#transamorous network

[transamorousnetwork]

How Dune Might Actually Be The Best Trans Movie

It is not possible to say whether Frank Herbert had a transgender agenda in mind when he envisioned Dune in 1965, but his idea of the Kwisatz Haderach, whom his main character Paul Atreides is discovered to be, is a perfect metaphor for the current rhetoric surrounding queer, trans and non-binary bodies.

While Mr. Herbert’s magnum opus has been analyzed and dissected in countless ways and through the lenses of many different philosophical, anthropological and social studies, it is important to point out that ultimately, the author has rested the fate of his galactic world in the hands of a human who transcends gender.

The Kwisatz Haderach, the savior of the Empire, is a trans/non-binary person, and it is actually because and through this subject’s trans-ness that they bring peace to the universe.

What is the Kwisatz Haderach?

Within the magical world of Dune (1965), an elite sisterhood of space witches, the Bene Gesserit, hold to a prophesy: that the sisterhood will genetically cultivate a male member of their sisterhood. That male will end the thousand-year-long feud between royal houses.

The Bene Gesserit, being female, can access only feminine aspects of their consciousness and eternal memories. But this male will be able to access both the male and female regions of knowledge. The Bene Gesserit’s hundreds-of-years-long breeding program eventually fulfills its prophesy: They end up producing their prophet, the Kwisatz Haderach in the human Paul Atreides.

Paul Atreides eventually does evolve female/male consciousness. That consciousness allows him to bridge time and space. With the blending of Paul’s gender also comes unbelievable knowledge and power. By becoming something outside of the gender binary, Paul discovers and launches both a terrifying and thrilling new human reality.

As Elana Gormel says in Science (Fiction) and Posthuman Ethics: Redefining the Human. The European Legacy (2011) “The post-man subject is both a vision of the future and an echo of the past.” (p340) Thus Paul becomes a non-binary, post-human entity capable of all knowledge. With that knowledge comes tremendous power.

Further commonalities with trans people

If gender is indeed a “norm” as Judith Butler says in Undoing Gender, “Gender Regulations,” (2004) and “a norm operates within social practices as the implicit standard of normalization” (p41) Then Paul can be seen as the echo of the gender binary that produced him. The same binary construct that dictates his life. That is, until he assumes the opposite gender’s consciousness.

However, the parallels between Paul’s experience and the trans experience do not end here. Despite being a conscientious person, Paul, like many trans people, is shoved into society’s margins, just as all minorities have been historically shoved in our reality.

Through all this, Paul doesn’t only think like a trans person, his experience very much mirrors the trans experience. Like trans women of color and non-binary folk, he is pushed to the limits of survivability: out into the desert, the wastes of Dune. Dune, also known as Arrakis, is seen as a backwater itself. The Empire only values its spice. The desert waste Paul finds himself in is even more desolate than the planet itself.

But what he finds there is a rich culture, much like trans people find among themselves. A culture that embraces and enriches him, further expanding what he is (the Kwisatz Haderach). It’s in the desert among the Fremen that the Kwisatz Haderach really comes into its fullness. Much like how trans people often blossom once they find their place among those like them.

Exile’s end brings peace

But after many years living and creating a community with all the other unfortunate souls hiding, but thriving, in Dune’s wasteland, it is Paul’s ultimate return to the very mainstream civilization that exiled him that brings an end to an era of conflict.

To quote Butler once again, “Persons are regulated by gender. To veer from the gender norm is to produce the aberrant example that regulatory powers […] may quickly exploit to shore up the rationale for their own continuing regulatory zeal.” Imitation & Gender Insubordination (1990) (p317).

In Dune, the emperor repersents the ultimate of regulatory powers. But he uses the Harkonens and his Sardukar to express those powers. But Paul’s outside-the-binary-norm status grants him sufficient power to resist the emperor. To resist him and ultimately defeat him. In doing so the Kwisatz Haderach introduces a new set of norms.

It could be said trans people undergo a similar path. Not all of them succeed, of course. That must be acknowledged. In fact, a fairly small number do, if we measure success as “significantly influencing a societal expansion beyond binary consciousness.” That influence success often looks like severe push-back from the binary.

And isn’t that what we’re seeing today in the resistance brought towards Dylan Mulvaney and others who achieve mainstream status? How about reactions towards trans kids and their parents?

The rise of the power inherent in trans people

Perhaps this is what Dune’s Kwisatz Haderach represents. After years living on the “outside,” Paul comes back to the palace he once inhabited. He confronts the royals, the Bene Gesserit sisterhood, and the powers that expelled him. He asserts his place as the rightful heir and ruler of the Arrakis. Then he exerts his dominance throughout the empire for thousands of years. It should be noted that his rule goes way off the rails after that. But that’s another story.

We see trans people have this kind of influence today. Laverne Cox, for example and other transgender actresses are influencing Hollywood. Trans women are significantly changing business, science and technology and more. They’re doing so with changes that have altered humankind’s trajectory.

And this is where the metaphor between Paul and the trans experience reaches its apogee. As more trans people own and expresss their authenticity, much like Paul does as the Kwisatz Haderach, we could perhaps bring stability to the increasingly unequal and unbalanced social and economic structures that people find so oppressive. So oppressive they become vulnerable to leaders who use marginalized people as scapegoats for people’s suffering, thereby gaining control over the suffering masses.

Frank Herbert created the savior for his fictional world as the Kwisatz Haderach. Perhaps he was aware that there already is such a being in the real world: the trans people living among us. Perhaps he wasn’t aware. In any case, the comparisons between his Kwisatz Haderach and trans lives are hard to ignore. As is the newest installment of the Dune Franchise, which is in theaters now. Go watch it.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #dune part 2 #dune movie #kwisatz haderach

[copiosis]

The Best Conversation About Capitalism Happened In Prison

This week I went to prison. My mission: meet a transgender woman incarcerated for who-knows-what. A friend suggested I meet her. My intuition told me I must.

This person, I'll call her Joy, turned out perfect for The Transamorous Network, my show and podcast serving the trans community.  But that wasn't all. The entire trip left me inspired. It also changed me in ways few experiences have.

Prison being what it was, only one opportunity allowed meeting Joy: an inmate support group. I knew nothing about the group.

Frankly, I was nervous. I had never been inside a prison before...

I did have preconceived notions though. Notions about the place and the people in it. Preconceptions about the people who worked there too. I wore those preconceptions on my sleeve. I admitted as much to my escort, the person who ran the group. She said she felt the same way her first time.

By the end of my time "inside" all my preconceptions proved wrong. For one, Joy was just that. A joy. Not only were her stories perfect. Her personality too was perfect. Her interview is going to be spectacular. We’re coordinating the details now.

^^Getting into prison when you don’t belong there is a major paperwork exercise. (Photo by Matthew Ansley on Unsplash)

The other thing that destroyed my preconceptions was what happened next. And what happened after that.

In the group, my escort had us introduce ourselves. I was near the circle's end. So I benefitted from hearing what others said.

What they said was surprising. Each person talked about their experience in extraordinary language. Language I’m familiar with. In so many words, they all described how they are creating their reality - yes, even their time in prison - through thoughts and beliefs they think and believe.

I was not expecting that.

They each shared "insights" they got from this group. Each man used the same phrase describing their personal experiences. They called them "peeling away layers of an onion".

What was going on here? Had I landed in a segment of Dhamma Brothers, a startling documentary about bringing Vipassana meditation to some of America's harshest prisons? Or was someone punking me?

If they were, they were going through a lot of trouble...

Listening to these men talk, I kept asking myself, what was this group? And what is it turning these "criminals" into thoughtful, introspective, inspiring human beings?

This video will give you a sense of what I stumbled into.

As the meeting's end neared, the sharing petered out. That's when one inmate said something I wasn't expecting. It was icing on an already well-baked cake.

"I am dying to hear about this new economic system," he said.

In my introduction, I told the group about leaving Intel Corporation and discovering my passions. Uplifting others, helping inspire members of the transgender community, and promoting a better way to run the planet's economics is what I do today.

I had not expected this group would ask about Copiosis. When he said what he said, all eyes turned to me.

He wasn't the only one eager to know.

"Go ahead," my escort said. “Tell us. I'm dying to know too!”

^^Me stammering through my explanation of Copiosis. Then being amazed as the men and women tell me how well it will work.

What happened next was one of the most inspiring, fulfilling conversations about Copiosis I've ever had.

After a brief description how Copiosis works, the group members were telling me how the system would work under various scenarios. How the transition could happen (their ideas were accurate). How raw materials and supplies used to make things would be givento people making things (at no cost to anyone). How everyone on the planet could get their food, clothing, shelter, all their education, and all their healthcare at no cost to anyone...with no one footing the bill for those things. And how all that could transform life on Earth.

One guy didn't get it. He dreams of becoming a rancher. He couldn't understand how anyone would give him cows for free to ranch. The others tried explaining, but he couldn't put it together in his head.

I've talked with conservative northern Californians. With liberal Oregonians. With very conservative people online. I've talked to the "choir" – people who already understand capitalism doesn't work. I’ve talked with economists, family, friends.

In all those conversations, I've never had a group of people "get" Copiosis so fast. I wonder if it was because of their group work. When a person reconnects to the core of who they are, they access wisdom lying beneath how they were raised.

That wisdom aligns with Copiosis' fundamentals. Fundamentals which say it's easy to do away with money. It's easy to evolve capitalism into something that works for everyone. Where there is no debt and where everyone is honestly and totally free.

One guy raised an objection I had never heard before. It was brilliant. He asked why drug cartels wouldn't destroy implementation by flooding the Copiosis economy with free drugs. The next moment, he answered his own question. His answer mirrored his experience peeling away layers of his own mental onion:

"People thinking differently make different choices," he said. "Besides, there's no money in drugs in your idea."

Another said: "If everyone had all their food, healthcare, education and housing, why would they want to do drugs?"

I sat astounded.

Ironically, the only thing keeping people (especially Americans) not-free is the same thing these inmates have peeled away. Like peeling an onion, they have removed layer after layer of externally-derived beliefs. Beliefs formed in "the outside”. Or should I call it the “inside”...aka the capitalist world. Beliefs that make the world seem like a competitive, hostile place. A place where people feel no choice but to do what they must. Sometimes that lands them in prison.

These men (and two women) no longer have that burden.

What I heard in their words is what's possible when humanity is freed from capitalism's belief systems. A flowering of spirit resonating between and among any group of humans. A spirit that says the world is abundant. That I’m ok no matter what. That there is plenty to share. And there is no reason every single person can't live lives of wealth and prosperity.

No reason other than beliefs humans hold. Beliefs like "captialism is the best economic system out there".

It's not. There's a better one.

Top Photo: Hedi Benyounes on Unsplash

#copiosis #america #american exceptionalism #make america great again? #President Obama #bernie sanders #Andrew Yang #Yang Gang #democratic socialism #socialism #communism #democracy #Democracy Now! #capitalism is evil #capitalism #capitalism is violence #capitalism is killing me #capitalism is hell #money #free education #Free Healthcare #Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

[transamorousnetwork]

Men Who “Bottom” Offer Pleasure To Transgender Women, But Not All Of Them

Alright. Let’s admit something up front. This story will trigger many transgender women. I’m not meaning to trigger transgender women. I’m meaning to soothe their resistance so they get what they want. Still, if you’re trans and feeling triggered, please stop reading. 

Physical reality thrives on diversity. In all the Universe, diversity reigns. “All the Universe” includes the transgender community. My conversations with transgender women and trans-attracted men confirm what I know: great diversity exists in the trans community. Not all transgender people believe the same. Nor do they behave the same. Nor do they prefer the same things. Isn’t this obvious?

So while perhaps the majority of trans women may agree on any given subject, there always will be those who don’t. That’s great news for some trans-attracted men. Because as long as trans-attracted men exist, there will be transgender women matching those men’s preferences. And vice versa.

