#yeah that's literally dutch in this ep

[swallowedabug]

Dutch + Outfits (40/ ∞)

#killjoysedit #killjoys syfy #yalena yardeen #hannah john kamen #hannah john-kamen #hjkedit #dutchoutfits #blood cw #killjoys #dutch #kj 505 #kj s5 #my edits #my gif #yeah. #you know that post that's like #when a woman in scifi is wearing a jumpsuit #and then she ties the top part to her hips #to show her arms and tank top #yeah that's literally dutch in this ep #PLUS she gets all bloody and sweaty... #anyway! you can probably tell i'm normal about her in this ep so let's move on before i get drool all over this gifset

[shenrickyz]

＼(^o^)／jung jaewon once said (pt.1)!

❝ how am i supposed to feel confident on this show with all these men surrounding me? pretty men are my weakness literally. ❞

[ boys planet — ep.1 ]

❝ my mortal enemy, sung hanbin, ignore the fact that i'm holding his hand. ❞

[ boys planet — ep.1 bts ]

❝ i don't even know why i'm here, is it because i'm not special enough for you? what are you gonna do evil edit me? i'd like to see you try. ❞

[ boys planet — ep.1 cut ]

❝ i've had millions of jobs in my lifetime, barista, baker, nursing aide, event coordinator, dance instructor, babysitter, you name it? i've done it! ❞

[ boys planet — jung jaewon introduction ]

❝ huh? i look kinda stupid.. ❞

❝ yeah obviously idiot— ow! hanbin! that hurts you bastar—❞

proceeds to smack his best friend on national tv.

[ boys planet — ep.2 ]

❝ every other day it feels like this place is slowly draining all the energy out of my body. ❞

[ boys planet — ep.3 ]

❝ english? uh.. speak english? so suddenly? i don't speak english sorry. ❞ he had spoken dutch instead of english.

[ boys planet — ep.3 ]

❝ oh my opinion is useless but i'm the ONLY ONE actually doing anything! ❞

[ boys planet — ep.4 ]

❝ oh god can i go home? someone take me home! ❞

[ boys planet — ep.5 ]

❝ i wish my bed would just eat me i'm so tired.. ❞

[ boys planet — ep.5 bts ]

❝ this is my father everyone, if you want to sponsor me speak to him please. ❞ jaewon says as he points to hui, whose clueless whilst gyuvin dies in the corner.

[ boys planet — ep.6 ]

❝ YEAHHHHHH GANG! ❞

[ boys planet — ep.6 ]

❝ if taerae doesn't debut after those vocals in man in love i'll blow up mnet myself. ❞

[ boys planet — ep.7 bts ]

#ᵎ ִֶָ𓂃 jung jaewon #boys planet #zerobaseone #male oc #kpop oc #kpop original character #original characters #boys planet imagines #boys planet scenarios #zb1 imagines #zb1 scenarios

[mylutteoheart]

I can't believe they're actually going to air Soy Luna again from the start on Disney Channel in my country.

#I want to watch but the I'm not sure I will because the Dutch dub is pretty dumb #Soy Luna #SL text post #Yeah I will never forgive whoever translated the eps in Dutch for turning Chico Fresa and Chica delivery into Leo lepel and Dora delivery #Leo lepel literally translates into Leo spoon

[misnomera]

On racial stereotyping of the Haans in TMA...

Right so as someone who is ethnically Chinese I have NO FUCKING clue how I didn’t notice this more distinctly in my initial binge of tma (going too fast and not paying closer attention to character names and descriptions, probably) but the Haan family storyline is, all horror elements aside, pretty fucked up in terms of racial representation re: stereotyping. This got long as hell, but please please please take a moment to read through if you’ve got time for it. thanks.

To start off, the Haans are one of the few characters in tma with an explicitly specified race and ethnicity—Chinese—and pretty much the only explicitly Chinese characters in tma, other than the mostly unimportant librarian (Zhang Xiaoling) from Beijing. But like, Haan isn’t even a properly Chinese surname, at least not in the way that it’s spelled in canon (it should be Han, one a. A quick google search tells me that Haan as a surname has...Dutch origins??).

Of course, that could be chalked up to shoddy anglicization processes within family histories, which certainly isn’t uncommon with immigrant families, so I’m not going to dwell on names too much (although I also find it interesting that John Haan’s name is so specifically and weirdly anglicized that he changed his own surname?? Hun Yung to John Haan is a very big leap of a name change and frankly not very believable. ANYWAY, this is not that important. I don’t expect Jonny, a white Englishman, to come up with perfectly unquestionable non-Cho-Chang-like Chinese names, though it certainly would be nice. Moving on).

What really bothers me about the Haans is how they almost exclusively and explicitly play into negative Chinese immigrant stereotypes. I don’t even feel like I need to say it because it’s like...it’s literally Right There, folks. John Haan (in ep 72) owns and operates a sketchy takeout restaurant. They’re all avatars of the Flesh—and John Haan is Specifically horrific and terrifying because he cooked his wife’s human meat and fed it to his unknowing customers. Does that remind you of any stereotypes which accuse Chinese people of consuming societally unacceptable and ethically questionable things like dog/cat/bat meat (which, if it’s not already crystal fucking clear, we don’t. do that.), which in turn characterize us as horrible unfeeling monsters? John Haan’s characterization feeds (haha, badum tss) directly into this harmful stereotype that have caused very real pain for Chinese people and East Asians in general. 

And Jonny does nothing to address that from within his writing (and not out of it either). And, speaking on a more meta level, Jonny could’ve easily had these flesh avatars be individuals of any race (like, what’s Jared Hopworth’s ethnicity? Do we know? No? Well then). Conversely, he could’ve easily, easily had a Chinese person be an avatar of any other entity. So why did he have to chose specifically the Flesh?

(This is a rhetorical question. You know why. Racial stereotyping and invoking a fear of the other in an attempt to enhance horror, babey~)

On Tom Haan’s side, Jonny seems weirdly intent on having other characters repeatedly comment on his accent (or rather, lack thereof) in relation to his race. Think about how, in ep 30 (killing floor), the fact that Tom Haan had spoken a line to the statement giver in “perfect English” was an emphasized beat in that statement, and a beat that was supposed to be “chilling” and meant to signify to us that something was, quote-unquote, “not right” with Tom Haan. Implicitly, that’s saying that it was unexpected, not “normal”, and in this case even eerie, for someone who looks Chinese to have spoken in fluid, unbroken English. Mind you, the line itself was perfectly scary on its own (“you cannot stop the slaughter by closing the door”), so why did Jonny feel the need to note the accent in which it was spoken in? Why did Jonny HAVE to have that statement giver note, that he initially “wasn’t even sure how much English [Haan] spoke”? 

This happens again in episode 72 with a Chinese man (and again, his ethnicity is Explicitly Noted) who we assume is also Tom Haan. This one is rather ironically funny and kind of painfully self aware, because the statement giver expresses surprise at Haan’s “crisp RP accent” and then immediately “felt bad about making the assumption that he couldn’t speak English,” and subsequently admitted that thought was “low-key racist.” Like, from a writing perspective, this entire passage is roundabout, pointless, and says absolutely nothing helpful to enhance the horror genre experience for listeners (instead it just sounded like some sort of half-assed excuse so Jonny or other listeners could say “look! We’ve addressed the racism!” You didn’t. It just made me vaguely uncomfortable). And again, having other people comment on our accents/lack thereof while assuming we are foreign is a Very Real microaggression that east asians face on the daily. If Jonny needed some filler sentences for pacing he could’ve written about Literally anything else. So why point out, yet again, that the crazy murderous man was foreign and Chinese? 

At this point, you might say, right, but yknow, it was just that the statement givers were kind of racist! It happens! Yeah sure, ok, that’s a passable in-universe explanation for descriptions of Tom Haan (though not John Haan, mind you), but the statement givers are fake made up people, and statement’s still written by Jonny, who absolutely has all the power to write overt discrimination out of his stories. And he does! Think about just how many minor (and major!!) characters are so, so carefully written as completely aracial, and do not have their ethnicity implicated at all in whatever horrors they may or may not be committing. Think about how many lgbtq+ characters have given statements, and have been in statements, without having faced direct forms of discrimination, or portrayed as embodying blatant stereotypes in their stories (though lgbtq+ rep in tma certainly has their own issues that I won’t go into here). Jonny can clearly write characters this way, and he can do it well. So why, why, am I being constantly, repeatedly reminded in-text of the fact that the Haans are East Asian, that they’re from China, that they’re Chinese immigrants, that they’re second-generation British Chinese or whatever the fuck, and that they’re also horrifying conduits for blood, gore, and general fucked-up-ness? It’s absolutely not something that is Needed for the stories to be an effective piece of horror; the only thing it does is perpetuate incredibly harmful and hurtful stereotypes.

And listen, I love tma to bits. It’s taken over my blog. I’ve really loved my interactions with the fandom. And I am consistently blown away by Jonny’s writing and how well he’s able to weave foreshadowing and plot into an incredibly complex collection of stories. But I absolutely Cannot stop thinking about the Haans because it’s just. It’s such a blatant display of racial stereotyping in writing. And I’ve certainly seen a few voices talking about it here and there, and I don’t know if I’m just not looking in the right places, but it certainly feels like something that is just straight up not on the radar for a lot of tma fans. And I’m disappointed about that. 

Just, I don’t know. Take a look at those episodes again and do some of your own thinking about why these characters had to be specifically Chinese (answer: they didn’t.). And in general, PLEASE for the love of god turn a critical eye on character portrayals and descriptions whenever they are assigned specific races/ethnicities (Some examples that come to mind are Jude Perry, Annabelle Cane, and Diego Molina), because similar issues, to an extent, extend beyond the Haans, though I haven’t covered them here. 

You shouldn’t need a POC to do point out these problems for you when they’re so glaringly There. But for those of you who really didn’t know, hope this was informative in some way. I’m tired, man. If some of the only significant Chinese characters you write are violent cannibalistic men with a perverted relationship with meat, just don’t do it. Please don’t do it. 

EDIT: Since the making of this post Jonny has acknowledged and apologized for these portrayals on his twitter and in the Rusty Quill Operations Update, which went up September 2020. A long time coming, but better late than never. This of course doesn’t necessarily negate the harm done by Jonny’s writing, and doesn’t make me much less angry about it, but is appreciated nonetheless. For more on this topic there’s a lot of productive discussions happening in my “#tma crit” tag and in the notes of this post

#tma #the magnus archives #magnuspod #tma 30 #tma 72 #tma crit #racism #sinophobia #racist stereotyping #tw cannibalism #tw violence #long post #tom haan #john haan

[moralcoded]

op give us some fc suggestions for natasha romanoff because you always have the best fcs

hey hey, anon !    asdafghjkl; pls.    this was such a joy to receive bc there are so many underrated action female fc’s out there.    my top choices are under the cut.    lmk if you decide to go w/ any of them tho,  i’d be stoked to see it bc i've defs put a lot of thought into this !

[  4.  KERI RUSSELL,  THE AMERICANS.   ]    this was a super obvious choice imo bc the character’s literally a russian spy living a domestic life in the US.    she even has blonde and red hair in some eps,  which might be good if you’re looking for those ‘undercover’ looks !    i’m not sure if there are many gifsets and such to rb here on tumblr tho.  (  she’s white : irish, german, dutch + danish background )

[  3.  INBAR LAVI,  IMPOSTERS.   ]   hands down one of my fave underrated shows w/ an actress i could hearteyes over for days !    she’s essentially a con-artist / grifter,  and there’s a fair bit of action as well.    idk i sometimes feel like iconing action sequences is too difficult bc screenshots get blurry from movement.  (  she’s israeli-jewish )

[  2.  LYNDSY FONESCA  (  OR MAGGIE Q !!! ),   NIKITA.   ]   chef’s kiss if i don’t say so myself.    if you haven’t watched this show,  you need to  –––  i definitely make the rules. :P    and yeah,  ik lyndsey’s already a character in the mcu,  but like...    i personally wouldn’t care ?    we’re all hella divergent these days lmao.    the character also has a russian bg,  which is a plus ig ?    you could also use maggie q ( vietnamese / irish / polish ) from the same series bc lyndsey ( half-portuguese ) may appear a little young,  but either way...   yup yup !

