comes in at second after Blade Runner), I’d say that it was almost assuredly because I had ultra high expectations for it to meet. Since it’s not doing that great at the box office (for a Star Wars movie), I hope they don’t get rid of Rian Johnson for his standalone SW trilogy. In this movie he got the tone right (in my opinion), and he made some weird choices, most of which I really liked. They were different and unexpected, and that is really valuable, even if they don’t succeed. The problems I had with the movie are problems I would have with any movie (e.g. why don’t they just make hyperdrive missiles?, where did that romance come from?...).

The Trip to Spain:

This is the third movie in the series and the first one that feels like a retread. While the first two were able to mine ennui out of the landscapes and the men’s reactions to it, this one felt more like someone decided they needed to add plot in. The result is no ennui drawn from the surroundings, and more like the emotional turns could have happened anywhere.

American Made:

After I saw the movie I looked up the real story of the main guy and the movie is almost a total fabrication. That said, it was well-paced, scripted, acted, and edited. Somehow it made a U.S. citizen’s and the U.S. government’s enormously unethical actions entertaining (while also giving reminders of how awful they were, without having to resort to scenes that viscerally demonstrate their consequences).

Bright:

This movie and Star Wars have made me a little bit uneasy about my relationship with critical reviews. Star Wars got 86 on Metacritic, and while I really enjoyed it, almost none of the critical reviews I read had any of the problems I had with the movie. On the other side of it, Bright got a 29 on Metacritic, with critics calling it dull, awkward, tone-deaf, poorly plotted, et cetera. I found myself entertained all the way through. I think that other than “dull,” those criticisms are valid, though. Maybe it’s just like I said at the beginning--my expectations heavily color the experience I end up having. I’d say that Star Wars was a better movie, but I don’t think I’d be able to easily point out exactly where Star Wars zigged and Bright zagged. Bright reminded me of something I’d channel surf to in 1997 on a Sunday afternoon and stick with. I’m actually thinking specifically of a movie I barely remember called Alien Nation.

Ok--now, for TV:

Master of None season 2:

I liked this season a lot more than season 1. I think the main reason was because it was a lot less didactic this time around.

Love season 2:

Not as good as season 1. I don’t think I’d want to be spend any time with either of the main characters if they were real people. It got a little too convoluted towards the end.

Stranger Things season 2 (BIG spoilers):

The first few “slow” episodes were the best ones, I thought. I didn’t like the X-Men-style episode. Joe Keery’s character was probably the most entertaining (I know I’m jumping on the internet bandwagon with this opinion). I didn’t like the interdimensional cataclysm at the end, as usual, but there was no dropoff in quality compared to season 1 (though, like with Kingsman, the lack of novelty was inevitable. And the X-Men episode wasn’t so much something innovative within the universe but instead hopping into another, extremely well-tread universe).

Mindhunter:

I have read that some people say this show is disturbing. I don’t think it’s disturbing at all, but it’s really interesting and the atmosphere is totally unique.

The Leftovers:

Oh, damn! How could I have forgotten this? The final season was truly great, and it’s one of my favorite shows of all time as a whole. In only a fraction of the episodes, all my anger at the mishandling of Lost is gone.

American Vandal:

The mystery was excellent. I haven’t been in high school for 15 years, but it certainly seems to be an accurate portrayal. Highly recommended.

Black Mirror:

Still my favorite show, but now I’m trying so hard to anticipate the twists that it’s not quite as mind-blowing as it was in its first two seasons. It really is very similar to the Twilight Zone (my favorite episodes of which were “The Lonely” [except for the end] and “A Nice Place to Visit”). I haven’t finished this season yet, but I’ve enjoyed the five that I’ve watched (episodes 2-6).

Whoa, those are all Netflix shows. Aside from that, all I’ve watched was Ninja Warrior (in a group) and Saturday Night Live (I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this, but I’ve watched almost every episode of SNL since around...1999 or 2000?).

Music:

I generally don’t listen to music that I dislike, so here are the albums I liked the most this past year, in decreasing order of enjoyment (each one links to a track on the album I liked):

Fleet Foxes - Crack-Up

Father John Misty - Pure Comedy

LCD Soundsystem - American Dream

Mac DeMarco - This Old Dog

The Flaming Lips - Oczy Mlody

Aesop Rock - The Impossible Kid (actually came out in 2016)

Run the Jewels - Run the Jewels 3 (came out on Christmas 2016)

Beck - Colors

St. Vincent - Masseduction

Foxygen - Hang

Beck’s new one was a little disappointing, considering that he’s one of my all-time favorites. I liked the new Arcade Fire album fine, but I got sick of it after about a week.

My friend Dan got me into the hip hop albums. I almost never listen to hip hop (except the newer Kanye West stuff), but these albums were a really big help when I was a bundle of nerves at the lab.

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maczazind · 7 years

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Film Diary 2017: August AKA "The Month Where I Crossed A Lot Off Of My Watchlist"

I found myself playing a major round of catch up last month, cramming three months worth of detailed movie reactions into one massive film journal post. But finally, I’m back on track with quite the larger month so far in 2017 as I cross off some highly notable titles from the past year off of my watchlist.

As always, the following reflects MY OWN OPINION. If you’d like to see these entries in full as the year progresses, each installment is given the tag “Film Diary 2017” so feel free to follow along! To see which movies I’m watching in real time prior to these posts, various ratings on a five star scale for assorted journal entries, likes and more, you can take a peek at my personal Letterboxd here & maybe even give me a follow there.

Each entry includes how every feature was primarily seen and an asterisk which denotes that viewing was the first time I’ve seen that movie in its entirety, despite possibly having seen pieces of the film previously or having a general knowledge of it. Numbering reflects the year’s overall total, not the monthly total.

