#i shouldnt have to go to work and deal with MORE emotional abuse

[orcinus-veterinarius]

do you genuinely support seaworld? because if you do, then that is genuinely disapointing to me as i loved your content. dolphins (esp bottlenoses) are incredibly intelligent creatures with their own languages and cultures, can experience emotion in the same ways we do, and display self awareness on nearly the same level as us. there's no situation in which they should be kept in and bred in captivity, and dolphins that cannot live in the wild deserve to go to sanctuaries that are able to provide actual proper living space, respect, and care for them. they are real, living creatures, with their own personalities and identities. they shouldnt be abused and exploited for profit. it's inherently cruel, even if you personally dont view them as their own people as some (like me) do.

I'm sorry that you're disappointed. I thought I had been clear about my opinions on here but yes, I do support SeaWorld, just like I support every other AZA-accredited zoo and aquarium. I support their veterinarians and veterinary staff, people I've actually met or who have worked closely with many of my colleagues and mentors. I support their rescue teams, which have responded to over 40,000 individual marine animals in distress, and are currently one of only half a dozen facilities equipped to handle the Florida manatee unusual mortality event. I support their husbandry and training staff, folks who've made a career out of caring for animals and, like the trainers I currently work with, tirelessly advocating for their needs. I support their contributions to marine research, both through the parks and the independent Hubbs-SeaWorld Research Institute. I support the connection to the marine world that they provide children (and adults) like myself years ago, gifting them with a lifelong love for the ocean and its life.

At the moment, I'm completing a residential internship program with the medical team at a small marine park (not SeaWorld, but similar in many ways) as a complement to my ongoing education as a DVM student. I see and work with dolphins every day. You’re right, they are extremely intelligent. Each one is an individual, with his or her own distinct personality, likes and dislikes, best friends (human and dolphin), and favorite activities. Perhaps they are “people” in their own way, although from a scientific perspective I can’t anthropomorphize them to that extent. Their trainers are more intimately familiar with the dolphins’ moods and needs than the vast majority of people are with their own pets (speaking as a 7-year veteran of general practice and emergency vet hospitals), and every second of their work day revolves around the animals, be it enrichment, training, husbandry, diet prep, habitat maintenance or, yes, public presentations. Each dolphin has a specialized care plan, made for them by their own full-time veterinarian, to ensure they are always in peak body condition. They receive a full routine medical work-up (complete with bloodwork, fecal, urine, gastric, and chuff cytology) multiple time a year, far beyond what any domestic animal receives. Their diet consists of a wide variety of human-grade seafood, with each individual fish (hundreds of pounds a day) hand-checked by a trainer to ensure it has no defects. They are never, ever forced to participate in a session and usually happily do so, because exercising their minds and bodies is enriching for them. If not, no big deal, they will still get all the food they need. 

About half of our dolphins are rescues, deemed non-releasable by the federal government (not the team who rehabbed them, or even the “higher ups” in aquarium/marine park management). These dolphins stranded when they were babies, too young to have learned what they needed from their mothers, or suffering from disabilites or chronic health conditions that would make survival in the wild impossible. Without “captivity,” they would be dead. Instead, I get to see them thrive every day, bonding with their trainers, playing with their dolphin friends, exploring their enrichment, and inspiring everyone who meets them. I’m sorry but no, I will never say these dolphins should be put to death or left to suffer an excrutiating fate in the wild. Not when I’ve seen the life they get to live instead.

An accredited “dolphin sanctaury” like you suggest, run by people with the proper training, resources, and (extensive) funding to care for these complex animals, does not exist. And if one did, it would be no different than any other accredited facility (many of which are “sea pen” habitats, which have their own pros and cons versus a traditional “tank” habitat) that is already open. There would still be training for husbandry, exercise, and enrichment. There would still be hand-fed diets. There would still be (nearly constant!) breeding behavior, just without any babies. And there would still be barriers keeping them from leaving although fun fact, the US Navy uses trained dolphins in open ocean missions and they always return to their human caregivers. The only thing missing would be the educational, inspirational experience aquariums give the public. 

But don’t take my word for it. Last year, the Cetacean Welfare Study was published, the result of years of work by 43 different AZA and/or AMMPA-accredited institutes. It’s a collection of studies, the first of their kind, surveying the factors affecting welfare in managed cetaceans (mainly bottlenose dolphins but also Pacific white-sided dolphins and beluga whales), and oftentimes, it’s not what the general public might think. Both SeaWorld and my park were part of it.

Thanks for hearing me out. I don’t expect you to suddenly agree with me, but I hope you’ll try to understand. If you want to hear more of what I’ve said on this topic, please look at my #seaworld and #cetaceans tag.

#I stand with seaworld #seaworld #aquarium #aquariums #marine parks #pro cap #dolphin #dolphins #bottlenose dolphin #animal training #dolphin training #animal rescue #zoos #support zoos and aquariums #aza #cetaceans #cetacean welfare study #marine mammals #vetblr #vet student #anonymous #answered asks

[dinoburger]

hi i relate to ur posts for a number of reasons. i have keratosis pillaris and i have been picking at it for years to the point my upper arms are a shade darker than the rest of my body. its a habit im not confident about it but its sometging i deal with. i used to struggle really badly with dr/dp now that im not as stressed anymore its not as bad but i still got dissociation as part of my bipolar and if i see smth that can trigger dr/dp it will. im arab iraqi specifically my country is still in ruins from the invasion my relatives were killed by saddam and ive experienced islamophobia all my life. it hurts me to see my people getting killed and dehumanised and honestly i cant even be surprised caus thats how i felt people would treat me all my life the only time i saw arabs in british media was in headlines talking about honour killings and terrorist attacks and domestic abuse cases.

anyways. all of this is to say. your compassion doesnt depend on your suffering. compassion is a seperate utility from suffering, it stems from being a good person, not empathy. people who lack empathy and emotions know this, that they can do good and care for other people even when it doesnt affect them. getting medicated wont take away your compassion. youre still going to care about people other than yourself. in fact it wont even take away your capacity to feel emotions. before i was medicated i hadnt felt anything in months, and now i feel more than before. you shouldnt be hurt or suffering to show how much you care. pain is not a solid foundation for caring about others. please allow your motivation to be your compassion, the desire to do good, and improve the lives of others, not your self flaggelation. nobody benefits from your hurt, they benefit from your actions. if you believe that there should be no suffering in the world and that everyone should be happy then you must accept that includes you too. (i admit it is refreshing to see someone who cares this much, but i wanted to express these thoughts as someone who relates to a number of the things you talk about)

this is very considerate, I appreciate your vulnerability with how close to home this is... I think more what I mean to say is that it's frustrating not to have a choice and be compelled to reshape myself and my emotional response under threat of being belittled and shamed by the people I rely on rather than because I made an informed decision to

but you're absolutely right, it's not fair to conflate suffering and compassion, in fact I'd say pain is one of those things that makes it very hard to focus on anything but one's self... I guess it's more that I struggle not to feel taken aback by how apathetic some of the people in my life are about it.

I hope there's some kind of justice for you and your people in this lifetime, and I'll try to be more gentle if I can - it's definitely something I could work on... thank you for being so understanding

#asklies

[tinydailysteps]

Its been a while since i wrote an update on here and though im grateful for a lot, i really needed time to reflect on whats been going on.

Tw Sexual assault and (idk if this is even valid for a tw but) emotional abuse

Today was the first time i accepted the truth of the relationship i was in. I was both sexually assaulted and emotionally abused.

I always thought those words held too much power. That they were too big not to be noticed yet here i am, months after, just now accepting the truth for what it is.

My ex lied to me about his character, pretending to be someone hes not and posing to be authentic to get me to be with him.. then openly admitted to doing so. At the time i thought he was kidding and that he meant he put effort cause he liked me.. i now realize that he studied me enough to know what i was looking for and became that but only until he got me wrapped around his finger. Once i was, id essentially be willing to do anything to stay there cause the rope that held me felt like the only thing that did. Though tightening around my neck it really did feel like the only support i had.

I hate that i was the first to initiate a kiss. What started as so innocent quickly turned into expectations of sexual favour. At first, giving him a blowjob meant satisfying him. "Its not a big deal" hed say. Eventually it became him wanting to return the favour despite me not being comfortable with it. I always thought that oral was about satisfying the other person yet everytime i felt even more scared. But still i thought it was normal since we were together.

During sleepovers id wake up with his hands between my legs and him grinding against me. I thought the fact that i was wet meant i wanted it. I didnt. And despite me physically pushing his hands away from him and saying no, his hands found their way back. Objects shouldnt have opinions, theyre meant to be used. I felt like an object during those times and i really wish it was just once. At this point even being in my own bed irks me. Seeing every street we walked, park we sat in and hearing every song from that time with him hurts. What hurts the most though is that i was dumb enough to lower my standards to nothing for him. To turn my own boundaries and limitations into light suggestions. I shouldve left and i honestly dont know why i didnt. I hate that i blame myself but i really do. I blame myself for every second i spent trying to make a relationship with an assaulter work. With the person who assaulted me.

If you read this so far, thank you for hearing me out. Though i doubt he'll ever see this, id like to dedicate the next bit to the piece of shit i once thought was the love of my life.

Dear J,

as much as id like to say i hate you i cant. Im disgusted by the person you turned out to be but the idealised version of you still lives in my head. Every once in a while i need to remind myself of every way you harmed me to realize that that version only exists in my mind and that the person who stood in front of me was an exact opposite.

You were a sexist. Always talking about what women should wear or do yet clinging to the one success you had in highschool as evidence of your manliness. I remember the countless arguments about "feminism" and why you found it to be such an issue that i identified as a femist. "Its racist against guys", you said. As if i didnt just reminded you that feminism by definition is equality between genders. Said that women and men have their roles and need to stick to them. Well, here i am telling you that you failed at the one thing you thought was right. If your definition of being a man is to provide, care and be the strong one in the relationship, you failed miserably. On normal circumstances i wouldnt give you shit for that but since you're you, you deserve to know that by your own definition you are not a man. By mine, youre just a shitty person. It took my a while after our break up to rekindle my love for feminism. To recognize that im not confined by the expectations of a man, or anyone else for the matter. I was even surprised to see that i was stronger and smarter than i let myself be during our relationship but i guess i wanted to let you feel like something youre not. Yes i grabbed that out of crazy rich asians cause ive never related to anything more.

Lets talk about your racism too. Youre constant need to act "black" yet criticism of the people. Cornrows, rap, streetwear, even words that dont belong to you, youd want. I remember the first time i heard you say the n word. It flew out of your mouth like it was nothing. Id applaud you for agreeing to stop saying it but that would be applauding previous idiocy and ignorance as well as the bare minimum. You still refer to immigrant workers with the lowest of terms. Youre still a racist. That i couldnt change.

While were talking about lack of respect, lets talk about family. As a person who spoke of that being the most important thing, you sure do disrespect your parents often. Im no one to judge family dynamics but act on what you preach. Talking shit about your mum is not respect and neither is shouting at her through the phone after she asks you the most basic of questions about YOUR well being. Again, youre a piece of shit.

I could go on and on listing things you might not even realize but its not my job to tell you what you lack. Just in case you were wondering though, its a lot.

Safe to say that i wish i never met you. Some might say "oh but you learned a lot!" but the damage youve inflicted on me is something ill need years to work on yet i know that you walked away with no remorse or lessons.

I hope you grow or rot in hell. Whatever comes first. Point is, stay the fuck away from me.

With utmost disgust,

Y.

#sexualassault #relationship #ex #emotional abuse

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

#angus.txt #getting deep in here but it felt good to write #i love u all so much ok pls be good urselves

[marshmallowprotection]

I know that I probably shouldnt ask you because you have other problems but I don’t have anyone to ask and you’re the only person that Ive seen publicly talking about anxiety. So please. I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling awful. I have panic attacks almost everyday I can’t breathe and I think that I’m dying. I feel like I’m about to cry every second and I can’t sleep and I’m shivering. I want to see a therapist. But I’ll have to explain my mom who abuses me and I can’t go during quarantine

TW: Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Abuse

It’s okay to talk to me for help with anything. I’m always free and I can talk to anyone that needs someone to vent to or hear them out. You can message me on Anon, or you can DM my main blog if you want to talk privately, whatever is more comfortable for you.

