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lemonadehtwooh · 9 months

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So… tell me about your mastersona?

OKAY so I forgot to add that there's five Master OCs, but Romeo is my specific Mastersona/current main character (this is for anyone who needs clarification). The other OCs are: Maple von Roth, Ishaan, Mary, and Chance Finnick

Under cut is backstory info up to how he joins Chaldea's organization of mages (a very long read)

So he comes from a VERY wealthy family, and he was the youngest child. I can't remember ATM how many siblings he has, but I think maybe he had four older sisters and two older brothers. Anyway, he was slightly babied in his childhood, but he never really turned out arrogant (however, he tends to think of himself as too arrogant or selfish due to self-deprecation RIP). His parents weren't very emotionally close to him or his siblings, and instead would replace their lack of presence with gifts and money. He also wasn't very close to his siblings due to him not meeting social expectations very well. He was always very clumsy/very accident prone, awkward, quiet, and noticably "different" in a "bad way" that would get him rejected. So he grew up very lonely and very people-pleasing. However, he really loves to study and read (which is VERY important to remember later) and is very smart academic-wise, which was the one thing that gave him some redemption in his family

Where he comes from isn't specified like the other Master OCs, however he canonically is Latino mixed and speaks Spanish, English, and learned Latin. As well, his family was VERY high class and had a lot of social influence. Adding on, Romeo is trans and was able to socially transition when he was a teenager and was able to medically transition when he was a legal adult very easily. He had some privilege, however that's probably the only time he used it for himself

Soon after his 18th birthday, Romeo was put into an arranged marriage with a girl he grew up around. Although the reasoning is currently vague, I would assume it was for both social and business reasons. His marriage was very loveless, and quickly his wife isolated him from the world and his family. She forbade him from getting a job (at this point now, he never had a job due to his focus on academics) and used him for the money he would receive from his parents. So she was financially abusive and possibly had both physically abused him and sexually coerced him (he, years later, realizes he's gay and was never attracted to women at all, which was why he didn't want anything to do with her in their marriage and why he didn't love her like that). He was very lonely in his marriage, and only found happiness in reading and studying

Eventually he catches her in the act of cheating without being noticed. So he writes a note that he's leaving, leaves her some money and their house, packs a few things, and straight up leaves. He goes VERY VERY VERY far away. The note he left? It was misinterpreted as a suicide note due to excessive apologizing for not being a good enough husband and his horrible way of wording things. He's pronounced dead, despite no body being found. Romeo never finds out about this

He gets his first job. And immediately loses it for accidentally, SOMEHOW, setting things on fire. And he absolutely SUCKS at getting and keeping jobs due to weird accidents, coincidences, and clumsiness. But he's trying SO hard. He wants to work, he wants to make his own money. He wants to have SOMETHING to be proud of

The money he took with him runs out, and he's kicked out of the apartment he was living in. He's homeless now, and proceeds to wander. Soon, the teleportation-in-his-sleep problem kicks up, and he finds himself in a new area every single day. Every day, he wanders and walks and travels with no real direction or purpose. He doesn't have anything but his books and the clothes on him. Years pass, he believes his memory is worsening as he forgets information about himself. He doesn't remember where he's from, his last name, or his age. He has memories, but they don't really matter anymore

One day, Romeo wakes up freezing. In my AU, Chaldea is still in the arctics, BUT there's a huge forest surrounding it as the magical energy radiating from it caused the area to grow wild plants and trees. Romeo manages to walk around a little, but collapses due to his already failing health and him starting to freeze to death

Now Fou comes in, a mix between Fou liking to explore the forest area outside of Chaldea and Fou being attracted by Romeo's sense of despair, hopelessness, yearning for a purpose, and envy of people better/stronger than him. Fou quickly takes a liking to Romeo (the reasoning for now is that Romeo offered Fou some food), piquing Merlin's interest as Fou demands for Romeo to be saved

