#THIS WAS THE LONGEST RESPONSE TO AN ASK IVE EVER WRITTEN

[stevie-petey]

episode two: the weirdo on maple street

Trying to ease the awkwardness, you hold up a poster and offer it to them, but Steve snatches it from your grasp. “Henderson, didn’t know you were also a little know-it-all. Why don’t you share your review sheet with the rest of us?” He says, casting a teasing look your way. It isn’t until he inspects the piece of paper that he finally notices that it’s a missing poster for a child, not a review sheet. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry.” You snatch the poster back from him. “You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.”

summary: you use your limited psych knowledge to help a bald girl, you force jonathan to accept $20 and he's later an ass to you, steve doesn't know what a "missing" poster looks like, and it's really hard being a single mother to now four kids.

rating: general, but there's cursing as usual and steve being... well, steve - but hes still season 1 steve so give him some time

warnings: cursing, fem!reader, use of y/n, and there's more angst in this chapter with some fighting between reader and jonathan, so fair warning.

words: 10.1k (the longest thing ive ever written)

before you swing in: i'm almost done with chapter 4, so here's a sweet treat as i cram for exams lmao. some housekeeping: should i do a tag list ? i got a few questions about it, so pls let me know soldiers. also, i feel the need to clarify that i adore nancy but for plot reasons - reader and her don't really get along (but they def will later, trust me). season 1 nancy and steve are just so silly. anyways, i hope y'all enjoy this loooong chapter. the rest definitely aren't as lengthy due to plot, but wow. i amazed myself. carry on !

-

Your jeans drip onto the Wheeler’s carpet, and you’ve definitely left a wet imprint on the couch cushion beneath you. The other boys are dripping as well, but all their attention is on the girl in front of them. 

After finding her in the woods, your motherly instincts kicked in, immediately removing your coat to place on her and gently ushering her to your bike and demanding that the boys go back to Mike’s. Your mom is home, so your house was out of the question, and it’s always been easy sneaking into the Wheeler’s, anyways. 

Once you all had made it back, you guided the girl onto the couch and sat next to her. You refuse to let her go too far from you, having no idea where she came from or why, but regardless you know she’s too young for any of it to have been good. 

Which leads you to now: wearily watching the boys stare at the girl as if she’s some science experiment, asking her a million questions a second.

Bless them and their little prepubescent minds. 

Lucas reaches out to touch her, and before you can nudge him away, Mike slaps at his hand. “Stop it! You’re freaking her out!”

“She’s freaking me out!” Lucas retaliates, which honestly? That’s fair. The girl hasn’t said anything yet, even after your multiple attempts to get her to do so. No matter how much you try, you can’t coax a response out of her. 

“I bet she’s deaf.” Your brother offers, suddenly clapping his hands to scare her, making both you and her flinch. “Not deaf…”

You roll your eyes at him. “Guys, she’s probably just really scared right now. We should give her some space,” you look at both Lucas and Dustin, “and time,” now you look at Mike. The three boys deflate a bit. 

“She’s probably cold,” Mike says after a moment of silence, and you nod at his suggestion. Seeing your agreement, he walks over to a basket of clothes and takes out some pajamas.

While Mike is away, thunder rumbles and the girl jumps, unconsciously getting closer to you. You wrap an arm around her reassuringly, making note that she doesn’t like loud noises. If anything, she’s showing more and more signs of trauma response, which makes you uneasy. You remember Hopper saying something about Will being in danger. What are the odds that this little girl was running from something as well?

“Here, these are clean.” Mike’s return breaks you from your thoughts, and you take the clothes from him and stand up. You thank him, then offer your hand to the girl. She looks at you uncertainly. 

“It’s okay,” you reassure her. “Let’s go get you dressed in some warm clothes. I’m right here, sweetheart.” 

“She’s super nice.” Dustin says, trying to help.

Lucas adds, “Yeah, you can trust her.” 

“She’s alright.” Is all Mike offers.

You give them all an appreciative smile, even if Mike is being a bit of an ass, and then you feel a small, cold hand wrap around yours. The girl stands up, looking around shyly, and you lead her to the bathroom. When you go to close the door, she stops you.

Mike has followed, seeing the interaction. “You don’t want it closed?”

Her voice is quiet, solemn. “No,”

You and Mike look at each other, and he voices what you’re thinking. “So you can speak.”

He looks excited about this new information, and you shove his head out of the doorway. She needs to get dressed. “We’ll leave the door cracked, okay?”

She nods at you, and you stand guard outside the door. It’s not that you don’t trust the boys, but Mike has only known her for ten minutes and he’s already been nicer to her than you’ve ever seen him with anyone else. The only other person he’s this soft spoken to is Will, so you’re protective of her. 

You can hear the boys discussing tonight’s events from the living area while the girl gets dressed. They sound scared, and a part of you can’t blame them. While you’re fairly certain that the girl isn’t dangerous, it’s still a creepy situation. Once again, Hopper’s new theory surrounding Will floats through your mind. This all can’t be some coincidence. 

Sighing, you approach the boys and catch a bit of the conversation. 

“Our houses become Alcatraz.” You hear Lucas saying, and you figure they’ve finally pieced together that there’s no way any of you can tell anyone about the girl. None of you were supposed to be out tonight. As much as you know you should tell an adult, you also need to be able to help Jonathan with finding Will. If your mom locks the house down, you’re doomed. 

“Lucas is right,” the boys turn to you. “We can’t go to anyone about this just yet, but I also don’t think it’s a good idea to hide her. She’s been through something terrible, it’s obvious. Tonight, I say she gets some rest. We can figure out what to do later.” 

Mike nods, for once agreeing wholeheartedly with you. “She’ll sleep here tonight-”

Dustin’s eyes widen in horror, “You’re letting a girl-”

You clamp your hand over his mouth, motioning for Mike to continue.

“Thanks, Y/N. In the morning, she sneaks around my house, goes to the front door and rings my doorbell. My mom will answer and know exactly what to do. She’ll send her back to Pennhurst,”

They think she’s from Pennhurst? You think, but don’t verbalize it.

“Or wherever she comes from. We’ll be totally in the clear! And tomorrow night, we go back out, and this time we find Will.”

You gotta hand it to Mike Wheeler, he may be a pain in the ass, but he’s a smart pain in the ass. The plan is pretty sound, so long as he follows through with it. However, it’s him following through with it that leaves you a bit unsure. 

He looks at you for approval, and you hesitantly nod. “It’s a pretty good plan, Wheeler. So long as you stick to it.” 

Lucas and Dustin nod along with you, there’s an unspoken sense of doubt that Mike will actually be able to turn the girl over to his mom. Then she walks out, dressed now in some of Nancy’s old clothes. She draws into herself when you all turn to her, shy. You walk over and offer your hand again, which she accepts. 

“Mike, go find her something to sleep on. Dustin, we gotta go soon before mom notices we’re gone.”

Both boys comply, with Mike searching for a sleeping bag and Dustin packing up his stuff. You crouch down next to the girl, so that you’re face to face, and give her a warm smile. “It was lovely meeting you. My name is Y/N, I hope Mike over there doesn’t give you a hard time tonight.” 

Mike flips you off, having heard you. “If he’s annoying,” you lean in close to her now, whispering in her ear. “You have my permission to pinch him.”

The girl giggles, finally relaxing a bit, and you warm with pride. She’ll be okay, she seems like a very resilient girl and you’ll oddly miss her. 

The two other boys are waiting for you upstairs. You all wish Mrs. Wheeler a good night and head out. Thankfully the rain has now stopped, so the bike ride home isn’t bad. You stop at Lucas’ turn to make sure he gets home safely before finally arriving at your place. As Dustin begins pedaling into your driveway, you don’t follow. 

“I’m going to go see Jonathan, he didn’t answer my calls earlier and I just…”

Dustin waves at you, not even bothering to turn around. “Yeah yeah, go see your boyfriend. If mom asks, you’re asleep.” 

“He’s not my boyfriend-”

“Are you seriously going to argue with me after I offered to cover for you?”

Your brother gives you a pointed look, and you know he’s right. “Touche.” 

Dustin goes to leave, but you quickly grab at his jacket. “Before I forget, swear to me that you’ll keep me updated if anything weird happens, okay?”

He nods at you, knowing better than to argue, and gives you a mock salute as he heads inside. 

The living room light is on when you arrive at the Byers home, despite the late hour, but you aren’t surprised. You knock on the door and wait. When no one comes, you knock again, a bit louder this time. After another few moments, the door swings open. 

Jonathan has a finger over his lips in a shushing manner, motioning to Joyce who is passed out on the couch. You nod, letting him know you understand. The two of you go to his room and when he closes the door, you finally get a good look at him. He looks worse than he did earlier, the bags under his eyes have somehow gotten darker. His hair is a mess, his eyes bloodshot. 

“You’re soaked.” Jonathan says. 

“Yeah,” he doesn’t want to talk about it yet, so you play along. “Got caught in the rain. Are some of my spare clothes still in your bottom drawer?”

He nods at you, going over and grabbing a t-shirt and pajama pants for you. You accept them gratefully and excuse yourself to the bathroom to change. Your bones are cold, the rain seemingly having penetrated the layers of your skin. In the mirror you see that your own eyes are bloodshot; you don’t look much better than Jonathan, really.

When you return Jonathan is sitting on his bed, so you join him. It’s silent between you, all you can hear is his breathing. You stare straight ahead, so does he, and you wait. You’ve only seen Jonathan like this a handful of times, where the stress and anxiety becomes too much for him. He shuts down, draws into himself, and all you can do is wait for him to return to you; he always does. 

“Mom got a call tonight.” Jonathan’s voice is hoarse, and he looks frail. You wonder if he ever did end up making the spaghetti you prepared for him.

“Who was it?”

He swallows heavily, taking a moment to respond. “She said it was Will.”

“Will?” You look at him now, searching for any signs on his face, his voice lacks emotion. By the way he stares blankly ahead, as if he’s not really present with you right now, you know that it hadn’t been Will on the other end. 

“She started freaking out, going ballistic,” his voice cracks a bit, so you take a chance and reach for his hand. He lets you take it, giving you a squeeze, before continuing. “She was screaming, begging whoever it was to give Will back.” 

Jonathan pauses again. You don’t say anything, because no words will help. He’s never been the type for comforting words, anyways. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. “It wasn’t him. Lightning struck and our phone got charred. It wasn’t Will.”

Now it’s your turn to squeeze Jonathan’s hand. He doesn’t deserve any of this. None of the Byers do. Out of the entire town, they’re the family who deserves the most that life can give. Will, too good. Jonathan, too selfless. Joyce, too loving. They’re the best damn people you know. 

“I tried calming her down, but she was hysterical. She’s only asleep right now because she worked herself up too much and passed out. I’m worried she-'' Jonathan shakes his head, as if ashamed by his own words. “I’m worried she’s going crazy, Y/N.”

He’s quiet again, but you can tell he’s about to break. His knee is now bouncing up and down and his breathing has become slightly ragged. Everything from today has been building up, it was only a matter of time before he snapped. You’re also worried about Joyce, a part of you skeptical to believe her, but the little girl you found tonight in the rain? Something was definitely weird about Will’s disappearance, but you’re hesitant to tell Jonathan just yet. For all you know, she could’ve simply been a girl who got lost and will be returned to her family tomorrow. 

You don’t want to worry Jonathan any more than you need to.

“I should’ve been there for him. I shouldn’t have taken that shift.” He gasps out, and like a dam the tears begin to fall. You’re quick to pull him into a hug and he crumbles into you. His body shakes with violent sobs and he clutches at you as if afraid you’ll leave.

“You can’t blame yourself.” You whisper, stroking a hand through his hair. He cries even harder, the force of it almost enough to knock you over, so you situate yourself so that you’re fully on the bed, laying against his pillows, with Jonathan crying into your chest beside you. 

“He’s g-gone.”

“We’ll find him, I promise.” Your own tears threaten to come out, but you force them down. You have to be here for him, he needs you. The only other time Jonathan has so openly cried was when Lonnie left years ago. He’s been holding everything in since then, all those years of looking after his family, taking care of his brother, getting harassed by assholes like Tommy Hagan. 

Neither of you say anything else, and you know that Jonathan needs to let it all out. You soothe him as best as you can, running a hand through his hair, stroking his back, reassuring him over and over again that none of this is his fault until your own voice becomes hoarse. You don’t know how long you stay like this, but sometime during the night Jonathan finally falls asleep, and you follow shortly after him. 

— 

Sunlight streams through Jonathan’s spare bed sheet that he’s pinned over his window, serving as a makeshift curtain, waking you up. You stretch, careful not to wake the boy beside you, and crawl out of the bed. You’re antsy, already knowing that today will be another long day. After grabbing some clothes from your designated drawer and getting dressed, you head into the kitchen and start making a quick breakfast. Just as you’re finishing up, Jonathan comes out of his room, dressed and ready for the day.

Neither of you say anything about the night prior, instead silently working around each other in the kitchen with years of practiced ease. He hands you the salt shaker right when you need it, you grab the pieces of toast that he popped into the toaster, the two of you never once get in each other’s way. You get deja vu, remembering all the times you’ve slept over with Dustin, you and Jonathan making the boys breakfast while they slept in. 

The only indication that last night really happened is a forehead kiss from Jonathan, his lips soft against your head. Out of the two of you, you’re definitely the touchy one, so it’s always a nice surprise when he initiates the touch, and his forehead kisses were a welcome rarity. 

When the plates have been made, Joyce gets up from the couch and stumbles over to the table. You quickly help her sit down, and for the first time since Will’s disappearance you’re able to really look at her. She looks like Jonathan, only worse. The bags under her eyes are darker, her hair is more matted, and you believe she’s still wearing the same shirt you saw her in the night that Will went missing. 

“All right, mom. Breakfast is ready.” Jonathan tries to place her plate on the table, but Joyce stops him, worried about the poster of Will. 

Jonathan gives you a look and you run over to the table, grabbing the poster so that he can set the plate down. 

Joyce gives you a tired smile, “Thank you, Y/N, but I can’t eat.”

“I just need you to eat, mom.” 

“Jonathan’s right, Mrs. Byers. You need to eat, we gotta keep your strength up.” You feel like you’re talking to a child, but in a way, you suppose you are. 

The woman lights a cigarette instead, and faintly you wonder how many she’s had within the last 48 hours; you’ll need to wash your clothes when you get home. She begins to ask Jonathan to go to Xerox to make as many copies of Will’s poster as possible. You sit down in front of her, silently eating, knowing there’s no place for you in this conversation. 

It’s not that the Byers are ashamed that they have little money, but you know it’s rude to listen in. They make do with what they have, and Jonathan has never felt embarrassed with you knowing it. 

“I don’t want you to go alone,” Joyce says, causing you to speak up. 

“I’ll go with him and help hang them up, it’s no problem.” 

Jonathan turns to you. “You have that chem test, remember? I’m not letting you miss that.” 

“Shit…” you bury your face into your hands. You completely forgot about that after finding the little girl last night and dealing with Jonathan. You’ve heard about how impossible the chem exams were, and science has never been your best subject. That was Dustin’s thing, your thing was more humanities. 

“You’re the smartest person I know, you’ll ace the exam,” Jonathan reassures you before turning to his mom. “And I’ll handle the posters, it’s okay.” 

Joyce has been lost in thought during your conversation with her son, only beginning to speak again when she’s asked how many copies will be efficient. Once she starts speaking again, it’s almost like she’s physically unable to stop. She begins to ramble, finally exposing the crumbling woman that you’ve only heard about, now understanding Jonathan’s fears for her. 

“Mom-”

“If we… ten cents-”

“Mom!” Jonathan raises his voice a bit, now grabbing at his mother’s hand. “You can’t get like this, okay?”

The look on Joyce’s face kills you. She looks so lost, ashamed of her behavior, and you cast your head down; this is a private matter. Joyce profusely apologizes to him and all Jonathan can do is gently reassure her that it’s okay. All of this is okay. 

Their tender moment is interrupted by knocking on the front door, revealing Hopper on the other side. His presence makes you uneasy, so you stay in the kitchen and begin to clean up with Jonathan while Joyce attacks him with questions. 

“A little bit of trust here, alright? We’ve been searching all night.” You hear the cop say. Your hand clenches the sponge, rubbing a bit harder at the plate you’re cleaning. If they’ve been searching all night, why are they here now?

“Went all the way to Cartersville.” Ever since Will disappeared, you’ve been building a wall of hope within you that he’ll be found safe and sound. However, with every passing day, with every new situation that occurs, you can feel a piece of the wall collapse. You can feel it now; the search party went all the way to Cartersville.

“And?” Joyce asks. 

“Nothing.” The cry that Joyce lets out causes you to drop the plate you’ve been cleaning, shattering on the floor. You curse, immediately bending down to pick up the pieces. Luckily it didn’t shatter into a million bits, but you still feel horrible for breaking one of their dishes. 

Jonathan bends down as well to help, and the commotion catches Hopper’s attention. He sees you scrambling to clean up the mess and sighs with annoyance. “Does she live here or something?” 

You and Jonathan look at each other, a slight smile on your faces, and only respond to Hopper with a synchronized shrug. You basically do live at the Byers’ at this point, you have been for years now. It was the same for Jonathan: if you weren’t at his house, he was at yours. 

Joyce wipes some of her tears away. “Y/N is family, she’s here to help.” 

Hopper ignores this, instead bringing up the phone call from the night before. Joyce leads him over to the phone, and you join them once you’ve collected the remaining pieces of broken glass. When you see the phone, you can’t help but gasp. Jonathan’s words from last night are accurate, the phone is charred. 

“Storm barbecued this pretty good.” Hopper says.

Joyce waves her arms out, disbelieving. “The storm? You’re saying that that’s not… weird?”

“No, it’s weird.” Hopper begins, but you cut him off. 

“It’s really weird.”

He glares at you. You mumble a quick sorry and back away a bit while Jonathan asks if the call can be traced. Hopper focuses back on the situation at hand, informing him that it isn’t possible and then questions if Joyce even heard Will in the first place. The question makes you cringe, knowing it’ll only make Joyce more agitated and hurt.

“Flo said you just heard some breathing.” 

It’s the way he phrases the question, the way he emphasizes the word “just”, that bothers you. This woman has just lost her kid, what kind of mother wouldn’t know her own child’s breathing?

“Even if it was ‘just’ some breathing, I’d know it was my brother. Will is her son, she’d know better than anyone.” You find yourself saying. The words weren’t meant to leave your mouth, but the appreciative look Joyce casts your way outweighs the fear from Hopper’s glare. 

“It was him. It was Will, and he was scared. Then something-”

“It was probably just a prank call,” Hopper tries to reason with her, causing you to roll your eyes at him. You respect the guy, you do, but could he at least attempt to listen to Joyce?

You excuse yourself before you say anything else, heading back into the kitchen to collect the two posters you and Jonathan made. While the others talk, you grab his things and pack his bag for him. You know he’ll probably skip school today to get the copies done in time, maybe keep an eye on his mom, so you make a mental note to inform him later that you’ll help with putting the fliers up the second you’re done with the exam. He needs someone there for him. 

When you’ve grabbed the last of Jonathan’s things, Lonnie’s name is mentioned. You freeze, standing right outside the hall from them, only a wall between you. If Lonnie is somehow involved in this, you’ll kill him yourself. He was always cruel to Will, even when you were around to witness it. You hate him more than anything in this damn world. 

“It’s been long enough, I’m having him checked out.” Hopper declares, storming out of the house. 

You count to three in your head, and the second you get to three, Jonathan is following after Hopper. You knew he would, hating his father the most out of everyone who has had the displeasure of meeting him. You follow behind him, heading outside to talk to the Chief. 

“Hey, Hopper. Let me go.” 

Hopper takes a drag from his cigarette, facing the two of you. “I’m sorry?”

“To Lonnie’s,” Jonathan says, looking at you for backup.

You do your best to try. “If Will’s there, that means he probably ran away. Cops will scare the poor boy, he’ll think he’s in trouble.”

“And he’ll hide. He’s good at hiding.” Jonathan finishes for you. 

Hopper stares at you both, inhaling more smoke from his cigarette and blowing it in your direction with a curious look in his eyes. “You two are sickening to be near, you know that?”

You and Jonathan share an annoyed look. A kid is missing, and you still have to clarify that you aren’t together? “It’s not like that,” Jonathan says.

“Sure, you know cops are good at detecting lies,” Hopper approaches him now, grabbing his shoulders. For a brief second you’re afraid he’ll hurt him. “And we’re also good at finding, okay? Stay here with your mom. She needs you.” 

Hopper punches at Jonathan’s shoulder before facing you. “And you,” you brace for whatever he’s about to say, knowing you probably aren’t his favorite person at the moment. He points at Jonathan, “He needs you.”

His words hang in the air several minutes after he’s gone. You glance at Jonathan, but he doesn’t meet your eye and instead he goes back inside. You sigh, following after him because it’s what you do. Hopper’s right, he needs you. 

Jonathan’s in the living room, speaking softly to his mom when you enter. You don’t disturb them but rather snatch Jonathan’s keys from the counter and wait for him by the door. Like Joyce said, Xerox opens in about thirty minutes and you have a chem exam to take. If you leave now, you’ll be able to make the copies with him and be back in time before school.

The ride to Xerox is tense, you know Jonathan is upset that he’s been sidelined by Hopper. You also know that he’s torn between wanting to help his mom and staying out of his house as much as possible. If it weren’t for your god damn chem test you’d offer to skip and hide out at your place, but you can’t. Jonathan wouldn’t let you risk your future for him (even though you would, in a heartbeat, a million times over). 

The man at Xerox gives Jonathan a look of pity, clearly recognizing Will’s picture on the poster. It’s your favorite photo of him, smiling with all his teeth and happy as can be. From what you’ve heard, the whole town has been conducting search parties for him. Jonathan ignores the look and asks for the 200 copies to be made. 

It’s just you and him in the store as you wait for the prints to be done. The guy said it’d be about a ten minute wait so you wander around the store. Jonathan clearly is in a no talking mood, so you occupy yourself with whatever you find. You wish you’d brought your backpack to Jonathan’s last night so you could at least study a bit while waiting, but you didn’t. It’d be a miracle if you pass this exam. 

Jonathan wanders around as well, so you give a quick look around and find the employee. He’s standing over the printer when you approach. “I’d like to pay for the copies, please.”

“You can pay after they’re done-”

“No, I can’t let him see,” you point over to Jonathan, who is now looking at some stationary. “Please, just let me pay now so he can yell at me later.” 

The guy gives you a shrug, clearly not getting paid enough to care. “Okay, it’ll be $20. Just leave the money on the counter over there, the prints should be done soon.” 

You nod and do as you’re told, leaving the $20 bill on the counter while Jonathan isn’t looking. He can kill you later, right now you want to make up for not being able to help with hanging them up. There’s literally hundreds to get through, he can’t do that all alone. 

When the posters are done and Jonathan collects them, you wish the worker a good day and then wrap your arms around him and use all your strength to drag your friend into the car. He doesn't fight back at first, too confused by your actions, and you’re almost out the door before he sees the man pocket the money and wave at you. The dots connect in his head and Jonathan begins to fight against you. 

“Y/N, let me pay-”

“Nope. Not happening!”

“We both know I’m stronger-”

“Debatable, honestly, seeing as how we’re almost to your car.”

“Let go!” He tugs harshly as his arm, which you’ve got a secure hold on, causing you to stumble a bit. 

You plant your feet more firmly against the ground and use all your weight to pull the boy forward. You’re a few feet away from the car, just one more solid pull should do the trick. “Stop fighting this, Byers. I’ve already paid-”

“Which you shouldn’t have!”

“Keep fighting and drop all the posters, I dare you.”

Jonathan looks down at the posters in his spare hand, realizing that you’re right. If he doesn’t give in soon, they’ll topple over. He lets out an agitated groan, throwing his head back, and then marches over to the car to unlock it and fling himself into the driver’s seat. “Just get in.” 

You do a small victory dance and hop in the car.

“I hate you.” 

“You love me.” 

He hesitates only for a moment. “God, I hate that I do.” 

You smile, buckling your seatbelt. Jonathan pulls out of the parking lot and begins the drive to school. He’s less tense this time, at least. The small little wrestling match between the two of you seemingly did some good, then. 

When you pull up to school, you once again apologize to Jonathan for being unable to help. He waves you off, understanding. 

“It’s okay, I promise. I can’t have you failing out of high school because of me.”

You roll your eyes. “One test won’t make me become a high school dropout, Jonathan.”

He ruffles your hair, which you slap him for. “You can join me after, okay? Good luck, bug.” 

“Fine, but I’m taking some posters with me so I can hang up on my way to my locker.” 

“Deal.”

You run to your locker, flinging it open and letting out a sigh of relief when you spot your chem cards. Honestly, you really should’ve prepared better for your little sleepover at the Byers. You glance at the watch on your wrist, noting that you have roughly fifteen minutes to memorize all the elements in the periodic table as well as some chemistry definitions. 

Just peachy. 

You tie your hair up so you can focus better and grab the note cards. If you review the cards as you walk to class, you can save at least three minutes of studying time. You tuck the few remaining posters of Will under your arm and begin to head to your class, getting absorbed in all the elements and words. As you’re skimming a card about protein being K, you run into Nancy and Barb, who also seem to have the same idea as you.

“Oh, hey Y/N.” Nancy greets you, Barb waving to you as well. 

They’re being nice, so you try to make conversation. “Studying for Kaminsky’s test?”

They nod at you and Nancy sighs, “Yeah, his exams are the worst.”

You laugh a bit, for once on the same page as her. “I know. I spent last night at Jonathan’s, I completely forgot about the test until this morning. I’m screwed.”

Barb raises her eyebrows at you while Nancy suddenly looks sad. “Oh, I’m sorry about Will. I know you and him are close.” 

“Yeah, it must be hard taking care of Jonathan right now.” Barb voices. 

You give them both an awkward smile. “Thanks, I guess? It’s just, there’s still hope, so…” 

The three of you stand there as your voice trails off. It’s painfully awkward. While you’ve known Nancy since you were 12, and at some point you even called her a close friend of yours, the second you entered high school she became distant. You never blamed her for it, people simply grow up and grow apart. Now you only ever interact with her if it concerns the boys. 

Trying to ease the awkwardness, you hold up a poster and offer it to them, but Steve snatches it from your grasp.

“Henderson, didn’t know you were also a little know-it-all. Why don’t you share your cheat sheet with the rest of us?” He says, casting a teasing look your way. It isn’t until he inspects the piece of paper that he finally notices that it’s a missing poster for a child, not a review sheet. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry.”

You snatch the poster back from him. “You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.”

His friends laugh, but Steve has a bit of heart to look guilty, so you count that as something. His shame doesn’t last long though and the goofy and sweet boy who made sure you were okay after almost hitting you with his car is gone. 

Steve plays off the situation as if it were nothing. “Let me make it up to you, Henderson. I know you’re probably stressed out of your mind dealing with boyfriend troubles because of Bill-”

“His name is Will,” you grit out, remembering now why you dislike Steve so much. Everything was about impressing his friends, and while you can sympathize with him, it doesn’t give him an excuse to be an asshole. 

“Right, Will. Anyways, I was just about to inform Nance over here that my dad has left town on a conference and my mom’s gone with him, ‘cause, ya know, she doesn’t trust him.” 

“Good call,” Tommy says, and you glare at him. 

Steve carries on. “So, are you guys in?”

“In for what?” Nancy asks. 

“No parents, a big house?” Carol says, as if Nancy is a giant idiot.

You feel bad for her being treated so poorly by her boyfriend’s friends, so you lean in and whisper, “A party, Nancy.” Then you look at Steve. “And no, I’ll pass.” 

Steve pouts. “Can’t leave loverboy alone for a couple hours?”

You scoff, shoving the poster against his chest, using more force than probably necessary, but the satisfying grunt he lets out pleases you. “If I didn’t know you I’d say you sound jealous. Unfortunately, I do know you, and that’s exactly why I’m not interested.”

“Meow,” says Carol as she and Tommy laugh. 

You ignore her and push past the group to get to class. You’ve wasted enough time, you have to study. Steve lets you, hurt by your words, but tries to play it off, instead focusing his attention on Jonathan up ahead hanging up some posters. You both see him at the same time and as you start to approach him, you hear Steve and his group mock him. 

“God, that’s depressing.” Steve says, and you’ve never wanted to hit a man more than you do right now. 

You glance at Nancy, trying to convey your disappointment in her. She’s a nice girl, she shouldn’t be with an idiot like Harrington. Who the hell makes fun of a guy with a missing brother? Nancy doesn’t meet your eye, which pleases you. She should feel guilty. 

As you near Jonathan, Nancy calls after you to wait up. You listen, mostly because you’re surprised she even followed, and together you walk up to him. “Hey, bee. I thought you’d be long gone by now.” 

Jonathan looks up at your voice, surprised when he sees Nancy next to you. He gives you a look that you conclude is a what is she doing here? look and you can only shrug as if to say I have no clue how I ended up in this situation. 

Nancy doesn’t see this exchange. “Hey,”

“Hey,” Jonathan responds, still confused. 

Nancy looks at you uncertainly, but you refuse to leave. Screw your exam, if she even considers voicing her boyfriend’s opinions to Jonathan then you’ll personally see that she fails alongside you. “I just… I wanted to say, you know… I’m sorry, about everything.” 

Oh, she’s being nice. You’re still unimpressed, but Jonathan motions to you to stop staring her down, so you reluctantly listen. 

“Everyone’s thinking about you.”

You all turn towards Steve and his group, who are clearly listening in, and you snort at her words. “Right, obviously.” 

“Y/N.” Jonathan warns. 

“Sorry.” 

“It sucks.” Nancy continues, and you have to give her some credit. You’re being a blatant bitch, but she’s still trying. You feel a bit bad now, which honestly makes you dislike her a bit more. Damn morals. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, he’s a smart kid.” 

The bell rings, ending Nancy’s little monologue. “I have to go, chemistry test. Y/N, want to walk together?” 

She really makes it impossible to be a bitch to her. “Sure, just give me a second.”

You lean close to Jonathan and lower your voice. “Good luck with your dad, bee.” 

“How did you know I’d go-”

“Because of course you would. Now go, give him hell for me, will ya?”

Jonathan nods, relieved you aren’t pushing the topic. You know that Lonnie is a sore topic for him, for the entire Byers family, really. You only knew Lonnie for a year or so before Joyce left him, but you’ll never forget his spiteful words and the bruises that Jonathan tried to hide from you. He needs to do this alone, father and son. 

You see Nancy watching, and just to spite her you kiss Jonathan’s cheek, relishing in the fact that she looks away, and you wish him luck once again before following her to class. 

The test isn’t as bad as you’d feared, and the rest of the day goes by with relative ease. You don’t see much of Steve and his group and you’re thankful for that. Nancy also keeps her distance, no longer attempting to be all buddy buddy with you. A part of you feels bad about that, because honestly the thought of someone thinking you hate them makes you feel physically ill, but as long as Nancy is with someone like Steve, there’s not much you can do about that. 

After school you stop by all of Jonathan’s classes and collect the work he’s missed over the last few days; he has enough to worry about, so you figured you could help do some assignments for him. It’s nothing unusual, truth to be told. There was a time you were out for two weeks straight due to the flu one year and Jonathan did every one of your assignments, so it’s about time you returned the favor. 

Once you have what you need, you hang up the remaining flyers in your bag and begin your journey to work. You’ve used up all of your sick days helping the Byers, and while Mrs. Waters has insisted on letting you have more time off, you figured the distraction would be good for you. Jonathan will want some space after confronting his dad, and as much as you hated Lonnie, something told you he had nothing to do with Will. 

Just when your shift is almost done, your coworker, this young kid named Alex who you’re honestly surprised can legally work, informs you that your mom is on the phone and wants to speak with you. You stack the remaining books in your hands and thank him, walking over to pick up the call.

“Hey, mom. Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, sweetie! I was just calling to tell ya that Dusty is at the Wheeler’s tonight for dinner, so my plan for ribs won’t work without him. I was wondering if darling Johnny could feed you tonight? I know the two of you have that little sneaky food game.” 

Your posture, once slumped over and uninterested, now straightens out. Why the hell is Dustin having dinner at the Wheeler’s? They never do that. “Uh, sure mom that won’t be an issue.”

Your mom lets out a sigh of relief. “Bless that Jonathan! I’ve always liked him…”

Your mom may be the biggest Jonathan supporter you’ve ever met. “Yeah, he’s your favorite. I know,” you shift a bit to catch Alex’s attention, mouthing to him that you need to leave work early. “Hey, did Dustin by chance say how long he’ll be at the Wheeler’s? I can swing by and pick him up after my shift.” 

“Oh, I think he’s staying the night there. He mentioned something about Mike not finishing his part of their little science project?”

They’re calling the little girl a science project now? Boys are so typical. “Oh, I see. Well, I gotta get back to work, mom. I’ll be home late tonight.”

Your mom wishes you goodbye and warns you not to be out too late. You hum, already trying to figure out the quickest route to the Wheeler’s house. You can’t say you’re surprised that Mike didn’t follow the plan, but you also can’t say you were prepared for this either. 

Alex comes back with your boss and you quickly make up a lie about not feeling well. Mrs. Waters gives you a pitying look and tells you to go. You’re incredibly grateful for her, she’s like a grandmother to you and has always been so kind. 

You quickly bike to Mike’s house, going over a grand speech in your head for the boys. Logistically speaking, you’re not sure if they can even harbor the little girl in his basement. Would it be kidnapping? Could kids even kidnap other kids? You aren’t sure and you definitely aren’t willing to find out. 

You arrive at the house just as Nancy and Barb are pulling out of the driveway, presumably to Steve’s grand house party. They wave at you awkwardly and you don’t have it in you to wave back. You park your bike next to their doorstep and knock on the door. 

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” Mrs. Wheeler asks after opening the door. 

“Oh, I was just wondering if I could hang out with the boys tonight? Jonathan’s busy and I promised Dustin I’d help with their campaign.”

Mrs. Wheeler cocks her head at you. “But I thought there was a special assembly at the school for Will? Nancy and Barb just left for it.” 

You feel your blood boil a bit. There was no assembly for Will at your school, and it was really damn low of Nancy to use his disappearance as a cover story for her stupid party. She’s known Will since he was practically a baby. You have no idea how someone could be so unaffected by a missing child, let alone one who has been at your house every damn weekend for years now. 

“Oh, that!” You force yourself to remain calm; there isn’t time to snitch on Nancy, Mrs. Wheeler would only have more questions for you. “Yeah, I’m, uh, skipping it. Jonathan doesn’t want to go, so after he’s back from his errands I’m heading over to his place to, you know, comfort him?” 

The woman stares at you for a second, trying to determine if there are any lies to your words. You’ve never been the best liar, but being the oldest Henderson child has unfortunately prepared you for being quick on your feet when needed. 

“Well, come on then. They boys just went downstairs, and if you can please remind them to bring the plate of food back up here I’d really appreciate it.”

You thank Mrs. Wheeler and let yourself in. Her words have all but solidified your suspicions: Mike kept the girl. 

When you descend the basement steps, it’s almost comical how the kids scramble to hide the girl like little cockroaches. They run around and Dustin screams something about covering her before the poor girl is being manhandled into a sheet as Mike screams at Lucas and Dustin to calm down. 

“Guys! It’s just me! Jesus!” You shout, shoving past Mike to rush over to the girl and free her from the sheets. She looks more frightened than usual, but at least she’s alive. 

“God, why am I always the one you push?”

You shush Mike, smoothing back the girl’s hair and offering her a reassuring smile. “Remember me, sweetheart?”

The girl nods and softly says, “Y/N.”

“Very good. I’m going to scream at my brother real quick, so why don’t you cover your ears for me so you don’t get too frightened?” 

“Wait, what-”

The minute her ears are covered, you turn to Dustin and begin screaming. “Are you brain dead and not understand the words ‘tell me if anything weird happens’ or do you simply lack the appropriate empathy needed for a concerned sister?”

Dustin ducks his head in shame. “Y/N, look-”

“No! I’m all for helping you guys with your adventures and whatever, but Will went missing and then she appears and Mike,” you turn to him and he hides behind a frightened Lucas. “You said you’d stick to your plan. Now tell me, did you?”

Mike shakes his head, his eyes wide. Dustin looks no better as he cowers behind the others. Lucas simply shrugs, knowing that this would happen. You never, ever, yell at the boys; the few times you have in the past, all hell had broken loose. 

“Y/N-”

“Zip it, Henderson. I’m so pissed off at you right now and if you want to make it to thirteen I suggest you keep quiet.” 

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Now, why don’t you guys catch me up on what you’ve so sweetly kept hidden from me.” It’s worded as a question, but the boys know better than to deny you. 

You sit on the ground so that you’re next to the girl and then motion for the three boys in front of you to start speaking. They look at Mike, giving him a nudge, and he hesitantly steps forward to begin speaking. “Her name is El.”

The girl, El, looks up at you and smiles. You return the smile and knock your shoulder against hers in a playful manner. “Nice to meet you, can I ask what El is short for?”

“Eleven,” she says, and you want to question the name further but the look on Mike’s face stops you. Now is not the time, you guess. 

“El, she’s… different.” Mike continues, looking around nervously. He’s acting as if someone could break in any second and snipe you guys, and a part of you doesn’t doubt it can happen. “She has these powers, like, mind control powers.”

You snort, unable to stop yourself. El looks at you, looking unoffended, seemingly expecting this reaction. However, Mike groans at you. “Y/N, this is serious. She-she knows about Will.”

At this, your smile fades and you feel an overwhelming sense of hope take over you. You find your arms wrapping around El before you can control yourself and you give her a tight hug. She stiffens in your arms and you immediately pull away. “I’m sorry, I just… sorry.”

She laughs a bit, softly saying that it’s okay. 

“Do you really know Will? Where he is?” You ask, almost too scared to say the words out loud. If she’s telling the truth… you shake your head in an attempt to dispel any false hope. You don’t know this girl, she could be lying. 

Before El can say anything else, Mike speaks for her. “She does, but there’s bad men out there who want to hurt her. I think they’re after Will, too.” 

You freeze. “Bad men?”

“Yes, this is why we didn’t want to tell you!”

“I wanted to tell her,” Lucas says, which causes Mike to glare at him.

You wave your arms at the two boys, breaking up their fight. “Mike, what do you mean by bad men? Honey,” you look at El, “did someone hurt you? Are you in danger? Should I call the police?”

“No!” All three boys shout at once. 

You look at them, at the genuine fear in their eyes, and sigh, “Okay, if you can give me a good reason not to call the cops, I won’t.”

“Did you not hear the part about El having powers?” Dustin asks. 

“Gee, Dustin. You’re right! It’s like her having powers is totally believable and reassuring to the situation at hand!”

“I can show you,” El speaks up. 

You all face her now. “You can?” 

She nods at you, getting up and grabbing your backpack that you threw on the ground when you walked in. She rustles through it while you and the boys look at one another. After a few seconds, El grabs one of your comic books and places it on the table. She looks at you and tilts her head, indicating for you to sit down next to her; you do as you’re told.

El straightens out your comic and then closes her eyes, going completely still. The air around you shifts and you can practically feel the static electricity encasing you; the hair on your arms stand up. The pages of the comic begin to flick up, fluttering as if someone is thumbing through them in rapid succession. You watch as the Spidey panels flash before your eyes, the pages flying faster and faster until it becomes almost frightening to be near. Then, once it gets to its last page, the comic flies up into the air and hovers for a few seconds, right in front of your face. 

“Holy shit,” you breathe out, your eyes wide. 

Just as quickly as it began, the comic drops back onto the table. You look up at El and see that her nose is now bleeding, which rips you back to reality. The chair scrapes against the ground as you get up to help her, dabbing at the blood with a tissue that had been laying on the table. 

“Do you believe us now?” Mike asks, a smug look on his face. 

You gently wipe away the remaining blood from El’s face, looking her in the eye and directing your words to her. “I’m listening, sweetheart. What can you do to help us find Will?” 

El smiles, pleased to have earned your trust, and you get the feeling that this little girl is the most powerful thing in all of Hawkins, maybe even the world. At her request, Mike places his DnD board on the table and arranges the pieces for El to use. She sits down and closes her eyes once more.

Lucas gives you a doubtful look. “What’s the weirdo doing?”

You flick his head, not enjoying the name calling. Honestly, you thought you raised these boys better than that. 

El seems to accomplish whatever she was doing and picks up the wizard piece, murmuring, “Will.” 

You feel your heart stop. Will always insisted on being the wizard whenever they played the game. He was Will the Wise, forever and always. El couldn’t have simply guessed that, and you know it’s her-

“Superpowers,” Dustin finishes your thought for you. The two of you exchange a glance and you notice the slight glee in his eyes. Under different circumstances, you’d also find this all pretty cool. 

Mike sits next to El and begins to ask some questions about where she last saw Will. She gives him a look that you can’t quite decipher before swiping her arm across the table and spilling the pieces onto the floor. She then flips the board over, having it now face upside down, and places Will’s piece back down. 

You knit your brows together, trying to follow along. El’s movements are methodical and carefully planned, being unable to find the right words due to her poor speech, and you try to piece together the information you’ve been given. 

“I don’t understand,” Mike says, being extra gentle with El. You’ve never seen him so soft spoken before and you’re grateful at least one of the boys doesn’t view her as some monster. Which reminds you that you need to have a conversation with Dustin about respecting women, but for now you’ll hold off.

“Hiding.” says El. 

He’s good at hiding, Jonathan’s words echo in your head. 

“Will is hiding?” 

El nods, now looking more nervous. You can tell that Mike is getting closer to information that she doesn’t want him near, which finally causes you to ask the question that’s been heavily on your mind. “From the bad men?”

Now El gives a slight shake of the head, and Mike presses on. “Then from who?”

Without saying anything, El places a second piece onto the board right in front of Will’s. It’s a piece you’re unfamiliar with, with two snake-like heads that loom over the small wizard piece. Whatever it is, you know it isn’t good judging the way Mike, Dustin, and Lucas look at each other in fear.

You turn to Dustin and whisper, “What’s that piece?”

Your brother puts his hands behind his head and sighs deeply, a new resigned look on his face. He looks as if he’s just aged thirty years, which you find a bit dramatic. “It’s the Demogorgon.”

“The Demo-what?” The name sounds familiar, but you can’t remember anything about it.

Mike looks at you and for once his voice holds no annoyance when he says, “There’s a lot we still have to catch you up on.”

– 

Your head is spinning as you bike to Jonathan’s with all the new information you’ve just received. Demogorgons, magical vortexes, kids with damn superpowers. It’s all a lot for you to take in, and while you fully believe that El is something entirely different from a normal little girl, how can you be sure that it’s connected to Will? While his disappearance still confuses you, it’s illogical to jump to supernatural conclusions. 

Dustin had begged you to let him spend the night at Mikes in order to keep talking to El, and you only agreed because you figured you’d be at Jonathan’s again tonight anyways. He’s been MIA all day and you’re worried as usual, but you made him and Mike swear to you that they’d stay put in the house. At least this way they’re in one place, so if they screw around they’ll be easier to find. 

When you arrive at the Byers home you notice that Jonathan’s car isn’t in the driveway, which only confuses you further. Where the hell is he? You gave him all day to deal with Lonnie and cool off, trusting that he wouldn’t do anything stupid for twelve hours, and yet… 

You fear he’s done something stupid. 

You don’t have time to think too much about Jonathan’s absence because a frantic Joyce runs out the door screaming. She runs straight past you and into her car, and the house begins to light up like a christmas tree. You can hear The Clash’s Should I Stay or Should I Go, a song that Will once had on repeat for three weeks straight, and you can feel the same static electricity in the air that you felt when El used her powers in front of you. 

Joyce suddenly gets out of the car and spots you, pointing towards her house. “You see that too?”

You swallow. “Yeah,”

She nods, as if your confirmation is all she needs to determine her sanity, and then marches inside. You stand in the yard, motionless. You’re terrified, and after learning about El tonight, you don’t have it in you to discover any other supernatural beings in Hawkins at the moment. Sighing, you follow after the woman because Jonathan isn’t home and someone needs to talk her down from whatever panic attack the flashing lights have inevitably caused. 

“Mrs. Byers-” 

“Y/N, you can’t tell me there isn’t something,” Joyce waves her hands in front of her face, almost grasping at the air, “weird about all of this. That was Will’s song, the lights were flashing in Will’s room, something came out of Will’s wall-”

“Something came out of his wall?”

“Yes! I’m not… I promise I’m not crazy, okay? You saw it, please tell me you saw it.”

You bite your lip, now thinking about El. You swore to Mike you wouldn’t tell anyone about her, and honestly you’re not sure that you should tell Joyce about her right now. You’re still unsure if El is being honest with you, and you can’t just give the woman false hope for her son. It’d kill you if you were wrong about El. But seeing the lights, hearing the music, the thing in the wall… There’s something that she’s not telling you. 

“Mrs. Byers… I’m not quite sure what I saw, but we just had a bad storm and it could be faulty wiring.” 

Joyce slumps her shoulders, frustrated that you aren’t conspiring with her. You just… you can’t. Not yet. Not before you figure out what the hell El is doing in Hawkins. You refuse to worsen Joyce’s already chronic anxiety and paranoia; Jonathan would never forgive you if you fed into her delusions, but it kills you to lie to her. 

“Look, I do think that something is weird about this entire situation, “ Joyce’s face lights up, but you’re quick to add, “however, there’s no proof. You, I mean-Mrs. Byers, you’ve seen things in the past. You’re stressed, and anxious, and all the other synonyms.” 

The woman lets a few tears drop from her eyes, now embarrassed. “Maybe you’re right. I-I’m sorry, honey. I just-”

You grab her hand. “I know,”

Her smile is brittle, a ghost of the once beautiful smile she’d give you, and your heart breaks for her. 

After your conversation, Joyce excuses herself to her room. She looks even more exhausted than before, so you leave her alone and hole yourself up in Jonthan’s room. 

You glance at your watch and note the late hour; you’re starting to worry now. Jonathan didn’t mention anything besides Lonnie and the posters, so you don’t know what else he could be doing so late. He wouldn’t go searching for Will without you. 

You wake up to Jonathan returning an hour or so later, apparently having fallen asleep while waiting for him. 

“Y/N?” His voice is gruff and surprised. 

You groan and rub your eyes. “Turn the light off, bee.”

He doesn’t. “What are you doing here?”

The tone of his voice wakes you up a bit, making you sit up and look at him more clearly. His shoulders are tense, his eyes are hiding something, and his overall demeanor is hard to read. “I had something to tell you, but is everything okay?”

“You couldn't have waited until tomorrow? Y/N, this is my house, just… just get out.”

“I’m sorry?” You’re confused by his behavior, now starting to become a bit defensive and hurt by his dismissal. 

“You can’t just let yourself in whenever you please.” Jonathan puts his camera on his desk, still refusing to meet your eyes.

“Jonathan, we literally have always let ourselves into each other’s houses whenever we please.” 

He rolls his eyes at you and rips off his jacket, throwing it at you. “Get out!”

You catch the jacket before it hits you in the face. “What the hell, Jonathan!” 

“Listen, I get that you think you’re a part of the family, but you’re not. You’ve been here for days now, it’s getting old.” 

His words cut through you and leave vicious wounds against your skin. He doesn’t mean that, he can’t mean that. You and him were family. He’s never, ever insinuated anything less. He wouldn’t dare. Your Jonathan would never act like this to you, and the only time he’s ever been this cruel to you was when he accidentally dropped Lonnie’s last beer in the fridge and was too embarrassed and ashamed to ask for help; he’d shown up with bruises later that night.

Then it hits you. He did something, something that makes him feel guilty; he keeps glancing at his camera. You soften your voice, “Bee, what did you do?”

He whips around, now yelling. “Nothing! Just get the hell out of my house! It’s getting pathetic!” 

You swallow back the angry tears that build in your throat. Fine. Whatever. Let him be a raging bitch after everything you’ve done for him these last few days. 

“Fine, I will.” Grabbing your backpack you snatch the assignments you were supposed to give Jonathan and slam them against his chest. “Here’s all your fucking assignments, by the way.” 

He seems to come back to himself, blinking away the anger and shame. “Bug…”

“You don’t get to call me that.” And with that, you don’t spare Jonathan another glance. 

– 

When you get home, the house is eerily quiet. Dustin is at Mike’s and your mom leaves you a note saying that she’s spending the night at your aunt’s. Great. Looks like it’s just you and Mews tonight then. 

After everything that’s happened tonight, you never found time to eat dinner, and your stomach is loudly growling. You drop your stuff in your room and then reheat some leftovers, feeling like a pathetic child. You know that Jonathan didn’t mean what he said, but the words had come too easily to him to have just been a way to dodge his guilt. There had been some truth to them. Maybe you were pathetic for always fretting over him.

Dinner is quiet tonight. 

You wait for the phone to ring, for Jonathan to call you and apologize, but the call never comes. 

You’ve never felt so alone before.

-

⌑ series masterlist

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#steve harrington x henderson!reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #stranger things #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things rewrite #slowburn #angst #wdtai #m's writing #the thought of steve just taking will's missing poster and then being like oh shit was so funny to me i had to add it #also sad ending #sorry #but also not

[nowandajenn]

Blue Christmas- Eleven (Healing)

Pairing: Chris Evans/OC Kelly

Summary: After almost three years of marriage, everyone would tell you that Chris and his wife Kelly are the most stable, solid couple they know. But behind closed doors, things are tense as they keep trying for a baby, to no avail. When a secret threatens to shake their solid marriage to it’s core, will they be able to pick up the pieces?

I do not consent to have my content, whether it be this story or anything else of my creation, posted by a third party on any other platform other than right here without my permission. This blog is 18+ and is not intended for minors. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Heed the warnings. This is a work of FICTION. I do not claim to know Chris Evans, his family, friends, or anyone on his team personally.

