#tomorrow is december! i am... feeling unmoored | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

olivemac · 3 years

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heartbeat | chapter seven | b.b.

Summary | When Steve Rogers asks Kate Stark to find the Winter Soldier, she gets too involved.

Notes | Captain America: Civil War re-write, essentially. Starts just after the events of CA: Winter Soldier.

Pairing | Bucky Barnes x fem!oc, Bucky Barnes x Stark!oc

Genre | romance

Rating | explicit

Story Warnings | mild angst, fluff, romance tropes, so many romance tropes, coarse language, alcohol use, canon-typical violence, smut (m/f), oral sex (f&m receiving), 18+ ONLY

Chapter Warnings | mild angst, coarse language, oral sex (m receiving), smut (m/f), 18+ ONLY

Citation | Russo, J., & Russo, A. (2016). Captain America: Civil War. Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

A/N #1: The end is here. Let me know what you think. I'm considering continuing this through TFATWS, but we'll see what time allows.

A/N #2: Very, very minor spoiler (reference) for TFATWS episode 4.

master list | AO3 link

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prev chapter

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T'Challa contacts Steve to tell him of Zemo's arrest and to offer refuge in Wakanda for a while.

"He also says they may be able to remove the Winter Soldier programming from your head, Buck," Steve tells Bucky and Kate.

Bucky looks almost hopeful, if not a little uncertain. Kate reaches over and takes his hand in her own, squeezing it lightly. It's the first real interaction they've had since she cleaned his wounds when they boarded the Quinjet, and, as much as he hates to admit it, her touch makes his heart flutter. He just wishes she'd talk to him, tell him what she's thinking. Instead, she drops his hand and makes herself busy cleaning up medical supplies.

Steve sets the coordinates for Wakanda, and Kate keeps her distance from Bucky for the rest of the flight.

_____

Wakanda is more beautiful than Kate, Bucky, or Steve ever could have imagined. T'Challa greets them as they descend the Quinjet ramp and leads them into the palace.

"Tonight, you will eat and rest, and tomorrow we will see what we can do for your friend," T'Challa says, clapping Steve on the shoulder.

_____

When Kate emerges from the shower, there are clean clothes and a plate of food in the room she's been given. She changes and eats, and then lays on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying not to think about Tony hitting her with that stunning blast. She struggles to block out the ache in her chest that forms when she remembers the mixture of rage and grief on his face, but soon hot tears are rolling down her cheeks. She lays there for a while, crying until she’s sure she doesn’t have any tears left.

She can't remember the last time she felt so unmoored. For the last two years, her almost sole focus has been Bucky. First, finding him. Then...she shakes her head, loving him.What a fucking cliche, she thinks, falling in love with the ex-assassin who killed her parents. But she can't help that being away from him hurts more than the knowledge that he was there that night in December because she knows it wasn't him, it wasn't Bucky. HYDRA took everything from her. He was just the weapon they used.

Kate wipes her face and gets to her feet. Without another thought, she's in the hallway and knocking on Bucky's door. The urge to see him is overwhelming.

When Bucky opens the door, Kate's on him before he can fully process that she’s there, her arms around his neck and her lips on his. It takes a moment for the shock to wear off, but then he’s kissing her back, pulling her into him with his one good arm and letting the door close behind them.

Kate’s hands are hot on his chest, pushing his borrowed undershirt up until he pulls it over his head and tosses it aside. She does the same with her own tank. When her shirt is off, she moves to kiss him again, but Bucky takes her chin in his hand and looks into her eyes. Her pupils are blown wide, and her heartbeat is frantic. Kate's ferocious in her need for him, and it makes his heart swell with pride.

He drops his hand from her face and hooks his arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him again and kissing her soundly. Kate's fingers tug at the waistband of his sweatpants, and Bucky pushes them down his legs, along with his boxers, before helping her out of her own pants and underwear. She sinks to her knees in front of him and places a trail of kisses across his right hipbone, then the left. She moves her lips hotly across the thick shaft of his cock and runs her tongue over the vein that stretches from base to tip.