Merlin sees Romeo's potential future and looses his shit laughing as Romeo becomes one of Chaldea's top mages. He thinks the idea of this pathetic, weak man becoming not only a mage, but a powerful one, is hilarious. He thinks making Chaldea deal with this man would be the funniest joke, but also would be interesting entertainment. So, using his hero creation ability, Merlin has Romeo healed up a bit so Fou can lead Romeo back to Chaldea

Romeo manages to accidentally teleport himself and Fou into Chaldea, and passes out due to the temperature difference and exhaustion

Shenanigans happen, in which Romeo is hidden from the main staff by Chance and her Servant Astolfo, and then Maple joining in as Chance's friend, and then ALMOST EVERYONE also hides Romeo from the main staff so he wouldn't be kicked out because he is just so darn friendly and knowledgeable and helps everyone so much (Romeo is just happy to be making friends)

Obviously, Romeo is found out due to the fact he was snuck into the library so he could read. And during one of these trips, he accidentally gets his foot stuck in a bucket and gets help from "A very pretty lady", aka Da Vinci, and then some stuff happens later and he gets registered as a Mage-in-training with the promise he would continue studying and would work hard to meet hard requirements

Okay, so back to the fact he grew up loving to read! He was born with magical abilities in a mage-based family/community, very specifically he is one of the "breathing and walking" people, however he never realized he was using magic nor did anyone tell him. He thought it was normal stuff. And the books he would read were infused with magic and had very old, unknown magic techniques written in them, and just in general fed him information about magic. Without him knowing it was magic. So he is VERY strong magically, however his lack of proper training and his area of magic being luck AND emotional based makes him weak. Adding on the information he read was unknown, aka an isolated or unused study, which makes it harder to train him because his strong suit is just. Unavailable other than the books he has on him. And his specific magic is so,,, unknown percentages of probability and can fluctuate so crazily just from the fact if he's having a bad day or not, that it's hard to tell if he's doing things right

Adding on, at first when Romeo works for Chaldea, he has no reason to do so other than having a place to stay and eat. It's survival. But later on, shortly before he summons Mr. Utterson, he realizes he wants to fight for humanity because of his friends. And that's where he finds his purpose

#forfunsiesau #alternate universe #Want to know what inspired his backstory to he like this?#BECAUSE ONE OF MY BESTIES TOLD ME DURING THE EARLY STAGES OF ROMEO'S DESIGN THAT HE LOOKED LIKE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN HOMELESS BEFORE CHALDEA #AND SO I TOOK THAT AN RAN WITH IT LMAO #I made Romeo traumatized to hell and back due to a silly comment about his design #fate grand order #fgo #fate go #fgo fate grand order #original character #fgo master oc #mastersona #character lore

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just-another-dionysus-devotee · 1 year

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Continuation of my deity 101 is myths ! PART ONE !!

Dionysus - myths (these myths were found on theoi.com ! Some are my remeberance some are just the version from their.com )

TW DEATH ETC

I'll start off with a basic overview of his birth myth as a little intro . These are just overviews/shortened versions of the myths !!! Dionysus is often regarded as thrice born but for now I'll be focusing on the most "common or known " birth myth .

Dionysus was born to Zeus and princes Semele of Thebes . During the second trimester of her pregnancy hera found out and tricked her into asking Zeus to appear infront of her in all his godly glory bound by oath Zeus did as asked despite knowing what will happen. This in turn killed her but not thier inborn child. Zeus took the child and sewed him into his thigh in order to carry him though the third trimester and later "give birth to him " after which he entrusted the care of newborn dionysus to some nymphs on mount Nysa the identity of then nymphs change depending on myth , also depending on region and myth dionysus' later life myths are slightly differing. In a most common myth it is said that he was later given to his aunt (semeles sister and husband) to be looked after . Though when hera found about about his whereabouts she drove the couple Mad causing them to kill both thier children.

