#well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole

[surreal-duck]

messing around a bit

#delete later #man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird #trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg #shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me #should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔 #still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess #just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made. #im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough. #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony #well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole #even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw #actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself #but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate #hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week #man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay #hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini #masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh #ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini #aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr #me when i have to do my job at work #i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower #sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit

[boxheadpaint]

good: have been drawing a lot in my sketchbook lately, mostly with pencil. do you know how awesome it is to have a sharpener on hand immediately too. making smooth gem-ish shading is very fun and time consuming too, so its a nice way to distract myself. i need to get back into my pixel projects as well- i forgot that aseprite is still technically a steam game so my friend asked me why i have 6000 hours in it (i keep basically all art programs open to have them on hand fast). i want to get watercolor markers or something to make funny things more. i used to draw a lot back in school of course because it was easier than doing the actual work i guess- now i have some block about drawing traditionally where i forget it for a long while and also need to be in a very specific spot for it to be enjoyable (in this case thecorner of the living room couch). ill figure out how to use the scanner by myself at some point

bad: toenail is starting to hurt again, swelling, had a rough time yesterday with my heart blasting in spite of Actually No Anxiety for once and not even having a huge meals, just snacking until dinner (by which point i had weakened considerably but even before that when i had eaten it was like techno in there.) i still have yet to get the long ecg or whatever it is, though i do have a random app with the doctor on the 27th so maybe i can ask for a referral that isnt over an hour away from where i live. the gums of a tooth in the back of my mouth was hurting for a while but seems fine now, wasnt sure what i was gonna do about that so thats good. can go back to brushing normal now. still havent gotten lab orders.

the cats were grooming eachother on the couch a second ago and now theyre getting feisty and bitey and silly so i cant really stay depressed. dreams have been weirdly vivid as of late for better and for worse, even just during naps. makes it even more exhausting. for the past 3 weeks or so ive had a consistent thought whenever ive been stressed of "i need to go curl up in a dirt hole somewhere else", which while not good isnt the worst thing to think at least

2/20/2024, you can type a lot more with an actual keyboard

#diary

[aranict]

3, 10, 29, and 33 for questions I think would be fun to ask <3

Thanks for that!! :D

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Ok, Im not all that great on films, but the only one I can think of are the The LOTR movies. They are 3. do they count? :D

10. would you say you’re an emotional person?

Hah, what a question... I will be honest with you: I am terribly emotional, that's why I am very, very reluctant in terms of being 'emotional' in front other people , other than those Im very close with :)

On the outside, if you ask people who know me, they will say Im a person who is very calm under stress, taking the lead in difficult situations, proposing solutions instead of freaking out, not prone to anger.

On the inside, I'm a total mess :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) but nobody has to know. :) :)

29. what do you do when you’re sad?

Usually, I get creative. I draw, l listen to music, I just go outside and take a walk at the park. I go to my comfort zone, with is either artistic creation or my favourite headcanons :)

33.any hobbies?

Okay, so I guess I'll stick to the ones I've never gave up:

Reading fantasy novels. I've been reading, like, since... a kid. All the time? My parents were teachers, so I was encouraged to pick up literature at a very early age. Sooo I guess I've read a lot of non fiction and fiction over the years, but my strong preference during most of my adult life are fantasy novels. ( and a bit of romantasy, as of late, as I am a sucker for a good written romance). I love Steven Erikson, Anthony Ryan Jany Wurts, Lois McMaster Bujold, C.S. Friedman, well I could go on and on and on. Actually, please someone tag me on a books ask, I can talk books for hours :D

Playing the piano! Its one of the things that I turn to from time to time, and even though I never managed to be a great player, I still play quite often for fun. I love the Russian School ( rachmaninoff, tchaikovsky), I love the modern composers like Nyman and Einaudi , and I really also enjoy adaptations of quite a lot Anime/ JRPGs ( Japanese composers, you are a gift on this world)

Painting/ Drawing :) I guess this is how I would identify first as an artist, although to be fair I always struggled with techniques. I havent drawn anything in a while, because I felt kinda...demotivated with my art :)

I've recently picked up writing. On a whim. Who knows where this would lead. :)

[dausy]

pattern art to get in the fall spirit and take up space while I do a life update. I've accomplished a few things, books, video games and then some life issues.

So easy stuff first I guess. I finished one of my goals of reading a Harry Potter book in spanish. I read the first book. It took me all year because it was a major brain fart/humbler. Reason why I chose HP was because its made for kids and it was familiar. I did NOT understand everything but luckily digital devices come equipped with a translation dictionary. About halfway through the book is when I had my first notebook with my art made. Whenever I get to book 2 my plan is to write down words that I had trouble with. There were 3 words in the first book that showed up frequently that kept confusing me but I didn't write them down haha. So I cant tell you.

I have a rant about another book I'm reading, Ill wait til I'm done

--games--

Secondly I finished playing Horizon Zero Dawn and Horizon Forbidden West back to back. That took me..ages..when I first turned on HFW I was like "oh..thats the map..this is tiny" and well somehow I put double the man hours into the sequel than the original game with the DLC. Think I finished HZD in 50 or 60 hours after completing everything that game had to offer. 100% completion. HFW Id been playing for 90 and I didn't complete everything and just kinda said "eff this" and finished it. I like open world games. I'd play a third game, probably wont get to a dlc I dont generally do those on purpose.

My issue is though is I still don't like the character designs. I think HZD was the superior game. I kind of like the doom and gloom apocalypse back story and I like the idea of our modern life being somebody elses ruins. I like that. But everything else, the over story, the character designs..its like putting a jak and daxter style design on a serious story of The Last of Us. It didn't go. We needed to either choose if we were being serious or not. The sequel I enjoyed the gameplay but I think it suffered from being a sequel. Its getting too big for its britches. I dont like the space stuff. I dont like the immortality stuff.

so not my favorite game of all time but I'd play another.

I was playing disney dreamlight but I think Ill move on here soon to Ooblets to fill in time.

---

Lastly life.

--

My grandma died. It was not unexpected especially after seeing her for the final time a few weeks ago and I could tell she wasn't going to make it much longer. The thing that kinda bothered me or reassured me the most is..atleast gramma wasn't aware of what was going on. She's told me to my face how much the death of her siblings years before traumatized her and how she's afraid of dying. Really afraid we're all going to hell. If she could see herself on her deathbed she would absolutely freak out.

seeing her at the viewing again, was kinda sad. She just looked uncomfortable. People say "atleast now they're at peace" nah, gramma looked just as uncomfortable as when I saw her the other weekend. Its amazing how my brain remembers her from a few years ago and that viewing-experience just did not look like the gramma that I knew.

its just another phase of life coming to an end.

we've had it rough this past year. Husband lost his dad, we lost our cat at the same time and I've lost 2 grandmothers.

My work called me off the entirety of last week so I havent worked in over a week. Todays my first day back and I was asked to come in late. So I'ma have like..no paycheck..but whatever I guess.

so anywho I havent managed to be creative. I did manage to draw a bit yesterday so I may paint something but I dont know think it'll meet any sort of standard or expectation.