Panic Attacks are very hard to cope with and I’m sorry that you’re feeling them so strongly. It isn’t easy to have them and when you first have a few of them, it can feel like you’re dying, or that the world around you is crumbling. I know that feeling and I want you to know that that feeling is just a feeling. I want you to first take a deep breath, and count to ten, then exhale. Exercised breathing can help you if you feel like you’re gasping for air and can’t take your breath. In, out, slow, and steady. 

Then, when you feel the dread coming on, I need you to focus on something tangible in the room. If that’s the wall, if that’s your hands, if that’s something that you can touch, then you need to work on that one thing. You need to put your head to one thing to see. Does your panic make you feel numb? Then, you need to have something soft that you can squeeze or touch. If you don’t, you may scratch or claw yourself, and neither of us wants you to get hurt like that. A sweater might help, a stress ball, something you can touch that will help you focus. 

Sometimes certain smells can help as well. If you have essential oils or a diffuser that can help. I would need to know what is bothering you the most to help you understand what may help you get through this. Panic/Anxiety are similar but everyone has different ways to cope with it. Let’s focus on finding you a healthy one. 

Take a deep breath. You are not alone and people care about you. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. You will get through this. I promise you. 

As far as emotions go, I’m sorry that you’re dealing with an abusive parent, I went through that too, and I know what that feels like. They may use your pain against you and I get the fear you feel. It’s really hard to be cooped up like this during quarantine too, there are so many people struggling with their fears and being trapped with people that don’t treat them right. 

I can’t do a lot for you on that front, but I can advise you to be careful with your things if they are monitored and to delete your history if that must happen. If you are fearful for your safety, do not hesitate to reach out to an adult or somebody you trust to get out. If you want links for that, I can help you with that too, but I’ll focus on anxiety here. 

Here’s a link to help, focus on the first few steps which are among the ones that I mentioned. I can elaborate more if you want. 

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-a-panic-attack

#tw panic attacks #tw anixety #tw abuse #anon #ask #mod kait

[longinglook]

Hi Anna. First of all let me say that your post was brave to tell your opinion and a part of you. the other anon clearly didnt care abt what you had to say apparently - - ' [ im not english ther will be mistake sry ] Anyways i wanted to share My opinion too if thats ok. I agree completely that internalized homophobia (isnt) shouldnt be a trope, but sadly for me some or most bl shows "use it" a lot and in a "bad way". at least it used to be a loooot like that. like EVERYTIME a guy start to have

[2 / 4 . feeling for anothr, he uses violence! they all do! im so sick of it! people have so many layers and just punching someone for two episode and then getting with him for me thats not it… So i gues thats why some people are “fed up” abt this éstoryline’ its bc sadly its always done the same way. And on my part, I relate much much more to Tine (at laest at where we r now on the show). Bc for ones I feel like Im reliving the same emotions as him.]

[¾ . And its not happening right off the bat, its sllloowly and confusing and lots of interogation and curiosity. Bc yes bls are…what they are. *usually “StRaiGHtss” who suddenly fall for other guy, and all his friends too psshhhh. But with Tine (or 2gether) I feel its defferent. like i really see the process and its just just…wonderful?how it feels so reel bc i get it? bc he is the only one that doesnt beat himself up/disgusted. So i like this progress(???) in this bl bc it shows finally]

[4/4 . an OTHER WAY to deal w/ discovering urself. lol for me it took 7years to accept/understand that im not straight and my mom beeing a homophobe didnt help lol buttt… i still see myself. Take care of you. and if its not yet the case i really hope one day youll be proude of who you arethats why i didnt like bls at all. or ig just thai ones i guess? bc i watch other queer shows and i find them fine.] yes, straight people sometimes do really ruine things dont they xD (lol jk no offence)]

Hello!! Thank you for sharing your opinion with me! 

I am also 100% against shows going the “violence” route as a response to confusion and internalized homophobia because it just makes no sense and it’s not fair that the two things get linked as if abuse would be a normal reaction to it. If you are confused about your feelings/sexuality and decide to take it out on someone with violence, that’s a big no no. Sadly some dramas have done that and it has always bothered me so much because it feels way too over the top and unrealistic. It’s a huge step from feeling grossed out with youself for being attracted to same sex people to deciding to beat someone up for it, one that most people wouldn’t make because normal decent humans don’t go around hurting people like that.

One point that I really wanted to make is that having and feeling internalized homophobia doesn’t make you a bad person. For example, Tine being so open and accepting of himself doesn’t make him any better than a character that would need some time to sort out his emotions and be okay with them. It’s not the same thing as being homophobic, which would entail being prejudiced and closed minded. As I said before, if the confused character decides to get violent with it then yeah he’s an asshole, but being confident and calm about your sexuality just makes you luckier than someone who isn’t, not better.

It is nice and refreshing to watch Tine slowly come to the realization that he likes Sarawat, he feels jealous when he’s surrounded by girls, he likes his company and he’s used to his flirting and welcomes it at this point. It’s nice that we haven’t seen him panic, he hasn’t needed any advice or consultation, he’s acting the way he would if he had found out he had feelings for a girl. I do like this because it makes the show feel lighter and more positive, and so far it’s not overdone to the point of being unrealistic. If all of his friends end up with boyfriends by the end of it I will be a bit annoyed though lmao. For example I think theory of love did a great job with balancing out the straight/gay relationships. I’m not saying I want a straight relationship in every show because that’s boring and unnecessary and if I wanted straight rep I’d watch literally any other show, but they just don’t need to make every single male character gay by the end of the show. Also give us lesbians I am begging you please

My experience with internalized homophobia is specific to being a lesbian, I identified as bi for a really long time and was completely fine with it, but would get extremely annoyed and defensive if someone questioned my attraction to males. I had to work a lot on it to realize that I have tons of internalized lesbophobia to the point where I can’t say I am a lesbian out loud (I’ve come out to a lot of my friends but I was never able to say it, I would have to use words like “I like girls” because the l word still makes me feel nauseous). All of this to say that I’ve known I’m not straight for over 10 years and yet I still can’t get past some stuff, and I’m tired of people acting like it makes me worse than people that are completely chill with it right off the bat. 

I hope this was clear enough and didn’t offend anyone 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

#text #ask #anonymous #long post #meta

[seagullsausage]

OH would it help Chase stop being such a dumb dumb idiot man about Marvin's gender and sexuality if he happened to walk in on a certain best friend of his hypothetically kissing the hell out of an angry time traveler who will remain unnamed? theoretically??? bruh i love your blog :)

ok short answer: chase’s brain would probably just short circuit and stop working for a while while he tries processing that sight before him

long answer: chase has been aware that henrik is queer for some time and knows that he has expressed interest in different genders, but didnt ever really acknowledge it and liked to ignore that whole aspect of him just cause ‘he had a wife and family’ and ‘it wasnt important’ and chase wasnt all that ‘comfortable’ with it but ya know henriks his friend and it wasnt a big deal.

but with henrik and jamie, chase was already feeling a little jealous cause his best friend was spending way more time hanging around jameson than him. so seeing his best friend kissing the hell out of the angry little time traveler is gonna be just a slap in the face. henrik didnt exactly want chase to know about him and jamie just cause he didnt want it to be a ‘big deal’ since he didnt think chase would react well. and having all this hid from him, chase would feel pretty betrayed and would angrily stomp away from the two and run back down the hall trying to hold back tears. 

henrik would run after him desperately trying to explain himself, trying to get chase to look at him, but chase is just so fucking pissed and upset and betrayed and grossed out and just has all these emotions flying around that make him snap back at hen, shouting about how shitty of a friend he his, how of fucking course he’d keep secrets from chase cause its not like hes supported henrik for so long, especially after he got home from anti, how fucking twisted it is that he thinks all his trauma and problems are gonna go away by fucking what is essentially his abuser. henrik would be screaming about how he never wanted chase to know for this exact reason, that what he and jj have is very personal and not something he felt the need to share, that chase always looked down on him if he ever mentioned anything about being pan which made him  uncomfortable and unsafe to mention anything about his relationships. its a big mess and chase and henrik probably dont talk for awhile. 

it freaks jj out a lot and is probably crying when henrik comes back into the room, blurry-eyed and red faced, but jamies always disliked chase so its not a huge surprise he’d act like an asshole. and once marvin finds out about the altercation, chase finds himself pretty much shunned out of the group for awhile. he tries explaining himself to marvin, but marv points out that maybe he shouldnt have blown up like that, maybe henrik kept it from him for a fucking reason, sure hen shouldnt keep stuff like that from him but chase had, even if he didnt mean to, implied to henrik that he did not approve of his “lifestyle” and could only be friends with him if he chose to ignore that aspect of him. best friends and brothers are supposed to love and support each other in all aspects, and it shouldnt be conditional. 

and chase kind of has to reevaluate a bunch of stuff for awhile. like, he sees that henrik and jj are perfectly healthy and really good for each other, its normal and hen is really happy for the first time in awhile. there really isnt anything wrong with it, why was he so uncomfortable with it in the first place? was it just cause it didnt seem ‘normal’ to him? and hes gotta sort of realize that lgbt people are just people, they mind their own business and just want to get through life without being yelled at by their families. and hes been friends with henrik for years and it never affected who he was as a person and chase had loved him no matter what. 

so yeah, he might change his mind a little after walking in on that. it probably wont happen over night, but maybe he can look at marvin and see someone who isnt so different from him, and he might think of henrik. those two obviously make up, chase shouldnt have blown up and needs to be a better friend to him, and hen promised not to hide stuff from him anymore. its a start, anyways.

#hee hee ive lowkey wanted to talk abt this aspect for awhile but didnt so thanks for sending this kaljdfk;alsdj;alsdfdsa #sry it got a little long but ya know how i get #hope this didnt end up sounding like one of those shitty ass MaYbE wE aReNt So DiFfErEnT aFtEr AlL things lol #and also thanks!!!!!! #ask #hc #chase brody #henrik von schneeplestein

[neutralchaos1]

ramblings about my life.

I've been debating about saying anything because of how personal this is all is and because I'm not sure if i should but... in light of recent events happening in my life, I'm going to anyways. Cw:manipulation and emotional abuse.

So! For those that do not know, about 3 years ago I went through some massive changes in my life. I started to talk to people again. What that's no big deal" You might say but for me it was. You see, before that I talked with only a few people: my coworkers (nothing personal) my Mom, my then husband and my kids. That's it. I had very little contact with the outside world beyond that. How did this start? Well, for about a year now I had been lurking on ao3 , reading stories and leaving kudos as a guest, when I decided after seeing all those authors in the end notes saying to follow them on tumblr, to sign up for it. I made a blog and hit follow for a few of my favorite authors. I was 27.

It took a bit but finally gathered up the courage to start talking with one of those authors, which led me to me other great authors, which led me to a fantastic little community that's been insanely supportive.

But the massive shift/change in my life happened, when I vented to a new friend about my then husband. I thought I was being silly and overreacting when he was getting drunk for the 4th time that week. That I was being upset for nothing when he tried to grope and initiate sex with me and I said I didnt feel like it, only to feel like an asshole when he drew away and locked himself in "His" room to play video games without a saying a word.

They asked me why I felt bad about that. I told them, because I said no and hes upset with me now. They outright told me that him being upset was his issue. I had every right to say no. No Nonono they didnt understand, when I said no, I would get ignored until I said yes. Full silent treatment.

I could go on, but after a few conversations like this, it finally started to dawn on me, that they were right. Why did I feel bad for saying no? I shouldnt. It wasnt like I always said no, I said yes quite frequently even when i didn't feel like it, just to avoid feeling unwanted in my home.