Many of dionysus' myths entale him being wronged in some sort of way and him driving them mad as a way of punishment though this isn't all he's known for , a myth in which he instructed the hero ikarios (not ikaros) in the art of winemaking , though some shepherds thought that the wine contained poisons and killed him , dionysus filled will sorrow for the young man sent him to be amongst the stars as the constellation bootes .

Another myth important to dionysus is his myth of finding Ariadne who later became his wife . She also has many myths but the most common being she was apart of the myth where she assisted Theseus in killing the minotaur , they later fled to Naxos where she was abandoned there , soon to be discovered by dionysus . Thier marriage differs from myth but the one I'll talk about is where she became his wife as a mortal , where she later was killed by king Perseus in a war , after this dionysus descended into the underworld to retrieve her and brough her back to Olympus with him to become a goddess of her own .

Dionysus was said to be the discoverer of wine and the grapevine , I'll add a few here : Pseudo-Apollodorus, Bibliotheca 2. 29 (trans. Aldrich) (Greek mythographer C2nd A.D.) :

"Hermes took him [the infant Dionysos] to the Nymphai of Asian Nysa . . . [in his youth] Dionysos was the discoverer of the grapevine. After Hera inflicted madness upon him, he wandered over Aigyptos (Egypt) and Syria [introducing the vine]."

When Bakkhos saw the [wild] grapes with a bellyful of red juice, he bethought him of an oracle which prophetic Rheia had spoken long ago. He dug into the rock, he hollowed out a pit in the stone with the sharp prongs of his earth-burrowing pick, he smoothed the sides of the deepening hold and made an excavation like a winepress [and made the first ever batch of wine]."

This myth is a part of a much larger story but I’m adding this as it is one of my favourite parts : the last feat of Dionysus was performed on a voyage from icaria to Naxos . He hired a ship from Tyrrhenian pirates ; but the men , instead of landing at Naxos , passed by and steered towards Asia to sell him there . The god however on perceiving this , transformed the mast and oars into serpents , and himself into a lion , he filled the vessel with ivy and the sound of flutes so that the sailors ,who were filled with madness , leaped into the sea and were metamorphosed into dolphins .

This is a myth that I’m writing of from pure memory as I cannot find it right at this moment ; this myth is also a later told myth by men (Christian authors ) who were hoping to demonise the god and turn people away from his worship (to my knowledge correct me if I’m wrong this is once again from memory )

NSFW WARNING !! ———————-

When Dionysus went to hades to rescue his mother semele to bring her to Olympus , prosymnus guided him to the entrance (of the underworld ) by rowing him to the middle of the lake(alcyonian lake) . The reward asked by the man was the right to make love to Dionysus , to which he agreed , though upon returning to the lake he had found that prosymnus had died , Dionysus had kept his promise by carving a piece of fig wood into the shape of a Phallus and used it to fulfill his promise whilst seated on prosymnus’ grave .

#hellenic devotion #deity worship #hellenic pagan #dionysus #dionysus devotee #Dionysus myth

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shirleywritesonthemoon · 2 months

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A CACOPHONY OF CHIRPS;

A story above her mother, Mary painted her lips neon pink, applied a generous amount of electric blue eyeshadow, and teased her blonde hair to be as tall as her mother’s ego. She never “prettied herself up” (as her step-father commonly said) like this before, so she was determined to look perfect. She put on her hot pink dress, hoop earrings so big they nearly touched her shoulders, black sheer tights, pumps to match her lipstick, and an acid washed jean jacket with rhinestones on the collar. I feel like a little girl playing dress up. Mary thought, but then reminded herself that if she impressed the mass of the party tonight it would be like a right of passage. If she impressed all the bullies and popular girls, they wouldn’t think she was some stuck-up city girl anymore.

After she was done poking and prodding at her appearance, she checked that everything she needed was in her bag. Lipstick? Check. Hairbrush? Check. Pocket knife in case some creep comes up to me? Check. Cigarettes I took from Mom? Check. Mary walked downstairs, half-heartedly waving to her mother and step-father.

