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ithappensblog · 3 months

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Cheers to 2024

I am finally back to writing, and it feels good. Amidst the chaos, this creative pursuit has stood as one of the rare constants in my life, proving to be an incredibly therapeutic outlet. A win-win in my books.

It's crazy how quickly we're approaching the end of January. Christmas seemed to arrive and depart in the blink of an eye, and I'm not quite sure where time has gone. While I hold a special place in my heart for the Christmas holiday season, this year left me relieved when it was all over and done with. Without delving into the gritty details of my personal matters, navigating the complexities of blended families is much less idealistic than anyone portrays. And, regrettably, the holidays sometimes bring out less desirable parts of people we love. Packing up the tree and all the hustle and bustle of Christmas felt good as we bid farewell to another year.

I've always valued traditions and the stability they provide, aiming to maintain a sense of "normalcy" in my life. However, once I became part of such a huge family, I was taught that traditions are dynamic, constantly evolving, and that a "new normal" inevitably accompanies these changes. While I'm committed to upholding certain cherished Christmas traditions for the sake of my daughter and for myself, I've reached a point in my life where I realize that if I don't alter my mindset about maintaining this sense of normalcy, I'll likely find myself disappointed with each passing year.

This year, my intention is to explore different avenues where our family can craft fresh, unique traditions. Traditions that we can design together to fill in the holes of missing comforts during the holiday season. I've often thrown around the idea of holiday travels, envisioning decorating a palm tree instead of a pine and strolling through warm sands, instead of cold snow. If the past few years have taught me anything, it's the importance of jumping on these ideas to transform them into experiences before they become wistful "could-have-beens". I think this is definitely something I'm eager to explore.

Sometimes, untraditional, unstable, and well outside of the "normalcy" we're used to is what provides us with the best memories and greatest experiences. Venturing beyond your comfort zone can be challenging, but can also hold the potential for profound healing.

While I don't believe in "new year's resolutions," I am a believer in the ongoing commitment to personal growth and steering clear of situations that have caused pain in the past. This year, I aspire to embrace change, trusting that altering my approach to different situations can yield in a more favorable outcome.

All I know is, I don't want this next Christmas to be the same. I want to feel a little bit of sadness whilst packing up my Christmas tree and prolong the holidays as much as possible. I don't want to stow it all away, erasing its memory year after year. Our "new normal" and "traditions" will now have to involve prioritizing our well-being, ensuring that the power to shape our holiday joy no longer rests in the hands of external forces. Cheers to a healthy 2024 (body & mind).

#blogger #millennials #canada #sudbury #ontario #canadian #parenting #momsover30 #borninthe80s #adhd #christmas #christmasholidays #2023 #2024 #healing

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ithappensblog · 4 months

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Christmas Burnout

Don't burn yourself out trying to make Christmas "perfect" in the eyes of those watching you on social media.

Make Christmas "perfect" in your own way.

In 20 years, your kids won't remember who bought them a present, they will remember who was present. Soak up every moment with them, really take in the details of their faces and the sparkle in their eyes. Your children are now another year older and one day, the magic of Christmas spent with your tiny humans will be just a memory.

Your kids don't care how a present is wrapped. Your kids don't care if the meal you have cooked is fresh or frozen, as long as they're fed. Your kids don't care who has matching jammies or the ugliest Christmas sweater. All they care about is spending time with the people they love so dearly. Remember that and remember that they are the reason for the holiday joy, and the opinions of anyone else doesn't matter.

Don't burn yourself out trying to impress others. Put that energy into quality time and making memories. Because that is what they will remember.

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ithappensblog · 5 months

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only little once

Recently, before bedtime, my daughter often asks to look at photos and videos from when she was a baby. Reflecting on these moments prompts me to wonder: when was the final time I lifted her off the change table? When did our playful exchanges, like the "I got your stinky socks" game, become memories of the past?

I wonder when the transition from exploring sensory books together to embracing the allure of LOL dolls happened. When did she prefer alone time in her room with her imagination, over spending all of her moments with her Mommy?

Last night, I sat and contemplated the quickness which time has passed. This once dependent baby has evolved into an independent PERSON, and it blows my mind. I find myself wondering when she will no longer desire to hold my hand on the way to her morning classroom, and the thought hurts my heart knowing that this moment will arrive sooner than later.

Witnessing a child's growth, the acquisition of new skills, and the development of their unique personality is bittersweet. While you yearn for their success, the rapid passage of time leaves a lingering sense of sadness.

Before I know it and before I'm ready, she will be too "cool" to spend her time snuggled next to me reminiscing on old photos and videos. Pretty soon I'll be replaced with phone calls to her friends, first dates, and school dances.

Time passes. Quickly. While the days may seem long, the weeks, months and years are short. People warned me about the fleeting nature of time when my daughter was born, but I wasn't fully ready for the rapid pace of parenthood. I am committing myself to being entirely engaged in each present moment, recognizing that these moments will soon also transform into cherished memories. I urge you to slow down and do the same. They're only little once.