This started a whole of thinking, like, how I never got to go out on my own. Even if I was with family, I would get phone calls every 1/2 hour, "when are you coming home". I couldn't leave the house without the kids even to run to the store quickly without it becoming A thing. If I was invited to something and he wasnt, I would inevitably wind up not going because he felt slighted. But i supposed to be cool with it if he disappeared for hours on end. That he got to indulge in his hobbies and mine were labeled "Boring". That he got to talk with his friends but mine were scrutinized and had ulterior motives.

When I tried to bring all this up, I was met with 'Okay, let's do more stuff together." Except it was all the stuff he wanted to do. I couldnt play video games for hours on end Because... well, responsibilities. Someone had to take care of the kids. Someone had to tidy up the house. Someone had to make sure we had groceries. And that was an issue, because apparently doing this for an hour or so with him wasnt enough. I tried to get him to do things that we both loved to do. We were both artists, why not make something together? Why not play that card game we liked? Maybe we could invite some people over and have a games night? All were shot down.

It was during this that while talking with people still, i was figuring out that... well... I wasnt as straight as I had been led to believe. I thought I was just Bi because well, I found people in general attractive. But not in an "I would have sex with them" way. Just nice to look at. Well, dont you get in your pants feelings when you see an attractive person?

No?????? I dont know them?? Why would I think that??

What do you like about a relationship?

Well… I like the closeness. I like being cuddled and watching movies together. I like having someone to talk to, coming home to someone…

These conversations led to me doing research into asexuality. And… there was a word for me!!!! This was me! I found an identity! I was so excited!!!! So I went to tell my best friend. The one person that I could trust with this information, my husband.

I was immediately met with, "So, you never loved me?" What! No. Why would you say that!??? I married you! We have 2 children! We've spent the last decade together!! Why would I do that if I didn't love you? "But you just said that." It was then that it clicked to him sex=love. No sexual attraction meant I didn't love him. I tried to talk with him about this, when it was met with him shutting down and pushing me away, I dropped it. We went back to what was happening before.

A turning point came when he said one day "I'm going to move to [The province he was from]for a year" why? "I have unfinished business there and I feel like I can deal with it better there without having to worry about and girls"

This sparked an enormous argument, because essentially to me this translated to "I'm going to go and take a year off from being a father and husband" he threw my sexuality into my face. He accused me of cheating on him. I told him that that's not the way things worked. You don't get to just leave your family for a year!

After a lot of arguing, we decided that a separation was in order. All of sudden I felt… lighter. Yes this was going to be hard, but doable. I had a few months before he left(I pleaded with him not leave until after Christmas], I could get a job and make sure I had childcare while he was still here to help with the kids! Except no. He checked out. He wouldn't look at the kids. He said I had to get used to doing stuff on my own, so to pretend he was just my roommate. While I was trying to secure things for me and the kids, he was getting drunk and… well… for lack of better wording, shit-talking about me to everyone with ears. He was telling everyone that I was crazy, i was brainwashed by Tumblr and the feminists on there. They made me into a lesbian. That I was broken. That I never loved him. That I was cheating on him with a supportive friend…. Etc…  he did this the entire 3 months before he left. He isolated me from people one last time.

In the year that followed him leaving, I would get manipulative text messages from him in the middle of the night. He threatened to use the kids as a weapon against me. He would say stuff that made me feel like shit. It got to the point where if my phone popped up with a notification, I would panic. I finally got the courage to mute him, but I never blocked him because he was the father to my kids. I had to be more mature about it. I never spoke publicly about how he treated me because I didn't want to isolate him. I never demanded he pay child support, I was always happy enough if he did send money my way for the kids. I didn't kick up a fuss when I found out that he was dating an old friend less than a month after he left. Hell, I didn't even get mad when I found out she was pregnant with his kid and in his words he was "starting over with a new family" the one thing I always got mad at him for? In the almost 3 years since he left, he has never once spoken to the kids. Not once. Not a card, not an email, not a phone call, not even a goddamn text message.

Why am I bringing this up now? Because he's coming back. Things arent working for him there, so hes moving here. And I'm so scared that hes going to start shit all over again.

#personal #ask to reblog #about me #Chaos rambles

[capnmarvell]

I’m frustrated, so I’m going to thought dump here. If anyone is interested, feel free to read on. I also don’t bite, so if you have any words of wisdom, or want to chime in, feel free to message me, comment on this, whatever.

I’ve been a pretty confident person for a good chunk of time. For a fat girl being raised in a family that constantly likes to talk about me losing weight, that’s a big accomplishment lol Along with that, I have a pretty good idea of my own self worth and what I deserve, etc etc

8 months ago I got dumped. And that shit? hurted. Like a lot. I took a HUGE chance on this guy, because he broke my heart before. He kept me from meeting his friends and family, he never said he loved me, it was basically just fucking and going out on nice dates. We had been going out for a year and half and I broke up with him because I had it! I was tried of feeling like he was ashamed of me, like I was still some “secret” bs. I knew I deserved more.

I tried dating again, was single for like 3 months, and then he wanted to talk. He said he realized he was in love with me, and he wanted what I wanted. He would introduce me to his family, and bring me to his friends wedding, and we would be serious. And so BAM. I gave him another chance.

Not even a year goes by. He still hasn’t introduced me to his family, despite all the major “family meeting” holidays passing. We’d argued about it and he basically admitted to lying about meeting his family, as he thinks I “can’t handle” meeting them.

Then he tells me he doesn’t love me anymore. and he breaks up with me.

Like...not even a year after he tells me he’s in love with me, and wants what I want. and I just feel so stupid. I was so in love with this guy, planning our futures together, when we would move in together, budgeting to take that dream trip to Europe in 2 years, envisioning wedding plans and when would be appropriate to start trying for a baby.

and it’s just gone. All done.

So I start moving on again. It was harder this time. I think I cried to every single one of my friends. and my entire family, including brothers-in-laws, and nieces and nephews, all heard me sobbing my eyes out after it happened (he broke up with me outside of my house during my nephew’s 12th birthday party). But eventually it got better.

I’ve been on dating apps, gone on a few dates too, got sexually harassed/assaulted by one dude on a dating app (that was horribly scarring but i digress) and now all those feelings for this guy are kind of like a dull numbness of the memory of love, like with my first boyfriend when I was 15.

and like...I’m hella a whore. Like I am 100000% pro hookups and 1 night stands, because I’ve always been really great at separating sex from emotions. So when my ex made it clear he would be down for sex, and I don’t have a problem with it. So we hook up. No big deal for me.

and that’s kind of on and off for the last few months. I don’t really care much. Apparently, he cared?

He texted me - TEXTED ME - drunk at 1am “I’m still in love with you. You’re the only girl for me. I’m so sorry.”

and I LAUGH. I call him, LAUGHING, and I ask “How drunk are you that you’re saying this bullshit?”

and he’s OFFENDED. He goes “I’m not that drunk. I just wanted to say it.” and he asks me to come over. I tell him absolutely not. He begs me to come over the next night to talk. I tell him fine.

So I stop by after work and I ask him what is going on and he just shrugs and said he doesn’t know what to say.

and I stormed out. TWICE. I kept coming back to yell at him for wasting my time. and the third time I ask him why the hell he told me that.

and he shrugs and says yes, he was drunk when he said it and he shouldnt have said but it when drunk but that doesnt make what he said a lie. He said he really does feel like that.

and I just shrugged and asked what he wants to do about that.

And he said he was aware he hasn’t been fair to me (but also to be fair, I’ve been using him for meaningless sex for 5 months) and he has a lot of issues he needs help with, and he’s made arrangements to start seeing a therapist.

and I told him that was great, because when we dated I wanted to talk to him about seeing a therapist.

But like I said...my feelings for him are like...a dull numbness. If anything, he’s like a friend at this point. I’m glad he’s getting help, but do I really want to entertain this idea of getting back with him? I don’t even think I could trust him after he lied about me meeting his family and then 10 months go by and nothing. and I don’t even have an explanation as to what his “falling out of love” thing from back in January was about, so how the fuck do I just “believe” he loves me? Like???? You understand, right? He woke up and just said “oh i don’t love you anymore, this is over.” and now he’s like “I love you. I was wrong.” ????? IT MAKES NO SENSE. and he’s given me no explanation.

Like I know what I deserve. I deserve someone who doesn’t break my heart multiple times, and who I trust wholeheartedly. I get it relationships have ups and downs, and you stick by the person you love “no matter what” but this?? I mean, he’s unpredictable and I’m not really on board with that.

Like I hate the idea of being like “Hey, dude, I’m honored you love me, but you burned the shit out of me. I can’t just go back. But still friends?” cuz I just haaaaaaaate being the one to do that stuff.

This girl at work was talking to me, and said it would be different if he had reached out after he had been in therapy for a good chunk of time. and you know, I agree. If he already began working on himself, with some therapy sessions under his belt to help with his demons, then it might be different. I might be okay with a date or two.

But he hasn’t even gone yet. He’s just made the appointment. I have no idea if he’ll keep going.

and also, he didn’t ask to get back together. He just told me he loves me, and he’s gonna see a therapist, and that’s it.

So this is just me, thinking over if I would want to get back with him after he’s gone to therapy to figure this out.

and overall, I don’t think I want to. Not yet. I need change. Not saying something, and that’s it. At this point, his words are meaningless.

It’s like that quote facebook moms always like to share. “The best apology is changed behavior.”

Like he can tell me he loves me as much as he wants. It’s like...he’s barely changed. That’s not gonna win me back.

I’m a prize, damn it. Like...literally every guy I’ve dated have all said I’m an incredible girlfriend. Even my abusive ex from when I was 19. I know my worth. It’s like a report card and all my teachers keep putting the “pleasure to have in class” comment over and over lol BUT ANYWAY

I know my worth. and I just feel like I’m worth way more than a guy who’s broken my heart multiple times.

#personal #like come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn i dont enjoy the drama of this #i enjoy my mellow life and this dude likes to just shake shit up

[i-am-the-entertainer]

RevieWBY: Volume 6

This has been stated so many times, but Volume 5 was bad. Okay, it wasn’t terrible, like I don’t feel offended by it being bad (unlike certain folks), but looking back on it I don’t have anything to say to really defend it as something Rooster Teeth should have talked up as much as they did at the time. It had some good things going for it, but the amount of problems it had in terms of animation and writing really put a sour taste in everyone’s mouth. So for Volume 6 to deal with all that fallout, it was going to have to do a lot. And to their credit, CRWBY accepted the criticism in stride, and actively worked to make Volume 6 something that people who despised Volume 5 might enjoy.

Still, one had to go into this season with the understanding that some people were never going to be completely satisfied with whatever CRWBY did. Because at the end of the day, the RWBY that Rooster Teeth currently makes is not Monty Oum’s show anymore. No, this isn’t saying CRWBY is in any way disrespecting his legacy, it’s just Monty Oum had a certain method to running the show that only he could really get away with: epic fight scenes, suddenly throwing giant curveballs into the series’ mythology, taking vital time away from storytelling so the fights looked cool. I mean, there are people who criticize the show for doing that now when they didn’t give two shits when Monty did it, because Monty did it in a manner that somehow worked. I don’t know how he did it, but he did, and, well, he’s not here to do it, and there’s no way even a huge animation team can collectively do things like him. And they shouldn’t: if they can use a better industry standard animation engine than Poser, than the fact that Monty Oum didn’t like animating with Maya shouldn’t stop them.

Blah blah blah...this is all about FNDM reception. What did I think of Volume 6?

Well...

Focus

In my mid-volume review I cited this as Volume 6′s strongest aspect, and as far as I can tell this remains the case. By focusing our hero storyline on one group and for the most part the villain storylines on only a few characters who were paired off, Volume 6 effectively told a story that didn’t force the viewers to juggle multiple things and find some semblance of a continuing story. Everything happened linearly and the whole thing made for a more enjoyable watch overall.

Tone

Building off of that renewed focus, this volume felt like it had more of a consistent tone that lasted from beginning to end. RWBY markets itself as an anime show and uses a lot of that anime-style of humor (slapstick and comedically exaggerated emotions), but honestly it’s always played fast and loose with using that humor in a way that doesn’t feel out of place. In this volume it was more consistently used, and that’s largely thanks to the nailed down focus that allowed character interactions to utilize the humor in a natural way. Ruby and Maria Calavera were especially good sources for humor.

