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saxxxology · 4 years

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Cosmo Says - 1

PAIRING: Sam Winchester x Reader, Dean Winchester x Reader WARNINGS: smut: p/v sex, oral sex, some dom/sub themes, eventual threesome, exploration of kinks, and more NOTE: Do not save or repost my work without my consent. I don’t tag for spoilers, so feel free to message me with any questions you have. This work is 18+ only.

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“Cosmo?”

You look up as the magazine lands on the table beside your laptop. The bright pink background is glaringly obvious, as is the half-clothed model on the front cover. Dean’s brought in the mail, and he’s leering down at you like he’s just uncovered your biggest secret.

“Yeah, Cosmo.” You grab the magazine and move it to the other side of your computer, facedown. “What about it?”

“Nothin’.” Dean strides around behind you, leaving the rest of the mail—assorted newspapers and Sam’s monthly National Geographic—on the table. “You just don’t strike me as the kind of girl who reads…” he snatches the Cosmopolitan before you can grab it and peeks at the front cover. “‘Sixty-nine Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life’.”

Your cheeks flush. “I didn’t subscribe for that.”

“Really?” Dean raises his eyebrows. “What did you get it for, then?”

“It’s none of your business,” you stand up, reaching for the magazine. He holds it above his head, smirking down at you.

“Who’re you gonna try those out with?” he asks. “You got a secret boyfriend Sammy and I don’t know about?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” He grins. “That’s hot.”

“Shut up.” You jump, trying to grab the magazine out of his hand as a playful giggle escapes. “Just give me my magazine back, Dean. Please.”

He puckers his lips, bending over to kiss at your cheek before you can squirm away. “Gimmie a kiss first.”

“Back off, Dean.” Sam strides in, tugging the magazine out of his brother’s hand. He unfurls it, reading the cover, and issues a soft chuckle before handing it back to you. “Really? Cosmo?”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, it’s Cosmo. I don’t see what the big deal is, Dean’s got a subscription to fucking Playboy and I don’t even wanna talk about what I’ve seen in his browser history.”

“Wait, you’ve seen my browser history?”

“Yeah, and you’re nasty.”

“Okay, guys—” Sam steps between you, hands held up. “Dean, leave her alone. She’s right, your browser history is gross.”

Dean frowns and turns on his heel, stalking out of the room, muttering “puritans” under his breath. Before Sam can say anything, you stick your tongue out after the older Winchester and stomp down to the kitchen, open laptop forgotten on the table.

A week goes by with no mention of your subscription. One night, after a long, lazy day spent lounging around in pajamas and eating junk food, Sam finds you in the television room. You’re flipping through the Cosmo, scanning an article about different kinds of cruelty-free makeup, and you barely glance up when he flips the TV on, scanning channels until he settles on some old black-and-white.

“Anything interesting in there?” he asks, slumping back into his armchair and glancing over at you.

“It’s Cosmo, what is there to be interested in?”

He chuckles. “Just askin’.”

You go silent, flipping absentmindedly through pages until you end up in the section that made the front page. Sam turns his attention to the television, and you hope he doesn’t spy the several glances you cast at him. Dean’s joking taunt about you having a boyfriend had hit a little deep—you’ve been single for the last few years that you’ve been with the Winchesters, hitting up one-night stands in towns you linger in long enough to have a drink and a lay before taking off again. You want someone to love you, sure, who the fuck doesn’t, but you’re tired of taking nameless men to bed.

You’ve got two perfect specimens around you almost twenty-four-seven, anyway.

“Hey, Sam?”

“Hmm?”

“Am I fuckable?”

He frowns. “What?”

You sigh, dropping the magazine onto your lap. “If I was some stranger in a bar and you’d had a couple drinks, would you have sex with me?”

Sam clears his throat, shifting a little in his seat. “Well, yeah, I would. But I wouldn’t have to drink to have the balls to do it.”

“What do you mean?”

Sam turns the volume down on the television. “You’re a pretty girl. Besides, drunk sex isn’t my thing.” He spies the pull of your lower lip between your teeth. “Why? Something wrong?”

You know you can trust Sam. If anything, he’s the one person who’s always had your back through thick and thin. “I’m just tired of fucking random guys,” you confess, “I like sex, but it’s boring with them, there’s no connection, we know next to nothing about each other… I hate it. I’d rather fuck men I know.”

Eyebrows raised, Sam completely mutes the television. “By men you know…”

“Well, that is why I got Cosmo.” You ruffle the pages of the magazine. “I was gonna join a dating app or something, maybe try and find another hunter…”

Sam narrows his eyes. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

“But,” you continue, unable to help a small smile. “I just figured… you and Dean…”

“Wait,” Sam holds up a hand, “me and Dean?”

You reopen the magazine, staring down at a perfume ad on the back of the front cover. “Why have one when you can have two? Besides, I don’t think Dean would care.”

“Care about what?” Dean steps into the room, a bowl of popcorn cradled in one arm. “What’s going on?”

You chew on your lower lip, suddenly embarrassed. “I just thought that… um… I got Cosmo to kinda explore some more, um… things, and I just thought that you guys might be interested.”

Dean absorbs your words carefully, eyes darting from you to the magazine and back again. “Wait,” he finally says, “the last four years we’ve been talking about getting you in bed and now—”

“Four years?” You sit up a little straighter. “So you guys have been trying to get—why didn’t you just tell me?”

They shrug in unison. “Didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Sam says, “or make you feel like you were bein’ used.”

“I’ll give you that.” You turn your gaze to the older brother. “Dean’s a slut anyway, I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

Dean frowns, mocking offense at your joke, but sinks down onto the small couch and stretches out. “Just putting it all out there on the table, we both think you’re hot and Sam’s got a list of things he would do to you if you let him.”

“What?” Sam’s cheeks flame red. “No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“Shut up—”

You hold up both hands, instantly quelling the bickering. “Anyway… this doesn’t have to go anywhere or lead into anything. I just thought that since we’re friends, we could make arrangements or something.”

The brothers exchange a glance before Dean speaks. “Have you had two partners before?”

“No,” you reply honestly, “but I think if we’re open with each other about who’s getting what, where, when, et-cetera… it could work. Have you two shared before?”

“Once,” Sam replies. “Long time ago, it was just a weekend thing in Vegas and we had a lot of boundaries.”

You nod understandingly. “Well, I know where I stand. I want sex with someone I trust and I got two guys apparently willing to share right here in front of me.”

Sam darts his tongue over his lip. “How would this work?”

You flip to the dog-eared segment of the magazine. “We could do things from here? Pick out things to explore.”

Dean frowns. “What, like the dick in a donut hole thing?”

“Ew, no.” You wrinkle your nose. “Donuts are pure, we don’t need to defile them.”

“True.” Dean throws a piece of popcorn at his brother. “What do you think?”

Sam shrugs, giving you a quick, slightly nervous smile. “I’m in.”

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neapolitanadonna · 4 years

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PLEASE PLEASE can we get headcanons on vlogger Prussia I would actually cry. (Bonus points if you include his friends and possibly a reader??? 👁️👄👁️ thank you you're so sexy I love everything about u

You’re probably one of my favorite anons based off of emoji choice alone. Department store tiktok type beat.

-Prussia’s always been a fan of recording his life, whether it be through journals, photos, or videos. When he first created his Youtube channel, he didn’t plan on creating a fan base, he just wanted to create new memories in a twenty first century format.

-Even if he didn’t want to become famous, he’s cute. He gains popularity extremely fast- most of his early fans are teenage girls who thirst over him and his friends (friends being Spain and France) in the comments section.

-What shocks him most is that none of his fans actually know who he is. He gained around two million subscribers in a year, and not once did anyone in his comments section point out the fact that he’s actually an immortal human-like being rather than some 20 year old funny college student with weird eyes.

-And he absolutely loves it. It’s like the ultimate Bunbury (Oscar Wilde fans know whats up.) He can be whoever he wants without anyone knowing who he really is, and he loves that power. On Youtube, he’s really just an honest and real version of himself. He doesn’t have to hold up a serious facade when he’s vlogging or when he’s meeting his fans. He can just be him.

-He calls his fan base the Teutonic Knights, and not a lot of them know what he’s talking about, but before he knows it he’s operating a merch store and putting Teutonic Knights on hoodies, t-shirts, booty shorts, and even underwear. Germany thinks its ridiculous, Prussia thinks it’s incredible.

-He’s been hungry for power since his land dissolved, so finally having a mass of people who follow him again is so therapeutic and natural to him. He only lets his ego get to him a little bit.

-His fan base has three jokes. One is calling him an albino rat, the second is begging him to show more of Spain’s ass during the vlogs, and the third is fans will ask Germany to mangle them in weird and violent ways in the comments. Germany is terrified.

-They go by their human names in the vlogs, just to keep the fact that they’re immortal super beings under cover. There was a Twitter thread once that tried to expose “Antonio” as being Spain, but it was quickly deleted and shot down.

-Prussia’s favorite places to vlog are college campuses- he finds the ones in America to be the most fun. College kids don’t judge him based on his appearance, his accent, or anything else. They only care if he’s fun to be around, and he always is.

-Kind of like David Dobrik, he’ll hire an “assistant”, which is just a human girl who travels around with him and manages all the boring stuff that comes along with being an internet personality. He likes a girl in charge, and eventually falls for her.

-But will he tell her that he’s immortal? Absolutely not. She’ll just have to figure out why he has so many faded scars and tattoos for herself.

-The Teutonic Knights worship Ludwig to a weird extent. Germany isn’t comfortable with it, but Prussia thinks it’s hysterical. If Ludwig happens to travel with Gilbert to the states, he’s flooded more than Gilbert is.

-Hungary sometimes appears in the vlogs, but mostly as somebody that Prussia rips on for a bit.

-When he goes on tours, all the proceeds get donated. When the public found out about it, they immediately dubbed him as a hero of Youtube. Of course, he cares about the well-being of others, but he doesn’t know how to tell people that he’s literally so rich from being alive for a couple thousand years that he doesn’t need the money he gets.

-He had one scandal. He created a Filthy Frank like video where Antonio threw up on camera for five minutes. He got cancelled on twitter for a couple hours, but was soon stanned again.

-Suddenly, everyone in Prussia’s life is in on his vlog, whether they like it or not. It’s risky, being countries and all, and if the government happens to see them, the channel could easily get taken down. But so far, Prussia’s been cooling with little to no recognition at all. He has seen the glimmer of recognition in the eyes of one of his fans Grandfather’s when he came through a meet and greet and saw France.

-He makes his friends wear Teutonic Knights merchandise to World Meetings. Him, Spain, France, Germany, Hungary, and Austria will all show up to meetings in some form of his merch, and leave everyone else absolutely speechless.

-He cries when Lichtenstein asks for a hoodie too.

-He’s super popular with the micronations, most of his are teenagers after all. He thinks it’s cool that he can be a role model for these young countries, even if he isn’t the best.

#hetalia #hetalia headcanons #hetalia scenarios #hetalia imagines #APH Prussia #gilbert beilschmidt

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angelic-holland · 5 years

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Familiar // th x fem!reader

Summary: you’re a famous youtuber invited to interview the Far From Home cast, what nobody outside you and people close to you know, you’re already dating one of them.

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: smut, fluff

A/N: this request was really fun to write! Some is written in Tom’s pov, some parts are flashbacks and some italics are youtube comments. Bold words are texts

“Hey what’s up folks! Today is the day of packing and moving! That’s right! I’m moving flats! And in my new place, drum roll please,” you say, hand not holding the camera hitting your thigh to imitate a drum roll, “I’ll have an actual filming room! No more filming at my bed or desk, I’ve got a real office where I’ll get to put in bookshelves and the works!”

You are sitting with your legs crossed on your bed, letting your subscribers in on a little life update of yours.

Of course you wouldn’t tell them who you were moving in with, you and Tom were planning on going public soon, but you both wanted to wait until the hype from Far From Home died down, with a little less than a month from its release, you had some time before you revealed to your 8 million subscribers that your boyfriend was the one and only Tom Holland.

“So yeah, I might not be as active while I’m moving this week but be on the look out for a video about everything right about Avengers Endgame tomorrow with a special announcement! Alright, I’ll see you all later!” You blow a kiss to the camera, ending the video.

You get to work uploading the quick video to your YouTube channel before packing away the rest of your clothes. Your books and comics all were packed away and waiting for Harrison who was bringing by his car to help you pack. Tom would be in London tomorrow but Harrison was around to help the start of your move since your lease ended tomorrow. Your bed was being sold tomorrow morning, the rest of your furniture already sold, everything you needed was at Tom and Harrison’s flat, Tom’s bed now your own, which sent an excited shiver down your spine. Tom wanted to buy you new bookshelves and a desk for your filming space, which you graciously accepted, excited to see what he was going to pick out while you were putting away your clothes.

The last of your clothes were packed away by later that day and you were sitting on your bed eating pizza while scrolling through your Instagram.

Tom had posted something on his Instagram story and you excitedly opened it, he was sitting on a plane, head lightly resting against the window while he spoke.

“Hey guys, I’m on my way to London right about now, very excited to see all my friends and family again, got some interviews but I’ll also be hanging out with friends, doing a little redecorating, so I probably won’t be online that much, but thank you for all your support and I can’t wait for you all to see Far From Home July 2nd in theatres!”

You smile at the sound of his voice before your phone rings, making you sit up and throw your pizza box out, answering the phone as you unlock your front door.

“Hey, my cars parked out front, I’ll be up to your flat in a second okay?” Harrison says.

“Sounds good, I’ll start dragging boxes towards the elevator.”

You and Harrison figured out how to stop the elevator, it was late at night and most people were already home. You were able to stack a good portion of your books and comics into the first trip down, dragging them out to his car and piling them into the trunk and backseat.

“Next trip should just about get everything then,” you sigh as you sit in the front seat as Harrison drives away.

“Are you gonna miss this place?”

“Nah,” you shake your head, “just excited about the new place. Thanks for letting me move in.”

“I’m almost never there anyways, might as well put the rest of the flat to good use when I’m gone.”

“Thanks,” you sigh and the trip to Tom and Harrison’s flat, now yours as well, was quiet as you listened to music.

He pulls into the parking lot of their building and slips on the hood of his sweatshirt, “don’t want anyone spotting us,” he laughs, “imagine Tom getting off the plane to rumors that famous YouTuber y/n y/l/n and Harrison Osterfield are dating?”

“He’d lose his god damn mind,” you laugh as you start hauling the boxes up the stairs.

“That’s the last thing he needs right now. Besides, it’ll look weird when you two are spotted in public after Tom’s movie is done in theatres.”

“True,” you giggle as you place your boxes in the empty office area, neither of the boys used it so it was the perfect space for everything you had for filming.

“Ready for the next trip?”

You nod and the two of you make your way back to your flat and you say goodbye to your home from the past four years, you started your YouTube channel here, you celebrated your million subscriber milestone here, you kissed Tom at your front door for the first time, you had sex for the first time on the bed you were selling, you sighed contently remembering all the good memories from this flat, excited to make new ones at your new home.

As you settled into Tom’s bed later that night, correction, Tom and your bed, you send a quick text to him, so he would see it when he landed tomorrow morning.

All moved in, can’t wait to greet you at our flat tomorrow, love ya x

You plug your phone in, body curling up around his pillow, soft and it smelled just like him. You let the waves of sleep overcome you as you dreamed about reuniting with Tom.

You woke up a little confused, a strong pair of arms around your waist, head resting on your shoulder, “wh-, Tom,” you mumble as his lips trail along your skin.

“Missed you pretty girl,” he sighs, fingers running up and down your skin below your tank top.

“Missed you more,” you grin as he maneuvers the two of you so you’re straddling his hips.

“Show me,” he smiles sleepily and you nod, head meeting his as his fingers make quick work of pulling your panties to the side, swiping through your slick folds as you moaned into his mouth, his tongue mapping out your mouth. It’s been awhile, too long, since he’s been here, with you and you missed every single part of him.

Including this, his thumb rubbing your clit as your chests met, your hard nipples aching to be touched. Trying to be close in every way imaginable before he was whisked away again.

One of your hands trail down to his hard cock trapped beneath his sweatpants, your hands bump into each other as you both work on helping get the other off. In the beginning it would’ve awkward, you would’ve moved your hand and blushed because you felt like you were clunky. Now it was easy, each time the knuckles of his hand grazed your own you shivered into his mouth, grinning as your hand slipped into his sweatpants and grasped his hard cock, Tom grunting against you.

He had three fingers inside you, thumb rubbing your clit as you jerked him off, hand moving a little faster when you approached your high.

“Fuck, Tom, make me come,” you whine against his lips.

“Always,” He says, kissing you deeply as you come, catching your broken moans while he slips his fingers out of you, helping you sit up and rub his cock against your entrance.

“Fuck, missed this,” he groans as you seat yourself fully on his cock, “missed you.”

His strong hands hold your hip, thumb drawing circles on the skin between your tank top and panties, sending more shivers down your spine and goosebumps along your arms.

“Are you cold?” He laughs as you nod, your hips moving faster, positioning yourself so his cock is hitting your g-spot with each stroke.

“Fuck,” you grunt, legs shaking with exertion as his cock twitches inside of you.

“Missed your lips,” he mumbles against them before kissing along your jaw.

“Missed your neck,” he says before biting down softly and soothing the spot with his tongue, careful to make sure it doesn’t leave a mark.

“Missed these,” he mumbles as he pinches your nipples above your tank top sending yet another shiver down your spine.

“Missed you the most though,” he kisses you as you come, sending him into a blissful orgasm, his cock twitching as he empties into you.

“Love you,” you whisper as you lay on his chest, both of you catching your breathes.

He starts to laugh, deep in the gut laugh that shakes both of you.

“What’s so funny?” You ask, you can’t help but laugh with him.

“We’re both still wearing clothes,” he helps the two of you sit up, his cock slipping out of you before helping you stand.

“Shower?”

“Yes, lemme get the all clear, make sure Harrison’s in his room.”

You nod and he kisses you quick before slipping out of his room, your room.

“Nope, nope, I absolutely do not want to hear the both of you having shower sex.”

“Harrison come on, we’re just going to shower mate,” Tom says and you peep your head out of the door.

“It’s true, the first and only time we ever attempted shower sex, I dislocated my shoulder and was in a sling for three weeks.”

“Thought you fell down the stairs?”

“Cover story, can’t really tell my subscribers that I slipped and fell while on my boyfriend’s dick and we both collapsed on the floor of the shower.”

“That’s a fun party story though,” Harrison laughed and you waited until he closed his door before meeting Tom in the hallway, his arms wrapping around your waist as he pulled you into him, kissing you as he walked backwards into the bathroom.

***

“Do we really need to wait until August to tell everyone?” Tom sighs as the water from the shower falls above you.

“Well, it would be a little weird if people saw the interview after we told everyone about us? They’d say I got it because I’m dating you, and I mean, I’m sure even when we eventually tell people we’re together, they say the same thing, but I’d like people to be kind for now.”

“Why’d they be anything but kind?”

“I dunno, I guess I’m afraid they’ll be mean, I get stupid hate and stuff now, but nowhere near the level I might get, you know when people find out about us.”

“I’m sure you’ll have some angry fans, mad they can’t be dating you,” Tom teases as his hands massage your shoulders, yours washing the shampoo out of your hair.

“I just, I love you and I know things will be different and I’d like things to stay the same, at least for a little while.”

“We can navigate it together, promise blackbird.”

The rest of the day you spend unpacking your clothes while Tom goes shopping. You tried to insist that you could get the bookshelves and desk, that he must’ve been exhausted from the flight and should relax.

