#we wasnt supposed to make it past 25

[late-night-programming]

#we wasnt supposed to make it past 25 #jokes on you we still alive #alcohol sobriety

[swooshywoo]

okay pax post time i suppose. i went friday - sunday but sunday was also the travel back day

so friday we (me and my dad) wake up 6 am and we get our vaccine wristbands and day passes, and we were waiting in the annex at like 9:15 lol. which. the convention hall doesnt open until 10. there were soooo many people ive never been to pax before (ive been to other cons) and just wow. and the cheer when the doors opened and everyone flooded in. it felt like home ngl. me and my dad headed straight across the sky bridge to the other side where the more indie booths were to escape the crowd, and we just toured the expo floor checking out everything. my dad is a game dev and worked with indie devs + pax in the past so we just chatted with a few of them while playing their games. very cool to get that insight into the games industry. we showed up to the end of a panel to meet up with some of his friends, and then made dinner plans with a bunch of audio guys.

saturday was the day we (me) were here for because it had the tf2 reunion panel!! i cosplayed scout for that, saw 2 other tf2 cosplayers on the expo floor while we killed time, then showed up an hour early to the panel. and as we waited in line, so many people showed up it got capped 15 minutes before it started •_•. and like 6 people wanted photos of me too it was so fun. there were multiple medics and scouts, there was a demoknight, pauling, blu engineer, blu spy (wearing a heavy disguise), and a pyro. i was at the start of the line and got second row seats, the panel was amazing (theres an official recording somewhere idk where tho :( ). and then we went to the board game floor, found two people looking for players with a game we knew (and loved) already, and that was amazing those two were perfect matches for us.

sunday last day, went to the expo floor again (i was scout again too), played a game, talked to more devs, and killed time until the tf2 autographing. had lunch with a cosplayer id seen around the floor every day, they were super chill and also a father/son nerd duo which was cool. in the line for that i chatted with someone behind me and we played mario kart until it started (we were an hour early again, the line filled up in 25 minutes). got a PW Kaz 8x10 signed by Robin, got the script they read yesterday signed by all 4 of them, and my dad got a Portal 8x10 signed by Ellen. And then it was travel back.

It had been 6 years or more since i was last at a con, and im actually old enough now to appreciate them and feel the happiness that i felt this time. I had like 10 people total take photos of me, and easily twice as many shouts/compliments, and im definitely making my costume better for whatever next con i go to (props basically).

images under the cut

morbius

i did not know there was a etg arcade game?? based tho

the atrium at 6pm (when the expo floor closes (not the rest of the building tho))

THE ONLY SNAKE COSPLAYER!!! we both agreed we have to keep the fandom alive. im putting together a (tpp) kaz cosplay for next con as well.

maid master chief, amongus, and may (?) from it takes two

the only jojo cosplayers!! there was one more jotaro actually but he wasnt a part of this group.

pizza hill. the weapon was a pizza spatula thing (i forget the word)

neuron activation. it was so bad passing by this booth every time

#i hit image limit theres gonna be another part #just hold on

[khodorkovskaya]

09.10.23

so ive been feeling very mentally challenged today so im gonna complain to you guys about it.

so i have this thing with swimming idk how to explain it but like i find swimming so mentally exhausting. it's kinda like washing my hair. like i need to mentally prep for it and it's absolutely tedious, even though it's not supposed to be. idk if it's a sensory issue around water or wet clothes or idk what. but it's just like exhaaausting. so in the summer whenever my friends invite me to go swimming or rent a pedalo or something like that i always make up a billion excuses.

(last week it was my bestie's birthday and she loves swimming so i was like okay, im gonna go swimming with her, it's not a big deal. and it wasn't a big deal becasue i like mentally prepared for it for over a week.)

so here's the thing. my friend lucien has one of those inflatable motor boats. (but his is a military one obvs, cos he's like obsessed with military things, we love quirky special interests.) and he spends all of his free time on it, like he's obsessed. literally every day he's like chillin on his boat. and he's been asking me and my bestie all summer to come on the boat with him. thankfully, we couldn't coordinate bc one week she was on holiday, another week i had my period, then we were both busy, etc. the boat never worked out. and as summer came to an end i was like phew, no boat for me, thank god. but my bestie was a bit upset cos like she loves swimming and she really wanted to go on the boat. but like whatever, there's always a next time.

and this weekend it was 25+ degrees so lucien got the boat out again. and he messaged me on saturday like "hey, boat tomorrow?". and he's been asking me for so long and plus my bestie really wanted to go so i was like okay sure, let's get the boat over and done with.

and lemme tell you, i was dreading it. the night before i was like ughh i don't want to do this please god make the boat not happen. but the weather was lovely, the lake was calm, the boat was inevitable.

and okay, i feel so spoiled. because there i was, on this super cool boat with my friends at the lake chillin under the sun. and i hated every minute of it 😭😭 like idk what it is with me and water. but like i really hate being wet (in the literal way lol!) and being in/near water is so exhausting for me. and at the end i was soooo tired. i went to bed at 9pm and slept for 12 hours, that's how tired i was. like when i tell you, i find water activities exhausting, this is what i mean!

but that wasn't all!

even after 12 hours of sleep (or maybe because of it), i was still exhausted. i had this insatiable hunger, i wanted to eat allll of the carbs. and i had my skating lesson at half past two today. so i was like jesus how am i gonna skate? like i swear, being on the boat the whole day with no mental prep like destroyed me!!! so on my way to the rink i bought a pain au choc with ovomaltine for energy and it woke me up a little bit but mentally i was still not there.

needless to say, skating wasn't great. i was super stiff and shaky. and it sucked bc i look forward to it the whole week and today i really wasnt able to make the most of it.

then i had to go to the shop cos mum had a meeting. and this man came in and wanted to buy a 30chf shirt with a 200 euro note. so i calculated that it's 190chf, so i need to give him 160chf change. and idk if you guys understand, i cannot do mental maths (dyscalculia?? i can't read numbers either, it's a whole thing). i struggle so much with it. my brain goes into 90s dial up internet mode like "beep beep KHRHSHSHHSHHHHHH". it stresses me out so much. so i did 190-30 on the calculator but as soon as i started to hand out the change, the man told me i was doing it wrong. and, because i suck at mental maths, whenever customers tell me ive given them the wrong change, i tend to trust them. so i got confused. and distracted. and i had tunnel vision bc i was still feeling super exhausted. and fyi i have adhd, so this was hell. and i couldn't figure out how much i owe the man or how much i had already given him. and guess what! he ended up scamming me for 80chf!!!! i feel so stupid and terrible. i really shouldn't have accepted the 200 euro bill in the first place, it's such a basic scam technique. like this is first grade cashier safety, but i was completely zoned out. and we lost 80chf, great 😑

then this woman came in. and here i go back to being a weirdo. because i have a lot of trouble recognising faces. at school when id see my classmates outside of school like even at the bus stop, they'd say hi to me and i wouldn't recognise them, it's that bad. and at the shop we have returning customers ofc. and i always feel bad for not recognising them. what's worse is that we have a lot of russian/ukrainian customers and no offense to them but they all look the same. they're all blond and they're all called something like natalia, svetlana or tatiana. and this lady comes in and i say "bonjour", she says hello in russian and it's already awkward because i was suposed to recognise her. she had a bag of clothes to give to my mum so i was like "sure, i'll tell her when she comes back". and i had to ask for her name (it was natalia ofc) and it was awkward bc im sure we've spoken like 100 times before. but since i was so mentally tired i just like couldnt be normal.

then i went grocery shopping with my primary motivation being that i needed to buy vegetables for dinner. did i get the fucking vegetables? ofc not, i forgot. and had to go back.

like im just so tired of being like this. i wish i could just like go swimming like a normal person and be attentive and not socially weird and not have worse short term memory than my grandma with dementia, you know what i mean?

#october

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-25

4:22am - today i woke up at uhh i dont remember. i think like 11. i went to help at donation drive and got another bcafe smoothie i got the strawberry one it was good but i think i like the island one more. then i went to the ww farmers market w chelsea and we got dumplings and kettle corn and we went to brandy and i got pants and socks bc i need to do laundry but i havent yet so now i have another day. then we got more dumplings w claire and kaui and ellie and then i went to class and fell asleep in it oops. i went back to wash my face and do my makeup and then i went to bplate and cafe 1919 and bplate was so ass today. but the soft serve machine at cafe 1919 was finally working so i got dole whip and it was yummy. and thennn i went back to saxon to study w my friend. i fell asleep on the couch and couldnt get up even though my club friend kept calling me to help them make a dance. sorry guys. anyway at 1 i finally dragged myself up and then went to meet them i felt bad bc they were so tired and i also feel like i missed a lot of bonding activities the past two nights. anyway now i am finishing choreographing in hedrick i was abt to record one of the songs and these people walked in the mirror room what am i supposed to do now. i cant be doing this alone in front of people. i guess i will find somewhere. ughhhh i am tired i actually wasnt doing anything despite what everyone thinks. in fact i was abt to and then i got cbd by adams ft. so yeah. i will make dance and then see what time it is. okie byeee <3

sam: sam is doing okie. he is a little stressed for our club event tm but his fam is much more prepared dancey dance wise. omg we prob have to make a jp vlog soon

also oh my god do you see this. ignore the mess lmao but like are you being fr rn. thats not my trash. unless you count using my tissues and throwing them away as mine. im barely in the room you take it out. why should i esp if youre like scared to talk to me to my face ?? who tf leaves a note and uses literally my own stuff to write the note. at least text me jfc. and the double exclamation is so passive aggressive i would know bc thats what i do. im not taking the gd trash out if u ask ima say oops i didnt see that sry. ur gonna have to ask me in person love. ugh what if i just write back ‘no thanks xo !!’

[nguyenthiennhuong]

Lời bài hát We Don't Care

Lời bài hát We Don’t Care

[Chorus] [Kanye West:] And all my people thats drug dealin jus to get by stack ya money till it gets sky high We wasnt supposed to make it past 25 but the jokes on you we still alive Throw your hands up in the sky and say we don’t care what people say [Verse One:] If this is your first time hearing this You are about to experience something cold man We never had nothing handed took nothing…

View On WordPress

[thoughtsofsilk]

gonna come on here to rant for a bit bc no one in real life can find me here and my astrologer told me I can connect to source through my writing so I guess i’ll give it a try

I’ve been separated from someone who I thought was my soul mate for a couple of months now. Its been extremely hard on some days, and some days are easier where I realize and try to find lessons in what we went through.

My heart is still healing.

If you had asked me in December how I was doing with the separation I would be in pieces. Now, approaching June… i feel better, not whole, but better. And that’s something to be proud of. When the universe removed him, i felt like i was taking so many steps back… financially I took a huge hit having to put all my belongings in storage because my parents, as much as i love them, couldnt possibly make the room for my belongings in their 5 bedroom house where its just the two of them living… i got so depressed that I didnt work or create art for months, i depended on my credit cards to pay my bills, i moved in with my bestfriend for 4 months before ultimately coming back to my parents, a place i tried so hard to leave prior to things falling apart… i’m coming up on 8 months since everything happened and i’m just now starting to get on my feet again, and im proud of myself…

If you happen to know me and find this, you will know I wear my heart on my sleeve. I love with everything i’ve got and I like to leave people, places and things better than I found them. I’ll be 25 in a little over a month and in this quarter of time I’ve experienced so much. So much love, so much loss, so much life in general. And every moment, whether sweet or sour has made me into the person I am today. With scars on my heart that show that I loved even when love wasnt being returned.