[ 1. MOZHAN MARNO, THE BLACKLIST. ] THIS IS ME BANGING MY POTS AND PANS BC I'VE BEEN PITCHING MOZHAN AS A NAT FC FOR LITERAL YEARS. she's flawless and incredibly underused in the rpc, which is SUCH a shame. my fave action girlie from this show, and she's in it for 5 seasons if i remember correctly so you'll have a TONNE of scenes to work with. i pitch her ( persian if i'm not mistaken ) to you and basically everyone reading this WITH MY WHOLE ENTIRE CHEST.

[  BONUS:  COTE DE PABLO,  NCIS.   ]  i’m just throwing this out there bc my fc is from the same show but it’s v handy that the character cote plays is an assassin turned agent :~)  she’s a chilean actress.

** i also want to point out that none of these actresses are russian,  or at least to my knowledge.    that might affect your decision bc it would also mean you’d have to change up nat’s backstory if you ever did want to use them.

#out of character.

[wvearp]

Different anon here and this is going to be long and sorry but this is a thought I've had too, it's surprising to me the difference between men's and women's football teams (club and country) in that aspect, the English and Dutch men's teams for example have a lot more black/poc players than the women's. As you said, a notable exception is the frawnt that is pretty good at featuring a diverse team. DC talked about this in her beinspired podcast ep (won't quote directly bc I have a bad memory) 1/

“--but she mentioned lack of support as a big issue I think. The sport doesn't allow them a good opportunity so sometimes they can't really afford (literally or otherwise) to keep playing after a few years. To me this comes down to representation (need to have more prominent black players to show that success is possible, but obviously for that you need to have more black players to begin with) and also investment (financial support so that playing pro is an actual viable option for EVERYONE). 2/

--Just wanted to add that I'm really sad to see DC leave arsenal, partly because she represented a tiny bit of diversity, and as woc myself, I really hope they do sign some none white players but from the rumours we've heard, it's probably not happening this season 3/3”

Don’t apologise for the length, it was an interesting read!

Yeah it makes sense! Good to hear it from Dan’s perspective and also from yours. Especially given the lower leagues aren’t professional, so then I’d imagine economic inequality really hits hard there as well for WOC.

I think when I first got the ask I sort of had a think and realised that actually, the number of black players available to sign at the level we look for is fairly small from what I can tell (tell me if I’m wrong! I just had a think about other CL teams and National Teams and realised that they mostly have one or a few black players and that’s it.) Which - like you said - is wild considering the Male national teams are actually more diverse. That being said, if we could pry Oshoala back from Barca, I wouldn’t complain...

But Arsenal themselves could encourage more WOC through their academy and make a concerted effort, which would likely really help (and that might be something they’re already doing, I’m not super knowledgable about that aspect.) There’s not really an excuse for not doing so tbh, I know funding is an issue but their existing programs could be adjusted to ensure WOC are getting a fair chance and additional support where needed.

It’s a shame that even with the progress the game is making, this is still something that looks like it could take years (and some proper funding) to even begin to resolve. And I’m sorry we’re losing Dan and especially sorry you and other WOC are losing Dan, and I hope at some point the clubs get the funding needed to make the sport accessible for everyone.

#football #replies #long post #im on mobile so sorry if the format is screwy

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

DELAIN's CHARLOTTE WESSELS Wishes Interviewers Would Ask Her Less Questions About Her Gender And More About Her Music

Rhino Radio conducted an interview with frontwoman Charlotte Wessels of Dutch symphonic metallers DELAIN prior to the band's February 6 show at O2 Institute in Birmingham, England, United Kingdom. You can watch the entire chat below. A few excerpts follow (transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET).

On DELAIN shifting from moon-based themes to the state of the world on their latest studio album, "Apocalypse & Chill":

Charlotte: "It's over between the moon and me. [Laughs] No, we had the album and the two EPs and it was kind of a triptych, but that trilogy is done. Three moon-themed albums are enough. Still, I thought if I'm done with it, then I'm sure the audience is done with it, but still, a lot of people were really fascinated, shocked, even, by the new title and the new artwork and the theme that we're jumping on now with 'Apocalypse & Chill'. I consider it a good thing. I've been watching it with anticipation because I know we're going a different route because people expect the moons and the crows and the roses and the gothic, romantic kind of imagery. Of course, 'Apocalypse & Chill' has none of that. I'm excited about the direction. I'm excited about the topics that we're covering."

On whether there is a silver lining to the "Apocalypse & Chill" album title or it serves as a warning to people:

Charlotte: "Not at all. I, myself, am very optimistic about the things that we can do. I think the title 'Apocalypse & Chill' is very much just a reflection on the way that the world looks today. There is no judgment in the title, but there is such a big contrast between what you see when you open a newspaper, you see the world quite literally being on fire, and then what you see when you open your social media and you see everybody's perfect lives. Those two kinds of [things] don't seem to match. Then, of course, the next topic is how do we feel about that and do we need to do something about that? But that is a question that I'm very happy raising through the music, but I will never want to give answers as a band through music because I don't want to underestimate our listeners by telling them what I think is right and I also don't want to pretend that I am the one with the answers to that because I don't, we don't, actually, even within the band, we all have different ways of dealing with these issues and thinking about them. But the issue itself is very universal; it's something we all will have to deal with at one point or another. For me, it's a very interesting topic and the silver lining is for me is that there are things we can do, even if it's very little things: adjusting your diet or adjusting where you get your energy. Everything that you buy, everything is a choice. I'm a very big believer of the term 'the personal is political' even if you think you're not political. In everything you consume, you're choosing to support one company or another, even in those little things you do it really matters where you get the vegan sour candy or the non-vegan one. [Laughs] Those kinds of things. I think that we can gain a lot by doing some of the little things, but that's just my opinion. Like I said, everyone has to think for themselves what they are comfortable doing."

On whether musicians should be responsible for "opening the eyes" of their listeners:

Charlotte: "I think that musicians can decide for themselves what their entry into music is. Music can be a lot of things. It can be just something for people to turn off their minds and there are certainly also just songs that are enjoyable to listen to and maybe forget your problems instead of raising new ones. I definitely don't think that everyone should be concerned with worldly topics in their music. Music can be very helpful even if it just lifts your spirit for a little bit. For me, personally, I tend to write about the things that occupy my mind and it feels kind of deceptive to write an album like 'Everything is fine! Nothing's happening. We're all going to live until we're a hundred and so are our babies!' That just feels wrong, so it kind of organically works its way into the music if it's on my mind a lot."

On the issues of sexism and racism in the music scene:

Charlotte: "I think support a platform that people are using to take their message across and if you're sharing that platform, push forward to people whose voices who are easily marginalized. Don't start talking for people. I think supporting your friends is a very important thing to do. I think that it helps a lot if the media doesn't consider — for example, in metal, women used to be a minority and every time there was a woman, then people would really accentuate that and say 'What is it like to be a woman in metal?' I would like them to ask 'What's it like to be a musician?' Or 'How do you feel about your music or the musical landscape?' But not so much how I am different. The question, 'How are you different from other singers?' I'm, like, 'Aren't there enough women in metal already? Aren't there enough men in metal already?' The question itself doesn't really make sense. I feel that in general if we're not so surprised when people turn up, then they might actually feel a lot more welcome. People have asked me, 'Don't you feel welcomed in music?' I'm, like, 'I've always felt welcomed. But people can be very welcoming without taking you seriously sometimes.'"

On whether she wishes no one cared about her gender:

Charlotte: "I noticed that I talk about being a woman or my views on sexism in almost every interview that I do. And I think it's a very important topic, so I definitely appreciate it. On the other hand, if people read interviews with my peers or my bandmates, they will hear them talk about the music. If people read interviews with me or hear interviews or watch this interview, they will hear me talk about being a woman in metal. It makes it seem like being a woman is a much bigger part of my identity than it actually is, because when I am here, I feel like a musician first and foremost. There's a difference in the fact that I spend some time on makeup, which has been something I've been ashamed to admit or to do as well because there are some stereotypes that you cannot be very feminine and then people think, 'She's just a frontwoman like the picture.' They don't expect you to write your songs yourself and those kinds of things. It is kind of problematic. As much as I appreciate the question, yeah, the outcome is that this is another interview where I'm talking about… I think maybe a solution would be to ask more guys about it. That could be interesting. It might balance it out. More questions about music towards women and non-men and non-binary people. But, in the end, I feel that if we're in music, we want to do music and it makes sense to talk about that."

#Charlotte Wessels #Delain #2020 interviews

[booasaur]

remember delle seyah named him ozzman (?) originally which is a name from her family and that's his middle name now. So he has a name from each one of his families :')

And another anon:

Yeah, the name thing bothered me too. But Delle Seyah seemed to take it well-ish when they told her he chose a new name. 

I do remember Ozzman and that it’s now apparently his middle name, but nobody uses it, and to me, it was a way to push down Delle Seyah in favor of D’av. I don’t understand why that whole ep was framed that way. I get the show wanting to cement D’av’s place in Jaq’s life and vice versa, the effect on D’av, but it went way too far. And writers can have Delle Seyah go along with it, I doubt they wanted to put more screentime on that.

It wasn’t as if it was a rejection of the Qresh way of life, it was literally acting as if choosing names is a rite of passage for everyone, when it very much has not been shown to be that, nobody else did it, even Dutch’s name was picked by Johnny. So the choice of Jaqobis over Ozzman in this particular situation came from…where? It wasn’t even about Delle Seyah the person not deserving him carrying on her name, it was just like, oh, I’ve bonded with my bio dad more than my surrogate mom. 

Those were the two s4 eps I’ve mentioned as irritating me, the two after Delle Seyah gave birth, when Jaq was going through his growth spurts and everyone was trying to figure out a way to save him while Delle Seyah was offscreen for almost the whole thing and then we had the D’av-Jaq ep and after making sure to place D’av as the more important parent against Delle Seyah, they focused on his perspective against the lead character Dutch’s? It felt like someone was trying to make up for so much of the show’s main dynamic being Dutch-Johnny and by that point bringing in Aneela and her bonds with Delle Seyah and Dutch and overcorrected to try to give D’av some screentime and perspective for a while. Because most of the time they don’t write like that and I was fine with the rest of the season and s5. Even without much screentime in s5 at all, I very much adored how the Kendry-Kin Rit(-Jaqobis) family was written.

I get there’s some logistical reasoning behind some of those mid-s4 decisions, they needed certain characters to be in certain places, and they needed certain dynamics to happen, but that’s the problem with plot first. They usually do character first so well, some of that writing really stood out

#replies #femslash related stuff #Anonymous #sent on 20191019 #5 #killjoys #aneela x delle seyah #jaq kin rit #d'avin jaqobis

[j4nn4s]

rules:

always repost the rules

answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

give 11 questions

tag 11 people

i was tagged by @isakvdhflorenzi, ty miss lorena <3 1. Is the social media presence of the characters important to how you view the quality of the remake/show?

hm well skam nl is my favorite and their social media game is trash LMAOOO so generally No but i do feel like remakes who DO have such a good presence kind of elevate the show and i think it’s pretty heartwarmin to see some remakes go sm farther than skam with social media and puttin out educational and IN CHARA resources like skames does this so well and i feel like in that way, the team is really really spreadin skam’s spirit via these resources (like joana’s billion bpd awareness ig accounts and lucas rubio’s yt channel)

2. Least favourite clip of the show? Why?

tbh there are definitely some duds but probably one of the clips with sana gettin herself into a hole in s4 just bc some were hard to watch cus cringey or yikes .... idk i cant think of others LMAO

3. Which character did you feel the most connected to and why?

ijeoiqjiwoij even tho even is my all time fave skam chara, i have to say isak for all of these reasons 

4. Your least favourite part of every season?

season 1 - tbh even though i really enjoyed this season, it does take a while for it to build up like i rmr at first not being that interested until ep6 maybe ?? which is hard when you’re trying to get your friends to watch but they have to wait until ep6 before shit starts RLLY buildin up and gettin wild

season 2 - hm ig noora chasin after william ??

season 3 - bro NOTHINGGG call me a purist but its such a refined masterpiece like the pacing is good the characterization is so good ugh i deadass cant think of anythin

season 4 - i always felt a little ??? w noora being sana’s bff ig bc from s1-s3 it didn’t Feel like they were that close like even in noora’s pov, sana wasn’t really a part of it that much ?? like eva was more of noora’s bff ?? so i feel like it would have made more sense if maybe sana spoke more with chris or vilde bc sana and vilde eventually seemed to get closer esp with kosegruppa and chris has always been by sana’s side ?? idk that always confused me

5. What is your opinion on the cast’s participation on social media? Do you prefer it when the cast aren’t that involved like the Skam cast, or do you like a lot of content like the Fr cast do?

tbh i don’t care much abt the casts LMAOOO if anythin it kind of brings more harm as seen with the harassment axel and maxence get and also can bring more controversy like with irene (which honestly is p sad considerin how much i love skames bc now i feel super :/ watchin it like she shouldve just had private accts at this point)

6. Favourite song you found from Skam or the remakes?

OMFGGG love this question .... def doorman by slowthai and mura masa bc its one of my fave songs now and i got it from skam nl <3 ugh taste

7. If you could decide which characters from Skam got a season, who would you choose?

OOOHHH ugh torn bc i like isak’s pov but also i want even’s so might have to forfeit isak season for even season ....... hm so probs vilde, sana, even, noora (maybe not w william tho) and honestly maybe jonas too ??

