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deblklesb · 1 year

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[Angel of the small death — Sevika × Reader OneShot]

[ballet dancer reader, bodyguard Sevika, smut (MDNI)]

Summary: Being Silco's daughter it's not some simple thing, especially thinking about the necessity of being guarded at all times. When a conflict starts, Sevika, his best employee, becomes your main bodyguard. It turns out things escalate a little bit until you bout break the tension.

a/n: boy oh boy this is BIG and it took me more time than i expected. this was an anonymous request so i can't tag the person who did it, but i enjoyed writing this, thanks sm! I'm so sorry for the delay, I hope you enjoy it, anon! 💗✨

cw: some violence (a loose member), blood, smut (cunnilingus, masturbation, fingering)

not proof read | 5.2k words

[reblogs are highly appreciated!]

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Living is such a weird concept; that's all you can think about as you look through the songs on your playlists, laying on the bed. Nothing seemed to draw your attention, the assignment of your last class in mind created an urge to find the answers to your inspiration. It was a good thing, exactly what you needed now, and you couldn't let it slip through your fingers.

The plan was to show your teacher how capable you really were. Composition wasn't an easy thing, and even though you loved that subject the song was a major part to determine your next steps on that project. So you were searching restlessly, seeking for that high only an insight could provide, as fast as you could.

You had to interrupt your plans, though, when the screen of your phone showed an incoming call.

"Hi, dad", the other side of the line was weirdly messy, he usually tried to get a quiet place before calling you.

"You need to go to my office. I see you there in ten minutes"

"Is everything okay?" You sat on the bed. His tone wasn't usual either.

"I'll explain later. Now go."

When Silco tells you to go, you go.

The fact was that you didn't like your dad's work. All the illegal shit surrounded the places since you could remember, even if he tried hard to cover it in front of a kid. The whispers and smiles, usually opportunistics but also nervous, the feeling of being treated like a rare piece, the fear exhaling from people who knew what was happening but couldn't tell. You saw how everyone feared the slender, incisive man.

For quite some time you thought you should fear him too. But, for better or worse, he was a different person when he was with you. And as you grew old, he started to explain the situations and dynamics to you, teach you things, show what you could have. In your late twenty's now, you could use a gun and threaten people using an infinite amount of goons, but you definitely rather not.

Another thing he did was give you whatever you wanted. And some would say that wasn't a good thing, but it wasn't all that bad either. I mean, come on; he would let you go to the water park and in exchange you wouldn't miss behave, it was actually a very fair agreement. So he let you play with puppies when you were young, go out with your friends when you were a teenager and, most importantly, he'd encourage you to be a professional ballet dancer.

Thinking about his honesty and open conversations, you entered the crowded building right before David, your bodyguard, ignoring the loud music, usual from a never ending night at The Last Drop. Since that was a common scenario for you, stopping to look around and enjoy the mood wasn't necessary. Your father's tone on that call was enough to make you walk upstairs, directly towards his office at the end of the hallway.

Aside from what you feared, the scene in front of you was actually kinda unsettling. For sure he was a man that started to tell you stuff while you grew up, but a bloody finger on top of the table was new - it wasn’t attached to a body. Red stains on the wood were shining under the lights, contrasting too much with the green bathing the room due to the big glass window behind his desk. The finger had a cross tattooed on it and a golden ring, both now looking uncanny under the crimson that drew too much attention from you.

“You didn’t have a tattooed finger before”, was all you could say, almost out of breath.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, right?”

Your eyes wandered around; there was the only unfamiliar thing, and still was capable of making you feel uncomfortable. It was a surprise for yourself, the girl who beat a school colleague at seven years old because she called you a bitch. Silco tried very hard not to congratulate you too much that day, speaking politely with the principal but also making a point of not allowing that other girl to get an apology from you; she was cursing you, not the other way around - and it wasn’t just because some childish argument, the fact that you were from Zaun made you a target of mean looks and disdain all around Piltover while growing up. That girl had it coming (a broken nose) and you got a popsicle. So, yeah, blood wasn’t that out of your reality, but for some reason that detached finger made you change the weight from one leg to the other, breathing deeply.

“What happened?”

“Some idiot had the idea of snitching, we lost a guy who was in Rebecca's factory.” The well dressed man pointed to the bloody, sole body part. “This was her way of telling she found out about our plans”

“Point made, I guess”

“I just called you here so we could arrange things with David.” You frowned, looking over your shoulder to the serious, suited man behind. “I’m assigning someone else to guard you from now on. At least until this troublesome, unnecessary hostility ends”

“You’re trying to invade each other’s business, I’m pretty sure it’s not that unnecessary, dad”, the amount of discomfort was making you uneasy. That conflict was growing too much, a finger wouldn’t be the most alarming body part to appear around.

As much as your dad had had numerous conflicts around, the tension between Glasc Company and your father’s business took a turn when Rebecca decided to sell drugs herself. Losing territory, the one he fought too hard to get, was very unpleasant.

So, with quick heartbeats and perspiring palms, you watched as your father gave David some papers and instructions. The tall guy nodded, turning and offering you a smile - probably for the second or third time, which made it look very off-putting for him.

“It was very nice working for you. I never said a thing because it wasn’t part of the work”, it was more words than you’ve ever heard from him. His voice was different that you thought based on the monosyllabic answers he always gave. “but your book recommendations and songs were good. Thanks”

“Well, that’s more than I expected, I genuinely thought you hated me.” You chuckled. “It was nice having you around, David”

Then he left the room and you were left with your dad and that stupid finger, Silco seated on his couch and grabbed a cigar. “Aren’t you going to grab that finger? I thought it was rude to show it around for nothing”, you seated next to him.

Even though your father wasn’t hurt, the aspect of where that war could lead to made you think about very violent and scary endings. He was a good criminal, but still a man, a mortal one.

“I need someone else to see it” He crossed his legs as you got closer, laying the head on his shoulder before he pulled you closer on a sided embrace. “She’ll come soon. Until then, tell me how your classes are.”

He always did that, since you were a kid. Being on a college level didn’t make that much of a difference in his eyes, at least about that topic. He would listen to you talk about muscle pains and lame history classes, instrumental music, group dynamics and upcoming events. It was simple and chill, but it was his way of connecting with you in an area he didn’t know a lot about, aside from your yearly spectacles.

“This new assignment seems tiring, darling” He observed. “But, like they say, break a leg. You will be just fine”

Before you could make a joke about his use of theatrical sayings, the door swung open to reveal a tall, cloaked woman with short dark hair. The look on her face revealed dissatisfaction when she traveled it from the detached, bloody finger to you; the same you knew very well from everytime you both crossed paths. The same one you couldn’t forget for two days after receiving it.

She just stood there, silent, hands on the side of her built body, looking directly at you as if she was waiting for something - or someone. You could involuntarily lose yourself under the grayish orbs, as much as you hated this fact, but an insight struck you.

You backed off your father, turning to stare at him, not getting a single word in response. That must be a joke.

“You can’t be serious”, the tone in your voice was almost desperate. He couldn’t be doing this, right?

“That finger points otherwise”

・・・・・・・・・・

Telling David you thought he hated you was a silly comment to cool the mood. Saying that Sevika probably hated you was an understatement.

The first time you met she had just been hired and you both made a scene when she didn't believe you about being Silco's daughter. When your father introduced you officially, she just looked annoyed and bit back some unpleasant comment, knowing very well that it could cost her work.

Since then, you haven't spoken peacefully with each other. She always had a snarky comment about your classes and the way you behaved - which, to be fair, she wasn't kinda wrong; every year you realized how stupid you could've been the year before, maturity didn't come out of nowhere. Sevika herself got more mature too. She was probably five years older than you and with much more life experience, but she wasn't the holder of all knowledge and could be very judgemental too.

Putting you together wasn't a choice your father made for nothing. Sevika was his best employee. She fought better than anyone and would prioritize your safety at all costs, since it was her job now. That meant that if you wanted to go somewhere, Sevika had a saying on if you could go or not. If you wanted to visit a new place, it had to be checked before. If you wanted to stay up all night practicing in a studio you rented - because your apartment wasn't that big in order to not draw too much attention -, she had to be there and also get more people to guard the building.

And that's exactly what was happening right now.

A month since the finger incident, with Sevika being your bodyguard. She didn't look pleased. And you could say you weren't either… But that would be a massive lie.

Because you liked her looks in your direction when you were getting out of classes, and you liked the way she rolled her eyes at your bad jokes, the ones you did solely to annoy her - you were very mature but you also loved to annoy her. You liked to stand next to her on coffee shop lines, instead of being in front of her, and you liked to dress better just so she could give you a look from head to toes whenever you got out of your apartment in the mornings.

Honestly, who could judge you?

You didn't realize those things until a week later after this whole shit started, when you tried to get off one night and accidentally imagine her. It was a very embarrassing moment and you forced yourself to sleep as soon as you got back from that high, but the image didn't fade away. The image of her towering you and kissing you, pressing her body against yours in the most desperate way. You got off imagining kisses and intimacy with Sevika. Not necessarily pornographic scenarios, no; just the thought of her lips on yours and how she would react when feeling you on her fingers, her face and the words she could say, the heavy breaths. That turned you on. The feeling of being so close you could feel the heat and your heart beat faster.

You don't know what is the worst part: coming when imagining Sevika, or the fact that what got into your mind wasn't even that explicit. It was so simple, it made you pissed off about how she could affect you with so little.

But it was just a fantasy, a distant and unrealistic one. She didn't like you. Right?

Right.

That ideas were fucking you up bit by bit. At this point it was difficult to practice, head far gone, not in the slightest focusing on that amazing song you got to choose - La Danse Macabre was one of your favorite pieces and fit the theme well in your vision. So you needed to compose a four minute choreography and you have been practicing it for four weeks straight. You'd go from classes to the studio every day, staying up until late. Your feet hurt, your body was most definitely not that used to the extra effort, but it would be worth it. Not to brag, but it was kinda dope.

So there you were, looking at yourself in the mirror, trying to convey all the feelings you needed to: the sensuality of death, calling the viewer in the most subtle and dangerous way at first, but ending up being beautiful.