Warnings for this chapter: Heavy, heavy angst. Language. Mentions of adultery. Mentions of miscarriage. Pregnancy. Allusions to abortion but nothing is stated outright.

This beast is clocking in at just over 6.7k words. Probably the single longest chapter I've ever written. The tag list for this story was getting out of control, and more than half the people on it had no interaction with the story at all, so I discontinued it. I'm tagging my nearest and dearest though. I may, MAY, create a google form for a new tag list. We'll see.

January 8th (Six days post accident)

The pain meds they give people in the hospital following surgery pack a wallop, especially when given through an IV. They make me have crazy dreams, turn my attention span paper thin, and have the added bonus of turning my brain/mouth filter virtually non-existent.

I’m trying to pay attention to the conversation that Chris is trying to have with me. I really am. To be fair, he knew when he got here an hour ago that I had just gotten another dose. 

“What about this one?”

 Chris turns the iPad towards me so I can see yet another picture and resume’ of a home health nurse. It was an idea that he was originally against, but both Lisa and Andi, my main nurse, had both suggested that maybe having someone come in for a few hours a day a couple times a week would be a good thing. As much as he wants to do everything he possibly can for you, he also knows he’s only one person. After not hearing a response, and thinking maybe I had dozed off into a narcotic induced nap, he looks up to see me using my good hand to fiddle with the end of the braid that the nurse had put my hair into earlier after the shower that I’d finally been allowed to have after days of bed baths. 

Showers used to be glorious things. Water turned up to near scalding levels, music playing loud with me singing loudly (and badly) along, and nice shampoo and shower gel that smells amazing. This was not that. This was an entire process that took nearly an hour, starting with my casted leg and equally casted arm being wrapped in waterproof plastic and ending with me in tears because washing long hair takes two functional hands, and I only had one. There’s zero dignity in having another person give you a shower when you’re a grown woman who’s been showering and bathing by herself for many years now without issue. The nurse had been amazingly sweet and sympathetic and helped me with whatever I couldn’t do on my own (which was a lot), but the whole experience just left me feeling useless and depressed. 

 A soft touch to my hand brings me back to the present. 

“Where’d you go?” he asks softly. 

”My hair smells weird.” 

He leans forward a bit so he can get a whiff of my hair. “It smells okay to me.” 

“It’s not the same. It’s weird, clinical hospital shampoo. It doesn’t smell good like mine.” I lament. “I couldn’t even wash my own hair today. It’s too long, and I couldn’t do it with one hand. I can’t even-”

My voice starts to waver and I look down at my arm that’s laying useless in a sling across my chest. Even my fingers are so swollen and bruised that I couldn’t even put my rings on if I tried. My ring finger, which hasn’t been naked since Chris slipped my engagement ring on it some four and a half years ago, feels very bare and just wrong. Everything about the accident and my injuries keeps hitting me in different ways. 

I look over at Chris and then down at the iPad that he’s still holding. “Hire whoever you want. I honestly don’t care, and it’s not like I have any choice in the matter.”

He sighs softly, knowing that this conversation was never going to go over well. He knows that I know that I’m going to need as much help as I can get when I finally get released to go home, but he also knows that being as stubborn and self sufficient as I am, my worst nightmare is having someone have to help me do something as simple as get out of fucking bed. 

“This is the one thing that’s happened lately that you do get to choose. I want to get someone that you’re going to like and be comfortable with. I can’t imagine what this is like for you right now, and I’m just trying to make life as easy as it can get when you’re home.”

“I don’t know if I’m going to like someone from a goddamn resume’. As long as they can do the job without fucking me up more than I already am, great.” My back is starting to ache because of the position that I’m laying in, and when I go to slide further up the bed, I’m rewarded with a searing pain in my stomach from the movement pulling at my still healing splenectomy incisions. 

“Fuck, honey-”

I fall back on the pillows, irritated as hell and over this damn conversation, and the words fly out of my mouth before I can even think about stopping them. 

“Just pick someone! Maybe you’ll get lucky and you’ll get another girl who’s going to fall for the irresistible Chris Evans charm, who has no moral compass and no compunction about sleeping with married men. Then you can throw a shot into her too.”

I watch as his face falls, his hand pulling back from where it’s been resting on my arm and a lump the size of a golf ball forms in my throat. I didn’t mean to say that. I might as well just be wearing a name tag that says Hi, I’m: Here To Make Things Worse. I cover my mouth with my hand and glance up towards the ceiling, trying to blink the tears away before they can fully form. 

“I’m…..I’m sorry. I didn’t mean….” I start, but the words don’t want to come out. 

“It’s okay.” he tries to assure me. 

“No, it’s not.” I look down at the fluffy blue blanket that Chris brought me from home and I play with the slightly frayed edge, ashamed and unable to look at the broken look on his face. “This is a bad idea.” 

He pops a shoulder. “Could always hire a male nurse.” he says, raising his eyebrow. 

I let out a small snort, knowing he said it to try and lighten the mood, but all I can feel right now is trepidation at the thought of coming home with Chris to recover and him taking the brunt of all of my frustrations and emotional eruptions. 

He turns the iPad off and puts it on the side table and I watch as he stands up and grabs his jacket off the back of the chair, and my eyes widen.

“Don’t leave. Please, I-” I sputter out, trying to push down my panic. 

“I’m not. I’m just going to run down and get a coffee and check in with Shanna and see how Dodger’s doing. Are you getting hungry? You want me to grab you something?” 

I squint, trying to remember the dinner options on the meal sheet they give me every day and which one I might have picked. 

“Uhhhhh….no. I’ll be okay. They should be bringing whatever I picked out soon anyway. I’ll live.” 

“Okay. Text me if you change your mind. I’ll be back. No more than half an hour, I promise.” he says, resting his palm on the top of my head gently. 

---------------------

When Chris gets back twenty or so minutes later, I’m honestly sort of surprised he came back instead of just going home and getting away from my emotional, broken ass for a while. And even more surprised that his mom is with him, since I didn’t know she was planning on coming by today. 

When they walk in, I’m sitting in one of the chairs in the room with my leg propped up, poking at a dish of red jello with a spoon. 

“What are you doing out of bed?” Chris asks, surprised. 

“I had to pee after you left, and being in bed was making my back hurt, so I asked if they could just park me here for a while. There’s not a ton of options when all you can really do is sit, so…I’ll be ready to get back in bed in a while.” 

Lisa starts towards me and I push the wheeled table away from me slightly so she can bend down and give me a hug, which I return with a strength that takes her by surprise a little bit. Knowing how hard the last few days (hell, weeks for that matter) have been and the fact that your mom isn’t around, she just had a feeling today that you could probably use a big dose of love that only a mama can provide, which is why she decided to pop by and surprise both you and Chris. 

She tilts my cheek to the side gently as she examines my face. “Your bruises are looking better.” 

“Mmm. Still hurts. Airbags will save your life, but you’re going to feel like you went twelve rounds with Mike Tyson after they go off in your face.”

“So, Chris and I were talking downstairs, and I had an idea.” I swallow my mouthful of jello and look towards Chris, really hoping that he didn’t tell her about what I said. He shakes his head almost imperceptibly and the anxiety in my gut loosens up a bit. 

“What would you think about me coming to stay with you guys for a bit when you got home?” 

“Chris, tell me you didn’t ask your mom to come home with us to be my babysitter.” I groan. Lisa snorts slightly. “He didn’t ask. I’m offering. I know you’re not crazy about someone you don’t know being in your house and….” she searches for the right words “helping you. And it wouldn’t be for too long; just until you guys get yourselves situated at home and get into a routine with things. It’s just to make the transition a little smoother.” she assures me. 

I look over at Chris and he shrugs, gesturing to me. “This is your call.” 

I sigh, looking over at my mother in law, who I adore more than anyone in the world. “I’m not great to be around lately. I’m still not convinced that coming home after this is the right thing to do, and I’m afraid it’s really just going to make things worse. I don’t want you both to have to deal with my psychotic mood swings.”

“Sweetheart, if your mood was completely stable after everything that’s happened, I’d be terrified. You’re hurt, and you can’t do the things that everyone else takes for granted without help, and everyone knows how frustrating that is. I know you’re angry and sad and frustrated. And that’s okay. We’re-” she gestures between herself and her eldest son “made of tough stuff. Well, I’m tougher than him. We all know he’s a big baby who cries at the drop of a Hallmark movie.” I sputter out a laugh while wiping my eyes. 

“We all love you, and we’re all here for you no matter what.”

January 17th (Fifteen days post accident)

“They would release you on the coldest day of the year.” Chris says as he makes a final sweep around the hospital room that I’ve called home for the last two weeks. 

I huff out a small laugh. “Let’s just get the hell out of here before they come back here and tell me that they’ve decided to keep me for another week.”

“They should be back any minute with your discharge papers, and then we’ll go. The doc said he was going to call in your prescriptions to Walgreens, so hopefully they’ll be ready by the time we get there. Or I can get you home and settled in and run back out and grab them.” 

“We can wait for them. It’s too cold to be running back and forth.”

I look down at my “going home” outfit and can’t help but feel completely ridiculous. A pair of pink flannel pajama pants with penguins on them (they’re the only thing besides sweats that I can get up over the cast on my leg), a long sleeved white shirt, and one of Chris’ hoodies that’s zipped up over my sling, leaving just my good arm in the sleeve. They removed the stitches from my arm yesterday, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to look at it. The compression bandage that I’ve been instructed to wear all the time (with the exception of showers) is a lot more comfortable than the layers of wrapping my arm was encased in, but still annoying. And it itches like the devil. My right foot is encased in fluffy socks and a shoe, and my left leg is of course still in a cast, a sock pulled down over my exposed toes so they don’t freeze off when I go outside. 

My eyes go to the small black wheelchair that’s coming home with me and I squeeze my eyes shut. Because I’ve been instructed not to use my damaged arm for ANYTHING more strenuous than moving it gently to maneuver a shirt on and off, I can’t use crutches. 

Chris finishes packing up my backpack, and stops when he sees me staring vacantly at the wheelchair. He frowns, and walks over slowly, sitting on his heels in front of me. 

“Hey.” he murmurs softly, snapping me out of my reverie. 

“Hmm?”

“This isn’t going to be forever. They said the cast is going to come off hopefully in a couple of weeks, and then they’re going to put you in a walking boot. At least then you’ll be able to get up and move around. I know, I know how much you hate this. I do. But it is not forever.”

“I know.” I hate how small my voice is. “I hate how I have to think about every move I make. I can’t reach for anything because I can’t use my arm. I have to be careful when I stretch or it hurts my stomach. I have to cough or sneeze as soft as I can or else my ribs hurt. It’s just….I feel like a prisoner in my own body right now.” 

“But you’re going to get the chance to get stronger and recover.” I look up at him and our eyes meet, and I know we’re both thinking about the fact that the driver of the car that hit me died four days ago from his injuries sustained in the crash, and how that could have been me instead. 

---------------------------

When the nurse comes in with my discharge papers and the litany of aftercare instructions, Chris takes them and heads downstairs with my stuff so he can bring the car around to the front entrance. The nurse helps me put my coat and hat on before helping me maneuver myself into the wheelchair and we head down to the first floor. 

“You excited you’re finally out of here?” she asks me with a smile. 

“And nervous. It was kind of comforting knowing that even though I was stuck in here, if anything went wrong, I was in the right place.”

I see Chris pull up at the curb, and the nurse wheels me outside, and I gasp at the biting cold. It’s the first time I’ve felt fresh air on my skin since the day of the accident, and although it’s beyond freezing, it still feels amazing to breathe it in. It isn’t until I get situated in the passenger seat and we’re ready to drive home that the panic sets in. 

“The last time I was in a car I almost died.”

Chris takes his hands off the steering wheel and reaches over to hold my right hand. 

“I know.”

“You drive like an insane person.” 

Despite the seriousness of the conversation, he snorts, because he knows the amount of speeding tickets he’s accumulated since he started driving is ridiculous. But he also knows that since the accident, he’s been almost hyper aware of his speed and everything going on around him, when he usually just goes on autopilot when he’s driving, like anyone else who drives every day. 

“I promise I won’t drive like an insane person with you in the car.” 

“Don’t drive like an insane person ever. You can’t control the way other idiots drive, but you can control how you do. I need you around.”

Those words make hope bloom in his chest. 

“I promise.”

When we get home, relief washes over me. As promised, Chris drove very carefully and obeyed the speed limit, but I was still a nervous wreck the whole 25 minute drive. Plus, being scrunched in the roomy, but limited space of the passenger seat isn’t very comfortable with my injuries. One the car is parked inside the garage and Chris has my door open, he realizes that he didn’t really think this part through very well. 

The furniture inside has been arranged and re-arranged about a dozen times in different configurations to accommodate the wheelchair in the house. He purchased a shower chair for me to make showers easier, he got cast wraps to keep the cast on my leg dry, he set up a perfect little nest with pillows and blankets on our sectional so I’d be comfortable, with remotes and chargers and books, and even a little cooler within reach. 

I notice the look on his face that he gets when he’s confused about something or trying to find a solution to a problem, and turn to him. 

“You’re trying to figure out how you’re going to get me in the house, aren’t you?”

The sheepish, yet slightly guilty look on his face tells me I’m right. “I have guys coming on Monday to put in a temporary ramp over the stairs in front. But I didn’t think about today.”

There’s two steps to get from the garage into the house, and the wheelchair isn’t going to make it up them. 

“You’re going to have to carry me in the house.”

“I was thinking that, but I don’t want to hurt you. You’re still really sore.” he says, gesturing to his chest and stomach. 

“I’m pretty sure everything I do for a while is going to be somewhat painful, but I think this is our only option. Why don’t you grab the wheelchair and bring it in, put Dodger in the bedroom until we get inside so he doesn’t knock me down when he sees me, and then come back out and grab me?”

He exhales slowly. “Okay. I’ll be right back. Just…..” he trails off, gesturing vaguely at me. 

“Trust me, I’m not going anywhere.” 

When Chris comes back out, he comes around to the passenger side and opens the door for me. I turn in the seat, angling myself as much as I can to make it easier for him to grab me and carry me inside. I’m slightly nervous about how much this is going to hurt, but I’m determined to not let it show. 

“You ready?” 

I take a deep breath and nod. He stoops down and slides his left arm around my back, while his right arm loops under my legs and he lifts me gently, my good arm going around his neck. He’s carried me like this about a million times in the years that we’ve been together, but for some reason, all I can think about is how he carried me (both of us slightly tipsy)  like this up to our hotel room after our wedding reception, and me laughing and telling him not to drop me or else I’d get our marriage annulled. I squeeze my eyes shut at the memory. 

I open them back up when I feel Chris setting me down on the end of the sofa and helping me get comfortable. 

“Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asks nervously. 

“I’m okay. Can you just grab a couple pillows so I can put my leg up though?” 

He hits the button on the side of the couch for the foot rest to come up and slides a couple throw pillows under my leg. 

“Can I get you anything? Are you hungry? Thirsty?” 

“I”m okay for right now. Can you go get Dodger though? I missed him like crazy.”

He smiles and goes to the bedroom to let the dog out, and a second later, I hear the sound of his nails clicking rapidly on the hardwood. 

“Hi, baby!” I exclaim, holding my arm out. 

“Dodge, be gentle, okay? Careful.” Chris warns. 

Dodger jumps up on the couch next to me and immediately snuggles into my side. Luckily enough, he’s on my good side so I can give him pets and belly rubs. 

“Mom’s going to be over in a few hours. She said she wanted to give us a little bit of time to get settled in and such. I’m gonna go and unpack our stuff and start some laundry. You have the remotes and your phone and charger nearby….if you need anything, just yell. Or tell Dodger to come get me.” 

“I will. I think I’m going to try and take a nap though, honestly. The trip home kind of took it out of me.”

“Okay.” He grabs a blanket from the back of the sofa and drapes it over me, dropping a kiss to my head before he leaves to go get started on unpacking our stuff. As he walks away, he stops to look back at me again, thinking to himself how it seems like it’s been a lifetime since the last time the both of us were in this house together, even though it’s only been about three weeks. As much as he wanted you back home, he never in a million years thought this would be how it happened. 

January 25th (23 days post accident)

“God, that feels nice.” I moan at the feeling of Chris’ fingers in my hair, massaging the shampoo in. 

“Why do you think I always beg you to wash my hair?” he says, smirking. I catch his use of the present tense, and try and think about how long it’s been since the last shower we took together before the accident. I’m damn near positive it was way different than the ones that have happened since I’ve been home, and probably ended in orgasms all around. 

“This is infinitely better than the showers in the hospital. The nurse who always used to do mine had long ass nails. I’m pretty sure one of them is still embedded in my brain somewhere.” 

He laughs as he rinses my hair with the detachable shower head. After working conditioner through my hair and helping me scrub myself down and even shaving my right leg and under my arms for me, he steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around his waist before grabbing another one to dry me off. I’m sitting on the toilet lid in my underwear while Chris smooths lotion on me, letting me do what I can reach with my good arm when I say his name softly. 

“Thank you.” I watch his eyebrow quirk up in confusion. 

“What for?”

“This. The- everything. When we got married, I bet you never imagined you’d have to help me shower and put on clean underwear and take me to go pee.”

He looks down as he continues to rub the lotion into my leg. “No, but I don’t think anyone goes in ever thinking about the worst case scenario where those things would ever come up. But that’s part of the deal, right? For better or worse? That covers everything; not just the good stuff. You don’t have to thank me. It’s my job.” 

“You could have just let my mom have her way and let them take me home.” I point out. 

He scoffs and shakes his head. 

“Absolutely not. For one thing, you and your mom would have ended up killing each other. And for another…..your head is giving you enough grief as it is right now, and being around her would have just made it worse. I couldn’t do that to you.” 

I see Chris reach for my shirt and groan, knowing how much it hurts my arm to put a damn shirt on. 

“How bad does it look?”

“Your arm?” 

I nod slightly and he sighs. “It’s still really raw and red. It’s going to fade, but it’s going to take some time. The doctor recommended some stuff that’s supposed to help with scars. Make them less visible over time.” 

“Can I see it?” I ask. 

“Are you sure?” he asks. I shrug a bit. 

He picks me up off the toilet seat and walks us in front of the bathroom mirror and turns so I can see my arm. I suck in a shuddering breath and close my eyes. It’s ugly. A roughly five inch or so vertical incision straight down my upper arm, red and raw and glaringly obvious. Even when it’s fully healed, it’s going to be ugly. 

“If you want, I can always talk to Josh. We can see if he can draw something up so you can cover it up once it’s fully healed.”

I nod as tears leak out of my eyes. Chris tilts my chin up. “It’s just a scar. It doesn’t define you and it’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t make you any less beautiful.” He pivots so my ass is sat on the bathroom vanity and once I’m settled, he pulls the shirt over my head, being gentle with  my arm, and then helps me into a clean pair of pajama pants. 

“You know, we’re actually getting kind of good at this.” he says as he carries me out of the bathroom and sets me down in our bed. 

“I hate that that’s something to brag about.” I tell him, rolling my eyes. “Although, I guess after doing the same thing day after day for a couple weeks, it’s to be expected. You don’t look quite as terrified now as you did the first time we did this.” 

February 2nd (one month post accident)

“I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner….I was in a pretty serious car accident a month ago and things have been a little hectic since then. I haven’t been cleared by my doctor to fly yet, so there’s no way we can make it out there. Mmmmhmmm. Yeah, the reservation is under Kelly Evans.” 

Chris walks into the kitchen and starts making himself a cup of coffee while I’m on hold with the resort to cancel the Valentines Day reservations I had made back in November. I had a solid plan that I had cooked up with Meghan and his team so he wouldn’t have anything scheduled for the three days I had booked at Post Ranch Inn, but then between finding out about the affair and the accident, my carefully made plan got blown straight to hell, leaving me feeling a little (lot) angry. 

“Okay. Thank you again for all your help. I’m sorry again for the late notice.” 

I end the call and toss my cell phone onto the island, irritation bubbling up inside me. 

“Who was that?” 

“Canceling the reservation I made for us for Valentines Day at Post Ranch Inn. I made it before I found out about you fucking someone else. That kind of took the romance out of it a little bit. Well, that and the fact that my body’s still mostly useless.” 

My newly (as of two days ago) uncasted leg starts itching to high hell under the walking boot and compression sock I have on, and I start the process of unstrapping the boot one handed so I can enjoy scratching my leg to my heart’s content. I wish I could have gotten a picture of Chris and the doctor’s faces when my cast was finally cut off and a fork, two pens, and a plastic ruler came tumbling out of it, all lost in my attempt to wedge something down there to scratch the itch. 

He sighs lightly and turns so his back is to the counter, giving me what I’ve coined his “kicked puppy look.” Most of the time, I feel guilty for whatever I said to make that look appear, but today I’m just too agitated to care. 

“Don’t give me that look. You do it every single time I mention the fact that you had sex with someone else. You know what you did. You don’t get to make that face and look like I just told you that Disneyland is closing down forever.”

He walks over to where I’m sitting with a sigh, and reaches to help me with the straps on my boot. “Can we not fight? Please? I know that there’s an ocean of stuff we have to work through, and I know none of this is easy…I just don’t want to fight with you.” 

“Just stop. I can do it myself." I tell him, brushing his hand away softly. "You know, just because I still need you to help with most of my basic human functions doesn’t mean that I necessarily like being around you all the time. You’re my husband and for some God forsaken reason, even though you did what you did, I still love you, despite me calling you a cheating shitbag in my head at least once a day. So, just leave me alone for a little while, okay? I was really excited about having this trip happen, and it all got blown to hell in a really magnificent fashion, so let me just sit here and be pissed off and sad about it.” 

He holds his hands up and backs away. “Okay. I can do that. Just, we have your doctor’s appointment at 2, so let me know when you need me to come help you get ready.” I look up at him and nod, spinning my phone on the table. He starts to walk away, but then turns back towards me. 

“You know, when the accident happened and you were out of surgery, I kind of went into crisis mode. I called my team and canceled everything, because I knew that you were going to need someone to be there for you and help take care of you until you were stronger. And I know that you have a million people that are in our lives that would drop everything and do that for you, because you’re amazing and everyone loves you so much. The parade of people that have come and gone through here since you’ve been home is proof of that. I kind of just took charge, because I didn’t know what else to do….and I don’t think I took the time to stop and ask myself if you even wanted it to be me, given everything that happened.”

“Chris….I did. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable having anyone else do it.” 

He nods. “I know that it’s hard for you to be around me sometimes. I know that you’re still angry, and hurt and upset and you have every right to be. I know we’re a mess, but once things settle down a little bit, we’ll get in to go see that therapist that Carly told me about, and we’ll start working through it. That is, if you still want to.”

“I do.”

-------------------------

A few hours later, we’re sitting in the waiting room of my gynecologist’s office, and Chris is just staring around the room at the posters on the wall, and occasionally glancing at the couple of pregnant women that are in the waiting room with us. 

“Why did you need to see her?” he asks softly. 

“I’m overdue for my annual exam, and since all I do lately is go to the doctor, I figured I should probably just get it out of the way.” It’s a half truth. Well, ⅓ truth. If the doctor was right about my hcG levels when I was in the hospital, I’m about six weeks pregnant, and it’s probably time to get official confirmation in black and white. And if I am, Chris deserves to be there to hear it. But first, he needs to get something done himself. 

The nurse comes by and hands us both a clipboard with paperwork on it, and Chris’ eyebrows raise. “Why do I get paperwork?”

The nurse clears her throat nervously and taps a section on the paperwork. STD test, with the works. She walks away to let us fill out the papers, and his eyes shoot to mine. 

“I used a condom. I told you that. I'm not an idiot.” he says softly.

“I don’t care. I need to see it for myself, for my own peace of mind.”

He’s called back first, and with a nervous swallow and a look back at me, he follows the nurse. I’m called back shortly after, and after blood work, urine test, and the internal exam, Chris is allowed back into the exam room to wait with me while the results come back. 

“You want to grab something to eat after this? You didn’t have much for breakfast earlier.” he asks. 

“Uh, yeah, I-” I’m interrupted by a knock on the door followed by Dr. Hartman coming back in. By the look on her face, I just know. 

“Congratulations, you guys are pregnant.”

Chris is lucky that there’s a chair right behind him, or he would have been in a world of pain when he landed. When I see him basically collapse into the chair, I get worried. 

“Mr. Evans, are you okay?” Dr. Hartman asks, reaching for his wrist to check his pulse. His face is a look of pure shock, like he can’t begin to comprehend what he just heard. 

“Chris?” I ask, my own emotions threatening to spill out despite knowing this was coming. I instantly feel bad for not giving him a heads up that this was a very real chance. His eyes find mine and we just stare at each other. 

“I’m okay. I just- it’s- are you sure?” he asks, his voice unsteady. The doctor steps away, seemingly convinced that a movie star isn’t going to drop dead of shock in one of her exam rooms. “The tests are extremely accurate, but I’m going to go ahead and do a transvaginal ultrasound so we can take a look. If you’re far enough along, we should be able to hear the heartbeat.” 

Since I’m still in the gown and haven’t gotten dressed yet, I lay back on the table and assume the position again as she pulls the ultrasound machine towards her. Chris gets up on unsteady legs and stands next to me, still looking shell shocked. 

“Okay, this is going to be a little uncomfortable. Just take a nice deep breath.” she warns. I do as she says, but I still make a face when the probe is inserted. Chris is torn between watching my face and wanting to see what’s happening on the screen. Me, I’m too afraid to look anywhere but his face. For as much trepidation as I’m feeling over this pregnancy, I’m overcome with the sudden fear that she’s going to find the baby and there’s not going to be a heartbeat, just like last time, and I honestly don’t know if I can go through that twice.

“There it is.” I hear from next to me. I watch as his eyes move from mine to the screen, seeing the tiny blob in the middle of my uterus with the little flicker in the middle. A heartbeat. I still can’t bring myself to look though. Dr. Hartman, who was the one who told me that I had miscarried and performed my D&C, senses my fear, and quietly hits a button on the machine. The sound is almost overwhelming as it fills the room. I have a crazy thought that it almost sounds like clothes in the washer as it’s agitating. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. It's loud and fast and sounds strong. My eyes snap to the screen, and I immediately bring my hand to my mouth and burst into tears. 

“From the size, it looks like you’re about six or seven weeks. Which is going to put the due date at about….” she stops to put some numbers into the computer. September 23rd, give or take.”

After printing off some pictures and leaving the room to let me get cleaned up and get dressed, we leave the office feeling a million different emotions. We’re both quiet on the drive home, both lost in thought. How many times have we wished for this? How many negative pregnancy tests have we seen and tossed angrily into the trash, tears threatening to spill. How many times did we say “It’s okay. It’ll happen. I know it.” only for it to happen during the worst period in our marriage? 

-------------------------------

When we get home, I slowly waddle into the house, still enjoying the feeling of being able to (somewhat) walk instead of being chained to that damn wheelchair. I make my way to the back door to let Dodger out, passing Lisa, who’s watching both Chris and I with a curious, careful gaze. 

I feel him behind me as I turn on the tap, filling a glass with water and downing it almost all in one gulp. 

“How are you feeling?” he asks softly. He can see my hand trembling slightly as I hold the glass, and he knows he has to tread lightly. 

“In general? Or about the fact that we found out I’m pregnant in the middle of our personal shit storm?” 

“Both.” I drop my head. Truth be told, I’m exhausted. My arm is killing me, the nerve pain making burning pins and needles radiate over my whole arm. My leg is aching from being on it for an extended amount of time. 

I’ve been trying to roll it over and around in my head for weeks. What to do if I really did have the shittiest luck in the world, and I did end up actually pregnant in this situation. I keep coming back to the bad joke that my brother made the night I found out about Chris about me not having to deal with all of this while I was pregnant. 

“I don’t know if I can do this.” My voice is soft, but he hears it like I’m screaming it. “I don’t know if I can have this baby. I don’t know if my body can handle it, and I don’t know if I can handle it emotionally.” 

The words punch through him like a hit from a prize fighter. He knows exactly when it happened; the night that you had come over to get a dress from your closet and we had ended up defling quite a few surfaces in the house. There’s a good chance that our baby was conceived on the dining room table. 

“Are you talking about-” he can’t even bring himself to say the words. He KNOWS this the worst timing for this to happen. He KNOWS that no matter what, it’s your choice. But the thought of not having this baby with you almost brings him to his knees. 

My breath hitches. “Chris, look at us. Take a good look at me, at my body. I’m broken. I’m still recovering. I’d have to be monitored more closely to make sure that everything is okay. Because we don’t know if it will be.” The thought of finally getting everything I wanted with my husband and then not having it makes my chest hurt. 

“I’ve wanted kids with you since the moment you told me you loved me for the first time, and that I was it for you. I knew that you were going to be the father of my kids one day. But now, with everything, I don’t know if that’s the case anymore.” 

The tears are burning my eyes, and I can feel the sobs starting to build in my throat, and I know if I don’t get out of this room right now, I’m going to lose it. I’m pretty sure that Lisa heard at least part of our conversation, and I can’t talk about it anymore without losing my mind. I set my glass in the sink and silently make my way upstairs, thinking that two of the worst conversations I’ve had in my life have come within months of each other and have both taken place in the kitchen that I loved. Now I can barely stand to be in it. 

#blue christmas #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans #chris evans x wife #chris evans x kelly evans #pregnancy #angst #cheating #jenn writes

[beyonettta]

Tell us about your sexc dream with Ryuji

KAY SO (excuse me and my whack ass memory) this is the most embarrassing dream i had to explain (it was better in my head than in text) but it was sexy too

so like, i was an extremely close friend with akira/protagonist/joker, whatever you wanna call him and then one day at like, an amusement park or some sort (something like universal studios park) we went into like a fucking funhouse/haunted maze together (apparently it starts off as your usual funhouse, then it escalates real quickly and then it'll scare your guts out to the point "where you'd be crying for your mama") so our man ryuji happened to be like a crew member(or whatever tf u call it) for this maze, to like, scare bitches. so like, we've finished the fun house part and now shit started to go down. so like i was doing okay until out of nowhere—the baby killer mask thing from happy death day shows up (do not show me that shit please, even as a "joke" or whatever. that's like one of my triggers and it makes me panic and uneasy.)

nd then i started to panic™ and run as fast as i could. mfker akira had to catch up with me since i went nyooom! i did not know where tf i went but thankfully my g akira showed up. so he's like: "bro r u ok? i saw you running for ur life" and then i was like "nigga do i look ok 😐" so he apologized. for the rest of the maze it was pure awkward silence between the both of us (twas finished thankfully)

then after like—going to the one ride that akira liked for the umpteenth time, we met ann and futaba coming from a photo booth, so like we stayed with each other and went to have lunch at the food court.

now...the moment we've all been waiting for...

so futaba and i were hamming down on infinite breadsticks, that's when the man of the hour came at our table, and i was shook cause like—this random dude starts talking to akira, ann and futaba like they know each other(but duh becky🙄) until he noticed me, he was looking at me as if he saw me before and he was like: ":0 pog, whose ur friend renren?" nd akira was like "........this is xavi...he's an old friend"

i was like:

and then he was like: "that's some badass name, love the outfit btw" and then my ass was internally squealing. so he joins in because "he finished his job for the day" (it's true) and then we all went on other attractions, and took some sexy ass pics.

AND THEN OUR G RYUJI AND I DID SOME FRUITY CRIMES and got mistaken for a couple

nd then it was sunset, ann and futaba said their goodbyes (they invited me to explore the city next week) so like, we start talking about our interests, thoughts on akira, shit and then he brings up the fact that he saw me before in the funhouse/haunted maze

i was like:

"bitch where"

"...i scared you bro. you ran off and i really felt bad, so i was relieved when i saw you, but i didn't get time to apologize :("

my ass is still confused so i'm just like: 🗿🕴🏿

"i had on a...baby mask"

and then that's when it clicked for me, but he started apologizing a shitton and how he was sorry for bringing it up if it triggered me, it was cute. i accepted the apology and then we started to walk back to the neighbourhood. then we entered an ice cream parlour and unironcially, we got the same flavors (salted caramel), and then we walked to his home! the himbo (beloved) forgot he didn't know where i lived. i told him that i lived a few streets down, and he didn't had to worry since it wasn't that far

he was like: "phew, thank god, but do u want me to walk you home though?" that's when was had a little shoujo manga moment,

until we got FUCKING INTERRUPTED-

turns out we left akira in the amusement park, all alone. there was a cutscene to him standing in the rain, getting soaked, while on the phone and he was all like:

but alas, we both exchanged numbers and he winked at me saying "see ya, it was nice hanging with you ^-^"

boy i was stammering

but yeah, that basically sums up the dream

it's kind of embarrassing to say out loud, but it was a decent dream (and cheesy)

#asks #🌼.jay #HOLY FUCK #THIS WAS THE LONGEST RESPONSE TO AN ASK IVE EVER WRITTEN

[haruchuiyo]

Ardor

synopsis: The euphoria he felt on his job, got taken away the day you barged into the headquarters. Wanting his euphoria back, he actively seeks you out and you didn’t know in the process of it, you would come to enjoy his presence.

contains: slight one sided enemies to lovers, slight pining, mentions of riots and explosives and implied torture, reader and sanzu has quite a big age gap, nsfw, eye-fu*king, virgin!reader, fem!reader, bonten!sanzu, breeding, big di-ck sanzu, overstimulation, belly bulge. usage of petnames: angel and baby. let me know if I missed any.

word count: 7k+

this is probs the longest fic ive ever written and probs one of the works I am satisfied with. I hope you enjoyed reading this.

I have NOT proof read this at all, so I apologize for any misspellings or grammar errors in advance.

—

The man’s heart and nerves get a rush of thrill and euphoria in the things he do, the excitement he feels on how responsive his lucky victims are. It’s stimulating for him.

The day he saw you, storming into the building, demanding a explanation for why your brothers money was deemed as invalid. The thrill he had felt stormed out of him. He desperately wanted it back. He needed it. And he could only grasp it by the owner who had taken it in the first place.

He was in the basement chamber, silently hiding behind his newest so called “victim”. Standing behind them makes them feel the fear of not seeing their perpetrator. Sanzu appears in front of them and he knows by the relieved breath that exited the victims lips, that seeing their perpetrator somehow makes them feel safe. And knowledgeable about what’s to come.

But Sanzu couldn’t feel the thrill. The stimulating thrill. He tilts his head sideways as he frowns while fiddling with the plier. The way the victims eyes widened in shock and terror should have excited Sanzu. But it didn’t.

And Sanzu knew why.

—

Sitting at a single round table in the coffee shop, silently reading through the pages of sources for your last research project, a flower appeared on the page you were reading on.

Looking up in slight surprise, you didn’t expect to be met with a certain man in a pink mullet and with outstanding scars by the corners of his lips, shaped like diamond stars.

Quickly shoving away your slight checking out on him, you frown at him instead.

“What are you doing here?” You snap quietly, not wanting to gather attention in the coffee shop.

Sanzu grins at you, taking a seat on the chair in front of you.

“Do you like this flower?” He asks, completely ignoring your question and blunt manner.

“No I don’t and answer my question.” You say, already feeling your patience running thin.

“For a young girl like you, I would have expected you to break down in fear at the sight of me.” He says, completely ignoring anything you’ve asked from him.

“What do you want me to get scared at? The manic look on your face?” You retort back, not wanting to deal with this criminal.

“The manic look on my face should give you thrills.” He speaks, his voice having a big hint of amusement. You swear you could see his eyes get glossy. He is enjoying this. Cause he is right. The manic look on his face does indeed give you the thrill. Because you’re not familiar with the manic thrill this man has and you’re curious. You want to find out how it feels and what it is.

“So I am right.” He is so proud and amused, his eyes flickers in happiness as he leans back into the chair while crossing his arms on his chest. He has the hugest grin plastered on his gorgeous manic face.

“No you’re not.“ You are quick to refuse, which only makes him grin wider.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” You blurt out, catching yourself in surprise at your sudden question after looking at his lips.

“What hurts?” He asks, looking curious of your sudden question. “Your scars.” You answer. Sanzu uncrosses his arms on his chest, leans forward to you and rests his elbows on the table. Silently looking at you for a few seconds, he picks up the carnation flower and slightly strokes the flower on your cheek.

“The scars healed, so no it doesn’t hurt.” He answers your question in his deep voice. He almost sounds dreamy now, not manic. You catch yourself liking the way he strokes your cheek with the pale red flower. You only grasp out of his attention and properly absorb it when you felt his thumb stroke the corners of your lips.

“It’s going to be late, for a young girl like you maybe it’s better to go home.” He says, abruptly stopping whatever happened between the two of you in the coffee shop.

“I’m not that young , I’m twenty two and a student in university.” You say, feeling surprised at yourself for even listening to him cause you’re picking up your stuff.

“And I’m not old, I’m a guy in the criminal world.” Sanzu says as soon as the both of you exited the coffee shop.

“You’re not making any sense.” You tell him as Sanzu chuckles, the corners of his eyes slightly wrinkled and his beautiful mouth is shaped into a smile.

“Do you need a ride home?”

“You didn’t answer my question.” You say and Sanzu raises his brow at you, looking confused. “What was the question?” He asks. You sigh, grasping on the tiny patience you surprisingly have left.

“What you were doing here.” You answer and Sanzu grins.

“Good question, angel.” He says.

That’s all he said before he managed to persuade you let him drive you back home. Before he had left, he had playfully waved his hand to your brother who stood at the front door, his face void of any emotions than just utter shock and terror.

—

It’s been weeks, and Sanzu keeps pestering you. And you find yourself not minding his presence at all as time went by. In fact, you feel safe and you feel thrilled. Or maybe it’s just the curiosity in you to find out how a esteemed criminal like him has it.

For these past weeks, each visit he brought a carnation flower. The flower is pale red and you thought it symbolized innocence connected with death.

That was until you looked up the meaning of the flower, that a gasp exited your lips as you were stunned in silence.

Closing your computer, you couldn’t properly process the fact until your phone brightened up and it was a message from Sanzu. Sometimes he sends you messages late into the night, asking what you are doing, telling you he is bored. And in turn you yell at him through the text that he has a meeting. And then he goes quiet after that and you felt relieved thinking he is focusing on the meeting.

That was until a few hours later, a call wakes you up in the middle of the night, about to hang up on the person until you see Sanzu’s name displayed on the caller’s id, you pick up his call.

“Yes?” You slump your head back down on your pillow, as you talk sleepily.

“Did you just wake up?” He asks. You scoff lightly.

“Idiot, look at the time.” You tell him and a few seconds later you hear a row of oh’s.

“I woke you pretty ass up, didn’t I?” Feeling your heart rush cause of his words, you scoff again.

“Yeah you did and I would like to go back to sleep.” You tell him.

“Of course baby, but just one thing.” The pet name has your heart soaring and you’re clutching onto your sheets with your free hand that isn’t holding your phone.

“Yeah?”

“How did you know I was in a meeting?”

“Because you sometimes follow a schedule, why?” You tell him, not realizing his intentions of asking you that.

“Thank you love, make sure to dream of me.” He says before he hangs up the call and you certainly couldn’t sleep again.

—

You were staying up late when you flinch in shock when you heard a sound on your window. Looking to see who it was, you peer out of the window to see it was Sanzu.

His suit looks crumpled, his hair disheveled as he had a couple of other small rocks in his hands. He had a shit eating happy grin on face as he throws a wave your way and you open your windows.

“What are you doing?” You manage to yell as quietly as possible. Sanzu shrugs his shoulders. He doesn’t answer but he drops the rocks from his hands and heads towards your way.

He grabs onto the pipes that are stuck on the front of your house and proceeds to climb up with clear determination on his face. Your eyes widen in surprise. “Get down, it’s dangerous.” You say, feeling worried in case he accidentally trips and falls.

“This height won’t kill me if I fall, baby. So don’t worry.” Sanzu says in between small grunts as he climbs up and finally reaches your window. He grips onto your window railing and places his chin on top of his hands and smiles up at you.

“I finally reached you.” He says, his voice soft. You ignore how his words seemed to have a affect on you, you push your window farther up and hold onto Sanzu’s arms.

“Sit here, I don’t wanna be the main culprit for your death if you fall.” You mutter as Sanzu chuckles in amusement.

“I just told you I won’t get killed from this height.” He says, his lips forming a small grin.

“Don’t care, now sit.” You order him as Sanzu happily obliged. He pushes himself up with his hands on the window railing and sits on it. He leans his head back on the wall behind him as he looks at you.

“Why did you come here?” You ask you move some stuff away from your window and seat yourself in front of him. He looks at you for good three seconds with a expression you couldn’t understand before he speaks up.

“I wanna take my girl out to a date.” He says as he slouches slightly as he trace the window railing. You look down at his hands, seeing fading bruises and a few new ones, feeling worried for him.

“Your girl?” You raise your brow in amusement as you look up at him. “Since when?” You ask.

“Since the day you barged into the building.” He says as he sits up from his slouching position to sitting up straight. He moves his hand over to where yours is placed on the railing and places his on top of yours. You look at him, wondering what he is up to now. He leans forward to you and you don’t lean back, wanting to meet him head on.

“I didn’t know I unknowingly entered a relationship that day.” You say, feeling your hands shake by the close proximity between you and Sanzu. And the look in his eyes were to much for you. His eyes looked so hypnotizing, you swear you could look at him forever without getting sick of it.

“Now you do.” Sanzu says softly as you see how his eyes averted from yours to your lips and back to your eyes again.

“So do you wanna go on a date?” He asks as you look at him in slight surprise.

“A date? Right now?” You ask back as Sanzu nods.

“Tomorrow?” He answers, questioning to see if you’re okay with it. You nod your head, trying to act nonchalant about the idea. Sanzu smiles at you.

“Great, I see you tomorrow.” He says as he places his hands on the railing and was about to move before you grasp his forearm, stopping him.

“You’re leaving now?” You ask, confused. He nods his head. “Yeah, why? You’re going to miss me?” He grins at you teasingly as you scoff.

“I’d do that when the global warming is fixed.” You mutter as you release your grasp on his forearm.

“Sure baby. See you tomorrow.” Sanzu says, leaving a quick kiss on your forehead before he jumps down on the ground from your window and lands smoothly on his feet. You gasp at the sight.

“Be careful.”

“Always, angel.” Sanzu throws a wink your way and a wave then he walks away. You catch yourself smiling at the sight of him before you shake your head.

—

Sanzu picks you up with his car, he slides down his window as he sees you exit your front door, locking it and turning to walk towards the car.

“Looking fine today, angel.”

“You don’t look so dashing yourself.” You promptly say back while holding onto your big bag as Sanzu lets out a laugh. “Ouch.” He says dramatically as he exits the car.

“What you got in there?” He asks as he points at your heavy bag with his head. “Blankets and some food.” You say. “Thought we could have some small late picnic?” You answer, unsure of what his reaction would be.

“Sounds nice, the place I want to show you fits your idea.” He says as you nod your head in relief. Sanzu opens the door to the front seat for you, but stops in his tracks as he sees you open the door to the backseat.

“What are you doing?“ He asks confused, you look at him equally confused back. “I’m putting this bag in the back, why?” You say as you put the belt over the bag for safety measures and close the door.

“I thought you weren’t going to sit in the front with me.”

“You wouldn’t even let me sit in the back anyway, idiot.”

“Touché.”

He stops the car at a hill high up in the city, the stars glittering across the sky as you look up to take in the sight.

“This hill is so beautiful.” You say as you look up Sanzu’s taller form. “It’s one of my favorite spots.” Sanzu tells you as you look at him, prompting him to continue.

“I always go here to sell my drugs.” He says, looking serious but you saw the mischief in his eyes as you sigh in disbelief.

“I’m serious though, this is my favorite spot.” He says as he places a hand on your hips squeezes it to reassure you he was speaking the truth. You nod your head.

“You think we can sit on the hood of your car?” You suggest as Sanzu nods his. “Sure why not, makes it more romantic.”

“Never mind then.” You shake your head as Sanzu laughs at your reaction. “It’s a date, angel. Let’s make it one, alright hm?” He softly tells you as you look up at him.

“Sorry, I’m just nervous.” You breath out. Sanzu looks at you understandingly. He gently grabs your hand and intertwines it with his. “It’s fine baby.” He says as he pulls up your intertwined hands to his lips and softly places a soft kiss on your knuckles. You feel your heart rate go up and warmth flooding at the sight of him doing it. Especially how he was looking at you the whole time he did it. He truly is so hypnotizing.

“I’m getting hungry.” Sanzu suddenly says and you finally let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in.

The night went on and you felt happy in Sanzu’s presence. His corny jokes and laughs never fails to lighten your mood and make you feel warm inside. The way his smile turns up and how his eyes seems to glimmer as he looks at you when you laugh and how he seems to fondly observing the way you talk and how he listens to you. Even the thought of what he’s done this beautiful night makes your heart race and you don’t know what to make of it.

You enjoy being with Haruchiyo. Heck, you love it. You hold your hands together as you think of that.

Sanzu saw how you quiet you’ve gotten and the stare you gave your held hands bothered him. He hated seeing you look so bothered by whatever you thought of. He detested it and he wanted to ease your mind and thoughts.

“Angel?” He calls out and automatically you listen as you look at him. “Yes, Haru?” Sanzu feels how how his chest tightened at your nickname towards him. He’s yet to reveal his true nature to his fellow friends in Bonten and yet here he is, telling it to a girl that barged into the headquarters to fight for her brother.

“What’s up?” He asks as he grabs your hand gently, pulling you closer to him as he does that. Your thighs touched his and you slightly shiver at the contact and you faintly grip onto his hands, thumbs brushing against the skin on the top of his hand.

“I like you, Haru.” You confess and Sanzu stills and you couldn’t bear looking up at him. You started to feel nervous and somewhat overwhelmed. Did I just confess? To a criminal at that? You wanted to grab your heart out for finding yourself in love with a esteemed criminal like him.

“Angel, look at me please.” You hear Sanzu call out to you softly and you shake your head as you hold onto his hands tighter. “It hurts, I’m nervous and I don’t dare looking at you.” You babble on as you stare at his hands, you don’t get how you still manage to softly stroke his hands while you’re almost having a breakdown.

“Baby, look at me.” Sanzu pulls out one hand from your grasp and pulls your head up to face his by grabbing onto your chin. Your eyes were closed and you heard Sanzu let out a slight chuckle at what you were doing. “Not funny, Haru. I’m gonna cry over here.” You tell him, your grasp on his even tighter if possible.

“Will you cry when I tell you I am in love with you?” He says and the words didn’t process in your brain properly. “Yes I will.” You said quickly, realizing what he said a few seconds after. You open your eyes in shock and see Sanzu look at you with a big grin on his lips.

“You like me?” You ask as Sanzu shakes his head. “You could say that, it could be love as well.” Sanzu says, shrugging his shoulders.

“Don’t play with me, Haruchiyo.” You say sternly. Sanzu dramatically winces at how you used his full name. “I wouldn’t go after you all this time and keep pestering you if I didn’t like you.” He says and you almost gape at his words.

“I thought you were teasing and obsessed with me.”

“Well I am obsessed with you, that’s for sure.”

“Bad obsessed?” You prompt, trying to tease him back a little. Sanzu grins only, mischief in his eyes and expression. He squints his eyes playfully as he closes the distance a little between your faces. You felt his hot breath on you and you shiver faintly, your palm feeling sweaty as you were slowly releasing your hold on his hand.

“Very badly obsessed.” He says with a low voice. “Like a stalker obsessed?” You ask again.

“I behaved like a stalker these past months, didn’t I?” Sanzu says and you chuckle in amusement. “I wouldn’t say that but you got a point.” You tell him as Sanzu smiles as he rubs your noses softly.

“So you got Stockholm syndrome?” He asks, pretending to act oblivious. You flick his forehead as Sanzu grins. “No you idiot.” You tell him.

“Alright baby, let’s go.”

Sanzu sees how empty the road is, he throws you a mischievous smile and you look expectant to what he is going to do. You get pushed back into the seat, feeling how the car engine speeds up and the determined and almost manic look on Sanzu’s face is exciting you. You look up at the roof of the car and find a window, a open roof. You slide the window to the side and sit up from your sit and grab onto the roof and stand up, taking in the cold breeze hitting your face. Your heart are beating so fast and everything felt exhilarating, like the speed and the thrill you feel out of it is a drug.

You feel a hand wrap around the back of your thigh and how Sanzu’s tightens his hold on your thighs, his fingertips practically digging into your skin.

“Be careful angel.” He calls out to you and you lean your hand down and squeeze his hand that are holding your thigh, as a sign to reassure him.

—

A few weeks after the first date, you were now in Sanzu’s car when you saw the smoke coming from several buildings, onto the road leading into your neighborhood. People were throwing small explosives into stores and blowing up a few cars. Safe to say, this place wasn’t safe to be in at this moment. You feel the car turn around and you look at Sanzu who has a pissed off expression on his face. His jaw is clenched and his grip on the steering wheel makes it look like he will rip it off anytime. No doubt, he could if he wanted to.

“Haru, do you know why this is happening?” You ask, your tone worried. Sanzu chooses to ignore your question. “Call Mikey for me.” He says as he hands you your phone. Not a moment for this to happen, but you couldn’t help but feel warm inside your chest at his action. He knows you didn’t like it when he uses his phone while driving, so he always tells you to call someone for him on his phone. Looking up Mikey’s initial on his contact list, you dial him and hand Sanzu the phone. Not even a few seconds later, Sanzu is already talking to his boss.

—

You arrived at Sanzu’s apartment complex for the first time and it had be because of a sudden riot happening in the neighborhood you lived in. Dropping your small bag in the hallway and taking off your shoes, you look around his apartment as Sanzu still is on the phone with Mikey. He sounds pissed off but keeps his voice respectful nonetheless.

You go back to your bag to pick up your phone to message your brother you’re going to sleep over at Sanzu’s for tonight. He didn’t seem happy but he knew the reason why you couldn’t come home today. You put your phone on the kitchen counter when you hear Sanzu bid bye.