8. Are there any moments that you liked in the show that everyone else seems to hate?

IJXDWQOIJJ yes .... remakes-wise, people hate skam nl s2’s last half but i enjoyed it for the most part ... i think the pacing was off for the last ep but personally, clip 50 made up for it and is p god tier imo ..... and also don’t think the first half of ep10 is enough to discredit the entire season bc i rlly loved seeing liv’s pov and have sm fave moments from the season 

but skam wise, omg might get a lil controversial w this one IM SORRY !!! im bein honest and its Just my opinion ok 

personally s2 got me more invested than s1 and i don’t think its a super bad season like i didnt really say many problems wrong with it until i got on tumblr wiejioqjoiqjq i was sort of interested in the questions that the noora/william dynamic brought up which is, as expressed in william’s war speech to noora, that nothing is ever black/white which i feel was a huge message and feeds into the ‘you never know what ppl are going through’ theme of the season ... like i like the idea of someone like noora, who can have a black/white mentality (as seen in the first clip of s2 when she tells vilde that they can’t have the tannin company as their sponsor bc they objectify women or smth but misses the context and what it could mean for the bus monetarily bc shes caught up in bein ‘woke’) having to break out of that and see more than one side ... and i think remakes like skam austin expanded on this idea well like when zoya was like ‘must be so nice being right all the time’ which i Do feel like is an important for youth to know today .... bc i think its so easy to get caught up in the idea of being so objectively right and morally superior that people lose sight of the more nuanced characteristics to life ... (omg long ramble BUT)

also LMAOOOOO this one might be more controversial as it pertains to bench scene s4 ok oops again doNT GOTTA AGREE !! ........ but i feel like the scene had a lot of good intentions ... i was def kind of cringing a bit tho bc i understand the subject’s sensitivity and how these topics are hard to talk about but i genuinely feel like they both made Some points and should listen to each other .... like as Hard and as maybe ‘unwoke’ it is to admit, unfortunately you sort of do have to answer the tough questions bc that way we learn from each other .... and i perfectly understand why some ppl wouldn’t want to do this and i certainly am tired abt havin to answer shit abt my sexuality or stupid male questions abt women but if u dont answer them, people do go lookin for answers still and the internet is such a shitty place that its pretty easy (esp with youtube’s algorithm) to lead you to ignorant ppl and perhaps radicalization .... questions help us to better understand our community and sometimes they can have good intentions too but we have to ask and answer them or else people will make up answers (which ive literally seen and its honestly worse to see fake as shit and UNINFORMED answers bc ppl did not want to ask you or ppl of ur identity, esp when they’re already startin from a place of hate .... but i rather have ppl ask me patronizing questions than have them spread false info bc that can do much more harm in the long run) however i DO think that isak should also consider sana’s side and i sort of wish we saw him conceding more bc they both have smth to learn from one another, like sana shouldn’t just be learnin from isak, isak needs to learn from sana too

PHEW SORRY QWIOJQWIO girl i just got opinions on some things this is when my desc rlly comes in handy .... oqjdwqioj

9. What did you learn from the show?

omg honestly too much to write here tbh ..... but if it says anythin im (very slowly) in the works of a three part skam essay about basically how skam teaches us to be better humans and how to better treat the people we care about diowjqioj essentially the three biggest themes of the show: you never know what someone is going through so always be kind, always communicate with your friends, and no person is ever alone and i feel like these are definitely rlly good messages to live by (also livet er nå BITCH !!!)

10. What is your favourite headcanon about your favourite characters?

omg tbh i could not tell u at all how the skam charas are doing except i hope even is okay thats all im thinkin of ok .... OIWXIOJX omg remakes wise tho ..... honestly im so bad at this girl IDK !!!!! LMAO i have to really think i have a bit of vdh and dutch even but thats bc we know like Zero abt them so its easier oijwiojqio idk liv and noah bein cute as shit ..... OH WAIT personally i feel like janna got a bunch of pansexual energy so my BIGGG hc is that she’s pan also bc she’s one of my all time fave charas and my fkn url so itd be dope if she was pan ok boom

11. What is your opinion on fanfiction in the fandom?

tbh i don’t read skam fanfiction but i don’t mind reading some from the remakes (tho still its rare) ... eiojeioqw i just don’t trust anyone but julie to write skam charas bc i think that’s how precious the show is to me LMAO like idk everything ive seen of skam fanfiction and ficlets and one shots, i could never get into bc the tone is just so out of character or there will be lines that just take me out of the fic bc im like this !!!! is not !!! how the chara acts !!!! so yeah idk not rlly a fan bc of my purist ass but i dont mind others reading it

Questions:

1. Favorite quote of the show?

2. Which country would you like to see have the next remake? Do you have any headcanons?

3. Which season would you rewrite and how would you rewrite it?

4. What clips do you personally like or don’t mind, but others hate?

5. Which songs do you think SKAM or the remakes should have included? For which moments?

6. Who would you give SKAM season five to and what topics and themes would it cover?

7. What moment spoke to you or touched you from SKAM the most?

8. How did you find SKAM? How did you feel about it right after watching?

9. Have you shared SKAM with any friends in real life? What did they think of it?

10. Of the remakes, which characters are your favorite of their SKAM counterparts? (Ex. who is the best Vilde remake? Eva? etc.)

11. How do you feel about the SKAM (and remakes) tumblr fandom?

I tag: @smileykeijser @whatadaze @queenofpurgatoryx @itlukey @skamyeets @shaykeijser @megeliz01 @isakcijser @wackpainterkid @axelauriantblot @kar-d-momme

(omg ik some of yall have been tagged so just ignore if u dont want to do it ok im srry it was in the RULES!)

#long post #skam opinions #tag meme

[findingmarvinchavez]

hi!! 🥰🥰🥰

i totally get what you mean about liking cooking a lot or not at all!! i felt the same way (more often hate than not though) up until like a few months ago when i randomly started to enjoy baking and cooking?? (more baking than cooking though). but i still feel too unmotivated to actually do it like half the time akdkd. also that’s so great that you have started cooking more, and it’s so cool how it was because of your friends :’)

ty so much for giving me a rundown about 911!! i actually do not know what the announcement was because my mind tends to ignore like the words on the gifs bc they all blur together to me at this point since it’s a show i don’t watch, if that makes sense?? it probably doesn’t but regardless i am very intrigued by that 👀👀. also i am curious if you watch the spinoff or no?

i didn’t realize we are the same age!! that’s so cool :)) unfortunately though i cannot relate, i have had four fandom blogs (two were very short lived though), and the one i am sending you messages from i have had since late 2011 rip (but it’s also sort of a main one, it’s turned into a bit of a mish mash of things).

thank you!! do you have any fun plans for the weekend? :D

-♥️♥️

p.s. if you do spotify what was your top artist of 2021?

(also sorry if you get this a bunch it kept saying there was a problem with my ask so wasn’t sure if it went through :/)

hello!!

23 gang yeah! Do you enjoy your age, currently? 🙃

I envy people who are patient enough for baking! do you have a favorite thing to bake? Or do you like to try out new stuff (when you do get around to it, haha)?

i mean, since you're probably gonna watch the show, it's probably gonna super cool that you don't know about what's going to happen! Also yeah yeah it's funny the kind of selective vision scrolling through Tumblr creates. If I don't recognize either the show or the quotes or whatever, I'm just huh colors!

I do watch lone star, the spinoff. I think it's fun and that the cast/character choices are intriguing, but I also find the critique that appears to come lone star's way more than valid. It is slightly different in ~vibe~ than 911, which I guess is also something not everyone enjoys. I'm not that deep into the subject matter here, tho, so I'll leave it at this for now. I'm always gonna recommend just giving one or two eps a try, tho! And the crossover episode with the regular 911, which is in season 2 of lone star, is very dear to my heart! 😇

would you...would you mind sharing (some of) the fandoms? 😳 I'm intrigued now lol! (If you know how little I'm gonna judge, i literally still reblog the occasional supernatural post and I do watch that show for fun. 😬

oh, Spotify, my best friend, my worst capitalist vice! I do Spotify, I do it excessively, and I look forward to Spotify wrapped for weeks before the fact lol! My top artist is DeWolff, a Dutch "southern psychedelic rock band". If that kinda music is your jam, I highly recommend them! Just to give you an impression of how my taste in music is not communicable.in one stat, though: my top genre is blues, and my top two songs are for your entertainment by Adam Lambert and Montero (call me by your name) by lil Nas X, so basically pop*1000 haha. sry for being so obnoxious about this I should have put a disclaimer *do not ask about music unless you want to talk for hours* 🤐

BUT i also cannot hear enough about other people's music so share your own top artist, song, whatever you're happy to share, pretty please! 😊

Oh almost forgot about the weekend plans, so I'm currently visiting one last new city before leaving the country (Lithuania) next week, so yeah, lot's of fun! (Typing this in a bar, no less) what about you?

looking forward to your next message!

♥️

P.s. i did not get this a bunch, and if I did, i would have just been happy about it a bunch! 💞

[habibialkaysani]

AHHHH DUTCH SAID THAT SHES KHLYENS DAUGHTER!!! AND SHE MET HER MOMMMMM AND SHE CALLED ANEELA HER FAMILY!!!!! HOW DO I STOP FREAKING OUTTTTTT im joking im not going to stop freaking out holy shit i love this show so much

lkasgnasklgnsakglsangkl I mean anon please know that I p much died after watching that episode and I also cried several rivers when yalena met yalena because dutch was literally like “don’t you dare give up on me” and yeah fuck I have so many feelings about her and aneela. naksgnasklgnasklgasnkglasngkl

I can’t wait for the next ep! I can’t believe this season is coming to an end already O.o

#me.txt #replies #killjoys spoilers #killjoys #caps lock cw #anonymous

[hetmusic]

Q&A with O-SHiN | HumanHuman

Discovered by HighClouds five months ago, the Swedish artist O-SHiN quickly grabbed the attention of our users here at HumanHuman and became a Promising Discovery about a month ago. Not only is the music in itself unique and beguiling, with a plethora of strange, exotic sounds that you can scarcely lay a finger on, but the story behind its creation is also one to take note of.

A couple of years ago, O-SHiN took to the Swedish countryside with five friends for a summer of seclusion, immersion in nature and experimentation with a range of unusual instruments found in the barn next to the cabin where the group were staying. What emerged was songs like “A Revelation” and “Walking On Water” that feature recordings from this time in the cabin, and later were completed in O-SHiN current home in Berlin. Each of her songs offer up a new version of her appreciation for life, for nature, for the organic world around us. That’s exactly why, with just two songs in the public sphere, that our community of new music enthusiasts have picked up on this great discovery.

Here we ask O-SHiN about time in the cabin, her current music, playing live and plans for 2018.

Happy New Year O-SHiN! What do you have planned for 2018?

Hello and thank you for having me. 2018 started already great. I am writing to you from Gran Canaria where I am shooting a visual EP. This means I am going to release six songs in Spring 2018. Also, I am very excited to let you know that I finished 2017 with my first O-SHiN live show and I’ve just done another one [Monday 15th January]! My wish for the year is to share my music not only online but on stage as much as possible.