“I’d want nothing more than to pick out those for your workspace, promise,” he smiled before kissing you like he’s never kissed you before and then kissing you for longer before you shoved him out the door.

You’re listening to music as you put away clothes, cleaning up Tom’s messy room while you do, organizing his clothes on one side of the closet as well as the dresser.

He gets home a few hours later, Harrison helping him bring the boxes up.

“Hey blackbird, I know your other bookshelves were small but they didn’t fit much of anything so I sort of got bigger ones, they’ll take a little longer to put together but I don’t mind.”

“Okay bubs, wanna get some takeaway and get started?”

“Thai?” He says, placing the last box in your office space.

“Excellent, I’ll give them a call,” you pull out your phone as Tom opens up the first box, your desk, a sleek dark brown. He pulls out the pieces and instructions as you sink to the ground next to him.

You give the takeout place you and Tom’s order before resting your chin on Tom’s shoulder as he attempts to read the directions.

“These look confusing.”

“We can figure them out,” you say, hands running down his arms as he squints at the directions, turning them over in his hands.

“Okay, I think this is the right side up.”

“The fact that it’s only pictures so be illegal,” you sigh as Tom’s hands put the directions down and reach for the big flat desk part, turning it upside down and grabbing the first set of screws.

“I should get a screwdriver,” he says, you sit back as he stands up and you unwrap the legs of the desk.

Tom comes back and you turn your phone on, letting music play softly as you both sit and get to work, Tom adding screws to the top of the desk while you get the legs ready.

Tom’s humming and singing to the Beatles playlist you’ve got on and you can’t help but smile at how pretty his voice is.

“You know, if you ever get bored of this whole acting thing, singing might not be a bad career choice.”

He laughs, head tilted back as he pushes the first leg into the desk as you stand up.

The first few chords of a familiar song played in the background.

“C’mere blackbird, it’s our song,” he says, resting the top of the desk on the ground and holding out his hand.

You place yours on top of his and let him spin you around, coming back to rest your arms around his neck, his fitting perfectly around your waist as you swayed around the room, full of boxes with your favorite books and comics.

“Blackbird singing in the dead of night,” Tom sings softly, forehead pressed against your own as you both reminisce on how the two of you met.

Tom was walking Tessa in the park, it was fairly empty so he let her off the leash, tossing the tennis ball around.

He noticed a girl in a T-shirt and jean skirt reading a book under a large oak tree. Tessa must’ve noticed her too because when he threw the tennis ball, Tessa picked it up with her mouth and sprinted over to the tree, tossing it in the lap of the girl who set her book down, head tossed back in a laugh as Tessa’s front legs stood on her lap, the girl’s hands petting Tessa as Tom ran over.

“Tess, what’re you doing?”

“She’s adorable,” the girl giggles while Tessa licks her face.

And you’re adorable, Tom thinks, head tilting to look at her T-shirt, some sketch of a bird on it.

“Sorry about that,” Tom says, crouching down to attach Tessa’s leash again.

“No problem at all, I adore dogs,” she smiles and she’s absolutely stunning, the afternoon sunlight illuminating the freckles speckled across her cheeks.

“Well, uh, again, sorry,” Tom says, stumbling backwards over his own feet as he pulls Tessa away.

“No worries,” she smiles as Tom leaves, eyes watching as Tom walks away, laughing to herself quietly before picking up her book.

The next day Tom was grabbing coffee at a cafe with Harrison when he spotted the same hairstyle and freckles standing off to the side by a table covered with books, a laptop, and several notebooks.

He took a deep breath, hyping himself up as he thought of what to say to catch her attention in the busy cafe.

“Hey! Blackbird!”

What the fuck Tom?

That was the bird on her shirt from yesterday right?

A few people turned their heads to him, including her.

He sighed as she had a brief moment of recognition in her eyes.

“boy from the park,” she smiles as he crosses towards her.

“Didn’t think I’d see you again. Well since you’re here, maybe I could grab you some coffee? As an apology for Tess jumping on you?”

“I actually-,”

“Y/N!” One of the baristas called out and she tilted her head towards the drink on the counter.

“Already got one,” she picks up the drink, setting it on her table, “but maybe you could get the next one for me?”

“Huh?”

Oh, oh she understood what he was saying and was inviting him to ask her out.

Smooth Tom, real smooth.

“You know? A coffee date?” She asked, cheeks red as she sat down.

“Oh! Yeah, yes, I’d love that,” he nods.

He stands there, hands shoved in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his feet for a few seconds, looking like an idiot while she stared at him expectedly.

“Oh, uh, do you want to give me your phone number or something?” He asks, pulling his phone out and opening it, setting up the ‘new contact’ page.

He sets the phone on top of one of her notebooks and she picks it up, quickly typing into it before handing it back.

“It was a mockingbird actually,” she says as he starts to back away, wanting to let her get whatever work she needed to do done.

“What?”

“My shirt, from yesterday, a mockingbird.”

“Oh, oh, I’m not exactly a bird connoisseur,” Tom laughs.

“It’s okay, I like blackbirds more anyways,” she giggles and Tom’s entranced.

“Well uh, just text me, lemme know the next time you’re free?”

He nods quickly, “Yeah, uh, see you again soon hopefully,” he trips over his feet as he walks back to Harrison.

“Okay Mr. smooth,” Harrison chuckles. Tom looks down at the new contact added into his phone.

‘Blackbird’

The song ends and Tom kisses your forehead before you both settle back and finish putting together the desk.

After a few cartons of Thai, an album or two of Beatles, and a few mishaps, the two bookshelves stood tall against the opposite wall to the desk.

“I’m so fucking tired,” Tom sighs and you look back at him, both of you shoving the cardboard into a single box to go out to the trash later.

“Babe, told you you should’ve rested, one of the only days you get off before you’re back doing press.”

“I’d want nothing than to spend today here with you. Speaking of press, you excited to interview your favorite MCU cast member tomorrow?”

“Jacob? Hell yeah, I’m pumped,” you joke as Tom scoffs in fake annoyance.

“But seriously, are your followers freaking out?”

“Oh fuck you’re right, forgot that my video announcement was queued for today. Lemme check,” you say excitedly, Tom following you out of the office to your bedroom. Every single time you thought of it being your bedroom, your heart fluttered in excitement.

You sit down on the bed with your laptop, patting the space next to you, where Tom proceeds to collapse on his back, fingers tapping along your leg as you open your laptop and check your video, released four hours ago.

A plethora of comments chimed in, mostly asking if you were excited to meet the cast, one comment made you laugh, so hard you hunched over and there were tears in your eyes.

she’s hot but she better stay the fuck away from Tom, he’s the internets boyfriend and the internets boyfriend only

Tom sat up and read the comment, chuckling as he kissed your shoulder, “whaddya think they’ll say when they find out that I’m not only the internet’s boyfriend but also yours?”

“Probably a lot of heart attacks, they can get over themselves though,” you sigh, scrolling past it to more excited and positive comments.

***

The next day, Tom had to leave early for a long day of interviews, yours right after lunch. You took an Uber to the building the interviews were held in. The night before Tom and you talked about being careful during the interview, making sure to act like you’ve just met, like you haven’t been dating for a year and a half.

You’re thrown into hair and makeup by the press managers, you were wearing your jean skirt, the same skirt you wore the very first time you met Tom and Spiderman T-shirt, very on brand for your YouTube channel about books and comics.

You were given several index cards with questions, told to introduce yourself to the cast, shake their hands, sit down and get started asking questions.

You weren’t nervous as you walked into the interview room, lights bright and shining on the three seats with Tom, Jacob, and Zendaya.

You’ve met both Jacob and Zendaya before when they were here to film Far From Home. They all smiled when they saw that it was you coming in for the interview.

You walked over and shook their hands, Jacob first who gave you a cheeky smile, giving the obligatory, “what’s your name?”

“Y/N,” you say as you move onto Tom next and fuck who allowed him to wear what he was wearing, striped shirt, patterned pants that made his thighs look so good you just wanted to throw everyone else out of the room and-

“Nice to meet you,” Tom interrupts your dirty thoughts as he sticks his hand out.

You shake it, “you too,” you manage to get out, cheeks reddening a little.

He laughed at your slightly flustered state and you couldn’t help but lightly roll your eyes at your boyfriend.

You move onto Zendaya, she shakes your hand, a glint of humor in her eyes from watching you and Tom trying to interact like you didn’t know each other.

You settle back into the chair directly opposite of Tom and cross your legs, looking down at the index cards. You’re about to start with the first question, all insanely generic and you wish you could have written your own questions when Tom cuts you off.

“Nice shirt, Spiderman your favorite superhero darling?”

You watched as he bit his tongue and was internally kicking himself, which made you giggle slightly, “sure, he’s pretty okay.”

“Just okay?”

“Maybe this movie will make me fall in love with him,” you say and Tom fights the urge to taunt you back.

He bites his lip and nods, eyes roaming your body before you bring it back to the questions.

“What was your favorite filming location?” You ask and look back up at the three people in front of you expectedly.

“I really loved Venice, the location was just gorgeous, would love to go back there someday,” Jacob responds.

“Can’t lie, I really loved going to each and every location but I think my favorite had to be London, you know? Not just cause we’re doing interviews here, but because it’s such a great location,” Zendaya adds.

“I’m gonna agree, I think London was my favorite filming location. One because it’s my home and I got to see so many of my friends and family there,” Tom answers smiling with a glimmer of reminisce of the times. You’d sneak onto the filming location to bring him a coffee or food that wasn’t from the set, he’d kiss you quickly whenever the coast was clear, both of your hearts racing and terrified that someone would see you. Nobody ever did, but the thought alone back then scared you.

It did now as well, gauging from the reactions to your video, some people just would not be happy, but there wasn’t much you could do about it.

“London’s pretty nice, yeah,” you look at the next question and almost roll your eyes, so boring.

But you couldn’t go off script because Sony and Marvel invited you and they wanted the press and the fans that came with putting the video up on your channel. So they got to make the questions, got the free extra publicity from your channel, and you got a nice fat paycheck.

Everyone won.

“Who is your favorite superhero from the Marvel Cinematic Universe?”

You know all of them are going to say Iron Man so you weren’t surprised when Jacob said it and Zendaya and Tom nodded and murmured along in agreement.

“And who might your favorite superhero in the MCU be bl-,” Tom started but his eyes widened and you cut him off, blackbird, he was going to slip up and expose the two of you.

“Thought we already went through this Tom, it’s Spiderman,” you grin as he settles back into his seat, a wave of calm rushing over the both of you at your save.

“Right, of course, who doesn’t love me,” he nods into a smirk as he sits back in his chair.

“Said I liked Spiderman, nothing about you pretty boy,” it easily slipped out of your mouth, teasing and flirting was second nature around Tom.

Both of you get lost into each other’s eyes for a moment before you snap back into the reality, did you just blow everything up?

You pick up with the questions again, acting like nothing happened, “so, Far From Home picks up where Endgame left off, will we get to see the reactions of your characters at the aftermath of the snap and everyone coming back?”

“Spoilers!” Jacob jokes, all of you laughing.

“I mean yeah, we get to see firsthand what happens when you lose Earth’s best defender,” Zendaya responds.

“Yeah I think one of the coolest things in this movie is getting to see how everyone adjusts to losing Tony Stark, losing Iron Man, as well as seeing it from the perspective of high schoolers,” Tom finishes.

“Great, well that’s all the questions I have for you all, thank you so much for having me,” you say, smiling widely before turning to the camera angled behind them to address your subscribers when you eventually edit the video, “and go see Spiderman: Far From Home! In theatres July 2nd! Hope to see you there!”

“Cut, nice job, thank you y/n. Tom, Zendaya, Jacob, you’ve got five before the next interview. Tom immediately pulls his phone out as he gives you a look before you’re ushered away from the actors and into the dressing room where your phone and purse were sitting.

You grab your phone and smirk at the text from Tom.

Tom: don’t think we were too subtle

You: we’re idiots

You sigh as you slip out the door, grabbing another Uber to Tom’s place, your place you keep reminding yourself.

***

Tom slouches in his seat while texting her,

Blackbird: it’ll put my editing skills to the test but i think i can manage it

Tom: we could just make that video as a way of sharing our love with the world

Tom: that was cheesy as fuck

Blackbird: i like my idea better

Tom: the q&a video one?

Blackbird: ya, what better way of putting the question i get every time i do a q&a to rest than to say ‘yep i’ve got a boyfriend’ and you just sitting down next to me

Tom: also cheesy

Tom: but I like it better

He’s interrupted by Jacob elbowing him, “almost blew it a few times huh?”

“I think we did our best.”

“I know, you only gave her heart eyes like a thousand times,” Zendaya pipes up and Tom rolls his eyes.

“Did not,” Tom argues, “what even are heart eyes?”

“You know,” Jacob says, eyes softening, mouth turning into a soft smile, “heart eyes.”

“Heart eyes,” Zendaya elbows Tom and gives her best heart eyes.

“Ugh you’re both insufferable sometimes,” Tom groans before the door opens and the next interviewer enters.

*** You get home and lay on your bed, opening your laptop, you heard the ping! of the email and you see a secure email from Sony.

That was fast.

You open up the email with a video attachment.

Miss Y/L/N,

Attached is your interview with the cast from Far From Home. Please upload the video to your Youtube channel by the end of the day tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Sony Executives

You opened up the video and watched the footage, already cut to show your face when you were talking and Tom, Jacob and Zendaya when they were talking. It was a short clip, about five minutes, you were going to add an introduction of yourself at the beginning, as well as an outro.

You had set up your camera stand in the office yesterday and made your way over to film, standing in front of your desk with the camera in front of you.

“Hey everyone! As promised, I was lucky enough to interview the cast of Far From Home today! Here’s a few minutes of the fun time I had earlier!” You film your ending at the same time.

“So that was the interview! Drop a comment below on your favorite part of the interview! And, you might notice the space I’m filming in is a little different, that’s because I’m all moved in! Sort of,” you say, grabbing the camera from the stand and showing the video the room, your desk and bookshelves sat neatly in their respective places, you managed to unpack some of your stuff, the rest in boxes on the floor.

“So, if you would like to see a room tour of the filming space when I’m finished, let me know! Alright folks, keep reading and see you next time!”

You stop recording and bring the camera back to your room, sitting on the bed and uploading the video to your laptop. You open your editing software and begin to cut and edit the video into your interview. Your thumbnail comes next, one of Tom, Jacob and Zendaya looking as normal as possible, it was hard to choose an image from the video, most of the time Tom was just staring at you like he knew you, knew every piece of you. Which wasn’t really his fault, because he did know you. You added “Y/N meets FFH Cast!” in blue letters with a red outline onto the photo and went through the process of uploading the video.

You plugged your laptop in and let it upload, moving back to the office to start unloading more of your books.

“I’m home!” Tom’s voice echoes throughout the apartment and you perk up, jumping up from your seat on the ground and running down the hallway.

“You know, I think that video is gonna send some people into a tailspin,” you laugh as he picks you off the ground and twirls you around.

“You called me pretty boy,” Tom laughs and you can’t help but sigh into his neck as he sets you down.

“I was just teasing,” you wiggle your eyebrows as he looks down at you.

“Teasing, teasing, you teased me alright, almost called you blackbird.”

“That would’ve done us in, Sony would’ve been thoroughly confused.”

“Did you get the video uploaded?”

“It was loading a few hours ago, so I’m sure it’s uploaded now.”

“Wanna go see the comments?” “You hate reading comments,” you point out as his arm wraps around your waist and you walk back to your room.

“I know but I also know you love reading them. And I can’t help but be curious, just this once.”

You nod as you get your laptop and situate yourself against the pillows, Tom’s head resting on your shoulder as you open the video and pause it, scrolling down to the comment section.

Oh my GOD they way she called him pretty boy to his face, embarrassing

“But Tom, you are my pretty boy,” you laugh as he kisses your neck.

“They’re just mad that I’m not their pretty boy.”

He called her darling, lit rally goals

Plz tell me they exchanged phone numbers

Zendaya giving her daggers like back off my mans lmfaoooo

“I think she gave you a look when you called me pretty boy, like ‘did she seriously just almost blow their cover like that’, Jacob and her got a good laugh out of it.”

Pleasee the balls on her to be flirting with him the entire time

Tom seriously dropped all the heart eyes for y/n and honestly same

Its called professionalism, you should look it up, it definitely doesn’t include flirting with the person you’re interviewing

“I can’t help flirting with you Tom, you’re just so cute,” you sigh as you shut your laptop, “that’s enough of the internet for today.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” he laughs as you set your laptop on the bedside table and Tom straddles your hips, “besides, I can definitely think of things I’d rather be doing, especially ones that don’t include anyone else,” his head ducks down to kiss up your neck, gently nibbling at your jaw as you both scoot down the bed so your back is flat.

His hand slips up your Spiderman T-shirt, groping your breast as you sigh, hands slipping into his hair to give it a light tug as he hastily unbuttons your skirt and unzips it, cold fingers running along the edge of your panties as you hear the front door slam.

“Tom! Y/N!” You hear Harrison shout as Tom groans into your neck.

“Get lost! We’re having grown up time!” Tom shouts, his voice vibrating against you.

“No, like you should seriously see something,” Harrison shouts and Tom grumbles as he sits up off of you and you fix your hair and zip up your skirt.

He rushes into the room, not even sighing or being annoyed at the two of you trying to get it on. He shoves his phone in Tom’s face and he pales, scrolling through what looks like a thread of tweets.

“What? What is it?” You ask, looking over his shoulder.

He finishes the phone and hands it to you, “think they’ve caught us.”

“Wh-,” your face also pales as your eyes widen reading through the tweets.

It starts off innocent enough, two pictures, one of Tom, one of you, with the caption, ‘Tom Holland and Y/N Y/L/N’.

The next tweet is a picture of Tom at a Home Improvement store, grabbing your desk and bookshelf, it’s a close up of the boxes of stuff next to a picture of your office from your video, bookshelves and desk, titled ‘familiar?’

The next is a picture of you sprawled out on your bed during a livestream, Tom’s twitter sweatshirt on. Nobody could see the @tomholland1996 on the side, you were only showing your face, but a slip of it showed when you sat up, just the @to but it was enough for them to place it next to a picture of Tom at the airport wearing it, with the caption, ‘familiar?’

The next tweet in the thread was also titled ‘familiar?’ With a picture of you in one of your videos with the mockingbird T-shirt next to a photo of Tom at the pharmacy early one morning in the same shirt. It was actually your fault he went to the pharmacy, you got sick while he was spending the night, you were both naked after a long night of fun, so he threw on whatever shirt was closest and ran out, not thinking anything of it.

The next tweet was a video of you during a livestream, sitting on your bed, just talking when there’s a noise behind you, a slam of the door and a “hey blackbir-,” before the video cuts off. The caption reads, ‘voice familiar?’.

The next was sort of silly, it was just a lot of screencaps from your video of you and Tom looking at each other with love in your eyes. The next was a video cut of your video, ‘ffh interview but just each time Tom and y/n flirt with each other’.

“Cats out of the bag?” Tom laughs as he hands Harrison back his phone.

“Honestly, if neither of us say anything, 10 bucks it’ll blow over in like a week,” you say, dropping back down to the bed as Harrison leans against the door.

Tom nods in agreement, “get lost Harrison, we’ve got some time to make up for.”

Harrison rolls his eyes but slams your door shut as Tom jumps back on top of you, “sorry bout that, guess we really are bad at the art of subtlety.”

“Oh pretty boy, ain’t nothing subtle about us.”

