#you can’t ignore it . and if mac’s called gay then dennis will be too. if you just stay as you were | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pollencoveredman · 1 year

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wrapped in a gold-silver sleeve

(cw: references to sh)

in dee’s mind, there’s nothing more infuriating than her “me time” being interrupted. her saturday night routine of watching shitty reality tv and getting hammered on cheap wine is her favourite part of the week, so when she hears a knock at the door during the good part where everyone’s yelling over each other and throwing bottles everywhere, she believes she has every right to throw a fit.

“goddamn it,” she grumbles to herself as she pauses the TV and walks to the door, brushing lint off her shorts. “this better be important.”

she nearly slams the door immediately when she sees who’s behind it.

“dennis, what the hell?” she hisses, looking him up and down disdainfully. “what are you doing at my apartment? it’s late. shouldn’t you be watching a movie with mac or whatever gay shit you guys do?”

he scoffs, ignoring her little comment. “can i crash here for the night?” his voice is small, like a little kid talking to a stranger. “just this one night, promise. i’ll sleep on the couch and leave you alone.”

“absolutely goddamn not.” she says shortly, walking back over to the couch, not bothering to shut the door behind her.

“dee, wait, wait,” dennis whines. “please?”

“why can’t you sleep at your apartment? you set it on fire again?” she laughs to herself, eyes focused on the TV again rather than her pathetic mess of a brother, with his messy hair and mascara-streaked cheeks.

he lets himself in, carelessly slamming the door as he slumps over on the ledge in the kitchen. dee opens her mouth to protest that he’ll wake up her neighbours, but closes it again once she realises she really doesn’t give a shit.

“i’m mad at mac.”

“oh, jesus christ,” dee mutters. “save your voice; i don’t care what happened. just… come sit.”

dennis blinks, surprised she hasn’t kicked him out yet, and takes a seat next to her, bringing his knees up to his chin.

“god, dennis, you’re forty-one years old.” she scoffs, shuffling away from him and taking another swig of wine. “what are you doing, coming over to stay at your sister’s place, just ‘cause you got in a little fight with your roommate?”

he shrugs, fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie.

“and what are you doing, wearing that in this weather? i know it’s late but it’s, like, 85 degrees out.” she eyes him skeptically, observing how flushed he is. “and i know you run way hotter than i do in summer.”

dennis stays silent, but the way his breath catches in his throat and how he pulls surreptitiously at his sleeves, how his gaze shifts away from dee, tells her all she needs to know.

“den,” she says softly. “you gotta stop doing that shit.”

he doesn’t say anything; just nods guiltily and swallows hard, fighting off the lump building in his throat.

“you eaten today?” dee knows she shouldn’t be surprised when he shakes his head, but dennis never fails to catch her off guard. she swears she’s a little mad, too. at him or herself, she doesn’t exactly know, but she’s pissed off. pissed off because her brother does this all the time, always when she and the rest of the gang thinks he’s getting better. pissed off because it might be her fault, pissed off about the amount of times she’s been dragged along to the hospital because of something stupid he’s done.

“alright, i’m getting you something to eat,” she announces as she walks to the kitchen, grabbing a bowl off the side and searching in her drawers for something. dennis winces at the sound of the metal clashing together, plugging his ears with his fingers.

“m’not hungry,” he calls over all the noise, repeating himself when he thinks his efforts go unnoticed. “dee, i said i’m not—”

“i heard you, i just think you’re full of shit.”

dennis sighs heavily, stretching out across the couch and burying his face in a throw pillow. he’s tired, exhausted maybe, but his momentary rest is interrupted when dee taps his leg harshly, the touch bringing him back to reality.

“scooch over, dick,” she mutters, setting down a bowl of peeled apple slices on the table in front of him. “just eat what you can manage. and go put one of my t-shirts on; you’re sweating like hell.”

dee unpauses her show as he walks off, sitting back with her umpteenth glass of wine for the night. sure, she’s totally annoyed about her self-care (for lack of a better word) being interrupted, but she has to admit she enjoys her brother’s company on rare occasion, even if he’s wallowing in self-pity like this.

but she’d never tell him that, of course. she’d hate to fuel his ego, though on days like this it might be nice for him to hear something good about himself.

dennis comes back in a minute later, wearing dee’s green “life is happy” t-shirt that’s almost comically oversized.

“what?” he scoffs when he sees the look on her face, a mix of skepticism and confusion, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. “i’m a fan of irony.”

she laughs sardonically as he sits back down, tucking his arms strategically under each other.

“you don’t— you don’t have to, like, hide that stuff from me. i don’t care.”

“mac doesn’t like to look at it,” he says through a mouthful of apple. “half the reason i came over here.”

dee takes a deep breath. god, she can’t believe two men in their forties are this dependent on each other. that they care so much about every little thing the other does. it’s pathetic, really.

“well, mac’s not here now, is he?”

dennis shrugs. they sit in relative silence for the next five or so minutes, bar the sound of the TV, and dennis sets the bowl back on the table after downing a few slices, leaning his head on the armrest.

“hey, c’mon, you barely touched that. you’re gonna pass out; eat a little more.” dee says, an edge of concern to her voice.

“yeah, yeah, i will later,” dennis mumbles sleepily. “let me sleep first.”

she shakes her head, huffing. “fine, but just promise me, okay? i am not dragging your ass to the hospital this late.”

“why do you care so much?”

dee snorts. “‘cause you’re my brother, asshole, what d’you think?”

“i’m, like, a total dick to you. and you’re a bitch sometimes.” he pauses for a second, fidgeting with his hands. “stupid fucking bird.”

“well, yeah, you are a dick, and i wanna kill you most of the time. but, y’know, you’re still my brother, and i love you.” she mumbles that last part, as if it’s some big secret.

dennis rolls his eyes and fake-gags. “sap.”

“hey, shut up, i’m trying to be nice—”

“i know, i know, i’m kidding,” dennis says with a yawn, pulling down the throw blanket off the back of the couch and over his shoulders, burrowing further into his nest of throw pillows. “god. love you too.”

dee grins to herself as he drifts off next to her. he’s almost a perfect parallel of herself at her lowest, just minus the cigarettes and with a little more colour to his face. she knows how he’s probably feeling right now, and the knowledge he was never in on the plan to bring her down further makes her just a little more sympathetic than if it were mac or charlie.

“g’night, asshole.”

#trash twins !!#i don’t know where this was headed plot-wise i just love them and wanted to write smth #dennis reynolds #dee reynolds #iasip #it’s always sunny in philadelphia #fanfiction #title from two-headed boy by neutral milk hotel

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transcharliekelly · 3 years

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5. “Why are you helping me?”

(this one kinda got away from me lol. thanks for sending! relatively light gen macdee w/ mentioned macden, at dooley's pool party that dennis talks about, a little under 1k. warning for brief mentions of vomiting.)

Mac is drunk. Probably.

(Definitely).

Mac is drunk, and he’s slowly lost his friends, so now he’s sitting on Dooley's couch, picking at the label on his beer bottle and not listening to the girl that’s been talking at him for the better part of five minutes.

He decides he’s had enough of her, and stands without a word.

“Where are you going?” she asks, but he doesn’t answer as he walks off to the kitchen. She sputters at him, but he ignores her, scanning the crowd for a familiar face. Dennis’s familiar face, preferably, but Charlie would work too. Hell, he’d even take Dee at this point.

The last he saw of any of them was more than a half-hour ago- Dennis had told Mac to “watch this, bro,” and then shot him a grin that made Mac’s chest feel tight in ways he didn’t want to think about seconds before executing a totally sweet double jackknife. Charlie and Dee were on the other side of the small group that was watching, and Mac had seen Dee lean down to whisper something to Charlie that made him laugh. Then dumbass Eric Wyzotski and his oversized head called Mac over to him to talk about something stupid, and by the time he looked back, all three of them were gone.

He scans the kitchen for, in order, brown-haired dude leaned over some girl that’s either really into it or really creeped out, shorter brown haired dude looking like he’d rather be anywhere else, gangly blonde girl in a back brace.

Gangly blonde girl not in a back brace. Right. Mac’s not sure how he forgot- she hasn’t shut up about it once in the two weeks since she got it off.

Either way, he doesn’t see her. He’s about to turn around and go check the front yard or something, when he catches on something on one last sweep-over- Dennis, next to the sink, tongue-deep in some girl. Benny Orlando's sister, he’s pretty sure- Sissy? Something like that.

“Pretty gross, isn’t it?” says Dee’s voice from behind him, and he nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Jesus Christ, Dee. Give a man some warning.”

“Whatever,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You guys are always on me about how graceless and loud and annoying I am. Don’t get mad at me for being the opposite.”

“It’s the back brace,” Mac tells her, annoyed. “We could always hear it from a mile away. It was like your warning system. We’re just adjusting to life without it.”

“Sure, asshole. Whatever.”

They stand there for a little bit longer, watching Dennis and the girl (Missy?) with a kind of morbid curiosity. Mac’s not particularly enjoying it- something dark and almost angry bubbles up inside his chest, which is weird, because he should definitely be happy for his bro -and yet he can’t look away.

“It’s like a car crash,” Dee says, completing his train of thought, which is irritating. Stupid goddamn bird. Let a man think!

The angry feeling shifts into something else- almost like nausea. It’s far too real for his liking, and it honestly does feel like he might-

“There, there, princess,” Dee taunts, perched on the bathroom counter. “Get it all out.”

He dry heaves one last time, and reaches up to flush the toilet as he rests his head feebly on the seat. Some voice in the back of his head screams bloody murder about germs, but he tells it to shut up and let him rest for a second.

“Stop making fun of me,” he mutters, and Dee honest-to-god laughs. What a dick.

“No chance,” she says, hopping off the counter so she can open the medicine cabinet and pull a cup out of it. She fills it up with water from the tap, and passes it down to Mac, who drinks all of it one go.

She puts her hands on her hips, and clicks her tongue as she scans the open cabinet. “I don’t see any, like, Tylenol or whatever, but you’ll be fine. Probably.”

She takes the empty cup from his outstretched hand, and wordlessly fills it again before passing it back to him. He takes several gulps, and lowers it with a gasp.

“Why are you helping me?” he asks, and she makes a face.

“Okay, well, don’t say it like that. I’m giving you tap water in a dirty cup I found in someone else’s medicine cabinet, not my damn kidney,” she huffs, reaching out to take Mac’s empty cup from him. “But it’s because I feel kinda bad for you, being all pathetic and gross and in love with my brother n’ shit. Not helping you would be like leaving a three-legged puppy out on the street.”

Mac gives her his best attempt at a death glare, given current circumstances. “I’m not in love with Dennis.”

“Sure, dickwad. Whatever. Do you want more water?”

“No, Dee, really. I’m not gay.”

“Of course you aren’t,” Dee says, very clearly not believing the words she says. “Do you want more water or not?”

“I’m not gay,” Mac repeats, possibly more to himself than to Dee. Something flickers over her face that’s almost pity, and she seems to give in.

“I’m taking that as a no on the water,” she says. “And I'm going to leave now. I’m even going to be nice and not tell you who I saw go out to the backyard with Chrissy Orlando before we left the kitchen so you could dispose of your guts.”

“Dee?” Mac calls, as she pulls open the bathroom door, and she turns back to him.

“What?”

“Thanks,” he says, and she makes a face he can’t read.

“Whatever,” she mutters, and with half a smile as she turns away, she’s gone.

