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marvel-af · 5 years

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For The Best (Part 4)

Part 4 of my angsty nurse!Peter x reader! This is rough and i hate it so im sorry lol. if anyone actually reads these little blurbs reply with ‘frito’. hope you enjoy!

Words: 3577

Warnings: Cancer, Depression, Peter parker needs help, bald heads

My Masterlist is linked in my bio!

“So, what’s going to happen is, we are going to blast that tumor with some chemotherapy, you are going to rock a totally epic bald head and then once we’ve seen enough shrinkage, we’ll hit ‘em with some radiation and then totally cut open your stomach and get that bastard out of you!” Dr. Barton enthuses.

A small smile creeps onto Y/N’s face when she hears the confidence in his voice. Part of her starts to believe that maybe she has a shot.

The other part of her wants the treatment to fail. But she would never say that.

“Thank you Dr. Barton. Seriously.” Y/N says.

“Ya know what? You, my friend, have earned the right to call me Clint.” He laughs.

“Okay Clint.”

Dr. Barton leave the room with a short nod and a smile on his face.

“Oh Y/N, I totally forgot to ask, when is your dad gonna come in? It’ll probably take a few days to get a flight out here, right?” Sarah asks. Y/N feels a pit drop to her stomach.

“Oh yeah, he’s not coming. He said he couldn’t get off work.” Y/N lies.

“Really! Damn they wouldn't let him take off to see his sick daughter in the hospital? That’s fucking insane.” Sarah fumes.

“Uh, yeah, crazy.” Y/N says shortly, trying to end the conversation. Sarah huffs and furrows her brows.

“Weird.”

“Hey we brought food!” Peter exclaims. Y/N lets out a small groan.

“I can’t eat.” She mumbles.

“What? Why? I thought the deal was if we brought you food, we could eat in here?” Ned asks.

“Yeah but my chemo starts today. And doesn’t that make you kinda sick?” Y/N asks. MJ nods her head, but Peter’s face falls immediately.

“Oh my God! I’m such an idiot. I’m so sorry Y/N!” Peter says bringing his hand up to smack his forehead.

“No, it’s fine. I’d rather be hungry for a little bit, then throw up again.” Y/N shrugs.

‘So are you nervous?” Ned asks, before getting hit in the shoulder by MJ.

“I mean, yeah.” Y/N laughs.

Peter is racked with concern. He knew Y/N is in the hospital for cancer and that eventually she would have to get treatment, but his time as a nurse allowed him to see the toll that it takes and a person.

The hair loss, the weight loss, and sunken features.

He hates to think about Y/N after treatment, but it’s inevitable. She has cancer. She is going through treatment.

He just doesn’t want to watch another person he cares about die. After his uncle Ben died in his arms, Peter feels this urge to protect people and when he saw Y/N sitting on that roof, he knew that Y/N had become one of those people.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Y/N asks, breaking Peter from his train of thought.

“Oh, uh nothing important.” Peter whispers. “You know, I could come in, say hi or something? Give you some company?”

“When?”

“During your chemo?” Peter says. The group must have been focused on something else. Peter meets Ned’s glare and gives him a confused look. What did he do to deserve a glare?

“Oh yeah sure. I could use some more company, give Sarah a break.” Y/N laughs.

“Cool, I’ll see you then.”

Y/N sits in the large chair. It’s comfortable, but she assumes it has to be considering the two hours of sitting she’s about to do. Nerves rack her body when she sees the nurse come over with the chemo bag and a needle. The needle that’s going to stay lodged into her skin for almost two hours, dispensing chemicals into her bloodstream. It’s going to kill her hair while trying to take out the cancer.

The nurse grabs her arm and brings the needle to the crook of her arm.

“Wait!” Y/N exclaims, jerking her arm away from the nurse.

“Y/N come on. This stuff is going to make you better! It may hurt now, and the needle’s gonna sting, but think about going home, going back to school, seeing our friends. Think about going back to normal.” Sarah encourages.

Y/N clenches her eyes shut and shoves her arm back out. She flinches when the nurse touches her arm again, this time with a softer touch than last. Her teeth grit as she thinks about the words Sarah said.

They weren’t good enough.

But Y/N can put on a face. She can let the nurse stick her with the needle, which she does, and she can pretend to care if she comes out of the hospital alive.

The nurse puts a hand on Y/N’s shoulder before walking away. The needle is secured with tape and Y/N swears she can feel the chemo flowing through her veins.

“The needle hurts.” Y/N groans, leaning back in the chair.

“I know hun.”