89) August 1st: The Accountant* - DVD (Rental - Library); This first entry of the month I admittedly gained some new interest towards when news arrived that a sequel is reportedly in early development. Driving it home even more so was a glowing review from family members, as it had just arrived on HBO weeks prior. So having watched it, I can say I enjoyed it though I did manage to guess at least a few of the larger twists that seemed to have a impact towards others’ experience of the narrative. The story, when it irons itself out and gets rolling, ultimately can feel spiritually similar to that of Jack Reacher; both being solidly-crafted mystery thrillers centered around a man with an impressive set of skills. But where Tom Cruise delivers a military-trained badass, Affleck presents a character a bit more complex due to a high-functioning form of autism coupled with a number of interesting factors that I wouldn’t want to reveal for spoilers’ sake. Because of this, Affleck brings out a unique performance that’s demanded of him while its the supporting characters surrounding him who help define it and push it into new directions. Anna Kendrick is charming opposite Affleck as she finds a way to connect with him and ultimately gives the film a decent part of its emotional side underneath the mystery. Jon Bernthal is absolutely the scene stealer you wish was given more screentime, with his final scene in the film shining his talents wonderfully and his prior moments presenting a sly counterbalance to Affleck’s focused demeanor. Director Gavin O'Connor (who also helmed the incredibly moving feature Warrior that I highly recommend, along with the based on a true story Miracle) presents a thriller that certainly takes a novel approach, as it does feel like the tight style you see in various books brought to life on screen. As I stated, some of the larger surprises I was able to guess before their reveal; however, that doesn’t rob them of their overly satisfying and slick feeling when officially presented. In fact it actually adds more intrigue into the world, if anything. The Accountant is a good mystery that I certainly walked away from with more pros than cons. And if a sequel is to be made, I’m definitely intrigued by how Affleck, O'Connor and more will elevate the foundation laid out here.

90) La La Land* - DVD (Rental - Library); If you had asked me last Winter which of the contenders to emerge out of awards season caught my eye, I absolutely would have said La La Land. My hopes were definitely high as an impressive cast and the idea of a musical came forward under the direction of Damien Chazelle, who brought us the incredible Whiplash. As awards season took off, though, La La Land dominated to the degree of annoyance, resulting in many parodies, screen time, thank you speeches and ultimately a major downturn in my expectations. Six months later and far removed from the height of awards recognition, I can say that it absolutely deserved its praise & yet not everything presented shines as brightly as word of mouth would have you think. Chazelle crafts a great homage to classic Hollywood musicals of the past, heartfelt and passionate but perhaps a bit too predictable. Sebastian and Mia are both great individual personalities, equal parts charming, frustrating, and inspiring. They each come from very different worlds with very different passions, and it’s clear where that path will eventually lead them. I did, however, appreciate that 95% of what was presented in trailers and commercials as this sweeping love at first sight is given a twist to first time viewers with their origins and the songs sung at the time not painting the perfect picture. Seeing their relationship bloom is an interesting journey, with Emma Stone easily delivering the best performance of the film. And it all results in a finale that is both touching and oddly satisfying. Chazelle’s vision is presented with memorably shot scenes, and what helps boost the musical is a soundtrack from Dear Evan Hansen’s Pasek & Paul that will keep the catchy original songs stuck in your head for days to come. At the same time I feel it gets a bit too lost in the Hollywood love letter to give it a true edge, ultimately resulting in me gravitating more towards the intriguing exploration of themes in Whiplash as opposed to the spectacle of La La Land. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy nor believe La La Land is a great film; it absolutely is and I’ll wind up owning it on Blu-Ray someday for sure. But in the quest to measure up to the great musicals of the past and reinventing it for the present, a premise similarly presented just a few years ago in the award winning The Artist, it’s just too heavy of a task at times.

91) August 2nd: Big Night* - DVD (Rental - Library); Watching as much Youtube as I do, the hit cooking channel Binging with Babish landed this feature on my watchlist after his episode in which he crafted the film’s signature dish. It took awhile to hunt down the movie, but I finally managed to get my hands on it and ultimately found it to be an enjoyable little gem. The story at the center made me laugh plenty, with characters that were fun to watch, music and food that demanded your attention, interesting relationships to watch as they jump their respective hurdles, and even an ending that is more poignant with a message to deliver than it is overly satisfying.

92) Arrival* - DVD (Rental - Library); Continuing to close out my watchlist of films I missed in 2016, this sci-fi feature arrived last year and caught my eye due to director Denis Villeneuve who previously impressed me with thrillers Prisoners and Sicario. An alien invasion story that unfolds the more we discover what’s going on alongside the characters, Arrival has an absolutely gripping first act that evokes a tense feeling reminiscent to Signs and The Day The Earth Stood Still. To see the scope expanded beyond just what our cast is doing and take into consideration how the perspective of the invasion differs in countries around the world is an intriguing concept that helps drive the hurdles to the exploration at large. The second act tends to drag as really we somewhat plateau with the characters getting a bit too comfortable for the intrigue to really continue. However, this results in a third act with a surprise that I absolutely adored as it tends to reflect on the film in an entirely new angle. As for performances, Amy Adams really holds scenes strongly on her shoulders while similarly working well opposite most of the supporting cast. At the end of the day though, Villeneuve pulls off a memorable original sci-fi entry that makes me excited for his upcoming turn with Blade Runner so long as he can shake that mid-movie halt present here.

93) August 3rd: Ouija: Origin Of Evil* - DVD (Rental - Library); I’m attempting to keep a majority of my horror movie queue until next month as we start to move into the Halloween season. But as this one became available, I decided to take a shot. I’d yet to see the original Ouija as so-so reviews mostly kept me at arm’s length and in the years since it never really emerged as a must-see entry in the genre. However the prequel gained my attention last year when after a large marketing campaign, and its stance as the only horror themed outing for the 2016 Halloween box office, it intriguingly gained a positive reception. And after seeing it I can certainly see the appeal. At it’s core is a 60s-set haunted house movie driven by the title game that perhaps I enjoyed less for its scares and more for its plot. A fan of the Paranormal Activity franchise, the skeleton underneath it all felt like quite the similar set-up with a family you’re set to care for, demons, and all of the supernatural happenings taking place under one roof as the small nods ramp up into a bigger climax. What elevates it even more is director Mike Flanagan’s visual style. Flanagan pulls off something impressive by managing to fully immerse the story in a setting that truly does feel like the 1960s in nearly every aspect. Furthermore, there are quite a few shots in this movie that actually made me walk away impressed because they gave off a unique look that wound up sticking with me. The cast, likewise, is strong and plays in the world well; the younger actors are impressive in their delivery of the material (so much so that one of them is continuing the horror prequel haunts in Annabelle: Creation this month). My minor gripes are that while I found everything compelling enough, it didn’t offer too much in outright scares for myself; though I strongly admire that Flanagan goes for an overwhelming sense of creepiness and awe over what’s unfolding as opposed to a cheap string of jump scares. Additionally the CGI - while not used overwhelmingly - isn’t up to snuff thanks to the film’s low budget, as the few scenes it’s utilized in come across as late ‘90s level at best and SyFy original movie level at its worst. In the end, Ouija: Origin Of Evil was a solid watch that managed to now not only put Flanagan’s recent horror release Oculus on my watchlist but also possibly the original Ouija, as from what I briefly glanced I now have the perfect set-up towards it.