I’m happy with the person I am… i never let the hurt i’ve been through turn me cold. I’m going to try to hold onto that. Maybe i’ll write again in another 8 months completely healed.

I had been through heartbreak before but this one was different. Its hard to build a life and future with someone and find out in the end that it was a lie… and that’s not even me speculating, he made it loud and clear I was never what he wanted in the end… everything towards the end and after, i feel like how could I be so blind, to not see when someone I came home to every day wasn’t there anymore. The only thing I wish that happened differently, for any of my past lovers and especially my last… if you dont care about me let me go… you not only robbed me of something real but also yourself.. if you’re not happy, be honest, be caring, im a real person with real feelings and we both deserve to be happy. If we are not that for eachother, no hard feelings, life is short, go find your happiness. But dont sit there and keep me when you want something different. Dont keep me around because you’re afraid of hurting my feelings. Let me go

In the past couple of months i’ve had to experience so many things that were supposed to be joyful but instead left me with an ache in my chest… I said yes to a dress that i’ll never get to use, and matched it with a veil that i’ll never wear… ordered custom gifts for bridesmaids that ended up being just gifts for friends, spent time on invitations that never got sent. Changed my phone number because the connection was lost, stopped listening to songs that I used to love when they would come on. Attended my cousins wedding when I should’ve been at my own first, and I never expected how hard it would be to keep it together when my cousin said her vows. When they said “I Do”, when everyone cheered as they walked down the isle. At the reception, the speeches from loved ones, the dancing with our parents and seeing my grandma so happy to see another one of her grandkids get married… I never imagined how hard it would be to experience that when I was planning it all for myself. I tried to prepare myself from days before, telling myself not to cry and just be in the moment. I never knew how triggering a wedding would be for me. despite it hurting to be there im happy I went. Im happy that i overcame my own feelings and was there for my family. But that doesnt mean I want to attend anymore weddings any time soon.

My niece brought up my ex for the first time, he was the only person she ever knew me to be with… we were drawing in my room one night while she was in town and she asked me “are you still mad at him?” I asked “mad at who?” And she responded with what she used to call him and it stung… I told her “im not mad… just sad because he hurt my feelings..” i asked “do you miss him?” And she said “no, because he hurt your feelings.” My niece, who loved my previous partner, who i’ve also seen twice since everything happened, waited until it was just us two to ask me about him. Soon after our split in november, i was on a trip to california for this festival Dreamstate and stopped to visit my niece. I had just arrived and was drawing outside with my niece when my previous partner decided to send me a string of texts after I left him a note saying I hope he’s okay & i’m always there if he needed anything… he went on to tell me that he doesnt care about me and that he didnt care about what I was going through. I told him I wont stoop to his level and say things like that because thats not how i feel, i said I could die tomorrow and these would be the last things you ever told me. He said i always threaten taking my whole life but that wasnt what i meant at all. I remember the last part so clearly because I just told him thanks for reminding me you dont care about me and his response was “your welcome because I dont”. I was trying to not cry in front of my niece during this time because she didnt know.. but I couldnt hold it in… she drew a heart with a sad face on the concrete with some chalk and told me that was me…. This last interaction with her plus the first made me realize she’s known and recognized his absense, she waited until we were alone to ask me just incase i got upset. At my cousins wedding I held her up so she could see the wedding because she’s tiny lol, and when they started their vows and i started crying she wiped my tears. It was the most loving thing i’ve experienced recently. And it was from my 5 year old niece, she could see i was hurting. Im grateful that even with tears streaming down my face I shared that moment with her.

I think i will just have to keep going. I have no choice unless i choose to give up. I owe it to myself to heal and be happy. I know the universe sees my heart. Im trying. Im really trying. To anyone who has hurt me, i wish you happiness. To anyone who has been hurt by me, im sorry. I hope the next time i write this i’ll be in a better place again. If you know me and you find this… just know i wrote this from my heart. And to the person I thought was my person, what you did to me showed me so much. It made me realize you never really know someone or their intentions. You never really know a person even when you think you do. You can spend almost every day with someone for years and one day everything can change. I wish you the best, and I know deep down im waiting on an apology that may never come. But i cant wait. I have to move forward. So i have to forgive you, for myself, for my own healing. And one day when everything catches up to you I hope you can forgive yourself for hurting someone who trusted you with their heart in your hands.

[olde-scratch]

So I watched LUCIDS 1-4 without any prior knowledge...

and here were my thoughts. I didn’t watch any backstory or anything so enjoy my suffering.

PART 1

“So what happens when the people inside of their dreams go to sleep?” They die

“What happens when we wake up? Do they go on living while we’re not there?” THEY DIE-

“Who are they anyway?” they’re faces that our brain catalogs and stores for later use, although it’s also arguable that every time we dream we go to an alternate reality and inhabit the body of another version of ourselves. Now, were you in a car accident and trapped underwater or-

Are they twins?

(Me tuning out to do something)

“-the squirrel in spongebob was your soulmate, making you a Sandy simp-”

Me, snapping back to the video: hold up-

[missed the part about the worksheet, realized it when i rewatched 10 mins later to make this post]

yall speakin gibberish idk what youre saying-

“I’m gonna go to bed.” bro it literally looks like morning-

“You should get some sleep you look terrible.” i get six hours of sleep a night minimum and i look worse than him shut up bro-

“jump into someone else’s dream” ah i know this con-

why they all got the same face-

haha funni meme

“--an interruptiion can create feedback and tear them apart.” Death. I long for thee.

Is that Karl Jacob’s jacket?

“a second grader” makes me think this is a different school system. [i was wrong? i think?]

“[get him to] eat your apple”

[in the dream sequence] weird dream, but ive had weirder. now, Why Pamper’s-

why does he suddenly have a knife-

“You put a filter on the Dreamscape feed?”

“Technically, you are seven years old.”

???????????

the second hand embarrassment is UGGGHHH

[reading the description] you mean like the guy who was knocked out for 2 minutes on a football field and woke to find he’d dreamt 17 years of his life? oh this shall be Fun

PART 2

[I check the description] “jasper cult” what the fu-

how many camp camp references can i make during this

Is the apple a reference to religion or does the creator just really ilke apples?

“meal.”

“meal?”

meal????

Wait why couldn’t that guy eat the apple? If he wanted it in the fruit bowl, wouldn’t there be a chance of the guy eating it anyways?? Why can’t the guy who brought the apple eat it?

well he’s Dead

[debating if I should read the backstory}

n a h h h h h -

Was he gonna feed the dead guy the apple or something? Why is he upset about the apple in this scene???

oooo the grownups are fightinnnngggg

Is he an antagonist?

HE WROTE A BOOK???

oh now i want food

ESTABLISH JUSTICE ENSURE DOMESTIC TRANQUILITYYYYYYYYYYYYY

“I watched all those aforementioned shows” what shows did i miss something what-

man why you gotta hate on her jane austen fanfic let her live bro

string theory! i can get behind that! sorta-

o no he found the memes-

BOY GOT KNOCKED OUT-

kim there’s people that are dying-

is SHE an antagonist?

quinn? calling himself jasper? u sure hes not just nonbinary? is this just a metaphor for transphobic parenting?

“He died... but somewhere, he grew up.” So is your plan to take a Quinn from a different universe and make him your own, thereby robbing another version of yourself from happiness? When does this ever go well?

Yknow most people, when they lose a kid,,,, kinda,,,,,,, dont go on a ceaseless quest to find another version of their kid that grew up without knowing that another version of his mother was invading other peoples’ dreams to find and kidnap him,,,,,,,, like aint u got a therapist-

“Once you get past the point of not knowing what’s real anymore, you realize it doesn’t matter.” Well, I Got Called Out-

PART 3

“you’re real, oliver.”

aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-

“you’ve been infected by the anti-love parasite of Mandadon” the amatonormativity is strong

so anyways ive been infected since birth hbu-

“James Jasperson, creator of Japple” did you mean to Fancy Well-Educated Man in a Black Turtleneck? cause the only FWEMBT i allow near me is prof. hidgens

“are you winning?” says the capitalist

why did you rewind to see his face?? you have the same face????? is this just bc the creator doesnt like working with other people cause in that case same but???????

“it’s a bad idea. i’m not gonna do it.” we’ve all been there. and we’ve all done it.

looks like me trying to study. (i say, a person who has studied a total of five minutes throughout their entire life.)

your “Spartan trial” looks like a bunch of guys standing on a hill pretending to be something they’re not. Let The Man Bring His Snacks.

eat the apple.

is this your first existential crisis or something what a loser lets all point and laugh

“One of you should be spared, the other shall’nt.” did you mean shant or was that a choice-

yall gonna get called out for talking shut UP

“sorry if this is too personal, btw. are you okay?”

me, confused and half understanding what’s going on and also needing to sleep cause its almost one in the morning but wanting to finish what i can find of lucids which i only starting watching cause i saw an animatic of ranboo and dream w audio from it: i don’t know anymore

“i just want my life back... i was gonna get married-” AREN’T YOU LIKE SEVEN-

ay man if this is a sacrificial cult yall gotta get daniel-

UPDATE: I  H A V E  N O T  F O U N D  I T -

“oliver”

I  F O U N D   I  T -

WHICH ONE IS QUINN?? WHO’S JASPER???? WHICH ONE IS BENJAMIN???? I THOUGH BENJAMIN WAS SEVEN BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED WHAT-

oliver. eat the apple.

“Can you still have memories even when you’re dreaming?” One time I woke up to my alarm and fell back asleep and in my dream I remembered that I had class in a few minutes and my dream self woke my real self up so fast I thought I was gonna get whiplash. Anyways, I was late to class bc of my computer but that doesn’t matter.

NOPE I FOUND IT. HERE’S THE AUDIO. THE ANIMATIC ONE. FINALLY.

im thinking car crash. but also maybe murder. but also maybe both? is it raining or was he drowning? is he in a coma? hmmmmmm?

wait olivers the one with the apple does that mean he’s the one dreaming? is the ending gonna be him and jasper (quinn? idk) fighting against ben and mrs hills about jasper eating the apple to save oliver from the dream? hmmmmmmmmmm-

waitwaitwait i thought oliver was 7 how is benjamin 7 years younger than him if they look the same age what what what explain america explain what you mean arkansaw-

are the cuts on his nose plot-relevant or

“What if you hadn’t been driving?” So I was right about the car accident but Mrs. Hills still said he was seven so did i mishear her say that BENJAMIN was seven? but even then oliver would be 14 and that would still be illegal-

“How are you feeling?”

“Like you’re a pretty bad therapist.”

mood

“--it makes it all bearable to have power over the stories we write in our heads” that’s why i write fanfiction

HE’S GOT THE NOTEBOOK HE’S GONNA WRITE SOMETHING ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

WHAT YOU MEAN AN EXPERIMENT THAT’S HIS NAME-

[upon reading the description] so i was right.

wait was that supposed to be the twist in part 2 about the apple in his pocket is that what the existential crisis was about i thought it was because he was introduced to the multiple worlds theory-

PART 4

wait wasnt the other one january 2018 why we going back to 2017-

appol

“--the future and the past all already exist” mhm yep figured this out long ago

there was simultaneously a point in time in which i hadn’t known about this, had been looking it up, had been watching it, and had been writing an ending to this post, and had been posting it the next morning before class. that time is both now and not now. Welcome To The Multiverse Theory or whatever its called-

“--my favorite scene of the movie is waking up next to you.” Mine is eating fast food as I listen to AJJ and play Minecraft. We are not the same.