#blogger #millennials #canada #sudbury #ontario #canadian #parenting #momsover30

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ithappensblog · 6 months

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Trigger Warning: Childhood SA In my previous posts, I briefly touched on my battle with PTSD, yet I never delved into the specifics behind it. I feel compelled to share my story with the hope of offering solace to others who may be silently suffering from similar experiences. I want you to understand you are not alone in your struggles. I want you to know it's never too late to break the silence and confront the past. And if people are uncomfortable with YOUR TRUTH, that's on them.

It was 8 years ago (yesterday) that I faced my abuser in a courtroom. 8 whole years since my truth was spoken, and since he finally faced consequences for his disgusting actions. 8 years I have spent healing from the damage he caused me.

While ideally, family members and trusted adults should be the guardians of our well-being, regrettably, this is not always the reality. More often than not, when a child is $e><ually a8u$ed, it's by someone they know. Someone they are supposed to be able to trust. I don’t want to share the details of what he did to me and others, but I will tell you this much. My "grandfather" was a monster who preyed on his own grandchildren and violated childhood innocence. He abused his authority and had a fucking sick obsession to harm children in unspeakable ways.

The trauma I suffered as a child scarred me deeply. To cope with the pain, I turned to harmful habits like overeating, hurting myself and being $e><ually reckless. I was diagnosed with PTSD, underwent a series of trials with various medications, grappled with nightmares that jolted me awake and triggering debilitating panic attacks. In the midst of it all, I found myself diagnosed with OCD, and the reality of attempting to end my life on multiple occasions. Depression sucks.

Now here I am, 8 years later. Despite the countless moments when surrender seemed tempting, I persevered. Yet, the imprints of mental and physical wounds will never fade, destined to accompany me throughout my lifetime.

The battle with weight, a lifelong yo-yoing struggle, endures despite resorting to gastric bypass surgery, thanks to years of abusing food. My arms, hands, and legs are covered in scars from years of an addiction to c|_|tting. Scars that I have to see every single day; scars that I will one day have to explain to my daughter. I have been with more people than I care to admit, seeking validation from anyone who showed me a hint of affection. Some of them abused my trust and hurt me deeply, but that is a tale for another time. I am grateful that I survived those encounters without catching a serious illness or losing my life.

My path to healing is indebted to my husband, as his unwavering support played a huge role in breaking the cycle I endured for so many years. Upon sharing my struggles with him when we met, he motivated me to pursue legal action. He urged me to seek mental health services, providing a helpful presence as I navigated these challenges. Whether consoling me through tearful nights or ensuring I took my medication, he selflessly cared for me during moments when self-care felt unattainable.

All of this to say, In Ontario, there is no statute of limitations for SA, and it's never too late to speak your truth. If pursuing legal action is not the path you want to take, consider it a duty to your future self to embark on a journey of mental and physical healing. Don't give up on yourself because of something someone else did to you. Do not allow your darkest moments to become victories for those who have wronged you.

You are not alone. There are better days ahead.

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ithappensblog · 6 months

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be better

In a world that can often be unkind and divided, teaching your child to embrace everyone, regardless of their differences is a powerful lesson that will shape their character. Instilling the values of kindness and open-mindedness early on can lay a foundation for a future of compassion and acceptance. My 5-year-old daughter possesses a remarkable blend of qualities. Her diagnosis of ADHD, giftedness and sensory processing sensitivities definitely don't define her, but add to her uniqueness. Her giftedness, coupled with a nurturing nature, sets her apart, making her feel and behave older than her years. It's admirable how my daughter's assertiveness shines through, even though some may not fully understand her. Her eagerness to take care of others is something we encourage however, we've noticed that some children's parents struggle to understand her. My daughter can come across as "bossy" or like a "mother hen" but she honestly means well and just wants to take care of everyone. The infuriating part is that these same parents expect special care for their children who have their own quirks and diagnoses, but they refuse to extend the same understanding and compassion to my child. This has been incredibly challenging to navigate. It's through her interactions with others that she learns how to handle challenges and judgments with grace. One of the key lessons I'm trying to impart in her is that kindness isn't always a given, but it's a choice she can make every day. I remind her that not everyone understands the value of treating others with respect and empathy and when faced with unkind words or actions, we guide her towards being the bigger person and not allowing hurtful behavior to affect her heart. In the face of these situations, I try to draw from my own experiences of fighting hard to achieve my own place in life. My goal is not to make her immune to the world's negativity, but to equip her with the tools to rise above it. In my daily efforts, I've been hit by the realization that even adults can exhibit bullying behaviors, often fueled by their insecurities and jealousies. Together, we're exploring ways to counteract negative energies, while reinforcing the importance of self-worth and resilience. I also have to remind myself that it's important to find a balance between teaching her to be strong while acknowledging the very real and emotional toll it has been taking on me. I am exhausted by this situation, but she is my number one priority and I will continue to dedicate myself to encouraging her to continue to be unapologetically herself. And regardless of how tired I get, I will always stand up for the powerful, amazing, loving little babe I have done a damn good job raising. Kids are a product of their environment and my kid is one of the good ones.