94) August 5th: Big Eyes* - Streaming (Netflix); I’m honestly not sure what compelled me to turn on this Tim Burton directed feature from a few years ago. Perhaps it just struck me as the right time to finally check it off my watchlist? Regardless, what transpires is a solid story that doesn’t quite emerge as one of the director’s finest films but manages to at least tell an intriguing true story. Burton manages to put his own unique spin on a biopic, not to Ed Wood heights however, as this art tale comes off quite different thanks to the central romance and Christoph Waltz’s character. Certain shots definitely evoke an early Burton feel through the visuals presented, such as the way he plays with color in a certain way on screen. But likewise, the story never manages to overly wow you beyond your personal fascination of the key struggle, and I think part of that has to do with Waltz as well. A strong actor, his initial take in which his role is supposed to be alluring and comforting in the first half comes off just too over the top, to the point you know that you shouldn’t trust this guy, even if a more effective outcome in the grand scheme of things demands you to. And it’s that mismatch that left me wanting something more in that execution, honestly, as the failure to be as swept away as Adams’ character had led to a disconnect for me that followed throughout. When things reach their peak, there is an empowering feeling to Adams that really emerges until the credits roll, despite an ending that can be a bit too comedic but at the same time satisfying as well. Far from an absolute hard hitting biopic, Big Eyes at least manages to do something different with the genre for a take almost as different as its interesting story, even if it’s not the cleanest brushstrokes.

95) August 6th: T2 Trainspotting* - DVD (Rental - Library); Back in January (when my journal posts weren’t so finely detailed), I had seen Trainspotting and walked away with an impactful reaction towards the film of entertaining and heartbreaking proportions. At the time, I knew a sequel was on the horizon but distanced myself from the initial word of mouth because I had no nostalgic attachment that many others have had. Seeing the sequel, my take is that it’s a fine expansion that doesn’t hit nearly as hard as the original but still manages to have a damn fun time with the characters. This go-around feels less about the overall theme of addiction and more about the aftermath of the first film’s climax, despite a great handful of our leads still being addicted to various things and even some trippy imagery in the middle of it all. The thematic focus this time is the impact of the original’s ending and the friendship divide it led to, in addition to whether or not those bonds can be repaired or not. In that respect it certainly works, with your intrigue as to where these characters are at and your compassion for them driving a good deal of the movie. Similarly it’s a change up that gives it a thankful new focus instead of simply being another sequel dealing with the same exact skeleton for a quick cash grab, as most non-blockbuster sequels tend to turn out. In doing this, director Danny Boyle tends to turn the attention inward for all these characters as they confront their current state and where they should be going after their dreams didn’t necessarily wind up going according to plan. Boyle reflects this in various ways, perhaps most notably a scene in which the lyrics for Queen’s “Radio Gaga” tend to relate rather fittingly. But as I’ve said, this is all well and good as long as you’re expecting more fun than you are another hard hitter. Character driven, I never quite felt like the situations at large were ever out of their controls nor that the conflict would result in any major surprises. At the same time, there’s a “dynamic” that’s cooked up that the film feels it needs to adhere to in order to give the plot one little left turn at the end that doesn’t really feel as grand as it wants to be. If you enjoy these characters and are looking to have simply a fun night out with them all these years later, absolutely take the chance.

96) August 8th: Ouija* - DVD (Rental - Library); Ugh. I had to. I really had to go and let the mythology get the better of me. After seeing the prequel the previous week I decided to go back and watch the first installment that originated the story, despite terrible initial critical reception trying to convince me otherwise. That being said, I can’t accurately put into words how much I disliked this movie. Where Origin Of Evil has a thematic motif of a haunted house film, it’s almost as if Ouija is confused as to what it wants to be. In some parts it’s recognizable modern-horror fare with a demonic mystery, which doesn’t kick into high gear until halfway through the film, and then a lunge into full on supernatural confrontation. In fact, the haunting scenes leading into the overly supernatural half of the film feels more like it would’ve worked better as a slasher feature surrounding the teen characters. But the way it unfolds is in a frustrating blend of bizarre character choices, lack of any emotional reactions to twists, confusing time placement to put the prior into context, and more. There’s dumb horror thinking - such as simply accepting the stovetop turned on and proceeding to bed upstairs - and then there’s just absolutely bizarre, unexplained horror thinking - such as the parents’ of one of the victims vaguely “going away” IMMEDIATELY after their daughter’s death and leaving our lead character in charge of housesitting. And that’s just in the first 20 minutes. 95% of the horror in this movie builds up to a cheap jump scare; characters dying are barely given any kind of emotional reaction by our leads as they just go on with their lives; time in between scenes is even more abstract as dialogue to let go of their grief seems shockingly too soon. It’s just a mess. I’m willing to pay the film a compliment in that the CGI presented here is noticeably better than its prequel, even despite this entry having less of a reported budget. Additionally, Olivia Cooke does her damn best with what she’s given as her turn as Laine is perhaps the strongest of the cast. Origin Of Evil is certainly an effective evolution of whatever Ouija attempted to do, and I still absolutely recommend it. But if you’re looking for a chronological extension, it’s best to stay in the ‘60s because boy oh boy this script is ultimately what drags the whole movie down.

97) August 9th: Live By Night* - DVD (Rental - Library); This gangster film adaptation managed to come and go quickly from theaters, also managing to break Ben Affleck’s critical momentum as a director in recent years. Live By Night certainly has a visual flair about it, but easily this is my least favorite film directed by the Argo visionary. The pacing is slow as all hell, managing to change gears half an hour in and repositioning itself as a potential revenge-driven story, but never quite managing to find a strong a focus on that. Likewise, I find that Affleck’s performance following this shift leads to him mostly stone faced, leaving me wishing that we could have seen more behind his persona that peeks out but never quite gives him a beating heart. Supporting characters help add personality to that leading man though; Zoe Saldana is great, sly and lovable, Elle Fanning’s character has a great turn that I actually liked as her actress dreams finally grant her an audience she craves. But it never impressed as much as it should. The building of this new empire lacks the power it should easily exude because there’s always a threat in the way that never allows us to bask in the glory, and even lacks the confidence of strength to squash said menace at the same time. Characters all play in this muddled sandbox of conflicting motives and ideals with a drawn out ending that goes for poetic rather than satisfying, and ultimately while there are cogs to admire as the story machine pumps along, it’s far from well-oiled.