The Universe drove that home for me the other day. I didn’t see it coming, honestly. So when it happened, it blew me away. I consider myself pretty well-versed on trans/trans-attraction issues. But I guess even an old salty dog of a windbag like me can learn something new.

An unexpected enlightenment

A reader of mine, proud as hell about his trans-attraction, responded to one of my recent stories. What he wrote was astounding. It astounded me because I hadn’t thought about the perspective he shared:

^^A trans-attracted guy blows my mind.

Julian’s comment blew my mind on several levels. Not only is Julian proud of his trans-attraction, he lives his preferences out loud. But that’s not all. Julian takes it way beyond what I had thought about men who prefer pre-op transgender women.

What Julian is saying here is, transgender women who like to penetrate men enjoy that act. They find penetrating men sexually pleasing. In other words, fucking men, and seeing the men enjoy it, gives them pleasure. All this time I’ve taken that fact for granted. But it’s an important point. One worth highlighting. For women who like fucking men, those women like it. And so, men who like being fucked by transgender women who fuck men, offer such women pleasure.

Perfect matches exist

Of course there are transgender women who revile their penis. Some transgender women want their bodies to match who they believe they are. So they get Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS). Those women won’t feel fully themselves until they do. 

But there are also more transgender women coming out expressing appreciation for their penis. They are proud of not being like cis women. They don’t need GCS. They’re fine with who they are and what they are. Some pass, but some don’t care about that. And some of those women enjoy using what they were born with. For those women, it’s good men like Julian exist. 

Even so, I always counsel men like Julian, especially those in early trans-attraction stages, to consider something important. Transgender women are human beings. Because they’re people, they bring far more to the table than a source of sexual gratification. But since men are men, they often express their attraction in hyper-sexualized or objectifying terms. Transgender women need to understand that. In other words, the men’s behavior isn’t personal.

Focus on wanted, not the opposite

If transgender women can get over taking what men do or say as personal, they can find their matches more quickly. It doesn’t take a large pool of men meeting a trans woman’s preferences to meet her match. If a transgender woman is monogamous, it only takes one guy. And the Universe will match her with that guy. If she’s a match to him. 

But if transgender women believe only guys like Julian exist, and they don’t want that, then those women aren’t matches to the guys they want. So they won’t find them. Then they’ll compromise.

No wonder so many transgender women express bitterness towards men like Julian. They’re all busy focused on what they don’t want. So all they see is that. The problem is, in their bitterness, they’re not a match to the guys that aren’t like Julian. And so such men might as well not exist.

But they do exist.

A bitter trans woman complaining about “Julians” will not find them though. Because she’s not a match to them. Meanwhile the “Julians” of the world will find their matches. That’s because men like Julian focus on what they want and ignore everyone else. And everyone else’s opinions. So they get what they want. And as a result, the women they get get what they want too.

#transgender #transamorous #transattraction #transamorous network #transisbeautiful #trans woman #pre op mtf #transgender mtf #transamorousnetwork #transamorous men #tgirlsdoitbetter #tgirl bulge #sexy tgirl

[transamorousnetwork]

How I EASILY Met My Perfect Transgender Girlfriend

I usually write posts about extraordinary results my Transamorous Network clients get. Today, I’m writing about my results. They’re pretty freaking cool. And they show how easy it is to meet our matches, whether we’re trans or trans-attracted.

That’s right, much like Hair Club For Men founder Sy Sperling, I’m not only the founder of The Transamorous Network, I’m also a client. In other words, I practice what I preach. The same things I tell clients to do in their lives, I do in mine.

Sometimes someone will ask me “if your approach works so well, how come you’re not in a relationship?”

The answer is complicated.

I’m in the process of my own self-discovery. That’s my priority. I am exploring my own gender expression among other things. A lot of “me” is under construction therefore. Yes, I’m 100 percent exclusive about being with a transgender woman. But I wasn’t clear what specifics I wanted in a partner yet. Because I’m not clear about me.

But then, Muriel happened (I’ve changed her name and some details to protect her privacy). That’s right. She came into my life unexpectedly. And, over time, I’ve developed a fascinating attraction to her. More on that later.

What’s important now is how this happened. I didn’t do ANY of the things others do to find their partner. I didn’t go to bars. Nor did I join a dating site. She literally came to me. That’s exactly how I promise my clients their partners will show up: with no effort on their part. I just kept telling positive stories. And then Muriel showed up. 

She wasn’t the only one

I wasn’t out looking for transgender girlfriend. Still, I would regularly come across them in town. Every so often, transgender women would hit on me too. That’s because I’m open and authentic about who I am. I embrace all of me, especially my transamory. Which is why the Universe brings me trans women all the time. That tells me I have my stories right.

Over the years, several transgender women have been so bold as to call my cell. Out of the blue, I’d get a call. I love it when transgender women are bold like that. I know when they are like that, there must be something about them that resonates with who I’m being. So when that has happened, I’ve reveled in the rendezvous no matter what happens after that call.

Not every transgender woman who reaches out is my type. But instead of focusing on that, I always reveled in those who were matches. So it isn’t a surprise to me that I eventually came across someone like Muriel. Someone who is, for the moment, a perfect match to my constantly refining desire.

Chasing is the hard way guys and gals

How many of you men have tried to get a trans girl’s attention, in a bar or online, and been ignored or ghosted? I know you’ve had that experience. I’ve had it too, when I was doing what some of you do. That experience sucks. Especially when some transgender women hold preconceived notions that all of us are fetishizers out for lustful satisfaction only.

When you’re out in a bar or online somewhere, it’s not easy to weed out those kinds of transgender women from the ones you want. You want trans women who want to be with you because they appreciate who you are. That’s why I tell my clients stop doing what every other guy (or trans girl) does. Instead, do something different: let the Universe bring the girl/guy to you!

Many guys think that’s crazy talk. They think it won’t work. Even some trans girls think that way. Maybe you think that way. Not my clients though. It takes convincing at first. But in time, life shows them how easy finding love can be.

Think I’m bullshitting? How do you explain these high quality girls, both of whom reached out to me recently. Both did so on their own initiative, with me not having any idea they were out there:

^^A high quality transgender woman expressing her affection…

^^And here’s another!

These are just two of the many transgender women who have reached out to me recently. Since starting The Transamorous Network, I’ve been approached my many more, through my blog and in person. But enough of that. Now, I want to lavish thoughts about Muriel, the girl I find myself fascinatingly attracted to.

An wonderful connection

She responded to a blog post I wrote earlier this year. Muriel and I see the world similarly. So I appreciated her perspective. I sent her an admiring reply. She replied with thanks. I don’t think either one of us had romantic intentions. 

But the more I read some of her posts, including those on Facebook, the more I realized Muriel was really, really smart. I don’t remember who initiated, but we became Facebook friends. From there, getting to know one another accelerated.

Now, besides being super, wicked smart, Muriel also looks great. At least I think so. I especially like that she proudly owns being a “woman with a dick”, as she puts it, which I think is the epitome of what it means to be trans. She doesn’t try to be a cis-woman. She’s proud that she’s trans. And I love that about her. I also like that she’s close to my age. And that she recognizes me as a staunch ally of transgender women, which I am, of course!

When Muriel first sent me racy pictures, I was surprised. I didn’t ask for them, but I did welcome them. Muriel responded with more, increasingly revealing photos. Along with them, we had wonderfully intimate and revealing conversations around sexuality, gender expression, what we like to do in bed and more. I love her self-assuredness. And I’m happy she trusts me.

Muriel also is married and has a child. Her relationship is open, though, which is perfect for me because at the moment, I prefer focusing on my self development. Still, I look forward to seeing Muriel in person. In the meantime, I love who she is. And I enjoy time with her.

The Transamorous Network approach works

My life shows me in so many ways that what I show my clients works. I’m producing the same results they get on the subject of relationship. But that’s not all. I also see other parts of my life proving this stuff I share works.

I’ve said this before: The best place to meet our match is in our daily life. Not at a bar. Not online. It’s more fun too. I always ask my clients this question early on: If you had your choice, which would you prefer: Meeting your ideal match spontaneously – doing what you love – or through an online dating site or in a bar?

Every client, transgender or trans-attracted gives the same answer: it’s just more fun meeting your match in that lovely, spontaneous way. The same way the Universe will give us everything else we want. But to have those experiences, we gotta tell the right stories so we become matches to what we want.

Then we won’t have to go out looking for our partner. She (or he, or they) will come to us. In the same way my clients experience it. And now, in the same way I have.

Want your perfect match to come to you? I’m here, ready to help.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #sexy tgirl #cute tgirl

[transamorousnetwork]

Why Scared Trans-Attracted Men Marry Cis-Women

Some transgender women and, cisgender women who find themselves married to, apparently, “straight” men, share a common frustration. That frustration shows up when a trans-attracted man posing as a straight one, avoids owning their trans attraction. Or when such men try owning it but do so poorly.

They marry a cisgender woman. Or they act in ways earning them being called “tranny chaser”.

To be honest, I don’t blame transgender and cisgender women getting pissed at trans-attracted men. Especially when those men run away from or hide their trans attraction.

I understand how infuriating it must be for cisgender women who marry men claiming to want a cisgender wife, but who also are trans-attracted. When they relent to their natural, wholesome desire for transgender women – usually behind their wives’ backs – the wives’ feeling of betrayal makes sense. Especially after many years of marriage. Especially when the men kept their trans attraction secret.

It’s a different set of reasoning, but I also can understand infuriation transgender women feel. When those same “straight” men express interest in transgender women, but then keep their attraction secret it can feel demeaning to trans women. Or when they seek only sex from transgender women while keeping the women on the side. Or when they claim they want relationships, but ghost after the first sexual encounter.

More than meets the eye

I also have compassion for the men though. I understand what they’re going through. That’s because I once was there. And I recognize how difficult it can be owning one’s trans attraction. Going against pretty much everything we’ve been taught about what it means to be a man presents challenges.

I also understand the insecurity, fear, and self hatred such men feel. Such emotions belie a lack of self-acceptance these men have. They can’t accept parts of themselves they interpret as being gay or worse. 

My compassion for such men partly spawned this website. My compassion for transgender women and what they go through fleshed out my reasoning. This site exists as a clearing. It’s designed to help both sides understand each other. And then create beautiful relationships based on that mutual understanding.

For cisgender women who end up married to trans-attracted men, only to discover much later they cannot satisfy such men, I can only offer the following. There had to be a match between who the woman was being, and who the man was being at the time they married. That match didn’t need to result in a marriage though.

But sometimes, marriage happens that way. It’s easy to ignore one’s intuition. And I’m positive these women knew something was up before they walked down the aisle. The same holds true for transgender women who meet all kinds of unsavory men.

^^Getting to where this guy has gotten is the struggle for many trans-attracted men.

Suppression creates deceit

Clues indicating the truth about someone always exists. No matter what their mouth says. Everyone communicates telepathically. Intuition picks up that communication. Not listening to intuition results in unsatisfying relationships.

Ultimately, what we have here are men who cannot own who they are. They fear what might happen if they own who they are. Since they can’t own who they are, they won’t tell others about it. That should be logical.

It’s exactly the same when a transgender woman first knows she’s trans. Many transgender people commit suicide before they own who they are. Others wait many, many years before they finally begin transitioning. Meanwhile, they tell no one. Until they can no longer suppress who they are. 

Some of that suppression for trans-attracted men and transgender women, involve drug and alcohol use. People use such substances to numb themselves from their intuitive knowing. So deceit of others starts first with self-deceit.

It’s only recently that many transgender people own their true selves. A large part transpeople today accepting themselves comes from people before them blazing trails. Social media sites like Instagram help connect people. Such sites resolve isolation some folks feel. And the general increasing acceptance of transgender people society wide has helped.

^^Not loving yourself results in deceit. (Photo: Bima Mentara on Unsplash)

Revulsive behavior say the women

Such support hardly exists for trans-attracted men. As a result, we see many trans-attracted men doing what many transgender women, and transgender people in general, have done for decades. They live in silence, in secret, struggling with self-acceptance. They try to figure their shit out the down low on their own. Often at the expense of women, both transgender and otherwise. 