***

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joachimnapoleon · 4 years

Text

How the (Quarantined) Murats broke the Internet (and Lannes). [Part 2/2]

Hello all! Here is the second half of my and @histoireettralala‘s AU on our Trifecta in Quarantine. (Part 1 can be found here.) ^_^

***

Caroline groggily plops into her desk chair, yawning in between sips of her morning coffee as she waits for her laptop to start up. She smiles at the sound of the sewing machine running from across the hall; Joachim is already hard at work making a new batch of masks for their friends and family. He has become quite determined, he informed her this morning, to make as many as he can, now that he's discovered he has such a talent for it.

She is secretly relieved that he has developed such a liking for this new hobby. Joachim has been delighted to be able to spend so much more time with the kids since the office temporarily closed, but at the same time... she knew her husband well enough by now to sense his restlessness. Joachim has always been bursting with energy and a perpetual need to be doing Something Important--not unlike Napoleon himself. Sitting at home for days on end, feeling useless, was simply unbearable for him.

Now, he has a purpose again, and she can already see the effect it is having on her husband, the added spark in his eye, the renewed spring in his step. And, she thinks, I've gotten an adorable new video out of it to add to my collection.

Caroline takes another sip of coffee as her YouTube page loads.

She nearly chokes on the hot liquid in her surprise.

Since she went to bed last night, her video of Joachim sewing with Letitia has accumulated... 12,184 views. There are hundreds of new comments and subscribers.

Caroline blinks. She figured Paulette and Josephine would be able to give it a nice boost, but... wow.

She refreshes the page.

12,192.

She refreshes it again.

12,203.

She decides to take a look at some of the top-rated comments.

@napoleon, 12:03: Well this was most... unexpected. So, when can I expect my masks?

@j.poniatowski, 1:05: MY DUDE

@ney, 12:17: very sweet, and kudos on not hurting yourself yet joachim

@bakingsoult, 3:27: maybe we can make a deal, fresh cookies of your choice for masks? PM me

@elisa.bacchiochi, 2:08: CAROLINE WE ALL NEED MORE OF THIS PLZ

@augereau, 4:02: My dear Murat, I think we could do a very lucrative business together; give me a call if you're interested.

@jeanlannes, 12:54: O___O

The majority of the comments, though, are from total strangers, many of whom have felt compelled to comment on the physical beauty of Caroline's husband. It would take far too long to go through them all and filter out the ones that go a little too far, especially as new comments are constantly being added to the thread. She sighs. At least most of them seem to be wholesome enough. And, anyway, it isn't like Caroline isn't used to this by now.

After finishing her coffee and refreshing the page one more time--the video is now up to slightly over 14,000 views--Caroline grabs her camera.

She has an audience to please.

***

[Three days later]

Lannes is not happy.

Aside from being bored to death right now as a result of so many days pent up inside, the masks he ordered from Amazon still haven't arrived, and wearing them is now required in order to go anywhere. The family's groceries are running low (except for their toilet paper; Lannes had made sure to buy twelve 24-packs of that once this whole thing had started, a foresight of which he was extremely proud). How is he supposed to go grocery shopping now without the requisite mask?

To make matters worse, Murat had entirely abandoned him for the past couple nights. Lannes is deeply wounded by this. How could his best friend just up and forget about two straight Skype cocktail hours? Especially when he knew perfectly well that they were the only thing keeping Lannes sane at this point? Even a flurry of furious text messages had failed to impress upon Murat the gravity of his neglectfulness.

Ten minutes later, a "sorry lol" was the verbatim response Lannes had received, followed shortly after by a "super busy" and then a "maybe this weekend idk". Murat had not even had the decency to reply to Lannes' ensuing "WTF".

If I don't get out of this house soon, I'm going to lose my mind, Lannes thinks.

He grabs his cellphone and dials the one man capable of helping him in this crisis.

"What in God's name is it today, Lannes?" a weary Larrey asks after the seventh ring.

"Doc!!! Do you have any spare masks?"

"I've already told you three times I don't!"

"How can you still not have any though? YOU'RE A DOCTOR!!!"

"That's correct; I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker. The mask demand has far outpaced the supply right now. Have you tried asking Murat?"

Lannes blinks, uncomprehending. "Ask... Murat...?"

"Yeah, I've gotta give it to him, he's been making some excellent quality masks!" Larrey exclaims. "I'm actually wearing one right now."

Lannes doesn't know how to even begin to process this statement. His arm holding the phone goes slack; the phone drops from a limp hand to the carpeted floor.

Everything Lannes knows is wrong.

Well, except one thing: he needs alcohol.

A lot of alcohol.

Now.

He heads towards the kitchen.

"Lannes?" the voice of Larrey calls through the abandoned phone. "Are you still there?? Lannes???"

***

Ney stares at himself in the mirror, studying his new mask. Murat had delivered it to him personally earlier this morning, along with a set of masks for Aglaé and all their children.

"Letitia picked the fabric for your mask personally," Murat had said with a wink.

"Well, I hope you'll give her my thanks. Tell her she has very good taste."

A giant image of the perpetually scowling Grumpy Cat covers Ney's mask.

Aglaé appears behind him in the mirror. Appraising her mask-clad husband for a moment, she nods approvingly.

"It suits you perfectly, my love."

Her husband's mouth might be covered by the mask, but Aglaé isn't fooled. His smile is betrayed by his eyes.

***

[Three weeks later]

Fifty-thousand subscribers.

And Caroline is only just getting started. A prominent blog had e-mailed her this morning about doing an article on Joachim's mask-making venture. Shortly afterwards, a local news channel had called to inquire about conducting a Skype interview with Joachim (and would it be possible for little Letitia to be present too?). Joachim had been reluctant to leave his work--there were still so many masks he needed to make!!--but Caroline had convinced him it would be for the Greater Good.

At Pauline's suggestion, she had monetized the YouTube channel yesterday morning.

Joachim enters Caroline's office, carrying Louise in his arms. Caroline greets them warmly.

"Did Napoleon like his new mask?" Joachim asks.

The last video Caroline had uploaded had been of Joachim and Letitia making Napoleon's mask, complete with her brother's signature "N" ornately embroidered by Joachim himself. His skills were progressing at a surreal pace. Imagining the look on Madame Campan's face at the sight of Joachim's meticulous sewing and craftsmanship, Caroline makes a mental note to forward the video link to her former mentor. See?! Caroline imagines herself screaming triumphantly at the haughty old woman. I was right about him all along!!!

"Napoleon said, and I quote: 'Tell him it's really not bad at all.'" She gives him a knowing smile.

Joachim beams. He's fluent enough in Napoleonese to know that this is high praise indeed.

***

[One month later]

Two-hundred-fifty-thousand subscribers.

Caroline's latest video--Joachim teaching Lannes to use the sewing machine--is shaping up to be their biggest hit yet. (She'd had to implore the two to keep their language as clean as possible; this is a family-friendly blog and besides that, it simply wouldn't do to put the ad revenue at risk). Her viewers couldn't get enough of Letitia and Louise laughing in the background at the struggles of their grumbling Uncle Jean to figure out "this demonic device" (as he called it). But Joachim was a patient teacher, and eventually Lannes had succeeded at making his very first mask. The video culminated triumphantly with him holding the mask aloft towards the camera like a hard-won battle trophy, as Letitia and Louise cheered and Joachim glowed with pride.

Now, Joachim is beginning to experiment with increasingly ornate embroideries and higher quality materials.

"Just because it's for a pandemic," he insists, "doesn't mean it can't be fashion."

***

[Three months later]

One million subscribers.

"Vogue?" Pauline's tone is one of total disbelief.

"Vogue," Caroline affirms.

"THE Vogue?" Elisa presses.

"Yes."

"And he's going to be... on the cover?"

"Yes."

"On the cover of Vogue."

"Yes."

"THE Vogue."

"Yes."

***

[One year later]

Five million subscribers.

Caroline parks her new cobalt blue Maserati, grabs her Louis Vuitton handbag off the seat, and heads into the house.

Joachim is in his design room, hard at work as always. He greets her with a kiss.

"How's it coming?" she asks.

"Pretty good, I think. Maybe another week or so and everything will be wrapped up."

After months of hitting the runways and photo studios of some of the most famous designers in America and Europe in the aftermath of the pandemic, Joachim has decided to pursue his long-cherished dream of putting out his very own clothing line--for both adults and children. So far, their videos of Achille, Letitia, Lucien, and Louise parading around and posing in their dazzling new haute couture outfits were proving to be immensely popular.

They have been floating the idea of live-streaming a fashion show to launch the new line; the participants would be their friends and family. So far, Lannes, Jerôme, Pauline, Elisa, Eugène, Lasalle, Bessières, and Poniatowski have all volunteered. Lannes' runway walk needs serious, serious work, but there's still plenty of time.

Of course, the children all want to participate in the show too, and how can Joachim possibly say no?

***

[Six months later]

Napoleon hates shopping. Primarily because Josephine always spends obscene amounts of money--really, if anybody ever found out just how many pairs of gloves she has--he lets out a sigh. It isn't just about the money though. Shopping for clothes is always such a hassle. Napoleon is a simple man with simple tastes. No frills, no feathers, no silly ornamentation--unlike some people. He just wants something nice and comfortable. Something breathable. Something that doesn't cut off the circulation in his arms or legs.

So of course, he has to live in the age of... skinny jeans. A crime against God and man. If he was in charge, he'd criminalize the horrid things. Of course, his ludicrous brother-in-law doesn't mind them. Murat is always delighted to have an excuse to show off those perfectly chiseled thighs of his.

"Napoleon! Come over here!!" Josephine calls. "I've found something you might like!"

I highly doubt it. He sighs again, but proceeds in the direction of her voice.

***

[The following afternoon]

Napoleon and Josephine arrive at the Murats' monthly garden party. Caroline has been renovating the place obsessively for the past few months; the spacious property now has a massive heated outdoor pool and vast gardens full of exotic plants and flowers. To the house itself, has been added a large marble terrace.

All this because she didn't want to learn how to sew, Napoleon marvels. He wonders how Madame Campan is processing it all.

Joachim and Caroline see the newly-arrived couple and hurry over to greet them.

Joachim's greeting cuts off in mid-sentence. His eyes are locked onto Napoleon's shirt.

"You're... wearing..."

"Yes. You know, it's really not bad at all, Joachim. You should make more like this." He gives Joachim's ear his signature tweak, before continuing on towards the food table.

Caroline giggles at the sight of her husband stricken speechless--the rarest of rare events.

"Come, my love," she takes his hand. "Let's go celebrate our success."

[THE END]

#Trifecta AU #Quarantine AU #@histoireettralala

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oliivverwood · 5 years

Text

retweet

marcus/oliver + social media for @rlversongs

LONG POST- idk how to put the keep reading from my phone sorry

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

Are you ready for thrilling Raptors vs Bucks Eastern Conference Final game 5? Tune in on YouTube 2nite aftergame for play by play analysis + predictions. Watch for live tweets. #NBA #Basketball

12:00 PM 2,340 likes 1,226 retweets

montyyyyy @grahamcracker

yo @casswarr five dollas on raps making history. wood has been straight sniping this year. bucks have no chance with that offense. #rapsin5

12:48 PM 5 likes 3 retweets

cassius ;) @casswarr

@grahamcracker ur fuckin insane if u think its gonna be easy for the raps. diggory's been an absolute wall this szn. he'll block potter's nasty dunks easy

1:05 PM 4 likes 1 retweets

oliver wood #0 @oliverw00dofficial

Game 5. Tonight. Air Canada Arena. #WeTheNorth

4:00 PM 1,904 likes 837 retweets

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

5 into 1st quarter, Wood from the Raps with the filthy cross on Malfoy, ballhandling like a dream. #NBA #NBAGame5 #Basketball

8:43 PM 734 likes 437 retweets

pants park (marky flints cuzzy) @panzyparkkk

@marcflintofficial im sure handling his balls is your dream ;))

8:50 PM 523 likes 277 retweets

marcus flint for NBA (@marcflintofficial) blocked pants park (marky flints cuzzy) (@panzyparkkk)

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

Potter steals from Diggory, lobs it to Weasley, throws it up to Wood for a dunk on Bole. The Raptors chemistry is off the charts this game. #NBA #NBAGame5 #Basketball

9:22 PM 256 likes 153 retweets

mclaggen the frat god @nolaggingmclaggen

yo why the fuck is flint being so nice about the raps rn. i don't want wood favouritism, i miss asshole flint. talk shit about bole's shitty defense, please.

10:00 PM 333 likes 457 retweets

oliver wood #0 (@oliverw00dofficial) liked a tweet by mclaggen the frat god (@nolaggingmclaggen)

oliver wood #0 @oliverw00dofficial

Eastern Conference dubs, absolutely ecstatic. See you against the Warriors for NBA finals. #WeTheNorth

11:54 PM 937 likes 765 retweets

HARRY POTTER #3 @harrypottter

to the finalsssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!! #WeTheNorth

11:56 PM 832 likes 655 retweets

YouTube

NBA by Marcus Flint

1,267,457 subscribers

Recent Posts:

*Blurry picture of two male figures, seemingly joined by the hand. One of them is brunette, the other black haired. Both tall. One is dressed in a grey tracksuit and clunky basketball shoes, the other in a pressed white shirt and black pants, tie looseness. They are smiling - the photo is too blurry to specify exactly who it is.

marcusflintbae this is obviously marcus flint and oliver wood, that's the tea. im so jealous of wood ugh.

Posted 1 hour ago

Liked by ginnywheeze, percyweasley, panspark, terhiggs, adrianpuc3y, k8iebell, hazzapotter, fredwheeze and 2943 others

Private Chat between Oliver Wood and Marcus Flint

oliver wood: marcus ur an idiot

marcus flint: how is this my fault

oliver wood: u were too nice to me on highlight analysis

oliver wood: and u forgot to tell parkinson that we're not public yet

marcus flint: well u should be happy u wanted to go public like six months ago

oliver wood: nOT LIKE THIS

oliver wood: let's announce it on twitter we've let them suffer long enough

marcus flint: don't use the photo that im wearing the purple tie in

marcus flint: it's ugly

oliver wood: you are in no position to be making demands

oliver wood: im not going to use a photo, i love you, I'll call you later

marcus flint: love u too babe

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

I'm dating Oliver Wood. I'm not biased to the raptors at all, don't tell him but I actually bet on the Warriors. #NBAFinals

9:03 PM 608,767 likes 438,898 retweets

oliver wood #0 @oliverw00dofficial

Marcus Flint and I have BEEN dating. Keep up. He fr didn't bet on us. If you stop watching him I'll request a trade. Joking. Not really. #NBAFinals

9:06 PM 453,738 likes 234,725 retweets

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two-are-the-trees · 5 years

Text

31 Days of Poe Day 2: “The Fall of the House of Usher”

“The Fall of the House of Usher” is one of those stories that I could never get out of my head from the time I first read it. It’s a story that demonstrates Poe’s absolute mastery of suspense and horrifyingly gloomy atmospheres, and the complexity of the characters and the events which take place leave questions that are too fascinating to ignore.

The narrative follows a man who revisits his childhood friend, Roderick Usher, at his family estate after many years. Roderick suffers from an inherited sensory sensitivity and he implores his friend to come and visit in order to alleviate his anxieties. When the narrator arrives at The House of Usher, he finds it in a repulsive state of decay and Roderick looking sickly and agitated, due to the fact that his sister and only living relative, Madeline, is close to death. After Madeline does die, an even stranger atmosphere seems to fall over the household, with Roderick acting more distraught than usual and mysterious sounds echoing through the mansion. As the story progresses, the narrator begins to suspect that deep and dark secrets surround Roderick and the Usher family.

“The Fall of the House of Usher” is all about build up and mood. Poe’s language and descriptions are gorgeously dark and rich, even from the very first sentence: “During the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens, I had been passing alone, on horseback, through a singularly dreary tract of country; and at length found myself, as the shades of the evening drew on, within view of the melancholy House of Usher.” The story is dripping with heaviness and dread which leads to a slow building, existential kind of terror. The atmosphere perfectly reflects the themes, which are some of Poe’s most complex and mysterious, including family legacy, the inevitable passage of time, mortality, grief, mental illness, incest, the fall of aristocracy, and more.

Would I recommend “The Fall of the House of Usher”? Absolutely. This is one of my favorite of Poe’s works and I think it deserves to be recognized with some of his more famous tales. I think this story is taught a lot more in college courses than in high school, which unfortunately means that a lot of people miss out on it, so if you haven’t read it yet, you simply must. It has appeal for a wide variety of readers, whether you like it for the mystery, the slow building creepiness, or the sublime setting and prose. I would also recommend watching the animated adaptation of this story, which can be found in the anthology called Extraordinary Tales on Netflix. This particular segment is narrated by Christopher Lee, who’s voice is a perfect fit for the somber tone.

For more analysis (which includes spoilers!!!) please read below the cut!

As I said before, a lot of the genius of “The Fall of the House of Usher” is exemplified in the first few pages, describing the dismal House of Usher and the surrounding land with beautifully disgusting detail. Poe’s way with setting the scene really shines here as he is able to repulse and yet at the same time draw the reader even deeper into this environment of gloom and disintegration. The way the narrator expresses his disgust at how far the house has fallen is like reading a description of a human corpse; and it actually kind of is, as Poe adds a lot of personification to this house, such as describing the windows as eyes (precursor to Monster House, anyone?).

This opening scene is a wonderful introduction to Roderick Usher, and by extension, the history of the Usher family as well, as the exterior of the house is just a symptom for the larger malady. We get the story of a once great family that has utterly disappeared from society, and its last two vestiges are rapidly approaching the grave themselves. The Usher family is utterly fascinating, as it is apparent not only to the reader, but the characters themselves that everything the family tried to do to maintain their longevity and prowess actually directly lead to their downfall. It’s made very clear that the family practiced frequent incestual marriages in order to keep the Usher bloodline as pure as possible. This is, however, what probably caused the maladies that both Roderick and Madeline suffer from, and what probably caused the entire family to slowly die out from lack of genetic diversity. This element gives a heavy air of tragedy to the character of Roderick, as it seems he has inherited the physical, mental, and dynastic ailments of his entire family.

Madeline is also an interesting presence in the story. I say presence because we never see her speak or interact with the characters, and yet she looms over the entire house, like a living ghost. The narrator only gets glimpses of her, and she remains largely a mystery to him. This makes the character of Madeline a perfect symbol for the darker and more mysterious aspects of the Usher legacy. Roderick is seemingly haunted by her and, while at first, this appears to be a familial devotion to his sister, by the end of the story we know that his growing agitation means something more.

When reading this story for the first time, and again during my most recent reading, this strange relationship between Roderick, Madeline, and the rest of the Ushers stood out to me the most of any story element. It’s like these two siblings are trapped underneath the giant weight of their family legacy and all they have left for comfort in the world is each other.

This begs the question though; why DID Roderick leave Madeline in her coffin if he knew she was still alive? The most common theory, and the one I subscribe to as well, is that Roderick and Madeline engaged in an incestuous relationship and Madeline herself represents that part of Roderick’s life that he wishes to shut away out of shame. There are scores of moments that point to this possibility, like the family history of incest or the romantic poem that Roderick recites as he is thrown into despair at Madeline’s worsening condition. There are many different levels on which to read this relationship as well, whether you want to look at an incestuous relationship as the ultimate failure of the aristocratic class or, for a more modern approach, as an inappropriate part of the psyche that causes moral anguish.