#lifeblog #artistblog #gamerblog #hzd #hfw #horizon zero dawn #horizon forbidden west #pattern #fall #autumn #illustration #procreate #blackcat #autumnhygge #patternprompt

[kil9]

hi hi tag game ^_^

tagged by @homosexawol !!

last song: flowerball by the wombats 👁👁 to me its such a premin song (press your number!taem for those not in the know) like i know its about doing drugs but i feel like u can apply it to his situation lol. also hes the flower the blue flower auaughd !!!!!! DONT you get bored ?? of them giving you nothing ??? literally. its the premin lyric.

last show: the white lotus season 2 ^_^ and now im rewatching it with maddi we are 6/7ths of the way thru omg.... the tension lol. its really good if u like that kind of show, its different from the first season in a good way, i would have been pretty disappointed if they had just tried to mimic the first one for a cash grab (<- literally 99% of sequels) but its different in a lot of ways, i feel like both seasons have different advantages over each other !!

currently watching: well i already said im rewatching that but also lately ive been watching bungo and heavens officials blessing with @madscience >:) i didnt think any of the mxtx shows would be my thing but....... xie lian is kinda babygirl and also an idiot i clearly have a type lol

currently reading: i was listening to the holes audiobook (the soothing sound of @koolmaddi's voice) but also im trying (failing) to catch up with the noragami manga 🥺🥺 but im really bad at reading

current obsession: i mean its obviously still taemin......... ive also been getting back into playing splatoon ^_^ and getting all the team kills cos im a pro gamer (i got my freshness up to 21 recently 😁) and also i guess u could call the daily drawing thing an obsession.... it basically takes up most of my time lol 🤦‍♂️ and everyone is annoyed i dont have time for other stuff gkdjsghd... but im really proud ive been pushing myself !! its def a learning experience, and i did say i wanted to push myself with art in 2023.... i think ive learned the most about uhh... time management and efficiency, how to actually plan well and structure stuff instead of going at it blind, stuff like that. i always wanna have something different, and i think my style is so all over the place but i like it. but its so hard some days i think i just post pure shit x_x i have to post one in less than 3hrs and i havent started anything at all so !!!!! tune in to see how it looks later lol

tagging: @koolmaddi @madscience @dogrates @paintediamond if u wanna do it 🤷‍♂️ or whoever

#99.txt #this is so long gskjhgd #its like infodump permissions to me #thanks for the tag ^_^ #now ...... to draw #i will watch jerm until dawn while i do so if its creepy .......🤷‍♂️

[sm0kebreaks]

28 29 30

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

i never see zines in time b4 the apps are closed!!! so i usually dont get the chance.... but also im not very good at following through LOL. ummm i helped a friend run a pokemon art contest thing once! i... didnt participate in it myself but i was one of the mods and designed a trainer that ran it and everything that was pretty cool. i also did get to participate in a south park zine once! the ppl in charge of that were nice enough to actually reach out to me to be a part of it so i didnt even have to worry about the app. but other than that im not much for events i dont keep track of time or projects other than personal ones very well

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

to be fair i feel like i enjoy most media a normal amount and not as much in a fandomy whcih means not a lot actually inspires me to draw. i LOVE Friends which im sure some of u guys have noticed (tho i guess sometimes that does inspire art bc ive deffo just fully redrawn scenes from the show but like w tma characters) i love my various youtube men and im a huge fan of horror movies (especially found footage its by far my favorite genre and sometimes i like to just sit and sift thru some real shitty ones to find gold lol) im kind of all over the place. oh and i love a lot of adult cartoons ummmmm none that i currently keep up with bc i hate uhhhhh watching media thats still like... updatingi guess???? but ive been like CRAVING rewatching metalocalypse lately

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

this questions embarrassing bc as much as i love attention its also humiliating to talk abt the things i think should have more attention!!! ummmm not so much a piece but um as a whole my childhood au is really being slept on. not that i post much for it often but everything i have for it i love soooo so dearly and bc i havent made the plot of it super clear i dont think many ppl really get into it but i just think its so cool and the story isnt fully fleshed out but every time i get more and mroe thoughts for it it feels more like its own beast and like i could really go somewhere with it!!! for something like SPECIFIC? i think THIS messy comic was totally slept on i thought it was such a cool scene drawn out even without context i mean come on jmart in their lil ruined prom clothes and daisy taking mike down.... jon losing a shoe.... i really like it idk

[bigearsbunbun]

New Year !! 1/30/2024

its been ages since I last posted in this account er.. well things had been busy with school and I completely forgot this website existedT.T

So um a lot has changed for sure!! though I dont really know where to start....

well school um...I became an achiever in the first quarter can u believe it:O well obviously my math is still terrible but um Im trying my best still!! we're still waiting on the second quarter card (grades) which I think the card giving will take place next month? they havent really announced the date so we're just waiting for them to...

okay social life.. have I made some friends this school year...well yes a lot actually they're very friendly I guess some people I just happen to have the same interests with and some are just sociable T.T though I still prefer my grade 9 friends...but Im sure ill get close with some of these people in 3rd quarter cause thats how it all started in grade 9 anywayTT

my grade 9 friend group is still alive so Im pretty happy we hanged out like after exams and got some milk tea:D some of our friends weren't able to come though but its okay...

lately Ive been helping my aunt clean her store and she offered me to work there part time.... well I think its a realy good opportunity since Im really saving up for some stuff Im planning to buy:D example a new phone because the one Im currently using isnt really good anymore and Ive had it for ages already...

In regards of my new years resolution I guess I do have a few that I wanna start doing...like reading more books...sleeping some more and avoid staying up till 2 am everydayTT....continue learning languages...and journal some more...Im actually itching to go to the store and buy a sketchbook to use it as a journal because its just way cleaner to use a blank paper than some paper with lines since I can just adjust the size of my hand writing however I like

Okay now...my arts...I was literally stuck in art block for 3 weeks..... couldnt draw at all I was so out of it....but now Ive been drawing some doodles so I guess thats a good thing at leastxD my aunt gave me her coloring pencils since she said she doesnt even use them anymore..I was so grateful since I dont really have a proper set of coloring pencils...and now I have like so many coloring materials..I have 2 sets of crayons the other one having like 96 colors pretty crazy ik....i hate 2 sets of coloring pencils...coloring markers...I have some paints and a watercolor...IK so manyTT AND I HAVENT EVEN MASTERED USING COLORS YET gosh goodluck to me>.<

well I think thats about all...I really do feel like Im missing some stuff but er I'll write those in the upcoming posts in the future:D if I ever dont forget about this website again that isx3!! WELL BABAIII<33!!

[bunnygirlheart]

List 5 things that make you happy, and then put this in the ask box for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. Learn to know your mutuals and followers 🤍

oh sorry i forgot abt this

uhm,, suppose its kind of a cheat 2 just say 'my friends' 5 times huh

welllllll, bunnies, girls, duh

... this got super long after this line so uh

games, ive been playin modded fallout 3 a lot lately and havin a great time, my character has purple hair and like. a laser shotgun? (the metal blaster from the pitt) and a sweet cybernetic eye that gives her night vision and thermal imaging? so cool. She's also got a big ol sentry bot w/ a gatling laser that kinda murders things before I get a chance to actually do it myself which tbh is fine by me?? hehe

I kinda wanna start another game though where insteada robots and lasers i get animals and swords ? that also could be really cool? although . seems pretty hard to go melee i suspect w/ fwe making everything so lethal,, but hey i feel it might be fun to try and i can always tone down the settings if it doesnt work out.