In other words, these men are scared and alone. Maybe you can relate if you’re trans and reflecting on your own early experience. And in their fear, they make choices not in their best interests, nor in the best interests of those with whom they end up in a relationship. Whether those people are transgender or cisgender.

I’m not making excuses for the men’s decisions. I am telling it like it is. And it is only by excepting what is, that we can begin to move toward something resembling appreciation for how what is creates problems we see. A large part of these men’s struggle is open hostility many transgender women level towards these men.

It looks like the hostility comes AFTER receiving these guy’s behaviors. That’s not really what is happening, but so long as transgender women act as if it IS happening that way, they will feel like victims. While also victimizing – and perpetuating the experience of – men whose behavior transgender women revile.

Only after recognizing what’s really happening can we establish supportive atmospheres for cis-trans relationships that work for everyone. Such relationships can go a long way towards ending situations where cisgender women feel betrayed by a man the women should never have married.

It’s all about attitude

By normalizing trans attraction among transgender women, we can also eliminate infuriation trans women feel when they meet men living in the shadows. Such behavior belies a basic lack of self-acceptance. Transgender women could feel compassion for such behaviors as many such women suffer from the same condition and have behaved similarly. But so many transgender women point fingers at the men while ignoring their own past ore even present self-shame or lack of self acceptance.

That’s a problem-perpetuating paradox.

Pretty much every human being has had some experience with lack of self acceptance. Trans-attracted men are no different. And in that lack of self acceptance, whether one is gay, trans, a racial minority, or what have you, lack of self acceptance is still lack of self acceptance. And lack of self acceptance, generally, generates fear, insecurity and behaviors, which come from those feelings. Behaviors, which often look like doing things one wouldn’t otherwise do if that person proudly owned who they were.

So what we see when scared trans-attracted men mary cisgender women, ghost a trans women after an initial online connection is fear and insecurity manifested as behavior. Any transgender woman accepting that as what is, will also find themselves gradually meeting more men who are more self accepting. What we resist persists. Transgender women complaining about trans-attracted men perpetuate the phenomena they hate. Period.

That is the only way out of the infuriating experiences transgender women have with trans-attracted men. It starts with the women’s attitude.

^^Anger towards men, especially trans-attracted men, just perpetuates transgender women’s negative experiences with men. Want to change that transgender women? Then you gotta change your attitude. (Photo by Engin Akyurt)

Meeting her match

The fact is, plenty of trans attracted men out there would be more than happy to date out loud and in public a transgender woman. What’s happening when transgender women meet up with scared men instead of these more confident ones? The transgender woman harbors some sort of lack of self acceptance, or harbors insecurity about themselves, their appearance maybe, which draws to them men who are equally insecure.

For example, one of my clients just today talked about stories she has, which do exactly what I’m describing. She believes she is “fat and unattractive“. That story along with several others leaves her feeling lonely and depressed. The attitude expressed in “I’m fat and unattractive” radiates like radar waves.

Usually, whenever she feels this way, she reaches out online. She tries to meet a guy that will soothe her loneliness and depression. The problem with doing that is she will inevitably attract men in similar attitudes. Not necessarily alone and depressed men, but definitely insecure ones. And insecurity, you can bet, is a close companion to loneliness and depression.

In other words, my client meets her matches. Every time. When the encounter goes south, conclusions she draws about the encounter amplify her loneliness and depression. Her conclusion always is “This aways happens.”

Of course it will always happen. And it will continue to do so long as she does nothing about her stories.

Every person creates their reality

So, if a transgender woman wants to eliminate, scared, trans-attracted men from her life, she must first create a better feeling place internally. It’s that simple.

But sometimes the simplest way is also the most difficult. Simplicity often comes after months or years of practice. Anyone studying martial arts or any other demanding sport will affirm that assertion.

The same is true with changing one’s beliefs. If one wants to experience a state of security, confidence and joyful life experience, one must first create those states internally. Then their life will reflect that back to them. Life will include all kinds of joyful things. Including confident, joyful, secure men.

But, as long as transgender women point fingers at men, complaining about who they’re being or how they’re being, they blame life for their experience. Meanwhile their complaining, blaming attitude creates more experiences they can complain about and blame men for. A transgender woman cannot change the kind of men she meets until she changes her internal state of being. The state of being creating the life she’s experiencing.

I get how crazy this must sound. But, after some practice, it’s quite easy to see how what I’m describing, bears fruit. And it doesn’t take very long before the evidence becomes overwhelming.

^^A transgender woman cannot change the kind of men she meets until she changes her internal state of being. This video explains why.

Lasting love for everyone

It’s not necessary that transgender women must experience insecure “tranny chasers”. It’s also unnecessary for trans-attracted men to feel shame, insecurity, and fear about their trans attraction. Just like transgender women, they create their experience. And so, if both the women and the men tell better stories about their experiences, their experiences will change.

This is the basis of what we share at The Transamorous Network. It is a simple process. But the simplicity of it is a practiced simplicity. After weeks of diligent practice, evidence starts piling up. Once that happens the practitioner wants more evidence. Soon mastery follows. Then life becomes the joyful experience it can be for everyone.

This approach equally applies to cisgender women who feel betrayed by their husbands. But I get how resistant such women are to hearing this message. From their sense of betrayal is so strong, they just want to keep blaming their ex husbands. All the while not knowing they’re not doing themselves any favors in pointing fingers.

I say get on with finding happiness. It starts, for everyone, with an attitude adjustment. Then, finding lasting love is easy. Interested in knowing more? Let’s talk.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transgirl #transattracted #transsexual #transisbeautiful #transamorous men #trans #transattraction #transamorous network #trans pride #what trans looks like #Youtube

[transamorousnetwork]

Why Are Trans-Attracted Men So Weak!

Dear The Transamorous Network,

I’m trans. I’ve often thought that all it will take is a few fearless men to shift culture.

There’s this one guy who I’ve been talking with for years. He pursues me. He is charming, respectful and good looking. We met up once, and it was the best sex of my life. And yet, his parents would never accept him dating me, so he keeps me at a distance. That’s what we deal with all the time. Men who are otherwise good men, but are too weak to fully own their full selves.

I don’t want to hold their hands like a mom and lead them into this. They need to develop fearlessness on their own. So, I’m left just feeling sad that these many many men are too afraid to man up.

I think that if a few powerful men set an example, other men will see that power, and have permission to follow. If someone like Dave Chappelle talked about how he’s attracted to trans women, and he doesn’t give a fuck about judgement, that would shift culture. Instead, he makes entire comedy specials wrestling with his obsession with us, and projecting his shame onto us.

Tired of the weak men

Hey Tired,

Thanks for your eloquence. What I’m sharing here may sound harsh, but I swear, I don’t mean it that way. I want you to have what you want. And it’s so close! But like many of my clients, I think you might be shooting yourself in the foot regarding what you want. 

I’m not trying to offend you. Please remember this as you read on.

There has been at least one prominent man (Actor Malik Yoba) who proudly “outed” himself as trans-attracted. There are many men, not as prominent, coming out too. I featured many in my YouTube videos. And some of them have their own YouTube channels. I was just talking with one last week. Let me know if you’d like the link to his channel.

As in many cases, where we seek solutions to problems, we think a single act can solve it. Many people think, for example, that if just one prominent guy comes out and owns his attraction, others will too. I don’t think there’s a silver bullet here wrt transgender women and men who love them both finding “out loud” love. No matter how many prominent men come out, it’s always going to eventually be up to the individual to do the work. Other men can ease the strain of that, like the abundance of transgender people living out loud and successful today have helped other trans people live authentically. But ultimately, if we’re waiting for some shining knight to break us free, we’re going to have to wait a long time.

I have a question for you about your experience you shared about this wonderful seeming guy, who has so many characteristics you desire. I hope you will really consider what I’m offering in this question. I think it could cause for you a tremendous breakthrough. Then I’m going to follow the question with the rationale behind why I ask it. I share this rationale often with my transgender clients. Ok, here’s the question:

Why not take this man you describe as being so desirable in so many ways by the hand, not like “a mom” but like a supportive, empowering lover, and walk with him through to his self acceptance?

Here now is the rationale: Here you have this guy. This guy has so many of the qualities you’re looking for. He clearly (at least from what you’ve written,) satisfies you in so many ways. And yet, instead of YOU being courageous and daring and helping him walk this path as a supportive potential partner, you’re willing to cast all that goodness aside? Why???? Why are you being so stubborn about this? Because you’re judging him as weak?

I think transgender women (and people in general) think they’re going to find this perfect person who will be fearless and have no issues. Meanwhile, in that very moment, they are themselves dealing with issues of their own. EVERYONE WILL HAVE SOMETHING THEY NEED TO GROW INTO. And some of those things are fucking hard to grow into because they challenge very powerful social, familial and cultural indoctrinations hardly anyone avoids. There are LOTS of transgender people who go through exactly this. Yet, here you are (as an example) expecting the total package to show up ready to sweep you off your feet when you, yourself, most likely, had to come into yourself over time and still are, again, most likely.

That’s the same thing this guy is doing.

Here’s this guy possessing many of the qualities you want in a guy….and you’re doing exactly what he’s doing. He keeps you at a distance, so you do the same thing. Are you really being strong here? Or are YOU being weak.

Kettle, meet pot.

The guy is reflecting back to you who you’re being. If you want someone like this guy but without familial issues, you must stop being who YOU’RE being. You’re pointing your finger at this guy, while your other three fingers are pointing right back at you, Megan. Are you picking up the words I’m putting down here?

Now, you can meet a guy who will be fearless about his appreciation for you and even not care about what anyone thinks. But, I say this from experience, so long as you tell the stories you’re telling about trans-attracted men in general, and this guy specifically, you’re not going to meet such a man because you’re not a match to him.

But you can be.

You write: There’s nothing that’s sexier than a man who stands in his full power and owns who he really is. That’s the sort of thing that makes me want to fall to my knees.

In case you don’t realize it, you’re corresponding with such a person. I don’t write this to imply you should date me. I write it to preempt any sort of defensiveness or double-downing you might come back with. Think about what you’ve just read. This guy pursuing you can be the guy with whom a tremendous relationship blossoms. But YOU must be the fearless one. Not he.

TTN

Dear TTN

I understand what you’re saying. I think it’s complex with this man I know because his form of holding me at a distance is to meet trans girls for sex. I’ve expressed my desire for more, and he wished me luck with that. He’s clearly saying to me that he’s not open to more. I don’t want to be his booty call. I don’t want to be one of his many side girls. That doesn’t turn me on, and yet that’s all he can offer, given his situation and how he’s choosing to relate to it. It just feels like to do anything more would be to pine over him in a needy way. I’ve already been clear of what I want, a loving devoted relationship. Yes, I want the great sex, but that’s not something I will settle for.

I don’t mind you being blunt with me, by the way. I very much respect that. Lol, it even sort of excites me, because I love being in that space of growth and potential opening.

Thank you for your wonderful response. 

Hi Again Tired

I understand what you’re describing here. I wouldn’t want to be his booty call either. LOL

It sounds like his road is going to be a long one. Based on my experience with trans-attracted guys, I don’t think his current trend will continue though. At some point, he’s going to get tired of booty calls and want something more. That could mean something becomes available with him.

But I TOTALLY agree with you: you needn’t wait for that. And I certainly would not advocate pining for anyone, especially in a needy way. Yuck.

I love that you’re clear about what you want Megan. Me too. And I, like you, find excitement in that space of growth and potential opening.

TTN

#transgender #transsexual #transamorous #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transamorous network #thisiswhattranslookslike #dating transwomen #men who love transwomen #transgender women

[transamorousnetwork]

How To Be Safe And Date As A Trans Woman

Dear TTN, 

I am a trans woman who recently found your service through an online search. I love the idea of what you are trying to accomplish. It seems like you have had a lot of success with helping individuals find each other and then find love. There is something that worries me though. With everything going on in our country right now it can be dangerous to be openly trans and looking for a partner. Not all people are as open and accepting as you. So here’s my questions: When connecting men to trans women how do you know it’s genuine? How do you know the man doesn’t have ulterior motives? Is there a vetting process? 