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ithappensblog · 6 months

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happy birthday

Today as we prepare to celebrate your fifth birthday, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around how five whole years have passed us.

You were a cherished wish, a begged-for miracle, and a battle fought with unwavering determination. You occupied our thoughts for years before your existence graced our lives, and the privilege of loving you for this extended duration feels like an incredible dream turned into reality.

You share the same face I had as a child, which is like looking in a mirror somedays. While our features bear a striking resemblance, you are an entirely unique individual, crafted from the finest qualities of those who surround you. Your father's exquisite, sweeping eyelashes and Oma Margot's heart-shaped lips grace your face with their beauty. A subtle flat spot on your ear mirrors that of your older brothers. Those luxurious, untamed copper-brown curls owe their existence to the legacy of all your grandmothers. Without a doubt, you are an exceptionally beautiful young lady.

Beyond your outward appearance, what truly sets you apart is your unparalleled kindness and compassion. You possess a remarkable thoughtfulness that extends to everyone you encounter, and an unwavering desire to lend a helping hand wherever it's needed. Your smile has the power to illuminate even the dimmest corners of a room, while your laughter, resonating from the depths of your soul, has the incredible ability to turn the darkest days into moments of light. Your hugs, warm and comforting, possess the remarkable capacity to heal the deepest wounds. My sweet girl, you have been my savior in countless ways, enriching my life beyond measure. I will be forever grateful that the universe chose me to be your mother. My heart overflows with gratitude for you, and the extraordinary gift of your precious little soul.

As more years unfold, my deepest hope is that you come to fully understand the dedication we pour into creating the most beautiful life imaginable for you. We devote ourselves to ensuring your childhood surpasses our own, crafting cherished memories and extraordinary family moments. Above all else, our greatest desire is for you to know how loved you are. To continually radiate the boundless happiness you bestow upon everyone you encounter, and find that same happiness walking down the path the universe presents to you. May you always be truly, authentically, unapologetically, yourself.

Happiest of birthdays to you, my little turkey. I love you dearly.

Mama

xoxo

#blogger #millennials #canada #parenting #ontario #momsover30 #borninthe80s #canadian #moms #momsoftumblr #parenthood #motherhood #child development #parents

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ithappensblog · 6 months

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old emails and new feelings

This morning, as the sun's gentle rays filtered through my curtains, I received an email from Google which stated that all inactive accounts unused for over two years would be deleted. A mundane announcement, perhaps, but it prompted me to embark on an emotional journey back in time. With a mixture of hesitation and curiosity, I logged into my old email account, a repository of memories frozen in the digital realm.

As I sifted through the forgotten messages, I stumbled upon the last email ever sent to that address. It was from a figure that had cast a long, haunting shadow over my life – my biological father. His words, etched in digital ink, were a painful reminder that he wanted nothing to do with me, a cruel rejection that had scarred my heart for years.

Tonight, the stillness of the evening wrapped around me like a warm blanket as I nestled beside my sleeping daughter. Though she no longer needed my presence to drift into dreamland, I found myself unwilling to relinquish the role of protector and nurturer. My heart swelled as I gazed at her innocent face, each of her gentle breaths a reminder of the preciousness of life.

In the stillness of that moment, the contrasts of my past and present seemed surreal. How could someone who had been granted the power to give life choose to inflict so much pain? My own father had been a master of that paradox – his actions and words had woven a web of suffering that took years to unravel.

Reflecting on the memories of my childhood, I recognized the gaping hole between his actions and the love I wished to shower upon my daughter. The emotional and psychological scars left by his deeds, some only revealed to me in adulthood, dwarfed any rebellious acts I had committed as a child.

I used to find myself bothered by his resentment, a resentment which stemmed from the consequences his father faced for his actions as a convicted child sex offender. A burden that he unfairly placed on my shoulders. A burden I turned over to law enforcement to help me heal. (we'll get to that on another post) But as I sit here, pouring my thoughts onto this digital canvas, the purpose of this post isn't to dissect the faults of a man who has long faded into insignificance. Instead, it is to celebrate the transformative power of love, resilience, and parenthood. I am no longer bothered. I have moved on, and true to the words he last wrote to me ending with "...have a nice life." I am, in fact, doing just that. Look at me now, thriving without him.

Rereading that heart-wrenching email today served as a catalyst, amplifying the love I feel for my daughter. In her existence, I've discovered an unyielding determination to rise above my past, to be the parent I never had. Her laughter, her dreams, her presence – they've become my daily inspiration to mend the wounds of my past and to ensure that her journey through life is bathed in unwavering support and boundless affection. Her happy existence reminds me of my refusal to let the cycle of pain continue. I'll cradle her in my arms, absorbing each of her breaths, knowing that every moment I spend with her is an investment in a brighter future – one defined by love, understanding, and unwavering commitment.

While I'll never forget the trials of my past, I'm determined to channel the pain into a force for good. I realize that life doesn't always grant us the parents we deserve. But, it can provide us with the opportunity to become the parents our children deserve.