Your body gesture had to be on point with the postures and the weight of the moviments, it wasn't easy the fact that you would present it alone.

At some point, you didn't know when, you noticed Sevika on the corner next to the door. She was just there, quiet, looking at you.

Her presence threw you off. You slipped a little, losing timing and concentration. "Fuck", you hissed.

The song stopped when you reached your phone to pause it. Looking at the time, it had been three hours since you arrived. Your legs were sore and, honestly, the concentration was so little that just the image of that woman was enough to make you lose it. Tiredness and frustration got into you, making you sigh and turn to her. She didn't move an inch.

"What are you looking at?" That sounded more harsh than you wished.

"I thought you were a dancer. They usually are looked at, anyways", she didn't seem to diminish anything there, or to bother by your tone. That fucking look she had, the one that told you how you wouldn't get anything from her; it was nerve-wracking.

You thought you saw her eyes wandering through your body, but it probably was just some illusion.

"Yeah, I guess so", you shrugged, trying not to notice her posture or to imagine her torso under that cloak. And shirt. Numerous thoughts came back; no, illusions. Fantasies. Sevika holding you and her breath against your skin, would the feeling of her torso under your palms be so pleasant? Would her lips be so good on yours? Would the warmth give you butterflies? "Do you like what you see?"

The fact that you said "see" and not "saw" didn't click immediately; you weren't talking about the dance.

Sevika gulped. She gulped while analyzing your body on that collant and pantyhose, thinking about how your would skin feel under her touch. How she wanted to hear you calling her name and gasping, while she tried to make you feel so good like you never felt.

The looks weren't just your imagination. The way she noticed you dressing a little bit differently, that was real. And she'd spent the day trying to focus on her work and not laughing at your horrible jokes, or not feeling too good about you succeeding in your classes and beating all those snobs' pilties. She wanted to congratulate you about the choreography and say how she would follow you without question if you were death, because dying under your hypnotizing moves would be a blessing.

She wanted to say how you could do whatever you wanted to her.

So that question was so timely. The smirk on her full dark lips made you shiver, a feeling pooling on your stomach, anticipation. Gods help you, the need to kiss her was so fucking overwhelming now.

"I do, actually", Sevika said. "I like it very much. It's a gorgeous view"

It could be all. That moment could end and you'd never mention it again, leave it like water under the bridge. But, oh, you wanted to drown. You wanted to drink that water, savor it, until that thirst ended.

So you gave a step. And seeing her chest moving with a breath, you gave another. You walked towards her carefully, like she could escape any minute, and when you were finally close enough that pressure seemed to crush your chest, taking the air from your lungs.

In your life it wasn't that many times you'd sweat before kissing someone. And yet there you were, palms perspiring because Sevika wasn't moving.

"Show me how you like it, then", you said. "I'm a physical, practical learner, by the way"

She chuckled lightly, looking away and then to you again. That could literally cost her life or yours.

You could be the angel of her small death, and Sevika would die happily.

Throwing all the reasoning away, she finally touched you. She pulled you close and erased the space between your lips, poisoning herself in your taste and your tongue. Your mind flooded with stimuli: her lips and tongue, her shoulders under your hands, the weight of her touch on your hips, the imaginary scenes your mind created to make you ask yourself about what you both could do.

The small moan that escaped between the kiss made her hold you tighter, dominating that moment with her need. Her hair felt soft, intertwined with your fingers, and the muscles pressing yours made your head spin. It must be a gift from the goddesses.

It didn't matter the other guards outside of the room or the building, right now it was just you both.

"Show me how you like it", you whispered, untying her cloak to reveal her strong torso and shoulders covered by the dark shirt. "How you'd like to take me"

She groaned, kissing you again and pulling you by the thighs, forcing you to wrap the legs around her as she walked to sit on a simple couch there.

The feeling of her body under your touch was capable of numbing your thoughts, skin warm and scarred. Her kiss was so fucking intoxicating, consuming you from inside out while she grabbed your flesh.

When her lips traveled through your chin and jaw, going to your neck, you sighed and moved the hips on her lap. Your fingers got the elastic off her hair, letting the strands fall loose around her face as you pulled back to look at the woman. The dark grayish eyes and the full lips, beautiful nose, that jawline, some scars around; Sevika was so pretty it took your breath away.

"I don't think you want to spend all the time looking at me, princess", she murmured and her voice made all your body respond. The smirk added to her movements to lose your hair from the high bun; fuck, you were out of words. "What? Did the cat get your tongue?"

"I'll look at you a lot later", you finally said, fingers caressing her features as she analyzed you closely. "Now I really need you to handle me around"

Sevika's smug was something so intimate to you, something that, you swear, could make you go insane.

She pulled the straps of your leotard, eyes still glued to your reactions as the cool air reached your nipples, making you sigh. Without wasting any more time, Sevika held you by the waist with the prosthetic hand and used the other to play with one breast. A warm tongue tasted the other one, and she was so careful to let you feel every inch of that contact. You felt that throbbing between your legs more intensely the more she twisted the muscle, savoring, tasting. Her thumb and index finger played with the free nipple, shivers across your body making you breathe heavily with the sensations.

Your hands worked on feeling every muscle you could, hips moving because the sensations spreading from between your legs through your body were getting more and more prominent. Her tongue was soft, but your attention got divided by the cool prosthetic hand pulling the leotard. You didn’t want to separate from her, but you had too.

Sevika kept looking at your body as you pulled away, getting up between her strong legs. And she analyzed as you started to take off the clothes and the pointe shoes. Being under her sight like that was something else, you could feel your heart beating across your whole body, getting heated and desperate. Her demeanor, the laid back posture, spread legs and trenchant look got you wanting to get on your knees. And that’s what you did.

Throwing the fabric pieces away, you started to unbelt her pants and pull the zip down while squatting and kneeling. She’d stare at you, at your easy hands and light touches going especially fast to open the clothing. The contrast between this and the way you looked at her could make her go impatient, but she held back the instinct to do everything on her time when seeing the hunger growing in you.

“I thought you wanted me to handle you”, she smirked while raising the hips to take away the pants, after doing the same with her shoes. You helped, caressing the muscular thighs with admiration in your mind. Fuck, she was so beautiful.

“And I hope you do”, you kissed the right thigh, trailing up slowly until you reached her crotch. Under the shirt you saw her abdomen contracting in response and the chest expanding with her heavy breaths. “Never rode someone’s face?” You smirked, right hand touching the side of her body, up and down.

As you imagined, she then proceeded to lean in your direction while a hand grabbed you by the, now, loose hair. It wasn’t hard, but enough to make you throb and, for sure, get more wet. When she noticed your reaction was positive something shifted. Her pupils blown, and you could notice the mood changing by the glit in her eyes.

She got so close the tip of your noses bumped, silence crushing you while she made sure you wouldn’t falt back. And then, you could swear, Sevika got a bigger hunger in her. “Finish taking this shit off”, she said.

You needed a second as she laid back again. She arched an eyebrow as a cue for you to pull the boxers off, and as much as you tried you didn’t paid a single fuck to where that piece of fabric went. Not when Sevika drew you closer with a single ministration through your head, pulling you to her core as your heart beat faster.

She was wet and, fuck, she looked so appealing. Your mouth watered as you rested the hands on her bare thighs.

“Tongue out”, you obeyed.

Sevika finally pulled one last time and a satisfied, low sound got out of you, as you finally tasted her. And, oh, she was delicious.

Her hips started to move, the vision from that angle would never fade from your mind. She was enjoying this, dragging her core on your tongue, holding you there so you couldn’t leave, using you to her pleasure. And your mind was getting too crowded with that much information in the best way. Your pussy clenched when she moaned low, nipples somehow getting even harder to the point of hurting. Her taste was being scattered around your mouth and you wanted to be there for your whole life.

“Flat your tongue”, and you did, with a rush that made her smirk. Her abs would flex with her movements, so as her thighs.

Having Sevika riding your face was something so heavenly, so divine. You almost envied those girls in the brothel, who could get to do it so much, but then you'd remember that this woman was so worked up already because of you.

Her bud against your palate, the juices going on your lips and chin, the expressions due to the pleasure that came to bestow her, the loose hair falling on her face and the muscles contracting. The little wet sounds of your tongue against her core made the situation more erotic, and at some point you started to move the muscle that was in contact there. It drew a moan from Sevika, who was using the left arm to sustain her weight while she rubbed herself on you, seeking pleasure.

The more the seconds went by, the more Sevika loosened herself. She started to fault in her moves, twitching and spasming as her dark gray eyes ate the sight of you so eagerly tasting her. A small moan escaped, followed by a growl and her legs spreading more.

Your hands flew to her breasts under the shirt, palming the warm flesh, searching for her nipples as you hummed against her core. The vibrations pleased her.

The way you started to flick your tongue heavily got the tall woman groaning and pressing your head harder against herself. You saw the frown and the way her eyes rolled before closing, her body tensing, the shaky and sharp breaths as you felt her getting excessively wet.

"Fuck–!" She gasped, a smirk on her full, attractive lips. "So good, princess", her words were as smooth as the caresses the woman made on your hair, still spasming everytime your tongue drew on her swollen bud.

The flavor was divine; you thought as you palate went on her entrance. The fact that you could taste her forever made you hotter, eager, needier.

Sevika leaned and pulled you again, making you sulk a little at the distance from that heavenly position. But then she got you back on her lap, against her chest, legs open.

Even though no one else was there, you felt exposed. As if your secret were being revealed and, suddenly, the whole world could watch as your most recent forbidden fantasies played out.

The way she held you there, prosthetic hand under a knee as the other one traveled around your naked body, creating heat paths on your skin. Her lips distribute kisses along your neck and shoulder, taking sighs from you. And underneath all of it was an overwhelming heartbeat that got you panting at the sensation of her touch going south.

"Shit, you're dripping", she whispered, getting your attention. You turned to look at her, lips parted brushing on hers as her fingers went from your entrance to your already sensitive clit. "Got so worked up just from me riding your face?"