Now, things did get a little more screwball when Cordovin came into the mix, but it was interesting seeing CRWBY take that humor to a logical extreme for the first time in a while (not since the Beacon years). It interrupted the tone for a bit, but not in a manner that overall changed the genre this show is going for.

Animation

Beautiful. The improved production pipeline that we’ve heard about really came through. These episodes were the best they’ve ever looked, minus a few errors here and there, showing just how amazing RWBY can look when you give the animators time to add their own touches. There was some really great fight animation to boot: none of the fights this volume felt awkward, and you could tell the animators had a lot of fun.

Worldbuilding/Storytelling

It feels weird saying that Volume 6 did a better job with worldbuilding than Volume 4, which took place on four different continents and traveled across one, and Volume 5, which took place on two different continents and featured the second major skirmish between the villains and the heroes. I think this has to do with just how well it was integrated into the story: insight into the world came at points where the story needed it and when the viewers wanted it. Nothing ever felt like a massive info dump better suited World of Remnant; where there was just too much information delivered that wasn’t relevant to what was happening in the show. Volumes 4 and 5 had this same problem with establishing the world, often telling us too much in a way that just didn’t feel natural to the story. With Volume 6, almost every chapter up until the final Argus arc included some form of that insight:

Chapter 1 showed us how ordinary civilians deal with traveling through Grimm territory––the steps they take to protect themselves

Chapter 2 showed us some aspects of the Mistral criminal underground, not telling us too much about it but suggesting it was much larger than what Cinder encountered.

Chapter 3 showed us...so many things.

Chapter 4 offered a sense of the stakes RWBY faced in relation to all of Remnant.

Chapter 5 and 6 gave us a glimpse at another form of non-city life in Remnant.

Chapter 7 introduced us to Argus, my favorite of all the Remnant cities we’ve seen; plus a glimpse into the life of the silver-eyed warriors; and a more representative depiction of what domestic life is like in Remnant

Chapter 8 told us what Atlas personnel who aren’t Ironwood or Winter are like, plus the long-awaited insight into how the silver eyes work.

Chapter 9 shows something of the effect the Battle of Beacon, and by extension Pyrrha’s death, had outside of our core group.

Things kind of teeter off with the finale arc, but that’s because worldbuilding became a little less important to what was going on. This is kind of a stretch, but the mech fight and the arrival of the Grimm in Argus give us an idea of how large non-capital cities defend themselves without just spelling everything out.

All in all, this volume delivered on some impressive worldbuilding, probably the best the series has had in a while. It wasn’t massive info dumps unless it needed to be (e.g. Chapter 3), and it offered just enough for other important things like the storytelling and the action to still be in the forefront.

Characters

Volume 5, despite the fact it involved the major reunion of Team RWBY after two volumes, felt like it was simply putting the main characters through situations without those situations really doing anything to develop them or define them as anything beyond what we already knew. Some characters fared better on the development front, namely Yang, but others, especially Ruby, just seemed to be along for the ride without us getting any insight into them. This is where the writing issue that came from separating everyone starting with Volume 4 really came to a head: too many different characters with their own story to cover, and sometimes those stories just didn’t do much for the character beyond existing as a situation they were in.

Volume 6 feels like the refutal of that, and that mostly has to do with the fact that we’re not juggling so many storylines anymore. When a major event happens to the heroes, everyone gets affected at the same time. The train crashes? DEVELOPMENT! Jinn’s story? DEVELOPMENT AND INSIGHT! Snowstorm? INSIGHT! The Apathy? DEVELOPMENT! Telling team JNR about Jinn’s story? DEVELOPMENT! Adam ambushes Blake and Yang for the first time since Volume 3? DEVELOPMENT! WITH A HEALTHY DOSAGE OF ANGST!

Surprisingly, the same thing is happening to two of our favorite villains, Mercury and Emerald: even though they only really appeared in three chapters this Volume, we actually got a surprising chance to see how their defeat at the Battle of Haven affected them, and their increasingly strong misgivings about working for Salem. We get more of an idea of them as people rather than Cinder’s blind followers, understanding why they stuck with such an evil person for so long. It’s the most we’ve learned about them since Volume 3, and we didn’t even need lengthy flashbacks.

Even Adam got some more insight. RWBY has been following the path that Adam was an abusive ex-boyfriend for quite a while now, but there was always this underlying thought that he got into the White Fang business for a seemingly noble cause. The problem was the show hadn’t depicted how he got from Point A to Point B. The Adam Character Short offered us some of that much needed insight, putting some of his actions up to this point in a new context, even if it was set-up for clearing up some things so they could get rid of him.

Of course, there are still exceptions to characters getting character development, and honestly they’re kind of glaring ones. Oscar’s development arc, where he came to accept he was his own person, completely happened offscreen (for reasons that I’ve brought up before and will reiterate in the final section), robbing us of really witnessing his growth as a person. I enjoyed some of the stuff Cinder did this volume, especially her escape from the vault and her fight with Neo. But honestly she continues to be a pretty bland villain with little hints at her motivations for being such a terrible person: the Battle of Haven was such an utter defeat for her there needed to be some form of consequence that would’ve affected her character while also telling us more about her. Maybe it would’ve been her strategizing her revenge, which would’ve gotten more insight into how she thinks as a master planner. Instead, we get her leaving the vault, more or less going back to what she used to do but in a more low-key setting, fighting with Neo, plotting with Neo, and leaving with Neo. It felt more like “Hey, she’s alive, and here’s what she’s doing,” which while I appreciate it feels kind of a waste of time if you’re not doing anything with her beyond that. Honestly, a post-credits reveal that she was alive and then a pre-Volume 7 character short detailing how she made it to Atlas that covered her and Neo’s entire storyline this volume would’ve been more helpful.

Before I go on to my most major critique of this volume, I need to address the two Goliaths in the room.

Adam

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: they needed to get rid of Adam. The way things have been going, there was only so much more you could do with his character before he became a nuisance that was overstaying his welcome. I understand people wanted some deeper insight into him, but the fact was he was never introduced to be a major villain to anyone beyond Blake and later Yang. They could’ve had him have a thing against Weiss, but they didn’t, they focused the time that would’ve made him a major villain for everyone else on making people like Roman and Cinder and Salem the big villains. They decided on the path of abusive ex-boyfriend a very long time ago, and if you hadn’t figured that out after the Adam Character Short I honestly think you were being willfully ignorant to what’s been building up.

The best I can say is that Adam and his history is a missed opportunity for some pretty interesting storytelling and worldbuilding, but the fact remains: it is not his story that they want to tell, it is not his show. It may make something interesting to think about, but Adam’s story is supplementary, and works better in supplementary material, a la character shorts and maybe mangas.

Jaune

Y’all need to quit it with the “Hrrr drr Jaune took up time again moan moan Miles Luna is self indulgent” talk, he barely did anything this volume beyond Chapter 9 and having a sister that the whole fandom loved.

Pacing

This...this is where Volume 6 ran into trouble.

Overall, from the season premiere to the finale arc, this was probably the best-paced season of RWBY we’ve ever had. Major story events happened right when we needed them, and for the most part they didn’t drag out story arcs for any longer than they needed to be.

Well...until they reached Argus, that is.

At face value, a lot happened in the final couple of chapters. Chapter 8 gave us Maria explaining the silver eyes, Chapter 9 had the scene with Pyrrha’s statue and the mysterious Red-Haired Woman (I’ll headcanon whatever I want about who she is, Jen Brown) Chapter 10 started the Cordovin fight, Chapter 11 reinforced Blake and Yang’s partnership, Chapter 12 killed Adam, and Chapter 13 had Ruby finally use her silver eye powers to defeat a Grimm and they made it to Atlas. Yeah, it was a pretty eventful set of episodes.

So then why did it feel like it dragged? Here are a couple reasons that I’ve identified.

1. The Cordovin Battle sidelined story arcs for too long

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: the finale arc should not have been split up like that over so many episodes. It afforded us some pretty well-animated fights, some of the best the series has ever had, but the volume hadn’t been relying on that action to keep up the forward momentum, but on actually telling the stories of these characters. I get the need for CRWBY to prove that they can do well-animated fights, but as I’ve come to accept action should never take precedence over storytelling (I know, that’s hard to swallow when parts of the fndm spends hours complaining about how Monty’s not animating the fights anymore). And it’s clear to me in this final arc put emphasis on the action over the momentum of the story, bringing the actually pretty good storytelling the volume had had up to that point to a grinding halt.

Now, historically RWBY fights have delayed telling stories, but it’s never been for too long, at most maybe two chapters? But if you spend three chapters on a single fight, thereby devoting three weeks of your viewers’ time to high-octane action, people are gonna notice that the story is basically going nowhere.

What could’ve made this less of a problem? Well, perhaps establishing Cordovin earlier and making her less of a buffoon would’ve eased my hatred of this arc. Volume 6 lacks a clear antagonist for the story, but the way Cordovin was treated as a big deal in this final battle made it seem like she was taking up that role, except we didn’t even see her until the final half of the volume, and in her debut we couldn’t take her seriously as a villain, much less an antagonist, because of the pure comedy they used in her intro. There needed to be something about her at least a few episodes early––take this with a grain of salt because I think following JNR in Argus would’ve killed the balanced pacing of the first half of the volume (and just made the Jaune haters apoplectic), but maybe a few quick scenes of JNR arriving in Argus and getting rejected by her would’ve been helpful. Or honestly easing off on the comedy of her intro. Such a one-note character who we are primed to not take seriously isn’t interesting as a major force, so identifying her as a more threatening roadblock for the heroes would’ve made the stakes of the final fight a little more...present.

2. Important storylines got trimmed for time’s sake and weren’t addressed properly.

@hypeathon (whose excellent production analyses for this Volume are well worth a read) identified a tweet Miles made back in October, prior to the premiere and most likely when they were finishing storyboards, about “killing your darlings.” For those unaware and who may have severely misinterpreted that comment, “killing your darlings” is when writers have to sacrifice something they love or want to do so that the story works better. The timeliness of this tweet (after they would’ve finished the script but before they’d wrapped on storyboards and voice acting for the final episodes) suggests the writers’ room had to cut a lot of material from Volume 6 (what Miles called a massacre of darlings), most likely due to production limits or not having enough time to cover them.

Think about it: the story from Chapters 1-7 was really good: everything was properly spaced out, the scripts felt polished, there was a balance of action and comedy and legit storytelling, the good pacing lasted longer than it ever has within a single volume.

Then we hit Chapter 8 and suddenly it all changes: storylines don’t get the proper time devoted to them, arcs come to a screeching halt due to the big fight. Unlike previous volumes, where the imbalance was pretty much the entire volume, there’s actually a clear point right in the middle of this volume where things suddenly took a turn for the worse. And the fact is, some of the problems with the story in the final arc suddenly make more sense if you accept that time that would’ve been devoted to it got sidelined in this “purge”: Qrow’s alcoholism suddenly getting brushed aside after Chapter 9 hopefully to be addressed next volume, Oscar disappearing and all his development happening offscreen, Adam’s completely unsubtle return after only a vague hint in Chapter 1 that would’ve been stronger if he’d kept popping up in Argus. I’d even go so far to say the odd pacing of the final few chapters could easily have been the result of the writing team not being able to devote a single chapter to such a grand fight, so they needed to stretch it out so CRWBY could actually animate it within reasonable deadlines, which meant sacrificing time for those arcs that so desperately needed development.

So what overall is gonna fix RWBY’s pacing in the future? Well, I think at the moment the show is too ambitious. If it wants to keep to a reasonable production schedule, they need to control the scale of their finales so that it can be completed without needing to sacrifice other storylines. If it wants to hold onto that ambition and make the finales as grand as they want it to be to do their boy Monty proud, then they absolutely need to delay the actual release of the volume so they can put in the proper amount of time to both the story and animation. And I don’t think anyone would mind waiting a little longer for Volume 7 if it meant this show got the care and attention it needs to tell the story it clearly wants to tell.