With each cuddle, each embrace, I'm rewriting my own narrative, transforming the pain into a legacy of resilience, redemption, and unconditional love.

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ithappensblog · 6 months

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1933

Today would have been my Oma's birthday. She left this world in 2017, and I can't help but feel a bittersweet mix of emotions as I remember the woman who was not just my grandmother but also my best friend. In many ways, her absence has left a void in my life that time has not fully healed. On this special day, I want to celebrate her memory, sharing the profound impact she had on my life and the beautiful ways her spirit lives on.

Oma was not your typical grandmother. She was funny, she was sassy. She was a remarkable woman with a heart of gold. Her wisdom was as vast as the ocean, and her kindness knew no bounds. She had a unique way of making everyone feel cherished and loved, and she touched the lives of so many with her warmth and compassion.

Physically and personality-wise, I see parts of Oma in my daughter. It's as if her legacy lives on through the generations. My daughter's eyebrows and lips mirror Oma's, and her kindness and caring nature reflect the lessons Oma instilled in me. It's both heartwarming and heart-wrenching to witness these similarities, a constant reminder of the incredible woman who shaped my life.

Losing Oma was like losing a piece of myself. In the years following her passing, I often felt adrift, like a ship without a compass. Grief can be a heavy burden to carry, and it took me a long time to come to terms with her absence. Sometimes, even now, I can't help but feel that I'm still not completely over it as the ache of her absence still lingers.

It's hard to believe that so many years have passed since I last heard her voice or held her hand. Time has this peculiar way of moving forward, regardless of how we may wish to cling to the past. Yet, the memories I have of Oma are timeless. I can still hear her laughter, see her smile, and feel her comforting presence when I close my eyes and think of her.

One of the most beautiful ways Oma continues to be a part of my life is through my dreams. I see her in my dreams often, and these moments feel like precious visits from a beloved friend. In those fleeting moments, it's as if she is right there with me, offering guidance and comfort, just like she used to when she was alive.

I talk about Oma all the time, and I make no apologies for it. She was an extraordinary person who deserves to be remembered and celebrated. When I share stories about her, it keeps her memory alive and allows me to honour the incredible impact she had on my life. Through my words, she lives on, touching the hearts of those who never had the privilege of meeting her.

As I reflect on Oma's life on what would have been her 90th birthday, I am filled with gratitude for the time we had together. Though she may no longer be physically present, her spirit continues to guide me in my journey through life. I carry her love, wisdom, and kindness with me every day, and I am determined to pass on her legacy to my daughter and future generations.

Happy birthday, Oma. You are deeply missed. Thank you for the love (both tender and tough), the lessons, and the cherished moments we shared. You are, and always will be, my best friend, my confidante, and my inspiration.

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ithappensblog · 7 months

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eleven

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day 2023...

This day is always so bittersweet.

I am beyond grateful for my healthy child; the child I cried for and begged the universe for.

The child who came into my life at the perfect time.

The child I needed.

The child who saved my life.

But.

I remember wondering why people who were unable to provide a good life for their children were granted parenthood so easily. I spent years wondering if I'd ever become a Mother. Years hating my body for not working the way it should, years putting on a happy face for others while I cried myself to sleep at night.

So many tears.

Too much time.

Ridiculous amounts of pain.

And.

All of the losses. The physical and emotional pain it caused and the stress it placed on my marriage isn't something I'd wish on anyone. I spent all day wondering who they would have been, what they would have looked like, and why they had to leave me. I hated myself for not keeping them safe. I felt like a failure of a woman.

I was bitter.

I was angry.

I was heartbroken.

Now.

I see there was a plan in place for my life and for my future. This child I have was sent to me for a reason, and I would go through everything all over again to get to where I am right now. To have her by my side, I wouldn't change a thing. And, I will always be open to talk about the ones who made me tough. The ones who gave me hope.

I have made peace.

I have grieved.

I have healed.

So.

Today, on October 15th, I let myself remember. I let myself wonder. I think of the eleven would-have-been babies who the universe had other plans for, and hug my one-and-only extra tight.

It hurt then.

It hurts now.

But the pain is different.

.

You are not alone.

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ithappensblog · 7 months

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In a world of big family gatherings and endless posts showcasing close-knit relationships, it's natural to feel a pang of jealousy when your own family circle is small. Growing up with a limited family presence can leave an ache in your heart, a longing for the kind of bonds that others seem to effortlessly share.

In my own journey, the landscape of family is marked by its smallness. My mom's family, scattered across Canada and Germany, remains distant due to the miles and unmet faces that separate us. On my dad's side, silence prevails, leaving me with no contact and an unfillable void where connections should have been. Jealousy is a persistent companion, whispering doubts and insecurities as I witness others bask in the warmth of large, united gatherings.

Meeting my husband and becoming part of his family brought a glimmer of hope. Hopes that, perhaps, my longing for close family bonds would finally find a place to root itself. But, entering my husband's family wasn't without its challenges.