Other than fallout 3 I play mtg like . all the time, and right now ive been playin w/ some monoblue list thats popular in standard atm just 'cuz mtga is hard and i already had most of the cards for that? and my other more fun deck is my oni-cult anvil thing ive been messing with pretty much since the card released? mechanized warfare came out w/ the latest set and its Nice. Also I have a couple mishras and dragon engines but i havent managed to meld yet. Still solid cards on their own though I dropped a mishra on a board where i had two anvils running for a while and abt a million 1/1s so i just swung out w/ em and drained my opponents life to nothing? realllll nice. (they had too many creatures of their own for me to actually be attacking before then so i just . accumulated lil dudes to keep the ground gummed up a while, which was working well enough)

Other than those decks .. I do play my anax deck in historic brawl pretty regularly, and I mean mechanized warfare was a good upgrade there as well, for obvious reasons. Monored would Love to do 1 more damage with everything! Also put phyrexian dragon engine in there too, 'cuz like . yay card draw, yay 3 mana 2/2 doublestrike? ... come to think im not sure i have ox of agonas in there, maybe I should add that one too,, oh one more recent upgrade wasnt from the new set but i only recently crafted a copy of fable of the mirror breaker, so I put that in as well.

oh uhm . when i can actually look at myself without feelin sorta bad is pretty good? like . i shaved recently and after a while of neglecting that it feels Loads better to see my reflection yknow? so uh. when i look . softer . i guess. is nice. ... I really need hormone meds huh?

i was gonna say my friends bc like . obviously? but that still is a cheat answer bc duh of course my friends make me happy? love yall! so instead I'll mention,, i finally started reading gideon the ninth recently? and? its really good so far? ive only read like two chapters but im havin a good time w/ it. Totally gotta keep reading soon.

#asks #norabee #i dont really pass chain things like this along so uh. i wont? #sorry 4 getting a bit carried away here aha i can talk abt games forever sometimes

[cryptidofthekeys]

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately? 

❌ What's a trope you will never write? 

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

<3 - Mitch

I absolutely do listen to music when im writing most of the time! The music choice is all dependent on what im writing at the moment,, if its fluff I pick relatively calm, relaxed, or cute music ...if its angst I pick m u c h darker ones,, also unrelated bc i havent played this while writing, I’ve been playing that new fetch song that came out from kyle allen music, I fucking LOVE that song, it scratches so many itches in my brain

a trope I would never write? ...Mmm that’s a hard one tbh,, there’s not many tropes I won’t write- I guess if uh it counts as a trope the only thing I feel hella uncomfy writing would be anything amnesia related but thats all I can think of

and . . . . :) o h, one of the questions I was so looking forward too... I’m feeling HELLA generous too tonight so fuck it, you get sneak peeks of t h r e e stories! I’m going to be giving just the LAST paragraph of each that was written sooo!!

-------------------------------------------------------

First up that im most excited about personally is JLOT Chapter 3: Eventually everyone had finished their drawings and it was time to present them to Sun which Virgil didn’t know they’d be doing, he looked at his drawing and felt a little… Nervous, the thing was… In his spare time, Virgil was technically an artist, he loved to draw things, granted he was definitely better at the more… Digital stuff rather than traditional …Also better with literally everything else BUT crayons, he looked down at the drawing he made, it was just a picture of Sun, how he used to look actually…

------

Blue pupils in the whites, fully yellow with no paint missing, he was grinning of course but even though he used to be able to make facial expressions, he was still usually grinning if Virgil was being honest, he also put a bunch of stars, and little squiggles around Sun …And maybe an accidental heart that he quickly corrected into stars out of embarrassment. Virgil was tempted to draw Moon as well but he didn’t figure Sun would like that so he decided against it.

-----------------------------------------------------

Team Hell No - Horror Movie Night: “Whatever! Finish the damn horror movie yourself, you prick! I’m going to bed!” He yelled and that’s when Kane’s laughter died down a little, Daniel turned and started walking toward the bedroom, Kane calling out “Oh c’mon Daniel! It was just a harmless little scare! I was just messing with you! …Daniel! Come back!” He called out the other’s name but then the bedroom door slammed shut and that caused the man to groan and then sigh …Okay… Maybe…Maybe he did push it that time, maybe he pushed it a little TOO much tonight…

--------------------------------------------------------

Annnnd finally... IWTDFD Chapter 2: “(Y/N)!!” They both screamed, scaring you out of your hysterics, before they both took a deep breath, Steph holding her hands out in front of her “Now, look, you didn’t even let us finish…” She saw you were about to speak again and held a finger up “Ah- ah ah! Ah, no, let us finish…” Hunter nodded “You are going to be in a match with Kane, but look, we’re not going to send you out there just by yourself, we aren’t stupid (Y/N), we know what we’re doing” Stephanie then spoke up “So please, just, trust us, trust us and let us help you because I know as well as you do that you want to put a stop to this, you want to live your life in piece so trust us”

----------------------------------------------------------

I was feeling hella generous tonight but I also must warn in case of excitement,, I got me some yugioh dvds coming in like the next week so consider this a heads up to all my friends/followers for my story content gfldkfgjdls it might come to a halt when these arrive bc I WILL let my brain be consumed by the media

#Chase Answers #thank you friendo Mitch <3 #i was so looking forward to the wip question fkdlfjgdksl so yeah those are only three btw #I got like other stories im writing right now buuut those are... well they wont be posted #so I figured showing them would be a waste of time

[tsurangaconundrum]

Bestie…. Its almost their fucking wedding anniversary. Last year that single handedly ended a depressive episode for me so I have a good feeling about this one. Anyway. Mawwage.

I cannot believe we’re bringing up the boiling water scene because earlier today I was like “I want to stick my head in boiling water.” (Realization) “Oh my god just like supernatural” it was because someone was drawing biden mpreg on tiktok but thats basically the same as a literal angel.

My roach gave birth today but the babies were like? Stillborn and underdeveloped and junk, and hadn’t fully emerged from the egg case. They just looked like little grubs, which I guess they were. It was neat af! They had little legs and eyes and antenna developed but no color. Honestly they were kinda shrimp-like. But with some maggot thrown in. Anyway I dunno why they came out like that. There are a lot of males in the tank so maybe stress from that.