It was only three months ago that we were introduced to your music via debut “A Revelation”, although the project really began in 2015 in a cabin in the Swedish countryside. Can you recall that time in your own words?

Yes, it took a long time to get the music really the way I wanted it to be. I see it like a good wine that needs to ripen.

Everything started literally in the woods where we just enjoyed living so close to nature and experimenting without any boundaries. I invited my friends from the Netherlands - who are also my musicians - over and we just made music and sounds day and night.

Have you returned to that cabin or to another nature saturated location since?

No, I haven’t yet. But it is my dream to go back there and record my full album.

The unusual amalgamation of strange instruments and field recordings features on both of your tracks “A Revelation” and “Walking Water”. Did you carry on using any of those instruments back in Berlin?

All of the songs that are going to be on my EP carry this sound. I am always looking for these kind of instruments and vibes, no matter if I am in Berlin or somewhere else. I also want to create the same vibe on stage, which is quite a challenge. But I think we’ve come pretty far.

Do you think that the city has also shaped your music?

Definitely. The city has brought more structure to my tracks which had been very experimental. I love experimental stuff but I still want the listener to follow and not get overwhelmed. This feeling is very personal though, but I think it worked well so far.

I suppose there’s a prominent contrast of organic sounds and digital production through the songs. Is this contrast of textures - the old and new; the far and near; the different and familiar - essential to your sound?

Yes, I am a lover for old times, second hand, and vintage stuff - basically in everything - clothes, furniture, music.... I love it when things are not new but put into a new context, which makes it feel kinda new. It was my concept from the beginning, to use mainly organic sounds, but arrange it in a modern/electronic way. Even if something sounds electronic to you most of the time it is some weird organic sound we recorded somewhere.

What else would you say lies at the heart of your music?

Next to the organic aspect you will hear influences from different cultures. I am very open to influences from world music. You will hear Asian harmonies and also I am in love with Indian music, not only the instruments, but also the way India has developed their own music - they hear even more notes than we can hear. To study that makes it very exciting to me. Recently I travelled to Africa, there is a big chance you will hear that in the songs I am going to write in 2018.

Are there any fellow creatives, whether musicians, artists, photographers, performers, producers etc., that you really relate to? And what is it about them in particular?

Oh yeah for sure. Besides the great people I work with I am really inspired by Dutch photographer Sanja Marusic.

Funny thing though, about five years ago I asked her to do a shoot for my music. Turned out to be a big disaster. She somehow decided to dislike me. The vibe was really bad and the pictures that were done, were unloving. I still don’t know why she wouldn’t like me, but nevertheless I admire her work and it inspires me visually.

Another woman I really look up to is the French singer Camille. She is a true artist. She is one of the reasons I started making music and she has been something like my role model to me. She makes music without being bound to any limits.

In the cabin, you were surrounded by other musicians, so clearly that creative environment and collaboration is important to you. Is there anyone you’d really love to work with on a song?

In the cabin I was surrounded by three musicians, one friend who took the role of sound technician and another friend who was filming and documenting the week. Yes, collaboration became very important to me. I used to do everything on my own, but once I understood the beauty of letting another creative mind add something to my ideas I never wanted to go back.

One person I would really like to work with is Kieran Hebden - better know as Four Tet. His latest album has been my favourite album of 2017.

You said of second single “Walking Walking” that “It’s about taking risks, even if it seems crazy. It’s about believing the impossible can happen.” Is that a belief you apply to your own life?

Yes, I guess so. I really like to dare myself and stretch my limits. If I have an idea I am really convinced by I just do everything to make it happen. I don’t want to live only in my comfort zone, even if it’s scary sometimes.

As mentioned before, you recently had a show at Berlin’s Baketown Studio, for those of us unlucky enough to miss out on that, how would you describe your live show?

I have a really great band and we are playing basically all you hear on the records live. There is no backing tracks and no loops. Therefore, we had to build our own drum kit, which is basically a massive percussion tree with many different things to hit on and two people are playing it. If I am lucky enough I find a upright bass player who joins us for the gig, like last time. With so many people there is a whole bunch of energy coming, while the music is still intimate and emotional. You will find yourself looking from one musician to the other trying to figure out who is playing what and even though it is no party music - your feet will move.

Last year, you also performed at Berlin’s Auster Club to celebrate Indie Femininity alongside fellow HumanHuman favourites Melis and Jinka. How was the show?

This was my first concert and it was a great start. I really wanted to finish the year with making the first steps of bringing the music alive on stage before the year ended. It was a tough task since I had to form my band first. In the end everything worked out better than expected.

How do you view the current industry and its relation to women in music? Is there anything you’d like to see change or continue to improve upon in 2018?

The Guardian released an article in 2017 saying most live bands are mainly male. I have to agree I work mainly with male musicians, producers, managers, A&Rs, photographers… personally, I don’t have a problem with it, maybe because I grew up with only brothers. I guess I haven’t even learned how to work with females, just because all my colleagues are male and I really appreciate them and they appreciate me. I believe we still don’t have enough female role models to inspire the younger generation, but we are growing.

Will you be doing anything to celebrate International Women’s Day on March 8th?

Honestly no. I don’t celebrate any of those international days :P I also don’t care about my birthday and if it was about me I would not need to celebrate Christmas the way we do it. To me everyday is a day to celebrate already.

Of course, what we really want to know is… can we expect new O-SHiN listening in the near future?

YESSS! I have a bunch of songs ready. Expect my next single in February and the EP in the Spring. Thank you so much for your interest in my music!

https://humanhuman.com/articles/interview-with-o-shin

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 25th August 2019

Top 10

On the US Billboard Hot 100, after “Old Town Road” dissipated, they’ve been treated with a couple #1s switching in and out. “bad guy”, “Senorita” and probably “Truth Hurts” and unfortunately “Ransom” soon enough... while here in the UK, “Old Town Road” was only at the top spot for a week, and instead we’ve just had “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello for six straight weeks... Nice.

“Beautiful People” by Ed Sheeran featuring Khalid is at number-two still, and we actually have a pretty busy week that did not translate to the Top 10 – it never does.

“3 Nights” by Dominic Fike is steady at number-three but I’m not complaining; this song is great.

I’m not upset about the one-space boost for Kygo and the late Whitney Houston’s “Higher Love” either at number-four, it’s not a bad song and if anything I’m just excited to see Houston on the charts again.

AJ Tracey returns back to the top five with “Ladbroke Grove” up a spot to number-five.

Aitch’s newest major single, “Taste (Make it Shake)”, is down two spaces to number-six, but that’s still way too high. I honestly do not understand the appeal in this one, it’s not quirky or interesting, it’s over-long, it’s barely got a chorus. Out of all UK rap singles to hit the top 10, this is easily the most puzzling hit.

I’m also not exactly pleased about “Ransom” by Lil Tecca zooming up six spaces to become his first top 10 hit here in the UK... why?

Unfortunately, this means “How Do You Sleep?” by Sam Smith is down a spot to number-eight, and honestly this song is just growing on me.

Speaking of unfortunate, at number-nine is “So High” by MIST and Fredo, also down one space, and while I’m not that big of a fan of this song (Yet) or the discography in general, MIST has recently been stabbed, and he says he’s been recovering well, which is good, I just wanted to note that these things do happen to people who seem like they can’t be touched due to fame and success, especially recently. I hope he’s okay.

To elevate the mood, there is quite literally a Love Island anthem in the top 10, as Joel Corry and Hayley May get their first ever UK Top 10 hit with “Sorry” up six positions to #10. It’s not a bad song, but come on, guys, really?

Climbers

Outside of the Top 10, we have one climber and it’s not exactly notable either... Jax Jones and Bebe Rexha’s radio fodder “Harder” is up five spots to #25. I mean, when so much of the Top 40 is rap, I guess the radio’s got to have something to safely play without having their audience hear a bunch of censor bleeps every ten seconds.

Fallers

Now, we don’t exactly have many fallers, but a lot of them are very notable as these are massive hits dropping incredibly low, starting with #40 which is the top five hit “Location” by Dave featuring Burna Boy down a whopping twenty-three spaces and barely gripping onto that last spot in the chart, after having a brief rebound thanks to the video. While I prefer “Disaster”, “Streatham”, “Black” and pretty much all the songs on PSYCHODRAMA, I’m so happy that Dave and his album have had so much longevity and chart success considering how great this album is (Since this does seem to be the end of the album cycle). This year’s been very kind to British rap both mainstream and underground (Check out Little Simz, she’s mind-blowing) and this is definitely one of the achievements the genre can display proudly. Other than that, we have another top 10 hit in Sigala’s “Wish You Well” featuring Becky Hill dropping down 14 spaces to #38, as well as the faller I’m obviously the happiest about. Despite the fact there might be a rebound due to a video release, I’m going to live in blissful ignorance about that, since “Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi, which has been the worst song in the top 20 for like three straight months, is out of the top 20, falling 17 positions to #26. It’s not out of the chart entirely, but I’ll take it. Oh, and “Panini” by Lil Nas X is down five spaces to #36 but Thog don’t caare

Dropouts & Returning Entries

There aren’t any returning entries this week but since there are five new arrivals, there are obviously quite a lot of drop-outs. “Find U Again” by Mark Ronson featuring Camila Cabello is one of them, dropping out of the charts entirely from #37, which really sucks because that song is amazing. Otherwise, we have some notable but very much expected drop outs for “SOS” by the late Avicii featuring Aloe Blacc and its impressive chart run from #32, “You Need to Calm Down” by Taylor Swift out from #38 (God, what an awful song), “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy finally out from #39 (Although I think that song is great actually) and off of the sole debut last week, we have “Hot Girl Summer” by Megan Thee Stallion, Nicki Minaj and Ty Dolla $ign out from #40. I know American female rappers haven’t exactly crossed over here yet but I thought this would have least lasted a week, and it is a pretty damn good song, it’s got a video coming soon though so we’ll see what that’ll do.

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 – “Post Malone” – Sam Feldt featuring Rani

Produced by Sam Feldt – Peaked at #7 in Ireland

Sam Feldt is an irrelevant Dutch DJ, to put it bluntly. Two years ago, he made a song with Akon and that was his second biggest hit until 2019, second to his only actual hit, may I add. So, what better way to make a name for yourself in America than to go viral with a meme song that references pop culture and has a drop expressive enough for TikTok. Indeed, it worked, he was on the top of the Spotify Viral 50 with “Post Malone”, because if you want to keep your target white audience as an EDM-pop or rock artist, the only hip-hop artist you can seemingly admit to liking is Post Malone. Even the Jonas Brothers are shouting them out in (Absolutely dreadful) hit songs like “Cool”. It didn’t even work, by the way, it barely peaked in the top 10 of the American dance charts but it worked on like all of Europe, especially on the chart that isn’t actually in the EU, technically, maybe. Funnily enough, it’s not that big of a hit in his home country of the Netherlands, peaking at #85. I don’t know who RANI is, do you? Listen, it’s Feldt’s second UK Top 40 hit, his first since 2015, and it’s from his Magnets EP. RANI is a female singer who seems to specialise in being a puppet for EDM DJs, and had  a minor hit doing so with “Crying with the Sun” last year, but this is her first appearance on the UK Top 40. Hiring RANI seems to be the cheap option compared to an actual celebrity, the girl doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page, and the whole song in fact is really cheap, with a couple 2014-esque synths carrying a flat, tinny EDM beat until that chorus hits, and Jesus, this song was not meant to ever have “Post Malone” in the lyrics. It’s lodged in that chorus with all the care of a bull in a china shop with crowd cheering in the background before the generic build-up of hi-hats until a pretty simple vocaloid drop and yeah, I question why anyone thinks this song is worth listening to. The drop ends abruptly with literal silence instead of even transitioning into the verse all that well, which is lazy and nonsensical on his part because he’s going to have to transition this into other songs in a DJ set, he wants that to be smooth. Yeah, skip this, it’s trash, which is exactly what I expected.

