#yes yes it is come and join me and we can feel gaslit in this industry together

[littledigits]

directy directory ramble incoming

I wanted to type out my thoughts on the role of director and how its viewed. Especially coming from a perspective of seeing the streaming bubble pop and just..intense scope creep..and yeah , anyway. No reason specifically just my surface level musings that i always have. Its been 5+ years since I went from an animation supervisor to an animation director, to being able to do my own episodes. It wasnt something I wanted in the sense of a title, but I just like taking whatever the next step or challenge is. I've always been team oriented too, so that will always be in the back of my mind when being in a position with more power. The level of power you have as a director is not something I was expecting to have,so I try not to take it for granted.

Over time I really found that there are two viewpoints of what the job and the expectations of the director are. People have asked me for advice on the job and Its through these conversations that I really see the split opinion. The strongest camp is the one that represents the word least to me, and thats the people who think that the director is 'in charge' in the sense of always doing what they say. There are good and bad of course, but the directors job is to make the hard choices and to push boundaries and to enact a VISION (be it their own, a clients, ect). Their expectation soley revolves around the creation of the creative product. The other camp is the one that sees the Director as a leader first and foremost, who has a responsibility to their team as well as the product, and that leadership and team management skills should be on the roster as well as creative prowess. one thinks its about creative vision first and minimal people skills, and the other thinks it should be 50/50 at the very least. I'm in the second camp, and I have so many people that go 'YES, THAT IS WHAT A DIRECTOR SHOULD DO!' and as much as I agree, I also have to point out that is often not the actual reflected expectations that Directors get - expectations play a big role after all. When you enter a job or grow in a job you should know what your new responsibilities are, and if not you are left to fill in your own gaps. Studios in GENERAL are terrible with clear boundaries and job expectations, so its really no surprise that the stronger creative voices become the loudest in the room. Even the most well meaning people can get into an impossible mindset because no one has told them otherwise...we all know passion and creativity can take us places after all. Sometimes, one is thrust into a position of power without even knowing just how much their choices may impact the team. There are some notorious asshole directors of course but for the most part I've found that creatives in the director realm are well meaning. However, that doesnt change the reality that as well-meaning as you are, there is an entire team of people who can be effected by your mindest, choices and problem sovling for good or bad.

I've talked about this before, but a mindset can vastly change how you problem solve something. A director with no leadership skills may see work that does not meet their expectations and their first thought was that the artist did not do their job properly. A director with leadership skills may see work that does not meet their expectations and understand there are many factors. Heres a few questions I ask myself.

did that person receive proper expectations for the task ?

was there a communication mishap ? ( this happens ALL THE TIME. its ART !_! the amount of times i've written a note that i thought was super clear and someone takes it in a way that..i didnt expect but it also made sense ? SOMETIMES IT DO BE THAT WAY. WE WORK ON OUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS TOGETHER)

did they have enough time to do it ? or feel rushed?

is everything ok ? Everyone has bad times and blips in the production so its reasonable that sometimes things come in not 100%

if it is a hard skill issue, is it a one off or is it ongoing? how are we helping them work on it? The answers to these questions are FAR more valuable in actually getting your vision done to the best of your time and energy then just simply thinking someone doesnt have the skills or needs to learn more. ALL OF THIS TO SAY. That even just having good faith and a connection to your team as a director is incredibly valuable for your information gathering and problem solving, (you learn way more about your pipeline and where the real issues are.) but is vastly underrepresented as an expectation of the job. SO. IF YOU WANT TO DIRECT. you may not get told that your team is part of your responsibility, but if we want a sustainable and healthy industry we have to divide our passion for the project into our team as well as the creative end game. Take some leadership classes, learn about different communication types, or at least have people around you who can do that. You dont need to be everyones bestie, but you do have a responsibility for their experience on the project. ill post some tips and such about working with people later cuz this is long enough

#people who read this who go the heck #thats just basic isint it? #yes yes it is come and join me and we can feel gaslit in this industry together #long story short dont assume your directors or supervisors got any training on how to communicate or manage projects with lots of ppl #can you tell i reject the auteur theory #director rambles #animation industry

[flightypiscean]

Wtf!? Am I being gaslit, misled, or mistaken by my straight friend?

After years of feeling like I've been receiving mixed messages from my straight friend, I decided to test the waters when after a night of us chilling at the bar, invited him back to my apartment to continue our rendezvous. When we entered my bedroom, I made him a cocktail and turned the TV on for us to watch. He decided to climb in my bed and get under the covers. Now at this point I'm thinking, 'what straight man is going to chill with another man, in his bedroom, in the bed, under the covers?' His action reinforced my suspicion that there's something there ready for me to explore once and for all. We laid on our sides, bodies facing each other, about an arm length apart, watching TV. I strategically moved my hand towards him little by little until my hand met his midthigh - I rested it there, waiting to see if or how he'd respond. He didn't budge. As if to casually tap my fingers on the mattress, I'm simultaneously tickling his thigh gently, he warns, "Watch your hands, bro." I playfully respond, "Boy relax. Ain't nobody thinking about you and I'll touch you if I want," then grabbed his thigh and made a playful monster sound. Is he playing hard to get? Perhaps. We kinda laughed the situation off then went back to watching TV. I allowed my hand to fall back to where it was, but this time I let it remain stationary, but still in contact with his leg. Again he warned, "Bro, watch your hands." This isn't fun and games for me anymore. If he was still playing the game of hard-to-get, he's taking it too far. If he's serious, I don't want to come off as predatory so I said, "I'm not doing anything to you but laying here watching TV," and decided to withdraw my hand. After several seconds of silence he asked, "We're just friends and nothing more than that, right?" I said, "Yeah." He then proceeded to go on a spiel of, "I want to make sure because you keep trying to touch me, I don't want to have to put hands on you, gay guys have a habit of trying to turn straight men gay...." and so on and so forth. Slightly embarrassed, taken aback, and annoyed, I said, "If you feel uncomfortable, you can leave!" He goes to leave, but I stop him because I owe it to myself and him to be totally transparent. I admitted to him that I was trying to make a pass, but that my pursuit was from years of mixed signals he was giving me. That I'm not used to having an intimate bromance with a straight guy like what we had and that yes, I developed an attraction. He said he understood how I misinterpreted his friendship and that all was well.

In hindsight, I can't help but think did he know what he was doing? Is he a master manipulator and played on my attraction to him? For context-sake, let me go down the list of the things he's done over the years that made me go, hmmmmmm:

•He always made it so we hung out at a gay-friendly bar (even when I suggested non-gay bars) To my comfortability? His comfortability?

•Complimentary of my looks (being handsome, dressing nice, smelling good) Complimentary or flirtatious?

•Told me that my confidence can be intimidating and that maybe guys are waiting for me to make a move. Subliminal?

•When a gay guy was vieing for his attention in attempt to make me jealous, he was going along with it (though he said he wasn't aware) and left with him to get a "ride home."

•Invited him to an event I was hosting that he told me he more than likely couldn't attend. Aforementioned gay guy invited him to my event, he showed up at his request. (Seemed interested in him)

•One night his female coworker that he had a sexual fling with, joined us as the bar. When she stepped away from our table, he made it clear to me that he was no longer interested in her and that he wanted me to drive him home to avoid her advances. When the night was over and he and I was walking to my car, knowing she was watching, he walked down the street with me, arm around my waist, playfully lifted me in the air, put me down and continued walking with his arm around my waist. Without question, she had to had felt some kind of way watching the man she was attracted to walk off engaging with me in a manner he would her had he been interested in going home with her that night.

