theweirdothatiam

[theweirdothatiam]

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

[theweirdothatiam]

You make me cry

My leg hurts

I can't remember the last time somthing hurt like this.

The stinging pain feels real, it radiates outwards, itchy and hot.

I want to cry.

I think you love me

I'm honestly not quite sure, I'm know I love you with my while heart.

I'm trying sobarity

I went dylan's tonight, Kenny invited me, I sat and nursed a pepsi and declined the shots.

I wanted to cry.

I hope it doesn't end

I feel alive for the first time in years, I told you about Chris and you held me close.

I went for a run.

My legs ached and my chest burned with every breath.

The tears felt good.

My mum rang

She told me Adam had died, we went to secondary together.

I hated him

She didn't say but we both knew what happened, she made me promise I wouldn't.

I will cry all week.

I had forgotten about the pain of living. Everything hurts, life is pain and I'm ok with that.

Even if we do not last, I will be ok, it will hurt and we will live.

Thank you Darling.

X

#my poem #poem #lgbt poems #depression #disasociation

[theweirdothatiam]

I have forgiven you

And I did not want to do it. I had wanted to shout and scream, make your eardrums burst and leave you withering in pain.

You deserved the hurt you caused me.

I can see you slowly turning into your mother and me into you.

You said the hardest part of leaving was not walking back in after you forgave her.

You had given her a million chances and she always failed.

She deserved the pain she caused you.

She made a joke that you were more of a woman than she was. That your queerness should be hidden away, something to be ashamed of, it took you years to wear nail polish again.

I lost a stone because I couldn't eat that first week after I left. You joked about my clothes swamping you and I now I can't stop counting my plate even when you're not around.

Why can't you see who you are turning into?

You say she had a rough childhood and never dealt with it, an explanation not an excuse, she needs to talk to someone.

But now no therapist fits right and you feel just fine without. You don't want meds, you're fine it's not like she hit you.

I used to say, one more time and I'll leave, I'll pack up for good, but it's not like you hit me, were going good, it's ok. You don't mean to make me cry. Would I have left if you said that last year? Would I have even dated you if I had heard the way you shout?

I try to tell my body you wouldn't hurt me but I still flinch when you raise your voice.

You think I don't notice the tears in your eyes? The panic after you break a dish, it's like you expect something to happen. You don't talk about the panic attacks and the memories your body holds. The tension in your shoulder that never really leaves.

Should someone of called CPS? What would childhood you of said?

I love you more than I love my garden, I love you more than I love food, or laughing or everyone else in the world.

You still have her as " Mum 💚" in your phone. The number is blocked.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

I wish I could stop forgiving you. It's easier to leave when I'm angry with you.

But I still forgive you.

So I ask to come back in, promising I won't leave again. I melt at your touch. I have missed you so much.

#lgbt poems #poem #tw abuse #cw abuse

[theweirdothatiam]

"Everyday I learn more weird things about the Archives crew."

Saturday for @alternatearchivesweek! Fake relationship AU where the Archives gang has a strange cover story for when they go out investigating and the rest of the Institute looks on in bafflement

[theweirdothatiam]

[theweirdothatiam]

Either cauliflower is a flower or a dog, either way they should be good to touch.

The fact that cauliflower so not good to feel is very disappointing

#4/10 #Bad veg

[theweirdothatiam]

I'm so done with having a bad days,

who gave my brain permission to shut down?

Who gave my heart permission to break?

Who gave my family permission to shatter?

Why do I have to watch it all happen without being about to do a single thing about it?

What sin did I commit for this eternal punishment?

#total rambles #Family #Writting #mental health #Illness #heartbreak

[theweirdothatiam]

Pollyanna

There was this weird little feeling in my middle, the knowledge that this was wrong. 

I didn't know what to call it, or that anyone else had felt the same 

I remember her eyes, so deep and longing, a life that we would never lead. 

The cold grass stuck to my legs, wet with an early spring mildew, leaving a stain. 

The red of her eyelids stayed in my dream, haunting the space made for a god

Skin so pale I wished it was mine, instead I’m raw, too many nights working for you.  

God forgive me now, I know what sin was committed that night under the tree. 

Pray for redemption but not for us, for the angry world needs a saviour.

Her hair was long, in loose little curls,  picture perfect as she lied on the ground 

I remember when morning came, I scrubbed and scrubbed to clean us away. 

You taught me so much, I had to give you the honor of being my first .

I was so little but i know what i did, why her picture was on every street

Oh Pollyanna I will always remember you and the way we were.