“Where are you going all prettied up?” Peter slurred, sitting in front of the TV, a half-empty whiskey bottle in hand. His face screamed wasted, his watery eyes made it obvious. Normally Mary would have grabbed him water, but her friends were outside waiting for her. She did not have time for this drunk b*****d.

Mary pulled down her dress and looked at the floor.

“Nowhere, sir,” She lied. Peter guffawed and stared at her shrunken form.

“You know it's bad to lie to your father,” her step-father said. It’s not bad since you’re not my father.

Stupidly, she voiced these thoughts. “You’re not my dad!” she hissed. Peter frowned and leaned forward on his seat.

“I married your mother didn’t I?” He asked, not actually wanting a response from Mary, “That makes me your step-dad.” Mary gagged and practically ran out the door and into her friend's car. The cherry red trans am was loitering outside their blue front door, with her friends Kathy and Amber in the front seats.

“You ready to party, Mary?” Kathy cheered, pumping her fists in the air. Kathy, as usual, was dressed in reds and blacks. She wore a cropped black tank top with blood red jeans, along with black combat boots she had worn since 5th grade. It was a miracle that the worn down shoes still fit her, but Kathy had only grown taller and thinner since then.

Amber cheered along with Kathy and looked at Mary in the rearview mirror.

“You should dress like this more often, Mare-Mare,” Amber complimented, a large grin on her face. Amber had taken the liberty of adding some colorful streaks to her straight hair and lots of yellow makeup on, which contrasted against her skin. God, they were both so pretty. Mary would never tell them that, though.

“Thanks,” she choked out, suddenly feeling very out of place among the pretty teens. Amber and Kathy giggled at her nervous expression. Kathy reached back and squeezed Mary’s hand for consolation.

“You look great, I swear,” Kathy promised, flashing a genuine smile at her. This helped Mary calm down, even if only a little bit. Mary just wanted to have a sleepover with her friends, like they did in middle school. But now they were in high school, which meant that now the cool thing was to get wasted and smoke pot. Ugh. But Mary just smiled overenthusiastically and let her friends drive her to the party.

Jay sat on the concrete, happily watching the blue jays fly around and pick at the food he left for them. Jay loved birds, and most of the time birds loved him. Unless they were vultures. Jay learned the hard way to not try and pet vultures. Unfortunately, Jay didn't notice the sky getting darker and darker as the minutes passed, and soon found himself lost in the dark. Abruptly, a car's headlights temporarily blinded him.

“Jay?” The confused voice of his step-sister called out, “You’re not supposed to be out right now.”

Jay blinked and asked, “How late is it?”

Mary rolled her eyes and curtly answered, “7:00 PM, get in.”

Her little brother scrunched his nose and questioned, “Why?”

“‘Cause we’re driving you home, genius.” Mary slid out of the car and picked up Jay and placed him on the seat next to her.

The short ride home was embarrassing for Mary, all her friends did was tell Jay how cute he was and gush over his manners. Jay just smiled at Mary’s friends, the way they were talking to him felt off, but his father always told him to smile. However, he couldn’t be more relieved when Amber’s car stopped in front of their two story house. He hopped out of the backseat and ran inside, kicking off his shoes at the doorway.

“Jay?” His father gruffly called, “That you?”

“Yeah,” his son responded, creeping into the living room and nearly tripping over a discarded bottle.

His father lazily looked him up and down with his watery eyes and motioned for him to come over to his seat.

“You look just like Janet,” Peter muttered, having said his dead wife’s name for the first time in years.

Jay froze. Whenever he was compared to his mother, nothing good came out of it. He stood there, waiting for his father to do something, but it seemed like he was too drunk to. He never truly understood what his father did to him, but he knew it felt bad. Jay was thankful, and let out a sigh of relief before going up to his room and locking the door behind him. The young boy got into his favorite pajamas and climbed into his twin sized bed.

Kathy shoved a bottle of beer into Mary’s hands, but Mary had already drunk too much, or in Kathy’s opinion, not enough. Either way, the previously anxious teen was now bubbly and loud.