Fresh out of a second failed marriage for him, and in the midst of a divorce myself, we faced skepticism and guarded hearts. It wasn't a smooth path, but as time gently carved its way forward, some walls came down, replaced by genuine connections.

Ten years ago, I took on the role of stepmother to his two young sons, a role that has become integral to my identity. And while the family connections weren't instant, bonds slowly but surely found their place. The warmth of his family began to seep into my heart, reminding me that family doesn't always come with a predetermined script. In the beginning, I tried so hard to earn their acceptance, unknowingly chasing a sense of belonging that would come naturally in time. Slowly, I realized that the key wasn't in trying to fit a mold, but in embracing my own authentic self. As the years passed and I healed from my personal struggles, the connections deepened, allowing me to forge relationships with his three brothers and one sister (& their spouses).

Though our relationships may not mirror those in storybooks, they're real and significant in their own way. They've filled spaces within my heart that yearned for connections, offering me the feeling of belonging that I had longed for. My in-laws might be a little crazy and sometimes dysfunctional, but their love is undeniable and unconditional. What strikes me most about this family is their unity. They are always willing to drop everything at a moment's notice to support each other, a loyalty that embodies the essence of what family truly means.

So, to my brothers and sisters-in-law, thank you. Thank you for accepting me, for embracing me, and for filling a void I thought could never be filled. You've shown me that family is about support, and genuine connections that grow over time. In you, I've found the aunts and uncles my daughter adores, and the family I've always longed for. The journey continues, and with each passing day, I am grateful for the story of love and belonging that we're creating together.

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ithappensblog · 7 months

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the unbreakable bond

*Happy 34th Birthday* BFFE. My life has been an incredibly rocky road, but there's one person who has walked through it with me even when she should have went in another direction like others chose to do. My best friend, Jessica. We have a remarkable connection that emerged unexpectedly and evolved into a sister-like relationship spanning distance, time, and countless ups and downs. Our story began in a seemingly ordinary way, with a simple connection through our younger siblings who attended kindergarten together. Fate, it seems, had a bigger plan in store for us, as our parents forged a friendship that would eventually shape our lives in ways we could never have imagined. In the beginning, we were casual acquaintances who crossed paths now and then, but as the years passed, our bond deepened into something irreplaceable. From casual friends to soul sisters, Jessica has been my unwavering anchor through the flow of life. Our friendship has weathered numerous personality changes, struggles, successes, and even moments that demanded tough love. She stood by me when I made questionable decisions, offering both support and a scolding when needed. And in moments of triumph, her genuine care and joy became my greatest cheerleader. Geography may separate us by five hours, but distance has only strengthened our connection. Despite the miles, we've made it a priority to reunite for an annual girls' weekend tradition, filled with shopping sprees, lounging, and indulging in guilty pleasures – a precious opportunity for us to press pause on life's demands and simply enjoy each other's company. More recently, our tradition expanded to include our daughters, fostering a multigenerational bond that mirrors our own friendship. We have also made it a point to share in the celebrations of our daughters' birthdays in April and October. Through these shared experiences, our daughters learn the value of lasting connections, female friendships, the importance of nurturing relationships, and standing by those we love during their darkest times. We have become Aunties to each other's cherished littles, an incredibly special title I wear with pride. Jessica and I have traversed the spectrum of life's challenges together. We've had our fair share of disagreements and surprisingly only one true "fight" in our 20-some-years of friendship, which served to strengthen our bond. We've both grown and navigated the often tumultuous waters of adulthood side by side. Our journey, marked by growth and understanding, has led us to a place of profound appreciation for the enduring friendship we've cultivated. Our friendship, built on trust and authenticity, is a source of unwavering support and solace. I'm thankful for a best friend who sends coffee and donuts to brighten my toughest days, and for a confidante with whom I can share my deepest fears, anxieties, and joys without judgment. Jessica's presence in my life is like having the sister I always longed for by my side. As I reflect on the years we've shared, I'm reminded of the power of friendship. Our friendship stands as a beacon of hope, showing that no matter how time and distance shape our lives, true friendship endures. Jessica, you're more than my friend and soul-sister. You're a cherished thread in the fabric of my life, a constant presence through every season. We have a connection that has evolved, matured, and endured through some crazy shit. I'm immensely grateful for the rock-solid bond I share with you. And, I am so thankful my daughter can call you her Auntie and depend on you like I have. A connection that I know will remain a guiding light throughout the journey of her life. Love you always.