#dennis's gayass monologue in dines out makes me crazy in the brain everytime i watch that episode #which i did a couple days ago #so... now we have this #my fic #shortfic #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #mac mcdonald #dee reynolds #macden #macdennis

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bastardennis · 3 years

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• tagged by @prince-luffy

1. why did you choose your url? It's really self explanatory innit? 2. any side blogs? Actually yes, I have trouble separating fandoms so when I get ~into stuff a bit too much, I create a sideblog for it. My main blog is actually @metalicar but I haven't even been watching SPN for the last couple of years, I mostly use it to follow all the fan content I like and keep myself up to date for any new shenanigans happening over there. Some of my others are @silverhandpunk for some game stuff (but it's pretty empty there and not at all active), @bambicoldwaughter for The Magicians stuff (that I've basically killed dead after The Event) and some random aesthetique blogs for my personal visual pleasure (@chrysleralmighty, @vanderohe).

3. how long have you been on tumblr? Whooo boy... I think I have like... more than 1400 pages of reblogs and stuff on my main blog, so at least 9 years?

4. do you have a queue tag? Nope, typing an extra q into the tags is so much work.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? I joined because of the dumpster fire that was Gossip Girl, specifically because of that one ship that never was. I never watched the last season and deleted all traces of it from my main blog.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? It's the cutest Mac face I've ever seen ngl, and I love Mac, he's my soul twin yeah I'm kinning Ronald McDonald and what about it?

7. why did you choose your header? *checks what the fuck even is my header* Oh, that! It's just the most homoerotic and subtext-y Macdennis image I've ever seen, and it was made as a promo for this show, isn't that wild? The brains on those people, I swear

8. what’s your post with the most notes? On my main blog? A post of Misha calling Dean pretty gay for keeping his trenchcoat and being def attracted to Cas... in 2012! (also, holy shit, never knew I somehow accumulated 60k notes for someone that hardly posts?)

On here? Apparently it's a video of Dennis being personally offended and/or massively hurt by Mac going back into the closet in "The Gang Goes To Hell Part Two".

9. how many mutuals do you have? No idea mate, my name blindness works against me on the internets. Also, I don't expect an automatic mutual follow so I don't keep up with the statistics. I'm sure there are people who would make great online friends but are bothered by some niche thing that I constantly post so they really don't need to follow me. Same thing in reverse, I love some of the people that follow me but their interests are so weirdly not my thing that I can't follow them even if I love their chats/asks. I just don't like the concept of "mutuals" in general, can't you tell?

10. how many followers do you have? Around 2.8k on main, ca. 400 on here.

11. how many people do you follow? It's 1337 actually, heh 😎

12. have you ever made a shit post? One man's shit post is another man's treasure (translation: I have no idea what constitues a shit post specifically? The notes or the content?)

13. how often do you use tumblr a day? A lot, it's my multiple fandom news feed, even if I only technically post about mostly one thing.

14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? Nah, never even got a 'kill yourself' anon, and I was in the SPN fandom for years. I guess I'm just that unremarkable.

15. how do you feel about the you need to reblog posts? I don't feel anything specifically, I just.... don't reblog? I'm way past my caring phase, and it's mostly because it does nothing for my mental health. Tumblr is not surprisingly my escapism place, so I use it as such.

16. do you like tag games? Sure, 'cause I've got shit to say, y'know? actually I don't, I just like the sound of my keyboard clicking sometimes

17. do you like ask games? See above! also I love interacting with people? The problem with me interacting with people is.. well I just get into a procrastination loop of scrolling so I hardly initiate anything without being prompted. My ADHD allows only One (1) self-motivated action per day and the motivation for the rest needs to come from outside of my brain.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? The beauty of tumblr is that I literally have no idea. We could all be tumblr famous *insert communist bugs bunny meme*

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? Like a romantic crush? Probably not, idk. But I do get weirdly fixated on people sometimes, though it's usually An Idea of them through snippets of their online life.

tagging @pizzashakes @macronalds @silvermoonreds pls feel free to ignore the tag if you don't want to do it or already did 💗💜💙

#tag game #mine

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theentiregdtime · 5 years

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So I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately about how Mac deserves so much better than Dennis, and if he ends up with Dennis, it will basically be an act of kindness and self-assured destruction. To be fair, that’s somewhat true- I mean, that’s the whole point of the first episode of Season 13. Even though their lives are considerably better without Dennis, the rest of the gang will still choose him time and time again and deal with the consequences, because they’re all codependent to some extent (although you could argue Dennis is actually the most codependent of all of them). But they’re all pieces of shit, they’re all terrible people who deserve nothing, including Mac (I mean, we love them, but they’re just terrible). Mac is not some pure little angel baby who has done everything right and is the light to Dennis darkness or whatever. No one ever wants to talk about how often Mac breaks Dennis’ heart. Granted, everything I’m about to cite may be due to his obliviousness, ignorance, and inner turmoil... but the same is true for the way Dennis treats Mac. It’s a double standard (more below the cut because this got long). 🐸☕️

In the early seasons, Dennis is clearly more confident with his sexuality and more capable of expressing emotions. In general, he’s a much more real and honest person, and he’s not hiding behind a fabricated version of himself like he is now. Now, that may have been because his character wasn’t completely solidified at the time, but either way, it’s still canon. Time and time again, everyone (including Mac) shut Dennis down when sexuality or emotions were brought up. Every time he had big, loud, genuine feelings, the gang got confused and wrote him off and acted like he was being a total weirdo. Mac has historically been very in-your-face about his condemnation of gay relationships as well, and every time, Dennis has reacted by dismissing him or punishing him in one way or another. Hearing that shit over and over again has obviously been pretty tiring for Dennis, especially if you subscribe to the Season 5 theory (if you do, ouch, it’s not fucking fun to be messing around with someone who’s ashamed of you and thinks they’re committing a sin)- and that’s only the extent of it we see onscreen. What we don’t see is how many times Mac has rebuked gay relationships all throughout his friendship with Dennis, in high school and when Dennis was in college and basically their entire lives. As long as Dennis has known Mac, he’s reiterated over and over again that being gay is a sin, and it continues to drive Dennis further and further back into himself (whether you argue that he’s bisexual or gay, he clearly isn’t straight, yet he’s devolved into flat out stating that he is in the most recent season). Mac repeatedly retreats to women he cares nothing for rather than being with Dennis because it’s a safety net (and yes, I’ll give you that Dennis does this, too). Then Mac suddenly whips back around and is out and confident and openly calls himself gay at every given opportunity- and that has to be a punch to the gut. The way he felt about Dennis, how much he loved him, was never enough to make him comfortable in his sexuality. In Goes To Hell, Mac’s coming out is partially a love confession for Dennis as well, which is made quite clear when they’re drowning- then he takes it back at the end. But he comes out over a goddamn lottery ticket and stays out. That has to sting. (Not only does it sting, but it means Dennis actually has to deal with his feelings, but that’s a whole other can of worms I’m not opening right now).

And it’s more than just Mac’s religion and his fight against gay relationships. It’s instances like the one in Beats Boggs. For a moment, Dennis quite visibly gets his hopes up that Mac might be kind to him, might ask him to stay because he cares about him and enjoys his company because he’s his best friend and doesn’t want him to go. And then he doesn’t- he just marks him out of the competition. Dennis’ face clearly screams why did I expect anything more? This is not an isolated incident. In both Beats Boggs and DDL, all it would have taken for Dennis to stay would have been Mac asking him to- but he never does. All Dennis ever needs is one good reason to stay, and Mac never gives him one, reassuring Dennis over and over again that he doesn’t care if he stays or goes, doesn’t need him, which has to hurt. Mac is often comfortable writing Dennis off immediately. He never fights for him. If Dennis leaves, then he leaves, and Mac adapts. In Tends Bar, after knowing him basically his entire life, Mac still thinks Dennis doesn’t have feelings! He sees Dennis on such a surface level sometimes, actually believes the front he puts up, but doesn’t see what’s underneath, doesn’t see the real Dennis. Everything in Dennis is clearly constantly begging for Mac to just see him and really know him. Dennis knows Mac better than he knows himself and Mac... sometimes doesn’t really know Dennis at all. Dennis basically has to kick and scream and shove it in Mac’s face for him to actually comprehend what he’s saying, thinking, or feeling.

And Dennis doesn’t want to have to be loud- he’s not ready to be loud. He wants Mac to look at him and just know what he’s feeling, because he should, because they’ve known each other forever and they’re best friends. But Mac is more or less incapable of noticing anything Dennis doesn’t clearly state. When Dennis snaps and goes against the character of himself he’s constantly playing, Mac is confused and surprised by it- just as much as Charlie and Dee are and even complete strangers are. Dealing with Mac can be like dealing with a dog at times. He loves Dennis unconditionally but doesn’t always know why, he’s adaptable and moves on a thousand times faster than Dennis can (Dennis honestly can’t- there could be a thousand people out there for Mac, but there is no one else for Dennis), he’s easily distracted and confused and hardly ever sees past the surface (he doesn’t even understand why his own actions frustrate Dennis sometimes, even when it’s pretty obvious as to why), he can be perfectly carefree and happy while Dennis is going through hell, he’s impossible to talk to a lot of the time and he pretty much doesn’t see Dennis on a deeper level than anyone else does, despite knowing him and loving him for so many years. But Dennis continues to want Mac’s approval and reassurance and love, very clearly thrives off of it, and this isn’t a goddamn power play or some sort of dominance/ego trip bullshit. I see that as part of the “Mac deserves better”’ argument so often and it’s not the case. Sure, Dennis has an image of himself, and sure, he cares about his reputation, but that’s not why he wants and needs Mac’s approval. He needs it because it makes him feel validated and happy and safe.

So yes, Mac could easily do better than Dennis, but he probably doesn’t deserve it. That’s the whole point of the show- these people are together because no one else wants to be friends with them. They stay together because they’re pieces of shit and all they have is each other. Mac is not an innocent, pure baby who’s been trampled on by Dennis the entire goddamn time. They’re both awful, they’ve both hurt one another over and over and over again, and they’re both terrible at recognizing Dennis’ feelings. If Dennis works overtime to stifle them and Mac can’t see past the charade, then how are his emotions ever supposed to come into the light? How are they going to move past that if Mac can’t see below the surface, if Dennis has to scream it aloud just to get him to understand? One can only hope they figure that out.

And if they do, it won’t be Mac staying with Dennis as an act of kindness and generosity, it won’t be Mac refusing to do better because he’s blindly in love, it won’t be Mac having a thousand options but choosing Dennis anyways. It isn’t any of that. People so consistently want to pretend that’s the case and none of that is true- and even if it is, then the reverse is also true.

They both deserve better and they both deserve nothing, simultaneously. They’ve both broken each other’s hearts time and time again, they’re both equally as awful, and yeah- maybe Dennis needs Mac more than Mac needs Dennis, but that’s just another example of what’s made Dennis so insecure and desperate. This is not some light vs darkness, manipulative, unevenly balanced relationship dynamic as people so often want to portray it. It’s just two shitty people (and let me reiterate, I absolutely love them) who should probably be in jail, who are so emotionally damaged and repressed and fragile, who don’t ever get the timing or the words quite right and who are always so close to figuring it out yet so far away. But they’re going to figure it out, and when they do, when they can finally be honest for the first time in forever, they’re going to deserve to be so happy. Sometimes two awful people deserve each other and sometimes that’s perfect. No one is going to be settling. No one is going to be surrendering. No one is going to deserve better. They deserve exactly as much as each other and nothing more.

#i just started typing and it got out of control #come and get me y'all #also just wanna say i like charmac but don't pretend it's so much purer #they're ALL terrible to each other y'all just wanna woobify mac and charlie and act like dennis is the goddamn devil #newsflash asshole they are all the devil #iasip #dennis reynolds #mac mcdonald #macdennis #just me rambling

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lesbianfreyja · 5 years

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80 + macden 👀

80. You owe me.

“I’m not doing this. I don’twant to do this,” Mac insisted. His head tipped back, looking up at the sign hungabove the entrance to the building before them.