• Takes his penis out to urinate outside while drunk, knows I'm looking and doesn't shy away.

He was so hard to read. Too many blurred lines. What were his intentions really? Was he gaslighting me? Did I read into it wrong? I don't know what to think.

[balillee]

tommy's character gets far too much shit.

hi tumblr. i'm gonna need a few bitches to spread this post everywhere, essentially because i want someone, or just tommy really, to see it. so if you really want, you can screenshot it and post it on twitter, reddit, link it everywhere - go absolutely buck wild. i know he reads the VODS comments a lot, but they're chock full of people just insulting him, his character, his writing and everything about his story in the dream smp simply because they don't understand it and because they refuse to acknowledge his character's perspective (mainly because they only care about the pig). reading that many critical comments on something you've created can only make you feel worse about it eventually, and in light of all the awful techno apologist takes on his character, i wanted to basically just word vomit about how wonderfully crafted c!tommy is, as well as compile some other tumblr posts about his character.

there is a massive fuckin community of people who enjoy the character of tommy, because the character is incredible. i myself have made post after post after post commenting on and analysing tommy's character because i find that there's so much to pick apart. but that enthusiasm for his character only seems to be found on tumblr. reddit and twitter seem to hate his character, the VODS seem to be filled with comments from people who only care about techno's perspective (and treat techno as a reliable narrator, which, is the furthest thing from the truth - that guy lies through his teeth all the time), and the smp wiki is a hellscape of godawful takes and mistruths, not even on just tommy's character.

c!tommy is brilliantly acted and brilliantly written, and almost everything he does is either justifiable or has been rectified or admitted as a mistake. you can clearly make connections as to where he got his conclusions from. you feel what his character experiences, as a member of the audience, vividly.

if you look in the more objective sense, c!tommy, and this is especially in the context of him being the youngest character, is a scapegoat. people claim he's awful and destructive when in reality he's a lot less destructive than most characters on the server. a moment that comes to mind is where he diverts schlatt and quackity's attention from pogtopia by breaking part of the flag in manberg, and then replacing it so as to buy tubbo some time - he literally monologues after it about how he doesn't want to destroy but instead rebuild, and how he feels as if nobody else seems to understand that.

his arc in season two was incredible. it was very character driven, and it gave a spotlight to his motivations. at the start we see him in new l'manberg, and he's enjoying his time there, he's skeptical of his friend's presidency, but his main goal is to get back the discs so that he can stop dream and eliminate that threat. he made one screw up that didn't even matter to george, and he paid for it tenfold, even after dream had spent a while with puffy griefing the server and framing it on tommy - what tommy and ranboo did was convinient. then, in exile, we see c!tommy straight up get abused. he's gaslit and conditioned into being c!dream's friend, and in his brain he teaches himself that those acts of abuse are moments of bonding, and it eventually brings him to the point of wanting to end his own life - he's been torn away from his friends and his support system, and nobody will visit him consistently anymore because they only showed him pity, and all he had left was dream, who had hurt him.

but he doesn't die there, because while he didn't understand the full gravity of it back then like he does now, he recognises that dying isn't an escape, and he can beat dream, even if he doesn't know how. so this is where he goes to techno's place, and here's where the fandom starts to misinterpret the situation wildly.

it's the problem similar to when your parents tell you that they're owed something back because you put a roof over their head, despite that being Not How It Works. techno took tommy in and severely mistreated him emotionally. sure, and i understand this, c!techno is a bad communicator who isn't really that empathetic to anyone who isn't phil or wilbur, but that doesn't excuse the blatant lying to c!tommy's face, the guilt tripping, the friendship buying and the degrading. the day before the festival, tommy finally does something violent in his interrogation of fundy, and only then does techno tell him,,,,

that tommy's not equal to him, that techno doesn't respect him all that much, and that they're not friends.

from techno's perspective, and at the time, this was viewed as a positive development in their relationship. oh, he's starting to warm up to tommy! this friendship could really blossom!

no. from a more objective standpoint, what techno has just said to tommy is : 'i respect you only a little bit more now, because while you're starting to act more like me, you're still annoying and a burden.'

and i haven't even touched on the whole 'erasing the words 'Destroy L'manberg' from techno's to-do list' thing, because that instantly refutes the point of 'techno was upfront with his intentions the whole time' - because he wasn't! he may have said it the first time, but you also know what else he did? he repeatedly told tommy that they'd 'air the details out later' whenever the discs were brought up, and from a tommy viewer's perspective at the time, it was framed as if techno was no longer going to do that.

and i also haven't dared touch the 'i would have fought them all for you', because that's major guilt tripping if ever i've seen it.

so, the day of the festival comes, and here's where c!techno and his apologists completely misread c!tommy's thought process, and why he makes the decision he does.

tommy instantly regrets valuing the discs over tubbo, and it's framed as the culmination of tommy having become all the people he said he would never want to be like. and what does he immediately do? he tells tubbo to give up the disc, and he sides with tubbo. he puts his value in his friends, and, by proxy, l'manberg. and when he betrays techno, he tells him 'i'm sorry'.

from a more objective standpoint, tommy's time with techno is him valuing the discs over almost anything else. so, in leaving techno to be with tubbo again, he is valuing people above the discs. so when, on doomsday, techno says his 'discs aren't people' line, what he doesn't realise is that he himself fueled tommy's valuing of discs above people when attempting to fuel tommy's vengeance against tubbo and l'manberg. techno doesn't realise that he was an unhealthy presence for tommy, and an even worse influence.

what techno also doesn't seem to understand is that tommy never hated tubbo or l'manberg - tommy recognises, now at least, that his exile wasn't a product of tubbo, but a product of dream's manipulation, likely in part because at the time, especially with dream lying about tommy blowing up the community house, tommy was the only one who could see it because he had experienced it firsthand. so when techno sides with dream, it's like kicking tommy in the teeth.

and i want to mention that betraying someone doesn't necessarily make the person who was betrayed good, or in the right, or even justified, because tommy was entirely justified to leave techno. you know who else was betrayed? schlatt. but i don't see many schlatt apologists around angry at quackity for joining the rebellion.

tommy stole the axe of peace? good. it was a moment of tommy defining his self-worth, instead of having it defined by others. gone is the age of c!techno belittling him and deciding how much c!tommy should be respected. NEXT!

here's a moment i wanted to talk about that will forever be funny to me.

'i am a person.'

techno's very famous line from doomsday. techno says to tommy that discs aren't people, and that tommy should value people, despite not understanding that by leaving techno, he did just that. and what does tommy say in return, which has been omitted from every c!tommy-critical analysis, and every animatic?

'yes you are, but so are we.'

an acknowledgement of techno's hurt, to which tommy has already apologised for. a statement that says 'your hurt does not excuse, nor justify, the hurt you have inflicted onto us.' an acknowledgement that tommy has already learnt the lesson techno seems to be trying to 'teach' him. but you can't teach him anything by destroying.

c!tommy has had almost everything he has ever owned or built either taken from him or destroyed. ranboo even points out that the only two things of tommy's left standing are his house and his hotel, and if i'm honest, his house is dissheveled. it's a labyrinth of terror due only to how many times it's been torn apart. l'manberg being blown up didn't teach anyone anything about anarchy, or about valuing people over possessions. logstedshire being blown up didn't teach tommy to be obedient.

i could honestly ramble for ages about how nuanced tommy's character is and how much depth and complexity there is to his character's process and his relationship with others, but more than that, c!tommy is forgiving. he invites almost everyone who hates him to the grand opening of his hotel - if that isn't an indicator that he just wants friends, and not to be treated like the embodiment of evil, then i don't know what is. he holds grudges, but he doesn't really actively hate anyone, other than c!dream. but, we'll let him. c!dream deserves nothing but to be pummeled into the floor.

tommy doesn't spoonfeed his character nuance, and he doesn't really spell it out for his audience. he'll mention things like trauma and triggers in passing, but a lot of analysis on his motivations has to be picked up from what is said in passing or from what can be seen in between the lines.

i'd be here for hours if i were to talk about everything i love about c!tommy, because honestly he's one of my favourite characters, and there are so many angles you can look at his character from in terms of his age, his relationships with others, his motivations, his personality, his character arcs etc etc. so instead of doing that, i'm going to compile some much more specific analysis posts below to skim through because they highlight so many good aspects of his character.