 I just want to be safe.

 Thank You,

  Safe-T

Hey Safe-T,

Thanks for reaching out. I appreciate your concerns. How The Transamorous Network process works is much different than the way, it seems, you’re thinking it works.

By the end of this description, I think you’ll see there is no risk at all wrt meeting someone who would pose a danger to you. It will also show why I have “a lot of success” with helping people find the love they are looking for.

I help the people I work with, both transgender women and trans-attracted/transamorous men, move through various stages of becoming a match to the person they want to meet. So none of them are ready to be “matched” with a potential partner in real life at first.

Trying to match them in person with potential partners would be very challenging because of this. They can only find and resonate with what they’re putting out (i.e. their match). And most of my clients start off as NOT being a match to who they ultimately want as partners. So trying to put together an in-person match would fail way more than it succeeds. This explains why online dating has such dismal success. People only meet people they’re a match to. And most people aren’t ready to meet that perfect person. Including clients.

So that’s the first point.

The second point supports the first. Because of what I just described above, I don’t “literally” match people with potential partners in person. That would be far too difficult. I would need a HUGE stable of potential matches. But even if I did have such a stable, the chances of such “matches” working out would be very, very slim.

What I do instead is help people on both sides of the trans-community dating dynamic change how they think about the people on the other side of the dynamic. In other words, I help the men better understand the woman they want to meet, mostly by first understanding themselves. I do the same with transgender women. In doing that, gradually, both the men and the women find themselves increasingly meeting better matches “spontaneously” or “coincidentally”. However, the approach I use doesn’t acknowledge “coincidence” in the way society generally means when using that word.

What happens is, as clients change their stories, they become better matches to the kinds of people they want to meet. As they do that, the physical world, which is a reflection of one’s internal, psychic or mental state, includes potential partners that are, again, increasingly better and better matches. This naturally results when one improves their internal, psychic or mental state. Because the external world is a reflection of that inner world.

This process usually takes a while, as all things usually do in physical reality. That’s mainly because it takes people a while to acknowledge stories (beliefs, thoughts, ideas) about themselves, about being trans, being trans-attracted, about relationships, about potential partners, etc. are creating their reality. They also must contend with the momentum of whatever current disempowering stories they have about these subjects, which are being reflected back to them in their now-reality and must therefore be contended with before improvement shows up.

But through the process, this improvement and progress becomes obvious. Evidence proving its working quickly piles up until it becomes undeniable. In time, then, people begin relaxing with the process instead of resisting it. Then they ease beliefs that are contrary to what they want.

As they do this, one of the pieces of evidence that shows up is, prospective partners – their quality, character, etc. – start improving. As that happens, clients relax more (give up more resistance). Eventually, physical reality MUST present the client with an ideal partner, or partners, if that’s what they want, since physical reality is a reflection of one’s internal, psychic or mental state.

This is why I have so much success with both sides of the trans-community dating dynamic. I help clients address the source from which their dating experience emerges, rather than trying to figure out whether this person or that person will be their ideal match. Their ideal match shows up automatically, once the client gets their stories to match what it is they want.

Ultimately, every date represents a perfect match. They always reflect back to us who we’re dominantly being. So if a person is meeting people they don’t like, the problem isn’t in the people they’re meeting. The person is the problem.

They’re also the solution.

So, presuming you’re still reading 🙂 you can see how the risk of meeting someone posing a danger to you would be impossible with my approach. It simply can’t happen, because the client is predisposed, mentally, psychically to not meet such people as a result of the process we use. Then physical reality only brings people who are a match to that predisposition.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #trans relationships #dating transwomen #dating tips

[transamorousnetwork]

Why “Transgender” Will Never Go Away, And Neither Will “Trans-Attraction”

A very deep, eternal and enduring force drives the increasing number of children coming out as trans. It has nothing to do with “grooming”. It has nothing to do with “indoctrination”. The real reason surprises most people because few understand it.

Transgender people have always been, and they will forever be. That’s because they, and everything else, come from a single Source. That Source has good reasons for the increasing number of transgender children coming into the world.

So the questions we should be asking are: What is this Source and why is it sending so many transgender children into world right now?”

Answering these questions will do something else. It will make judging the phenomena as “right” or “wrong”, “moral” or “immoral” superfluous. Until we answer these questions, transgenderism will confound those unwilling to understand the origin.

So let’s see where we can turn to answering these questions.

The origin of “trans”

Over the last 30 years I pursued such questions, though not specifically about transgenderism. Instead I focused on my trans-attraction. Discoveries I made are startling. But they’re also extremely empowering. Everything told to me by experts who have guided my pursuit has proven accurate. I document my journey in my other blog. My client’s experiences mirror my own documented discoveries. So I know my experiences are real. These experiences form the basis of my understanding of where “transgender” comes from and why.

The reason “transgender” is, is because transgender people represent the furthest forward expression of humanity. It is an expression of spiritual consciousness; a consciousness wanting to go beyond what has come before. So transgenderism represents spiritual consciousness going beyond past expressions of humanity.

While some transgender people want to be seen and appreciated as “women”, being transgender is not a homogeneous experience. Many want to fit in with “women”, but non-binary transgender people exist too. As do people presenting all kinds of combinations of gender expression, yet still calling themselves “trans”.

Evidence backing my claims, again, comes from personal exploration. Much of it defies description. That’s because language can’t adequately express experiences I’ve had. Evidence also comes from my mentors. Beings who have long given up corporeal existence. They once were human, but have now moved beyond that.

^^“Trans” is a spiritual experience. (Photo by Kyle on Unsplash)

The Source of my knowledge

My mentors are Abraham and Seth. Both describe themselves as “energy personality essences” who speak from “nonphysical”. Nonphysical is the “place” from which all physical phenomena emerges, including humans.

Seth and Abraham are teachers. They enjoy expanded consciousness through which they help beings like me expand my awareness. But only when we’re ready. Until then, what they share is largely unknown. Which explains why few know about them. And why even fewer believe or practice what they say.

YYears ago I asked Abraham directly my trans attraction. I did so at a public workshop they held. They offered an explanation almost identical to what Seth said in their writings.

On stage at their San Diego event, I asked Abraham: “why am I attracted to transgender women?” Abraham’s answer was, to paraphrase: Because you’re here to express a new vantage point for consciousness, one that’s never been expressed before.

Seth expressed similar sentiment, but from a more general perspective in their writings.

The leading edge

Seth when active was extremely prolific in creating content. They went to great lengths to explain, in minute detail, how reality works. In discussing the basic reality behind all physical phenomena, they had a lot to say. Here are relevant quotes hinting at transgenderism’s origins:

“Basic reality cannot know itself without creating diversity. The diversity is the various forms that reality takes, the various systems within which it expresses itself through projecting itself into infinite individualized experience.”

Further, Seth explains that each human possesses an “inner self” then adds:

“Each inner self is a portion of the basic inner reality. It cannot know itself, however, except through experience, and it must create in order to experience. The experience constantly deepens the value fulfillment of basic reality itself. [So] There is no alternative between diversity and nothingness.”

Basic inner reality then has no choice but to create. It must continually do so. Humanity is a product of this inner reality creating itself to know itself. Diversity of creation, taken in total, allows this inner reality a fuller picture of itself.

Seth says this basic inner reality can never fully know itself. Therefore it forever keeps creating to know itself. But in doing so, it creates more of it self that it seeks to know. So diversity of expression then, Seth is saying, is automatic, essential and ever-becoming more.

^^Basic inner reality is constantly creating more of itself.

The joy of transgender born of basic inner reality

Seth continues:

“That which is, is constantly aware of its growing, surging existence, through the diversity of experience which it creates constantly and simultaneously. You are part of that which is, you are that which is. It is impossible for any part of that which is not to be individualized. Every part of that which is, is alive, and knows itself.”

So it makes no sense for “that which is” to keep creating the same thing over and over. It must, instead, create anew. But it does so with current creation as its foundation. When it does create, that which is created appears to flow from what is.

Biological male and female exist. But those distinctions are superficial in the extreme. They only exist to further procreation, the process by which basic inner reality introduces itself as individualized existence into its creation. Beyond that, gender is meaningless.

That explains why a person can come into the world as “male” but feel they are “female”. The energy that makes the person IS female, or better said, expressing as feminine. It comes into the world in a new, unique perspective. A perspective presenting as “male” physically, but also aware of a dominantly energetic-essence feminine aspect, offers “that which is” a new, unique perspective. One divergent from male/female.

Each expression of “that which is” is individualized. That means each person’s experience is new unto the Universe. So even though many transgender people exist, each individual transgender person is a UNIQUELY, NEW experience for “that which is”. 

And so, the reason more transgender people are showing up among young people is two-fold. The first reason is because now is a perfect time for such beings to enjoy the experience. The other reason is because of the focus being leveled on the experience itself.

All That Is loves this, even if you don't

I’ve said before, whatever we focus on gets bigger. Right now, a LOT of people are focused on the trans phenomena, including transgender people themselves. All that focus then is drawing more individualized expressions of “that which is” to the experience.

In other words, the more people push against and revel in transgender expression, the more of it will show up. Until “that which is” fully expresses all it wants to in that permutation of expression. What’s wonderful about “that which is” is, it never can fully express itself. So we can count on “transgender” being here, at high levels, for some time.

As every expression has a corresponding response, “transgender” has a corresponding experience which “that which is” is also enjoying. It’s called “trans-attraction”. In other words, as it expresses itself as trans, “that which is” wants to experience that expression from as many “angles” as possible. This explains why parents are having trans children. It’s why siblings are having trans brothers and sisters. It’s why Christians and Republicans are facing the experience too, from their unique angle.

This also explains “trans-attraction.” Trans-attraction wouldn’t exist without transgender people existing. Trans-attraction is “that which is” experiencing “transgender” from a brand new perspective. One called “romance” or “attraction”.

And this explains why many trans-attracted men are so bewildered by their experience. Most focus exclusively on their “human” experience. They mostly ignore their spiritual experience. Another word for “spiritual” is “basic inner reality”.

But the spiritual experience is always there. And it strongly influences the human one. That’s why trans-attracted people find resisting their attraction challenging. It’s also why transgender people must transition. Their Broader Perspective, that spiritual Source of all they are, craves this experience. It craves the “transgender” experience. It craves the trans-attraction experience. Both cravings are undeniable.

Trans-attraction and transgender are both here to stay

That’s why I say trans-attraction is normal and wholesome. It is a full-on expression of All That Is as it seeks to know itself. And that’s why when trans-attraction is expressed and consummated, we trans-attracted men feel so freaking good. The same is true when transgender people transition and feel the relief in doing so. 

If more transgender women understood what I’ve written here, they could enjoy attention such men give them. Some could give up loathing themselves. They could help the men express themselves better. And they could help such men be more comfortable with themselves.

In the process, they can find more joy AND the love they yearn for. For “transgender” and “trans-attraction” are reflections of each other. They are both an expression of All That Is knowing itself. And when that knowing is expressed, great joy results for everyone invovled. Just ask any transgender woman in a long-term relationship with a trans-attracted/transamorous man. Like this couple:

^^Yes, trans-attracted men and transgender women can find happiness

As long as transgender women push against such attention, however, transgender women do exactly what conservatives are doing: they just draw from All That Is more trans-attracted men. Just as conservatives are responsible for attracting into the world more transgender kids. It’s a wonderful formula through which All That Is becomes more, and in the process expands its awareness of itself.

“Transgender” as an expression of the basic inner reality is here to stay. All That Is revels in it. It will never go away. And neither will trans-attraction.

#transgender #transamorous #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #trans #Youtube

[transamorousnetwork]

Most Trans-Attracted Men Don’t Know What They’re Doing. Forgive Them.