I think there may be even more to Roderick’s shame and fear regarding this incest, however, as the looming figure of the House of Usher brings to mind the idea of an oppressive legacy. Rather than Roderick and Madeline falling in love despite their circumstances, I’m more inclined to believe that Roderick and Madeline were pressured or, perhaps, even forced, into an incestuous relationship in order to preserve their family bloodline. Both Roderick and Madeline seem like shells of their former selves and they hardly ever interact with one another despite supposedly being very close. It’s almost as though they have undergone some kind of trauma. Roderick’s worsening agitation could very well be a symptom of his guilt and shame at having to engage in incest against his will, and Madeline’s presence would indeed be quite literally haunting him. Her death, while very painful for him, would also represent an end to this constant reminder, which is why Roderick cannot bear to release his sister from her coffin once he knows she is still alive.

This would also explain Roderick’s absolute terror as he hears Madeline breaking out of her tomb and climbing the stairs to reach him. In this moment, Madeline is not just Madeline. She is the physical form of all of Roderick’s guilt and responsibility come to confront him and take him down with her. And as they go down, dying together, the house and the rest of the family legacy goes down with them as the entire mansion crumbles before the narrator’s eyes. It’s a haunting representation of how an obsessive family legacy will inevitably cause its own downfall. I like both the class interpretation and the psychological interpretation of this. On one hand, the Ushers represent the weakness and eventual futility of aristocratic family purity, as it can never last in an ever-changing world with new populations and new class structures. On the other hand, the Ushers demonstrate that familial pressure and trauma passed down through generations will only lead to destruction unless the cycle of abuse is broken.

So, what do y’all think? Is there another interpretation for Roderick’s actions? What do you think about the relationship between Roderick and the narrator? If you have something to discuss, please add your comments to the post or send me an ask! You can also use the tag #31daysofpoe to write your own response post!

#31daysofpoe #gothic literature #halloween #gothic #edgar allan poe

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colbybrocksbitchh · 6 years

Text

Meet My Girlfriend

You and Colby finally go public with your relationship

Requested: no

~Colby’s POV~

I quietly set up the tripod and the camera so that it is facing my bed. I swallow and take a deep breath. I turn on the camera and sit down on the bed.

“What’s up guys it’s Colby Brock and welcome back to my channel. Now this video is one that I’m honestly terrified to post. The reason for that is I’m really scared that you guys are gonna take this badly, considering how you’ve taken me having friends that are girls. So please hear me out.”

I look down at my phone smiling at the text y/n had just sent me. I slide my phone back into my pocket and look back up at the camera.

“I’m about to introduce you to my girlfriend, she’s on her way right now. Guys I can’t even explain in words how much she means to me. She makes me happy, happier then I’ve been in a long time. When I met her I was starting to get depressed and I was seriously considering taking a break from YouTube.

She helped me realize and remember that fire and passion I have for making you guys happy. She’s funny, and smart, absolutely beautiful...

God she’s so gorgeous...”

At this point I run my fingers through my hair smiling to myself. I still can’t believe that I’m lucky enough to call her mine.

“She puts supermodels to shame I swear. I genuinely have never met anyone as gorgeous as she is, especially when she doesn’t wear makeup. God I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

At this point I started to feel the blush creeping up my cheek, I absentmindedly bite my lip thinking about y/n. I’ve been freaking out about filming this for several weeks no, and I almost decided not to....but I figure after dating for nine months she deserved to be able to openly say we are together.

At first it was her idea. She’s been a fan for a few years and knew how the fans could get, so she proposed we didn’t tell anyone online. But recently I could tell that it was getting harder. Every time someone turned on a camera we had to put distance between ourselves so that no one would know we were together. She was introduced to the fans as one of Kat’s best friends. Granted she was one of Kat’s bestfriends but I could tell she was struggling, and I was too.

There would be times that we were cuddling on the couch and had to desperate for one of Jakes videos. A few times we were making food together when Sam came downstairs so we had to pretend to ignore each other for the most part.

It worked, the fans never really suspected anything. There were a few tweets shipping us but mostly everyone believed that I was single and that y/n was in a happy relationship with someone who preferred to keep his life private.

She always said she didn’t want to deny dating anyone so this is what we thought was the best option. She would talk about us and our relationship, but would say she was dating an unnamed guy who didn’t like social media. This gave her a little freedom and kept her from going completely mad because of our secret.

“She’s a major part of my life and I’m tired of having to pretend. So today is the day that we are coming out to the public, she just doesn’t know yet.”

It’s at this point that I get a text.

Hey baby, I just pulled in. I’ll be up soon, plus I brought us Tender Greens 💕💕

“She just got here. I’m gonna go get her and when I come back I’ll introduce her to you, although most of you already know her.”

I turn off the camera and walk downstairs. I smile as y/n walks through the door carrying our food. She hangs her keys up and walks over to me. I wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly.

“Aww baby I was only gone for three days.”

When she says this she crinkles her nose and laughs.

“Yeah I know, but I missed you babygirl.”

I pull away and smile at her winking.

“I have a surprise for you shortcake.”

She furrows her brow confused but smiles.

“Ok, what is it? Should I be worried? I don’t see any cameras? “

She laughs as she says this, looking around to see if she was being set up for a prank. I grab her hand and lead her upstairs. I turn on the camera and we both sit down on the bed.

“Cole? What are you doing?”

I kiss her cheek and look at the camera.

“Guys this is my gorgeous girlfriend y/n!”

I hug her as I say this and she just shyly smiles. Usually she’s a very outgoing person, I must have surprised her.

“Wait, we’re coming out? We’re announcing to the world that we’re dating?!”

At this point she’s practically bouncing up and down with excitement.

I nod my head yes and she waved at the camera, kissing me on the cheek.

“Hi everyone!”

I can’t help but stare at her as she introduces herself. Her blue eyes sparkle as she talks about me and how long we’ve been together. Once she’s finished I turn my attention back to the camera.

“So I figured we would do the girlfriend tag, but I guess it’s kinda gonna be a mukbang as well?” I say lifting the back up and laughing.

Once y/n and I each have our food we start the questions.

“So y/n, where did we meet?”

She looks up and kisses me before turning her attention back to the camera.

“So about a year ago my friend and I decided to go explore the abandoned stadium in Nashville. We recorded it for my channel and within two weeks we had two thousand more subscribers and at least ten thousand views. After that we steadily kept growing the more we explored. Eventually we decided to move out here to LA. That’s when Sam and Colby dm’d us asking if we’d like to do an exploring video with us, which we obviously replied yes. It ended up going so horribly that they never posted it but we became great friends. Eventually Colby asked me out and the rest is history.”

“Yeah that video went so wrong, her friend Courtney fell off the second floor to the first and broke her leg, so we ended up calling the cops on ourselves to get her an ambulance.”

We both laughed as we remembered the events of that day. That was the first time I ever met her and she looked absolutely gorgeous then, I still remember what she wore.

She had on our limited edition orange Halloween hoodie with some leggings, and high top converse. Her hair was in a bun and her face was clean of makeup. I knew from the moment I met her that she was someone special, and now here we are.

We continued to record for another twenty minutes before ending the video.

“Thank you guys so much for watching today’s video. Please be nice I’m totally in love with this girl, she’s the most amazing thing to have ever happened to me.”

“Awww thanks babe.” She says kissing my cheek before I continue on.

“Make sure to leave a like and subscribe, and leave a comment telling y/n how freaking gorgeous she is.”

She rolls her eyes blushing.

“Don’t forget to follow my social media as well! Colby will link it down below or I’ll kill him.” She says laughing.

I end the video and place the camera down on the table in front of me.

Y/n sits on the bed and tries to take out her phone. Before she can I push her back to the bed gently and kiss her neck.

“I love you so much babygirl.”

She pulls me close and tells me she loves me too. I lightly jump over her so that I’m also laying down beside her. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close as she lays her head on my chest.

“I’m glad we don’t have to hide anymore.”

I run my fingers through her hair as I whisper in her ear.

“We will never have to hide again. Now the world is gonna know you’re mine and mine alone. I love you, now let’s take a nap.”

I kiss her cheek and close my eyes. I feel her smile and I slowly hear her breathes get softer as she falls asleep.

God I’m the luckiest man alive.

~Hey guys it’s Tay! I hope you like this it just kinda came to me while I was sleeping last night. Much love 💕~

#take chances #colby x reader #corey scherer #sam and colby #colby #colby brock #colby brock imagines #youtube #youtubers #y/n #katrina stuart #sam golbach #aaron doh #jake webber #meet my girlfriend #prankwars #youtube videos

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stevieang · 5 years

Text

Happy Halloween, Captain America #Mimi’s Fall Into Marvel Challenge

A/N: This is my entry into the indescribably-talented @captain-rogers-beard ‘s #Mimi’s Fall Into Marvel Challenge. Many many congratulations on such auspicious and well-deserved follower and blog milestones - you are talented, supportive, and an all-around wonderful person to know. I hope you feel this little story meets your expectations!

Prompt: “Trick or Treat/Halloween with Steve.”

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Plus-Size Female Reader Insert

Warnings: None, really - a bit of sadness, but not angst, a bit of kissing but not smut, and a nice bit of Fall Fluff. (Hey, I think that should be a tag, don’t you?) I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 1800

Tags: @3dsaunt @andiyholly @averyrogers83 @babybluesunsets @bettercallsabs @brittyevans @brookebarnes @captain-rogers-beard @cecygee @csrfavs @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog @docharleythegeekqueen @dorito-distractions @everythingisoverrated @fabicchi @favhearts @flawless-disaster @gifsbysimplysonia @hazeleyedgirl7 @hennessy0274-blog @inumorph @jaguars2007 @jaamesbbarnes @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @janeyboo @jouhainak @learisa @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @lilylovescomics @lojo83 @lookwhatyoumademequeue @lostinspace33 @madicardi @magellan-88 @mamapeterson @me-a-hopeless-romantic @meyoko10 @mindingmyownbusiness @mizzzpink @neverleturheartshow2 @nomadicpixel @nothanks-justlooking @part-time-patronus @patzammit @pinkieandthebrain1 @redqueen1221 @rosiethebaker @sebbytrash @sgtjbuccky @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @stark-spangled-banner-man @st-eve-barnes @stillherebiandabitch @sunriserose1023 @suz-123 @the-real-kellymonster @tutis24 @winterismyfavoriteseason1945 @winters-beauty @yaykitty3

“C’mon, I don’t want to go either, but it’s a fundraiser for Tony’s Foundation and I said I would be there.”

“Nope. No way.”

“Babe, please?” You turned your back to him, to Steve Rogers, because you knew he was looking hard at you and you could not resist the power of his baby blues. You felt the weight of his stare on your back and did your best to steel your resolve.

That resolve was left in the rearview when he snaked his arms around your waist, gently kissed the back of your head, and softly spoke.

“Tell you what. You come with me to this fancy thing and I promise we’ll go somewhere memorable after.” Goosebumps lit up the back of your neck as his breath carefully landed on sensitive spots. You giggled and scrunched your shoulders up to your ears as his light kisses tickled you. You turned towards him to prevent anymore shenanigans.

“Before I agree, I have two questions. One, do I have to wear a costume to either of these things, and two, what’s your definition of memorable?” His eyes turned from playful to sinful in an instant, and he quickly leaned in, but was genuinely surprised when you leaned back, out of reach of his lips.

His shoulders dropped as he sighed. “Tony’s is a costume ball, so yes, and the after….let me take care of what we wear.” Your “uh-oh” radar stood at attention, and since everything you felt showed immediately on your face, Steve grinned and took your hands, kissing your knuckles. He lifted his eyes and caught a trace of a blushing smile.

“Trust me.”

___________________________

You were an outsider to the world of the Avengers and Captain America. You worked with elementary-aged children as an instructional technologist, and loved everything about it. You met Steve Rogers when he agreed to attend an event honoring his friend Tony Stark at a prestigious education and technology conference. You were the head of the conference hospitality committee and in charge of making sure the famous hero was comfortable and at the right place at the right time.

“....I knew she was quite the dame the minute I saw her, but the attraction was a bit one-sided.” Whenever Steve told the story of how the two of you met, it was accompanied by disbelieving chuckles from the assembled audience. After all, you didn’t fit the superhero girlfriend archetype to which most movies and society pages subscribed. You were definitely a “big girl,” or other labels that were much less kind.

There were lots of places in which you didn’t fit. You had just enough quiet confidence to ignore the idiots and still feel good about yourself, a career and life that wasn’t defined by your size, and a passion for doing exactly what you wanted to do, when you wanted to do it. You’d had your fair share of suitors, both casual and serious, and thankfully, friends that lifted you up when those pairings didn’t work.

“It wasn’t as one-sided as you make it out to be, I just figured Captain America had more than enough on his plate and wasn’t looking to add anything to it.” You walked through the group that had assembled and gave him a drink and a kiss on the cheek. You placed your hand on his chest and immediately felt a wave of calm happiness go through you as the strong regular beat of his heart ran under your palm.

You had told this story enough times in the last 5 years that it sometimes felt scripted. His turn. “Little did she know that outside of my day job, my plate was pretty empty. Good thing she looked up from her clipboard long enough to notice I couldn’t look away when she was in the room. After I worked up the courage to ask her to join me for a drink and a walk, things took a turn for the better.” He put his drink down and covered your hand with his while turning his head to leave a soft kiss on your lips. Your eyes slowly shut of their own accord as you breathed him in.

The goal of these charity balls was to schmooze potential donors; to tell stories that bolstered their egos and satisfied their curiosity about the famous people in attendance. You had accompanied Steve often enough that you knew how much they took out of him. He preferred punching his way out of trouble over chatting up millionaires with stories of long-ago glories and pain. While he was known world-over he was a raging introvert and ironically, happiest in times of quiet peace. When you noticed his discomfort, you wanted to grab his hand and pull him away from the masses, ignoring the comments and questions about who you were and why the two of you were together, and keep him just for you.

As these thoughts churned, you met Steve’s eyes from several feet away and reflexively smiled. He looked so handsome, but so done. He had given his speech, made himself visible and available for almost two hours, and now was doing everything in his power to give his current mark the signal that he had to leave. He kept breaking eye contact, scruffing up the hair on the back of his head, and subtly rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Time for you to save him.

“Excuse me, Captain, but you’re needed in the situation room.” Your stage whisper was just enough to get him out of there but let the guest feel like they heard something top secret. He quickly shook hands and took his leave, while you stayed behind to answer any remaining questions and provide some well-rehearsed anecdotes. Interest waned quickly following Steve’s exit and it wasn’t long before you were alone and wishing Tony, Pepper, and the rest of the crew a good evening and riding in the private elevator to the upper floors.

SR: Thank you.

Y/N: You’re welcome.

SR: FRIDAY tells me you’re on your way upstairs. Good, I’ve got a promise of a memorable evening to deliver on.

Y/N: I haven’t forgotten :)

You were shocked when Steve opened the door wearing his red, white and blue suit and holding his shield. The cowl was pulled off his head and bunched around his neck while he smiled brighter than he had all evening.

Your body sagged as you sighed, not believing his smile. “Don’t tell me you got called for a mission in the last 2 minutes?”

After assuring you the suit was his Halloween costume and important for the next part of your evening, he showed you your outfit. You smiled at how comfortable and natural it felt. After a quick kiss, it was time to go.

Walking the streets of New York was never an easy thing for Steve, except for tonight. On this night, any superhero (or bad guy, or crazy person) could walk relatively unnoticed, as they were dressed as many others were. While you held hands, you lit up every time you saw a little Captain America, a teenage Winter Soldier, or grownups dressed as a sexy Black Widow or Iron Man. There were even a fair number of Deadpools and Lokis.

“We’re going to have to break the bad news that we didn’t see many Falcons or War Machines tonight.” You laughed while Steve groaned.

“As silly as it sounds, that’s going to be a thing. I guarantee we’re all going to hear about misrepresentation and lack of parity for at least a week.” It took you a minute to realize he had stopped walking and was no longer beside you. You stopped, the skirt of your costume twirling in a wide arc as you turned to him. His eyes found the piece of skyline he was looking for, and as you followed his gaze upwards, your heart melted.

“Perfect, babe. I couldn’t have come up with a better way to spend Halloween.”

Before you arrived at the elevator, Steve was stopped multiple times to shake hands, take pictures, and sign autographs. You unjoined your hands and stepped aside, happy to watch the smiles and laughter Steve managed to pull from people who were usually shaking from nervousness to meet their hero. Eventually, the crowd was satisfied and he sought out your hand before taking the elevator upstairs.

His arm snaked around your waist, his gloved hand landing on the rises and falls of your substantial behind. You leaned your head against his shoulder, smiling as he kissed the top of your head.

“I love you, Y/N.” You looked up at him and pushed up to kiss him and return the sentiment, as the elevator dinged your arrival.

“Ready, Cap?” He loosed his hand and pulled up his cowl, raised his shield, and gestured with it for you to exit before him. You let your hands grab fistfuls of the gauzy skirt fabric, smoothed your pin curls, and stepped out with a smile on your face to a lobby filled with parents, nurses, and doctors. He quickly sought out the medical staff, introduced you, and asked for a briefing. Afterwards he spoke softly and with care to the parents, asking permission to see their children and any anecdotes that might help him make a connection. He took a deep breath, grabbed your hand, and walked into the first room.

You’d visited children’s hospitals with him a few times, but had always stayed in the rear, watching what you could, talking with parents and the medical professionals about any needs they had, any help you or the Avengers could provide and making plans with Pepper to meet those needs. Tonight was the first time you stood beside him, watching the tired but happy smiles, hearing the excited breaths and quiet voices filled with joy, and feeling the soft skin of the small bandaged hands. The pain and purity were overwhelming, but you took your cue from Steve and plastered a smile on your face. Eventually it became real, as you took pictures of the kids with their hero, answered questions about Bucky and Iron Man and The Falcon, and made their parents smile for the first time in too long.

At the end of the night, with the children falling asleep from happiness and excitement more than pain for once, Steve grabbed your hand and held you to him as you bid goodnight to the people he considered real heros.

He surprised you when he pressed the “up” button and the elevator doors opened to the roof. “Let’s get some air, huh?” It was Halloween in New York, on the rooftop of a 30-story building. He might not have been affected by the weather, but you, in your costume with no coat, quickly started shivering. When he noticed, Steve wrapped his arms around you and laid his chin on top of your head, flooding you with warmth.

“Hey Cap, Trick or Treat?” You felt him chuckle. “After today, I definitely am gonna ask for a treat.” You leaned back and brought him in for a kiss, then whispered in his ear. He jerked back with a cocked eyebrow and a wicked grin, that met your coy smile. “Let’s get home, that’s a treat I can’t pass up.”

#mimi's fall into marvel challenge #Plus Size #plus size marvel #Steve Rogers #fluff #halloween #trickortreat #marvel #marvel fan #MARVEL FANDOM #captain america #captain-rogers-beard

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matrixaffiliate · 5 years

Text

Preponderance

NEW STORY! FFN and AO3

Ron has a pretty good YouTube following, but they're not interested in only him.

Romione! I forgot how much I loved these two! Thanks so much to @karachis for giving me the go-ahead to write a story for her amazing idea of Ron as a YouTuber. I hope you like it!

It had started out as a way to prove a point. Right at the end of A-Levels, Ron had decided to prove to Jameson Harper that Fred and George's products were better than every other joke and magic store's products and hence warranted a slight increase in cost. So Ron started a YouTube channel, invested a fair amount of his savings into buying a bunch of products from Weasley Wheezes and their competitors, and then recorded himself comparing them.

His following had been small, but Ron wasn't worried about it being a big thing, he was more concerned that he could rub it in Jameson's fat face that 300 people agreed, Weasley Wheezes' products were far superior to everything else available and worth the extra quid.