You getting hit with the big storm blowing in? I feel like its covering half of america so that’ll be fun. My little sister is gonna ice skate on the road when it inevitably freezes over. Snow and ice and whatnot. How are things? Seen anything neat lately? What’s the latest fics you’ve been reading? I’m always ready for more. Recently I’ve been reading a lot with ghosts, like one of them is a ghost, but only the ones with happy endings. I’m special like that. Anyway they’re pretty good!! Hope ur having a lovely week my friend!

hiiii!!! i am not experiencing the big storm! i keep seeing images of it from all the mutuals tho its so exciting. as for the marriage literally yea. planning myself an anniversary party. for them. cant wait for dean and castiel to be one full year of gaymarried!!!!! as for the. the. well the. the biden mpreg. well. i would say it gets better but. the internet simply doesnt.

thats so interesting that they came out funky. i feel like roaches are really resiliant? like ive never heard of a roach being like thats it these conditions r too bad.

as for me. im okay! gettin thru the year it keeps going. a neat thing i saw lately was this dead worm on the sidewalk and he was covered in weird lumps. i took a photo but its really kind of gross so. maybe wont be dropping the image. i Love happy ending ghost fics. theyre so tasty fun. fic im currently reading is THIS and i havent finished it yet so i dont have a final take on it's recc-ability but one i recently read that was fun is THIS. i hope u have a lovely week as well dba

#i love ghost fics there’s the one by dothraki_shieldmaiden which if you havent read its a MUST if youre reading happy ending ghost fics #dead bird anon #asks

[lazlolemur]

Headcanons for Bob (and Helmut if you're ok with two characters in the same ask) for the headcanons post? Thank you!

Ill do helmut since I did bobs before seeing this ask :] 1: sexuality headcanon: Gay! He’s known since he was little he was Gay and has always been out and proud about it, definitely the sort to be the only out kid at school that would comfort other lgbt kids that were going through it :) He manages to find a way to get the rainbow flag onto absolutely Anything he wears. you think there's no rainbow but then boom. rainbow gloves. rainbow earrings

2: otp: Helmut and Bob! Canonical gay couple, they’re very sweet and make me cry any time I watch a lgbt person do a playthrough and they go gay people? in my psychonauts? its so heartwarming

3: brotp: Helmut and Lucy. I know its been explored but I havent seen much art of it so I’d like to draw something of it sometime  Helmut and Lucy bonding over talking about their partners, Helmut would make water figments when thinking of Lucy

Lucy catched on that Helmut was crushing on Bob before Bob catched on and was sort of a shoulder to lean on. Helmut would gay ramble to Lucy and go over and flirt with Bob but Bob didn't quite catch on because self esteem issues and Lucy just face palming in the back. also it makes what happened hurt even more for all the angst artists out there  :) 

4: notp: Same answer as before I dont really see them with other people at all but if other people do thats fine live your life have fun!

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: Trans Ftm and Autistic ! and loves to make comfort plushie animals of figments that appear!! He’s got a plant plushie that he made that reminds him of bob and gives him comfort. like to think he can be gnc as fuck 

6: one way in which I relate to this character: Im gay flamboyant and supportive of friends :)! Also Im shaped like a rectangle as well bc im fat and have broad as hell shoulders which is nice because I keep thinking abt doing a helmut cosplay 

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: Not anything comes to mind! I guess the tongue voice lines make me go SIR? HELLO? and the general tongue slap noises embarrass me but that's just the level 

 8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? Not into the cinnamon roll/problematic fav character scene but he is very nice and a wonderful character. He looks very warm and I love that about him. Would love to have a late night summer convo with him while he’s working on a song

#ask meme #thank you for asking cy!

[zmayadw]

Evening to all :)

Time for the next part :)

Have a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 10

I woke up with a terrible taste in my mouth. I had no clue what time was it, but the sun was out already, making me squint my eyes. I got in sitting position slowly, banging in my head intensifing with every move i made. Ugh, i'm never drinking again, i scolded myself. Squinting, I focused on the little alarm clock that was on the night stand. 10.34. Whoa, i cant remember the last time i slept this long. I got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. I filled the glass with wather, rinsing my mouth a few times before gulping down two glasses. My stomach growled at it, i just hoped not to throw up .Taking a shower would be a wise thing to do, so i just threw the clothes i had off and entered the shower. The warm water felt good, i just let it pour over me for a while. I wrapped myself in the towel taking some painkillers for the headache. Getting back to the room, i dressed up, and sat on the bed. I felt a bit better, but still not enough. Coffee, i tought, thats what i need now. I got up, going for the purse i threw on the floor when i got in, searching for my phone. Shit, i cursed, it wsnt there. I checked every pocket, even Jake's hoodie, but my phone was nowhere to be found. Crap, i probably left it at a the Aurora last night, when Jessy and me wer taking pictures. Or at lest i hoped so. Well, i was going for coffee, so i could stop at the Aurora eitherway. I grabbed my backpack with drawing stuff. Who knows, i might be up for some drawing, no matter I still felt woozy from last night drinking. I putted my sneakers on, grabed my stuff and car keys. Walking wasnt an option this time, i wasnt feeling well enough for it.