If you’ve read posts here before, you get a sense of our perspective. Humans create everything in our experience. Including other people. But nearly all of us are doing that unaware that’s what we’re doing. So we blame the world around us, and other people, for our troubles. All the while not realizing when we do that, we create more trouble for ourselves.

Tremendous amounts of power lie hidden in that very true synopsis of our perspective. 

Trans-attracted men (and transgender women) are no exception to this. Most of us think the world around us some objective thing. It’s separate from us, not springing out of us as a reflection of our inner state. So it’s not a wonder trans-attracted men will react to inner awareness with fear. Their basis for self understanding is external, as it is for most of us. It doesn’t matter that that basis is flawed, which it is. When they notice something about themselves, they will consult the world around them for what’s true.

Transgender women do this too.

Unfortunately, the world around them will tell them they are the problem. Then, trying to fit in, they’ll hide this new awareness, or try changing it. Social ostracism, for the uninitiated trans-attracted guy, is a terrible thing. Familial ostracism is even worse. Ostracism from one’s manliness is an even morefearsome thing. No wonder such men struggle accepting what they are. Just like many transgender women.

It’s meant this way

But the world IS a reflection. And like all reflections, it’s an illusion. The paradox of this world though, is, if you walk onto a freeway, cars zooming toward you will kill you. So we must all contend with the powerful “reality” we put ourselves in that feels so real…when it’s, at the same time, not at all real.

After all, if we knew it wasn’t real coming in, the benefit of life would not be ours, would it? So we hypnotize ourselves into this “kill you” part of the paradox.

Meanwhile, the reflection serves us all. It aids in our becoming better versions of ourselves. “Better versions” look like increasingly pure expressions of divine intelligence. More direct expressions of All That Is, in other words.

“Trans” and “trans attraction” represent this purer, more direct expression. What do you think Divine Intelligence, or All That Is, looks like anyway? A grey-bearded white guy?

NO!

All That Is is “TRANS gender”. It comprises both genders while simultaneously rising above them all. It is more than the sum of its (infinite parts).

And so are we.

^^Physical reality is an illusion…that can kill you. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)

Back to the guys

Trans-attracted men are identical to transgender women when viewed from this perspective. They are on similar paths. You could say they are on different aspects of the same path. No one’s murdering these guys, sure. But again, it’s not the SAME path! It’s a DIFFERENT ASPECT of the same path. We could even call it a COMPLEMENTARY aspect.

In other words, while transgender people need no protectors, trans-attracted men can complement them in off-the-chart ways. But these men first must know what they’re doing with their trans-attraction. Their journey from Chaser to Transamory IS THAT PROCESS.

If transgender women were willing to change their view of such men, they would find powerful allies there. Yes, it takes a profound willingness to change one’s mind in the face of so much evidence to the contrary. And I know most transgender women won’t do stop looking at the contrary evidence long enough to do that. It’s true: self-loathing is a powerful elixir.

But some do. Some like my clients.

Every story can change. Even self loathing ones. A powerful figure with tremendous global influence once said of his tormentors “Forgive them Father. They know not what they do.” There’s great power in forgiveness. That and asking questions.

A simple question can change the course of even the most vile person. And in that way transgender women can become catalysts for trans-attracted men. If they choose to.

So, transgender women, the next time you get a dick pick from some online dating app you’d do better not being on, perhaps instead of getting mad, forgive the sender. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Then, maybe, ask them a question. Like: Why do you think sending me this picture will get you what you think you want?

Then see what happens next.

#transgender #transamorous #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #trans #lgbtq #forgiveness #happiness

[transamorousnetwork]

What I Really Think About Transgender Women

Dear The Transamorous Network,

I asked a question in reply to one of your articles a few weeks ago. You never answered. I’ll try again.

When you say you’re attracted to trans women, what exactly do you mean? Are you attracted to all trans women, equally those who have underwent full GRS, those who have only used hormones, and those who have underwent no medical transition at all (and all other various stages and forms of medical and non-medical social transition)?

Also, are you attracted to them as women, or specifically as trans women?

I think a lot of trans people, myself at least anyway, would want a partner who desires them as their gender – not specifically because of their trans status. And obviously, for them as a person, not just a object of sexual desire due to their trans identity. One explanation I saw you give essentially amounted to saying that trans is a third gender, which to many trans people, again certainly myself, would seem transphobic. A trans woman is a woman, not a third gender. A trans man is a man, not a third gender. Your answer I saw about transamoury seemed to be at odds with respecting a trans person’s gender identity.

Thanks for the reply,

Curious

Hey Curious,

So sorry about missing your questions/comment the last time. I sometimes do that. It’s not intentional and I’m getting better at getting to these comments.

When I say I’m attracted to transgender women, I’m referring to many qualities. So this is going to be a long reply, I think. But I respect your questions, so I’m going to be thorough out of that respect. Please note that the order in which I offer these, has no bearing on what I consider priorities. I’ll try to make that more clear as I answer. Also, my answers may confront you or run counter to what you think, how you think about transgender women or how you think men should think about them. I’m just answering as clearly as I can, questions you’re asking that, frankly, are kind of hard to answer because a lot of the attraction is intrinsic. It’s also highly personal and nobody’s business…frankly.

Like, we don’t ask a heterosexual man “why are you attracted to cis-women?” It’s a nonsensical, question socially. It’s just accepted. But my attraction is somehow, some kind of aberration worthy of interrogation? Why?

You ask: When you say you’re attracted to trans women, what exactly do you mean?

What I mean, exactly, is highly layered and nuanced. There’s an innate attraction first and foremost and this can’t be overstated or really explained. It’s not dissimilar to someone who is heterosexual and therefore attracted intrinsically, innately to members of the opposite sex, or a gay man who is innately, intrinsically attracted to men because they are men, primarily.

In other words, the fact that they are transgender is a point of attraction to me that separates them completely from cis-women. And those transgender women who are trying to be “women” I’m not attracted to because those people IMO are trying to be something that they are not…something that, frankly, they are better than at a cosmological level.

But there are other aspects of transgender women I find attractive also. Qualities easier to put my finger on. And some not so easy to pin down. Of the trans women I’ve dated (and I’ve dated many) I find their characters/personalities highly attractive. This is probably the biggest thing besides the intrinsic attraction I mentioned above.

Even those who struggle with lack of self-acceptance possess characters/personalities underneath those mental issues, which I can perceive, characters/personalities which I find alluring.

For example, there’s a transgender woman who lives one block away from me. She’s a composer and musician. She doesn’t have to say a fucking thing and I can perceive this quality I’m talking about. In the summer she sits on her porch smoking a cigarette on her breaks. She’s not the most physically attractive woman, she has several, self-admitted mental health issues, she smokes and drinks (to excess in my opinion) and yet, there is still that “je ne sais quoi” characteristic about her that is soooooo freaking alluring that is beyond my intrinsic attraction to her. It really goes beyond words to describe. And IMO, that aspect of her – of transgender women in general – does NOT exist in cis-women.

There’s a perseverance (obviously), a stick-to-it-tiveness some transgender women possess that I find highly attractive. After all, such a personal journey, undertaken often at tremendous cost, time, health risk and potential risk of social ostracization would engender these qualities in anyone IMO. But the transgender woman’s journey is unique in this way, again in my opinion. It creates a very secure, spiritually strong, somewhat intense energy I enjoy being around. Like an authenticity, which I too possess.

I like the fact that transgender women’s experiences cause them to cultivate an “I don’t take any shit from people” attitude also. I know this doesn’t exist in every trans woman, but, again, those I end up dating have such facets in their personality and I enjoy and respect that because, again, I’m that way.

The kind of transgender woman I am attracted to tends to be highly intelligent, self-reflective and thoughtful. This is not the same as formal academically instilled “intelligence”. It’s different. It’s like a self-awareness, a self-possessiveness that draws me in. You could say it’s an “energy signature”.

Those I’ve dated also tend to possess talents similar to mine (artistic or otherwise creative) as well. So there’s that.

Beyond all this, I’m attracted to how transgender women look, particularly those on HRT. I’m not referring to just young women either. And definitely not only “passable” ones. In fact, I prefer those who don’t necessarily pass over those who do. That’s because, for me, I find the blend resulting from a physiologically male body, “tempered” by HRT far, far FAR more attractive than (pardon me) fleshy, soft cis women. Which is why I am not interested in transgender women who use some processes to try to look like that fleshy, soft curvy form cis women have. Again, transgender women are transgender women. As such they are inherently distinct and preferable as far as I’m concerned. If I wanted to be with a cis-woman, I’d choose that. So passibility isn’t something I’m necessarily interested in. Not that I don’t appreciate that kind of beauty in certain transgender women. I do. But it’s not a priority for me. And certainly not part of my selection criteria.

I actually find more mature transgender women, physically, more attractive. Personality-wise too. Age tempers their personalities I think and I find that alluring.

Ok that’s the first question. The second is actually several I think:

Are you attracted to all trans women, equally those who have underwent full GRS, those who have only used hormones, and those who have underwent no medical transition at all (and all other various stages and forms of medical and non-medical social transition)?

In short. Yes.

To elaborate: I think my previous answer supports my short answer above. Attraction is attraction to me. But I do have preferences like everyone does. But that doesn’t change my attraction. It does, however, affect my selection. That’s different from attraction. I think you understand that distinction.

Your next question I answered already, but I want to highlight this, because it’s very, very important. I think you get this (perhaps from a different perspective though) because you singled out this topic as a separate question. You ask:

Also, are you attracted to them as women, or specifically as trans women?

Specifically as trans women for several reasons. For one, because that’s what they are. Secondly, “trans” is an expansion of what it means to be human. It is an evolution closer to the true aspect of human spirit in each being, which is BOTH male AND female, expressed across many lifetimes. So I see trans women as a separate, evolved and therefore advanced aspect of human expression. It is not a “third” gender. It’s transgender: they help transition humanity out of the gender paradigm. In my spiritual experience, this is a critical MUST if humanity is to evolve further.

So I venerate them because of this. There’s a lot more I can say about this relative to how trans women think about themselves, particularly those trying to be “women”, but that’s beyond the scope of your question, I think. I’m attracted to them because they are trans women.

I get that doesn’t fit with what you think. To me, that’s ok. We don’t have to think alike. Can you be ok with someone who thinks differently than you? I can.

I now want to respond to the last paragraph of your comment. I hope you’ve read this far and see that I’m quite consistent in my answers. I’m very clear about what I know. I may express it differently over time as my ability to express it improves. Ok, here’s what you wrote:

I think a lot of trans people, myself at least anyway, would want a partner who desires them as their gender – not specifically because of their trans status. And obviously, for them as a person, not just a object of sexual desire due to their trans identity. One explanation I saw you give essentially amounted to saying that trans is a third gender, which to many trans people, again certainly myself, would seem transphobic. A trans woman is a woman, not a third gender. A trans man is a man, not a third gender. Your answer I saw about transamoury seemed to be at odds with respecting a trans person’s gender identity.

I agree. Many trans people do think the way you described here. But NONE of the trans women I dated do. I respect your opinion and the opinion of those other trans people who feel this way. The trouble I have with this, given my spiritual experience, is, humanity is constantly expanding. What it is, how it looks and how it expresses itself signifies EVOLUTION. Thinking there’s only “man” and “woman” is a very narrow, limited way of seeing the vast quality of what it is animating human consciousness. To reiterate, I get some trans people struggle with someone accepting them as trans. The problem, in my opinion, is that’s because they, themselves are not accepting their trans status. Instead of seeing it as an expression of evolution, they are trying to “fit in” to a socio-defined construct, which is outdated and has been for millennia.

Back to the basic question: It’s like, do cis-women get bunged up because the guys that are attracted to them are PRIMARILY SIN QUA NON women?

Of course not. They (the women) don’t even give it a thought. Because they accept that they are women. They’re not trying to be something else.