#girlgang #besties #bff #mybestfriend #millennials #parenting #blogger #canada #sudbury #momsover30 #ontario #borninthe80s #canadian #childhood friends #friendship #guelph

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ithappensblog · 7 months

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beyond the fat kid - part 1

Growing up as "the fat kid" in a society that places an unwavering emphasis on appearance is a struggle that leaves a lasting imprint on one's sense of self-worth. My life has been riddled with challenges, self-doubt, and a battle to navigate a world that often values appearance over anything else. Yet, through it all, I've come to realize that the most significant transformation begins within, and my commitment to self-love is a legacy I'm determined to pass on to my daughter. As a child, I was often left to play alone in the schoolyard. I was rarely invited to birthday parties or social gatherings. Once, I even had a "friend's" Father refer to me as "the fat girl down the street." In high school, shopping trips with friends turned into disheartening experiences as we couldn't shop in the same stores or sections. To top it off, boys were never attracted to me like they were to others; instead, they were often repelled, a reflection of the toxic mindset that if you weren't skinny, you didn't fucking matter. It felt as though the world had drawn a line between people based solely on appearances. Growing up as the fat kid sucked. Growing up fat was a lonely battle, a constant struggle to prove my worth in a world that seemed intent on defining it for me. Those early years left me with deep emotional and physical scars. Self-harm and self-hate became my companions, a response to the notion that my worth was dictated by the number on my scale and the size of my clothing.

When I became a Mother, my journey took on a new dimension. As my daughter got older, I recognized the urgent need to break the cycle of self-doubt and body shame. My daughter's innocence and curiosity about my body challenged me to rewrite the narrative to encourage her to foster a healthy relationship with her own body, to prioritize self-love over societal expectations, and most importantly to be kind to others. Conversations with my daughter about body positivity have been crucial. She's noticed that my body is different from others, and we've had open discussions about accepting everyone as they are. It's my responsibility as her Mother to guide her with the wisdom that beauty extends far beyond appearances, and our worth is derived from the strength of our character not by the number on our jeans. If my journey as the fat kid has taught me anything, it's that people of all ages are exceptionally cruel if you look different than the media tells you to. Yet, amidst the sea of external judgment it's our own internal dialogue that holds the most power. And, the people we choose to surround ourselves with can make or break you. Our words, especially when spoken in front of impressionable young people such as our children, have the potential to shape their future. Our kids mirror us and it's this realization that ignited my commitment to set a good example and provide my child with an environment where loving yourself is a priority. In our home, we have a zero tolerance for bullying (including ourselves) and we frequently discuss with our daughter that people come in all shapes and sizes, and beauty goes deeper than your looks. All of this rambling is just to highlight the importance of instilling affirmations in your children. It is imperative not only to recognize your own value but also for your kids to see theirs too. Demonstrate kindness and empathy in your interactions with yourself and with others because you're laying the foundation for your children to follow suit. It all starts at home.

#millennials #parenting #blogger #canada #sudbury #momsover30 #ontario #borninthe80s #canadian #bingeeating #eatingdisorders #selflove #selfhate #kindness #bekind #bullying #antibullying #fatkid

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ithappensblog · 7 months

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more than an orange shirt

Over the past few years, I've embarked on a profound journey of self-discovery, one that has taken me deep into the roots of my ancestry. My motivation for this exploration stemmed from the absence of a relationship with my father's family, which left a void in my understanding of my roots. Little did I know that this quest would uncover pieces of Aboriginal heritage I never knew existed within me.

When I met Jason, I was aware that he was Métis and had been raised with the rich traditions and culture that came with it. I wholeheartedly embraced his background and over the years have immersed myself in Powwows and educational opportunities that shed light on the Indigenous peoples of our country. Yet, it was only when I delved into my own ancestry that I truly comprehended the depth of this connection.

Discovering my Aboriginal heritage resonated deep within me, tugging at my heartstrings in a way I hadn't expected. This newfound knowledge wasn't just about adding another layer to my identity; it was about acknowledging the historical and cultural significance of my roots.

As parents, Jason and I have made it a priority to pass down pieces of our different heritages to our daughter. She eagerly absorbs the stories and traditions of our respective backgrounds, fostering a sense of pride and belonging that will hopefully stay with her throughout her life. Some of our forebears were forced to conceal their true identities out of fear, a painful reality that we cannot ignore. We will honour them by standing tall and proud of who we are and who we come from.

Today, on Truth and Reconciliation Day, our reflections go beyond our personal journeys. We must remember what the people before us endured. We must realize the continued suffering of Indigenous peoples in Canada due to over a century of mistreatment.

This day serves as a stark reminder of the importance of educating yourself and your children about the land you call home, the history it holds, and the ongoing struggles faced by Indigenous communities.

This day is more than just sporting an orange shirt.

As I reflect on my journey, I am grateful for the pieces of my heritage that I've uncovered. I am proud to stand alongside my partner and daughter, committed to learning, respecting, and preserving the traditions and cultures of all our ancestors. I am committed to advocating for the fair treatment of the Indigenous peoples and recognize the damage residential schools caused. It's been a long journey of self-discovery, empathy, and unity.

I hope this post serves as a reminder to acknowledge the past and work toward a better future for all. Because, unfortunately, it's 2023 and some of the very people who this land belongs to, don't even have the luxury of clean drinking water. Some families are still suffering from intergenerational trauma because of the disgusting harm Indigenous children faced for over 100 years. Let that sink in.