“How did it go?” You ask as Sanzu approaches you. “Some small group of idiots decided to destroy a piece of land Mikey owns by rioting it.” Sanzu tells you as you look at him surprise.

“Mikey owns the area I live in?” You ask, feeling curious. Sanzu nods before letting out a sigh. He walks away somewhere and you follow him. He opens a door, enters and you enter as well. It was his bedroom.

He loosens his tie, unbuttons the cuff of his shirt. Then starts to search in his wardrobe and hands you a another similar shirt.

“Sleep in this.” He says, you take the shirt in your hands and then he goes back to search for something else again. And picks out a few briefs.

“I don’t have anything that will fit so my boxers it is.” You giggle at his statement as you nod your head. “It will fit well enough.” You say with a smile on your face, finding him quite endearing.

You sit on the edge of the bed as Sanzu is still standing in front of his wardrobe. Then you see him unbutton his shirt and his shirt slides off, revealing his scarred back. God, he looked so breathtaking just from his back view. The way his back muscles flexes from when he put his hands into the holes of his shirts sleeves. Your gaze slides down from his back to his lower back and the way his suit pants fits him so nicely, hugging his hips so splendidly has you wanting to trace your fingertips along his scars on his back, down on his spine and touch his skin overall.

He puts on a white loose t-shirt then goes onto unbuckle his belt and take off his suit pants. Now that his lower body is out on its full glory, you couldn’t help but look more. His thighs are so smoothly defined, you wanted to trace your fingers down there as well and touch him everywhere possible. You shift your thighs against each other as you look down at the shirt Sanzu gave you in your hands, feeling hot inside and embarrassed by how bothered you feel just by seeing Sanzu’s body. You glance up and see that he put on a Grey sweat shorts and then turns to look at you.

“Aren’t you going to change?” He asks and you swear you felt yourself almost startle. “Yes, of course.” You almost stutter out. “Where is the bathroom?” You add looking everywhere but at Sanzu and he tells you where the bathroom is and you hurriedly walked off.

Your sudden nervous demeanor didn’t go unnoticed by Sanzu. You felt so comfortable the first moment and now you’re suddenly nervous and fidgety? He knows why. There’s a mirror close to his wardrobe and how you didn’t see it, is a wonder for him. He saw everything, how you fidgeted with his shirt in your hands, how your chest slowly heaved up and down and how your pretty lips slightly parted. How you nervously moved your thighs against each other while gripping onto the shirt in your hands.

Sanzu was laying against the headboard of his bed, messaging in the secret shared chat with the rest of the bonten guys when he heard the door to the bedroom slowly slide open. He looks up and sees you fidget with the hem of the shirt you’re wearing. Sanzu is taller and bigger in frame than you, hence the shirt almost reached the middle of your thighs. If you had stretched your arms up, the shirt would slide up and reveal your pretty backside and a hint of your abdomen.

“This shirt is kind of short, honestly.” You mutter out as you approach the bed and sit on the edge once again. Sanzu crawls over to you on fours, sits behind you as he situated his legs on each side of your body, trapping you between his legs. He wraps his arms around your torso and gently pulls you into his chest. You almost gasp at the contact, considering how you felt and still feel because of the situations just a few moments ago, this contacts adds onto the pressure.

“I think it fits you prettily.” Sanzu murmurs, pecking the back of your head before nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. He places his hands in your lap and you softly hold onto them. “Does it fit me prettily because it’s your shirt I’m wearing?” You ask, your tone almost amused. You felt Sanzu’s lips curl up into a smile against the skin of your neck.

“You got that right.” He says. “Then I should take it off so I can look more prettier with my own shirt.” You retort back, Sanzu squeezes you against him.

“Take it off so I can look at your body as well.” Sanzu mutters and your eyes widen in shock. No way he saw what you did. It couldn’t be possible. But how? You look at Sanzu then behind him and saw the mirror. It is literally beside his wardrobe and you didn’t see it? Were you so caught up in savoring up his body through your eyes, that you didn’t see the mirror? Yeah most definitely.

“Angel, if you wanna touch me, do so. I won’t stop you.” Sanzu softly says, as his hands travels to your hips and squeezes it softly before he gently turns your body to face his and sits you sideways on the mattress. Sitting up properly as Sanzu does the same before you see him change his mind by placing you on his lap. You wrap your legs around his hips as you hold onto his shoulders.

“Are you sure?” You ask hesitantly and Sanzu nods in reassurance before placing one chaste kiss on your forehead and places his hands on your hips.

You let out a breath before you hesitantly place your hands to cup his jaw, trailing them up to trace your fingertip along his jaw to cheek. Tracing his eyebrows to his nose. You softly slide your thumb against his pretty lips and as you do that, Sanzu lets out a low soft groan and his eyes on you feels like a predator preying on it’s prey before devouring it. You let out a breathless breath and continue on what you’re doing.

You trail your hands down his throat to his collarbones, sliding down the neckline of his shirt, you stroke circles on his collarbone with your thumb before you go to grab the end of his shirt and slide it up wanting to take it off of him. Sanzu raised his arms and you fully take it off and his full torso on display and god, it’s so breathtaking as well. There’s scars and his torso is so slightly defined you place your hands on his clavicle, trail down to his chest and you stroke your thumb everywhere on his chest. Over his beautiful scars covering it and Sanzu hitches out a breath when he feels your thumb graze his nipple.

“Baby..” he softly mutters as he grips on your hips and you feel amazed at yourself for having the effect on him. And even at the opportunity to touch him like this, when you’re pretty sure he’s never let anyone touch him like this. You feel special.

You touch his sternum, lightly pressing your thumb on the place there and you feel Sanzu tighten his grip even more on your hips. You move your hips against his on his lap and almost let out a soft moan at how you felt his dick graze your clit. You heard Sanzu groan and you swear on your whole life, that was the most beautiful sound you’ve heard.

“Baby, I think it’s enough.” He says before placing his lips on yours and pushes you against the mattress, your hair splayed out on it as he tightens his hold on your hips. You grab onto his face and cup his jaw and kiss him back. The kiss is so ferocious and Sanzu lightly bumps his crotch against yours and you let out a moan into the kiss. Letting out a another one when you feel Sanzu sneak his hands underneath the shirt you’re wearing and trace his hands up your side and his fingertips grazes your underboob.

“No bra?” He mutters into the kiss and you slightly shake your head. “To bothersome.” You tell him. “You’re right. And this shirt is bothersome as well.” Sanzu says after he pulled away and holds onto the hem of his shirt you’re wearing. You arch your back up and raise your hands to give him the access to take the shirt off. With the shirt off, your whole upper body is revealed to Sanzu and he is savoring in the sight in front of him. You look so irresistible and so untouched, he is practically consuming the sight of you in. He traces his fingertips on your collarbone down to the middle of your chest then he circles each index finger of his around your nipple and you arch your back at the feeling of it, letting out a moan as you grip onto the sheets beneath you.

“Haru, to much.” You softly whine out as you shake your head. “Baby, I haven’t even touched you properly.” He chuckles lowly with a amused look on his face. Then he leans his face down and takes one tit in his mouth as he rubs the other tits nipple between his thumb and index finger. The stimulation is to much for you, you couldn’t stop letting out gasps and moans as you go to grip onto Sanzu’s hair. He swirls his tongue on your nipple, gently bites down it and tugs in it then drops it just to go back to lick it up. Then he drops that tit to give your other tit the same treatment and it is stimulating you even more. You arch your back against his torso and buck your hips against his crotch.

“Haru..” you moan out as you felt yourself come just from his ministrations on your tits.

“My angel came just from my tongue, how cute.” Sanzu utters out, his tone teasing and proud. His hands go to grab the hem of the boxers you wore and pulls it down, revealing your cunt and he saw how it wet it was and couldn’t help but smirk at the sight. He wipes the cum off of with his thumb and you saw it. You saw how he looks at you into your eyes and licks up your cum off his thumb and you whimper at the sight, finding it so sensual and so teasing.

“Mmm, so good.” He murmurs as he licks it all up from his thumb, all while looking at you. Seeing the expression on your face, your teary eyes and how your hair almost sticked to forehead cause of the sweat, it’s all so alluring to him. You looked like a mess and he loved it.

Taking the boxer completely off you and he stands up from the bed to take off his shorts and briefs and oh god, his cock. It’s so girthy, yet so long.

“Oh god, will it fit?” You manage to speak out. “You can take it.” He tells you.

You pull yourself up by leaning your elbow on the bed as you see him put his knees on the mattress and pulls you closer to him and you almost lost your hold onto the bed but managed to hold yourself up. But gave up as soon as you felt Sanzu touch your wet clit with his fingers and slowly sliding one finger that turned to two to three and slides them in and out of you. He pulls out when he feels you almost reaching your end. He lets out a amused chuckle at how you whimper at the loss of his fingers inside you.

“God kill me, your cunt is perfect.” Sanzu murmurs as he licks his three fingers then puts them close to your mouth. “Open your mouth, angel.” And you do and he makes you taste yourself and you moan around his lips which makes Sanzu let out a groan at the feeling. He pulls his fingers out of your mouth and grabs a hold of his cock and were about to line it up to your hole when he sees you pulls yourself up on your elbows again and watch his cock closely. He smirks in knowledge.

“I wanna see.” You tell him, your face and hair a mess yet you looked so adorable and beautiful in his eyes. “You want to watch my cock fuck your pretty cunt.” He says as you nod your head before he grabs a pillow to lay it under your ass, adjusting it so you could see.

He rubs his tip up and down your clit before he slowly slips it in, knowing it’s your first time. The pain was there but over in a few moments. You grip onto the sheets as you watch Sanzu line his thick cock further inside you. It is such a strange yet such a pleasing sight. You clamp down on his cock at the intrusion and Sanzu groans, the feeling of you tightening around him is to much but so good.

“Baby, does it hurt?” He asks, as he uses his other hand to stroke away your hair from your face and you shake your head. “Not anymore.” You tell him earnestly. He nods his head before he leans down to take your lips in a fast kiss, licking on your lower lip before he pulls away to further push his cock into you and he was finally inside you fully and he felt like he could finally let out a proper breath. He felt like he was where he belonged. He filled you up completely and he truly belonged inside you. You reach your hand down to touch to see how it feels on your hands, how his hips pressed against yours feels like. Sanzu watches it all with clear attention, loving how curious you are.

Then you slide your hands up to your abdomen, feeling a slight bulge there and you look there and see the outline of his cock and you almost groan in satisfaction.

“Haru, i feel you everywhere.” You breath out as you grab his hand to put it on your abdomen. “You’re taking me so well, angel.” He praises you and you could only softly moan at that. Then you feel him slide out of you completely and about to whimper about the loss of his dick in you, he slips in immediately and you cry out in pleasure as you hold onto his shoulders and wrap your legs around his hips even tighter.

He leans down to your ear, nibbling on your earlobe, slowly going down to your neck. You moan out in pleasure, gripping onto his shoulder even more. He leans away, circling your clit with his thumb to ease you up as he continues to thrust into you. You bite your lower lip at the sight of his thick cock thrust into you, the sight so arousing you feel yourself clamp down on him. Sanzu lets out a low groan, his grip on your hips tightening.

“Haru, I feel so full.” You whine out as you touch your abdomen, feeling the outline of his dick going in and out of you.

“Oh god,” you slur your words when you feel Haru do one hard thrust, hitting a particular spot inside you. “You feel so good, baby.” You hear Sanzu say as he continues to pound into you, his thrusts gradually getting slower each minute.

“Please, faster Haru.” You sobbed out as you grasp onto his shoulder tighter and his grip on your hips tightened as well, you’re sure it will leave his hand print on your skin. Not that you would’ve minded.

Picking up his pace, Sanzu starts to go faster, slamming into you with a force so good, your mouth is open and a drool just dropped down from your mouth as he thrusts into you.

“Shhh, angel.” Sanzu coos. “Didn’t know you were so filthy like this.” Bringing his face closer to yours, his eyes lidded in amusement at the cry you let out just now as a response. Sanzu wipes up the drool from your mouth with his thumb and rubs circles on your clit with the same thumb. Which stimulates you even more and you felt yourself almost reaching your point.

“So close, I’m so close.” You manage to babble out as Sanzu thrusts into you more and you felt yourself come down around his. But he didn’t stop, you sense his thrusts getting sloppier and then he reaches forward to you, leaning his body on yours as he manages to get a few more thrusts in before he fills you up completely inside with a groan slipping out of his mouth. He flips on his side with a grunt as he hugs you closer to himself, nuzzles your face to his chest as you hug him back.

“Oh god, Haru.” You manage to breathe out as you gently scratch his back, feeling his scars on your fingertips.

“Told you could take my dick.” He says, his tone teasing as you slap him on the back embarrassingly. You still felt his dick inside you getting softer.

“Are you not going to pull out?” You ask him as Sanzu lets out a small laugh at your choice of words. “Pull out? I will stay here forever.” He says as he hugs you closer to him. “I still need to pee though.” You tell him. “Then I will get back inside you?”

“No idiot, I feel sore.”

“I fucked you good then.”

—

It’s been a few days since you last saw Sanzu. The morning after your first time, you managed to be with your man for a few hours before one of the other executives of bonten called him and required him quickly. And then he had to leave. He told you would be back thé same day but it’s been a few days now.

You were back at the small cafe you usually study in, still doing your research that requires a lot considering it’s your last year.

Working on your computer, you saw a pale red carnation flower and you felt your eyes get teary as you saw the all too familiar flower before looking up to see the man you have missed for so many days. He still looked so breathtaking despite his shirt almost tucked out of his suit pants and his tie loose. God, how much you missed him.

Sanzu looks at you with a fond smile on his lips before speaking up. “Hey angel.” He manages to say before you grabbed his hand and dragged him outside the cafe to a alleyway away from anyone to see.

Once clear of sight, you push his shoulders out of frustrations.

“Where have you been?” You slap his chest this time. “Something came up and I needed to be away.” He admitted to you, he sounded guilty.

“You could’ve messaged me.” You slap his chest again. “I thought something happened to you. I thought you left because of the sex, heck because of me too.” You grip onto his shirt and Sanzu cups your face, wiping off the tears that slipped out of your eyes.

“I would never do that to you. I love you to much to leave because I apparently didn’t enjoy the sex?” He sounded so truthful and so honest, you wanted to cry even more. And he loves you? You couldn’t believe it.

“Are you okay then? You’re not hurt right?” You ask, tightening up his shirt in your fist.

“Well I did get hurt by your slaps on my chest.” He teases you and slap his chest for the third time. “I’m serious.”

“You care more about if I’m hurt or not than that I said I love you?” You lock your eyes on him and sees a wide grin plastered on his face. He sees how you were raising your arm again, sensing that you were about to slap his chest again. “Okay okay, fine. Yes I am okay. I did get a gunshot graze my hip though but I’m fine.” He admits and you gasp in shock at his admittance.

“Idiot, be careful. Have you take care of the wound?”

“Of course I have, angel.” He tells you softly as he places a soft kiss on the top of your head and your forehead.

“I don’t believe you, show me the wound.” And he shows and he was being half honest about his admittance.

“Idiot.” You mutter out as you softly touch the wound. “You didn’t treat it good enough.”

“Will you treat it for me?”

“I will since your incompetent ass can’t do it.” You retort back as Sanzu laughs and wraps his arms around you to engulf you in a hug.

“I missed you so much.” He confesses. “Me too.” You nuzzle into his chest as you inhale his scent that you missed a much.

“I love you.” He says and you hug his form closer to yourself. “I love you.” You say back.

“I know that or you wouldn’t hit me.”

“Shut up.”

—

tags: @sup-zfam , @shujiswife , @wooaaawoa , @sanzus-pill-bottle , @nalyana

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers imagines #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers fluff #tokyo revengers scenarios #tokyo revengers smut #tokyo revengers imagine #sanzu haruchiyo scenarios #sanzu x you #tokyo revengers sanzu #sanzu haruchiyo imagines #sanzu haruchiyo smut #sanzu #sanzu smut #sanzu haruchiyo #bonten smut #bonten sanzu #bonten imagines #akashi sanzu #sanzu akashi #sanzu imagines #sanzu scenarios #bonten scenarios #bonten x reader #bonten sanzu haruchiyo #akashi haruchiyo #tokyo revengers haruchiyo sanzu #haruchiyo smut #haruchiyo x reader

[thegodwithin]

hi! im kind of new to law of assumption and old to law of attraction. law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused. i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier? i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc. i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof?? i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine? like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results. i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting. i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong?? I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me. I can even dm you, just please help me so I can actually manifest what I want. I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking. I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet. I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want. I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

Hey, so I just want to say that I really understand you. It’s funny how as I read your ask for the first time it really stood out to me how it was reflecting my current state at that moment so thank you for sending it. I will try my best to answer your questions but I'm still figuring this stuff out myself so I'm also just going to recommend some material that should help. I’ll put all the links at the end of the reply.

I have broken up your ask into several different topics and I’ll be addressing each one separately so please bear with me here.

This is the longest reply I've ever written so the rest is under the cut

law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused.

i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc.

I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

The first and most important thing I want to say to you is that you should really learn from the source material, which as far as I’m concerned here is Neville Goddard. I know there are other teachers like him but he’s the main source most blogs and youtubers make their content from. And frankly a lot of posts on tumblr seem to really simplify and reduce things to the point where you get to this idea that it’s all just affirming and persisting which I really can’t agree with. That’s a conclusion one can reach after learning this stuff, processing it, experimenting with it and realizing what works best for them. But there are certainly other factors involved in the process, whether the person was aware of them or not. This also goes for youtubers and coaches in general. All these people are speaking based on their own experiences with the law. Through the lenses of their own beliefs, limitations, etc. So it’s only natural that they will sound different from each other and their message and style might not resonate with every person in the same way. Which is why you’re not supposed to just accept everything you hear or read at face value. Apply it, experiment with it and make your own conclusions.

like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results.

Most of us come into contact with the law from a negative situation and looking for a quick fix, and what we end up finding is a whole lot more than we ever bargained for. These teachings challenge everything we have ever known and accepted as absolute unchangeable truths in the world. And we are also dared to accept the responsibility that we were the cause of our entire lives?! It’s a lot to take in. You can’t be one foot in and one foot out. You’re trying to manifest something but you’re not seeing results. If you’re looking for results then you weren’t truly committed to living in the end and you haven’t really changed. You must notice the change within first, before the outside world can reflect that. You just give yourself what you want in your mind, and you keep doing it, day in and day out, with complete disregard for what your outer senses are telling you, until it hardens into a fact.

i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier?

Battling with the 3d can certainly be painful and it just turns into a vicious cycle, because the more attention you pay to something, the more it gets perpetuated in your reality and in your experiences. I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I struggle with this as well. If anything, at least remember to prioritize your feelings at every given moment. If you notice that you’re feeling bad / reacting negatively to the 3d, stop and ask yourself: what do I want? or what do I want to feel?

Usually when I do that my mind automatically shows me the answer and then if I can enter the reality (within me, in my mind with my thoughts and feelings) where those things are true, suddenly that circumstance I was just reacting to doesn’t matter anymore. Because I feel fulfilled within now.

Just start allowing yourself to have what you want, no matter what. Practice putting yourself first, before anything else, before the circumstances around you, before what others might say or do. Even if the 3d looks bad right now, you deserve to feel what you want, you don’t have to keep putting yourself down because you haven’t seen an outside change yet. And the truth is that you won’t see a change if you keep watching the 3d and taking score from it. Because it can only change after you do. Because it’s a reflection of you. Allow yourself to feel that relief and satisfaction, in your imagination, everyday. Make it a habit and little by little you will have changed your mindset, entering a new reality.

Everything in your 3d world is an illusion in the sense that it’s not the truth. And this is because everything that you experience with your senses, in your 3d world is a direct reflection of you. You are everything, and you are everywhere you go and every person you meet. You can only ever experience yourself, nothing else. Nothing exists outside of you. Everything begins and ends with you.

and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine?

You are God of your own reality. There’s only you in your reality. Nothing else and no one else. So everything and everyone that shows up is under your influence. IN YOUR REALITY. You can’t really access other people’s realities or inner worlds, and likewise they can’t reach yours. Even what you perceive as things outside of you pertaining to other people’s lives and experiences are still coming in through your own lenses, of the concept you have of that person, of the expectations and beliefs you have about them. This is why you shouldn’t bother with anything but yourself. Because it’s a waste of energy. Because everything you will ever perceive will come through you first. You can’t experience anything but yourself, your beliefs and your expectations. If you believe others can influence your reality then you are living from fear and you are giving your power away.

i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof??

Instead of trying to manifest things in order to “see proof”, just let things happen and watch yourself during the process. Start really paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling on a daily basis. Notice that your thoughts and reactions come from a certain state of being. Notice how people act in ways that you expect them to, because “that’s just how they are”.No, it’s because that’s the concept you hold of them in your reality, and they treat you according to the concept you hold of yourself. By doing this you will start to realize the connection between what has shown up in your life so far, and the person you were identifying with within. And when I say identifying with, I don’t mean something like an affirmation such as “I’m confident”. Your identification and basically your self concept comes from your perspective, the way you see things, the way you react to things and the way you act, the thoughts you have and what you accept as true. Those will show you who you really are.

i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them

The thing with success stories is that as much as they can be motivational, the process and the factors are always the same. They succeeded because they managed to change their mindset, they entered a new reality (within), they changed their dwelling place (the state of being they return to the most) and their outer reality simply reflected that change. Their circumstances are irrelevant and the only thing setting them apart is the techniques they used and how long it took for them to actually shift their mindset and accept the new reality they wanted. Techniques are not really that relevant because they only serve to aid you into moving states. So at this point it’s really just about what works best for you.

i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong??

There’s no such thing as affirming wrong. And please take affirming off the pedestal. It’s just a technique and you don’t need to use it if it’s troubling you. Affirmations are just thoughts you would be having if you were living in the end. So their purpose is only to help make you feel like you are living in the wish fulfilled. There’s no point in affirming all day long if you keep feeling like you’re in the same old shitty reality. Again it’s the same thing I’ve been saying before. You can’t affirm for two opposite things at the same time and get the result you want. Use affirmations as much as you like but watch yourself for the rest of the time.

The reason this isn’t a trying process is because you’re not attempting to do anything to get something. You are simply being in a different way. You are changing your mind, changing your thoughts, choosing better feelings. This is a lifestyle change. If you accept the law, your entire perception changes. Nothing is ever the same as it used to be. This can be a hard pill to swallow but at some point you gotta be honest with yourself. There is no trying. There is only doing and there is only being.

i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting.

I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want

You’re exhausted because you keep going back and forth between what you want and what has shown up. You need to pick one side and stick to it. You need to dive so deep into the feeling of what you want to the point where thinking the opposite feels unnatural. I know you don’t wanna hear this but thinking you’re doing something wrong really is also getting in your way. Think about it this way: you’re in the end goal, you’re there, it’s done, you got it. Would you be thinking about ANY of this stuff if that was the case? Would you be doubting and having all these fears and looking around everyday to make sure it’s still there? We both know you wouldn’t.

You just can’t have it and wonder where it is at the same time. You have to stick to the end goal and reject anything that contradicts that.

I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me

People say manifesting is easy and fun because you’re just supposed to satisfy yourself within by giving yourself what you want. If it feels like a chore then you're not giving yourself what you really want. You are focusing on what you think you should be doing and you are also keeping yourself hostage to your unwanted circumstances. If your desires are so important to you then stop putting conditions on them, stop looking for excuses to deny yourself of them. Get drunk in the feeling and the knowing of their fulfilment. Let go of all the doubts and fears, turn your back on your senses telling you it’s not here yet. Be stubborn and stop taking no for an answer.

You’re coming from a place of: I have all these unwanted circumstances and I want to have xyz instead, but no matter what I do, things aren't changing.

If you had xyz by now, would you still be repeating the unwanted circumstances in your head? Would you be thinking about them? Would you be reacting to them? Would you be identifying with this version of yourself that can’t get what you want?

No! You would be living your life, doing the things you enjoy, your duties and responsibilities, resting in the knowledge that you got that desire. It’s a reality now. It’s part of your life. You’d be living from that perspective.

You're keeping the unwanted stuff in place by reaffirming them, by looking at it everyday and going “yep, still here!”, you’re still accepting it as true for you. You can’t keep your attention on something without getting more of it. You need to die to the unwanted reality. Never to be seen again.

I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking.

Self concept is not a technique that you do once a day. Self concept is who you are. It’s how you behave and what you think all the time, every day, all day. It's what you believe and accept as true for you in all aspects. I think this community has been breaking up the law into bits and pieces, as if there are all these separate factors and steps you need to take, and it’s done more damage than good because it’s actually literally all the same thing, it’s all connected. Once you change through the means of one aspect, the other aspects change automatically. Self concept, mental diet, states, it’s all connected, they all lead to the same destination, you. Neville uses these terms interchangeably, to get his point across in the best way he sees fit at that moment, but he’s always talking about the same thing. So bottomline is that if you “keep breaking”, then you’re still in the process of change, you’re going from one state to the other, from unwanted to wanted. Back and forth. You’re still falling for the illusion of the 3d world and you’re still feeling the pull of your old story. You need to take a stand and decide that enough is enough. No longer accept what you don’t want. You’re the only one making the choice here. No one is forcing you to stay in the unwanted mindset but your own habits and comfort zone.

I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet.

Look, there’s nothing to combat here. There’s no war going on. It’s all just you. You don’t have any blocks or limiting beliefs you need to overpower. This isn’t a good perspective to hold. You ARE the power. I fought these types of statements for a long time but I can understand it now. You need to stop focusing on limiting beliefs or blocks. Stop thinking AND believing that you have problems that are getting in your way and that you need to overcome them. By holding this perspective, you’re only going to create more problems to overcome. Remember what I’ve been saying that you’re in the end now? Are there any blocks in the end? When the wish is fulfilled? I don’t think so and neither do you! I want you to take the challenge to declare to yourself that you no longer have any limitations. It’s all gone! You’re free now! I want you to wake up everyday and before you get out of bed, you remind yourself that hey, all that stuff is gone now! Nothing to worry about anymore! How good is that?!

I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want.

You keep the faith in the unseen by believing and trusting in yourself. If you accept that you can do anything, that you deserve what you want, that you are the operant power and that everything is coming FROM you, then you know all you need is yourself. Idk it truly is a leap of faith, you need to make a choice. Do you want to live by what is outside of you, or by what’s within you? If you accept the law as true, then you have no choice but to start living by what’s within you. If you’re still sitting there thinking that your world is ruled by the circumstances outside of you then you don’t believe a tiny bit in any of this stuff. You’re truly wasting your time if you hold that perspective in place.

Okay I hope this whole essay I spent hours on helps! Now let’s get you those recs!

You can read most if not all of Neville's work for free here: https://realneville.com/

These are my current favorite Neville Based Teachers:

I am Love / Feeling Twisty (he's also on apple podcasts and spotify I believe)

Here's my own personal playlist of Neville based videos on youtube

There's a LOT of good stuff on reddit tbh, here's pretty much everything I have saved from there:

(ps.: it's good to check the comments on reddit posts because there's usually discussions happening and you can find some good pointers)

EdwardArtSupplyHands Series / Quote

ALLISMIND:

Feelings are your power

How thoughts and beliefs become reality

Overthinking

Superman's way of life

Thinking positive

Living from the Law

There's no reality

You don't believe in the Law

Nothing will change your mind

(ps.: he has A LOT of content, these are just the few I looked into)

Other posts:

Change your mind

It's Real. Success Story

Decide what you want

Self concept and personality

Self concept and self love

Letting go of control

Don't rationalize it

The state of the wish fulfilled

Checkmate 3D

Planting the seeds

Don't react

Faith and Knowledge

Slacker Manifesting

Persistence assumption

Don't complicate it

All you need is reassurance

Brazen Impudence

Manifesting is easy

Practical guide

Why circumstances don't matter

Commit to your desire

Ignore the Outside

Clarifying the Law for beginners

(ps.: These aren't 100% accurate tittles, just based on the actual tittles)

#law of assumption #neville goddard #answered asks #o #tag

[angelthebedsheet]

ruby earrings

a/n: yes yes i know ive been gone for the longest time but i've lost so much motivation to keep posting while still being a student and living life. your main man is still alive and im here to present a new lil drabble with a character i've never written for nor do i have on my masterlist of characters. ive been having terrible danganronpa brainrot and ive been caught up on almost all the lore regarding v1 v2 v3 and udg. the fandom has swallowed me up once again. i can never escape its clutches

contains: slight cursing, kissing, slight ooc byakuya

byakuya togami x gender neutral reader

_____________________________________________________________

“what the hell?” they said as they looked down at the ruby earrings that were thrown in front of them. “well? do you like them?” he asked. they looked up at him with a confused expression. “how-why?” they stuttered out. “a thank you so much would be a proper response.” he rolled his eyes. “did you think that just because you got me a gift, that i would be nice to you?” they asked, bewildered. “you’re awfully rude, you know that right?” “and you got some nerve, you asshole.” he sighed. “you have some nerve being outright rude to me right off the bat. i put effort into getting you that. the least you could do is show me gratitude.” he crossed his arms. “where did you learn to talk back to me like that?” they spat. “i only learnt it from the best.” he said with a faint smile. he nudged his head towards the earrings that sat in the box. they huffed out a small laugh as they held them up delicately. “how’d you know?” they questioned. “i only mentioned wanting these a long time ago. you remembered?” they continued. “you always spoke about how much you wanted these earrings so i did myself and everyone a favor and bought them to shut you up.” he sighed.

“byakuya…” they cooed. “oh don’t start that with me.” he groaned. “y’know, regardless of how cold you can be you really are a sweetheart sometimes.” they smiled. “flattery will get you nowhere. cut it out.” he waved them off. “it definitely did get me somewhere. don’t act like you don’t like it, kuya.” they teased. “ugh, i thought i told you to stop calling me that wretched nickname. it’s disgraceful to the togami name.” byakuya stated. “you can tell me to stop all you want, but has that ever stopped me?” they stood up. “whatever, you’ve done enough yapping, are you going to try on those earrings?” he said. they kissed their teeth. “fine, put them on me then.” they said, moving their hair out of the way. byakuya tsked before taking their earring out of their ear and placing the ruby one instead. he subconsciously smiled as they basically cheesed at the earrings. he couldn’t deny how satisfied he felt knowing that they loved the gift. they always loved whatever he gave them but he knew this gift held more sentimental value.

“it’s beautiful. thank you, i guess.” they said. “see? that wasn’t so hard now was it?” he teased. “yeah yeah, whatever.” they rolled their eyes. “i expect something in return.” he said, leaning forward. “you just want more and more, huh? when will you ever be satisfied?” they groaned as they cupped his cheek, pressing a grateful kiss to his pale cheek. they pulled back before he cleared his throat. “you know the drill, i don’t understand why you think this would be different.” he stated. they sighed deeply before pressing a soft kiss against his lips. “thank you, kuya.” they mumbled.

‘anything for you.’ byakuya thought.

“you’re welcome.” byakuya whispered.

#x black reader #x female reader #x gender neutral reader #danganronpa x reader #byakuya togami x reader #byakuya x reader #trigger happy havoc x reader

[spacedikut]

“i want to love someone and be loved” ; spencer reid - part 2

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary: spencer decides it’s time to tell you, but he needs some help. 3887 words. part 1

a/n: THIS is the longest fic ive ever written but im actually kinda proud of how it turned out? i hope this is a good sequel :)

Spencer chickens out of telling you the next day.

He avoids you all weekend, actually. You resisted texting him the day after Rossi’s because you assumed he’d be busy – with his big plan involving a girl that isn’t you. You’re not bitter – but Sunday comes around and you message him not long after you wake up and six hours later there’s no response.

Twelve hours later - there’s no response.

Monday, you don’t have time to say hello to anyone – there’s a case waiting for you, somewhere in Florida.

Reid avoids your eyes. His body language tells you something is wrong, so you assume whoever he confessed to didn’t reciprocate (they’re insane) and he’s dealing with it. So you don’t press.

Spencer pretends to sleep the entire jet ride. He’s avoiding everyone, not just you.

He spent the whole weekend beating himself up. He drove to your apartment on Saturday, sat outside for so long a neighbour knocked on his window and asked if he was lost, but couldn’t bring himself to step foot out of his car.

So he locked himself in his room, away from you and your loveliness and away from his phone because he knew you texted him and he knew you’d send some soft message about being there for him if he needs anything and he didn’t need to be reminded of how beautiful and out of reach you are.

Derek seemed to be waiting for him Monday morning, arms crossed as he held a cup of coffee. It was weird seeing him in before Spencer.

“How’d it go?” He immediately asked.

“How’d what go?” Spencer mumbles, flinging his bag on the floor by his desk. He slumps in his seat.

Derek raises a dark eyebrow, “You know what, pretty boy. You had a big thing? Big plan?”

“Didn’t work out.”

It doesn’t take a profiler to realise Spencer is very clearly saying leave me alone. Leave it alone.

Derek isn’t one to leave it alone. Especially when it comes to Spencer.

He sighs and moves a little closer to Spencer’s desk, just in case someone overhears them.

“What happened?”

“That’s exactly it,” Spencer slams open a file, “Nothing happened.”

“And why did nothing happen?”

“Because I’m an idiot that can’t even tell a girl how I feel.”

“Whoa- hey!”

Derek spins Spencer’s chair so they’re face to face. Derek takes one look in Spencer’s eyes and knows what’s going on – he got too into his head and backed out at the last minute.

“You’re not an idiot. Why didn’t you do it?”

Spencer shrugs, “I got to her apartment. I had flowers, too. I don’t know.”

Derek’s evidently concerned – Spencer’s beaten up over this, over whoever this girl is, and he deserves the chance to experience love. Spencer deserves a lot more than he himself thinks he does.

“You seemed really excited, man. You can still do it. Just cause you try once and it doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t ever try again.”

Spencer stares off into the distance, accidentally ignoring Derek as his thoughts slip out of his mouth, “Yeah, it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway – I was stupid to think I could get someone like her.”

“Hey, no.” Derek nudges Spencer’s shoulder so he looks at him again, “Don’t talk like that. You’re one hell of a guy, Reid. All you gotta do is get that confidence that you had Friday night back, and you’re all set. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Spencer gives a feeble nod. Derek moves back to his desk, knowing he isn’t convinced, but he isn’t done yet.

+++

Later, in Florida, Spencer’s making a coffee in the precinct’s kitchen after waiting twenty minutes for you to leave. Luck’s on his side, for once, and you’ve been working non-stop with Prentiss going crime scene to crime scene so he hasn’t had to actively avoid you. You smile at him every chance you get, though, and it distracts him.

Someone clears their throat behind him. It’s Penelope, whom Spencer didn’t realise was invited on this case.

She looks guilty. Spencer recognises that face; the face she has when she’s done something she shouldn’t have or knows something she isn’t really supposed to. Given current circumstances, Spencer bets it’s the latter reason.

“Morgan told me something he shouldn’t have.”

Bingo.

He leans against the kitchen counter, stirring his coffee absentmindedly.

“What did he tell you?” He asks, feigning tranquillity. Inside he’s screaming non-stop.

She’s got her hands clasped together in front of her, almost innocently, and fiddles with her fingers, “He told me you needed assistance in the love department.” Before he can object, she continues, “And I am willing to do anything if it means our resident weirdo-slash-genius falls in love and gets to experience some much needed cuteness.”

There’s no point in lying to her. There’s also no point in being mad that Morgan told her about his situation – they’re kind of a package deal. And, who knows, Garcia might be able to help.

“So…” She sways, trying (and failing) to appear nonchalant, “Who’s the lucky lady?”

Spencer shuffles on the spot, scuffing his shoes against the floor. He debates whether he should tell her, since, you know, you’re in the next room over, but Spencer worries that Garcia is so good at her job she’d somehow find out through hacking Spencer’s phone, or maybe somehow hacking his dreams. His subconscious. He’s terrified of Garcia and her abilities.

“You can tell me.” She insists, “I’m much better at keeping secrets than Morgan.”

Spencer turns away from her, she steps closer, and he mumbles your name.

“What?”

“Y/N.”

“WHAT?!”

Spencer spins, hands coming up to tell Garcia to shut up and Garcia immediately covers her mouth in both shock and hopefully so she doesn’t shout again.

“Since when?!” She screeches. “How could I not have known?! Oh God, almighty Doctor Reid, I feel like I’ve failed you by not realising earlier.”

Her enthusiasm makes him smile, for the first time in far too long. Garcia has that power – this innate skill to comfort those around her and make them feel special, make them smile when the world feels like its collapsing.

“Let me help!” She requests.

Spencer’s clearly hesitant. He knows it’s a bad idea.

“Please!” She begs, “I just- I have so many ideas of how you can go about this. Let me brainstorm, get back to you, and if I’m too over-the-top you can tell me no and we’ll pretend it never happened!”

He takes a deep breath. Yes, Garcia is the definition of over-the-top, but that’s one of his favourite things about her. It’s your favourite thing, too. And he did tell Morgan he had big plans. Anything involving Garcia is a big plan with big payoff.

“This is between us.”

“I’ll take it to the grave. Unless you realise how amazing my ideas are and use one to tell Y/N how you feel and then years later I get to commend myself during my maid of honour speech at your wedding.”

She looks ecstatic, hands now together under her jaw as her eyes twinkle. Spencer can’t help but laugh at her eagerness.

+++

The next day, the team returns to Quantico after a semi-successful case. The general mood is good and Morgan invites everyone out for drinks – Spencer declines, but you have your first full conversation since last Friday.

“C’mon, Spence,” Your head rests against the jet seat and you blink sleepily at him, “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you for years!”

Spencer gives you a small smile, “I promised my mom I’d call her tonight. Sorry, Y/N.”

You nod in understanding, “Will you tell her I say hi?”

“Of course. She loves you.”

You grin at eachother, immediately lost in your own world. You’ve missed him more than you realised, and you have no idea what’s going through his head, but you’re happy that you’ve had this – a Spencer Reid smile that makes you feel at home and on top of the world simultaneously.

Spencer has to tear his eyes away before he blurts something stupid, like she’s not the only one that loves you.

+++

“Spencer!” Garcia greets, Cheshire cat grin on her face. “I need to see you in my dungeon, please. Immediately.”

Spencer drops the file he’s holding. Unfortunately, Penelope’s request caught the attention of the whole team.

“What business do you have in the villain’s lair, Reid?” Derek asks. You’ve looked up from your computer, Emily smirking and leaning back in her chair in expectation.

“Uh…”

“Important nerd business. Go away.” Garcia says, eyes narrow as she tugs Spencer’s hand. He’s whisked away from any further questioning, leaving the befuddled team behind.

He isn’t sure what to expect when he stumbles into Penelope’s second home, but the display in front of him explains why he overheard a conversation about missing evidence boards earlier. Penelope’s obviously been using the new printer in her cave to her advantage – there’s at least twenty different pictures printed out on one board titled “date ideas”, then the board on the right has a picture of Spencer and you in the centre with a perfectly drawn heart around it. Under and around that is a mixture of love quotes, including song lyrics and quotes directly from romantic movies. He notices “The Parliament of Fowls” on there – Garcia remembers that he mentioned it’s considered the first Valentines poem?

“Whoa,” Is all he can say.

“I know it’s a little intense,” Garcia squirms, “But! I started scrolling through Pinterest and couldn’t stop. I don’t know what came over me, maybe some type of love deity, but I started thinking about you and Y/N in a classic love film in, like, black and white and I…”

She’s out of breath from animatedly explaining.

Spencer laughs through his nose, almost a scoff, but he’s impressed. He shouldn’t have expected anything else from the Penelope Garcia.

As Spencer wanders towards the first board, Garcia follows him like a shadow, “My personal favourite is-“ She points to a picture of chocolate fondue with faceless people in very little clothing, “-this one.”

Spencer awkwardly clears his throat when he begins to think of you and him like that.

“A little much for your declaration of love, though, I get it,” Garcia nods.

He scans the board – heart speeding up when he moves from idea to idea and picturing you and him in each one. He can’t help but think no, that one would be good for our anniversary – ah, she’d love to do that one for her birthday.

“What’re you thinking?” Garcia asks quietly. She knows his brain is whirring like her computer drive, so she approaches him gently.

“This one.” He says. “Where should we do it?”

Garcia grins behind him. The one he’s referring to shows a dinner table set up outside, brown wooded table with white wooden chairs opposite eachother. There’s flowers at the centre, a bottle of wine already poured in each glass in front of a basket of cookies, and the area around is shrouded by shrubbery, fairy lights hanging delicately from every-which-way.

It’s perfect. You love fairy lights, Spencer loves cookies, and the set-up looks private enough for Spencer to feel confident when he empties his heart and soul to you.

“The roof.” Garcia says wistfully.

“We have access to that?”

“Yes.” They both know they don’t. “Leave it to me. Oh… one more thing.” She adds, hesitantly, “Can Morgan help? I’m a lot of things, including emotionally strong and your love guru, but physically I’m gonna need some assistance.”

Spencer doesn’t even need to agree – Morgan’s gonna involve himself no matter what.

+++

Five o’clock is quickly approaching and you’re slumped over your desk, lost in your work. You need to be lost in it, because ever since Garcia released Spencer from her office right after lunch he’s been sneaking glances at you (he’s not sneaky) and has made several attempts to approach you but decided against it, sharply turning and pretending he meant to go another way instead.

You are beyond confused. You assume it’s to do with the girl he’s been trying to get over – you hope he’s been trying to build the confidence to tell you exactly what happened and maybe, you really hope, he’ll invite you over for the weekend so you can slip back into your old routine.

“Psst.”

You assume they’re not trying to get your attention, so you don’t move.

“Psst!”

You still don’t move.

“Y/N!”

Your head snaps up to Spencer leaning over the divider between your desks. He looks alarmed – which is odd, given he’s the one who called you – and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before he finally speaks.

“Are you busy tonight?” He sits back and, if he wasn’t so goddamn tall, all you’d be able to see would be his eyes. His added height means you can see his eyes and his nose. You wanna kiss it.

You smile – this is an olive branch, “I am completely available for whatever it is you might need.”

You sound incredibly eager, which you are. You miss him.

His cheeks move upwards, a smile, “Can I talk to you, later, on the roof? Uh-“ He clears his throat, “-I need to tell you something.”

You raise an eyebrow, “You’re not gonna push me off, right?”

“No,” He laughs.

“Promise me.”

Now he guffaws, “I would never, Y/N!”

“Promise me, Reid!”

“Alright, alright! I promise!” He’s jokingly raising his hands in a form of surrender.

You give him another smile and turn back to your work. You feel at ease, now, thinking he’s finally gonna tell you what happened on the weekend – finally you’ll be able to help him and go back to normal.

Spencer, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of ease. He’s about to pour his heart out to you.

He takes a deep breath and looks back to his computer, which is open on a tab titled “How to Tell Someone You Like Them.”

Step 3: Be Confident.

Spencer opens a new tab and searches, “How to be confident.”

+++

Garcia hacks into Spencer’s computer to open a document and type that the roof is ready. She wishes him luck, tells him she loves him, and calls dibs on being the godmother of your future children. As if she doesn’t have enough godchildren as it is.

He clears his throat and your head snaps towards him. You’ve been done for a while, playing Tetris on your phone, waiting for Spencer to take you to the roof where he swears he won’t kill you – you’re not entirely convinced.

“Um-“ He scratches his neck, “You ready to go?”

You nod and give him a weak smile in hopes it gives him some type of reassurance.

“Whatever happened, it’s okay, Spence.”

All he does is nod in return, gathering his coat and bag. He doesn’t really register what you say, or he would’ve been very confused.

You follow him up to the roof. The elevator ride is silent and Spencer is jittery; his hands twitch and tap against his legs, he’s bouncing on his toes and he keeps looking at you through the corner of his eye. You’ve taken several deep breaths to calm your racing heart – you hate heights, and this is the closest you’ve been to Spencer in a week. This will be the longest conversation you’ve had with him in a week, too.

The second the doors open, Spencer leaps in front of you.

“Wait!”

You jump back in surprise, “What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Completely fine. Just… when we get there, let me explain first, okay? Before you say anything.” He’s pleading, as if you’ve already told him no. You look at him with furrowed brows and mumble an ‘okay’.

You’re visibly confused as you trek up the flight of stairs to the roof. Spencer pushes open the fire door and the first thing you notice is how bright the roof is – you always assumed it’d be dark, little light, especially at night like this.

Wait.

There’s fairy lights… everywhere. You’re pretty sure this isn’t the norm for the FBI roof.

Spencer is equally as awed at what he sees before him - it’s exactly the photo he saw in Garcia’s cave brought to life, but he’s too distracted by you to fully appreciate it. You look like a child on Christmas; eyes wide, pupils blown, mouth slightly agape. You’re gorgeous.

“What…is this, Spence?” You wonder, noticing the set table, fingers grazing the roses that sit in a vase in the middle. They’re fresh and smell wonderful.

He stands a little behind you, fiddling with his hands, and clears his throat, “Would you like to take a seat?”

You do. When he finally sits, he pours you a glass of wine and you immediately take an anxious sip. Although Rossi is a big fan of wine, you rarely take interest in it only when Spencer’s involved. You’ve come to associate wine with him – a smile peeks out from your glass as you stare at the man opposite you.

“I need to get something off my chest. But there’s cookies, if you want one,” He picks one up from his plate, breaking it in half and giving it to you. He’s stalling, but you seem to take the bait and bite into it.

“Are these from the bakery two blocks away?”

“Yeah,” He replies, but he isn’t really paying attention. He doesn’t know where to begin.

You wait patiently for him to open up. You’re still unsure of what to make of all of this – the beautiful setting, the wine, the flowers, the lights. God, the lights are dazzling in the Virginia night sky. You need context, and you need it now.

“Spence-“

“Listen.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, I just…” He trails off, “I need to say what I need to say before I back out again.”

You fold your hands in your lap. You’re ready for whatever’s to come.

“Do you know how long we’ve known eachother?” He asks. His head tilts like a puppy.

“Nearly five years. Our friendaversary is coming up, you know.”

You realise, then, that this must be a celebration for that – that explains the… typically romantic setting. Before you can open your mouth to ask if that what’s this is, Spencer speaks.

“Four years, three-hundred and sixty days. That’s how long we’ve known eachother.”

“If we were dating, we would’ve been my longest relationship the second we passed a year.”

You don’t know why you said it, but it flusters him. He has to pause to take a breath and collect his thoughts.

“I’ve been in love with you for four years and three hundred and fifty-eight days, Y/N.”

It’s silent as you process and he figures out how to continue.

“I knew you were special when you were introduced to us. Hotch already had such a soft spot for you, and you had this way about you that made us all fall in love instantly. I remember Garcia did a background check the second she found out your name and she said you remind her of me and I… that freaked me out, to be honest. I thought you’d try to replace me.” He huffs a laugh, but can’t bring himself to look you in the eye, “I realised I was in love with you when you drunkenly defended me. Do you remember that?” His eyes flicker to yours for half a second – you’re wide-eyed, “You’d known me for two days at that point, but we’d already done a case together so we were celebrating. And these guys at the bar were whispering about me, acting like I couldn’t hear them, and the second you realised what was happening you stood up, stormed towards them and gave them a piece of your mind. It was incredible.

“You barely knew me, at least personally, but you thought so highly of me you scolded a group of drunk bodybuilders without a second thought. You made them apologise – it was hysterical watching someone half their size force them into submission like that – and when you were done you asked if I wanted to leave and go get ice cream. We couldn’t, cause you vomited on the way there, but I knew in that moment I loved you and I feel so hard, so quickly, I didn’t know what to do. And you never… you never indicated you thought of me as anything other than a friend so I didn’t try. Then you dated Greg who, in my opinion, sucked on his best days, and you encouraged me to date Abigail and I…”

He’s run out of breath and of things to say.

“I just love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you.” He adds, “I hope that’s okay.”

He finally looks at you, then. You’re just staring and he panics when he can’t make out what you’re feeling. He’s always been able to read you, you’ve always hated the saying that eyes are the windows to the soul because your eyes are always your tell, but now they’re… glassy.

You’re crying.

“Spencer…” You gasp, throat tight.

“It’s okay.” Spencer gives a tight-lipped smile. He knows what’s coming. He should’ve expected it. He has been expecting it.

“I love you too, Spence.”

Spencer chokes on air. He takes a gulp of wine.

You give him a teary smile in disbelief, “I’ve always loved you, Spence. I thought you knew that – I thought that big brain of yours knew exactly how I felt and… you didn’t do anything about it so I thought you didn’t feel the same. Spencer…”

He slowly moves a hand to place it palm-up on the table. Immediately you place your hand in his, your grip tight as you lovingly stare at him. This feels unreal.

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot.” You half laugh, half cry, “If you’ve really loved me this long, we’ve wasted so much time! God, we’re both idiots.”

Spencer’s crying too, now, and he starts laughing with you.

You’re two idiots in love, sitting opposite eachother on the roof of your place of work in a dream-like surrounding filled with fairy lights and flowers, and you could’ve been doing this for years.

Spencer sniffles, looking at you through his wet eyelashes, “Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

“If I say yes, will I get more dates like this?” You tease.

“Well, Garcia has a whole evidence board of date ideas she stole from Pinterest. We have enough ideas to last a lifetime.” He giggles.

“Penny was in on this?!”

Spencer gives a heh, “This is all thanks to her, so yeah.”

“She’s always had our backs.”

“She’s also now going to be convinced she’s cupid.”

You laugh again, and can’t help yourself when you lean across the table, still gripping Spencer’s hand, and letting your lips fall on his. Spencer leans into you, lips moving against yours as you both try to suppress grins.

You pull back slightly, Spencer’s lips following you, and whisper, “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He kisses you again. And again. And again, just cause he can.