98) August 10th: Hell Or High Water* - DVD (Rental - Library); Going from one outlaw tale to the next, I’m happy to say Hell or High Water is one film I walked away in awe of, as it presents a charming, entertaining thriller that I absolutely adored. The plot immediately drops you in the thick of things, allowing much to be discovered by these characters that drive the events that transpire, leaving a slow, unfolding motive to interest you throughout. The tone brushes with western noir in quite a few ways, but at the same time has a lot of fun with the chemistry between our two central pairs; Chris Pine and Ben Foster play off each other fantastically for a dynamic yin & yang type of performance, while Jeff Bridges and Gil Birmingham share a very similar relationship posed on an opposite moral side. And what easily helps is a well-rounded script from Taylor Sheridan, that manages to make you laugh one moment, feel shocked the next, and marvel at plenty of tense encounters. I felt like director David Mackenzie’s feature was a longshot earlier this year to take home the title for Best Picture, and yet I walk away many months later feeling as if it would’ve deserved that underdog fight. Easily one of the best impressions of the month and the year at large.

99) Batman: Return Of The Caped Crusaders* - DVD (Rental - Library); As someone never overly attached to the late Adam West’s portrayal of Batman, I still give it a great amount of respect. I grew up in a time lucky enough to be swarmed with Batmen on television through The Animated Series, Beyond, Justice League and even Nickelodeon reruns of West’s version as well. Released last Fall, Return of the Caped Crusaders continued the fun of that original campy era with a number of original voices in tow, with the return of West, Burt Ward and Julie Newmar. What results is a harmless, well-crafted love letter that is campy as always. The comedy is great, with the story and tone more in line with the original show for both its highs and lows. If anything, the film feels best described as being of the same spirit as the classic Hanna Barbera cartoons. The script is packed with plenty of fantastic homages and fourth wall breaks that only gain even more of a spotlight having built up over the years thanks to internet culture. Where it really finds a hard time is with pacing and balance. The first half hour follows the original show’s storytelling method almost verbatim for a straight half hour that once the charm of experiencing the classic atmosphere fades, it really starts to drag. Thankfully the plot manages to find a second wind afterwards to propel the second half, but at the same time can’t build anything quite serious enough to stand on confidently. For die hard fans of the original, unlike myself, this is absolutely a movie made for them. And though I see the flaws which led towards a more shaky reception, there’s still some fun to be had amidst everything else.

100) Get Out* - DVD (Rental - Library); For my 100th movie of the year milestone, I finally was able to see easily one of the most acclaimed and my most anticipated films of 2017 in Get Out. And man did it live up to the hype. Director Jordan Peele not only manages to create a creepy atmosphere all the way around while at the same time tackling major social issues, but does so with an incredible cast top to bottom led by breakout Daniel Kaluuya. Much like Ouija: Origin of Evil, what it lacks in outright traditional scares it makes up for in genuinely eerie and skin crawling tension. There are even some visual representations of the film’s main theme of racial & social divides and injustices that will have you rewatching the film over and over again. Even if you guess some of what transpires, the third act manages to squeak out some real surprises. The ending managed to evoke a real gut-drop of an emotional reaction from myself only to sophisticatedly subvert it in a way that has left a very lasting impression. A must-buy-on-Blu-Ray from me, and I’m happy to finally add to the number of voices praising this original feature that deserves said praise.

101) August 11th: xXx: Return Of Xander Cage* - DVD (Rental - Library); Vin Diesel has easily come back to the top of the box office thanks to the return and retooling of the Fast and Furious over the past decade. But truly, that’s been his only series of films go score a hit with audiences lately (unless you consider his turn as Groot in Guardians). When it was announced he would be returning as Xander Cage in another xXx film, I mostly had mixed feelings. The first entry was never my cup of tea, and I easily watched the sequel with Ice Cube more when I was younger (one of the few films I owned on UMD for the original PSP). So heading into this movie, I didn’t quite know what to expect. But ultimately I received an entertaining, endearingly over the top, big dumb fun action movie. The best way I can describe it is Return of Xander Cage feels like a film plucked out of that early-to-mid 2000s action genre where it also originated, for both its strengths and flaws. Diesel presents a performance that is definitely a change of pace from Dom in Fast and Furious; he really seems like he’s having plenty of fun in all his quippy charming pleasure. And honestly, there’s a good chance the feature would’ve crumbled without his presence. The story isn’t nearly as complex as they want it to be, with any real twists being seen from a mile away thanks to the classic “oh hey I kinda recognize that guy from somewhere” tactic spelling out importance later on down the road. Most of it has to do with a macguffin chase that is the only thing driving the plot forward. A great number of characters are introduced in a Suicide Squad manner that I’m sure many out there will roll their eyes over. Ruby Rose and others are awesome badasses, while others lean a bit too far into their roles; Toni Collette’s hard-ass company woman lacks the back & forth to come off as anything but blandly annoyed, and Nina Dobrev’s Becky is there for an overly comedic infusion that can feel really off balance compared to the tone of the rest of the action and one liners. As the team is assembled and the plot comes to a close, I just couldn’t help but feel as if the set up for another feature ultimately had more potential than this entry, as it had finally laid down the foundation for something bigger. The action gets better the longer the film goes on, but if I’m being honest the most sly and impressive action set piece occurs halfway through the film with a private island party setting. Additionally, when the action looks practical it really hits well; those assisted by CGI do not and simply take you out of it due to its highly stylized appearance. In the end, Return of Xander Cage requires even more extension of disbelief than your typical Fast and Furious entry, but is packed with some truly genuine charm and world building that is still pretty fun. If they can execute their ending set-up right and develop a story that’s both better and WAY less goofy, there’s potential we could see this series elevated beyond this chapter teetering the line of enjoyable and stupid.

102) August 12th: Silence* - DVD (Rental - Library); Upon awards season heating up last year, there was a little bit of talk behind Martin Scorsese’s latest film Silence that didn’t reach the crescendo of other competitors alongside it. Regardless of this, I still wanted to give it a look and see if it lived up to the hype. And while it definitely needs to overcome an incredibly long runtime, it’s when the movie switches gears following the first hour that a truly impressive outing is presented. Slow paced at first, it’s after that aforementioned time passes by we truly get to the meat of our tale and with it a story that rests firmly on the shoulders of Andrew Garfield. In that focus, Garfield gives an absolutely powerhouse performance that is just captivating to watch as he is put through an emotional ringer. I have yet to see Hacksaw Ridge, which he was nominated for, but a case easily could have been made for a nomination here as well had he failed to secure the nod originally. It’s in this stage as well that the film gains its true depth as we see a test of faith in many forms for our protagonists throughout; faith in their missing mentor, faith in their guide who they don’t fully trust. And Scorsese visually astounds as he ties in thematically to various parts of The Bible, with the allegories losing subtlety the longer the film goes on. For some reason, I originally didn’t think Silence would be as overwhelmingly religious in its nature as it was, despite its premise, but it is and it may turn off some audience members in that exploration. But I also saw the artistic side of it in terms of relating the ongoing plot to that of the classic text and simply found myself impressed at what Scorsese accomplished. In the end, if you can endure the slow burn introductory act and are set to see the story through, there is plenty to capture your attention later on that will leave a longer lasting impact well after the credits roll.