Peter looks through the glass door of the chemo area, watching Y/N play a card game with Sarah. A small smile creeps onto his lips when Y/N perks up, seeing him in the room. He quietly walks over to where she’s sitting, careful to not let the other nurses see him. He pulls over a chair and positions it close to her.

“How ya holding up?” Peter says resting his hand on her knee. Peter doesn’t know what came over him, but he started to rub his thumb along her leg.

“My face is hot. Almost like I have a fever. And my skin is like super sensitive.” Y/N whines. Peter quickly pulls his hand off her legs, apologizing profusely. Y/N wishes he never moved his hand, because it felt so good.

“Don’t worry about it. Felt good.” Y/N blushes. Peter notices her cheeks become red and she was looking at him through her lashes. Almost bashful.

“Well good.” Peter says resting his hand lightly on her knee once again. After a few moments of Y/N relishing in the comfort, Peter checks his watch.

“Shit, I gotta go back to the emergency room. See you tomorrow?”

“Uh yeah.”

Peter smiles and then rushes to the door, where he sees Ned looking through the glass at Y/N.

“You going in to say hi?” Peter asks.

“No, I’m wondering what the hell that was.”

“What’re you talking about?” Peter laughs. Ned glares at him.

“Oh, Y/N let me visit you everyday. Oh Y/N let me leave my job to say hi to you. Oh, Y/N let me put my hand on your knee.” Ned mocks as the two walk down to the emergency room.

‘Dude what the hell? I’m just trying to support her. You were there on the roof an-and I would hate to see that happen again.” Peter scowls.

“I get it Peter, but you don’t see MJ and I going to visit her when she’s in chemo. You’re falling for her.” Ned says. All of the thoughts in Peter’s mind swarm to the thought of Y/N. Of course he doesn’t like her, right?

“No I don’t. I’m just trying to be supportive. I don’t want to see her,” Peter grits his teeth and slowly pushes out his next words, “kill herself.”

“Peter, I get that, but that is not your job. Okay? I want you to get that through your head. It’s not your job to save her.” Ned says, putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder. Peter rolls his eye and tries to ignore the stinging sensation in his eyes.

“I-I know, but I just don’t want to see anyone else die.” Peter chokes out. Ned pulls Peter into a hug in the middle of hallway.

Tears that Peter had been holding back finally fall free and he sobs onto Ned’s scrubs. He pulls away quickly, sniffing and wiping at his eyes.

‘God, I’m sorry. It happened in high school, I should be over this by now.”

“It’s okay Pete. You should wash your face. You’ll feel better.” Ned says placing his hand on his shoulders and pushing him toward the nearest bathroom.

Ned knew of the pain and guilt Peter felt when his uncle died. He knew that Peter feel as if it was his fault, that if he had just been there sooner the outcome might have been different. Ned knew that Peter has never treated for the depression and anxiety that heavily surfaced in high school, not due to negligence on his aunts part, but due to money being tight. Ned knows that in college Peter nearly went off the rails, drinking himself to near oblivion. He knows about Peter’s fight to get himself better, to focus on his studies. He knew the only reason Peter wanted to get into the medical field was because he wanted to help people, because he couldn't help Ben.

Ned had watched and helped Peter as he fought to deal with his trauma. He knew Peter had coping mechanisms that made him feel the need to protect everyone.

And he knew he wouldn’t be able to get Peter to stop.

Once Peter has washed his face and calmed down enough, he remembers the conversation that sparked the meltdown.

“Ned, listen. I don’t like Y/N and I’m not falling for her. I just feel like I have to do my part and help her out. And that’s just part of my being and I won’t be able to stop, so.” Peter says.

“Okay. I just don’t want to see you lose your job, I’m just looking out for you man.” Ned smiles.

“Thanks,” Peter pauses, “ We should get back down to the ER before we actually get fired though.”

Ned nods and the pair rushes down to the ER.

Sarah was messing around on her phone when what seemed like the 100th text message asking about Y/N came through. Sarah huffed lightly.

“Y/N, you should post something, giving everyone the rundown, because if I get one more text asking how you are, I’m going to throw my phone through a wall.”

“I’m not posting anything.” Y/N mumbles.

“God you’re stubborn. If you don’t post, then you can answer all these messages.” Sarah says tossing her phone onto Y/N.

“No I don’t want pity and all my family is going to give me is pity.” Y/N says, handing the phone back. Sarah groans.

“Whatever.”

Y/N feels uncomfortable. Her throat is dry and her head is pounding. Her skin feels as if it’s on fire, the only comfort was felt when Peter put his hand on her leg.