Does a gay man get bunged up with another gay man expressing their attraction because they are PRIMARILY, SIN QUA NON male?

No. They give it no consideration. They accept what they are expressing as male.

I wonder if trans women (and trans people in general) struggle with their status because they are allowing social indoctrination wrt GENDER to create lack of self acceptance among and within them. Given that I work with transgender women, from a spiritual, core, essential nature level, I have suspicion that this is the case. I don’t have enough cases to say this definitively, though. So, don’t take my words for it. And don’t be offended over everything I have shared.

You be you! Including your ideas, thoughts and beliefs. There’s plenty of room on the planet for trans women like yourself (given how you’ve described your views) to exist, find love and joy and freedom and all that, and for guys like me to do the same.

Thanks for writing and, again, apologies for missing your previous comment!

Perry

PS – notice that I did not once mention anything about sexual desire or performance. Also, I’m surprised some transgender people are so quick to throw around the “transphobic” claim, often in contexts it has no place being uttered. For example, you can see, I hope it’s obvious, that I very much do not exhibit a “dislike of or strong prejudice against transgender people”, which is the dictionary definition of “transphobic”. For me, it’s quite the opposite.

I wonder if those who sling that term around are like POC who throw around “racist” with no real justification. Reminder: I’m a non-binary person of color. My conjecture about those who sling such terms is, they are insecurity looking for a place to place the blame for their insecurity. So they attack people with the T word or the R word, often at times when it’s completely unjustified, indeed, when the facts show exactly the opposite happening, in order to soothe an underlying lack of self-acceptance. What I’ve expressed here is NOT transphobia. It’s trans-attraction/transamory which is completely the opposite.

#transgender #transsexual #transamorous network #transisbeautiful #transattraction #transamory #transisbeauty #transisbetter #thisiswhattranslookslike #pre op mtf #transgender mtf #mtf positivity #trans #trap

[transamorousnetwork]

The Best Trans Love Comes from Happy Thoughts About Love

Many trans-attracted guys and transgender women ask me how to get love they want. Some aren’t ready for my answers. Others, become clients. Those folks not only live happier lives, they eventually get what they want.

They get a lover, or a job. They stop thinking of killing themselves. In short, they become happy.

Sometimes clients will ask why what they want isn’t happening. I tell them it is happening. When the client can’t see it happening, it means they’re telling stories which block their perception.

Whether we perceive our progress or not makes all the difference. Every thing we want does manifest. But often, important “manifestations” slip by our awareness. For example, most transgender women will not celebrate the thought “My joyful, attractive lover is on the way”. They’re too focused on not having that joyful attractive lover. Or they complain about men they’re meeting.

Chasers, scared guys and guys just looking for dick pics abound. When they fill transgender women’s dating lives, it’s easy thinking they’re the only men out there. It’s true for trans-attracted men too. When trans-attracted men can’t find a transgender woman who will take them seriously, or can’t find any in their area, it’s easy to say “there are no transgender women near me.”

The problem is, whatever we look at or talk about becomes our reality. So when a guy shows up representing an improvement on the kinds of guys the woman usually meets, she’ll look at that guy through her past experience. She will look over the improvement. Then say “nothing is changing”, or, like a recent client: “I always meet these kinds of guys.”

And when a transgender woman appears in the man’s neighborhood, he’ll literally not see her.

Incremental improvement

Meanwhile, improvement, evidenced in the new guy, still exists. So does the transgender woman living in our neighborhood. Just because we don’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not real. But if our perception stays stuck on past negative experience, then for all intents and purposes, they’re not real. We’ll keep creating more negative experiences instead of seeing what we want coming true.

Which explains why so many transgender women and trans-attracted men struggle with everything from negative self image to negative dating experiences. Or no dating experiences at all. Loneliness, depression and sadness or dismal online dating results all indicate chronic focus on past negative experience.

But something cool happens the moment a transgender woman or trans-attracted guy changes their perspective. In that moment, a new dimension shows itself. In that new dimension, improvement shines everywhere. It was always there. But with our changed perspective, we now see it. We see our men getting better. And we start seeing transgender women everywhere.

We change our perspective through stories we tell about what we’re looking at. So long as we tell stories about things we don’t like, we keep seeing those things. We keep experiencing them too. But when we focus on improvement and talk about how improved our life becomes, we support more improvement showing up in our perspective.

^^Anyone can find that partner they want (Photo by Caleb Ekeroth)

Evidence abounds

For example, one of my clients, who I’ll call Karen, dates exclusively online. These days she only does so when feeling lonely or depressed. That’s improvement. Another improvement though, shows up in men she’s meeting. Karen is on her 52d week of practice. She’s improved her stories a lot. But she still has many other stories needing cleaning up.

Nevertheless, she acknowledges small improvements in men she meets online. She really wants to meet men in person. But for now, the story “I can’t find a man locally” dominates her attention. So she doesn’t notice when men compliment her or strike up conversations with her, which they do often whenever she goes out.

Karen didn’t agree when I told her men she meets online have improved. After detailed analysis, however, she couldn’t disagree. The men still ghost her. Or they are early in their trans-attraction and thus unwilling to meet in person. But Karen had to agree, they improved in terms of their willingness to talk with her, the things they had in common with her, and how they treated her.

Noticing incremental improvement is crucial. That’s because that’s how all manifestations happen, including relationship manifestations. It’s also crucial because noticing that improvement adds momentum behind the improvement. Without noticing the improvement, or worse, noticing no improvement, we perpetuate what we’re getting; whether that’s sucky men, crazy transgender women, or no relationship nibbles at all.

^^Getting what you want can be hard when we keep looking at what we don’t want. (Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash)

How to not get your true love

Appreciating incremental improvement also holds back impatience. Impatience happens when we overly focus on the relationship we want. We recognize it’s not there. Then lose sight of the incremental improvement. Impatience tells us we’re creating a reality we don’t want. Usually that means more of what we now have.

It’s also important knowing what “manifestations” look like. Impatience is a manifestation. So is recognizing the impatience. Doing something about it is a manifestation too. Appreciating ourselves for doing that is too. It’s important to understand everything is a manifestation. It’s important because even an emotional improvement is progress. And going from impatience to appreciation represents an improvement.

Anyone wanting a relationship they think they can’t have stands amidst manifestations telling them something they really want to know. Those manifestations include negative emotions they feel while standing where they stand. I help clients practice everything I shared in this post. Not only do clients live happy lives as a result, they also eventually find the guy or girl of their dreams.

It doesn’t happen in an instant. It happens gradually. The good news is, on the way to that ultimate relationship, my clients find their lives becoming increasingly happier. Want what they have? Contact me.

#transgender #transition #transattracted #transamorous #transamorous network #transsexual #transattraction #men who love transwomen #tgirls do it better #tgirl bulge #sexy tgirl #transgender dating #transisbeautiful #trans woman #trans pride #trans positivity

[transamorousnetwork]

The False Bible Truth That Keeps Killing Trans People

Some Christians will dispute this, but the Bible itself seems clear on the issue: God hates gays. At least that’s what Christian evangelicals will tell us. 

As does the Bible. I mean, it’s clearly stated many, many times throughout the “good book”. And it’s not just gays. Apparently, god also hates trans people. People who love them too.

But is that all really true? Or might the Bible have it all wrong?

I’ve always seen the Bible as something other than the word of god. It’ can’t be the word of god because god didn’t write the Bible. No matter how a theologian will try explaining it, god did not pen the Bible. Man did. And man is fallible.

This post is about a new documentary I watched. It’s called 1946: The Mistranslation That Shifted Culture. This film examines one of the biggest bombshells Christianity dropped on humanity and the massive destruction that bomb created. Turns out that bombshell was based on a lie.

The problem is, that lie shaped the world we see today. One where a lot of Christians don’t act very Christian. One where a lotta far right Christians persecute trans people, believing they’re doing “god’s work”.

Let’s dive in.

The Bible’s original intent was pure

1946, the film, is great. It offers extremely compelling evidence supporting its contention. Its contention is the white, presumably straight, men who translated the most popular versions of the Bible got it wrong when translating two critical terms. They conflated those two terms to mean “homosexual”. Then, publishers used that conflation to fill the entire Bible with the word “homosexual”, thus creating the weaponized version of the Bible many evangelical lay persons and their leaders use to condemn trans people today.

The difference that conflation created sent human civilization on a totally different trajectory than if that translation error never happened.

Not only does the film offer proof, it offers proof that’s extremely compelling. The 20 men translating the Bible were theologians. It’s clear from factual examination of these men’s own notes that their intentions were pure. After the conflation happened, however, another man saw the group’s translation. This other man happened to also be a theologian.

But something else about this guy made him the perfect person to get involved: he also was gay. And he also was a pastor. 

This person wrote a letter to the group. He urged them to reconsider the conflation. And he gave compelling reasons why they should. What’s amazing, given today’s Christian perspective on gays, is the group’s leader was super interested in this guy’s opinion. The two exchanged extremely cordial letters about the conflation. In the end, the group leader agreed with the gay pastor: the translation was wrong.

^^A question that can change the world. From the film’s website.

Sacrosanct words meet politics

However, our process-driven society amplified the problem. Some years would pass and the error didn’t get fixed. In those years, publishers published two other versions of the Bible. Those versions also contained the mistranslation.

Then Billy Graham and Jerry Falwell popularized those translations. They gave mistranslated versions of the Bible for free to congregants. Back then, these two men were Christian rock stars. Their audiences were HUGE. Which meant a lot of people got those Bibles.

Right about this time, Ronald Reagan became president. Politics and Christian values birthed the Religious Right. And that was all she wrote. Needing a foil to keep Christians agitated and engaged, the Politicized Religious Right focused on gays as “the enemy”.

Right around this time AIDS happened. AIDS was the perfect example of homosexual depravity. The Religious Right claimed AIDS was divine retribution for homosexual sin. Momentum took over from there.

This explains why, today, the Bible contains the word “homosexual”. Accurately translating those two words would put the Bible in a completely different standing on gay and trans people. The documentary offers undeniable proof about this. Unless you believe the Bible is the word of god.

And yet, many Christians will not consider this proof. Even though it comes directly from the men who did the translations. Again, many Christians believe the book is the word of god. It is therefore infallible. They don’t consider these words the words of man, translations prone to error.

The power of belief and momentum

The film maker’s family shows how powerful belief in the book as the word of god can be. The film maker is lesbian. Her father is an evangelical pastor. He swears the Bible is the word of god. As such, he believes what the Bible says about homosexuals. Even when presented with proof documentarians found, he’s unwilling to budge. It’s the word of god, he says. End of story.

Not only does this pastor’s example show how powerful Christian belief is, even when it’s based on distortion, it also shows how powerful beliefs in general are. Beliefs and momentum literally create our realities. So many Christians believe like this pastor does. Other pastors believe this too. And they pass that belief on to their flock, using oratory fire and brimstone, thereby creating even more fervent believers.

And so generations have believed this lie. Generations of congregations and generations of Christian leaders too.

Even some gay Christians find themselves believing. They can’t reconcile who they know themselves to be with what their religion tells them. Indeed a central figure in the film is another theologian. Like the pastor who challenges the conflation, this central figure is gay. At one point, inner conflicts drove him to nearly kill himself. In the film he says his life is significantly diminished compared to what it could be had the Bible not been translated the way it was. He claims the Bible destroyed his ability to form intimate bonds with people.

Our beliefs matter. They literally shape reality. Some literally shape society and culture. They are nottrifling matters. Decades have passed with many tragedies happening because of this one translation error. A translation error picked up and weaponized by fanatical politicians as well as religious fanatics.

There’s hope

And yet, this documentary can potentially alter our future. I’m holding space for it to reach those who can do something about this egregious lie perpetrated by so many who have come before us. So many claiming to be Christian.

I also hold space for people to watch the film. Some of it is hard to watch. Especially interactions between the film maker and her father. I know after his transition, he’s going to be shocked when he discovers how wrong he was.