“You’re doing it,” said Dennisfirmly.

Mac felt Dennis’s knucklesbrush against his a few times before Dennis fumblingly caught his hand and squeezed.Mac snorted and rolled his head to the side to look at him, watching Dennisgrin back.

“We can’t afford it, Dennis,” he complained. “We paid rent late twice thisyear already. Last time we did date night, you took me to Denny’s!”

“Here’s the thing, baby boy.”Dennis moved in front of him, patting his chest. His fingers curled into thefront of Mac’s shirt. “Last year, you got me a bag of salt and vinegar chips formy birthday, and the year before that you forgot it completely.”

“I didn’t forget,” Mac interrupted.“I gave you that blowjob!”

“That was because you’d spentfour hours watching a Ryan Reynolds marathon that afternoon and you felt guiltyfor calling me the wrong name in bed,” said Dennis. “You didn’t even know you’dmissed it until the next day.”

Mac shifted around, his eyesrolling.

“Den…”

“So, this year, I’m picking outexactly what I want and all you have to do is swipe the card.” Dennis slung anarm around his shoulders. “You owe me.”

Mac sighed. “Fine, man. Whatever.But if one of them tries to scratch me like it did last time I’ll never forgiveyou.”

“You like cats,” Dennisreminded him. “It was one feral cat one time. Come on.”

He took Mac’s hand again andstarted pulling on him, and reluctantly Mac followed his boyfriend inside. A bellabove the door tinkled when they came in, and several animals in cages nearbylooked up eagerly at them, wagging their tails.

“Hi!” a saleswoman popped up togrin sunnily at them. “How can I—”

“Oh, Mac! Look at this one!”

Dennis pulled Mac around thegirl and released his hand to drop down to his haunches. He stuck his fingersthrough the slats in the cage, and the kitten inside slunk as far away from himas it could.

“Black cats are bad luck, dude,”said Mac. “Every time it runs by you, it means a witch is cursing God in yourhonor! I don’t wanna be cursed that much, bro.”

Dennis twisted around to lookup at him. “You don’t really believe in witches, do you?”

“It’s true! That’s a straightup fact!”

Dennis snorted softly, shakinghis head as he turned back to the cat. Even though he’d been waggling hisfingers through the cage at it, slow and hypnotic in an attempt to coax itcloser, it stayed trembling as far away from him as it could. Grunting, Dennispulled his hand away from the black cat and straightened up.

“Whatever,” said Dennis. “Youwere an ugly little bitch anyway.”

Mac trailed after him as he meanderedfurther down the same aisle.

“Maybe we could look at thedogs?” Mac suggested, eyes widening hopefully. “If we have to get a pet, a dogwould be way more badass—”

“Don’t even try it,” Dennis saiddryly, shooting Mac a look over his shoulder. “It’s my birthday. And I want a cat.”

Mac sighed. Dennis wandered pastmore cages, dismissing the animals inside as being too scrawny, too big, toobitchy-looking, not enthusiastic enough about him jamming his hand in their cage.They walked up and down a few more aisles, with Dennis rejecting every single catthat they saw. They were only a few cages left, filling Mac up with dread thatthis errand was about to extend well into the afternoon if they had to drive togo look at another pet shop.

Dennis frowned at a fat brownone who kept swiping at his hand. Mac’s eyes drifted away from his millionthpainful rejection, scanning the surrounding cages absently.

“Holy shit!” Mac shouted out. Hedarted past a few more cages and dropped hard to his knees on the floor. Heshoved his face in close to the bars of this cat’s enclosure. Instead ofrearing back, it stayed nibbling at its food bowl. “Dennis, look at him! He’s socool!”

He heard Dennis trailing afterhim and felt him settle just behind him to the side. When he glanced upeagerly, Dennis had his arms crossed and he was frowning down at Mac on the ground.

“What are you talking about, Mac?It’s just a—” Dennis picked at the nametag hung on the cage, squinting at thedescription. “—Mac, it’s just a stupid tabby cat. They’re like, everywhere.Charlie’s got about five that follow him from his building to the bar.”

“But he’s so orange!”

Mac’s face scrunched up in aweand he leaned back in close to the cat’s cage. It finally stopped eating longenough to acknowledge him, and it slinked closer, sniffing the air tentatively.Mac pressed his face right up near to the bars and it flinched back at first,minutely, at his sudden movement forward. After a second it padded closer againand ducked toward the side of the cage too. It pushed its snout near Mac’s noseand sniffed again. Mac laughed. When he looked up, a faint smile was tugging onthe edge of Dennis’s mouth. Mac grinned and stood up.

“He’s so cute, Dennis!” hesaid. “We have to get him! Can I hold him?”

Mac whipped around to look fora sales associate. Dennis spotted one first and flagged them over.

“This one’s a girl, bro,” saidDennis.

“No way. It’s way too cool-looking.Look how orange he is!”

“Yeah, she’s really orange.” Dennisrolled his eyes. “But look, dude, the tag says right here that her name is Chloe.”

Chloe lookedup at them both through the top of her cage, tilting her head. Behind them, someonecleared their throat and they both turned around to look at the girl from earlierstanding behind them.

“Hey there,” she said. “Youlike—”

“I wanna hold this one,” saidMac, pointing at Chloe.

“It’s my cat,” Dennis snapped, stepping in front of Mac. “She’s for me. Potentially. If we decide to gether.”

Mac leaned against Dennis’sback to get closer to the salesgirl.

“Whatever. Just take her out!”

The salesgirl stepped aroundthem to undo Chloe’s cage.

“Be careful,” she said, easingChloe up out of it. “She doesn’t usually like men.”

She handed the cat off toDennis, after he won the shoving fight between him and Mac to hold her first.Dennis was surprisingly still, and quiet, as he gathered her up in his arms. Shewas tense at first, but when Dennis stroked a hand down her back she started torelax.

“Wow,” said the girl. “I’m surprised,she generally doesn’t trust—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dennis interrupted.“We’re done with you. You can go now.”

“I — can’t just leave you herewith an animal unattended,” said the girl, uncertainly. “Um, I’ll stand overhere while you make a decision.”

She moved a little way away to watchthem from over by some fish tanks. Mac shuffled in closer to Dennis, reachingup to scratch at Chloe’s ears. Her eyes closed, and she nudged into Mac’s hand.

“She likes us!” Dennis said, lookingup to grin at him.

“It’s probably because we’regay, dude,” said Mac, moving to rub her under her chin. “She can sense that we’renon-threatening.”

“That’s not a — you know what, sure,”said Dennis. He knocked Mac’s hand out of the way so he could lift her up andlook her in the eyes. She blinked slowly at him. With one paw, she reached outlike she was going to touch him on the shoulder — then instead she brought herarm down and smacked Dennis in the face.

Mac doubled over laughing.

“Bitch,” Dennis gasped softly,but he brought her back to his chest and kept running his fingers down her backanyway.

“Oh, my God, dude! She’s perfect!”Mac said. “Dennis, bro, we have to get her! Look at her, she’s so cute…She’s alreadycopying me, we have to take her home. She’s…what’s the word? She’s imprintingon us!”

“Cats don’t do that,” Dennissaid. He still sounded a little annoyed but he tucked Chloe under his chin andhugged her closer.

“Yeah, they totally do!” Macinsisted. He reached out to pet her side, dancing around where Dennis’s arm wastucked beneath her.

“You’re thinking of ducks.”

“Ducks do it too. It’s a thingthat like, any small mammal does. Trust me, that’s science.”

“It is absolutely not,” said Dennis.“So what? You think that big dogs don’t imprint on people but little ones do?”

“Of course not, Dennis,” Macsaid, rolling his eyes. “That would be stupid! If they have the potential to become big, then they can’timprint. Duh. It’s a gene some animals have, bro, trust me.”

Dennis thought this over as heput Chloe back in her cage and the salesgirl brought them up to the counter tostart filling out adoption paperwork. They would need an interview-type meetingfirst, apparently, to bring them up to speed on Chloe’s background and historyand make sure they had the means of providing for her. Institutions were sostupid. Mac wanted to bring her back now but the saleswoman said it was literallyimpossible, even when he argued and got loud. Bitch.

“Lions,” said Dennis as theywere walking back to the car. He snapped his fingers in the air like he’d justsolved an impossible riddle.

“What?” Mac turned to look athim. “What are you talking about?”

“Lions are like big cats. So byyour own theory, cats can’t imprint.”

He smiled proudly.

“No, you’re getting confused,”said Mac, shaking his head. He pulled open the passenger side door to the carand climbed in. “Lions are just relativesof cats. One of the genes that makes them super big and gives them a mane alsomakes it so they can’t imprint. They’re different.”

Dennis rolled his eyes.

“Let’s just go buy stuff fordinner,” he said, twisting the key into the ignition.

They got to bring Chloe home aweek after they met her. Dennis had gone all out and bought her a bed andlitter box and several large bags of food from Walmart already, but Mac hadgone back to the pet store to pick up things for her to play with. Annoyingly,she avoided all of Mac’s super cool food-shaped toys to gnaw on the edge of thepillow they had sat her on so she could lay between them on the couch.

Dennis was obsessed with her,wouldn’t stop nudging her ears and stroking her back while she ignored him tokeep chewing on their pillow.

“I guess it’s okay that she’s agirl,” said Mac, frowning at her. “At least her color is still badass.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Dennis cooedat the kitten. “He’s just jealous that you like me more than you like him.”

“We should still call her somethingcool, though,” said Mac. “Hey! Remember how you promised to name your firstbornkid Murphy? After I died, remember?”

Dennis finally looked away fromthe cat to glare at him.

“No fucking way, Mac,” he said.“We are not naming her after Robocop. She’s sweet, we should name her somethingsmaller—”

“You promised!”

“When you actually die forreal, I’ll change her name to Murphy. Okay?” said Dennis. “Until you’re in theground I don’t have to do jack shit that was on your little list of funeraldemands.”

“But you’re—”

They were interrupted by a loud,plaintive meow coming from betweenthem. Mac glanced down at her, but Dennis was already lashing out to scoop herup in his arms. He petted at her head, pulling her into his chest and turning awayfrom Mac like he was trying to hide her from him. Mac made an irritated noise,trying to swipe out around Dennis to pet her again.

“I won’t let him name you Murphy,”Dennis promised.

“Well, we have to change it tosomething because Chloe was the name of the bitch who pushed me off a swingsetin fifth grade!” said Mac. He brought his fist down hard on his thigh. “We saidwe’d be cat dads together, Dennis.You don’t get to hog her.”

Dennis sighed. He lowered thecat onto his lap, where she promptly started kneading at him until he wassuitably comfortable enough for her to curl up on and go to sleep. Dennislooked up at Mac, smug.

“Why don’t you go scoop hersome food?” Dennis suggested. He gestured down at her. “I can’t move.”

Grumbling, Mac pushed himselfoff the couch to deal with her dinner. While he worked, he tried to come upwith a better name for her, but everything cool that he liked was a dude’s name.It wasn’t his fault that women were never in any good movies.

“What about Anne,” he said suddenly,spinning around with a finger in the air.

Dennis wasn’t listening to him.Dennis was bent over, rubbing at the cat’s stomach and murmuring something intoher ears. Mac softened, watching them for a minute or two. Eventually he turnedaround to keep scooping her some dinner. He guessed they could fight about what to name hersome other time.