“So… Peter’s cute.” Sarah smiles.

“W-What?” Y/N sputters, utter confusion pouring through her veins, along with the chemo.

“He’s cute. You should go for it. He’s obviously into you.” Sarah states, as if it’s the most obvious statement ever.

“Dude, Derek literally just broke up with me and in case you haven’t noticed I think I have my hands full right now.” Y/N says motioning to the needle still stuck in her arm.

“You’re a real buzzkill today.” Sarah laughs.

“Well I guess cancer does that to me.” Y/N smiles back.

“Well, I need to pee, don’t miss me too much.” Sarah says getting up and leaving the chemo room.

As she sits on the toilet she scrolls through her Instagram, and she sees a post that piques her interest.

It’s of Y/N’s father, sitting in a bar with all of his friends, captioned; No worries here, All is good.

Sarah scoffs. Anger fuels her next actions of leaving the bathroom and calling Paul. It rings a few times before he picks up and greets her with a cheery tone.

“Sarah? How are you dear?”

“How am I? Not good Paul! I’ve been in the hospital everyday with your daughter, taking care of her, and you have the audacity not only not to come visit your very sick daughter, but to post something saying ‘no worries’!” Sarah rants.

“Woah Sarah slow down! What do you mean Y/N is very sick?” Paul questions.

“Wow, you don’t even remember the phone call. Y/N has cancer and you said you couldn’t take off work! I knew Y/N had one deadbeat parent, but this is ridiculous.” Sarah scoffs.

“WHAT!” Paul yells so loud, that Sarah has to pull the phone away from her ear.

“Y/N said she called you?”

“I haven't spoken to Y/N in a little over a week. Y/N has cancer?” Paul whispers.

‘I am so sorry Paul, but yes.”

“Well, what hospital are you guys at? I need to come.” Paul says, and Sarah can hear him moving around in the background.

“Uh, Mercy Grace, it’s the one closest to her apartment.” Sarah says, wondering how Y/N will react when her dad shows up.

“Sarah thank you so much for taking care of her. I’ll be there in a few days.” Paul says before hanging up. Sarah nods, as if Paul would see it.

She lets out a deep breath and leans herself against the wall.

Y/N is going to kill her.

Sharp pains wake Y/N up. A groan falls from her lips and she jumps up out of the Y/N, pushing the ‘call nurse’ button. She quickly walks over to the bathroom and kneels by the toilet.

It takes a second, but before she can try to hold it in, she’s vomiting into the toilet. The door to the bathroom opens and the nurse hold’s Y/N’s hair back as she dry heaves into the toilet. Once Y/N feels like the vomiting is over, she leans away from the toilet. She looks like a mess, there’s a bit of vomit left on her chin sits on the floor.

“Alright honey, do you think you’re done?” The nurse asked softly. She nods and wipes at her face with the sleeve of her gown. The nurse hands her a small cup of water and tells her to gargle and spit.

Once Y/N is done in the bathroom, the nurse gently helps her up and brings her back to bed.

“I thought if I didn’t eat before the chemo I wouldn’t throw up.” Y/N whimpers.

“Honey, chemotherapy takes a lot out of a person, but your already doing great. You only threw up once after your first round! I’ve seen people sit by the toilet for hours after their first round. Trust me, you can do this.” The nurse says, holding onto Y/N’s hand.

“Thank you.” Y/N rasps.

“Anytime sweetheart, just press the button if you need anything else.” The nurse smiles.

Groaning, Y/N opens her eyes, seeing Sarah already sitting in the seat next to her bed.

“I feel like shit.”

“Good morning to you too. You want me to get a nurse?” Sarah jokes.

“No, no one else should be subjected to seeing me today.” Y/N grumbles. She begins to push herself out of bed when every muscle in her body feels sore.

“Oh God.” Y/N whispers through gritted teeth. She finally manages to get herself out of bed and she shuffles to the bathroom. It takes her a few seconds to figure out the shower head but once she does, it turns on with a loud burst of water.

“Are you sure you’re allowed to do that?” Sarah asks, entering the bathroom.

“Take a shower? I think so.” Y/N says. Why would she be allowed to take a shower? She not a child, sure she has cancer, but she knows how to take a shower by herself.

“I think I should ask a nurse.”

Y/N huffs and crosses her arms as Sarah jogs out of the room to flag down a nurse. When Sarah and a nurse enter, she is finally granted permission to shower.

“Wow thanks guys.” Y/N deadpans.

