Bruce who accidentally parents his rogues because the mom syndrome is starting to take deep roots.
He threatens Harvey with no dessert if he keeps escaping from Arkham, and blushes bright under the cowl when the man's mouth splits In a teasing, switchblade smirk, " Is that code for something else, doll?"
Harley insists on kicking his seat everytime he arrests her, " I will turn this car around!"
"To where! Also, I'm pretty sure this is just a Tesla with fancy gadgets and an emo makeover."
"You take that back, missy--"
Selina has to sit through 3 hours of " our generation doesn't know what real music is" speeches until she finally cracks and chokes him with her whip
Martinez will never forget the day Batman grabs Riddler by the scruff of his neck and holds him like a misbehaving cat, " What do we say when we flood the city?"
"Sorry."
"That's right. Now go to your cell for reflection time."
Don't misunderstand, he's like that with the league, too. Bruce gives Billy a juice box for not obliterating an enemy to bits and he almost gets lasered.
4K notes
·
View notes
No Capes! AU where Bruce and everyone else is an actor.
Famous Hollywood moguls Thomas and Martha would've rather died in real life than make Bruce a child actor so he didn't start till he was 24
It's an ongoing gag that Thomas always tweets "On my way to die again! As if you didn't know" with every Gray Ghost remake
The Waynes are always just. So chaotic
Bruce and Selina constantly bring stray cats on set; Bruce just hides them under his black shirt famously known as a void with no end.
Behind the Scenes cuts have images of this man pulling 10 cats from under there and the director is convinced he has a cryptid on set
They have to edit so much footage because Bruce always says "sorry" after "punching" someone. "Bruce, they have padding, they're fine!" "And no health Insurance. Do something about that."
Sometimes he forgets to take off the costume after filming. The record set for how many Subways he sent into a panic is infinite
That being said, Bruce's kids aren't afraid of him at all, and WILL run up to him everytime they visit to chant "dork! Dork! Dork!" While flocking around him. He cries from happiness
But he cries all the time, so it's hard to tell for what
The movie's soundtrack is just Bruce's middle school playlist, " They said they needed something rotten and terrible, like, -- poison for the ears. If you listen to it you get sick."
Bruce's biggest "diva moment" was refusing to give up the eyeliner and he still sends apology cards to the cast and crew for his " horrible behavior"
"He just kinda said no a bit loud and ran out of the studio while sobbing quietly."
Literally every villain on set is a sweetheart. Selina does her own make-up as well as Bruce's and Oz's and you can see Carmine lurking like a little gobling behind them just to scare her
There's this joke that none of Selina's streams ever go well because the crew is her curse. She's trying to talk about how to steal on set, meanwhile, Bruce next to her, "Did you know cats have no collarbone. Also, the electric chair was invented by a dentist."
You'd think everyone's favorite duo would be Bruce and Selina, and you wouldn't be wrong, but the public can't wait for Bruce and Carmine to have a press conference or interview together
Mostly because Carmine obviously dealt some shady cards in his past and Bruce is so clueless . " Have I ever tried coke...No, I like Pepsi." While Carmine is trying not to laugh behind him
Edward is just as bad. He's trying to tell the director that's not how bombs are made, and someone's head exploding wouldn't look like that, and Bruce is like :O Eddie, I didn't know you were a gamer
Edward is a menace on set and Bruce stays blind to it because he like him. There's rows of videos of Bruce stopping mid scene, going " Eddie," before jumping on the guy like the kitten he's NOT
Alfred still brings Bruce lunch and snacks and he throws down with Oz for no reason. He always brings the kids (read; they sneak in) and it's very clear they're not getting any shooting done that day
Dick, age 10, impatiently asks why Gray Ghost can't have a sidekick. In the last moments of the movie Dick runs in, improvises a scene with Bruce, and the fans love him too much not to include him after
You just leave Bruce alone when his babies are on set; Damian is strapped to his chest cause he's so small that everyone almost steps on him, Jason is giving the writers tip, Tim is taking pics of everyone, and Bruce smothers them with kisses constantly
1K notes
·
View notes