#truthandreconciliation #orangeshirt #metis #aboriginal #algonquin #huron #indigenous #indigenouspeoples #blogger #sudbury #canada #ontario #acadian #nipissing

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ithappensblog · 7 months

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early beginnings to everlasting bonds

Sometimes, life's best surprises come in the form of people who become our closest companions. My brother Mark is one surprise that life gave me, and our journey together shows what the strength of family bonds and the transformative power of time can create. Mark's arrival happened almost six years after mine, and he was a miracle that defied all odds. He wasn't expected to survive, but he did. He has remained stubborn and determined from the very beginning. As his big sister, I felt a mixture of excitement and responsibility. I delighted in dressing him up and pushing him around in my doll carriage, cherishing the early days of our sibling connection. As the years passed, our differences began to overshadow our similarities. We were navigating life from opposite ends of the spectrum. During my own struggles with mental health, I wasn't always the kindest to him, a fact that still weighs on my heart. Our relationship wasn't as close as I wished it could be, and looking back, it's a source of regret that we missed out on many childhood moments together. I resented him for being my parents' favourite child, instead of resenting my parents for having a favourite.

Our relationship (and residences) remained distant throughout our formative years, but it was adulthood that brought the change we so desperately needed. Gradually, our communications evolved from rare phone calls to regular texts, and our interactions became more frequent. Prior to our newfound connection, a lighthearted joke was our only form of communication. Whenever one of us called the other, we'd jokingly answer with "who died?" implying that the only reason we'd call was if something bad had happened. Little did we know that this humorous exchange would transform into a genuine connection built on shared experiences and mutual support.

As time marched on, I witnessed my little brother achieve milestones that filled me with pride. He finished high school, excelled in college, embarked on a career path, and eventually met his best friend and now wife, Tanis. Their love story truly shows the impact a strong partnership can have on one's life. Tanis, incredible in her own right, has been a driving force in Mark's life, offering both unwavering support and a firm hand when needed (not literally LOL). She is able to put Mark in his place like no one else can. I am so happy he found someone to share his life with. Today, our bond stands as a testament to the fact that it's never too late to bridge the gaps that have formed over the years. The connection we lacked as kids has transformed into a friendship rooted in shared experiences and a mutual desire to support each other. The regrets of the past have given way to the promise of the present, and our sibling relationship has blossomed in ways I am so thankful for. The journey Mark and I have embarked upon serves as a reminder that time has the remarkable power to heal wounds, mend relationships, and forge new connections. I'm so grateful for the chance to watch my little brother thrive, and am even more grateful that we were able to develop a strong bond that was years in the making.

Our relationship proves that growth and transformation are always possible. The chapters we missed in the past are now being rewritten, and I am thankful for the opportunity to build a lasting and genuine relationship with my little brother. As we make up for the years we weren't close, we stand as living proof that it's never too late to create meaningful connections with others. Whether that be with a parent, friend, or sibling. Love you, Marky.

#brother and sister #sister and brother #brother #little brother #big sister #sister #siblings #sibling rivalry #mended relationships #dysfunctional family #blogger #millennial #millennials #relationships

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ithappensblog · 7 months

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when life gives you lemons

My life has provided me with a ton of different roles and responsibilities that I wear with pride. But beneath the surface of a seemingly perfect exterior lies a hidden world of struggles that often go unnoticed.

Between balancing the roles of a full-time employee, mom, wife, homeowner, business owner, sister, daughter, friend, etc – it's a fucking demanding existence that I pour every ounce of strength, both physical and mental into. On the outside, I may appear to have it all together, an impression further complicated by societal expectations and appearances. But the truth is, each day is a battle against invisible physical disabilities and mental health struggles.

While my weight might seem to provide you with the most visible aspect of health problems, it's merely a fraction of the complexities I face. My weight is something I've always wrestled with and something I most likely will wrestle with like a WWE superstar for the rest of my life. However, what you can't see is that I often struggle to find the energy to complete simple daily tasks, let alone face the day's demands. Yet, I continue to push myself, driven by a society that dictates that anything less than perfection is not enough. The expectations are relentless, the standards set impossibly high. And before you roll your eyes and say, "well Jenny, just lose weight then!" like I said above, that's just a fraction of the shit I deal with. I know it doesn't help, but it's not the root cause of all my problems.

I strive to be the best version of myself in every role I play – not only for my own sake but also to set an example for my daughter. The fear of her resenting me for not giving my all looms behind me like a shadow, urging me to put on a brave face even when the weight of the world feels unbearable. I pour my energy into everything I do because I know that to do otherwise would only result in a deterioration of my health, both physical and mental. The struggles are real, and at times, they're consuming. Battling with your health while fulfilling numerous responsibilities is an exhausting juggling act, and the line between self-care and self-preservation becomes a tightrope I navigate every day. I'm not complaining by any means, just trying to give you a little bit of insight into what I know other's struggle with but aren't so open to discuss.