And yet, I must offer both the father and the film maker kudos. Despite this enormous difference between them, they maintain a relationship. One seemingly based on love and….tolerance of one another….if not outright acceptance. That’s not something I could do.

I prefer a life where life is peaceful and joyful. People with gross distortions, such as the film maker’s father, don’t appear in my life.

I like it that way.

Whether you’re Christian, gay, trans or otherwise, watch this film. It’s powerful.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network

[transamorousnetwork]

Do Americans Really Hate Trans People Now?

I read a story on Medium recently that took the United States to task for hating transgender people. It’s author recently listened to a podcast series about parents navigating difficulties they face as parents of trans kids.

What happened here is instructive. The author took a country of over 300 million people and reduced every person into transphobic bigots. How she got to that conclusion shows how powerful stories create reality. Her example also shows why it’s a terrible idea to look at things that make us feel shitty.

Let’s take a look at what happened here so we can learn from the wonderful gift this author gave us. Then, let’s look at what really is happening with American’s views about transgender people.

Radicalization: it’s not a good look

So the author, who is trans, listened to what supposedly is a supportive podcast for those with trans kids. I’m not including a link to it, or to the author’s post, because I prefer offering empowering and supportive content. Not content that radicalizes people. Especially content that doesn’t appreciate the bigger picture. A bigger picture that screams: Hey! The world is getting better and better for transgender people!

Apparently, according to the Medium author, the United States is an “ocean of hate” and this podcast represents an island of queer positivity. And yet, according to the author, the podcast focuses on how these parents are “terrified”, “worried” and “concerned” about the lives of their trans kids. 

How is terror, worry and concern positive?

The deeper into her article we get, the more it becomes clear that the Medium author lost perspective. Binging the podcast got her all riled up. What’s really interesting is, in her article she critiques the United States as a hatred-filled radicalized “banana republic” while at the same time expressing views herself which border on hate. Views which are way off the mark about what is really happening in the United States.

In other words, she allowed the podcast to radicalize her beliefs. And in her radicalization she has become the very thing she’s attacking: someone who allowed herself to adopt a drastically skew perspective of what’s really going on. Then she lashed out with judgements about people she doesn’t know.

Transphobic people are doing the exact same thing.

Radicalization is not a good look. It doesn’t matter if liberals or conservatives do it. It doesn’t matter if transphobes or transgender people do it. It’s the same. It’s disempowering, and it’s ugly.

Is America An Ocean of Hate?

But more importantly, radicalization backfires. It turns the radical into a parody of him or herself. And, taken to the extreme, it tends to get a lot of people hurt. Often that includes the radical. Every mass shooter is a radical. So is every suicide bomber.

That’s enough about the article and the podcast. Let’s instead now look at what “America” really thinks about transgender people. This is going to be interesting…

For a more balanced look, let’s turn to Pew. Pew is a leading research firm. It gathers public opinion on almost everything. Including opinions Americans have about the transgender phenomena. What did Pew find in their research? Well, like I wrote above, it’s interesting:

Most [Americans] favor protecting trans people from discrimination, even as growing share say gender is determined by sex at birth. – Pew Research

Here’s what that looks like in a graphical breakdown:

Yes, people are still stuck thinking a person is a man or woman as determined by sex assigned at birth. But you know what almost totally is to blame for that? SCIENCE. That’s right! Science has convinced people there is nothing beyond physical reality. And most people swallow that crap hook, line, and sinker. So they believe sex and gender is a physical construct. It’s not.

Sex and gender are determined well before birth. And that determination is A CHOICE.

Cultures that pre-date science knew better, as many trans people know. That’s why Hijras and two-spirit people have been things far longer than modern civilization, to mention two examples.

Youth change reality

Meanwhile, as old, crusty farts holding to conservative views die off, young people’s attitudes are more closely matching a more nuanced view of transgender people. Their views also promise better futures for such people. Look at this, for example, which also is from Pew:

In other words, in America, the younger the American you ask, the more supportive that person will likely be. Moreover, politically progressive people lean more supportive as well.

So where are these radical, hating, transphobic Americans? Is America really an “ocean of hate”? 

These data seem to debunk the assertion. Just ten percent of Americans express strong opposition or just opposition to the transgender phenomenon. That means LESS THAN TEN PERCENT “strongly” oppose. Meanwhile, an overwhelming 64 percent of Americans STRONGLY FAVOR or FAVOR protecting transgender people. It seems, then, that America is an ocean comprising a majority of tolerance, acceptance and support. “Hate” is an exclusion to the American norm.

Let’s look at another source

Ipsos is another polling agency. Last year, they conducted a poll of Americans on the transgender issue. That poll showed strong disinterest among Americans for having trans women, for example, compete in women’s sports competitions. But other results they found are consistent with Pew’s.

On providing gender-affirming medical care, for example, Ipsos found an overwhelming majority of Americans support such policies. Read that headline below carefully. It’s not written very well in my opinion:

A better headline would have been “The majority of Americans SUPPORT GIVING trans youth gender-affirming care”. Here’s another Ipsos graph presenting the same information. It may be easier to understand. An interactive one can be found on the NPR website. You’re wanting to look at totals representing the “opposed” categories.

It’s getting better!

What shall we take away from all this? Well, first, your stories (beliefs) matter. They shape your reality. They also determine your behavior. The Medium author’s radicalized beliefs caused her to write a way inaccurate story about the United States. And that happened because she listened to a “supportive”, “positive” podcast for parents of trans youths.

Stories/beliefs also attract to us evidence that will tell us our stories/beliefs are “true” . So if we think the world is terrible for trans people, that’s what we’re going to see. But that doesn’t mean that’s the whole story.

Sure, there are those who hate what trans people represent. Those people are frightened by what they see. Trans people confront their long-held beliefs. But that’s not your problem! Indeed, no trans person need encounter such people. Not if they don’t want to.

^^One of my mentors putting it plain. Those who hate you hate out of their own suffering.

The problem is, a lot of trans people want to encounter them. They don’t intentionally want to. But their beliefs, choices and actions cause them to encounter such people. Some do it because they believe they’re changing the world. That’s great. But others do it while not knowing they’re doing it.

What we resist persists! What we complain about we get more of! If we stop putting attention on the tiny minority of people out there living their lives in deep pain, those people will gradually self-select themselves out of our experience.

And, if we put our attention on all that’s going great for trans people, we’ll see more of that. Then we’ll feel better about life. We’ll feel better about OUR lives. And when that happens, our lives WILL GET BETTER.

That’s how the Universe works.

Don’t believe me, try it

Now, you may think you have enough evidence to prove what you just read wrong. That just proves my points! Don’t take my word(s) for evidence! Test it out! The Universe will prove it to you! That’s guaranteed because that’s how the Universe works.

It continuously wants us to know life can be as great as we want it. That’s why, when we focus on things we think are “going wrong” we feel bad. We feel bad because that feeling tells us we’re not looking at the world the way we could look at it. And, as a result of looking at it the way we could, we could feel better. And then have a better life.

If you try it, if you try looking for evidence of everything going right, evidence will show itself to you. But you must know where to look to see it. Otherwise, you miss it. I can help you not miss it. Let’s chat.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network

[transamorousnetwork]

How Hate Turns On Itself: A Great Lesson For Trans People

Almost exactly a year ago, conservatives offered a wonderful lesson for trans people. Unfortunately, I don’t think many in our community understood the lesson. So they let the opportunity slip by.

I caught it though. And that’s what this post is about. What happened shows precisely why trans people and those who love them getting on the “hate” bandwagon is not in the best interest of the community. 

It seems foolish to “turn the other cheek” these days, given violence waged at our community. And yet, it’s the best option. At no time is such a strategy more needed. Not because it is good for the world, although it is. But because it is good for every transgender individual. Trans-attracted men too. That’s because we can’t help but become what we hate. That’s what conservatives showed us last year.

I’ve seen examples of this over and over. Especially in the trans community. The same dynamic plays out in love relationships between trans women and men looking for trans women partners. We can’t find love if we’re looking at the opposite of that. It’s very hard to have a relationship when we’re complaining all the time about not having one.

But this story isn’t about love. It’s about hate. And it’s a story worth pondering. Let’s look at what happened almost a year ago.

A witch-hunt for “woke”

Last year, conservatives were in a tizzy over “woke” culture. They’re still in a tizzy, a year later. For sure, they’re using woke as a whipping post. In doing so, they’re whipping up lots of donations. Those donations are coming from dominant culture folks (i.e. white people). Folks who are either too busy trying to make a living, or too ignorant to contest what they hear from their “leaders” to really understand what the term “woke”, actually means.

Anyway, these poor people (and a lot of them are economically poor) swallow talking points that point to diversity as the reason their lives are going so poorly. This dynamic really got underway in 2020. Even though woke as a positive diversity message got started as far back as the 1930s.

Last year though, conservatives, especially Fox News, left no stone unturned in their pursuit to vilify woke culture and, thereby attract more viewers, subscribers, votes and advertising income. As a result, corporate diversity initiatives such as Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) programs got caught in conservative pundit crosshairs.

Which brings us to the crux of this story. This story is a perfect example of how the haters become the hated.

^^A woman draped in a pride flag carries a sign with a “woke” slogan. The term “woke” has been around a long time. As early as the 1930s. (Photo By By Montanasuffragettes – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0)

Enter Chick-fil-A

Chick-fil-A is a conservative darling. It’s arguably one of the most successful fast-food franchises in the US. It regularly ranks as America’s favorite fast food chain. The business is owned and lead by a conservative Southern Baptist. As a result, the company sticks to Christian values. This includes the stores being closed on all religious holidays. That includes every Sunday.

Interestingly, the company has a very “real” Christian approach to dealing with people. According to a Chick-fil-A spokesperson speaking for the company in 2012, “The Chick-fil-A culture and service tradition in our Restaurants is to treat every person with honor, dignity and respect –regardless of their belief, race, creed, sexual orientation or gender.”

That’s not very Christian from today’s far-right perspective. Christians claiming to be so on the right and far right certainly do not act in that way. Still, it’s a respectable way to run a business. And, that way has created a successful restaurant chain. That and their amazingly delicious chicken sandwiches. Seriously, have you had one?

It wasn’t surprising then, given its stated perspective on diversity, that Chick-fil-A designed and implemented its own internal corporate DEI program. And that’s what caused conservatives to turn on one of its own.

That’s right. Once a darling of conservative culture, Chick-fil-A faced a backlash a year ago. Lauded before by conservatives for its support of anti-LGBTQ groups, many of those same conservatives called the restaurant chain out for its “woke” DEI programs. The company also came under fire when its chairman, Dan Cathy, argued publicly that white people should speak up about racial injustice toward Black people.

^^A Chick-Fil-A location in Hillsboro, Ore., a city near where I live. (Photo By Kingofthedead – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0)

Be like Pollyanna

What we saw last year is a common dynamic. It happens when people lose touch with their humanity. And anyone in “hate” has lost touch. Hate is a VERY powerful emotion. It literally alters the way we see the world. It can turn an otherwise kind person into a killer or terrorist. And, if that hate festers long enough, it will turn on itself. Before long, everyone becomes worthy of hatred to the hate-filled person…Until there’s no one left to hate. That’s what happened when conservatives turned on Chick-fil-A.

The alternative is to let people be. To let people be and for us to be happy. To only look at things that are positive. Yes, that sounds Pollyanna. Do you know the story of Pollyanna? Pollyanna led a happy life. And we can too.

But not if we become the hate that others level at us. And, there’s nothing that can come into our experience that we don’t invite. In other words, if we remain happy, looking only at those things that we feel happy about, in time, our life fills ONLY with happy experiences. That’s because life is a reflection. Our outward lives reflect of our inner lives; the life made up of our thoughts and beliefs.

Doesn’t that explain why Chick-fil-A got caught up in the conservative “woke”-hunt? Conservatives got so riled up, that the only thing they could see was that which they hate. Even in a business they once loved. This also explains why so many on the right believe their way of life is under attack. It’s not really under attack. But insecurity born of fear creates a reflection matching that. So there’s no way to convince conservatives their way of life is not under attack.