When i parked my car infront of the Aurora, I saw Dan's car was still there. I smiled as i left the car, guess i wasnt the only one sleeping late today. I hoped Phil was there already, and my phone too. I entered the Aurora, relieved at the sight of Phil behind the bar. I was washed with the smell of coffee, and as i neared the bar, I pleadingly said to him, sitting on the stool „Please, please, please, tell me i'm not wrong and that is coffee i can smell.“ Phil turned arround , not noticing me when i entered. He grinned at me „You are most definitly right! Would you like some?“ „Yes, pretty please.“ I said, as i putted my hand on the bar, and leaned my head on it as on a pillow. Phil chuckled at me „Want any sugar with it? Or milk?“ „Yes, please.“ I replied, and he vanished through the storage doors. He returned with a big cup of coffe putting it infront of me. I rised my head, took the cup, taking a deep breath of its smell, before taking a big sip of it. „Thanks, Phill, you're my saviour:“ i smiled at him as i settled it back on the bar. „Here to help.“ He said, winking. „Rough night?“ he asked teasingly. „Oh, i dont know how you can be so cheerful.“ I started „I feel like a truck hit me lastnight.“ He laughed „Practice to perfection.“ „I think i would need years of practice to be even close to that kind of perfection!“ i said, making a skeptical face. He smiled at me „So, to what do i owe the pleasure?“ he asked. „Dont get me wrong, im glad to see you“ he said, that devilish spark in his eyes again „But i doubt you came just to see me.“ „You caught me.“ I said, even tho it was nice seeing him. „I was hoping that i might have left my phone here yesterday.“ He shook his head at me, crouching down searchin for a few seconds under the bar, giving me my phone as he got up. „Better be carefull next time, good thing i noticed it as you left.“ „Yay, thanks Phil, again.“ I told him, giving him a big smile. „I owe you big time! Both for the phone, and coffee.“ His phone rang then „Sorry business calling. Be right back“ he said, answering his phone and going through the storage door. I checked my phone with him gone, finding out few missed calls and messages from Jessy. She was worried i havent answered her jet, so i decided to call her while waiting for Phil. The tone barely sugested it rang when Jessy's voice boomed from the other side. „Finaly! Do you know how worried i have been? Are you allright? Where wer you? Why didnt you answer me before?“ It made me smile a bit, her worrying for me like that was so sweet. „Im sooooo sorry Jessy“ i said pleadingly „I left my phone at Aurora last night, i just got here to get it.“ Phil returned at that point, and i mouthed to him 'Jessy's' name, indicating who i was talking to. Her voice boomed again, and i moved my phone a bit from my ear, wich made Phil laugh. „Ofcourse you did! Its no wonder after all the whiskey you had! Dan is still sleeping like a log! You two really had it last night!“ „Aww, Dont be cross, Jessy.“ I started pleadingly again „I promise next time we wont over do it.“ Phil was grining at me now, and i stuck my toung at him, trying to calm Jessy down. „C'mon, you cant tell me you didnt have some fun yesterday.“ I started „I have some pictures on my phone as a proof of it.“ Phil threw his thumb up, showing me i said a good thing, and i grined at him. „Alright, i admit last night wasnt all that bad.“ Jessy started, sounding calmer now „But you're still not off the hook completly.“ „Thanks, Jessy“ i started, grining as a sign of victory to Phil. „You can scold me some more at lunch, if the deal for it still stands.“  „Ofcourse!“ Jessy cined cheerfuly from the other side „Dan will be a sleep for God knows how long, and im already bored here.“ I quickly moved my phone from the ear checking the time. „Its 12.20 now, when do you want us to meet?“. „I'll meet you around 14 at the Aurora. I doubt Phil will mind you hanging there with him till then.“ She replied, teasing me. „Somehow i think you're right.“ I said, looking at Phil with a devilysh smile. „Cya later, Jessy.“ I sadi, lovering my phone. Phil looked at me,a bit confused „Wat was that about?“ „Oh, just Jessy being Jessy.“ I told him, grining. „Fine, fine, be all mysterious.“ He teased me. „Awww, c'mon, you wouldnt find me so interesting if i was an open book.“ I told him, smiling sheepeshly. He looked at me, with that intensifing look again, making me feel heat spreading through my body „You're not wrong about that.“ Crap, what are you doing again, Maya, i scolded myself. Phil was definatly into me, and i was toying with him like this. It really wasnt my intention, i didnt want him to get the wrong impression about anything. But it felt so easy for me, talking to Phil, compared to Jake. Why does all have to be so tough and complicated with him? It feels like walking on egg shells every time im with him: dont do this, dont say that. Shit, it shouldnt be that way, should it? Was i really that much into Jake? Blah, i dont know anything anymore. I wish he would be more open with me, it would make things so much easier. I was lost in my toughts when Phil finaly snaped me back to reality „Maya? You allright?“ I looked at him, shaking my head,  to clear it from all the 'Jake' toughts. „Yeah, sorry.“ I started „Guess the coffee didnt kick in properly yet.“ Phil looked at me, and i could see he didnt really belive what i told him, but decided not to take the matter any further „If you say so.“ Was all he said. I smiled shyly at him. „Do you mind if i just hang here for an hour or so, before metting with Jessy? I dont feel up to driving back to motel, and the coffee isnt bad here either.“ I tried, smiling, waving my empty cup at him. Phil looked at me, rising one of his eyebrows, and smiled devilishly „How could i say no to a beautifull woman?“ He took my cup, winked at me vanishing through the storage doors. I could feel my cheeks flushing again, and my heart beating faster. Shit, shit, shit..

When Phil came back with another full cup of coffee i asked if its ok if I sit at one of the booths, to wich he said  fine, since he did have some work to be done. I took my stuff and coffee setteling at the booth. I had a bit over an hour before metting with Jessy, i hoped some inspiration for work might come to me. I took my stuff out of the backpack, took my sneakers off, sitting with my feet up on the booths perch. I liked drawing like that. Leaning my drawing pad on my knees i tried to focus on my work, but my toughts just kept wondering off.  I tought about Phil, sneaking glances towards the bar. He was good looking, always nice to me, even tho everyone warned me that he was a 'no good' considering women. He never showed any sign of it towards me. He was easygoing, i enjoyed his company, we definatly clicked. Then there is Jake. I was definatly drawn to him, cant deny that. When im near him, it feels like when a moth is drawn towards fire. Cant fight it, its driving me crazy. But nothing with him is easy. Its like taking one step forward, then not one, or even two, but ten steps back. Its so frustrating. And with all that had happened, i feel like all the progres we had was completly gone. My head was still too woozy for thinking of stuff like this. I setteled my drawing stuff down, taking my coffee, leaning back in the booth. Maybe Jessy would have some advice fore me. Two heads are smarter then one, or so they say. But i should definatly talk to Phil, at least try to explain things to him. I dont want him thinking im giving him some false hope here. As if he could sense my toughts, he turned around, took his coffee and walked towards me. „Mind if i join you?“ he asked, and i smiled „Ofcourse i dont. I guess my inspiration is still sleeping, so no work to be done at the moment.“ He grined „Thats good for me. I can have the pleasure of your company for some more then.“ I chuckled at that, siping some more of the coffee. But i tought again about talking with him about everything.  My face must have gotten some serious expression, 'couse Phil looked at me a bit serious, before asking „Whats bothering you, Maya? I have a feeling you want to talk to me about something.“ I looked at him, those deep eyes of his gazing intensly at me, trying to dig up my toughts. „I do.“ I admitted after a moment „But to be hones, i dont know how to start .“ „Well, just do your best.“ He said, and i started to get the feeling of a knot at my stomach again. „Allright.“ I said, but the words didnt come easy after that. „I like you, Phill.“ I said finaly after a moment of silence. He chuckled „Ok, thats a good start.“ „Ah, but that was the easy part.“ I started „Now comes the tricky one.“ I could notice him tensing a bit, like he knew where this might lead to. „Ok, go on then.“ He said. „I enjoy your company, talking to you, its so easygoing. I feel we clicked, that theres some 'spark' between us, and i know you noticed the same.“  „You're right about that.“ He replied. „But..“ i started, and Phil interupted me, sighing „Ahh, there it is, the famous 'but' part.“ „Please, Phil, just let me say what i have, then you can hate me.“ He looked at me, his face getting a soft touch „I couldnt hate you, Maya.“ „Dont say it untill im not done talking.“ I said, a bit sadness creeping to my voice. „Alright. Please, continue.“ „Ok. As i started earlier,i like you, but i dont want to get your hopes up.“ I settled my coffe on the table, my hands fidgeting with the cup. Why was this so hard? „Shit, Phil, im a complete mess at the moment.“ I started „I myself dont know what i want, and its tearing me up inside. There is someone, and i dont know where I stand with him. And i dont want to start something new, if im not a 100% sure that its the right thing, that its something i really want. With no loose ends catching up on me.“ I looked up at Phil, him still not taking his eyes off me. „Am i making any sense to you here?“ i asked, lovering my head. I really didnt want to have this conversation, but that was me being honest. All of a sudden, i could feel Phil's hand covering mine, and i looked back up at him. He still had that softness written all over his face. „I appriciate your honesty, Maya.“ He started „Now let me be honest also.“ „Ofcourse“ i said „I expect nothing less.“ „Good.“ He looked at me more serious now. „You know i like you, you said it yourself. I dont know why, but i felt drawn to you the moment i saw you. Theres something in you that makes a man bedazled by you, i cant explain it differently.“ He paused for a moment before continuing. „And i get it, you dont want to get into something half hearted. And i applaud you for that. Because, if anything was to happen between us, i wouldnt want it that way either.“ He looked at me now, his gaze intensifing again, and i started to feel that heat again. „If it was to happen“ he continued „I would prefere if you wer in it with every inch of your body and soul.“ I was mesmerized by his words. He was so open with me, the words came so easy to him. Why cant it be like this with Jake. „Allrighty, that was pretty honest there.“ I said finaly, making an aqward smile. „You wanted me to be honest.“ He said, adding „And just so you know, im not going to make it easy for you.“ He looked at me now, with that devilish spark in his eyes again. I looked at him puzzled „What do you mean by it?“ He grined at me „Its like this: i will continue to act like i did so far, and you can do the same, cause, lets face it, we both like it.“ His grin widened, and i smiled back at him. „Good, you get me. But, until i get a confirmation from you about freely taking it a step further, i will do whatever i can to maybe, just maybe, help you feel a bit less messy and steer thigs in my favore.“ „And what if it wont end as you hope it would? Can you be ok with just being my friend?“ i asked him. He looked at me for a moment, before answering. „Honestly“ he started“i cant say i wouldnt be dissapointed, a little hearth broken probably, but i would respect your choice. And yes, Maya, if that would be so, i would gladly be just your friend.“ “Thanks, Phil, i appriciate all you said.“ I told him „I was kinda affraid of having this conversation with you.“ „You, affraid? I cant belive that“ he said, teasingly „Belive me, i was scared as hell.“ I said, adding to it „But im glad we had it. I didnt want it to become aqward between us at some point.“ „Not gonna happen.“ He said, winking at me. I smiled „Shit, you know, even thou i had enough yesterday, i could actualy use a drink right now.“ Phil lughed so hard „Awww, you really did get scared. We are in a bar afterall, you just say the words and ill bring you that drink.“ He said, looking at me with one raised eyebrow. „Only if you join me“ i said, grining at him „ And if you dont tell Jessy about it.“ He got up from the booth, smiling and winking before he left for the bar „Deal!“