Big plan, big payoff. You’re worth every little stress and more.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic #mine #garcia is watching everything through the security cameras btw #you think she'd do all this and NOT watch her hard work flourish? #think AGAIN

[bibbawrites]

Beach Baby - Single Dad!Charlie x Owen

THIS IS PART 4 OF THE SINGLE DAD!CHARLIE SERIES YOU CAN READ PART 1 HERE , THE PREQUEL (PART 2) HERE AND PART 3 HERE 

Request: none

Word Count: 3907 words 😳

Summary: Part 4 of Single Dad!Charlie, Margaux and Charlie reunite with Owen in Hawaii after months apart due to lockdown, just in time for Margaux’s fourth birthday 

Warnings: technically underage drinking, i guess technically i have to warn that this is implied mutual crushing between owen and charlie, if you dont feel comfortable with romantic chowen do not read 

A/N: i couldn’t get this out of my head so i had to write it, and boy did i write it this is the longest non-chaptered fic ive ever written and honestly i could have made it longer but i didnt want it to drag on any more that it already did this is literally more than double the length of my normal fics, i got very carried away

also just a note that i’m not trying to be rude about the fans who met the boys at the airport and i’m sure in real life the boys were happy to stop and chat, but from a parents perspective charlie’s first instinct would be to protect his daughter so i just thought i’d add that. please don’t get upset for that part!

sorry for any mistakes, its 4am and im half asleep trying to read through this to post lol anyways, hope you enjoy! 

Tag List: @happinessinthedarkesttimes​ @littlemissaddict​ @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic​ @headheartbellarke​ @lovesanimals​ @bartok-the-magnificent​ @juliefromaustralia @multi-universe21 @rangerelik @kaitieskidmore1 @katrina765​ @fandomxreaders​​ @ifilwtmfc

“Papa!” Margaux screamed, racing across the airport to Owen, the blond boy scooping up the nearly four year old and spinning her around when she reached him. 

“Maggie! I’ve missed you so much.” Owen exclaimed, pulling his mask down to pepper her cheeks with kisses, causing Margaux to giggle loudly. “Where’s your Daddy?” 

“Right behind you.” Owen spun around to find Charlie standing there, clearly smiling at him despite the bandana that covered his mouth, and Owen’s heart skipped a beat at how good Charlie looked in the early morning sun streaming through the airport windows. 

Meanwhile Charlie was thinking the exact same thing, admiring how attractive Owen was, especially when he was in his dad mode. He really understood why girls had such a weakness for cute boys with cute kids when he saw Owen with Margaux. 

Charlie stepped forward, pulling Owen into a tight hug and Margaux whined in complaint at being squished between her dad and her self declared papa. They pulled away from each other, both boys fighting to hide their slightly flushed cheeks. 

“I’m hungry.” Margaux whined, and Charlie was snapped out of his heart eyes daze, his whole focus back on his daughter. 

“Let’s get some food into you before our plane leaves then eh.” He replied, and Margaux nodded happily. 

Feeling bold Owen grabbed onto Charlie’s hand, lacing their fingers together. It wasn’t unusual for them to do this but it was the first time doing it when they were well known enough that someone might recognise them. But neither of them really cared. They were just happy to be back together again. 

- 

The minute they arrived in Hawaii they were met with fans. As much as he loved meeting the fans Charlie couldn’t help but sigh slightly as he tried to protect Margaux as much as he could.

It wasn’t that the fans didn’t know about Margaux, because it was a well known fact that he was a single dad, it was more that he wanted to keep her away from the spotlight. She hadn’t asked for her dad to become a well known actor, and she didn’t deserve to have her life changed because of it. He was determined to give her the most normal life possible. 

Eventually they made it to the villa house that they were staying in while in Hawaii, and after throwing their bags into their rooms it was time to have a bit of fun. 

“Swim time swim time!” Margaux sung, running laps around the living room. Kenny chuckled at the small girl, looking up at Charlie who was following closely behind her. 

“It seems like only yesterday she was a tiny two year old who cried every time you left her side.” He said, and Charlie smiled fondly, sitting down on the chair next to Kenny. 

“She’s growing up too fast.” He agreed. “I can’t believe in less than 24 hours time I’ll be a dad to a four year old.” 

Margaux tripped on the tiles, landing with a clatter, her bottom lip jutting out. Charlie jumped up, but before he could even think about moving across the room Owen was by Margaux’s side, helping her up and pulling her into a tight hug. He whispered something in her ear and Margaux giggled loudly, her fall already forgotten.

Charlie smiled softly at the scene, his heart filled with love for both the blond boy and his little princess. 

“Daddy.” Margaux called, snapping Charlie out of his daze. 

“Yeah baby?” He answered, finally making his way across the room. 

“Can we swim now?” She asked, grabbing onto his leg. Charlie subconsciously ran his hand through her soft curls.  

“Of course we can.” He replied. Margaux glanced up at Owen. 

“Papa too?” She questioned. 

“Papa too.” Charlie agreed. Margaux peered past him, her gaze landing on Kenny.

“Coming Uncle Kenny?” She asked, and Kenny laughed, standing up. 

“Coming Little Gillespie.” He replied. 

Margaux smiled contently, taking both Charlie and Owen’s hands to pull them outside towards the pool. 

She really did have every single one of them wrapped around her little finger. 

- 

Dinner that night was special, as it was supposed to be Carolynn’s last day on the island. They decided on a joint party for her last night, as well as celebrating Margaux’s birthday a day early. 

They had headed to a tiny restaurant near their villa, and Charlie had allowed Margaux to pick whatever she wanted from the menu, not that it mattered because she chose chicken nuggets and chips anyways.

The meal was nice, and before they knew it they were arriving back at the villa. Jeremy, Carolynn and Kenny all excused themselves for bed, and Tori settled into the couch, flicking the TV on. 

“Bath and bed time baby.” Charlie told Margaux, and she pouted but obeyed, following him into the hallway. 

“Hey Char, can I ask you something?” Owen asked, trailing behind the father daughter duo, and Charlie stopped, letting Margaux run ahead to their room. 

“Anything.” He smiled. 

“Do you mind if I share your room? I know the other bed was meant to be for Margaux but-” Owen started, playing with his fingers slightly. 

“She can share with me.” Charlie cut him off. “Bed’s all yours.” Owen looked up, his eyes widening. 

“Really?” He checked. 

“Of course.” Charlie smiled. Owen grinned, throwing his arms around Charlie’s neck. 

“Thanks Char. I just didn’t really want to sleep alone.” He admitted, and Charlie squeezed him tight. 

“Any time.” He told Owen, and the blond boy pulled away with a smile, before heading off to the room he was originally going to stay in to collect his bags. 

Charlie entered the room that he and Margaux, and now Owen, were sharing, finding his daughter already snuggled into one of the beds, still wearing her dinner clothes. Charlie sighed, moving to pull her out of the bed. Owen entered the room, bags in tow, and Margaux looked up at him excitedly. 

“Papa! Are you sleeping here?” She questioned. Owen placed his bags in the corner before answering. 

“I am Miss Maggie.” He said, and Margaux cheered. 

“You don’t mind sleeping with Daddy?” Charlie checked, and Margaux shook her head, jumping up to throw her arms around Charlie’s neck. 

“Nope! More cuddles!” She stated. Charlie laughed, picking her up. 

“Exactly right. Now, it’s bath time.” He said, grabbing Margaux’s pyjamas as she clung to him. 

“Bye Papa!” Margaux called as Charlie moved to leave the room. Owen waved. 

“Bye Maggie!” He replied, matching her enthusiasm. Charlie couldn’t help but smile. 

Margaux was so lucky to have someone like Owen in her life. They both were. 

- 

“Daddy! Wake up!” Margaux screamed, jumping on top of Charlie. He groaned, squinting as he looked up at his daughter. 

“What time is it?” He mumbled. Owen sat up in his own bed, grabbing his phone to check the time. 

“4:47am.” He informed Charlie, his voice thick with sleep. Charlie tried to ignore how sexy Owen’s morning voice was, instead focusing on his daughter. 

“Mags it’s too early to be awake.” He told her. Margaux pouted, flopping down on top of him. 

“Daddy, it’s my birthday!” She exclaimed. Charlie smiled, kissing her cheek. 

“I know baby, happy birthday. Now can we sleep for a little bit?” He tried. Margaux thought for a moment. 

“Only if Papa comes here too.” She decided. 

Charlie’s eyes widened slightly, eyes fixed on Owen as the younger boy sleepily slid out of his bed with no hesitation, and into Charlie’s, snuggling into Charlie’s side the minute he laid down. Margaux squirmed her way under the covers, squishing herself in between the two of them. 

Charlie shut his eyes in an attempt to get back to sleep, but it was no use. He opened his eyes again, staring up at the ceiling, as Margaux slept soundly next to him.

His mind was racing, noticing every single little place where Owen’s warm skin was in contact with his. It felt like he was on fire.

“Stop thinking.” Owen mumbled, and Charlie turned his head to see Owen staring at him, his eyes half shut with sleep.

“How did you know?” He questioned. Owen gave him a small smile. 

“I always know. Whatever it is, just ignore it for now. Get some sleep, it’s gonna be a big day.” Owen whispered. Charlie paused for a moment, just staring at Owen in the dim light from Margaux’s nightlight. Even half asleep in the almost complete darkness of the room Owen still looked gorgeous. Charlie swallowed. 

“You’re right. Thanks O.” He replied. 

“Love you.” Owen yawned in response, his eyes shutting again. Charlie smiled softly, moving his hand to brush a bit of Owen’s hair off his face.

“I love you too Owen.” He replied, despite the fact that the younger boy was already asleep. He pressed a soft kiss to Owen’s head, and lowered his voice to no more than a whisper.

“More than I probably should.”

- 

After what felt like no time at all Charlie was being shaken awake again. 

“Daddy is it time to get up now?” Margaux questioned, sitting on his chest. Charlie yawned. 

He reached over and checked his phone. It was just after 6:30am. 

“Okay we can get up. But we’re gonna leave Papa to sleep a little bit more, okay?” Charlie compromised. Margaux thought for a moment before agreeing. Charlie grinned, sliding the both of them out of the bed careful not to wake Owen. Once they were out of the bed Charlie lifted Margaux up, placing her on his hip. He pressed a soft kiss to her temple.  

“Now. Let’s go make some birthday pancakes.” 

- 

“Happy birthday Little Gillespie.” Jeremy sung, entering the kitchen with Carolynn close behind him.

Margaux grinned, her mouth full of pancake. 

“Thank you!” She exclaimed, her words muffled by her food. Carolynn stepped past Jeremy, moving to place a gentle kiss on Margaux’s head and whisper to her. Margaux grinned before looking up at her father.

“Hey Daddy?” She spoke. Charlie made a noise in response.

“Yeah?” He said, flipping pancakes onto a plate for both Jeremy and Carolynn.

“Do you think the birthday fairy could found me here?” Margaux questioned, her eyes full of hope. Charlie couldn’t help but smile, not even bothering to correct her words, as he placed the pan down.

“Should we go find out?” He asked. Margaux’s eyes widened in excitement.

“Yeah! But first we have to get Papa.” She decided. Charlie nodded.

“You wanna go wake him up? Tell him we made him some pancakes?” He asked, and Margaux grinned, already sliding out of her chair.

“Okay Daddy!” She replied, before rushing out of the room. The room fell silent for a few moments before Carolynn cleared her throat.

“So Charlie...” She raised an eyebrow. “How long have you been in love with Owen?” 

Charlie choked on his coffee. 

“I’m sorry, what?” He spluttered. Carolynn grinned. 

“You heard me.” She said. Charlie hesitated. 

“I’m not-” He stopped. “I-” 

He groaned. There was no use denying it if clearly he was obvious enough that his friends had figured him out.

“Since filming.” He admitted. Carolynn cheered. 

“You owe me $20.” She told her husband, who glared at Charlie. 

“You just had to admit it, huh?” Jeremy shook his head, and Charlie shrugged, a small smile on his face.

“Admit what?” Owen’s voice came from behind them, deep from sleep, and Charlie took a sip of his coffee to try to distract himself. Owen always looked good but in the early morning light, his hair still a mess from sleeping, he looked ethereal. Charlie bit his lip to stop himself from staring.

“Nothing important.” Carolynn replied, and Charlie shot her a thankful look. 

“Can we see if the birthday fairy visited now?” Margaux sighed, clearly impatient. They all laughed. 

“Of course baby.” Charlie told her, standing up. He grabbed the plate of pancakes he had made for Owen, handing them to the younger boy as he passed him. 

Margaux lead the way to the living area where Kenny and Tori were already sat waiting, squealing with excitement when she saw the small pile of presents on the table.

“They came!” She exclaimed, and Charlie couldn’t help but smile, ruffling her hair affectionately.

Margaux settled down on the couch as everyone spread out around the room, and one by one she opened the presents, eyes widening with excitement at every single one. 

Charlie had gotten her a few dolls that he knew she had been wanting, plus some new clothes, books and other toys. 

Jeremy and Carolynn had gotten her a small paint set with a Frozen paint by numbers. 

Kenny had gotten her a tiny version of the Sunset Curve shirt that the cast had all received. 

Tori had gotten her a little lilac tutu. 

Madi, Jadah and Savannah had sent their presents, some handmade earrings, little stud versions of the ghost drawings that Carolynn had created from Madi, a small pair of overalls from Savannah, and a colouring book from Jadah.

But her absolute favourite gift had come from Owen, a tan coloured bear from Build-A-Bear that he had dressed like Luke, and the clothes to change the bear into Reggie, Alex and Julie if she wanted to. 

After hugs all round the group decided to go their own ways, with Kenny heading off to spend the day relaxing, and Tori, Jeremy and Carolynn going to the beach to sunbathe since Carolynn’s flight had been delayed. 

“Where do you want to go today birthday girl?” Charlie asked, as he and Owen collected the pile of gifts to move them back to their room.

Margaux frowned in thought, the bear still grasped in her arms.

“Hiking.” She decided, and Charlie laughed. She was definitely his daughter.

“You sure? We can do whatever you want to do.” He checked. Margaux nodded, her attention focused on her new clothes that Charlie had placed on the bed to fold later. 

“I’m sure.” She said, reaching for the Sunset Curve shirt and overalls. “Can I wear this?”

“Of course you can.” Charlie agreed. 

“I’m gonna have a quick shower.” Owen said, grabbing some clothes out of his bag. Charlie nodded, focused on helping Margaux change out of her pyjamas into her new clothes.

“Do you think we can have some time tonight just you and me?” Charlie asked once Margaux was dressed, moving to grab her hairbrush and some hair ties.

“Yes please Daddy.” Margaux agreed, sitting on the edge of the bed as Charlie sat behind her.

“We could go get dinner just the two of us, and then come back here for birthday cake.” He suggested. Margaux frowned, clearly thinking. 

“Is it chocolate cake?” She asked after a moment, and Charlie paused from brushing her hair to kiss the top of her head. 

“You’ll have to wait and see.” He teased. Charlie finished tying her hair up into two little space buns, not quite proper buns but as close as he could get with her shortish hair.

“I hope it’s chocolate cake. I love chocolate cake.” She giggled, standing up on the bed and turning around to hug her father. Charlie wrapped his arms around her, a gesture that was so safe and familiar. 

“Me too baby, me too.” He agreed. Margaux snuggled her head into his shoulder. 

“Is Papa coming hiking?” She questioned. Charlie grinned to himself. 

“Do you want him to come?” He asked. Margaux didn’t even hesitate. 

“Yes.”

“Then I’m sure he’d love to come.” Charlie assured her. She pulled away. looking him in the eyes. Charlie had always loved that she had gotten his eyes. 

“Do I ask him?” She said, eyes wide. Charlie struggled to contain a laugh at how serious she looked. 

“When he comes back, yeah.” He nodded. 

“When who comes back?” Owen asked, re-entering the room. Margaux jumped up, throwing herself at the 20 year old. He lifted her up with no hesitation. 

“Are you gonna come hiking?” Margaux asked, her bottom lip jutting out in a pleading way. 

“Of course I am. Wouldn’t want to miss spending time with my two favourite people.” Owen grinned, kissing her nose causing her to giggle. Charlie’s heart skipped a beat at the declaration that he was one of Owen’s favourite people. 

“Yay! Can we go now?” Margaux turned in Owen’s arms to face her father. He nodded, standing up from the bed. 

“Shoes, and then we can go.” He said, and Margaux squirmed her way out of Owen’s arms to go find her running shoes. 

Charlie exchanged a look with Owen, the both of them thinking the same thing. 

It was going to be a long day. 

- 

Hiking with a just turned four year old was exhausting, even despite them choosing the easiest possible trail so that she wouldn’t have any issues.

It was fine at first, Margaux excitedly looking at the plants and trying to spot any animals in the trees, but after about twenty minutes she got bored and tired, and Charlie and Owen spent the rest of the hike passing her back and forth between the two of them.

Finally they made it back to the villa, and after a quick stop for lunch Margaux was recharged and ready for the rest of the day.

“Can we swim?” She asked. Charlie nodded.

“We’ll go and get changed, and then we can go in the pool for a while until we have to get ready for dinner, okay?” He suggested. 

“Okay Daddy.” Margaux smiled sweetly. 

-

After quickly changing into their swimmers, Charlie, Margaux and Owen ended up in the pool, Jeremy and Carolynn lounging nearby. 

They swam for a few hours until Margaux got thirsty, and with a promise of apple juice she and Charlie climbed out of the pool leaving Owen to go sit with the Shada’s. 

Charlie walked inside the villa, finding Kenny sat at the kitchen bench reading while Tori lounged on one of the couches, staring at her phone. 

“Why don’t we do cake now, so that you don’t have to worry about rushing home?” Kenny spoke up, as Charlie manoeuvred through the kitchen to get the apple juice out, Margaux clinging to his chest like a baby koala. 

“That’s a good idea. Do you want to do your birthday cake now Mags?” Charlie asked his daughter, pouring her some apple juice. She sipped on the juice, looking up at him with wide eyes. 

“Yeah!” She exclaimed. Charlie smiled. 

“Okay, can you go get Papa, Aunty Care and Uncle Jer for me?” He asked, placing her down. She nodded eagerly, handing her cup of juice to him before rushing outside to where Owen, Jeremy and Carolynn were still sat.

Charlie grabbed the cake out of the fridge and placed it on the bench, before putting the four candles in, and grabbing a lighter.

“Have you seen my camera Kenny?” He asked, and Kenny just pointed to the end of the bench where the camera was sitting. Charlie smiled gratefully, grabbing the camera.

“Want me to take photos?” Tori offered, and Charlie nodded, handing her the camera. 

Margaux re-entered the room, Owen and the Shada’s following close behind her, and when she reached her father he lifted her up. Kenny took the lighter, lighting the candles on the cake and together they sung Happy Birthday to Margaux, Tori snapping photos as the four year old blew out her candles. 

Charlie held Margaux close to him as Kenny divided the cake up, thankful that he had such an amazing family to spend his little girl’s birthday with. 

-

When Charlie and Margaux made it back to the villa after their dinner that night, the newly four year old was ready to fall asleep. Charlie carried her to bed, silently thanking his past self for deciding to give her a bath and do her birthday cake before they went to dinner because now all he had to do was change her into her pyjamas. 

He changed her quickly seeing that she was almost asleep, and tucked her into the bed. 

“Did you have a good birthday baby?” Charlie asked softly, settling down next to his daughter.

Margaux just nodded in response. 

“That’s good.” Charlie ran a hand through her curls. “Goodnight baby girl.” 

“Big girl.” Margaux mumbled sleepily. Charlie smiled, leaning down and kissing her head. 

“You might be a big girl now but you’ll always be my baby girl.” He whispered. “I love you.” 

“I love you too Daddy.” Margaux replied, her eyes already shut and her arms wrapped tightly around her new bear. Charlie stood up slowly and headed to the door, leaving it open a crack for a little bit of light to shine in. 

He paused for a moment, just taking in the reality that Margaux was already four years old, and that she was growing up too fast. With one last look at the door he made his way down the hallway and outside to where he knew Owen was waiting. 

“She’s asleep.” He announced, flopping down on the outdoor sofa next to Owen. 

“I’m not shocked, she’s had a big day.” Owen replied, handing Charlie a cold beer that he had clearly gotten for him. Charlie took it thankfully, taking a large swig. 

“Can you believe that she’s four already? It feels like she was only just born and I was waking up to find out that her mother was gone and that it was only me and her. It was terrifying at the time, but looking back I wouldn’t change it for the world.” He rambled. Owen rested his head on Charlie’s shoulder and Charlie wrapped his arm around the younger boy, pulling him closer.

“You should be proud of yourself Char. You’ve done an amazing job.” Owen complimented, snuggling closer to Charlie as he took a mouthful of his beer.

“You think so?” Charlie questioned. Owen nodded against his shoulder.

“I know so.” He sat up. “Margaux is the most well behaved kid I’ve ever met, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her misbehave once in all the time I’ve known her. She’s an amazing kid and it’s all because she has the most amazing father.”

“Thank you.” Charlie whispered, suddenly realising how close Owen was to him. He could feel Owen’s warm breath on his lips, and he found himself leaning in, the urge to kiss Owen overtaking his entire being. His lips brushed against Owen’s ever so slightly, but before they could properly commit to the kiss they were interrupted. 

“Hey, we’re gonna play...” Tori’s voice came and they jumped apart quickly. She trailed off, eyeing them carefully. “Were you two about to kiss?”

Charlie cleared his throat. Owen’s eyes widened.

“Uh... no?” Owen lied. Tori shot them a suspicious look but clearly decided against pushing.

“Right... well we’re gonna play Cards Against Humanity if you want to join us.” She told them, before turning and heading back inside. Neither Charlie nor Owen moved, the silence was deafening. Finally Owen spoke.

“Sorry.” He muttered quickly, before standing up and rushing inside. Charlie groaned, watching him leave, the feeling of Owen’s lips still lingering on his own.

“Fuck.” He sighed, downing the last of his beer before standing up to join the rest of the group inside.

He would have to deal with the Owen situation later.

#single dad!charlie #single dad!charlie x owen #charlie gillespie #owen joyner #owen patrick joyner #dad!charlie #chowen

[euphoriara]

By Your Side

you turned up with casual clothing the next day. and the first time he saw you with normal clothing, he could only stare with his mouth agape, like a fish out of water. you look smaller with the oversized sweatshirt, hair styled naturally instead of the usual professional look you go for. you're also slightly shorter since you forego the boots you usually wear for a pair of comfortable sneakers. the only thought that ran through his head at the time was "find you a woman who can do both." 

alternatively

you just want to get your job done, but it seems like jungkook is determined to get in your way (and steal a spot in your heart in the process).

pairing: jungkook x bodyguard!reader

genre: action, fluff, tiny pieces of angst sprinkled throughout, bodyguard!au

word count: 22k

warnings: swearing, violence, weapons, abduction, implied/reference to sleeping pills, politics. (it sounds like a lot but it's not too much, promise. they're mostly at the first half of the story)

a/n: ahahahaha hey, i deleted the first part and decided to re-upload it as one part bc posting the second part was giving me a headache so here it is as a one piece instead. apologies to the people who read it before, there was like 7, im sorry lol. hope you can find it again since the first part left at a cliffhanger im so sorry. i still suck at summary but like at this point who's surprised anymore. but here it is, the longest thing ive ever written probably. to the people reading, thank you for giving it a chance, i appreciate it a whole lot, have a good day!

the cold air causes jungkook to nuzzle deeper into his sweatshirt, pulling up the hood to maintain his body temperature. outside of the convenience store, the busy street has started to wind down, only a few stragglers walking home from a long day at work. he pulls up his mask to cover more of his face, gripping the bag of snacks tighter to his body before opening the door. 

when he steps outside, he's too busy ruffling through his snacks to realize there's someone sitting at the plastic chair in front of the store, who quickly stood up when they saw him making his way out. it isn't until he feels the slightest press of cold metal against his back that he realizes something is definitely wrong. 

"just pretend like nothing's going on, walk normally and i won't hurt you." the girl is just as tall as him, whispering the muffled threat right into his ear so nobody else can hear it. from outside perspective, it might look like just two friends catching up with each other, with the girl having an arm slung over his shoulder from behind while her other hand concealed a dagger behind his back.  

he quickly schools his expression into a mask of calm, though his mind is racing with how to escape this situation. he follows her instructions when she subtly shoves a knee to his thigh, signaling him to walk with her. "if you want money, i can give it to you right now. don't hurt me, i promise i won't tell anyone." 

the girl scoffs next to his ear, "be quiet, I'm not letting you go. just listen to me and you won't get hurt. i said that already." 

jungkook tries to hide the tremble in his hand by holding the bags tighter, nodding in response because he's too scared to talk. he's worried if he does try to talk, a sob might escape. 

the girl shifts so she's walking by his side, arm with the weapon now wrapped around his waist, playing into the illusion of a couple taking a walk together. 

unfortunately for jungkook, they didn't encounter anyone on their walk. nobody that he can signify to ask for help.

she leads him into an alleyway, and that's when jungkook's legs start to shake as well, causing him to lag behind. fear starts to course through his veins faster, heart beating a mile a minute.

he sees the girl raises one of her perfect eyebrow, eyes impassively staring at him. the rest of her face is concealed with a mask, just like him and she wears a baseball hat to hide the rest of her hair. "for fuck sake, i told you already I'm not gonna hurt you. you don't have to worry about your pretty little face, alright?" her tone is annoyed, patience clearly running out and jungkook just nods, afraid he might set her off if he doesn't. 

he will himself to walk normally again when he sees another person emerges from one of the dark corners of the alley. a male and he's holding a gun, he realizes right away. he can't help himself when he audibly gulps at the sight of the weapon, fear rooting him in his place, unable to move. 

"don't worry, he's just a precaution so you won't try to run away. we're not stupid." the girl tries to reassure him but all he could think about is the gun that the male has shoved into his jacket pocket. 

they walk by his side now, and with the assurance of a gun, the girl pulls back her knife and shoves it into her pants pocket. jungkook tries to will his mind into coming up with a plan, but he's too scared to try anything with a threat of a gun next to him. 

he scans his surrounding area, but couldn't find any loophole for him to make his escape. they eventually make it into the other side of the road where a black SUV is waiting. she opens the door of the car and gestures with her head, "get in." 

he hesitates in his steps, if he climbs inside, there might not be a chance to escape anymore. 

"i said get in, I'm not asking again." he feels the press of a gun on his lower back and decides to listen. he climbs into the car where somebody is already waiting at the driver seat. another person is sitting next to him, possibly to prevent him from jumping out of the car. 

the male from before hops in next to him, while the girl climbs into the passenger seat in front. 

he takes the down time to memorize details, not that there's many, since everyone in the car, including him are wearing a mask to cover their face and a hat, and have their hood up. each person only reveals a sliver of their eyes, hair hidden away by the hood of their jackets, and hands covered with leather gloves. their whole person is covered by clothing, making sure no skin is exposed.

when the car starts pulling out of the side of the road, the person next to him dangles a black cloth in front of his face. "now jeon jungkook, we need to cover your eyes and tied up your hands to make sure you don't become a loose ends." he faces the girl next to him, her voice is deceptively sweet and jungkook can't tell if she's faking it or not. despite not being able to see her face, he knows she's smiling from the way her eyes crinkle and the revelation brought a shiver up his spine. 

the driver chuckles, causing jungkook to whip his head to stare at them on the reflection of the mirror.

they made a brief eye contact when the person looks back, holding his gaze in curiosity before his vision becomes dark. 

he feels the male next to him shift, taking the bag from his trembling hands and tying his wrists with a cloth. he gives it a few tugs and when he's satisfied, he moves back to rest against the seat. "don't worry 'bout your snacks, pretty boy. I'll keep them safe." his voice is deep, raspy, amusement clear as day. 

he drawled out his words, a clear sign that he's relaxed. jungkook thinks it's unrelatable. 

the whole ride was silent, except for the music playing from the radio. jungkook tries his best to listen to his surroundings in hopes of being able to find clues of where they're taking him. but alas, the sound of the music is loud enough to drown out any other noises. he tries to focus on the direction of the car, tracing it inside his mind from the starting point when he got into the car. 

however, it seems like his captors knew this because jungkook can tell they've been driving aimlessly for the past 20 minutes or so. it's not until 10 minutes later jungkook hears the difference in the road they're driving. briefly, the car drove through gravels before smoothly going back to pavement. and then going back to driving through dirt road.

at this point, jungkook has lost any sense of direction and has no idea where he is and where they're taking him, so he slumps against the seat, trying to come up with something else. he doesn't know what they want with him.

well, he does have an inkling about what they want. 

another 10 minutes later, and the car finally stop. he hears the door being opened and closed, feels the people next to him climb out of the vehicle. except, he stays rooted to his spot, not knowing what to do since nobody instructed him to get out. 

then, a hand reaches out to him, causing him to flinch when he feels someone grabbing his arm. "chill, it's me, come on. get out." it's the guy from before, tugging him by his sweatshirt. 

he feels the gravel beneath his shoes which turn into soft grass after a few steps. when he steps inside the building, the first thing he notices is the smell. smell of old, rotting wood and dust. 

somebody yanks the black cloth off his head, revealing an old empty warehouse with a chair in the middle. that's where he'll be spending his time, he guesses. 

he hears the crinkling of his bag from the side, looking to see the guy from before dumping his snacks into the table next to the window. "minhee, tie him to the chair. I'm just gonna take a look at his taste in snacks." 

the girl who threatened him steps forward, shoving him in the direction of the chair. "sit here, pretty boy." 

the driver from before brushes past his side before he got the chance to move, murmuring, "please don't worry. we're not gonna hurt you. i promise." oddly enough, jungkook believes her. 

after the reassurance from someone he doesn't even know, he complies with the girl, that he now know as minhee. for the first time in the last hour, jungkook finally opens his mouth. "are you not worried about revealing your name like that?" 

minhee raises her eyebrow and scoffs, husky voice laced with amusement, "if it's not safe then do you think he'd have said it?" she yanks the rope around his wrist harshly, "i told you, we're not stupid." she doesn't elaborate, not like jungkook was expecting her to. 

"haeun, did you queue the message?" she turns to look at the girl who sat next to him, the one with the terrifyingly sweet voice. a cheery voice replies from somewhere in the warehouse, "yup! all set. he'll receive the message first thing in the morning!" 

"and did you take care of any possible recording or evidence?" he sees the guy opening one of his chips, turning away from him to pull down his mask to pop a few into his mouth. his voice sounds clearer without the barrier of the mask. 

the sweet one, haeun, scoffs, "what do you think of me, yoongi? an amateur?" he sees yoongi shrugs, "I'm just making sure. no need to be salty 'bout it." 

jungkook is thoroughly confused, why are they using their name so freely like that? are they not worried he'll tell authority about them? though judging from what minhee said, they have reasons to not be worried. he wonders what that means. 

a new voice pipes up from one of the doorways, the girl who drove the SUV. she's the one that hasn't had a name associated with her yet. "yoongi, don't forget to feed him and give him some water." 

yoongi turns around, mask now back in place, and frowns. he sighs loudly before grabbing a container and a water bottle from a bag he didn't notice before. "I don't understand why I'm stuck with the babysitting duty." 

"oh shut up, all you gotta do is feed the kid. it's not that hard of a job." minhee snarks from where she's sitting near the window, eyes glued at the phone in her hand. 

"the kid's hands are tied, how's he gonna eat and drink?" yoongi ignores her, making his way in front of jungkook. "i told you, you feed him." driver says, clearly amused at the way yoongi grumbles and complains. 

begrudgingly, yoongi opens the bottle and tilts it towards jungkook, telling him wordlessly to drink. obviously, jungkook hesitates. what if the drink is poisoned?

the driver answers his question without him having to voice it out loud, "it's not poisoned. we're just trying to keep you away from dehydration and starvation." 

he looks up at yoongi, who has one dark eyebrow raised in question, before deciding to trust her again. seeing how they have kept their promise of not hurting him, he doesn't see why he can't accept the food and water.

yoongi makes him finish the whole bottle of water before feeding him pieces of kimbap. offhandedly, he thinks the kimbap is delicious. so much so that he's tempted to ask his captors where they got them from before resisting the urge to open his mouth and make a fool out of himself.

when he's done eating, yoongi goes back to the table with his snacks, once again facing away from jungkook to probably finish the rest of the chips he opened. the driver speaks up again from where she's standing, now perched next to the snacks table with her hip resting against the side. "don't worry too much, you'll be home in no time and we really do have no intention to hurt you. you're just…" she trails off and stares outside the window. 

"a helping hand to get us what we need." 

and then it clicked in jungkook's mind. he was right, these people wanted money and holding him hostage is a quick and surefire way of getting it. clearing his throat, he decides to brave himself and ask for confirmation himself. "what do you want from me?" he holds the stare of the girl, curious and amused eyes staring back at him. 

it's minhee who answers his question, "it's not what we want from you. it's what we want from your father." she stands up from her seat and sends a cold glare his way. 

"money." 

---

"Good morning Governor Jeon! What a lovely day today, isn't it? What a shame your son isn't able to see the sun himself today! But, don't fret, we can surely change that.

Now, Governor Jeon, all we ask from you is your cooperation and we won't hurt your precious son. Cross our hearts! We know how much you love him, so please don't worry too much. You just have to listen and comply. 

Our only demand is, you guess it! Money! We want $5,000,000 in cash, delivered at an address we'll send to you after confirmation that you had prepared the money. After you give us what we want, we'll send you a location where you can find your lovely boy. He's quite a charmer, isn't he? And his taste in snacks is pretty good, if I say so myself. Sour cream and onion potato chip is delicious.

I must remind you however, do not try to get any authority involved or we can not promise your son will return unharmed. Do not try to trick or fool us, Governor Jeon, we have eyes on you and a gun in the same room as your son. 

We know you're fully capable of giving us what we want so no negotiations, I'm afraid. Once the money reaches the location, open the bag and show us that you're not fooling us and then leave the premises and do not return back. Do not send anyone either or you won't get your son's location.

Now, as I've made clear before, if you or anyone else for that matter, violates one of the rules I've set in this message, I'm afraid your son will have to pay for that Governor Jeon. We would hate for that to happen, wouldn't we?

Anyway, you have 24 hours, starting from the moment you close this message.

Say Governor Jeon, isn't it lucky that the people that got your son are kind people who won't hurt him? Well this time at least. You should up your security around him, don't you think? It was quite easy for our people to get to him. What if somebody else got him again, but they're not as nice as us? You and him would be in big trouble, huh? Consider this as a friendly reminder from friends to friends, yeah?

Lovely time talking to you Governor Jeon! Hopefully we'll see you soon! Here's to no one getting hurt! Wait for our information!

---

jungkook quickly fell asleep last night after finishing his kimbap. it's no brainer since by the time he got to the warehouse, it must have been along the time of 1 in the morning. 

he woke up uncomfortable, back and neck complaining at the awkward angle he had to sleep in. there's a shuffling sound close to him and when he turns his head around, he sees yoongi, with new clothes but still covered from head to toe, walking towards him with another container of food. 

wordlessly, he opens the box, revealing a stack of pancakes with a side of fruits and a bottle of orange juice. he muses that at least they give him good food and one that's appropriate with the time of day. silently, he starts eating the food offered to him, eyes occasionally scanning over the room. though there's really not much to see.

the warehouse is empty save from a few scattered chairs, and a table. he notices the window from last night had been covered this morning, no natural light coming through the gaps. the only source of lightning is the few lightbulbs scarcely hang around the room.

there's a few doors to his right, but he couldn't see what's beyond it. although he can faintly hear the sounds of keyboards clicking from one of the doors, so he guess that's their temporary workspace for now. 

"what time is it right now?" he asks after finishing the last of his orange juice. "almost 10 in the morning. here's to hoping your father fulfill his end of the deal, huh?" there's an underlying threat laced around his playful remarks and jungkook can only sigh at the statement. 

"hopefully, i have assignments to finish and essays to write." at this, yoongi laugh, low and deep. "you sound much more composed than last night." 

that's true, jungkook is a lot calmer now, talking about this whole situation like it's a minor convenience. but it's because he trusts that these people genuinely won't hurt him or they would have done so by now. also because he knows one way or another, his father will somehow get him out of here. 

yoongi seems like he's expecting an answer from him, so he truthfully tells him his reasons. despite not being able to see his lower face, jungkook can tell he's smirking after he finished relaying his thoughts. "yeah well, maybe you should worry. we can't promise we'll let you go unharmed if he doesn't comply." 

that brought his thoughts to a screeching halt, doubts and fears starting to plague his mind again. "we did promise not to hurt you, but only if you and your father listen to our demands. so your second statement is still up in the air. there's no 'one way or another" jeon, there's only one way if you want to get out safely." 

one statement and his facade of bravado crumbles. what if his father doesn't comply? what if he makes a mistakes? what will happen to him? what will they do? 

before he can scares himself further, minhee calls out for yoongi from the other room. 

"that's my cue, be patient, pretty boy. you'll be out of here soon." even in the haze of his anxiety, he can't help but frown at the nickname. "stop calling me that." 

"whatever you say, pretty boy." he hears yoongi's footsteps fade, and sighs to himself again. he cuss himself for forgetting his phone at his coffee table last night, and tries to move his wrists to see if he can loosen the tie. 

unfortunately for him, the knot is too strong. so strong that he thinks it might be the impossible knot. he scans the room for any sign of weapons, only to come up empty. which means two things. one, his captors have all the weapons. and two, he won't be able to defend himself even if he got loose. 

he hears a slight commotion from one of the rooms on his right. a second later, yoongi emerges, walking slowly towards him with his hands inside his pockets. "guess your father cares after all." before jungkook gets the chance to ask him what he means, he feels his eyes getting heavy, mind hazy, unable to fight it when his senses become dull.

"sorry 'bout that." and then everything becomes dark once again.

---

jungkook wakes up to a hand gently tapping his cheeks and a mean cramp in his neck. he slowly blinks his eyes open to see a stranger in a uniform crouching in front of him. when the stranger sees that he's awake, he's quick to gesture other people to start working on his bind, loosening the tight ropes around his wrists and legs. 

"Mr.Jeon? Can you hear me?" he blearily nods at the question, mind too hazy to start speaking just yet. he slowly looks around the room to see crowds of people searching the perimeter. he doesn't see any signs of his captors however, which probably meant that they got away after rendering him unconscious. 

he's lead to a Lexus RX that's parked outside of the warehouse, but not before being bombarded with questions from what he assumed are the paramedics. he tells them that he's fine and that they hadn't hurt him. they run a quick check on him and seem to be satisfied by his answer, letting him climb into the familiar leather of the car.

he tells the driver to drive him to his apartment, head heavily resting against the cushion of the car, "but Mr.Jeon, your father wanted to see you." 

"tell him I'll meet him when i can, right now i just want to go home and rest properly." he doesn't want to deal with his father just yet, not knowing how he's gonna react. would it be anger? concern? indifference? he tries not to think about it too much. 

thankfully his driver listened, sensing the exhaustion rolling off his being, and drove him straight to his apartment without any more questions. 

he slams the door and make sure to check that it's locked before going around his apartment to make sure it's safe. he double checks every window and room, a slight anxiety still lingering at the back of his mind. he makes his way towards the bathroom, planning on taking a shower to rid him of the heavy weight pulling his limbs down. 

on his way to the bathroom, he sees his phone lights up from where it's perched on the coffee table. curious, he snatches the phone to check the message. it's from an unknown number.

"Hey! What did we tell you, we won't hurt you right? We kept our promise! Just messaging you to tell you that Yoongi's sorry about the orange juice. We needed you to be unaware of what we were doing while we were preparing for your retrieval. Oh, and also tell your father to not investigate further too. Or something unpleasant might work it's way to your building. We wouldn't want that, do we? 

And don't even try to track this message, you won't find anything. I guarantee. I'm good at my job. Anyway, don't forget to close your windows and lock your doors, wouldn't want a repeat of last night huh? Alright have a good day now Jungkook!

-Haeun"

he doesn't realize he's trembling until the phone almost slips out of his grasp, the taunts only adding to the growing anxiety at the back of his mind. the fact that she's brave enough to send a message to his phone, with yoongi's and her name in it means she's confident that they can't and won't be tracked. imagining the sweet voiced girl brought another shiver up his spine. he doesn't know why but haeun terrifies him. 

he decides to delete the message and try to forget about the event from the last 24 hours, making a beeline towards the bathroom where he hopefully can wash off the reminder of the exhausting night. 

once he's refreshed from his shower, he flops onto his bed and stares at the ceiling on top of him. he tries to rearrange the chaotic thoughts inside his mind. 

concerningly, he thinks, he's not necessarily afraid of his captors from last night. maybe it's from the way they repeatedly assure him that they're not gonna hurt him. or from the way they fed him actual food, delicious one at that, and water. 

no, it's the thought that he's a pawn in this game that terrifies him. the fact that he's stuck in this game of politics, money and power all because his father is the governor. the thought of being taken by another group that won't be as merciful is scary. years have gone by with his father involved in the politic scene but his family had never been threatened before. should he start worrying now? 

before he can overthink like he usually does, the phone in his hand ping with another message. it's his father, asking for him to meet tomorrow to talk. closing his eyes, he sighs, shooting a quick agreement before trying to fall asleep to the sound of rain that starts pouring outside. 

---

the next day finds him sitting in front of his father, fidgeting hands placed on his lap. his father doesn't mention anything, doesn't ask about what had transpired that night. jungkook can't help but think that his father had changed. 

"i will be assigning you a bodyguard from now on, to ensure your safety." so there won't be a repeat of last time. "she will be with you at all times, except for when you're at home. and even then she will be staying at the apartment in front of yours so you can easily ask for her assistance. you are not permitted to leave and go anywhere without her. understand?" i will not let you cost me my reputation and money again.

his voice is cold, authoritative, daring jungkook to disagree with him. 

jungkook bows his head low, muttering, "i understand," without making eye contact with the man in front of him. one he's not sure he recognized anymore.

"call her in." 

jungkook hears the door open, two people coming in to stand next to his father. he sees you facing him and looks away before you can catch him staring at you. 

"her name is (y/n)." you bow your head in his direction, face carefully blank when you look up again. your hair is styled neatly, suits tailored to fit. "it's nice to meet you Mr.Jeon." he blinks at your voice, not expecting you to speak to him. "oh! uh, nice to meet you too." 

his father claps once to bring the attention back to him, "alright, you're dismissed, you can leave now." 

he quickly stands up, bowing at his father before making a quick exit. the room feels suffocating and cold. he hears you trailing behind him but doesn't turn around until he's in the elevator, going down. 

he debates on how to start a conversation with you, but you beat him to the punch. "no need to worry about making pleasantries with me Mr.Jeon. you can pretend that I'm just a shadow following you." he turns to see you with a slight smile on your face, before trailing his gaze to the holster strapped underneath your suit jacket. 

"right…" he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, "you can call me jungkook. no need to address me so formally like that." 

he sees you nod in confirmation before falling back into awkward silence. for him, at least, it's awkward. but you seem content with it. 

he walks toward the awaiting car in front of the building, his father had sent someone to drive him around in the meanwhile, not yet allowing him to leave on his own. "i heard you're moving to the apartment in front of mine?" he hesitantly asks when you settle into the seat next to him in the car. 

"yes i am. my belongings are being moved right now, actually. i will settle in tomorrow." he nods at your answer. "so, you'll be with me for," he frowns, "24 hours?" 

"not necessarily, i won't be intruding on your personal space that is your apartment, but i will be accompanying you whenever you go outside."

"including university?" he doesn't think he likes the sound of that.

you purse your lips sympathetically, "I'm afraid so." 

he stays quiet after that, looking out the window at the passing scenery to distract himself. he doesn't know what to think of this whole situation. in one hand, he's slightly relieved at the extra protection but on the other hand he's slightly uncomfortable at the thought of being followed everywhere he goes. at least, he thinks, he still has his home as his personal space.

a few minutes pass by in silence before jungkook feels you shifting next to him, body leaning forward to talk to the driver. "someone is tailing the car." 

he guesses you have intended to whisper as to not worry him, but he hears you anyway. body immediately going rigid, he moves to look at you anxiously. "what?"

you lean back after the driver nodded, sending a curt nod his way, "a car has been following us ever since we left your father's building. we will try to shake them off before reaching your apartment." jungkook feels the car turning into a busy highway, now surrounded by more cars than before.

he anxiously glances between you and the rearview mirror, trying to find the car you're talking about, but with various cars in the highway, he can't tell which one is following him. you seem to understand what he's trying to do, "black honda accord." 

he briefly sees the car you're talking about before it slips past him and speeds up, leaving him confused in his seat. when he turns to look at you, he realizes he's not the only one confused by the turn of events. you frown at the fading car, before blinking your expression back into a state of neutral. 

"why did they just, leave? what do they want?" he asks, breaking the tense silence between you. "I'm afraid i don't know either jungkook. don't worry, i have their plates memorized, I'll make sure to tell your father about it." 

the statement doesn't comfort him all that much, but he chooses to stay quiet. soon enough, he reaches his apartment building. he had always thought his apartment is safe, located in a building with strict security, but that doesn't make being followed home any less scary.

when you step out, you make sure to asses the surrounding area first, making sure nobody is following the two of you. once he reaches his apartment door, he asks you one last question. "do i have to call you when i want to go to the convenience store too?" 

he sees a slight amused smile pulling at the corner of your lips, "with all due respect jungkook, it was going into the convenience store by yourself that got you into trouble, so yes, i will be accompanying you to the convenience store too." 

embarrassed, he quickly nods and opens his door, bidding you a good night before disappearing into his apartment. he makes sure to check his whole space again, locking the doors and windows like haeun had reminded him yesterday. 

he falls into his couch, turning on the tv to some news about an anonymous donation to fall asleep to. he lets his eyes close and sleep to overtake him, trying to shake off any remaining anxiety weighing his limbs.

---

having you as his bodyguard is not that bad, jungkook thinks. on the first week, you had been quiet and serious, accompanying him whenever he went to school and hanging back whenever he went out with his friends. though he received some strange looks at school because of your presence, it also brought a sense of security and calm for him. 

after the first week of adjusting with having a bodyguard, he started breaking the ice between the two of you, occasionally striking conversation with you and asking about trivial matters. you were quiet, but you keep up with his conversation well, firing back questions after an answer to keep the conversation going. 

by week three, jungkook considers the two of you as friends. he even managed to convince you to wear normal clothes instead of the suit you always wear, when you're not going somewhere formal. a feat that he's proud of.

"it'll look weird if you wear suits when accompanying me to the convenience store." he had said one afternoon while at the library. he's procrastinating his essay, choosing to strike a conversation with you instead. "this is basically a uniform, jungkook. I can't not wear a uniform while on the job." you leaned back in your seat in front of him, arms crossed in front of your chest. he tries to not let his gaze lingered too much. 

coughing, he averted his attention to the highlighter next to his laptop, "but come on! wouldn't it look suspicious if you keep wearing that everywhere we go? why is it necessary for you to wear a uniform anyway? I'm sure they're not as practical. and they're probably not mandatory for your job." you had sighed but stayed quiet to let him speak.

"don't you need to be more subtle? and i bet it's a lot of work having to put on a suit every time i need to go out to get a cup ramen." he saw you mulling over the proposition before relenting. "fine, I'll start wearing more practical clothing but i still need to wear a suit when it's formal." jungkook nodded, "i understand, don't worry." 

you turned up with casual clothing the next day. and the first time he saw you with normal clothing, he could only stare with his mouth agape, like a fish out of water. you look smaller with the oversized sweatshirt, hair styled freely instead of the usual professional look you go for. you're also slightly shorter since you forego the boots you usually wear for a pair of comfortable sneakers. the only thought that ran through his head at the time was "find you a woman who can do both." 

by the second month of you being his bodyguard, he has started inviting you into his apartment to hang out with him. he often challenges you to play video games with him, competitive nature resurfacing everytime you win. though, he never asked to go to your place and you never offered. 

your presence lets him forget about the events that took place many months ago, providing a calm reassurance everytime he walks. now, he doesn't check his apartment obsessively anymore, merely making sure to lock the doors and the windows. it also lets him feel normal for once. 

despite being someone who works for him, you don't let that become a gap between the two of you, befriending him who sometimes finds it hard to make friends due to his status as the governor's son. 

all in all, jungkook thinks having you as a bodyguard isn't that bad.

---

walking at night doesn't feel as scary as before now, with your warm presence next to him, steps aligned with his. he chatters away about his upcoming project, asking for your opinion once in a while about a certain topic. it isn't until he feels your hand on his bicep that he realizes you had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, eyes cautiously trained in front of you. 

he frowns, turning to look at you, "what's wrong?" he follows your gaze to see two people standing at the other side of the road, appearance reminding him of those people that had captured him all those months ago. a hat, mask and a hood to conceal their identity. hands shoved into their pockets to conceal any weapon they have. 

he tenses when he feels you shift next to him, fight or flight instinct sounding in his head when he sees them slowly making their way over. he's too caught up in his mind to realize that you had drawn out your gun, shoving it into his trembling hands. "jungkook, take this. if any of them tries anything, aim and shoot." 

"wh- what? what about you?" he'd be embarrassed of the tremor in his voice if he weren't so scared. these people don't look nice. 

you throw a smirk his way, "don't worry about me." 

any reply dies on his tongue when he sees one of the people swings their fist towards you, one you quickly dodge by stepping to the side. he sees the other person charging towards him, moving away from the direction he pointed the gun at to tackle him down. 

they both fell to the ground, his back hitting the cold pavement with a loud thud. the male pins jungkook to the ground with his knees, gun having fallen away in the moment of scuffle. he draws back his fist to punch him but jungkook manage to throw him off balance by slamming his knee against his back. he pushes the male away from him, wrapping his arm tightly around their neck while searching for the gun with his other hand. 

he's momentarily distracted when he hears you yelp in pain, looking over to see you hunched over a few feet away from him. he sees the person you're fighting aiming a knife at your shoulder, sending him into panic. when he grabs ahold of the gun, he shots the person in the thigh. 

the knife clatter to the ground, a hiss sounding from the person standing in front of you. he sees you stand up to neutralize them, throwing a punch and stepping on the thigh jungkook had shot before. he then turns to the person in his arms, debating on what to do. the male senses his hesitation, using their strength to throw jungkook over their shoulder, causing jungkook to loses his grip on the gun once again. 

in the moment of weakness, the guy had managed to grab the gun from him, the barrel of a gun now pointing at his forehead. jungkook closes his eyes and brace himself, fear gripping every inch of his body, replacing the adrenaline. 

but the shot never rang. instead he hears a heavy thud, and when he opens his eyes again, you stand in front of him, gun pointed at the guy kneeling in front of you. 

