#though in reality i am becoming a bit less active because of things

[infamous-if]

A bit more of Orion on the blog which coincides nicely with the upcoming free drabble. It's taking a bit but this scene did make me laugh and pat my own back for thinking of it.

"who is marty?" just some dude, really

#sorry #it may seem like im always writing #but really i'm always “reading” #and then i laugh to myself and can't help but share #orion quinn #drabbles #pov drabbles #though in reality i am becoming a bit less active because of things #but hopefully i can keep things queued so there's no difference lols #also just realised the ' is in the wrong spot and its going to bother me #but w/e

[asha-mage]

WoT Meta: Feudalism, Class, And The Politics of The Wheel of Time

One of my long standing personal annoyances with the fantasy genre is that it often falls into the trap of simplifying feudal class systems, stripping out the interesting parts and the nuance to make something that’s either a lot more cardboard cut-out, or has our modern ideas about class imposed onto it.

Ironically the principal exception is also the series that set the bar for me. As is so often the case, Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time is unique in how much it works to understand and convey a realistic approach to power, politics, government, rulership, and the world in general–colored neither by cynicism or idealism. How Jordan works the feudal system into his world building is no exception–weaving in the weaknesses, the strengths, and the banal realities of what it means to have a Lord or Lady, a sovereign Queen or King, and to exist in a state held together by interpersonal relationships between them–while still conveying themes and ideas that are, at their heart, relevant to our modern world.

So, I thought I’d talk a little bit about how he does that.

Defining the Structure

First, since we’re talking about feudal class systems, let's define what that means– what classes actually existed, how they related to each other, and how that is represented in Jordan’s world. 

But before that, a quick disclaimer. To avoid getting too deep into the historical weeds, I am going to be making some pretty wide generalizations. The phrases ‘most often’, ‘usually’, and ‘in general’ are going to be doing a lot of heavy lifting. While the strata I’m describing is broadly true across the majority medieval and early Renaissance feudal states these things were obviously heavily influenced by the culture, religion, geography, and economics of their country–all of which varied widely and could shift dramatically over a surprisingly small amount of time (sometimes less than a single generation). Almost nothing I am going to say is universally applicable to all feudal states, but all states will have large swathes of it true for them, and it will be widely applicable. The other thing I would ask you to keep in mind is that a lot of our conceptions of class have been heavily changed by industrialization. It’s impossible to overstate how completely the steam engine altered the landscape of socio-politics the world over, in ways both good and bad. This is already one of those things that Jordan is incredibly good at remembering, and that most fantasy authors are very good at forgetting. 

The disparity between your average medieval monarch’s standard of living and their peasants was pretty wide, but it was nothing compared to the distance between your average minimum wage worker and any billionaire; the monarch and the peasant had far more in common with each other than you or I do with Jeff Bezos or Mike Zuckerberg. The disparity between most people’s local country lord and their peasants was even smaller. It was only when the steam engine made the mass production of consumer goods possible that the wealth gap started to become a chasm–and that was in fact one of the forces that lead to the end of the feudal system and the collapse of many (though by no means all) of the ruling monarchies in Europe. I bring this up because the idea of a class system not predicated on the accumulation of capital seems pretty alien to our modern sensibilities, but it was the norm for most of history. Descent and birth mattered far more than the riches you could acquire–and the act of accumulating wealth was itself often seen as something vulgar and in many countries actively sinful. So with that in mind, what exactly were the classes of feudalism, and how do they connect to the Wheel of Time?

The Monarch and their immediate family unsurprisingly occupied the top of the societal pyramid (at least, in feudal states that had a monarch and royal family- which wasn’t all of them). The Monarch was head of the government and was responsible for administering the nation: collecting taxes, seeing them spent, enforcing law, defending the country’s borders and vassals in the event of war, etc. Contrary to popular belief, relatively few monarchs had absolute power during the medieval period. But how much power the monarch did have varied widely- some monarchs were little more than figureheads, others were able to centralize enough power on themselves to dictate the majority of state business- and that balance could shift back and forth over a single generation, or even a single reign depending on the competence of the monarch. 

The royal family usually held power in relation to their monarch, but also at the monarch’s discretion. The more power a monarch had, the more likely they were to delegate it to trusted family members in order to aid with the administration of the realm. This was in both official and unofficial capacities: princes were often required to do military service as a right of passage, and to act as diplomats or officials, and princesses (especially those married into foreign powers) were often used as spies for their home state, or played roles in managing court affairs and business on behalf of the ruler.

Beneath the monarch and their family you get the noble aristocracy, and I could write a whole separate essay just on the delineations and strata within this group, but suffice to say the aristocracy covers individuals and families with a wide range of power and wealth. Again, starting from that country lord whose power and wealth in the grand scheme of things is not much bigger than his peasants, all the way to people as powerful, or sometimes more powerful, than the monarch. 

Nobles in a feudal system ruled over sections of land (the size and quality usually related sharply to their power) setting taxes, enforcing laws, providing protection to the peasants, hearing petitions, etc. within their domains. These nobles were sometimes independent, but more often would swear fealty to more powerful nobles (or monarchs) in exchange for greater protection and membership in a nation state. Doing so meant agreeing to pay taxes, obey (and enforce) the laws of the kingdom, and to provide soldiers to their liege in the event of war. The amount of actual power and autonomy nobles had varied pretty widely, and the general rule of thumb is that the more powerful the monarch is, the less power and autonomy the nobles have, and vice versa. Nobles generally were expected to be well educated (or at least to be able to pretend they were) and usually provided the pool from which important government officials were drawn–generals, council members, envoys, etc–with some kingdoms having laws that prevented anyone not of noble descent from occupying these positions.

Beneath the nobles you get the wealthy financial class–major merchants, bankers, and the heads of large trade guilds. Those Marx referred to generally as the bourgeoisie because they either own means of production or manage capital. In a feudal system this class tended to have a good bit of soft power, since their fortunes could buy them access to circles of the powerful, but very little institutional power, since the accumulation and pursuit of riches, if anything, was seen to have negative moral worth. An underlying presumption of greediness was attached to this class, and with it the sense that they should be kept out of direct power.

That was possible, in part, because there weren't that many means of production to actually own, or that much capital to manage, in a pre-industrial society. Most goods were produced without the aid of equipment that required significant capital investment (a weaver owned their own loom, a blacksmith owned their own tools, etc), and most citizens did not have enough wealth to make use of banking services. This is the class of merchants who owned, but generally didn’t directly operate, multiple trading ships or caravans, guild leaders for craftsfolk who required large scale equipment to do their work (copper and iron foundries for the making of bells, for example), and bankers who mainly served the nobility and other wealthy individuals through the loaning and borrowing of money. This usually (but not always) represented the ceiling of what those not born aristocrats could achieve in society.

After that you get middling merchants, master craftsfolk and specialty artisans, in particular of luxury goods. Merchants in this class usually still directly manage their expeditions and operations, while the craftsfolk and artisans are those with specialty skill sets that can not be easily replicated without a lifetime of training. Master silversmiths, dressmakers, lacquer workers, hairdressers, and clockmakers are all found in this class. How much social clout individuals in this class have usually relates strongly to how much value is placed on their skill or product by their society (think how the Seanchan have an insatiable appetite for lacquer work and how Seanchan nobles make several Ebou Dari lacquer workers very rich) as well as the actual quality of the product. But even an unskilled artisan is still probably comfortable (as Thom says, even a bad clockmaker is still a wealthy man). Apprenticeships, where children are taught these crafts, are thus highly desired by those in lower classes,as it guaranteed at least some level of financial security in life.

Bellow that class you find minor merchants (single ship or wagon types), the owners of small businesses (inns, taverns, millers etc), some educated posts (clerks, scribes, accountants, tutors) and most craftsfolk (blacksmiths, carpenters, bootmakers, etc). These are people who can usually support themselves and their families through their own labor, or who, in the words of Jin Di, ‘work with their hands’. Most of those who occupy this class are found in cities and larger towns, where the flow of trade allows so many non-food producers to congregate and still (mostly) make ends meet. This is why there is only one inn, one miller, one blacksmith (with a single apprentice) in places like Emond’s Field: most smaller villages can not sustain more than a handful of non-food producers. This is also where you start to get the possibility of serious financial instability; in times of chaos it is people at this tier (and below) that are the first to be forced into poverty, flight, or other desperate actions to survive.

Finally, there is the group often collectively called ‘peasants’ (though that term is also sometimes used to mean anyone not noble born). Farmers, manual laborers, peddlers, fishers- anyone who is unlikely to be able to support more than themselves with their labor, and often had to depend on the combined labor of their spouse and families to get by. Servants also generally fit into this tier socially, but it’s important to understand that a servant in say, a palace, is going to be significantly better paid and respected than a maid in a merchant's house. This class is the largest, making up the majority of the population in a given country, and with a majority of its own number being food-producers specifically. Without the aid of the steam engine, most of a country’s populace needs to be producing food, and a great deal of it, in order to remain a functional nation. Most of the population as a result live in smaller spread out agrarian communities, loosely organized around single towns and villages. Since these communities will almost always lack access to certain goods or amenities (Emond’s Field has a bootmaker, but no candlemaker, for example) they depend on smalltime traders, called peddlers, to provide them with everyday things, who might travel from town to town with no more than a single wagon, or even just a large pack.

The only groups lower than peasants on the social hierarchy are beggars, the destitute, and (in societies that practice slavery) slaves. People who can not (or are not allowed to) support themselves, and instead must either eke out a day to day existence from scraps, or must be supported by others. Slaves can perform labor of any kind, but they are regarded legally as a means of production rather than a laborer, and the value is awarded to their owner instead. 

It’s also worth noting that slavery has varied wildly across history in how exactly it was carried out and ran the gamut from the trans-Atlantic chattel slavery to more caste or punitive-based slavery systems where slaves could achieve freedom, social mobility, or even some degree of power within their societies. But those realities (as with servants) had more to do with who their owners were than the slave’s own merit, and the majority of slaves (who are almost always seen as less than a freedman even when they are doing the same work) were performing the same common labor as the ‘peasant’ class, and so viewed as inferior.

Viewing The Wheel of Time Through This Lens

So what does all this have to do with Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time? A lot actually, especially compared to his contemporaries in fantasy writing. Whereas most fantasy taking place in feudal systems succumbs to the urge to simplify matters (sometimes as far down to their only being two classes, ‘peasant’ and ‘royalty’) Jordan much more closely models real feudalism in his world. 

The majority of the nations we encounter are feudal monarchies, and a majority of each of their populations are agrarian farming communities overseen by a local lord or other official. How large a nation’s other classes are is directly tied to how prosperous the kingdom is, which is strongly connected to how much food and how many goods the kingdom can produce on the available land within it. This in turn, is tightly interdependent on how stable the kingdom is and how effective its government is.

Andor is the prime example: a very large, very prosperous kingdom, which is both self-sufficient in feeding itself via its large swathes of farmland (so much so that they can afford to feed Cairhien through selling their surplus almost certainly at next to no profit) and rich in mineral wealth from mines in the west. It is capable of supporting several fairly large cities even on its outskirts, as well as the very well-developed and cosmopolitan Caemlyn as its capital. This allows Andor to maintain a pretty robust class of educated workers, craftsfolk, artisans, etc, which in turn furthers the realm’s prosperity. At the top of things, the Queen presides over the entire realm with largely centralized power to set laws and taxes. Beneath her are the ‘great houses’–the only Houses in Andor besides the royal house who are strong enough that other nobles ‘follow where they lead’ making them the equivalent of Duchesses and Dukes, with any minor nobles not sworn directly to the Queen being sworn to these ten.

And that ties into something very important about the feudal system and the impact it had on our world and the impact it has on Jordan's. To quote Youtuber Jack Rackham, feudalism is what those in the science biz would call an unstable equilibrium. The monarch and their vassals are constantly in conflict with each other; the vassals desiring more power and autonomy, as the monarch works to centralize power on themselves. In feudalism there isn’t really a state army. Instead the monarch and the nobles all have personal armies, and while the monarch’s might be stronger than anyone else’s army, it’s never going to be stronger than everybody else’s. 

To maintain peace and stability in this situation everyone has to essentially play Game of Thrones (or as Jordan called it years before Martin wrote GoT, Daes Dae’mar) using political maneuvering, alliances, and scheming in order to pursue their goals without the swords coming out, and depending on the relative skill of those involved, this can go on for centuries at a time….or break apart completely over the course of a single bad summer, and plunge the country into civil war.

Cairhien is a great example of this problem. After losing the Aiel War and being left in ruins, the monarch who ultimately secured the throne of Cairhien, Galldrian Riatin, started from a place of profound weakness. He inherited a bankrupt, war torn and starving country, parts of which were still actively on fire at the time. As Thom discusses in the Great Hunt, Galddrian's failure to resettle the farmers displaced by the war left Cairhien dependent on foreign powers to feed the populace (the grain exports from Tear and Andor) and in order to prevent riots in his own capital, Galldrian choose bread and circuses to keep the people pacified rather then trying to substantially improve their situation. Meanwhile, the nobles, with no effective check on them, began to flex their power, seeing how much strength they could take away from each other and the King, further limiting the throne’s options in how to deal with the crisis, and forcing the King to compete with his most powerful vassals in order to just stay on the throne. This state of affairs ultimately resulted, unsurprisingly, in one of Galladrin’s schemes backfiring, him ending up dead, and the country plunging into civil war, every aristocrat fighting to replace him and more concerned with securing their own power then with restoring the country that was now fully plunged into ruin.

When Dyelin is supporting Elayne in the Andoran Succession, it is this outcome (or one very much like it) that she is attempting to prevent. She says as much outright to Elayne in Knife of Dreams–a direct succession is more stable, and should only be prevented in a situation where the Daughter Heir is unfit–through either incompetence or malice–to become Queen. On the flip side, Arymilla and her lot are trying to push their own agendas, using the war as an excuse to further enrich their Houses or empower themselves and their allies. Rhavin’s machinations had very neatly destabilized Andor, emboldening nobles such as Arymilla (who normally would never dream of putting forward a serious claim for the throne) by making them believe Morgase and Trakand were weak and thus easy to take advantage of. 

