#whatever now im trying to figure out who....

[todayisafridaynight]

taking a coin out and opening clip today like 'oh boy who am i going to project onto today ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶'

#snap chats #ugHHHH #had another nightmare about my mom so now that im free from commission work its projection time #ive had nightmares every day at this point but this one just. especially hit me for some reason LMAO #whatever now im trying to figure out who.... #because it very easily could go either way and i know i can make both work very well. if i can be confident for .5 seconds for once #i have visions and reasonings for either or i just dont know which is better #they say you should do a coin flip because subconsciously youll want one result over the other #but in this case im genuinely at a stand still #i dont want to explain my reasonings for jo's vers and arakawa's vers for the fear of someone reading these tags #and liking one more than the other but then i end up doing the opposite #SO no one gets to know until i actually do it #i just gotta look at the wall and let my heart decide #this is the problem with two bitches you like having parental issues like Damn Which One Of You Would Be More Banger For Storytelling #TO SOME THE CHOICE IS OBVIOUS but theres just so much to play with here.... #anyways we'll see what i do in a few hours. if i even do anything and i just dont look out my window ghandi style all day

[congregation-of-the-spiral]

thinking about writing a jmart fic inspired by my original story. would y'all read it or nah

#the storys about a woman who finds herself in this weird ass forest #where the longer youre there the more it strips you of your identity #until all that remains is your core motivation #your bare essentials #and it warps your body to better reflect that #like i have a character who was a huntsman who had to resort to cannibalism when he and his hunting buddy got trapped in the mountains #so now hes like this Grotesque Beast who hunts other people who wander into the forest #and i love him sm <3 #anyway #so the woman is trying to find her way back home to her wife before she becomes one of them #but no ones ever escaped before blah blah blah whatever #and im having a hard time actually writing it #since its something from scratch #like theres just A Lot #i have characters and the setting but im struggling to balance a plot b plot c plot etc #so i figure i might just rope my hyperfixation into it to let it Do Its Thing so i can actually have like #a first draft #at the very least #idk #would yall read that? #not tma #helix speaks #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #jmart #get this to 10 notes and I'll do it #i don't need a lot of convincing #it's prolly gonna happen #soon as i figure out how i wanna rework characters and plot points

[lottieurl]

me realizing some people were emotionally hit by the twist that it's a dream sequence while i was watching it the whole time absolutely sure it wasn't real but still worried it might be and thinking about how the true horror was shauna being all touchy feely towards the baby

#happy for the people just to be clear i wish i didnt feel let down by this ep #but i felt super underwhelmed and it felt very #hm. like. oh my god are you scared of rly getting into pregnancy as horror. you were setting up shauna as someone who is A BAD PARENT #a fucked up parent even from the first scenes of the pilot #and shes having a baby as a 17yo (18? by now? whatever) in the wilderness. the pregnancy reveal caused her best friend's death #and shes not shown to give a fuck abt that baby before its born either like #you rly want me to get hit emotionally with this? well im too busy trying to figure out why shauna is acting like uh #a woman who just gave birth to a planned baby she wanted lmao #like my god can we PLEASE have tv thats unafraid to show pregnancy as horror #and characters who dont feel that quote unquote magical 'maternal' haze blah blah forgot abt all the pain bc oh look at the fucking baby #sorry im disappointed #just to be clear im not one of the I Hate Kids freaks in fact i adore children i just hate pregnancy and would rather die than get pregnant #was p excited for fucked up pregnancy shit and we got this . lifetime lukewarm take on shauna pregnancy #someone write horror shauna pregnancy fic i swear this has to be done #anyways. rant over #yellowjackets spoilers #yellowjackets blogging

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me

#“no need for follow up” #“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your #ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it #*doctor shrug emoji* “ #“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol” #he barely even looked at my incision like #this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask #if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had #fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your #fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your #swagless ass!!! #anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my #abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of #gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up #for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how #hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know #how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy #am i crazy??? #this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other #organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it #get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to #get medical treatment. #anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.” #bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you. #like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously. #but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess. #its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬

[mainfaggot]

life is all about sitting in cafés with a latte and a cute outfit on

#hi everyoomfie. today I'm feeling less sad than usual. casual melancholy? maybe a bit #but deep sadness and even deeper melancholia? no... and that's okay because im more than my misery #isn't it so weird! I've spent a small period of my life clinically depressed and suddenly it feels like my identity #i dont enjoy it. i dont like it. im not fond. it's not romantic. it's miserable. but at age 16-17 when all my friends were transforming and #figuring themselves out .. i got sick #and now being sick feels like all i can be. but thats just not true!!!!!! so im trying to let myself float along #sometimes im miserable and sometimes im neutral and sometimes im even pretty good over the smallest thing (a song or a compliment or a well #made cup of coffee or a grin from the girl i like) #and yeah. whatever i dont know i contain multitudes and i dont have to be miserable forever. maybe I'll #recover from depression and maybe i won't #maybe i will and then relapse #but it's not who i am #z.post

[dromaeo-sauridae]

*spends 5 hours on a drawing* huh

#oh my god i hate spending so long on one thing especially when its literally just a bust WHATEVER WHATEVERRRR #i was trying to figure out how to render things in a way that i liked #which i sort of figured out? but now i have to um. streamline it #the AMOUNT of time i spent erasing shit #i made a whole new brush for this LOL #and this doesnt even count the time i spent on 3 other drawings trying to teach myself the anatomy of a human facce #(im an artist) #(who doesnt know what a human face is shaped like) #whatever lol #anyway #him. i havent drawn him in forever #my art #promethea #walter

[widevibratobitch]

so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.

'you gotta sing this softer'

'what'

'this is mozart'

'this is vitellia'

'this is mozart'

'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'

'this is mozart'

'i wanna murder a guy'

'this is mozart'

'...'

'softer. gentle. mozart'

'...ok'

#they're killing me here #i already bargained for ONE (1) note in chest (thank you so so much that i am ALLOWED to sing an A3 in chest voice <333) and now THIS #THIS is why people hate mozart. fuck you. #i recorded that rehearsal and the first version sounds SO MUCH BETTER. after i did what she asked me to do its just. so fucking boring. #i hate it here #i love this duet so much but frfr im not sure i wanna do it if i have to do it on their terms. #also like sorry to be a bitch but you're a pianist girl. just stick to your stuff and let me take care of mine. #just because you're playing this like you're constipated because tHiS iS mOzArT doesnt mean the rest of us dont care either. #its possible i never will get the chance to sing the entire vitellia so i want to do justice. as much as im able. to this one chance i get #it took me A Long While to deal with the fact that i wont be able to bark that 'indegno' and 'regno' like i always envisioned. #but like. ok. whatever. i can still make it Entertaining. THIS however. no. no fucking way. #and its not even about me being a big-headed know-it-all who thinks she's better than everyone because. lol and lmao clearly im Not #but this is about having a fucking SOUL. its about actually taking the libretto into consideration too. its about trying to figure out #WHY mozart wrote it the way he did. like sorry but this is another fiordiligi case where its CLEAR that the amplitudes the crazy jumps #are there FOR A REASON. the reason is HE WANTED A CONTRAST. some fucking EMOTION. he sure as hell didnt want it to be Soft And Gentle. #i know it because i talked to him and he told me im right about everything as always and you can eat shit girl bye #grrrrrrrr im so angry #i knos i sound so arrogant here but please. please i just want to make this music fun and enjoyable. i just dont want it to be boring #please understand my vision im begging you

[jils-things]

memoryshipping x studio ghibli: the masterpost ✨✨

see them separately: (x) (x) (x)

no need to rb!