#30 – “Motivation” – Normani featuring uncredited vocals by Ariana Grande

Produced by ILYA – Peaked at #20 in Belgium and Scotland, and #33 in the US

Fifth Harmony’s disbandment let one star really get a lot of shine, and that was Camila Cabello, who is still gathering a lot of success to this day, but what I didn’t expect is a push towards another pop girl with Normani, whose debut solo single has been racking up a lot of streams and chart success pretty much worldwide. It’s not that massive yet but it does have the potential to be, especially with the high-profile collaborations like Khalid and Sam Smith that Normani has been greeted with this past year by her label, so it seemed inevitable. I fully expected Normani to go the R&B route, probably a more throwback 90s style, and yeah, I was right, but I really didn’t expect a song this good. Written by Normani herself with Ariana Grande, ILYA and Max freaking Martin, this song is an earworm determined for success, and has hence become Normani’s third UK Top 40 single. Starting with an intriguing Ariana Grande-esque voice memo of some sort, it immediately lands into the bass-lead R&B beat that feels 90s and 2000s at the same time yet definitely modern due to Normani’s sultry vocals, but in the chorus, the kiss-off lead by harmonies and subtle background vocal samples from Grande feels very anthemic and almost sarcastic. I do feel like maybe it’s a bit too minimalistic of a debut single, but there are a lot of little quirks, including the eerie Caribbean vocal sample in the bridge coupled with a smooth horn section, and I don’t have much to say about this one evidently, but it succeeds on every level at just being a pretty perfect pop song. The idea of Normani telling her ex to “Think about it” afterwards isn’t a pledge from Normani here, though, it seems very much like she’s bragging and telling this guy to re-consider the fact that he dumped someone with a net worth more than his lifetime salary, it’s almost kind of hilarious how she sasses this guy around, especially in the verses. The title seems to be based around the fact that the guy ever had a girl as good as her... which is considered “motivation”. Well, that’s just pretty epic. Yeah, great song, and I’m really excited for whatever Normani does next.

#23 – “Lover” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift – Peaked at #4 in Malaysia and #19 in the US

Ah, Taylor Swift and the messy roll-out of her newest album, Lover, which I have yet to really form an opinion on but it’s gotten a lot of positive reviews which I didn’t expect because of the absolute trainwrecks that were released as singles, such as “ME!” which the general public soon showed their distaste for, so much so that Swift had to edit out the most cringeworthy lyrics, “You Need to Calm Down” which had a very polarising reception mostly because of how people believed she was pandering to the LGBTQ+ community with the music video, and had some cringeworthy lyrics there too, but it was a bit more positive. Then things took a large turn for the better with the release of the promotional single “The Archer”, which a lot of people loved and seemed to think was a return to form, but I wasn’t impressed. It was boring, and while the songwriting is good, when there’s not a musical climax, it feels like a lot of wasted time and overall, the song feels like an overproduced synth-mush and I was really not a fan of that one, but it wasn’t awful... and it only peaked at #43 here. Then she released this song, which seemed to have shifted the public opinion on the album entirely, even among critics, because it’s a Jack Antonoff-produced return to the country pop sound of her previous work, and while “You Need to Calm Down” might have been pandering to LGBTQ+, I think this should be clowned more for pandering to Pitchfork, but I digress. Is the song any good? Well, it’s her 27th(!) UK Top 40 hit, and it might as well have convinced me too... mostly because this is a Christmas song – albeit a bit more of a intimate, downbeat, guitar-lead country ballad of a Christmas song, but with a direct reference to the holiday, I know what she’s going for. She sounds a lot better on the song than usual, I’m not a fan of Swift’s voice in general but she definitely uses it to her advantage here, staying mostly subdued on the verses until an admittedly janky pre-chorus, until that title drop, which is fantastic, especially with the bells and guitar that follows but honestly, the star here isn’t Swift. It’s the string section and the choir, who elevate that pre-chorus with a lot of cheery vocals and the plucky strings in both the bridge and the brief burst of violins in the second verse, really emphasise the lyrical theme of devotion. While I dispute the fact that Taylor Swift has ever heard a dirty joke in her life that wasn’t made by Kanye West, that bridge is incredible, and honestly this whole song is pretty great, and I think THIS is the return to form she needed. There’s a lot of genuine groove and swing to this ballad and the chorus is heavenly, and may I say that the cover art fits perfectly. This is good, check it out, next.

#22 – “Both” – Headie One

Produced by Nastylgia and PJ Pipe it Up

I’m going to be honest here; from what I’ve heard from Headie One, I don’t really like the guy. I don’t think he’s as witty or entertaining as his peers and more often than not, he’s just a tad dull, but with his seventh mixtape release, Music x Road, I have been somewhat intrigued to check it out since NME described it as “far from drill”, which means he is branching out and this could either be a surprise success or complete wretched failure. I believe this is Headie’s third UKTop 40 hit and, well, to be honest, it’s not that bad. I love that guitar loop, it sounds straight out of the intro to a metal song, and the way it’s pitch-shifted to act as an eerie synth is pretty cool when it gets to the verse; if I’m honest this trap beat is pretty great... and so is Headie. To say he doesn’t ride this beat would be a lie, I don’t like the guy that much but he bodies this, not with much wordplay obviously but his delivery is tough and very straight to the point, no-nonsense, which is interesting when being put against the gospel choir sample which is absolutely mangled and just kind of placed every couple bars, and it sounds great, really intense. I’m not sure how I feel about that bridge though, the subdued, mumbling flow with the distortion and Auto-Tune sounds cool but it kills the momentum and doesn’t really fit with the guitar-lead trap beat. I’d prefer maybe to get rid of that part entirely and just have the beat cut out for the start of the chorus without the transition, or have Headie harmonise with the sample from “Free” by Ultra Nate, that could have sounded pretty cool. As it is, it still bangs, and looking at the lyrics there’s a lot of detail I don’t usually see, and somehow he made peanut butter on oats sound cool, so you know what, Headie, I like this one. Check it out.

#18 – “Be Honest” – Jorja Smith featuring Burna Boy

Produced by Cadenza and IzyBeats

Jorja Smith has had a pretty quiet 2019. After 2018 and her BRIT Award wins and impressive performance, she’s understandably laid low with only a couple of features including one on my favourite British rapper Loyle Carner’s second album, but this seems to be the birth of the roll-out for her sophomore effort, or at least a standalone single. I didn’t really like Jorja Smith because I knew her for her EDM collaborations but after listening to Lost & Found, I’m not going to lie, I really enjoyed her UK garage and trip hop-infused brand of R&B, especially the single “Blue Lights” and her sample on AJ Tracey’s banger “Ladbroke Grove”, which added to the song immensely. A new song from Jorja won’t connect with me at first, they never do, she’s one of the artists who has to grow on me, but I like Burna Boy to an extent so I doubt this’ll be any less than decent... and yeah, it’s not bad. I like the sweet guitar and synths/flute(?) that start off the song as the primary melody (which I believe is a sample) and the steady drum beat adds to the tropical, summery feeling of the track. Jorja sounds great as always, with a pretty sensual performance she can do pretty well, but the chorus is pretty weak and I feel a tad underwritten. Burna Boy’s verse is pretty fun and bouncy but this isn’t standing out to me as anything that great initially. It’s definitely not bad, but underwritten and a tad sub-par perhaps. Also, I like the horns in the final chorus but it’s too little too late at that point.

Conclusion

Honestly, this is a pretty great week on the chart, with four out of five new arrivals that I quite enjoy, and the Summer-Autumn transition is looking good. Best of the Week is tough but I’ll give it to Taylor Swift for “Lover” – hey, I’m a sucker for Christmas songs – and a tied Honourable Mention to Normani and Headie One for “Motivation” and “Both”, while there’s nothing worth a Dishonourable Mention here other than our Worst of the Week, going to Sam Feldt and RAMI for whatever “Post Malone” is. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

[itsjulesharper]

Bonjour, amis! Before we start on this recap, there’s a few things I have to draw your attention to. It appears to me (correct me if I’m wrong) that Season 2 plays out over a few months. I mean, I don’t see any winter scenes/change of season, any person looking visibly older or any other indications of the massive passing of time. Cassel is slowly being poisoned, and Louis spent maybe 2 or 3 nights in the nunnery with William of Orange. Philippe and Liselotte are married and now they are pregnant…. so, a month or two of shagging, then minimum of eight weeks where the baby sprouts and no one knows until the piss prophet announces it. So, what irks me is twofold: 1) the Dutch War went on for years. Hell, just travelling from the front then back to Paris took weeks. But it appears that Louis and his guards have found some kind of time portal to whoosh them quickly back. Yes, I know showing every aspect of travel across the country is damn boring. But I would’ve liked to have seen a bit more indication of the time it took. Even just a brief mention in dialogue “you have been gone for months now, Sire…” blah blah. And 2) the Affair of the Poisons literally spanned decades. If you want to read more about La Voison (who I am assuming Agathe was based on) then check out this article. Or maybe just read Holly Tucker’s book). Decades. it was a major – MAJOR! – scandal, implicating some of the most well-known names in French nobility. And it did not start with Voison’s arrest, oh, no. There were other things happening that Louis knew about. So all those years have been crammed into these ten eps, and tbh I’m just a bit over the whole poisoning thing now. 

So, back to the story. We have left Montespan with creepy Father Etienne, who by his looks alone, is most definitely Up To No Good. We open here, with Montespan telling him he is not what she expected. He reveals that he is Father Etienne: “the church may have rejected me, but they cannot take away my faith.” She wants to know if he can do what she says she wants, and Etienne goes on a bit of a speech about harnessing nature, and not going against the natural order etc and coming from anyone else, it would be a cautionary monologue. but from him it’s downright ominous, words that are meant to challenge what Montespan wants, to see if she really wants them. Playing the devil’s advocate. Montespan rises to the bait: “in his soul he desires me more than anything.” Etienne wants to know if Louis is deserving of her love, and Montespan declares calmly and firmly that she would sacrifice her life for him. Ah, that should not be necessary, replies Etienne and now we hear the faint cry of a baby from somewhere in the creepy underground tomb/rooms. Montespan goes to look, then finds the baby, touching its cheek with a soft “she’s perfect” and that is weird and so out of character for her. Etienne replies that the world has no place for her, so “it falls upon me to find her peace,” then utters a prayer and a sign of the cross on the baby’s forehead and miraculously it stops crying. Montespan looks at the baby and yeah, I think she knows what’s going to happen. Etienne moves off, telling her of the duties she must perform before the ritual, certain rites, and Montespan is suddenly panicking, heading for the door and declaring that she is not sure she is ready for this. Etienne is a bit shitty: “Do you think this is a market place? That I am some simple merchant? Do you think this is some take-it-or-leave-it service to be dabbled in?” Montespan is scared, you can see it, but Etienne convinces thus: “Devote you and I to his service and your wishes will be granted.” Swear to the Bible or leave her fate to the mercy of the prevailing wind. The choice is hers. One guess as to what she does.

Play glorious INTRO-OUTTRO.

We are in a salon, with music playing and courtiers gambling and mingling, Louis is happy. Philippe gambles with some dudes and Thomas, and look, Philippe is victorious once again. Louis watches from afar and Philippe gathers his winnings to leave. Thomas leaves with him and they have a bit of a giggle. Oh, look, there is creeper Chevalier, looking morose and emotional from behind a curtain, watching them both. To his credit he is dealing with A LOT of emotional shit – he knows nothing of Louis’ request for Philippe to spy on Thomas and has already observed them being chummy prior to this, which prompted the catfight. He has seen Philippe in bed with Liselotte, willingly shagging. I assume Philippe no longer comes to his bed anymore.

And he is obvs still processing the pregnancy announcement. So with all that, WHY is he still staying? Because of the money? Sure. But does he think being this horrible and creeper-ish will win Philippe back? Okay, so we know that Philippe does still love him, so why cannot Philippe TELL HIM THIS, to reassure him that he is first in his heart? SERIOUSLY, this is basic storytelling stuff. If a conflict can easily be solved with two characters sitting down and talking about it, then it is not a sustainable conflict. I know Philippe has a thing about admitting stuff to the Chevalier – we see that in Ep2 when he reluctantly says “I missed you a great deal.” It is all so unnecessary and would make the conflict so much greater if the Chevalier KNEW about Philippe’s secret spy role with Thomas, knew that Philippe had to do it because the king commanded him, and then had to fake being angry/upset/jealous (or maybe wouldn’t have to fake it much) and stand back to watch the love of his life actively seduce Thomas. Now THAT would be conflict. (okay, I ran with this idea, and you can see my alternate Philippe-spying-on-Thomas suggestion at the end of this recap).