We also see this conflict crop up as a central reason Murandy and Altara are in their current state as well. Both are countries where their noble classes have almost complete autonomy, and the monarch is a figurehead without significantly more power than their vassals (Tylin can only keep order in Ebou Dar and its immediate surrounding area, and from what she says her father started with an even worse deal,with parts of the capital more under the control of his vassals than him). Their main unifying force is that they wish to avoid invasion and domination by another larger power (Andor for Murandy, Illian and Amadica for Altara) and the threat of that is the only thing capable of bringing either country into anything close to unity.

Meanwhile a lack of centralization has its trade offs; people enjoy more relative freedoms and social mobility (both depend heavily on trade, which means more wealth flowing into their countries but not necessarily accumulating at the top, due to the lack of stability), and Altara specifically has a very robust ‘middle class’ (or as near as you can get pre-industrialization) of middling to minor merchants, business and craftsfolk, etc. Mat’s time in Ebou Dar (and his friendship with Satelle Anan) gets into a lot of this. Think of the many many guilds that call Altara home, and how the husband of an inn owner can do a successful enough business fishing that he comes to own several crafts by his own merit. 

On the flip side both countries have problems with violence and lawlessness due to the lack of any enforced uniformity in terms of justice. You might ride a day and end up in land ruled by a Lord or Lady with a completely different idea of what constitutes, say, a capital offense, than the Lord or Lady you were under yesterday. This is also probably why Altara has such an ingrained culture of duels to resolve disputes, among both nobles and common folk. Why appeal to a higher authority when that authority can barely keep the streets clean? Instead you and the person you are in conflict with, on anything from the last cup of wine to who cheated who in a business deal, can just settle it with your knives and not have to bother with a hearing or a petition. It’s not like you could trust it anyways; as Mat informs us, most of the magistrates in Altara do the bidding of whoever is paying their bribes.

But neither Altara nor Murandy represents the extreme of how much power and autonomy nobles can manage to wrangle for themselves. That honor goes to Tear, where the nobles have done away with the monarch entirely to instead establish what amounts to an aristocratic confederacy. Their ruling council (The High Lords of Tear) share power roughly equally among themselves, and rule via compromise and consensus. This approach also has its tradeoffs: unlike Murandy and Altara, Tear is still able to effectively administer the realm and create uniformity even without a monarch, and they are able to be remarkably flexible in terms of their politics and foreign policy, maintaining trade relationships even with bitter enemies like Tar Valon or Illian.  On the flipside, the interests of individual nobles are able to shape policy and law to a much greater extent, with no monarch to play arbiter or hold them accountable. This is the source of many of the social problems in Tear: a higher sense of justice, good, or even just plain fairness all take a back seat to the whims and interest of nobles. Tear is the only country where Jordan goes out of his way, repeatedly, to point out wealth inequality and injustice. They are present in other countries, but Jordan drives home that it is much worse in Tear, and much more obscene. 

This is at least in part because there is no one to serve as a check to the nobles, not even each other. A monarch is (at least in theory) beholden to the country as a whole, but each High Lord is beholden only to their specific people, house and interests, and there is no force present that can even attempt to keep the ambitions and desires of the High Lords from dictating everything. So while Satelle Anan's husband can work his way up from a single fishing boat to the owner of multiple vessels, most fisherman and farmers in Tear scrape by on subsistence, as taxes are used to siphon off their wealth and enrich the High Lords. While in Andor ‘even the Queen most obey the law she makes or there is no law’ (to quote Morgase), Tairen Lords can commit murder, rape, or theft without any expectation of consequences, because the law dosen’t treat those acts as crimes when done to their ‘lessers’, and any chance someone might get their own justice back (as they would in Altara) is quashed, since the common folk are not even allowed to own weapons in Tear. As we’re told in the Dragon Reborn, when an innkeeper is troubled by a Lord cheating at dice in the common room, the Civil Watch will do nothing about it and citizens in Tear are banned from owning weapons so there is nothing he can do about it. The best that can be hoped for is that he will ‘get bored and go away’.

On the opposite end, you have the very very centralized Seanchan Empire as a counter example to Tear, so centralized it’s almost (though not quite) managed to transcend feudalism. In Seanchan the aristocratic class has largely been neutered by the monarchy, their ambitions and plots kept in check by a secret police (the Seekers of Truth) and their private armies dwarfed by a state army that is rigorously kept and maintained. It’s likely that the levies of the noble houses, if they all united together, would still be enough to topple the Empress, but the Crystal Throne expends a great deal of effort to ensure that doesn't happen,playing the nobles against each other and taking advantage of natural divisions in order to keep them from uniting.

Again, this has pros and cons. The Seanchan Empire is unquestionably prosperous; able to support a ridiculous food surplus and the accompanying flow of wealth throughout its society, and it has a level of equity in its legal administration that we don’t see anywhere else in Randland. Mat spots the heads of at least two Seanchan nobles decorating the gates over Ebou Dar when he enters, their crimes being rape and theft, which is a far cry from the consequence-free lives of the Tairen nobles. Meanwhile a vast state-sponsored bureaucracy works to oversee the distribution of resources and effective governance in the Empress’s name. No one, Tuon tells us proudly, has to beg or go hungry in the Empire. But that is not without cost. 

Because for all its prosperity, Seanchan society is also incredibly rigid and controlling. One of the guiding philosophies of the Seanchan is ‘the pattern has a place for everything and everything’s place should be obvious on sight’. The classes are more distinct and more regimented than anywhere else we see in Randland. The freedoms and rights of everyone from High Lords to common folk are curtailed–and what you can say or do is sharply limited by both social convention and law. The Throne (and its proxies) are also permitted to deprive you of those rights on nothing more than suspicion. To paraphrase Egeanin from TSR: Disobeying a Seeker (and presumably any other proxy of the Empress) is a crime. Flight from a Seeker is a crime. Failure to cooperate fully with a Seeker is a crime. A Seeker could order a suspected criminal to go fetch the rope for their own binding, and the suspected criminal would be expected to do it–and likely would because failure to do anything else would make them a criminal anyway, whatever their guilt or innocence in any other matter.

Meanwhile that food surplus and the resulting wealth of the Empire is built on its imperialism and its caste-based slavery system, and both of those are inherently unsustainable engines. What social mobility there is, is tied to the Empire’s constant cycle of expand, consolidate, assimilate, repeat–Egeanin raises that very point early on, that the Corenne would mean ‘new names given and the chance to rise high’. But that cycle also creates an endless slew of problems and burning resentments, as conquered populations resist assimilation, the resistance explodes into violence that the Seanchan must constantly deal with–the ‘near constant rebellions since the Conquest finished’ that Mat mentions when musing on how the Seanchan army has stayed sharp.

The Seanchan also practice a form of punitive and caste-based slavery for non-channelers, and chattel slavery for channelers. As with the real-life Ottoman Empire, some da’covale enjoy incredible power and privilege in their society, but they (the Deathwatch Guard, the so’jhin, the Seekers) are the exception, not the rule. The majority of the slaves we encounter are nameless servants, laborers, or damane. While non-channelers have some enshrined legal protections in how they can be treated by their masters and society as a whole, we are told that emancipation is incredibly rare, and the slave status is inherited from parent to child as well as used as a legal punishment–which of course would have the natural effect of discouraging most da’covale from reproducing by choice until after (or if) they are emancipated–so the primary source for most of the laborers and servants in Seanchan society is going to be either people who are being punished or who choose to sell themselves into slavery rather then beg or face other desperate circumstances. 

This keeps the enslaved population in proportion with the rest of society only because of the Empire’s imperialism- that same cycle of expand, consolidate, assimilate, repeat, has the side effect of breeding instability, which breeds desperation and thus provides a wide pool to draw on of both those willing to go into slavery to avoid starvation, and those who are being punished with slavery for wronging the state in some manner. It’s likely the only reason the Empire’s production can keep pace with its constant war efforts: conquered nations (and subdued rebellions) eventually yield up not just the necessary resources, but also the necessary laborers to cultivate them in the name of the state, and if that engine stalls for any sustained length of time (like say a three hundred year peace enforced by a treaty), it would mean a labor collapse the likes of which the Empire has never seen before.

A note on damane here: the damane system is undoubtedly one of chattel slavery, where human beings are deprived of basic rights and person hood under the law for the enrichment of those that claim ownership over them. Like in real life this state of affairs is maintained by a set of ingrained cultural prejudices, carefully constructed lies, and simple ignorance of the truly horrific state of affairs that the masses enjoy. The longevity of channelers insulates the damane from some of the problems of how slavery can be unsustainable, but in the long run it also suffers from the same structural problem: when the endless expansion stops, so too will the flow of new damane, and the resulting cratering of power the Empire will face will put it in jeopardy like nothing has before. There is also the problem that, as with real life chattel slavery, if any one piece of the combination of ignorance, lies, and prejudice starts to fall apart, an abolition movement becomes inevitable–and several characters are setting the stage for just that via the careful spreading of the truth about the sul’dam. Even if the Seanchan successfully put down an abolition movement, doing so will profoundly weaken them in a way that will necessitate fundamental transformation, or ensure collapse.

How Jordan Depicts The Relationships Between Classes

As someone who is very conscious in how he depicts class in his works, it makes sense that Jordan frequently focuses on characters interacting through the barriers of their various classes in different ways. New Spring in particular is a gold mine for this kind of insight.

Take, for example, Moiraine and Siuan’s visit to the master seamstress. A lesser writer would not think more deeply on the matter than ‘Moiraine is nobly born so obviously she’s going to be snobby and demanding, while down-to-earth Siuan is likely to be build a natural rapport and have better relationship her fellow commoner, the seamstress Tamore Alkohima’. But Jordan correctly writes it as the reverse: Tamore Alkohima might not be nobly born, but she is not really a peasant either–rather she belongs to that class of speciality artisans, who via the value placed on her labor and skill, is able to live quite comfortably. Moiraine is much more adept at maneuvering this kind of possibly fraught relationship than Siuan is. Yes, she is at the top of the social structure (all the more so since becoming Aes Sedai) but that does not release her from a need to observe formalities and courtesies with someone who, afterall, is doing something for Moiraine that she can not do for herself, even with the Power. If Moiraine wants the services of a master dressmaker, the finest in Tar Valon, she must show respect for both Tamore Alkohima and her craft, which means submitting to her artistic decisions, as well as paying whatever price, without complaint.

Siuan, who comes from the poor Maule district in Tear, is not used to navigating this kind of situation. Most of those she has dealt with before coming to the Tower were either her equals or only slightly above her in terms of class. She tries to treat Tamore Alkohima initially like she most likely treated vendors in the Maule where everyone is concerned with price, since so many are constantly on the edge of poverty, and she wants to know exactly what she is buying and have complete say over the final product, which is the practical mentality of someone to whom those factors had a huge impact on her survival. Coin wasted on fish a day from going bad, or netting that isn’t the right kind, might have meant the difference between eating that week or not, for a young Siuan and her father. 

Yet this this reads as an insult to Tamore Alkohima, who takes it as being treated with mockery, and leads to Moiraine needing to step in to try and smooth things over, and explain to Siuan-

“Listen to me, Siuan and do not argue.” she whispered in a rush. “We must not keep Tamore waiting long. Do not ask after prices: she will tell us after we make our selections. Nothing you buy here will be cheap, but the dresses Tamore sews for you will make you look Aes Sedai as much as the shawl does. And it is Tamore, not Mistress Alkohima. You must observe the properties or she will believe you are mocking her. But try thinking of her as a sister who stands just a little above you. A touch of deference is necessary. Just a touch, but she will tell you what to wear as much as she asks.” “And will the bloody shoe maker tell us what kind of slippers to buy and charge us enough to buy fifty new sets of nets?” “No.” Moiraine said impatiently. Tamore was only arching one eyebrow but her face may as well have been a thunderhead. The meaning of that eyebrow was clear as the finest crystal. They had already made the seamstress wait too long, and there was going to be a price for it. And that scowl! She hurried on, whispering as fast as she could. “The shoemaker will make us what we want and we will bargain the price with him, but not too hard if we want his best work. The same with the glovemaker, the stockingmaker, the shiftmaker, and all the rest. Just be glad neither of us needs a hairdresser. The best hairdressers are true tyrants, and nearly as bad as perfumers.”

-New Spring, Chapter 13: Business in the City.

Navigating the relationship between characters of a different class is something a of a running theme throughout New Spring–from Moiraine’s dealing with the discretion of her banker (‘Another woman who knew well her place in the world’ as Moiraine puts it), to having to meet with peasants during her search for the Dragon Reborn (and bungling several of those interactions), to wading through the roughest criminal parts of Chachin in search of an inn, and frequently needing to resort to the Power to avoid or resolve conflict. Moiraine’s ability to handle these situations is tightly tied to her experience with the people involved prior to her time as a Novice, but all hold up and give color to the class system Jordan presents. It also serves as set up so that when Moraine breaks the properties with a different seamstress near the end of the book, it can be a sign of the rising tension and the complex machinations she and Siuan find themselves in.

Notably, Moiraine and Siuan’s relative skill with working with people is strongly related to their backgrounds: the more Moiraine encounters people outside her lived experience as a noble daughter in Cairhien, the more she struggles to navigate those situations while Siuan is much more effective at dealing with the soldiers during the name-taking sequence (who are drawn mostly from the same class as her–common laborers, farmers, etc), and the people in Chachin, where she secures an lodging and local contacts to help in the search with relative ease.

Trying to navigate these waters is also something that frequently trips up characters in the main series as well, especially with the Two Rivers folk who are, ultimately, from a relatively classless society that does not subscribe to feudal norms (more on that below). All of them react to both moving through a society that does follow those norms, and later, being incorporated into its power structures in different, frequently disastrous ways.