103) August 13th: Selma* - TV (DVR - FX); Sitting on my DVR from earlier in the week, I found this to be the right time to watch this film in light of recent events. And Selma is as amazing as people have said, reaching the right tone of powerful and heartbreaking to examine the Civil Rights movement and their marches. At the heart of it all is David Oyelowo leading a great all-star cast, with Oyelowo presenting a stunning, moving performance that absolutely should’ve been nominated for awards at the highest level. Through his heart and emotion as Martin Luther King Jr., the narrative reaches deeper emotional depths beyond those already presented that even managed to make me misty eyed at one point. Definitely an important feature to watch.

104) Justice League: Dark* - DVD (Rental - Library); My second WB-animated outing of the month, this entry falls more in line with the ongoing DC animated film canon that I’ve been very touch-and-go with in recent years. The latest entry from the studio to get an R-rating, I had anticipation for this outing as it not only featured the return of TV’s John Constantine in Matt Ryan but was also a preview of what may hit the big screen sooner rather than later in live action. And overall, I have to say it was solid but felt far more at times like a pilot for a television series than a standalone feature. The main plot feels a bit so-so in its slow build up, introduction of team members, assembly of said team and more, until a very late third act results in a memorable showdown with some true strength. Did it deserve an R-rating? While I don’t believe it grasps as dark of a tone as The Killing Joke, it does feature some undoubtedly dark moments and creepy imagery that certainly makes a case for the rating, but debatable. As for the voice work, I’ll admit it took a bit of warming up to, especially in the realm of Ryan gaining his spark as Constantine the longer the film goes on, having to shift his role from the usual portrayal to behind the mic. Notably, Camilla Luddington is absolutely fantastic as Zatanna and boosts the material incredibly well, while Nicholas Turturro is very entertaining as Deadman. It wasn’t the strongest of the DC Animated Original Movie canon thus far, however it’s far from the weakest. If anything, a solid foundation into the more mystic side to present further adventures rather than an overly satisfying standalone.

105) August 15th: Disney’s Beauty and The Beast (2017)* - DVD (Rental - Library); Before I begin this reaction, I feel I have to tackle the subject of the recent Disney remakes to indicate my headspace. I was grown up strongly on Disney from a very early age and there are various films from their history that hold a special place. In recent years, Disney has unleashed a number of live-action remakes that in my opinion take the base story of the originals and attempt to elevate them beyond the iconic scenes that you can never ever replace in animated form. So far some of the remakes (The Jungle Book) have achieved this much better than others (Maleficent). This year it was Beauty and The Beast’s turn and while admittedly the original was a well-remembered feature, it is far from my personal favorite. But now that I’ve seen the remake, I have to say how absolutely impressed I am. Taking the original story, the live action version manages to expand in key areas that wildly impress; Belle emerges far more independent and self-sufficient, Maurice is granted a much more emotional side that deepens his relationship with his daughter and is woven into the plot in bigger ways. Josh Gad sheds a more comedic and goofier typecasting for a Le Fou that is given depth, attempting to serve as a well-calculated conscience for Gaston while still delivering sharp-witted humorous lines and subtle emotional intentions as well to fantastic effect. Backgrounds for both our main leads are explored to heartbreaking success, though I do wish The Beast was still given more beyond a single flashback for additional sympathy (and a freakin’ human name would STILL be nice). Everything else either matches well with the original as classic scenes and songs are brought to life, while the supplemental songs are just as catchy and provide more emotional context (such as “Evermore” or “Days in the Sun”, the latter of which reads as a more somber yet satisfying replacement to the extended cut’s “Human Again”). The acting is strong from all fronts; the enchanted castle inhabitants did take a little bit of getting used to on my end and don’t necessarily hit the same iconic look of the animated version. There are even some surprising developments as the film’s story goes on as well that adds more for the plot and characters to gain from. Personally, I adored this version despite whatever shortcomings it may have and Disney manages to prove that updating their classics can still be a worthwhile endeavor. If you haven’t, definitely check this out when it hits Netflix for U.S. subscribers in the coming weeks.

106) August 16th: Phoenix Forgotten* - DVD (Rental - Library); The popularity of the found footage style in film has continued to simmer down, following its resurgence courtesy of the phenomenon that was the first Paranormal Activity. The horror genre has produced plenty of entries using the method in the years following, but a few additional found footage sci-fi narratives popped up to notable intrigue in that time, such as 2012’s Chronicle. Earlier this year prior to my screening of Kong: Skull Island, a trailer played that caught me completely off guard for a new sci-fi found footage film called Phoenix Forgotten that is based around the mysterious real life Phoenix lights event of 1997 and looked almost to be the alien/sci-fi version of The Blair Witch Project. The feature arrived quietly in some theaters one month later and has now arrived on home video just a few weeks ago. And while the concept is intriguing, the pacing comes off as wildly sluggish as it attempts to balance two timelines. The film is packaged as a documentary that admittedly at times had the exact quality look of real life docs that have impressed on Netflix in recent years. In this fictional doc, though, we are told a story between present day and 1997 as the now-grown-up younger sister of our subject in the 90s footage attempts to piece together what happened to her missing brother. The present day set-up helps support the other plot, sure, but once the 90s footage starts to grow intriguing its that storyline you ultimately want to stick with. However, it’s when the present day interlude pops its head in at one of the most inopportune times that it almost halts any momentum the handheld “shaky cam” portion attempted to build. We’re taken through various bridges before we can ultimately get to the real climax of the film in the 90s material, and even afterwards when perhaps you need answers the most, all we get is some text on screen as opposed to any type of continuation or conclusion from the present day story. And it’s this off balance that left me cold to Phoenix Forgotten as I couldn’t help but feel that it was stunted in its growth. It’s the constant stopping that bored me and after the most interesting part of the movie arrives thankfully uninterrupted, the other side of the movie simply refuses to carry the torch any further as we head to credits instead of build on its own momentum as well. I understand that I am part of a massive divide on this movie, as internet comments throughout have been pretty evenly mixed between people who hate it and people who adore it. While I loved the concept and the ideas presented in various moments do have a great deal of interest, this UFO simply couldn’t beam me up.