^^ A thread about the 'yes you are, but so are we' line.

^^ About how shit the VODS comments are.

^^ A comment on how c!Tommy is actually pretty peaceful, and is actually less destructive than most characters on the server.

^^ Possibly the best c!Tommy analysis thread I've ever seen in relation to his trauma, which gives multiple perspectives.

^^ About how c!Tommy is treated as a scapegoat, and how, from an objective standpoint, he is no more violent than any other character, it's just that the little violence that is committed is blown far out of proportion.

^^ Tumblr user flypaw being a bad bitch, as per usual.

^^ c!Tommy being incredibly intelligent, and talking about wanting to rebuild and not destroy. A very underrated monologue of his.

^^ Something short about c!Tommy and c!Wilbur's relationship in Pogtopia.

^^ Less about c!Tommy, more a meta on L'Manberg. Really interesting to think about.

^^ A take on Doomsday.

I'll add some more posts in a reblog in the notes, but if anyone's post(s) is on this and they want me to take it off, let me know and I'll do that for you! Feel free to add your own banger c!Tommy takes or ones that you've found.

#dream smp #dsmp #dreamsmp #dsmpblr #tommyinnit #dream smp analysis #dsmp analysis #dreamsmp analysis #dream smp tommy #dream smp tommyinnit #dreamsmp tommy #dreamsmp tommyinnit #dsmp tommy #dsmp tommyinnit #tommyinnit dream smp #tommy dream smp #tommy dsmp #tommyinnit dsmp #tommyinnit dreamsmp #tommy dreamsmp #mcyt #tommyinnit mcyt #mcyt tommyinnit #dream smp discourse #dream smp theory #dsmp theory #long post

[babbushka]

Make Good

Flip Zimmerman x Reader

(Young!Flip from the Flip & His Darling Jewish Wife AU)

2k ; Content Warnings: Implied/Referenced abuse, abusive family; emotional hurt/comfort; angst & fluff [sometimes we just need to write what we need] 

                                                          -----------------

He’d been having a shitty enough day as it was, before he got your call. Work was tough with the weather shifting to cold and wet, rain coming down in sheets. Wasn’t good to leave wood out in the rain, and he had to oversee too many people trying to move too many logs in the low visibility of the slate grey skies.

So when he came home and two steps in the door his Ma handed him the telephone with worry set deep in her brow, and mouthed your name, he had feared for the worst and his pulse spiked hard in his chest.

Especially when he held the receiver up to his ear and heard the crack in your voice when you hoarsely whispered, “Phil…”

He knew that tone, the one that meant you’d been crying for a while, the hush that scrapes the back of your throat so that no one can hear you when you speak. He knew what put it there too, and he nearly went blind with anger before quickly responding,

“I’m on my way.”

By the time Flip gets to your house, the sun has long set. The rain carries on, steady and heavy as ever, a thick curtain of freezing cold drops that splash and flood the pavement around his tires. He knows he can’t park outside otherwise your parents will know he’s there, and neither of you can have that. You’ll be in even more distress, and that’s the last fucking thing he wants to cause you.

So, bundling up, he leaves his car parked down a block or two at a neighbor’s house who happens to know him and like him, and he tugs his coat on as tight as he can so no water chills him, and he makes a sprint for your window.

The light is off, which makes things a little more difficult than it needs to be – but he knows that you can’t have it on. They’d be mad if they knew you were up this late, even though it wasn’t late at all, not really. The light may be off, but you’re there, standing right against the window. You’ve pulled your curtains back and slid the right side open, waiting for him.

He can’t begin to describe the love that fills his chest when he sees you smile, realizing he’s come. He wants to call to you, but he can’t, not now, not at this hour. So instead he gets his footing together and begins to climb up the side of your house, using the garden trellis to work his way up.

The trellis is slippery though, and he accidentally misses a step and sucks in a deep breath as he tries to catch himself and keep himself from falling.

“Be careful!” You gasp, before clapping a hand over your mouth and shaking your head, knowing that any noise is a danger.

It only takes two more big climbs and then your hands are on him, looping around his arms and helping to pull him in through your window, his soaking wet feet landing on a towel you’ve placed right there on the floor for him.

It takes two seconds after that, for you to cry.

“Hey, c’mere.” Flip automatically pulls you into his arms, tight against his chest as he pets down your hair and soothes you with a gentle, “You’re okay.”

He doesn’t even think about how his clothes are freezing cold and wet, he doesn’t think about anything other than the rush of rage that thrums through him at how your body shakes against him from the force of your tears. You’ve buried your face into his neck to sob and he wants to scream, wants to kill something, because you’re so wonderful, so kind and tolerant – christ you tolerate too much – and you don’t deserve to be treated the way that they do.

“I don’t even know what I did wrong this time.” Your voice is muffled against his skin but he hears you clearly just the same, and he has to blink away the spots of anger that cloud his vision.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He speaks firmly but without any hint of anger, because he knows you’d misconstrue it as him being angry with you, and he’s not. Never in a million years.

He is angry, angry that they’ve gotten you so worked up like this, angry that they’re brainwashed you and gaslit you into thinking that you should be punished for simply existing. He gets angrier with them when your wet eyes shine wide in the moonlight and you shake your head.

“Yes I did! I had to have, otherwise they – she – it wouldn’t be this way.” You falter, forgetting to breathe in that way that you sometimes do when you’re too overwhelmed.

“No, ketsl,” Flip cups your cheeks in his hands and holds you steady, grounds you the way he will always ground you when you start to get too in your own head, “You didn’t.”

You stare at him for a while, before taking in that deep breath that you need, and letting your shoulders slump. Nodding slowly, you hold his hand like a tether and reach around him to shut the window with your free hand.

“I’ve got warm clothes for you.” You whisper, giving him a sad tired smile.

 This isn’t the first time it’s happened, him climbing through your window like this. Your parents were…difficult, was a good way to describe it. Probably the only fucking way Flip would be able to politely describe it, anyway. They weren’t both bad, but one of them well…one of them made you cry so often that Flip was gearing up to lose his fucking mind about it.

He had a fleeting thought once before, that maybe he’d join the police academy, come haul them away so they can’t hurt you anymore. He’s thinking it again, thinking that it doesn’t sound so impossible now, the way it did when he was gangly. Flip had filled out, he could do it.

If it meant keeping you safe and happy, he would.

“What happened this time?” Flip hazards to ask as you rifle through your closet for clothes you’ve got hidden away.

You hand them to him and don’t bother to avert your eyes when he starts stripping down, leaving his wet clothes in a heap on that towel he’s still standing on. You’ve been Flip’s girlfriend for a year now, you’ve seen every inch of him and there’s no reason for him to hide himself away.

“Nothing.” You reply with a sigh, and Flip frowns, hands stilling as he lifts the soft and warm t-shirt over his head.

“Nothing?” He steps into the boxers too, and before you reply, you take him by the hand to your twin bed.