DISCLAIMER! i clearly knownothing about cats or pet shops lol so that’s all creative liberty at work. i mean, i skimmed the pet smart website on adoption. and my friends have cats. also, adopt don’t shop x

#honeyreynolds #ask #iasip fic #fic #fic stuff #iasip #mac x dennis #drabble tag

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ritedudehere · 6 years

Text

With Mac’s performance, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia can no longer be a show about nongrowth.

Its only been like a day since I saw that beautiful season 13 finale of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, but I can already sense the people around me getting tired because it’s all I want to talk about. My roommates are only vaguely aware of the show. They’ve never been obsessed with it like I was from 2012, until 2016. And then now. I’ve been haunting the apartment with my laptop, opened to youtube, the video clip of the end of “Mac Finds His Pride” queued up, ready to be watched for maybe the ninth time. I sent it to my friends who I think would be willing to have a conversation with me about it. It doesn’t matter to me who has the context of the rest of Sunny, and who doesn’t. All that matters to me is if someone is willing to watch and listen. Because I want to talk about it.

I think it was in 2016, in the middle of the 11th season, when I finally gave up on the new episodes. But sometimes, I’d open Hulu and binge on seasons 2 to 8, and I’d think about what I believe has gone wrong with the latest seasons, starting from season 9. I’ll think about why I stopped watching.

Maybe its just me, but it seemed like every character in Sunny had all turned into caricatures. In the beginning, the popularity of the show stemmed from the fact that these are all terrible people who no one would want to meet in real life. None of them have any sense of social responsibility, or empathy. But what made the show good, and the antics funny, was that on some level, the audience could understand the impulses the gang acted on in every episode. It was low budget with a simple concept. The worst people in the worst city in America acting on their worst impulses. And for the show to keep working on this concept, their characters could never learn from their behavior, could never grow or develop.

It’s Always Sunny was a good show until it wasn’t anymore. I don’t know. The jokes began to feel stale. The show couldn’t give me character development--this was their promise from the beginning, but it wasn’t giving me anything else to make the characters and their antics fresh. I could start to predict the plot easily. A few episodes might get a chuckle, but not a hearty belly laugh. The new episodes just didn’t feel new. The quality of picture and sound maybe got better, the budget more expensive. The gang was leaving Philly more and more often, and the schemes were getting wilder, bigger. But I wasn’t laughing anymore. My opinion was that keeping Sunny running for so long was a mistake. It seemed like the creators were becoming more progressive people who were trying to address complex topics--definitely a good thing, but they were growing past their own show, because their characters were not capable of complexity. Sunny taught their audiences that their characters will never change, and so the show was becoming stale because they were recycling material and old jokes without complicating them, because how could they when their own characters are not meant to be seen as complicated. They cannot grow or develop. That was the point from the beginning.

A couple days ago, I came across a few shots of Mac’s Dance. I thought, “Oh cool, Rob Mcelhenney is in another thing.” I never considered that those shots would be from It’s Always Sunny until I saw the whole thing. They looked too serious, too polished and sculpted.

My opinion is changed. Rob Mcelhenney did something insanely brilliant with Mac in the season finale, reversing the tone of the show unexpectedly, taking a giant leap, so to speak. And I don’t know what to do with this new thing Sunny has given me. But if any character of Sunny deserved character development, it was definitely Mac. If you were to ask me, he had the most complicated material to work with, not only including his sexuality. When I actually try and consider it, he was always the most sympathetic. As a practicing Catholic, he operates off of some kind of moral compass, no matter how flawed, damaging, and often bigoted. Of the entire gang, he was the one who tried the hardest to be a good person, or the person he believed he should be in the confines of something bigger than himself. The rest of the gang never thought of their identities as deeply as Mac. That was why coming out of the closet was such a big deal for him. In the episode where he comes out to the gang, he accepts his sexuality, but he gets depressed, telling the group that God is not real, because even though he accepts his sexuality now, he cannot accept that God would make him gay. The two main components of Mac’s identity, Catholicism and homosexuality, are contradictory. He cannot accept them existing at the same time. I can’t think of anything nearly as interesting happening with the other four.

Mac also has body dysmorphic disorder. He constantly changes his physical appearance as he seeks the approval of others. That’s part of the joke, though, that his appearance is constantly changing and nobody knows or understands why. In season 13, it only comes off as another joke aimed at Mac’s dysmorphia. The joke is that he gets ripped because he thought it was part of one of the gang’s schemes when it wasn’t. It’s a call back to a previous joke in season seven. Mac gets fat because he thinks he’s “cultivating mass” for another one of the gangs schemes, which isn’t actually part of any plan. In season 13, he presents his ripped torso to the gang, who don’t understand what is going on. Charlie then explains, “Oh, yeah, no one ever really knows what’s going on with Mac. He’s fat, he’s skinny, he’s muscular. It’s really a cry for help and attention, I think. So, what you do in that situation is you ignore him.” Then Mac, unsure, asks, “We’re not going to put it into the plan? Why did I do it?” Everyone: “Nobody knows.”

Mac: “You guys like me, right?”

Nobody answers.

Mac’s character was always seeking the approval of someone. It begins with his father in season 3, “Dennis Looks Like A Registered Sex Offender,” which shows Mac desperately trying to bond with an unresponsive father. In later seasons, Mac mainly seeks his approval from Dennis, who doesn’t approve of anyone in the gang, the gang is just easy for him to control, especially Mac. So, when Mac didn’t have approval from his dad, he sought approval from Dennis and from God. Neither of which worked out for him.

Now, we have the season 13 finale. It’s just so, so good. It’s emotional, heartbreaking, and the reason for this is because of who Mac is. He’s actually a sympathetic character. He’s complex, three-dimensional. Flawed, but tortured. The audience can react emotionally to the dance because of everything Mac had given thus far, not just from the beginning of “Mac Finds His Pride,” but maybe as far back as season six, or even further, in “Dennis Looks Like A Registered Sex Offender,” when Mac struggles desperately and fails to connect with his emotionally distant, ex-con father. Sure, in that episode, it’s meant to build to a punchline of the joke at the end, that as soon as Mac reacts appropriately to the way his father was treating him, he finds out that his dad did have plans to connect with his son, before Mac ruined it.

The dance is unexpected. For 13 seasons, Sunny fans have been taught that no matter what, Mac would make a fool of himself. Not this time.

In this article from Vulture, Rob Mcelhenney expresses his intention for the finale. “’We got a really overwhelming emotional response from the LGBTQ community last year,’ McElhenney said. ‘I took it seriously and I felt it would be completely unexpected to have this much more emotionally resonant end to the season. You would expect that Mac would express himself through the art of contemporary dance and it go horribly wrong, until you realize that’s not the direction we’re taking.’”

All Mac really needed was for someone to tell him that all the confusing things going on inside of him (the storm they are dancing in, the dance itself, all of it meant to represent his struggle) is okay. Mac needed someone to tell him that it was okay, that everything he is, and everything he feels even though it is confusing and contradictory, is okay. Thinking back to everything the audience has seen from Mac, you realize he is just a deeply wounded person. Maybe he’s involved with a bunch of narcissists like Dennis, Frank, Dee, and Charlie because of how wounded he is and has always been. But even before this, he has shown more complexity than all the other characters combined.

Again, from Vulture: “Rob came out of the writers room saying he wanted it to represent the struggle, the push and pull, and that helped Leo and me to put the choreography together in a way that showed vulnerability and strength,” Faulk said. “The woman represents the light and the good and everything pure and amazing — and he’s the dark. So it’s basically a giant metaphor for being able to love and accept yourself.”

Sunny did something completely different and unexpected for one of their most complex characters, they gave him a platform in which he is able to find love and acceptance, and then receive it as it came from somewhere he wasn’t expecting.

I feel pretty inspired by what Sunny just did, and now, I am going to expect more from the show. The creators have grown as people, and the stories they want to tell are more complex than before. Their characters are going to have to, or will have to continue to, catch up with them. I’ve been waiting for the show to end, thinking it could never grow. Sunny just proved me wrong.

One concrete example of what I wish to see in the next season: Mac standing up for himself against Dennis. If the show goes back to the way they were doing things before season 13, I will be completely disappointed. I don’t necessarily expect Mac to be completely different after this, but he’s the character who has shown the most character growth and complexity, even before the finale. If Dennis treats Mac the same way and Mac doesn’t stand up for himself in some way of another, I will be deeply uncomfortable. I might even feel betrayed.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia just threw away their old playbook. It’s a new show now.

#iasip #discourse

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twentyonepilotsficlibrary · 6 years

Text

Miscellaneous Fandoms Fic Rec Masterlist

This is something new we’re trying out. In our admin group chat we all started talking about our other fandoms/pairings we read and thought it might be fun to share some of our favorite fics.

I know not everyone will be into this idea but i think it’s easily ignored if it’s not your cup of tea. Otherwise we hope you enjoy this mess of fics, maybe you’ll find yourself a new pairing, or maybe you’ll get inspired to write Joshler.

we hope you enjoy!

**this will be a long post**

Madi’s recs

Teen Wolf - Sterek (Stiles Stilinski & Derek Hale)

Cornerstone by Vendelin (6/6 | 83738 | Explicit)

Suffering from PTSD, ex-Marine Derek Hale moves back to Beacon Hills to open a bookshop and find a calmer life. That’s where he meets Stiles, completely by accident. Stiles is talkative, charming and curious. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s blind, he’s able to read Derek like no one else.

//PTSD //anxiety attacks

No Homo by orphan_account (12/12 | 84092 | Explicit)

Stiles' sophomore year starts something like this: 3 FourLokos + 1 peer-pressuring cat - 1 best bro to end all best bros = 1 Craigslist ad headline that reads "str8 dude - m4m - strictly platonic". Derek is the fool who replies.

//internalized homophobia

We Got Claws by Onlymystory (15/15 | 34914 | Mature)

Peter, Isaac, and Scott get de-aged. Stiles and Derek take care of them.

Harry Potter - Drarry (Harry Potter & Draco Malfoy)

Open For Repairs by FeelsForBreakfast (1/1 | 34901 | Mature)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things.

feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary

There's a Pure-Blood Custom For That byLomonaaeren (36/36 | 105549 | Mature)

The day that Harry stops Draco Malfoy and his son from being bothered in the middle of Diagon Alley starts a strange series of interactions between him and Malfoy. Who knew there was a pure-blood custom for every situation?

Transfigurations by Resonant (1/1 | 71284 | Explicit)

Five years after Voldemort's defeat, Harry returns to England to help re-open Hogwarts.

//major character death

IT - Reddie (Richie Tozier & Eddie Kaspbrak)

Yours Truly by Buttercup12 (14/14 | 51414 | Mature)

Eddie Kaspbrak has it bad. He’s bullied for being a tiny, delicate, hypochondriac boy. He’s also bullied for being very, very, very gay. Long story short, his life isn’t the easiest.

However, that’s all a piece of cake when compared to his gigantic, pathetic crush on Derry High’s most popular and oh so very straight Trashmouth, Richie Tozier.

Richie has no idea he even exists.

Right?

Wrong.

ugly moon by weepies (27/27 | 79482 | Teen and Up)

Richie Tozier hasn’t spoken a word to anybody since he came to Derry in the middle of the school year. Until he talks to Eddie Kaspbrak.

//abuse mention

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Christie’s recs

Harry Potter - Drarry (Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter)

Turn by Saras_Girl (14/14 | 306,708 | Explicit)

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

All Our Secrets Laid Bare by firethesound (16/16 | 149,549 | Explicit)

Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on.

South Park - Creek (Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak)

Do Not Try This At Home by Marasa (6/? | 32,100 | Mature)

A post is made that night detailing the rules of their arrangement:

• Video must be taken of the event.

• Video must be uploaded.