#duskwood fanfic #duskwood #duskwood mc #duskwood phil #duskwood jessy

[gurgurvi]

There is something so intensely elegant and exciting about your work!!!!!!! Wowie!!! So glad i found it 💃 if i may ask whats ur process like? Keep up the good work and take care

goddddd thank you so much i've been trying to do a speedpaint to show my process but i literally forget to film whenever i draw......

so i am going to put it into words just for You... regarding the more Painterly art, i hoard reference photos and i take my own photos as well. i try to mix eyeballing colors and using the dropper tool because i find it fun and interesting...ive only been rendering things for a few months and doing anything that isn't Flat colors and lineart is hard so the eyedropper tool has been god's little gift to me. i only use one brush for everything and i think its just some "pencil" brush that came with the SAI version i downloaded. havent evolved past using anything else yet, i'm still in the fish phase and this is my little stagnant pool that i happily live in

i try to only do One sketch and paint over it, whenever i do multiple sketches over one another the poses progressively look more stiff and staged i guess? the initial sketch always looks the coolest & Freshest even if it's a little wonky

if i'm doing line art i just pray to the Good Lord & Go for it... lately the "line art" is just the initial sketch which i've carved out with an eraser a bit... makes things quicker and after doing lineart from scratch for years i am literally just so tired of it.

uhhhhh that's pretty much it and yeah...i'm also a big supporter of using layer effects on art, i think it's like doing a little collab with my computer...however the more confident i feel the Less i use layer effects so i guess it just depends on the drawing & mood

thank you for giving me the opportunity to ramble 💙

#ask #i like digital art.. i love computer #if you didnt know

[snakeningel]

not to be starting homestuck race disk horse in 2019 but yknow what? I Will.

being an asian fan in the hs fandom is kinda, not great actually. in fact, it not only feels like we’re not here at all, that we’re erased, but its honestly? downright harmful. people treat the trivialization and fetishization of your culture to be,,, like a Big Joak. yall joke about weebs like these people havent been literally grooming and abusing asian girls, like we havent been made fun of enough for Their actions, like we aren't already viewed as the strange punchlines to jokes that still seem somehow acceptable. its somehow funny to joke about how you hate every sign of asian culture that shows up throughout the comics, like how dirk’s kotatsu was dumb and pretentious as if people in japan dont literally live with one and use it every single day!

even asian-coding in characters get swept away in favour of other headcanons. even the megidos, who are as close to canonically asian as they possibly can be in a medium like homestuck, are often drawn white or something completely different altogether. the stridlondes are also heavily asian-coded, and the fans who do pick up on that, who finally feel comforted by someone like them as protagonists? they often just.. give up on that, because they see so little representation in the fandom. (theres only like one popular artist i know of that draws the strilondes asian? but like, hats off to u pal, youre fighting the good fight). also, it seems strange, to be represented so little considering almost 3 billion people on earth is asian, which is, Quite A Lot to be not represented a lot. dont get me wrong, i adore the outpouring of more diverse art of the kids, but a hard truth to swallow is that pocs being weebs/fetishizing asian culture, is just as harmful as white people doing the same. there is a world of difference between japanese dirk, trying to interface with his lost culture by clinging to the most performative and popular parts of it, than another dirk, appropriating people’s cultures because he thinks its funny or interesting based off a show he watched once. i love how people are like "wow the striders like anime and care about traditions and use japanese words and overall just seem like diaspora kids" and the conclusion they draw from that is "clearly,, they cannot be asian" bc a non-asian person being interested in those things is better than an asian person whose interested in their own culture i guess??

in fact, a lot of these narratives are so much more interesting once theyre looked at through their coded lenses!

Dave’s struggle with coming to terms with his emotions strikes such an interesting chord when the striders’ concept of irony and never showing their emotions Correspond so well to the idea of honour/face, where youre not supposed to show that youre Ever Sad or anything that isnt a positive emotion because it shows that youre a Failure and You Failed and that makes you a Bad Person, which is exactly what dave struggles with because hes So Guilty about it, which ties to the guilt and shame a lot of asian people feel about not being able to live up to impossible standards set by their parents, which is another theme we see reflected in all four strilondes. 

rose’s strained relations with her mother are mirrored in so many of our second-generation lives and makes so much more cultural sense when looked at that way. the weird distance you hold from your parents, where you cant look each other in the eyes anymore, because every interaction feels more like a business transaction. you hand in your good grades and praise from teachers, talking about how mature you are, and they return with some present or gift that you don't really want. you dont know anything about them, and they dont know anything about you, Not the person you Actually Are, anyways. but there is a yearning, to be close, to know eachother, but you only feel it in return when its too late. as well as her Obsession to be mature, to be smart and adult-like because thats what shes praised for, because you Need to be academically the best always and that means reading dictionaries until the sun goes down, repeating each word until they are engraved into your mind. always finding competition, subtle or not, because if you are not the winner, what are you?  dirk’s wild performative love of japanese culture (which also, in turn, lead to non-asian fans literally trashing it like it was a funny joke to call someone’s culture lame and stupid) seems like ‘ironic’ weebism, but its also being Exactly the type of over-the-too performative reclaiming of our culture that so many asian diaspora kids do when they’re teens! they feel bad about pushing away their culture as youth, but they’re not quite mature enough to actually care about the rich history and ‘boring’ parts, so they cling to pop culture, to social media and something so much more easily consumable, like anime. which is not even to mention the idea of him trying desperately to connect to a culture that he has never grown up in, but still belonged to by consuming mass amounts of media, being Such an immigrant story. as well as his massive competitive streak and need to make other people as good as he is (but not better), is the type of internalized pressure that a lot of asian kids feel as well. 