Now I’m hungry but it’s 1 in the morning and i already put my retainer in god fu-

[reading description] what do you mean previously??? she did that in the first episode????????

[still on description] WHAT DO YOU MEAN WILL QUINN BITE THE APPLE AND GO TO BENJAMINS REALITY ISNT THIS OLIVERS REALITY AND HE HAS TO GET BEN TO BITE THE APPLE WHY IS APPLE CAPITALIZED IS THIS THE DOING OF THE FWEMBT

i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have wa-

[description] oh ive been spelling quinn right the whole time nice

i hope she rejects you /j

WAIT BENJAMIN WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE

ISNT HE IN SECOND GRADE-

HE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD HOW IS HE GETTING MARRIED ARE THERE TWO BENJAMINS THAT WE’RE FOCUSING ON-

bro get out of the road ull get hit

how do you knOW WHICH ONE IS QUINN THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON-

so

wait

hills wants ben to feed quinn the apple bc in his mind, that will give hills and quinn a happy ending and she doesnt want ben to see the apple bc thats gonna mean ben will know that his reality isnt reality at all. so then oliver has to,,,, not let anyone eat his apple? he just has to wake up?

IS HILLS THE VILLAIN AFTER ALL ORRRRR

wait but if ben sees the apple wont he realize that his reality is wrong and his reality will change, making it so that hills doesnt get her son? or is there some time-based rule that says they’re only transported to the reality that the person believes at that moment? or is this another stab at the multiverse thing where an infinite amount of hills gets their happy endings while an infinite amount of hills doesnt and etc etc?

i should have watched the ba-

oooo dramatique

they’re in a time loop?

nope thats a new powerpoint

wait so theyre,,,, no-

wait-

nvm-

IS THE BEN WE KNOW AN ADULT GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE OR NOT-

“they were actually pretty nice” didnt they throw someone off a cliff-

oh so it got confusing THEN??? NOT BEFORE?????

“it all seemed so real.” is that Not the point of vivid REM sleep hallucinations-

is oliver gonna show ben the apple and ruin hills’ whole operation

WHO ARE ALEX AND RYAN-

“what’s 25-8″ bro dont do this to me-

yep hes gonna show the apple

ayyy the guy who stole karl jacobs jacket it back

the second hand embarrassment is back and I Hate It

all that happens in episode ONE??? bro get some better writers that is bad pacing

“it’s the best!” wait until season eight. no show has a good season eight.

quinn knows about the apple thing w the dreams and multiverse and realities dont he

YOU KILLED HIM

NOT KARL JACOBS NOOOOO HES ALREADY DIED ONCE

oliver is v relatable

wHaT iN tArNaTiOn-

lemme hear that explanaton again-

is bill cipher gonna show up? i hope bill cipher shows up. i miss gravity falls

“ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” moooooooood

did hills murder quinn

is your family the jasper cult

TOXXIICCCCCC get that lady out of your life quinn that is so toxic

“ ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!  ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S THE END NO WHAT WHY NO

The Adventures of Benjamin and Oliver

he is Not Good

ope-

wait so ben is equal parts an adult AND a child?? okay that clears a lot up

I MEAN HE WAS RIGHT THO BEN U CAN’T REALLY ARGUE ON THAT-

ew get off the floor

butterfly effect, multiverse theory, memory decay, and your imagination ALL exist yall gonna ignore that cause you wanna be famous?

“We already know what the future looks like!”

aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-

to add to the list of bad things: Cats (2019)

YA BOI THINKS IT’S NOT ALREADY FIFTY YEARS TOO LATE TO START FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE FFFFF

BINGO BABYYYY

get what what

what mapped-

awwwww he thinks THEY’RE creating the multiverse

you gonna dismiss the multiverse theory bc of something you created in your current reality? loooserrrrrr

ABUSE YOUR GODLIKE POWERS

she draggin that seven year old

a lot makes sense now why didnt i do this first-

Jasper

the food shortages-

bro that calculators like 90 bucks at walmart

imagine meeting a stranger and they know Everything about your life like that’s gotta be so weird

what’s even weirder is them telling you you’re the deity of a cult that sacrifices animals

THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK WAS-

KARL JACOBS IS DEAD NOOOOOO

ooohhh there’s context for that

OOOOHHHH THERE’S CONTEXT FOR THIS TOOOO

w h a t -

w  h  a  t  -

W   H   A   T   -

Conclusion:

it’s 2 in the morning and i need sleep but hOOOOO MY GODS THAT WAS GOOD IS IT OVER OR NOT IDK ANYMORE IM TIRED THAT WAS CRAZY I HOPE QUINN AND JASPER GO ON TO BE VERY GOOD FRIENDS, AND I HOPE BENJAMIN AND OLIVER STAY VERY GOOD FRIENDS AND I HOPE HILLS FINDS A THERAPIST WAS A LITTLE CONFUSING BUT I ENJOYED IT

if i dream about apples im suing /j /lh

#lucids #nicholas podany #there's a metaphor in there somewhere #but im not gonna be the one to find it #i dont think i dreamed about apples #youre safe for now podany #for now #EDIT #I PUT 'something their not' #WRONG THERE #I HAVE NO EXCUSE #IM SORRY

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!

#nonitxt #meta #another hot take from me #but seriously if you're offended over these #unfollow me lol idc #defending predatory content is not a hill im gonna die on in this life

[ceeweej]

YOU'LL EITHER GET IT OR YOU WON'T??????????

I HAVE ADHD AND I DIDNT KNOW IT UNTIL I WAS 24. OR 25. WHICH WAS ALSO THIS PAST YEAR (?) THAT I FIGURED IT OUT (?) (AND BRO I LITERALLY CANNOT PROCESS TIME AS OF MARCH 2020. LIKE IM COOL. IM WITH IT. BUT I DONT *FEEL* IT.)

IS THE REASON I'M SO /RELATABLE/ BECAUSE I SAY "Y'KNOW" A LOT?

THAT ALMOST SOUNDS LIKE A JOKE BUT IM RLY THINKING ABOUT IT BECASUSE ADDINBG "YKNOW" AFTER YOU SAY A THING WITH A CERTAIN INFLECTION CLUES THE PERSON YOURE TALKING TO INTO THE FACT THAT YOUR TONE WAS SIGNIFICANT

BTW SPEAKING OF TONE

IM NOT ACTUALLY SHOUTING. I JUST FEEL THE NEED TO TYPE IN CAPS RN. I THINK IT..... HELPS ME....? HOLY SHIT. I'VE NEVER MADE THAT CONNECTION BEFORE. IT TOOK ME LIKE. OK ITS PROBABLY BEEN 6 MONTHS OF KNOWING FOR SURE ABOUT ADHD (BUT STILL NOT *FOR SURE* FOR SURE BC LIKE I DIDNT GET A SPECIALIST EVALUATION BUT LIKE........... WE KNOW)

wERE ALL tjer FUICKING HOMESTUCK TROLLS SUPPOSED TO BE

NEURODIVERGENT. scratch that straight up every homestuck character is literally neurodivergent i will not be accepting any feedback or criticism on this point

god ansd like. listen this

im just. okay listen ig i;m not Masking my typing, let's sat. if i just keep all the tpypoos in my tpyiong there because thats hiw it ha[pens. Okay. Now I am gong Slow. I'm Wow. actually. going slow and typing right i can't. Think the same. Ialso instinctively backspace to fix typos more when going slow. ooooh..... wait. broi literlally. forgot that TYPING IS A SKILL!!!! just like! any other thing I do with my body! I was a little fucke dup internet gremlin as a child becAUSE!@! NECAUSE!!!!! I WAS BULLIED FOR BEING NEURODIVERGENT COUGH COIYGH AHEM COUGH ADSFDSHJNDFBC HFJGFKUYTLASF

omg dude like honestly thinkijg of posting this and someone reading it is acruallt so funny., is this art?> do you know what i am saying? I am not dont thing. ??????? hello? I am not doing this intentionally. I havent been able to shut my bra i n o f fffff let me go back to doing Research on..... ohhh hmy god. i mean this is how people DO IT. THIS IS WHY TUMBLR IS THE ONLY VALID PLATFORM. THE SHIT IS READABLWE!!! I CAN READ ALL OF WHAT IM TYPING AS I GO AND I CAN STREAM OF CONCHOIIUS. CONCHES. like the shell. its a pun. self conches. idk, thats what my brain says whenever i think Self Conscious. I think it's because I always mix up Conscious and Conscience. Do? Do you? YOU? I am genuinely asking like it;s gonna sound like maybe I am being weird internet Funny man. But listen, if you are reading this please tell me. I havent asked the question yet, here it is: Do you think about words in this way???? Am I literally insane! Like I make sense to em (me). Like I have to self edit every thing that comes out of my entire being. But god, doesn't everyone? Is the issue that I do it or that i'm aware of it? I'm questioning myself. i find myswlf! ASKING@!! WHYN CANT YOY JUST! DO IT! JUST DO IT FO ITY DO IT DO IT DOTI DTFHGFH

but i

i dont think i can?

and like

im...... like im fine with that. in fact i tjink it's cool and sexy of me to see things differently. i didnt say this at the start of this but i find it actuallly--

[ UJHHHHHH INSANE NOW THAST YA MENTION IT THAT I COULD WRITE AS MUCH AS I WANT ON A TUMBLR POST AND IOT JUST EXISTS LIKLE THAT. LIKE. IM SURE INSTAGRAM CAPRTIONS HAVE A CHARACTER LIMIT *EVENTUALLY?*** RI]

-- like something else i realized is. I dont think I haaaaave disassociative identity disorder. And i am fully aware that I could be overpathologizing. at present i have had *pretty severe* insomnia

i dont think much has changed ok yeah i really dont. know. im like "no, i've always felt this way. i'm normal. <3" whats disassociative identitity disorder?

i feel like it could be true that i have an Identity Disorder. i have had issues with mySelf and how i View myself and how other Perceive me and what others Think of me and. phewwww yknow???

one thing! too!

what IS mania???

that wasnt it that was something else

I DONT FEEL BAD I JUST FEEL DIFFERENT

---- ok so like this section right here is gonna be another homestuck thing:? --

god shut tf up

like it's meaning less i know it's nonsense. it's compulsive? Whatever its how im coping bc i cant fucking sleep and i hate not being able to fucking SLEEP BINGO THATS IT THERE IT IS I HAVE T R A U M A ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SFALL THE FUCK ASLEEP

and UHHHH trauma thats mildly related to homestuck but in a way thats entirely shitty people who werent like a part of homestuck ""fandom"" per se treated me at the time i was Reading it and nothing to do with the actual comic itsef which is just forever Tainted. i had a big brain thought about epil. epidemic memory. im feeling scared? now bc i realize my mom does this exact same thing. i didn't use to. why scared? i Smoke Oui'd now and hmmmmmmHMMMM my mom made me scared of drugs. oh my god. my mom literally lied to me and i could tell but i came to the wrong conclusion? or. no i couldnt tell she was lyi

i COULD tell. I could tell that my mom, when she said that she expeimented with drugs to "see what they were like" like, she literally phrased it something like , "" i REMEMBER That. i (signaling me to me) REMEMBER (sticks out that what i (subject) (me) is doing is REMEMBERING something (use memory part of brain) (ok) (types note to myself to.... RUN THE PROCESS? BEFORE THE PROCESS STARTS? BC WOAAAHHHH BRAIN WORK. IS THAT. WHAT DOES IT SAY THAT I AM AWARE OF THAT? AM I MAKING ANY SENSE AT ALL?