Rand, who is not used to the complicated balance between vassal and monarch (which is all the more complicated as he is constantly adding more and more realms under his banner) finds imposing his will and leading the aristocrats who swear fealty to him incredibly difficult. While his reforms are undoubtedly good for the common folk and the general welfare of the nations he takes over, he is most often left to enforce them with threats and violence, which ultimately fuel resistance, rebellion, and more opposition to him throughout the nations he rules, and has down-the-line bad ripple effects on how he treats others, both noble and not, who disagree with him. 

Rand also struggles even with those who sincerely wish to serve and aid him in this context: he is awkward with servants, distant with the soldiers and warriors who swear their lives to him, and even struggles with many of his advisors and allies. Part of that is distrust that plagues him in general, but a big element to it is also his own outsider perspective. The Aiel frequently complain that Rand tries to lead them like a King, but that’s because they assume a wetlander King always leads by edict and command. Yet Rand’s efforts to do that with the Westland nations he takes over almost always backfire or have lasting consequences. Rand is frequently trying to frequently play act at what he thinks a King is and does–and when he succeeds it’s almost always a result of Moiraine or Elayne’s advice on the subject, not his own instincts or preconceptions.

Perrin, meanwhile, is unable to hide his contempt for aristocracy and those that willingly follow them, which leads to him both being frequently derelict in his duties as a Lord, and not treating his followers with a great deal of respect. Nynaeve has a similar problem, where she often tries to ‘instill backbone’ into those lower in the class system then her, then comes to regret it when that backbone ends up turned on her, and her leadership rejected or her position disrespected by those she had encouraged to reject leadership or not show respect to people in higher positions.

Interestingly, it’s Mat that most effectively manages to navigate various inter-class relationships, and who via the Band of the Red Hand builds a pretty equitable, merit-based army. He does this by following a simple rule: treating people how they wish to be treated. He accepts deference when it’s offered, but never demands it. He pushes back on the notion he’s a Lord often, but only makes it a serious bone with people who hold the aristocracy in contempt. He’s earnest in his dealings, fair minded, and good at reading social situations to adapt to how folks expect him to act, and when he breaches those expectations it’s usually a deliberate tactical choice. 

This lets him maintain strong friendships with people of all backgrounds and classes– from Princes like Beslan to horse thieves like Chel Vanin. More importantly, it makes everyone under his command feel included, respected, and valued for what they are. Mat has Strong Ideas About Class (and about most things really), but he’s the only Two Rivers character who doesn't seem to be working from an assumption that everyone else ought to live by his ideals. He thinks anyone that buys into the feudal system is mad, but he doesn't actually let that impact how he treats anyone–probably from the knowledge that they think he’s just as mad.

Getting Creative With the Structure

The other thing I want to dig into is the ways in which Jordan, via his understanding of the feudal system, is able to play with it in creative and interesting ways that match his world. Succession is the big one; who rules after the current monarch dies is a massively important matter since it determines the flow of power in a country from one leader to the next. The reason so many European monarchies had primogeniture (eldest child inherits all titles) succession is not because everyone just hated second children, it’s because primogeniture is remarkably stable. Being able to point to the eldest child of the monarch and say them, that one, and their younger sibling if they're not around, and so on is very good for the transition of power, since it establishes a framework that is both easy to understand and very very hard to subvert. Pretty much the only way, historically, to subvert a primogeniture succession is for either the heir’s blood relationship to the monarch or the legitimacy of their parent’s marriage to be called into question.

And yet despite that, few of the countries in Jordan's world actually use primogeniture succession. Andor does, as do some of the Borderlands, but the majority of  monarchies in Randland use elective succession, where the monarch is elected from among the aristocratic class by some kind of deliberative body. This is the way things are in Tarabon, Arad Doman,Ghealdan, Illian, and Malkier, who all elect the monarchs (or diarchs in the case of Tarabon- where two rulers, the Panarch and the King, share power) via either special council or some other assembly of aristocrats. 

There are three countries where we don’t know the succession type (Arafel, Murandy, and Amadicia) but also one we know for sure doesn't use primogeniture succession: Cairhien. We know this because Moiraine’s claim to the Sun Throne as a member of House Damodred is seen as as legitimate enough for the White Tower to view putting her on the Sun Throne as a viable possibility, despite the fact that she has two older sisters whose claims would be considered superior to her own under primogeniture succession. We never find out for sure in the books what the succession law actually is (the country never stabilizes for a long enough period that it becomes important), but if I had to guess I would guess that it’s designated,where the monarch chooses their successor prior to their death, and that the civil war that followed the Aiel War was the result of both Laman and his designated heir(s) dying at the Bloodsnows (we are told by Moiraine that Laman and both his brothers are killed; likely one of them was the next in line).

One country that we know for sure uses designated succession is Seanchan, where the prospective heir is still chosen from among the children of the Empress, but they are made to compete with each other (usually via murder and plotting) for the monarch’s favor, the ‘best’ being then chosen to become the heir. This very closely models how the Ottoman Empire did succession (state sanctioned fratricide) and while it has the potential to ensure competence (by certain metrics, anyways) it also sows the seeds of potential instability by ensuring that the monarch is surrounded by a whole lot of people with bad will to them and feelings of being cheated or snubbed in the succession, or else out for vengeance for their favored and felled candidate. Of course, from the Seanchan’s point of view this is a feature not a bug: if you can’t win a civil war or prevent yourself from being assassinated, then you shouldn’t have the throne anyways.

Succession is far from the only way that Jordan plays with the feudal structure either. Population is something else that is very present in the world building, even though it’s only drawn attention to a handful of times. In our world, the global population steadily and consistently rose throughout the middle ages and the Renaissance (with only small dips for things like the plague and the Mongol Invasion), then exploded with the Industrial Revolution and has seen been on a meteoric climb year over year (something that may just now be stabilizing into an equilibrium again, only time will tell). This is one of the pressures that led to the collapse of feudalism in the real world, as a growing aristocratic class was confronted with finite land and titles, while at the same time the growing (and increasingly powerful) wealthy financial class of various countries were beginning to challenge the traditions and laws that kept them out of direct power. If you’ve ever read a Jane Austen novel (or really anything from the Georgian/Regency/Victorian eras) this tension is on display. The aristocratic class had never been as secure as people think, but the potential to fall into poverty and ruin had never been a greater threat, which had ripple effects for the stability of a nation, and in particular a monarch who derived much of their power from the fealty of their now-destabilized vassals.

In Jordan’s world however, we are told as early as The Great Hunt that the global population is steadily falling, and has been since the Hundred Years’ War (at least). No kingdom is able to actually control all the territory it has on a map, the size of armies have in particular shrunk consistently (to the point where it’s repeatedly commented on that the armies Rand puts together, some of no more than a few thousand, are larger than any ‘since Artur Hawkwing's day’), large swathes of land lay ungoverned and even more uninhabited or settled. Entire kingdoms have collapsed due to the inability of their increasingly small populations to hold together. This is the fate of many of the kingdoms Ingtar talks about in the Great Hunt: Almoth, Gabon, Hardan, Moredo, Caralain, to name just a few. They came apart due to a combination of ineffective leadership, low population, and a lack of strong neighbors willing or able to extend their power and stability over the area.

All of this means that there is actually more land than there are aristocrats to govern it; so much so that in places like Baerlon power is held by a crown-appointed governor because no noble house has been able to effectively entrench in the area. This has several interesting effects on the society and politics of Randland: people in general are far more aware of the fragility of the nation state as a idea then they would be otherwise, and institutions (even the intractable and mysterious White Tower) are not viewed by even their biggest partisans as invulnerable or perpetual. Even the most powerful leaders are aware, gazing out constantly, as they do, at the ruins of the hundreds of kingdoms that have risen and fallen since the Breaking of the World (itself nothing more, to their understanding, then the death of the ultimate kingdom) that there are no guarantees, no promises that it all won’t fall apart. 

This conflict reflects on different characters in different ways, drawing out selfishness and cowardice from some, courage and strength from others. This is a factor in Andor’s surprisingly egalitarian social climate: Elayne and Morgase both boast that Andorans are able to speak their minds freely to their leaders about the state of things, and be listened to, and even the most selfish of leaders like Elenia Sarand are painfully aware that they stand on a tower built from ‘the bricks of the common folk’, and make a concentrated effort to ensure their followers feel included and heard. Conversely it also reflects on the extremely regimented culture of the Borderlands, were dereliction of duty can mean not just the loss of your life, but the loss of a village, a town, a city, to Trolloc raids (another pressure likely responsible for slow and steady decline of the global population). 

The Borderlanders value duty, honor, and responsibility above all else, because those are the cornerstones holding their various nations together against both the march of time and the Blight. All classes place a high value on the social contract; the idea that everyone must fulfill their duty to keep society safe is a lot less abstract when the stakes are made obvious every winter through monsters raiding your towns. This is most obvious in both Hurin and Ingtar’s behavior throughout The Great Hunt: Hurin (and the rest of the non-noble class) lean on the assurance that the noble class will be responsible for the greater scale problems and issues in order to endure otherwise unendurable realities, and that Rand, Ingtar, Aglemar, Lan (all of whom he believes to be nobly born) have been raised with the necessary training and tools to take charge and lead others through impossible situations and are giving over their entire lives in service to the people. In exchange Hurin pays in respect, obedience, and (presumably) taxes. This frees Hurin up to focus on the things that are decidedly within his ken: tracking, thief taking, sword breaking, etc, trusting that Ingtar, and later Rand, will take care of everything else.

When Hurin comes up against the feudal system in Cairhien, where the failures of everyone involved have lead to a culture of endless backstabbing and scheming, forced deference, entitlement, and mutual contempt between the parties, he at first attempts to show the Cairhienin ‘proper’ behavior through example, in the hopes of drawing out some shame in them. But upon realizing that no one in Cairhien truly believes in the system any longer after it has failed the country so thoroughly (hence the willingness of vassals to betray their masters, and nobles to abandon their oaths–something unthinkable in the Borderlands) he reverts to his more normal shows of deference to Rand and Ingtar, abandoning excessive courtesy in favor of true fealty.

Ingtar (and later Rand) feel the reverse side of this: the pressure to be the one with the answers, to hold it all together, to be as much icon and object as living person, a figure who people can believe in and draw strength from when they have none of their own remaining, and knowing at the same time that their choices will decide the fates and lives of others. It’s no mistake that Rand first meets Hurin and begins this arc in the remains of Hardan, one of those swept-away nations that Ingtar talks about having been left nothing more than ‘the greatest stone quarry for a hundred miles’. The stakes of what can happen if they fail in this duty are made painfully clear from the start, and for Rand the stakes will only grow ever higher throughout the course of the series, as number of those ‘under his charge’ slides to become ‘a nation’ then ‘several nations’ and finally ‘all the world’. And that leads into one of the problems at the heart of Rand’s character arc.

This emphasis on the feudal contract and duty helps the Borderlands survive the impossible, but almost all of them (with the exception of Saldaea) practice cultures of emotional repression and control,spurning displays of emotion as a lack of self-control, and viewing it as weakness to address the pains and psychological traumas of their day to day lives. ‘Duty is heavier than a mountain, death lighter than a feather’, ‘There will be time to sleep when you’re dead’, ‘You can care for the living or mourn the dead, you cannot do both’: all common sayings in the Borderlands. On the one hand, all of these emphasize the importance of fulfilling your duty and obligations…but on the other, all also  implicitly imply the only true release from the sorrows and wounds taken in the course of that duty is death. It is this, in part, that breaks Ingtar: the belief that only the Borderlands truly understand the existential threat, and that he and those like him are suffering and dying for ‘soft southlanders’ whose kingdoms are destined to go to ruin anyways. It’s also why he reveals his suffering to Rand only after he has decided to die in a last stand–he is putting down the mountain of his trauma at last. This is also one of those moments in the books that is a particular building block on the road to Rand’s own problems with not expressing his feelings or being willing to work through his trauma, that will swing back around to endanger the same world he is duty-bound to protect.

I also suspect strongly that this is the source of the otherwise baffling Saldean practice of….what we will call dedicated emotional release. One of the core cultural Saldean traits (and something that is constantly tripping up Perrin in his interactions with Faile) is that Saldeans are the only Borderlanders to reject the notion that showing emotion is weakness. In fact, Saldeans in general believe that shows of anger, passion, sorrow, ardor–you name it–are a sign of both strength and respect. Your feelings are strong and they matter, and being willing to inflict them on another person is not a burden or a betrayal of duty, it’s knowing that they will be strong enough to bear whatever you are feeling. I would hesitate to call even the Saldaens well-adjusted (I don’t know that there is a way to be well-adjusted in a society at constant war), but I do think there is merit to their apparent belief in catharsis, and their resistance to emotional repression as a sign of strength. Of course, that doesn't make their culture naturally better at communication (as Faile and Perrin’s relationship problems prove) but I do think it plays a part in why Bashere is such a good influence on Rand, helping push him away from a lot of the stoic restraint Rand has internalized from Lan, Ingtar, Moiraine, et al.

It also demonstrates that a functioning feudal society is not dependent on absolute emotional repression, or perfect obedience.  Only mutual respect and trust between the parties are necessary–trust that the noble (or monarch) will do their best in the execution of their duties, and trust that the common folk in society will in turn fulfill their roles to the best of their ability. Faile’s effectiveness as Perrin’s co-leader/second in command is never hindered or even implied to be hindered by her temperament or her refusal to hide/repress her emotions. She is arguably the one who is doing most of the actual work of governing the Two Rivers after she and Perrin are acclaimed their lord and lady: seeing to public works projects, settling disputes, maintaining relationships with various official groups of their subjects.