107) August 17th: The LEGO Batman Movie* - DVD (Rental - Library); The LEGO universe is rolling forward quite hard this year, with The LEGO Ninjago Movie arriving in theaters soon. The original The LEGO Movie was a quick-witted, hilarious, and charming endeavor with Batman being a standout character in a supporting capacity. This spin-off certainly received positive reception, and I enjoyed it well enough. It’s nowhere near as smart in its humor as its predecessor, but presents an impressive deconstruction of the entire Batman legacy by exploring his core role and relationships, especially including the ones with the Bat family and The Joker. There are wonderful nods to other incarnations of the hero, as well as his universe, while the climax of The LEGO Movie helps enhance the more absurd elements that pop up, even in terms of pop culture crossover. The inclusion of a key piece from Superman’s stories actually brings something different not seen in this corner of the Dark Knight’s films. It still skews overall younger in its demographic range, and I would argue even more so than The LEGO Movie did, but is still fun. It’s not the most satisfying or groundbreaking animated feature, and yet a worthy second installment in the brick-filled franchise.

108) August 19th: Inferno* - DVD (Rental - Library); I was never one that particularly gravitated towards the phenomenon that was The Da Vinci Code at the height of its popularity. I had seen the previous two films and thought they were solid but short of the top tier blockbusters or thrillers they strived to be. After a seven year gap between films, the franchise continued with little fanfare last year in the third installment Inferno, which in my opinion was fine but ultimately felt like a dull next chapter against a sharp ongoing narrative. The main premise of this adventure immediately puts lead character Robert Langdon at a disadvantage, left to discover exactly what is going on, and yet in the progression of that journey he still feels outpaced. At one point there are seemingly three different factions working against a Langdon not at his full strength, which is increasingly overwhelming the longer the story switches their morality around, and leaves a bit of a mess in its wake because of it. The script at least presents a mystery in the middle of all the clutter to latch on to, and wisely explains a variety of plot threads that manage to come-and-go by the time credits roll. Action sequences can feel slow paced at times, bundled with some CGI that stands out as well. In the end, perhaps this was better left to the page, as the complex mystery thriller can wind up more forgettable than captivating this time around.

109) The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe - Streaming (HBO Go); It’s been awhile since I traveled to the fantasy world beyond the wardrobe. A notable feature upon its release and a story largely taught to me in school for its thematic focuses & allegories, I never got around to falling for anything beyond this initial adventure. As one of my best friends made her way through the trilogy, I decided that perhaps it was time to revisit the saga before it undergoes a planned reboot of sorts in Hollywood. First up is the most notable entry in the saga that still holds up for the most part. The acting from our core four actors really differs, getting a bit better as it goes on but leaves a bit to be desired. Likewise, some smaller shots with green screen backgrounds notably stand out 12 years later as the technology has advanced. Early career James McAvoy is still an absolute scene stealer; Tilda Swinton stands strong as does Liam Neeson’s voice performance as their titular characters. The end battle is still a blockbuster climax that captures your attention as much as a similar faceoff in Game Of Thrones would. I don’t know if it was the fact that I’ve gone through the central story multiple times before, but ultimately I wound up feeling as if the film felt lighter to me and I wasn’t as sucked in as I may have been the first time around. At the same time, with my determination to finally see the trilogy through, that may have been because upon this rewatch I see it simply as a reintroduction and the first act of the films to come.

110) August 20th: The Space Between Us* - DVD (Rental - Library); This sci-fi feature seemed to come and go rather quickly earlier this year, sneaking under the radar as more high profile fare made its way to theaters. Curious due to the cast involved, I was interested in whether or not the original story would come as a pleasant surprise. And for awhile, it actually did. The first act of the movie I thought was fantastic, filled with a interesting concept, themes, and relationships that are set up which could easily be explored for a powerful emotional undercurrent. In fact, it’s at this point that I thought perhaps the marketing of an overly young adult romantic adventure and cheesy title pegged it wrong. Asa Butterfield comes off great here as the lone teenager of Mars, a dreamer of a life beyond his highly isolated one, and even sharing a promising dynamic with his surrogate mother (Carla Gugino). However, it’s halfway through when the film loses its edge as a fish out of water tale by changing gears towards Earth. It’s here the central romance is pushed aggressively towards the front, with the adults shoved to the side until late in the third act, left to simply chase our lead around as it’s reduced to a road trip movie instead. That being said, Britt Robertson does a great job as an individual with her own dreams, which syncs her up with Butterfield not only in tone but in dynamic as the more grounded of the duo to present a yin and yang repertoire. Here, though, the romantic dialogue seemed to get more cringe-inducing as it goes on, with quite a few eye rolling moments in tow, a plot twist that didn’t sit well with me, and an ending that similarly landed way too flat. And it’s that second half that disappoints me the most, as so much potential is set up early on just waiting to be explored thanks to it’s unique premise. Instead of focusing on the complicated bonds, his very hidden existence, an entirely different culture, the loss of his mother & more, it’s the magnification of the cutesy star-crossed lovers that leans too heavily into cliché and left a lesser impression as a result.

111) August 21st: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian* - DVD (Rental - Library); Going into the second installment of the Narnian trilogy, I recalled seeing a portion of this film many years ago but never finishing the entire outing as I didn’t like the drastic time jump at first. Rewatching it now, I can state it’s my favorite of the three entries thus far. That’s not to say it doesn’t have a small share of problems, such as its bloated runtime, and it not being as allegorically deep or thematically satisfying with a focus more so on an action template. But in that note there’s also a lot to be explored in that length. At the close of the last film, our core four characters lived into adulthood as the royalty of Narnia, only to be reverted back to their childhood selves upon rediscovering their original portal into the world. An abrupt ending at that point left much to be desired, and Caspian absolutely enjoys delving into that as we see not only the toll its had on the four of them but a new sense of maturity in the quartet as well. It’s there we get into a generally more mature outing, where the stakes are even higher for the fate of Narnia itself as opposed to strictly its leadership, and likewise the actors present better performances as a reflection of all these combined elements. While half of our key siblings are destined to not return in the sequel in a leading capacity, the ending here gives a heartfelt conclusion that grants us a better close than the previous entry, capitalizing on our time spent with the Pevensies and more confident in their road ahead.