When Kate takes him fully into her mouth, Bucky lets out a groan so deep he thinks he can feel it reverberating in his toes. She works her mouth over him a few times before Bucky's hand caresses her cheek and guides her off his cock with a slick pop. He pulls Kate to her feet and kisses her, his tongue sweeping into her mouth. They stumble to the bed, and Bucky lets himself fall backward, bringing Kate with him. She slides down the length of his cock so slowly he thinks he might combust, and when she sets a brutal pace, her thighs squeezing against his hips, Bucky's toes curl, and he has to take deep breaths to stop himself from coming too soon.

Watching Kate over him like this, watching her breasts bounce with each of his upward thrusts and her fingers dance over the place where they're joined, Bucky thinks this is the closest thing to salvation he might ever have. She comes quickly, clenching around him and falling forward onto his chest. Kate places a series of kisses across his scarred left shoulder. The Wakandan medical team removed what was left of the damaged arm and sealed his shoulder with a cap. But Bucky isn't thinking of his lost arm right now; he's only thinking of the fire in his belly that is catching, spreading down his legs and up his chest as he keeps rutting up into Kate's body. She pushes herself up again, leaning her hands on his chest and works him through his own pleasure.

Bucky comes with a roar and clasps Kate's body against his own. She presses wet kisses against his neck as they both catch their breaths, and when she lifts her head to look him in the eye, she's smiling brightly.

"Hi," she whispers.

"Hi," he returns.

She kisses him again, slowly this time.

"I love you," she says, her fingers grazing his stubbled cheek.

"I love you, too," he replies, "and God, Kate, I'm so sorry."

She watches him for a moment, her eyes moving over his face, before she says, "I know," and kisses him once more.

They settle across the pillows in the bed, Bucky on his back and Kate resting her head on his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath her palm.

"I spoke to Shuri earlier," she tells him. "She seems optimistic that she can remove the Winter Soldier programming. But it might take some time. She suggested you go back into cryo while she studies your brain scans."

Bucky is quiet for a moment, then says, "I spent seventy years in and out of cryo, what's a few more?"

"I'll be here when you wake up," Kate tells him. "Whenever you're ready to see me."

"You sure, doll?" Bucky asks, looking at her, trying to find any apprehension in her eyes. He's giving her an out, a chance to walk away, but she won't take it.

"Always," Kate says, smiling. "I told you I love you, Bucky, just you. And whatever happened while you were the Winter Soldier, that's in the past. Zemo wanted to tear the Avengers apart with that tape, and he might have succeeded. Steve lost half the team, I've lost Tony, but...” she pauses, “I don't want to lose you."

“You won’t,” he promises, and he kisses the top of her head before they both fall asleep.

He wakes her up in the middle of the night to make love to her twice more because he can't believe she's here, in his arms, after everything, and he isn't sure what tomorrow will bring.

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The next morning Steve greets him in the hallway outside their rooms, and Bucky nearly chokes when Steve claps him on the shoulder and whispers conspiratorially, “Sounded like Kate forgave you last night.”

“Watch it, punk,” Bucky says, elbowing him in the ribs.

“Just like old times. James Bucky Barnes gets the girl,” Steve laughs.

Bucky rolls his eyes, but secretly he likes that Steve still sees some of the pre-HYDRA Bucky in him.

Kate is already in the lab when they arrive, laughing with Shuri about something. She smiles at them both and takes Bucky’s hand in her own while Shuri goes over her plan for deprogramming.

When everything is prepped, Steve asks Bucky, "You sure about this?"

Bucky smiles softly. "I can't trust my own mind," he says. "So, until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head, I think going back under is the best thing...for everybody."

As the cryo chamber fills, Bucky focuses on the sound of Kate’s heartbeat just a few feet away. He wants that to be the last thing he hears before he goes to sleep and the first thing he remembers when he wakes up.

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Once Bucky is in cryo and they've thanked T'Challa and Shuri, Kate follows Steve to the Quinjet.

"You're going to get the rest of the team out, aren't you?" Kate asks, looking at Steve.

"I am," he says.

"You'll probably need someone who can hack into the prison security system," Kate tells him.

"I probably will," Steve says, smiling.

_____

Ten months pass quickly when you spend most of that time frozen. For Bucky, the haze of cryo is punctuated by brief stints of lucidness, followed by Shuri plucking the remnants of HYDRA from his brain. Wake up, remove some programming, back in cryo.

“It’s a gradual process,” Shuri explains.