Conclusions

Evaluating Volume 6 is impossible without evaluating what came before it. RWBY was never a perfect show, but when you lose someone who was responsible for the show’s popularity in the first place and have to change how it’s made to make up for his absence, there’s going to be backlash. Backlash from the fans, and, uh, backlash from inside the company. The fact is, people are never going to be satisfied with the RWBY that Rooster Teeth makes today, and Rooster Teeth is never going to push out a RWBY that will make everyone happy. All they can really do is keep moving forward.

And move forward they did. Despite my problems with the finale, Volume 6 was good. I’ve always been sort of ambivalent about the show (I was drawn to it by my brother shortly before Monty’s death and have been watching it out of respect for him and the company as creative artists), and even if I thought some of RWBY’s critics were being too harsh (or seriously needed to find something better to do), I didn’t find Volumes 4 and 5 enjoyable enough that I felt like defending them. But guys, Volume 6 did something amazing: it made RWBY fun to watch again. Focused, consistent, and compelling storytelling plus gradually eased-in worldbuilding made for a story that I could follow along without having to juggle so many different plots. Improvements in the overall animation made things nice to look at and when fights happened they were always entertaining, never making me cringe or grimace, always making me think “Hell yeah, beat the shit out of them!” Just like I felt back in the old days of the show.

I feel as though what’s holding RWBY back at this point, however, is adhering to the production schedule that its old vision called for in making its current vision. And it honestly cannot keep doing that. RWBY is a show trying to reach grand heights, and its rushed production timelines and lost story arcs are keeping it tethered to the ground. Yet I can’t help but say: Volume 6 is RWBY at its finest so far. It can’t fix the problems that previous volumes have had, but it builds on the void those problems left to build a story that makes this show feel like something worth following once more.

So, I can safely say I’ll be following along when RWBY returns for Volume 7...hopefully later rather than sooner (again, it needs a better production schedule).

#rwby #rwby6 #reviewby #crtq

[agingerwithaseoul]

I want to talk about feeling distanced from a part of yourself, or rather separating a toxic part of yourself and convincing yourself it’s not really you.

I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to play the victim here at all. I was faced with a challenge and i failed it. I was weak where i very easily could have been strong. I was put into a very uncomfortable work situation where I was the most depressed i have ever been in my life. I had to sit in the kitchen at work because i would just be crying uncontrollably at the office. It was everything from minor sexual assault to not having a bed for 3 months. I was being emotionally abused for 3 months straight by the person who basically controlled my job, my housing, and the opinions of everyone around me.  This then continued for many months after that.

Because of my depression, the new people I was working with treated me in all different ways.  Some were over the top supportive and asking me how i was doing every day tears or no tears, and some were the opposite.

By the end of the summer I had lost 20lbs and was trying to figure out how to see a therapist with no american medical insurance. I had to ask my abuser if the company would cover my therapy and his response was ‘you need to make more friends.’ I never got treatment. 

I came back to Korea with my depression for 6 more months, with the treatment by the new coworkers getting even worse, which in turn made me treat them poorly too. That’s when the toxicity of my personality became clear. Luckily I had my best friend and my boyfriend with me in Korea so I wasnt facing it alone, but my depression was turning into something much more dangerous. This was the first time in my life I had met people that unapologetically made me feel horrible and openly ignored or belittled me and my defense mechanism was to try to do the exact same back which, doesn’t work. During this time I also had an infection that almost cost me my kidney, they’re both permanently scarred. I didn’t go to the hospital early on because I didn’t want to miss work and give my abuser an excuse to scold me. Later I needed surgery.

The coworkers were taken out of my life without much closure, but the anger in my heart was still there. It was like a bad break up where I check up on their instagrams not knowing what I’m looking for. Do I want them to be unhappy? Do I want them to be happy? I dont know and its unhealthy.

My depression significantly lifted nearly simultaneously with me not having to deal to those people and after I started YouTube I was so happy! My best friend had just moved away so I was suddenly missing a huge piece of my life. YouTube was something that was motivating me to leave my house and the comment section was where I had most of my human interaction. 

Looking back on it now, I was much lonelier than I would ever admit to myself. As for my boyfriend, youtube was like my own little world so we never talked about it and it felt very private and very mine. He is always a shining light for me, but only recently did i let him into this part of my life.

Though I thought my depression had left me alone, something happened that proved I was wrong.

I had done something that was misunderstood, and it was the first feeling of being attacked that I’ve had since the time I was depressed. This misunderstanding caused someone to do something so small and so petty that it shouldnt have bothered me, and writing it here seems so stupid, but it really hurt me.  My best friend had left, i had started this new fun creative adventure and every time i logged in i would be met with a small gesture of hate. To them it probably felt like nothing, and looking back on it I should definitely have been able to handle it, but at the time it felt like i had made these special paintings and every day i’d find someone poured a bucket of red paint over each and every one of them. It really sounds so dramatic but I was (or maybe still am) emotionally weak from basically 2 years of emotional abuse and it got deep under my skin.

Everything about this situation was so petty that I didnt want to talk to anyone about it, so I buried it. Then I gave up. It was like someone kept picking on my scab i was trying to ignore and i took the bait. I got angry and acted out, but it was worse because i had the internet and i could be anonymous. And my actions hurt people. I hurt people. And i can never undo what i did or excuse why i did it.

The scariest thing about this was, i was able to completely separate the me that was mean in this one space online, from who i was “in real life.” That person i was being was the opposite of the morals and standards i hold myself to “in real life” even though so much of what i consider my “real life” is online. This is where im going to get confusing because to be honest im still confused.

There was a part of me that felt satisfaction seeing people agree with some mean thing I wrote online at the same time i’d feel totally ashamed and guilty and i couldnt sleep because of what i did.

I know i seem really positive and happy and like a supportive friend and i am, but there was a small part of me that wasn’t or still isnt, i guess,  because i know even though im suppressing it, its still there. What was most unhealthy is that i was so sure it was just an internet persona that i didnt consider it to be a part of myself. The person you see on youtube or tumblr or instagram is honestly who i am, its not a fake personality i put on, thats genuinely how i am if you were to meet me on the street. But i refused to accept that that isnt completely me. There’s that 1% of me that is a person i loathe, that im ashamed of, that i wanted to stop being, but part of it felt like such a release to play that role.

I was so ashamed of myself that i couldnt tell anyone. Even my friends that i really trust, it was such a private thing that it almost felt like it was part of another world. Not the reality i lived in. again, confusing but thats just how i felt and honestly still feel a little bit. I didnt want to tell people about it because i didnt want them to think that was who i am, but really it was just i didnt want to admit that that was who i am.

Then one day, it really hit me how badly i had behaved. I felt ashamed and i knew i needed help.

Luckily i have a friend who is understanding. I had lied to her face many times when it came to this dark side of mine. I knew she needed to know and i trusted she would have the best advice and wouldnt sugar coat things for me. And luckily i was right. She listened, and she held me accountable. Now that i finally let someone in and that someone was able to tell me point blank ‘what you’re doing is wrong and unhealthy’ i felt the ability to come forward to the person I hurt. Whether or not they believe me or accept my apology is out of my hands, but now that I know I told the truth, I can begin to move forward. 

Now I’m working on figuring out what it was that made me act like that. Why was my reaction to such minor harassment so cowardly? What is it that affected me so strongly? How i behaved makes me feel actually nauseous and I know I will never do that again. I hurt people because i could and thats unacceptable.

With online behavior nowadays especially here on tumblr or youtube, its so easy to be someone you arent.  But as you act out that persona long enough you have to accept that its not some persona, its you. Its me. I took those thoughts and words from my own mind and put them out there by my own choice. That rude person is a part of me and i need to deal with it. I think having a great support system around you is important and i lost that now that i have such infrequent contact with my friends.

So if you’re reading all the way through, perhaps its because you’ve felt something like this to? Maybe not taking advantage of online anonymity but maybe you have a small part of your personality that you’re not proud of, that you separate from your true self.  I hope you can accept that that is also you and that we all need to work on that if we ever want to grow.

I’m sorry if this is coming out of seemingly nowhere because this is so not my personality, but it is. Its something i am going to deal with and i hope that this inspires anyone else to reflect on some part of themselves they’re ashamed of or distanced from. To accept it as part of you and to grow from it. You cant fix something if you pretend it isnt really there.

Im sorry this was vague and i will feel uncomfortable talking about this with anyone that isnt someone that knows the situation so im not going to answer any comments about this but please see this is as my first step in acknowledging and moving forward. Thank you for listening if you’re still here.

[dressedupkiss]

86 days

Until March 1st, spring month.

I’m super looking forward to getting to know Mother Nature up close and personal in all sorts of different ways once the snow melts and the new growth flourishes.

I have some dried mugwort and dream herb right now, also some bay leaves and Egyptian flower, and I smudge with them and they make me feel really at home and good in my home.

I picked some needle branches off a pine tree earlier and I burned it in my home and it smelled nice and citrusy. I like blessing my home with plants and rocks I find around the city and soak up the nature and good vibes it offers.

I find quiet time and silent contemplation to be a big part of my life, I don’t have many people bothering me to hang out often so I have a lot of time to myself. I don’t mind it because I’m good company but sometimes I feel very alone. My best friend Joel has been staying over for the past week and she has a dog too so I’ve had nice company lately. Yesterday and today we kind of started to get sick of each other and sort of argue a bit because it’s such a small apartment we are cramped in here.

But it’s okay cuz they are leaving tomorrow night to stay with different friends and I will see them eventually again to hang out. I wonder how many time until March I will see them. Sometimes a whole month goes by and I don’t see them again. Sometimes longer. I’m gonna keep track of how often they want to hang out with me before march. Probably won’t see them much for the rest of this month of December because of christmas and they are having to find a new apartment.

So in January they will be busy moving in and then maybe at the end of January they will ask to hang out but I don’t know. We could have our fill of each other for a while. I’m gonna try to not text them very often as to not bother them, and I’m gonna spend a lot of time getting to know Mother Nature and the trees around me better to keep me company.

I sometimes wish I had someone close to me like a girl I’m dating so I could have more sensual moments more often but if I have to be alone for a few more months and get to know my own personal frequencies then so be it. I will always be alone no matter who I meet unless I fall in love with a soul mate and that would be a huge experience worth waiting for.

I know I need to gather my powers and earn strength through nature this next year and be positive and influence the world with love, so being alone a lot isn’t a burden. It’s a freedom. I will be able to go for nature walks as often as I want, always have my free money and spend it on fruits and veggies and healthy things.

I like spending time with Joel because they are spirit family, her and her dog George, they are soul family to me and we have a very close bond. In recent years I have had intense negative emotions sometimes and nobody to listen to me so people call me crazy sometimes because they don’t know how to deal with my emotions. I never act out or hurt anyone but I get palpably angry and I silently calmly deal with it and I guess that weirds people out. Joel has been cautious about me before and I get some backlash about my behaviour but in my world I’m very sacred and calm and appropriate so it bothers me that people think there’s a problem with me when I’m doing a good job at dealing with my present situation.

I am strong and able and fit and connected to nature and I’m healthy and free. I have a great freedom in being me because I chose to not work for my life. I chose to live and gather and live with not much but with everything. I feel blessed in that I have a connection to the great soul of earth and all her babies and I feel fairies and orbs and I can sense dead spirits and I can control erratic energies to calm down and be peaceful.

I feel grateful for the love in my chest and the peace I feel in my body. I have a lot of energy for exercise and breathing deep, and I’m not on the internet much and I eat really well. I feel lucky to have the opportunities I have and not to have to work right now. Not working is such a stress relief and I know I need it.

When I imagine nature I feel her right here like I’m climbing a tree or feeling the river water even though I’m laying in my bed. My visions are so real and good.

12 weeks 2 days til March. That’s not too bad. 3 months, December January February.

It should go by pretty fast. I’m not looking forward to how cold January and February will be. I’ll be holed up in my apartment with my plant material and fire, I’ll be exercising with weights somewhat and going for short walks when it’s sunny days. It’s still pretty nice out right now, it’s been sunny for the past 4 days and I really appreciate that light.