It’s small, you’ve had it since you were moved out of a crib and it’s barely enough room for you now, but you’re clinging to Flip and he has you tucked against his chest, his strong arms wrapped around you as thunder and lightning crash outside with the rain.

“Nothing.” You whisper.

Oh, he thinks as anger flares up again.

That was the worst, the silence. They pretended like you didn’t exist sometimes, when you were being punished for a crime you didn’t commit. You would say good morning and they’d ignore you, you’d be in the room and they wouldn’t look at you, you’d be doing their dishes or their laundry and they wouldn’t say thank you. You were a ghost to them sometimes, and today must have been one of those times.

“One day I’m gonna build you a house.” Flip says, apropos of nothing. He smooths his hands over your back and kisses the top of your head, “You hear me? I’m gonna build it with my own two fuckin’ hands if I have to.”

It’s not a lie, you both know. Flip’s been working hard, so hard, has been working to save up enough that he can make good on these words. Didn’t bother going to college, went right to work after graduation with every intention of putting all of it towards building his life with you.

“I’ll buy the lumber from the mill and get us a piece of the mountain and we’ll have tulips in every room and tomatoes in the garden and you’ll never have to tiptoe through the kitchen again.” He begins to card his fingers through your hair, the very same way that you do for him when his days are bad.

“When?” You ask, and that makes Flip hopeful, because if you’re talking that means you’re listening to him, which means you’re not listening to the voices in your head that they’ve poisoned you with.

“Soon as you’re finished with school.” Flip says easily, because that’s the plan, that’s always been the plan. “You get that diploma and we’re outta here, I promise. I promise you, ketsl. You won’t even have to work, just finish that degree and we’ll go away.”

He’s going to marry you too, he knows. He doesn’t have to say it, you know that too. So instead he asks, “How many rooms do you want?”

“How many can I have?” You huff a very small laugh against his chest and shrug with one shoulder.

You shuffle yourself further up onto his chest, your body lying on top of his. He’s got his knees bent and spread so that your body can fit between them easily, your hands folded under your chin as your eyes glitter, tears clung to your lashes. You’re not crying anymore, not right now anyway, and that’s a good sign.

“How many do you want?” Flip brushes across your cheek with his thumb, “Tell me what you want.”

You sigh and turn your head towards the window. Despite the rain, the clouds have steered clear of the moon, and the silvery light outlines you in an ethereal way that Flip can’t stop staring at.

“I want an eat in kitchen. I want a formal dining table and I want us to have a sit down dinner together every night. I want a big living room with a fireplace, and a small den with a fireplace too, one for entertaining and the other just for us.” You say softly. It’s all the things you have now, but in this future world you’ll be able to enjoy them.

“Keep going.” Flip encourages, fingers in your hair against your scalp.

“I want an office where I can do work, and a library where I can read through it. I want a big bedroom and a soaking tub that I can fit all of my leg into.” Your voice grows softer and softer, and Flip can feel your breathing even out as you begin to drift to sleep.

“What else?” He whispers.

“I want a nursery – ”

“Just one?” Flip interrupts, making you chuckle softly, sleepily against him.

“They can share the nursery before growing up enough to have their own rooms.” You reason, and Flip grins even though you can’t see it, “And I want playrooms – one for them, and one for us. With a big billiards table and a marble chess set like grandpa used to have.”

“Okay.” Flip nods, letting his eyes close.

“You’ll remember all that?” You mumble, more asleep than you are awake, your hand nudging against his and linking your fingers together.

“I got it all up here ketsl.” Flip kisses the top of your head, “Don’t you worry about a thing.”

                                                 --------------------

That had been what seems like a million years ago, that night.

And as the two of you lie awake in the king sized mattress that you picked out, surrounded by wallpaper you helped put up, in the bedroom he gave you in the house he built you just like he said he would, as you’re beaming at one another because you’re so in love, that diamond ring on your finger glinting in the lamp-light, the little ones asleep in their bedrooms all tucked in for the night, he can’t help but think he really did make good on his promise.

Just like he always will.

#flip zimmerman #flip zimmerman x reader #flip zimmerman/reader #flip zimmerman x you #flip zimmerman/you #blackkklansman #flip zimmerman fanfiction #adam driver character #adam driver fanfiction #adcu #my writing

[khunfounded]

Got Me In Check

[This was done for the wonderful @tower-of-chess collab!]

It was the late afternoon, sunshine pouring in through the dorm’s cloudy windows, and Khun was pretending to pay attention to his online probabilistic graphic models lecture while actually watching BEST 2 HOUR LONG FUNNY CAT COMPILATION  in another browser. It didn’t matter anyways, he was already ahead in all of his work, and he could answer the professor’s questions without even paying attention.

Cats were a much more important endeavor anyways.

Suddenly, the door slammed open, and his roommate, Bam, came racing towards him. His golden eyes were filled with desperation, and he was panting as if he had just run a marathon. It was unfair how Bam could pull off the hot and sweaty look (with emphasis on the hot) whilst Khun was stuck with frizzy hair and blotchy cheeks anytime he went sprinting across campus.

“Khun, I’m in trouble!” Bam wailed, hands gripping the armrests of his roommate’s chair, “I need your help”.

Khun’s eyes widened with concern, “Are you okay? What’s wrong? What can I do?”

If this was another Rachel problem, Khun swore to god he was actually going to stab her this time. He couldn’t put up with how easily she manipulated his friend, leading him around by the ear. Bam insisted that she was a good person, but her actions showed the exact opposite. What kind of person constantly gaslit and negged their friends? Khun knew the answer. An absolute asshole, that’s who.

But instead of what he expected, what came out of his friend’s mouth was, “I need you to teach me how to play chess!”

What.

“What?” Khun asked incredulously. 

Bam must have realized how he sounded, because he pulled away and tilted his head down to hide a prominent blush. He bit his lip and mumbled something incoherent.

As adorable as that was, it really wasn’t helping Khun’s confusion, “I didn’t quite catch that”.

Bam looked back up and his face got even more red, the blush spreading to the tips of his ears. He fidgeted with the loose strand of his t-shirt and cleared his throat.

“You know how I’ve been wanting to make more friends?” Bam hedged.

Khun did. Bam was a social butterfly, he needed friends to thrive, but ever since they moved away for college, he had been having trouble making them. Khun’s heart ached whenever he saw Bam looking longingly at groups of people messing around and laughing on the campus green. He and Bam were best friends, and they spent almost all of their free time together, but Khun knew that that wasn’t enough. He had no idea why Bam wasn’t surrounded by people at all times, honestly. His natural charisma could fell even the most stoic man. Though maybe he was a little biased.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“And you know how you suggested that I join some clubs to meet people?” Bam didn’t stop to let him answer, voice going a mile a minute like it did whenever he was emotional, “Well I met a really cool group of people, and their club president invited me to join and I said yes”.

Khun could guess where this was going.

“But?”

Bam covered his face with his hands and groaned before answering, “I said yes without realizing that it was the chess club. I don’t know how to play chess! But I already agreed and I don’t wanna flake out and I really, really want to be friends with them”.

Bam lifted up his head and grabbed Khun’s hands, pulling them to his chest. Khun’s heart rate tripled. That probably wasn’t good. But, hey, he wasn’t a physio major, what would he know?

“I had no idea what to do but then I remembered that I know the smartest person ever, and if anyone would be able to help me it would be him”.

“You’re just saying that to butter me up,” Khun chuckled.

“Please?” Bam pouted, “For me?”

Oh god, how could he say no to that? Curse Bam for knowing that he was Khun’s ultimate weakness. He sighed.