"You should show these to Fred and George," Hermione snuggled up next to him on her parents' couch, his latest video on her phone.

"I don't think I'll keep doing it," Ron chuckled at some of the comments on it. "I only did it to shut Jameson up, and we're starting university next month, I don't think I'll have time."

Hermione scoffed, "You know why I hated you when we first started A-Levels? Because even with skiving off all the time, you still manage to do decent in your classes. As much as I hate to admit it, you'll be bored the first couple years of university, and if Fred and George sponsor your videos, then you could make money doing this, fill some time, and take your girlfriend out on fancy dates."

"Does my girlfriend like fancy dates?" Ron chuckled, the idea starting to take hold in his mind.

"Yes, she does," Hermione pushed up to kiss his cheek, "but she also likes snuggling on the couch with you while we eat leftover Chinese."

Ron caught her lips. The Grangers would be back in an hour, and he thought they best not waste it.

Eventually, Ron simply sent an email to Fred and George with a link to his YouTube channel and the subject "Something I did to piss off a dick in my class." His phone rang an hour later.

"Hey George," Ron answered as he pulled the box of cereal out of the pantry.

"When can you be at the shop?"

"Twenty minutes, why?"

"We need to talk, see you in twenty," and George hung up.

Ron sweated a bit, but he hadn't needed to. Fred and George thought Ron's videos were genius. They handed him a bunch of legal paperwork to sign, planned out his next fifteen videos with him, reimbursed him all the money he spent on Wheezes and helped him pick out a good microphone and new camera to buy with that reimbursed money.

The next video he made was the first time Ron mentioned his girlfriend. He figured that she deserved the credit for these videos continuing since he was going to kill the project before she encouraged him to keep going. He hadn't expected any of his little following to even register the fact, but it was the principal of the thing.

"Have you read the comments on your last video?" Harry laughed.

"Not all of them yet, I've been trying to figure out my script for next week's video." Ron looked back down at his laptop as he deleted a paragraph he had just finished typing.

"Well, LavB6 is 'devastated,' to learn that you have a girlfriend." Harry leaned over and looked at Ron's script.

"She knows I have a girlfriend?"

"You said it at the beginning of the video," Harry said as he pointed to the screen. "You should make a pun here and see if anyone catches it."

"Good idea," Ron made a note in the document to do that before turning back to Harry, "I didn't think anyone would pay attention to me giving her credit. Maybe these people are better than I gave them credit for."

"Don't be too quick to change your judgment," Harry shook his head. "That user isn't the only one to say they're unhappy. Wait," He laughed, "realmagic says they're glad you're girlfriend was smart and made you keep going with the videos."

Ron blushed, "Yeah, I'm just going to ignore those comments about people being unhappy I'm taken. Do me a favor and don't point them out to Hermione."

Harry laughed, "If you aren't pestering Gin and me, then I'll make sure Hermione doesn't even know you can leave comments on a YouTube video."

Ron laughed, "Fine, but please don't snog my sister in front of me."

Before Ron knew it, he was two years into his marketing degree and his little channel of 300 subscribers had turned into a business. He had 2 million subscribers, did product reviews and comparisons, put up sneak peeks of new products that Weasley Wheezes was releasing, and put up prank videos using his brothers' products. But what surprised Ron more than anything was how much everyone loved Hermione.

They'd never even seen her! They didn't even know her name!

Ron never wrote Hermione into his scripts, but they were more of a frame for him to work within. He'd plan out good jokes and keep himself on track, but he'd grown comfortable just talking to the camera. And he liked talking about Hermione. He never said her name, just called her 'his girlfriend' and talk about whatever they'd done or what she did or just how awesome she is. His fans seemed to love it though so he didn't try to stop himself.

"prank2live: When do we get to meet girlfriend?!" Hermione laughed as she read through the comments. "That's the fifth one on this video alone."

"They love you," Ron chuckled, "That's how I know they aren't all idiots. They haven't even met you and they already know you're amazing."

Hermione chuckled and made to move from their little kitchen table in the flat they shared with Harry and Ginny, but Ron pulled her over to his lap. "I mean it, you're amazing."

Hermione's cheeks flushed pink as she leant in and kissed him.

As his third year of university was winding down, Ron was starting to see what Hermione meant that the first two years would be easy. This year was requiring work, and he was working hard to keep his 3 million subscribers happy too. Ginny looked up from her phone where she was reading comments on his latest video and laughed.

"realmagic: How was the vacation with your girlfriend and her family?" Ginny shook her head. "The first fifteen comments on your video are questions about Hermione. You should start a vlog or something for all these people who watch only because they ship you and Hermione."

"I don't know Gin," Ron looked up from his book as he tried to prepare for his final. "What would I even talk about? I'm not going to walk them all around campus with me."

"No, don't do that," Ginny looked down at the comments again, "but you could do short videos, two to five minutes, and just talk about life. You could talk about you and Hermione, about your classwork, about what it's like to be a YouTuber, answer comments, that sort of thing."

Ron bit the end of his pen, a habit he'd picked up from Hermione, before grabbing his phone and adding the idea to his list of potential ideas.

That summer, Ron started the vlog, and in his first video, he finally slipped. He blamed it on being stressed about doing a vlog, and nervous that he'd screw it up. But the fact remained that he slipped, and he didn't even catch it in the editing.

"So," Hermione's voice was calm over the phone, "your fans are ecstatic."

"Love, I'm so so so sorry." Ron was waiting for the bomb to fall. The one thing she'd asked when he first started mentioning her back before they started university was not to say her name in a video. And not only had he said it in the video, he hadn't caught it in editing and posted it.

"Oh, Ron," Hermione laughed, "I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

"I was definitely surprised, but I know that you didn't do it on purpose, and," she paused, laughing again, "your fans are really sweet. I've never had more compliments from strangers in my entire life."

Ron let his curiosity win out and he opened up the comments on his first vlog.

candyandwheezes: GIRLFRIEND'S NAME IS HERMIONE!

runtothehills: Hermione! That's the coolest name OMG!

prank2live: It only took 4 YEARS!

LavB6: Hermione I take it all back! Can we b friends?

realmagic: I'm calling them romione!

Ron laughed, grinning at his laptop screen, "Like I said, they aren't all idiots."

It was a full year after he and Hermione had finished university, and Ron had started full time with the twins when he gave his fans their next bombshell.

He laughed as Hermione sat on his lap and they read the comments on his latest video.

"I still think you should have done an announcement video." She leaned back into him and laughed at another comment.

"And miss out on all these amazing reaction comments?" Ron poked her side, "Never."

LavB6: OMG he said FIANCE!

candyandwheezes: WHEN DID HERMIONE BECOME FIANCE?

realmagic: long live romione!

soccerstar88: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! I'm FREAKING OUT!

prank2live: congrats!

OfficialWeasleyWheezes: Fred and George are happy to congratulate their brother and warn their future sister-in-law that it's not too late to back out.

Hermione smirked, "Are you going to do the same thing when we're married?"

"Nah, I thought I'd bring the camera in and record the wedding."

Ron laughed as he caught Hermione's wrist before it could hit his arm.

"I won't have cameras at my wedding, Ron." Hermione tried to pull her hand back but Ron pulled her into him, his fingers playing with her engagement ring.

"I was joking, love, they'll find out we're married the same way they found out we're engaged and the same way they found out I had a girlfriend."

Hermione's eyes softened, "Thank you."

Ron kissed her, loving the way that her ring brushed against his scalp when she brought her hand to his hair.

"Besides," Ron murmured against her, "I think they'd be mad if I just told them something straight out about us, I think they like the mystery."

Hermione bit his lip and tugged on the collar of his t-shirt, smirking at the moan she pulled from him, "Well, I rather like it when you tell me what you're going to do straight out."

Ron chuckled, "Well then darling, let me explain exactly what I'm going to do to you."

If Ron thought that his 6 million subscribers freaked out when he called Hermione his fiancé, he was pretty sure that he broke the internet when he casually said "my wife and I" in a vlog about a year later.

#romione #romione fanfic #ron x hermione #ron weasley x hermione granger #ron weasley #hermione granger #Muggle AU #YouTuberRon! AU #harry potter fanfiction

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imaginetonyandbucky · 6 years

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Please comment and subscribe! (3 of 4)

The next weeks Bucky and Tony met regularly and played games together, in private, off their youtube channels. It was a nice change to recording games. There was no pressure to do everything right and be funny at the same time. It was care-free and they could talk about a lot of things besides games as well. Both Tony and Bucky had outed themselves on their youtube channels and that exposed both of them to some hatred online. They talked about their experience with past boyfriends and what they had done before they had started on youtube. Tony had been an engineer before and he still was to some point. He told Bucky about his plans to start a new series testing out gadgets and tech devices, most likely involving explosions in one way or another. It all sounded very interesting.

Eventually Tony brought up the subject of doing a series together.

"I don't want you to think that I wouldn't want to do a series with you, I really do, but I don't want to pressure you into that kind of exposure because I know it's not just all hunky-dory, so I want you to make the call." Tony had said one day and Bucky really had to think about that.

He wasn't sure if he really wanted to be put on the spot and exposed to potentially 7 million viewers. Bucky was very happy with the way his little community was growing and you really needed a thick skin if you did a collab with Tony because Tony's hardcore fans rarely liked a newcomer and were not afraid to show it. He would like to see his channel grow but was it worth the risk that someone found out his secret.

His secret, that was a whole different story, because he hadn't even told Tony about his missing arm.

"I'll think about it. I like what we got going right now, Tones." Bucky didn't say that he feared their relationship would change if they started doing videos together.

"Yeah, no problem. I know my fans can be difficult."

(More after the break!)

---

It was a few weeks later when Tony was preparing to leave for PAX. The gaming convention was a regular thing for Tony and he always had large meet-ups with fans and was invited to speak on several panels for new games.

Bucky, on the other hand, had only ever seen a convention via the live feed and he didn't want to change that any time soon.

"You could come with me, you know? You could stay backstage if the exposure is not your thing, I'm sure I can get you a pass, they always give me some."

"Nah, It's too far away for my taste and too many people."

"Okay, I can understand." Tony had sounded disappointed at Bucky's refusal to come, had even offered to pay for the flight to Boston and accommodations, but Bucky had made up excuses that he couldn't come. Tony's desire to meet him had become clear to Bucky for some time now. Their friendship had evolved over the months, seeing as their relationship had started with both of them admitting they thought the other was cute there had been a certain vibe of something more since the beginning but it had become clear now. They were talking more and more outside of playing games, leaving each other messages on discord for when the other was offline.

They exchanged phone numbers at last, so far they had always been on their computers when they talked to each other, but now that Tony would be away for a while it had become necessary. Bucky hadn't thought about it much, it was just another way to message each other, but he was soon shown otherwise when Tony started to message him pictures of himself making funny faces when he was waiting backstage and bored.

"Even mining cobblestone for 5 hours wouldn't be as boring as waiting for them to set up the stage. You'd think they knew what they were doing." Tony wrote him on the day the panel with him and a few other YouTubers with a high sub count was being held. Bucky was sitting in front of his PC watching the live stream. It was currently displaying a message about technical difficulties.

"If only they'd let me help. I could figure it out." Tony wrote and Bucky could imagine the cute pout on his face.

"I'm sure you could," Bucky answered with obvious sarcasm.

"Hey, I totally could. I've got a Ph.D. in engineering."

"You what? O_O" Bucky almost dropped his phone.

"Yeah, I studied at MIT. Did I never tell you?"

"Nooooooooo! I mean... I knew you were smart but not that you were an actual genius." Bucky couldn't believe it.

"Got the paper to prove it an all. Oh, I gotta go, they finally figured it out."

That was the last message before the panel went live and Bucky could watch Tony answer questions about games and youtube. The fact that Tony was an actual genius never left him that day.

Tony sent him more and more selfies and photos of his day and Bucky had to grin at every single one of them. Tony was hilarious and extremely handsome. Of course, Bucky knew what Tony looked like but seeing Tony so carefree and private was something different and to know that these pictures were just for him. It made Bucky's heart beat a little faster and Steve occasionally caught him staring at his phone for minutes on end grinning from ear to ear.

"You're crushing so hard, Buck," Steve said one day when Bucky was lying on the couch scrolling through all the pics Tony had sent him.

"I'm not, I just like the guy, that's all," Bucky said and when Steve didn't answer with a snarky comment again Bucky looked up.

Steve was smiling at him, not that shit-eating grin when he wanted to make fun of Bucky but a fond smile that made Bucky pause for a moment.

"I'm happy for you, you know," Steve said. "After all you've been through. I'm happy that you found someone again."

Bucky had had a few relationships in the past and none of them had been particularly bad, but after he lost his arm he had never gone back to dating or meeting people in general. He had lost his confidence, didn't see himself as attractive anymore and so he had holed up in his room most of the time. It had only been a year or so ago that he had found the courage to be more open again. He had started using a webcam for his videos and had joined Steve on outings on occasion. Still, he had never thought about dating again. The thing with Tony, however, it had grown into something more than friendship without him even realizing what was happening.

It hit Bucky like a fist in the stomach. He had fallen in love.

With Tony.

He swallowed hard and buried himself deeper into his blanket. "He found me if anything..." Bucky mumbled and then gasped and dropped his phone when Steve hugged him without warning.

---

Bucky woke up at 3 am to his phone furiously beeping. It could only mean one thing.

Tony.

Already smiling Bucky reached for his phone and found that he had several messages from the other. Excitedly he opened them up and was surprised to not only find a few messages but also a rather large video file.

"Bucky"

"Bucko"

"Buckaroooooo"

"I hav to tel u somthin"

"Fuk, why is the"

"screen so fuzzy?"

Bucky chuckled. It looked like Tony had been out partying and was now drunk messaging him. He wondered what kind of shenanigans Tony got up to this time and clicked on the video.

The video was shaky and it looked like Tony was sitting in his bed, hair a complete mess and his eyes bloodshot.

"Bucky," he slurred, definitely drunk, "Buckaroo, Buckster, Sunshine. I have to tell you something." His tone was serious unlike the other drunk messages Bucky had received and a dreaded feeling came over him.

"I hope you're not mad at me. " Tony grabbed for a pillow with his free hand and hugged it to his chest. "I did something. I am drunk, as you see, but that is not the thing I did. It is /a/ thing I did but it's not /the/ thing I did." Tony shook his head and needed a moment to focus on the camera again. "I hope I don't regret this because I really like you. Like really really like you and that...that's the problem." Tony ran his hand through his hair, disheveling it even more and Bucky started to worry even more. He had a feeling Tony was going to cut off all contact between them, that Bucky was just not good enough. Tony certainly had more important things to do than hang out with Bucky late at night.

"Bucky." Tony's stern tone of voice made Bucky focus back on the video.

Tony had brought the camera close to his face and was staring right at it.

"I love you."

Bucky threw the phone across the bed like it had just bitten him. Surely he hadn't heard that right. Bucky stared into the darkness, the phone had landed screen first on the end of the bed and he could still hear Tony's muffled voice coming from it. It had to be a joke, Tony was drunk, that had to be it.

With a racing heart, Bucky crawled to the end of the bed and picked up his phone again. The video had stopped.

Slowly Bucky sat back down again, pulling the covers around himself and then played the video again and this time he kept watching after Tony had said the words.

"I said it. I said it. Yes. Bucky, I love you. I've been crushing on you so hard ever since I saw your first video and then I contacted you and then you turn out to be this amazing person and I shouldn't have fallen in love with you. You probably don't need someone like me in your life, but I couldn't stop myself. The way you smile, the way you laugh. You're such a wonderful person and you put up with me of all people when I'm such an obnoxious douchebag. I'm an arrogant asshole. If you looked up narcissistic Youtuber on urban dictionary there'd be a reference to me." Tony had worked himself up into a full-blown rant, about himself. Bucky could hardly listen let alone watch how self-deprecating Tony was behaving. It made no sense to him.

How could Tony even think that Bucky wouldn't want him?

Eventually Tony ran out of steam and he hid his face in the pillow.

"Please don't be mad at me, Bucky. " Tony mumbled, barely audible and then the video ended. Bucky sat in silence, stunned and confused. He had never dared to hope that Tony reciprocate his feelings and now Tony had been the one to confess his feelings to him and he even felt bad about it.

Bucky was still thinking about what to write Tony back to assure him that no Bucky he wasn't mad, quite the contrary when his phone rang with the call from an unknown number. Thinking it might be Tony Bucky answered without hesitation.

"Tony?" He asked hopefully.

"Sorry to disappoint you but this is Rhodey, Tony's friend. You might know me as Warmachine."

Bucky frowned, he had never talked with Rhodey before but Tony had talked plenty about his best friend. "I know who you are. Is Tony alright? Has something happened?"

"Tony's fine. He's passed out after he sent you that video, that I only got to see the end of. Live and in color. That's why I wanted to talk to you." Rhodey sounded serious and Bucky's heart sunk.

"I'm not gonna use the video to black mail him or anything."

"Didn't see you as the type to do that but I appreciate it, but that's not what I was worried about." Rhodey paused for a moment and sighed. "Could you let him down gently? When you tell him you're not interested? Make it a bit easier for him?"

"Hold on." Bucky sat up straighter. "Why would I do that?"

Another sigh on Rhodey's end. "I didn't want to go into details but Tony's had some not so nice relationships and he doesn't take it easy when he's rejected, so maybe tell him you're seeing someone else - "

"No, I mean, why would I tell him I'm not interested?" Bucky asked thoroughly confused.

Rhodey sounded as confused as Bucky felt. "Because you're not? Or.... are you?"

"I- ", Bucky was suddenly put on the spot and didn't know how to formulate his feelings. "I think I am? I don't know. I always thought he couldn't be interested in someone like me and I never thought anything would come of it." Bucky confessed, trying not to think about that he was talking to a stranger, a stranger that was Tony's best friend. But from what he knew about Rhodey from his videos and Tony's stories he seemed like a guy you could trust and so it just came spilling out of Bucky. "I'm a fucking nobody next to Tony that he even talks to me is a miracle in my eyes and I like him. I like him a lot and I didn't want to ruin our friendship because I suddenly developed feelings. And I haven't told him a few things about me. Important things that he should know before... you know."

Rhodey suddenly chuckled, a soft laugh with no malice. "You two are something. Tony told me the exact same thing, that he didn't want to ruin your friendship, yadda yadda and that you wouldn't want him if you knew about his past relationships."

"But I know about his relationships..." Bucky said.

"Yeah, he probably told you everything was fine and mutual."

"Oh," Bucky said intelligently, suddenly realizing what that meant. A long silence followed afterward before Rhodey was the first to speak.

"And what about you, what is your secret, huh?"

"I...," Bucky hesitated, was he really going to tell Rhodey what he hadn't even dared to tell Tony?

"You don't have to tell me, but just so you know, there is very little that could make Tony turn away from someone he really cares about. He's not shallow, contrary to popular belief. So whatever it is, I think you can stop worrying." Rhodey assured him

"I'm disabled." Bucky blurted out and was surprised at himself. That was probably the first time ever he had said it out loud. He heard Rhodey laugh and Bucky felt like throwing up. It had been a mistake. His thoughts were going haywire about possible consequences, he was screwed, absolutely screwed, he'd have to break off any contact-

"Hey, don't worry about that, okay?" Rhodey said and brought Bucky's racing thoughts to an abrupt stop. "I can assure you Tony's not an abelist asshole if that's what you're scared off. He knows how to deal with it."

"Okay." Bucky managed to say after taking a deep breath.