The prologue from Lord of Chaos (a favorite scene of mine of the books) where Faile is holding public audience while Perrin is off sulking ‘again’ is a great great example of this; Faile is the quintessential Borderland noble heir, raised all her life in the skills necessary to run a feudal domain, and those skills are on prime display as she holds court. But that is not hindered by her willingness to show her true feelings, from contempt of those she thinks are wasting her time, to compassion and empathy to the Wisdoms who come to her for reassurance about the weather. This is one of those things that Perrin has to learn from her over the course of the series–that simply burying his emotions for fear they might hurt others is not a healthy way to go about life, and it isn’t necessary to rule or lead either. His prejudices about what constitutes a ‘good’ Lord (Lan, Agelmar, Ingtar) and a ‘bad’ one (literally everyone else) are blinding him, showing his lack of understanding of the system that his people are adopting, and his role in it.

Which is a nice dovetail with my next bit–

Outsiders And the Non-Feudal State

Another way Jordan effectively depicts the Feudal system is by having groups who decidedly do not practice it be prominent throughout the series–which is again accurate to real life history, where feudalism was the mode of government for much of (but by no means all) of Medieval and Renaissance Europe, but even in Europe their were always societies doing their own thing, and outside of it, different systems of government flourished in response to their environments and cultures; some with parallels to Feudalism, many completely distinct.

The obvious here are the Aiel who draw on several different non-feudal societies (the Scottish Highland Clans, the Iroquois Confederation, the Mongols, and the Zulu to name just a few) and the Seafolk (whose are a combination of the Maori and the Republic of Piracy of all things), but also firmly in these categories are groups like the communities in the Black Hills, Almoth Plain, and the Two Rivers.

Even though it’s an agrarian farming community made up primarily of small villages, the Two Rivers is not a feudal state or system. We tend to forget this because it looks a lot like our notion of a classic medieval European village, which our biases inherently equate to feudal, but Jordan is very good at remembering this is not the case, and that the Two Rivers folk are just as much outsiders to these systems as the Aiel, or the Seafolk. 

Consider how often the refrain of ‘don’t even know they’re part of the Kingdom of Andor’ is repeated in regards to the Two Rivers, and how much the knowledge of Our Heroes about how things like Kingdoms, courts, war, etc, are little more than fairy tales to the likes of those Two Rivers, while even places unaffected directly by things like the Trakand Succession or the Aiel War are still strongly culturally, economically, and politically impacted. 

Instead of deriving power and justice from a noble or even a code of law, power is maintained by two distinct groups of village elders (The Village Council and the Women’s Circle) who are awarded seats based on their standing within the community. These groups provide the day-to-day ordering of business and resolving of conflicts, aiding those in need and doing what they can for problems that impact the entire community. The Wisdom serves as the community physician, spiritual advisor, and judge (in a role that resembles what we know of pre-Christian celtic druids), and the Women’s Circle manages most social ceremonies from marriages to betrothals to funerals, as well as presiding over criminal trials (insofar as they even have them). The Mayor manages the village economics, maintaining relationships and arbitrating deals with outsider merchants and peddlers, collecting and spending public funds (through a volunteer collection when necessary, which is how we’re told the new sick house was built and presumably was how the village paid for things like fireworks and gleeman for public festivals), while the Council oversees civil matters like property disputes. 

On the surface this seems like an ideal community: idyllic, agrarian, decentralized, where everyone cares more about good food and good company and good harvests than matters of power, politics, or wealth, and without the need for any broader power-structure beyond the local town leaders. It’s the kind of place that luddites Tolkien and Thomas Jefferson envisioned as a utopia (and indeed the Two Rivers it the most Tolkien-y place in Randland after the Ogier stedding, of which we see relatively little), but I think Jordan does an excellent job of not romanticizing this way of life the way Tolkien often did. Because while the Two Rivers has many virtues and a great deal to recommend it, it also has many flaws.

The people in the Two Rivers are largely narrow minded and bigoted, especially to outsiders; The day after Moiraine saves the lives of the entire village from a Trolloc attack, a mob turns up to try and burn her out, driven by their own xenophobia and fear of that which they don’t understand. Their society is also heavily repressed and regressive in its sex norms and gender relations: the personal lives of everyone are considered public business, and anyone living in a fashion the Women’s Circle deems unsuitable (such as widower and single father Tam al’Thor) is subject to intense pressure to ‘correct’ their ways (remarry and find a mother for Rand). There is also no uniformity in terms of law or government, no codified legal code, and no real public infrastructure (largely the result of the region’s lack of taxes). This is made possible by the geographic isolation and food stability–two factors that insulate the Two Rivers from many of the problems that cause the formation or joining of a nation state. It’s only after the repeated emergence of problems that their existing systems can not handle (Trolloc raids, martial law under the White Cloaks, the Endless Summer, etc) that the Two Rivers folk begin adopting feudalism, and even then it’s not an instantaneous process, as everyone involved must navigate not just how they are going to adopt this alien form of government, but how they are going to make it match to their culture and history as well.

This plays neatly with the societies that, very pointedly, do not adopt feudalism over the course of the series. The Aiel reject the notion entirely, thinking it as barbaric and backward as the Westerlanders think their culture is–and Jordan is very good at showing neither as really right. The Aiel as a society have many strengths the fandom likes to focus on (a commitment to community care, a strong sense of collective responsibility, a flexible social order that is more capable of accounting for non-traditional platonic and romantic relationships, as well as a general lack of repressive sex norms) but this comes at a serious cost as well. The Aiel broadly share the Borderlander’s response of emotional suppression as a way of dealing with the violence of their daily life, as well as serious problems with institutionalized violence, xenophobia, and a lack of respect for individual rights and agency. Of these, the xenophobia is probably the most outright destructive, and is one of the major factors Rand has to account for when leading the Aiel into Cairhien, as well a huge motivating factor in the Shaido going renegade, and many Aiel breaking clan to join them–and even before Rand’s arrival it manifested as killing all outsiders who entered their land, except for Cairhienin, whom they sold as slaves in Shara.

And yet, despite these problems Jordan never really suggests that the Aiel would be better off as town-or-castle dwelling society, and several characters (most notably the Maidens) explicitly reject the idea that they should abandon their culture, values, and history as a response to the revelations at Rhuidean. Charting a unique course forward for the Aiel is one of the most persistent problems that weighs on the Wise Ones throughout the second half of the series, and Aviendha in particular. Unlike many of the feudal states faced with Tarmon Gai’don, the Aiel when confronted with the end of days and the sure knowledge of the destruction of their way of life are mostly disinterested in ignoring, running from, or rejecting that revelation (those that do, defect to the Shaido). Their unique government and cultural structure gives them the necessary flexibility to pivot quickly to facing the reality of the Last Battle, and to focus on both helping the world defeat the Shadow, and what will become of them afterwards. This ironically, leaves them in one of the best positions post-series, as the keepers of the Dragon’s Peace, which will allow them to hold on to many of their core cultural values even as they make the transition to a new way of life, without having to succumb to the pressures to either assimilate into Westlands, or return to their xenophobic isolationism.

The Seafolk provide the other contrast, being a maritime society where the majority of the people spend their time shipboard. Their culture is one of strong self-discipline and control, where rank, experience, and rules are valued heavily, agreements are considered the next thing to sacred, and material prosperity is valued. Though we don’t spend quite as much time with them as the Aiel, we get a good sense of their culture throughout the mid-series. They share the Aiel’s contempt for the feudal ‘shorebound’, but don’t share their xenophobia, instead maintaining strong trade relationships with every nation on navigable water, though outside of the context of those trade relationships, they are at best frosty to non-Seafolk. 

They are not society without problems–the implication of their strong anti-corruption and anti-nepotism policies is that it’s a serious issue in their culture, and their lack of a centralized power structure outside of their handful of island homes means that they suffer a similar problem to the likes of Murandy and Altara, where life on one ship might be radically different then life on another, in terms of the justice or treatment you might face, especially as an outsider. But the trade off is that they have more social mobility then basically any other society we see in Randland. Even the Aiel tend to have strongly entrenched and managed circles of power, with little mobility not managed by the Wise Ones or the chiefs. But anyone can rise high in Sea Folk society, to become a leader in their clan, or even Mistress of the Ships or Master of the Blades– and they can fall just as easily, for shows of incompetence, or failures to execute their duties. 

They are also another society who is able to adapt to circumstances of Tamon Gai’don relatively painlessly, having a very effective plan in place to deal with the fallout and realities of the Last Battle. The execution gets tripped up frequently by various factors, but again, I don’t think it’s a mistake that they are one of the groups that comes out the other side of the Last Battle in a strong position, especially given the need that will now exist to move supplies and personnel for rebuilding post-Last Battle. The Seafolk have already begun working out embassies in every nation on navigable water, an important step to modernizing national relationships.

How does all this relate to feudalism and class? It’s Jordan digging into a fundamental truth about the world and people–at no point in our own history have we ever found a truly ‘perfect’ model for society. That’s something he’s constantly trying to show with feudalism–it is neither an ideal nor an abomination, it just is. Conversely, the Two Rivers, Aiel, Seafolk, and Ogier (who I don’t get into to much here for space, but who also have their own big problems with suffrage and independence, and their virtues in terms of environmental stability and social harmony) all exist in largely classes societies, but that doesn't exempt them from having problems or make them a utopia, and it certainly doesn't make them lesser or backwards either–Jordan expends a lot of energy to show them as complex, nuanced and flawed, in the same way he does for his pseudo-Europe.

Conclusion

To restate my premise: one of Jordan’s profound gifts as a writer is his capacity to set aside his own biases and write anything from his villains to his world with an honest, empathetic cast that defies simplification. Feudalism and monarchy more generally have a bad rep in our society, for good reasons. But I think either whitewashing or vilifying the feudal system is a mistake, which Jordan’s writing naturally reflects. Jordan is good at asking complicating questions of simple premises. He presents you with the Kingdom of Andor, prosperous and vast and under the rule of a regal much loved Queen and he asks ‘where does its wealth come from? How does it maintain law and order? How does the Queen exert influence and maintain her rule even in far-flung corners of the realm? How did she come to power in the first place and does that have an impact on the politics surrounding her current reign?’. And he does this with every country, every corner of his world–shining interesting lights on familiar tropes, and exploring the humanity of these grand ideas in a way that feels very real as a result.

The question of, is this an inherently just system is never really raised because it’s a simplifying question, not a complicating one. Whatever you answer–yes or no–does not add to the depiction of these systems or the people within them, it takes away. You make someone flat–be it a glorious just revolutionary opposing a cackling wicked King, or a virtuous and dutiful King suppressing dangerous radical dissidents, and you make the world flatter as a result. 

I often think about how, when I began studying European history, I was shocked to learn that the majority of the royalists who rose up against the Jacobins were provincial peasants, marching against what they perceived to be disgruntled, greedy academic and financial elites. These were, after all, the same people that the Jacobins’ revolution claimed to serve and be doing the will of. Many of the French aristocrats were undeniably corrupt, indolent, and detached from their subjects, but when you look closer at the motives of many of the Jacobins you discover that motives were frequently more complex then history tends to remember or their propaganda tried to claim, and many were bitterly divided against each other on matters of tactics, or ideals, or simple personality difference. The simple version of the French Revolution assigns all the blame to the likes of Robespierre going mad with power, and losing sight of the revolutions’ higher ideals, but the truth was the Jacobins could never properly agree on many of their supposed core ideals, and Robespierre, while powerful, was still one voice in a Republic–and every person executed by guillotine was decreed guilty by a majority vote.

This is the sort of nuance lost so often in fantasy stories, but not in Jordan’s books. The story could be simpler–Morgase could just be a just and good high Queen archetype who is driven by love of her people, but Jordan depicts her from the beginning as human–with virtues and flaws, doing the best she can in the word she has found herself. Trying to be a just and good Queen and often succeeding, and sometimes falling short of the mark. The Tairen and Cairhienin nobility could just all be greedy, corrupt, out-of-touch monsters who cannot care for anything beyond their own pleasures–but for every Laman, Weairamon, or Colavaere, you have Dobraine, Moiraine, or Darlin. And that is one of the core tenets of Jordan’s storytelling: that there is no system wholly without merit or completely without flaw, and no group of people is ever wholly good or evil.

By taking this approach, Jordan’s story feels real. None of his characters or world come across like caricature or parody. The heinous acts are sharper and more distinct, the heroic choices more earned and powerful. Nothing is assumed–not the divine right of kings, or the glorious virtue of the common man. This, combined with a willingness to draw on the real complex histories of our own world, and work through how the unique quirks of fantasy impact them, is what renders The Wheel Of Time such a standout as a fantasy series, past even more classic seminal examples of the genre, and why its themes of class, duty, power, and politics resonate with its modern audiences.

#Wheel of Time #WoT #WoT Meta #Wheel of time Meta #Feudalism #Class Politics #Worldbuilding #Wot Book Spoilers #AMOL Spoilers #No one has ever done it like Robert Jordan and no one may ever do it like him again #Their is no earthly way I can tag all the characters refrenced in this #so I'll hit those I talk about more then three times #Rand al'Thor #Moiraine Damodred #Elayne Trakand #Mat Cauthon #Perrin Aybara #faile bashere #Morgase Trakand #ingtar shinowa #Hurin #tuon athaem kore paendrag #I invite pepole to discuss/respond if they want #but a reminder that I assume good faith whenever possible #and ignore bad faith when apparent

[zukadiary]

Hi!💓 I have a few questions, apologies if they are a lil vague, it's just something that has been on my mind lately as a fairly new fan:

1. Was it ever clear that Chinatsu is the next top? Was it the reason for Ari's transfer, or was it a need for ninbante in star and that's why Chinatsu became the next in moon?

2. Also, how did you predict back then that Coto will have a long run as top star? Based on what in particular?

3. Why did Tamaki became top star comparably so early?

4. And I know that lgbt+ culture is practically nonexistent in Japan, but i still wonder if any of the actress ever talked abt it or addressed it in any way? Has anything regarding lgbt happened around taka that you know of?