When Ayo takes him to the woods and repeats the words to him – the words that controlled so much of his life – Bucky tries to remember the sound of Kate's heartbeat and the feel of her hand in his.

One morning, after he's completely freed from HYDRA, Shuri greets him as she always does, "Good morning, Sergeant Barnes."

"Bucky," he tells her again.

Shuri smiles. This routine has been going on for two weeks now, but Bucky likes it, likes the familiarity of it all, the sense of calm it gives him.

"There's someone here to see you," Shuri says, nodding over her shoulder.

Bucky turns to see Kate standing in the light of the early morning sun, looking as beautiful as he remembers.

"Hey, soldier," she says, smiling at him.

"Kate," he breathes. He takes three long strides to her and wraps his right arm around her tightly, lifting her off the ground. She gasps and laughs, and when he puts her down again, she kisses him deeply, letting him sweep his tongue into her mouth, her hands cupping his face gently.

When he pulls away from her, he keeps his arm wrapped around her and her body pressed against his so he can feel her heartbeat next to his own, where it belongs.

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Fin.

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Lost Scene: The Club

#bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #sergeant barnes #bucky barnes x oc #bucky x oc #bucky barnes x ofc #bucky x ofc #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes romance

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

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December 26: Holiday Writing

I feel like I am simultaneously SO CLOSE and so far away from being finished with my December/holiday obligations. I have drafts of pretty much everything but very few things actually fully edited/posted.

But if tomorrow goes well, I’ll be basically finished. Mostly. Generally.

I want to edit and post my BSS fic (because... I have to) and also my Braven fic, and queue that one up to post on the 28th. I also have my other Braven thing, which is very much up in the air... it’s almost certainly not going to be a fic, maybe a ficlet or an idea and a graphic. I’d like to get that done tomorrow too.

That doesn’t leave me entirely with nothing because I still have some other edits to do. But I’m not as worried about that, and the deadline isn’t for several more days yet, technically.

And then... honestly I hope I don’t feel unmoored. Probably not, though. I have various other projects I want to get to. Still, I’m glad I had these Must Do writing things, because today, and Christmas Eve, I didn’t have any time to feel bad for myself or to wish I’d gotten to travel. I got to focus on tasks instead.

My BSS fic is... not good. But I never thought it would be good so I’m trying not to feel too bad about that. It has some good moments. It’s a complete story. Very few people will read it or care anyway. It is what it is.

I’m looking forward to sitting down with my writing projects and sorting through them and organizing them, because that’s the sort of thing I look forward to, even though I also know from experience that the process will probably ultimately just end up being frustrating. I just... I have a few obligations on the horizon that I’m just Not interested in, and past that, I’m not sure what I even WANT to write. Maybe nothing at all? One thing I know is that I do want the space to just say... yeah, actually nothing. To just fiddle around with ideas that go nowhere. To write really slowly. To, maybe, even, throw things out.

Nevertheless I’m not angry at the obligations, because they will force me to also write some things. I just... kinda anticipate not liking what I write? But then, in my current mood, what would even count as something I LIKE?

#the year 2020 #2020: writing thoughts

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jumperweather · 2 years

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I am trying on my wedding dress tomorrow. Last time I had it on, Mum and I were picking it out from the bridal store together. I'm so blessed she got to see me in it before she passed away. I miss her so much 💔 some lyrics that resonate with me are those from @taylorswift and her song Evermore.

Hey December

Guess I'm feeling unmoored

Can't remember

What I used to fight for

It's been 24 days since my mum died, and I am getting married in 45 days. I somehow have to plan a funeral in-between new year and my wedding day.

#griefjourney #taylor swift #evermore #music #heartache #coping with grief #Spotify

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lifeaftermeteor · 7 years

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L’Apothicaire Geneva, Switzerland 205 December 19

Renilde Une sat in a dim corner of the bar nursing a scotch with one eye on her phone. Two weeks into her mandatory, transitionary leave, she had stopped receiving messages from Headquarters and was left feeling unmoored in the vacuum her retirement had presented. First a colonel, then a Preventers Director, and now what?

She spun her glass with her fingertips, listening to the bottom grind against the polished wood of the bar top while she watched the other patrons and wondered what they did, who they were connected to here in the city, whether any posed a threat.