this is so chaotic it's so funny to me. esp the more i focus and normally i would........ look away or dissOCIATE??? TO KEEP ZONING OUT???? AAAUUHGHHH AAAAAHHH PSYCHIC DAMAGE UNTO ME OOHHHH AAUOOWWIIEEE

but NOW im trying to be mindful and Expressive of literally how i feal with every goddamn keystroke that i have the ability to control. if u dont get it jsut move on babt there's a lot to it. mayb e iu'll reference something later that will make it make sense that's thje BEAUTY OF IT stay WITH ME on the JOURNEY i would chastise myself for Explaining it to you but god all i wamnt and strive for is to be Understood. and my system MAKES SENSE! If you let it make sense! See through the Etrrors. somer of them are because my hands are Really hurting and burning ooo aaaa but imtriyng to be mindful of it, becausde again, somrtimes i do this anyway and i just Dissociate and

wow. shit. ok. that was Hurting me. i took a break and did some stretches. could do more. should look into getting a good dication machine but. if i cant Type it i cant get my Meaning Across the same. yknow when john green margo? margot? fuck ow from uhhh

ok whatever not important i guess cabt be FUN with CARPAL TUNNEL

i have so many more thoughts but theyll have to Wait

goodnight

- its 6am!

[anythingandeverything1d]

Moved On

“Oh yeah. You’ve already met him and Im going to need my gi- my friend to help me stay calm because I know I’m not going to like him. So get dressed because you can't wear my clothes to her house.” He smirked and added, “even though you definitely pull off the look.” You rolled your eyes and groaned knowing very well you needed to go and help him through the evening for Gemma’s sake. He laughed knowing he won the argument. “I kind of like the friend card.” 

You didnt say anything just took off his shirt and tossed it to the floor. Friends? Really? Is that all we are? Do friends do that? What even was that? Why did I even let that happen? Questions flooded through your mind as you were fixing your hair. You had thrown on a pair of leggings and a hoodie, the hoodie Harry had given you because he accidentally shrunk it in the laundry and it no longer fit him. Harry had thrown on a t-shirt and found his pants but he was sitting on the edge of your bed thoughtfully watching you. “What?” you asked turning around to face him.

“Nothing...” he mumbled standing up. Harry had decided to gain an attitude on the way to Gemma’s and you were not a fan of it. 

The two of you walked up to Gemma’s door. You were standing slightly behind Harry, your heart racing fast. You were nervous and on top of that you were worried about what Gemma and Mical would think of you being there with Harry and not Tom. Would they be able to tell what just went on with Harry? Would they care? Would they figure it out and tell Tom? What would Tom say? Questions were overtaking your mind and Harry was looking at you concerned. “Sorry...did you say something?” you mumbled looking at back at him.

“I asked if you were ready...” Harry looked at the door and you nodded. He slowly knocked and Gemma answered the door almost immediately.

“Harry tell me how it takes you so long to get here. I called over 30 minutes ago...(y/n) lives 5 minutes away..there is absolutely no excuse.”

“I do have an excuse actually. (y/n) was the one taking forever to get ready.” Gemma looked at you, realizing you were actually there with him. 

She smiled and pulled you into a hug. “(y/n)! I’m so glad you're here! Is Tom here too?”

“N-” you were about to answer but Harry cut you off with an eye roll.

“No, why would he be here?”

“Well they are dating...I assumed he would be here too.” Harry shot you a look. You hadn't really had that conversation with him yet and you could tell he was now pissed hearing it from Gemma instead. 

“Well he’s not here.” Harry pushed past Gemma without another glance at you and made his way into the house. “Where’s this boy at Gemma. I want to get this over with.”

Gemma looked at you confused and you sighed walking in behind her. “He went to pick up a pizza for everyone..he should be back soon.”

“So then why were you on my ass about being late. He’s not even here”

“Well had you been here 25 minutes ago he would have been.”

“Well I wasnt here then and he's not here now there shouldn't be any judgement  on my arrival time if you expect me to-”

“Harry can I talk to you for a minute?” you interuppted not giving him a chance to answer. You pulled his arm and dragged him into the guest bedroom. “What’s the attitude for?”

“Why don't you ask your boyfriend? ” Harry snarled. You took a step back and looked at him. You had no idea what to say. He angrily laughed and turned to walk out.

“I was going to tell you. I-”

“Were you? When? When we were having sex? After? When we got to my sisters house? After you realized you had moved on”

“Okay Harry look- I was going to tell you, it just never came up. I didnt really move on and it’s not like we planned on having sex and Tom only asked me yesterday...I didnt even formally accept-”

“But you were planning on it?”

“Yes.” you squeaked out. He didnt even look just walked out, leaving you alone. Tears threatened at your eyes and you sat on the floor trying to calm yourself. Gemma cautiously walked in and knelt next to you.

“Feels like we've been here before.”

You laughed, shooting snot out of your nose as tears fell down your cheeks. She rubbed your back and you looked over. “I’m sorry I ruined your night.”

“You didn’t, if anyone other than Harry did it was me. I shouldn't have brought up Tom when you and Harry walked in with that look.”

“What look?”

She laughed and wiped a tear, “did you and Harry not have sex before coming here?”

Your face burned red and your mouth dropped. “Wha-”

“(y/n)” she laughed. “Harry was glowing. Literally more confident and happy than I have seen him in months. You were too. I mean you a little less than him but also I’m guessing you were feeling a little torn?”

You nodded and wiped your nose. “I did what Harry did to me...I cheated on Tom and and I didnt even regret it.”

Gemma nodded and smiled, “That’s because your heart has always belonged to Harry. It didnt feel like cheating right? It felt natural like it was supposed to be there.”

You nodded and thought about it. Harry was always the one. You could fake your feelings for Tom all you wanted but it never felt the way being with Harry did. You loved Tom like a brother. Harry was the one you wanted to have kids with. You never really connected the dots until now. You had been so mad at Harry for breaking your trust but you had never stopped loving him. You looked at Gemma. “What do I do?”

“I think the best thing is to let him calm down and then try explaining everything...”

You nodded and sadly smiled. “I’m going to go. I need to talk to Tom about everything anyways and I don't want to be the one ruining your evening while Harry tries to get to know Mical.”

“Sure you don't want to stay for the drama?”

You laughed, “I think I would cause more drama than watching it.”

She smiled, “Something tells me that may be the case right now.” You stood up and took a deep breath. 

“Thanks Gem, as always you know just what to say.” You hugged her before walking to the door. You opened it revealing a smiling Mical holding a large pizza. 

“(y/n) what a lovely surprise!” 

“Hi Mical!” you smiled warmly. Harry who was lounging on the couch had wandered into the door frame and was watching everything unfold.

“Are you leaving already?” Mical asked confused.

“Yeah, uh” you sniffled and gave a small smile. “I was actually on my way out to Tom’s.”

“Ah lovely! Would you care for a slice of pizza first?” 

“No- thank you though...I really should be leaving.” you stepped out the door and turned around looking at Gemma. “Thanks Gem.” you said with a nod.

“Anytime love, you know that.” Your eyes caught Harry’s one last time, they burning into yours as Gemma closed the door. You took a deep breath and jumped in the car.

You arrived at Tom’s late. You didnt even know if he was home or awake. You knocked on the door and his roommate opened with a surprised look. “(y/n).”

“Hey, sorry its late is Tom home?”

“Uh yeah come on in, Tom!” he yelled. Tom came walking down the stairs with a smile.

“(y/n)!” he hugged you tightly and smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to talk to you..” you had tears in your eyes and Tom’s expression changed.

“Are you okay?” he asked ushering you to the couch. “Do you want me to make tea?”

“No-no. Thats okay really I’m okay.” you sat down and wiped your eyes. “I uh I just wanted to say- to say I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? What for?”

“Tom, youre so amazing. Youre talented, nice, caring, and not bad to look at either..” you laughed and looked into his eyes. “But-”

“But I’m not Harry Styles.” he finished. You looked surprised. You looked at him and slowly nodded slightly confused. He sighed and looked at you sadly. “I kinda guessed that was coming..you react so much differently to him than to me. I mean tonight when he got here the whole mood shifted. Youre almost like drawn to him. I’ve never seen it before. I wish it was you and I but a part of me knew I could never replace that, and that's okay..”

You were crying now. He was rubbing your back. “I’m sorry Tom. I really do love you its just- its not the same with Harry. I wish you were the one I had these feelings for. It would make everything so much easier.”

“Love is never easy.” he joked.

You nodded and he hugged you tightly. “(y/n) you need to tell Harry how you feel. You need to explain it. You also can tell him if he hurts you again, he will have to deal with me, your neighborhood SpiderMan.” 

You laughed. “We can still be friends right?” He grinned and held your hand.

“Of course, we still have to finish the SpiderMan movies.”

You hugged him and stood up. “Thank you. You really are amazing Tom. Youre going to make a girl really happy.”

“I hope so, maybe when I have more time.” 

He walked you to the door and kissed your cheek. “Bye Tom.”

“Bye (y/n). Good luck, and tell him how you feel.”

“I will...eventually.” He smiled one more time before closing the door.

You took a deep breath. That went way better than you had expected. You decided to go home. After showering and changing clothes you climbed into bed. You wanted to call Harry, but you didnt want to interrupt his evening with Gemma and Mical. You opened a text to him and attempted a few different things before throwing your phone at the foot of the bed. You decided it was better to let him cool off all together so you turned on Netflix and started watching Outerbanks. Before you knew it you were sucked in, watching almost 3 episodes in a row. You heard a noise downstairs at your door and froze hoping you had locked the door. What if someone was looking to kill you because you had your dads compass... Ridiculous, yes but the thought crossed your mind. Eventually the noise went away but you still grabbed your phone in case you needed to call 911 at some point in the night. You decided you had enough murder mystery for the night and turned off the tv, leaving only the light of your phone in the dark. Harry was still on your mind. You wanted him to not be mad at you for so long. You wanted to tell him everything. You decided against your earlier judgement and texted him. *Are you still mad at me*

You turned off the phone and waited, your heart pounding. Every two seconds you checked for an answer, disappointed there wasnt one. You watched the read receipt come on and got anxious for the response you saw he was typing. But then the text bubbles disappeared. You waited another minute for the text but soon realized he was ignoring you. Your heart dropped into your stomach and you turned off the phone. Clearly he was still mad at you. You had drifted into an uncomfortable sleep, tossing and turning all night.

 In the morning you woke up feeling exhausted. You turned and opened your eyes, surprised to find Harry sleeping in the chair across from you. You jumped a little bit and your heart actually felt like it had stopped.”Harry?” you mumbled, sleep still in your voice.

He shifted, opening his eyes and brushing the hair back form his face. He looked at you, his face red.

“What are you doing? How did you-”

“You left your door unlocked.” you could hear the sleep in his voice, it made it 10x deeper. “I needed to see you, to talk to you...but you were sleeping and you looked so sweet I just couldn't wake you.”