Y/N gets in the shower and her screaming muscles finally subside. The water pressure isn’t great, and in a way Y/N wishes that she was back in her apartment, with her shower and her nice shampoo and her fluffy towels.

But she’s not.

While Y/N is lost in her own thoughts, she runs her hands through her hair absentmindedly. It’s not until her fingers leave her hair that Y/N realizes the problem. The amount of hair in her hands is enough to make Y/N’s heart race. Quickly, she lets the running water get the hair off her hands and down the drain, then she turns the water off and dries her body. There’s a new gown laying on the toilet which Y/N throws on and then races back to the bed.

“Aren’t you going to going to dry your hair?” Sarah asks, brows furrowed.

“No.”

“But your pillows?”

“I’m not touching my hair.” Y/N says stubbornly.

Something must have clicked in Sarah’s brain because she drops the topic and lets Y/N’s tired body fall back asleep.

Loud knocking on the door rouses Y/N enough for her to hear what’s going on, but not enough to wake her up.

“Hey!” Peter exclaims.

“Shh! Y/N’s sleeping. I don’t think today might be the best day to hang out.” Sarah whispers.

“Why? What happened?” MJ asks.

“She wasn’t feeling well when she woke up. And I think she might have started to lose her hair. She just doesn’t really want people to see her today.”

“It’s okay. We get it. Just tell her we stopped by.” Peter frowns. Sarah close the door with an apologetic smile.

“Want to go to the roof?” Ned asks.

“Yeah sure, let’s go.” MJ agrees. The two begin to walk away, but Peter stays by the door, eyes downcast and a large frown planted across his lips.

“Peter, come on buddy.” Ned whispers, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I-I just want to help her. If she closes herself in, she won’t, won’t-” Peter cuts off.

“I know buddy. There’s nothing we can do now.” Ned says. Peter shakes his head.

“I don’t get it! We have to do something” Peter yells. His eyes clouding with tears.

“Alright you need to calm down.” Ned whispers, trying to pull Peter away with a sharp yank. He snaps back to himself with the jolt.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry. Let’s go.” Peter whispers, hanging his head and heading to the elevator. Ned and MJ share a look before walking after him.

“Peter look, Ned and I are worried about you.” MJ says standing in front of Peter, who’s sitting on the couch.

“What?” Peter says through a mouth food of Chinese food.

“We think you need to talk to someone. The hospital has a program and we think you should sign up.” MJ says, Ned nods his head behind her.

Peter sighs. He knows he has a lot of issues, and that Y/N’s situation is making them more prominent. But he didn’t need therapy back then when it really happened, and he turned out fine.

Mostly fine.

But his best friends are worried about him. He knows he should take their advice and get help, but he doesn’t want to have anyone else feel sorry for him. That list of people is already too long. He can’t go visit Aunt May without her looking at him with those eyes that make him want to break down crying.

He knows he should do it.

“Yeah.” Peter nods.

“Yeah?”

“You guys are right. I’ve gone too long without help.” Peter says.

“Okay, well Ned and I signed you up already, you go in on Friday. Only thing is it’s every Friday, during our lunch break.”

Peter’s fists tighten.

“But what about Y/N?” Peter pushes out.

“Well MJ and I are still going to visit her and we’ll update you on what happened.” Ned rushes. Peter relaxes a little bit, still semi-upset that they scheduled it for him.

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Great.”

“Y/N wake up!” Sarah yells shaking her arm.

“What!” Y/N grunts. She opens her eyes and leans up in the bed, seeing Peter, MJ and Ned, standing in the room with scissors and an electric shaver.

“What’s going on?” Y/N questions.

“We just thought that you shouldn’t have to be insecure about your hair. So, instead of waiting for it all to fall out, let’s just shave it.” Ned says excitedly. Y/N looks at Sarah, who is smiling widely and nodding her head.

“Okay.” Y/N agrees. Peter moves to help Y/N get out of bed, but she refuses help.

“Y/N, please.” Peter extends his arm and when Y/N sees the seriousness in his face, she grabs it. He leads her into the bathroom, where MJ hand pulled in a chair.

“Alright let’s get shaving!” MJ laughs. Y/N feels a small smile creep up onto her face. The first true smile in a few days. MJ uses the scissor to cut her hair short, the ground filling with the locks.

Once she finishes, she helps Y/N stand up and look in the mirror. Y/N smiles and runs and hand over her bald head.

“Why do I actually like it?” Y/N laughs.

“Because it looks good.” Peter smiles.

Y/N turns around to face him.

“Thanks.”

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