• Turns will be taken; after one group uploads, the other must upload as answer to the original post. This ensures equal stunts and higher expectations with each stunt.

• Don’t half-ass it; this is a fucking competition!

//depression //anxiety //past abuse //drug use

The Roommate by DoAsYouWill (27/? | 277,882 | Mature)

Craig is off to college, where he is introduced to the weirdest person he's ever met. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, (Craig can't decide), that weirdest person is his roommate.

Just your typical cliche 'meet as roommates' story, but with a lot of nostalgic undertones.

Deadpool - Cablepool (Wade Wilson/Nathan Summers)

Incognito by CQHD (Comet_Kohoutek) (2/2 | 5,810 | Explicit)

Deadpool introduces Cable to porn.

The video, Deadpool realises belatedly, is way too quiet. There's no cheesy bass line that gets stuck in his head and makes him feel each pulse in his dick. There's just the soft rustling of clothes against skin as the man strips. It's got an aesthetic to it, but it doesn't stop Deadpool from hearing the catch in Cable's breath once the man steps out of his underwear and crawls on to the desk.

Toaster by edy (1/1 | 3,339 | Mature)

If someone were to strap you in and measure your heart rate, it wouldn't be a surprise to anyone to find it'd be beating in time with his own heart. The notion is meant to be romantic, as is customary in romances, and you think it might be romantic if an uneven heart rate wasn't a sign of a serious health condition.

//suicidal thoughts

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Sydney’s Recs

South Park

Do Not Try This At Home by Marasa (6/? || 32,100 || Mature)

A post is made that night detailing the rules of their arrangement:

• Video must be taken of the event.

• Video must be uploaded.

• Turns will be taken; after one group uploads, the other must upload as answer to the original post. This ensures equal stunts and higher expectations with each stunt.

• Don’t half-ass it; this is a fucking competition!

// depression, anxiety, past abuse, drug use

A Perfect Love Like Craig and Tweek by ugandadistrict9 (1/1 || 3,783 || Teen and Up Audiences)

Tweek and Craig have been close for a few years, and everyone says that they’re dating, but Craig has neither confirmed or denied it. Tweek has developed strong feelings for Craig over the time, but is worried that Craig doesn’t feel the same way he does.

Homicidal Maniac by Maroonedpunk (3/3 || 17,654 || Teen and Up Audiences)

They called him a homicidal maniac for years.

Then came the allegations against the coffee shop.

Tweek can’t do this by himself.

// depression, anxiety, drug use, mental illness

Spirit Animals by hollycomb (1/1 || 22,191 || Not Rated)

Cartman wants to film his amateur ghost hunting show at the site of the grisly McCormick massacre. Stan hates the idea but he can’t stay away, because Kyle will be there.

✓✓ Read by Boyue (16/16 || 65,196 || Teem and Up Audiences)

WENDY Nice picture but you have the wrong number.

AKA how Stan Marsh met Kyle Broflovski through a dick pic mishap.

// depression, alcoholism, derogatory language

Detriot: Become Human (Gavid Reed/RK900)

Chrysopoeian Heart by feistymuffin (6/? || 22,826 || Explicit)

Chrysopoeia - the act of transmuting a substance into gold

Gavin doesn’t like androids… but then again, nothing’s written in stone.

// graphic depictions of violence

Still by Terminallydepraved (1/1 || 4,277 || Explicit)

Sometimes it takes someone else nearly dying to make you realize the important things.

Life sucks, but in a beautiful kind of way by ConsultingStag (5/6 || 7701 || Mature)

Gavin stares at RK900 and regrets it immediately as its gray gaze bores into him. LED spinning yellow. Dissecting what happened. Analyzing the clues in front of it. And then a perfectly fake eyebrow lifts and equally fake lips twitch into a tiny smirk and Gavin knows that he is fucked.

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Cade’s Recs

Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia - Macdennis (Mac/Dennis Reynolds)

a beachfront of bad blood by castielanderson (1/1 | 28,366 | Mature)

or alternatively “Dennis Tries to Kill Himself: MacDennis Remix” Originally for the 2017 MacDennis Big Bang, but alas

They don’t have a falling out so much as a slowly drifting apart. Being a dad makes Dennis tired, so tired sometimes he feels like he might never have energy again, and that means that he stops checking in with Mac as often. Eventually, they stop talking. Mac gets a boyfriend. Dennis stops taking his medication.

After Dennis attempts suicide, Mandy insists he return to Philadelphia with the gang, and she will follow with Brian Jr. when she can. Faced with an unwanted recovery, a failed family, and feelings he would rather ignore, Dennis is forced to navigate uncharted waters within himself and within his relationship with Mac.

//rape/non-con //suicide attempt //self-harm //eating disorders //depression

Fullmetal Alchemist - Royed (Edward Elric/Roy Mustang)

Reverti Ad Praeteritum by Batsutousai (30/30 | 288,908 | Mature)

Unwillingly forced to serve as a human trial for a crazy alchemist experimenting with time travel, Edward Elric finds himself standing across from Truth in the moment it takes his leg from him. Armed with the knowledge of what's to come and burdened with guilt for the choices he'd made as an adult, Ed sets out to fix every mistake he ever made and save every life they ever lost, no matter what it takes.

//underage //implied/referenced dubious consent //violence

Know the Difference by ShanaStoryteller (1/1 | 9,083 | Teen)

“You’ve heard the rumors,” Mustang says, looking at Ed over the top of his latest report, “about the angels.”

Ed scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Angels don’t exist, don’t be ridiculous.”

“Of course, of course,” he murmurs, gaze sliding back down, “There have been multiple eye witness accounts, however.”

Ed slouches into the chair and doesn’t bother to keep the contempt to from his voice when he says, “Don’t depend on anything with wings to save you. Things that were made to leave always end up doing so, in the end.”

“Yes, well,” he says, “sometimes they come back.”

a terrifying clamour of trumpets by ShanaStoryteller (1/1 | 12,194 | Teen)

Edward grabs Marcoh’s arm and says, “That stone – what can it heal, exactly?”

The old man’s eyebrows rise to his forehead, and he looks like he already knows the answer when he goes, “Why do you ask, Edward?”

There's no metallic footsteps so there’s no way Al’s close enough to hear them. “I’m sick,” he admits after another moment of deliberation.

The Codeine Scene by Xyriath (31/31 | 111,257 | Explicit)

After finding himself entangled with King Bradley's gang of criminals and no way out, Roy Mustang must struggle between balancing his morals and the need to keep himself alive. He walks a thin rope, and a chance meeting of a young man, addicted to drugs and forced into prostitution, complicates matters further. By all rights, he should consider Edward to be collateral damage, an unfortunate bystander in his already difficult situation, but this is one person Roy soon finds he can't leave behind.

//rape/non-con //forced prostitution //drug addiction //mentions of suicide //mentions of depression

Fullmetal Alchemist - Edling (Edward Elric/Ling Yao)

Nothing Gold by Rydia (ungarmax) (1/1 | 22,219 | Teen)

Ling has gained immortality. Ed has not.

//major character death

----------------------

Bard’s Recs

Bastille - Dyle (Dan Smith/Kyle Simmons)

and in the morning you'll be stranded in love (it goes around and around)by brujay (1/1 | 15,717 | Teen)

“Have you seen Groundhog Day?”

Kyle took a moment before replying. “I have… what exactly are you trying to say, here?”

Dan sighed again. “I think I’m living it.” Dan gets trapped in a time loop, and he is not having a good time.

//panic attacks

argonautica orpheus by trailsofpaper (Sanwall) (note: it is private, you can only read if you have an account but it’s too good to not share) (6/6 | 17,478 | M)

Kyle, like Jason on the Argos, sets out on a journey to retrieve something important but, more importantly, he finds love along the way. Dan, unlike Orpheus, doesn’t look back.

(Dan and Kyle are flatmates in Leeds, but when Kyle wrecks his keyboard a week before he and Dan are about to enter a competition, they need to go to London to get another keyboard. Complications and even shenanigans ensue.)

Harry Potter - Drarry (Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter)

He Who Must Not Be Normal by lettered (1/1 | 40,913 | Explicit)

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life. Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life. Which makes you think this story has something exciting like body-swapping, but it doesn’t. Instead it has Indian takeaway and a blue jumper and people wanting a whole lot of what they can’t have, discovering themselves as they discover each other.

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl (4/4 | 114,741 | M)

Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

Buzzfeed Unsolved - Shyan (Shane Madej/Ryan Bergara)

i think i'm still turning out by the_tenerife_sea (1/1 | 6,325 | General)

Shane is starting to think Ryan is using him for his baby, considering how much he’s already talked her up to all of their coworkers and friends. ____

Or the one where Shane is a new parent, and Ryan is always there for him (and his daughter, of course).

#admin favorites #miscellaneous fandoms fic rec masterlist #masterlist

12 notes · View notes

vaalinors · 6 years

Text

you’re the anchor (that i tied to my brain)

Edward Elric to the last jedi 9 pm DON’T BE FUCKING LATE IM TALKIN TO U YAO: pray tell where the fuck is my brother

Edward Elric: it is 8 o fucking clock

Edward Elric: im locked the fuck out of the house

Edward Elric: and al STILL ISN’T BACK FROM HIS GODFUCK SHITHOLE DATE

Paninya: ed take a deep breath n hurl urself into a pond or smth

Paninya: als been freakin out about mei for at least 38478392 years now

Paninya: let him relieve his thirst

Paninya: AND BTW THIS IS UR OWN DAMN FAULT

Edward Elric: how in The FUCK???? is this MY FAULT??????

Paninya: u couldve had a perfectly gross dorm on campus bUT NO U HAD TO BE BOUJEE N RENT AN APARTMENT WITH UR BROTHER

Edward Elric: IM ONLY LOCKED OUT BC AL LOST HIS GODDAMN KEY AND I

Edward Elric: BEING THE SAINTLY BROTHER THAT I AM

Ling Yao: w0w thats a lie

Edward Elric: GAVE HIM MINE AND NOW I GOTTA SCREAM AT HIM TILL HE PUTS HIS TONGUE BACK IN HIS OWN MOUTH AND COMES THE FUCK BACK

Winry Rockbell: u reeaaallly dont gotta

Paninya: have u heard??? of this thing??????

Paninya: called????? pm?????????????

Paninya: bc its a thing u could use to bitch at al without annoyin the entire shit outta the rest of us

Ling Yao: lol lan fans at her grandpas rn and her phone cant be put on silent

Ling Yao: shes going to kick ur ass

Edward Elric: IM gonna kick ALS ass if he doesnt show up in the next half hour I DONT CARE IF HES ON A FUCKIN DATE

Ling Yao: may i remind u my sister is the girl ur brothers currently wooing

Ling Yao: u do that and lan fan wont be the only one kicking ur ass

Edward Elric: what think u can take me weakLing

Ling Yao: uh duh but i was talking about mei

Edward Elric: PLS shes what half a foot tall????? PLSSSSSSS

Lan Fan: so twice as tall as you

Edward Elric: DO,,,,,U WANT,,,,,,.,TO FUCKING DIE,,,,,,,.,.,,,,

Lan Fan: edward

Lan Fan: i am at my grandfathers house

Lan Fan: my phone is ringing so loud my neighbors think their doorbells r broken

Lan Fan: my grandfather is ready to smash it into oblivion

Lan Fan: if he does we WILL be reliving 3/10 and youll be tasting a lot more than just your stomach acid when im done with you

Lan Fan: do not make me sneak out of training to answer you again

Paninya: Rekt™

Ling Yao: mic drop

Edward Elric: psh whatever

Edward Elric: u fuckers think 3/10 scared me

Edward Elric: GUESS FUCKING AGAIN

Edward Elric: FUCKING C O M E A T M E

Paninya: o look shes typing

Edward Elric: anyway im gonna pm al goodnight and thank u

Winry Rockbell to is it gay to want to literally drink ushers voice: OI AL how was the date

Winry Rockbell: I WANT DETAILS

Edward Elric: if anyone wants to know how to be the Creepiest Fucking Person Ever

Edward Elric: talk to winry

Winry Rockbell: well seeing that i won best ed impression two years in a row now id say i do indeed know

Edward Elric: HAR DE HAR

Edward Elric: u think u fucking know me???