"I'm gonna go and tuck Tony into bed now, maybe you can write him a nice message so he doesn't freak out in the morning because I'm sure he will."

"Yeah, sure. I wanted to do that anyway." Bucky leaned back in bed, suddenly feeling like a weight had lifted off his shoulders that he hadn't even known he was carrying.

"And Bucky?"

"Yes?"

"You're all he ever talks about and I haven't seen him this happy in years, so...." Rhodey trailed off, leaving Bucky to figure out the rest.

"Is this the shovel talk?" Bucky grinned, Rhodey was clearly joking.

"I used to be US Airforce, just so you know," Rhodey said in all faux seriousness.

Bucky snorted. "So what, I was in the army, I can take ya."

"Treat my boy right and you don't have to." With that Rhodey hung up and Bucky fell sideways into his pillows completely exhausted, but wide awake. He spent a long time thinking about what he wanted to write back to Tony. He finally settled on a heart smiley followed by a simple: "I love you, too, Tony." And after a few minutes, he added a few more lines explaining that he had been scared to tell him too and what two fools they were by not realizing sooner.

Bucky lied awake after that, phone clutched in his hand, thinking about what that meant for them because if they were to take it to the next level Bucky would no longer be able to hide behind his PC and weasel out of meeting Tony and he didn't really want to now anyway. If Rhodey was to be believed and Bucky trusted him because Tony trusted him then there was nothing to worry about.

He spent the next hours looking up flights to California until Tony started to send him a barrage of messages with how, what, why and a bunch of question marks. Bucky suggested they take it to Discord and talk there. Tony couldn't stop asking questions, Bucky got the feeling that he wasn't quite sober yet from the way he slurred his words but he managed to convince Tony that yes, he meant what he had said. Eventually Tony started to make all sorts of adorable noises.

"So does that mean we're boyfriend and boyfriend now?" Tony cooed into the microphone for probably the 6th time in the past 20 minutes.

Bucky laughed and wiped the wetness from his eyes. "Yes, that's what it means." He explained patiently. Tony was so adorable but that he felt that it was necessary to ask over and over again that this was real and that it was really happening, made Bucky ache for him. Rhodey had hinted at it earlier and that made Bucky not only sad but also angry. He was mad at Tony's exes for installing such a fear of abandonment in him, that he couldn't believe Bucky even after assuring him over and over again.

It also made Bucky worry, that he might not be enough for Tony, that he wasn't able to give Tony what he needed and he would end up just like his previous relationships and leave Tony. It terrified him.

A knock on Bucky's door brought him out of it. Tony was hiccuping softly into his ears.

"Bucky?" Steve asked from behind the door. "Have you been up all night?"

"Who's that?" Tony slurred.

"That's my flatmate, Steve, told you he's a pain in the ass sometimes," Bucky explained.

"I heard that!" Steve yelled. "And all I'm asking is that you keep it down! I've been hearing you chitchat all night!"

"Well, excuse me. I've been talking to my boyfriend, didn't know that was a crime!" Bucky yelled back and then the door burst open.

"Boyfriend?" Steve stared at him with wide eyes. "When did that happen?"

Bucky checked the clock. "About 22 minutes ago." He said, grinning smugly.

"Tony?" Steve asked, searching Bucky's monitors for a clue and when Bucky nodded Steve tackled him in his chair with no regards to any recording equipment still attached to Bucky. They both tumbled to the floor, Steve enveloping Bucky in a bear hug and squeezed him tightly. "I am so happy for you!"

Bucky struggled to breathe under Steve's crushing weight and tried to get his arm free. He was worried that Tony might get the wrong impression. Finally, he managed to get his hand free and hit Steve in the shoulder, who finally let go. He hurried back to the computer and put his headphones back on.

"Tony, you still there?" The line seemed dead and Bucky quickly checked if the call was still connected. It was and then after listening closely, he could hear Tony softly breathing. Tony had fallen asleep.

"I hate you." Bucky punched Steve in the shoulder a few times for good measures because the guy was grinning smugly at him.

#winteriron #tony stark #bucky barnes #tony x bucky #gamer au #no powers au #long distance relationship #getting together #steve rogers #james rhodes #prompts #jamesprince

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konyah · 6 years

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Gentle Love

Chapter Two – Advice

Rating: T+

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto

Read on AO3 | Part of Origins series | Chapter One

Chapter Summary: Hinata and Naruto get more nervous as the wedding approaches, and go to their friends for advice.

A/N: Sorry this took a little longer to publish than planned! Things have been hectic for me lately~ But I can easily say that I have ALL chapters outlined for this story, so it shouldn’t take me as long to type out. This one was fun to write: I wanted to keep Naruto’s childishness while showing that he really cares. Anyways, as always, I hope you enjoy! Comment, like, subscribe, etc!

Hinata sat in the kitchen, knitting a new scarf for… well, she didn’t know who it’d go to yet. With the wedding getting closer, she started obsessively knitting as a way to help calm her nerves. She wasn’t nervous to marry Naruto in a sense of questioning her love or anything like that – it more so had to do with the stress of putting the event together and traditional Hyuga rituals for weddings that would keep her mind racing.

However, this night was for fun.

The raven haired woman couldn’t help but to jump a bit when her little sister popped around the corner.

“The others are here!” Hanabi giggled (When did the doorbell ring? Hinata didn’t even hear it), “Time for you to have a good night, sis!”

With a nod, Hinata put her art project back into it’s basket, and met her friends at the door. After promising her father and sister that she’d be safe, they headed towards the main shopping district of the city.

“So, what did you all plan for tonight?” Hinata asked with a nervous chuckle, unsure how she felt about being in the dark for the night’s plans.

“Shopping is first!” Ino turned around with a smile.

Hinata was at ease, until she realized she was being dragged into a lingerie store. She protested at first but ended up giving in. Even though it was only Ino, Sakura, and Tenten; they were incredibly persistent.

Since Naruto’s favorite color is orange, they had her try on a set to match, with white garters.

“Hm….” Sakura wasn’t pleased, “This doesn’t quite suit you…”

“Her boobs look like large pumpkins – that’s why.” Ino reasoned, while Sakura and Tenten nodded in agreement. Hinata couldn’t help but to let out an embarrassed gasp while covering her chest.

The next set; however, seemed to fit her to the point that the other three were gasping in awe. A white push up with lavender lace and a sheer piece of lavender fabric that flowed down her sides. The high-waist panties matched the bra with a little rhinestone front and center. Satisfied, the other three each paid for a third of the set – even though Hinata insisted that she pay for it.

After leaving the lingerie shop, the bride-to-be couldn’t help but to blush at the idea of Naruto seeing her wear that. In two months, it’d be the first time he’d see her that naked – it’d be the first time they do anything sexual like that. Her mind couldn’t help but to play out all the scenarios of various reactions. So much that she essentially blushed all the way through dinner, up until they went to the club for drinking and dancing.

The four of them sat at a table, Hinata playing with the little sash that her friends encouraged her to wear. It was sparkling purple and said “Future Wife”. They wanted her to wear a princess crown too (making fun of Naruto’s nickname for her), but she flat out refused due to unwanted attention. By now, she had already downed two mixed drinks and a shot with the others.

It didn’t take long for the subject to become raunchy.

“So, how’s the sex with Konoha’s hero? Is he big?” Ino’s gaze became devilish.

If Hinata’s face wasn’t already so flushed from the booze, it would be now. Not sure how to answer the question, she simply gazed at her empty glass.

“So he’s small?” Ino narrowed her eyes in pitty. Hinata snapped her head up in shock, swallowing nervously.

“Oh.” Sakura realized it, “Are you two waiting for the wedding night?”

Hinata simply nodded, a little embarrassed.

“What’s the farthest you two have gone?” Ino’s question was anything but malicious, genuine curiosity.

“Kissing…”

“Have you made out?” The blonde rested her head in her hand.

“Y-Yeah…” Hinata’s face became redder.

“I see….” Ino leaned back, “Do you have any questions about sex for me? Or anyone else? Wait… am I the only non-virgin here?”

Obviously, Sakura hadn’t hooked up with Sasuke yet, since he was never home. Everyone’s eyes suddenly turned to Tenten – who was looking away with crimson cheeks.

Ino gasped as Sakura giggled, “No way! With who?”

When Tenten didn’t answer, Hinata did.

“Neji, right?”

Anxiously, Tenten nodded.

Even though the club was packed, it went silent for their small table. Sakura and Ino glanced at each other, sensing the awkward tension, and decided to change the subject from Tenten.

“So,” Ino spoke up as Sakura got up to get more drinks, “Do you have any questions about your first time?”

Normally, Hinata would’ve declined the offer. But since Ino has plenty of experience in the field with different people, and Hinata was drunk enough, she figured it was okay.

“Does… Does it hurt like they say?”

“Hm… If you’re not too nervous and trust him, then no. You just have to make sure you’re fully prepared or the stretching can be uncomfortable.” She smirked, “But since you two are in so much looooove, it’ll probably be magical. Oh, how I envy that… my first time was with a random ninja that my cousin set me up with. He wasn’t even good.” Ino scoffed as Sakura rejoined them with a tray of more shots.

“Oh, are you talking about when you slept with Kenji?” Sakura sat down before handing everyone their small drink.

“No, Kenji was the good one, along with Hiroshi. Tanaka was my boring first.” After they all did a shot, she continued, “But Sai… shit does he know how to make my knees weak. He… He is amazing.”

After boasting a bit more, the girls were drunk enough to hit the dance floor for a bit. Laughter and smiled surrounded their night until the club closed at three in the morning. Ino and Tenten went off their own ways, while Sakura and Hinata headed back to the pinkette’s apartment. However, Hinata’s statement worried Sakura.

“Are ya sure ya don’t wanna shpend the night? My place is closer, but I can shtill walk ya home?” She slurred her words a bit, an after effect of the alcohol.

Hinata chuckled, “I don’t really feel all that drunk, so I think I can walk home by myself. I’m more tired than anything else, so I think I really just want my own bed tonight. Thank you, though, Sakura-chan.”

“Okaaaay,” Sakura shrugged as she started headed towards her place, “By careful walkin’ home.”

As Hinata started walking back to the Hyuga residence, she could slowly feel the drinks from before settling in her body. Maybe it was the cool air, or simply just her thoughts. She couldn’t help but to think that her home was with Naruto.

Without thinking, she was knocking on a door that wasn’t her own.

At 3:25 a very groggy, tired Uzumaki Naruto opened the door in just his boxers.

“Eh? Hima?” He rubbed some of the sleep out of his eye, “Is everything okay? Aren’t ya supposed to be with the girls?”

Hinata tried walking past her fiancé, but ended up stumbling into his arms. Naruto easily caught her so she wouldn’t fall down. Realizing that she should probably lay down until sobering up a bit, he carefully walked her over to his bed.

Once situated, he sat down next to her and gently held her hand.

“Won’t your dad get mad if you’re not home soon?”

She shook her head, “No, he thinks I’m at Sakura-chan’s.”

As he nodded, showing he understood what she meant, Hinata slowly got up and walked to Naruto’s closet. She quickly found whatever she was looking for, and began to take off her top. Naruto made a slight noise of shock, eyes wide and face red.

“D-Don’t get too excited,” Her own cheeks were red from the alcohol, “I’m just changing. I can’t sleep in these clothes.”

“R-Right…” Respecting her privacy, Naruto looked away, almost saying that the bathroom was a few feet away if she wanted to change there. But, he really couldn’t complain. When he heard the closet door shut and what he assumed to be her turning around, he slowly looked back up to her. His eyes couldn’t help but to spend a few seconds looking at her bigger-than-average bra on his floor.

His eyes went up her body, blushing at a pair of (clean) blue boxers she was wearing as shorts. When his gaze finally met hers, he also couldn’t help but to notice that her nipples were poking right through one of his thin white shirts.

Yeah, he definitely couldn’t complain.

Naruto saw the glazed over look in her eyes, realizing she saw the way he was lustfully staring at her body. She sauntered to him, standing in between his tanned legs. She leisurely guided her hands over muscular shoulders until they found their place at the back of his neck. The two never broke eye contact until she crashed her lips into his with fervor. Their kiss quickly heated up as Hinata swung her legs over his to settle herself on his lap. Naruto had one hand on her hip, and the other on his bed for support so he wouldn’t fall backwards. He could taste the fruity alcohol on her tongue.

Eventually, his arm gave out as she persistently urged him to lay on his back. Naruto let out a breathy moan as she sucked his lower lip, feeling her nipples barely push against his own chest. Being a breast lover himself, his dick took control of his brain and he reached out to palm it. Her own gasp let him know her body enjoyed the extra attention.

Goosebumps prickled his skin as he felt nails scrape down his taut chest and abs, the muscles twitching under her amazing touch. However, his eyes snapped open when a small hand started going under his boxers.

Naruto (disappointedly) removed his hand from her breast to stop hers from going any further. Hinata looked up in confusion, “Don't’cha wanna, Naruto-kun?” There was almost a hiccup, causing her voice to hitch up in the cutest way possible. He almost groaned, his hormones hating him for his next statement.

“Of course I do, Hime.” He sighed, rolling her over so they were on their sides, face to face, “You know I want nothing more…. But not like this; not when you’re completely plastered. You deserve better, and you’d be upset, y’know?”

She frowned, “I… I just figured it wouldn’t hurt so bad since I’m drunk…”

“Huh?”

“Do you now why I want to wait?” She ran her thumb over his hand before holding it.

“Clan prestige, right?”

Hinata shook her head, causing a slight wave of dizziness. She spoke up again when she recovered, “No, not that. As long as there’s no pregnancy or bragging, they don’t care as much. Though, my father would probably still be pissed since he’s protective…”

“Then, why?” He raised an eyebrow, confused.

Hinata sighed, “W-When I first started puberty, somethin’ was off. My periods have always been irregular and extremely painful. To the point where I’d haveta stay home from missions. They think it’s a mixture of PCOS and endometriosis. It’s hard to explain, but my hormones are screwy ‘cause of it. One of the bad things is sex… it can be painful. E-even when I touch myself, I have to be careful because it’ll hurt badly…” By now, she was crying, “Half of the time, I can’t even finger myself… So I’m scared… I’m scared to have sex… I want our first time to be wonderful and no pain… I’m scared I won’t be able to pleasure you like I should as a wife… I might even be infertile… And I-“

She was cut off as Naruto pulled her into a hug, “Hinata… I don’t want you to stress about our first time, okay? If we have to stop, then we’ll stop, y’know? Sex isn’t why I’m marrying you; and we can find other ways for pleasure, starting a family, and whatever… I love you no matter what.”

Honestly, Naruto didn’t even know if he was saying the right thing. This was something completely above him; something he didn’t even know existed. Hinata was obviously nervous about this if she only told him in a drunk rant. He wasn’t mad about that of course, it’s a difficult subject to talk about. He’d have to do some research over this.

“N-Naruto-kun…” She sniffled after she was done crying into his chest, “T-Thank you. I love you so much…”

He used his bandaged thumb to wipe away a stray tear, “Anytime, Hime.” Naruto flashed his signature smile as he pulled the covers up of them, “Now, let’s get some sleep, yknow?”

It wasn’t long before his fiancée drifted off beside him, but Naruto stayed awake through most of the night.

The smell of food cooking slowly coaxed the Hyuga from her slumber. Lavender iris slowly looked around as it felt like a hammer was repeatedly hitting her head. She focused on the glass of water on her nightstand, and took tiny gulps, careful of her aching stomach.

That’s when she realized it wasn’t her nightstand. And she wasn’t wearing her clothes.

Hers were on her fiancé’s floor.

Before panic could completely sink in, memories of the night before (that morning?) slowly came back to her mind. She sighed, sipping more water.

“Mornin’, Hime.” Naruto came over with a makeshift tray (a small box) that had a bowl of miso soup, rice, and fried eggs.

“Mornin’, Naruto-kun…” Her eyes squinted a bit, “Do you mind turning the light off? My head hurts…”

“I would, but that would require some really advanced jutsu,” He chuckled, “My lights are off. What you’re seeing is the sun poking through my blinds. It’s 2PM, so it’ll be a few hours before that problem goes away for ya.”

Hinata felt stupid for that one. None-the-less, she carefully ate the food that Naruto prepared for her. She didn’t know if it was just because he cooked it for her, but it genuinely helped her feel better.

“Here’s some ibuprofen. It has a small amount of caffeine so it should help.” He handed her a pill bottle, “Or, it helps me when I go drinking with the others.”

“Thank you.” She smiled, taking the medicine, “For everthing.”

“No problem, Hime.” He smiled back, kissing her forehead, “Oh, do you remember what happened last night?”

“Kind of… I don’t remember much after changing…”

Naruto was a little relieved, so it wasn’t as awkward, “Don’t worry, we just kissed a lil’ bit, and then you passed out.”

She nodded, “I-I figured since I woke up still in your clothes.”

He didn’t know if he should’ve told her, but something in his gut said it was better to not say anything. At least not while she was hung over.

“Oh, I should probably text Hanabi, saying I’ll be home closer to dinner time since I’m still not feeling so well. Do you mind grabbing my phone? It’s probably still in my pants pocket.”

Naruto, being a good fiancé, did as requested. Glancing at the top screen of her flip phone, he saw a notification, “Oh, there’s a text from Tenten and Sakura.”

“Do you mind reading them to me? My head hurts too bad.”

“The one from Sakura is just asking if you made it home okay.”

“Can you reply saying I’m safe and just woke up?”

“Sure thing.” After that, he read the one from Tenten aloud, “Hinata, I’m sorry for making the party a little awkward last night. I know I should’ve told you about Neji sooner, but I’ve been a coward. You deserved to know.” Naruto furrowed his eyebrows, “What’s that about?”

“Ooooh…” Hinata remembered the conversation, “Tenten and Neji-kun were secretly a couple before he passed away in the war. She confessed they slept together.”

“No way!” Naruto gasped at the gossip.

“Right? We were all shocked.” Hinata giggled a bit, “Anyways, I’ll reply to that tonight and let her know I’m not mad.”

Hinata’s phone buzzed again – text from Sakura.

“Uh… so she knows I sent that because of my bad grammar and typing ‘dattebayo’…”

She sighed, wondering how her amazing fiancé could be so dense, “I’ll reply to her later too…”

They both chuckled. After Hinata texted Hanabi (not letting Naruto type again), they cuddled until she felt well enough for her to head back.

Two weeks before the wedding, Naruto found himself at a bar with Shikamaru, Kiba, Sai, Iruka, Choji, and Lee. Everyone, save for Lee and Shino, had already downed more than enough alcohol.

“Alright, alright, I gotta ask,” Kiba gave his blond friend a sly smirk, “Her boobs or butt?”

“Eh????” It came out as a question, but not embarrassment. While his cheeks were red, it was more so from the booze than anything else, “Can I pick her caring personality instead?”

“No; that’s cheating.” Choji’s smirk imitated Kiba’s, only his cheeks were stuffed with French fries.

“Y’know, I gotta go with boobs then. You see those things? They’re amazing!” Naruto held his hands out, squeezing imaginary breasts.

Iruka rolled his eyes and smacked his former student on the back of the head, “Don’t be so crude about it! She’s going to be your wife soon. I know I taught you more respect than that…”

Laughter filled the atmosphere after Iruka’s discipline. Various conversations flowed from person to person, except from Naruto himself. As he flicked access ash from his cigarette, Shikamaru glanced at his friend. “You okay there, bud? You’re spacing out.”

Caught off guard, Naruto chuckled and scratched the back of his forehead, “Yeah. It’s just hot in here, y’know? I’m gonna step out for some air real quick.”