“You’re lucky that I used to play chess with Ran, otherwise you’d be screwed”.

Bam let go of his hands, doing a fist pump in excitement, “Yes! Thank you so much!”

“But next time we go get pho, you’re footing the bill”.

They decided to get started later that evening, borrowing a chess board from the desk assistant and bringing it to their floor’s rec room. Luckily, the only other people there were Wangnan and Quaetro, who were busy trying to murder each other in Mario Kart, and Hwaryun, who was working on her laptop. Khun assumed that she was editing a video for her terrifyingly popular conspiracy theory youtube channel. He and Bam sat on the floor in the corner of the room, far enough away that Quaetro’s evil laughter was a bearable volume.

Khun took out the pieces and placed them on the chess board, explaining each of them as he went. Bam was looking at him intently, eyes full of interest. Khun had to avert his gaze just so he could be able to focus and not turn into an incoherent mess. He fondly reminisced about the days long past when he was able to pull off being aloof and cool. Bam had left his reputation in ruins.

When he got to the Queen, he said, “She can move in any straight direction as far as possible as long as she does not move through any of her own pieces. She is the most powerful piece of the game, so use her wisely”.

“So she’s like Khun!” Bam grinned brightly.

“What do you mean?” Khun asked, rubbing his thumb against the edge of the Black Queen.

Bam reached out and took the White Queen, cradling it in his palm and smiling softly, “You’re the most important, too”.

Khun felt his cheeks heat up. Was this flirting? Was Bam flirting with him? No, of course not, that wouldn’t make any sense. There was no way it could be possible, but how the hell else could he interpret that?

Khun had long accepted the fact that his crush on his best friend was hopeless and would never be reciprocated, but lately things kept happening that made it impossible for him to not get his hopes up. Bam had always been affectionate, but it had increased ten fold in the last few months. When they sat on Khun’s bed (which Bam always claimed was far superior to his own) and binged youtube videos together, Bam would cuddle right up against him like a content cat.

Once, when Bam had had a particularly long day at work, he had walked straight into Khun’s arms and just held him for several minutes, tears of exhaustion seeping into Khun’s shirt. Afterwards, they had sat close together on the dorm room floor and Bam spilled out all his frustration and anxiety, fidgeting with Khun’s hand the whole time.

Sometimes, when they were walking downtown together, Bam would just take Khun’s hand and intertwine their fingers, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He wouldn’t even stop his excited rambling, just continuing on as if nothing had happened.

But something had happened between them, and Khun needed to find out what or he was going to go insane.

And in this moment, he decided that, fuck it, two could play at that game.

“So does that mean you’re my King?” He asked, smiling when Bam’s eyes widened and he ducked his head.

“If you’ll have me,” Bam murmured, biting his lip.

Were they still talking about chess? Khun wasn’t sure.

“How could I say no to that?” He said just as softly, before clearing his throat and picking up the White King, “Anyways, the King can only move one square in any direction, and he can never move himself into check”.

The moment was successfully derailed, but the electric charge of something was still in the air, even as Khun led Bam through some easy strategies.

“Now, you should make sure that you focus on the center four squares of the board,” he guided Bam, “Whoever dominates those dominates the game”.

Bam’s eyebrows scrunched up, and Jesus, why was he so cute? It should be illegal. Put him away for life.

“Okay,” he told Bam, “When you can get into a draw with me, that’s when you’re ready”.

And so began Bam’s week-long training, which he said was more intense than anything he’d ever done at Jinsung’s dojo. It was also much harder on Khun’s side, to hold himself back from absolutely decimating his friend in three moves, which Bam made sure to make fun of him for.

“I think it’s cute!” he said, “You’re trying so hard just to help me”.

“I’m not cute,” he grumbled as he took Bam’s Rook out of spite.

The entire thing was a learning experience for both of them. Bam was learning how to play chess, and Khun was learning that Bam had absolutely terrifying game rage. His eyes practically crackled with electricity and Khun heard him cuss more times in those few days than he had in his entire time of knowing him. Baby Khun would be distraught, but Adult Khun was kind of into it.

“Fuck!” Bam cursed when Khun got him in check, startling the sleeping burrito Laure, and making Khun burst out laughing. Bam stuck his tongue out and flicked Khun’s Queen, toppling her over. 

Khun moved the chess pieces back a few moves, and guided Bam’s hand to moving the Knight in a way that would have trapped him.

“This is where you went wrong,” he said, “Your instinct is good for your dancing, but you need to plan ahead with chess”.

But Bam didn’t seem to be paying attention. In fact, his eyes were glued to where their hands were touching. Khun jolted back when he realized what he had done, but Bam took his hand before he could move away, shifting so he was holding it. Khun died a little, but he was pretty sure he didn’t let it show. Relatively sure. Kind of.

They managed to play with their hands together, but Khun’s brain was mush. That was when Bam finally got a draw. Khun would have protested, but that would mean admitting why he was distracted.

As Bam was cheering and texting Isu that he was coming to the next meeting, Khun put away their pieces, trying not to feel loss. Bam didn’t need him anymore, at least not for this. He had always known it wasn’t permanent, but a part of him had hoped it would last a little longer. Khun bit his lip.

“Hey, Khun?” Bam said, voice still brimming with excitement.

“Yeah?” his voice sounded hollow. Damnit.

“I was wondering if you wanted to come, too? I just thought, you’re really good at it, and I think you’d like everyone there, and I want you to be friends with my friends”.

Khun blinked. He blurted out his answer before he could even think.

“Yeah. Yes, I would love that”.

Bam grinned, face lit up like the sun.

He reached over, hands gently cupping Khun’s face, and brought him in close. So close they were breathing the same air. Bam’s smile turned soft and he nuzzled their noses together before his sunshine eyes flickered down to Khun’s lips.

Oh god, was this happening? It was happening. Oh god. Khun’s brain stuttered and broke down. There was never a time in his short, short life where he thought that this would ever be possible, that Bam would ever think of him in this way. But Khun had always been a selfish person, he wasn’t going to take this gift for granted.

He leaned in, bridging the gap, and then they were kissing over the chess board and it was everything. Bam hummed into it, pecking Khun’s lips once, twice, three times. Khun tugged him in and kissed him for all he was worth, knocking the chess pieces over in the process. After one last kiss, Bam pulled away, giggling.

“You’re the best boyfriend ever, Khun!”

#tog #tower of god #khunbam #khun aguero agnis #the 25th bam #togchesscollab

[rinusagitora]

Another empty seat in the city of ghosts.

Fandom: BLEACH

Characters: Toushirou Hitsugaya, Momo Hinamori, Kisuke Urahara, Tessai Tsukabishi, Ururu Tsumugiya, Jinta Hanakari, Yuzu Kurosaki, Ichigo Kurosaki, Karin Kurosaki

Pairings: HitsuKarin, others not mentioned

Words: 1.6k

Summary: Shinigami!Karin AU. Chapter 1/8. WARNINGS- mentions of suicide, dysfunctional families;  Karin has taken her life. What follows is a maelstrom of emotion.

AO3

It was hard to believe that, only days ago, Karin took her own life.

Toushirou saw it coming from miles and miles away. He was the one who cleaned up her cut wrists. Hurried over when she was suffering. But it wasn't enough.

Ultimately, Karin got what she wanted: a chance to be a shinigami.

Toushirou and Momo were being processed by the gate guardians. Following Aizen's desertion, they'd tightened up gateways to other dimensions. Now, captains and lieutenants were unable to travel without permission, unless they wanted to receive potentially fatal electrocution from the sigils staining their skins.