Alphonse Elric: Is it hard?

Paninya: yea all u rlly gotta do is yell fuck a lot

Alphonse Elric: Put ur hair in a braid with one obnoxious ass strand sticking right up

Winry Rockbell: dont forget u have to crouch down

Winry Rockbell: i recommend kneeling

Edward Elric: dont think i cant deck all u shitdicks

Ling Yao: ive just annoyed the info out of my sister

Ling Yao: it seems al is quite the casanova

Ling Yao: clearly not a family trait BUT

Edward Elric: i will piss in ur backpack

Ling Yao: case in point

Ling Yao: ANYWAYS UPDATE ON THE BET FRONT

Ling Yao: as im sure u all know ned, roy mustang and i have had an ongoing wager AKA who can wrangle the most freshies into joining his club

Ling Yao: well as of today the martial arts/dance troupe has 20 more members

Edward Elric: BULLSHIT

Ling Yao: and i believe that pulls me ahead of ned to tie evenly with mustang

Ling Yao: and really would any of u choose archery over martial arts??

Paninya: tbh i choose social life over any clubs but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edward Elric: basic bitch

Paninya: u kno it

Paninya: but srsly wtf shifty how did u get 20 new members so fast

Lan Fan: he showed off and gave his number out to like half of them

Ling Yao: :O how could u EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS

Ling Yao: I tRuSTeD YOu

Lan Fan: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edward Elric: just u fuckin wait ling

Edward Elric: ill leave both u asshats in the GROUND

Alphonse Elric: I mean first u have to

Alphonse Elric: Yknow

Alphonse Elric: Be taller than the ground

Edward Elric: I LIVE WITH U I CAN MAKE UR LIFE FUCKING MISERABLE U HEAR

Winry Rockbell to kyle ron WHOMST???: so about laser tag this weekend

Winry Rockbell: invite lings sister yay or nay

Lan Fan: why not

Rosé Thomas: It’d even us out

Rebecca Catalina: does it even matter tbh we all kno whichever team rizas on is gonna win

Riza Hawkeye: Catalina i resent that statement

Rebecca Catalina: pls point to me where thE LIE IS HAWKEYE

Winry Rockbell: ok then

Winry Rockbell added Mei Chang to the chat

Paninya: EY UVE JUST BECOME PART OF THE MESS THAT IS US SOPHS

Maria Ross: and a few seniors

Paninya: WE’RE BASICALLY A KPOP GROUP BUT BETTER (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Lan Fan: ok we’re going laser tagging this weekend you in

Mei Chang: i feel like i may die if i say no so as long as my idiot brother isn’t going i’m in

Paninya to could u actually perhaps makin bacon pancakes: [DELETED MESSAGE]

Ling Yao: wot

Alphonse Elric: Whos going laser tagging

Winry Rockbell: pan ffs

Paninya: (◔◡◔✿)

Edward Elric: fuckin RUDE

Lan Fan to Panko: what is it

Panko: i have no idea what u mean my dear

Lan Fan: uve been typing for an hour now AND i can hear your teeth grinding from my room

Panko: i have no idea what u could be referring to my sweet

Panko: i just wanna kno how ur days been

Lan Fan: this is about ling isnt it

Panko: dear

Panko: u used an emoji

Panko: u never use emojis

Lan Fan: look i get that youre just looking out for me

Lan Fan: but its fine and so am i

Lan Fan: i really dont need a pity heart to heart

Lan Fan: besides hed give out his number to everyone in the world if he could thats just who he is

Panko: well ur not wrong

Panko: is it bad to say im so glad i rarely have to deal with bois

Lan Fan: girls can be idiots too

Panko: ppl in general usually r

Alphonse Elric to WE CANT KEEP DOWN ALL THAT VODKA ON KRAFT MAC N CHEESE: So i cant feel

Ling Yao: mY FACE WHEN IM WITH U

Alphonse Elric: That and the rest of my body

Alphonse Elric: How is one person so funny and sweet and amazing

Paninya: MY SON HES IN LOVE YALL

Paninya: ITS TRUE FUCKIN LOVE

Paninya: ELRIC 2.0 TEXT ME IF U NEED ANYTHIN

Paninya: CONDOMS

Winry Rockbell: oh god

Paninya: BIRTH CONTROL

Edward Elric: PAN WHAT THE FUCK U THINK AL KNOWS WHAT A CONDOM IS

Paninya: HE IS A HORNY TEENAGE BOI I BET U MY ENTIRE ASS HES USED ONE BEFORE

Lan Fan: PANINYA

Mei Chang: uh

Paninya: oh fuck

Ling Yao: mei so it was U that made that balloon fart noise just now

Lan Fan: ling kindly shut up

Edward Elric: SO AL ISNT BREATHING I THINK HES DEAD

Edward Elric: HES BEEN STARING AT HIS PHONE FOR 10 MINS NOW FUCK WHAT DO I DO

Paninya: CALL 911 U MORON

Lan Fan: where do you live i know CPR

Ling Yao: thats hot

Winry Rockbell: MEI PRETEND U CANT READ

Mei Chang: er i can’t read suddenly i don’t know

Ling Yao: (╯°□°)╯now she gives in to the memes

Edward Elric: ok nvm hes alive

Edward Elric: buT I M NOT GONNA BE FUC KBRB RUNNINGgh

Paninya: rip in peace

Alphonse Elric to how Extra™ do u gotta be to come up with fuccboi: So we’re still down for gta tomorrow right

Alphonse Elric: Ed cant make it because i killed him

Ling Yao: the old ed cant come to the phone right now

Ling Yao: why

Edward Elric: because hes going to cut off lings fucking elbows

Roy Mustang: can you even reach his fingers

Edward Elric: listeN HERE U liL SHIT

Alphonse Elric kicked Edward Elric from the chat

Ling Yao: thats cold

Ling Yao added Edward Elric to the chat

Roy Mustang: i knew it couldnt last

Edward Elric: if any of u polefucks ever want to know how to get ling to do something bother lan fan

Ling Yao: try it again and i will Key Your Face

Ling Yao: she has a physics test tomorrow

Alphonse Elric: Wow

Roy Mustang: :O

Jean Havoc: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Edward Elric: i got the beer for tmr night

Alphonse Elric: Damn right u do im not letting u in otherwise

Edward Elric: ignore asshurt over here hes pissed i embarrassed him in front of his date

Roy Mustang: at least he has one

Jean Havoc: yeah have u ever had a girlfriend edward??

Denny Brosh: Do you know what a woman is ned????

Edward Elric has left the chat

Ling Yao to Good Shit ✔💯: hey lan fan

Ling Yao: LAN FAAAAAN

Good Shit ✔💯: what

Ling Yao: guess who i just saw in chem doodling one miss rockbells name on his hw

Good Shit ✔💯: no

Ling Yao: oh yes

Ling Yao: i wanted to take a pic but ed decided to be a good student and tore it off before handing it in

Good Shit ✔💯: does he even try in chem

Ling Yao: no but at least he doesnt fall asleep like he does in lit

Good Shit ✔💯: hemingway puts everyone to sleep

Good Shit ✔💯: read some brontë or steinbeck

Good Shit ✔💯: id say dickens too but anti Semitism and all

Ling Yao: i love it when u talk lit to me

Ling Yao: reminds me of when u used to sneak into our library and read the biggest books u could find

Good Shit ✔💯: better than you climbing up the side of my house to sneak into my room

Ling Yao: pls u loved it

Good Shit ✔💯: debatable

Good Shit ✔💯: club meetings today dont forget

Ling Yao: how can i ur always here to remind me ;)

Winry Rockbell added Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, Maria Ross, and Rebecca Catalina to ROSE TYLER DEFENSE SQUAD WHERE YALL AT

Winry Rockbell: just so we’re clear friday nights a byob sitch

Lan Fan: well wade was totally off

Ling Yao: atta girl

Paninya: wow and here i was thinkin byob meant bug ur own business

Edward Elric: what the utter fuck

Alphonse Elric: Dont act coy u LIVED a bugs life ed

Winry Rockbell: BRING YOUR OWN BOTTLE CAPICHE

Winry Rockbell: jesus now ive got the kim possible theme song stuck in my head

Edward Elric: if one of u picks yoshi i will e n d u

Paninya: no promises n its not our fault yoshi pushed ur fool ass off mushroom gorge that one time

Rebecca Catalina: LMAOOO

Edward Elric: that demonic fucking dinosaur needs to go extinct

Roy Mustang: since brosh doesnt give a shit do we want to make this a floor thing

Ling Yao: i see what ur doing mercedes benz u sneak ass

Roy Mustang: you caught up yao i can finally start trying

Edward Elric: news flash fuckers i got 5 more ppl today u can both suck my ASS

Winry Rockbell: ok but keep it small

Lan Fan: ,,,,,,,

Maria Ross: this is why timing’s important kids

Ling Yao: how much smaller could his butt get

Roy Mustang: are we even be able to locate it

Rebecca Catalina: does ned even have a torso????

Edward Elric: I HOPE U ALL ROT IN HELL

Paninya changed the chat name to eds ass is bigfoot pass it on

Winry Rockbell to Mulan but Better: is it weird that i cant stop smiling at ed

Winry Rockbell: hes sleeping in the chair across from me

Mulan but Better: a bit

Winry Rockbell: yeah

Winry Rockbell: hes such a nerd

Mulan but Better: but hes your nerd

Roy Mustang changed the chat name to WHO TE HFUCKS IDEA WAS IT O MAKE THIS AFLOOR THING

Edward Elric changed the chat name to URS U FUCKING CURLY STRAW

Paninya to wubba lubba dub dub: all of u need to see this Spicy™ video of ed from last night

Winry Rockbell: pan its 9 fucking am

Winry Rockbell: who tf is up that cares

Paninya: o dont u worry winnie the pooh

Lan Fan: yep shes still drunk

Paninya: i think ed will when he stops groaning in the bathroom there

Paninya sent a video in the chat

Paninya: srsly im postin this on ig later

Winry Rockbell: SHIT thats loud

Alphonse Elric: What the fuck is that

Riza Hawkeye: Is

Riza Hawkeye: Is he singing mad world

Paninya: u bet ur blonde ass he is

Lan Fan: was this after we took turns playing yoshi and demolishing him in mario kart

Paninya: u bet ur toned ass it was

Winry Rockbell: paninya i can barely hear anything over u shouting STRIP STRIP STRIP in the bg

Ling Yao: edward really is tone deaf isnt he

Ling Yao: oh hes stopped puking

Ling Yao: hes looking at his phone

Alphonse Elric: Rip in peace our bloodshot eyes

Edward Elric: wHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS IS THAT

Edward Elric: WHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS

Edward Elric: WHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS DID U ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS DO TO MY PHONE

Ling Yao: HAHAHAHA OH MY GOD

Roy Mustang: dear jesus what is happening

Paninya: oH MY WHICH ONE OF U DID THIS

Paninya: I WILL K I S S U

Mei Chang: there is way too much shouting this goddamn early in the morning

Ling Yao: while u were busy cackling over that video i may or may not have convinced lan fan to steal eds phone

Edward Elric: U ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS BETTER ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS FIX MY ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS PHONE OR IM ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS

Jean Havoc: hes like an infuriated duck with a lisp

Roy Mustang: siri what is the tiniest species of duck

Edward Elric: U WANNA ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS FIGHT

Paninya: pls tell me one of u hungover fucks is gettin this on video

Mei Chang: lan fan u okay?