I feel very connected to the sun and trees lately and the birds that fly by my window. Magpies are so smart and I know they feel blessings from me. I’m so happy and thankful the animals pay attention to me and I hear their love.

I often imagine shamans and sorcerers out there who do magic and protection blessings and peace offerings, I want to meet someone who does magic so I can further my shamanic life and learn about more plant spirits.

I feel lucky to be alive the way I am. My brain doesn’t overthink and I have a lot of peace and quiet in my life. I don’t have a brain full of useless information and in fact I don’t have much information in my brain at all. I learn in feeling and emotion, not in fact and knowledge. I learn in wisdom and peace instead of by memorizing things. I don’t have a lot to contribute to regular conversation but if it is more passionate speak inspired by love I have a lot more to say.

I like being a feeler and healer. I love learning in vibe and feeling rather than how they taught me in school. I have school dreams a lot where I just have one more class in high school to complete until I’m done and I always hate that I have to be there. I never want to go to school again and I’ve already been forced to take post secondary stuff a few years ago and I didn’t do anything with the courses.

I don’t have a drive to work or learn, I don’t believe in how we are taught in my country and I don’t trust many white people to teach me something that will matter to me. I only trust shamans and spiritual people who are grounded and healthy and powerful to know something to help me. But at the same time I don’t know anyone like that except my best friend and she is a great two spirited support to me. My life is experimenting in my youth and learning my own way. I don’t depend on a city or on simple interaction. I need special sacred specific help and I only get it from my bff so I really don’t need anyone’s help but nature.

I feel strong in myself and my own abilities. I don’t have mental stress or issues. I’m physically healthy and proud of being strong and connected to nature. I breathe deeply each day and soak in the sunshine. I get my nature in and make sure I’m balanced. I don’t overdo it with weed or smudging, I fast properly from food and plants and rocks, I use things only when it is proper and needed. I’m very good at living with very little and being grateful for every little thing. The universe takes care of me and I feel that.

I feel like i am a wild animal and I am studying myself my whole life. I’m excited to die because I know it will be freeing and my power of dream will be expressed so fully and I won’t feel bored or bogged down by confusion. I’m excited to learn a lot in my life. So far I have learned to be gentle, quiet, soft, passionate, determined to survive, strong willed, I’ve learned to feel a lot and express myself in song. I haven’t learned how to conversate with many people or exchange knowledge. I don’t have a lot of knowledge to share with the world but I have feeling and beauty to express.

I am like a flower and not like a human. I smell good and I’m soft and delicate and I don’t speak much but I’m listened to silently.

I like silence and peace. I don’t like a lot of stimulation. I don’t like to be talked at. I don’t like conversation sometimes. I like stillness and connection to the universe. I think a lot of people judge others and think they’re better than others and they’re setting an example for others to follow to better themselves. I think that’s rude cuz we should focus on how there are so many beautiful people trying hard to do beautiful things for the world and struggle is merely an issue of focus. People need to be reminded that everyone is here doing the same thing and we are all equal and good doing what we do. Hippies aren’t better than anyone and they shouldn’t act like it.

Doing a lot doesn’t mean you did a lot. Being present and silent means the world to the universe. Working yourself to the bone doesn’t prove you’re living right. Living relaxed and open to opportunity is good. We shouldnt stress out about life because spending all your time outside means you’re healthier and everyone is right where they should be. I have a free home cuz I gave up everything and accepted my freedom.

I feel lucky to be so free. I’m glad to be alive the way I am. I haven’t put up with abuse and I receive help and assistance to live properly.

I’m lucky to be here this way.

I have everything I need. I’m beautiful and healthy and in love with myself.

I will be a great addition to some beautiful girls world some day and my life will change and flourish. Til then I have myself to heal and experience and my bff for company every now and then. I have enough. Life is good to me.

I hope all who reads this has a blessed day and finds something fun to do. Thanks.

[aquagenesis]

im talking about myself because unfortunately for everyone i am actually the only main character.

i dont even know how to describe the emotion it makes me feel because it’s i mean generally indifferent.  whatever.  but when people act like im only like this because im angry or im aggressive and im taking everything too far.  when people look at me and theyre like “yeah you were poor yeah you had an absent father and an abusive mother so does everyone”.  it’s not about that.  it’s literally not even about that.  i dont even consider those things Defining Points for me because like yeah bro i thought everyone grew up like me!  i thought every christian parent was exactly like my stepfather, i thought every “helicopter parent” was exactly like my mom.  i didnt even acknowledge parents arent supposed to say half the stuff they said to me.  it didnt even click until i started telling people just to share to be like “oh yeah man i totally understand your dad freaking out over nothing.  my dad used to [REDACTED]” and they like act like im grandstanding or trying to bowl them over.  like i get it?  but i feel like by my tone and the fact I Dont Talk About My Family should tell you im not dropping my Strong And Silent persona just to flex about how abused i was.

im angry because these things fundamentally led to me getting the shit abused out of me and everyone around me because the same system who APPLAUDS itself on maintaining the safety of their communities is the one who refused to take my moms own testimony against my dad because she was “paranoid” and “insane”. 

the same system who says psychotic people are dangerous told me what my mom was doing to me was probably a figment of MY imagination. 

the same system that says they care for the lives of children kicked my mother and her two not-older-than-toddler aged children deserved to be on the street because her abusive boyfriend wasnt paying his fair dues.

it pisses me the fuck OFF my future entails me being a “diamond in the rough” for the same people who didnt give a shit if i lived or died.  it pisses me the fuck off i’ll always be looked on by people who wanted me dead as “one of the good ones”.  a reason why impoverished communities deserve resources.  a reason why maybe poor people and insane people shouldnt be left to die because maybe they’ll fucking wind up like me.  but theyre still going to make it hard as fuck BECAUSE im just a diamond in the rough.  because i worked so hard to make a change and i worked so hard to keep myself alive and now im a success story they can shove down the throats of kids like me to make them feel more like shit when everything is against them and they dont feel like they can take it anymore.

it pisses me the literal fuck off rich people can be drug addicts and alcoholics and beat their spouses and “cancel culture” means People Dont Like Them :( but it’s okay because now we all have to stop and be like oh no wait hold on didnt you poor people say addiction isnt a choice?  like you fucking have the resources to not act like that and youre paying off your charges.  poor people dont get to do that.  they genuinely do not get to do that.  for some people, a drug charge means they cant get a job.  that means they cant do jack shit.

pisses me off when people will assault others and do drugs and break the  law and they get on fucking probation and can still go to school and make something of themselves and barely get fucking drug tested and can leave the fucking STATE and the cops dont come after them but the police sure as FUCK did harass my mom because my dad left florida illegally.  they sure as fuck did drug test everyone around my dad extensively because they couldnt find HIM but thats how they wanted to prove he was still dealing.  the whole system is fucked and i dont agree with it but it’s ESPECIALLY fucked against people who havent even had the chance to try and make something of themselves.  how the fuck was my dad supposed to get help for his shit when his parents were both dead.  how the fuck was my mom supposed to go to college when she was in an abusive relationship and now had two children she had to stay home and take care of because my dad sure as fuck was not.

how the fuck is anyone with anything actually wrong with them supposed to succeed.  how the fuck is any of this fair.  how is it fair my legacy will be beating down on kids saying “lukas was abused for 22 years of his life and he still became a scientist so what’s your excuse, i dont do that stuff”.  “your father isnt a felon, hes a good man, sure hes angry, but lukas could do it”.  i dont want to be a fucking success story used to punch down.  but then im giving up on myself, then im not achieving my potential, then im blaming everyone else for my problems, then im holding myself back, then im depressed.

im depressed because the system that left me for dead and wanted to do the same fucked up shit they did to my mom is going to rip apart my still-warm body for nitpicks to use against The New Generation or their specific kids or whatever the fuck else.  and then the other side is gonna say “ugh god but he’s insane though that’s the real fucking scandal.  how can we trust anything he says when he’s been institutionalized, when his parents were so bad, he’s a liberal scam, hes trying to destroy our society”.

it pisses me the fuck off.

#🧬 #oh to be a normal person and be able to achieve normal things and take pride in your success

[yallarewild]

20 reasons why i think self dx is dangerous (as a nd/mentally ill person who’s spent a decade researching psych)

this was made purely to highlight the dangers of self diagnosis and the importance of necessary medical treatment

important disclaimers:

self dx =/= self advocacy, i.e. researching symptoms that you think you might have and trying to compare them to your own behavior without actually dxing yourself, regardless whether you are going to seek medical help. i believe this is extremely important: it can provide you w/a sense of validation to know you’re not alone, and it can put you in touch with your feelings a little more once you realize there actually may be something going on with you. 

this post is not made for the intention of judging the character of people who self dx- there are many other posts out there about the ableism factors,  the trivialization of mental illness, or the way tumblr communities handle mental illness, etc.

tl;dr: .it’s not a fucking joke, please go get checked out by a professional medical practitioner, or don’t (but pls do), but whatever you do please don’t self dx

i often see the phrase “no one knows you better than yourself” as a justification for self dx and while you’re the only one who has access to your emotions and thoughts, no one is objective about their health, thoughts, and emotions. it’s impossible to truly dx yourself with any mental disorder because you subconsciously bring different types of cognitive biases into the process – this is why “medical intern syndrome” is such a prevalent phenomenon. you might know your emotions and thoughts, but this fails to address the fact that your perception of your feelings are grossly affected by your true mental illness (which says something ab your mental illness in and of itself).

not having access to mental health care doesn’t mean you should dx yourself with a mental illness, its not black or white. i often see teenagers saying they don’t want to get a prof dx because they don’t want their parents involved and i totally understand that, ableism is so terrible and i’ve experienced it for so long, trust me. luckily, there are ways to access mental health care at little to no cost, insurance or not, without getting your parents involved, but im not here to judge those who struggle w/resources to care.

untreated mental illness does not go away & a pro dx is crucial for access to treatment, disability benefits or other types of care or services. this could literally mean life or death. the prognoses for untreated mental illnesses are across the board terrible and may have devastating effects on your life: the longer they’re left untreated because you decided to not seek treatment, the more disabling they’re going to become. like one argument for self dx is that not everyone can access mental health care/resources…so instead they do something that literally prevents them from accessing resources….. uhhhhhh ??

you could put yourself in grave danger because symptoms of mental disorders may actually be life threatening symptoms of serious physical issues requiring medical care: thyroid issues, liver damage, vitamin deficiencies, blood/bone/brain infections, neurological disorders, many types of cancer, autoimmune disorders, brain tumors, epilepsy, diabetes, etc

you could put yourself in grave danger because you may be dealing with early symptoms of a more serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, DID, etc. there are many early symptoms that mask other disorders. obv all mental illnesses are very serious but if you self dx with depression because you’re experiencing the “negative” symptoms of schizophrenia: lethargy, lack of affect, etc. you may not think a pro dx is necessary and early treatment is crucial for successful long term treatment of schizophrenia.

there is so much misinformation about what symptoms look & a psychiatrist is able to determine the degree and direction of the symptoms. there is a huge spectrum within each symptom and it honestly takes a trained medical professional to determine the severity. for ex: mood swings are common in both bipolar disorder & BPD but they look and feel totally different for each disorder. people justify this with: “well i fit the literal dsm diagnosis” except,,,, you probably dont. the dsm was NOT designed for people who are not medical professionals to interpret- there are nuances of specific symptoms that determine a dx

just because you experience several behaviors doesn’t necessarily mean you have a mental illness at all, diagnoses are based on the specific combination of symptoms. you may look at mood swings, anxiety and issues w/interpersonal relationships, and think you def have bpd; however it’s important to factor in that mood swings/anxiety are associated with hormones, eating patterns, stress, situational conditions etc but since you’re in the lens of looking for a diagnosis you might point to that and think it fits within that diagnostic criteria. im not saying you’re faking or don’t have a mental illness, im saying one or more of your symptoms may not be accounted for mental illness.