"who sent you?" you ask, voice cold and emotionless, it reminded him of the first sentence you've spoken to him. the person doesn't answer, eyes trained on you while occasionally flickering to his friend still laying on the ground, obviously in pain. 

"you're not gonna answer?" your question sounds more like a statement, and a few seconds after you finished your sentence, jungkook hears the telltale sound of the police cars. you must have alerted the authority the moment you saw them. 

he sees the male nervously glancing around, fidgeting like he's trying to find a way to escape.

"go on, try to run, I'll make sure you end up like your friend over there." bleeding, unable to walk, let alone run. 

slowly, the male moves his hands out, holding it up in the air in surrender. your hold on the gun tightens momentarily before relaxing again when the police arrive to apprehend the two. 

he sees them being handcuffed and lead to the awaiting police car ready to take them to the station. you drop your hand to your side, still clutching the gun in precaution. 

an officer walks towards the two of you, placating hands in front of his body. "are you two okay? do you need medical assistance?" it's not until he mentions it that jungkook notices there's an ambulance parked next to the sidewalk, a few medics tending to the guy he had shot. 

you turn to look at him, scanning him head to toes for any injuries, "do you need medics? are you hurt?" he shakes his head, hands still shaking, "no i- I don't, i don't think so." you frown at his answer, taking a hold of his wrist gently, "still, you need to get yourself check out. let's go." 

jungkook is tempted to hold your hand but managed to refrain from it. he needs some comfort, but he's not sure if he can ask it from you. 

you lead him to the ambulance, the male from before had been taken away to the hospital, so there won't be any awkward encounter between the three of you. "he might have a bruise on his back, he was thrown to the ground twice." you tell the medics. 

he didn't realize he might've been injured too, but your words makes him realize there's a dull pulsing on his shoulder blade and his back. the medic nods, gesturing to his shirt, "may i check?" offhandedly, he nods, letting him lift his shirt to check his back, but moves to grab your hand when you turn to walk away.

"where are you going? you need to get checked out too, you probably sustain more injuries." 

"I'll get checked out later, I'm going to give you some privacy." you smile at him, hand gently prying his from your wrist. 

he furrows his eyebrows, "i don't mind, really. you should really get yourself checked." he eyes the cuts and bruises on your knuckles. "did you know your knuckles are bruised?" 

you look down at your hands, chuckling to yourself. "did you forget this is my job, jungkook? this is not a big deal." 

thankfully, the other medic is quick to agree with jungkook. "come here, let me tend to your wounds." she doesn't let you disagree, sitting you down and making quick work to clean the scrapes on your hands. 

he hisses when he feels someone poking the bruise on his shoulder blade, "just some minor bruising on your shoulder and your left lower back. when you get home, you should ice it and rest to let it heal by itself." he quietly nods and watches as his medics move to help tend to you. 

"and you, miss? any other injuries besides the knuckles?" he asks as he crouches behind you. 

you turn your head to the side, pondering the question. "probably just some bruising too since he managed to get a couple of punches." 

the medic nods, "is it okay if i check your torso?" you purse your lips, eyes flickering to jungkook at the back of the ambulance. "sure."

jungkook averts his eyes when the medics start to lift your shirt, only looking back when the male starts talking again. "there's a shallow laceration on your side, quite a few bruises too. do they hurt?" 

"not that much." 

he sees them nod, "alright we'll take care of the bleeding wounds and then you can go. don't forget to let the bruises heal." 

a few minutes later, you're walking home, side by side. he eyes the gauze around your knuckles, heart heavy with guilt.

"I'm sorry." he mutters. 

you stop to look at him, eyebrows raised in question. "for what?" "you got hurt protecting me." 

"it's my job, jungkook. you don't have to feel sorry." he sighs, kicking at nothing. "i know, but still." 

you place a comforting hand on his biceps, "and it's not your fault. don't beat yourself up." he can only nod at your statement, still uneasy at the thought of you getting hurt. the rest of the walk is blanketed with silence, millions of thoughts running through his head. he thinks about who those people were, about what they wanted. he shivers at a particular thought. what if you hadn't been there with him? what if he were alone, like that night at the convenience store? 

he doesn't want to think about it. 

when he arrives at his doorstep, you place a hand on his shoulder to stop him from entering his house. "don't forget to ice your back." jungkook blinks, he just remembered that. how is he gonna ice his own back?

he sees amusement dancing in your eyes, it's like you can read his mind. "do you need help?" 

embarrassed, he quietly nods, opening the door and inviting you in. 

"lay down on the couch, I'll get the ice." 

he complies wordlessly, laying on his stomach on the plush couch and closing his eyes. he hears you move around in the kitchen, and struggles to keep his eyes open. he hears you ask him if it's okay for you to lift his shirt, answering the question with a short grunt. 

you lift the shirt off his back, hissing when you see the bruise on his shoulder. "damn," is the only thing you say before placing the ice pack at the right spot. he tenses for a moment at the cold sensation, before melting back into the couch. "didn't they say there's another bruise, jungkook? where is it?" 

at the mention of his other bruise, his eyes pop open, realizing where it's located. "uh…" 

he waves his hand around, "don't worry about that one, i can take care of it." he can't see you but he's sure you're frowning in confusion. "i thought they said it's on your lower back?" 

"ye- yeah. yeah it is. it's um…" he's too embarrassed to tell you it's on his butt. "don't worry it's fine." 

it's silent for a few minutes, jungkook thinks you might let it go but then he hears you trying to stifle your laughter. he pouts, "don't laugh! i fell on my butt when he threw me off his shoulder!" 

you let out a single laughter before composing yourself, patting jungkook on the head. "it's okay. that's good actually, you didn't fall on your tailbone and risk injuring it." he hums at the compliment, good point, kudos to him for moving his body slightly to the side when he was up in the air.

"you sure you don't need my help compressing it?" you tease, moving off the couch back to the kitchen. "m'sure." 

"do you want warm milk, jungkook?" you call from the kitchen. "yes please!" milk sounds nice right now. 

when you come back, you place the warm cup of milk on the coffee table, "i put some honey in it, like in that movie you showed me last week." jungkook's heart clenches, you're so cute. he mutters a thanks to his folded arms, trying his best to keep his eyes open. "I'm gonna go home now, rest and take care not to aggravate your bruise too much, okay?" 

he moves his head to the side, "do you need help? with your own bruises?" you shake your head on your way to the door, "nah, it's fine. i can do it myself, i didn't get thrown to the pavement." he throws another pout your way. 

"good night, jungkook." the door closes before he can say it back.

---

a few weeks pass by without any more incidents, his body returning back to its normal condition in just a few days. for a couple of days, you diligently helped him iced his shoulder, not forgetting to tease him about the one on his butt each time. 

everytime he offered to help you with your own injuries, you always shot down the idea, telling him you can take care of yourself. so jungkook decided he'll help by going out less to let you rest a bit more, so your cuts and bruises can take their time to heal. 

he invited you over more often, offering to watch movies together with him or to play video games. sometimes you had to decline, telling him that you still have some things to do, but more often than not you'll sigh and roll your eyes fondly before agreeing. 

this week however, he hadn't seen you that much except for when you accompanied him to school. mostly because he had been cooped up in his own apartment, only leaving for his exams in the morning, studying and focusing on his big project for the rest of the day. 

he'd given you a heads up before the week started, as to not worry you when he doesn't knock on your door to ask to go the mall. 

"I'm gonna be pretty busy next week," he had said over a plate of fried rice, sitting on his dining table with you across from him. you raised one eyebrow in question. "finals week means i have to study everyday and i have to finish a project I've put off long enough."

he chewed the fried egg, gulping it down before continuing, "so i probably won't go anywhere except for school. think of it as like a vacation for you." you had nodded and smiled at him, but didn't say anything, scooping up more rice onto your spoon. jungkook didn't notice your smile didn't reach your eyes.

today is the last day kf exams for him, every finals done and project sent to his professor 15 minutes before the deadline. he flops down into the floor in a heap, exhaustion rolling off every inch of his body. he had only gotten a total of 25 hours of sleep this week, and had not been taking care of himself properly. 

he groans and stands up when he hears his stomach grumbles, making his way to the kitchen to look for some food. there's a slight headache at the back of his head, vision blurring for a moment before returning to normal. he shakes it off as exhaustion, opening the fridge only to see it empty. he tries the cupboard but comes up with the same thing. 

throwing his head back, he decides he'll have to go out to get some food, it's not too late at night yet, clock showing 8:15. walking to the door to get you, his vision blurs again when he reaches his door, hand gripping the doorknob to prevent him from falling. he definitely needs to get you now. 

when he opens the door, he finds you conversing with someone in the hallway, opening the door to let them in. he can't exactly hear what you're saying but the other voice causes a flicker of familiarity to light in the back of his mind. your eyes quickly snap to him when you realize he's standing behind the person, widening in surprise and… nervousness? fear?

he was about to ask you who it is when the person turns to look at what made you freeze, jungkook's body going rigid at the realization. the voice, the eyes, he remembers them, memories from the events all those months ago surges to the front of his mind. his vision blurs again, this time slowly going dark around the edges. only one name crosses his mind.

"minhee."

---

you watch as jungkook's body goes rigid when he sees minhee turning around, he had obviously recognized her. you hear him mutter her name before going limp and move to catch him before he collapses, supporting his weight so he won't fall to the ground and hurt himself. grunting, you adjust his body in your arms, "minhee, a little help?" 

she sighs loudly, moving to stand next to him and slinging his arms around her shoulder to help you carry him to your apartment. "the fuck are we supposed to do now?" she asks, kicking open the door and helping you move him to your couch. "i have no fucking idea." 

your mind races with all the possibilities, trying to come up with a solution to the new problem in your hand. you unceremoniously drop him to your couch, feeling his forehead to check his temperature. he doesn't have a fever, though he look pale and exhausted. you figure he hasn't been taking care of himself. 

haeun emerges from the kitchen, holding a bowl of seasoned popcorn. she munches and raises her eyebrow at the sight, "what's going on?" she looks at the boy on your couch, "why's he here?" 

you pinch the bridge of your nose, pacing in front of the door while minhee sits on the chair next to the tv. she answers haeun question for you, "pretty boy here, recognized me and then fainted." 

haeun chuckles, "he fainted because he saw you?" 

"no, i think he fainted from exhaustion and possibly dehydration, seeing minhee just add to the shock. how long do we got until he wakes?" minhee clicks her tongue, "few minutes? maybe? I don't know but you need to figure something out, quick."  

you talk out loud so minhee can hear you, maybe her opinion can help. "well, one thing for sure is we can't let him go and pretend nothing happened, can we?" she shakes her head no. 

"but, maybe we can? i can just say that he hallucinated because he was tired? do you think that would work?" she shrugs her shoulders. 

"do you think he'll believe me if i told him that?" she nods her head yes. 

you stop your pacing, "what? you think he'll believe me if i told him he hallucinated?" she plasters an innocent look on her face, blinking at you from where she sits. "i think so. pretty sure he'd believe you if you tell him the cashier at downtown McD is an alien." 

you tilt your head to the side, not understanding what she meant. "what?" before she can respond, haeun places a glass of water on the coffee table and you shoot her a grateful look. "okay you know what, you two go hide in my room. I'll try to see if i can get him to believe nothing happened." 

"no, he's not that stupid. you know that's not gonna work," a voice is heard from your doorway, and when you turn to look, it's yoongi with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

you groan in frustration, "then what am i supposed to do, yoongi?" 

sighing, he walks into your apartment, closing the door behind him. "I don't know yet but i think we should take him with us." he stares at the sleeping boy on your couch, using his shoes to nudge his knee. "it's too big of a risk if he knows and we let him go, you know that. we can't let him walk around with that knowledge, not yet. he now knows of your identity and hers. we'll figure out what to do after our main goal is done." 

minhee and haeun stay quiet, letting the two of you figure out what to do with the governor's son. "if we disappeared, they would no doubt be suspicious of me, and then my cover will be blown." yoongi sits at the table, legs crossed, "I'm sure you can figure out a reason, right?" 

you drop your head to your hands, racking your brain for any solutions. "whatever you come up with, you know I'll be able to help you with." haeun offers, watching your eyebrow furrows in deep thought. 

you look at jungkook, it's been a few minutes and he hasn't woken up yet, which probably means he won't wake up for a little while. 

hesitantly, you let them know of your plan, "i can tell his father he's going on a trip with some of his friends to celebrate and that I'll be accompanying him. I'll tell him he won't be able to reach us because we're going somewhere secluded but I'll keep him updated and that it's an impulse trip." 

you turn towards haeun, "can you deal with the logistics of all of that? tie up any loose ends and cover any tracks so he won't get suspicious. I'm going to message him right now and see what his response is and then we can go on from there." 

haeun nods, and you trust her. you trust that she'll be able to handle it, she's good at her job after all, and a genius on top of that. you quickly send the message, receiving a reply in less than 5 minutes. 

"Alright, keep him safe. I'll transfer the expense to you once you return. Tell him not to do anything stupid." 

you scoff at the response, you can't believe that would actually work. he doesn't question why jungkook didn't tell him himself? doesn't question jungkook going on an impulse trip with his friends? you wonder about his relationship with jungkook. 

but you guess right now, it's a good thing that he doesn't question you and he trusts you that much. 

"minhee, can you pack me my bags? in case anyone checks, we need to keep up the illusion of going on a trip. I'll go to his apartment to pack his." she nods and makes her way to your room, while you order yoongi to keep an eye out for him. 

you quickly walk to his apartment to pack his bag, grabbing only the necessity and some pieces of clothing, turning off all the lights and electronic appliances and taking his phone and laptop with you. once you're done, you walk back to your door, briefly musing about the security cameras. you'd need haeun's help to take care of that later. 

when you get back to your apartment, you see minhee holding two bags, standing next to yoongi while jungkook stays fast asleep on your couch. you shove the bags you're holding to haeun so you can lift jungkook with yoongi, making sure everyone have their mask on before leaving the apartment. you tell them not to wear their hood as to not rouse any more suspicions and make your way to the parking lot downstairs where you deposit him in the passenger seat of your car. 

fortunately, you didn't meet anyone on your way down or you'd have a hard time explaining the unconscious boy in your arms. climbing in to the driver seat, you pull out of the parking lot, driving to a place you know to be safe. 

"haeun, can you take care of the security footage?" she hums from the backseat, "don't worry I'm already working on it." you nod at her words, glancing at the boy next to you. 

"I'm sorry, Kook."

---

when you reach your house, you take jungkook to your bedroom to let him rest and ask minhee to get some water for when he wakes up. you need to assess the situation after he wakes up too, to determine if he remembers what happened or not, maybe you can still convince him that nothing had happened and take him back. 

10 minutes later, you see jungkook stir as yoongi and minhee steps outside your bedroom, so you gesture for them to hurry up. when jungkook fully wakes up, they're both hidden from sight, door closing quietly behind them. 

he groans from his position on your bed, hand coming up to rub his forehead. you sit next to him on the floor, tentatively touching his shoulder. "jungkook?" 

he jolts when he hears your voice, scrambling to put a gap between the two of you. "hey, hey it's okay. you're alright, you're safe." he keeps quiet, eyes wary, and you can't tell if he remembers seeing minhee or not. you keep talking in a soft voice to placate him, "you're okay. you fainted from exhaustion in front of my door. i heard a knock and when i opened the door, you collapsed before i could ask you what happened." 

you place your arms on the bed, showing him you're not gonna hurt him. "you look really pale when i opened the door, do you want some water?" you gesture to the glass on your nightstand. 

he furrows his eyebrows, glancing at his surrounding, confused eyes scanning the room. you think he might have forgotten until he opens his mouth, "are you gonna poison me?" 

you freeze, blinking at him. "what are you talking about? of course not, why would i?" 

he blinks back at you, face blank and void of emotion. "so you can use me as a "helping hand" to get what you need." he repeats the word you said to him that night, proving that he remembers. you try to play it off, "jungkook, i really don't understand what you're saying."

hesitation flicker in his eyes for a moment before disappearing again, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "minhee," is the only thing he says. 

you frown, "who?" "the tall girl in front of your door earlier." you purse your lips, he remembers. 

you sigh, dropping your shoulder and gesturing to the water, "at least drink some water first, i promise you it's not poisoned." you reassure him the same way you did that night. 

he doesn't move so you take the glass, taking a gulp of water to prove its harmless before offering it to him. he eyes the glass with distrust, gazing at you for a few moments before taking it from your hand. you notice he tries to not make any contact with the hand you have wrapped around the glass.

"jeon jungkook, if you don't forget and pretend nothing happened, i can't let you go." you sit at the couch on the left of the bed, putting more space between you so he'll be more comfortable. you put on your persona and offer him a chance to walk away.

he scoffs at your statement, "where am i? and what the fuck are you talking about? you want me to forget that you were with the person who captured me all those months ago? and goes on with you as my bodyguard? don't you think i need an explanation?" he slams the glass on the table, hand raking through his hair in frustration.

the way he phrases it captures your attention, does he not know that you were also there?

"you're in my room, and if i tell you, jeon jungkook, i can't let you leave this house. i don't want you to get more involved than you already are." 

"stop calling me that!" he nearly shouts. you widen your eyes in surprise at his volume. 

he lowers his voice, hands gripping the sheets underneath him, "don't call me jeon jungkook, don't put distance between us." 

softening your eyes, you cross your legs, softly calling his name, "i can't tell you, jungkook." he snaps his gaze towards you, recognition dawning on him.

he throws his arms up in the air, "even if you don't tell me, there's no way you can let me go anyway, right? i know about you and minhee, i know you were the one driving the car." 

there it is. confirmation. 

"but if i tell you, you'll get tangled in this mess." 

he scoffs, "like I'm not already?" 

"you might hate me if i tell you," you worry, biting your lips in an effort to not let it all spill out. the moonlight shines through the blind on your window, providing a dim light that illuminates the room. there it is, the reason you're so hesitant on telling him.

he purses his lips, "what makes you think i don't already?" 

your heart drops to your stomach at his words, tears unconsciously welling up at the corner of your eyes. 

it's a fear of yours that manifested the moment he invited you over to play games. a worry at the back of your mind when he convinced you to wear casual clothes. you know you shouldn't have let your guard down so easily, but he had been scared, lost, sad, lonely. so you give in, opening your heart for him to nestle himself in.

you close your eyes and will them back, fisting the blanket on your couch. eventually you nod, deciding you owe him an explanation at the very least. "okay."

"that night, we staged the capture. we were never planning to hurt you in any way, money also wasn't the reason." you see him starting to relax, hands fiddling with the string on his sweatpants. "we needed your father to hire someone to protect you, so i can infiltrate my way in to gather intels. we have someone on the inside, someone who will make sure I'll be the one he chooses. i also needed to keep an eye out on you to determine if you were involved." 

"the two people who attacked a few weeks ago wasn't us. they were people who wanted to get you because they realized your father will pay them if they managed to get their hands on you." 

he knows that, but keeps quiet, letting you continue with your explanation. 

you stay silent for a minute, before, "your father is involved in multiple cases of money embezzlement. he had been taking funds from a few public projects, and had also been receiving bribe money from certain companies." jungkook freezes at the reveal, mind going numb at the information.

"we are here to gather information, to reveal it to the public in due time. we are also working to expose the authority so that when we come out with the evidence, it won't be swept under the rug." you shift in your seat, wringing your hands in front of you. "i figured you weren't involved and had no idea about it." 

it's a question masks as a statement. dazed, he shakes his head. "he started doing it one year ago, and our mission had been on going for around half of that time. our information wasn't enough just yet, so we needed a way in. i had been collecting evidence, sending them to my team for them to process."

jungkook is still bewildered, mind starting to connect the dots. before he can spiral, however, you intervene his thoughts, "don't worry jungkook, the illegal money is all in an offshore account and had never been used until that night with the 5 million dollars and to pay people to keep quiet about his secret." 

he snaps his gaze towards you at the mention of the ransom money, "what did you do with those money?" 

you smile sympathetically at him, "we gave it back to the institution." his mind flashes back to the news of an anonymous donation the next day after the incident and a small weight lifted off his shoulder.

you sigh, leaning back on your seat. "I'm sorry to say but right now, you're in my room, in my house. not the apartment." 

he blankly stares at you, waiting for more explanation. "unfortunately we can't let you walk around with this knowledge, not now. but once we reach our main goal, I'll make sure you'll be able to leave safely. please believe me when i say we won't hurt you." your words are sincere, eyes gazing at his to convey your honesty.

he hears the door to your room open before he could open his mouth, two people walking in. the smooth voice of minhee cuts through the air, laced with amusement, "so I'm guessing your plan of lying to him didn't work?" 

you glare at her from your spot, "don't act like you didn't hear our conversation min." you lay down on the couch, eyes closing in exasperation. "so, what are we supposed to do now?" he recognizes the voice as haeun, a slight shiver running down his spine.

"I'm not gonna say anything." he hopes he sounds convincing enough. 

minhee scoffs, rounding the room to sit next to you, lifting your legs and placing them in her lap. "even so, we can't risk it. our identity is on the line, you have to stay here under surveillance until we can figure out what to do with you." 

"i don't see any reason why you need to keep me captive if i promise not to tell anyone. nobody will know and your identity will be safe if I'm the only one who know," he argues back, he knows it's probably pointless but it's worth a shot.

"he has a point," you mutter, haeun coming over to lay herself on top of you, crushing you with her weight. minhee swats at her but doesn't complain.

"absolutely not, we can't let him go." a new voice speaks out from the doorway. when jungkook turns his head to look, he found three males standing there, one he recognized as his driver. 

he suppresses his gasp at the fact. they walk into the room, closing the door behind them. 

"and why not?" you question from under haeun, who is squishing your cheeks with her palms, like you're too cute for her to handle. jungkook doesn't understand why she's doing that. 

"he knows too much, simple as that." it clicked in his mind when he hears the drawl of the voice. it's yoongi. 

you sound more muffled now, "but he's not gonna tell anyone, i believe him." his heart skips a beat at your declaration. yoongi raises his eyebrow at him, "yeah? but i don't." 

minhee is the one who speaks up next "so how long are we planning to keep him here?" 

yoongi shrugs and drops to the floor in a starfish position, "as long as it needs." 

his mind reels, for the topic of conversation right now, all of you seems to be very relaxed, not worried about jungkook running away and ratting you out to someone. you're basically in a cuddle pile for fuck sake. he confusedly look around, catching the eye of his driver who lift his hand to wave at him. 

"oh yeah, that's taehyung. he's also one of us. he's the one who's in charge of getting the information at first, but when we realized it won't be enough, we had to find another way." you had successfully pushed haeun away from you, rolling over so you're now lying face down on the carpet. you sigh loudly "yoongi, what are we supposed to do next?" 

the man in question snorts from his place, "i don't fucking know, isn't it your job to figure it out?" 

jungkook can stand up right now, he realizes. he can stand up and bolt out the door and away from whatever this is since all of you are distracted. oddly, he doesn't feel the need to. 

you roll over on your back, "oh! and that last guy is jimin." the guy in question lift his hand and wave, offering jungkook a friendly smile. 

"so you basically kidnapped me, again?" jungkook asks as he leans back on your bed, staring at the navy blue sheets. 

"uh… i guess? in a way?" you sound so confused, so unsure, it reminded him of the other version of you he thought he knew. he realizes the two of you would need to talk it out later. 

"you're not worried about my father?" 

"oh, well, you see, i told him that you impulsively decided to go on a trip with your friends to somewhere where we can't be reached, but i told him I'll keep him updated and he agreed." 

he nods, storing that information for pondering later when he can't sleep at night. 

the room is quiet after that, each person caught up in their own world. he sees haeun poking minhee in the face, while the girl type something in her phone. taehyung, his former driver is conversing quietly with jimin while you and yoongi appear to be asleep. 

he sighs loudly to announce that he is, in fact, still here, garnering your attention from the floor. "this is too much information for one night, can you all leave, i would like to be alone." 

they all wordlessly stand up from their spot, yoongi had to be pulled up by both minhee and taehyung, and steps outside your bedroom.

except for you. 

you scooch so you're sitting next to the bed, staring up at him, "please don't try to run away or you might get hurt in the process. we have plenty of surveillance and guards that will prevent you from leaving and i can't promise they won't hurt you while doing so." 

he holds your gaze, reading the emotion behind it before closing his eyes. "fine but we need to talk." 

nodding, you gently take his hand in yours. "i know, we'll talk tomorrow okay? you should get some rest, you did faint after all."

you stand up, letting go of his hand and walking out the door, "finish the water, I'm going to get you some food and then you can go to sleep." 

the door shuts behind you, leaving jungkook alone with his thoughts. he wanted badly to stay awake and process all the information but after finishing his meal, his eyes can't help but droop and he decides this time to let sleep overtake the chaos in his mind.

---

when he wakes up the next morning, the curtains are drawn, letting him sleep undisturbed by the blazing sun outside. he rolls over and groans, trying not to think about his situation too much or else his head will explode. 

for now, he's just gonna go out on a limb and give you a little bit of his trust, you said you trusted him last night with the identity of you and your whole team, despite how dangerous it is if people found out so he thinks he'll give you back that trust, even just a little bit. 

he was about to fall asleep again, the plush bedding and warm blanket lulling him back before the door cracks open and someone walk in. he pretends to be asleep, not knowing who it is. 

he feels the bed dip at his side, a hand caressing his head gently. he will his body to relax so the person won't realize he's awake.

"Kook, I'm sorry." it's you, whispering because you think he's still asleep. "i didn't want you to get involved in this mess but I guess… i guess I'd gotten you involved the moment i became your guard, huh?" you're rambling to yourself, hand still gently stroking his hair. "Or maybe the moment i decided to staged that incident." 

he hears you sigh, low enough that he thinks you still don't know he's awake but loud enough that he can feel your frustration through it. "i really am sorry, Kook." you whisper one last time, before standing up and tucking the blanket around his shoulder. he hears the door close, and opens his eyes, staring at the wall in front of him. 

it's the first time you call him by his nickname.

///

you watched as his friends drove away, waving from inside the car and shouting at the top of their lungs despite only being a few steps away. "bye, kook! We'll see you later! Don't forget to send us your part of the project or I'll hunt you down!" he laughed at the threat, shouting back his confirmation before turning back to you. "come on, let's get inside before we freeze out here." he ushered you inside, bright smile still plastered on his face. 

when the both of you were standing in the elevator, you turned to face him to see a thoughtful look on his face. "hey, (y/n)." you hummed in answer. "we're friends, right?" 

you blinked at his question, honestly not knowing the answer yourself but he had continued, not waiting for you to answer. "you know, i was thinking, since we're friends, why don't you just call me by my nickname? it's probably a hassle to call me by jungkook all the time, right?" 

you hesitated in answering him, because you don't know if you can. it's a warning that minhee gives you everytime she comes over, "don't get too comfortable." it floats around in your mind, plastering itself at the front of your head everytime you give in to his request in trying to befriend you. 

he silently stared at you, waiting for your answer. you pursed your lips, trying to lightly brushed it to the side without hurting his feelings too much. "hm, i don't know jungkook. i think I'll stick to calling you by that name, i need to maintain an air of professionalism, right?" 

his shoulder dropped at your answer, turning his body to stare at the elevator door in front of him. he sounded dejected when he replied, "yeah… i guess you're right." 

not wanting for him to be upset, you quickly reassured him, "but i am your friend, jungkook. just because I'm not calling you by your nickname doesn't mean I'm not." he's still tensed at your response, nodding to signified he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. 

you wordlessly complied with his request and he eventually let it go, never bringing it up again in conversation.

///

he ignores the loud chatter inside his mind, all the confusion and doubts cruising through his head. he'll make sure to talk to you later to quiet them. for now, he's going to get some breakfast. looking at the clock which read 8:43, he stands up from your bed, making his way to the door. 

only to realize he's completely unfamiliar with the house and won't know where the kitchen is. he debates on waiting for someone to get him, but his grumbling stomach protests his decision, causing him to try to brave through the house by himself. 

opening the door to your room, he's greeted by an empty house. he takes his time admiring the place, it doesn't look too big, but it does look luxurious. with marble flooring and ivory walls, the house looks like it's sparkling. he turns right to make his way down the stairs, observing the left of your room has another set of stairs that go up. 

he finds himself in what he assumed to be the living room, a place that looks more cozy down here than when he's looking at it from above. he sees a door at the side of the room, walking towards it when he hears people talking. 

he walks into the space to see haeun placing two slices of bread at the side of taehyung's face while jimin sits at the counter, giggling. "what are you?" haeun screams. taehyung answers with a deadpan and blank face, "I'm an idiot sandwich." causing jimin to laugh harder, folding in on himself, jungkook fears he might tumble off his chair. 

"okay, I'm not eating that bread, it touched tae's face. haeun! stop wasting our bread!" he doesn't realize that minhee is standing by the fridge with a bowl of cereal in her hands. "it's fine, this is tae's bread." the male sighs, taking the bread from haeun and walking over to the toaster. he pops the bread into the toaster before turning around, catching sight of a confused jungkook standing at the doorway.

"oh hey, you're awake. help yourself to some breakfast. we've got plenty." he gestures to the array of food on the table, ranging from fried rice to waffles. "why is there so much food?" is the first question that comes out of his mouth. 

"soomin stress cook." minhee answer simply, grabbing a piece of bacon and french toast and plopping them into her empty bowl. jungkook shrugs when nobody else bothered to elaborate, grabbing a plate and scooping a plate of fried rice and some noodles on the side. "dining room that way." taehyung points to the hallway that leads to the side, "(y/n) is there, i think." 

he nods at taehyung in thanks, making his way to the dining room after grabbing a glass of milk for himself. he sees you sitting at the table in the middle of the room, laptop and documents splayed out in front of you while you mindlessly munch through your plate of waffles and fruits. two other people sit at the table with you, yoongi on one side and another girl he doesn't recognize on the other. 

yoongi notices his presence first, gesturing for him to sit down at the table in front of him. jungkook frowns, is he allowed to be here right now? it seems like you're working. "yes you're allowed, we're not working on anything confidential right now." yoongi answers, apparently he had voiced his question out loud. 

nodding, he sits on the table, occasionally glancing at you from the corner of his eyes. you smile at him when he catches your eyes, mouthing "we'll talk later, i promise" before going back to your laptop. 

"hello, my name is soomin. i don't believe we've met yet." he snaps his gaze to the girl who just spoke, offering an awkward smile her way. "oh, uh. I'm. I'm jungkook." 

she smiles warmly at him, "i know, I've heard about the situation, don't worry. i believe (y/n) told you everything already, right?" he shyly nods. 

"then please don't worry, we won't hurt you as long as you don't try anything." his body goes rigid at the thinly veiled threat, hand freezing with the spoon tightly grasped between his fingers. "soo, don't scare him like that, i already talked to him." you step forward when you see him react, trying to quell the tension that suddenly fills the room. 

soomin smiles at him before looking back at you, "i know. I'm just making sure. this is our whole team we're talking about here so i just want to make it clear." 

you close your eyes and sigh, "i… i know. i just." he turns his gaze to see you biting your lips, eyes staring at the dark wood in front of you. 

"I'm so sorry." your apology sounds so small that he's sure he wouldn't have heard it if it weren't for the stillness of the room. soomin's gaze softens, hand moving to squeeze yours that lay on top of the documents, "no, hey. it's okay. it's not your fault."

there's an odd feeling sitting on his chest. a stuffiness that he can't explain everytime he hears you apologize. he decides he doesn't like it. doesn't like it when you blame yourself, doesn't like it when you sound so small like that, doesn't like it when you keep things from him. 

yoongi purses his lips at the exchange, "soo, let's go to the kitchen to get some more coffee?" he stands up with his plate and mug, (y/n)? you can take a break and enjoy your breakfast." soomin nods, leaving the two of you alone in the big dining room. 

you close the laptop in front of you, gathering the papers into one neat pile before storing them in a briefcase he didn't notice were there. the two of you stay quiet for a while, each enjoying your own breakfast at your own pace. 

eventually it's you who break the silence, "any questions you wanted answer to, jungkook?" 

he ponders it for a while, starting with "was the you i knew then was real?" 

you frown into your plate, lips forming an adorable pout that had jungkook almost cooing at the sight. "well, yeah. why wouldn't she be real?" 

he purses his lips, "did you befriend me because you have to?" this time you shake your head, "no. in fact, i wasn't supposed to. i was actually told time and time again to keep my distance." 

he gulps at your confession. 

"but i chose to be your friend anyway, because…" "because?" 

you look up to meet his gaze, honesty coloring your eyes, "because i wanted to. and because i saw that you needed, no, wanted a friend too." his gaze softens at that. 

you continue, "everything between us was real, it wasn't because it was my job to be your friend, gain your trust and betray you in the end. i-" stuttering, you bring up your hand to wipe a stray tear. "i didn't want to hurt you, even though i guess in the end, i would have regardless." 

because in the end, your goal is to take down his father, essentially betraying him in a sense. befriending jungkook wasn't part of the plan, it was something you didn't see happening while you were mulling over the plan to take down the governor. 

jungkook stays quiet, processing the information you just laid out for him. you stand up with your plate, sensing the conversation is over for now. when you pass by him, you place a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it once to provide reassurance. just before you walk out of the dining room, you ask "and jungkook, you know that I have to reveal it to the public, right?" i have to take down your father, is left unsaid.

he nods because he knows. no matter what, the people need to know about the corruption, the authorities need to do something about it, and his father needs to own up to his actions. 

you nod at him, sending a quick smile before leaving him by himself so he can think.

---

a few hours later, he finds you crouching in the garden next to the house, watering and tending to a variety of vegetables. he hesitates on how to strike up a conversation. 

"so, uh, the bedroom I'm staying in is yours?" you flinch when you hear his voice, not expecting someone else to be in the garden with you. you look up at him from your position, hands midway to picking a tomato off its vines, "oh! uh yeah." he nods awkwardly, eyes scanning the content of the garden. "where are you staying then?" 

you pick the remaining ripe tomatoes off, placing it in the basket next to you, soomin is going to be overjoyed that they've grown so well after that disastrous harvest. "in the guest bedroom next to the dining room. it's usually unoccupied so i can stay there as long as i need." 

he crouches down next to you, grabbing a tiny shears to help. you watch curiously from the side, wondering if he knows which one to pluck off and which one to leave behind. you pull out the pesky weeds next to your precious cucumbers, keeping an eye on jungkook to make sure he's not going to accidentally ruin your crops. soomin will murder both of you. 

curiouslyly, he knows exactly what to do with his tiny shears, removing the excess branches and cutting off any dead leaves and buds. "can you show me around later? around the house? it's… uh… a pretty large house." 

you eye the patch of leafy greens at the side, debating if you should pick them today or leave it another week. "yeah okay, sure." 

the air is tensed between the two of you, but you can't exactly pinpoint the reason. is it you? did the talk affect you more than you thought? or maybe jungkook just doesn't trust you anymore, given the circumstances. maybe he decided that you're-

you feel him grabbing your wrist before you can finish your thoughts, staring at his wide eyes in front of you. "you were spacing out while holding a scissors." frowning, you look down to see that you are indeed holding a scissor that look too close to your other hand for comfort. you mumble, "sorry." 

jungkook huffs at that, gentle but stern when he talks, "why do you say sorry so much? i don't think you have anything you need to apologize for." widening your eyes, you stare back at him, not understanding what he's saying. he sighs at your expression, shaking his head at you before continuing with his task. 

you decide to let it go for now when you see his annoyed expression, watching as he cuts dead leaves off your cucumbers plants. curious, you ask, "how do you know about pruning?" 

he huffs a laugh this time, "i think even without gardening knowledge, anybody will know that you need to cut off these stems and leaves." 

"yeah, but you pruned the branches of the tomatoes, the new ones." he hums at your question, "i used to help my mom when she worked in her garden." you blink at the unexpected answer, you don't think you've ever heard him talk about her in all the months you've worked alongside him. 

a small "oh" leaves your lips, not wanting to pry any further. it garners an amused smile from him. "currently, she's in another country, had been for the last two years. but we keep in contact quite often." 

you purse your lips from trying to ask a question but it seems like he reads it on your face anyway, "they both have a pretty good relationship, he's pretty supportive of her pursuing her interest." and he leaves it at that. 

the two of you work in silence for the next few minutes, making sure there's no pests or weeds left that risk ruining your, well soomin's, perfect garden. 

you stand up once you're done, almost falling over when you realize your legs fell asleep while you were working. thankfully, you caught yourself, wrapping your palms around jungkook's biceps to prevent yourself from face planting into a patch of cabbage. 

again, soomin will murder you if you damage her precious veggies. you don't know why she's so protective over her cabbage in particular. 

jungkook snickers at your blunder, placing the shears on a toolbox next to his feet. you immediately let go of him when you feel the muscles shift underneath your hands, resisting the urge to slap yourself out of it. he moves to grab the basket full of vegetables, placing a hand between your shoulder blade to help you walk. 

you turn your face away, hoping he didn't see your flaming cheeks. absentmindedly, you think, the two of you are okay.

---

you stand in front of the door with jungkook next to you, hands on your hips, "this is the front door." he blinks at you, "yeah i know?" 

you point at the room behind it, "that's the living room." "I'm perfectly aware." 

you throw your hands up, "you said you wanted me to show you around!" he laughs loudly at that, "i already know about the first floor. beside! we're standing outside the house right now! I'm 100% we look ridiculous. you're pretty bad at being a guide huh" 

you pout, "fine," and walk inside the house, flopping down onto the couch in the middle of the living room. "I'll explain it verbally instead. first floor is the living room, the kitchen, dining room, a bathroom and my bedroom." 

he maps it in his mind, your bedroom must be at the back of the dining room. "second floor is the rest of the bedroom and a family room, next to the bedroom you're staying in right now. that's just where we hangout usually." 

he looks up at the second floor at that, counting the doors, "how many people are there?" 

"10 including you." 

"there are only 7 rooms on the second floor." 

you nod, grabbing the remote at the coffee table in front of you. "jimin and tae share a room, mirae and narae also share a room." 

you turn on the television, stopping at a documentary channel, "there's also two more bedrooms on the third floor, along with a gym room, an office, and a game room." 

"big house, huh." he mutters. 

"it does have 9 people living in it so yes, it needs to be large to be comfortable, don't you think?" a voice speaks from upstairs. when he looks up, it's soomin. "i- yeah. i guess so." 

he watches as she walks down the stairs, and freezes in alarm when she stops in front of him. "I'm sorry about this morning, by the way, i was just protective of my team." 

her gaze flicks to you when she says, "surely you understand, right?" 

he purses his lips together, brows furrowing. "yeah." his gaze moves to you for a second before going back to her, "i understand." 

she nods in satisfaction, hiking her backpack higher before addressing you, "well i gotta go now. I'll be back in a few days, don't cause any trouble while I'm away, okay? please keep haeun away from my garden." 

you nod distractedly, eyes still glued on the tv in front of you, "bye! stay safe!" 

she fondly rolls her eyes before sending a quick smile his way in curtesy. she closes the front door behind her and a few seconds later jungkook hears the sound of a car driving away. 

"by the way, do i get any access to internet? phone? computer?" he knows the answer but no harm in asking. he sits at one of the comfortable armchairs next to the couch.

you hum from your seat, "I'll see what i can do but I'm afraid I can't give you your own phone or computer. haeun will probably do something about the phone situation and if you want, you can go to our game room to use the computers. everything's been secured there." 

you side eye him, "we can't really risk you making contact with anyone outside. just, you know. a lot of, uh" you stutter, obviously trying your best to not insult or hurt his feelings. he had to bite his lips to keep from laughing at your endearing reaction. 

"it's okay, i get it, really." you sigh in relief at his reassurance, nodding at him before going back to focus on the tv. 

he hears a door open somewhere, haeun emerging from the kitchen with a bag of chips in one hand. jungkook averts his stare, she still scares him a little bit, not a lot, just a little. on her way to the stairs, she tosses a box in his lap and when jungkook looks down, it's a brand new phone. 

"it's been secured, no way you can contact anyone without me finding out so don't even try." and then she disappears into one of the rooms upstairs just like that. he notices her room is the one to the left of yours.

you smile at him, "sorry, you're gonna be off the grid for a while." he shrugs at that, he thinks he doesn't mind it too much now.

---

he's only been here three days, but he already finds himself getting comfortable around your friends. once the wariness had wore off and they're sure he could be trusted, they had started warming up to him. 

jimin had been one of the first one to approach him, asking him if he wanted to work out with him in the gym room. jungkook had accepted the invitation and now jimin had dubbed him as his workout buddy since yoongi and taehyung won't budge when he asked them. 

they usually spend a few hours in the gym, exercising together and making light conversations. he finds jimin to be very friendly, sometimes a little too friendly for someone he literally just met a few days ago. 

taehyung had been the second person he befriended. apparently, walking into the game room had been enough to get taehyung to open up to you. now, taehyung pesters him to game with him anytime he has time to play, complaining that no one else in the house is interested in playing with him except for haeun who's busy most of the time and jungkook is happy to entertain him.

on the other hand, he doesn't see the trio all that much around the house, and the time he does, the interaction is usually short lived and curt. but he does feel that they're trying to be nicer to him. it's just that, with the history of their past interaction, it gets kinda awkward sometimes. 

he also doesn't see you as much as he would like now, only seeing you in the morning for breakfast and at night for dinner in the dining room, each time always checking up on how he's doing. he doesn't know where you go for the rest of the day. 

truth be told, he misses hanging out with you. 

he rolls over in bed, standing up to close the curtains when he hears a knock on his door. tilting his head to the side, he wonders who it is and opens the door to you standing in front of him, hair wet like you just took a shower, flustered. 

"uh hey." 

"hey."

"so- sorry. I'm just here to grab some stuffs?" he remembers that this is, in fact, your room. "Oh! Of course," and steps to the side, allowing you to come in. 

you make a bee line to your wardrobe, throwing the door open to grab your clothes. he hesitantly sits on his, well, your bed, hand awkwardly placed in his lap while he watches you sort your clothes into a bag you have with you. 

he coughs to get your attention, "um, you know. you can just stay in this room?" 

you freeze in your place when you hear him, "wha- what. what do you mean?" 

he notices how he phrases his question, quickly backtracking to avoid embarrassing himself, "i mean! maybe you can just stay here and i can stay at the guest bedroom you're staying in right now? this is your room after all and all of your things are probably here while i have my things in a bag and can easily relocate to the other bedroom, i also don't want to intrude on your private space." 

you turn around to sit next to him on the bed, "are you sure?" "yeah, it's fine." 

you mull over his question for a while, "no, it's okay. this room is closer to the other's rooms." 

he deflates at that, he thought you trusted him? "so it doesn't feel as stifling as that one since it's so far away." you shift your body towards him, "this room feels a lot more comfortable, so i would like for you to stay here instead so your stay here would be more comfortable too." he perks back up at that, heart skipping a beat at your thoughtfulness. "this room is also bigger." 

"you're really cute." oh shit, he said that out loud. your expression doesn't change, most likely because you're so surprised but he does see pink tinging your cheeks. 

"tha- right. oh! i mean, thanks. i- i guess?" you're really cute, he thinks. you quickly stand up, going back to your wardrobe with impressive speed, "right i need to, uh i need to pack some more clothes." 

you start shoving clothes into your bag, and jungkook worries he made you uncomfortable. 

"sorry, i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." he apologizes, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. 

you stop packing, a black garment in your hands when you turn back around to look at him. "no! it's not- I'm not- don't apologise- it's-" 

he raises his eyebrows at you, 

"I'm, I'm just embarrassed, sorry." 

"you don't have to apologize." 

"right! right, sorry." 

he chuckles at that, redirecting the conversation to another topic to avoid prolonging the awkwardness, "so, um." he doesn't really know how to bring it up but he decides to just go for it. "where have you been lately? i haven't seen you around that much." 

you continue packing some clothes and move to the desk to grab some more things. "oh, I've been kinda busy lately, with some-" you cough, "with some work. it's just some documents and things and yeah." 

he senses that you're trying to not to reveal too much which probably means it has something to do with why he's here. he decides to let it slide, not wanting to pry too much into it. "i see."

you zip up your bag once you're done, turning around to sit back beside him on the bed, "why? is something the matter?" 

"oh, no. it's just." he hesitates for a brief moment. "i just miss you, it's all." he grumbles underneath his breath, kind of embarrassed.

you take his hands in your and squeeze, "I'm sorry. i know it must be hard to adapt to a new environment without someone you're familiar with, right? I'll try to make more time, okay?" he wants to tell you he's perfectly adapted to his new environment and that he just misses spending time with you but he keeps his mouth shut, running his thumb across your knuckles. 

he nods but stays quiet, staring at your hands between his. "how about we go watch some movies? I'm free right now," you offer after hearing his prolonged silence.

his shoulders perk up at that, "really?"

smiling, you nod enthusiastically. "yeah! you can go pick a movie and I'll get some snacks downstairs." you stand up, pulling him with you out the door and guiding him to the room next door. 

he's never been to this room before. "I'll go get the snacks!" you shout as you quickly run downstairs, to the direction of the kitchen. 

the room is large, being one of the master bedroom, and cozy. half of the floor is covered with comfortable rug, soft enough to lay on with a large tv pressed against one of the walls. a shelf sat underneath it with a coffee table in front of it, surrounded by large sofas and multiple bean bags covered with blankets. 

he makes his way towards the shelf under the tv after turning on the light, browsing through the movie selection of the house. you come back a few minutes later with three large bags of potato chips and two bottles of water, dumping them on the coffee table before joining him in browsing for the perfect movie. 

he settles on the floor after picking the movie, leaning against the couch behind him so he can be closer to the chips. you lay down on the couch behind him, hand dangling over his shoulder to steal some of his chips instead. "you haven't seen this one yet, right?" he asks around a mouthful of chips. 

"no." you mumble into the couch, one hand unconsciously massaging the knots on his shoulder. he shivers at the sensation, willing himself to stay put. "do you know what kinda movie this is?"

"no." 

"it's a horror movie." 

"oh." 

he twists his body to look at you, "are you okay with that?" you blink sleepily at him, lips curving down into a confused pout, "yeah I'm fine with that." he nods at that and focuses back on the screen. 

he's pretty embarrassed to admit that he flinches more than you despite being the one who picked the movie but the feeling is overshadowed by his feelings of contentment to be able to spend some more time with you.

one movie turns into a marathon and before he realizes it, the both of you had fallen asleep, comfortable in each other's presence.

---

contrary to what you said, for the next couple of days, he actually sees less of you than before, only seeing you in the morning for breakfast. in fact, he had seen less of the others in the house too. it's like he's back in his apartment again, alone, just in a bigger space. 

today is the first time jimin had asked him to go to the gym again, citing that he was busy the last few days and unable to work out. he walks into the gym expecting to find jimin already on weights but is surprised when he sees you and yoongi at the corner of the room, sparring. 

"hope you don't mind." jimin says from next to him, wiping the sweat on his forehead with the towel around his neck. he jumps in surprise when he hears him, quickly shaking his head to bring his thoughts back, "no i don't mind it's okay." 

he steals a quick glance at you, eyes scanning over your practice clothes. flustered, he coughs when he sees you throw a punch to yoongi's rib, and averts his eyes somewhere else, feeling his cheeks heat up. 

not looking back at where you are, he makes his way to the treadmill at the other side of the room, putting his headphones on so he won't be tempted to look back. 

it's not like it's the first time he's seen you in a more casual, more revealing clothing. it's just that the sight amplifies the odd butterflies he feels on his stomach. 

he feels his heart beat a little quicker but he doesn't think it's the treadmill. for now, he'll shove it all into a box labeled "later" for him to address another time.

these past few days, he can feel the tension in the house rising without a single word being exchanged, and seeing you practice with yoongi confirms his thoughts. all of you were planning on something, he just doesn't know what. 

when he's done with his run, he takes off his headphones and moves to the weights. focusing  himself on his exercise instead of you, snapping his gaze up when he hears the door to the gym open. "(y/n), yoongi, come with me. we need to talk." soomin says, turning around to leave before receiving a confirmation. 

he sees you and yoongi stand up, gulping down water before walking out the door without so much of a nod of acknowledgement. before you close the door, you send an apologetic smile his way. 

he hopes everything's alright.

---

that night, he couldn't quell his curiosity and finds himself walking to your door after dinner. you didn't come down from the office for dinner, only appearing for a short while to grab a cup of coffee before disappearing back into your room. he knocks on the wood and waits, shifting his weight around when he doesn't hear any movement. 

he was about to turn around to leave when the door swung open, revealing you on the other side. if jungkook pays close enough attention, he can see the faint dark circles underneath your eyes. "hey jungkook. what's up?" 

"can i… can i talk to you?" he toys with the zipper on his jacket, gaze bouncing around to avoid looking at you. 

you step to the side to let him in, "sure. what do you want to ask?" 

"it's just, I'm just wondering." he sits on the chair next to the door while you take a seat on your desk where he can see piles of papers scattered on top of it. you tilt your head to the side in question, urging him to continue his question.

"why is everyone so busy lately? it seems like everyone's a little tense?"

you freeze at his question, eyes going wide for a split second before you sigh, slumping into the leather chair. "i guess i should tell you." 

he frowns, crossing his legs and placing his hands on his lap. "tell me what?" 