Lan Fan: yeah too much shouting i have a headache

Lan Fan: add me back when ed calms down (◕ ‿ ◕✿)

Lan Fan has left the chat

Paninya: hey ed ill bet even yoshi can say fuck

Edward Elric: FOR ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS SAKE

Lan Fan to Guns n Roses: hey

Lan Fan: i dont know where you are rn

Lan Fan: im still sort of hungover and i kind of need someone to talk to who isnt going to get angry or

Lan Fan: try and rationalize everything and well

Lan Fan: do you ever just wish that things could change

Lan Fan: that you could be someone entirely different or that you could get out and leave and not give a damn about anything or anyone or

Lan Fan: because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Guns n Roses: Okay i was at work but i’m coming back right now

Guns n Roses: And i’m going to get you tea and you’re going to tell me whatever you want to tell me okay??

Lan Fan: thanks

Paninya to ID SING OH CANADA TOO IF MY PM HAD AN ASS LIKE THAT: ok but for real

Paninya: dicks r like mushrooms

Paninya: little funny gross mushrooms

Rosé Thomas: Paninya you’re high go home

Paninya: oh sweet flower i wish i was

Winry Rockbell: its 4 fucking am GO TO SLEEP

Paninya: time is an illusion

Paninya to TRICKY tricky TRICKY tricky: i crave the sweet release of death

Edward Elric: FUCKING KARMA

Winry Rockbell: i could hear u playing music at 5 am again today why tf have u been up so late

Paninya: my roommate was screaming french at me

Paninya: she has a test today

Paninya: also

Paninya added Lan Fan to the chat

Paninya: LAN FANNNNNNNN

Lan Fan: i didnt do the psych hw paninya

Lan Fan: and run-dmc doesnt deserve this subpar treatment

Alphonse Elric: Lan fan

Alphonse Elric: Lings been looking for u

Lan Fan: i know its ok dont worry about it

Edward Elric: A FUCKING BIRD JUST SHAT ON MY HEAD

Paninya: what was that????? u said???????

Paninya: about karma?????????

Edward Elric: WHAT IS THIS LITERAL SHIT ON ED DAY

Lan Fan: is that not everyday

Edward Elric: I WILL FIGHT ALL U ASSDICKS

Lan Fan: 3/10 edward

Edward Elric: i will fight me for only i myself am the one assdick here thank u amen and goodbye

Lan Fan to Literal Monkey™: so i hear you were looking for me

Literal Monkey™: that depends

Literal Monkey™: what did i do lan fan

Literal Monkey™: did i say something

Literal Monkey™: tell me what i did that made you so upset at me

Literal Monkey™: if i did something im sorry i really am but you cant just disappear and not even tell me whats wrong

Lan Fan: i know

Lan Fan: it wasnt you i just

Lan Fan: my grandfathers relapse and its been rough with classes lately

Lan Fan: it kind of hit me that i cant always afford to be chill all the time

Lan Fan: sorry ive been mia

Literal Monkey™: well now i feel like a dick

Literal Monkey™: ur my best friend lan fan and i think ive gotten so used to u being near i freak out when ur not

Literal Monkey™: i guess it kind of says something about me that might not be a good thing

Literal Monkey™: especially since i climbed the side of ur house to see if u went back home and u werent there

Lan Fan: you w h a t

Ling Yao to Frying Pan: in hindsight

Ling Yao: i prob shouldnt have told her about the climbing

Ling Yao: shes not talking to me again

Frying Pan: u done fucked up boiii

Ling Yao: so will u tell me whats really wrong with her now

Frying Pan: not a chance boiii

Winry Rockbell to Wannabe Alchemist: hey i know its kind of sudden

Winry Rockbell: and u prob have other things to do

Wannabe Alchemist: nah im free shoot

Winry Rockbell: could u maybe come with me this weekend

Wannabe Alchemist: …are u sure

Wannabe Alchemist: i mean of course ill go hell even if i had a meeting with the goddamn president id skip it to go anywhere with u

Wannabe Alchemist: but i dont want to overstep my right or anything

Winry Rockbell: no ed u could never impose

Winry Rockbell: its just been kind of a shit year

Winry Rockbell: i dont know if i can handle going to visit them alone this time

Wannabe Alchemist: dont worry im there for u

Wannabe Alchemist: whatever u need

Winry Rockbell: i

Winry Rockbell: thanks ed

Wannabe Alchemist: theyd be proud of u win

Winry Rockbell: :)

Winry Rockbell: not to degrade ur sentiment or anything because damn ed u can be sweet

Winry Rockbell: but id do buttfuck anything besides meet with our president

Wannabe Alchemist: i read that as u would butt fuck anything but shit u right

Mei Chang to “3/10 WASNT EVEN THAT BAD” famous last words: paninya was that you outside my school trying to sell taylor swift tshirts

Lan Fan: paninya what the hell

Paninya: ok HS GIRLS EAT TSWIFT UP

Mei Chang: you looked stalkerish as hell my principal was going to call the police

Winry Rockbell: just burn them in a rusty can like the ratchet ho u are

Paninya: what is This Disrespect™ n pls im not gonna burn them that merch cost me lk 984759 bucks

Lan Fan: sounds fake but ok

Ling Yao: and why tf would u sell them taylor swift is finally getting interesting

Winry Rockbell: yeah shes finally being savage af isnt this what u signed up for

Paninya: hey i signed up for Drama Taylor

Paninya: this is just plain whoring for attention

Alphonse Elric: Not sure those terms are mutually exclusive

Edward Elric: HOLY FUCK

Lan Fan: speaking of whoring for attention

Edward Elric: I GOT MUSTANG TO PLAY LEAGUE

Edward Elric: went straight for brand the dumb fucking pyromaniac

Alphonse Elric: Can i just remind u that ur first time ur jerk ass went right for garen

Edward Elric: GAREN is a PERFECTLY FUCKING GOOD CHAMPION TO GO FOR WHEN UR A NOOB DUMBASS

Alphonse Elric: Sounds fake but ok

Ling Yao: and a bit like neds trying to compensate for something

Edward Elric: U ALL AINT SHIT

Lan Fan: its yaint

Ling Yao: u uncultured fuck

Paninya: k first of all lol is a game for 13 year old prepubescent boys

Lan Fan: so perfect for edward

Edward Elric: DONT FUCKING TRY U KNOW UR A HO FOR AKALI

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,,,dont say 3/10 u know i would rather fucking die

Lan Fan: then perish

Alphonse Elric: Ed did U make that whale noise

Winry Rockbell: the real question here is paninya???? can actually spell???????? words???????? whAT??????

Paninya: SECOND OF ALL any of u want tswift shirts hmu (◡‿◡✿)

Edward Elric: taylor swift is fucking great why the fuck would u sell them

Winry Rockbell: ………..

Alphonse Elric: ……………………

Paninya: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Lan Fan changed the chat name to ill take edward elric is fake Punk Rock™ for 800 alex

Edward Elric: OI U CAN BE PUNK ROCK AND STILL LISTEN TO GUILTY PLEASURE POP

Winry Rockbell: SOUNDS FAKE BUT OK

Rosé Thomas added Mei Chang, Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric, Roy Mustang, and Riza Hawkeye to Unnamed

Paninya changed the chat name to PROJECT LINGFAN

Paninya: ALRIGHT LISTEN UP

Alphonse Elric: What the hell is lingfan

Paninya: PLS WITHHOLD ALL QUESTIONS TILL THE END OF THE BRIEFING MY PRECIOUS CHILD

Winry Rockbell: she continues??? to spell????? correctly???????? what i am amazed?????????????

Paninya: ROCKBELL FULL OFFENSE STFU

Winry Rockbell: rude

Paninya: SO EVERYONE HERE KNOWS OUR GOOD FRIEND LING YAO AKA SHIFTY AKA MONKEY BOI AKA CO-PRES OF THE MARTIAL ARTS/DANCE TROUPE YEA

Mei Chang: if i say no can i leave

Paninya: AND EVERYONE ALSO KNOWS MY SPICY GIRL LIGHT OF MY LIFE LAN FAN AKA DEFINITION OF BADASS AKA EDS WORST NIGHTMARE AKA CO-PRES OF THE MARTIAL ARTS/DANCE TROUPE YEA

Edward Elric: she is not my worst fucking nightmare

Mei Chang: so you don’t turn into a stuttering baby every time she brings up 3/10

Edward Elric: U WERENT THERE U DONT FUCKING K N O W

Paninya: AND EVERYONE HERE KNOWS THAT THOSE 2 HAVE THE BIGGEST RAGING BONERS FOR EACH OTHER THAT ANYONES EVER FUCKIN SEEN YEA

Winry Rockbell: i feel like there was a better way of putting that

Edward Elric: wait hold THE FUCK UP ur fucking with me right

Roy Mustang: yes edward

Roy Mustang: she made an entire separate chat and invited all these people just so she could fuck with you

Alphonse Elric: Thats literally what the normal group chat is for wtf ned

Edward Elric: what the UTTER FUCK???? LING AND LAN FAN????????

Rosé Thomas: You were right winry he’s blind

Alphonse Elric: Dude how the hell are u so ignorant

Riza Hawkeye: Edward are you really unaware of this

Edward Elric: HOW DO U ALL KNOW ABOUT THIS WHAT THE FUCK

Roy Mustang: id ask if you saw them at the floor party but i remembered you were too busy practicing for your x factor audition

Paninya: OK ED SINCE UR CLEARLY THE OBLIVIOUSEST FUCKING PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE GODDAMN PLANET

Winry Rockbell: obliviousest

Winry Rockbell: i knew it wouldnt last

Paninya: LET ME JUST HIT U WITH SOME EXAMPLES

Paninya: LAN FAN NEVER BLUSHES UNLESS U MENTION LING TO HER AND THEYVE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE C H I L D H O O D

Paninya: WHEN LAN FAN SHATTERED HER ARM IN FRESHMAN YEAR LING CARRIED HER HALFWAY TO THE DAMN HOSPITAL AND SLEPT NEXT TO HER SICKBED FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK SHE WAS THERE

Roy Mustang: he threatened to and i quote ‘key your face’ if you bothered her again

Winry Rockbell: lan fan only shattered her arm that time because some dumbass thugs tried to jump ling in order to threaten his dad

Mei Chang: whenever lan fan doesnt answer him right away he gets all huffy and paces for hours and checks his phone like 500 times until she replies LIKE SHE ALWAYS DOES

Paninya: LITERALLY TODAY OK RIZA CAN CONFIRM IM WALKIN TO MEET LAN FAN FOR PSYCH AND I SEE HER PRACTICING A FUCKING KARATE MOVE OR SOME SHIT WITH LING ON THE QUAD

Paninya: SHE STARTS LAUGHING AND I SWEAR ON MY FANTASTIC ASS LING STARES AT HER FOR 10 WHOLE MINS

Paninya: SHES BENDING HIS LEG FARTHER THAN ANY LEG SHOULD BEND AND HES LOOKING AT HER LIKE SHES THE ONLY DAMN THING WORTH KNOWING IN THE ENTIRE FUCKIN UNIVERSE

Paninya: THIS HAS BEEN HAPPENIN FOR YEARS I CANT EVEN WITH THEIR UNNECESSARY ANGST ANYMORE

Paninya: THEY NEED TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE I ACTUALLY FUCKIN EXPLODE JFC (╯✿◕益◕)╯︵ ┻━┻

Riza Hawkeye: That is indeed what happened

Rosé Thomas: And that’s why we made this chat

Rosé Thomas: So all of you can experience our pain

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,

Alphonse Elric: Seriously wtf is a lingfan

Mei Chang to pacific rim uprising is the sequel we didnt know we wanted and always needed no one fight me on this: you all know my name is mei right

Paninya: first time im hearin it

Mei Chang: because my calc teacher doesnt

Winry Rockbell: oh god what does he call u

Mei Chang: literally ‘mee’

Edward Elric: RIP IN FUCKING PEACE

Paninya: wot in tarnation

Ling Yao: u mean wot in pronunciation

Mei Chang: mee-eye is okay and mYE sure but MEE

Paninya: dw a teacher called me panYEA once lk??? bless u????