if you self dx and then don’t get treatment and/or medication you’re generally at a HIGH risk for self medication which may or may not include self-harm and substance abuse. since mental illnesses generally do not get better over time, so the longer you wait, the higher your chances of engaging in self destructive behaviors. there are some mental disorders that are literally inherent chemical imbalances that can really only be treated with medication, no matter how much self care you engage in.

i often see the argument that “psychiatrists just go down a checklist to diagnose you and that’s it!”, as well as, “My psychiatrist googled ‘x disorder quiz’ and printed the first one that came up!! i was in and out in five minutes!!!” as justifications for self dx: like either your psychiatrist needs to get their fucking license revoked or that’s just not true. the testing process generally takes an hour and involves diff types of observations of behavior as well as a very long list of questions- it’s not a fucking list printed from the internet from a random site.

additionally i see, “psychiatrists make mistakes too!!” right, true but the chances of a psychiatrist making a mistake vs the chances of you making a mistake are very slim in relation to each other due to the reasons listed here, i.e. decades of research on a phd level

just because some people go to the psychiatrist post-self dx and learn they were correct about their self dx doesnt mean that it applies to everyone and REGARDLESS it doesnt mean you shouldnt get professionally diagnosed anyway. these are a few experiences out of a million. it literally doesn’t mean that you are definitely right in yours.

quizzes taken on the internet aren’t fucking diagnosis (and neither is 6 months of research)??? like i don’t care if you’ve taken ten of them. if they’re designed with the proper controls they could def help SCREEN for mental illness symptoms, but even then it requires a lot of second party consulting, it’s something you’re literally not qualified for, for the reasons listed above.. if i took diff quizzes or tried to research my symptoms i could def try and self dx with so many diff disorders that aren’t even comorbid. they need to be interpreted by a medical professional and are usually designed to help guide ppl towards treatment

“all psychiatrists are neurotypical and dont understand my mental illness!” how do you know they’re neurotypical? they wouldn’t tell you even if they were??? also what does being neurotypical have to do with their ability to correctly do their job???? would you expect an oncologist to have gone through cancer in order to do their job?

the concept of self fulfilling prophesy is hard at work with self diagnosis; if you attach a label of depression to yourself it’s going to influence your behavior and self perception whether or not you’re aware of it. you might end up seriously damaging yourself because youre trying to fit the diagnosis. when i obsessively tell myself i feel very depressed, after awhile i actually prevent myself from feeling better because i keep telling myself i’m depressed, for example.

one phrase i see a lot: “well people self dx with a cold, why is this any different?” well, for one thing, the physical ramifications of a cold and a chronic mental illness ie a literal chemical imbalance in your brain are miles apart. they’re not even medically comparable in terms of immediate and long-term effects. additionally, it really highlights the fact that many people treat mental illness as a personalized experience whereas they treat their physical health w/objective opinions from medical professionals. this analogy is not only inaccurate but it’s dangerous as fuck.

people might not be aware symptoms they’re experiencing are abnormal because that’s their normal state based on their actual mental illnesses. for ex someone who suffers from an anxiety dx might just be used to adapting to it their whole life when they actually have a serious disorder and not even think about getting help for it. your baseline cannot be assessed objectively.

sometimes the self dx community is enabling in a bad way- the lack of treatment for disorders real or otherwise make them more susceptible to encouraging/justIfying unhealthy coping habits. its kind of like the blind leading the blind. like it’s just not a good idea.

just because it might take a couple diff psychiatrists to get an accurate diagnosis isnt a good justification for self dx. this can be due to a million different reasons- maybe you were diff ages when you saw each one, maybe you were exhibiting signs of something else at the time- i was originally diagnosed with depression before bipolar disorder because my mental health hadn’t stabilized so my mania wasn’t present.

using the excuse of “ask someone close to you what they think about you possibly having [x] dx” as a legitimate step towards self diagnosis is as bad as saying you don’t have a personal bias… like the answer from your friend/family member is based on so many factors: the nature of the relationship, how honest the person is, their emotional state at the time, their own ability to analyze the people around them, how aware of psychological symptoms they are, their bias towards mental illness, the way the symptom description is presented,   the setting the discussion took place, etc etc

last but not least, i see the phrase: “well mental illness didn’t suddenly appear as soon as i got a diagnosis!” obviously it was always there but you may have mislabeled it before your diagnosis if you self dx’d first, thats it. no one is pretending mental illnesses suddenly appear when a professional diagnosis is assigned

your best “research” on the internet is not equal to ten years of medical school, its just not, and it’s concerning to me that self diagnosis is such a prevalent trend on here. please seek treatment, even if it’s in the form of your high school or college counseling center; the links i’ve provided in number 3 may be helpful in locating mental health care, whether it’s a community mental health care center, or a therapist close to you who offers reduced cost treatment.

you owe it to yourself, it’s 10000% worth it.

#self diagnosis #self dx #anti self dx #anti self diagnosis #actuallymentallyill #mental illness #mental illness discourse #ableism #not ableism #prof dx #psychiatry #dsm v #actuallybipolar #mental health community #mental heath support #sjw bullshit #medication #self medication #self care

[piasservicedogfund]

Dear Ellen,

I hope all is well with you!

I know you are busy but I wanted to take a moment to try and share my story with you - as I have said before on this blog, I know there are causes more worthy than mine but I think my story is important nonetheless because I’m sure there are many women other who have a similar story.  So here I go...just to give you a quick idea of who I am, my name is Pia and I am a 28 year old German / American citizen who lives in a tiny German village on my own (well not completely, I do have a 10 year old rescue pug named Benny & a 19 year old rescue persian named Emerald Anastasia von Cuddlesworth - aka Aunna or Aunna Banana). I grew up a military brat and don’t really have a home town, I was born in Lebanon, TN but didn’t stay there long -- in fact, I’ve never lived anywhere longer than four years so I don’t really have a ‘home town’. My family and friends are spread out around the world, with my closest relatives being an hour and a half away and my parents being at least two flights away in Gallup, NM.  I originally started this blog only as a fundraiser for a service dog to help me with my newly diagnosed auto immune disorder but as time has gone on I hope to have it serve a higher purpose as well; I want to raise awareness for a couple of things...

1. I want to help spread the word about the rare auto immune disorder that I was diagnosed with (more on that below) so that others who might be suffering with this disorder can get answers too. I also want to talk about life with an invisible disability / chronic pain or chronic illness. So many people suffer silently or face back lash when dealing with something that others can’t see. It’s time to end the stigma against invisible chronic illness / chronic pain. Just because you cannot see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there - we must all remember to be kind for “everyone we meet is fighting a hard battle”.  2. I am also a domestic abuse survivor and I want to let anyone else who is stuck in an abusive relationship (whether it is verbal abuse and manipulation, physical abuse, or both) know that no matter what life throws at you - you deserve to love yourself, to protect yourself and to fight for yourself... 3. I want to talk about Gender (and other) Bias in medicine because it is a VERY real issue that needs to be addressed! So here is a little more of my story... On June 5th 2020, after 2+ years of searching for an answer as to why I was sick and in pain all the time, I was finally diagnosed with a rare auto immune disorder called ANCA Vasculitis, or antineutrophil cytoplasmic antibody-associated vasculitis. ANCA Vasculitis is the name of a group of autoimmune conditions characterized by the inflammation of the blood vessels caused by the immune system mistakenly attacking them. There are several types of ANCA vasculitis and the exact cause (genetic / environmental / etc) is unknown, so patients diagnosed with ANCA vasculitis may display varied symptoms. The disease affects about 1 in 50,000 people. Due to the generic symptoms many of us have (chronic pain, sore throat, cough, cold and flu like symptoms, headaches, etc.) this disorder is often over looked. Many people don’t receive a diagnosis until something major has happened (organ failure for example). This disorder can be deadly if left untreated and too many women (and men) have symptoms like the above brushed off...especially if they have a history of mental illness or are dealing with a lot of stress as I was; 

I first started searching for answers to my growing health concerns in 2018. I had just moved from Germany to Scotland to start my life over - I was finally leaving my abusive spouse with the help of my amazing parents - I had my first “grown up” job with Hilton Corporate and was going to work and get my Masters Degree (I have a BA in Anthropology and was hoping to get my MSc in Animal Welfare Science, Ethics & Law at the University of Glasgow or at the University of Edinburgh). I was so excited to start over! So excited that I may have pushed the trauma and emotional scarring of my abusive marriage down for the first few months I was there and everything was peachy. Of course, those moments of bliss could not last forever. Still, I was settled in a new country (which BTW I had never even been to Glasgow prior to moving there) and I felt relatively safe for the first time in over a year - here my spouse could not find me or hurt me. I began seeing a therapist to help me unpack the trauma of my past. Of course, I was worried what people would think - as I’m sure you can imagine my spouse’s version of why we were getting a divorce was very different from mine so I tried to keep everything as quiet as possible. I didn’t want to deal with any backlash because, in his eyes, as always, everything was my fault. It wasn’t the fact that he had wanted to kill me at one point - nooo that certainly wasn’t why I was leaving (sarcasm) - In his eyes it was because I wanted an older man or because I just wasn’t willing to try to fix things...(even though I was the one who had suggested marriage counseling in the first place). It wasn’t the fact that he’d isolated me or cut me off from our finances. No, nothing was ever his fault... Even now, when I no longer have contact with him or his family I am afraid... This is the first time I have openly spoken about our marriage and divorce and as I have begun to tell my story I’m terrified that he’ll try to contact me or that I will receive backlash from him or his family (I am sure many of them would take his side and call me a liar...). I am speaking out now for two reasons - the first was because I only think it is fair and right to be completely honest about who I am and how I ended up where I am now if I’m going to be asking  my family and friends for financial assistance and two because I want to help others who are or were victims of abuse. When I finally came out with my story a friend contacted me and told me she had been through the same type of situation with her spouse and it was a really lovely moment - we’d both been suffering in silence for fear of back lash but had now found each other.  Anyway, back to the matter at hand... The first symptom I had was pain, chronic pain all over my body. My back, legs, arms, knees, ankles, feet, wrists, you name it - it hurt - and it kept getting worse and worse. I was having to take pain killers every day just to get to work and come home. I was extremely tired, no matter how many hours of sleep I got (6, 8, 10...) I was always tired. Then I started having headaches that would last for hours, then for days, then for weeks. I started to feel like I had a cold (on good days) or the flu (on bad days). My throat was sore, my voice was hoarse, I was congested and then I started having night sweats or trouble controlling my temperature (freezing even though the heat was on and the electric fire place was going). When I spoke to my doctors about my concerns it was written off as stress, depression, or anxiety. Whenever someone in the office I worked in got sick (you know how it goes around in an office environment) I would get sick too... my co workers would feel unwell for a few days, I would feel unwell for weeks. I then got strep throat but the doctors said I’d be fine with a few days rest. A few days went by and it turned into bacterial tonsillitis. I had to have multiple rounds of antibiotics. Then I had a stomach infection that lasted for over a month, a cough that lasted for months (November 2018 - March 2019). At one point I was coughing so hard I thought I would pass out. I coughed till I puked. I coughed till I pulled a muscle. My blood work kept showing elevated levels of inflammation / signs of an infection but since doctors didn’t know why they told me it was probably just fibromyalgia (something which shouldnt’ be diagnosed until all other possible causes have been ruled out). The rheumatologist in Scotland said there was no cure but I could do yoga, meditate, and maybe take an anti depressant... I felt like I was dying - I didn’t understand how I could feel so sick and no one seemed to take me seriously or care. A year and a half later (June 2019) I decided to move back to Germany - Brexit was looming and I just wasn’t happy in Glasgow anymore. Everyday was a struggle, my bus commute to and from work often took an hour and would leave me in so much pain I could barely get up off the couch at the end of the day. Plus work was not happy with all of the sick days I’d had to take. Keeping in mind that I felt sick everyday and I only took sick days when I had a high fever or wasn’t able to talk or walk.  My parents lived in Germany at the time so I found a job where I could work at home in Germany and moved back in hopes of finding answers.  A few months after moving back to Germany my parents sadly had to go to the US so I was once again alone in a new area. In November 2019 my cough returned and I was sick again with an unexplained “upper respiratory infection”. Once again I was put on multiple rounds of antibiotics which didn’t help - To make things worse I am allergic to almost all cough syrup and since I was working in a call center I was off work sick. The cough lasted till mid January this time and I lost my job. Work “understood” that I was going through a tough time and “felt horrible” for letting me go - they said I could reapply when I was “healthy”... and to top things off, my emotional support animal of 8 years, my baby girl Biene (a 11 year old Australian Cattle dog), my rock and constant companion, was then diagnosed with cancer and passed in December of 2019.  I have to admit that these have been some of the hardest moments of my life... I have felt like such a failure and disappointment. I was an adult, I was supposed to be married and adopting kids (I’ve never wanted biological children due to my health issues), I was supposed to be getting my masters degree and leading a successful career, I wanted to travel and I wanted to be a source of positivity and happiness in the world... but instead I was broke, alone, grieving, depressed, anxious, and continuously sick... I have had to rely on my parents financially and have felt like a burden...I wanted to give up...but I kept fighting. Life gives us new reasons to keep living. I had a few great moments, I was blessed with a few opportunities for travel and have enjoyed those moments. I have great friends and family who continued to support me and who told me I was not a burden on their lives, so I kept fighting. I felt like my new German doctor wasn’t taking me seriously and once again was chalking everything up to stress and then later to grief (over losing my dog). So I found a new doctor a little further away and she listened to me - for the first time in a long time I felt like I had seen a doctor who actually cared. She helped me get in with a rheumatologist and she advocated for me. She agreed that my blood work constantly showing elevated levels of inflammation / infection - for over a 2 year period - along with me constantly feeling unwell wasn’t something to just be ignored but was an important symptom. While she had no idea what was wrong with me she was determined to help me find answers.  In May I finally went and saw the rheumatologist - at first I thought all hope was lost, in our very first meeting she said to me “ I don’t think there is anything wrong with you”. She had barely looked at my paperwork and had barely listened to my symptoms. They sounded too generic for her...she didn’t think ti could be anything “rheumatic”... I was so young... It was probably stress... I’d heard it all before; but still she did her job, she ran the tests and a month later I was suddenly called back in for another appointment. My blood work showed what I had known all along - that I was sick - that I needed help and she admitted that she’d been wrong.  It’s only been 12 days since I was finally diagnosed but its been a roller coaster of emotions for me - relief and validation - fear and anger and sadness... my life has so not gone to plan. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was 12 and the added stresses of the instances above, and the near constant pain (both emotional and physical) have not helped, but I refuse to give up. I’ll be completely honest with you, some days I don’t even know why - some days I only fight because I love my dog and cat and friends and family and cannot leave them. Other days I fight because I have dreams not yet realized.  So, yeah, I started this blog because I hope to raise enough money to get a service dog (and this is still a major goal of mine) but I hope it will become something more. My friends and family have been so generous during this difficult time for all of us and have donated what they can. So far we have around 700.00 raised of the 10,000.00 euro goal. Reaching the 10,000 euro goal seems nearly impossible ... at least it seems impossible without help...but I have faith.   If you have taken the time to read all of this I want to say THANK YOU. I know your time is precious (as is everyones and I appreciate it). I was wondering if you could share my story? Help me raise awareness about ANCA Vasculitis and other Chronic Illness? Help me raise awareness about domestic / emotional abuse and how it may seem impossible to overcome, but it is not and help me raise awareness about Gender (and other) bias in Medicine? I have a few posts here on my blog that talk about bias in medicine and I could provide you with a 100 different stories from men and women who are constantly battling against this bias to try and get help... and maybe , just maybe you could help me save up enough money to get a service dog? Within my blog everyone can find information on how a service dog could help me, how to donate, and more information about ANCA Vasculitis / Gender Bias in Medicine & I will soon be posting information for victims domestic abuse. Thank you so much for your time. I know that was a lot.  Lots of love from Germany,  Pia