"Yes…"

Her digits, soaked, rubbed smoothly on your bud. You rested a hand on her hair, the other playing with your nipples as she tortuously stimulated your core.

"So good… Do you get that wet when you touch yourself thinking about me?"

You froze, eyes wandering around her face just to capture that smug. Despite that, Sevika didn't stop. She kept working on you, massaging your whole cunt, getting her own palm full of your moistures as you felt yourself throb. "I heard you one night. You didn't even notice you called my name, uh?"

Shit.

You actually did. With her on the other side of the door, you kinda expected that you had said it lower than it actually was, and that she hadn't listened to it that night. But it seems like life wouldn't let it pass.

"So now" Sevika kissed you, pecking on your lips as her fingers concentrated on your sensitive bud. "Let me hear you. Loud and clear"

Her ministrations were making you move your hips. Everything started to be too much, her breath against your skin, the cold of the prosthetic hand and the air. You wanted to give in entirely, wishing you were at home so she could rail you on your bed. She increased the speed, having your moans growing bit by bit.

It felt good. Too good. You kept messing with your own breasts, eyes rolling with your hips and her hand, feeling that high approaching.

"Getting all loosen up and relax for me, I might as well fuck you again tonight, princess", she hissed, taking a small smile for you as two of her fingers pressed and got inside of you.

You moaned more languidly as she moved with ease, in and out smoothly due to how wet you were. And it didn't take long until you felt that pull in your stomach, clenching around her digits and gasping, whining, a hand full of her hair as you moved without control.

The climax made you arch your back, her fingers came back to circle on your clit again as you trembled and murmured some incomprehensible words. Throbbing and spasming; that woman made you so full of desire it was ridiculous.

"Gorgeous", Sevika whispered, kissing your neck as you came down from your high, breathing deeply and feeling your body floating on her lap.

"That was some stupid shit", you chuckled, panting.

Her hands closed your legs and helped you turn a little so you could rest on her prosthetic arm and look better at her. Some sweat drops were on her forehead and the side of her neck, the dark skin glowing a bit.

"I learned a lot today, thanks", the woman laughed, accepting your touch on her face. "It was very delightful"

"I'm glad I could provide you some knowledge", her right hand rested on your thighs, thumb caressing your skin. "I hope on the future you can teach me how to make your fantasies come true"

At that, your core sent a shiver through your body, heat rising slightly. "Maybe someday I'll tell you"

Sevika nodded as you rested the head on her shoulder. She felt warm. Was it wrong to want her on your bed?

"I'll look forward to it"

・・・・・・・・・・

Your body was full of energy right now, the feeling of being on top of the world consuming you from inside out. It was almost possible to feel every molecule vibrating, twisting your guts.

"Call another guard", you murmured to Sevika discreetly while passing by her.

She followed you outside the building of Art classes, looking around as usual. The car was waiting, following the time established by orders.

The whole way to your apartment was silent. Your class came back to memory, the sensation of finally presenting the piece you've been planning for weeks now. The music took you away and, during those notes that reverberated on your flesh, no one was there. Just you and the music, working together. And it didn't feel real when your teacher congratulated you with a smile on her fine lips; she wasn't the type of teacher to smile that much. That meant a lot. It was huge actually.

But before telling anyone, you wanted to let all this energy flow to something else. To somebody else.

So you waited until a knock on your bedroom door, and you saw her getting inside carefully, confusion on her face as you asked her to sit by a corner.

Resting on your bed, heartbeat increasing, you moistened your lips. "Do you wanna know what else I fantasized about?"

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

[dividers by @froopis]

#sevika oneshot #sevika x reader #sevika arcane #arcane sevika #sevika fic #sevika x reader smut #sevika x reader fanfic #sevika x reader fic #deblklesb #arcane fanfic #arcane oneshot #arcane fic

284 notes · View notes

seeingivy · 3 months

Note

Do you draw inspiration from.your own life (events, emotions...) to write ?

HEAVILY!!!!

I think this is something I do specifically for my longer form fics...the one shot tend to be more of the sporadic, cute scenarios I imagine while I go to sleep. but longer form fics are where I really start digging into my own life and putting my own thoughts/feelings into it

a few examples:

roommate eren: actually doesn't really apply, because that was so early into my writing.

method acting eren: (gets bullet points)

eren as a character and y/n as characters I feel have parts of myself that I often feel like are at war with in my own head lol (which is why they have conflict!!)

y/n gets swayed by people around her so quickly and cares about what people think - a little too much. eren is also just deeply self destructive at times and so in his own head that he can't see what's in front of him at all. those two things combined are not a pretty combo, which is why x y and z happens in method acting.

historia's whole being jealous of y/n arc is based of me in real life!!! struggle with real life comparisons so hard and it can be something that is so obsessive for me. when the song lacy came out, it was the first time I really felt seen in the way that wanting to be like someone else so bad can be so all consuming that I wanted to kind of include that in the fic, esp how it pertains to female friendships (will say, all the reception I got about that character and that friendship soothed a lot of rough spots in my heart about that so I appreciate you all)

lana's struggles with love - particulary the part that she has bad relationships of love modeled to her, hence why she originally puts up with ricky in the first place is also based on me (guys this fic is so self indulgent please leave me alone ok) and I haven't reached the whole self actualized love part but i'll get there! (thank you for all the love on the lana character I could cry if I thought about it)

also a bit more deep, but a lot of criticism that I got about the fic (esp after the whole reveal of why eren did what he did) was like "oh he could have just told her" "I don't get why he didn't" was kind of meant to be a more subtle thing of how when you love someone who is struggling with mental illness/bad environments (which at that point he was in a kind of abusive relationship with his producer so), it's often that the way that they cope or react as a byproduct is sometimes something that doesn't make sense/isn't logical - and is no way that something to put up with (which is literally why she doesn't), but it's also why eren is more logical and rational when he gets help. you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped (which at that point he didn't want to) and they need to put their own work in (which eren obv does after everything that happens)

^^ (this is based on relationships that i've had in my own life but also feeling put in that position of doing things that weren't rational and didn't make sense that hurt people and later realizing when I put the work in what a lot of that actually was and trying to have grace with it)

kind of random, but I always imagine method acting sasha as poc. I didn't want to say it explicit so people didn't start beefing with me about x y and z, but that's why she doesn't get the same treatment as y/n or mikasa. (not saying that y/n is white or fits beauty standards, but she's a self insert so I can't exactly assign her a race so the same point can't be made). but for the sasha character, it's kind of those feelings that poc/darker skinned girls get of not being the person anyone is interested in, the girl who is always funny and never pretty, super motherly but never the girl anyone has a crush on. anyways. (sincerely the token mom friend in highschool!!!)

best friends older brother sukuna:

so like. ive never talked to my best friends older brother. he is thirty. and he's also married to a sweetie pie.

THAT BEING SAID

a big part of that fic is obviously intimacy - but more the fact that there's a lot of depth to intimacy beyond sex - especially for people who have bad first experiences and how they kind of have to grapple with that afterwards (I will not elaborate on how I relate to this. connect dots.)

AND ALSO. sibling relationships is a big part of that fic. I have two older siblings (and the fic also has two older siblings). the relationships that I have with both of them are so dynamically different - in terms of good sibling/bad sibling (if that's even a thing, which the point is kind of that it's more complicated than that) and also younger/older dynamics

^^I won't elaborate more on that but just know in that fic that i've had my fair share of sammy and my fair share of sukuna - but also had my moments where i'm immature and not fair like y/n and yuuji. so.

thanks for this ask it was so fun!!! so sorry I yapped....and overshared.....

#asks!#method acting #bsfs older brother sukuna!#I LOVE U POOKIE thanks for picking at my brain #there are typos #I am too lazy to fix them I just wanted to yap

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softcitrus2345 · 5 months

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I know you’re into some of the more….acquired.. aspects of this genre {vore, rapid, g/t}, so how do you feel about ovi/eggs?

Yeah sorry, for me it's an automatic "no thanks" It just involves a lot of different aspects that personally make me uncomfortable to think about It falls into the "preg" category for me, and that whole niche just really squicks me out, I just don't like the thought of it at all and I don't find it fun to think about It's just kinda triggering for me to think about as a trans afab person And as for the actual eggs part, it's just not comfy for me to think about.. and the laying aspect involves too much genitalia for me to be comfortable with, it just brings up too many questions in my mind I'm a sex-repulsed ace person so while I might be okay with some things, other things just cross the line for me, it just feels way too sexual and explicit Honestly probably feels like body horror to me too now that I think of my feelings towards it Not saying it's bad to have that kink, it's just not something that I am comfortable with thinking about or exploring in any way, I guess I just think too hard about the implications and everything.. with preg stuff, it just feels like.. weird to me to sexualize something that can be so traumatic for the person going through, and egg stuff just treads the line for me with a lot of different things I don't want to get into

I don't like involving genitalia in any of my work or scenarios As for the other stuff you mentioned, G/t really isn't a kink for me at all, it's just a trope I enjoy using from time to time in my kink-related content I only enjoy soft vore in certain contexts, I use it as a comfy thing, I don't really know how to explain it but I only ever use it with characters that are both comfortable exploring that and know that they are safe with each other, like a mutual trust

Rapid weight gain is just something fun I like to use for faster progression.. it's definitely a favorite of mine and I use it a LOT in my art, it's just fun to draw characters gettin' extra big extra fast, yknow? >;3 I hope this all made sense, and that I didn't come off too hostile at he beginning, I just wanted to make sure I explained how I felt about all that, 'cause it's just a huge jumble in my head of reasons why I don't like that niche and it's hard to make sense of it 😭

#softcitrus asks #my noodle is thinking way too hard about this but yeah #not my cup of tea #feels too much like body horror to me #sorry anon 😭

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imaginethebeautifulworld · 2 years

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Hi! I love your writing, esp with Gilbert! Can I request a scenario? I have this head cannon that Gilbert wears colored contacts due to years of torment from the church and peeps. Can I get a scenario where he gets something in his eye and the reader walks in and catches him changing them?

Hello, Lovely~ This didn't quite go the way I originally intended, but so few of my posts actually do. I thank you for your patience and such a good request, and I hope you enjoy.