So, anyway, back to Morose Chevalier watching Philippe and Thomas chat, and Philippe smiling and touching and all “we make quite a team.” As the Chevalier creeps off, Philippe says to Thomas, “I’d call that a handsome morning’s work,” then gives him a pouch of his winnings with a smile. Then he turns away and his face drops so we know it’s all just a charming sham, but of course, the Chevalier is not there to see that so he cannot know. Pleased Louis is pleased, smiling as they walk: “It’s a convincing charade.” To which Philippe replies: “it’s easier when my orders rule up with my hobbies.”

Louis: At any rate, he seems to be falling for your charms. Philippe: I’ve yet to meet a man who doesn’t. Louis: Make sure you have his trust. You can then chose a moment to abuse it. Philippe: (curtly) I must admit, I’m impressed, dear brother. You set a fine example on how to deny your passion in the service of your duty.

Then Philippe walks off and Louis is left with a little frown on his face. It seems to me that while Philippe would do anything Louis asks of him, this deliberate flirting and the subsequent pain he is causing the Chevalier is frustrating him. He is not pleased at all.

And now we are in Philippe’s rooms and the Chevalier is drinking and let us pause a moment to enjoy the furnishings before another argument will distract us. SO LOVELY. But now ominous music plays and the Chevalier is looking quite drunk/high/pained as he asks “where were you?” (ffs, you KNOW where he was!) And ugh, Philippe is all, “what business is it of yours?” as if he isn’t only THE LOVE OF HIS FUCKING LIFE. Can he not seeeee? Why would he think the Chevalier would be totally fine with him flirting with another dude?

The Chevalier: You’re fucking him, aren’t you?

Oh. Just… no, honey.

Philippe: (tightly as he pulls a pouch from his coat) we devised a deft game of cheating at the card table. (tosses the pouch on the table) That hardly constitutes consummation!

The Chevalier looks so very tired and worn, his little “I see” not really convincing at all. “You can’t even deny it.”

…wat?

He walks slowly to Philippe, says “I want to know exactly what you’ve been up to.” Philippe replies, “you’re drunk,” but the Chevalier hurls the money pouch away, growls out “don’t patronise me!” and looks spoiling for a fight.

Philippe: There are bigger things going on here (the Chevalier dramatically rolls his eyes and stalks to the window). You have no idea what this is about. The Chevalier: (turns and yells) the whole fucking salon knows what’s going on. (pauses with a shaky breath) Do you have to rub my nose in it? Philippe: (turns away, clearly torn) It’s complicated. I can’t explain it right now. The Chevalier: (pulling out a musket, aims it at Philippe’s back) Maybe this will help you find the right words.

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WAT.

THE.

ACTUAL.

FUCK.

No. JUST NO. This is just….. I CANNOT. Gimme a moment…… *hyperventilates, dragging in deep breaths*

Right. Okay. Back to this scene.

we are all Philippe at this moment.

Philippe turns to see the musket pointed at him, looks angry and incredulous for a second then briefly nods and stretches out his arms. “You dare-” he whispers, “-threaten me?” The Chevalier lowers the gun, mumbles, “no…I have a much better idea.” And then…. OH THEN….. PUTS THE GUN TO HIS HEAD.

AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH *RUNS INTO THE STREETS FLAILING*

Okay, dear readers, if you’ve been reading my recaps since the start, you KNOW how I feel about the way the Chevalier has been written for the show. How it is completely the opposite of how the historical Chevalier de Lorraine would have acted when presenting himself, when reacting to Philippe’s other lovers, when handling the jealousy and competition. This scene, this moment, is so far from what I know and love about the Chevalier that it is actually painful for me to watch. I am screaming “NOOOOOOOOO” at the screen, much the same as I did the first time I watched it. So. Much. Soap. I cannot see for all the melodrama.

*downs copious amounts of coffee*

Right. Back to the scene. The Chevalier holding a gun to his temple and looking as if his world has crumbled before him and Philippe standing there going, “you’re bluffing. Don’t even know how to load it properly” (okay, stop RIGHT THERE. The Chevalier is a fucking war hero, and even though they don’t show that in the show, he knows how to load a bloody musket. He is A CHEVALIER, which means he’s served in the army. Fucksake).

The Chevalier then smiles, a kind of sad-joyous-heartbroken smile as he looks at the gun and lowers it as Philippe ignores him and pours wine. Then he starts to blubber and says, ”do you really want to know how much I feel for you?” Philippe slowly looks at him as he continues. “Do you want to know what’s really in my heart? Let me show you.” And he cocks the gun, places it in is mouth. Philippe rushes over, wrestles for the gun and it goes off behind the Chevalier’s shoulder, taking out a gorgeous mirror on the wall. They struggle a bit, look a bit incredulous at each other, then Philippe throws the Chevalier to the floor where he curls up in a ball and whimpers. Philippe says tightly, “I don’t recognise you anymore. You stay away from me!” Then the guards burst in and see the Chevalier sobbing on the floor and Philippe standing, who says, “he missed,” then walks off, muttering, “the story of his life.”

Okay. I just cannot say anything more about that scene, except to say that Evan Williams is such a fabulous actor. I have absolutely NO issues with that whatsoever.

Marchal. Marchal will calm me.

*deeeeep breath* Now we are out in the gardens, thank Christ. This will be at least calming, right? uhhhh. non. We see a fox scampering about and apparently it’s such an unusual sight that the gardeners stop to watch, then race over to where it had been sniffing/nibbling the ground. Of course, the poor gardeners discover fresh dirt and a baby skull in it. Now we see Marchal on the case, looking further into the dirt, then commanding them to dig it all up. Poor man, can he not mourn in peace? First dragged back into Versailles because of the poison thing on request of the king, now some creepy baby killers that we know Creepy Etienne has a hand in.

So now we are with Louis in his small chapel room thingy, with Bossuet chanting and Louis on his knees in prayer. Bontemps enters and Louis is annoyed, but he insists the king comes with him, that Louvois awaits him in the council room. Apparently a messenger has just arrived from the Palatinate, Liselotte’s home. Oh, shit. This is not gonna be good. They are all in the council room, with a map before them as Louvois speaks.

Louvois: We have killed hundreds. Possibly more. Louis: And how many were soldiers? Louvois: (takes a breath) None, Sire. They were all unarmed civilians. Louis: (disbelieving) Our troops. Loyal professional Frenchmen have slaughtered innocent women and children. Louvois: They were out of control. Drunk. Rampaging. They looted. Butchered. Raped. They say the world has never witnessed such barbarity.

Louis is horrified, as well he should. He asks how it could have happened, that his general, Marcheral Turenne is a man of restraint. Louvois replies: “he claims, Sire, that he had his king’s blessing.” (remember Louis’ “do everything necessary?” to Luxembourg earlier?) Bontemps and Louvois both look troubled. “he’s lost all reason,” Louis says as he rips up the missive. “War has destroyed his mind. Eroded his judgement.” Louvois nods. “it would seem so, Sire.” The Elector Palatinate was their staunch ally, but now no more. He has joined William of Orange against them. Louis is speechless, sits slowly in his chair. “I must seek guidance from above,” he declares. “Ours is a god of wrath and we have angered him much already.” Bontemps wants to know if he is going to share the news with Liselotte. “She will find out soon enough,” replies Louis. “if she has not heard already.”

The camera is now on a letter in Liselotte’s lap, and slowly pans out to show her horrified expression gazing in the distance, eyes full of tears, while Philippe stands silently in the background. “What of your family?” he quietly asks. Some are unaccounted for but she has friends and cousins elsewhere. So they might have survived? “They say your forces killed everyone in sight,” Liselotte replies. “My country will never be the same again.” Philippe goes swiftly to her, says, “My brother’s actions have nothing to do with me.” Then he leans in, places a gentle kiss to her head and my heart breaks for Liselotte as she sits there in silence, tears streaming down her face. 😦 Philippe says, “I’m sorry,” and Liselotte finally looks up at him and says, “I am married to the family that has destroyed my people.” Philippe’s expression is a mix of sadness and anger.

*historical note. The sacking of the Palatinate was a black mark in history against the French. In Ruff’s Violence in Early Modern Europe, he writes: “ Perhaps the most devastating such desecration of our period took place in the Palatinate of western Germany, a natural area for staging attacks on France. To prevent such a use of the Palatinate, French troops under Marshal Turenne devastated the region in 1674, and the impending War of the League of Augsburg prompted Louis XIV of France to order devastation of the Palatinate again in the winter of 1688-80. This later act was one of systematic destruction, based on a map of target sites prepared by the war ministers, and the French destroyed many of the significant towns in the region, including Worms, Spier, Bingen and Oppenheim. In Mannheim, the capital of the Palatinate, the French not only destroyed the city but also executed citizens who returned to the ruins.”

The goblet again!!

Next scene and Philippe swiftly enters Louis’ rooms as he dines, declares, “Everybody out!” Bontemps splutters about conventions to be observed, but Philippe claps back with, “I don’t give a shit. Tell them to leave.” Bontemps, replies, his voice a little higher, “I don’t think that’s apt.” Philippe doesn’t care: “If you don’t, I will.” Bontemps is doggedly sticking to his guns but Philippe stares at Louis and says: “I have things to say that can only be heard both those who shared a bloody womb.” Louis casually drinks his wine (FROM THE GOBLET) as Philippe turns to the audience and yells, “Go on! GET OUT! Or do you defy your king’s brother?” and they all shuffle out as Louis gives Philippe a look, delicately pats his mouth with a serviette then tosses it to the plate.

“Must you live your entire life in a melodrama?”

BEST. LOUIS. LINE. EVA.

Philippe doesn’t care. “You are a monster. What you did in the Palatinate makes you no better than a common killer.” So very emotional and you can see it, hear it in Philippe’s voice. Louis gives him a look then starts on the whole, ‘every war includes regrettable casualties’ excuse but Philippe is angry at the mass slaughter of innocent people and justifiably so. (I cannot help but draw a parallel between this scene and today’s conflict in multiple countries). Louis says it was out of his control but emotional Philippe scoffs at that: “Of course. It is always someone else’s fault, isn’t it? You’ve never said sorry in your entire life.”  (I am in two minds about this comment – Louis as absolute monarch would have not thought of apologising to anyone about anything. Yet this is his brother, and his brother is talking familiarly to him, like he always does. Philippe is allowed to overstep the boundaries of convention only because he is the king’s brother.)  Louis declares that Turenne was acting on his own initiative, but Philippe is having none of it. It could not have happened without Louis’ consent, therefore they are as guilty as each other. Louis angrily gets to his feet and boy, is he pissed. He has a spy in his palace, his troops are in retreat and half of Europe is out to destroy him. Philippe grabs Louis’ flailing arm, declares slowly that he has blood on his hands. With a disgusted look, Louis yanks away and Philippe sadly nods, his voice close to tears. “Maybe that’s your true legacy,” he says. “You don’t want to be loved. You want to be feared.” Then he walks out, leaving a stunned Louis in his wake.

Night falls over the palace now and a storm is brewing, and Louis is in his rooms, at an alter and kneeling in prayer. The windows burst open, sending correspondence flying and Bossuet hurries over to close them. Louis wants to know why he is still being tortured. Bossuet cannot say. He is frustrated – he’s crushed all carnal thoughts, destroyed his enemies and yet STILL God is punishing him with the massacre. Bossuet offers the usual “to pray is the only solution, Sire,” and yeah, Louis does not like that answer one bit. But apparently all answers will come to him through God.

We are back in Marchal’s dungeon/office where he is piecing together the baby skeleton, and one of his men enters, offering up the skull of another baby. Marchal looks grim – this is a pattern.

