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bandaidsfortheheart · 6 months
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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The list
I. 
1. You were the first and the last one to put a gun in my lung. Usually, we used your living room for target practice but I still remember the look on my friend’s face when I accidentally pulled the trigger in public. 
2. What’s funny is that I used to think that the fire you lit in me was a good thing. Like I was building instead of burning. It wasn’t until you let that die that I saw all of the wreckage left behind. II. 1. You were tied to a ticking time bomb and even after I left, it took me years before I didn’t hear the tick, tick, tick everywhere I went.
2. These days I sit on floors to dance. To stretch. To smile in the sun. With you, floors were just for falling.
3. Who am I to judge, but you were broken, love. Bleeding and begging and bending backwards, and for what?
4. I know the way the truth tastes on my tongue, but you tried to poison it. What scares me is that I only knew because someone else saw you slipping arsenic into the air.  III.
1. I’m sorry but my spine got tired of being a toy for you to chew.
2. I’m sorry but my soul got tired of always being torn into.
3. I’m sorry but I just stopped trusting you.
IV.
1. You, too, were tied to something volatile. But this time I knew to walk away before the boom. 
2. Do you know how much I love being a rose? How proud I am of my soft skin and bright red? But you kept calling me a stone and putting me in your rock garden instead.
3. Your wings were made of fire and smoke and I was trying to build roots. 
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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It's not that I know you to be a monster. It's just that I finally stitched the wounds from the teeth of something terrifying. It's just that I recognized the growl and I wasn't about to stay and find out.
V.P.
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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I'm ten feet taller than I used to be but tonight I saw you in the storm. What do I do with something like that? I know I chose to let you go. I know, I know I have no right to expect a damn thing. And these days I just try to sing with the wind. But tonight I toppled and now I wonder if anyone is coming to set fire to my spine.
V.P.
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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The artist painted murals on your claws. The musician used them to pluck a beautiful song. The storyteller shaped them into a perfect arch. And so I reached for you.  And when you sank straight into my skin, I let you in.  Now every night, I am pulling splinters. Dressing wounds that don't stay closed. There's no beauty in the bleeding. But no universe where I wouldn't have reached for you. I needed to know.
Claws, V.P.
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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Okay so it was cold.
But look at you.
You’ve still got 
your fingers and toes.
Unclench your teeth, dear.
Your skin is thicker
than it feels right now.
You’ve always known
how to build a fire
in your own bones.
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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instagram
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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All I want for Christmas
Is for you to follow my instagram: instagram.com/bandaidsfortheheart
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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Do you think the birds laugh? Do you think they see a child splash  in a rain puddle and say, "Look! Maybe they're smarter than we know." Do you think the dogs bring us sticks and the cats lay on our chests because they are trying to train us on proper behavior?
Do you think the dolphins research our ability to conceptualize what it is to be alive? I think the birds laugh. I think the dogs and the cats and the dolphins and the monkeys and the bunnies are wondering when we will evolve to live like them.
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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This is not a poem, I just want to say that this has been SUCH a good year. 
Like, I’m so happy y’all. My life has been very drama-free and I have amazing friends that make me feel so good about myself and I love my job and I’m getting to do some really cool creative projects on the side and also I am in the best physical shape that I’ve been in since high school. I’m so dang grateful for everything I have. 
Also I’m going on a vacation in a couple of weeks. My CO friends are coming with me and I’m going to get to see some of my old college friends too and I just feel so wrapped in love and good things. It’s the perfect end to a really incredible year. 
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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For tonight,  I will scrape these knees, these palms, these cheeks, on the concrete.  Throw my body to what I’ve built.  Perhaps the cold stone will crack these bones,  but I will kiss my bruises, tuck my battered body into bed, and kiss this gravity goodnight. 
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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Does anyone else feel like a plant?  What I mean is, are you, too, stuck in a never-ending circle of dying and re-birth? You decay and your leaves fall off and then Spring comes and you’re saying “Look at me grow. Look at these flowers. I’ve re-built myself. I’m blooming. I’m thankful for the winter that taught me and brought me here.” 
And you keep outgrowing your pot. Keep needing to be re-planted. Keep uprooting yourself because the soil you’re in isn’t feeding you anymore. 
Yes, I guess I am always growing. I guess that means I’m alive. I guess it’s okay that maybe both me, and the trees, we’re always learning how to survive.
But maybe for a moment, I wish the seasons would stop spinning. I want to stay green this time. 
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bandaidsfortheheart · 4 years
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You know what? No. I used to wait for this. Used to lie awake for this. But I already let you go. Now you're reaching for me like nothing is wrong. Like you didn't even notice that I was gone.  Well I'm trying to move on.  Trying to be better. Trying to be happy. You don't get to be a part of that. You didn't put in the work to earn this version of me.
V.P.
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