“Harry-”

“No, stop.” He stood up and walked over, sitting on the bed next to you. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for overreacting last night. I’m sorry for taking my frustration out on you. Thats not how a friend treats another friend and we aren't anything more than friends so I had no place to talk.”

“No, Harry.”

“(y/n) just accept my apology. I don't want to lose you...you're a- you're a great friend.” He swallowed and looked at you. You sat up, running your finger over his cheek.

“I love you.” he leaned into your hand and smiled.

“So you still want to be friends?”

“No.” you looked at him and his head fell with a sad expression.

“I understand.” He stood up and began walking you. You realized what he was thinking. You jumped out of bed and ran to him, pulling his wrist towards you.

“Harry. I don't want to be your friend because I want us back.” He stopped, slowly turning to face you.

“You want us back?”

“Yes. I want you and me. I want us to go back to how things were before. I want to love you the way I did before. I want to kiss you whenever I have the chance. I want us to be forever.”

Harry didn't even say anything, he just smiled and kissed you. You reached your arms up around his neck and he lifted you up. Your lips never left his and he grinned whispering, “I love you.”

“I love you.” you kissed him back, drowning in the feeling of his love.

“So Tom?”

“Is out of the picture.” 

“And us?”

“We are whatever you want us to be.”

“I want us to get married.” you stopped and looked at him. His green eyes were twinkling.

“What?”

“I want us to get married.”

You smiled and kissed him again. “Okay.” All of your conflicted feelings had disappeared and a feeling of content had replaced them. You knew Harry would always be the one and there was nothing more you wanted than to spend the rest of your life with him. You knew your feelings would never fade. That much had been proved in the last few months.

He smiled, kissing you again. “Okay.”

---

The ending to the Cheating Series! Hope you enjoy! xoxo

#one direction #directioners #one direction fanfiction #one direction imagines #Harry Styles #harrystyles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines

[clementineesotsm]

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH EP 4, My Appreciation and How It Made Me Feel

Gon now realize his destiny. You know when people have insecurities here and there he will be someone who is overthinking and think of the worst future first. He finally have the courage to come to Cheonjongo after a long time and takes the swords, however the swords has much more deeper meaning, as said by his father “The sky betows the heart upon us, and the ground helps the spirit. The sun and the moon are formed. As the mountains and streams form, lighting strikes. A sage is moved to defeat the evil of the mountains and streams, wield it with deep thoughts and make things right” Only the King can become the owner of it as its his destiny to use it right and fight evil as is supposed to. It is a very meaningful scene, Gon’s taking the swords, his memories with his father, and him actually keeping the swords near him and he is now understand his destiny. 1 more thing, i love how they made past scene screen was smaller than the present. Makes us realize that this is past. Not important, but i just loved the detail

Time stopped. What.a.great.cinematography.

Many people said they confused because they cant find clues or clear description whether now we are in Corea or Korea now. That is weird. They are obvious. Gon is back to Corea everyone can see it. we saw Lee Rim in book store means he is in Corea, then he realize that the time stopped indicates the nephew going back and forth the portal, now Lee Rim is in Korea because time stopped in Gon’s place and he gave his sidekick doppelgänger a book about the rare mineral, which is not exist in Korea. I actually really appreciate this subtle clues, make this show fun to watch. AND NOT CONFUSING AT ALL! Damn you haters.

Here we also get sight of Gon’s mom doppelgänger, i seriuosly thinking the reason why Lee Rim kept his mother not only to use her againts Gon but because Lee Rim actually love her in Corea. Which is the wife of his brother. Then he comes to his photo station, as all the evil which is creepy here we also see it creepiness. I love how they show us this scene and Prince Buyeong face, its kind of makes me think Prince Buyeong will somehow go againts Gon and lied. Im scared ! I love him a lot

Back to JTE who doesnt understand what was something beautiful that Gon’s saw before at the park. I love how they make the transition of JTE step back to see wider on what he might saw that time and Gon feet that move forward to take closer look to JTE. Beautiful.

The the scars shows up again on Gon’s shoulder, which is still a mystery for us. But he use it to run away 😅 the mystery continues with the result of Lee Sang Do’s 2G phone. Inside it there is only news, a strange one.

And its finally November 11, the date in JTE new id match the id that Gon keep for 25 years. What is it means? There are a lot of questions but the fact that finally they see each other again was so satisfying yet sad. There are still some distance between them eventough they are facing each other. I kind of feels that they are holding back. Because Gon’s insecurity of she might not waiting for him, and JTE trust issues. Seriuosly i want to shake both actors by the hands, they are seriously good at acting it. It doesn’t felt awkward, its very natural. This part of the series was pretty intense because of the ID and Gon’s actually asking JTE to come to his world to see the ID he is keeping by herself. And for her to follow this stranger to somewhere, nowhere, actually told us she actually kind of take him seriously now. And she definitely developed feelings for him during his absence. So im not buying it when people calling her gold digger. She is not.

The last part remains masterpiece, JTE leap of faith to follow Gon, and finally arriving Corea. Which i already waiting this to happen since the very beginning. And this exact line and him whisper on her ear “See? I am right, wasnt i?” And her looking back to see him “I am the King of the Kingdom of Corea, my name, which you cannot say is, Lee Gon” excuse me, this scene was everything, the words, the music, the circumstances, everything was great. The best episodes so far. And it keeps me frustrated waiting for next week to come quickly

How it made me feel:

Damn, what an episode! What a gloomy one i might said. Thanks to Jangmi and Jo Yeong for at least makes a bit of light to this. I loved this episodes. Many revelation but also many new homework for us viewers. I fell in love deeper with each character especially the leads. I love how it was a solid episode, and a very important one for the story development. What i really love here was they let us to see Gon’s and JTE daily activity (although i prefer they use the Lee Sang Do case than just to catch a thief). Because there we can realize how fond they are to each other. And i love we also could see Gon’s interaction with his family, how Lady Noh scolded him like a mom, how he have a chit chat with the uncle who like a father (eventhough it ended a bit serious), how he felt convenient around Jo Yeong who is like a brother, and also secretary Mo. I appreciate his inner circle, they are what made him a well grown orphan. And i can see why. I also love how we were shown in this episode a burden carried by both close people in Gon and JTE side, Prince Buyeong and KSJ. Which i appreciate because it made me think of the potential of them being in the opposite side. Which add tense to my curiosity. Kudos!

#the king eternal monarch #tkem #lee min ho #kim go eun #woo do hwan #jung eun chae #kim kyung nam #lee jung jin #kim eun sook

[chicagopd2020]

New Beginnings Are Good For Everyone Ch.5

Waking up the next morning was one of the easiest things she ever done, which was weird because she hated monday mornings so much. But getting up and going through her morning routine just to make sure everything is right before she heads out for her first day as member of the Chicago PD Intellgence Unit. Kim had a little extra pep in her step and she was happy about it because it hadnt been there in a long time. She grabbed her jacket & keys ready to walk out the door. She stops for coffee to make sure that doesnt hit a wall in the middle of the day.

Kim walks into the station and she sees Sargent Platt, she decides that the best thing to do is to talk to her and to see what she is suppose to do. She stands there silently as Sargent Platt finishes the conversation with the officers in blue. When Trudy looks up and notices Kim she tells the officers to move along. She welcomes her back and asks if she is ready for her first day.

Kim replies happily that she was more than ready to prove herself to everyone. She kept small conversation with Trudy until Trudy looks behind her and notices one of the members of the Intelligence Unit.

Upton?

Yes Sargent?

You know Agent Kim Burgess?

Yes I know Kim

Well would mind buzzing her upstairs with you just until we can get her into the system.

Of course, follow me Kim and show you where you are going to start spending most of your time

Oh I cant wait.

I promise you that will change, I love my job but you have no time for a personal life.

I guess that it is a good thing that I am a woman focusing on her career right now and not a romantic relationship.

They carry on with their conversation with their small climb of the stairs, Hailey walks her to Voights office and wishes her good luck even though she knows she will see her in just a couple mins.

Kim welcome to your first day as a memeber of intellgence, just want to go over a few things while we wait on the last couple people to show up. He starts going over the rules and not that there was many rules but he lives strongly by the few rules that he has.

Kim has noticed that Hank Voight is not your normal Sargent but she wasnt wanting normal she was just wanting to serve justice for the city of Chicago. She continues to listen intently to what Voight is saying taking everything he was saying to the heart so she knows what not to do to get on his bad side. I am going to give you a few weeks to study everything, I have set up your test in two weeks for you detective exam. The moment finally comes to where he asks if she had any questions

I will make sure that I study up on everything that I need to know so that I can pass the test of my first try. I say things like that so I can keep it in my mind that I will pass the test and that I can do anything I put my mind to.

I know that everyone is partnered up with someone, I was just curious who my partner was going to be? I know that no matter who I am with that I will have a great partner. This team just seems like they have each others back no matter if they are actually partners or not.

That we do Kim we are family here, Whatever one member of the intellgence is going through everyone feels the pain, I know that it is weird to say buts it true. We have our fights like any of family but at the end of the day we will have each others back no matter what.

That is exactly what I want because at the FBI yes it was everyone worked as a team but at the end of the day everyone was only watching out for theirselves and if they had the chance to do it they would throw someone under the bus in a heartbeat. That was until Erin came I knew that she would have my back no matter what and she was the only thing that I was going to the miss about it and that was it.

Good to hear Kim, he looks out the window and notices that the whole team is here. Come on lets go out to the bullpin and I will let everyone know all at once who you are going to partnered with.

The door opens and everyones eyes looks toward the door and sees Kim and Hank exiting, Hank finally speaks up, So as everyone of you know Agent Burgess as of today is officially a member of Intellgence and I think she is going to be an amazing addition to the team and I want you all to make her feel at welcome. So as of today Burgess you are going to partnered up with Halstead, Upton you will be with Ruzek and Atwater you will be Olinksy.

Hailey showed Kim where her desk would be, which was actually her old desk. Hank liked the partners to be close to each other that shows they can work as a team not only on the street but in the close quarters of an office.

The first couple hours was kind of quiet just everyone going over cases they had been working on. When Voight walks out of the office and catches all of their attenion.

We have a case, We are looking at a small drug smuggling team that is somewhat new to the city, and one of the leaders of the team is trying to look normal or something because he has a nine to five job and he doesnt live in these high priced homes to make it not look so obvious but the others, they are staying hid very well because there has been no trace of any clues as to who any of his partners are. This is Lorenzo Lopez he is best known as Enzo.

Kim finally looks away from the file in her hands and takes a look at the picture hanging on the board, and her eyes go huge. She looks over a Jay and they share this look knowing that this was the neighbor that Jay thought was very sketchy. Voight must have caught onto that look, cause he questioned them.

What is that look the two of you just shared?

Well it turns out that he lives in our building and right next door to Kim. He just moved into the apartment a few weeks ago and he seemed kind of sketchy but I never really thought anything of it.

Kim was just lost in her thoughts that she didnt really hear the conversation that was going on. Until Jay tapped her shoulder to get her attention. She slightly jumped that never happens, she just thought that she left him in the past and now she was going to be apart of the team to send him to prison and honestly she cant say that she was upset about it. It was one of the main reasons that she left him she knew that the business that he was in wasnt legal and there was no way in hell that she was going to let him mess up her career.