#damn dude... what a movie does to a selfshipper.... #im very proud of these - because i figured out a nice filter for these edits #for those who're curious - i used gaussian blur + bloom + faded frame or whatever it was called in ibispaint and ofc the vhs effect #and i totally intended to make the VHS effect a combo of purple and green since it was an option available AHEHEHEH #i honestly... really like how i drew stevens back view 🥺🥺🥺🥺 like it looks so. #attractive?????? is that the right word? it just looks really nice to look at from behind #i tried to make sense with his hair and i think it worked well here #jaides hair is so POOFY AAAHJCCKCK shes so pretty 💚💚💚💚💚 #okay guys who wants the air walk raise your hand SLASH J SLASH J DON'T ACTUALLY PLEASE #I AIN'T DOING AN AU HERE BECAUSE YOURE BASICALLY SAYING YES JAIDE SHOULD BE A GRANDMA AKSKDJSBDHJSJDJSJSJS #yk im so tempted to do a little... directors cut here but itll be so LONG 😭 #i literally havent seen this movie in ages i only saw it once but my sister is such a big fan of the movie and she checks it often LOL #but now after watching it again recently im like #alright i kinda get thr appeal now AJSHSHAJSBSHS #tho i regularly listen to the ost (THE OST IS LITERALLY ON THE STEVAIDE PLAYLIST AND NOW IT HAS MORE IMPACT ON ME LMFOAJDHSHA) #i know i keep saying this. but. howlsophie = stevaide ufghgg 😭😭😭😭 i never saw this coming #WEEEGHH IM TRYING TO PUT IN ALL MY THOUGHTS HERE BUT I CANT REMEMBER #IM ALREADY DOING A DIRECTORS CUT AKAKSKSJSJSJSJAJ #YEAH ANYWAYS YAY MEMORYYYYY #♥️ memoryshipping #~ art

[m0e-ru]

investigation

#p4 #gsa sl au #⛽️🌫 #moel gas station attendant #tohru adachi #arttag #boot.tingting #komikku #// HAHA my firefox nerfed the fog emoji now it's just a question mark it's so poetic #// anyway i would make this a companion piece to a fic that ive never actually written yet this is all i can draw #// hold on hold on this concert's so cute he cant fucking sing because one of hsi backup dancers wore a beard with the santa costume #// okay anyway there are three sets of shoeprints. two of them belong to yeah . #// one of them you can find in the 4th volume of the ultimax manga lol #// mims been trying to figure out whos been hanging around the canopy making noises sometimes and the rain doesnt wash out the shoe prints #// re concert NO HES LAUGHING AT A RIBBON BEHIND THEIR BACK ?okay jthsdjsfd #// adachi walks home but goes up to the canopy because somehiting bad might happen which is. this idiot #// har har im the detective here ohh but youre not getting paid keijisan WHATEVER #// i was going to post the epiznmi art dump here but oh well WHYS HE STRIPPING <- still watching the concert

[sugaroto]

Well. Long story short uni-friend said she doesn't support the lgbtq community and I felt really awkward

"Δεν το υποστηρίζω, μακριά από εμένα. Είναι έναντια στην θρησκεία" I don't support it, should be far away from me. It's against religion

And dude??? Like I know a bunch of religious people... the only thing they hate about the gays is that they can't marry that hot 40 years older than them actor from Hollywood cause he's married to a man (or at least that was the mindset when they were 12)

And most of my friends are kind of atheists

It just came of as a surprise?? Cause a lot of people we've talked to are gay and any time they mentioned stuff like "I want a masc woman" she said stuff like "oh I don't know what that means... I don't know much about lgbt" and we were like "haha we're teaching you now" and laughed about it

I mean I thought it was bc "there were no lgbtq people in her village" but I didn't thought she was actually homophobic?