Get the message?

This is a good lesson for the trans community. We become that which we focus on. And then, that which we focus on dominates our experience. So rather than focusing on those who hate us, we should instead focus on those who love us.

Ah-hem: ladies…are you getting the hint here? If you’re hating those men who love you, calling them chasers and worse, you’re aligning yourselves with a world reflecting back to you your hate. Men: if you’re bemoaning your struggle to find a trans woman who will NOT call you a chaser, then you’re aligning yourself, through your bemoaning, with a world that reflects back to you exactly what you’re bemoaning.

In both cases, ladies and gentlemen, you become consumed by your struggle. Then the world reflects that back to you.

None of that need happen. But it does happen. And for good reason. It happens to show us all what we’re creating. SO THAT WE CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.

Most of us, however, will just keep on complaining. And keep on getting results that validate our complaints.

It’s time to take ourselves out of that dynamic. Take a lesson from conservatives. It’s not in your best interest to hate. Hate no one. Especially hate no man or woman who shows interest in you. Especially give up hating yourself. If you don’t accept what you are, or you think what you are is somehow less than, then you are hating on yourself.

What I’m suggesting is easier to do than it seems. If you’re having trouble, I can help show you how easy it can be. Get in touch. Let’s talk.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #woke #wokeness #woke liberal madness #political #hypocrisy #conservatives

[transamorousnetwork]

Relationship Anarchy: A Perfect Way To Cis-Trans Love?

A relatively new relationship dynamic is emerging. More people find it a satisfying way to express themselves romantically and intimately while finding companionship. Trans people especially are finding it supportive. It’s called Relationship Anarchy (RA).

In this post we’re going to look at this new relationship model. Especially what it offers for trans and trans-attracted people. Instead of getting into it deeply, we will compare it to what we recommend regarding relationships. That’s because, it’s a definite improvement on humanity’s past “success” with relationships. And it offers greater flexibility for those uninterested in cis-het traditions. But it still falls short of the ultimate relationship: that one relationship that gives us everything we want. Including satisfying relationships. 

So let’s take a look at RA. Then let’s contrast that against the ultimate relationship. The only one through which we get everything we want.

What is RA?

Andie Nordgren coined the phrase Relationship Anarchy in 2006. Her English manifesto on the matter, written in 2012, gives broad strokes on what it looks like. The way Andie describes it, RA sounds great! 

Among the broad strokes is the assertion that love is abundant. RA says entitlement runs rampant in traditional relationships and that entitlement should be replaced with love and respect. Andie recommends that people define their values, then use frequent communication to infuse their relationship with those values, alongside a partner who shares them.

The biggest shift from traditional relationships is Andie’s suggestion to “customize” one’s relationship and commitment. Rather than relying on social norms, Andie says, we should define our relationship on our own terms while ignoring society’s expectations. 

It’s no wonder then that Wikipedia includes RA in its non-monogamy and polyamory series.

Because of this flexibility RA fits nicely with trans/trans-attracted relationships. With RA, it’s possible to create a relationship that works no matter what values one has. Especially if one’s values run contrary to societal norms. And every cis-trans relationship does that.

The rise of domestic partnership laws across the country play a role here too. They make benefits once reserved to married people, accessible to LGBTQ people.

Anarchist affiliations…not good

And while Andie describes it optimistically without comparing it to something else, Wikipedia takes a different tack on RA. This is where problems start show up.

That’s because the word “anarchy” itself is problematic. It brings a lot of bad vibes to the table. Further, most people familiar with the term see anarchy as destructive. Even though anarchists claim the concept to be constructive. Historically, the movement has not been constructive, however.

The result is anarchy is seen mostly as “anti-“. It’s also often associated with violence.

We can’t be “anti” something without enflaming that thing we’re against. Which explains why anarchists have made virtually no progress in creating society based on its ideas. And that brings us back to RA. RA and Wikipedia.

The anti relationship 

The Wikipedia entry on RA describes its principles as pretty much anti-everything. At least when it comes to relationships. I would argue Andie doesn’t see RA that way. Andie’s characterization is fresh, positive and encouraging. But the Wikipedia entry. Well, see for yourself:

Indeed, this article, featuring two people in an RA relationship, speak in similar language. It’s interesting that one person in that relationship is transgender. The other; lesbian. Their sexual practices are decidedly outside the norm. It makes sense then that RA is a good fit for them.

And yet, both contrast and define their relationship by what it’s not, comparing it to existing, undesirable relationships. Both also inject politics into the mix. I get politics is important to many. But it needn’t be an influence. Especially in one’s love life.

Now it could be the Wikipedia contributor who wrote the article is biased. He could interpret “anarchy” as “anti”. But the article linked in the above paragraph also characterizes RA as a “political” take on relationships. One trying to redefine what relationships look like. One also striving to “fix” power dynamics some RA folks think are bad.

But can we really define something based on what it is not? I think Andie does a better job describing the concept. It seems, however, others turned the concept into a political idea. I’m not sure Andie meant it that way.

The best relationship 

Which brings me to the point of this piece. RA is great. It’s offers a fresh view of relationships. It certainly offers better options. Better options for those who feel uncomfortable with amatonormative edicts. It’s again not surprising the couple in this article includes both a trans person and a queer woman.

And yet, all relationships with other people fall short when compared to the one relationship that gives us everything we want. That is, our relationship with our Broader Perspective. While it’s nice finding love in another’s eyes, that love will nearly always be conditional.

Even in an RA relationship.

For even there, a person must find connections with people who have similar values. That makes sense. But even then, people will sometimes end up in conflict. What the couple does in that case depends a lot on how stable each person is within themselves. And there’s no better stability than that found in our Broader Perspective.

Besides, our relationship with our Broader Perspective opens us to a love causing other loves to pale in comparison. It’s strong. It’s lasting. Our Broader Perspective’s love literally overwhelms us in its depths. And it feels freaking great!

Furthermore, through our Broader Perspective, everything is possible. Including finding the perfect partner. That is, if one wants that. In so many ways relationship with our Broader Perspective offers what human ones cannot: a foundation from which to live one’s life authentically.

^^When we put our Broader Perspective relationship first, other relationships happen easily. (Photo by Oziel Gomez on Unsplash)

Literally all we want..including freedom from death

Our Broader Perspective relationship is here to lead us to everything we want. All our desires get fulfilled through it. Our Broader Perspective showers us with that which we’re wanting. When we put that relationship up front, those things flow easily into our reality. 

Human partners can help us get things. They can connect us with jobs. They may even connect us with financial opportunity. But those too often come through filters, filters that often aren’t in synch with what we really want.

In other words, our Broader Perspective knows us best. It knows what will thrill us. It knows the best path to everything we want. Whether that be a material thing, or something else.

But the biggest thing that relationship offers is something no human can touch. It offers freedom from the fear of death. I know, that sounds crazy. After all, so many of us are too busy living. Too busy living to think about death.

Well, it seems that way.

But most people’s fear of death is front and center in their lives. It’s one reason people worry about time running out. Their fear of getting old has its basis in death. So does their fear of being single.

Fear of death takes many forms 

The fear of death is pervasive in the world. It doesn’t feel like it’s about death though. That’s because the fear hides behind other fears.

What kind of fears? Fears of being cast out of a group, for example. The fear of losing one’s job is another. The fear of being unable to support one’s family is yet another. As is the fear of one’s human partner betraying us. There are plenty more.

These fears mimic the ultimate fear, which is the fear of dying.

And so people respond to all these fears in predictable ways. They’re impatient. They’re demanding. Some take unsatisfying jobs. They are desperate and insecure. And in that, they cut themselves off from the one thing that can relieve them of all these fears and more: their Broader Perspective.

^^The fear of ending up here can take many forms. (Photo by davide ragusa on Unsplash)

Now I’m not saying don’t have human partners. What I am saying is, first, ground ourselves in the one partnership giving us everything we want.

When one does that, there’s little “need” for anything else. Because everything else flows from there. Including human love.

I’m in favor of RA. I wish it had a different name. RA is closer to the Broader Perspective love I’ve described in this post than any of the other coupling humans form. Including parent-child bonds. Even with RA, however, there’s still a ways to go though.

The better it gets the better it gets

And isn’t that the great thing about life experience? There is always a ways more to go. Because life is eternal. We never get to the end. We’re never perfect. But in the perfection of the now, we are perfect. Not perfect as in “complete”. Not perfect as in “done”. But perfect in our becoming more. 

Standing there, I see this RA concept fitting what I want in partnership. With my stability rooted in my Broader Perspective, I know what I’m wanting is on the way. I’m eager to see it unfold. I’ve had tastes of it. And I’m patient for further unfolding.

Andie’s onto something with their RA concept. I’m clear something better exists though. I enjoy that now. Which allows me to feel excitement. Excitement and joy about those finding satisfaction in RA.

Good partnerships elude many. That’s because many look there for something that’s not in a human partnership. That something only comes from a relationship with themselves. I write this blog to show people how to “know thyself”. And in doing that, find happiness from within, instead of looking for it outside themselves.

My clients are finding that happiness. Along the way, they get more of what they want too. Their examples fill me with eagerness. They also amplify my own happiness. 

Maybe you’re ready for your version of that? If you are, contact me. Let’s get you started. Let’s find out how “better” life can get.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #trans relationships #relationship anarchy

[transamorousnetwork]

What Happens When My Advice Inspires A Man To Write A Book!

I enjoyed an hour-long conversation with a guy this morning. He’s writing a book about his trans-attraction-to-transamory journey. His is a wonderful story of leaving his marriage in favor of living authentically. Living authentically meant enjoying a nice relationship with a trans woman. A relationship he’s currently in.

He said the main reason he began his journey was because of my post “How to embrace your trans-attraction and be married”. I feel appreciation that one of my passions is changing the lives of trans-attracted men (and, by extension, trans women) for the better.

As a result of sharing my passion, this guy now feels his passion too. His passion and appreciation for trans women he feels no shame about. Because of that, this guy, Brian, is now writing a book about his experience. A book I’m sure will help make the world a better place for trans women. I feel honored I played a part in that.

Men are doing their part

I always knew living my passion would change the world. I’m excited about Brian’s choice. He’s going to change the world too.

Many trans women complain that if men would step up, the world for trans women would improve. They talk about all the men on the DL. Men living in the shadows, shamefully hiding their trans-attraction. Meanwhile, I’ve been out for at least five years proudly, publicly sharing my transamory experience. Another man wrote a book about this trans attraction some time ago. Many men are out on social media proclaiming aloud their attraction. And now, here’s another man doing his part by writing yet another book.

In other words, the men are doing their part.

^^The initial exchange between Brian and I.

Not enough men, you say? There are enough though. Not all of them are writing books. Not all of them are writing blogs or sharing on social media. Some are just dating trans women. Many are doing their parts by becoming comfortable in their own skin. That’s the process. In everyone contributes in their own way.

However, if trans women keep complaining about their complaints, they can’t see the world getting better. They can’t see the men doing their part either. And yet the men are.

Get over the anger and pessimism

And that’s the rub. Life is nothing but a series of moments. And each moment adds to the next. Which is why, if you’re complaining about something, your in-the-now complaint adds to the next moment, creating an experience of more to complain about. Especially in love.

I suggest trans women focus on all the things going right in the world. I talk about them all day long in this blog. Trans-attracted men should do the same. Do that and both parties will find themselves meeting positive, high-quality potential mates. People who see the world getting better. People eager to enjoy life with someone who is positive.

Which is why I work with people. People experience a lot of things in life encouraging pessimism. That’s because pessimism sells. A lot of people make a lot of money keeping you angry, in other words. Meanwhile, a lot of other angry people are looking for people like you. And so you meet such people in your life.

Give up negative judgement. Give up being angry too. When you do, you’ll find yourself getting more of what you want. And less of what you don’t. While you’re learning to do that, I can help.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network