P.S. I promise to pay it forward someday when I am in a better place. In case you’d like to know what some of my dreams and goals for my life are:  To adopt / foster / rescue / help animals in need. To adopt or foster children one day (If I can).  To help further civil rights movements like BLM and to help LGBTQ+ youth. To help further clean living and reduce waste.  To be a light for others who are suffering.  To perhaps one day own a bed & breakfast or cat cafe. 

#ellen #ellendegeneres #pleaseread #getthistoellen #chronic fatigue #chronicillness #chronicpain #thisisme #mystory #domesticabuse #survivor #fundraiser #ellenshow #this is my life

[comicteaparty]

April 15th-April 21st, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from April 15th, 2019 to April 21st, 2019.  The chat focused on Synthetic Life by Eve Z.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Synthetic Life by Eve Z.~! (http://www.slwebcomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until April 21st to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Why do you think Alinski is out to destroy any androids that have migrated into human society? What do you think his plans are exactly to take down Lundstrom?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Do you think Crystal will come to accept Michelle? If you think Crystal can change, what do you think it will take? If not, do you think Crystal would resort to hurting Michelle? What will Michelle do in general in this case?

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene so far is the one where nigel brings michelle to play volleyball. i was greatly satisfying to see michelle included cause up until that point nobody seemed to have consideration for how michelle might be feeling. i enjoyed seeing her getting to be innocent and just experience life a little and also being accepting for the first time. it was just all around adorable and touching. 2) I think Alinski is one of those sorts of people who hates the idea that mankind could make a better human than is biologically natural. so thus seeks to destroy this so he, and by association humans, can continue to believe they are perfect and can never be outdone. as for his plans, i think hes going to try and get close enough to lundstrom so lundstrom will inadventantly tell him where all the human posers are.

3) michelle is definitely my favorite character. shes just so sweet and innocent. and even her flaws are endearing since shes basically just a child who doesnt know any better. plus, being able to experience thsi sort of story from her perspective rather than a "humans" makes the whole experience all the more worthwhile

4) I am ardently cheering for Crystal to be redeemed where this is concerned, but honestly i dont think she will change at this point. I think Crystal has dug herself into a hole to the point that no matter what Michelle does, Crystal is gonna mental slap herself and remind herself to hate Michelle. All because I think at the end of the day, she's jealous of Michelle. Not just cause her husband is spending so much time with her, but just because Michelle doesn't have to deal with aging or addiction problems or jerk moms like Crystal does (at least in Crystal's mind). That being said, physically hurting Michelle? Nah probably not. I think it'll be mostly emotional scarring. As for what Michelle will do? Sadly keep trying over and over and over again until she runs out of options and becomes confident enough to realize that crystal shouldnt be allowed to make her feel bad.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. How do you think Nigel and Sean wound up working with the organization that is instructing Sean and providing Michelle’s software? What do you think their goal is in regards to integrating androids into human society?

RebelVampire

5) i really adore the last panel of this page http://www.slwebcomic.com/ch2pg22.html im a suck for nice backgrounds and i love balance of detail and simplicity in the city scape. i also really like how distance was handled with the colors becoming more blending together as the depth increases. i also think this was a great shot choice for the moment since it really expresses how large of a job sean has in front of him with finding michelle 6) i feel as though nigel must have met someone in the science field and he mentioned his son wanted to build a robot. and then some eavesdropping dude was like "orly" and then suddenly he was contacting sean and setting him up with an AI. and sean and nigel just went along with it cause theyre kind of...innocently gullible and dont seem to appreciate the full ramifications of what theyre doing. As for the goal, I think it's actually something like unlocking the true capabilities of AI and the joy of creating life from nothing. Or something like that. And if they can create life that is able to blend into humans, then its a benchmark where they can declare that yup, they can create true life and look at their godly powers or something.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. What do you think will happen in regards to Michelle’s school social life? Do you think she’ll get to see her friends more given her software breakdown? Also, will she remain hidden, or will suspicions about her being an android get her and Nigel exposed?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What do you think Lundstrom’s goal is with the kidnapping and upgrades he’s doing of integrated androids? What risks do you think are involved with his activities, and why do you think he risks them?

RebelVampire

7) I think the characters i like seeing interact most are Michelle and Darlene. I like seeing how their genuine friendship blossoms in the face of Michelle's situation. And overall I think Darlene offers a good contrast to other ppl in Michelle's life. She isn't making a bit deal about Michelle being an android, and i think she offers a spirit of hope to the story that otherwise felt absent. 8) I think eventually Michelle will wind up going to the school in a guise to blend in with humans. Granted, after everyone develops some sympathy that if they leave her locked up all the time, that's going to leave her bored out of her mind is borderline abusive. If anybody exposes Michelle, I don't think it will be the girls at the school. Not that they won't try, but I don't think they're ahead of the game enough to make everyone believe them. That and I'd think after a point it'd become the boy who cried wolf situation where they tried saying she was an android so much everyone would just like "yeah yeah sure."

RebelVampire

9) I really like the subtle details in technology. Like the world doesnt seem more advanced then ares, but then theres these small things like the books that actually need to be plugged into the computers. I think it really helps separate the world just enough from our own to make an android as advanced as michelle and all the others feel completely plausible. 10) I mean the obvious assumption is that Lundstrom is part of the secret organization and is trying to increase android's ability to blend into society. But really I think he's just kind of just trying to create whatever he considers to be the true version of life from a machine. Which to a person obsessed with that, thats worth any risk usually. as for risks involved, well i mean, hes kidnapping. imagine if jade or onyx got caught in the middle of it. cause at that point they can a) go to jail or b) confess the person theyre kidnapping is an android. neither of which are good and honestly, they seem like they have a good chance of getting caught.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Do you think an A.I. could ever be considered to be a human? In other words, do you see Michelle as a human? Further, what moment in the story was your favorite in regards to this topic being explored?

keii4ii

I haven't had the time to read the whole archive, but can I just mention that I really like the covers? It's an approach that I don't see often in webcomics, portraying sceneries/ still life images with no characters. They are visually interesting, and convey an interesting vibe, especially when juxtaposed with the comic's themes about AI, androids, etc.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. In general, how do you think Alinski and Lundstrom’s plotlines will tie into Michelle’s? Is Michelle in danger, or will the two tie together in some other way?

thats very true @keii4ii . I really like how they kind of make the chapter mysterious and dont give away whats to be expected.

11) i think this come really does a great job in portraying its themes an conflicts about AI. Its honestly really refreshing to me because this is a subject i see covered in novels a lot but never webcomics. So it's really nice to see a webcomic tackle the topic about what it means to be human and if an AI can be one. It does it in a fascinating way too since its from the perspective of the AI, not a human. so it really opens your eyes up to the possibilities. 12) That is a loaded question that depends on how were defining human. If we're talk species, then no. an AI will always be a machine while a human will be a homo sapien. an AI will always be mechanical and a human will always be biological. Thats just set in stone facts. However, if we want to talk metaphorical human in the sense of loving, empathy, having human emotions in general, then yes. And I definitely see Michelle as that. Is she the most perfect AI in terms of human likeness? No. But do I empathize with her and wnat her to find equality and happiness in society regardless of what shes made of? then yes. as for my favorite moment in the story regarding this topic, i really enjoyed the library scene where michelle was exploring the human biological processes and trying to understand why she couldnt have a baby. cause that ties back to what im saying earlier is about how are we going to define a human and that always really complicates the topic in a fun way thats easy to discuss.

13) im really looking forward to seeing michelle with darlene more. cause while darlene is being super duper nice, i feel there could be interesting convos still to go. cause i severely doubt darlene is fully ready to accept michelle as "human." i also think that michelle will learn insightful information from darlene about being a human and come to accept how she is different from michelle. 14) i do think michelle is in danger and inevitably gonna get kidnapped by one of the two. though i also consider it a possibility that sean or nigel will have a convo with lundstrom somehow about michelle and about what lundstrom is trying to do. but down the line alinski is definitely gonna be coming for her

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Synthetic Life this week! Please also give a special thank you to Eve Z. for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Synthetic Life, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://www.slwebcomic.com/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #synthetic life #eve z.