Thanks a lot for your blog!! I am writing a wiki page in my mother tongue for taka rn, since it doesn't exist yet, and ur explanations clarified a few things for me, so thanks a ton again! 💕

Hello! Not vague at all :)

It was NOT personally clear to me that Chinatsu was going to be top (usually these things are obvious, occasionally we get a surprise). I don't think it was the reason for Ari's transfer though; it's impossible to know for sure, but my guess is more because of Oda (they don't want her to wait for Ari to finish) and some need to balance Hoshi. With Chinatsu as an older top, she can stay for a shorter time (similar examples would be Sou Kazuho and Hokusho Kairi, also older tops who stayed for three Grand Theater shows) and Oda can become top sooner.

I had a feeling Coto would be a long top for a number of reasons... 1) she's extremely popular and puts a lot of butts in seats, 2) she has a reputation for being a "mini Yuzuki Reon," who also stayed for a really long time, 3) the Hoshigumi producer has a bit of a reputation for putting a lot of stock in high-powered top stars and somewhat neglecting the nurturing of his track, and 4) until Ari came over there was no clear successor, which made me think they were going to ride Coto until they figured it out.

I've only heard rumors about this... one that Miya Rurika didn't want to be top star, one that Manaki Reika was so popular they designed the troupe around her and the producers didn't like her and Miya/Kacha together as much as they liked her and Tamaki together... but again, there is no way to know for sure.

Firstly, LGBT+ culture is NOT practically nonexistent in Japan—not saying this to correct you, but it's an impression a lot of people get and it makes them sad! So I want to share the reality of it! LGBT+ activism is way less prevalent than in other cultures (and as a result, legal protections are definitely behind), but this is true of pretty much all types of activism (I had an interesting conversation about this with a group of Japanese climate activists). There is a rich LGBT+ nightlife scene, and over the years Japan has been fairly ahead of the curve when it comes to queerness in media and fan culture. There is, however, a very "we pretend we do not see it" energy despite the prevalence. That said, Takarazuka actresses are almost definitely forbidden from talking about this while active, and discouraged while retired (especially if they stay in entertainment). Even if they are not actively discouraged, because there is no culture around being open about it on a real and personal level, they certainly wouldn't out other people and likely wouldn't out themselves. There are OGs both in and out of entertainment who are not shy about living as their honest selves and you can pretty much tell, but it still doesn't tend to be something they openly talk about (Nanami Hiroki and Miya Rurika have discussed breaking gender norms in interviews, but have skirted around saying anything definitive about themselves). The one exception I can immediately think of is Misuzu Aki retired and blogged about moving to Europe with her female partner.

#takarazuka #q&a

[drawthiere]

hello!

so, as is observable from my reaction to the news about tumblr and midjourney, i'm in a bit of a doomer mindset about the whole situation. i kinda left it a bit unclear as to where this blog would go from here, so i just thought i'd clarify~

i will not be deleting this blog, nor will i be deleting all of my posts-- but i think i will stop posting on here for the foreseeable future. life is kind of getting me down a lot already, and the prospect of continuing to make and post art in an environment where people's works are treated with increasingly less respect isn't something that has any appeal to me anymore, especially since i'm kind of struggling with drawing enough as is.

perhaps if my relationship with art improves or if i become more of a prolific artist then i might return to posting regularly on socials, but as it stands, i don't see much of a point in posting. my activity is infrequent enough anyways, so i don't think it will particularly matter if i stop LMAO

so, with that being said, i don't really have any 'here's where you can find me' links, save for these two

i will still participate in art fight yearly and i still stream art on twitch occasionally (though i might have my gamer arc on there eventually)

i'm not leaving the site (i still have my main and my selfship blog), but if you're interested in exclusively my art, that's all i have to offer, sorry ;w;

also: about people who say 'just glaze/nightshade your art!' i know this is a lazy opinion, but like, if i have to run my art through a bazillion different filters and programs and websites on the off chance it might make it poison to AI, i won't lie... i just don't think it's worth the effort. same with slapping a big ugly watermark on all of my art. like, what is even the point at that point

this isn't to say that artists shouldn't be doing those things-- please protect yourself and your works if you are willing and able! but i am just a rather defeatist person.

and i also know that my D tier artstyle isn't the kind of thing that is usually pulled to train on anyways, but the bottom line is that this whole situation is the last straw on an activity (art) that has been steadily demoralizing to me for years already. i don't want even the slightest possibility of contributing more to this shitty craze than i already have (unwillingly, considering data has probably been scraped already in years past). if i draw, it will exclusively be for myself, or as gifts for others

maybe i will change my mind about all of this one day- but honestly, my art pace already has slowed to an absolute crawl. i don't want this to get too vent-y, but... it's MARCH and i only have 4 completed pieces done this year. in reality, i only have one finished piece from this year! because the other 3 were wips at various stages from last year. in general i am kind of washed up and my passion is gone and my skills are lacking. so. . . not like anybody will be missing much! i was looking at stuff i drew in like 2020 and honestly there's barely a difference. i'm the most stagnant mf on the planet. and now i'm looking at the new wave of all of these 14 year olds that are actual god tier artists and i am like. genuinely so happy for them like i love that and they slay but GOD it makes me want to kill myself even more than i already do LMFAO. so, yeah

#personal #not art

[aibidil]

On neurodivergence and romance

Been thinking about neurodivergence and romance. Like, romance as a concept, not dating or anything like that.

A few years ago, I had this bizarre moment where I started asking everyone what they thought romance was, because I just didn't understand. (For context, I've been with my partner since we were teenagers. 😂) Everyone could tell me what romance wasn't, but no one could seem to tell me what it was? Like, it's not buying flowers and chocolates. Ok. But then what is it? How is sexual romance different than having a friend whom you also fuck, I asked them? (They definitely think it’s different than friend+fucking.) So, like… am I aro? But that couldn't be!—how could I be aro and in committed monogamy for two decades?!

But what I'm thinking now is that this is really less about my romantic status or sexuality labels and more about my (and my partner's) neurodivergence. It's about the fact that we never seem to want to do anything the "typical" way, and that extends to our relationship. One of the hallmarks of the neurodivergent brain is that we don't accept societal norms/rules at face value, but rather, we have to go back to first principles and decide whether it all makes sense. This is why we (as a group) don't follow rules that don't make sense—notably, including rules about gender and sexuality. The gender binary is a fucking con, and if you are a person who is going to interrogate gender and not simply accept whatever society says about it, of course you'll come to the conclusion that it's all bullshit. (Check out Unmasking Autism by Devon Price on this point, he has a fab explanation.)

And I think it's the same with romance, for me. I'm not sure I'll ever understand what romance is, but I'm also confident that that isn't due to any problem or lack in my relationship with my partner. And maybe for me, sexual romance is just "wanting a committed relationship with a friend whom you also fuck." And sure, it seems like that's not true for everyone, but it seems that way for us? And that’s ok.

The other interesting thing is that I think this actually serves me well when writing romance, which is bizarre. You’d think that I, a person who literally cannot come up with any way to define romance, would suck at writing it. But in reality, I think romance in fiction is often so neurotypical that it becomes unavoidably cliched and ends up lacking any feeling of reality or human authenticity. But because I, on the other hand, have no idea what romance is, I can’t really write cliched romance. Instead, I end up focusing on the workings of the relationship, with no thought to what “romance” “should” look like.

And actually, I think that’s what happens in my real life, too. Somehow I have no idea what romance is and don’t care about it at all, but the end result of it is that I have a fulfilling romantic relationship?! …. The irony?!

The other bit that strikes me as fascinating is that neurotypical people irl are always telling me how lovely my relationship is and how perfect my partner is, but my reaction to these comments is basically…confusion. Because I know that my relationship, though it seems that way to them from the outside, would seem hugely lacking to them if they saw it from the inside. Because in my relationship, neither of us ever does anything that romantic partners “should” do. So I find myself trying to argue against people, trying to convince them that my relationship is worse than they think, because of this deep sense that they don’t understand what they’re talking about. But I don’t actually think my relationship is shit, I just know they would think it’s shit if they saw it in its entirety. So my interpretation of the situation (again with the irony), is that they are jealous of my relationship, even though they would actively prevent themselves from pursuing a relationship like mine because it lacks so many neurotypical markers of relationship happiness.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but I suppose it might be to validate any neurodivergent (lack of) experience of romance, and maybe (if I’m feeling bold) to claim that us neurodivergents are the only ones in a position to offer any insight into what romance is and isn’t, or who can push society toward healthier views of romantic love. 💜

#romance #neurodivergence #rambling thoughts on sexuality and gender

[aeondeug]

Games that encourage loop based gameplay via death are interesting. Ones like Nethack or Sil I feel very little about. I'm mostly there for mechanical purposes. But the ones I find most interesting are those that end up saying something thematically and narratively via the loop. Dark Souls is probably one of the most talked about and well known cases now. Wherein the only real failure state your stubborn undead ass has is to give up. And giving up is "hollowing". It gives a sort of somberness to runs you never finished and serves as ample encouragement to just keep going. Because you can't give up. You can't be lost to madness and memory loss. You need to keep going. Darkest Dungeon is another one that comes up, though not in the form of you, the player, dying but in the form of your hired work dying. Initially you might be attached to them. Worried for them. Over time you grow less attached. Your fondness for individual characters is often less about any genuine care for them and more a care for what they bring you financially. And what they will cost you financially. By the end of my time with the game I was actively resentful of them at times. Oh no you decided to have a panic attack and fucking died boo hoo. Now I have to train and fund a replacement. Fear and Hunger's loop I have been thinking about. Especially with the implications of godhood and delving too deep. The first time I saved the Girl from her cage I did so because I felt genuinely bad for her. I was doing a good thing, a kind thing. Something selfless. She's a cute little girl am I supposed to just leave her there? But the next few times I got the Girl I was more concerned about her mechanical worth to me. At worst she can take hits for me. At best she will be a powerful mage who will save me from death dealing blows. The Girl is being let out less because I am feeling bad for her and more because she is useful to me in my quest to go deeper. And then there's her other forms of worth. I could just want to get an ending that doesn't require her and if I want that or am willing to alter my goal to that I can use her as a form of currency. The Girl isn't just a useful tool in battle but something I can trade for other things I deem more useful to me. But she's still a little girl. She gets happy when I give her the doll and the dagger. The emotional reality of her being a little girl is dulled though because I have knowledge and I need more. Finally there is her worth in the endings. If I want to see those I need the Girl. Not to fight for me or to be traded away, but to transform her and reveal the full extent of the Dungeon's mysteries. And it's horrifying. But are you just not going to do that? After everything you've done to get that far? After all you've heard about becoming a real god? And given the nature of how time works in Ma'habre and the loop that the New Gods are trapped in that feels rather purposeful. I've ended up complacent with throwing myself and other people into a meat grinder just to learn a tad bit more. This also makes me curious about how the sequel handles it given its Majora's Mask inspiration.

#fear and hunger #another thing that stands out is that you grow very dulled to the horrors #like yeah a shocking death scene hits a kind of way at first maybe #but if it happens a few times then it's like whatever #i've got more deep delving to do #i've seen the game deemed just try hard edgy shit #and while there is material in that i think isn't done well #i do think the game is saying something #and it's doing it via the nature of its trial and error gameplay

[anthraxplus]

the cultural phenomenon of barbenheimer has taken over my mind

i did barbenheimer with a friend yesterday and it really got me thinking.

first off - it was so weird having my local theatre be so busy. it's usually the theatre you can bet on being able to sneak anything into, and while we still definitely did sneak in a buttload of snacks, they had people actively waiting in the wings as ticket checkers. so it kinda sucked that we couldn't just do the whole thing for free. but that's a bit beside the point. the theatre was the busiest ive seen it in nearly 10 years. and i'm not gonna lie, seeing a "cultural event" happen in front of me was more jarring for that reason. and as the day went on, that image in my head stuck with me. the image that all these people showed up to watch barbie and oppenheimer.

we saw oppenheimer first, in a nearly empty theatre. we sorta did this by design - we started at 10am and picked oppenheimer first because less people would choose to be that insane. i was high and trying to get myself into an impartial mindset (even though i didn't think i would end up liking it). and i think all i should really say about oppenheimer is that it's 3 nearly endless hours that doesnt give anyone any time to breathe and ends up saying a bunch of confusing, disappointing, and outright false things. seriously, the amount of times the movie brushes off the fucking truth of the situation is absolutely disgusting. obligatory linking of shaun's video on hiroshima and nagasaki. i think everyone in the movie should be forced to answer why theyre proud of making 3 hour bland ass shit boring nuclear bomb apologia. this isn't even getting into how the famous oppenheimer quote is introduced by a manic pixie dream girl (who in reality was a stanford graduate and psychiatrist, neither of which i believe are ever touched on or expanded in the film) who hops off his dick mid-fuck, walks over to a bookshelf, picks the bhagavad gita off the shelf, opens it to the exact page and verse of the famous quote, asks him to read, and slides back on his dick between "now i am become death" and "destroyer of worlds." this movie released to critical acclaim. some are calling it a masterpiece.

after some burritos for lunch, my friend and i went to barbie. this was a packed theatre and mostly everyone was wearing pink. the red in my hair has faded to a pink, so i felt like i was part of something. kinda. anyway. some little kids were loud in the front but it wasnt much of an issue. i kept thinking of them whenever the movie would say something about the struggle to find identity in a world that hates you no matter what you do. did those little children listen to margot robbie say that she doesnt have a vagina? did they parse that? it was a great movie, if a bit scattershot. it shouldve been longer, if only to fully flesh out a couple ideas and help the movie feel a little less cramped. but they would never make a 2.5 (let alone 3) hour barbie movie that talks about not just what it means to be a woman, but what it means to be human in a world that is so often contradictory hostile and praising of you. what happens when the Other we defined ourselves by isn't static? do we become different as well in relation to them? do we stay the same? do we do both? what are women supposed to do in the world when everything they do is wrong but they're never allowed to stop doing anything? how do men develop their own identity when they are so often raised into mindsets where their individuality is replaced by similarly contradictory standards and a definition that only exists in relation to women? what did ken mean when he said he had "all the genitals?" barbie is far from perfect, but it manages to ask more honest and thought provoking questions (and offers its own interesting answers) about the nature of reality than oppenheimer does.