Wow, he was a mess.

Bemused, he ran a hand through his hair, a fine snowfall of flour cascading in its wake, drifting to the floor.

He really hadn't meant to let things get so out of hand, but there was something about you that made him feel young again, something about your expression- never really annoyed, though you always tried so hard to make it seem that way- that always made him a little giddy. And what had started as an innocent baking session quickly turned into a flour fight, white powder coating the countertops and cabinets.

He offered to flip a coin for the bathroom, but you had more or less shoved him in there first, worried about the clumps sticking to his lashes.

A good call, he silently agreed with a wince, the familiar sensation of something in his eyes prompting the need to change out his contacts.

He made quick work of it, relieved he thought to keep a spare pair in his pocket for emergencies. He hadn't told you about-

Yeah. He was planning on keeping those a secret until your dying day. Or his. Whichever came first.

The cold water did fast work, the soap clearing away the clumps that were were being the more stubborn of the lot. He tried not to rush too much; it'd suck if he missed some and had to change out his contacts again. Yet he couldn't fight away the sense of urgency, the sounds of your tidying up fading away, your footsteps getting closer to the door.

Shit, shit, shit.

He only had one-

"Do you think we-"

He hadn't heard you knock on the door, your hand hanging uselessly in midair, eyes wide in surprise, jaw slack.

Terrific.

He quickly turned away from you, nearly dropping the other contact in his haste. He was scarcely aware of your coming closer, only acknowledged your nearness when your reflection- still wide-eyed- appeared in the space behind his shoulder in the mirror.

A spared glance was all it took to confirm that you were, indeed, staring at his eyes. He felt that familiar flush of shame, the need to shy away, hide away.

"Please don't say anything. I know they're-"

"They're beautiful."

"-ugly." He finished while leaning over the sink to get closer to the vanity. It took a beat too long for your words to truly reach him, and he was drawing back again, turning around to face you with surprise. "Wait, what?"

You had a look on your face, one he would swear was almost awe. Which was ridiculous, really. Why would-

His thoughts short-circuited when your hand gently settled against his cheek, that soft look somehow even more gentle than before.

There was a smile to it now, and he could feel his treacherous ears warming in response.

"It's like falling in a field of poppies, or a warm sunset."

"You aren't-" He started, failed, retreated, regrouped, resumed. "You don't think they're ugly?"

Your expression shifted into disbelief, annoyance, concern. "God, no. It's such a pretty color!"

He forced some of his tension away. This was you after all; if there was one person he knew he could trust, one person he could let past his defenses- It was always going to be you.

"You'd be the first to think that."

This close, he could see the way your eyes narrowed, the subtle movement of the muscles in your jaw. In a breath, you had processed your understanding, schooled your features, though there was no removing the slim brush of anger in your words, gentle and calm as they were. "That's why you've been hiding them?"

Centuries, a millennium- He lost count of how many years he'd been hunted, tormented, mocked, tortured for his appearances, never mind the whole immortality thing.

Even as the world changed, as ideals and perspectives and society changed, he had still received the looks, heard the whispers that were intentionally spoken just loud enough for him to catch. He was something other, something else.

"The Others- They can blend in more easily. Even Vlad can convince people his are just a weird shade of hazel, but when you're deathly pale walking around with blood red eyes-"

"I'm so sorry."

He felt his heart melt just a fraction at that, his thoughts pulled momentarily from their downward spiral. "Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault."

You frowned, far from reassured, but he continued. "It wasn't till the '50s when I first was able to get a pair. Only thing I could smuggle in were some brown ones, but they worked." His words trailed off, thoughts fading to wisps.

It was quiet for a few moments when a question was slipping past his lips, unbidden, unexpectedly. "You really like them?"

You had been studying him intently, surprise swiftly following when you realized he had asked you a question. He could see you weighing it carefully, needing only a moment before you were speaking.

"I do. They're like- Like a warm campfire at the end of a long day. They make me think of ripe strawberries, and the roses you bought me last week- which I'm still upset about!"

He couldn't fight his grin at your exasperation. "I'm allowed to spoil you once in a while."

"But you should save your money..."

"If I can't treat my better half to flowers and their favorite dinner when they had a shitty day at work, then I don't deserve to be with them."

"Gil..."

He would never get tired of your hugs.

You hugged with your everything, your entire heart and soul pouring into it. It was always warm, always with a promise to whoever you were embracing that nothing, no one, mattered than them, that the moment you were sharing was the most important moment, that every moment before or after was inconsequential.

He let himself melt into it, tried to convey how important you were, tried to show how much he loved you without words. Judging by your sigh, the way you melted into him, you followed his meaning perfectly.

He lost track of time there, neither of you really adamant to pull away. But after a while, you were humming pensively, a stray sentence slipping past your lips. "Father Christmas."

He tried not to laugh- really, he did- but a confused huff of laughter had him pulling away, just enough to raise an eyebrow at you, studying you with amusement. "Was ist das?"

You were smiling, something that made the years fall from your shoulders, that light he loved so much shining bright. "Your eyes... They make me think of Father Christmas, that bright, warm red. Or maybe a cardinal in the snow. Holly berries?"

"My eyes make you think of Yule?"

"Yeah. But not just that..."

He really shouldn't press, should let this conversation pass, let tradition reclaim its role. But oddly enough, surprisingly enough, the comparisons-

"Have any more?"

"Just a few," you hummed, while also trying to force away a small, bashful smile.

"Enlighten me?"

You were exaggerating when you said you had only a few.

Over the next few weeks, at random times, you would give him more suggestions; sometimes a quick Snap to show exactly the shade (the 6 am fog with its trail of tail lights making their morning commute), and sometimes a random Telegram ding would interrupt his workflow, bringing him a single word that would made him smile (ladybugs!, rubies., Louboutin?, BOOKS!).

It took a few weeks, but he soon grew comfortable enough to stick to his glasses when alone with you.

The whole world could go on with all of its inflexibilities and narrow-minded ways; when he was alone with you, he was no longer the demon child, the son of a witch, the Devil's herald.

You told him that his eyes made you think of warmth, of light, of all the bright and beautiful parts of the world.

After a few weeks, he was actually starting to believe you.

Thanks for reading!

#prussia x reader #aph prussia #hetalia prussia #hws prussia #aph gilbert beilschmidt #hws gilbert beilschmidt #hetalia gilbert beilschmidt #gilbert beilschmidt x reader #thanks anon #anon request #anon ask #thank you lovely!#I hope this came out okay

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tired-reader-writer · 2 years

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Since I'm really restless and nothing's really been successful at distracting me, I'm just gonna infodump my jumbled and fragmented thoughts about my various AUs in no particular order:

...quilted garments as part of the clan's ethnic dress

Isfan and Farangis falling into a friendly rivalry that continues well into their adulthood

Grandmama Eihon badass

I do not have the reason nor context for this but the scenario of Arslan dyeing his hair the same brown as his brother... He said the reason he avoided black despite it belonging to several family members (Shapur, Kazai, Kashi) was because he doesn't want to associate with “that man” (Andragoras)

Hoshiori wore soft and light colours, and simpler clothes before the fall of Uzushio, after which she wears mourning clothes (can't settle on black or white, because black wood provide a nice transition to what she'll wear and do next, while white traditionally was the mourning colour for Japan before the black-as-mourning thing came in from the west), and then when she starts taking charge and taking on a leader position and being proactive, she wears brighter, bolder, more eye-catching and “severe” colours with heavy ornamentation to draw attention to her lineage (basically royalty) and to remind Konoha of the fact that they failed her homeland Uzushio.

When she died and reincarnated in the modern world, Elise thought she was being punished for her misdeeds in her previous life. She's an orphan now, in an unknown world, and must struggle to survive. Even after she dies in the modern world and reincarnates again into her original body, the mentality stuck with her and she has a lot of baggage hanging on her.

On that note, I wonder if Elise would've sympathized with Marianne or turn away because she couldn't bear to look at her. Marianne and first-life!Elise had a lot of parallels, would she find it too hard to look at Marianne, because all she'd be seeing is a reflection of her own self, which she's disgusted by?

When the clan first moved in to live in Shapur's castle, Gieve and Isfan didn't get along. Like, at all. From Gieve's perspective Isfan and Shapur stole his little brother, and from Isfan's perspective Gieve is barging into Arslan's life without knowing anything about him— “How would you know? You weren't there.” Cue a shitton of tension.

Windchimes. I keep hearing windchimes. I just remembered that in RHoG, well the part that hadn't made it into the fic proper anyways, I associated Mardalia with windchimes like they were everywhere. I'm wondering if I could put windchimes in WoW too. Dunno what they'll do, though.

While he was working in the palace, a rumor spread that Arslan taught little birds how to sing. It started out as a joke, really, as a servant boy told that little kids (Arslan going “What are you telling the children?!” in the background), all the adults know that it's a joke but the little kids take it very seriously.

The joke rumor got to the marzbans too, and I like to imagine Daryun might tease him for it XD

I'm thinking, that as part of the coming-of-age ceremony of clan children, the ones who come of age would swear an oath before the mother tree (which they'd call the Heart Tree in the absence of the actual Moon Tree which is a whole nother worldbuilding rabbit hole), I don't have the oath planned out but it'd have to do with protecting and sheltering lost, abandoned and runaway souls who wander into the mountains, and painting the clansmen as “watchmen” or “guardians”. The final line would be smth like “And now my watch begins.” I don't know whether to put the ceremony in (EDIT: I MISTYPED, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SUMMER OR AUTUMN MY BAD)

I couldn't help but remember this moment— where Hatsuharu went, “Yeah, I wonder who?” with a deadpan face, and couldn't help but see younger Isfan as Kyo and younger Farangis as Hatsuharu 😂 (that aside though, Kazuma here be giving mad Ayunnen vibes)

youtube

During the early days, Kazai would make Gieve catch his (Kazai's) cat as part of his training. It'll teach him how to jump on rooftops, navigating narrow spaces, finding shortcuts etc, and Gieve would always turn up dirty and battered 😂 Isfan would catch sight of him like that and he'd be like “...why are you like that” and Gieve's like “training! don't you see!” and Isfan's like 0_0 because it's quite different from the training Shapur gives him, I imagine 😂 Kazai pops up, and Gieve proudly shows off the cat. “Great job!! You're getting faster! Now go wash yourself.”