At first, Une had berated herself for such ideations but within the first five days of her departure, she had observed someone else’s operatives [1] shadowing her. She’d subsequently spent a few days playing a game of ‘how mundane can I make my life out to be,’ boring herself to death in the process. But it seemed to do the trick: her unwelcome clandestine companions had made themselves scarce in short order...which to her meant whoever had ordered the tail had called them back and established alternative methods to monitor her activity. Such was the new normal, she supposed.

Now she sat feeling entirely unsure about what to do with herself. She sighed and checked her phone again.

There was a burst of cold air that blew in from the other side of the bar. Looking up, Une watched Sally Po take long strides into the space, her gray eyes spotting her from across the room, and make short work of the distance between them. Sliding out of her jacket, the woman asked, “Not late, am I?” not even bothering to glance at her watch as she slid into the adjacent stool.

Une shook her head. “I came early.”

Sally nodded, the corners of her mouth turning up in the faintest of smiles. Glancing at Une’s glass, she asked her, “What are you drinking?” When Une told her, the faint smile grew. “I always pegged you as a wine girl. Clearly I was mistaken.”

“I used to be,” Une admitted. “I suspect the job had something to do with the change.”

The other woman chuckled and flagged down the barkeep, ordering a bourbon for herself. Once she’d acquired her own drink, she raised the glass in a toast, giving Une a wide smile. “Cheers to your retirement.”

Une offered her own small smile in thanks and met Sally’s drink with her own, the glasses clinking softly between them.

“How is the retirement going?” Sally asked before taking a sip of the amber liquor in her tumbler.

Une sobered at the question. “I’m not officially ‘retired’ until the first,” she reminded her companion. “But it’s…fine.” The answer felt hollow on her lips and she shook her head, amending, “I’m not sleeping well—I’m still stuck in the routine, trapped in this feeling that any bad news is going to come back to me. I keep expecting the flood of emails and calls. So the fact that my phone has gone silent is disturbing rather than reassuring.”

Sally considered this for a moment before saying, “It’ll get better, you know.”

“I know,” Une sighed, taking a swallow of her own drink and feeling it burn in her chest. Doubts swirled in the back of her head, but she knew she’d never release them; giving them a voice would make them real.

She was grateful when Sally changed the subject. “When are you heading to London?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Flying?”

Une nodded with a shrug. “Faster than the train.”

“That’s good,” Sally said, shifting to lean heavily against the bar to her right. “You’ll get both Christmas and New Year’s then. You find a place to stay?”

“I’m renting a two-bedroom downtown.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t just buy,” Sally told her, throwing back the rest of her drink.

“I could have,” Une acknowledged, finishing her scotch as well, “but it felt too…final. I don’t know if I’d want to stay in London if she wasn’t there.”

Sally nodded at this, seeming to agree, and waved down the barkeep to order a new round for the two of them. She then asked her, “So what are you looking to do in your free time? Travel? Start your memoirs? Take up knitting?”

A dry laugh escaped Une’s lips at the suggestions. She felt the tension ease out of her, but whether it was due to the alcohol or the company she wasn’t sure. She hoped it was the latter. To Sally, she said, “Travel is a yes, I think. Marie will be staying on-campus through graduation and I…I want to be there for her without becoming overbearing. We’ve lived apart for so long that some distance won’t be unnatural for us.”

“So where to?”

Une considered this while she took a drink, feeling Sally’s eyes on her. The undivided attention was rather…nice. “I haven’t been home to Bavaria in I don’t know how long. I’d like to see it again – what’s changed, what hasn’t. But beyond that, we’ll see.”

“Well, if you’re ever interested in having a travel buddy, let me know,” Sally told her, throwing in a wink for good measure.

“You wouldn’t mind? I know you’ll be busy—”

“Of course not. I’ll need as much of an excuse to get out of Geneva as you’ll need to get out of London.”

“So not much of an excuse other than ‘I’m bored and want to get into trouble while off the clock.’”

“Precisely.”

At this, Une did laugh. “Sounds like a fantastic idea. Let’s plan on it.”

[1] Point of order: LAM!verse nixed the “one global country” concept once Romefeller was out of the picture. National boundaries were re-instated as part of peace negotiations in AC 195-196. Une here knows that the tail isn’t Preventers-sanctioned.

#gundam wing #snippet saturday #lady une #sally po

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