Cut to the chapel and Marchal approaches Bossuet, asks him about Saint-Geneviève’s, the refuge for lost souls, where babies of whores are taken. Bossuet says there is no such place. Marchal asks how he can be so sure. “Because,” Bossuet replies, “I have authority over all France. That includes you.” Marchal looks unimpressed/meh, asks him about Father Etienne. Nup, don’t know him.  Then as Marchal starts to leave, Bossuet replies, “Etienne… Guibourg?” Marchal waits. Bossuet adds: “If Guibourg is at large, you must stop him. Quickly.” *cue ominous music*

The Queen is at her toilette and Maintenon (formerly Scarron) enters with a smile. Oh, the Queen is asking her how she can become a better lover for her husband….. and Maintenon’s reply? “the profound love of wedlock can only come through God, Majesty.” OKAY THEN. But the queen wants to know more. How would Maintenon characterise her own marriage? “My late husband was very busy with his work. He was not one for… physical prowess.” The Queen is all ‘huh.’ and Maintenon adds, “although occasionally, my husband seemed to find me irresistible after I bathed in aromatic oils.”

*historical note: Paul Scarron was a poet and novelist and frequented salons in Paris, where he met Françoise d’Aubigné and married her at 17. He was 42. He was also crippled but details are unclear as to how – some accounts say he fell into icy water, some that he hid in swamp waters and others said it was the result of polio. Either way, he had a permanently twisted upper body and paralysed legs, so had to use a wheelchair and took opium for the pain. His salon was popular and frequented by the crème de la crème of Parisian writers and poets – Madame de Sévigné, Ninon de l’Enclos, Abbé de Choisy.   He also supported The Fronde (and lost his pension because of a ranty anti-Mazarin pamphlet) and their marriage yielded no children. You can read more about him here.  And with Maintenon here. 

A mademoiselle Solange then walks into the room, a former friend of Montespan. The queen would like to compensate the girl for her loss, by becoming a friend of the queen. She wants her to spy on Montespan: the queen does not trust ‘that harlot’ to keep her distance and she will make her pay if she returns.

I just have to interject here and show off some lovely earrings. Aren’t they fab? Click on them to zoom in.

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the queen….

Solange….

and Agathe’s earrings

Back now with a worried-looking Montespan in Agathe’s place, who hands her a note. Montespan asks if reading it is all she has to do; Agathe says Guibourg will explain the rest. But Montespan is not comfortable going against the teachings of Rome. “The Church,” Agathe sighs. “The Church likes to believe there’s nothing of spiritual worth before Christ. They try to deny the ancient wisdom. They cannot ignore it. To doubt is natural.” She takes Montespan’s hand, a gentle gesture that still feels quite malevolent , then hands her two wrapped bottles. Montespan replies, “I will stop at nothing to secure the king’s love.” This pleases Agathe mucho and tells her Louis’ sweat is needed to seal the charm.

Suspicious Marchal is suspicious

Now in a salon, with merry music playing and courtiers mingling. Marchal prowls about (that word suits him so much… PROWL) and spots a couple doing not-so-subtle suspicious things. The woman walks across the room, deposits a book on a gaming table, Odile the maid saunters past and picks it up. Meanwhile, Marchal’s man says they cannot find Etienne, to which Marchal says to find Mathilde the whore. She will know. Off Marchal now charges, after Odile, who is hurrying through corridors. She runs into Marchal but there is no book and she stutters. Gaston suddenly appears.

Look at that lace! It better be French.

“Has Odile incurred your disapproval?” Ah, but Marchal is not having any of Gaston’s polite sly shit. He remarks on Gaston’s distinctive cloth of his coat.  “I’ll give you the name of my tailor… if you can afford him,” is Gaston’s reply. Marchal smoothly ripostes: “I prefer a less tawdry cut.” Gaston doesn’t like that, coming back tightly with: “some of us were born to set fashions. Others to merely follow them.” He leaves with his servant and Marchal prowls about the corridors a bit more, finds the book on the floor and sees that a hole has been cut in the centre. He knows and I am happy because Gaston’s time will surely come.

Night time now and Montespan is hurrying through the palace in a hood, a determined look on her face. She sneaks into Louis’ bedroom via the secret door, watches as Bontemps leaves, then pulls a pillowcase from the bed. She quickly leaves, through a less-pleasant passage way and gives the pillowcase a deep sniff. Poor Montespan, she is really feeling the loss of Louis and the romantic in me thinks she misses the man, not the privileges or the doors he opened for her Then she sees a door quickly close and it is poor Solange, the one who the queen told to spy on Montespan. “Where you spying on me?” Montespan says unnecessarily. “I thought you were my friend!” And Solange shoots back with “everything I learned of treachery, I learned from you.” So Montespan grabs her, drags her back into the passageway and….. Okay, strangles her from behind.

Right.

I have no words. Instead, I offer up this pic. >>>>>

We are now in Marchal’s dungeon/office and Mathilde is all a-huff as she enters, saying “I ain’t done nothin’ wrong,” in a cute but totally-out-of-place OIlver-Twist-gutter-English accent. Marchal needs her help to find Creepy Etienne and she’s shocked because the dude is a saint with all the whores. Marchal does his persuasive “if you care about the safety of your child, tell me all you know”.

Back to Montespan at Agathe’s and the woman is doing some ritual with the pillowcase and telling her to rub stuff on her skin and drink stuff that of course will be totally okay and legit. Montespan again expresses doubts and Agathe plays the most terrible of mind games, saying “I would not have invested in your future if I did not believe in you. And you know in your heart, you’ve already taken that first step.”

Too emotional. Do not want.

Montespan starts to cry, saying “she was my friend,” and I do feel quite sad for her. The look on Agathe’s face is frankly “ugh. Shut UP with yer moaning.” Clearly, Montespan with her FEELINGS and DOUBT and HUMANITY is harshing Agathe’s buzz.

Solange’s body has been found, and two men carry her through the corridor and everyone mills about, gossiping in shocked whispers. Finally, a death without poison. Sophie is sad and moves off, the queen looks at Louis then follows. Louis whispers to Marchal: “I can feel my enemy’s breath on the back of my neck. Find them!” Bontemps looks to Marchal, Marchal looks away expressionless, but his mind is no doubt furiously working.

Louis is pissed. He kneels in his little prayer room, scoffing at the effigy of Jesus on the cross, mocking him. “Here I am before you. A sinner. Penitent. Do you hear me? Do you see me?  You taunt me, is that it? I’m here for your amusement? Punish me if you must, but why should the people of France suffer for my sins?” Frustrated and angry, he paces, yelling about confronting his foes with God’s help, demanding it. Jesus on the cross stays silent as the ominous music swells.

We see Creepy Etienne exit his hobbit home in the woods with a bundle, mount his horse and leave, and yay! Marchal and his men are watching through the trees. To your horses, chaps!

Versailles at night again and Maintenon enters Louis’ little prayer room, to find him sat on the floor, looking drained and not looking at all King-like. He gave orders not to be disturbed, but apparently it’s okay to defy him because she came to pray. (such BAD protocol). What does she pray for? “For you,” she replies. He is a bit annoyed by that: “I am in no need of prayer.” Oh, but Maintenon disagrees. He needs it more than anyone because he carries everyone’s hopes, desires, dreams. But he is unimpressed. “I live a gilded life.” Montespan replies: “Bearing the heart of France is a terrible burden. You must be stronger than all of us.”  And if he can’t find the strength, then God will help him. And now we see Louis starting to get to know her, a scene that would have played a lot more logically before he made her a Marquise. He asks how she finds her strength: she has lived a full life, has known sin and redemption, and has achieved inner peace. Louis laughs: he wishes it was so simple. Then she gets all pious and says he must confront his fear, confess his sins, blah blah. Unimpressed Louis yells at her but something is sapping the breath from him. Panic attack…..? Stress….? Maintenon tells him he’s a good man, that he isn’t alone…. and I has a bit of a cry as Louis does, resting his head in her lap as he weeps.

Poor Louis. 😦

Right. Back with Montespan, and she stands in a dark room with candles and a stone altar with a carved pentagram as Creepy Etienne chants Latin and four other caped dudes stand about. She agrees to “serve the Lord” and steps forward, removes her cape and lays on the stone, then parts her robe to leave her topless. A baby is brought in…. and now we see Marchal and his men galloping through the night, searching. They find stone archways… (the grounds of a church? Monastery?) and Marchal is off and running, sword fighting off one dude then another as his men follow. The baby is crying as Etienne is handed a knife, the blade descends and blood splashes Montespan…. but Marchal is suddenly there and Montespan legs it, Etienne holds out his hands in surrender and a guard swiftly takes the baby. The baby is only cut across the arm, Montespan grabs her clothes from another room and runs. The plan is thwarted.

*Historical note: So over the course of ten or so years, there were numerous poisonings and black masses rumoured to be held. Montespan was implicated in them, as was Olympe Mancini, comtesse de Soissons (former lover of Louis and sister of his first love Marie, and who left Paris before being named). It was said Montespan took part in these masses/orgies and babies were sacrificed over her naked body as she sprawled on a stone alter. She also was quite paranoid of losing Louis’ favour at court, which also meant all her friends and family would miss out, so over a period of time, she was adding a ‘love potion’ to the king’s food and drink. Poor Louis would get pains and headaches for no apparent reason and when he found out what she was doing and put a stop to it, they vanished. Guess it can’t be too good for the body to regularly ingest bits of ground up animal and plants.

So now we are back with Louis, waking in Maintenon’s lap. He says she helped him find his strength, but she counters with “you carry your responsibilities like a cross.” Louis is coming to the realisation that he is just a man –  weak, fallible, a mortal man, and Maintenon encourages him to see, to hear, to feel. And to breathe. She places her hand on his chest and they take deep breaths together… and yep, there is the kiss. So much for the sanctity of marriage and all that. But I guess maybe they don’t think of kissing outside wedlock as a sin? Those crazy 17th century nobles. Maintenon slowly pulls back, she looks worried. Then Louis says, “my heart beats again,” and it is all good.

We see a wide green shot of Versailles, then we are in the Duc de Cassel’s rooms and he does not look at all good, coughing and stuff, and he finds a note. From Thomas to Sophie, obvs. He puts it back as she enters the room, asks if something is wrong because she cannot read his expression. “I’ve spent a lifetime perfecting that particular skill.” What is he thinking? “A wife,” he says, “should never ask her husband that question. The answer will always disappoint.” He puts out a hand to her and she visibly flinches, and damn, I am not happy that it is clear she’s expecting to be hit. But instead he strokes her hair then walks away. She is suspicious and it appears she thinks he’s found her letter. “You frighten me,” she admits. “Oh, I am not the one to fear,” he replies. “A girl like you should be more careful in her choice of lover.” She plays innocent but Cassel goes on: “never trust a man who presents more than one version of himself. Or one who writes stories for a living.” Damn, Cassel. That is some spot-on philosophical shit. Is it possible to enjoy such a horrible person?

Louis and Philippe now (FINALLY PHILIPPE!!), standing in one of Louis’ rooms, at the window.

Louis: You’re sure Thomas suspects nothing? Philippe: I have him eating from my perfumed palm. Louis: then you will tell him tonight that the king is arrogant, pig headed and paranoid. Philippe: Shouldn’t be too difficult. (Bontemps’ look LULZ) Louis: You will say I am losing my grip on reality, rejecting all reasonable advice and that you wish to leave Versailles for good. Philippe. Again, I think I can manage that. Louis: And then, you will tell him that the war is lost, that my men are cornered, like rats in a trap. We cannot hold onto Utrecht another day. We will withdraw all our forces after nightfall. Philippe: How can you be so sure this will work? Louis (smiles): Because I have seen the light.

gratuitous pretty-faced Philippe pic.

Then he turns and strides off, Philippe gives Bontemps a look, Bontemps leaves too and Philippe sighs and goes back to whatever is out the window. 

Now, we all know that being so blatantly obvious in imparting information to a spy can only backfire. Just you wait.

Thomas is writing at his desk as Philippe creeps up and puts his hands over his eyes. “Is that the delicate touch of the duc de Cassel?” LULZ Thomas. So hilarious. Philippe says they need to go out and gamble and get drunk as he casually checks out all the papers on the desk. Thomas gets nervous and says it’s a play about the war he’s working on. Philippe nonchalantly lets drop that Louis is making a mess of the war, Thomas says he should be in the play and be the lead role. They have a bit of flirty banter as Philippe walks about, notices Thomas closing a folder. Philippe then drapes himself on Thomas’ bed, reading aloud the verses from the paper he still holds. Thomas casually lays beside him, says “try some more, this time with real feeling.” And his hand goes to Philippe’s breeches, pushing the coat aside. The look on Philippe’s face is a bit “ooookay then…” but he sinks down in the bed a bit and keeps reading, the paper in front of Thomas’ hands as Thomas continue to undo his breeches. Then Thomas smoothly straddles Philippe’s legs, and the camera pans up to Philippe’s face as his words falter and he groans a little and it is more than clear that Thomas is pleasuring him with his mouth.