But they passed through later. Upstairs, Kisuke Urahara was showing them their gigai.

"Hinamori-fukutaichou, I'm afraid this is vastly different from your last gigai. Since your stay is short-term, it's more or less a... silhouette. Only purposes being harboring your soul, and suppressing your powers. Since it's a ceremony with so many powered folks packed together, we're trying this to avoid hollow attacks."

"Aye," Momo replied, nodding.

"Yours is similar, Hitsugaya."

Toushirou frowned. "It's Hitsugaya-taichou," he corrected Kisuke. Kisuke merely chuckled. He probably blamed Toushirou for Karin's suicide as well. Like he'd talk her into something so traumatic. Asshole.

"Yes... yours is similar, of course, except for... well, deadened nerves. Kurosaki Yuzu is livid."

"Fuck me..." he grumbled.

"I'd rather not, but I'd be prepared for a slap or two. Hopefully, she leaves the nether region alone, but if not, it is equally as dead."

"Thanks for the heads up," Toushirou said. "Where is Karin?"

"The temple, with Kurosaki Ichigo. He's kept a tight leash on her since the... the..." Kisuke couldn't finish. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Thank you," Toushirou said. As much as he hated Kisuke, Toushirou knew Kisuke was fond of Karin, perhaps as fond as his children were.

"Well, I will see you two there... I have to get ready for the memorial service."

"Thank you, Urahara-san. Take care."

He and Momo stepped into their gigai, prepped with black kimono, although Momo's hem and sleeves were adorned with flowers. Lilies and marigolds. How appropriate.

"You remembered the envelope?"

"Of course," Momo replied, straightening her collar. "The car is waiting. Shall we?"

"Aye."

On the drive over, Momo lit her pipe. Toushirou was never particularly fond of tobacco, or how his sister's habit ruined her skin, but given what was to come, he could sure use a puff. Or a drink.

Maybe he should've brought Rangiku... She didn't cope much better during funerals, but she, at least, would have something that she was willing to share to take off the edge. Very much unlike Momo. The only thing she ever really shared with him was conversation. Practically force-fed him, refrained from sharing the shit he cared about.

They came to a stop before the temple. Many were filing in. Toushirou recognized a few. Uryuu arrived just before them, Hiyori loitered in the doorway. Many he didn't recognize.

Jinta and Ururu were there with their other father Tessai. They bowed in unison.

"Yuzu is livid," Ururu said.

"So Urahara told us."

"I stand by her."

Tessai knocked Ururu upside her head. "Enough, honey," he warned, then turned to Toushirou and Momo. "Thank you for coming. Karin-chan will be pleased."

"I imagine," Momo replied, still smoking. "What should we expect from Kurosaki Ichigo?"

"We're keeping him in line if Yuzu doesn't," Jinta replied. "He agreed to keep the peace when Tou-tou and he talked."

"And the Kurosaki girl?" Momo asked.

"Yuzu?"

"Nay, the one we're here for."

Ururu looked inside. "She's... not crying. I think she's distancing herself from this ordeal."

"Perhaps it's for the better."

Tessai said, "Hand-off will occur before cremation. Kurosaki Isshin only agreed to allow us in for the service since Karin asked, but the burial is for family and Kurosaki Ichigo's close friends only."

"I see Kuchiki-fukutaichou as well."

"She won't be causing trouble. She's here as a family friend."

Toushirou and Momo bowed again. "Many thanks," Toushirou said. "We'll head in."

Rukia was the first to spot them. She strode over. "Neither of you are welcome. Please leave before Yuzu sees you."

"The deceased requested us, and the patriarch has permitted us entry," he replied. Everyone was so fucking hostile...

"No matter. Do you want to start shit?" she hissed.

Momo said, "We haven't started anything, Kuchiki-fukutaichou. Besides... do you think it wise to start shit here? Our powers are merely dampened, but I know for a fact there are enough of us gathered here to alert trouble if contention brews."

Before Rukia could reply, Yuzu stormed over. Rukia quickly escaped.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Your father said we were welcomed to the ceremony," he said.

She jabbed a finger against his chest. "You may as well have murdered my sister! I don't want you here!"

Toushirou sighed. "And I do?"

"And who is this skank?" Yuzu hissed, jerking her chin to Momo.

"My sister." Toushirou frowned. "Don't treat her like my mistress."

Momo encased Yuzu's hands. "We are here to grieve just as ye. I understand how difficult this is. My husband passed during a tumultuous time... We hadn't time to bury him, either."

Toushirou almost rolled his eyes. Momo learned how to lie from the best. But it worked. Yuzu relaxed.

"I'm sorry. It's been... it's been a long couple of days."

"There's nothing to apologize for, Kurosaki-san." Momo bowed. "If you need anything, please let me know. I haven't service at home, but Urahara-san can reach me if needed."

"Thank you."

"May we take a seat?"

"In the back, please. The front rows are taken."

"Aye. Thank you again, Kurosaki-san."

Momo and Toushirou took a seat. Because of their gigai suppressing their powers, Toushirou was unable to see Karin, although knew she was there. There were too many people of strong reiatsu concentrated in the temple. It risked a hollow attack. The dampening was meant as a security measure.

The Seireitei owed Ichigo too much to go against a small favor, however cruel it was to Karin.

"I can see why Kurosaki-san is so upset," Momo said.

"Karin was in pain," he insisted.

"I'm in no position to judge her," Momo reminded Toushirou. "But look at the Kurosaki family... Stiff as boards. The little one is the only one weeping, and neither of them is consoling her."

"They're... dysfunctional. I'm sure she refused it."

"For good reason?"

"Aye. They... nay, we all, have lied to her for years. I'm sure she harbors conflicting feelings."

Momo hummed. "Aye."

Toushirou took a good look at the altar, surrounded by white lilies. He frowned. White was never Karin's color. Blacks, reds... Hydrangeas or marigolds would've been more appropriate.

But she was beautiful in her photo. Smiling, youthful. It made him mad too. She was happy with him. With Jinta and Ururu, not some sad, doctored school photo.

Thankfully, Momo didn't seem to pick up on his internal tantrum, merely smoked.

The time came for the service. A priest stepped up and uttered a sutra. Toushirou admittedly zoned out during it. None of it concerned them. What did was Karin. She was in there, but he was unable to console her, take her to her new home, to ease her pain... It was bullshit. Complete bullshit.

Once the service came to an end, Toushirou and Momo quickly escaped, joining Kisuke outside.

"I don't have much time... I'm going to the cremation as well," he said.

They wordlessly stepped out of their gigai. They were tucked into the back of a van and covered with a shimmery sheet that made them completely vanish. Momo and he bowed.

"Best of, Urahara-san."

"Kurosaki will meet you by the aqueduct under an overpass. It's in the center of town," he explained. "Anticipate some... some shit from him too. He's very upset."

"Thanks."

With that as their goodbye, they sped off to the heart of Karakura. Toushirou saw Ichigo's hair from the sky, and they sunk to the ground.

The second Toushirou saw Ichigo, he wanted to strangle him. It felt like they were sizing each other up. Toushirou was sure to lose an arm, but it would've been satisfying clocking him.

Karin was sitting on a bench. There was still a generous amount of chain leftover, thankfully. Toushirou just hoped she hadn't experienced the chain consuming itself... the immense pain.

Toushirou couldn't bring himself to bow to Ichigo, but Momo did. "Thank you for allowing us into your sister's service, Kurosaki-sama."

"It wasn't my choice."

"Nonetheless," Momo said, smiling. "I'd like this to be done in an as expeditious manner as possible."