I still have no clue how to make Jaswant meet Arslan in this AU yet

Petunia and Mei friendship 🤝

I wonder how Kubard would react upon meeting Kazai, it's bound to be glorious 😂

Chang Mei the Emperor of Xing ��

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wafflesetc · 2 years

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I’m extremely worried about what Gwen will do to Upstead later this season. I lost so much of my trust in her these last episodes. I want Jay to come back even if it’s only offscreen and them together, but she seems to go for dramatics now instead of in character. I don’t know what to think. Anything you can say to help ease my thoughts?

I apologize if this is a little longer than you thought you were going to get. I've also been sitting on this for a few days because I wanted the initial high/anger/confusion/just general wave of intake to be over.

This is slightly multi-layered and I think that it's important to take that into account when answering something like this. I can totally understand why you say you lost your trust in Gwen over these last few episodes. I'm inclined to agree to a portion of losing some distrust in Gwen. I particularly didn't love the airport goodbye scene with Voight. Of all the three of is final episodes, him saying he wanted to be like Voight to me was one of the most out of character things we've ever heard from Jay. @spiridakosstyle had a really great post about there here.

Now, I don't know what happened and I don't know how three episodes was decided, but they had 10 years worth of a character and 5 years of a partnership/relationship to wrap up. Gwen had to do that all while still maintaining the regular timeline for a regular season for the show. I'm not defending her, I'm just saying that there are a lot of factors into timing and pacing. Do I think they did it right? No, I don't think that it was paced right. The first two episodes were strangely paced to me with how the third episode went down. I still enjoyed the episodes, but I question some of the timeline choices that were made and why they were made.

I think the biggest factor in all of this to be honest is the fact that he's not dead- he is just, temporarily relocating. I made a long post on my mostly coherent thoughts on the episode. I am not going to rehash it in this answer, but I do suggest reading it. In short, aside from the fact I didn't love the pacing, I think Jay is on a journey of self-healing.

I put this in a tweet a few days ago, "Growth is hard, it always is—and in order for a relationship to grow, each person has to grow. Sometimes healing is a solo journey, having your person support you. It doesn’t mean they love each other any less. In the end, he’ll be stronger & they’ll be stronger."

I'm believing that's where they were going with the exit choice they made for him. I don't love the military exit... I would have preferred some sort of promotion or transfer. (I'm also still wondering why we didn't get the dress blues scene that were in the promo pics?) But... at the end of the day, Jay Halstead was a beloved and valuable asset for a decade. They spent half of his character arc involving Hailey into his work life and personal life on the show. I firmly don't believe they are going to do anything too drastic to the relationship.

With the show up for renewal next year and contracts of the cast in question, there are no doubt a lot of avenues that they can go down. While I am leaning towards the side Tracy is probably not going to renew, just given the scenario we've seen played out before our eyes and nothing actually factual from her or NBC/Wolf, she could chose to stay. Maintaining the marriage isn't necessarily that hard- a mention of a text here, ending her on a Skype/FaceTime with him, a mention of him to Kev or Ruz, etc. There are ways to keep him and them alive, without him being there. It's just a matter of continuance, and I'm ehh on that because the show doesn't have the greatest track record. But I will say, we've sing the ring on her hand in BTS. We've got no real reason to panic.

10 years of a character, 5 years of a partnership/relationship that was undoubtedly a HUGE draw for the audience- I don't see them being too dumb with something like that, that draws in the $$$$.

So as far as their relationship I hold on to this:

“Besides, I’m going where you go.”

“We’re good and we’re always gonna be good.”

“I’m not going anywhere Hailey, really I’m not.”

“Where you go, I go.”

These statements they have said to each other over the years are so powerful- Jay Halstead is a man of his word, he promised to love her in sorry & in joy... They are just more in an 'in sorrow' type of moment. I firmly believe they are going to be okay.

And as far as Gwen, I'm not gong to comment too much because all I know is I wouldn't want to be in her shoes. One character's integrity was more important than another one's on his exit and still having to please fans every week... It's got to be hard. So, time will tell.

#chicago pd #upstead #jay halstead

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psyoniks · 6 days

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i got bored and doodled 1/4 of my fan kids on my notes app. finally made more kids so cody and cain aren't just homestuck inserts. might actually draw them asp

casy garcia and sean ashley

weird creepy pasta kid and annoying theater kid

---

cody dreams on derse and is a mage of mind and sean dreams on prospit and is a maid of heart

fun facts/random stuff:

cody constantly draws operator symbols on his arm because its fucking cool.

he will spam everyone at 3am in the pestergroup chat to show his shitty proof of mothman. he didn't sleep for 72 hours and was running on coffee. it was just a moth on his window.

speaking of, he's terrified of moths. they're the devil incarnate.

stole his name from the best creepypasta x virus

gets genuinely anxious at the idea of aliens existing. he's going to have a hell of a breakdown at some point.

never shuts up about Pokémon. ever.

most likely nonbianry or smth but he ain't got time to figure that out

likes glam rock, screamo and vocaloid

makes short horror films and likes bringing his cam recorder into the woods next to his house to try(and unsuccessfully)find evidence of the supernatural.

makes multiple dnd character sheets because its fun but never uses them. and because he's a nerd and has no one to play with irl.

plays the electric guitar but he's extremely bad at it.

---

he watches way too many shitty romcoms

sean wants to visit paris to have a main character love story moment.

people think he's annoying because he likes to be dramatic for the fun of it and is very theatrical. so he tries to tone it down when he's not alone, but it's pretty hard for him.

he's the type to read a book or write in a journal at a concert to seem 'mysterious' and by the off chance his favorite band invites him backstage to have a tour or some shit(he's so real).

in the theater club at his school, hasn't gotten a lead yet but he will eventually!(he won't)

sean actually has terrible stage freight, but still has a passion the preforming arts, so he joined the club in the spur of the moment to try and get over it

tripped over his own foot during opening night for a musical and ended up starting a fire somehow.

likes high-school musical and glee.

actually plays a sport, soccer.

pretends to know french because it thinks it makes him seem more sophisticated. He does not know french.

hates coffee but drinks it anyways. thinks its 'romantic' since coffee shop love stories are all rage.

reads old boring books that you'd read in english class like the great gabsty because he thinks it make him seem more mature.

he's actually very happy to help out his friends anytime they need something

----

cody and sean like to discuss about the conspiracy theories about the cult theater people, the mystery of hamlet curse, superstitions and of the incredibly specific scenario if aliens were to infect humans to sing and dance(tgwdlm real). other than that they like to play video games, though their tastes are wildly different. cody likes horror while sean likes those really bad visual novels, which cody makes fun of. they also both unironically like twilight. cody is team jacob and sean is team edward and they do argue about it.

#homestuck #homestuck oc #fankid #oc #just yappin #doodle #homestuck kid

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woodsfae · 1 month

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Working with equine vets is so fraught, because they think they're experienced and/or trained in universal horse behaviorism, but they're actually familiar with a near-universal cultural background that creates certain consistent behavioral responses.

For example: you're supposed to handle and train horses from a young age so they are exposed to lots of important stimuli throughout their development. You want your 1,000-2,000 pound animal to be calm when faced with blowing bags, kids on bikes, loud cars engines, and a thousand other things, because otherwise you have a panicked 1,000-2,000 pounds of horse trying to escape with zero rational thought besides "fleeeeeeeeeeeee and kick it to shit along the way so it doesn't get you."

In the USA, most young horses get training that would be considered abusive in pets like cats/dogs. One of those things is hard-tying. That's when you take a foal, put a halter on it, and tie them to a post on a very short lead. Then you let them get bored/upset/scared and try to move away. They are young and not very strong yet, so they can't no matter how much they struggle. And then they learn helplessness when tied up and don't pull even as adults. To be clear, this is abusive and there are much better ways of training a horse to stand calmly while tied, just like there are ways to train dogs to be calm while tied up for a bit. This is just common and isn't illegal in the USA. Both healthy and abusive training methods aim for roughly the same goals: a predictable and calm horse that tolerates medical examinations, new stimuli, leads/ties well and doesn't pull, to name a few. This is for safety purposes. Horses are large, and dangerous even under the best of circumstances just because they're flipping huge. A dog steps on your foot, maybe an ouch? A horse steps on your foot, maybe an ouch in best case scenario, maybe a broken foot.

However, Partner's rescue horse didn't get any training of any kind as a foal, good or bad. He was born right when a breeding ranch was starting to go under and he was entirely neglected. He was just loose in a pasture, feral. He wasn't handled as a foal. He wasn't haltered. He wasn't trained. He wasn't habituated to anything scary or unusual. Then when he was about ten, they decided to rectify that mistake and then a did a really really great job of traumatizing him in short bursts, then letting him back out in the pasture, now even more afraid of humans and new things after the "training" didn't work, leave him alone a few months, repeat.

Eventually my partner (a positive reinforcement trainer) met him right around the time he had been sold and a new person was carrying out their own inept attempt to cow an adult, traumatized horse into submission they way they would a untraumatized foal, and it went so badly that that person decided to have him put down. So my partner convinced them to sell the horse to him, and ten years later Canner-the-horse has come so so so so far and is trained to do many impressive and cool things, but he will never have the same reactions as a normal horse born and trained in the usa. And he is always going to have that trauma background and his "flight" reaction to stress turned way the fuck up.

All this to say, it was really fucking annoying when the who vet insisted she knew horse behaviorism stayed right on him continuing to examine him as he started to back away, because her experiences says "he'll stop when he hits the fence because that's what horses that have been this calm do," when Canner's actual instinct says "bolt the second I feel trapped because that's what's kept me safe before."

Thankfully we did prevent that (him having his horsey ptsd triggered and bolting) from happening.

Annoyingly I'm going to have to do the blood draw myself because he was too nervous after that examination to risk having her pull the blood.