Okay. I actually do not think this is that bad. Sure, I am feeling SO VERY BAD for the Chevalier. But historically, Philippe and the Chevalier had other lovers during the time they were together. Also – my alternate Philippe-spying-on-Thomas plot line at the end of this recap.

Now we are back with Louis, Marchal and Bossuet, and Louis is looking through the books they confiscated from Etienne. Bossuet says they deal in the devilish art of human sacrifice. “This unholy priest feels no remorse? No pity?” asks Louis. Marchal: “not yet.” (ahhhh, yessss!) Louis commands Marchal to extract the names of the village accomplices from him – one of them a woman – and show him “the full force of my justice.” This is what we love about Marchal – taking down names and getting shit done.

We are with Agathe now, and Montespan jump scares her, and the poor woman does not look good. Black mass rituals will do that to you. Also, she hasn’t had anything to eat, just some weirdo potion Agathe told her to drink before the baby-stabbing ritual. Then she sees the blood on her arms and frantically rubs at it, getting a bit hysterical, crying that she has sold her soul as Agathe tries to soothe her. What of Father Etienne, Agathe wants to know. Yeah, Marchal has him and what if he speaks? Agathe says he has never betrayed any of his followers…. and they hear footsteps, and just like that, Gaston walks in (DOES NOBODY KNOCK??) and says calmly, “Then he’s never met Monsieur Marchal.” Montespan looks all sad and forlorn and lost, wants to know what she should do now. “After the way the king has betrayed you,” Agathe says, “don’t tell me you do not seek justice.” Gaston gives a most excellent evildoer face and we all know what Agathe’s brand of justice means.

Next scene and we FINALLY see the Chevalier again, dozing at a window, then suddenly waking as a door closes and we hear a “until the next time,” from Thomas and damn, the Chevalier has a determined look on his face as he follows. YOU GO, HON! We see incognito Thomas in the village, passing over a note to a caped figure, then glances back to the Chevalier ducking into a doorway. Thomas whispers something in the man’s ear that sounds like “I’m being followed” then they split up and Thomas heads behind a wall. The Chevalier looks out, follows, ducks behind another wall, then draw out a …. wtf a dagger? (the man is a knight in the king’s army FFS. HE HAS A SWORD). He whirls to see a man in the distance, a hand goes to his shoulder, spins him about then punches him in the face.  

<<<<<< And I am left here with THIS expression.

NO. I refuse to acknowledge this terrible travesty. I know it is within the character of show Chevalier but this is… Lord. An insult. A warrior, a man versed in battle, a decorated soldier who knows how to fence and shoot and ride… uselessly waving about his dagger as he is being beaten up then robbed – ROBBED AND STRIPPED – by a handful of villagers.

GET IN THE BIN.

Oh, thank CHRIST we are back at Versailles now, with a view of the fountain in the morning. Can we have just some bit of sense, pleeeeeease? oh…… We see a pair of bloodied feet shuffling along the corridor, some coughing, someone being a bit startled…. it is the Chevalier returned, beaten and bloody as he opens the door to a dressed Philippe reading a book. His first words? “Look what you’ve done to me now.”

OH what the F—

Philippe is astonished as the Chevalier gets out, “compliments of your new lover,” and slams the door. Yes, it was Thomas although he didn’t see his face, because the Chevalier was following him. The first thing he does is grab the mirror (ahhh, that is amusing) and shuffles over to the desk to survey the damage. Philippe is all ‘whyyyy?” to which the Chevalier tightly answers, “ because I wanted to discuss the weather over armagnac and macaroons, what do you think?” Philippe silently kneels before him, pours water and then gently pushes back the Chevalier’s hair, dabs a cloth into the water to wipe away the blood. The Chevalier screeches and grabs the cloth: “you’re making it worse.” And the look Philippe gives him… Kind of shitty but also just taking it.

Philippe: Why won’t you let me help you? The Chevalier: Because this is all your fault! (slams the cloth down and rises) I’ll go ahead right now, kill him this time. Philippe (grabs his arm) You can’t! The Chevalier: I have my honour to think of. And so should you! Philippe (sounding worried) : You mustn’t cause him any more trouble. We have to leave him alone. The Chevalier: Why?! Philippe: Trust me. It’s important! The Chevalier: Trust you? Seriously?

Then Philippe kind of leans in, but the Chevalier slaps his hands away with a “get your hands off me!” And then… NOOOOOO Philippe, with tears in his eyes, says, “I love you!” and the Chevalier’s face freezes, stunned, but then Philippe ruins the potentially awesome “ILY TOO!” moment by adding, “but Thomas has to be left alone. We both… need to show a brave face. Can you do that? For me?” And the Chevalier briefly closes his eyes, looking all sad and bloody and UGH I need to give him a big hug because CONFLICT SO MUCH. He silently rolls his eyes then says quietly, “run me a bath,” and shuffles off and Philippe is left look all massive cry-eyes puppy dog sad.

*SOBS*

Me? Asking for forgiveness?!

Okay, now we are outside, Louis standing under a massive fancy canopy as he watches Maintenon stare broodily into the lake, then she turns and sees him and comes over. She seems preoccupied but it is nothing. He invites her to sit down (armless chair AHHHHH) and of course it’s not nothing because she now proceeds to tell him it is definitely something. About the Princess Palatine. Okay, Louis’ expression means he was most def. not expecting that. Liselotte has been in mourning and Maintenon is sure it is an oversight because a few words from him would ease Liselotte’s pain. Louis looks a bit irritated, then says she’s right, that he will express his deepest regrets but damn it does not sound as if he really wants to do that at all. Oh, yeah, Maintenon is not impressed and Louis can see that. Maintenon has something else in mind: asking her forgiveness. (insert SHOCKED LOUIS face here). “Confession is not the same as apology,” she adds.  He leans in, strokes her face (for anyone and everyone to see, I might add!) says, “why can’t my priest be more like you?” then ….

OMG he KISSES HER! What on EARTH is the queen gonna say when she hears about it?? Montespan is subdued: he wants to know if he frightens her. Oh, no. “Only myself.”

The scene fades out, and then fades in to a teary Liselotte seated in her rooms, Louis standing as he says, “I want to show my appreciation and respect. You are a model of humility. And restraint. You have fulfilled your duty as my brother’s wife under trying circumstances…” He steps to her as she remains silent, a hand on her shoulder and I see they are using a particular filming technique. Liselotte’s face is clear and in shot, we see her entire expression and the tears on her cheeks, see her lips tremble. It is Louis out of focus, standing behind her, talking. It brings the viewer’s eye squarely to the most important person in frame – Liselotte. We have to see her pain and her upset. We acknowledge Louis only by his voice not his figure, so it is his words that matter, that speak for him. Louis continues: “and now you must feel great distress after what has happened in your country.” Liselotte still remains turned away from him as tears fall, says, “is that supposed to be an apology?” and now the camera goes to Louis’ face. “Obviously, I would let you return home were you not carrying my brother’s child.” Liselotte finally turns to look at him and now we also see Philippe in the room, out of focus and in the background. Liselotte replies: “my child will grow up in a family of murderers. I came here to discover a new life. Of joy. Of liberty.”   

The camera cuts to Philippe and there are his sad puppy eyes again 😦 Liselotte rises, continues: “I am now your captive. You have complete ownership of me. I am at your mercy.” And she stretches her arms a little, palms up in supplication, and Louis is a little shocked, I think. A little taken aback. Then he sighs, says “I am sorry.” Then turns and walks from the room.

We are at nighttime now, and Bontemps is getting into bed, beside Louis’ bed. We see Louis trying to sleep, but he has visions of a blood-red pentagram and the priests around the stone altar, some creepy words and the baby sacrifice. Which is weird because Louis did not see this first hand. Then he wakes, thinks for a bit: something is troubling him. Bontemps swiftly gets up. “What ails you, Sire?” And next we see him striding into his little prayer room with Bontemps behind, where they meet Bishop Bossuet and Marchal, who hands him the book that Father Etienne had. Louis flicks through the pages, then finds a picture of a minotaur and the labyrinth. “I drew this in my own blood,” Louis says. “And now I recall where I saw it first.”

We see a flashback to Louis’ tarot reading, the Agathe turning the cards to reveal the same picture. “And now the Labyrinth returns to haunt me,” Louis finishes as Marchal silently looks at him. “The tarot sorceress may be part of this heresy too,” Louis tells him. They both look ominously at each other, flint jawed and serious, then Louis gives him a slight nod. Marchal leaves and Louis turns to the crucifix, gives the tiniest of smiles, a brief nod and makes the sign of the cross before he strides out.

We are in Marchal’s dungeons now, and a beaten up Etienne is stretched out on a cross a-fixed to a turning wheel, much like roulette. His soul is immortal, apparently. “Is that so?” Marchal drawls, not at all impressed, and wants to know who else is behind ‘this abomination.’ Etienne will not give it up and a few torturous moments on the slow spinning wheel are had, until he mumbles… “Claudine.” Oh, shit, he is baiting Marchal. “…so soft to the touch,” Etienne whispers. Marchal is expressionless as he turns away and Etienne keeps on his creepy pained whispering: “She cried for your help, you know. As she died. Like a lamb to the slaughter.” Marchal sloooowly turns back around. “it was gratifying,” Creepy Etienne keeps whispering. “taking her life force. For one so… so sweet…” and then suddenly Marchal goes all rage face and lunges forward with a yell and stabs Creepy Etienne in the belly. Yes, it is gross… not overtly bloody but we see Etienne’s face and his expression and it creeps me out.. And yes, Marchal keeps stabbing him in a rage, and Etienne is already well and truly dead. But it feels like that was Etienne’s intention, to rile up Marchal to get him to kill him. Marchal is breathless, leans on the hilt of the knife still buried in the now-totally-dead priest, then with a gasp he turns, casually yanking the blade out as he goes.

End of episode!

And now the BONUS….

So, I mentioned an alternate Philippe Spying On Thomas plot line. We have Louis needing Philippe’s help to spy on Thomas the traitor. Philippe has massive reservations but says yes. So the Chevalier sees Philippe and Thomas getting chummy in the salons and is understandably heartbroken, but when he confronts him in his rooms, he is so very cool and collected. Glacial. The Chevalier: If you want me gone, I would just appreciate the direct approach. Philippe: What are you talking about? The Chevalier (casually drinking wine): Your little lapdog… Toby? Thierry? Philippe: It is Thomas and you know it. The Chevalier: Oh, oui. Him. (waves a dismissive finger) Well, if you do insist on trading down, then I shall take my leave. (makes a mocking bow, barely covering his hurt with a cold demeanour) With Monsieur’s permission, of course. Philippe: (watches in silence for a moment) It is not what you think. It is… (clearly struggling) complicated. The Chevalier (crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow): You know you are terrible at keeping secrets. Tell me.

So then after some coaxing (maybe even of the sexual variety because the Chevalier is not above using sex as a weapon), Philippe tells the Chevalier that Louis has commanded him, that Thomas is a spy and he has to get him on side so Philippe can spy on the spy. The Chevalier laughs, then realises Philippe is deadly serious and they discuss it, finally agreeing to do Louis’ bidding. And now the Chevalier has MAJOR CONFLICT because he has just given his stamp of approval for his lover to cozy up to another guy, to touch him, to flirt and stuff. Maybe even shag him. All in the name of loyalty and for the good of the country. And he has to reconcile with that, because his heart is torn. He loves Philippe and quietly rages inside because no one else can touch what is his. But knows how much Philippe needs Louis’ approval and how much this means, with Louis putting his trust in his brother and asking him for help. This is a Huge Deal in Philippe’s mind. So the Chevalier has to sit back, endure the gossip, the snide comments from his enemies who are suddenly seeing him publicly fall from Philippe’s favour. Worse, he has to see his lover with a traitor, in order to give Philippe what he needs… the approval and trust of Louis.

Merci for reading ❤ 

Versailles S2, Ep9 – The one with the sacrificing Bonjour, amis! Before we start on this recap, there’s a few things I have to draw your attention to.

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