and all the stridlondes have various anxieties about not performing well enough, of not living up to a standard that they have set for themselves, feeling like even a single step back or even one mistake is a catastrophic failure that’s branded to you for life. Which is just as much of a mental health thing as it is like,,, an asian thing

this is getting really long so im cutting myself off here but please if you want to hear more about my Thoughts and Hot Takes feel free to shoot me an ask. 

in conclusion: please treat asian people better hs fandom i literally beg you. like,, im Not tryna make waves but,, asian erasure in fandom is a huge issue and no one ever talks abt it!! dont trivialize, fetishize and erase cultures blease  big thanks to @ernikerr and @wyndryga for encouraging me to go Off and helping to write this.

anyone please feel free to rb but non-asian people please watch your mouth

#homestuck #dirk strider #dave strider #rose lalonde #roxy lalonde #strilondes #asian american #hs #pesterquest #hiveswap #aradia megido #damara megido #homestuck 2 #text post #jae rambles #hs meta #homestuck meta

[illfoandillfie]

ok sorry but how many people do yall think rog has ever slept with cos i’m guessing four figures no lie

okay, i don’t normally respond to messages like this because, frankly, i dont really feel like its my place to speculate on roger’s sex life. Theres a difference between writing a fiction story with a character named after and inspired by him and discussing his actual personal life which i have no real knowledge about. What he gets up to in his free time is between him and the women he does it with. but i didn’t really feel able to ignore this one. please don’t take this as me telling you off or shutting you down or anything like that. If you want to speculate about roger’s body count thats up to you, go nuts with it. and i love when you guys message me and I don’t want to discourage you from feeling like you can talk to me or just send me your random thoughts or whatever about any subject. But I feel like I need to address why I disagree with this sentiment. Also so I can ask ya’ll to please stop asking me questions like this. 

So firstly, just to get this out of the way. 1000 is a lot. even 100 is a lot. I think if rog had slept with 1000+ people he’d have a least a few illegitimate kids and probably would have been checked into rehab for sex addiction (not to mention STIs and such because lbr people in the 70s specifically probs werent the most careful especially if drugs were involved). I mean even if we were going to say Rog got lucky with a different woman after every show we wouldn’t reach 1000. According to google, Queen played around 700 shows in their entire career. If we add shows played by The Cross thats only another 67 odd shows (according to wikipedia). 

now, i think there are 3 things that contribute to this idea of roger as especially promiscuous. 1. His attitude/demeanour/general way he sells himself. 2. the generally held conceptions about rock stars and rock star behaviour. and 3. what i’m going to call fandom dumbassery (but i mean that with a lot of love) 

So lets start with the man himself. Roger Taylor is loud and opinionated and not particularly humble. He knows he’s talented and attractive though for at least some time he was a little self-conscious about how feminine he looked. He’s always up for a laugh, likes to party and has admitted to enjoying his drink and his women. He’s had kids with two different women, who’s relationships “overlapped”, and is currently married to a third. At least that’s the perception we can gleam from his interviews, behind the scenes videos, and other public appearances. 

It’s easy to see how that image leads to accusations of being a womaniser and a cheater and basically a bit of a slut lmao. But here’s the thing. I think Roger, in part, markets himself that way. The thing is, if you look at his solo songs and the relationships he currently has with his kids and their mothers, and things other people have said about him/his relationships over the years, I think it’s fair to say he also has a bit of a romantic streak maybe? idk if thats the best way of describing it...he’s self confessed to not being a fan of marriage and the like but he’s not opposed to writing and singing love songs and seems to believe in ~love~ as a concept/power. He certainly cares deeply for those closest to him. Whether or not that translates to an agreement with monogamy I can’t say for certain. It’s hard to draw conclusions here because a lot of what we know of his personal life was fed to us through magazines and news paper gossip column articles and they were never looking for the truth, they were looking for scandal and sensationalism. 

For instance the whole thing with the overlapping relationships. I think most people who have read anything about roger and dom and debbie realise that it’s not as cut and dry as “he was cheating with debbie and left dom for her” even though that was the story being sold by the press at the time. The reality (or at least the version closer to reality since obviously no one outside of them and whoever they were closest with knows all the nitty gritty details) is that rog and dom had already split when they got married. it was a marriage of convenience to make sure her and the kids would be looked after financially etc even after he’d moved out. So while it looked to the public like he married one chick and 30 odd days later was spotted with another, there really wasn’t anything untoward happening.  I’m not saying he never had casual hookups or one night stands and i’m not saying he never cheated, but I do think some of it’s been exaggerated, whether by him to encourage the rock star perception or by newspaper/magazine articles.

Now, obviously, we have stories of rog, particularly in the late 60s and into the 70s, being with multiple women. There’s that bit in the Interview with a Queen “Groupie” (which is a fantastic read and i defs recommend checking it out if you havent already) where she talks about roger being a chick magnet and says that, at the time, it was pretty common to sleep about. But, she also says she didnt notice him doing it more or less than anyone else and seemed to mostly be with Jo (his girlfriend at the time). This is the same Jo that got a mention in the Queen in 3D book (”i think we all had the feeling that these two were together for life, but it was not to be”). Conversely, we have that quote (which i cannot find rn but i’ll link it when i do) about roger sometimes having one girl upstairs while another waited in the garage for them to be finished. I think it was about Rog in the mid-late 60s in Truro but whatever. Obviously he wasn’t anywhere near celibate and it’s likely was sleeping with people outside of his relationship(s). But one has to assume that as he got older those kinds of antics stopped happening, at least as frequently.

There is one potential story that I remember reading somewhere along the way about Roger cheating on Debbie while she was pregnant. But, take that with a grain of salt because I can’t find the article again and also I think it was from like The Sun or something equally as rubbish. The press was notoriously always printing mean shit about the boys and that might have been another thing they published to create scandal. Even so, if we assume it’s legit that is still only 1 story. Not to throw him under the bus but Brian is the one with multiple confirmed affairs, who literally wrote songs about it all. So why is Roger the one with sleazy reputation? 

This is where my second and third points come in. There is a pervasive idea about what it means to be a rock star. The whole trashing hotel rooms, sleeping with groupies, passing out drunk every night thing. And I’m sure that Queen was like that to an extent. I think it’s pretty common knowledge that all of them got up to shit on the road. Between innuendo laden interviews and songs, videos and accounts of their parties, stories CT has put online, and other stories like the one of Roger bringing out lines of coke as dessert when he was having dinner with motley crue. They definitely embraced the rock and roll lifestyle. And I think with Roger’s personality being what it is, it’s easy to link him to those traditional rock star tropes and say it was all true all the time. I also think Roger has done nothing to counter those beliefs. He’s been open about how he wanted to be a rock star since the minute he picked up a guitar, he’s labelled himself as a great lay in magazines, he’s joked about girls pulling their tits out over dinner in interviews (though he said he didnt take her home), he’s written songs like One Night Stand and Dirty Mind and Airheads which explicitly mention his preference for women and alcohol. I think it’s fair to say he’s kind of encouraged that view of himself. Whether it was just a side effect of being part of such a well known band and having such a boisterous demeanour/personality, or whether it was intentional as a version of promotion i don’t know. maybe a mix of them? I mean I’m sure it didn’t hurt sales and stuff. it’s the whole guys want to be him, girls want to be with him thing, right? Maybe that’s just me being cynical though lmao. 