And she's one of the best, most flexible horse vets I've ever met and I feel lucky she was so chill about following our instructions for the most part and will accept a blood sample drop-off that I take. sigh.

#ethology #horse ethology #operant conditioning #positive reinforcement #force free training #woodsfae

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keefwho · 7 months

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September 28 - 2023 Thursday

10:40pm

I didn't journal last night because I was up late chatting with Daisy.

This morning I had a hard time decided breakfast but I picked my last sausage pattie in a hamburger bun with a side of rice. My diet has been pretty non-varied lately so I'm trying to remember to eat something as different as possible every meal aside from my usual chicken dinner but even that might get changed up.

Stream didn't go so well. I just couldn't figure out what to work on. I'm sort of idea burnt out right now. In the past I would have been tired of the process but I feel like I can draw forever. Its just coming up with interesting ideas I actually want to do and not just the same poses and scenarios over and over. I ended stream very early, only about 30 minutes in. I also had to use the bathroom pretty bad. I felt bad about ending but also I knew that I honestly needed a break. I still do I think. I've been so focused on creating ideas that I haven't been taking in any information. I'm reverbing in my own brain. I need some fresh content to go off of.

After stream I honestly can't remember what I did. I somehow managed to kill a couple hours by doing actually nothing. Maybe watching a Twitch stream, maybe working a little bit on my room scan, and trying to find something to clean. Eventually I decided to fellate myself but I probably shouldn't have, I ended up not being very into it and because of that it took about 40 minutes.

Lunch was a few chicken fries, fish stick, and a macaroni cup. I had been looking forward to working on something while watching a stream on the side. Instead I had joined Eggs server and she showed up along with a couple of her friends. It was a nice call for the most part. Some of it was her friends nonstop narrating their OSU gameplay which rotted my brain but that stopped. For a bit it was just me and her and we share mutual feelings about being glad we bumped into each other for similar reasons. She was sort of isolating after a friend group break up and I also have very few social connections. I had been working on a halloween pic of Adora for Daisy in this call. Egg and her friend were watching and complimented me a lot which was nice, they really like my coloring brush. When I was done with the pic I left.

I felt terrible for Daisy today because of her finding out her insurance doesn't cover mental visits and also she had a bad day at work. Thats part of the reason I did the halloween pic. I didn't mean to get the whole thing done today but I thought it would make her feel at least a little better. I don't think I play myself up enough because that pic only took 2 hours. I think a lot of artist wish they could draw something so complete in that time. At this point its normal for me so it doesn't feel like anything special but I should take pride in being able to crank something out like this when it's needed.

After a little stream watching Daisy and I played Zelda together for just a little bit before her mom got home. When she hopped off my friend Will messaged and reminded me that we had planned to hang out in VRchat tonight so we did that for a bit. It was cool catching up with him even though I forgot about the plans and didn't quite feel up to socializing with someone I hadn't talked to in a decade. It was worth it though. We got him an avatar and showed him my cabin before getting crashed at a Black Cat.

Daisy and I chatted before bed as usual while I'm been Twitch gambling. I'm running another room scan alignment tonight and hoping it goes better with new settings. I dont want to settle for a lame result.

Its nearly time I try to figure out a new plan to self therapy. I've just stopped for a bit to regroup because everything kinda stopped working. I got too focused on certain things and at the same time not focused enough on others. I wasn't very coordinated in general, so much so I can't even describe exactly what the problem was. Just that I was so scattered. Whatever I try next will be more structured and focused.

I've naturally been better about feeling secure in my relationships. It might only be temporary but I've been aware of how miserable and harmful it is to not trust in my close bonds. Especially when I'm given so much reassurance. Sure I have legitimate reasons I end up feeling like this but it's still so goofy. Sometimes I just say fuck past experiences and so called trauma. I want to be happy and at least sometimes I can be.

#journal #diary

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jettman1970 · 2 years

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So I just watched another video on this called 5 things Narcissists hate that normal people love.

One of the things is Holidays. The narrator of the video says that the narc will sabotage these events.

It's interesting because I didn't really think about it too much before, but I really think that my narc doesn't like Valentine's day.

We've had 3 Valentine's days together, I won't count the first one because we were still a really new couple and we just happened to be long distance relationship at the time. We lived several states away. I don't really remember it to be honest so my guess is that we couldn't get together. I'm just drawing a blank at the moment on it.

But the last 2 were very memorable but not in the way intended.

I had lost my job due to COVID-19 in the spring of 2020. It took me about 7 months to find another one because my industry was hit really hard. Anyway, I took the first job that came along. It just so happened to be in Kabul Afghanistan.

So I left the States in January 2021. I missed her birthday by a week, but I had to go. Everything was going fine for a while. We would zoom call each other twice a day. Once when I woke up in the morning. It was her bedtime in the States. And then again after I got off work when she was just waking up.

I had ordered a few small things for Valentine's day and had them delivered to her apartment and we planned on opening it together on a zoom call.

We have at this point been in this repeating pattern of breaking up and getting back together for a while now. It's always the same things leading up to the breakup. I feel her energy change and I would, in my head go into kind of a panic mode so to speak. I didn't realize it at the time but she had me conditioned or trained to not say anything that can be even slightly interpreted as being negative or a bad meaning or whatever. If her mind could come up with the worst case scenario she could think of that could be applied to what I said or did, then that was that and I'm left defending myself rather than having an actual conversation.

So anyway because of this repeating pattern I sense her energy change and start to panic. My response to this is that unless I can say something that cannot be misinterpreted, then it's best to not say anything at all. This is the opposite of what a narcissist needs for supply and would make her mad. I knew that but I was helpless. My mind couldn't think of things good enough to say on the spot that wouldn't lead to me defending myself against ridiculous thoughts on her mind.

This of course was always my fault. Was told constantly that I don't communicate. And to an extent that's true.

A few days before Valentine's day 2021, I feel the energy shift. I knew what was coming.

After she opened the gifts which she seemed rather unimpressed with she brought up the elephant in the room. As far as the gifts go, I admit they weren't much but I thought considering I ordered them while I was in Afghanistan and had been out of work for 7 months they were pretty good. I find out later that she sold one of them on Poshmark. I'm not sure why.

So after that, she brought up the elephant in the room. I don't remember exactly what was said by who but she eventually said something along the lines of well, why don't we mutually agree to break up.

Well, okay. This isn't the normal pattern. We talk a bit more. I don't want to break up but she's pressuring me to agree to it. I also am panicking in my mind. I can't verbalize anything that's going to make sense. There's long awkward silences. I'm visibly crying because I just want to be with her. I want to make this work. It didn't hit me during the video call, but during all this she was wasn't crying. She was pushing for the breakup and her face was pretty emotionless. She was calm as a cucumber. She had never done it this way before. Her normal thing is to get angry, say some mean hurtful things and hang up and immediately block me.

So after a while, I very reluctantly agreed to it. She was still calm and more silence. And after a while she is asks if there's anything else. I just say something along the lines of I just need to know that you will be okay. To that statement, she instantly became angry, said some things and hung up and blocked me. It only hit me a while after the call about her emotions. I thought that was really strange the more I thought about it. I have more to expand on this break up but it's going to have to be a separate post because it's a whole other topic that has other repercussions.

So on to Valentine's day 2022. I got a job back in the States in the city she's in and came back in November 2021. We're back together again at this point and we're both excited about being in the same city finally. We can finally start our future together. I immediately moved in with her the moment I landed. Thanksgiving went well, Christmas went even better and New years was good. Her birthday is in January and it was fantastic. I had never been snow skiing and it had been years since she went, so that's what we did. We stayed at a ski lodge for a few days and had a lot of fun. We both got covid during the trip, but the trip itself was great.

Covid caused us both to miss a few days of work while we recovered. So fast forward a few weeks and Valentine's day is quickly approaching. We both had to work Valentine's day but I had planned to cook us a special dinner that night after work. We were just going to have a quiet night in. Feb 13, she says to me that she doesn't want to miss any more work because she's still trying to recover lost pay from being sick with covid the month before. I had felt her energy change also, I knew what was coming, I just didn't know how it was going to happen because now I am living with her. She can't just hang up on me.

I start work at 5am. So I get up early. Valentine's day morning I turn off the alarm and go around to her side of the bed and excitedly say "Happy Valentines Day, Baby!!" as I go in for a kiss.

What does she do? She barely tilted her head up to kiss me and said "oh, uh, thanks, we don't have to do our plans for tonight if you don't want to" and put her head back on the pillow. I just stood there stunned by that. I'm thinking WTF!?

So I get ready and go to work. I'm pretty upset about it all but I don't know what to say or do. We end up texting sporadically during the day. Just after lunchtime, she sent a text saying she has a migraine and that she's going to go to the chiropractor and then head home. Now this might be a mistake on my part but because she told me that she didn't want to miss any more work and because of the reaction I had gotten that morning, I figured she was going to go AFTER she got off work. Which means that our dinner plans were going to be delayed if they even happened at all. It sounded to me that she didn't want to do Valentine's dinner.

I had the opportunity to work late so I did. I got off about the same time she was supposed to originally and headed home. I was pretty upset about everything so I decided that I wasn't going to get flowers unless she got me something. I already had her gift. Well, I get home and open the door and see flowers and a card for me on the table with a gift. I can also see that she's in bed. So I head out and get a really nice bouquet. I get back and lay down next to her and we talk. She's upset because I came home late. I explain that it wasn't clear from your text that you were leaving work early or I would have come home on time. She gets pissy and grabs her phone to read the message. She does and she rolled her eyes hard, smacked her lips and uttered, "Whatever". This instantly pissed me off. I almost walked out the door. But I decided that "I" wasn't going to be the one to ruin Valentine's day for the second time. So I cooked dinner as planned, we ate. She said it was good and she enjoyed it. But I don't really know. I know that I enjoyed it. We then exchanged gifts. But there was no enthusiasm in it. Almost like she was being forced to participate. In hindsight, maybe she thought she was being forced to participate. Could have been because of the migraine, IDK.

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ella390-the-potato · 4 years

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When the new ace of Seido throws a wild one due to over excitement.