Cool air filled his lungs the moment he stepped outside. He really did try to enjoy the party to it’s fullest, but since the wedding was approaching fast, all Naruto could think about was Hinata – how he was terrified he’d hurt her.

Naruto leaned against the brick wall outside of the bar right as Iruka came out to join him.

“What’s up? I can tell something is on your mind.”

He sighed, explaining Hinata’s medical situation, and his fears of their first time.

“Hm…” Iruka copied Naruto and leaned against the wall himself, “Well, I personally don’t know a lot about that, but I would say to just pay really close attention to how she reacts to everything, especially non-verbally. Knowing Hinata, she’ll probably try to hide any pain and tough through it so you feel good.”

“Ah…” Naruto ruffled his hands through his hair, “Man! This is so difficult, y’know…”

Iruka chuckled and rustled his own hand through blond hair, “That’s life, kiddo. But, I can tell you definitely love and care about her, so I know it’ll be fine. I’m proud of you, Naruto. I know you’ll be a great husband.”

And really, Iruka meant it. Even though Naruto made a slightly-crude joke to his friends, he wasn’t enjoying his own bachelor party because of his own anxieties for making Hinata happy.

Naruto smiled up at him, “Thanks, Iruka-sensei.”

Shortly after, they returned to the party.

Sakura hummed to herself as she walked along the path by the river. The weather was perfect, and she was glad it would stay that way for the next week – especially since the wedding was in three days.

Orange and yellow caught the corner of her eye, her friend-to-be-married catching her attention. He was deep in thought, eyes staring at the water. Though, she could tell he wasn’t really watching anything.

“Hey, Naruto.” She chuckled a bit, sitting next to him on the sloped grass, “This is out of character for you – you look pretty troubled.”

He honestly didn’t even notice she sat next to him until she spoke up.

“Ah, hey, Sakura-chan…” He sighed, “I’m just thinkin’ ‘bout Hinata, y’know…”

Pink eyebrows furrowed in concern, “Are you having second thoughts about the wedding?”

“No, no! Not at all.” His head snapped up with a gentle smile, “I wouldn’t’ve proposed unless I was positive it’d be good for both of us.” Naruto laid on his back with another sigh, “I guess since you’re a medical nin, I can talk to ya… The night of her bachelorette party, y’know how she spent the night at my place? Well, she came onto me pretty hard wanting to, well, do it. “His cheeks flushed a bit, ”But I knew it was just because of the alcohol, since she told me she wanted to wait until we were married. She ended up tellin’ me she has a condition – CPOC and endrosis or somethin’ like that. Said it makes, uh, sex things painful and messes with her cycle…. I’ve just been concerned about our first night – I know she’s nervous, and I’m nervous. I don’t want it to hurt… And Iruka-sensei didn’t know much, but said to pay attention since she would probably hide the pain… And I just don’t know what to do…”

“Oooooh. PCOS and endometriosis…” Sakura brought her knees to her chest, going into medic mode, “I’ve helped some people with that in the clinic. Iruka-sensei is right about Hinata probably trying to hide it, but you need to communicate before. Have her promise to tell you the moment she feels bad – say you need mutual trust. Also – foreplay is incredibly important. Make sure she orgasms before anything goes in. Plus, lube. You can’t really have enough of that. But nothing flavored or anything jazzy, that could make it worse. And set the mood – make sure she’s relaxed.”

“That’s… actually a good plan…” Naruto thought out loud, “Sakura-chan. Thank you!” The blond gave Sakura a friendly pat on the shoulder before running off.

“Where are you going?!” She was shocked to say the least.

“To the store! I gotta prepare!” He smiled.

“Wait, before you go… since she told you while drunk, that probably means she didn’t want to tell you to begin with so you wouldn’t worry. I wouldn’t go around asking the whole village for advice…”

“Ah, don’t worry about that.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “I’ve only told Iruka-sensei. Now, gotta go!” Naruto energetically waved before leaving.

These weren’t things Naruto even remotely considered. He went ahead and made a mental list of things to bu. Lube was priority number one. Other things that Hinata liked and calmed her? Lilac was her favorite scent… maybe some candles? While he felt a little dirty, he even bought a book on pleasure.

He was never the type to study, but he’d do it for the woman he loved.

Next Chapter

#naruhina #naruto uzumaki #hinata hyuga #naruto hinata #uzumaki naruto #hyuga hinata #naruhina fanfiction #naruhina fanfic #naruhina gentle love

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woohooligancomics · 6 years

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A Personal Racism Issue. Can I Get Your Advice?

I'm at a bit of a loss... so I'm hoping some of you hooligans might be able to help me out. This weekend I'm tabling a gaming convention with a friend of mine (and I'll leave his name out here for reasons that will be apparent -- I'll call him X). Admittedly, I'm a comedian and a cartoonist, so a gaming convention is slightly off-brand, but I'm hoping there will be a good cross-section of people who also enjoy comedy, and at the end of Friday I've already collected 5 new subscribers to our newsletter, the Woohooligan Weekly Dick Joke Advocate.

This came about when I got an unexpected call from X about a month before the event and he mentioned in passing that he'd already booked a table for this event. I offered to share the booth with him, because I want to attend more cons and I thought I could handle the 5hr drive. I've tabled about a half-dozen cons so far, this would be his first. And although he's a relatively new friend (a year?), I didn't have the impression he was racist -- at least not overtly or knowingly so... I wouldn't associate myself with anyone who identified as "Alt-Right", I think that should be apparent from my work, of which X is aware. Dunking on these racists was part of all three of my most recent YouTube videos, and a comic I published in 2016 which appears in my recent Woohooligan Vol 2 (page 29) that I now have on the table at the event thanks to our recent Kickstarter.

youtube

What I didn't realize until I arrived at the event, is that X is selling t-shirts labelled "Fantasy Lives Matter". There are about a dozen of them, roughly half of his t-shirt designs, so for example a picture of an orc with the text "Orc Lives Matter", another for Elf, Dwarf, etc. I hoped at first that it would go unnoticed as people often don't read the text and just check out the artwork. I've already noticed one girl at the table this morning was put off. She asked me, "are you a Black Lives Matter person or an all lives matter person"? To which I responded "black lives matter... I haven't had that specific conversation with X, though I suspect he's the same"...

Apparently I was wrong, which, I realize in retrospect is what I should have expected, because I think the majority of people would have picked up on the poor taste of trivializing serious problems faced by real people. I want to say I think most people would have picked up on that faster than I did actually, since I think I'd seen these graphics before (I mean, months ago), and it just hadn't clicked in my mind, despite all the work I've done.

I tried to have a brief conversation with X about it, which went nowhere good...

Me: Hey, X. This girl just left, put off by the FLM designs... she asked if I was BLM or ALM.

X: [rolls eyes] Yeah that was my dad's big problem too, thinking people would be offended, and if they are, fuck 'em. I'm saying "all lives matter", even fictional ones.

(That last sentence is a huge problem for me, for reasons I think should be obvious.)

Me: "All lives matter" is intended to shut down people trying to address serious problems.

X: People don't know how to address problems... and to be honest, some of those people running in with the police deserve what they're getting.

(We're way into not-okay territory here and I've invested a huge amount of time and a notable amount of money in this event, and knowing now that X apparently has difficulty staying awake while driving on the freeway, I'm also concerned about his safety if I decided to just leave suddenly... but at this moment I'm not ready to get into what seems like is likely to devolve into a screaming match in front of everyone at the con.)

Me: the BLM movement only exists because there's a huge amount of injustice built into the system. When everything else is held equal, a black person on average receives 2-3 times more jail time than a white person, and that should never happen.

(I don't have reference for that specific figure on-hand -- please check my work and leave a link if you have one, whether I remembered it correctly or not. Thank you.)

X: [basically murmurred agreement]

I don't want to make any excuses for his diminishing of real-world problems, I think it's bad... I'm conflicted about how to address this problem for myself... I plan to publish photos of myself at the con, and the signs for those designs will be in the background... do I black them out? If I do that, am I enabling him?

I don't *think* he realizes what the problem is... I don't *think* he's deliberately racist. On the way back to the house from the convention he offered to buy me dinner at a shawarma place (I'd never had it -- it was good -- it actually reminded me of some southern cafeterias, although the seasoning and the decoration were a little different.)

The waitresses wore hijabs and he was familiar them (had been there many times), and treated them nice enough... though I will say that some of the things he says seem fairly insensitive in a general sense. For example, he makes a lot of objectifying comments about women, including for example, one of the shawarma waitresses, "[damn she's hot]... and great tits". (Of course, he's only seen her breasts 100% covered -- not even cleavage -- so it's a little odd to me to hear someone be so overtly objectifying of someone who's entire outward image is one of "I am not here for you to ogle".) And the whole day at the con was similar -- frequent mentions of "she's smokin' hot" or "that red head" or "I've never wanted to give wood to an elf so bad", which I tried not to encourage. (I like porn too, but my interest in potential partners isn't based on their looks.)

These are things I hadn't noticed in previous phone or online conversations. So I'm a bit conflicted... He's open enough to be friendly with the shawarma waitresses... but he's also interested in them to the point of sexual interest in women who're being very careful to be NOT sexy. So how confrontational should I be about "fantasy lives matter"?

I don't plan to share a table with him again if he's going to continue promoting them... I would hope he would eventually figure out that the phrase is likely to reduce his sales, even when a person might agree with his sentiment, because they don't want to buy a shirt that's going to get them into verbal fisticuffs with people. But this being his first event, and saying that he's already plunked down $1400 into it, it seems to me unlikely that he'll learn that soon. Though in honesty, it always feels like cold comfort to me when someone is doing the right thing only because they realize some kind of financial reward for it.

So should just not sharing tables in the future be where I leave it? Is it okay to accept that, "he's not a deliberate racist, just kind of an insensitive jerk" and just limit my involvement? As an autistic person who knows what it's like to be ostracized for being unintentionally insensitive, am I being too harsh if I say I feel like this is too much? Does that make me a hypocrite? And what about the fact that there are now photos of me in the act of affiliating myself with the creator who promoted "fantasy lives matter"?

Regardless of how it may impact my image, I'm trying to figure out what course of action will produce the best results for everyone -- that hopefully anyone who can become a better person will, regardless of how it impacts my image. Obviously I always have to think about my image, we all do, but that's a secondary concern. I feel like I should be willing to sacrifice my image if the alternative is being hypocritical, cruel, or even just unwilling to evolve or better myself.

Thanks for reading and helping me with this. I appreciate any advice you have.

- Sam

(Now I need to get about 6 hours sleep, because I spent too long composing this blog and have to be up early for the event tomorrow. Thank god my diabetes didn't trash my energy today, and fingers crossed I have the same luck tomorrow.)

UPDATE 9/17/2018

Maybe I should have waited until the end of the event before writing this blog, but the subject distresses me and I wanted to talk about it sooner than later. At the end of Friday, neither X or I had sold anything at the event. Saturday morning, X printed off about 4 shirts as samples to lay on the front of the table (good marketing), to show people that, "hey these pictures on the poster in the back go on t-shirts". It worked and over Saturday and Sunday, he sold at least a half-dozen shirts, most of them "Fantasy Lives Matter" shirts. So while there are some people who are offended by them, there are apparently also a large number of people excited by them (I think exclusively white people that I saw, although most of the attendees looked pretty white to me as well). ::sigh::

Over the course of the event, 27 new people signed up for our Woohooligan Weekly Dick Joke Advocate mailing list. I know many of those people were either indifferent to the FLM shirts or some may have even been excited by them... but I have no idea how many people may have simply avoided conversation with me all-together because of them.

I still have no plans to share another table with X. It's weird to me, because he's really sensitive about other things, like he kept profusely apologizing for falling asleep in the car because he apparently suffers from pretty bad road hypnosis. He's made the hour drive before, but I was concerned about him making the drive after a full day manning the table at the con. Meanwhile I also discovered he's got a huge chip on his shoulder about (of all things) shaking hands.

X: I hate it. I don't like people touching me.

Me: You know people are about 30% more likely to buy from you right?

X: You may be right, but I don't care. It was originally a symbol of distrust. Do you know where it came from?

Me: Yeah, it was originally a way of showing that you weren't armed, but it's evolved into a symbol of trust.

X: It's evolbed into a bullshit thing we do for no goddamn reason!

So to recap: shaking hands is tragic evidence of the decline of civilization, while Black Lives Matter is deluded and don't know how to address problems, and "many of them deserve what they're getting anyway".

I just can't fathom how a person can have that set of priorities when they go out of their way to eat shawarma and so forth and don't appear to be outwardly racist in any other way that I can tell.

His FLM shirts outsold mine by a wide margin, and frankly I don't care... or rather, I find it disheartening... and I'm not about to deliberately associate my work with it in the future. All people need justice, and if you think it through, you should realize that "all lives matter" is the actual meaning of "black lives matter". Saying "all lives matter" as a response is like saying of the condition of slaves, "slave owners have problems, too!" It takes air away from the importance of addressing a great deal of injustice in our country and I don't want to contribute to trivializing that in any way. Even if I stood to gain financially from it, I wouldn't do it.

I'm still not sure what else to do, beyond just not sharing con tables with him again, and would still appreciate hearing any thoughts you have on it. Thanks.

- Sam

#racism #public relations

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activebodi-blog · 4 years

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Which Social Media Platforms Should You Use (or Start With)?

You’ve heard of this Social Media thing, right? You’re looking to build an audience by picking the right platform (or platforms) to make it a reality.

But where do you start?

I can’t give you a straight answer. We’re all individuals and we have individual strengths and needs for our goals.

So what I can do is you give you some insight into my experience, having run a number of identities and niche sites across social media, I can offer some advice and then go further into helping you figure out which is best for you.

So in this video, I talk about which Social Media platforms I’m using on my websites and the thought process I use – and how you can apply it to your situation. Alternatively, I have it all written out below the video also :)

Please Note: By playing any videos on this page, you hereby consent to the use of YouTube’s Cookies.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel Here

What Platforms I’m currently using

Let’s paint the picture.

With a little information, you can gain some insight and better wrap your head around what I’m about to discuss.

So here are the social media platforms I’m using with a little “why” behind them:

Instagram – It’s primarily visual and one of the most popular social media platforms being used today. I also find it relatively easy to grow a following compared to other platforms like Facebook.

Twitter – It’s very easy to automate, you can reach more people by tagging others as well as get retweets, etc. It’s also easy to grow and you can be flexible, yet you can rely on visuals also if you like.

Facebook – easy to keep up to date and it’s a great place if you go viral. It has perhaps the most potential but I actually find it the most difficult to grow in and continually reach your audience (although some have great success, many struggle and don’t go past Facebook). Unless you want to pay dollars for ads, Facebook is one of my least favorites but is still worth a little effort. It’s great if you have an expansive personal network you can promote to.

Pinterest – Again, it’s visual. I’m a designer and creating attractive pins is easy enough to do and Pinterest is quite powerful once you learn the ropes.

YouTube – Another place to let your content go viral. It’s a lot more work as you are creating content that takes hours at times but then there’s a lot more ‘stick’ to your work as it becomes a part of the YouTube search engine and not just a passing update.

It’s not social media – but always funnel toward an Email List. Email is king for reach, the least amount of work and converts visitors to buyers far more effectively than any Social Media platform (generally speaking). I feel it’s worth mentioning since many use social media to retain their audience when email is vastly superior (I show you how to get started with a newsletter here)

Also, find Social Media platforms unique to you!

Notice something above? I place a lot of emphasis on ‘visual’.

This is why I also occasionally post some of my imagery with links to the blog posts to Deviant Art, Behance, and other visual places. The reason for this is I’m an artist and professional graphic/web designer.

My skillset lends itself to visual platforms because I can easily create eye-catching visuals.

What are your strengths?

If you’re into audio, try Soundcloud. Video? Try YouTube, Vimeo, or share your videos on a Tumblr blog. Whatever interests you most and you believe will reach the most people, you should go for it.

Audio, video, and imagery always perform well on most platforms, but finding little extras very specific to your skill and even niche can yield great results as the competition for attention is less fierce.

Try and test them out and eliminate those that give you little results.

So do some research and find other places that are specific to you, where you can reach more people. I think of these as secondary networks. But they are great when you are trying to grow aggressively.

OK, You have a bunch of accounts – that seems like a LOT to start with!

Well it is, and I don’t recommend starting that way. Starting up 6 social media accounts and running them from the beginning is daunting and just plain confusing.

A lot of gurus say to be everywhere, while others say focus on ONE platform. So which is correct?

Both ways are correct.

Confused? Well, I have an explanation.

All of these platforms hinge on your knowledge and the action you take based on that knowledge. You need to learn them and master them to be effective and reach people. They all have individual strengths and methods for succeeding with them.

In saying that, there are some universal concepts that help you succeed on social media:

Focus on building an audience and find ways to get in front of more people (hashtags, groups, etc)

Create content people want

Be consistent and keep delivering that content

Figure out how to apply the above to each platform.

Learn one by one.

So pick one platform and get started. Use it, learn it and become efficient at posting to it and getting a good response. Then move on. Give it a few months to truly understand it and establish yourself.

Over time you’ll have a solid understanding of what works for you. As you slowly learn each one and add to your network then you can eventually begin to be everywhere.

Some posts work better than others

Constantly linking to blog posts is a stale method and doesn’t work. Most social platforms don’t want you going offsite.

On average, Video & Images reach the most people and get the most interaction. So try to use those mediums the best you can. If your focus is audio, then create videos by popping an image or some footage in there in place of video, playing the audio over the top.

Discover the media type that works best for you: Imagery, Video or Audio and make your choice from there.

Heres some examples of how you could start:

Prefer Imagery? Start with Instagram, move onto others

Better at Video? Get onto YouTube and move from there.

Audio? Maybe start a podcast, copy those podcasts to YouTube and move on as above.

You can take whatever route is most attractive to you. Then as you progress, link everything together and it will become more manageable.

Now you’re rolling, so automate between networks for efficiency.

This is another example of what I personally do.

When I post on one social media network, it filters through to other networks.

I’m a graphic designer, so I share to Pinterest when I create a blog post, but I share more regularly (for my niche sites anyway) on Instagram, which then auto-posts to Facebook and Twitter.

When I release a video on YouTube, the link is automatically posted to Twitter. You can do the same for Facebook.

By figuring out these little shortcuts you can start to see how you can stay consistent on a number of platforms with a lot less work.

Now you’ve got the flow set up, use scheduling software.

I use the Buffer app to keep things flowing.

So I automate and schedule posts to one primary network like Instagram and it takes care of the rest….

…mostly.

I also make sure I add a little something to the others. I share links to my blog posts on Facebook, which autoshares to Twitter.

Since Twitter is best when posts are more frequent, I then add some extra posts (links, text only, images) to my Twitter stream. Twitter is the platform that is the most easily automated and receives a lot of automated content from my other social media platforms.

You can start to see how focusing on one main social media platform and occasionally adding to your schedule on the others you can give you a constant stream of content across them all.

Then check-in and interact.

Don’t just shout your updates into the room and leave. Interact.

This is where automation becomes powerful. Since all you have to do is log in and reply to people. Your posting is done in batches and then takes care of itself, leaving you to simply be social.

Always be aware of change. Be ready to move.

Don’t just keep going, once you are getting results on a handful of top platforms, stay and don’t stretch yourself too thin.

However, social media platforms die, and new ones are always on the rise.

Be prepared to discard what no longer works or explore exciting new avenues that pop up. It’s important to keep with the times or you’ll be left behind and you’ll see your reach slowly fade.

So be in the game, keep your finger on the pulse and be consistent.

Focus on learning what people want and master the art of good content and the rest will become effortless.