"we're publicizing the information tomorrow. regarding your father." 

he tries to process the words, he really did. tries to find a place in his mind where he can store the sentence, but he just couldn't. he doesn't know what to think. should he be upset? angry? terrified? sad? relieved? he doesn't know. 

he just feels numb.

you continue when you don't hear him speak, "he will be arrested and the money will be seized by the government. I'll try to damage control as much as i can so your family doesn't get the brunt of it." 

he didn't realize that you had moved to crouch down in front of him, placing a reassuring hand on top of his to bring him back from his mind. "we'll be returning from said vacation in about two days in pretense that we heard the news, and then I'll either get fired or resigned so my cover won't be blown. and i," you trail off, gripping his hand just a little tighter. 

"i really hope that you don't betray my trust. i know that, that it's risky. it's so, so risky to let you go with the amount of information you have on us. especially now that you know significantly more than anyone else ever involved with us. but i just, i can't let you get tangled in this mess much more. so i really hope that once all of this is over, i can let you go and you can move on with your life, try to forget about us. put all of this behind you and live happily.

"i hope that me trusting you with all of this won't be my downfall. because i know how easy it is for you to just walk to the authority and reveal everything you know about us. but i really really hope that my choice to believe in you won't hurt my team because i really don't want you to get hurt anymore either." 

his mind runs through every concerns you just revealed to him. pulling you onto his lap, he wraps his arms around your waist, face dangerously close to yours. "i don't want to forget about you." his voice is so faint that you doubt you'll be able to hear it if not for the proximity of your face. 

he closes his eyes and sighs, resting his forehead against yours. you place your hand on his shoulder, eyes softening at the emotions coloring his face. "it's my turn to talk now, okay?" he opens his eyes to stare at you, gaze more intense than that time he lost to mario kart. you nod mutely at his request. 

"i know you're scared of me holding this knowledge with me because you're scared that i might be angry at you and your team for what you're doing but it's not true." his gaze softens when he looks at you, soft lights framing your worried face. "I'm not angry at you, what you're doing is necessary, I'm more angry at him, angry at myself for not knowing but mostly angry at him for letting greed overcome him. so don't worry about me going to the authority, i won't."

he rubs comforting circles at the small of your back, watching as your posture relax slightly in his hold. "i also don't want to move on and forget about you. i don't want to lose you, don't want to put you and everything else behind me." it's obvious you want to interject, but you kept your promise of letting him talk. 

"despite it all, your team had become my friends too so i don't want to forget about them either. i hope that once this is all over, you'll let me stay by your side and be around you. i feel safer with you, I'm happier with you." he'll keep the rest of his confession to himself for now, deeming it not the right time just yet. 

you rest your head on his shoulder, hands unconsciously playing with their hair on his nape. "but i can't let you stay, it's dangerous and complicated." 

you sound so confused, so lost, unsure and uncertain, that all jungkook wanted to do is hold you tight to him and assure you it'll be alright. 

he rests his head against yours, "we'll figure it out. I'll be by your side, i promise." 

---

"Governer Jeon revealed to be involved in embezzlement."

"An anonymous tip was received last night, revealing that the well respected governor had been embezzling money from multiple public projects and storing them in an offshore account. Other than taking money from the goverment, it's known that he had also been receiving bribe money from multiple companies for various reasons for the past year. Many questions how he had been able to avoid detection for quite some time.

Since the information had been revealed, Governor Jeon had been arrested this morning and taken into custody to await for trials. All of the money will be seized by the goverment and will be redistributed back to the projects with lacking funds. 

It's revealed that all the money has never been used before other than paying other involved parties, except for a withdrawal of 5 million dollars a few months ago, apparently after the kidnapping of his son. Some posit a theory that the 5 million donations the next day have been from the people who took his son, determined to get the money the former governor had stolen back to it's rightful owner. 

Staffs and family members will be questioned by the police, but it is believed that none of his family members had been aware of his secret, being that he had never withdrawn the money for anything else, suggesting he was hoarding the money for himself for when his reign as the governor end next year.

Read more to find out about the full evidence submitted last night and other parties involved in the scandal."

---

jungkook busies himself by staying at the game room today, not in the mood to talk to anyone or accidentally listening to the news. it's not that he's angry at you and your team, he just doesn't want to know what kind of look they will give him. remorse? pity? disdain? 

he knows that they know he's not involved and that he's against it as much as them but he can't help but fear how the reveal might change their perspective on him. thankfully, they didn't bother him, letting him have his time alone to process everything. that, or maybe they're busy. he'd like to believe it's the former.

he also needs to brace himself for the hectic days that's to come when he gets back, no doubts he will be questioned by the police and quite possibly run into some news reporters, eager to write the story. 

he's glad that it's his break or he might lose his mind if he has to go to school on top of everything. he's restarting another game when the door opens, internally groaning to himself, he really doesn't want to be bothered today. 

he feels someone placing something on the desk next to him, it's a plate of noodles and a glass of milk. he turns his head to find you standing next to him, sending a quick smile before turning around to leave. 

he reaches for your wrist before you can take a step, patting the chair next to him when you pivot to look at him in question. you wordlessly comply, sitting down and scooting the chair closer to him. 

he's the first one to break the silence, "what am i supposed to do with the police and reporters?" 

"answer the police truthfully, they already know you're not involved, it's all just for show and protocol. same with the reporters, they just want confirmation for what they already know. I'll still be your bodyguard for the next few days, so I'll help you deal with them." 

" and if it makes you feel any better, your mom has arranged you another bodyguard for the time being."

he straightens at that, turning his chair to face you. "really? how did you know?" 

"she contacted me, said she'll assign another person to help because one probably won't be enough for now. at least until everything has settled." 

nodding, he grabs the glass and chugs the drink inside. you'd think he's taking a shot if it doesn't look like a glass of milk. 

you place a hand on his back, and he muses he likes it when you touch him. "it's gonna be okay jungkook. I'll be by your side, okay?" 

"i know." 

you spend the rest of the day in the game room with him, watching him play games by himself and occasionally making snarky comments from the side. nobody else came to bother him that day, a fact that he's grateful for. 

---

the morning came too soon for his liking, the day he has to go back and deal with everything causing his heart to beat loudly in nervousness. he hikes up the bag on his shoulder, waiting in the living room for you to come out of your room. 

haeun tosses his phone back to him and when he checks, he has hundreds of unread messages. some from his mom, a few from unknown numbers, and a lot from his friends. true to your words, it seems like everybody believes that his family and himself is in no way involved with the incident. most texts are asking if he's heard the news, if he's okay and to contact them back when he can. 

everyone seems to be aware that he's on a supposed vacation where he can't be reached and he's sure it's haeun's doing. 

he's still scrolling through his message when you come to stand next to him, with your own bags to make it look believable. "ready?" you ask.

shrugging in response, he shoves his phone into his pockets, deciding he'll deal with them later. "i guess." 

"alright, there's a car that'll come pick you up in a minute and it'll drive you back straight to your apartment." haeun tells him, walking up the stairs with a loaf of bread in her hands to get back to her room. 

a second later he sees a car pulling up to the front of the house, a sleek black SUV waiting for him. you settle yourself on the back seat, but he hesitates briefly before climbing into the car, this time without a threat of a gun pressed against his back. 

the drive is silent for the rest of the way and he's ought to thank you for that. he doesn't really want to think, let alone speak. instead, he spends his time going through his messages, replying to every message and deleting the unnecessary one, namely from press. he should probably change his number after this. 

soon enough, he arrives at his apartment building where a few reporters are waiting outside. it's not as crowded as he thought it'll be and he's glad for that. you slide out of the car before him, putting on your bodyguard persona once again before opening his door for him when you deem it safe.

they immediately rush to him, throwing questions after questions without listening for an answer first. thankfully, with your presence next to him, they don't crowd around him, standing far enough that he can still move around. he listens to what you told him last night, answering the necessary questions truthfully and that seems enough to placate them into letting him walk inside his building and away from them.

before he gets the chance to get inside the elevator however, he's stopped by your hand gently clasping around his wrist. "your mom's bodyguard is here." 

he looks to see a tall man walking his way, with a suit similar to yours and sleek back dark hair. "hello. I'm kim seokjin, your temporary bodyguard." 

he curtly nods in greeting, he just wants to get back to his apartment, not feeling like exchanging pleasantries with anyone. without saying another word, he speed walks to the elevator, pushing the buttons in agitation. 

in record speed, he reaches his door and before entering, addresses the both of you, "i want to be alone for the rest of the day, please. I'll come get you if i need to go outside." 

you nod in understanding, sending a glance to seokjin who also nods before walking to the end of the hallway. "are you gonna be okay?" you ask once seokjin is far enough. he purses his lips, "eventually," and close the door behind him. 

---

for the next few days, jungkook is preoccupied with the police and press, and when he's not going out to attend the meetings with the authorities, he stays inside and shuts himself out. you're starting to worry about him, but you know he really does need the time to himself. 

in the meanwhile, you familiarize seokjin with everything he needs to know, telling him that your contract is about to end and there's a possibility you're not going to be jungkook's bodyguard anymore. he had nod in understanding and promise to you that he'll do his best to protect him. 

you knock on the door to his apartment, nervously shifting in your place. when he opens his door, he looks exhausted, prominent dark circles decorating his face. worried, you frown, stepping inside his apartment and placing your hands on his face to examine him. 

"are you okay? you look like you haven't been sleeping." 

he closes his eyes at your touch, "yeah, yeah everything's fine, i don't know I'm just." he wraps his arms around your waist to pull you closer, resting his head in the crook of your neck. "there was just some things i needed to take care of. everything's fine now." 

you nod, bringing a hand up to rub his back. "i came here because i needed to tell you something." 

he hums, arms slightly tightening their hold on you. "i know, your contract ends tomorrow, right?" 

you hum in answer, pulling away from him to guide him to the couch. he sits close to you, resting his head on your shoulder and holding your hand between his. "so after tomorrow, you're not someone who works for me anymore." 

"uh huh." 

"so should i tell you i love you after your contract ends or can i tell you now?" 

you freeze in his hold, not expecting him to bring this topic up right now. both of you had been skirting around the conversation long enough. your heart skips a beat at his statement, and you try to supress the smile playing on your lips.  

"well, do you want me to tell you i love you too after or before my contract ends?" you don't know when you realize you were in love with him, but you have a feeling it's before he even fainted into your arms and had to be taken to your house. 

the realization wasn't a loud declaration, but more of a soft whisper at the back of your mind. when you told minhee about it, she had barked out a laughter and said "took you long enough to realize." 

he squeezes your hand, turning his head to place a tiny kiss on your jaw. "tomorrow then." 

laying on his bed that night, jungkook thinks tomorrow can't come soon enough.

---

the next day, you walk out of the office with lighter steps, your mission is done, your undercover role is thoroughly finished and you can finally go back to your house again. 

while packing your bags in your former apartment, you can't help but think about how jungkook will fit into the puzzle. he had stated that he wanted to stay, and had been pretty determined in his stance. you entertain the thought of him joining your team for a whole second before throwing it out the window. 

you don't want him to get hurt, you don't want him to be involved in something so complicated and confusing. you want him to be able to live normally and happily.

a knock on your door startles you out of your thoughts, you zip up your bag before placing it on the ground, opening the front door to find jungkook standing there with a big smile on his face. 

"can i come in?" 

you smile back at him, stepping to the side to let him in before closing the door behind you. 

you turn around to see him standing behind you, hands reaching out to pull you close to him. "I love you. I'm so in love with you." 

you wrap your arms around his shoulder, burying your face in the crook of his neck. you mutter loud enough for him to hear, "I'm in love with you too." 

the confession fills you with warmth and makes you feel lighter at the same time.

he moves the two of you back until he can sit down on the couch with you on his lap. "can't you just move into my apartment or something." he grumbles to your hair, hands splayed on your shoulder blade. 

you chuckle at his tone, peppering light kisses to the side of his neck that cause him to squirm. "no, i can't. I'm sorry." 

he sighs, "i guess it's fine." hesitantly, he asks, "i can still meet you and go to your place, right?" 

you pull back to look at him, pursing your lips in thought, mulling over the situation, "not yet." 

he frowns at that, "what do you mean?" 

"seokjin is your bodyguard now, you can't go anywhere without him and we can't have someone knowing about where we live or who we are, even though he has no idea about it." 

biting his lips, he closes his eyes in frustration. "so? am i supposed to wait until he's gone to see you?" 

you take his face between your hands, smoothing his eyebrows with your thumbs, "hey, i can still come over and meet you. you just can't go to our house. it'll be fine." 

his frown turns into a pout, one you want to kiss until it turns into a smile. so you gently place your lips on top of his, feeling as the corner of his lips turns upwards. he reciprocates the gestures, capturing your lips between his and pulling you impossibly closer to him. you pull back when you need air, jungkook chasing your lips before opening his eyes. you muse on how beautiful he look. 

"how about you come over to my apartment right now?" he playfully smirks at you, hands moving slowly down your back. you bit back a smile at his offer, "yeah? what for? i should be heading home right now, you know." 

he moves closer to your face, "just, you know. to play games." you try to contain your laughter, "no can do. gotta get going, have some errands to run." 

he pouts at your answer, moving to steal another kiss before relenting, "fine." 

standing up from your seat, you grin at him, slinging on the backpack and grabbing the bag you have with you, "maybe next time, kook." 

his face breaks out into a large smile at the mention of his nickname, eyes scrunching cutely. he stands to accompany you, reaching for your hand to intertwine with his. you meet seokjin on your way down, nodding at him in goodbye and gratitude. jungkook orders him to not follow him, garnering a protest from seokjin that results in a back and forth bicker between the two. you watch with amusement as seokjin lectures him, jungkook shooting back rebuttal in a playful manner.

eventually jungkook wins, letting the two of you have more time alone before having to depart. once you reach your car, you squeeze his hand one more time, reaching to plant a kiss on his cheek. he seems unsatisfied with it, moving to capture your lips between his once again.

you giggle into the kiss, feeling him smile underneath your lips. reluctantly, he parts way from you when minhee taps on the window impatiently. 

"I'll call you, okay?" 

"okay. I love you." 

you softly smile at him, eyes crinkling in endearment, "I love you too," and climb into the car. as the car drives away, you think, the two of you will be alright.

---

the sun shines brightly through the windows, causing you to groan and roll over to avoid accidentally blinding yourself when you open your eyes. the person next to you stirs, grip around your waist tightening momentarily before relaxing again. hoarsely, you cough out a question, "babe, did you forget to close the curtains last night?" 

jungkook mumbles in his sleep, something that sounds like "what are you talking about? what's a curtain?" you're not quite sure but it sure doesn't sound like "i didn't close it, I'm sorry." so you roll over again until you fall to the carpet, sitting up and dragging yourself to the window to pull the curtains close so you can go back to sleep. 

when you flop back onto the bed, you mumble sleepily into his ear, "kook, it's already 20 minutes past 8, you should probably hurry to your meeting with mirae and narae." at your words, he bolts up from his position, looking more awake like he had chugged 3 cups of coffee in one sitting. that's the effect the twins have on people, they truly hate it when people are late. 

he scrambles to change his clothes, not even bothering to go to the bathroom to freshen up, muttering a chant of "fuck shit they're going to be so fucking pissed. fucking damnit." 

he doesn't forget to kiss you before bolting out the door, slamming the door shut behind him as you hear his footsteps echoes through the house. if the twins don't get to him first, yoongi will, since you're sure he just woke him up. 

2 months ago you completed your mission and moved away from your apartment. 2 weeks later, you find jungkook at your doorstep with a proposition in his mind and no seokjin behind him. a week later, you watch as jungkook chugged a glass of beer mixed with hot sauce, something taehyung and haeun dubbed as "initiation" but jimin preferred to call it a "celebratory" drink as jungkook officially joined your team. 

it's been a little over a month since he settled into everything, and it seems like he adapted well enough into his new life. you smile to yourself at that. sure, you'd been apprehensive at first at the prospect but when you see how determined he is, you decided to relent and follow along. 

unsurprisingly, he's good at whatever task soomin threw his way, easily completing it in record speed and usually leaving her speechless when he goes to report to her. he also learned martial arts pretty quickly, something you know yoongi is pleased at because of how he call him his "best student" and "(y/n) it took you 5 months to learn this move and this guy got it in 2 days." which cause your eye to twitch in annoyance that you have to supress the urge to throttle yoongi. 

he hadn't been assigned any significant mission just yet, only helping others with theirs for now, but by the look of it, yoongi and soomin might let him lead his own mission soon, impressed by his capabilities. 

you look over to the clock at your bedside table, groaning to yourself when you see the 8:58 blinking back at you. deciding you won't be able to fall back asleep, you drag yourself downstairs to get some breakfast, remembering that yoongi is cooking today since soomin is out of town. the thought of yoongi cooking relieves you since the last time both of them were out of the house, haeun had managed to burnt 3 pots and broke two cups while taehyung stands to the side with a bucket of water in case something caught on fire. 

when you reach the kitchen, you find it to be empty, plates of waffles neatly stacked on the counter with some foil over it to keep it warm. you fix a plate for yourself and jungkook, sitting at the counter with a glass of orange juice next to you. 

before you finish your plate, you feel someone wrapping their arms around your waist from behind, jungkook's head resting against your shoulder. "i narrowly escaped their wrath." 

"yeah? how angry were they though?" 

"angry enough to keep me on garden duty while soomin is out of town." 

"huh, not too bad. once, taehyung was late for literally 47 seconds and they had his games restricted for a week." he hisses in sympathy, "yikes." 

"uhuh, they're going easy on you. i fixed you a plate of waffles already, and there's a new carton of milk for you in the fridge." you detach yourself from him, putting your dishes on the sink before turning to look at him. "i have some documents i had to send, so I'll be at the office, alright?" 

he kisses you deeply before you leave, one hand resting on the small of your back while the other holds the side of your face. 

"bro! this is a kitchen! take that shit somewhere else, some of us are single!" haeun screams from the doorway.

you part way from his lips, laughing loudly on your way out. "I love you babe." 

he shouts back from the kitchen, "I love you too!" 

yoongi shouts from his room. "shut the fuck up!" 

the house breaks into a laughter at that, and you reckon, the house feels warmer now.

#btsghostie #bts scenarios #bts drabble #bts imagines #bts x reader #bts fanfic #bts au #jungkook scenarios #jungkook drabble #jungkook imagines #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook au #dear koo #writings

[dclsbaby]

mykonos-crossed lovers (part iv) 🦋

🎶playlist for part iv

prologue

part i

part ii

part iii

Summary: When you drunkenly book a girls trip to a tropical Greek island to help mend your broken heart, you would never for a second think it will take you exactly to where he is. Him. A tale of the right person at the wrong time, an overused cliché made into plots of movies you never thought would live through in your reality. Two people, still madly in love with each other, hearts still broken, suppressed by the alcohol and distractions consumed on this trip. Will they let their egos get in the way, protect what’s left of their already broken hearts, or will let their hearts speak?

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: smut smut smutty smut this is dirty AF please read at your own discretion

Author’s Note: to all my lovely babies thank you so much for being so patient with me as I endure one of the toughest months of my life. the reason why it had taken me so long to write was because i had uni and my mental health was at an all time low, so thank you a thousand times over to those who’ve written me to check up on how i was doing, it truly means the world 😭 after completing part 4, i felt like dom and (y/n)’s love story isn’t over yet, so a sequel is definitely something I’m considering, let me know if you would like to see that! I hope you enjoy part 4, and thank you to everyone who’s written me so many lovely things about my very first fic. i love u i love u i love u 🤍🤍🤍 xxx

Gif:

***

***

***

“She said no mate. Get the fuck away from her,” Dom interjects. You look up to him with thankful eyes. “And who the hell are you? Her boyfriend?” the blonde responds. Brave, Dom thought. “Fuck off,” he steps in front of you, allowing you to hide behind his tall and strong figure. After all this time, protecting you is still an instinct he has yet to unlearn. “You’ve got two seconds to get out of my sight, or you will get hurt,” Dom sternly says, emphasising every syllable. “Fine! Chill out mate I’m gone,” the blonde quickly retreats.

You exhale a sigh of relief, feeling grateful for the man who has brought you comfort so many times in the past. “Hey, are you okay? I’m here, I’ve got you,” says Dom as he embraces you in a hug. He rests his chin on top of your head and holds your head with one hand, and wraps his other arm around your body. You were terrified of that creepy man, you were confused from the alcohol, the lack of control is sending you into a haywire, so you are glad to be in the presence of someone familiar. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” he repeats as he tries to calm your shaking body. “Thank you,” you say as you look up to him with teary eyes, with the palm of your hand on his chest, as you once again, break his heart all over again.

After a long embrace, you pull away, leaving him feeling empty.

“Let me take you home yeah?” asked Dom, and you nodded without much thought. You two make a quiet exit as he guides you out of the club, his hand on yours as you move past sweaty bodies, careful not to bump into anyone. Dom was a little drunk too, but he knew had to take care of you.

When you made it outside, you let go of his hand, a little too early for Dom’s liking. The affection, the touch were all too familiar to him, a crave he never thought he had until you let go. It was as if a simple touch had countered all efforts to move on.

You give him your address and he calls on a taxi for your two. He texts his friends as well as yours, letting them know what had happened and why it was best for you to call it a night.

Take care of her mate.

Thanks for letting us know, be safe on the way back. We’ve got her purse

***

The taxi didn’t take too long to come, and you quickly hopped into the car, followed by Dom, and gave your address. You sat by the window and leaned your head on the window screen, your fingers laced between each other as you rested them on your thighs. Dom wanted nothing more than to hold your hand, make you feel safe, to be your rock. That’s all he ever wanted in your relationship, be given the chance to be there for you. All the pent-up anger and frustration he had over you for breaking his heart dissipates. As much as it would have been a lot easier to move on with anger, he can no longer suppress his feelings for you.

Despite his desperation to hold you, he decided against holding your hand, and stayed within boundaries. He didn’t want to overwhelm you after the night you’ve had. You kept your eyes closed the entire ride back, occasionally opening your eyes to remind yourself of where you are. Dom notices this, and keenly listens to your soft breathing, and watches your chest rise.

Minutes later, you arrived back in your villa. “Hey,” he touches your arm softly. “We’re here,” he quietly says, careful not to surprise you. You slowly open your eyes, still feeling a bit delirious. It’s the same face you would make when he used to gently wake you up to say goodbye before he leaves for training, he thought.

“How long was the ride?” you ask, discombobulated, as you rub your eyes, smudging the last bit of mascara you have on. “Not long enough,” he mutters, wishing he had more time with you.

Still a bit tipsy, Dom helps you step off the taxi. You carefully place your foot down, cautious to not have your heel stuck between the concrete, and make your way towards your villa.

“You coming in then?” you ask as you turn to face Dom. “I wasn’t sure you wanted me to come in,” he replies as he stood by where the taxi was. “Don’t be silly. It’s late,” you said, gesturing to him to come in.

You took out the house card that you’ve thankfully kept in your pocket, otherwise you’d be locked out. As you step into the villa, you make your way to the wooden bench by the shoe rack to take off your strappy heels. After fumbling with the straps too much, you grew frustrated as you were just too drunk to figure out how to take them off.

“I’ll help you,” Dom says as he kneels in front of you to remove your painfully annoying heels. He gently grips the back of your calf with one hand, and carefully tug on the straps of your heels with his free hand. His touch sent goosebumps throughout your legs that you hoped he did not notice. “I’ve always liked these heels,” he comments. “Mmhm,” you gave him a smile, remembering all the times he’s taken those heels off you.

“Let’s get you some water eh,” he guides you to the kitchen. You follow Dom’s lead and plants yourself on the kitchen island. He asks you where the glasses are and takes two for you and him. “Thank you,” you look at him. “For taking me home.. and for getting rid of that guy,” you said. A reminder of the creepy man made him shudder, “Don’t mention it, please,” he says, a little too seriously, with two meanings. He did not want to be reminded of another man ever being close to you.

“I’m sorry again Dom, for everything—“ “—are you though?” he cuts you off, the last bit of alcohol in his system forcing him to speak his mind. “What?” you asked, a little taken aback. “Are you actually sorry?” Dom repeats himself. “Y-yes of course I am, how could you ask that?” you were surprised at his interruption.

“I don’t know, it seems everywhere I look, you’re there, and doing something that absolutely does my head in.” he says a little annoyed, and takes a sip of his water to calm his nerves. “Dom,” you sigh. “You know I didn’t leave you because I stopped loving you-“ “-Then why did you?!” his raised voice caught you off guard, almost slamming his glass on the counter.

“We have gone through this so many times! I’ve given you every reason I have to make this easier for the both of us!” you replied with frustration. Dom reacts with a surprised face, eyebrows furrowed, shaking his head. “The both of us? Nothing you’ve said has made it easier for me, so don’t ever try to speak on my behalf,” he says with offense.

You look away whilst shaking your head. “I honestly can’t do this right now Dom,” you place your hands on your hips. “I’m exhausted, totally worn out, this, us,” you point your index finger to yourself and him. “Seeing you on this trip, talking to you for the first time in months,” you sigh, “it’s all too fucking much,” you said exasperated. “I’m going to bed, there are plenty of guest bedrooms, feel free to find yourself one,” you say as you hop off the island.

“No,” Dom says, almost a demand. He pulls you back in front of him and pins you against the counter. “We are not done talking,” he lifts you and places you back onto the counter.

He is standing between your legs, with the palm of his hands on the island, palms planted next to either side of your thighs.

“I’m done fucking about, (Y/N),” he stares into your eyes. “You know how I feel about you. Tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll leave you alone,” he breathes by your face. “Once and for all,” says Dom as he gives you an ultimatum you never expected.

Dom is breathing heavily, and you could see his chest rise with every breath he takes. The tension between you two was so strong, it could be cut with a knife. You stare into his eyes as you decide on what to say. Those green, almost hazel, beautiful eyes you miss waking up to every morning, eyes once sparkly and full of life now replaced with dark, lustful ones. His pink, flushed lips from the alcohol subtly quivering in anticipation of your response. You are left speechless by his ultimatum.

Against your better instincts, you take his face in your hands and desperately kiss his lips.

To your surprise he kisses you back, with so much passion that it’s borderline aggression, and wraps his arms around your waist. His desperate arms crawl itself from your waist to your back, then your neck, pushing the back of it so he could feel your lips better. The familiar warmth of his lips sends a thrill down your spine, a feeling you have missed for the longest time. He lets go of you for a second to grab your ass and pull your body closer to his, which you responded by wrapping your legs around his waist, lifting your skirt up in the process. You quickly unbutton the first two buttons of his shirt, eager to see more of him. Taking the hint, Dom rips his shirt open, buttons flying everywhere but that is that last thing on his mind right now.

He takes your face in his hands and presses his forehead against yours. “Tell me to stop and I will,” he says as he goes to plant kisses on your neck, down your shoulders and collarbones, pressing his lips against yours once again. “Tell me you want this as much as I do,” he breathes by your mouth. “Tell me you want me,” he asks from you. You sigh at the pleasure you didn’t think you’d ever feel again. You missed this. You missed him.

“I want you,” you hastily say to him, looking at his lips and then deep into his lustful yet loving eyes.

After your last syllable he kisses you again, more aggressively this time, and lifts your body up to pull your skirt off you. You help him unbutton his pants and feel butterflies in the pit of your stomach at the sight of him.

You and Dom move in sync, in the same rhythm, on the same wavelength. It was as if no time had gone by. The bond you have with him is one in a million and cannot be replicated with anyone else. A connection so deep it’s a blessing and a curse, with so much happiness can occur so much pain.

You desperately try to quench your thirst for one another by exploring each other's bodies, after what feels like a lifetime apart. Hands everywhere, limbs entangled, your face on his. He’s wanted this for so long. Dom has dreamt of what it would be like to be intertwined with you again. Though then it was a nightmare, as he would wake up to an empty bed. Even his subconscious wants you.

“Are you, you know?” you ask, hinting to an obvious question. “I haven’t been with anyone else,” he looks at you in the eye. You nod at him, saying “I believe you,” through your eyes, which he received. His admission got you more excited for what’s to come.

Dom pushes your bodysuit fabric to the side, and inserts a finger in you, causing you to gasp. You try to hide your muffled moans, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that early. “Wet for me already?” he smirks as he pumps himself. Unflattered by his comment, you decide to tease him a little.

“How about I go back to the club and find that blonde again?” you threaten him. “Nah, fuck that,” he says angrily, pushing himself inside you without warning. You let out a deep sigh as you roll your eyes at the pain and pleasure. “Holy shit,” you curse at his size, still needing to adjust to the fullness. “Tell me if I’m hurting you baby,” he whispers in your ear before planting a kiss on your neck. “Keep going,” you say as you wrap your arms around his neck for support.

He slowly pulls out and pushes back into you several times, before pulling out of you completely, leaving you frustrated at the cold emptiness. He quickly thrusts himself back inside you in a quick pace, his tip hitting your core in one go. “Fucking hell,” he whimpers.

He has never felt anything as good as you, your warmth, your tightness around him, nothing could ever replicate that. His pace quickens by the second, leaving you a moaning mess. “Look at me baby,” he growls, yearning to see your face as you’re pleasured by him. The sight of you looking up at him with your eyebrows furrowed, mouth shaped an ‘o’, your chest rising, the sounds of slapping skins nearly made him finish. But that man has the stamina of a machine, and has self-control like no other, except when it comes to you. It takes every inch of him to make this moment last.

Craving to see more of you, he pulls your bodysuit strap and yanks the fabric down, revealing your breasts. Dom has always been good with his hands, he knows how to fuck you, make out with you, and play with your breasts at the same time. Desperate to feel every inch of you, he lifts your leg and rests it on his shoulder and holds your waist to push you into him as he takes control of the rhythm.

“Oh, fuck!” you moan at the change of position as you feel him hit your spot with every beat. “You feel so good baby,” he whimpers in your ear, turning you on even more and pushing you towards a high. You two are a whimpering mess, bodies intertwined, hungry for each other. A strand of his curls hangs out of Dom’s tied hair, occasionally sticking on his glistening forehead.

“Fuck baby, I’m not going to last much longer,” he says as he cranes his neck down to look at himself thrusting in and out of you. “Me too,” you whimper out. Dom’s pace gets sloppy as he is losing control. “Baby I’m gonna cum,” he cries out. “I’m on the pill,” you said. His eyes widened. “So I can-” “-yeah,” you quickly replied. “Fuck, okay,” the thought of spilling himself in you pushed him to a climax. “Shit, baby!” he releases himself in you. You gasp as you feel his juices shoot into the walls of your core. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he repeats himself as he rests his forehead on your collarbone. “Cum for me baby,” he whispers in your ear as cum is still spilling in you. “I’m gonna—fuck!”, you moan and grip his biceps for support as you crane your neck back and roll your eyes and join his high. As you both catch your breaths, he rests his forehead on yours, planting a lasting kiss on your lips, then your forehead. You stay breathing on one another for a short while.

“Holy--fucking--shit, that was-” “I know”, you cut him off. Dom slowly pulls himself out of you, which made you jump at the sudden cold emptiness. He watches his cum ooze its way out of you and trail down your thighs. “Fuck me that’s one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen,” he says in awe. “Think I just did,” you joke, earning a chuckle from Dom. He has been wanting this for so long, to hold you, feel you, and have you in his arms again. You have been longing for a touch you have missed, an emptiness you have yearned to fill.

“I would never have thought I’d be taking you on the kitchen counter on this trip, considering the circumstances,” he smirked. You raise your eyebrows in confusion, signalling him to elaborate. “I mean I knew I’d be fucking you, but somewhere normal,” he laughs as he picks up your clothes and his off the floor.

“Are you saying that I’m easy?” you asked rather annoyed, crossing your arms at what he said. “No!”, he quickly says, afraid to be misunderstood. “I meant, I’m here, on this island because of you, I planned this trip for us,” he paused.

“Remember when I showed you our plans for the summer months ago? When we were, you know, still together?” he asked. You nodded, feeling slightly guilty. “Well, I booked it that same night,” he adds. “What do you mean?” you asked confused. “When we broke up, I tried to cancel the trip, but the travel agency wouldn’t give me a refund, so I brought the boys along and called it a lads trip instead,” he replied. “Oh, I, I didn’t know you had actually planned a trip for us,” you said, looking up at him with remorseful eyes. “I wanted to surprise you, you know. We’ve both never been, and I wanted to make it special for you,” he says, giving you a smile which you matched, apologetically.

“Look babe, I know this probably isn’t the right time to bring this up, considering I’ve just fucked you on the counter and it reeks of sex in here,” he says as you roll your eyes and chuckle at the innuendo. “But if tonight has taught me anything, if this entire, petrifyingly coincidental circumstance of seeing you in Mykonos has taught me anything, is that fate wants us to be together,” he pulls and kisses your hand. You pull his hand away to tug on his loose curly strand. “I don’t want to spend another second without you by my side, I am so madly in love with you,” he reveals and mimics you as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ears. “I don’t think I ever stopped,” he looked back into your eyes.

“Are you sure?” you ask, looking away. “You seemed like you hated me when you first saw me again,” you shrugged. Dom’s demeanour changed a little bit, looking almost guilty. “I never hated you, granted, I probably wanted to. It’s much easier to pretend than to face reality, you know?” he asks. You knew, of course you knew. You did the same thing. “But it’s impossible to forget you, I’ve tried everything, and I mean everything to get you out of my head. Some things I admit, I’m not proud of, but I’ve never felt pain like that before, I didn't know how to cope,” he confesses. You look at him once more before looking down on your hands.

“Baby,” he takes your hands in his, “will you come home with me?” he pleads. Your body jolts at his request. “I will give you all the space in the world if you ever need it, support you in every step of the way and will only help you if you ask me,” he cups your face with his hands. “Just please, give me the chance to be there for you. I’m not asking you to need me, but let me be there, please,” he places a hand on your cheek. “I love you,” he adds. Your heart bursts at his confession. You responded by planting a deep kiss on his lips. “I love you,” you said as you caressed his hand on your face. “I’ll come home.”

***

By dawn, you’re showered, cleansed from the events of last night, tucked in bed with the love of your life. A case of the “right person at the wrong time”, resolved, as Dom breathes down your neck, holding you close to him with his arms around you, occasionally pressing kisses to your neck. To him, the one that got away came back, the empty space he had been forced to get used to was replaced by your body pressed against his. Dom steals a smell of your sweet-scented hair, reminding himself that this is his reality, and he no longer has to pretend.

A tale of star-crossed lovers reunite on a blue night in Mykonos, on a tropical escape meant to erase every trace of one another in their hearts and minds, only to bring them back into each other's arms.

***

#dominic calvert lewin #dominic calvert lewin imagine #dominic calvert lewin imagines #football imagine #football fanfiction #mclfic

[savnofilter]

Another Year Together

Todoroki x 『GN』Reader

↬ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ(s): intoxication, mentions of partying too hard, injuries and cleaning said injuries, crack (?), fluff.

↬ᴡᴄ: 2.5k [10 mins].

↬ᴀ/ɴ: ahhhh i was bummed that i dont have any sfw shouto reqs *cough cough* send some- *cough cough* anyways so i made up a scenario of my own! i have more fluff ideas i'd love to put out but this may be the birthday fic or i'll post something else tonight if i can~ every time there needs to be a party, just know either mina or kaminari threw it. also its a little rushed because i wanted to get this out tonight and this is the longest sfw piece ive ever written. ;; pffft hopefully you all will love this as much as i loved writing it, happy birthday shouto!

"Stay still." Shouto muttered to you as you squirmed away from the harsh sting the disinfectant alcohol caused your bruised skin.

"Mmmnhmm... M' sorry." You utter haltingly, your leg jerking once more from the sudden sensation. You look up at him with puppy eyes, guilt-stricken as you have already broken your promise.

He stared at you for a few seconds before his gaze softened as you stuck out your bottom lip with a sorrowful look on your face. As he smooths the cloth over your exposed thighs, he softly sighs under his breath, expertly concealing the roll of his eyes. Todoroki was relieved that your reflexes were still in shape, the abuse of the liquor not interfering much with your cognition... at least not too much. 

You two shared the same birthday. He had no idea that celebrating your big day of turning 21 would've been so hectic. As many things between you and Todorooki, you guys took today as a competition. The day started with you both trying to one-up each other since Todoroki’s lucky day was yours as well. First, your day with a breakfast made by him -- with the assistance of Bakugo of course. You couldn’t help the warm swell in your heart at how much effort he had put into it but it wouldn’t top you! While you two interned at the same agency it was pretty easy to surprise him with a big B-Day lunch and an obnoxious bouquet.

“This is a little too much…” 

“There is no such thing as too much for you, Sho.”

Truthfully, he felt that way because he wanted to wow you as well. He was glad that today was a calm day concerning his patrol watch, giving him time to map up his day today and think about all the other miscellaneous thoughts that roamed his head. The painting he had saved for this momentous day sat in the back of his head as he patrolled the streets, the small accessory along with it sitting next to the rest of his pee-pee pouches making him grow nervous. I had kept the small item with him in fear of losing it, the last thing he needed was it to go missing under his watch.

You on the other handheld no qualms about goofing off for the day. Now, you weren’t entirely wasting away the day, you just simply knew how to let loose. With the great news you’d be staying in the office you had more than enough time to help plan and finalize Todoroki’s surprise birthday party. You bit your lip as you checked in with your longtime friend, Kaminari, to host the momentous occasion. Your mind was mostly occupied with the thought of the party and the small but significant present that you had in your desk draw. You and Todoroki had the same mind, the only thing setting you apart is you somehow being more… airhead than him. 

Impossible, right? Not at all. That’s how it explains why he was busy cleaning up your injuries.

After being sent home early you had taken him out to lunch for some soba and well, boba as a great lunch treat — simple enough. You both were full upon going back home, giving you two a few hours to snuggle up and nap to rejoice with the sleep you two had lost from over the time having part-time heroes. Holding back the excited news of the party was hard to do, the first thing you did when you woke up was jump up and usher him to get up as well.

“What -- why??” Shouto glared as he was forced to sit up, rubbing his eyes with the free hand that you didn’t use to pull him up.

“C’mooonn! I just have one more thing to show you for today!” You beam brightly. Your facial expression was as bright as ever like you hadn’t just slept for 4 hours before that. Everything in his body wanted to resist but he couldn’t as he wouldn’t bring himself to. It took but only an hour for the both of you to get ready, sending Kaminari a quick text to make sure that everything was set for sure. 

“Honey, I know this might sound a little odd but I need you to put this on.” You hand him the blindfold once you find him dressed and ready. You couldn’t help but grin at his confused face when he stares at the piece of fabric.

“I thought you said we were going out?” He asks mildly confused, taking it and putting it on anyway.

You paused and gave yourself a moment to think about his response, your cheeks feeling hot at the insinuation. Todoroki’s small giggle makes you feel better about your flustered words, rolling your eyes annoyed when he teased you like that. “Just hold onto my hand okay?” You instruct, hand coming up to hold him as an example. He nods his head as he follows your lead, more excited than what he led on.

The trip from your apartment down to your car didn’t take too long, the assistance of helping him not trip over his shoes harder than you thought. It was hard to keep back your laugh as he fumbled here and there, the most highlight of your experience was helping him in his care (like he usually did with you) and even buckling in his seat (not something he did for you). You were practically buzzing in your seat in excitement as you took off as soon as you were ready, the journey to his place not too far from your own. You bobbed your head to the music of the radio as you vibed along with the beats, fingers tapping the steering wheel as you mumbled the lyrics to whatever song played. Had it not been winter time in Japan you would’ve had the windows down, but you had to settle with the subtle and gentle breeze of the heaters on your skin instead.

“We’re here.” You announced your arrival. You used the keycard Kaminari had given you as the entrance to his apartment complex and zoomed-in irresponsibly. It was easy finding a parking space on the higher levels conveniently the same as his home. You hopped out and helped Todoroki out from his seat and helped him to the elevator. “Promise me to have fun, okay?” The question was simple enough, but your level of fun always exceeded his. 

The sentence made him turn in your direction with confusion heavy on the top of his head. You took out the key from your pocket and jiggled it into the lock. As soon as he was about to open his mouth you yoinked the blindfold off his eyes, the first thing his eyes seeing your cheerful grin and everyone popping up from their hiding places and throwing the decorations up that they held in their hands.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” 

Todoroki was taken back from the whole thing. How many people were there, the familiar faces, the decorations, and just overall effort that was put into this. He couldn’t help but look over at you with the same adoration he normally did when you looked the other way. He was greeted by so many of his friends and mutuals, the overwhelming amount of gifts that sat on the table, and the arrangement of food and drinks that sat up in the spacious room. In the back of his head, he knew he would have to keep an eye on you, and he was right.

The group had gathered to get some cake to get it out the way, the bonus of ice cream filling your tummy with happiness. As soon as you had finished your dessert plate, you declared everyone should loosen up; since no one objected, you went straight for shots. First, it was one, two, then it was two at once, then it was some straight from Mina’s belly button. You held no restraint at your alcohol intake, taking the immature opportunity to drink to your heart’s content. While you were liberal with your amount, Todoroki decided to take in practically none. The verses of your habits are almost amusing to watch like your two contrasting but similar personalities.

Later in the night when the mayhem had started. You and a few friends decided to dance on a few more dangerous surfaces, guaranteeing the sacrifice of one of them being Kaminari’s glass table. 

“Holy shit—” Mina quickly rushed to your side, the same drunken posture and smile on her face as she tried to help you up, careful not to get the same glass shards that scattered the floor. “Are you okay-?!”

“YO Y/N WILDING!” Denki tries helping you up too, the help of the duo helping you somewhat.

You stumbled to get up, the flashlight of other people’s phones making you weary. “I-I’m fine-” You managed to let out, standing as you tried to clear your head and drink the water handed towards you. Either the H2O in that cup gave you courage or you simply went crazy. “let’s go again!” 

Todoroki was left speechless upon watching you continue to party on, knowing damn well he'd have to stop you soon. He wasn’t one to attend parties, and most times when he did they always ended up like this. It seemed after your fall that the knock had given you a sign to calm down at least, deciding to drink more beverages that didn’t hold liquor in it. After some time he had managed to get you in his lap, holding you as he monitored your well-being. 

As much as your reckless behavior would have annoyed someone else, he found it almost endearing. Well… not really in the sense you were drinking yourself silly, but in the fact that you still had the spirit to keep up and party even after the effects of your last hour of madness. It wasn’t long till you had gotten comfortable in his arms you had successfully partied yourself to sleep. Todoroki was careful in lifting you, thanking everyone from attending before quietly slipping out from the apartment. 

He took a deep breath as he somehow managed to find your car, maneuvering to get you into the car and hopping in on his side to drive you home. Todoroki made sure to drive carefully in hopes that you wouldn’t barf all over his car that you had used to get there. The drive back was much quicker than when you two had headed up since it was practically dead at night and the streets empty. He liked drives like these. A part of him was sad that you weren’t awake for it.

Your boyfriend repeated the same process when he had pulled into your apartment complex, picking up your body and bringing you up to your shared home. He was dedicated to getting you situated, prepared to take care of you as much as he needed to. That’s how he found himself tending to your scrapes and bruises right now.

“You know I’m never going to let you drink again.” Shouto teases you, smirking lightly at your sad expression.

“You’d never!” You argued back with the same teasing tone, moving to cross your arms, stifling the pain as you did so.

Todoroki snorts at your dedication to hold up the act, nodding his head as he finished cleaning up your legs. “You’re right. But don’t expect me not to monitor you from now on.” 

A smile tugs at your lips at his words, uncrossing your arms. The lingering drunk feeling still played in how you thought and spoke but not managing to affect how effortless it was to talk to Shouto. You blushed when he picked up your hands, kissing the back of your hands as he spoke to you once again.

“I have a present for you.” He mutters against your skin, eyes trained on the fresh bandages before looking up at you. He wasn’t looking for an answer and he didn’t wait for one either. He hoped that you couldn’t tell that he was weary, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small velvet box. 

Your eyes widened at the realization of what he held in his hand, your heart beating faster as you sat up in your chair. “Sh-Sho?”

“It’s not what you think.” He responds almost defensively. Shouto bites his lip in anticipation, fiddling with the little box. “... it’s a promise ring,” Todoroki concludes. He felt like he had to explain himself for the slightly expensive jewelry. “If you don’t want it-”

You had engulfed him in a hug, pulling him tight against you as you had started to sob. You couldn’t think of words for how happy you were. The only thing that had taken over your body was actions. You nuzzled your face into his neck once his arms wrapped around your shaking your body. His hands soothingly rubbed your back, letting you get out what you wanted. He couldn’t help but laugh when you pull away with the most love-filled face he’d ever seen you make.

“You okay?”

“I’m perfect!” You hastily wiped your face with the help of Shouto, shakily laughing once he leaned into pepper your face with kisses. 

“I was afraid that I scared you,” Shouto admits. You shake your head as you grab his hands, placing his palms on your cheeks, appreciating his soft palms.

“No… your hands are really soft…” You mumble. Your mind went blank as you tried to remember the next line you were going to speak, pouting as you looked around for the answer. The shock of him handing you the ring has successfully shaken you into processing your brain a little better, the heavy impacts of your drinking still lingering on.

“Are you okay?” He asks, worried. You nod your head in affirmation. 

“A kiss could cheer me up.” You give him the same puppy eyes that you used before, weaponizing your cuteness to your advantage. He slightly cringed at the thought, hesitating before leaning in and placing a soft kiss against yours. He prepared himself to taste the alcohol against his lips. He pulled away once he deemed it ready, wiping his mouth and getting the ring he kept in his hand the whole day.

“I think you owe me by wearing the ring for making me kiss you.” He huffs, slipping the ring on your finger, his heart beating at the sound of your giggle.

“Nah you love me without the ring~”

“Yes, but I’d prefer you with it on.” He stands up and holds his hand out for you, taking you into his arms once again for the night and carrying you to your room. “For now get some rest, okay?” He sat you down on the bed and got you changed out of your clothes, sneaking in a few playful kisses here and there to make you laugh. Shouto’s main focus was just to get you situated to sleep peacefully for the night. 

“G’night, Sho…” You mutter to him as you got comfortable in the sheets. Although the returning soreness didn’t go away you had managed to close your eyes and get comfortable.

“Goodnight.” He watched you until you fell asleep before leaving the room to prepare for you the pain medication you’d need in the morning for your impending hangover. 

You never needed the promise ring to let you know he loved you; his actions always told you so.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha todoroki shouto #bnha todoroki shouto x reader #bnha todoroki #bnha todoroki x reader #bnha shouto todoroki #bnha shouto x reader #bnha shouto #mha todoroki shouto #mha todoroki shouto x reader #mha todoroki #mha todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki #todoroki shouto #shouto todoroki x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #bnha imagines #mha imagines #bnha fluff #mha fluff #x reader #sav sfw #happy birthday todoroki!

[tigerdrop]

Cringe is dead, talk to me about the funny half-life men and their relationship

okay here is my essay. it is titled These Guys Actually Like Each Other, and Gordon Freeman Is Just Kind Of A Dick*

(disclaimer: these are just my 2 cents. dont take me too seriously! im just some guy online who has watched this shit too many times.)

first things first. these guys actually like each other. this is a key aspect of their relationship. benrey, obviously and textually, digs gordon freeman - you dont flirt that heavily with guys you arent into, and so much of what he says and does is geared around making gordon crack up. thats pretty gay.

but the counterpart to this is that gordon freemans pretty fucking gay for benrey, too. you may say, “oh, but word of god says its not requited!” and to you i will say: bull shit. gordon is uniquely obsessed with benrey compared to all the other characters. if gordon didnt like the fucking guy, he wouldnt giggle with him and share in-jokes with him and bring him up every 5 seconds when benreys not around. thats concern, bro. thats worry. thats real shit

but i cant blame people for thinking that gordon freeman genuinely doesnt like benrey. benreys partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to him, the Arm Thing among them. and gordons very insistent afterward that he doesnt like benrey. he even goes so far as to try to kill benrey a couple times. to this, i must argue that gordon freeman is just kind of a dick.

lets talk facts here. canon. Lore. from the moment we hop into gordons shoes, we can see that he is a jerk to every npc on his way into black mesa. this is his default: a dude who just runs his mouth and says rude shit. he calls tommy a freak within 5 minutes of meeting him. he infantilizes the guy and barely considers him a real scientist. he doubts that bubby is a real name for like no fuckin reason. in “real life”, this is because its funny, and wayne is trying to make a funny half-life stream. in a textual sense, this is because gordon “hlvrai” freeman is a dick. this is the way he acts, consistently, throughout the series.

(brief aside: this is why the whole “gordon is a nice guy and a great dad” characterization baffles me. the way he actually acts in canon is, in short, bitchy and lacking in self-awareness. and i love that for him, i really do. it makes the moments where he just tries to be a nice guy stand out. but thats the thing: his intermittent moments of decency and kindness are not the whole of his personality! this dude kind of sucks most of the time!)

the way that gordons general asshole attitude extends to benrey is complicated. in fairness, benrey makes it his job to annoy the shit out of gordon as much as possible, and that warrants a negative attitude, but gordons pretty paranoid and ends up blaming benrey for nearly everything that happens to him, regardless of if its warranted. this is a pattern he exhibits both before and after the Arm Thing. its a little bit of a dick move! especially considering that, prior to the whole “betrayal” subplot (which was not exactly planned very far in advance), benrey is no more malicious or annoying than anybody else gordons having to travel with.