 I wish I could tell everyone about us but then we would both be done.

Oh Pollyanna, I dream of that night.

#poem #shitty poem #lgbt poem #murder? maybe #who knows #its either lesbains or murder or lesbian murder

[theweirdothatiam]

My S.O is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Going through a depressive period and haven't washed your hair or body in a week? Come over and use a body bath and she will wash my hair and cover me in love.

To nervous to leave the house?

It's fine she will cover over and cook and bring you food and book you a therapy appointment when even writing an email seems impossible

To tired to do date night? She is cool with helping my tidy and playing music while I sit in pj's in bed, we will do something next week.

What did I ever do to get this angles love?

[theweirdothatiam]

I have recently fallen in love with yellow, i'ts a great colour, it's my skin undertone, the colour of my childhood room and the colour of the sun and the Simpsons.

Why the frick didn't I like it?

#Yellow #Childhood #Favourite colours #Colours

[theweirdothatiam]

So it's 4:20 in the morning and I haven't sleep yet.

Is this when the cool kids smoke the devil's lettuce?

Can I join them or do I need a membership card?

[theweirdothatiam]

Vile is the body of the poor.

Blood dark and thick like the oil that lines their pockets.

Skin blistered gold like the riches hidden in old ornate volts.

Shallow watery eyes that forget the things that happen to others children.

Vile is the body of the poor.

The poor of heart.

The poor of soul.

The poor of mind.

God blessed those with nothing who give everything to those with something.

#bad poem #daily poem #God #Riches #Blood #Lgbt #Donald trump #This is kinda about trump but also about lots of other people #Poor #Giving

[theweirdothatiam]

Deep in the forest a little girl spoke, her body full of excitement and joy.

She spoke in tongues long forgotten by men for the language doesn't speak of money and wealth, nor of war and death, the words only spoke of the crunch of the leaves and the whispers of moss, the yawns of the trees and the yerning of the roots.

Deep in the forest the little girl spoke, she made a promise to the soil and the rocks

The never went back to the land of the men, full of money and war and to many fallen friends. The little girl stayed and wandered alone, in deep and longing conversations all through her life.

#Poem #Writing #Forest #Magic #Children of the forest #Me #Bad poems

[theweirdothatiam]

The gods wander this earth looking for fruits, Only satisfied with the tenderest moments of human love.

They wonder on for years, invisible and nearly forgetten, temples crumbling and statues forgetten behind moss.

They are the rustle in the trees on a quiet day and the single footprint in the mud.

Forever watching and waiting.

#Writing #God's #Old gods #Fiction #Rambles #Rupert writes

[theweirdothatiam]

I stare out into the endless misk and say hello to my lonely heart.

The cold creeps up the holds me tight, long fingers digging beneath.

Eyes deep and yellow blink from the windowsill, the sit on top of a China saucer.

Keep your secrets well hiden from your freinds, you never know if spare ears have been left behind.

I stare out into the endless mist and I wish it would stare back at me.

#poemoftheday #my poem #bad poem #poem #Shitty poem #Writing #Lgbt poems #lgbt poem

[theweirdothatiam]

Do you ever remember a life you never lived?

Do you ever lose a freind you never gained?

Do you ever succeed when you wanted to fail?

Do you remember when you had your prayers answered by a false god?

What does it feel like to be the person you want to be?

Am I allowed to be my true self or do my dreams have to stay hidden in my mind?

#Thoughts #bad poem #bad poetry #Poems #like awful poetry #poetry #I tried #Lgbt thoughts #Lgbt

[theweirdothatiam]

There is a room at the end of the hall, it's not the last door and it's not the second go last, it's close to the last but not close enough to be one of the last doors and not near enough the middle to be mid length down the corridor.

This door is mainly overlooked, it's plain and tidy, not neat enough or dirty enough to draw attention, it has a simple lock which needs a key. If somone looked at this door, which rarely happened, they would think it was not important and soon forget it.

No one had had the key anymore, it was lost along time ago and soon after forgotten about, everyone assumed someone else had the key. It was a plain gold key, simple looking but inheritantly complex as is a keys nature.

If somone did enter the room, through the door that everyone forgot about, with the key no one had, they would find out something no one wants to know.

The knowledge wouldn't be useful, it would actually be a burden to find but it would be yours to keep and think about, in till of course the weight if knowledge got to heavy and you find I nice long corridor and borrow a boring looking room which a deceptively complex key.

#Stupid story #Story #write every day #Ramble #Poem #my poem #bad poem #daily poem #poemoftheday