Edward Elric: omfg PETITION TO CALL PANINYA PANYEAH FROM NOW ON

Lan Fan: panno

Winry Rockbell: a teacher called me wine-ry in fifth grade like how in the actual fuck could u mess win-ree up

Edward Elric: maybe bc u were indeed hella whiny

Winry Rockbell: at least she knew i was there u were too smol to see over the table

Alphonse Elric: Better loud than nonexistent

Edward Elric: GTFO AL I WAS FUCKING TALLER THAN U

Paninya: “was”

Mei Chang: in any case i’m done trying to correct him hello yes my name is mee

Ling Yao: and wen it nite

Paninya: wtf r u on ling yao n where can i get some

Winry Rockbell: its another fucking meme i stg lan fan pls control this boy

Lan Fan: the kalc teachre cannt saye it rhite

Ling Yao: vINdICatION

Edward Elric to PROJECT LINGFAN: fuck this they gotta be in love

Winry Rockbell to Mulan but Better: hey theyre selling stroop waffles outside the bio building

Winry Rockbell: i can grab some for u if ur in class

Winry Rockbell: wait is that u in line

Winry Rockbell: are u wearing a lab coat

Winry Rockbell: u ran out of class didnt u

Winry Rockbell: did u not even bother to take off ur goggles u look like a nerdy terminator

Winry Rockbell: how many are u buying holy shit ARE U STUFFING THEM IN UR LABORATORY COAT POCKETS

Winry Rockbell: DID U JUST N A R U T O R U N OUT OF THE QUAD

Mulan but Better: why are you still asking me you know the answers yes

Roy Mustang to My Queen™: theyre selling stroop waffles right now

My Queen™: Has ling gotten there yet

Roy Mustang: theyre no longer selling stroop waffles right now

Rosé Thomas to 7 excellents and LAN FAN THE WAFFLE TRAITOR: It’s official

Rosé Thomas: Mustang won the bet

Winry Rockbell: wow i forgot that was still going on

Maria Ross: how’s ed taking it

Rosé Thomas: Oh how you would think he’d take it

Paninya: EYYYY EDS GONNA ATTRACT THE CAMPUS POPO AGAIN

Roy Mustang to PROJECT LINGFAN (WHAT IS A LINGFAN SOMEONE TELL ME ALREADY): if ling lost the bet he had to choose

Roy Mustang: either actually outright confess to lan fan or end whatever it is they have

Paninya: Y TF WOULD U GIVE HIM THE SECOND OPTION ALL THEY NEED TO DO IS STOP DANCIN AROUND EACH OTHER N BANG

Alphonse Elric: Paninya its more complicated than that

Paninya: WHAT IN THE 7TH RING OF HELL COULD BE SO COMPLICATED ABOUT THIS

Mei Chang: long story short

Mei Chang: our familys shit deep in politics

Mei Chang: either ling gets in there shit deep too or hes married off

Edward Elric: well fuck

Rosé Thomas: Lan fan knows

Rosé Thomas: When she messaged me after the party i found out that this is why she was so upset

Rosé Thomas: Apparently a drunk ling told her that she should leave him because ‘he’s scared about what would happen if he stopped caring and she deserves better than a coward’

Paninya: well now i feel like shit

Mei Chang: welcome to my world

Mei Chang to Secret Swiftie: remember how you came to my school and almost got arrested

Mei Chang: a couple of girls are asking about your tshirts

Secret Swiftie: call it what u want is a fuckin eargasm I TAKE IT ALL BACK ALL OF IT

Secret Swiftie: I HAVE HEARD AN ACTUAL REAL LIFE A N G E L

Mei Chang: great i’ll tell them you died

Lan Fan to WHOS FAKE PUNK ROCK NOW U FILTHY FUCKING HYPOCRITES P A N I N Y A: has anyone seen my book

Paninya: what book is it

Lan Fan: howard’s end

Alphonse Elric: Forsters great

Winry Rockbell: sorry i havent

Lan Fan: its fine i probably left it in the studio

Ling Yao: oi i was just kicked out of the dining hall what kind of DISRESPECT

Paninya: k but u were eatin all the soup

Ling Yao: is that a crime now

Winry Rockbell: u took the entire pot ling

Lan Fan: you didnt even try to be stealthy about it you just ran back to your seat giggling

Mei Chang: how are they just kicking you out now

Lan Fan: oh they have he climbs back in through the window

Edward Elric: last week u complained the rice wasnt cooked

Ling Yao: have u????? had the rice here??????? itS C R U N C H Y

Edward Elric: jfc lower ur standards ur highness this is college

Lan Fan: you dont pay 70K a year to eat

Paninya: just suck it up lk the rest of us

Winry Rockbell: its either this or starve yao

Ling Yao: :O

Ling Yao changed the chat name to fake friends™

Alphonse Elric to cAn yOU FEeL iT Now mR KRAbs: What the everloving fuck do i have to murder to find out what the shit lingfan is?????¿¿¿¿¿

Lan Fan: …..

Alphonse Elric: Ah

Alphonse Elric: Wrong chat

Paninya: (✿◉‿◉)

Winry Rockbell: AL FOR THE LOV EOF

Winry Rockbell kicked Lan Fan from the chat

Winry Rockbell kicked Ling Yao from the chat

Mei Chang: you know they can still see previous messages

Edward Elric: fuckkkkkk

Paninya: well first time not directin this at edward

Paninya: duuuuuude u fucked up

Panko to Lan Fan: hey i saved u a seat in psych but u didnt look over

Panko: is this about kickin u out of the squad chat

Lan Fan: do they all know

Panko: uh kno what

Lan Fan: does everyone know paninya

Panko: if i answer will u promise not to disappear again

Panko: no one told anyone else about it if thats what ur angry about we all figured it out by ourselves

Panko: well except for ed but that boi is dumb af

Panko: n im not sayin u guys were obvious or anything it took a while until we saw it

Lan Fan: i think im going to go back to my grandfathers for the weekend

Panko: pls dont drop off the face of the earth again

Lan Fan: i wont i was going to go back anyway and space is good

Panko: ur not the only one in this lan fan

Panko: no matter how much u wont see it

Lan Fan: (◠‿◠✿)

Winry Rockbell to PROJECT LINGFAN (ALPHONSE ELRIC DONE FUCKED UP YALL): so lan fans gone

Winry Rockbell: when did u say ling had to make a choice mustang

Roy Mustang: i didnt??

Edward Elric: u said he had to make a decision and DIDNT GIVE HIM A SHITDAMN DEADLINE

Edward Elric: ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN NOW HONDA

Paninya: well thats just great chevrolet

Riza Hawkeye: You really didnt think this through bmw

Roy Mustang: wow at least i didnt blow our cover

Alphonse Elric: Dont throw me under the bus with u toyota at least im repentant

Paninya: alright well now that lamborgini royally fucked up

Winry Rockbell: “lamborgini”

Winry Rockbell: so close

Edward Elric: so what the fuck is gonna happen now

Winry Rockbell: ok mei can talk to ling bc she lives with him

Mei Chang: unfortunately

Rosé Thomas: I don’t know if lan fan will be willing to talk

Rosé Thomas: She used an emoji again

Mei Chang: actually i’ll talk to her someone else tackle my brother

Paninya: idk how to speak fuccboi language one of the guys gotta do it

Winry Rockbell: after roy and als fuckups who else can we choose

Edward Elric: RUDE

Roy Mustang: sit down you didnt even know they were a thing

Edward Elric: MAYBE BC I DONT POKE MY FUCKING NOSE INTO OTHER PPLS BUSINESS

Alphonse Elric: Well ofc u physically cant ned

Winry Rockbell: can u even see other ppl without platform shoes

Mei Chang: or a ladder

Edward Elric: UR FUCKING SHORTER THAN ME JFC

Paninya to milk: hate it, shouting: always, music taste: shite = I AM FORCIBLY SHUT INTO THE BODY OF A SIX YEAR OLD: RIZA TOLD ME THERE IS A PETTING ZOO 3 MILES AWAY YALL MEET AT MY CAR IN 5

Edward Elric: we’re already fucking here

Ling Yao: lol weve been here for an hour

Alphonse Elric: Mustangs been holding a komodo dragon for approx half that time

Mei Chang: winry drove us and there are llamas

Winry Rockbell: i am surrounded by puppies rn am i dead

Paninya: bitch u r to me im writin u all out of my will CLEARLY ALL MY M8S ARE SHIT

Ling Yao to Sister Mine: mei

Ling Yao: meiiiiiii

Sister Mine: i’m literally right next to you what

Ling Yao: have u ever seen lan fan with her hair down

Sister Mine: once during the floor party you all snuck me into

Sister Mine: why do you ask

Ling Yao: her hair tie broke a few days ago and she was fussing with it and i couldnt breathe

Sister Mine: when her hair is down??

Ling Yao: up, down, soaking, gone

Ling Yao: she takes my breath away, mei

Ling Yao: she takes my breath away no matter what she does, or say, or looks like and i am a coward

Sister Mine: you may be right

Ling Yao: are you ashamed of me?

Sister Mine: that depends

Sister Mine: what do you plan to do about it

Lan Fan to Literal Monkey™: hey i know its 5 am and youre probably not even awake and this is probably useless anyway considering ive been transparent as all hell

Lan Fan: but i dont think sleep is an option until i tell you

Lan Fan: youre ridiculous

Lan Fan: youre ridiculous and full of it and infuriating and reckless and beautiful and just so so idiotic

Lan Fan: id have to be too i guess

Lan Fan: to be in love with you even after all of it

Lan Fan: and i really am just that

Lan Fan: idiotic and in love with you

Literal Monkey™: thanks

Lan Fan: did you just breakfast at tiffanys me

Literal Monkey™: yes because you would understand it

Literal Monkey™: you understand lan fan

Literal Monkey™: every shitty meme or reference or word i say you’ll always always understand

Literal Monkey™: just like how you understand that im all those things you said i was

Literal Monkey™: im reckless and infuriating and indecisive and greedy and far too ridiculous to deserve you and you understand that

Literal Monkey™: and if youre idiotic for being in love with me then im a hundred times more and you understand why too

Lan Fan: i think you have too much faith in me

Literal Monkey™: i think you have too little

Literal Monkey™: come to your window

Lan Fan: what why

Literal Monkey™: because its hard to type when im barely holding onto your window frame and looking like a hero straight out of an austen novel and honestly id rather told you how much im in love with you in person

Literal Monkey™: convention and all that

Lan Fan: well alright then

Paninya changed the chat name to IT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED LADS LINGFAN IS REAL FUCKING CHRIST NO MORE ANGST I AM LIBERATEDDDD

Alphonse Elric: Great so can someone pls explain wtf a lingfan is now

Edward Elric: Read at 8:09 AM

FULL VERSION AND CONTINUATION HERE

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