She didn't say it in a mean way? She is very very shy and her boyfriend is studying to be a priest and she is looking forward to becoming a Presbytera (I just found out there's no English word for it jeez) And like... idk good for her I'm used to the παπαδιά being my grandma but you do you

And anyways she was like "I don't support it" and all and I was kind of like "Well I'm a part of it, I thought you knew"

Like literally another girl made fun of my past hair color choices by saying "she wanted to let us all know that she's gay so she did all the rainbow in her hair" and she was sitting with us? I thought she heard it, I thought she knew

Honestly when [friend] called me gay bc of my hair for a few seconds I kind of froze bc there was another girl there to whom I haven't said I'm gay and it felt like outing me, but fuck it I'm out I don't care I don't need to announce it to anyone, the rest of the girls know cause they literally asked me

And anyways yeah I felt really awkward when religious friend said that, she started apologizing when I told her I'm also gay and that she didn't mean it like that but dude-

How have you befriended so many queer girls and don't support it

You're like the 2nd/3rd? Straight person here? The rest are on the community you don't like and want to stay away from you

#by *here* i mean the group of friends #now that i think about it I'm not sure if shes close with all of them #neither am i tbh im still figuring out friendships #but i know she also talks to these 2 girls #one of them mentioned she was a lesbian the first time we met her (she was telling a story to the other friends she knew and us i guess #cause we were there and it wasn't personal or whatever) #and the other girl (Who is kind of besties with the lesbian i just mentioned) said her type is masc women the first time we met her #(i dont remember how the conversation lead to that but whatever) #imma be honest at first i didn't really want to be friends with religious girl cause of how shy she is (among other things) #you need an extrovert to adopt you in those cases im not one of them im literally trying to socialize on my own #i cant do it twice #but i felt like an asshole #cause just bc shes shy doesn't mean we can't be friends and i think she likes me cause she hangs out with me usually #so im trying #and just when i started liking the fact that we are friends she goes and tells me shes homophobic #sugar uni life

[alloutshirt]

ngl all this amazing queer romantic content got me feeling lonely ✌️🥲

#SOMEONE KISS ME FOR GODS SAKE #this is the point where so can no longer read bye bye #like i don’t wanna let those bad thoughts come back #and like yeah im not the only one #but people who haven’t always seem to have reasons like wanting to wait or not having figured out their sexuality or whatever #and let’s not mention the 'omggg it’s so normal i didn’t do relationships till i was 18!' #like girl ill be 22 soon and no one’s ever shown interest in kissing me #im not clueless by choice!!!!! #okay this is so embarrassing lol #i know i shouldn’t but you just always end up wondering what the fuck is so bad about you #and it’s not like i would get in a relationship now or maybe ever cause i got too many issues but #just knowing no would look at me like that #and oh if this isn’t the people only coming up to you as a bet school trauma lol #anyway ill go grin and cry at alex and henry trying not to think about how their love is a fucking dream #x

[todayisafridaynight]

through the power of delusion and yuri i can make katase taller than aoki's secretary

#snap chats #sorry had to ask myself an important question. that being How Tall Are They #im not doing my usual Rocket Science Method of figuring out heights rn idc. i unplugged my tablet and im too lazy to get it #anywya i dont have exact heights rn. i have guesstimates but what i do know is that katase is. a lot taller than i thought . i think LOL? #again dont quote me i stg im trying to make yuri its not that serious but yeah im eyeballing and whatever #and even just eyeballing it like.. it could be an angle thing.. but katase just looks a lot more leveled with mine #like god bless both secretaries get a scene where they're pretty much lined up right with their boss right #and that both them bitches the same height istfg #but yeah no like. ROUGHLY the top of katase's head is right at the tip of mine's ear. or near the top. allegedly speaking hypothetically #aoki's secretary looks so SHORT next to him tho like even angles aside its really clear she's not the same height as katase #her head comes about at just right under his head or her forehead is right at aoki's chin #ANYWAY SPECIFICS ASIDE LIKE YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE KATASE'S TALL. ER. #proof that yuri's the best theres actual height differentiation.. my god.. #love how i make it seem like im ever gonna draw them again. im a lazy bastard we know me #i just wanna know if im thinking about them accurately... <- theyre my city at this point who the fuck gonna give one #ok bye im gonna think about women. also stealing the tag s4s Secretary for Secretary thats how im referring to them from now on #s4s.... love wins...