(okay, this is kind of a subjective evaluation, but still. my point stands that benrey is not any more of a hindrance to his progress than anybody else in the science crew, and neither is he particularly more violent or murderous. hell, gordon freeman has probably killed more guys than benrey. benrey just tends to get.......special treatment.)

all that said, i am still convinced that gordon really fucking likes benrey. please consider with me the following: it would be remarkably easy for gordon to just ignore him and do what he has to do, but he doesnt. he could stop engaging. he could stop thinking about benrey. he could stop bringing benrey up to the rest of the crew every time benrey leaves to do his own thing for awhile. but he doesnt. and, again, yeah, the extra-textual reason for this is “two guys are doing an improv comedy thing and bouncing off of scorpy is kind of the point”, but within the text it reads to me as gordon not being about to get the dude off his mind.

and this is in addition to all the times we see gordon being genuinely nice and receptive toward benrey! its in the little things: laughing the hardest and longest at benreys jokes. only ever reciprocating that stupid underwater “BBBBB” thing with benrey. trying to catch benrey when he falls, despite his insistence moments earlier that benrey should hop in the wack ass crystal generator and get hypermurdered. fondly remarking that benreys sweet voice sounds beautiful. his sort of flustered responses to most of benreys overt flirting. none of this is the way normal people react to a guy they hate. this is all fuckin gay to me, man.

its this combination of the outward insistence that gordon hates benrey with his inner eagerness to be around him and think about him and engage with him that gives off strong “repression” vibes, to me. for whatever reason - pride, embarrassment, resentment - gordon maintains a front of hating the guy and wanting to kill him for a lot of the series, but it doesnt gel with the way he fucking giggles and plays along half the time that benrey starts fucking with him. its a game, and that game is one of the only ways gordon knows to manifest affection for him.

(remember “oh my god, hes got a knife!”? that was the gayest shit i ever seen in my life. tittering like a schoolgirl while benrey chases him around like “im gonna get you haha”. insanity.)

the cool thing about repression is that you can have it manifest in a lot of ways! and this is where things like “headcanons” and “my own personal affection for repressed bisexual men” come in. a lot of how i characterize their relationship is an extrapolation of a lot of things like gordons canonical insecurity issues/anxiety, gordons whole anti-bootboy thing screaming “internet wokeboy who means well but probably has a lot of repressed baggage” to me, etc.

how do you get massive amounts of sexual repression out of what you see in canon, you might ask? well. if wayne would stop having gordon talking about being jerked off by the suit, or talking about chugging a 40-gal drum of potion and having to hold his piss, or worrying about being eaten by benrey the moment he sees benrey at setscale 10, maybe i would have a higher opinion of gordon “hlvrai” freeman and whatever latent psychosexual issues hes got going on. but here we are

i havent even touched yet upon how benrey feels about gordon. this one is helpfully made a little more plain by the fact that benrey very much wants to suck his dick in canon. (i dont even have to go into details. we all know.) but IMO the best part about this ship isnt just that they dig each other, but how. benrey gets overtly flirtatious in the second half of the series, but IMO his preferred method of flirting is just fucking with gordon: chasing him with knives, shoving him around in a bathroom, trying to get scans of his feet. but all in like a slapstick, giggly, fun-and-games sense, you know? at least when it works.

a lot of the time, though, it doesnt work out that way. he clearly just likes doing it whether or not gordon responds positively. which is, you know, Weird. not very nice. but also in line with the way everybody else treats gordon freeman. gordons kind of the universes chew toy in any given universe, and the same holds true here. hes kind of helpless......subjected to 4 demons attempting to make his life as difficult as possible. in a way its cathartic.

sorry. i got sidetracked. anyway, benrey very much likes to mess with him and unnerve him and demean him and i will be perfectly frank with you: that is hot. i have problems and illnesses and one of them is that i am a masochist who goes crazy for that kind of thing. calling gordon a “dirty lil boy” and telling him to “look at the mess [he] made” is some straight up kink scene shit.

i like to imagine that a lot of this behavior isnt caused just by the guy who played him wanting to be funny and antagonistic, but by benrey as a character not really understanding what constitutes “pushing a joke too far”. hes not human, and whatever he is doesnt have a very normative way of understanding the world around him, full of people who actually get hurt for real and die for real. benrey expresses what seems to be genuine surprise and distress after the Arm Thing, as if he didnt know that his actions would have serious consequences. and it doesnt seem to fully sink in afterward, either.

it reads a lot to me like hes used to video game rules and treating people around him like NPCs. if they get hurt, its no big deal, because its not real. he likes jamming random buttons on gordons interface and seeing what comes out. its probably a lot of fun for him, the same way that seeing a streamer or a youtuber suffer for our amusement is fun. its like, you know, in my opinion, gordons very cute when hes frazzled. hes also cute when hes laughing. pushing gordons buttons has a 50/50 chance of either of these things. and this is how he ultimately flirts with gordon: by pulling his pigtails.

but at the same time, benrey does legit care about gordon and knows some boundaries. benreys the one most often shooting at enemies to protect gordon, and he spent most of the last act trying to convince gordon to turn around and not fight him because they were friends (best friends, to be specific). he just lacks a lot of the emotional intelligence it would take to express the feeling of “he digs gordon and likes seeing his face get all red and sweaty regardless of the cause”. and gordon lacks the emotional intelligence it would take to express the fact that he doesnt know if he likes or hates benrey and hes scared as hell that its the former

because, lets be real. unironic benrey-liking is a sign of problems disorder. just look at all these words ive written about it.

can you imagine? this bizarrely powerful, non-human entity that can shrug off gunfire and grow to the size of a building has decided that youre his new plaything. benreys the bored guy booting up skyrim and fucking around in the console, and gordons the hapless favorite follower that hes taken a liking to. its a really fun dynamic IMO

after all this, its safe to say my title is a little misleading. the asterisk stands for * and So Is Benrey, Actually. they are both kind of awful dudes who thrive off of teasing each other and they deserve each other. and i am crazy about it. thank u for coming to my TED talk

#asky #careposting

[unstoppableforcce]

golden

CHAPTER ONE: simplicity

pairing: Poe Dameron x oc! Anya

next part | masterlist | oc art

a/n: this is set before the Force Awakens and is a rewrite and expansion of one of my first fics. it’s a big one, this part is 6.7k which might be the longest thing i’ve ever written lol, but i love my oc and the relationships and the plot of this, i hope yall do too bc i can’t wait to write more!!! 

He had forgotten how beautiful the galaxy could be. 

Before him, through the clear windshield of the dilapidated transport ship, laid an expanse of towering mountains of green, thick like the jungles of Yavin IV he knew so well, and vast like the breath of the galaxy he was only beginning to familiarize himself with. In the valleys that sat between the intimidating heights of the jungle were ponds and lakes, illuminated by the contrast of their soft pink hue and the sunlight from three suns beating down on them overhead. And within each jaw-dropping landscape they flew over, the lanky jungle trees stretched high and interwoven with each other and the depths of the gentle pink lakes, he caught glimpses of the hidden civilization. 

Stone buildings of dark brown granite hidden beneath the twisted green vines and thick, overgrown tree trunks, windows of reflective glass cascading like waterfalls built back into the shape of the mountains. From as high as they were, flying above in the shaky transport ship, he could make out the movement of the people through the trees and on wooden crescent boats out in the milky pink water of the lake, working as the suns bore down on their backs. 

Flying in his X-wing, he had mission objectives and responsibilities. He travelled from point A to point B and never lingered in one place for longer than he needed to, not with the First Order patrols cracking down across the galaxy. He couldn’t remember the last time he had travelled so slow, the last time he got to truly see the colors of the universe around him which normally passed in hyperspeed blurs. 

He had forgotten how beautiful the galaxy could be. 

“Wow…” the awe fell from his lips unconsciously as his eyes stayed wide, scanning the horizon not only out of necessity given their flight path, but because he couldn’t look anywhere else. The D’Qar jungle was said to be beautiful, as beautiful as this, but for the past months he had been tasked with growing their new base there, he saw the inside of buildings and the burn of haunting fluorescent lights more than he did the real greenery and sunlight. 

It was… breathtaking to say the least. 

“I thought I misremembered,” the calm and collected voice of the General sounded off over his shoulder as he slowed his speed to navigate a lofty bit of cloud cover that surrounded the tops of the mountainous valleys he navigated between. “I convinced myself somehow that no place in the galaxy could be as beautiful as I remembered but I was wrong.”

He couldn’t blame her. If he wasn’t seeing it with his own eyes as his hands gripped tight to the controls of the ship, he wasn’t sure he would have believed it either. 

Waterfalls of the lightest pink hue, the sparkling of the natural granite deposits in the rock which shined equally as bright as the city construction as they continued over it, the polished rock made into skyscrapers which rivaled the surrounding mountains in height, the natural overgrowth of green vines and thick canopy tree tops… the more he saw, the more Poe found himself overwhelmed by the beauty. 

“How far until the palace?” He hummed with a brief quirk of his jaw back over his shoulder to Leia as his eyes stayed trained on the intricate habitational design and fields woven between towering structures which shadowed over smaller homes which led to more fields and rivers, rocks and jungle. 

“Not far, it’s impossible to miss.”

It hadn’t made sense at that moment, but he refrained from asking her to expand, trusting that whatever she meant would be clear to him as they kept going. Within the following minute, his trust proved itself. 

The nose of the ship lifted slightly to get them over a particularly tall mountain top, and as the clouds cleared away while he nosed back into the valley below, he found the most gorgeous architectural and natural displays he had ever laid his eyes on. Built, like the hidden structures he had seen earlier, into the most commanding mountain of sparkling brown granite in the landscape before him, the palace was a delicate, yet proud masterpiece with spires as high as the clouds and a bustling marketplace pouring out the front of it, spilling towards the shore of the pink ocean before it. 

Banners of colors brighter than he even knew existed fluttered in the wind coming in off the coast throughout the marketplace, and as he brought the ship in to a stop at the surrounding rim of the mountain above the palace’s top spires where all the other ships sat, he began to notice the vibrant crowd which flowed from the boats in the water all the way through the palace gates. He loved his home with all his heart, but this was the most beautiful place in the galaxy. It had to be. 

He and Leia quickly unloaded from the non-descript ship, and Poe made sure to leave his blaster secure in the cockpit as Leia had instructed him earlier, taking only his jacket and communicator with him. A jacket he quickly realized he would not be needing as the two of them stepped out amongst the ships atop the mountain and felt the overwhelming heat from the suns above them. 

“Don’t be too in awe, we are here for a reason.” He glanced back from where he stood near the edge of the flattened mountain top to see Leia stood as regal as ever with her hands linked behind her back and her stare that of a careful mother. “An important reason,” she minded once more and he had no choice but to nod. 

As he reluctantly pulled away from teh edge and joined her at her side while they drew closer to the nearby lift and the mindlessly chatting guards stood around it, he couldn’t help but voice the one thought he couldn’t get out of his mind,“I can’t imagine a place like this ever allying with the First Order.” 

With a voice lowered closer to that of a whisper while they passed the guards, Leia carefully minded him again, “There is a complicated history to Haiki, as beautiful as it is.”

“All the briefing memo said was that they were great allies during the war, pacifists, but great allies.” He responded in an equally hushed tone until the doors to their lift shut and they began descending deep into the dark, sparkling rock. “You said their leader was a friend.”

“Their King and Queen were friends of mine while I was still living on Alderaan and fighting with the rebellion, unfortunately the queen died shortly after the Empire fell and their king has been sick for almost as long.” She explained as the thick walls of granite passed quickly by them as they continued to descend. 

“Who are we here to meet with then?”

The lift came to a stop at the bottom and the doors opened to a dense crowd of people, all dressed in vibrant colors of thick woven fabric, skin decorated with thick strokes of black ink in intricate designs that varied from body to body. But as much as Poe wished to step forward and immerse himself into the lively crowd of the market, Leia’s firm grip on the elbow of his jacket pulled him in the opposite direction, towards an open doorway outlined by beautiful branches and bright flowers as her words quickly pulled him back to the reality of their mission there. 

“We’re meeting with the Princess,” Leia answered as they continued down the hall illuminated by windows which brought cascades of bright light into the halls as they travelled in a direction which seemed to Poe as if it were going deeper into the rock of the mountain. “I’ve met her before, but she was young, now she runs the whole planet and, from what I can tell, is not as eager about our alliance as her parents were.”

“You think she’s fielding threats from the First Order? You said they were pacifists--”

“It’s not about weapons or defense, it’s about supplies.” Leia sighed as the two of them came to a halt in the middle of the hallway, allowing the few locals who were walking behind them to pass in front and leave them alone with the bright sunlight. “We need their support, the medicine they create, the food they grow… If we don’t get it, I don’t know how much longer we can survive.”

Poe nodded, his overgrown curls bouncing with the nod of his head as he glanced around the empty hall and began pulling his jacket off his already sweat-slicked back. 

He knew they were there for support, but the briefing memo had been vague on purpose. No one else could know they were there, no one could know why they were there. If there was a leak, if the First Order somehow found out that the Resistance was reliant on Hakian support to survive, they’d decimate the entire planet, strip mine them for their resources and slaughter their peaceful population. 

He trusted their people, and he knew Leia did too, but he also understood why he had to be kept in the dark until now. This was just too important. 

“When we get in to see her, you’ll call her only ‘princess’ or ‘dekka’, never by her first name unless she gives you permission. And make sure you keep your distance, be respectful,” Leia warned as they slowly began walking again, turning a corner and entering another well-lit hall still travelling deeper into the mountain it seemed. “They are sticklers for tradition here and we can’t afford to play around.”

“What does ‘dekka’ mean?” 

“Respected one.” She answered quickly, keeping her voice close to him as another person came into view at the end of the hall. 

The man towered just like the mountains they flew through did, taller than any human man Poe had seen in person, nearly wookie height if he was being honest. But there was nothing intimidating about him, he merely flashed a bright smile and opened his arms in a welcoming stance. 

“Princess Leia, it is an honor to see you again.” The man bellowed out, meeting them at the end of the hall where it let out into a gorgeous room of tall ceilings and windows that stretched from the polished granite floor all the way up to the tallest rafters of twisted vine and tree root, letting in an electric amount of natural light. 

Leia quickly unlinked her hands from behind her back and wrapped them around the man, who stood at nearly twice her height, in a solid embrace. “Elias, it’s an honor to see you as well.”

“I had no idea you were coming, whatever can I help you with?” His thick accent continued to cut through the air, louder than Leia could muster by several dozen decibels. His command over the basic language wasn’t too strong, but he certainly made up for his shortcomings with heart and confidence.

However, no amount of strength of heart could overwrite the confusion outlined by his words, leaving an unsettling feeling in Poe’s gut. Judging by the slight deflation in Leia’s commanding stance, it was clear he wasn’t the only one. 

“No idea…” Leia chuckled nervously, trailing off with a brief shake of her braids. “We were meant to meet with Dekka Anya-Va, is she not here?”

Elias’ chuckle was equally as unsettled, something was wrong. 

“She hasn’t been in all day,” he added as another rough chuckle escaped his lips, “I didn’t know she had schedule, she didn’t tell me…”

Seven hours. That’s how far away Haiki was from D’Qar when travelling as fast as possible in the only non-resistance ship available, an old, deteriorating transport ship. He spent seven hours behind the controls on a trembling, shaking ship, and the Princess they were supposed to be meeting with to secure necessary supplies for the resistance was not there? Was this some kind of joke?

If it was, he didn’t find it very funny. 

Leia glanced back over her shoulder, finding the waiting confusion that covered Poe’s face and turned back to Elias wearing a very similar look. “She hasn’t been in at all?”

“She’s been… cutting me off, isolating herself from her advisors… I don’t know…” He stuttered over each and every word, clearly pulling them from a particularly painful place in his chest. 

And on any other day, Poe might have cared about the way the towering man’s intimidating voice trembled in his explanation. The overwhelmingly empathetic heart that beat steadily in his chest was accustomed to feeling for anyone from anywhere across the galaxy, but in this moment, the weight of the resistance was too apparent on his shoulders. 

If Leia said they needed this Princess to save the resistance, then that was that. They needed this Princess, and hearing that she was circumventing her advisors as much as she was avoiding their meeting only increased the nerves in his unsettled stomach. 

“You are welcome to wait for her in the throne room, I will send her your way whenever I find her…” Elias made a desperate attempt to relight the smile that had fallen from Leia’s diplomatic lips, but it only succeeded somewhat, as much as Leia could muster, feeling the same weight that Poe felt sitting heavy on her shoulders. 

“Thank you, Elias.” Leia bowed her head, and Elias quickly did the same. 

But the second Leia turned away from him and began nudging Poe back in the direction they came from, her diplomatic disposition fell away, returning her harsh, commanding stare. 

“She’s avoiding us?” Poe was quick to question as their pace hastened back down the brightly illuminated halls leading back to the busy marketplace. 

Leia shook her head, keeping her voice low as the two of them walked, shoulder to shoulder. “Remember when you asked if I thought she was fielding First Order threats already? I think we just got our answer.”

“What do we do?”

As the two of them entered back out into the dense crowd of the marketplace, Leia gave a brief shrug, still tugging him along with her as she fought against the flow of tattooed people. “Now, we have to find her.”

“Do you know where to look?”

The stare Leia gave him was one he was all too familiar with. It was the same look he got when he asked questions about procedure he already knew the answer to, the same look he got when he asked questions he knew she wouldn’t answer. It was a look that meant one thing. The simplest answer, the easier answer, the obvious one that was punching him directly in the face, was the answer he should be looking for. 

And with Leia, when it came to asking if she knew anything, the answer was without a doubt, a resounding ‘yes’. 

Following the banners, each one a color more vibrant than the last, Leia continued to push him through the marketplace. As they exited the front gate of the palace, the market grew impossibly larger and the crowd more dense, every soul moving with a specific purpose, from stall to stall with shoulders carrying heavy bags and faces bright with electric smiles. 

Poe couldn’t remember the last time he saw so many smiles in such a densely packed region.

The sun was beating down hot on his back, slicking his curls to his forehead in a light coating of sweat, but everyone around him seemed oblivious to it, either too distracted by the spices piled high in the booths, wafting a plethora of new scents around the beautiful square, or the swaths of fabrics covered in intricate stitches and designs. Was this what life was like where the war didn’t touch? 

People could walk around, fully immersed in their own vibrant culture wearing smiles brighter than the multiple suns which hung above them, seemingly without a care in the world when it came to the slaughtering and genocide happening around the galaxy at the hands of the First Order? Did they even know? 

Did the parents who let their kids run around with tightly woven baskets piled high with spiky blue fruit even know about the children across the galaxy who were stolen from their families and conscripted as nameless troopers? Did the elderly who sat off to the side even know that just last week, a village of respected elders on Nantoo were mowed down indiscriminately by First Order officers looking to set up base on their sacred land? Did any of them even know about the war?

If he lived here, maybe he could understand it. Maybe… 

But Stars, was ignorance really bliss when millions were being slaughtered? 

“I knew she’d be here…” Leia sighed, pulling Poe’s attention back to her pursuit as the market began to thin out closer to the pink translucent shore packed with crescent shaped boats of dark wood unloading at the docks. He didn’t know where to let his stare fall however, the water immediately took his attention, but as Leia kept walking, he fought to both find her stare and follow it in the same direction. 

The shore wasn’t packed, but there were just enough bodies to keep him guessing even as he followed Leia’s focus. Where was she looking--

He found her.

Nothing had changed, he still didn’t know exactly where Leia’s stare was directed nor did he have any verbal confirmation that he was looking in the right direction, but he was sure of himself, overwhelmingly sure of himself as his stare landed on the detailed tattoos that covered the back of the lone woman sat on the damp shore, isolated from the crowd. 

The thin interwoven fabric of the maroon dress that cascaded down her form was exquisite in it’s intricately stitched details, but nothing compared to the thick, jet black ink stripes that crested over her back and arms, the extent of the skin he could see from the angle they were approaching with. Everyone he had seen so far on this planet had some form of similar markings, be it extensive designs sprawling up their arms or small delicate images drawn on their hands or necks, but none compared to what he saw on her skin. 

It was like the dark ink was woven around her, like a vine crawling it’s way up a tree. Or maybe more aptly, it was a web, drawn by a diligent insect or maybe even claw marks from a creature, thick where the wounds ran the deepest and thin at the start and ends of each mark. 

Haiku itself was one of the most beautiful planets in the galaxy, but the woman before him was more beautiful than even that. 

It took an elbow in the side from Leia to snap him back to reality. 

“Why don’t you let me do most of the talking, yeah?” She countered, a knowing quirk to her brow as she nudged him again with her elbow. 

He wanted to argue back but Leia had already begun walking ahead of him and the second he moved to catch up, a large guard stepped up to block their path. 

This man was tall, like Elias back in the palace was, but he didn’t wear his intimidating height the same way. He was much broader in the shoulders, much wider in his stance, effectively blocking any line of sight either Poe or Leia had towards the princess. Yet unlike Elias, there was no friendly greeting, no real acknowledgement at all besides his narrowed scowl down towards the two of them. 

For a planet of self-proclaimed pacifists, Poe wasn’t really feeling at peace. 

Not until the soft hum of her voice flowed in from the gentle lull of the shore. “It’s alright, Xia, let them through.”

The wall of a man quickly stepped aside on her orders, revealing the exhausted collapse of her shoulders while she began to pull herself back up to her feet. The languid pull of her muscles was obvious with the delicate cut of the maroon dress across her skin, which contrasted the blood color of the fabric with a dark brown glow, not unlike the sparkle of the magnificent granite mountains under the overhead suns. 

“Dekka Anya-Va…” Leia addressed carefully but was quickly cut off by the return of her coarse hum of a voice. 

“I was hoping by not being at the palace that you would get the impression I didn’t want to meet with you,” her accent was thick, much like Elias’s but her comfort with the language was much more evident as it flowed much smoother from her lips despite the natural raspiness to her tone. It was a mesmerizing sound, complemented by the dulcet tone of the gentle waves, making it something he could easily get lost in if it wasn’t for his ability to still hear the words for what they were. 

Condescending. Nearly mocking if he was being honest. It just didn’t sit well with him, not when directed towards Leia. 

“We got the impression, we just ignored it,” Leia countered, pushing her careful tone to the side in favor of the tone she used when addressing her Commanders, a tone that commanded respect, even if the Princess seemed too aloof to provide it. 

She let out a rugged chuckle at that, jagged at the edges where it seemed to have fought through her throat and out from her perfectly shaped lips. “We…” she hummed, “I wasn’t aware you were bringing friends.”

The pointed tips of her words were sent like daggers with her stare as she turned from Leia to where Poe stood right beside her, hands linked behind his back and still holding his jacket in a tight grip. But as personal an assault it seemed, when he opened his lips to respond, Leia was quick to cut him off. 

“I--”

“This is my pilot, Commander Dameron.”

As unamused as the princess seemed to be, she still did a lot of stone-faced laughter, and that theme held true as her stare held on Poe’s furrowed and focused face. “Does the Commander have a first name?”

With a quick glance to Leia, then back to the Princess, he finally spoke for himself, answering “Poe,” simply. 

He didn’t know what he thought throwing his name into the conversation would add, but he couldn’t determine any reason why not to add it, not until the Princess turned her stare back to Leia and shuddered her shoulders back into a steady stance with her chin raised. “Would you mind telling Poe he can go wait by your ship, I don’t imagine it will be a long conversation.”

There it was again. Aloof, condescending, mocking even. Poe couldn’t stand it. 

“Excuse me--”

“Actually, Dekka Va, I brought him so he could join our talks,” Leia explained, one of her hands shooting up quickly to keep him in place by her side as she felt the heat of his temper rise with her words. 

“He doesn’t seem like he’d be much for conversation.”

He realized his natural disposition may not have been the most diplomatic, he also realized that hot-headed and cocky weren’t necessarily the best qualities for negotiating delicate alliances, but if she was allowed to talk to him with the tone she was taking, he was having a hard time understanding why Leia was keeping him silent. Why even bring him along?

It was infuriating. She was infuriating. She wouldn’t meet them in the palace, she was hiding on the beach, she was biting back with each and every one of her responses. He understood the alliance between her planet and the resistance was important, he really did, but why in the kriff was he even there--

“Dekka Anya-Va, I assure you, Poe is one of my most trusted Commanders and when our discussion eventually turns to shipment methods, he is the only one I trust for routes and numbers--” Leia began, still holding her hand out carefully in front of Poe only to drop it the second the Princess shrugged her shoulders and cut her off the same way she had been cutting Poe off. 

“There will be no shipment discussions.”

“Dekka--”

“I apologize for avoiding the meeting, but it wasn’t accidental, I truly have no interest in meeting with you, General.” She continued, using the brief second they stood silent and frozen in shock to navigate around them and back towards the market. 

Leia was the first to break out of it, Poe trailing behind, but he still remained quiet, holding back his boiling temper as the General continued to argue. 

“It’s a rather important conversation that we need to have.”

The princess continued forward as if she barely noticed them following, and as the density of the market's population began to increase the closer they moved to the palace, she made no move to slow her careful and practiced step through the crowd to accommodate their trailing. Again, condescending and aloof.

Leia broke his train of thought again as she fought with a quickened pace to find her way to her side and continue her argument just within range of Poe’s ears. “A face-to-face meeting will allow us to discuss our deal more intimately, take away any fears you may have and--”

If she cut Leia off one more time, it wouldn’t matter that she was the most respected being on this planet, Poe wasn’t going to be able to keep quiet for much longer. 

“I’m not afraid of anything, General.”

Before either Leia or Poe, with his temper steadily boiling over, could mount another argument, the princess pulled one of her guards aside, retrieving a small pouch of golden coins from him and turning back to the stall that had caught her eye in the first place. It was the stall they had passed earlier, filled with children and the spiky blue fruits which had caught his eye as he thought about the rest of the galaxy. 

And it was exactly where the princess was kneeling down. 

Her rough tone of voice, coated in it’s natural raspiness, flowed out much easier in her native tongue as she let a genuine smile take over her lips. The kids running the booth were bouncing out of their boots as she lowered herself to their level, and their excitement only grew as they began talking to one another in the Hakian language. It would have been heartwarming if Poe weren’t so frustrated. 

He didn’t understand what they were saying and it was clear as he glanced toward Leia and saw her focused brow that she didn’t understand the words being spoken either, but from the shared interactions, he had a pretty decent idea what was transpiring. 

She asked a question, the kids nervously responded, shaking their heads and trying to offer their product for free before she convinced them to accept her coin. Again, a heartwarming display that he didn’t have time for. 

The sun was hot, boiling hot down the back of his neck, and the anger bubbling from within his chest was heating him up from the inside out, making the whole experience ten times worse. He didn’t need to see any heartwarming display, he needed to say something, and he was becoming increasingly overwhelmed with the feeling that when he did, things wouldn’t go well. 

Yet the moment seemed to be drawing closer and closer as the Princess stood back to full height with a bag full of the spiky fruit, passing her coins back to her guard. He was ready to open his mouth, to unload on her with the same hot-headed cockiness that Leia feared he would lead with, but he was again denied the chance as she silenced him by turning her back to the two of them and reentering the crowd, heading back towards the palace. 

It wasn’t until they were down an isolated hallway of the palace that she turned back, opening the bag of fruit and pulling three of the spiked fruit out easily. 

“Dekka--” Leia tried, but the princess silenced her, sticking one of the fruits into her hand before carelessly tossing one in Poe’s direction. 

She was making a point, and they had no choice but to stand there and take it. 

“This is Mewe, one of our planet’s sweetest fruits,” she hummed, holding up one of her own and turning it gently for them to admire even if all Poe could manage was a subtle roll of his eyes. “They cannot grow anywhere else, they require massive amounts of sunlight, and they are one of the most versatile fruits that exist anywhere in the galaxy, edible on their own, full of health, easily fermented, their juice can soothe sore throats and upset stomachs...”

Puncturing the tough, spiky skin with one of her nails, the vibrant teal juices began to drain quickly out of the shell, too quick for even her quick mouth to catch as she brought the fruit to her lips. The following bite she took was effortless following her brief struggle with the dripping juices, and as much as Poe hated whatever point she was trying to make with this display, as Leia followed her lead and took a bite, he had no choice but to do the same. 

And as desperate as he was to stay boiling with anger when he looked at her, even with teal juices dripping down around the corner of her mouth, his mind was flooded with a delicious distraction the second his tongue touched the inner meat of the vibrant fruit. It wasn’t enough for Haiki to be the most beautiful planet in the galaxy, nor was it enough for her to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in person, they also needed to have the most overwhelming natural fruits. 

Each hesitant chew he took sparked flavors across his tongue, wild, exotic, unlike anything he had ever tasted before. It wasn’t just that his diet had consisted of bland ration packs for the past few years, the taste was truly sweeter and more complex than anything he had ever had on his tongue. 

As much as he hated giving her the satisfaction, while he looked up from the greenish inside of the skin to find her careful stare, he could see that he was doing little to hide his overwhelming satisfaction with the flavor given her increasingly smug smirk. 

“Haiki is a special place, I don’t think you realize that.” The Princess continued carefully, shifting her stare back to Leia directly. 

“We do, Dekka, however--”

“I don’t think you do.” She was quick to counter. “You would have me pledge my sponsorship to your futile movement and sacrifice my planet and the millions of souls who live here to the wrath of the First Order with nothing to offer me in return. You must think my planet worthless.”

Leia shook her head, taking a brief second to swallow the rest of the fruit she held in her mouth and regain her composure in order to fight back, “We can offer your planet protection from the First Order--”

“Because that worked so well for Alderaan, Raysho, Cardota and Courtsilius?” Again, the princess, without hesitation, cut her off. And this time, Poe was done holding his tongue, the heat finally sending his anger boiling over. 

“And pledging your allegiance to a sociopathic regime of murderers is preferable?”

It was exactly what Leia had feared. It was the exact reason she had tried so hard to keep him quiet. Not because she feared he would shoot and miss, but because of his tone. 

Each word drenched in a level of disrespect he hadn’t earned with her, stepping over a line he didn’t even realize, but one Leia couldn’t help him back from, even as she reached up to grab hold of him to prevent his anger from carrying him closer to the Princess and making things worse. 

“I’ll do whatever it takes to protect my planet.” She held her stance even as Poe stepped up, making no move but the slight uptick of her chin as he got closer. “As a peaceful planet, we have no options to arm ourselves outside of diplomacy and the First Order is being far more convincing.”

“Whatever they’ve said is lies, you can’t seriously consider trusting them.” He spoke like a man with no knowledge of his actions, entirely oblivious to the way her guard tightened their stances the closer he got, too blinded by his anger as she continued to argue back against him. 

“Because the resistance has never lied to us? Because you can be trusted implicitly on your word?”

With another step forward, eliminating any space between the two of them, Poe effectively cut Leia and her futile attempts to get him to back down out of the conversation. “What have they promised you? Safety? Isolation from the war? It’s only a matter of time before they are enslaving your people and stealing your resources--”

“They’ve promised me protection and have been nothing but cordial, unlike you and your failing resistance.” She scoffed, shaking her small bun of greying hair enough to let loose a few strands as she refused to back down. “So you’d do best to mind yourself before you overstep a boundary you can’t walk back from.”

There was a sense of finality to her tone as she ended her sentence, one Leia picked up on immediately, but even as she moved to grab more forcefully at Poe’s arm to pull him back to reality, he continued to fight his way out of it. Hot-headed, stubborn, cocky. She should have known better than to bring him along. She should have known things would go the way they were going. 

“You want me to play nice? People are dying.” 

Everything that happened next happened all too fast. The words came spewing from Poe’s lips and as the Princess turned away, no longer requiring herself to be subject to his cruel intonation, he reached out and grabbed her arm before he could be stopped. 

In the back of his mind, he could still hear the echoing warning Leia had provided him, telling him to keep his distance and speak with nothing but respect, but the flashes of war echoing in his head and the fire burning in his chest were crackling too loud for anything else to matter. A part of him knew it was out of line, that same part of him was begging for him to stop, and yet his hand still found the smooth, tattooed skin of her forearm, holding her in place as she moved to turn away in frustration. 

Leia took a strong hold on the sweat-soaked back of his shirt and yanked him back, but the damage had already been done. “Stand down, Dameron,” she tried out but by the time he released her arm, the guards had already descended upon him, gripping him by each arm and kicking the backs of his legs in to drop him to his knees. 

“I think the damage has been done, General.” Her voice was firm in her resolve and equally firm as her language switched and her tongue released a flurry of orders towards the guards who held the stubborn, fighting Dameron on his knees. 

“What the kriff-- I barely touched her--” He fought as their grips grew tighter, forcing him frozen where they held him. 

Leia tried again, this time not to hold Poe back but to carefully convince the princess, “Dekka Anya-Va, please…”

But her mind was made up and nothing either of them could do would change that. 

“We’ll let him think himself over with a sleep in our cells,” she explained to Leia as her stare then fell back to the squirming form of the curly haired and now defenseless pilot. “You can leave with him in the morning.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

“No, but it seems you might be.” The rough, raspiness to her tone which had been so distracting as it filtered out her accent shifted to something nearly playful, as if the whole display before her was amusing. He was being restrained by a towering guard of thick muscle on each side and she had the audacity to chuckle so plainly in his face, only making him fight more even if he knew it was futile. 

Leia stepped forward carefully towards the princess but before she could muster any last defense, the princess gave a wave of her hand and the guards, with shoulders wide in intimidating bulk, heaved the fighting pilot to his feet and began backing him up, dragging him in the opposite direction. 

“Dekka Anya-Va, let me apologize for his actions--”

“Mensha?” Her raspy voice interrupted the General before any real defense could leave her lips, ushering a young maid out from the small crowd which gathered around the display. “Please escort the General to a room where she can wait, give her anything she needs.”

“Dekka Anya-Va--”

“I’m not my mother, General, the sooner you learn that, the better for all of us involved.”

The long walk back into the depths of the granite palace was all too lonely as the Princess dismissed each and every member of her staff which approached her, even waving away the genuine concern on Elias’ brow and leaving him in the halls as she continued to the throne room. Her back was screaming out from the straight form she maintained with each and every step, but she held her stance and walked on, shoulders firm and chin up, just as she was taught. If anyone passed her, they had to see her as what she was, their leader. 

And leaders didn’t waver, no matter how strong the vacuum of emptiness swirling within their chest was, not when there were eyes to see. 

But the second the towering doors of intricate dark oak shut behind her, leaving her alone in the expansive and empty throne room, her shoulders fell in, collapsing her perfect form as her chin fell to her chest. The weight which settled there was too great, and the hollow gorge that tore through her heart was too powerful. 

Did he really think it was that easy?

Her throat burned with the heat rising out of her chest and her legs grew weaker with each step until she collapsed back against the exquisite throne of dark, sparkling granite consumed by overgrown vines, the words from the hot-headed pilot echoing through her mind, latching onto every thought. 

Did he think it was all that simple? Did he think she saw the blood on the hands of the First Order and so easily ignored it? Did he think it was that easy?

A sociopathic, murderous regime… did he really think she didn’t realize what they were? 

The bubbling in her gut continued on as her thoughts swarmed with a buzzing around her mind and her head fell forward into her hands where her elbows rested on her knees. Her fingers made furious circles of her temples but it made no difference, his words were there, haunting her mind and inescapable. 

Did they really think she didn’t know right from wrong? 

With the responsibility for millions of souls resting heavy on her back, the fate of her kind in her hands, it just wasn’t as easy as good versus bad. No matter how badly she wished it was. 

“Dekka Anya-Va,” the faint voice of one of her staffed maids entered her thoughts as the small woman carefully tiptoed into the room. “The prisoner is… angrily shouting for a meeting with you.”

Her back straightened on instinct, sending a shooting pain up her spine with the quick pace of the change. A pain she could barely mask with her regal tone as turned her stare towards the young woman, “we’ll leave him to calm himself down for now.”

“Of course, Dekka.”

As the door shut again, leaving her alone with her thoughts again, a sigh of insurmountable exhaustion fell from her lips and she collapsed back into the uncomfortable shape of stone. 

If only things could be that simple...

tags: (open)

@cammisanders @rogueonestan @blacksquadron-rougetwo @videogamesandpoorlifechoices @trust-dreamcatcher @mistermiraclee @witchyavenger @randomness501​ @buckstaposition​

#poe dameron #star wars #poe dameron x oc #golden series #princess au #princess leia #general organa

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

#did i have an announcement tag #announcement #also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted #my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee . #anyway um i hope everyones doing well #some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is #its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍‍♂️ #and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd #im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence #consider this my comeback stage

[calm-and-wine]

(I’ll give you) the best years

part IV (masterlist, taglist)

Hello and happy monday! I hope everyone is having a lovely day, as you all deserve. I’d like to take this moment to say one more thank you to everyone who voted for my little story for the awards. We got runner up for best sequel (like whaaaaat), that is crazy and I love every single one of you. Here is part IV, hopefully it’ll bring you a little escape. (it’s 9.5k which I think is the longest thing I’ve ever written, but apparently I couldn’t help myself with this one)

PART IV

March 2025

Lucy was familiar with Niall in his recording mode. When he was in the studio day and night, having one idea after the other. But Niall working on music for One Direction was a different story. She has never seen him so excited, he was bouncing off the walls, gushing about studio sessions and laughs he shared with the boys, constantly playing her bits and snippets of what they had been working on. But working as a team with three other guys made it much harder to make the couple’s schedules line up. However, they still made it work, as much as possible. Niall made sure to keep his schedule free for all the Grand Slams and he even managed to be with her for some other tournaments on her last tour as well.

She was more than impressed that the band managed to keep their reunion a secret, mostly working in Louis’ little home studio. Even though they definitely weren’t as watched by the public as a few years before, knowing how big of a deal the band was, Lucy was pretty sure that as soon as people would get a whiff of them possibly coming back, they would go crazy for those guys once again. It was just the magic of them, something no one could explain, least of all the men involved.

Her and Niall managed to meet up in Los Angeles for a little over a week. Harry was there doing promo for his upcoming movie, which he filmed early last year, so he could still work on some songs with Niall, while Lucy was supposed to do two magazine photoshoots and interviews, as well as a talk show appearance, before going to play in Indian Wells. She had done a few things like that before, been a guest on a few tv shows back in England after winning her first Grand Slam, then in America after the US Open triumph, there were some magazine things as well. But since January, after she announced this would be her last season as a professional player, quite a few offers came in. Apparently she was the new sports star in demand. She wasn’t the biggest fan of those kinds of things, they always made her nervous, the only place she liked being the center of attention was on court. But her manager and the rest of her team convinced her to do a few of those, assuring her that publicity like that would be good for whatever she wants to do in the future.

When Lucy finally crossed the threshold of Niall’s LA house (which he insisted was theirs, since they were married and all), all she wanted to do was slide her back down the door and curl into a ball on the floor. She was exhausted. The photoshoot ran longer than she expected, and after that she was interviewed whilst having dinner. The reporter was a middle aged man, not necessarily rude, but a lot of his questions were more like assumptions that rubbed her the wrong way.

She just took off her shoes, when her husband appeared in the hallway, looking all soft in athletic shorts and a long-sleeve shirt, his hair growing longer than usual lately, which Lucy kinda loved. He wasted no time in stepping closer to her and enveloping her in his famous hug, even though she often thought he reserved special tight ones just for her.

“Long day?” he asked, still holding her, her arms wrapped around his waist just as tightly.

She nodded, before admitting, “I actually kinda hated it.” Her words muffled, as she nuzzled her face into Niall’s neck.

He hummed, rubbing her back in order to relax her. “Are you hungry?” He asked, but she shook her head, still making no move to let him go. “How about a bath?”

At last, Lucy pulled away slightly to look at him, her eyes big and appreciative. “Yes, please.”

He planted a sweet kiss on her forehead, squeezed her one last time before letting her go, but not completely, intertwining their fingers and leading her upstairs.

He didn’t ask questions, sensing her mood, mostly her tiredness, and simply falling into step with her actions. She went to the sink to remove her makeup, hating not being able to do that right after the last photo was taken, finding the professional make up to be way too much for her. Niall started filling up the tub, adding her favourite salt and scented oil. He truly knew the way to her heart.

“Do you want some tea? Wine?” he asked, turning towards her, their eyes meeting in the mirror, the bathroom filled with the sound of the running water.

“That apple and cinnamon tea?”

Niall nodded at her request. “Coming right up.”

He made a move to leave, but she grabbed his forearm, keeping him in place.

“Stay for a minute, please? It’ll get cold before I’m done with this mess,” she said motioning to her face and hair, which was pinned up, mentally cringing at just the thought of the amount of hairspray that went into it.

To be honest, the main reason behind her plea was just the need for his company, which she thought he must have sensed, because he linked his arms around her waist from behind and planted a kiss on her neck, before stepping back and perching on the edge of the tub.

“Was today awful, then?” he asked, giving her his full attention and concern.

“Well..” Lucy hesitated for a second. “No, not really awful, just…” she sighed, trying to explain it the best she could without complaining too much or sounding ungrateful at the opportunities she had. “The photoshoot was fine, I don’t love those stuff, but the clothes were amazing and everyone was super nice, just quite tiring though. But the interview…” She trailed off, rubbing particularly hard at her eye to remove the fake lashes.

“What happened?” Niall asked, biting his lip nervously. Lucy got her bad days, everyone did sometimes, but she was usually cool and collected, burying herself under a blanket and putting on a feel-good movie or a tv show, preferably cuddling into Niall’s body as well. She didn’t like getting her frustration out, she did that only while working out or playing.

“I’m just so irritated, baby,” she let out an exasperated sigh, giving up on washing her face for a minute and turning towards Niall. “I knew there has always been a lot of unfairness in treatment of men and women in sports, you know, and I’m not even talking about money, just all those headlines, with us it’s always the most unflattering picture on the front page, we’re always criticised about our looks and outfits first, don’t even get me started on the Serena’s catsuit debacle, banning that was just so wrong. Men don’t get that. When a tournament starts people wonder how they’ll perform, not what they’ll wear.” She shook her head, trying to not raise her voice, even though she felt like annoyance and anger were seeping out of her body. “Do you know what’s the question I’ve been asked the most since January?” Lucy asked, but didn’t really wait for Niall’s response, even though he gave her a small shrug. “Whether I’m pregnant. Because apparently that is the only plausible explanation for retiring. Like… How would that even work?” she asked, throwing her arms out in exasperation. “I’m playing my last tournament in September, do they expect me to play heavily pregnant then? Or with a baby on my hand and a racket in the other? What the fuck even is this bullshit?” She was talking fast, all her questions rhetorical, although Niall wouldn’t even dare to interrupt her when she was on a roll like that. “Men don’t have to endure any of it, everyone just automatically assumes it’s a health thing or whatever. With us it’s just constant speculation about our love and family life. And just… Fuck that, I’m honestly so done with this.” She turned towards the sink once more, going back to washing her face, like she was truly done with the topic. She didn’t even expect any reassuring words or anything from Niall, just needed to let her feelings out and vent to someone.

Niall was quiet for a moment, all he could do while she was speaking was look at her with wide eyes and a pull in his heart. She was agitated, angry and annoyed, but there was also so much passion in her words. So much care, not even for her, but for the number of women that had to endure it all as well. He always knew she was superhuman, but in that moment he was even more aware of that. He truly felt for her, just as much as he was in awe of her brain, her compassion and her strength.

He kept his head down for a second, thinking about her words, contemplating how he could possibly help, whether it was even possible. It was usually Niall who got riled up and went on a rant, not Lucy, so it was a new situation, one he wasn’t completely sure how to navigate, but he couldn't say he liked it. Seeing her this annoyed and agitated made his heart give a painful squeeze inside his chest, having this instant need to protect her and make it all better. It wasn’t a very familiar feeling for him, knowing how strong and independent his wife was, sometimes pointing those kinds of injustice, like when she saw a picture of a fellow female player to go with the article, but it was purposely chosen to be a photo with her skirt flying up, or when she saw comments online how “disgusting” it is when women scream on court after a good (or bad) point, but when the men do that they’re just “passionate”. She shared her thoughts about that with Niall, but never let it truly bother her. But this time, it seemed like she had had enough. And he couldn’t really blame her.

He stood up and pulled her into a hug once again, knowing he was in no position to fix the world, but hoping to at least make his wife feel better.

“I’m sorry. Men are dicks,” he said, which made Lucy laugh. It was a real laugh, the sound coming straight from her belly and making Niall smile instantly, just getting that reaction out of her, which was exactly what he was hoping to achieve.

“They really are sometimes,” she agreed, her face all lit up now, finally free of any make up, her eyes regaining their usual spark.

This was his wife, Niall thought, the most beautiful woman in the world, just like that, with her face slightly red after the wash, her hair still in a perfect up-do and her eyes telling him all of her secrets. In moments like that, he could not believe just how lucky he was.

Lucy pulled him in for a kiss, before patting his shoulder and letting him know he can go get her that tea now. There was no need for more words, she knew she had his support, he wasn’t merely a listener, if she asked him, he would do whatever she wanted. But it wasn’t that kind of situation. The patriarchy could not be changed by him, nor her, so she just tried to let it go, already feeling lighter by sharing those burdening thoughts. Tea and a bath in the company of her husband ended up being her safe haven, and that was all she needed.

July 2025

As Lucy fell down, her back hitting the grass, she could not believe what had just happened. There was no way it was real. Apparently, she just won Wimbledon. Fucking Wimbledon. The most prestigious tennis tournament that ever existed. The one in her home country. The one she always wanted to win, but didn’t think she’d actually manage to. It was a dream she let go already. And now it was a reality.

The whole stadium was so loud, she could barely hear her own thoughts. She sat up and saw her opponent coming towards her with a smile. Naomi was the closest person she had to a friend out of other players and she was very appreciative that they could compete at such monumental occasions, there was something special about sharing those moments with someone you not only had respect for, but also genuinely liked.

“That was fantastic, congratulations,” Naomi said earnestly as they hugged.

“It was a great game, you gave me hell,” Lucy said, at which they both laughed.

She spent a minute taking a bow and thanking the crowd, before she went closer to the stand to get to her people. She started up the stairs until she got to her player’s box, where there was a small door on the side, it was installed a few years back, after multiple players went jumping up and climbing the box, now it was much easier. It was only a moment before she was engulfed in a hug by her dad who sat the closest, her mum putting her arms around them a second later, turning it into a three way hug. Lucy could not keep the tears at bay any longer, she could hear her parents saying kind and loving words into her ears, but she was so emotional, still in a state of absolut shock, she wasn’t able to really process them. They let her go after a minute and all she had to do was take one step to be wrapped in her husband’s arms and crying on his shoulder.

“You mad, mad woman,” Niall whispered with a laugh, followed by a few kisses on her cheek, right by her ear, rubbing a calming hand over her back.

She stayed in his arms for probably way too long, seeing as there were thousands of people watching them and even more in front of the telly, the whole thing being broadcasted all around the world. But she didn’t care, she needed Niall, his presence always calming, his amazing hug and the smell of his cologne mixed with a bit of sweat from sitting in the sun feeling like home.

When she pulled away slightly, his eyes were shining. It always amazed her with how much love and pride he could look at her. Even though she usually looked at him the exact same way. She planted a simple peck on his lips before squeezing his arms with a smile and moving along to hug her coach, Mia and Natalia, Niall’s mum who, for three years now, has been coming to London for the two weeks during which the tournament took place to watch her play, then Lucy high fived the rest of the people in her box, including her manager, Niall’s cousin and best mate and their friends, Laura and Iain.

She could stay up there forever, sharing smiles and hugs with the people she cared about, but she had a trophy to pick up, after all. She actually probably took a bit too long already, because as soon as she was back down on court, she was hurried to the side to give a little speech before they presented her with a trophy. But they could wait for her, after all, she was the champion.

~~

“Shit, Niall!” Lucy called out, which prompted her husband to come out of the bathroom running a towel through his wet hair, while the other was wrapped around his waist. “I just won Wimbledon. Do you know what that means?”

He looked at her with an arched brow, like she was mental. “Um.. A lot, I guess? I don’t know what you’re on about, love,” he chuckled.

She threw her head in laughter, looking absolutely beautiful lying on the bed, in a shirt of his, her skin slightly tanned against the white sheets, her body tired, but her eyes bright with glee.

“Well, yeah, but first of all, that means I’m going to be a member of The All England Club, which is super cool and basically I’ll be able to go there to train or just play or hang out and I’ll probably be invited to matches at Wimby in the future.” Her eyes, despite tiredness, were shining.

“You’ll get a plus one ticket, right?” he asked, draping his hair towel over the chair and stepping closer to where she was. “Does being your husband make me like an honorary member or something?”

“Mmm I don’t think so, babe. You might have to win the tournament for that,” she giggled, when he grabbed her calf and made a move to tickle her, but didn’t actually go through with it. “But I will probably get two tickets, so you’re lucky I like you. But the second super fun part is that there’s the Champions’ Dinner going on tomorrow night. And seeing as I’m a fricking champion,” she said with a huge grin, the words still sounding unreal, “we’re invited.” Her face momentarily changed into one of horror. “Oh fuck, Niall!” she exclaimed, completely horrified. “I don’t have anything to wear! What the hell, how am I supposed to get a dress in less than a day?”

Niall’s shoulders shook with silent laughter at how terrified she looked. “Well, you’ve got quite a few dresses you could wear.”

“Niall!” Lucy reached for the pillow to hit him with, but he was too quick, grabbing it before it made contact and throwing it on the other side of the bed, still laughing. “It’s The Champions’ Dinner! It’s a big thing. I can’t just wear any old dress,” she explained, her eyes narrowed.

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” he leaned towards her to peck her lips, before going back into the bathroom. He came back a minute later wearing a fresh pair of pants and shutting off the light after himself. “Oh wait,” he stopped in his tracks, looking at her with furrowed brows, “what about the dress you got for The Brits?”

“Ohhh that’s a good idea!” she exclaimed, grinning automatically. She did more smiling today than any other time, her cheeks actually started to ache earlier. “Do you think it’ll be alright?”

“It’s a gown, right?” he asked, shrugging. “And from what I remember it’s really pretty.”

“Yeah, you’re a bit of a genius,” she admitted, looking at him appreciatively. “I knew there was a reason why I married you.”

“Yeah, cheers,” he sniggered with fake offence, sitting at his side of the bed, with his back to his wife and reaching for his phone.

Lucy watched him fumble with it for a bit, probably responding to some messages, before she got up to her knees and crawled over to him, putting her arms around his torso from behind.