(Click for better quality)

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raggaraddy · 3 years

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Sugar Daddy turned sour

Request: Hi!!!! read all of ur works its all amazing cant believe ur new.. can i request for a yan sugar daddy taehyung x reader x yan sugar daddy jungkook. they found out that that y/n have 2 sugar daddies and they lost their sanity(as if they even have that)...Thank u and YOU GOOD,KEEP GOING💜💞💞💞💞😘😁

A/N: I don't know how to post a reply to a personal message yet because I am new and Tumblr deficient 😅 But I hope you like the scenario ^-^ thanks for the request 💜

Here for Part 2

Summary: Juggling two guys and getting everything you want from them has always been easy for you, and Taehyung and Jungkook are no exception. Or so you thought.

Trigger warnings: Mentions of non-con, assault, cheating, violence.

Yandere! Taehyung

Yandere! Jungkook

Sunday. Taehyungs day.

You open your webcam, checking your eyeliner quickly in the startup view as you wait for the Tae to pick up on the other side. He pops up quickly a beaming smile filling his face.

“Y/n! Baby, I’ve missed you.” He’s radiant. As happy and as bubbly he always is.

You go along listening to him excitedly run through his past few days, telling you everything in excruciating detail as he jumps from one half-finished thought to another. He may be an adult but he certainly has a young soul. The whole while you feign attention, your fingers continually fidgeting with the diamond necklace or the matching bracelet he had sent you a few weeks back.

“How was your weekend?” He finally gets around to asking.

“Not so good. I always have to work so much," You complain, batting your eyes at the camera.

“You could always quit and come live with me.” He jokes-but not really. It’s a topic he has raised 3 times already. And you have the same answer ready as always.

“Daddy, you know I’m a strong and independent woman. I could never let someone else pay for me.” You pout, running your tongue over your lower lip while pushing your chest up a little to draw attention. “It’s just my rent is so expensive. I feel like I work just to pay the bills.”

In truth, your rent is already being covered by someone else. But he doesn’t need to know that.

While you continue to run through the fabricated details of your weekend, Taehyung is distracted, looking down at his phone. You know what's happening. It’s like a game. And you’re winning. Your banking app sends a notification, letting you know that K. Taehyung has just sent you a payment.

You open it up. Yep. That's rent for the month. Or more, money for that new TV you wanted.

“Oh! Daddy, noo.” You whine down the camera. “You can’t. I am okay. Really. Please don’t spend your money on me.” You frown if only to stop the smile that is fighting to fill your face.

“I want to baby. I have the money, and I just want you to be happy. Don’t stress about bills okay. I’m here.”

Sometimes, it’s almost too easy.

“Okay Daddy, if you insist.”

Tuesday. Jungkooks day.

With Jungkook it’s a much more straightforward transaction. He has said he wants to pay for you and he hates the back and forth pretences. He just wants you to say thank you, smile pretty, and give him all your attention.

“Do you need anything more for the week?” He asks through the camera.

“No Daddy, you take such good care of me. Thank you.” You smile.

“You still have the weekend of the 14th off?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively. Off-screen you quickly scan through your calendar.

14th, 15th and 16th: Jk weekend.

Hmm, that came up quicker than you expected. You try to keep your booty calls with them as far apart as possible.

“Of course, I’m so excited! I haven’t seen you in weeks.” You say, it been less than 100% truthful.

“Months.” He corrects with a surreptitious undertone.

“Where are we staying this time?”

You always insist to stay in hotels. Because ‘your apartment feels too busy and mundane, and you want the time you spend with him to be magical and undistracted’. Honestly, you just don’t want him, either of them, in your personal space. You purposefully chose boys who live a few hours away. It’s hard enough to keep them separated in your everyday life with them being far away. It could only get messy for them to know where you live and how to reach you in person.

You’ve certainly gotten smart at this. Arranging the two men into different days of the week, scheduling them into your calendar to keep them apart and unaware of the other. Both had specifically said very early on that they do not want to share you with anyone else. And that you were all theirs. And while both of them seemed to trust you, you knew their reactions would be unpleasant, to say the least, if they found out about the other.

Sugar Daddies can be so possessive.

But while both these men are very handsome, money is better and more reliable than boys. And if they are stupid enough to spend it all on you, why should you care.

The week passes quickly and it’s the 14th. Once more you find yourself in the lobby of a 5-star hotel. Jungkook arrived in town early and sent you a message with the room number.

Time to actually work for your money.

You knock on the door only to find it slightly open. Entering there is a trail of rose petals lining the floor leading into the suite. All the lights are dimmed with a warmth of candlelight filling the room. This is so typically Jungkook. Pulling out all the stops to try to impress.

Dropping your bag at the entrance, you close the door behind you and explore inwards.

“Daddy?” You call out in a singsong voice. Your heels clack on the tiled floor as you round the corner into the living room. Jungkook is sitting on the lounge, one leg crossed over the other, arms rested up over the back. You smile at seeing him. You always seem to forget just how stunning he is in person.

“Which one of us are you referring to?” A deep voice startles you from behind. You jolt, spinning to see Taehyung standing behind you leaning against the wall.

Holy fuck.

Your mind starts to jumble through what is happening. Thinking about what it was that might have given you away. Evaluating how much they may know. And planning your next move.

Damn it. You doubt you’ll be able to smooth talk your way out of this with Jungkook. He’s too direct and absolute. So you’ll just have to accept that that relationship is over. However, you might be able to salvage this situation with Taehyung if you play your cards right. Being defensive should do the trick.

“What is this?” You snap, keeping focused on Taehyung. “This is such a violation of my privacy! You keep smothering me Taehyung! See this is why I tried to find someone else to hang out with.” You stomp your foot. He would always wrap around your finger so quickly with the little girl act.

“Ha!” He blurts out a short laugh in contradiction to how you expected him to react. “Wow. No, go on. I want to see where this is going.”

“Do you think we only just found out about each other?” Jungkook pipes up, coming from the couch.

You sigh. You had almost saved enough for a holiday to the Maldives too. But they seem to know too much. Fine. You can burn both relationships. They were starting to get too clingy anyway. “Whatever.” You roll your eyes. You got all you could from them. Time to move on to the next.

As you shrug them off, Taehyung steps into the path of the front door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Both he and Jungkook start to close in tighter. There is a cold tone to his words. Something far too close to a threat for your comfort. Even in heels, both men naturally stand taller than you which usually wouldn’t bother you. But with an unsteadiness to your footing and a very short dress on, in a dark room with two men you have used and spurned, you are feeling even more vulnerable than you feel you should.

“Move.” You order.

A smirk on his lips, Taehyung lifts his hand up and backhands you, knocking you back a few stumbled steps. You gasp, your hand clinging to your cheek, eyes wide in shock. He starts forward, Jungkook intervening, standing between the two of you.

You can not believe he just hit you! He has never done anything like that before.

“No, don’t do that.” He stops Taehyung as he starts to swing again. Shaking all over, you’re relieved that one of them is seeing sense. You take the outstretched hand of Jungkook, lip trembling from the burn on your cheek. He draws you closer and you wrap into him for protection. In the same motion, his free hand swings down punching you in the stomach, doubling you over, dropping you to the floor. “If you hit her head, she might get spaced out. I want her to feel this.”

His words send a chill down your spine. This can not be happening.

“Are you crazy!” You gape, trying to speak while gulping down air. Your head is dizzy, your lungs burning. Kicking off your heels for better movement, you climb back up to your feet not wanting to engage either man. Eyes focused you look past Taehyung to the door, storming forward. “I’m leaving. We’ll forget all of this, okay.” You bargain through short, panicked breath.

Taehyungs large hand slams you into the wall, pressing his palm against your shoulder. He follows Jungkooks lead, pounding his fist into your gut. And then again. And again. His hold removes letting you free and you plummet to the ground, crying within broken huffs while cradling your battered torso.

“You’re right. That is better.” He laughs at Jungkook.

“Stop!” You beg, unable to raise your voice above a soft yelp.

“What's wrong baby? You wanted two men. Now you have them.” Taehyungs bright smile returns to his face. This time with an entirely different meaning than it had ever had until it shifts into a straight, harsh look that you have never seen from him. “Didn't you always say you wished there was some way you could repay me?”

“You said that to me too.” Jungkook joins his side, both hovering above you, trapping you between them, the wall, and the floor.

Leaning down Jungkooks hand follows you as you squirm away from him. His fingers wrapped around your throat and lift you up, keeping you against the wall. He takes advantage of you being stuck, leaning into you pressing his lips to yours as you resist as much as you can.

“Baby, you’re going to pay us back for every dollar we spent on you.” He snarls.

Taehyung turns your face to him, also forcing a kiss on you. “Don’t worry, Y/n, you’ll see that we know how to share.”

Part 2

#yandere bts #yandere jungkook #yandere taehyung #sugadaddy #cheating #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts #yandere #yandere bangtan #taekook #bts reactions #bangtan reactions #jungkook #taehyung

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acolvyte · 2 years

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-Stuck together Part 2-

Katakuri x reader Modern AU

Reader gender : neutral

Note : I liked the first part so I decided to continue this scenario, I hope y'all don't mind ❤️ (and I did a special drawing of the Mochi man for this story, I hope you will like it too !)

Part 1

It's been two days since your encounter with the handsome stranger and your life didn't change that much, you didn't run into him since and you kinda wanted to see him again.

"Oi (Y/N) we're having a meeting with everyone in five minutes"

"Alright I'll be there!"

It seems like daydreaming wasn't in the program for today, your colleague was certainly thinking the same thing about his naps. As much as your company was always working hard your boss was understanding with his employees. Zoro was regularly taking naps but we all know that he's working really hard at home. Another exemple could be Sanji that spend more time flirting with every women in the building than doing his tasks... But in the end you all always stand out and the Desing Straw company had built their names in the mode industry.

"I can't believe Luffy forgot about the meeting HE had plan"

"Yes, and he's the boss here... He's lucky that he have us"

You laugh at your colleagues comments, after all, they were not wrong

"It's okay Nami, give him a break, Ussop is right! As long as he have us working with him and making him stay in line he's a wonderful boss!"