[palms-upturned]

.

#meg talks #SORRY rant incoming bc holidays. are the worst #but im just so sad and tired #i get why my dad wants his new marriage to work out and it’s not like i ever wanted them to fail #but his wife is. kdgsejfjjd she sucks!! she’s the reason he had to go back on his promise to house our little bro! #and yet he asks US to try and help him fix things w her even tho until recently we didn’t even know she apparently had such a problem w us?? #we were perfectly nice and polite to her and didn’t do anything to bother her #barely even talked to her at all!! left the lovebirds alone to whatever they wanted to do! #and yet she has apparently been losing her shit at him every time he does anything to help us?! #like sorry u married a man w children and then didn’t expect him to actually be a parent to them but get fucking real? #that’s supposed to be YOUR CHILD now. and ur trying to kick him out after he spent almost a whole year in hell #and tried to stick it out for so long specifically bc he didn’t wanna inconvenience anyone #fuck you!! go to hell lady!! why are WE having to appease YOU? #just bc ur parents sucked u think u can tell our dad to just leave us to starve? #u think u can boss around my little brother who is the strongest and most hard working of all of us? #lol. lmao even. #get fucked. #if u think i won’t figure out a way for us to make it through life without you then you’re funny. #i’ll be a better mother than anybody ever was to us #coughs anyway. sorry. feeling raw today

[mikumadds]

guys im curious do u track your periods or just guess when they might come? like do yall use apps or use a calender or something? open to all genders & body types of course! (just to be sure i want to mention this includes trans men, trans women, nonbinary, intersex, etc btw!)

#madds.txt #i know this came out of nowhere but i randomly thought of it #and im asking because I don't track my period like at all. i guess by trying to remember when I last had it #but my period has always been irregular so I don't bother trying to figure out the exact week it will happen or whatever #also im angry about it. like i didnt ask for the damn menstruation cycle and now you want me to measure the damn thing. what the hell! #just my personal feelings #ive talked to some people who say they track it and stuff #its probably the healthier thing to do tbh!! #and then you can be better prepared!! #i just try to have like ibuprofen and pads on me at all times #i read that trans women get periods too because they get cramps and tummy issues and stuff I think. what estrogen does to a mf

[candiednova]

young child baby atlas !!

#novart #oc #originalcharacter #atlas #this was when i was trying to figure out an outfit for him ! #drawing characters my beloved <3 designing outfits my beloathed </3 #also decided im just gonna post art whenever bc i keep remembering after 5 and kept thinking 'oh its to late to post now' #never to late !! whatever who give a shit hydtjrsjrysjy #also working on something big for this guy !! like you wont see it for months at best kinda big #never at worst but !! im excited abt working on it so :]

[bbeelzemon]

Love driving! but my god i am so sick of driving right now

#i have driven through like 3 full tanks of gas in the past week and i just found out i gotta do it again this upcoming week too 😐 #well.! time to go drive for 2 hours again! #as soon as i get back tonight im just taking a ton of weed and passing out #im just feeling really stupid right now. i got gas money for all the driving i have to do #but i thought i was given extra as like idk thanks or whatever #but no i got the amount i did because i have to make that roundtrip drive 7 times. not 3 like i thought. #soooo... guess who was stupid with money... this guyy.. #oh boy. i guess this is a problem for tomorrow me to figure out #if i try to think too much about anything right now i might start crying . ill be fine im just. eurgh #i feel so stupid. i feel SO stupid #and the sleep deprivation is not helping in the slightest. #i dunno. i dont know #im just. going to start driving again. i dont have to worry about gas until tomorrow at least. #god im so stupid.