Kim are you alright?

Yeah, Im just thinking about someway, anyway that we can take him down.

Jay wasnt buying it but it was her first day he wasnt going to push the boundaries just yet. So he just let it go for now.

Halstead you and Burgess go talk to your CI'S and see if they know anything about this. Everyone just keep digging into his past and see what you can dig up.

Kim heard the last sentence and knew that she had to tell someone about her connection to the suspect before someone actually figured it out and wonder why she didnt tell them, so who is best to tell then her partner.

They get into Jay's truck and head out and she knew that if she didnt talk about it now that she never would. She lets out this deep breathe

Jay I need to tell you something.

You can tell me anything. Im here for you

Its about the suspect that we are looking into, you know last night when I said something under my breathe about our sketchy neighbor

Yeah, what about it?

Well, what I didnt tell you is that I know Enzo very very well

How well?

As in we were together for over a year

What?!?!

Yeah, when we first met he was normal like any other guy but then the longer that we were together its like I just didnt get the same vibe from him that I used to. When we would spend time together I would feel uneasy that something could go wrong at any minute. So after that night I just told him that I think that it was best if we seen other people and that I didnt see a future with him. Lets just say that he didnt take it the best and i had to end up moving somewhere else but a few weeks before I found out that I got the job here I felt as if I was being followed and yet somehow we end being neighbors. I didnt want to think nothing much about it when I first set eyes on him but it just seems like he found out from someone that I was moving here and just thought that maybe if he lived here first that I wouldnt think nothing about it.

Kim you definetly have to tell Voight about this

I know I just didnt think that I would ever see him again

Even though you never thought you would see him again doesnt change anything he is our main suspect and you could be the reason he is in Chicago and that may actually lead us to him, I would never actually make you do anything that would put you in danger I hope you know this

I do know this, but whatever helps put him behind bars quicker I am willing to help

Jay talked to a couple of his CI'S and they were not much help, So they started back toward the station when Halstead got a message with an address to meet the rest of the team. As they arrived they seen the team surrounding something on the ground and as they made it to their side they seen that it was a woman who couldnt have been not much older than 25 and she was laying there with a cut throat.

Do we think that this has anything to do with Enzo and his men? Kim questioned

We wont know anything until we get the autopsy back. Says Voight

Sarge is there anyway that I can have a word with you

Yeah, sure

They walked far enough away that nobody would be able to hear what they were talking about. She told him everything that she told Jay and hoped that whatever she told him would help.

Kim I know that wasnt easy to say but I am glad that you told me before we had to find it out on our own and then it would have looked bad on your end and looked like you were hiding something.

Thats what I thought and Jay told me that I should tell you right away and I feel so much better now that I did.

They join back up with the team and all head back to the station. Once they make it back to the station  everyone gathers around the board and Voight feels the team in on everything you told him and they tried to figure out what was the best way they could get his guards down long enough for someone to get into his place to bug his apartment or even his phone.

Kim was the first person to speak up.

I think we know the only person that he is going to even let into his apartment is me

Kim you dont have to do this...Voight and Jay say at the same time

Your right I dont but I know that this is my job and that it is the right thing to do. You could always be close enough to that if I feel threathened that you will be right there.

If you are sure that you want to do this then we will do it

Its the furthest from what I want to do but its what I know needs to be done.

Alright everyone we will put everything in motion tonight. So get ready

Kim cant believe she is the one that thought of this but I think in the end its the only thing that would have made sense, Its the only way they will be able to bust him 

#jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #Jay halstead x kim burgess #kim burgess #chicagopd #chicago pd x reader

[wolferals]

🌝AIRPORTS AND SNOWSTORMS🌝

arón piper preference

*

*

-„girl hurry up!“

-you had spent the last week in Amsterdam to do some research for college and to take some pictures for the magazine your class was currently designing for a project

-and now you were at the airport waiting for your plane to Italy to take off

-it was new years eve tomorrow and you had promised to come to your friends‘ huge party she wanted to celebrate in Sicily

-you were wearing a warm coat and a scarf since it was super cold out and its been snowing for the past 2 days

-„What am I supposed to do? Fly the plane myself?“ you joked over the phone

-„whatever. I cant wait!“

-you then hung up and leaned back in your seat, looking around

-there werent many people here, probably since no one is crazy enough to fly somewhere in a snowstorm

-but the airport people had told you there wouldnt be any problems due to the snow

-you noticed two girls sitting together, talking

-they looked excited about something

-and there was an older woman talking on the phone

-she was wearing a super long red fur coat and some black lace gloves

-rich bitch you thought to yourself

-you wish

-a couple of others were sitting nearby just talking to each other or scrolling through their phones

-you then decided to listen to some music because you had about 30 minutes until boarding started

-25 minutes later you headed towards the gate but a woman stopped you and spoke:“we are so sorry, the plane cannot start right now, the storm is pretty drastic and it could cause some problems.“

-you just stared at her and then asked:“And when will the next plane to Italy go?“

-she shrugged her shoulders and replied:“I‘m sorry, we dont know that yet. But of course you will get a full refund or a rescheduled flight.“

-you stumbled back a little

-they had promised the plane would go

-and now you were stuck here

-you had already cancelled your hotel because you were sure you‘d be able to get to Italy tonight

-„is there nothing you can do?“

-she shook her head and said:“I‘m sorry, we had to cancel all flights.“

-you nodded and then slowly made your way back to your seat

-the first thing you did was call your mom

-and you asked her what to do

-she just told you to either stay at the airport or go back to the hotel in hope of getting your room back

-but since you didnt have enough money with you you couldnt

-so you just stayed there

-you hung up and leaned back in your seat

-„fuck.“ you muttered to yourself

-the other passengers had found out already as well and some were leaving the airport and some just sat down and pulled out their headphones

-after sitting there thinking about what you should do, a guy made his way up to you

-looking just as pissed off as you were feeling inside

-he sat down close to you and put in his headphones as well

-over the course of the next hour you guys kept glancing at each other every now and then

-he was cute, you thought

-he was wearing a brown jacket and a black beanie to keep his ears warm

-and he had chocolate brown eyes that you caught looking at you

-at some point he pulled out his headphones and just looked at you

-so you removed your airpods too and looked back at him

-„i like the 1975.“ he simply said

-his voice was deep and raspy

-you had a thing for such voices

-you then realized you were wearing your 1975 sweatshirt under your coat and you looked down for a second

-„thanks. Really? I thought you were more of a drake kind of guy.“

-he chuckled and then replied:“Maybe i am. But id say I‘m more of a Gregory Palencia, Kanye West kind of guy. You know i like some good rap, not that basic shit.“

-you smiled and answered:“Alright makes sense. So whats your favorite song by the 1975?“

-he laughed

-then he unexpectedly grabbed his suitcase and sat down next to you

-„honestly, i dont listen to them. I just said that because i needed a reason to talk to you.“

-you couldnt believe him

-so you scoffed at him before giving him a playful grin

-„alright Mr Kanye, great first impression check. Maybe wanna continue with some bad pick up line?“

-he grinned at you

-seeing him from so close made you realize that he had some golden specs in his brown eyes

-„actually thank you for mentioning it. I got some great ones. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?“

-„oh god no!“ you exclaimed and looked at him in disgust

-he started laughing and replied:“wait i got an even better one. Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to come in again?“

-you started laughing in his face before answering:“thats funny though.“

-he smiled and started again:“Okay my last one, in my opinion the best thing a guy can say to a cute girl like you. Were your parents beavers? Cuz damn.“

-you hid your face behind your hands while laughing at his terrible jokes

-„so do you think im funny now?“ he laughed

-you turned back to him

-„u know what, yes i do.“

-he laughed with you

-„Arón, encantada.“ he held out his hand

-„Oh hola. I‘m Y/n.“ you answered

-„Hola.“ he just joked

-„so tell me, mr latino. Where were you going?“

-arón started laughing again and then said:“I‘m from Spain, not a Latino. And i was heading back to Madrid actually but since this wont happen tonight im here, like you. Where were you going Ms... where are you from?“

-you told him where you‘re from just to get a:“oh ya i figured.“ from him

-„right. You already knew huh?“

-he looked at you, grinning

-you looked back at him and he smiled

-in his eyes you could see something you hadn’t seen in a man‘s for so long

-passion, emotion, maybe even interest on a larger scale

-and he made you feel good even though you had just met him

-his eyes smiled with him

-„tell me something about you.“ he then spoke leaning back

-„what do you wanna know?“ you replied just as cocky

-„well we got time. Everything.“

-and it felt like suddenly it wasnt too bad you were stuck an airport on a cold December night

-because you met him

-you didnt know what would happen once you got a new flight but you sure as hell knew you wanted to see this guy again

#elite #cute #preference #aronpiper #omander #aronxreader #ander #preferences

[drkcnry67]

its time you all know the truth (day 6)

A/N: @obxmermaid​ this is my day 6 this is gonna be a ride to remember and keep in mind that in the last part Draco and YN told their friends about their relationship and swore them to secrecy.

pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

prompt: being asked what you are thankful for during the holiday season (telling the professors at the christmas feast)

tags: none that i can think of at this time.

mentioning @obxmermaid​      &     @sweetness47​

25 days of hogwarts

the owls over and done, you and your friends were relieved, you all felt a sense of accomplishment, meeting once more in the astronomy tower to laugh and goof off. it was also when they (your friends) could see how happy you and Draco make eachother. 

this was the night of the holiday feast. this is the night where no one eats before hand other wise no one eats too much of the wide spread of food at the feast. 

Draco: we should all get going the feast will be starting soon. 

YN: ooops i am supposed to be there already. i have a surprise for you love. dont worry this is a good surprise. ill see you all at the feast. 

you leave in a hurry you head to stand before the professors and staff in the great hall. you enter and the hall is all decorated. 

YN: sorry im late, i was celebrating with my friends. how did they turn out. 

Minerva: see for yourself.

you see her place a stack of certificates on the podium. these were your official you have successfully completed term 1 of tutoring certificates. it was a new thing you and the professors were all trying. as well as the marks of their owls. 

you would be the one to present these during the feast before you ask the students to say what they are thankful for. you didnt want to say anything rash so you were gonna play cool and say the first thing that came to mind. 

minerva: are you prepared for this feast YN. 

YN: professor can i transfigure myself into my outfit so i save time. please. 

minerva nods her head and smiles as she turns a blind eye to you transfiguring into your outfit. Minerva turned around and smiled. 

Minerva: YN you look absolutely radiant. 

YN: thank you professor, i just want this to go well. professor, do you believe in fate?

Minerva: as a practicioner of magic, i have always said to believe anything is possible including fate.

YN: no matter how horribly wrong and against the rules it might be... does that still apply then?

Minerva: yes... but not without consequence. its very hard to say on the matter wihtout knowing the whole story. are you alright YN your shaking. 

You kinda straighten’d up before smiling

YN: im okay its probably some jitters, im a little nervous about speaking before the entire student body. 

Minerva: you will do good up there tonight YN. we are all very proud of you. 

You move away from the professors and head to join the students in the receiving line.

You walk in with your classmates. You sit with your classmates as Dumbledore comes up to speak.

Dumbledore: this first term has been especially trying for most of you but we have a bright mind among us one whose using those gifts to help you all in different ways. She made an impression on me and the other professors. so we call up YN now to present her with a hogwarts coat of arms as the first Magics Education Assistant. Please give her a warm shout of praise and honor for all she has done.