112) Now You See Me 2* - DVD (Rental - Library); The previous Now You See Me managed to impress me enough as a sly magic-fueled thriller and capitalized on the atmosphere with a twist ending that’s a nice touch despite not quite being spelled out narratively beforehand. It’s not the greatest, but certainly an entertaining outing. The sequel, however, steps in a completely different direction for a handful of reasons. For starters, I feel as if the trailers were a bit misleading, as the direction seemed to indicate that perhaps this time around the magic would have some reality to it (spoilers: no it doesn’t). Additionally the secondary tone underneath the primary thriller goes way more comedic, which is better when contained in a surprisingly great relief character such as Lizzy Caplan, but is presented too widespread here and is an odd contrast to the foundation laid out by the first film. Having to tackle the first film’s aftermath is intriguing enough, attempting to widen the scope beyond our core group and similarly exploring the true identity of one of our leads. But with some in-fighting mixed with the lack of being the ones on top this time around, the engine isn’t exactly firing at full steam. And when it’s mixed with that aforementioned comedic slant in tone, the tricks fail to astonish and amaze as much as it did the first time around.

113) August 22nd: The Chronicles Of Narnia: Voyage of The Dawn Treader* - DVD (Rental - Library); I conclude my viewing of the Narnia trilogy with Dawn Treader, the entry that in my opinion seemed to have an uphill battle. Not only is this the first film in the series without Disney behind it nor director Andrew Adamson, it’s the first without two of the major four characters traveling to the title land due to the conclusion of Prince Caspian. And honestly with all of the changes, it’s my least favorite of the trilogy. Easily the shortest of the saga, it somehow feels the longest as the pacing is a bit weird. The opening reintroduction into Lucy and Edmund’s lives are barely driven home on an empathic level before we’re whisked away to Narnia. While Ben Barnes is back as Caspian and awesome as one of our leads, the massive change of accents between films proves a bit distracting. Additionally, the lack of a major villain for the first time in the series adds to the pacing problem despite a clear objective painted out. It just feels a bit listless and as if there isn’t much resistance to the flow of the story. That being said, somewhere in the thick of it all Lucy and Edmund’s personal stories are concluded rather well; even if I would argue Lucy’s is given more attention than Edmund’s. The acting may be the best of the three, especially when Will Poulter steals scenes as the infuriating yet enjoyable newcomer Eustace. And while the allegories come off less subtle this time around, it’s hard to knock Dawn Treader for it, as this leads towards easily the most emotional ending thus far; highly memorable, heartfelt, definitive and satisfying. All the behind the scenes shuffling may have prevented this installment from reaching bigger heights, but it’s a handful of character moments, a new dynamic, and that incredible ending which you cannot rob the third entry of.

114) Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame - Blu-Ray; Looking to shift my mindset from the Narnian conclusion, I at random decided to revisit a mid-90s animated feature that in my opinion only gets better the older you become. Hunchback is easily one of Disney’s darker and more mature outings, which as a kid I always liked for its visuals and songs but always felt a disconnect with. As I’ve grown older, though, the film has absolutely climbed my personal charts not just for its incredible songs (one of the greatest of which “Hellfire” accurately displaying an internal conflict for our villain) but for all its complex themes of religion, mass persecution based on class, morality through perspective, temptation, subverting your idea of the key romantic subplot to respect the platonic, and more. What hinders some of the maturity, though, is the more slapstick comedic moments filled with wacky sound effects, an example of which includes a chase scene in the middle of the main festival. And while yes The Gargoyle Trio are those goofy sidekicks that show up all throughout Disney’s animation, they do raise a very interesting purpose in serving as this intriguing outlet for Quasimodo that also reflects not only his isolation but his mentality in these three being simply a figment of his imagination created in his loneliness (before that’s seemingly thrown out the window as they fight back in the climax, but I digress). Going back now, there’s plenty to love about Hunchback that’s easily worth a revisit and may manage to impress those who haven’t seen it in awhile.

115) August 23rd: Dawn Of The Dead (2004)* - TV (DVR - IFC); This zombie-action reimagining from the mid-2000s has been notable over recent years not only because it’s grown a strong following, but also for its director Zack Snyder and writer James Gunn. Having caught bits and pieces over the years on cable, I finally sat down to watch the full film and while I admire it for the subversion of the iconic rules & perception of zombies from Romero’s original outings, it didn’t overly wow me. The factors leading to my timid reaction I believe are perhaps a bit of over hype from a vocal fanbase for the flick, but also the exhaustion of the genre in this post-Walking Dead culture, where there are certainly echoes of a similar dynamic in regards to a group focus and competing dynamics within. That being said, the more agile undead come across as terrifying, threatening antagonists that certainly lean into the film’s more general action-over-horror feel as to how they are dealt with by our core characters. Speaking of which, there are some solid entertaining arcs for a handful of the members, especially Michael Kelly’s C.J. and a highly memorable close to Mekhi Phifer’s Andre, that add a bit more substance beyond their initial first impressions in which they seem to fill a respective role in the crowd. It’s the farthest thing from what I’d define as a bad film; I just wish I had seen it before the over-saturation that’s emerged in the last decade, where it may have astonished me before zombies achieved another massive popularity boost.

116) August 25th: John Wick: Chapter 2* - DVD (Rental - Library); The original John Wick managed to impress me with badass action and a gritty, ruthless feel against a rather simple yet unique revenge story. And though the sequel lacks as big of an emotional undertone underneath it as its predecessor along with some pacing issues, the sequel still manages to surprise in new ways as the previously mysterious background of John’s prior assassin profession is explored and cracks the previously smaller scope wide open. The action remains as awesome as ever, with plenty of fantastic build up, tension in certain scenes, and intriguing matchups presented once the core narrative truly hits its stride. How exactly you anticipate the face-off between John and supporting characters certainly drives intrigue with the rest of the plot, as in the meantime we’re given a villain with a bit more mythology behind him, and plenty of rules in regards to the assassin organization that fuels the underbelly of the entire film. Additionally, this second installment sets up a third entry with such ease, anticipation and captures the imagination of what they could do now that they’ve painted themselves into a corner. Another enjoyable outing that I may have liked more than its first, despite any flaws.

117) August 26th: Split* - DVD (Rental - Library); It’s no secret that M. Night Shyamalan has let me down before. Hell, I went to go see The Happening and The Last Airbender in theaters for who knows what torturous reason. Regardless, I had yet to see Shyamalan 2.0 in action as The Visit has not made its way up my watchlist and this outing was quite the hunt as a physical rental. I can finally say I’ve seen Split, despite knowing full well what the “twist” extra scene at the end was well in advance, and it was a tense, well-acted thriller that overcomes some early sluggishness to work quite well. The first act tends to be where I saw the most faults, with standoffish dialogue between characters that left them initially cold and a general odd tone of lesser films from the director, which left me worried. But once more about our primary protagonist and antagonist are revealed, the plot takes off as an edge of your seat battle ensues. James McAvoy is absolutely astounding as the key player in all of this, afflicted with multiple personality disorder and making sure to convey each identity uniquely that will just leave you appreciative of his performance. Likewise, our lead on the other side of things Anya Taylor Joy gives a performance that grows heartbreaking the more you understand her, thanks to a backstory that breaks down her initial highly guarded walls. It’s the dynamic between these two that plays well to drive the set-up forward and has me intrigued in exactly how it may shift upon the addition of new cast members in the upcoming sequel. Mentioning that, the spoiled extra scene really didn’t hinder my opinion of the movie as a whole. In fact, it helped enhance some minor dialogue throughout, especially in regards to Dr. Fletcher’s psychological theories. When all is said and done, though Get Out easily takes the cake this year with its artistic subtleties bubbling under the surface, Split is a well crafted entry in the thriller category that lands Shyamalan back on my good side.