i'm struck by the dichotomy on display here. barbie may be the more financially successful of the two films, but it is not treated the same critically. for all barbie says, it seems to get overlooked for its (still impressive) design and acting. its metacommentary is mentioned but never discussed. its "witty meta humor" is listed as a huge selling point. oppenheimer, in contrast, is a vain and shallow film that says nothing and looks somewhat cool doing it. i wonder if there are any parallels here.

i worry for what this means for movies. a nearly empty theatre for a self-important movie that lists itself as its reason for existing is treated as if it says anything at all, and a packed theatre for a movie with a script similarly packed with commentary on our very state of being gets boiled down to "cute sets and witty banter." what did the audience members take from their barbenheimer experience? my area is not very progressive, and in my experience not very invested in growth of any kind. when america ferrera delivers one of the many theses of barbie in a tear-inducing frustrated monologue on how she's never seen as good enough no matter what she does, did the audience members feel seen? did they feel understood? or did they want her to stop talking so they could go back to looking at the cool barbie dream houses? when oppenheimer breezes through the discussion of which innocent cities to burn in an unholy fire with all the tact and deliberation a group of friends has when deciding where to have lunch, did the audience feel slighted? disgusted? or did they just want to see einstein on screen again like he's an iron man cameo?

i dont know where we go from here. it feels like a tipping point for what we want from movies, and i'm not sure audiences learned anything from the past 10 to 15 years of set-ups, tie-ins, and spin-offs. i want to believe something will come of the fact that so many people are seeing barbie. maybe, hopefully, something in it sticks with people and inspires some sort of change. just the smallest amount of evolution. right now i too feel like barbie when she sits in a park and looks around at everything the human experience has to offer, and starts crying from both joy and sorrow. a woman who is so often seen as disposable and empty understands the human condition in a way she cant express, and is overwhelmed by the crushing beauty and fragility it all rests upon. she is a human before she knows she is. she doesnt know who she is, but she knows she still Is. existence is confusing and no one knows what to do about it, and the least we could do is support each other as we figure out who we've always been. i hope this is what sticks with people instead of some half-audible dialogue about how hiroshima and nagasaki were justified. time will tell, though.

#more like 'i am beCUM death' am i right?

[yvonneloveposting]

Hi!! I saw Yvonne/Emily in your list of ships and that has made me curious. Because they are so different in their personalities and I have a hard time believing the real Yvonne would like her unless Emily was two-faced. How do you think was their relationship like before Yvonne was kidnapped by the cult? What are your headcanons? Do you think Leila's curse affected her more than the other maids because she was in love with Yvonne and this is why she hated Penelope the most and was so determined to make her entire life miserable? With Derrick, Reynold and the Duke they all had a "reason" but the maid was neither Yvonne's family nor friend or was she?

In comparision to the other maids who mostly ignored Penelope or bad mouthed her behind her back Emily's actions were so extreme it makes her look like she was a sadistic psychopathic child which doesn't seem realistic unless she had a terrible background/family herself. I'm rambling am I? Anyway if Yvonne was Emily's saviour it would kind of make sense. She dreamt up a reality where she'd be Yvonne's lady's maid and make a good match but then her lady disappeared and the dream shattered when she had to serve a lowly girl like herself. Everything only got worse when Yvonne came back yet Emily still had to serve the hated other lady instead of the true one. Emily grew jealous that she couldn't have become Yvonne's pseudo sister/equal (internalized homophobia? she was jealous of Penelope instead of Ivonne's suitor because as a woman the closest thing she could be to Yvonne would have been what Penelope was to her). Not that it would excuse her crimes ofc. But the yuri angle would have been fascinating to explore.

I think they were something close to childhood friends (because Yvonne was a noble lady and Emily was a commoner) Before Yvonne disappeared, and that definitely affected how Emily treated Penelope. She was, and still is, very angry that they all but replaced Yvonne, and since she can't take that out on them, she takes it out on Penelope, because then she doesn't have to blame anyone else, and she can comfortably believe that it's all Penelope's fault. I also have the headcanon that the Eckharts took Emily in pretty young, so she all but grew up there, and it's a lot more comfortable for her to blame this random girl than the people who practically raised her.

Emily definitely gets hit big time with the curse, to the point she would actively die for the smallest chance that Leila would notice her. She's extremely bitter that she is still being forced to serve Penelope and being dragged down with her, while a bunch of new maids are hired to serve Yvonne. Leila has the tiniest bit of left over fondness for her, but not enough for her to invite her to serve her instead. Emily also has a pretty big "all commoners are evil an backstabbers except for me" thing going on, which definitely helps her feel a lot less guilty about practically torturing Penelope, because obviously this orphan child tricked a Duke into adopting her, because that is something that Can Happen.

I really like the idea of Emily envying Penelope, and wishing that she had had the chance to serve Yvonne and be her friend and equal, even though she kind of wants something more that she can't quite acknowledge because of the time period they live in and also fear of ruining whatever chance she still has with Yvonne.

#vadd #death is the only ending for the villainess #emily vadd #yvonne eckart

[enneamage]

Back in July you mentioned you were going to make a series of posts under the #Parasocial Activity tag. What happened to those?

Whoops, I figured I dropped a thread somewhere. I was also trying to keep the blog more on-topic than I am nowadays so I could circle back to the topic again if people want to hear more about what I think. I know the use of the word and the attitudes around ‘being parasocial’ were driving me crazy but I got a lot out in that long post so I was satisfied for a while.

I can do one now honestly, my day just freed up.

I’ve been talking with a friend of mine a lot about how ‘parasocial relationships’ are a lot less of a binary then people treat them as right now. I’m working off of a very underdeveloped and non-academic understanding of how people are actually meant to use the word, but so are the people in the gaming space so it kind of breaks even. I still hold that Bo Burnham doing the initial “I love you!” “No you don’t you love the idea of me that’s a parasocial relationship” interaction still has this conversation by the throat and most haven’t fully moved past that deflection. I am clawing at the iron gates of Google Scholar, let me in.

As soon as people were able to type out ‘hi’ and receive a ‘hi’ back from a streamer or a celebrity of choice, things got real complicated real fast in terms of parasocial thinking. I’ve been talking to that friend about their venture into Kpop and the way that some of the apps available in Korea are designed to accommodate for crowd-idol contact, and it seems like in the grand scheme of things we’re going to be moving a bit closer to that as a planet rather than further away. I don’t think this is innately bad but we do need to get smarter with how we talk about this kind of social contact, because we’re going to keep moving in this direction as people and it will be good to be able to talk about mental and social skills around it.

The ‘sin’ that doesn’t get talked about is that public figures relate to their audience parasocially as well. Most CCs have a loose sense of the character of their audience, because it’s basic human behavior to seek out patterns, especially if they’re going to affect you in some way. While talking with my Kpop friend it came up that positive (or any) feelings for groups and collectives outside of knowing someone on a face-to-face basis is treated as more valid in collectivistic cultures. Inversely, the rugged individualists of the Americas and Europe focus on the inner and outer workings of the individual, sometimes to an excessive degree. ‘I love my audience’ is sometimes taken as immediate bullshit among jaded people who are suspicious of anything parasocial, but logically it varies from case to case. (Ironically this is the ‘you can’t love me you don’t know me’ logic as well.)

Even if you let someone into your life and have regular personal contact with them, they can still get you wrong. Feeling misunderstood and unheard is one of the most basic human problems, and while parasocial contact can put that on blast for the sheer volume of people and the imperfect information they have to work with, it’s not determined by the social-parasocial divide. Not everyone is going to come to the same conclusions about someone because not everyone has good judgement or can #relate, but the idea that nobody who hasn’t spoken a direct word to someone personally can understand someone at least a little just seems divorced from reality.

It all just comes back around again to me thinking that it’s dumb to use ‘parasocial’ as a gotcha in the year 2023, as though ‘being parasocial’ is a thing you become if you’re bad and not just a human who is exposed to another human and thinks about them in any depth.    

#*shrimp fried rice voice* are you telling me that there's social in this media #parasocial activity tag #I remember why I said I was going to write more now there’s always more to say when it comes to this #I could keep going but also thats the workaholic demons talking

[dollsonmain]

This is one of those “Should I put this on the whining blog? AM I whining or am I talking about something? I don’t even know.” things, so have a cut.

So I’m obviously having a depressive spiral ಠ_ಠ and these down swings make everything hurt and everything is personal and too hard and I’m just wrong there’s no place in the world for people like me and I need to die to make the world better and end my own suffering because there’s no other option.

Being aware that it’s a depressive episode both does and does not help endure it. The negative feelings are very real and very deep, but I KNOW it’ll let up after a while and be less heavy so just hold on, right? That’s kept me alive so far.

Anyway.

Posts go around and make me think of things that make me even more unhappy with myself and really it’s all self-loathing, self-disgust, and that’s especially heavy during a depressive spiral.

Right now I’m plagued by a post about unrequited love and one about maladaptive daydreaming.

I am guilty of both.

The unrequited love post basically boiled down to “Stop torturing yourself. Break all contact.”

It is torturous to want something you can never, ever have. It’s no different for me than wanting to be fit, strong, and active and have all of those happy brain chemicals people say come with it. It will. never. happen. I am disabled.

But wow do I want it, and not being able to have it due to circumstances that I can’t change hurts.

I’ve asked myself many times whether it would hurt me more to break contact or to keep being friends but always wanting more.

I’d rather support him as a friend than never speak to him again no matter how much it hurts to want something from him that he can’t give me because he doesn’t have the same feelings for me that I do for him.

-

There was another thing my cousin posted that was "Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than how you think it should be.” - Wayne Dyer

And I’m like...

Life, as it is, is SHITTY, I’m being emotionally and financially abused, people are being killed for the color of their skin, the environment is collapsing, it should NOT be this way! Who the FUCK would tell someone to be PEACEFUL with that and not want that situation to improve???

That’s like when I bring up something That Guy does that is abusive and hurtful and he says “Just don’t get mad.” like..... DON’T GET MAD?!?!??!?!?!!?

Gentlemen, you can both kindly fuck right off.

Though I have a feeling the original quote had more to do with money than anything else. They usually do. Be content with what you have instead of jealous of people that have more money, their flashy lives and lots of expensive stuff don’t mean they’re happy.

The more I train my mind to process life as it is, the more discontent and angry I become.

-

Then the maladaptive daydreaming post....

That’s kind of all I have keeping me going right now. Imaginary love for myself as I am. Imaginary different self that is worthy of love. Imaginary independence. Imaginary mobility, strength, and grace (I am so clumsy...). Having my own little imaginary place that I’m able to afford because of my imaginary job.

More things I want and can’t have, and the part that hurts most is coming back to reality and being reminded how very different what I want is versus what is real and what is attainable.

But the gist of the post was that daydreaming becomes maladaptive when it cuts into your productivity and ability to work toward those dreams and it’s like, in my case, WHAT productivity? I am DISABLED. I’m not productive. What little bit I can do to work toward that dream is not enough.

How else would I spend that time? Staring at the walls?

Anyway, I think the biggest detriment to my own daydreams, because productivity is not affected in my case since it’s something that occupies my physical down-time anyway, is the constant yearning for things I can’t and will never have, just like unrequited love.

But even in my daydreams I rarely have or get what I want. My low self-worth makes the potential lovers turn away and the effort fail even when it isn’t real. So part of the detriment is also constantly experiencing the same agonizingly consistent failure even in my own daydreams.

-

But hey, 20 years and a new paintbrush later and I can finally paint a thin line.

[witchthewriter]

Hiiii! First of all, I really have to say that I admire all your work, such interesting reads.

I am 10000% down a house of the dragon-rabbit hole now (which is why I made a tumblr in the first place), so that is my main fandom, if you would put a bit more emphasis on this part it would be greatly appreciated. Other fandoms would be GoT and HP.

I use she/her pronouns, I have a preference for men (or masc-presenting people of any gender). I am a slytherin, possibly ravenclaw? Cancer sun, Aries moon, Cancer rising. ENTJ with very strong ENT-tendencies, and J/P being about 51/49 hehe. Half Scandinavian and half South East-Asian, tanned skin, long and straight dark brown hair reaching below my waist. My favorite colors are red, black and green.

 A common first impression of me is that I am bold and outspoken, but I am in reality quite sensitive and self-conscious, albeit this being concealed deep down. I don’t think I have a shy bone in my body though, 100% outgoing. I am super ambitious, competitive and goal driven. I set extremely high standards and goals for myself and I have much higher expectations/demands for myself than for anyone else, in order to always improve. I love a good fiery discussion, argument or a witty mental-sparring but one of my faults is that I sometimes become too into winning the argument no matter what, being the competitive person that I am. Perfectionist as I am, I always try to be calculated and choose my words carefully though. I don’t think there is a person I wouldn’t stand up to or take a discussion with, I just can’t help myself. But there is also no situation where I wouldn’t let my thoughts linger and overthink the argument and feel insecure for weeks later, behind closed doors.

I am super a very passionate person, about my goals and relationships alike, but I am also very nurturing and caring for both animals and humans. I am very loving and affectionate to the people close to me. Although at times I can come across as harsh, I really do love supporting and taking care of people. Helping someone get better and reach their goals feels ALMOST as good as reaching my own goals.