"Isn't it the job of the boss to makes his subordinates stay in line?"

You definitely loved the atmosphere at work, and today it was your turn to work hard! As everyone started making their way home you stayed in your office doing extra work. You were actually so focused in your work that you didn't realize how late it was until you stretched your back and looked at the clock.

"Oh my lord, already 11pm?? I'm gonna miss the last train!"

You packed your things quickly and made your way out of the office, you really didn't want to miss this train or you were going to be condemned to walk for an hour and a half. You called the lift and, of course, it was ascending at the speed of a snail. When it finally arrived, you rushed inside without looking and when the doors closed, you realized.

You weren't alone... There was someone... And it was the awesome stranger!! Why must you run into him always at the worst timing? As you were now overthinking and not knowing if you should say hello or not, the giant man recognized you.

"... It's you again" He even started the conversation, surprising you.

"Oh I'm surprised to see you here... Again, in the lift!"

He stared at you for a second with an intrigued look on his face and then spoke.

"I don't meet anyone at this hour usually, why are you here so late ?"

"Oh I was just doing extra hours... And you?" you could feel that he was trying his best to speak naturally, but you could also feel that it was not his specialty.

"Same here" A silence fall as the lift finally stopped, making you remembered that you were almost too late for your train.

"Actually I wo-"

"I'm sorry!! But I really need to go or I'm gonna miss my train, but it was a pleasure to run into you again!" with that kinda weird sentence you escaped from the lift and ran with all your life to make it in time. But only to see the train closing his doors in front of your face... Defeated you sighed and dragged your feet outside, heading back to the building, not ready to walk for an eternity.

"You're back?"

Oh The giant man was entering in his car when he saw you. He understood immediately what happened, thanks to the expression on your face. You both looked at each other in silence for a long minute, after what you finally decided to spoke.

"I... Miss my train, but it's okay I'm gonna walk a little"

The man seemed to think while looking at his feet. He let his face falls more into his scarf and finally looked resolved after what seemed like to be a long discussion with himself.

"Look I don't want to look like some creep but... I'm gonna be worried if I let you walk home alone at this hour. I know that I don't even know your name but, I don't know, I feel like I should help you."

You felt sincerity in his voice barely tainted with embarrassment, even with his usual stern look.

" Alright, I'll come, thank you" You entered in his car and he sits by your side. Again, he was so close to you, even closer than when you two were stuck in the lift. But strangely, the proximity was not bothering you at all.

"It's (Y/N)."

"That's a weird address"

"No-I mean that's-" He chucked a little.

"I'm joking, mine is Katakuri, it's nice to meet you again."

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece fiction #one piece headcanons #one piece imagine #katakuri x reader #charlotte katakuri #katakuri x you #katakuri one piece #katakuri

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amyscascadingtabs · 3 years

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don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you [chapter 2]

CHAPTER TWO: see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night

excerpt below, read whole thing on ao3

Amy doesn't return to the office until after she's spent a good hour at home. First, she showers, washing off yesterday's old makeup and grime and letting the warm water run over her shoulders as she lets the sweet scent of raspberry shower gel replace the vague smell of old beer and sweat. Her back is sore; probably thanks to Jake's lumpy mattress, she thinks, and wonders for a second if she should add buy new mattress to the contract before deciding it’s far too much. That's relationship stuff, and that's point one of the contract; that's not what this is.

She blow-dries her hair and replaces her makeup, taking extra care to try and cover a pink mark that sits just a little too high on her chest before giving up and picking a different shirt instead. Then she fills the biggest coffee cup she has, eats a buttered slice of toast standing up, and feeds her pet fish before rushing back out the door.

She probably looks fresher than most days once she's done, but she's still worried Gina can sense something from her secretary desk as Amy walks in. She raises a brow in greeting like she's actually interested, which is rare in itself, and Amy can feel her eyes on her as she walks into her own office and closes the door behind her.

Amy starts regretting her decision as soon as she's opened a new document. What is she even supposed to name it? Friends with benefits contract is too obvious. FWB-C sounds like code for something. Sex agreement makes her sound like someone who’s read Fifty Shades Of Grey too many times (which really is just once). Jake and Amy is a wedding invitation, Rules too general. She puts her head in her hands, staring at the blinking line, and groans. Then she writes in Jake, looks at that for a moment, and adds stuff after. Not her proudest, but it'll have to do.

Amy’s relieved she doesn't have much work to do today, because she spends every free minute she can come across tweaking details on the document, adding and removing sections to suggest. When she's finally happy with the result, she saves it in a personal folder she can be sure no one’s ever going to open, and praises the office-gods for the fact that she has her own printer.

There’s a faint smell of artificial lemon in the air of Jake’s apartment as he welcomes her in, and the thought that he might have cleaned for her makes Amy blush. It seems unlike him, but the living room area does appear less cluttered to her than it did this morning, so maybe he isn’t totally incapable of it. She still doesn’t want to check his cabinets.

“You cleaned,” she says instead, nodding to the couch that looks almost neat now. “You expecting to get lucky tonight, or something?” Jake’s cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink, but then he shakes his head and points to her outfit. “You’re one to speak.”

All Amy’s done is put on a maroon floral blouse with lower cleavage than she’d ever do for work and put on a touch of pink lipstick, but he’s not completely wrong. She still chooses to ignore him. “I’ve got the contract. Should we do this, then?”

He offers her an orange soda, which she declines, but accepts a mug of Earl Grey tea from a package that seems to have remained unopened since before the brand last changed its design. A hot drink might calm her nerves, she hopes, but it ends up being quite the distracting experience to watch him make it for her. She tries to read through the contract one last time while searching for spelling errors she knows aren't there, her eyes keep being drawn to his hands as he holds the label of the teabag between his thumb and index finger, bobbing the bag a few times with focus once he's finished pouring the water into a New York Knicks mug. It's hard not to think about how those fingers felt dancing across her skin yesterday, massaging the sides of her breasts and holding on to her inner thighs, and it's harder not to imagine what they'd feel like another time –

“Tea,” he interrupts her thoughts by placing the mug in front of her. “Thought maybe you wanted a cup that didn’t say NYPD on it.”

“Well, you're right in that.” She brings it to her lips, almost burning her tongue and hoping he didn't see. “You want to read it on your own, or should I read it to you?”

Jake sits back in the massage chair closest to her, spreading his legs and putting his palms on them before shooting her that disarming smile again. “You read it.”

Amy swallows hard. “Okay. Section one: relationship status. This arrangement only works if we're both single. We’re not bringing more people into this.”

“What about an open relationship?”

“No. Still complicated. This is complicated enough with just us. If either of us gets in an actual relationship, it's over.”

Jake nods. “Cool. Next rule?”

“Section two: appropriate behavior. We're not dating,” she says, pointing first at herself and then at him with the ballpoint pen she brought from work. “So we can't behave like we're dating. Outside of our apartments, we're strictly friends. Or acquaintances. Honestly, it's weird we're even friends.”

“But you admitted we're friends.”

“Sure.” She takes another sip of the tea. “But that means no public flirting, no inappropriate comments, no like, commenting heart or fire emojis on Instagram pictures –”

“Are these rules for you or for me?” Jake winks. “I know my selfies are stunning, but I’m sure you can control yourself.”

“For both of us. Section three: we part in the morning. No exceptions. Staying overnight is okay, but once we wake up, we’re done.”

“What counts as morning in this scenario? I’m not going to have to get up at six a.m., am I?”

“Not unless you stay at my place when I have work.”

“I’ll remember not to do that, then.”

“Great. Section four – protection.”

“You have an entire section on that?” Jake looks like he’s trying not to laugh.

“It’s important!” She exclaims, feeling herself getting defensive. “I have an implant, so we’re safe from pregnancy, but it’s either condoms or you need to get checked.”

Jake nearly spits out some of his orange soda, coughing slightly. “You must be fun at parties.”

“I’m actually a nationally accredited and registered chaperone.”

“What is that?”

“Doesn’t matter. Are you going to do it or not?”

“Fine. You, then?”

“I will if you want me to.” Amy shrugs. “But I haven’t slept with anyone since my ex, so we should be good.”

Jake’s eyebrows fly up. “Really?”

“That so surprising to you?”

“A little? In the least jerk-ish way possible, you must get, well… offers.”

“People don’t flirt a whole lot with their lawyers,” she says, shifting in her chair and crossing her legs. “And it hasn’t been my focus. Are we good with the contract?”

“Actually, I want to add one more rule.”

“Yeah?”

Jake leans back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head and flexing his biceps through the green shirt with a smug grin. “You’re not allowed to fall in love with me.”

Amy looks at him for a moment, trying to determine whether or not he’s joking, but he doesn’t waver, so she leans forward and draws a fifth section sign on the blank space left on the document. No developing feelings or this ends, she prints out in capital letters, signing her name on the allotted line.

“Won’t be a problem.”

Jake signs the contract, and Amy tries not to grimace at how messy his signature is as she places the document in a thin plastic folder, promising him a copy tomorrow.

“Cool,” Jake nods. He’s messing up his curls with his right hand again, the way she’s noticed he does when he’s trying to flirt. She wonders if it’s strategy or nerves. “So, are you doing anything else tonight, or...”

“What, contract signing’s got you all hot and bothered?”

“I mean, seeing you in full lawyer mode. It’s not, not hot.”

“Double negation?” Amy scrunches her nose. “Oh, you’re going to have to make that one up to me.”

“Maybe I will,” he says, and she needs only to notice the way his eyes darken to know that it’s on.

Amy can feel her legs still shaking a little as she hails a cab outside Jake's apartment just after, and she closes her eyes in the backseat and wonders how it's possible to feel this amazing, this satisfied from a cocktail of what she knows is mostly dopamine and oxytocin. It still makes her feel all giggly, like she can't stop smiling to herself.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, and she picks it up to read a text from Jake.

Fucking hell that was SO GOOD.

Maybe this friends with benefits thing won't be so bad after all.

#my writing #b99 #peraltiago #jake x amy #b99 fic #b99 fanfiction #peraltiago fanfiction #there haha hope you enjoy :)

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