118) August 29th: A Cure For Wellness* - DVD (Rental - Library); I’m willing to admit this wasn’t one I was completely eager to see earlier this year, and yet upon its theatrical release I remember positive reactions from friends. So, I decided to give the film a try and found a visually stunning psychological thriller with a compelling mythology that unfortunately doesn’t move quick enough. That’s not to say I felt the film’s two and a half hour runtime felt overly dragging compared to other features this past month. In that regard, the movie manages its screentime and pacing rather well. But to me where A Cure for Wellness tends to lose some points is the second half in its failure to execute its reveals at quite the right time. The story articulates its mythology so well that I felt I knew exactly what was going on for awhile before Lockhart (Dane Dehaan) did, or before we reached the major unveiling in one of the film’s final set pieces, almost as if it was underestimating its audience in a way. And that’s disheartening as not only is the mythology a large part of what helps this story work, but what separates some good chunks of the film from also just being weird for weird’s sake. That being said, I actually liked A Cure for Wellness despite all its flaws. Dehaan does strong as the audience vehicle; Mia Goth is compelling as the complex patient whose innocence is a stark contrast towards a lot surrounding her; Jason Isaacs is an absolute scene stealer as the director of the facility. In the end, I feel that this is a movie that will easily divide people as its something many can perceive different things from. Some will see an overly creepy and intriguing mystery thriller; others will see the subtext of a life over analyzed and over medicated. For me, I found a blend of both but still wish there had been less of a beating around the bush in regards to the mythology, and more of an outright focus on exploring of the deep central themes.

119) Jackie* - DVD (Rental - Library); Another awards season contender, it seems I chose to end my month with two features with grief at their core. First comes the mourning of JFK, with a film that focuses on Jackie Kennedy and the days following the death of her husband. Natalie Portman delivers a strong portrayal of the former First Lady, showcasing not only immense strength but exceptional poise amidst the chaos of it all, managing arrangements her way, dealing with her brother-in-law, political factors, her children and so much more amidst a very heartbreaking loss. All of this is explored wonderfully and thematically as I sat in awe of how much Mrs. Kennedy had to endure. Storywise, I have to admit that I didn’t really get into the film until after the first act, which comes off non-linear as we jump across multiple timelines, until we finally settle on just two. From that point on we get to see the true emotional and thematic meat of the movie emerge and it can be quite intriguing. It didn’t knock me on my ass as much as it did other people, nor did it crack my top films of the month either, but it’s still a strong entry if you’re interested into the material.

120) August 30th: Manchester By The Sea* - DVD (Rental - Library); And finally, we have my last awards contender of the month. With only trailers and tv spots to go on, I didn’t quite know what to expect from Manchester By The Sea except for the wide consensus that it was sad. Imagine my surprise when I found myself chuckling early on at the odd charm the film presents, while at the same time intrigued as the story begins to uncover exactly what’s behind the lead character of Lee. Seemingly off-kilter, especially in his reactions towards his brother’s death, it’s when Lee’s story is revealed the film reaches deeper lengths in its grief theme as each of our characters are experiencing it in one form or another. The ending may upset people, but honestly I dug it as the reasoning is very prominent in the film through Lee’s actions, supporting characters’ examples, and it never robs the central story from its character development that it does build, especially between Lee and his nephew Patrick. Lucas Hedges steals the show in his breakthrough performance, and likewise Affleck works well to present a lead whose complexities are unveiled the longer the film continues. A strong watch that works on both an entertaining and artistic level, similar to that of Hell or High Water.

And that concludes my incredibly packed August! I expect the next month to be a rather slow one because I’ll be converting a good deal of my free time towards Destiny 2 as it’s released. But there are certainly some big films landing on my radar as we inch closer towards Halloween, including the remake of It and the sequel to Kingsman. Additionally, I’ve already begun to plan a horror-themed list of features, including an experimental rewatch of the Paranormal Activity franchise but in chronological order of events. Until then Guardians, I’m grabbing my Ghost, going to see Ikora Rey, and I’ll see you next time.

#film diary 2017 #movies #film #text post

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theconservativebrief · 6 years

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A few days ago, I came across this rather striking finding from a recent public opinion survey by the Public Religion Research Institute:

It occurred to me that white people rarely if ever experience questions like this, about their very legitimacy. Do they belong? Is having more of them around good for America?

One thing white people have never experienced is a poll on whether their presence in their own country is intrinsically detrimental.

— David Roberts (@drvox) July 24, 2018

In fact, I thought to myself, I bet asking the question at all — not answering it either way, just asking it — would make a lot of white people flip out. Imagine if they saw that on a poll!

So, as a bit of goofy provocation, I made just such a poll:

Do white people have a positive or negative effect on America?

— David Roberts (@drvox) July 24, 2018

As you’ve likely predicted, a lot of white people flipped out.

Then they saw one, completely missed the context, and freaked out, right on cue, thus proving my point in real time. But they won my Twitter poll, so … burn, I guess?

But maybe there’s a little insight to be gleaned. I do think the reaction illuminates a larger point.

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I kept up with the first few hundred responses (there are over a thousand now), and it’s interesting to see what they shared and where they differed.

I didn’t answer the question I asked, but asking it was enough to trigger all the same outrage. Why is that?

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Some white men have even been known to rise above their level of competence. Timothy A. Clary/AFP/Getty Images

In politics, we talk about groups all the time — minorities, immigrants, criminals, what have you — and by and large, no one blinks. The only time I get blowback is when I generalize about men or white people (okay, or Baby Boomers). Suddenly, “lumping people together” becomes a sin. Even among white liberal friends, I’ve noticed that merely saying the words “white people” causes a frisson of discomfort.

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In fact, they want their America, the America where white dominance is so ubiquitous as to be unremarkable, back. They keep saying so.

Original Source -> American white people really hate being called “white people”

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief

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