The hall roared with praise as you walked up to the podium and smiled as Dumbledore handed you your certificate and your owls marks.

Dumbledore(to you): well done YN we are so proud of you. Now say a few words and do the rest of your certificates.

You step up to the podium using your wand to make your voice expand through the hall.

Yn: thank you headmaster. I hope I continue to earn this honor in the upcoming years and for all my eternity. This past year and a half have been especially hard for me. As I've had to live on my own away from my parents. They wish me to marry someone I don't love, I am standing before you all today as a sign that your destiny is what you make it to be. I have some certificates here for those that I helped tutor through this first term. These certificates are something new we are trying. All those that I tutored this term please come up and stand in front of me here.

your students lined up in front of you and Draco’s eyes caught your own. 

YN: in these past few weeks ive had the opportunity to get to know each of you and your individual strengths and help each of you realize your potentials. so as each of these lands in your hands please let us hear the roar of applause from the student body as these students are the first to recieve their owls marks as well as the certificates for completeing tutoring term 1.

the student body errupted with cheers as the tutoring students held up their certificates. you step up to the podium once more to start the thankful toasts. 

YN: every year round this time the professors and a few select students say what they are thankful for this year. well i have been asked to start this tradition off this year. im most thankful for the love of my life, my best tutoring student, my faithful friend, most loyal rival, i love you Draco and im so thankful that you are apart of who i am and will continue to be. 

it wasnt till you finished what you said that you realized what just came out of your mouth. draco’s eyes were in shock. you and Draco were taken out of the party and appeared a few seconds later in dumbledores office in front of Dumbledore, flitwick, minerva, and Snape.

Minerva: that was not expected

Snape: mr Malfoy and miss Yn are obviously under some sort of love charm... otherwise there wouldnt be such insubordination.

Flitwick: perhaps there is a logical explanation for this i mean its possible that through their rivalry they developed a bond...

Dumbledore: or they are just in love. as YN confessed on that stage. i could see it in both their eyes as they looked at eachother. it was clear on their faces. they are indeed in love. it has been a long time since ive seen a look like that. perhaps we should let them tell us about how this happened. then we will vote on the matter. children you may approach now.

you and Draco hand in hand approached and sat in the chairs to make yourselves more comfortable for whatever would come next.

Minerva: why dont you both tell us how this came about?

you took the lead on this one. 

YN: well it was the summer of last year we met in Diagon Alley. he was avoiding his parents and their shady business. he asked me for my help so i helped him escape and that was it. we have been together ever since. 

Minerva: and over this almost 1 & a 1/2 years did either of you think to tell anyone. 

YN: many times we wanted to make sure we were gonna last before we started telling people. i didnt want to lie to everyone thats why we had our rivalry so no one would suspect anything. we just wanted to see if we would work before we told anyone or even brought it to you the faculty who guide our education. all we want is to be happy and together we are. 

Draco: had i not run into YN in the alley i wouldnt be with her the way i am today. and yes what we did was wrong, but it doesnt change the way we feel about eachother. 

Yn: please understand that we were afraid of what our relationship would bring upon us if we were discovered. Guess christmas miracles really do come true. We will do whatever you guys wish in order for this not to reflect us passing this year.

The professors just looked at both of you and Dumbledore smiled and approached.

Dumbledore: nothing to be done, both of you will complete your year here and can remain here over Christmas break if you so desire. But apart from this you both have our blessing to be together in the open.

You and Draco stand and exchange a lingering hug, you both stop when you realize that the professors were still starring at you.

Yn: thank you, all of you. This means so much to the both of us.

You and Draco left the office and went to sit in the courtyard hand in hand. The other students just started but you and Draco didn't care, you both sat down on a bench and watched the fresh snow fall.

You both kissed as the snow hit your faces and heard the gasps of happiness as well as shock.

~to be continued~

#obxmermaidholiday

[soofection]

jenkai discourse in retrospection

 (long post)

to take a slightly more light hearted break from all the updates regarding the burning sun case, I propose a discourse of jxk in retrospection after gaining all the new knowledge exposed by the media recently

dont read if you dont want to, if you read please dont come attack me for posting what I want on my own blog 🥰

In no way is what I type facts, and I am NOT comparing burning sun case with jxk (jxk is so insignificant and jxk is not a criminal case) yet I will make references to what the media and companies are capable of doing as proven by the exposure from the b. sun case regarding similar behaviours.

---

we now know that the kpop world is not what some once thought - an ideal fairytale land where idols/ the media never lie to us.

The truth:

We finally realize for sure that in korean ent. industry, sexual favours (in exchange for sponsors, promotion via media manipulation, basically fame and safety), offering prostitutes services... all in all using SEX is commonly used in return for connections / power / protection from the 'higher ups'.

why did jxk happen?

I propose: to cover yg x jni sex/sexual activities and jni has sponsors rumours (updated). After knowing yg is to a certain degree (personal assumption: large extent) involved in B.Sun and gangnam clubs, it makes sense to suspect that the jni rumour could be real. look up yg's past history, how he obtained his wife (emphasis, obtain). 12 years older yg 'fell in love' the moment he saw his wife as a second year middle school girl, recruited her at 16, ruined her career and married her. who knows how exactly yg treats his younger girl employees? Who is there to protect them?

but its just a 'groundless' rumour why was yg desperate?

to propose reasons: 1) it could be real, if so he HAS to camouflage it before it blows up further. 2) even if its not real, he didnt want to put bp's and his own name's reputation at stakes since bp is his most money earning group right now 3) if he doesnt make a deal with dispatch, who ofc are capable of digging deeper and they hate yg (proven by their ability to obtain kkt chats and exposing b.sun evidences) to supply them a fake scandal to cover ygxjni... dispatch WILL expose him. (also keep in mind jni has other sponsor rumour that might or not be true). and 4) - suggested by anon: yg could be taking precautions before b.sun scandal blows up. As we know b.sun revolves around sex crimes, Yg must get rid of the 'boss had sex with employee' label before b.sun blows up. Or else he will get dragged, it would be like adding oil on fire.

this theory is reinforced by allshitpop stating a media outlet discriminately announced 'the yg x jni rumour was false.' why purposefully mention it when no one asked?

but why ji?

main reason: hes an artist from sm. Yg desperately needed a scandal impacting enough to satisfy dispatch (releasing small unconvincing sandals will discredit dispatch's liability and reputation. ) But what to do when none of yg's male artists are popular enough to create a fuss nor any male groups's careers mature and stable enough to withstand the scandal pressure from the general public? the obvious solution is ofc to beg other big companies - sm or bighxt.

Most popular boy groups atm is still btx and ekso. honestly yg wouldve prefered btx due to their crazy fame, and jni will be their first dating scandal... the reactions would be DRAMATIC. yet in contrast to ekso, btx didnt really need to take that risk in hopes for more popularity. (rmb there would always be adverse effects when being involved in a dating scandal despite positive reactions and large no. of supporters). Also, even if btx has any scandals to cover, bighxt's recent merge with cj-enm (described as 'a powerhouse' aka very huge powerful company) means btx's any potential scandals can be taken care of for now. so that leaves ekso.

Who in ekso fits ji's image the most?

(hence will recieve 'positive' reactions and make them more aesthetically believable. without a doubt, its ji and his on going promoted sex appeal.) Reasons for ji and not other members: 1. theres no harm in giving him a beard (personal belief, ignore point 1. if you think homosexuality/kaisoo pairing isn't plausible) 2. to raise his popularity for his potential upcoming solo. 3. if someone who was involved in dating scandal before came up again, they probably predicts the pairing to be more positively recieved --> more supportors and a more hyped response from the public.

but none of that happened, the scandal was managed poorly. The paris evidence was made in a rush (dates didnt match) park pictures were too ambiguous (again dates and time didnt match), even when dispatch posted a pic of ji in a carpark supposedly came back from hawaii to give jni presents after landing - we learned from ji's own ig live that the day he wore the outfit in the photo, he had already returned to korea a few days ago, was around town shopping and went no where near the airport. Besides these failed attempts there was absolutely no other proof that jxk is real.

why was it poorly managed?

bc this is a rare collab between two big rival companies. Yg was the one begging at the start yet sm wasnt able to take full control of this scandal. Conflicts and disagreements upon makng many decisions were highly likely to occur between these two rivals.

The break up

a lot of fans were shocked when jxk broke up just after 25 days. (brand new record). what else is weird?

sm personally confirmed jxk broke up abruptly. Usually when couples break up, fan rumours start to float around first. But not this time, no rumours surfaced yet sm all of a sudden definitively stated that jxk broke up. Back then I already predicted it maybe because yg or bp got into trouble hence sm wanted to distance themselves as far as possible. I still stand by that idea.

Sm must get away from yg and b.sun case for the sake of theirs/ekso's reputation. sm def dont want to be dragged into the mess. Remember, sm as a huge company themselves def have their own dirt to hide, getting dragged means huge consequences if the investigators target them.

so why did sm agree in the first place? I assume its bc altho sm knew that yg had dirt to hide, they did not know it was something as serious, severe and big as b.sun case / tax evading case. Therefore, what are the coincidences that sm announced breakup shortly before dispatch sparked reinvestigation into b.sun by posting crucial evidences? (the first chats)

its highly possible that dispatch warned sm, (which makes them sound like the good guys but no. remember sm is dispatch's source of money and partnered with them many times. b.sun indeed aint directly related to sm, (as for now) dispatch has no reason to ruin sm) Or, sm could have found out through other sources that b.sun case will blow up soon. they quickly cut their collab with yg early, and announced break up probably without telling yg first. (since telling them possibly means giving dispatch away).

this also suggests that dispatch hates yg but anyway.

The benefits of ji

Comparing the two, jni seems to be the one who gained more from the scandal. She got most of media and the public's attention. there is an explanation for this - shes the 'rookier' one, and the trendier one out if the two since bp is still rising when ekso has reached their plateau. However, ji did gain his own lesser share of attention (indicated by the gained followers on his ig).

I have always said that when idols agree to be involved in a scandal, they are likely to get a 'reward.' but now thinking about it, agreeing to scandals is part of ji's contract, rewards are bonus but not obligations. Besides, the scandal itself supposedly helps ji gain popularity for solo and gains a beard, sm didnt NEED to give him more bonus. Often when idols get more modelling jobs / solo etc after scandals is bc sm uses the risen populairty from scandal as an opportunity to maximise profit by giving them more jobs, it might not be bc sm wants 'pamper' them.

Plan cut short

unfortunately for ji who is not getting his solo soon, the jxk plan flopped due to poor management, and was cut short due to b.sun case. The scandal did not fulfill what it was supposed to do and ended prematurely . Followed by the apparent troubles in sm negotiating contract terms with ekso, (delayed ekso schedules),chxn suddenly getting a solo, and the blowing up of b.sun case, ji might have missed his chance again. Or hes simply still preparing.

to summarize i want to clarify a few things.

- none of these are facts, but an overall picture forming one huge speculation.

- I dont try to defame bp or shame them. i also am not trying to state that girl artists def had sex with the hihgher ups. b.sun has shown us that men always have more power over women, and they rarely get protection.