I hope my crazy rambling has given you some insight. Hopefully, you found it useful. If you did find it useful consider subscribing to my email newsletter.

Thanks for reading and have an awesome day!

source https://creatorimpact.com/social-media-start-with/

#blogging #internet marketing #social media

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not-a-space-alien · 7 years

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Your Own Side Outtake #5: Be Sure to Like, Comment, And Subscribe If You Want To See More

Rating: G

Series masterpost

On AO3

Adramelech was gaining weight.

Sylvia could not figure out why. It was one of the many things she had noticed about her demonic companion since they had moved in together.

Back up a little. Sylvia and Adramelech had moved in together. It was a relatively recent development, one that Sylvia had mixed feelings about.

Sylvia herself had been the one to suggest it, saying that they could save money by sharing a flat, and she regretted it as soon as Adramelech accepted. Because now she had to confront her feelings, which didn’t make much sense to her.

Sure, Adramelech loved her, but he loved her in the same way that he loved their dog Paprika and his friend Aziraphale. He loved a lot of things. He was just kind of that way. And Sylvia was starting to think that maybe she loved Adramelech, but not in the same way that she loved their dog Paprika.

Which was something she was not pleased to have to suddenly start wrestling with herself about. Because even if she made up her mind, she was sure Adramelech would not reciprocate her feelings. And now she had to stand seeing him every morning with his hair mussed up from sleep, sleepily padding into the kitchen and offering to cook her breakfast…

They had separate bedrooms. Adramelech had not seemed to care either way, but Sylvia had insisted on that point. It was a good thing they had gone that route, though, because their flat also came with two bathrooms, and another thing she had discovered about her companion was that he spent at least three solid hours in the bathroom each day, if not more.

Usually one solid hour of that was luxuriating in the bathtub. He came home every week with different concoctions for the bath, one of which was, alarmingly, named a bomb. When she saw what color the bathtub was after the water had drained, she understood the name.

And then there was the hair and makeup. Adramelech had an entire closet full of things that looked like torture instruments for beating his hair into shape. He had a flat iron for when it was too curly, and when it was too flat, he had a curling iron. He had shampoos and sprays to make it less volumous when it took up too much space, and when it didn’t take up enough, he had volumising shampoos and sprays to make it take up more. And his beard. He had a kit the size of a toolbox full of scissors and tweezers and trimmers of every conceivable shape and size for his facial hair. Sometimes he spent an hour meticulously plucking his eyebrows out, only to draw them back on with what looked like a pencil. He bought makeup that was the exact same shade of brown as his skin tone and put it all over his face before beginning any of his makeup, and his face always looked exactly the same with or without it.

There was so much makeup. Sylvia wanted to suggest to him to start buying it in gallon drums instead of those tiny palettes the store gave him.

And the most amazing thing to Sylvia was that Adramelech did not grow bored of it, ever. Each new compact case was met with the same enthusiasm as the last few thousand. Each new eyeshadow had endless possibilities. And sometimes when he was upset, he could go buy a new and exciting color and feel better. Sometimes Sylvia could tell the difference between it and the colors he already had, and sometimes she could not.

It was baffling to her. For a while after she had been incorporated, Sylvia had been afraid to try any of these aspects of making up one’s appearance because she thought it would be considered vanity. But she had gotten over it eventually, and had tried putting on makeup and shaving her legs, and she hadn’t liked it at all. She stuck to simpler trappings from then on.

Sometimes Adramelech even sat in front of the computer, recording himself putting on makeup and narrating what he was doing as though he were explaining it to someone else. That part she did not understand most of all, but Adramelech had always been a bit….strange, so she did not bother him about it.

“Come on!” Sylvia would shout, banging on the bathroom door a few minutes after they had been scheduled to leave for some event. “We’re going to be late!” And Adramelech would always say he wasn’t done with some aspect of his preening routine, which he estimated would take another five minutes and invariably took at least fifteen.

Sylva had simply gotten into the habit of telling him they had to leave about half an hour earlier than they actually did, which usually got them there on time.

But back to the first thing. Adramelech had been gaining weight, and Sylvia could not imagine why. He ate like…well, like a bird. Sylvia was not sure to exactly what extent a demon’s eating habits correlated with the feeding habits of their animal form, but she had never seen Crowley swallow a mouse or Maltha begin to peck at birdseed, so she had no way of knowing. But Adramelech had always eaten very lightly and consequently had always been rather skinny.

One day she could hear Adramelech getting upset about how his favourite pair of purple jeans no longer fit him, and she offered to take him clothes shopping, which she regretted after it ended up taking about six hours. He fretted about how he had gone up a pants size.

“That’s no big deal,” Sylvia told him. “Goodness knows we don’t have to worry about our health. And it’s not like you’re the only one. You’re still much smaller than Aziraphale.”

Adramelech did not seem convinced, saying it was all well and good when Aziraphale was fat, but Adramelech had a different image to maintain.

“For whom?” said Sylvia incredulously. “Adra, don’t worry about it.”

Sylvia would find her answers soon enough, but not in the way she expected.

It happened one day when Adramelech was doing that strange thing, talking to his computer while putting on makeup. When Sylvia brought him a mug of lemonade, he pulled her into view of the screen and said excitedly, “Hey, everyone look who it is! It’s Sylvia!”

“Adramelech, who are you talking to?” said Sylvia, a bit alarmed.

“Oh, I can edit you out if you don’t want to be in the video,” said Adramelech, beginning to brush some of his foundation onto Sylvia’s face. She scrunched up under the attempts at beautification, sipping her own lemonade in between strokes.

“You’re making a video?”

“Yes. I’m showing everyone how to blend this new highlighter I just got.”

She looked down at the smattering of makeup on the table. “…and why are you doing that?” she said, feeling completely lost.

Adramelech blushed. “Er. To inspire vanity.”

“Vanity?”

“Vanity is my favourite mortal sin.”

"...Mm-hmm.” She took another sip. “And who exactly are you showing? Who is ‘everyone’?”

“My Instagram followers, mostly,” said Adramelech. “Although my YouTube channel has been getting more subscribers.”

“People go online just to watch you do your makeup?”

“You’d be surprised how humans eat it up. One of my Instagram posts was shared to tumblr and it’s got over ten thousand notes.”

A few rapid clicks pulled up a blue website on his screen. Sylvia looked at it without understanding much.

“This person called you their ‘gender-nonconforming husband,’” said Sylvia. “You’re not really married to them, are you?”

“I’ve never met her, actually. And I’m not really sure what that word means.”

“Adramelech, how many of these videos have you made?” said Sylvia, taking control of the mouse and scrolling down his YouTube page.

“I make one every week,” said Adramelech.

“…all right,” said Sylvia. “And people go online to watch them?”

“Yes.”

“But why do you put them up? Just for fun?”

“Vanity.”

“Adramelech, I’ve never seen you put this much work into anything. That can’t be the only reason.”

“Well, I do get paid…”

“What? How? YouTube is free, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but there’s ad revenue.”

“How much?”

“Ummm….”

“How much?”

Adramelech pulled up his bank account and showed her.

“Adramelech! Every time I go to pay the electric bill you tell me you don’t have any money! What are you spending this all on?”

“Er, well, some of it is for more makeup, and some on stuff for the bath…”

“And the rest of it…?”

“Look, have you ever been to Lush?” said Adramelech. “That stuff isn’t cheap.”

“Adramelech! There’s no way you spent all of this on cosmetics!”

“All right,” said Adramelech, sorrowfully. “You caught me. I didn’t spend it all on cosmetics.”

“What?” said Sylvia. “Then on what?”

He shame-facedly evacuated the computer chair and led her into his bedroom.

“Please don’t judge me, Sylvia,” he said, weeping. “This is so embarrassing.”

“What?” said Sylvia, growing alarmed. “What is it?”

Adramelech put his hand on the knob to his closet. “You don’t understand what it’s like being a demon. You get…urges!”

“Urges?” said Sylvia. “Adramelech, I swear to God, what have you got in this closet?”

Adramelech chickened out at the last second. Sylvia wrestled past him to pull the closet open.

A cascade of plastic sacks came tumbling out, falling over each other with a rattling noise.

Sylvia blinked at what had come out of the closet. “Is this… birdseed?”

Adramelech wrung his hands.

“You were hiding fifty kilos of birdseed in the closet because you didn’t want me to see you eating it?”

Adramelech dramatically threw his hands over his face and fell backwards into the plastic sacks, sprawling out among them. “It’s not even the healthy kind!” he sobbed. “It’s the kind they tell you not to feed to ducks because it’ll make them overweight. It’s just so good!”

Sylvia’s face turned red as she suppressed a laugh. Adramelech’s feathers flared out. “It’s not funny, Sylvia! I know I have a problem!”

“The only problem is that you won’t help me pay the electric bill,” said Sylvia. “Come on, Adra. Stop being so melodramatic. I don’t care if you eat birdseed.”

“Really?” Adramelech sniffled.

“Of course. It’s going to take a little more than that to drive me off. You’re stuck with me, weirdo.”

Adramelech brightened. “I can always count on you, Sylvia.”

#good omens #my writing #my good omens fanfic

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shaizstern · 5 years

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Article from WSJ: Everyone Hates Customer Service. This Is Why.

Technology lets companies see how badly they can treat consumers, right up until the moment they bolt

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN KUCZALA; PHOTOS: ISTOCK

By Sharon Terlep

In corporate parlance, it’s called the “breakpoint.” It’s how far customers can be pushed before their heads explode.

From long waits at the airport to rude store clerks to ineffective helplines, shoddy customer service is a universal frustration. Today, companies crunch data and use artificial intelligence to determine exactly how angry a customer has to be to bolt. Many are walking right up to that line.

Technologies can track how long a customer will wait for a human to answer the phone and how many ads they will tolerate. They can monitor the tone of a customer’s voice. Companies know what steps they must take to keep shoppers loyal—and which they can skip.

This knowledge has contributed to a decline in how customers are treated, say analysts, consultants and former executives. A smaller number make the counter case: that companies are using their better read to improve the customer experience.

“There is more data available on just how disgruntled someone can be,” said Megan Burns, CEO of consulting company Experience Enterprises.

Sally Robey reached her breakpoint with AT&T Inc. after six calls and a collective four hours on the phone with customer-service agents over the price of an unlimited phone plan. “It’s like they have a stranglehold on us,” said Ms. Robey, who had been an AT&T customer for 30 years when she decided she was done.

Sally Robey, in her home in Wilmette, Ill., says made six calls and spent four hours on the phone with customer-service agents over the price of an unlimited phone plan. PHOTOS: EVAN JENKINS FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL(2)

Dogged by overage fees on her family’s seven-phone wireless plan, Ms. Robey, a mother of four from Wilmette, Ill., set out to get a plan with unlimited data. An AT&T cable subscriber and customer since 1988, she eventually got a better deal from Verizon CommunicationsInc. and returned to AT&T to see if it would match the rates. AT&T declined.

“I said, ‘This is ridiculous, you’re not doing anything to keep us,’” Ms. Robey said. The agent, she said, told her: “No, there’s nothing I can do.”

It was only when Ms. Robey was in the act of switching phone numbers to Verizon from AT&T that the wireless carrier buckled, she said.

“Then they were, like, ‘Oh, we want to keep you.’ ” She ended up staying because the company gave her what she wanted right before she was about to leave.

An AT&T spokeswoman declined to comment on Ms. Robey’s situation but said the company contacted her on the matter.

The telecom giant is among the companies employing artificial intelligence to gauge customers’ behavior patterns and personalities to pair them with customer-service agents.

“Matching the right agent to customers improves the likelihood of a positive outcome, measured by resolution rate and satisfaction scores,” an AT&T spokeswoman said. The company declined to comment further.

Some companies now equip call centers with software that analyzes a caller’s tone of voice and pace of speech to determine how upset the person is. Angrier callers get routed to agents skilled at de-escalating conflict, who are in turn warned in advance.

San Francisco-based cloud communications provider Dialpad Inc. transcribes call-center conversations in real time, sensing when a call is taking a turn for the worse. That can help prompt a manager to listen in, view the transcript and step in if necessary without having to ask customers to repeat themselves.

“Voice is the last offline data set,” said Dan O’Connell, chief strategy officer, who says analyzing the tone of calls can help business quickly address customer concerns.

Computing power and processing power have expanded exponentially, said John Birrer, chief of staff of Afiniti Inc., a company that makes call-center software. “That allows you to make a millisecond decision when a call comes in to decide in a sophisticated way how to handle the call,” he said.

Afiniti crunches data gleaned from consumers’ demographic profiles, credit scores and past interactions with a company to determine which customer-service agent is the best fit. An algorithm then matches the caller to the agent who has had the most success with that type of caller.

“Every agent has their own personality and every customer has their own personality,” said Mr. Birrer. “We try to pair people.” AT&T uses the company’s system.

The emergence of companies that sell their products directly to shoppers means more firms have data on exactly when, how and why consumers buy—or don’t buy—their products. Since they don’t use a middleman they can know, for instance, that two delayed shipments won’t cost the company business, but three will.

Online sellers don’t have to worry as much about driving customers away with ads that pop up during the checkout process because they know it takes a certain number until people actually cancel their purchase, according to an industry consultant who worked at a company that used such a system. Retailers track consumers’ clicks as they go through the ordering process, allowing them to discern how many ads can appear before shoppers bail.

When she was about to change companies, Ms. Robey says she got the deal she wanted. PHOTO: EVAN JENKINS FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

Just as data can be used to measure customers’ threshold for bad service, it also helps pinpoint which shoppers are most profitable and, therefore, worth the effort and expense to please.

“Companies have gotten good at figuring out what does and doesn’t move the needle and what things will increase sales and what will not increase sales,” said John Mitchell, president and managing principal of Applied Marketing Science, a customer-service consulting firm.

“Breakpoint” is an informal term used by some companies and consultants to describe the point at which consumers quit, whether it’s canceling a subscription service, no longer buying a product or switching to a rival company.

Matt Dixon, a longtime customer-service consultant, is now product chief at Tethr, an Austin-based company that uses artificial intelligence to analyze customer interactions.

Mr. Dixon said there is a disconnect between what companies think customers want and what they actually want. For instance, it’s most common for customer-service agents to have empathetic personalities, a sought-after trait in the field.

But in an analysis of how well customer-service agents perform, a personality type known as a “controller,” someone who is “outspoken and opinionated,” did far better, Mr. Dixon said. Yet only 2% of managers interviewed in the study said they would consider hiring such a person.

“People want to deal with someone who is smarter than they are and who will fix their problem,” he said.

Executives might not even have to solve the problem to put the customer at ease. A Harvard study of Twitter interactions from March 2015 to April 2016 found replying speedily to a complaining customer and making the response personal is an effective way to retain business, even if the company doesn’t resolve the issue.

The study examined more than 400,000 customer-service tweets involving airlines and wireless carriers in the U.S. Researchers contacted the posters and found consumers who engaged companies on Twitter were more likely to prefer the brand or pay more for it, even if their tweet was negative or neutral.

Dan Russo, a once-disgruntled Wells Fargo & Co. customer, has come to appreciate an efficient approach to customer service. He says that three years ago, he was unemployed when he incurred hundreds of dollars in overdraft fees, triggered because a direct-withdrawal for a gym membership, which he believed he had canceled, left his bank account short. That caused a handful of other small charges to bounce.

Furious because the purchases that bounced amounted to less than $20, he said he pleaded with a bank agent to remove the fees. He said he called at least seven times, going through different departments and supervisors.

Mr. Russo, a 36-year-old regional vice president for a construction company who lives in Costa Mesa, Calif., switched to an online bank—where, he said, “You call, the phone rings, and someone answers. No sub menu, no ‘hit option 9.’ ”—and has been pleased with his experience.

“I think these big banks know people will call in, get frustrated and hang up,” he said. “They know they can charge fees before someone leaves, and they know there’s a perception that it’s hard to change banks.”

A Wells Fargo spokesman declined to comment on Mr. Russo’s situation. The bank provides customers with a list of outside entities that make withdrawals to customers’ accounts to help them track recurring payments, he said. It also has added features to prevent overdraft fees, such as automatically sending an alert to online banking customers when their available balance drops to zero or below.

There is plenty to blame for the collective angst over poor customer service. Companies are bigger and employees more transient. Consumers have more avenues to shop and are therefore less loyal. The outsourcing wave of the 1990s and 2000s shifted legions of call centers to developing nations, where workers make little money, are disconnected from the companies they work for and often face language barriers.

Businesses have digitized basic customer-service functions, such as checking bank statements and making online returns. That means customers who connect with customer-service agents are generally those with the most complex problems. That leads to more difficult interactions.

Gutted customer-service operations are a lasting legacy of the financial crisis. More than 80% of companies pared customer-service or contact-center staff amid the recession, according to DMG, a West Orange, N.J.-based consulting firm.

“They just kept cutting and downsizing” during the financial crisis, said Richard Shapiro, founder and president of the Center for Client Retention in New Jersey. Customer-service departments and employees are generally the first and easiest cut companies make in difficult times. “If a general manager all of a sudden had a high profit we knew why: they cut their customer service department,” he said. “But a year later they would have problems.”

HappyOrNot Ltd. is a company that allows businesses to track customer satisfaction in stores and airports using red-and-green buttons and touch screens. Customers tap the devices—a green smiley face for happy, or red frowny face for not—to provide immediate feedback. Co-founder Ville Levaniemi calls the concept a “service panic button.”

Unhappy customers are by far more likely to reply, he said. The company needed to build heartier machines for airports to withstand angry punches to the red frown. Touch screens had to be programmed to recognize repeat entries by the same person trying to amplify their negative opinion.

“It’s kind of cathartic, it provides them a channel to vent their dissatisfaction,” he said.

Historians point to another factor in the erosion of customer service: communications technology. Automated call distributors, which routed calls to customer-service agents, furthered the ability of companies to deal with customers remotely and en masse, depersonalizing the relationship.

Continental Airlines was one of the first big companies to make broad use of call distributors using a system developed in the early 1970s.

Passengers waited to talk with customer service agents at Denver International Airport in June. Airlines were known for their customer service in the 1960s.PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES(2)

It is perhaps fitting that the industry which pioneered one of the most transformative technologies in customer service is also the one often linked to its declining standards.

Airlines in the 1950s and 1960s were known for doting flight attendants and perks such as fine dining and souvenirs for children. Delta Air Lines Inc. founder C.E. Woolman, who led the company in the 1930s and 1940s, would sometimes bring delayed passengers home for dinner and to sleep, said his daughter, Barbara Woolman Preston, according to the company’s website.

Deregulation of the airline industry in the late 1970s led to an explosion in competition. While the shift made commercial flying far more affordable, it also led to decades of cost cutting and increasingly limited service so loathed by current-day travelers.

The airline industry last year was near the bottom of the American Customer Satisfaction Index, which rates industries based on customer surveys. Last year, airlines averaged 39th out of ACSI’s 46 benchmarked industries. In 2018, internet-service providers and subscription-television services were the lowest. Brewing companies scored highest.

While customer frustration is more palpable today, whether people are truly treated worse by companies now is a matter of debate among researchers, analysts and companies.

Ewan Duncan, a McKinsey & Co. senior partner who consults on customer service, is among those who say the perception—not the actual experience—has grown worse in recent years. The social-media echo chamber and the fact that live customer-service agents are tackling more complex problems gives the impression things are worse than they are, he said.

“When you’re sitting on a plane and don’t have a gate, you’re grumpy and you tweet it out,” Mr. Duncan said. “If you have a good experience, you thank somebody and that’s it.”

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