As I glance around at those my age, it's hard not to feel a twinge of longing. The carefree experiences and opportunities my peers enjoy seem like distant dreams for me. I remind myself not to fall into the trap of self-pity, but the reality is that sometimes, it's hard to escape that feeling. I wish for things to be different, to have the freedom to chase my dreams without all of these issues dragging me down. However, I've learned to find solace in the idea that the universe hands us challenges for a reason. These challenges, though they may be difficult, have shaped me into the person I am today. They've granted me a unique perspective on life, teaching me empathy, resilience, and the importance of self-acceptance. The journey I walk is marked by pain and triumphs, by exhaustion and moments of inexplicable joy. I push myself while also recognizing my limits. It's about finding strength in vulnerability, embracing the complexities that make me who I am, and acknowledging that the battles fought behind the scenes are just as significant as the achievements celebrated on the surface.

The roles we navigate come with challenges that often remain unseen. The struggles may be invisible, but they're real and demanding. It's important to remember that with every battle fought, every step taken, I am a fucking warrior. And while I may not have the life I imagined, I choose to embrace the path I've been given, facing each day with the hope that my challenges will ultimately serve a purpose greater than my own.

One day, maybe, I'll elaborate more. But until then, know you're not alone.

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ithappensblog · 8 months

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end of summer blues

Well, the days are getting shorter and the nights are getting colder, so I can’t help but feel a pang of sadness that summer is coming to an end. Summer is my favorite season, and I always look forward to spending time outdoors with my family, enjoying the sunshine and the warmth. But living in Northern Ontario (ugh), I know that winter is just around the corner, which means months of snow, ice, and fucking darkness.

I suffer from seasonal affective disorder, which I'm sure you're already familiar with so I won't bore you with the details. I feel so hopeless when the days are gray and gloomy and have trouble staying motivated. I dread the thought of driving on our snow covered roads, scraping my windshield before I go anywhere, and bundling up in a shit ton of layers. I really do hate winter.

I have lived in Sudbury for 10 years now, but I still haven’t gotten used to the harsh winters here. I grew up in Guelph which, yes, did have winter. But the winters there offered a warmer climate, where winter was mild and short. I wish I could live somewhere where it’s summer all year round, or at least have the option to escape to a tropical destination for the winters. But that’s not realistic for me right now. I will probably have to wait until retirement to enjoy that luxury, so until then I will chase the sunshine with a vacation or two a year.

I had a wonderful summer this year with my family. We spent lots of time in our camper, traveling to different places and relaxing. We visited some beautiful lakes in some gorgeous parks. We went swimming, had picnics, bonfires, and marshmallows. We laughed, played, and cuddled. Summer to me is not long enough. I wish it could last forever.

But alas, summer is ending and fall is beginning. The kids have gone back to school and life has gone back to regular schedules. I know I have to face reality and prepare for the winter ahead. But I also know that summer will come again next year, and I will have more opportunities to make lasting memories with my loved ones.

I hope everyone enjoyed their summers as much as I did. And I hope everyone can find ways to cope with the end of summer blues.

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ithappensblog · 8 months

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a whole damn decade

Myyyy goddddd, time has truly whisked us away. 10 years have elapsed in the blink of an eye. 10 years ago today, we took that leap from online conversations on "e-vow" to meeting face to face, a decision I'll forever cherish. I can vividly recall how you picked me up, and as we drove to Starbucks, it felt as if we'd been old friends for ages.

At Starbucks, we ordered our drinks before setting off for the boardwalk, where we aimlessly strolled until we stumbled upon a bench. That very bench became our haven for a remarkable eight hours, where we chatted about everything under the sun. Each time your gaze met mine, those enchanting brown eyes and long eyelashes sent butterflies fluttering within me. Yet, amidst this excitement, I felt an overwhelming sense of security in your presence which allowed me to open up and truly connect with you. I remember how your eyes shone with pride when you spoke about your boys. And I recall how your face filled with fear when talking about when Dylan was rushed to SickKids. You cried to me, and I could feel the weight of your pain. It was a raw wound, still fresh from the experience of nearly losing your son just weeks before we met. You also told me that you had always wanted a daughter, but the right person never came along to make that happen. Little did we know in that moment, 5 years later, our daughter would join us to complete our family. The evening air grew chilly, and we hesitantly decided to call it a night. As you dropped me off, you leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I couldn’t help but wonder if you didn’t enjoy the evening as much as I did or if you truly respected me for who I was. The next morning, I woke up to a text message from you wishing me a great day at school. It was in that moment that I knew you wanted more from me. I called my mom and told her that I had met my soulmate and was going to marry him one day. She laughed and told me to calm down, reminding me that I needed to divorce my current husband first (that's a post for another day LOL). From the very beginning, you treated me differently than anyone else had. You respected my heart and my body, and I felt safe with you. We moved quickly, quite literally moving in together immediately, before getting engaged just 3 months later. In the past 10 years, we’ve been through so much together. There have been just as many ups as there have been downs, but there’s no one else I’d rather come out on top with than you. I truly believe in soulmates and know that we have found that in each other. Thank you for putting up with my shit. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for showing me what true love is. You were the best last first date I've ever had, and I want to date you until we're older and greyer. I love you, lots lots.

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