- I want people to realize the dark side of kpop. The kpop industry is full of conspiracies, media manipulation and lies. What you see on tv is not who your idols are portrayed to be on camera. Don't impose your ideal vision on them and hurt others when reality suggests otherwise.

side note: this theory conveyed reinforcement to statements I've made before

- conspiracies are real and true. Look at all the dark and shady events involved in b.sun case

- media play, mass manipulation exist and are common practice.

- dispatch and sm collab and are partners on a case by case basis.

- idols lie on interviews all the time, their tv persona is different from the real them.

- companies offer protection for their idols

- it is indeed common practice to use one scandal to cover another

ANYTHING can happen in the world of the k ent industry. dont lightly dismiss any possibilities. We must analyse the sum of the situations - the full picture of any events before believing anything we are told.

#kaisoo #jongin #jennie #jxk #analysis #myposts #jxk1 #jenkai

[fisherfurbearer]

fuck sam walmarts

and fuck management

I’ve had it. Left the store in tears tonight.

as some peoople probably/hopefully know. walmart closes at 6 pm on christmas eve. no one actually gets to leave at 6 becuase of shitty last minute customers. but it is what it is.

this. is really personal but im honestly SO close to just. killing myself? so who cares

basically. had a really really bad last few days. spent a lovely time with family (jessies family, his oma and opa and sister and parents and it was just a great time. theyre more family to me than most of my blood family) but it did make me Sad in Deep ways as we dont know if this is going to be our last christmas with his oma who isnt doing so good. and it just twisted me up a little but was othewrsiwse a great day. but then sunday i just...had a huge breakdown in the morning and decided to use my accomodation (i get 2 excused absenses a month) to cool down and gte myself together. slept a lot. woke up adn got a lot done, felt great, then i CRASHED really really bad, got really angry, lashed otu, took like...8-10 sleeping pills...theyre horrific things and im never doing that again...had to sleep for two days after that...felt horrifically sick, in pain, just awful. had repeating nightmares over and over. which has also been wearing me down recently. wasnt able to work monday either because i still couldnt stand and between the pills and the depression/anxiety and really just. felt like the world was ending.

decided sometime last night id just...try my best to make it in today, work my shift (really long 9-6, knowing i wouldnt leave on time nad htisis my first time working in 5 days now...which is rough...) and if i can get through this, i have another couple days off in a row after that (schedules fault, not mine...do feel awful i missed 3 days before that though...) and we can just. get back on track

today i DID go to work, jessie drove me in

i worked. a long time. im supposed to get a break every 2 hours and a 1 hour lunch

i gott my first break on timeish.

then i got my lunch 6 hours after i got in. at which time i got “locked out” for not taking my lunch and coudlnt do anything on the registers. i was supposed to get it 4 hours in. its christmas eve and excruciating and im still in pain and tired from my previous days breakdowns, but otherwise?? i did really good. i didnt mind at all that my lunch was so late. i was a little miffed, but its ok. i dont care, so long as i get it eventually. anyway they FINALLY noticed i was locked out and got me coverage and i ended my lunch at 4. things continued ok. worked on self checkout, met a lot of regulars i really like, prevented $200 of theft (HAHA WOW that was really really funny i love preventing petty theft. i prevent so much theft every week its my pride and joy) just did okay. then they had us close self checkout that took a little while. then at 5:00-5:10 or so i went to my Manager/Supervisor/”““People LEad” as walmart is now trying to call them, lets call her manager Y, and i told her i still need my break and will i get it before i leave. she said go to register 4. i asked again hey will i get my break though and she said yeah and i thought to mysel HAHA thats not going to happen but ok

really stupid that after bieng locked out the first time she couldnt give me my break before i openned a register with a line i cant get rid of

anywayy i did ok otherwise for a while

but at 5:25 or so i reminded a CSM “hey i need my break still can i get that?” and she just ssaid yeah well try to get someone and then more time passed so much time. i put through an ask on the register “assistance needed”. waited another 10 minutes. “assistance needed” again. starting to get anxious. its past 5:40. the line is so long. theres so MUCH NOISE. Its SO LOUD. the intercom keeps going off, no one is responding to me, i dont have a mat to stand on so my knees HURT,, im not doing okk

i switch my light to flashing/need assistance and start looking for someone to ask for help. its 5:45, i need my break NOW, i DESERVE IT for workng this long ass shift and they already missed several of my last breaks a week ago AND got me locked out today and im STARTING TO GET ANXIOUS PELASE I JUST WANT MY BREAK SO BAD

nnthgen a csm is passing by im about to lose it, so i tell her CSM J, please i really need my break now PLEASE and im starting to ccry and i try to tell her whats going on but she shushes me and goes and gets sometone

im full on tears at this point, im so strreesed out,,

manager Y and some other snooty manager come over andd. ffkcing. ask me whats wrong. im crying and i try to explain im really really stressed out, i havent had my last break, ive been trying to get someone for so long now, i just really need to leave im so sorry

and theyy just. fckkng

ffcking manager Y jjst ssays ok “ill give you your break” and “this is your last break” and i ssaid?? yeah i knoww?? andd she saidd “next time youre like this, just dont come in”

i quote that completeltyyy....i really lost it then...i cried som muchh

this isnt the first itme she said something like this to meee...

she asked me “why are you CRYING” When i had an anxiety attacki n the store once, when ic cloked in and couldnt get myself together,, she didnt give me time to calm down, she didnt listen as to why, she just said “why are you crying. this is a BUSINESS. you cant be CRYING Here.” and i just said ok ill go home bye and leftt

andd when i tried to get my availability changed from 7-9 to 7-6/7-7 because the random late shifts with 7 am shifts was messing me up really really bad and my doctor thinks i need to hcange it too, she just said “i cant do that. thisi sa BUSINESS.” and she wouldnt listen when i said i might have to quit because of this, this is for my health, im literally scheduled 7-2 every sunday in december, busiest day of the busiest month and you cant even chop TWO HOURS off my weekend availability????

andd i jjst

ive HAD IT with her

ive had ittt

im so ashamed and angry and anxious and i still havent stopped cryingg. she called me over to her again as i was leaving and she blamed me for it. she ssaid a customer was upset that i “Screamed” (ues i raised my voice a little but i wasnt screaming??? also the two customers i was attending to when this was going on and i cried were VERY KIND nad jjst said i was doing a good job and thanked me for being there) and called a manager over (but...csm J got them?? not a customer...??) and i cant be acitng like this, i cant do customer service when im stressed,, and d i should just STAY HOME If im going to be like that

then shee fufkcing toold me i DID IT WRONG, that i “shouldve called someone over” I TOLD HER I DID!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!!! YOU NAIL INTO MY HEAD IM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE REGISTER SO I DIDNT, I DID EVERYTHING ELSE I COULD THOUGH!!! I REQUESTED HELP TWICE!! I TURNED MY LIGHT TO FLASHING!!! I TRIED TO CATCH A MANAGER WALKING BY TO HELP ME!!! N OONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, I DID EVERYHTING I COULD!! yet she seriously told me to my face that “you didnt call anyone”, “you couldve turned your light to flashing” WHICH I DID and sshee jjst said that i made customers uncomfortable and i cant work like thatt and just stay hhome

ii stayed home sunday because i was having a mjor mental emergencyy.

i came in today because i was feeling better and i took it eaasy and ended up doing a wonderful job and mad eso many people smilea nd fixed so many problems that wouldve otherwise upset a lot of folks and i met my regulars and made old folks smile andd i prevented a lot of theft that no one else wouldve caughtt and i jjstt broke down after 9 hours and not getting a last break and all the chaos of register (WHICH BY THE WAY THEY KNOW I DONT LIKE REGISTER!!! I THRIVE ON SLE FCHECOUT!!! THATS MY JOB TITLE!! THATS WHAT I DO!!!! THEY KNOW THISS!!!!) and HER AVOIDING GIVING ME MY FUCKING BREAK and NOT RESPECTING MY FFUCKING METNAL DISABILITIES LJNASDKAJHDBASJSDNAJSNDKANSD

I JJST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO

i really want to die and i really want to never go back but i really loved my job i loved helpting people ii jjst hate her so muchhh and i feel GENUINE DREAD/SEVERE ANXIETY jjst SEEING her nnow

she doesnt CARE about anyone but herself shes a horrible peson i cant tell the store manager though cause she wont care either and manager Y has more clout than me so shell just twist my words and make me out as the bad guy as hte “CRAZY ONE” who cries and gets stressed (FOR COMPLETELY VALID REASONS AFTER BEING PUSHED OVER THE EDGE) even tthough i work SO FFRIKCING HARD and do SUCH A GOOD JOB and asdjanjsdhajshdas

i d ont know what to doo

i cant work another job because no where else pays as much or will let me do self checkout only, because being a cashier stresses me so muchh

ii...really wanntted to grow stuff and make preserves and sell bee products and work with folks raising heritage sheep and make more fiber art andd open a little stall at a local market and sell all that,, and offer more online and do customs andd stuff

i know i could mkae money that wa ybut i ccantt start it so sudenly and im too Broken to do it seriouslyy and i dont even want to HAVE to quit because of ONE PERSON But shes done this so many times now and this is the nfinfal streaww

i jjst dont know what to doo...

i cantt stop cryingg

i cant even enjoy christmas nnow. wanted to see my stepdad and give him his presernt and maybe be ok.

last christmas we had to move because our house was condemned after a fire. now im going to have to lose my job because of a horrible manager who doenst respect my metnal health or anything about me reallyy. and unfortunately im such a failure that i cant. do anything else and if i lose this job ill lse my animla sand i wotnt be able to do anyhtingg andd im jjust fucking trash

goddammit i dont know what to do. i really dont. hhahaaa. i just really want to end it. ive come so far and none of it fucking matters because of thiss fucking horrible manager.

#jjst...ffeels like shes violating somethingg #and treating me a LOT like how my abusive mother used to treat me #why are you CRYING? you cant be trying here. this is a BUSINESS. #is a lot like Why Do You look so MISERABLE all the time?? why are you CRYING?? #and shit like IGNORING ME when i try to change my hours #straight up ignoring me #she basically made it clear shed rather me QUIT than fuckingg chop 2 hours off my AVAILABILITY #ITS SO FRUSTRATING #AND SHES SUCH A HYPROCRITE #scheduled 7-2 every sunday!! #yet you cant change my availability to 7-7?? #you NEED ot keep it until 9??? #but working until 9 and getting home around 10 and getting no sleep because i need to take care of my pets and myself #and get up at 5:30 the next morning for work at 7 #WHEN THAT COULD EASILY BE ALTERED BY CHIPPING A COUPLE HOURS OFF MY AVAILABILITY #AND MY DOCTOR ALSO THINKS I NEED TO CHANGE IT TOO #BUT WHO FUCKING CARES RIGHT ITS A BU S I N E S S #SURE SURE BUT WHEN A CUSTOMER FLIPS THE SIGN ON A $7.94 SHIRT #TO SAY 0.94 CENTS #WITH THE CENTS SIGN!!!! #THEN I HA V E TO HONOR IT #THATS A+ BUSINESS RIGHT THERE #BITCH DOESNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO APPROVE A COUPON ON SLEF CHECKOUT!!!! #AND OUR FRICKING STORE MAANGER MAKES TRIPLE FIGURES!!! #BUT NO ONE FUCKINGG CARES #NO ONE FUCKING CARES #I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMOREE #id dont want to have to lose my job and stability over this one person #but this isntt...ok #i shouldnt have to go to work and deal with MORE emotional abuse