Dislikes: Being alone and “relaxing/doing nothing”, being stuck in a predictable and unchallenging routine. I would hate to do something half-assed or “good-enough”. The scariest thing ever for me would be to feel incompetent. I don’t think I would be good at being with someone who is very shy, as I dislike being bored. I can definitely assume a leadership-role when needed, but I would need someone with the wits and guts to have a proper back-and-forth with me in order for me to truly thrive.

Hobbies: I am a thrill-seeker and get bored quite easily. I love adrenaline-inducing activities, hiking in nature, traveling and living in different countries, exploring different cultures, food, cities and all their people. I’m a very daring foodie but also love the arts of wine and fine cuisine. I also love reading anything really, classic lit, non-fiction and beach reads - I read it all, I love trying to become more knowledgeable in any way possible.

Lastly, I would like to say that I do request a Level 5. I have done all of the requirements, but I am also not stupid, I know I started this tumblr less than a week ago and that my reblogs/shoutout aren’t going to do anything with my 0 followers :))  lol. I really want to support the work of you because I really am super grateful for this opportunity and so impressed by your work, so I have also shared a tip with you, I truly hope it helps. Thank you in advance <3

Want one? Here be the rules 🦋🌈

Oh my goodness, I didn't know you sent in a Tip!? I haven't received anything, and I'm not sure why. Maybe tumblr has stuffed up, but thank you so much for doing so x

𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐏𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Harry Potter! I think you would push him to achieve his best. You remind me of Hermione in that way, and Harry would find comfort in someone caring about decisions. It was much different with how he grew up - the Dursley’s didn’t care what he did. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・ Harry likes to rub your back. He’ll gently trail their fingers up and down your spine, or uses the palm of his hand to massage your entire back. Sometimes he’ll absentmindedly drawing little patterns with his fingertips.

・You often play with hairs at the nape of Harry’s neck whenever you’re bored / or there’s a cease in action. 

・You’d definitely both be aurors, I cannot see you in any other Wizarding profession

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢

He loves how encouraging you are. How he feels supported and that there’s someone who cares about him. Not just that he was the Chosen One, or that he killed the evil in the Wizarding World. But because he’s Harry. 

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑

Your best friend would be Hermione. You’d probably have a bit of a competitive friendship, but it’s a healthy one. 

𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Robb Stark! I think you would open his eyes to a lot of different opinions and ways of seeing the world. He would really appreciate that, maybe not at first, but in the long run. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・ Robb likes to rest his chin on your head as you hug/cuddle. You two could be lying in bed together, or standing in public. 

・I think you’d be childhood friends who grow up and grow apart because he’s destined to rule. You come back once the war starts and you’re a very good advisor. 

・You bond with his direwolf and he becomes incredibly protective over you 

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢

His favourite thing is your caring nature, and how it comes from a place of true love. 

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑

Your best friend would be Margaery, I think she would love how active you are and you would love her intelligence. You two would make a formidable pair. 

𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Daemon, I think he would appreciate your proactive take on life. The fact that you don’t want to sit still is a relief for him - he doesn’t want to do the same. He has things to do, important things, and he’d like to take you with him. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Likes to train together. Other couples might cuddle and sit in front of the fire, you two are constantly moving together - doing things that will heighten the adrenaline. 

・ Daemon shows his affection by squeezing your thigh. He reaches over and gives your outer thigh a squeeze, maybe of reassurance and/or love, depending on the context.

・Calls you “beautiful”, “my heart” in High Valerion. 

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎���𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢

Loves how adventurous you are. He loves dragon-racing, battles and anything that gets his blood pumping. 

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑

Your best friend would be Alicent. I think you have a similar aura that everyone else sees (which isn’t always true to who you are.) 

#ships #match ups

[sakuraalexia]

Info dump #3 - Siren Werewolves AU

Round three, this one is a little special, because I want to leave this thing as I chose to momentarily take off said story, which is Sing to the Moon Act 1 for now. I have not been updating the story since last November, as I lost a lot of interest in the Borderlands fandom for the time being, now that it is returning I remembered this fic exists.

I only wrote three chapters and it doesn’t have too many views so it is not a big deal, people ain’t reading it. I still have the plot I made and everything, for the first part, and I believe that, like I did years ago for Beyond the Reality, to write this one entirely or at least wait until it is almost done to post anything again, as I do meant to work on it but not update after this much time.

My Nier Automata/One Piece crossover still has priority, and like the other long fics, I had nearly a third of the chapters that are now out already done before I started posting, and now that it requires me less attention as it's nearing its end, I think I can finally focus on other stories again.

How the idea came to be: I simply did a little one shot with Maya and Lilith as two werewolves, and then I wanted to draw the sirens as wolves too, and wondered if it would have been a good idea for an actual story, loosely following the canon events of BL1, 2 and 3, with a little bit of TPS and Tales in it.  Divided in three stories, one for game, though arc two includes a bit of TPS and Tales.

The setting: Pretty much what we see in the games, however there is no such thing as different planets, instead they’re just different regions of the same one.

Pandora is the biggest region, and is the desert zone.

Promethea is this huge high tech city settlement out on the edge of the sea.

Athenas is the mountain area populated with monasteries.

Eden 6 is the whole jungle forest area.

Nekrotefayo, mysterious ancient ruins.

Xylourgos is the ice desert, a massive iceberg in the far north.

Handsome Jackpot, a massive casino that could very well be a city of its own.

Gehenna, a massive canyon.

Elpis, the volcanic region.

Helios, a technological facility of the Hyperion corporation. 

Of course there are the whole corporations, factions and everything too, not much was changed about them, or at all. 

Wolves and hunters: In this world, all humans have a dormant genome that could turn them into wolves should said gene sufficiently manage to integrate with a human’s DNA. Anyone can be a wolf, it is decided upon birth, however, the child of a human with an active wolf genome will always result as a werewolf too. Only a single parent between the two with it is sufficient to trigger it in the child. Werewolves can be of any gender.

There are people here that strive for peace between the races, and who would only want to exterminate all the wolves, said to be dangerous for their lack of control upon transforming. Transformations only happen during full moons, and can’t happen before a subject becomes 13 years of age, as their body wouldn’t be strong enough to handle turning.

However, there are a few “blessed” wolves between their kind, called sirens. The name comes from ancient times, said to have an enchanting voice when they sing/howl. 

These people, usually female in gender, have on their bodies the “marks of the moon”, a set of blue glowing tattoos on the left side of their body. This particular type of wolves, thanks to their markings, can have full control over their abilities and turn as wolves and back any time they desire, though they are still subjected to forcefully turn on full moon nights, as in new moon nights they can’t access said power and need to stay in human form.

The marks can’t be controlled nor inherited even from the parents, that is why they are referred to as a blessing.

Wolf appearance: I am only going to tell the ones of the sirens as it is obvious that they all will be wolves and shown as such, but I’ll leave other characters out for the sake of not spoiling too many things. 

Appearance depends on each character and changes depending on their looks as humans.

Lilith: Reddish brown fur color and yellow eyes, she keeps the bangs at the left side of her head. Small and pretty scrawny type of wolf, she’s a tiny one but a very fast runner. Very fierce, growls a lot, even as a human.

Tannis: Sandy colored fur and green eyes, she has a darker brown tuft on top of her head like her hair. She’s even smaller than Lilith, not much of a fighter, but good at outsmarting others. Very noisy and talkative. 

Steele: She’s a purely white wolf, takes after her albinism, has yellow eyes, and keeps her signature tresses. Tall and slim, not too much fur on her, she looks weak in appearance but she can be pretty strong and brutal if she so desires. Highly loyal.

Maya: Fur black as the night, gray eyes, and two long bangs at the side of her head (that will grow longer in part 3). Somewhat in the middle between Lilith and Steele’s height, has a lot of fur on her, especially around her neck, and a longer tail, this gives her a somewhat “royal” look, makes her look bigger than she is. Has a really nice voice/howl but doesn’t use it very often.

Angel: Silver gray coat and blue eyes, she has a black long tuft of fur that covers her left eye and a small ponytail in the back of her head. Small, around Tannis’ size, scrawny with not much fur on her. Shy and not very strong, needs lots of protection, but is very smart.

Amara: Dark brown coat, purple eyes, and a black tuft of hair on her head, and a ponytail at the back. Tall, big and muscly, big paws too. Looks very menacing but is also a big softie, very loyal and playful, loves to show off.

Tyreen: Sandy colored coat but darker than Tannis’ one, blue eyes, has a white tuft of hair on the head. Small, around Tannis’ size, has a short tail. Bites, a lot, and loves to do that on anyone just to annoy people, or hurt them, whatever suits her fancy.

Troy: Same color as Tyreen, eyes too, only that the tuft on the head is black. He’s very tall but not much muscle on him, also as a wolf he misses his entire right front leg, also has a shorter tail too. Likes to bite as much as Tyreen does, also his bigger body allows him to easily tackle other people/wolves even without a leg, because he is so heavy.

Ava: Dark gray coat, dark gray blue eyes. She’s pretty much a pup wolf, tiny and scrawny, with not much fur on her yet, she’s got to grow some more. Playful and noisy, loves getting into trouble.

Again there are other wolves too, but these are obvious they can be spoiled already, the rest not so much. Hopefully I’ll get to work on this again soon. I have a lot on my plate at the moment, even outside projects, drawings and stories. 

#borderlands #info dump #story infos

[chronicallymeforever]

One Month "Port-iversary"

Today I celebrate my one month “port-iversary,” a milestone I am both happy to reach and hesitant to celebrate. This last month has been nothing short of living hell. Physically the first couple of weeks were tough and mentally it has been difficult all along. Although I am nothing short of relieved to have the IV access that I so desperately needed. This has been no walk in the park. Regardless, today I can truthfully say I am grateful for this challenging yet life changing medical intervention. One that I would have never been given without the help of my medical team and fierces advocate, my mother. 

In hopes of one day looking back on this experience and in unity with others who might be actively undergoing a port-placement, have in the past, or might do so in the future I share some of the most promoniate memories, good and bad, of my first month with my new lifeline. 

I am so incredibly appreciative of my amazing surgical team. My surgeon was able to place my port on my left side which was a blessing in itself. He had a great self-confidence which allowed me to place all the faith in the world in him, which in return made my anxiety far less. When I first was scheduled and told that my original surgeon wouldn’t be available I felt as though that was a sign to not go through with the placement. Now that all is said and done I believe that God had a greater, better plan in mind. I give thanks that things worked out exactly as they did. I also could never forget the kindness shown to me by my anesthesiologist. He had a great way of making me feel comfortable and safe, one of those instant patient/physician connections and exactly what I needed before heading into the OR. 

 My mother has selflessly given up hours upon hours to wash-sheets, wipe tears, and clean…and re-clean nearly all of our house daily in order to make this experience less daunting to me. She has always been my rock but throughout this month I learned that I truthfully couldn’t live this life without her. She is a living breathing angel on Earth and I am so loved by her. I am so lucky to get to walk alongside her through this experience and life in general. 

Friendships change continually. Even more so when you live with multiple chronic illnesses. This surgery particularly has left me feeling extremely isolated and lonely. Although I had the gumption to reach out to friends in the early weeks, that has become more difficult as time moves forward. I have had honest conversation after honest conversation with friends about how I am feeling and how I would appreciate their friendship during this difficult time but somehow my attempts seem to be misunderstood or completely fallen on deaf ears. Regardless I hope this next month brings me more social opportunities and a chance to gain some normalcy back. It’s hard enough to go through port placement, it feels even harder to do it alone. 

I’ve lacked the patiences I often lean on with both myself and others throughout this entire experience. Unintentionally I have lashed out on my family multiple times. This could stem from the pain during the first week or so, or just the deep depression and overall dissatisfaction I have felt throughout the month. Either way I hope this next month allows me to regulate my emotions better. I am going to focus on both my faith and routine to get me through these trying times. I also hope that the people around me can see that I am actively trying to be better and adjust to my new normal. 

Not being able to hold my dogs, engage in water activities, or lift things has been hard. Especially because I like to operate independently. For the first bit and even now I feel as though my biggest outlets were taken away from me. I was left with this hole in my chest, no friends, and no true ways to express my emotions. Moving forward, restrictions will lessen more and more. I pray this helps me easier create a new reality with my body, mind, and spirit. 

I’ve always been a really religious person. Although I might not attend church regularly, I pray, or better yet prayed nightly. Leading up to surgery and even now I have struggled with praying nightly. This was very upsetting because I felt as though God would be angry or upset that I wasn’t showing constant thanks and praise for the many, many blessings I receive daily. I have tried to focus on little moments of gratitude daily which isn’t the same but it’s a start. “How can we come to know that God lives unless we struggle enough to need His blessings, tender mercies, and miracles,” I first read that as I followed a fellow health warrior's journey, and I have thought about it nearly daily since. I hope this next month allows me to see and feel tender mercies daily. 

All of my infusion nurses have been outstanding. They have normalized this experience for me and for that I am forever grateful. As a group they have made me feel loved and supported in the best ways possible and at times have been the friends I desperately needed. From explaining what to watch for to saying how great my port sight looks they have made this so much easier. Grateful doesn’t even begin to explain how I feel towards all of them. 

 Lastly, I am grateful to have a supportive family. My father has worked hard to make my health less of a financial burden on my family. While nothing can take away the physical pain of surgery or the emotional pain of having a port placed at 21 years old, I can say being able to not be worried financially is a huge blessing. I hope that he knows just how much I appreciate his contributions. Additionally I feel blessed to have a sister who understands why I unfairly need more attention than her at times. I know it can’t be easy to watch your sister come first, time and time again, even if it's for things such as health. Without her selfless attitude and ability to understand why our family dynamic works the way it does my life would be more difficult than it already is for everyone involved. I love all of my family dearly and am forever thankful for all they’ve sacrificed for me. 

And that’s month one. Today I give thanks for surviving this time in my life and look forward to the future. A day full of baking, school-work, deep thoughts, and celebrations of little moments that have brought me here May each day be one day closer to medical freedom and health. 