Anyway, the fandom brain has taken all of that and compressed it into memes and jokes about rog being the band slut. Which i’m not complaining about, lord knows i’ve made the same jokes and reblogged the same posts and used those tropes in my fics. They’re funny and lend themselves to interesting fic concepts. Plus, i think roger is the sort of person who would probably laugh about most of it. But it’s an idea that keeps feeding into itself through fandom, perpetuating what is probably a misguided view of his personal life.

Again, I am sure he’s had his fair share of fun and I’m not trying to make out that he was always perfect or whatever, but I don’t think he’s been with as many women as the popular discourse would imply and I certainly don’t think he’s in the 4 digit numbers. 

#i7558vjvug #please god dont let this start anything #im just here to write smut and have a good time

[lesbianbernardsumner]

I guess its over now, but it couldn’t have been that bad right?! After all, I’m still here, and you all helped me through it!!

alright this is gonna be messy and im not gonna autocorrect/proofread it but heres the essay on why i loved 2020.... While 2020 was, pretty objectively, one of the worst years for modern humanity. The obvious virus and all its, various strands of natural disasters, impending war threat, gender reveal parties, you get the gist. But i would love to just... look back and see how it treated me. See how it ran :). January/Febuary/March - the months are bunched up cause the least amount of stuff happened in them, but thats not to say that the stuff wasnt... good!!!! After all I met my first online friend (that im still friends with of course) @smilez4milez..! I cannot believe you withstood me for so long tbh........... youve been here the whole time!!!! thats obviously an achievemnt!!! Our circumstances for our meeting do not matter... trust me. April - Got my gender transed and i then id’d as demigirl!! and also had a birthday, i turned a whole year..... i believe this was also the time i... started using discord??? yeah, that sounds right :0) May/June - OOOH WEE DISK HOARD AAAAAAAAA. Ahem, Miles got me into Chuck E. Cheese and the Rock-Afire Explosion, i hold those special interests dear and close to my heart. Around the time i also made friends with @teamgay0tix (<3). Miles decided that he was gonna make an animatronic discord server. Titled the Robot Zone, Miles employed Sarah, Me, and another friendo named Teddy as the moderators. Not long after i met... so so many cool and epic people... uh off the top of my head @worthape, @bahrlee, @boredwiththislifetime, @retrowormz, @knave-woods, @verae. Not all of those were met in May/June but yknow gotta save time >:) and im sure im missing someone gdvhbuydhbdyh. WE UH RP’D AS CEC/RAE CHARACTERS!!!!! THAT WAS FUN :)!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE MUCH ELSE TO SAY AS MAY AND JUNE WERE SIMILAR MOTNHS IN TERMS OF FUN. SYHBDREYS. Oh and my laptop broke! So I was on my iPad for about 3 months!! Also my gender got transed AGAIN!!! I then-ID’d as genderfluid :o). July - HI CASPER @arcadecarpetz!!! THIS WAS THE MONTH WE FIRST MET!!! WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT INTERACTION </3. So I got into the beatles late June/early July!! looks at my url lookat how that turned out huh...  Other things that happened during this month include... meeting @lovecore-ashe!!!!! I joined a certain discord server for a certain emoji blog we both happened to follow and... July was great i dunno why im being all stingy with the details etvfertyghdb August - Oh boy!! I discovered some cool epic things about myself (Emp knows.)!! got much better in the art department too!! I believe I also made friemnds with @hmmdotjpg here! They’re cool! Otherwise not much actually happened. Oh and @verae I FUCKING LOVE YOU/p September - HA! Here is when I got my shiny new laptop :), and with it i also got into Clone High!! Started to also get into Yellow Submarine, a movie which, I enjoy :). And a certain yellow submarine insta post got me and @arcadecarpetz to meet again!!! Now we’re on much better terms!! heh-. This month I left the Robot Zone, no matter how much it hurt, I simply didn’t want to be there anymore. I had got way too into animatronics and I was... very... very... burnt out. The final days of this month were good, I rewatched Yellow Submarine after a 10-Year Hiatus. It was good! :) October - SPOOK!!! HA!!! -COUGH- So you know how The Beatles like broke up in 1970... yeah i got into one of the bands made after them.... Wings good. I made a few more drawings for arcadecasper that im especially proud of, uh... OH YEAH AND I MADE A KETCHUP PRIDE FLAG FOR EMPRESS!!!!!!!! It is also now my most popular post! Cool!/gen .Two of my friends approached me and said they got into the beatles because of me that was pretty swagchamp. November - All of my memories from this month are MUSH. i literally dont remember what happened <3... oh wait yeah we got hte evil man out of office... that was preddy epic... OH RIGHT DESTIEL- December - My favorite season!! The end of the year was pretty swell. It was like everything good that happened to me was settling, getting cozier, just... being better. Like gently stirring the salt in a soup bowl... okay thats a weird analogy- I got into lemon demon too! And uh very glad i did. cause now i can say that cabinet man wishes you a karkalicious 2009 and i can actually understand it./j And all the lessons from all my friends I (probably indirectly) learnt this year... Like @smilez4milez!! You taught me to always be proud and glad!!! @teamgay0tix you taught me that affection always overpowers hatred. @boredwiththislifetime, no matter what your friend is doing, as long as its not hurting anyone, support them!!! @bahrlee, become a vampire/j. @hmmdotjpg, changing for yourself is more important than becoming someone you arent in front of other people. @worthape i dunno... i... bugs???? Im just glad you were here too :). @retrowormz you kinda just made me funnier!!! @knave-woods bro i literally idolize you tsygvfbsyh. @lovecore-ashe, drink ketchup and dont give a shit about what everyone else thinks/hj!! @verae, !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY YOURE LITERALLY JUST MY BEST FRIEND GSYHVFTEYWSH and of course, last but most certainly not least, Casper @arcadecarpetz WHERE DO I START ON HOW EPIC AND SWAG AND POGGERS YOU ARE AND HOW GREAT YOU HELPED MAKE THESE LAST FEW MONTHS... HHM- Well, maybe ill just leave it at “You pretty much taught me how to not be a jerk” okay!!! Man i got really sappy here wgvrtedgyshb I’m not sure if any of that is comprehensible!!! Its 2pm and i still havent actually started the day, but i wanted to write all of this down before it left my head. I know im missing probably important stuff but yknow... i have brainworms :O/j You are all... so cool... i just wanted to get that out...

#ok to rb #idk why you would but :)) #2020 essay #<- so i can find it later #vialogue #ALSO IN CASE YOURE CURIOUS THIS TOOK LIKE 2 HOURS IDK HOW I MANAGED TO STAY SO FOCUSSED RGDHBREYD #long post