“You okay? Seemed pretty quiet during dinner,” she said quietly, putting her chin on his shoulder and looking at the side of his face. After she was done with a press conference and one or two more interviews after her win, they went for a celebratory dinner with their families, friends and her team, where surprisingly, Niall wasn’t his usual charming self, talking only when asked, even spacing out a few times.

Niall furrowed his brows slightly and reached to put his phone back on the bedside table. He hummed before speaking. “Yeah, just tired. I also have a bit of a headache, from sitting in the sun, I think.” He looked at her and when she didn’t seem entirely convinced, he planted a sweet kiss on her lips. “Aren’t you tired? Or are you still buzzing with adrenaline? Will you be able to sleep?”

She rested her forehead on his shoulder, not wanting to put distance between them yet. “Still buzzing a bit, but I think once my head hits the pillow, I’ll be out, cause I am genuinely wiped out. I think I’m getting old.”

Niall snickered at that, maneuvering their bodies so they faced each other. “You are most definitely not getting old,” he said, putting both his hands on her cheeks. “Don’t forget that I’m older than you and I am definitely not anywhere near being old.” He gave her another kiss and for a second Lucy felt like he wanted to convey something with it, something he didn’t want to say out loud, but she had no idea what and she didn’t want to push him with questions. So she just kissed him back, trying to somehow transfer all the love she had for him.

~~

The last two days, since Lucy’s Saturday triumph, were crazy. The Champions’ Dinner was the best party she had ever been to, even though she was stressing about the tradition that was Champions’ dance, during which the male and female winners were supposed to dance together, but seeing that the men’s champion was Alexander, her worry almost disappeared, as he was someone she’s known for years, him being a year younger than her, they’ve seen each other around since playing as juniors, he had always been a laugh. It was actually incredibly nice to share that night with him, as they were both first time Wimbledon champions. Other than that, she had quite a few interviews and tv appearances as the champion.

So in the evening, they were sitting on the sofa, eating takeaway, because when they finally got home, none of them felt like cooking.

“Niall, since when do we not talk to each other?” Lucy said putting her plate down, done with the silence, but it was about more than just this moment.

“Hm?” he finally snapped his head up and looked at his wife. He barely said a word since they left the filming studio. He wanted to tag along today, it was his idea, but truth be told, he had been kind of distant since they came back after Wimbledon final. It was like he had been swallowed by his thoughts, engrossed in his own mind.

“You’ve been by my side for the past two days, but it’s like you’re lost inside your own head. And you keep giving me this weird look, last night at dinner and all through today…” Lucy noticed those things right away, having learned his body language and all the different cues after years together. But now, she was tired of waiting for him to speak up and say what is going on in his mind. “And I don’t know what it is, but you’ve never looked at me like that before. And I don’t like it,” she admitted, although she never thought she wouldn’t like the way Niall looked at her, but it was very far from his usual soft gaze. “It’s like you’re thinking something over or having regrets or.. I don’t know,” she shrugged, feeling a bit hopeless. “I don’t want to push you, but I’m worried and I’d just want to know what’s going on. We’re supposed to be open and honest, always. So please, just tell me what’s worrying you, baby.”

Niall hung down his head once again. He knew she’d pick up on his behaviour, the same way he could always tell when her head was spinning with thoughts. And it wasn’t like he had been trying to keep something from her, he just didn’t know what to say, how to breach the topic. However, he wasn’t aware she had been worrying about him like that.

“It’s just…” he started, but paused right away, licking his lips, putting his plate down on the table, eyes focused on his lap, where he started fidgeting with his fingers. “I think that maybe you should reconsider your retirement,” he said after a beat, lifting his head but still not exactly looking at her.

“What? Why?” she said truly confused and shocked. He had her full attention even before, but now she was looking at him with furrowed brows, trying to inspect everything about him, looking for any clues he might give.

“Well, do you not want to play longer?” he asked, eventually meeting her gaze, rubbing his palms over his jeans, because they began to feel clammy. “You know you could, the past two weeks just proved that.”

She was silent for a minute, trying to collect her thoughts, think of a reason why he would want her to keep competing. His eyes were darting around, like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to watch her or avoid her gaze.

“Are you having doubts about us?” she asked eventually, starting to mindlessly twist the wedding band on her finger.

“What?” Now he was the one completely thrown off, his brows creasing and nose scrunching, which was an expression he had when he was concentrating, and one of her favourites, but not in this situation. At least the question made him truly look her in the eyes, focus on her.

“Now that we could actually settle down, spend most of the time together and not be constantly scattered around the world, does it scare you?” Lucy elaborated, trying to explain her worry.

“No, fuck, Lulu, why would you think that?” he exclaimed right away, almost offended by her question.

“Well, what am I supposed to think, Niall?” She slightly raised her voice as well. “I thought we were both excited for this, to build more of a home together, to not have to miss each other all the time and say goodbye every other week or month. And now you’re basically saying that maybe I should keep going around the globe playing tennis, being away from you, so what should I think?” She started gesticulating, throwing her hands around a bit, shrugging with that last question.

“It’s not that at all, Jesus,” he huffed, his hand going up to rake through his hair. “I don’t know, maybe you should know I love you, huh? I mean, we are married and all that...” His voice wasn’t particularly loud, none of them were screaming, but they were both clearly agitated, their voices rough, almost piercing.

“Yeah, but that’s all we know. Me travelling 10 months a year, you going back and forth between LA and London, or New York, or touring the globe,” she pointed out. “Trying to have little moments here and there, but not being together all year round. Probably not even half of it. And maybe that’s not what you want, maybe you didn’t think about it, when you asked me to marry you. I don’t know,” her voice was becoming more and more thick with emotions, but now that she had all those horrible, scary thoughts in her head, she couldn’t stop it.

“Stop!” he blurted, not even loudly, but sternly, which made Lucy snap out of her spinning state. “Okay? Just stop saying those things,” his face was contorted, almost like he couldn’t listen to the things she had been saying, like he was in pain because of her words. “What about the months when your knee was fucked up? Didn’t we spend every day together then? Was I running away scared? Did I not love having you home? How can you even… Fuck!” Both his hands were in his hair, tagging frustratingly. He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath, before speaking again, this time much more calmly. “Let’s not even go there, okay? Cause it’s not about that, at all. I’d love nothing more than to have you with me as much as possible. You’ve got to know that, Lulu.” That last sentence was let out as a plea, which made Lucy’s heart squeeze painfully inside her chest.

She did know that, of course she did. And yet, she didn’t know how else she could explain his earlier statement.

“Well, then what is it? Why do you think I should reconsider?” she asked, not wanting to guess again, her first theory leading them into a fight.

“Because you just won fucking Wimbledon, Lulu!” Niall shouted, his hands flying up. He wasn’t necessarily angry, but his voice was a humourless laugh.

“Yeah, I know, I was there,” she said with a smile, not really bothered by his outburst. “It was pretty great, but I still don’t see your point, baby.”

He just screamed at her, but right now she was nothing but calm and level headed. He calmed her worst fears that came with his question, so she wasn’t stressed anymore. But he was exasperated, so it was her turn to get rid of any worries he clearly had.

He took another deep breath, Lucy scooted closer to him on the couch, reaching for his hand and tracing figures on his palm in support and reassurance.

“It was your biggest dream, you always said so. And now you’ve done it and you’re just gonna quit playing two months later?” Niall finally asked in disbelief, looking closely at her, as if searching for something, any trace of hesitation. “Don’t you think of other things you could still achieve? What about French Open? Don’t you want to have all the Slams?”

“Niall,” she said so tenderly, all his previous anger just evaporated hearing her voice like that. She put a hand on his cheek to make sure he will hear her every word and see her true intentions and feelings. “Yeah, I won Wimbledon. It was amazing and I never thought it would actually happen. Do I think I could have another big win? Yeah, maybe,” she admitted with a shrug, at which Niall opened his mouth to speak, but she simply put slightly more pressure on his cheek and continued. “But there’s also no guarantee it will happen. And I don’t want to spend another year or two or three or however long, chasing something that I don’t need. I haven’t managed to win French in the ten years I’ve been playing, so what’s to say I’ll win it now? I’m not the best on clay and that’s okay. Sure, it would have been incredible to win all four Slams. But I want to appreciate the success I had, not think of something I maybe could have had. I achieved way more than I ever dreamt of. So that’s more than enough for me.”

Her words were as earnest as possible, her eyes not leaving his, the corner of her lips gently tugged upwords. She really meant every word and a part of Niall already knew that, but his mind still wasn’t put at ease, he felt like his head had been spinning with too many thoughts since Saturday. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy about her winning, if there was anyone rooting for Lucy, it was always Niall, he took more pleasure from her successes than his own. But this one came with a lot of doubts.

“I just…,” Niall pulled away slightly, feeling the need to put a bit of distance between them for his next words. He kept his one hand inside hers, but the other tugged at his hair frustratedly. “I don’t want you to wake up someday and regret it. And resent me or our life together or our kids for not playing longer, for not going for more. Cause it would break my heart, Lulu, I don’t think I could live with that thought,” he finally said his biggest worry out loud, his eyes beginning to cloud.

Lucy gasped at his confession. The fact that Niall may have that worry didn’t even cross her mind. She was baffled, instantly feeling sick knowing that he’s been turning it over in his head for two days, when her stomach turned upside down just at the thought.

She squeezed his hand to bring his attention back to her, her own eyes filling up with tears. “Hey, come on, I could never ever resent you. Or our potential future children. I love you, baby,” her voice almost broke at the end and Niall didn’t even wait a second before enveloping her into a hug. She instantly climbed into his lap, hiding her face in his chest, breathing in his scent, before pulling away slightly to continue talking. “And even after winning, the thought to keep playing hasn't even crossed my mind. Which just means I’m ready to go.”

He looked at her, in his arms, both of them keeping eye contact, as if trying to look into each other’s souls or send an unspoken message.

Niall sighed after a minute, unwinding one of his hands from around her waist to run it over his face and rub his eyes.

“I just kept watching you being so happy these past days, and you’ve been asked about it in every interview and just…” he shook his head lightly, trying to take comfort in a hand she was rubbing over his arm and not get riled up again. “I’d never want to hold you back, I hope you know that.”

Lucy bit her lip, her heart soaring and aching at the same time. She was overwhelmed by the amount of love he had for her. There wasn’t a single doubt in her mind that he would sacrifice everything for her own happiness. If only she wanted him to. It was bewildering to know that someone loved you this much. So much it was almost incomprehensible.

She licked her lips, thinking over her answer. She knew Niall had nothing to worry about, that his doubts weren’t even a possibility to her, but she didn’t want to make him feel silly, as it was a genuine concern that he was entitled to. Just because she knew there was absolutely no way that what he was worried about would ever happen, didn’t mean he was wrong for worrying about it. But now it was her job to make those doubts go away.

She grabbed his neck and spoke with a voice so confident that it’d hopefully get rid of all his doubts. “Yeah, they kept asking about it, but what did I say to that, hm? Every time they asked me about it, what did I say?” she looked at him expectantly until he sighed with defeat.

“That you’re incredibly excited for your life outside the court,” he said, pulling her closer, no space left between their bodies now.

“And?” she asked, a smile forming on her lips.

“And that you look forward to spending time with your husband,” he answered, his face finally mirroring hers, the furrow in his brows disappearing, his lips turning upwards.

“And I meant that,” she said earnestly, sealing her words with a kiss on his lips. “Cause I do want to focus on other things. I want to go on tour with you, watch you pour your heart out in front of thousands of people every night and wait for a sweaty hug right off the stage, like you do whenever you watch me play.” At that his smile grew wider, his nose crinkling cutely. “And I want to start working outside the court, maybe even have my hand in training another British Wimbledon champion, who knows,” she laughed at that prospect, because it barely seemed real, but Niall squeezed her waist as if to let her know it doesn’t have to be a joke. “I want to have a somewhat normal house life and yeah, have some children with you,” she shrugged, both of them looking at each other with admiration. “That’s what I’m most excited about right now. Besides, you know my knee’s been starting to act up and I don’t want to risk it getting worse. And I’d hate to have to quit because of an injury, I want to go on my own terms.”

Niall didn’t want to dwell on it any longer, so he focused on the latter part of her speech. “Do you think our child could be a Wimbledon champion? Could you actually imagine it?” he asked with a grin, probably already imagining little blond haired versions of themselves running around with tennis rackets in their hands.

Lucy laughed. “Well, I’d say our child could be anyone they’d want. Even Wimbledon champion.” She leaned in for a much needed kiss, but all he gave her was a peck, his head apparently filled with thoughts he just had to share now.

“That would be quite sick, actually.” His eyes were shining while looking at her, not even really focused, like he was picturing their future. “Mummy and daughter. Or son. Maybe you could even present the trophy!” He got so excited, Lucy could do nothing but laugh. How did they go from nearly fighting to making their potential child a champion, she didn’t know, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. “No, but seriously, would you be okay with our child playing? Professional? Would you like to be a coach?” He turned serious, focusing on her once more to gauge her reaction.

“If they wanted to play, of course I’d be fine with it. I’d worry and warn them about things, but I wouldn’t stop or discourage them. But I would not train them. I mean, I might be like a co-coach. Or an advisor.” How he coaxed her into actually discussing it, she did not know, but it was a power of his, making her want to do anything that got him this happy and excited. “But I wouldn’t be able to draw a line between being a mum and a coach. I’ve seen a lot of this on tour, and it’s not always bad, but not everyone is right for that. I know I’m not,” she admitted, shrugging. “But I would never push our children to play tennis. Okay, I might teach them how to play, but like for fun, not as a career.”

To Niall it didn’t seem possible that there was something his wife wouldn’t be able to do. She was a super human.

“I think once they see how awesome you were on court, they might want to be just like mummy,” he said with a grin, pinching her waist playfully.

“Well, let’s hope they won’t aspire to be like daddy,” she chuckled.

“Heeeeeey,” Niall whined with mock offense.

“Get bras and knickers thrown at them on stage.”

“Hahahaha, it’s not actually the best feeling,” he admitted.

“Okay, let’s stop this talk about children, before you get any actual ideas, because I do still have a few tournaments to play and whatnot.” She patted his chest and made a move to climb off his lap, but he only tightened his hold on her, not letting her go anywhere.

“But you do want to have some, right? Like, sooner than, let’s say, ten years from now?” He asked, genuinely curious as they never discussed it properly. Children had been mentioned here and there, but nothing more deliberate.

“Yeah, I do.” She nodded, a gentle smile gracing her lips.

“Okay. ‘Cause I want that too.” He leaned down to kiss her, properly this time, releasing all the earlier insecurities and frustrations into the kiss.

When their lips parted, Lucy combed her fingers through his hair, before speaking again, the subject of children bringing another thing to the front of her mind. “But first, I was actually thinking of buying a new house,” she admitted. “We talked about it when we got engaged and I think I’d actually want one now. I love this one, but I don’t know, I’d kinda like to get a new one, start a proper home once I’m done.”

She loved the home they were in now, it was the place where most of the important moments happened in their relationship, with Niall having it since before they even started dating. It was here where he said he loved her for the first time. He asked her to marry him here. They came back home to each other time and time again here. But it also wasn’t exactly ideal. The problem was never the fact that it was theoretically his house, not theirs. It just wasn’t a house she wanted to grow old in. She loved it, but it wasn’t theirs, not in the sense of ownership, but in a scene of making it personal. She also wanted a space that would truly be theirs, from the beginning, where none of them ever lived alone.

But it seemed like she didn’t have to even try to explain it to him, his face lighting up with a soft smile, planting a kiss on her cheek before speaking. “Yeah. I actually love that idea.”

~~~~~~

Lucy was able to stay home in London for over two weeks, before she had to travel to Montreal. It made her more than happy because it meant she was with Niall for One Direction's fifteenth anniversary, which was also the day the news about the band’s comeback were being released, with their new single coming out two days later. The announcement was planned to go out at 8pm UK time, but they all decided to have dinner and spend that evening together, meeting at Louis and Eleanor’s house. When they arrived, Liam and his wife, Maya were already there, Harry and Ines, his girlfriend of three years, arriving only a few minutes later. They’ve met like that before quite a few times, sometimes with Louis’ and Liam’s kids running around, so Lucy was more than acquainted with everyone, feeling completely at ease.

Even though the meal was delicious, they were all so excited and nervous, they couldn’t even sit still. Lucy noticed Niall’s knee bouncing two minutes after they sat at the table, putting her hand on his tight to at least try and calm him down.

“Fuck, I don’t think I can do this, can we tell the world now?” Louis whined, throwing his head back exasperatedly.

“I am honestly so stressed right now,” Harry joined in.

There was no missing of the group’s anxiety, everyone looking around, checking the time every few minutes.

“The food is delicious, but I think I might actually throw up,” Liam said, his body slacking against the chair.

“How about some stronger drinks to calm down? Or shots?” Eleanor proposed, all of them drinking beer or wine with dinner.

There was an instant chorus of agreement, Louis getting up to fix the drinks. They all moved from the table to lounge on the couches, none of them able to stomach any more food, no sounds in the room other than the soft music playing in the background and a quiet murmur of a few words shared between them.

“Okay, let’s do it!” Louis exclaimed, coming back with a tray full of shots.

“Cheers!” The boys said in unison once everyone grabbed a glass. The alcohol burned Lucy’s throat, her eyes screwing shut for a minute.

“Another one?” Niall proposed, not even a second later.

Lucy shook her head, watching her alcohol intake, as always when she was in the middle of the season, Maya also refused, but everyone else downed another glass, leaving two full ones meant for the girls. Liam and Niall looked at each other, before shrugging their shoulders at exactly the same time and grabbing another glass.

“How much longer?” Ines asked, looking around in search of some clock.

“Twenty eight minutes,” Niall replied after checking his watch.

“Oh, I can’t believe I almost forgot, congrats on Wimbledon once again, Lucy, that was absolutely amazing,” Maya said with a smile.

Everyone in the room either texted or called her or Niall on the day she won, but that acknowledgement face to face was nice.

“Thank you, it was crazy,” she gave a grateful smile, after everyone added their congrats, Niall throwing an arm around her shoulders to bring her closer. She caught the proud look he was giving her and put a hand on his knee in an appreciative manner.

“Do you think we could come watch you play in the US Open?” Harry asked, redirecting his attention to Niall right after. “We’re free then, right?”

“Yeah, I made sure of that,” he confirmed proudly.

“Umm…” Lucy hesitated for a second, trying to explain how it works. “Yeah, I can get you tickets, no problem, it’s just hard to plan it a little bit, because I don’t know how deep I’ll go.” She didn’t want them to be bored at the first round match, but she also couldn’t predict when her last match would be. It still felt surreal, that she would play her last game in less than two months.

“How incredible would it be if you won that one too?” Liam asked with a grin.

“Mental,” Louis agreed.

“I reckon she could do it,” said Eleanor, looking at Lucy with confidence.

Because their bodies were touching, Lucy could easily feel Niall’s body tensing in reaction to the conversation, the memory of their recent fight still fresh in both of their minds. She didn’t turn her head to get a better look at him, but squeezed his knee as a reminder that it wouldn’t change anything for her.

“Don’t bet any money on me, though”, she laughed, before changing the subject. “Are you walking any fashion weeks this year, Maya?”

While she listened to the answer, Niall reached for her hand splayed on his knee, slotting their fingers together in a silent thank you. That’s how they spent the next couple of minutes, trying to keep conversation going, Louis making sure everyone had a drink in their hand. There was a nervous tension in the room, even though they knew what would happen, all the posts queued up, the reaction they would get was a question mark. They could only hope, basing their expectations on previous love they always got from their fans. But it had been years and things changed, yet it was impossible to prepare for disappointment.

“Oh shit, just one more minute,” Louis said, looking at the time on his phone.

“Let’s count it down!” Ines proposed.

So they did, the last ten seconds, just like on New Year’s Eve. To think of it, there were some similarities, looking forward to something new, things changing, entering a new era almost. When they came to zero, you could almost hear a pin drop. It only took a second for all of the guys’ phones to go off, indicating one notification after the other. They were all stood in a circle, their respective better halves right next to them. Lucy had her arm around Niall’s waist, looking through his shoulder to read some of the comments, the whole world starting to freak out. There wasn’t one person in the room who didn’t have a huge grin on their faces. The women look proudly at their men, knowing how hard they worked, how much love and passion they put into the band. It seemed like all the guys looked up at each other at the same moment, taking deep breaths and stepping closer to wrap one another in their famous four way hug. Eleanor wrapped her arm around Lucy’s shoulder, who looked at the other woman happily, noticing tears pulling in her eyes. She reached her other hand for Ines, who also grabbed Maya and they just stood like that for a minute. The band squeezing each other and whispering excitedly among themselves, while their lovers embraced as well, forming their own little group, looking at their loved ones with so much awe, their eyes glistening with emotion.

After a minute, Harry pulled slightly away, looking behind him at the women. “Come on, get in here, girls,” he said, beckoning them over.

So they joined them, each one next to their man, Lucy squeezed between Niall and Ines. They were all holding each other tightly, a one of a kind bond. There was no comparing it to what those four guys had, but they all felt like family. They were all connected and none of them would have it any other way, forming genuine friendships they all cherished.

Niall twisted his head to the side to kiss Lucy on the crown of her head, before she turned her head as well to meet him in a proper kiss. They were both so happy, they couldn’t stop smiling, their teeth clicking against each other. But they were just so ecstatic. There were no words to describe the feeling. And Niall’s happiness was through the roof, because he was so appreciative to share that moment with Lucy. Nothing could beat having her with him, being able to share it, because it felt like a once in a lifetime thing. Having her to support him and calm him down when needed, and now to share that joy with her. He truly felt like, if she wasn’t there beside him, he wouldn’t be as happy as he was. And maybe that was wrong, maybe he shouldn’t feel like that, but he did. Because his wife made everything better. It was that simple. Seeing her proud and smiling, made the whole situation better. Sharing anything with the people you love makes it better. Whether it’s sadness, problems, successes or happiness. And there was no better thing to share than love.

September 2025

It was impossible to prepare for a moment like this, Lucy thought finally walking back into the hotel room in New York. It was after 3am. She finished playing, her last professional match ever, about an hour and a half ago. Even after the little goodbye ceremony after her loss and a press conference, it still didn’t feel completely real. She had quite a few of those farewell moments, almost at every tournament she played this year. She knew what was coming, after all she made that decision in December. Maybe it was because she didn’t know which match would be her last, didn’t know how far she'd go, just happy with every win she got.

She felt such a mixture of emotions, it was hard to wrap her head around it all. The goodbye she got was amazing, the organizers playing a little video of all the years she competed, including her triumph on Flashing Meadows, and messages from fellow players. She felt a bit sad, but she always did when she lost. A bit proud, because she didn’t go without a fight, the match an over two hour, three sets battle. Excited because a part of her was waiting for that moment, when she’ll be able to truly think about the future and focus on upcoming projects. But most of all, she was simply appreciative. That she had such a good season, that she was able to play every tournament she wanted, that she gave it her all and was able to keep playing on a good level, that after finishing this last game, she was able to look out into the crowd (who was giving her a standing ovation) and not only see Niall, but also her parents, Mia, Harry, Liam and Maya.

Once the door to their hotel room closed, Lucy was exhausted. She had a quick shower right after the match, so technically she could go straight to bed, but her mind was buzzing.

“Lulu,” Niall said, leaving his shoes by the door and walking up to her, his hands going to her waist immediately, to bring her close to him, “how are you feeling?”

Lucy rested her head on his chest, quiet for a moment, trying to make sense of her mumbled thoughts. “I… I’m feeling good?” she said, but it sounded more like a question. “It’s… surreal, still. Maybe ask me tomorrow?”

“Of course.” He cemented his words with a caring kiss to the crown of her head.

“But I’m okay, really,” she assured him. “Kinda sad, kinda happy. Relieved?” Her answer was more like a question again, like she was looking for a right answer, but wasn’t sure if it was one. “I don’t know, it doesn’t really seem like it’s the end yet, you know, that I won’t play like this again.”

He hummed, thinking for a quick second before asking another question, “are you going to miss it?”

“Yeah, probably,” she shrugged. “It’s going to be weird, not having to train, no tournaments to prepare for or look forward to. But it’ll be fun to see what’s ahead, you know? Slow down a bit, maybe, explore other things in life. And spend time with you, obviously. Watch you and the band. It’s gonna be good, baby.”

“Will you miss your team?”

“Oh yeah, definitely. But I hope we’ll keep in touch. Maybe work together again, you know, if I open that training centre or if we get someone to manage… Who knows.”

He nodded, “I’m really proud of you, you know? I’m in awe of your decision, to do things your way.”

“Thank you. It was the right call, I can tell. The next few months will be weird, I’m sure, but it’ll be worth it. I’m actually really excited to see what’s to come.”

Tennis was all she knew. In a way, it became her routine. Sure, there were some tournaments changes, but it was also pretty much the same for years upon years, ten months of traveling, playing here and there, hard court, clay, grass, then hard court again. A quick vacation after that before going back to training full force to prepare for the next season. Over and over again. And now, thinking about the future might have been scary, but it was also nice to do something new. Have a fresh mind. Have an option of doing something else, an opportunity to just travel by Niall’s side for a bit. To focus on something other than tennis. To explore what else she might be good at.

“Oh, could you maybe ask Harry and Liam to join us for dinner on Thursday? With the girls, of course. Louis is still in California, right?” She was pretty sure she mentioned something about it when they talked after the match, but her tiredness and emotions made it hard to focus. She also asked her manager to actually organise it, make a reservation at the restaurant and all, so she didn’t know any specifics yet.

“Of course, don’t worry, they know it’s happening, I’ll send them the details in the morning. And yes, Tommo is still there, he’s meeting us in LA.”

They had a few more days off, the guys had to be in Los Angeles on Monday to do some promo for their reunion and second single, Niall made sure to book time off for all two weeks of the US Open, but because she had lost in the quarterfinals, it was just Tuesday, well, very early hours of Wednesday, giving them some time to relax.

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?” he proposed, planting another kiss on her head, her arms still tight around his waist, her cheek pressed to his body, so close she could feel his heartbeat underneath it.

She shook her head slightly, pulling away to look at him. “I can’t, my mind is spinning. I need it to stop first.” She put one of her hands up to tread through his hair, before cradling his cheek. She then raised up onto her tiptoes to join their lips, the kiss starting slow, but growing more passionate with every lick into his mouth. Her hand travelling under his shirt and the other going back to his hair to tug at it slightly, let him know exactly what she meant. “Are you too tired?” she asked parting for a second to catch her breath, before moving to work on the delicious skin of his neck.

Seeing his wife like that always did things to Niall. It wasn’t even about her having very clear intentions, but how he knew she wanted him to take care of her. How she needed him. Lucy was an absolute beast on court, Niall’s favourite text to send her before a match was “go get them, tiger”. But after the game was finished, especially after a tough battle, she was nothing but gentle. In desperate need of hugs, kisses and someone to take care of her. It wasn’t the first time they had sex in a situation like that, her needing to quiet her thoughts, but also to give up control, after having been so focused and alone on court.

And right now was no different, she wanted to get lost in Niall, needing the quiet only he could bring her.

“Never too tired to help you,” he assured, grabbing her neck gently to pull her lips back to his. To Niall, there was no bigger compliment than this, this incredible woman not only counting on him, but giving herself to him completely, body and soul.

And as he grabbed her thighs to pick her up and carry her to the bed, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind, that he would take care of her. In the best possible way.

taglist: @stylishmuser​ @verorax​ @georgiahoranxx​ @exoticniall​

#1dff #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan oneshot #one direction fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan one shot #one direction fan fiction #one direction one shot #dtl #down the line

[q-gorgeous]

Why Am I So Heavy?

fanfiction

Word count: 4318

Prompt for the Phic Phight by @voidetrap. Danny is a ghost who became half-human after stumbling through a portal to the human world.

guys this is the longest fic ive ever written i hope this keeps up i need to catch up to laz

Footsteps could be heard walking through a forest, the sounds of twigs snapping as two teenagers made their way through the trees.

“C’mon, Sam. The last time you dragged me out here to do some spooky ritual I was hiccuping out daisies for a week. Can’t you find someone else to drag out into the middle of nowhere, or go by yourself?”

“No can do, Tucker. Going on hikes by yourself is dangerous and everyone else was busy.”

Tucker grumbled. “I wish I was busy.”

“Here we are!” Sam shouted, running past Tucker into a clearing in the trees that led to a cliff overlooking the rest of the forest. 

Sam walked over to a large, dead tree and started rummaging around in it’s hollow base. She pulled out a large stick, a toolbox, and a crystal ball. 

“Today the earth and sun’s electromagnetic fields are supposed to form a portal, which usually just exchanges electrons. Though I think if I can get this pentagram set up with these quartz and crystals, I can make it work. Oh! And today’s also the solstice, that’ll help too.”

Tucker watched as Sam walked around the clearing, drawing a large pentagram into the ground with a stick. “Electromagnetic hoohaa? How do you even know what that means?”

Looking up at him, pausing in her task, she blew hair out of her eyes. “Don’t you ever go listen to the Fenton’s when they give presentations at the library? They’re kind of weird, but the concepts they propose are actually pretty rad.”

Tucker shook his head vigorously. “Nuh uh. No way. The last time you took me with it was only the two of us and he spent three hours talking about his childhood. Three hours! I didn’t wanna know about how he cried every night at dinner because he had to eat horse meat.”

Looking back down to her drawing in the dirt, Sam shrugged. “Your loss then. Lately they’ve started bringing their inventions in to show people and they go over their blueprints and everything. Mrs. Fenton is also thinking about doing defense classes. Did you know she’s a fourth degree black belt?”

“Nope, and I don’t really care to learn more.” He squinted his eyes and looked up into the trees, smiling mischievously. “Though… I would like to learn more about Jazz Fenton.”

Sam rolled her eyes. “Dream on, Tuck. Now come here and put down these candles and quartz at each point while I lug the crystal ball over here.”

Tucker walked over and bent down to open the toolbox, scooping everything out of it. “Dream on? Next time I see Jazz Fenton I’ll walk right up to her and use one of my signature pick up lines. It’s foolproof!” He placed a candle and quartz on the ground at his feet.

“Okay, Tucker.” Sam grunted as she lifted the crystal ball into her arms. “I’ll hold you to that.”

She placed the crystal ball in the center of the pentagram and walked over to her backpack as Tucker lit each of the candles. She pulled out a book and flipped to her latest entry. Stepping over a log and kneeling behind it, she beckoned Tucker over.

“Okay, come behind here. I’m not sure what’ll happen but the Fenton’s said when they tried opening a ghost portal in college it blew up in their friend’s face.”

“Wait, what?!”

Before Tucker could continue, Sam interrupted him, chanting. 

“Vocare nos spirituum ligno!”

QQQQQQQQQQQQQ

Danny floated on his back through the ghost zone, bored out of his mind. Everyone was busy today. 

Ember and Skulker were on a date. Johnny and Kitty were fighting. Even the Box Ghost had something to do! What was a dead guy supposed to do for entertainment around here?

He rolled onto his stomach and let out a large sigh. The ghost zone needed a new attraction or something. Like a theme park. Yeah, maybe he should talk to-

Something a ways ahead of him caught his eye. It looked like a little flicker of green light. Looking closely again, he could see a small swirl of green mist. 

Today just got a lot more interesting. 

He flew over to it but soon it disappeared again, without a trace. He scratched the top of his head. What was that? He floated around the space in a circle, his eyes never leaving the spot. 

After a few seconds, he shrugged. Maybe it was a ghost trying to form that wasn’t very successful. He wondered where it went. Purgatory? Maybe.

Just as Danny was turning away, he could see the swirl again out of the corner of his eye but it increased in size and suddenly Danny was screaming in pain. 

Pain, why was he in so much pain? Were ghosts even supposed to feel this much pain? What was happening?

And suddenly, suddenly he was falling. Falling and falling through this bright, swirling thing that engulfed him. 

The last thought that went through his mind was that he had forgotten what gravity felt like, and with a smack, everything went dark. 

QQQQQQQQQQQQQ

“Si vocare te spirituum.” Tucker said as he looked over Sam’s shoulder at her book. “Clearly you don’t know latin.”

Sam was fuming and pushed his face away from her. “Why’d you tell me to use google translate if you KNOW LATIN?!”

Tucker raised his hands in surrender as he backed away from her. “I couldn’t have you knowing I knew latin! I’d be forever dragged into your schemes!”

“Yeah, well-” Sam was cut off as she heard a groan come from the clearing on the other side of the log. Looking over, covering Tucker’s mouth to shush him, she could see a pale skinned boy with black hair laying on top of her now crushed crystal ball. 

A swirling green portal that she hadn’t noticed during her bickering with Tucker was hovering above him, flickering out of existence. Gaze traveling back down to the boy, she scrunched her eyebrows. 

This didn’t look like a ghost. He looked like a normal kid. Why did a normal kid just fall out of her ghost portal?

Sam stood up slowly and stepped over the log and out of Tucker’s grasp as he tried to hold her back. She walked over to the boy and knelt down and was just about to check his pulse when he groaned again, sending her toppling down onto her butt. 

“Ugh, why do I feel so heavy?”

His eyes slowly slid open, and his head shakily raised and his gaze met hers. They stared at each other until he started taking in his surroundings, panic growing on his face. 

“Where am I?! What did you do to me?!” Sam shook her head, eyes wide. “I don’t know! I was trying to open a portal to the ghost zone and then you fell out! What were you even doing in there?”

“What was I doing in there? What do you think I was doing in there? I’m a ghost!”

Tucker cleared his throat from where he still knelt behind the log. “Sorry to break it to you, dude, but you don’t look like any ghost I’ve ever seen.” “What do you-” The boy stopped as his hair fell into his eyes. “Black? My hair isn’t black! What’s going on?!”

Sam hurriedly pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened the camera, pointing it at his face so he could see himself. “What are you supposed to look like?”

The boy grabbed his hair, pulled on the skin under his blue eyes, pinched his arms. His breaths started coming faster and faster until he glared up at Sam, his eyes now flashing green. “What did you do to me?!” He yelled, the sound much louder than anything a human should be capable of, prompting Sam and Tucker to cover their ears.

“I don’t know!” Sam shouted, her heart beating wildly. “I was just trying to open a portal to see if the ghost zone was real! I didn’t know you’d be there!”

“I wanna go home!” He wailed, sending the candles and quartz flying away from the pentagram. 

A flash of white light appeared around the boy’s waist, traveling across his figure until a glowing ghost with white hair lay on the ground instead. Floating up, he flexed his fingers and pulled an ectoblast into his hand. 

“Sam!” Tucker shouted. “When you’re done talking to ghosts aren’t you supposed to say goodbye to them when they need to leave? Right”

She nodded and looked back up at the boy. “Yeah. Goodbye, spirit! Begone!”

He kept floating steadily towards her, an angry look in his eyes. 

Panic flared up inside her chest. 

“Goodbye! Au revoir! Auf wiedersehen!”

“Sam?!” Tucker shrieked. 

“It’s not working!”

The ghost boy pulled back an arm, readying to throw the ectoplasm in his hand when he shuddered and dropped to the ground, the bright flash appearing once again and leaving behind the same, human looking boy from before. 

“What is this?” He grumbled into the dirt. “I feel so heavy and tired. And warm. Gosh, way too warm.”

Sam listened to him wheeze in confusion, her brows furrowed. Ghosts didn’t need to breathe, did they? Why was this one out of breath on the ground?

She scooted towards him slowly and held out her hand to him.

“Can I see something?” She asked softly. 

He looked at her hand, puzzled, before placing his own on top of it. Sam cradled it with one hand and with the other she took two fingers and placed them on his wrist.

Her mouth dropped open. 

“You… You have a pulse.”

“What?” He pulled his hand away, glaring down at the offending appendage. “That can’t be possible.”

“Well it’s there.” She said, nodding towards him. “ Check for yourself.”

He squinted at her, brows drawn, but reached up two fingers and placed them on the side of his neck. His eyes shot open and he looked back at her in disbelief. 

“But… I died. I was a ghost. This can’t… This isn’t…”

The trio was silent for a few moments until Tucker plopped down next to Sam.

“What do we do now?” He asked. 

In response, the ghost boy’s stomach grumbled and with wide eyes he looked at it in shock. 

“Well.” Sam said. “I guess we need to get him some food. Let’s start cleaning up.”

Tucker and Sam began cleaning up, storing the candles and quartz back in the toolbox and erasing the pentagram while the ghost boy just stared at the ground.

“Uh, Sam?” Tucker started. “What are we going to do about the crystal ball?”

Sam looked at the ground where it was smashed to pieces and groaned. 

“We’ll have to lug a garbage bag back with us. Can you grab the shovel from the tree and I’ll get a bag from my backpack?”

“Can do, Stew.” Tucker saluted and walked over to the hollow in the trunk. 

Sam picked up the book she had dropped on the ground and stuck it in her backpack before grabbing a bag. Turning back around she saw the ghost boy standing shakily, one hand rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“Sorry for breaking your...thing.”

Sam shrugged. “It’s okay, I can just get a new one. It’s not like it was really your fault anyways.”

As she held the bag open, Tucker began scooping up shards of the crystal ball and soon Sam tied it off, slinging it over her shoulder. After storing the shovel back in the tree Tucker joined the two.

“So, man, did you ever say what your name was?”

“Oh, uh, Danny. Danny Phantom.”

“Nice to meet you, sort of.” Danny’s face fell at that and Tucker back tracked. “But it’s going good now! Right? First impressions aren’t everything!”

Sam rolled her eyes. “I’m Sam, and that’s Tucker, my reluctant right hand man.”

Tucker flared up the collar on his button up shirt. “That’s Tucker Foley, TF for Too Fine.”

Chuckling, Sam elbowed him. 

“Well, since you’ll need sustenance and shelter for an unforeseeable amount of time, you can sleep over at my house tonight!”

Sam’s face dropped. “Oh my god, Tucker.”

“What? It’s not weird to have sleepovers at our age. It just means we have extra friend time.”

“Not that! What are we supposed to do with him? He’s supposed to be dead! He doesn’t have a birth certificate or any kind of identification! And it’s not like he can stay with us forever. My parents would freak.”

“Hm.” Tucker tapped his chin. “I did not think of that.”

Danny groaned. “So I have to eat food now and find shelter without having anyway to do that? Being dead is so much easier.”

“We’ll make it work!” Sam rushed. “Let’s just go to the Nasty Burger and get something to eat first. Then we’ll figure something out.”

Both boys nodded simultaneously. 

“Okay.”

“Sounds good.”

QQQQQQQQQQQQQ

The three were in a booth at the Nasty Burger, Sam and Tucker long finished with their food while Danny was on his sixth round of a Mighty Meaty Burger meal. 

“Dude, even if you haven’t eaten since you died surely you aren’t that hungry? You’ve only felt hunger for like, an hour now.” Tucker said incredulously as he tapped something on his phone. 

“Try not eating anything for an entire year and see how much you miss the feeling of eating delicious food.” Danny quipped back, his mouth full. 

“You got me there.” Tucker said as he threw a finger gun towards Danny. 

“Okay, guys, I think we need to start talking about what we’re going to do instead of watching Danny eat.” She tapped her chin as she thought. “We could go talk to the Fentons!”

Tucker looked at her, a deadpan expression on his face. 

“You want to go talk to the Fentons, who are ghost hunters, about this ghost-human hybrid that we accidentally unleashed?”

“Wait ghost hunters?” Danny mumbled around a mouth full of food. 

“Who else are we gonna talk to? They’re the only people who study ghosts around here, and they know me. No one else would want to listen to a bunch of kids anyways.”

“Wait, Sam, can we go back to the ghost hunter part-” 

“Do you know how risky it would be to bring him there?” Tucker asked. “We don’t know what’d they’d do to him, especially because there’d be no trace of him, since he's, you know, dead.”

“Tucker-”

“They’re not gonna kidnap him, Tucker!”

“How do you-”

“GUYS!” Danny yelled.

Sam and Tucker paused in their bickering, looking at Danny’s glowing green eyes. 

“Can you explain the ghost hunters thing?”

“Oh. Right.” Sam says. “Well, they’ve been studying ectology since they were in college, they even tried to create a ghost portal but it was unsuccessful. Lately they’ve been working on a newer model and an arsenal of ghost hunting weapons, but they haven’t had the chance to really test them yet.” She pulls a flyer out of her backpack. 

“They do presentations at the library every week.”

Danny looks at the paper for a few moments before resting his face in his hands. 

“Why would you want to give them a chance to test their weapons? Wouldn’t they be gung ho at any opportunity?”

“Not necessarily!” Sam said rushedly. “They only just moved here a couple months ago but they’re very nice, though a little over the top. They have two daughters too. They should be able to realize that you’re just a kid that needs help.” 

Danny raised his head back up and leveled a stare at her. 

“When's the next meeting?” He asked. 

“Tomorrow at noon.”

He leaned back in his seat, head tilted against the back, and groaned. “Ugh. I guess we really have no other option.” Tucker swiped a fry from Danny’s tray. “Don’t worry man. If they try anything, they’ll probably be stopped by Jazz. She doesn’t believe in the whole ghost schtick.”

“Jazz?” Danny asked as he picked up his burger. 

“That’s the oldest Fenton daughter. They also have a daughter named Elle. She sort of looks like you, actually.” Sam said. 

“Yeah. She’s a feisty little gremlin. Always beating my high scores when we go to the arcade.” Tucker pouted. 

Sam looked at her watch, checking the time. “Well guys, I think we better get going. It’s getting pretty late. Don’t wanna miss the presentation tomorrow.” She jittered excitedly in her seat. “I can’t wait to tell them I opened a ghost portal!”

“Are you into all their ecto, ghost hunting stuff?” Danny asked wryly. 

“Not really. I’m more into witchcraft and goth stuff. Ghosts just happened to fall in between those somewhere.” Sam stood up and collected her trash. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow. I’ll meet you at Tucker’s house.”

She waved goodbye and left the restaurant. 

“So…” Tucker started. “Do you wanna go back to my place and play some video games?”

“Video games?” Danny asked. 

Tucker clutched his chest in mock horror. “You don’t remember video games?! Forget sleep, there’s much you need to see!”

And with that, Tucker jumped up and dragged Danny out the door by the wrist. 

QQQQQQQQQQQQQ

Danny walked out the front door of Tucker’s house, yawning. When he blinked open his eyes he could see Sam standing there, tapping her foot. 

“What? I haven’t weighed this much in a year. Walking around was tiring.” Danny told her.

“We also played video games until three in the morning.” Tucker yawned as he walked out behind him.

“Why would you tell her that?” Danny asked, turning around. 

“To make her mad?” Tucker shrugged. 

Sam sighed. “Whatever guys. Let’s just get going. They’re starting soon.”

They walked down the street in silence until Danny spoke. 

“How many people usually go to these things? Is there a lot?”

“No.” Sam said. “Usually it’s just me. And Tucker when I can get him to go.”

Tucker groans. “I just hope Mr. Fenton doesn’t get into telling His Life Story: Volume Two. It was so boring the last time.”

“What do we do if they won’t help us?” Danny asked.

Sam and Tucker looked at each other in silence. Sam took a deep breath and spoke. “I’m sure they’ll help us. They’re nice people.”

Soon they walked inside the library, the building quiet except for the few hushed voices reading children's books and the boisterous laughter that could be heard coming from Mr. Fenton across the building. When Danny heard it, he paused, hands clenched into fists. 

“What if they hate me? What if they won’t help us? I’ll just be stuck here, alive and homeless. What if they strap me down on some table, tearing me apart molecule by molecule?”

Sam turned to face Danny, walking towards him and resting her hands on his shoulders. “They probably won’t be able to tell anyways. It’ll be alright. We’ll go in and wait until the meeting is over and then go talk to them.”

Danny’s shoulders shook, and he took a deep breath and nodded. 

Together, the three of them walked to the presentation room. 

“Just remember, stay calm. It’ll be-”

A clatter resounded through the room as they crossed through the door.

“Danno?”

Mr. Fenton was standing in front of the projector screen, an ectogun laying on the floor at his feet. His eyes were wide and haunted, looking straight at Danny.

Looking behind him, Danny wore a confused expression on his face.

“Me?” He said, pointing at himself. 

The older man nodded. “But how are you… You… This can’t be possible.” He looked Danny over again and then his gaze traveled to Sam. “Ms. Manson, what..?”

“Do you know Danny, Mr. Fenton?” Sam asked softly, confused. 

“He’s my son.”

Sam’s mouth dropped open and she looked at Tucker who was leaning up against the door frame, staring blankly at the floor. Danny still looked confused, but a chirpy voice soon interrupted them. 

“Jack, sweetie, the staff room ran out of sugar again but I think your coffee should be fine with only four packets.” 

The three kids turned around to see Mrs. Fenton standing behind them, two coffee cups in her hands. She smiled at them until her gaze landed on Danny. Her expression soured and she dropped the coffees, pulling out an ectogun from her suit pointing it at Danny.

“What is this ectoplasmic scum doing here impersonating our boy?!”

“Wait!” Sam shouted, putting herself between the barrel of Mrs. Fenton’s gun and Danny. “He has a pulse!” “That’s impossible.” Mrs. Fenton scoffed. “Our son passed a year ago. That’s just a form of post human consciousness.”

“No, please!” Sam reached behind her, searching for Danny’s hand. Once she found it, he grabbed it in a death grip, she pulled it forward, opening up his wrist for the woman. “Please, trust me.”

Mrs. Fenton threw another sour look towards Sam, but obliged the girl. She placed her fingers over Danny’s wrist and waited. Once she felt the fast pulse underneath his skin, her eyes widened and shock flashed across her face. 

Dropping his wrist, she stepped back, nearly collapsing until Tucker caught her. 

“What is this?” Maddie whispered. “What happened?”

Sam moved to sit down at one of the chairs in the room, still holding Danny’s hand and pulling him behind her. “Yesterday had the perfect atmosphere and phenomenon to create a natural ghost portal and after one of your presentations I wanted to try, because who knew when I’d get a better chance.

“When we finished the ritual a swirling green portal formed and he fell out like this but…”

“He has two forms.” Tucker continued. “And he can still do ghost stuff. But he can feel hunger and gravity and he produces heat. Has a pulse. But he doesn’t seem to remember anything.”

“We came to talk to you guys because we didn’t know what to do… Like, what are we gonna do with someone with no identification who’s supposed to be dead?” Sam asked. 

Mr. Fenton knelt down in front of Danny, touseling the boy's hair, and rested his hands on his shoulders. 

“Do you want to come back home with us? Do you trust us?”

Danny’s grip was still tight on Sam’s hand, and he looked from Mr. Fenton to Mrs. Fenton, who had tears in her eyes and her own tight grip on Tucker’s hand. He nodded.

Mr. Fenton’s own eyes filled with tears and he wrapped Danny up in a bear hug, squeezing the life right back out of him. Slowly, Danny lifted his own arms up around the man, feeling his own tears running down his face. 

QQQQQQQQQQQQQ

One Month Later

“Haha! Beat you again!” Elle laughed.

“Man, you really are a little gremlin, aren’t you?” Danny shot back at her, throwing a pillow in her face. 

“Excuse you, I’m adorable.”

Danny rolled his eyes. “Of course you are.”

He clicked on the New Round option in the game, going through the fighters and picking the same character as he did for the last fight.

A small frown formed on Elle’s face. “Are you sure you don’t remember anything?”

“Yeah, pretty sure. Why do you ask?” He shot her a look before the round started. 

“You keep picking the same character that had been your favorite before…”

Elle trailed off and when Danny turned to look at her there were tears in her eyes. 

“No, no don’t cry, Elle. It’s alright. I’m here now. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?”

She sniffed and rubbed some tears off her face. “Yeah. It’s the only thing I could’ve asked for.” She paused. “Do you think you’ll ever remember?”

Danny looked down at his hands. “I’m not sure. But even if I don’t I’ll still be here for you whenever you need it, okay?”

Elle smiled. “Okay.”

Danny’s phone chirped and he pulled it out from his pocket. 

“Oh, that’s Sam. We’re supposed to go see that new movie with Tucker. Rematch when I get home?”

“Can it be called a rematch if I know you’re gonna lose again?”

“You wish!” He pulled her into a side hug. “See you when I get home?”

“Yeah. See you!” She waved him off.

Danny ran down the stairs and was about to bolt out the door to greet his friends when Jazz stopped him. 

“Where are you going, little brother?” She asked.

Danny rolled his eyes at the name. “Just to see a movie with Sam and Tucker. I’ll be back in a couple hours, okay?”

Jazz nodded and walked over to him. “Can I have a hug before you leave?”

Danny opened his arms and she pulled him into a tight hug. 

“Stay safe.” She whispered.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got the power of ghost muscles now.”

Jazz snorted and pushed Danny towards the door. “Okay. Off you go.” 

He opened the door to see Sam and Tucker standing outside it. When Sam looked up, she elbowed Tucker in the side and pointed past Danny at Jazz. 

“Pft, I’ve been practicing. This’ll be no biggie.”

Clearing his throat, Tucker caught Jazz’s attention. 

“Do you like dates? How do you feel about a raisin?” He shot a pair of finger guns at her. 

Jazz tsked and smiled at Tucker. “Dates are very tasty, and a raisin would be a delicious treat!”

Confusion crossed over Tucker’s face before horror broke across it. Sam broke out laughing beside him. 

“Better luck next time, Tucker.” Jazz said before walking back to the kitchen.

Tucker kneeled onto the ground, holding his face in his hands. “The shame. I’ve taken the honor from my family's name. I’ve embarrassed myself for the last time.”

“As if.” Sam snorted. 

“Hey!” Tucker shouted at her.

Danny chuckled and shook his head at his friend's antics. 

“Come on, guys. Let’s go see this movie.”

#gorgi writes #danny phantom #sam manson #tucker foley #fanfic #fanfiction #phic phight #phic phight 2020 #team ghost