Karin hopped to her feet. Toushirou instantly wanted to sweep her off her feet and carry her like his bride into the other world, away from that mess. That nightmare. "Let's go," she said.

"Hang on." Ichigo stopped her with his arm out shooting. His eyes bore into Toushirou's, and he glared back. "I want him to admit his fault in this."

"Jesus Christ!" Karin shrieked. "I killed myself because there's nothing for me here! Toushirou had nothing to fucking do with it."

"Bullshit! He had to have said something."

"It's your fault I killed myself, alright? It's all your fault! I got tired of getting steamrolled and gaslit by you so I killed myself to get the hell away from you!" Karin ducked his arm and ran over to Toushirou. He happily accepted her embrace. "I'm going to the Seireitei. I'm becoming a shinigami... It's the only way I'll be happy. Fulfilled."

Ichigo looked hurt. Crying. Toushirou turned away, opening the senkaimon into the other side.

He had no idea what awaited them in the future. He hoped, at least, Karin's suffering eased.

#bleach #hitsukarin #shinigami karin au #toshiro hitsugaya #momo hinamori #karin kurosaki #ichigo kurosaki #ururu tsumugiya #kisuke urahara #tessai tsukabishi #jinta hanakari #yuzu kurosaki

[resurgemus-hprp]

So this is seriously not something we as admins have ever wanted to do, and we tried to avoid putting attention on one person’s unsubstantiated claims for as long as we could, but we see now that they are on an irrational crusade and will attempt to bring down anyone they can to support the idea that somehow, a canon character that only belongs to Joanne Kathleen Rowling, is actually exclusive to her. We tried to keep her name out of it, we tried to keep our name out of it. But this person has not extended this courtesy to us and so we feel it’s impossible for us to no longer say something when it’s being implied that plagiarism is something we tolerate in our roleplay.

For anyone who is blissfully unaware — and Lord, do we admins wish that we were too — our player Nina (@villainrps), who is our Lily Luna Potter, has been accused of plagiarizing her character from someone named Sarah (@marvolo, @lilys).

I would like to make one thing very clear. We admins did not know Nina or Sarah prior to this week. We are a new rp and we decided to create Resurgemus after taking a break from a different rpc because we wanted to play our favourite canon next-gens. We have no stake in taking a side in this battle. Protecting Nina does nothing for us. We were not Nina’s friends before she joined our RP and frankly, we only really became friends after the absurdity of this entire situation brought us together. We would not be bending over backwards to protect someone we barely knew if we did not honestly, fully believe that she had done nothing wrong.

When Sarah initially approached us with these accusations, we took them very seriously. I (Admin S) discovered one of my OCs had been plagiarized this week as well, and Admin L has had this happen to her before too, so we know the severity of plagiarism and how awful it can feel to see your hard work stolen.

We initially assumed that Sarah was approaching us about an OC, because no one but the creator of a canon character can claim ownership over them, but we kept open-minds because Sarah said she had damning evidence that would prove Nina’s Lily was a carbon copy.

She shared these proofs with us, we both examined them carefully, and even had other people — outside of the rp community mind you, and people who don’t know Sarah or Nina — take a look as well.

We all came to the same conclusion: that while their portrayals of Lily were somewhat similar (as many next gen characterizations tend to be), there was nothing close enough to suggest paraphrasing, let alone straight up plagiarizing.

I (Admin S) am a journalist. Plagiarism is an extremely important part of my job, and I have a very critical eye when it comes to it. But the only commonalities were a generic fanon portrayal of Lily — yes of course, she always knew she was going to be Gryffindor, everyone writes Lily as the most Gryffindor to ever Gryffindor —  and similarly flowery writing styles. Many rpers have that writing style. Personally, I do not, because again — as a journalist — flowery writing has been cut out of me in exchange for concise, snappy phrasing. I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain that people can have similar writing styles unintentionally. You develop your writing style based on the writing you read, and it’s not hard to imagine that many people in the hprpc read the same types of fiction.

In our eyes, this situation is as equally irrational as claiming that a Ben Barnes fc for Sirius Black that likes to cause trouble and flirt and has a headcanon about him going to muggle clubs and/or smoking or something belongs ton one person and anyone else who writes the same type of thing is copying. They’re common portrayals. More than one person is bound to have the same idea because everyone is picking from the same source material. 

Another point I would like to address is this idea that as admins we handled this “irresponsibly”. Sarah never told us she wanted to remain anonymous until after we told her we disagreed with her interpretation of the situation. After the fact, she got upset and claimed that we should have told her. I don’t know how she expected us to address this without giving Nina a fair chance to defend herself — that’s not how life works. If you make massive, severe accusations like this, the accused gets to know what’s going on. We weren’t just going to kick her out willy nilly. We also gave her the screenshots she demanded to further show that we had nothing to hide.

Sarah claimed she wanted to be anonymous to protect herself from harassment when she was the one that on her own admission said she would follow Nina from blog to blog to keep an eye on her Lily. She was the harasser in this situation. I hope I don’t need to tell you that that is creepy. If she’d suspected this for so long, she could’ve said something much sooner. Watching someone for years is stalking, no matter how you slice it.

Furthermore, the way she is handling the situation is immature and irresponsible. She blocks anyone who tries to reason with her, and frankly has made both admins feel gaslit and has done the incredibly manipulative move of threatening to harm herself because of how this is making her feel. We’ve read her “evidence” over and over trying to figure out if we’re missing something with how convinced she is that something has been stolen from her, and we’ve noticed nothing. It’s getting to the point where we’re starting to doubt ourselves because of Sarah’s obsession with victimizing herself, and so this is going to be the only thing we say on this topic. We wanted to post this to defend ourselves, and to defend Nina, and while I’m sure Sarah will find a way to warp this to make us seem like the bad guys, we want to make it clear: the only person in the wrong here is her.

We tried to help her sort through this by letting her know that Nina was happy to discuss the issue with her — since Nina knows she’s done nothing wrong — but in that conversation she also gaslit Nina, accused her of lying over and over, and then had the audacity to imply that Nina stole her Lily characterization for a different, canon character in an entirely different fandom.

The self-absorption is staggering. The implication that her Lily is memorable enough to be used as the basis for a Shadowhunters character (Emma Carstairs) instead of Nina just making her own character and then using her own character as basis for her Lily  is laughable at best. It’s always nice for people to connect with fictional characters, but when it gets to the point that you’re tossing out baseless accusations, that’s the point where it gets unhealthy.

We don’t like being threatened, and we stand by our players 100 percent. 

However, Sarah, as I said, has been posting some concerning content so I want to reiterate that no one should be harassing her, and I encourage her to reach out to people she trusts for support if this situation has made her mental health deteriorate. RP is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.

This is the last we’ll be saying about the matter. To all our players, we’re sorry about this and we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled activity now. Heads up, a plot drop is coming soon!

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #//not tagging because we dont want more attention #just wanting to make it clear where we stand #r.admin

[endwhorl]

1. What is your darkest childhood memory?

I was 10, hanging out with my friends on the weekend; we had played a ball game that we’d just made up. We were tired so we all sat down in a circle to talk. They started talking about boys - cute boys, who was interested in who, who was dating who, etc.

I started thinking… why do relate so much? Why do I want to join in? … Why am I afraid to join in?

Then everything hit me. My dad hates me - everyone else will hate me - I’ll hate me… because I feel the same. I like boys. I’ll never be happy after this. I’m not allowed to be.

2. What bad habit are you struggling to overcome?

Doubting myself so much. I’m smart and skillful and intuitive, but I doubt myself constantly. I’m easily gaslit  because of this constant self-doubt.