#chronic illness #spoonie #grow through what you go through #sick

[crawling-out-look-peer-be]

I saw the mystery machine!

I have decided that I need to restart my weight loss efforts. I need to reset the way that I've been looking at it.

I have, what seems to be like, a reverse body dysmorphia. 🤔 I tend to see my body as smaller than what it is, especially at home when looking in the mirror or the days that I'm working out, but when I see photos of me or see other women I am, sometimes, made acutely aware that I am not as well in shape as I perceive.

It shatters me.

I know from previous journal entries of mine, offline, that I have a consistent trend of delusions of grandeur, especially with regards to beauty and status. I may actually be sabotaging myself because of those ideas, as they contradict what my current life is like. Reality is hard for me to wrestle with.

Even my goals become warped beneath those grand imaginings. I simultaneously want the most gorgeous goddess like body, full figured, while also wanting to be thin and smooth, while also wanting to be muscular and strong, while also wanting to be a man. In the end, I dream of each scenario because I associate a status of a beautiful appearance, or a powerful appearance, as highly regarded. That associates with being better than other people, so I am then admired, respected, and valuable enough that people gawk over me or worship me.

Which isn't going to happen, lol.

And, even if it did, I know from my previous experiences of receiving praise for good work, I am left hallow because I am not treated like a diety.

This goes so far into the deep end that my weight and physical appearance is an expression of my deep psyche and I am always in an uphill battle with it.

If I were to be frank, I would like to be on the larger side, for feelings of safety. I do admire a built physique in the way that I am able to serve people by being strong, lifting things for them or aiding in daily activities and supporting their weight. I do imagine more of a lumberjack sitting by the fire after a long day of work, with obvious musculature to arms, chest, back, and legs, with a light in the eyes and a warm friendliness akin to Santa Claus. I do feel drawn to that in the most humble of senses.

My therapist spoke about how everything that I want could be true. I don't have to feel like I am one or the other, but that I do want all of these experiences. It is now my job to make a choice with all of the things that I want.

Sitting here, pondering and placing the phone down, I just want the best that my body can be. Thinner overall. Stronger overall. Mobile. Good endurance. Ya know, just functional.

So, I am currently at 239lbs.

I have a primary goal of reaching below 200. I would like to see 199lbs.

So, the first bit will be aiming to lose 40lbs.

My BMR is, currently, 1,825 calories.

My sedentary is 2,190

Light activity is 2,509

And moderate is 2,829.

I have been consistently working out 6 days a week since the end of January, I sometimes miss my sixth day, and do a weightlifting session with a WOD at the end. This is a great success and most of my lifts have increased. My physique from the last time I was around 240 does not look similar to where I am now. Past 220lbs me looks like current 239lbs me, which is kind of crazy!

Anyways, that would probably fit me in the light to moderate activity bracket.

So, if I aim for 2,000 calories a day, then I will be set up for 1lbs weight loss a week. 😀

This means that I should reach 199lbs by March 3rd, 2023.

This is both inspiring and disappointing. Lmao. I am excited to lose this weight, the fat, and if I am going to lose it in 10 months, then so be it. It is better for it to come off in 10 months than me giving up because it was too hard. Plus, the results are inevitable. 🤷‍♀️ I just gotta work hard and keep going on.

I will weigh myself once a month. Even though I don't want to adhere to this, I think that once a month will more accurately track an overarching trend and will not enable me weasling out of the goal of less food consumption by rationalizing that I lost weight though! See! Food doesn't make me fat!

Yes it does. And when I'm having a bad day, that thought is enough for me to eat poorly.

Okay. So it's settled. March 3rd, 2023, I will be 199lbs.

[normal-horoscopes]

I have a question I hope you understand, and I hope you do not take the wrong way. Do you believe any of this stuff? Do any occultists really believe in what they say?

I firmly believe in spiritual realities, (I am a Christian). I believe one can consort with spirits beyond our understanding, but they are generally demons not to be spoken to. I truly do believe, hook me up to a lie detector if I seem insincere, I truly do believe that you can communicate with “gods” and devils, and that you can even gain worldly power through doing so, and that such activities are VERY dangerous and are NOT to be taken lightly, and you can LOSE your SOUL.

With occultists, it seems like you all take a jovial half-hearted approach to something which must be taken very seriously. I find it difficult to gage if an occultist is a true believer or if they’re merely bored. Truth be told I would assess the majority of occultists to be fans of fantasy ya lit like Magyck or Groosham Grange or even Harry Potter, and they wanted to play dress up.

Maybe I shouldn’t begrudge you, on grounds that the majority of Christian’s are cultural believers with familial ties, and how many truly believe in the tenets of Christianity is a bit up in the air.

I don’t know, this ask has gone longer than I meant it to because I am explaining myself too much. To wit: do you believe in cosmic powers? Do you believe material conditions can change as a result of magical practice? Do you think the majority of occultists believe these things?

That's a fantastic question! You worded it well and I genuinely appreciate both the time you took to write this ask, and the humility it takes to put your own beliefs out there like that.

I generally don't enjoy talking about my own spiritual briefs and practices here, Tumblr is weird enough about normal opinions, much less complicated and fairly personal metaphysical ones. The last thing I need is to have a cult form around me.

I consider "belief" to be a profoundly more complicated concept than people really understand. I'm not just saying this to be flippant or evasive, much of my background in education is from the computer science/math-logic end of things, my occult thoughts are heavily influenced by thinkers like Bertrand Russell and Ludwig Wittgenstein. Basically, people who were very concerned with the raw logic of the world, with capital t Truth, the fine details of knowledge, what it means to know. Not to say that my understanding of belief is somehow So Much Cooler And Deeper than yours, just that these are men who could spend an entire book picking apart the definition of the word "is." I like details.

As an Occultist, I would say that I am heavily influenced by the works of Agrippa and Sir Issac Newton. I am an alchemist at heart, a systemizer. I believe if there is truth to be found, it must be studied from many angles. What do Christians say about belief? What about Muslims? Jewish people? What does Hinduism think? Taoism? The myriad indigenous religions of the world? Non-religious cultures? What about Philosophy? Every single one offers a unique and beautiful lense through which one may understand the idea of "belief."

Suddenly, "belief" becomes this complex architecture of ideas with a dozen subtle meanings that all interact with each other in different ways, full of wonderful harmonies and contradictions! I feel that if there is a single attitude more antithetical to the occult than anything else: it is certainty. The world is abyss and phenomena.

Over the years I've found that humor is actually a surprisingly effective way to express this wonderful complexity. (Doesn't always mean that I'm successful at being funny though.) Humor has a way of softening the mind, helping the reader to entertain an idea without internalizing it, a skill I believe is critical to the study of the occult. Sometimes I'm just shitposting. Gotta keep people on their toes. Helps you stay humble.

Do I believe in cosmic powers? Yes and no. I believe I am a limited cog in a grand system of the world with a limited ability to understand my design. I figure if there is a god, it's rude to presume about her nature. There are things people call gods, and that's good enough for me.

Do I believe material conditions can change as a result of a magical practice? Maybe? It really depends on the magical practice. Like, I think airport security checkpoints and corporate branding can be considered magic, but I'm not sure if that's what you're asking. If you're asking if I think, say, astrology can be used for prediction? No. But that doesn't make it meaningless.

Do I believe the majority of occultists believe these things? Not a clue. I don't really consider it my business. Occultists aren't exactly known for their consistency. Who knows, by next month I might not believe any of this anymore. Sometimes it's hard to tell when I'm dreaming.

[deafsignifcantother]

wife

♥ summary: a mitski songfic!! you're stuck with bo, in love with him, but when he suddenly compares you to a wife you develop an inner turmoil. also yes i used some lines from the genius lyric analysis thing because i have 0 reading comprehension skills.

♥ relationships: bo sinclair x deaf amab reader

♥ word count: 1,545

♥ warnings: angst kinda no comfort, bo semi unlikable, misogyny?

He is your home. The feeling of security and dependability are both things that did not come to you naturally - instead, something your situation had made obligatory. But it doesn't make your reality less authentic to you. The walls in his house are dusty with a state of unkemptness, something that you noticed immediately upon meeting him. When he reached his hand out for you to shake, you decided you would try to clean it. But no matter how much work you do for him, he never tells you good job. It's always that's a start. No matter how close you get to him, there are always a few steps between you. Maybe it's the language barrier. He has no idea how to talk to you, not really. Amid the words he slurs together and the way he turns his head away from you when he talks, even if you had that rare talent of lip-reading, it would be impossible to understand him. Perhaps life would be easier if he left a trail of breadcrumbs for you. Do you not understand him, beyond language? Is his character something you're misjudging? Does he not love you the way he claims to?

He lets you sleep in his bed, and he kisses your forehead before breakfast every day. He will pick you up from your daily activities to cook you lunch. Sitting at that table with all the brothers is a peculiar warmth that creeps up into your sense of danger. You could be out there, in the museum, just like your friends that you came here alongside. But instead, they chose you. They chose you to be an addition to their family. Still, they won't lend you a map, anything to help you navigate the way into the family.

The house is clean. You've started to be the one that wakes up early, cooking breakfast. Which slowly turned into you cooking dinner, and then lunch. Soon enough, you were the one spending the time in the kitchen, cleaning the house, scrubbing the bloody floors, and organizing the guns in the case. How many lives have been lost here? You wonder if yours will eventually, too. It becomes your house, as well as a tomb, just as much as it is the brothers.

The house, as terrifying as it is, belongs to you.

He starts picking up on sign language. You never gave him lessons, but SimComing enough has helped him through the many months you've been around. In those months, you both had had your first kiss. It was after you cooked him breakfast and cleaned the plates. He pressed his chest up against your back to the point where you could feel each of his breaths. When you turn around, his non-dominant hand goes to your waist.

"I feel as if you're my wife."

Layers of emotions ring in your head. At first, it feels like you have succeeded in something. The effort - cleaning his house, staying true to him, never getting angry, and never putting yourself in dangerous situations had paid off. He was finally letting you in. And then his words had sunk in. Wife.

You give him a tight-lipped smile.

"That's because I am."

Thereafter, you noticed all the clothes that he was giving you (from the suitcases of the victims). Feminine clothing. You were just thankful he could accurately guess your size.

But wearing dresses around the house felt a bit uncomfortable.

At the breakfast table, everyone sitting there with you, even though you are a boy just like them you couldn't help but feel more like a bride.

Wife. Is that what he wanted? You imagined what his dream life would be: two children, one a boy and one a girl, with a wife that would wear pink aprons and never leave the house. The ideal is so far from you, but it feels closer than whatever daydream you had growing up. Should you try? Let him grab your hips, let him continue to be the big spoon, let him take off your shoes while sitting you on the couch, let him put those rose-scented shampoos in the bathroom, the scented lotions, and chapsticks. Is there truly harm being done? Are you being ungrateful? You'll try to be his wife. If that's all he wants in return for keeping you alive, then you can try. Because without him, then what are you except a victim?

But the more you try, the more everything seems to fall apart.

He spills a beer, whispering to himself under his breath, and when you try to clean, he brushes you off. "Leave it alone," he says, forgetting you cannot hear him, and frustration builds inside of him. You continue kneeling, using a towel to soak up the liquid, not looking up at him.

He jabs the toe of his boot into your side. He kicks you over. "I said leave it alone!"

The space behind your eyes vibrates, sizzling like sparkling water, and you blink up at him. It starts in your chest, and it pulls on your muscles. When you try to move, the sensation grows stronger and extracts, pulsating like an organism. While it dissolves you from the inside, your exterior heats up, and for once, you feel as if you might regress back to being the enemy. He gets up when he realizes you aren't going to move.

Is this what it feels like to be a wife? Is that what life is: does the state of 'falling apart' simply mean that everything is coming together? The more he seems to be getting close to you, the harsher he gets.

During the nights, he trails his hands up your shirt, holding his hand over your chest, which you realize isn't him getting closer to your heart.

And after dinner one night, he puts out his cigarette, looking you up and down. Your hands rest on the table. Every day, you try to lift them, try to explain what you're feeling: that you can't be his wife. But you wonder if he would even understand.

"The fuck are you so worried about?" He says out loud, signing something with similar meaning.

"Do you really wish I were your wife?" You sign. His eyebrows furrow. He stops using his lips.

"What are you talking about?"

You blink rapidly, trying to contain yourself, suddenly becoming aware that he had genuinely only used the word wife once. "You said that before - I am like your wife."

He waves his hand and smacks his lips. "Whatever. Meant nothing." When he tries looking away, you slam your hand down on the table. His head whips over to you.

"I'm serious. Do you wish I were your wife?"

You feel foolish, asking this while wearing the woman's clothing and pink-tinted chapstick. The answer feels obvious.

"I don't care what you are." He says. He lifts his hands again, fumbling, before giving up and standing from his chair. "But you're one mistake of a wife."

You wish you had closed your eyes or looked away from him, anything to prevent you from seeing what he had said. It shouldn't matter to you. You don't even want to be his wife. The word overplays in your head until finally, it means nothing to you.

You hope that one day, maybe the opportunity to be his wife will come and that you will take it.

But since then, you've started to sleep with your back turned to him. You don't sit at the dinner table anymore, and he doesn't try to stop you. Drifting away, you find no hope that he even realizes that what he said was wrong.

Until one day, as you sit in the mechanic's garage, writing things down while Bo works on a car, a group of people walks up. Your first response is to stand and hide but the motion is cut off when Bo raises a hand to you, signaling to stay in place. You can almost imagine him letting out an I'll handle it. You press your knees together, worried, watching as he leans against the wall. With a smile on his face, he calls the people over, talking to them. You try and look busy. Interacting with the victims has never been anything you stay good at, as it's something you have only done once before (and it resulted in Bo nearly decapitating the person with a baseball bat - and something you had missed was him screaming stay away from him).

When one of the people points at you, you lift your head, making eye contact with Bo. He smiles.

"That's my husband." He signs.

And you wave.

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