3. What smell or scent reminds you of your childhood home?

Coal, fire, smoke. We always had something to keep the house warm, even on the hottest days. It was like a strange ritual my parents had to do and they never paused to think hey, let’s not do this today.

4. What is your biggest regret?

Not living my life before I died.

5. Who was your childhood sweetheart?

They never knew I liked them; they probably didn’t even know I existed other than to make fun of me with their friends. I felt I deserved that so I didn’t try to find anyone else - anyone who reciprocated my feelings.

6. What do you fear losing the most?

Ironically, death is my biggest fear. Not so much death itself, but the suddenness, the unpredictability of it - you literally could die this very second in a billion different ways and that’s it, your story is over. You accomplished nothing? That’s all you’ll ever be, that nothing.

7. Is there a secret spot you like to retreat to? If there is, why that spot?

I like to go to a local cafe/bakery. It’s busy but not too crowded, not too empty, so I’m never that noticeable but I don’t get antsy from too many people. It’s the last place I spoke with my parents before dying. It’s a good memory, we said we loved each other before they went home and I went out to a bar. I guess it’s nostalgia, or mourning, but it’s my place.

8. Do you have a family member that's ever let you down? If so, how has that affected you?

Me. I let myself down. I let people take advantage of me; I let them hurt me; I let them use me, because I didn’t think I deserved better, and if someone who loves me is doing this to me surely I deserve it. I’m my own worst betrayer.

9. Are you afraid to be alone?

Physically? No. Alone is safety. Mentally? Hell yes. What if I outlive everyone I know? What if I’m ostracized and have to survive alone? What if I’m just constantly abandoned because I’m not worth sticking around for? Who even am I if I have no one who loves me? Being in my own company just reminds me of how much I hate myself.

10. Are you proud of who you are?

Actually… yes. I think I’m a very resilient person. Nothing other than death has taken me down; and a lot have tried. I’m kind when I don’t have to be, just because I want to be. I want people to feel unconditional love because I never had that. Even if they hurt me, I want them to know someone is there for them no matter what.

11. What keeps you up at night?

Mainly the fact that I hate sunlight.

12. What was your favorite stuffed animal or toy as a kid?

I had a little wooden toy soldier my dad got for me. He was in the army. It’s the only gift he’s given me that has any thought or meaning put into it - otherwise it was clothing or food, junk food which I loved as a kid, but when you’ve eaten it it’s gone. The toy meant something; one time, even if just for a day, my dad loved me and thought about me.

13. What was your worst injury ever?

Excluding the whole death thing…

My dad once caught me looking out the window at our neighbor - a really cute boy around my age. I was looking through the window because I wasn’t brave enough to talk to him in person, admit my feelings, but I was too weak to look away.

I didn’t notice my dad had walked in - I don’t know if he was there for minutes or miliseconds - until my face was smashed into the glass window. It shattered on impact, slicing my face up pretty good, miraculously avoiding my eyes. Most of the wounds were superficial, but I had a large one going across my nose. I never got taken to the doctor for it so it scarred.

My dad didn’t hit me again after that - in fact, he barely acknowledged my existence. I’m not sure which I preferred.

14. What was your bravest moment?

Probably just moving out. I was young, 16, but I knew I had to get out if I’d ever have any hope of happiness. I couch surfed while working until I had enough for my own place. It was tough but I had no choice - or rather I did, and I chose the one that required more work than passivity.

15. What is one thing you always carry with you?

That little wooden solider.

16. Who is one person you would never ever want to see again? Why?

My parents. They think I’m dead. If they see me, they know what it means. I don’t want to do that to them.

17. What, to you, is the worst way to die?

Trust me, they’re all bad.

18. You can bring one person back to life. Who would you choose and why?

… I’d like to say myself, but the truth is, probably not. Probably a grandparent or something, or the old family dog, just make my parents a bit happier.

19. Is it easy to admit when you've made a mistake?

Sure. Easier than arguing over it. Even if I didn’t make a mistake, apologizing is the easiest thing to end an argument that won’t change anything. I have no interest in wasting time.

20. Is it easy for you to forgive others? (Truly?)

Are they worth forgiving?

By that I mean - did they apologize sincerely? Do they know what they did wrong? Is there no suggestion they’ll do it again? If so, yes, it’s very easy.

… If not, I’ll probably forgive anyway, but try not to keep them in my life. They don’t deserve me.

21. You're on your death bed. Who do you want by your side?

… hah. Well, I can say who I don’t want… but the truth is, there’s no one I’d wish that on. Anyone that would have been with me, would have had the same fate. I’m glad I was alone.

22. Your childhood bully has grown up to be a philanthropist. Do you praise him and give to his cause? Or do you turn a shoulder to him and scoff?

Neither - I ignore him. Is he a better person? Good for him. Still not interested. I just don’t care.

23. Who would you want to raise your child if you die unexpectedly?

(boy am I glad this wasn’t an issue.)

Probably my neighbor, that boy. He’s sweet. I think he’d do a good job.

24. Do you suffer from a reoccurring nightmare? If so, what happens in it?

A few. The main one is my death, playing over and over. I also get recurrent nightmares of my death - but I’m the one killing me, and original me has turned into a baby, or a child, it’s different every time; sometimes it’s my parents, sometimes it’s a total stranger. They’re frustrating for sure, but I don’t pay much attention to them when I wake up. I already know what I’m scared of.

25. What do you notice first about a person?

Their scent. Certain people just… have that smell… you can’t get out of your mind, for hours or days or weeks, it’s all that person. You just want a taste…

26. Do you find it difficult to praise others?

Sometimes. It feels like being vulnerable, confessing appreciation to someone. I’m not sure why.

27. Which color do you feel looks best on you?

Red.

28. What's your drink of choice?

What do you think?

29. Which parent do you take after more?

Probably an even mix of both. My dad’s impulsiveness, rashness, anger; my mom’s over-analyzing, people-pleasing, introspectiveness. The combination somehow makes me nothing like either of them…

30. What quality about your parent do you admire? Abhor?

I admire that they’ve stayed together so long, and it seems to be out of love rather than obligation. Keeping a relationship healthy for that long is impressive.

I abhor their passive/aggressive behavior. Very childish.

31. Do you wish to be a loner? Or have a family one day?

I think family is out of the question for me, but I would like to find someone, someday, to spend my life with.

32. What odd habits or ticks do you have?

I play with my hair when nervous; I avoid eye contact with most people because I don’t want them to see me for who I am; when walking in groups I tend to straddle towards the end; when talking in groups I tend to be a wallflower.

33. Have you traveled to other lands? Or planets, even?

Not yet, but I’ve got plenty of time.

34. Do you feel a need to fix or repair problems that don't directly involve you?

No. I have enough to deal with already.

35. How do you view other races or cultures?

Everyone I’ve met so far has been equally tasty. (Even the stick-thin ones have their own unique flavour.)

36. Do you worry about what the future will bring?

Not specifically, no. I could probably handle it; how much worse can it get?

37. If your boss asked you to cheat on your invoice and bill your client for extra hours, would you do it?

Yes. I don’t care. I’ve never met this person, they’re nothing to me.

38. If a Boy Scout comes to your door selling popcorn, do you hide in the kitchen or buy popcorn?

Home delivery boy scouts…? Delicious.

39. How do they want to be seen by others?

Calm, unshakeable, smart, ready to throw hands if you bring it to him; caring but not to the point of vulnerability.

40. On what occasion do you lie?

Oh, I’ll lie about anything. You never know if it’s a lie or not, I’ll lie just for the fun even if I have nothing to hide. (Makes you question some of these answers, doesn’t it?)

#40 questions