“C’mon Kath, let's go play M.A.S.H with Gabby,” Mary slurred, tugging Kathy's hand.

“You’re a riot at parties, Mare!” Kathy shouted over the blaring music, giggly from the spiked lemonade. The two girls stumbled to a small clearing among the crowd, dropping to their knees next to Gabby.

“How’s it going, Gabs?” Mary asked, adorning a large smile.

Gabby snorted when she saw the goofy expression of her face, and said, “Pretty boring, I’m the only sober one here.” Gabby paid no mind to Mary’s silly attitude and set out sheets of paper and handed a red pen to her.

“You wanna go first?” She implored, raising a thin eyebrow. The blonde teen giggled and took the pen. She drew a spiral until Gabby called out ‘Stop’. She counted the nine lines, repeating ‘Mansion, apartment, shack, house’, until she landed on ‘mansion’.

“Nice! Now who’s gonna be your husband when you move into a grand ‘ole mansion?” Gabby teased, “You have four options, Justin, Nick, Brian, and Kyle.” Mary drew another squiggly spiral and repeated the same process as before, and landed on Nick. Gabby gagged at the selection while Kathy only cringed.

“Oh just bite me!” Mary whined, dramatically leaning on Kathy, “I was about to be so lucky!”

Kathy laughed and pushed Mary off her. “You’re such a drama queen, Nick isn’t that bad.”

Gabby rolled her eyes at the mention of the jock, “He’s so weird, he’s always staring at the girls.”

“Gabby, let's be real, what guy in school isn’t?” the blonde said.

“That’s the most sober thing you’ve said all night,” Kathy cackled. She found everything hilarious when she was drunk, Mary thought it was cute.

Mary thought that everything Kathy did was adorable. Wait. This is wrong. I shouldn’t be thinking this. Why can’t I think about her normally. Oh god. What’s wrong with me? The panic that coursed through the teen sobered her up more than any cold water could. She quickly sat up and backed away from Kathy, leaving the two girls confused and startled.

“I-I’ve got to go,” Mary spluttered, grabbing her bag off the floor.

“Wait!” Kathy exclaimed, walking after Mary, “What’s wrong, Mare?” Mary’s face turned a pink brighter than her lipstick, but still walked away from her friend. I need to leave now. She could feel everyone's eyes on her as she left the party even though it had barely started. Once she had walked a couple blocks away from the house, she wailed, “Why am I like this?” but she received no answer but the plinking of rain. She reached her house after 30 minutes, but the silence that consumed the night stretched the time into a never ending trudge. The door swung open, and Peter had sent himself into a whiskey-induced coma. She took off her pumps and climbed up the stairs, quickly peeking into Jay’s room and giving him a kiss on the forehead. Even though she pretended not to care, she cared for Jay like he was her blood. She took off her makeup and threw her clothes onto her desk, claiming that she’d put them away tomorrow. Mary dropped onto her bed and curled into a fetal position. Quiet sobs filled the room, but her cries fell on her mother’s deaf ears. Eventually, Mary fell into a deep sleep.

#writing project #creative writing #writing #original piece #original #supernatural #1980s #please reblog #please read

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blackbutlerfandomnerddomain · 11 months

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Sims 4 Family Poll Winner

It started with Mathias (ftm trans) and his sister Kali O'Cult. Like the Goth family the O'Cult had a long history of strange luck related to the supernatural, some even rumoring one of their family's ancestors was a accused witch back in Salem's trails.

Mathias was always an explorer and has a huge love to the idea of space and aliens, so after his high school graduation he hiked his way to Strangerville and camped in the far desert hoping for the annual meteor shower or maybe some other space related miracle. What he got was being awoken at 1 AM to a sound of what he assumed was a car crashing so he grabbed his bat and light and walked to the smoke that comes from the desert. Well, it wasn't a car he found but some sort of crashed flying object! Not only that but there seem to be a figure stuck in there!! Mathias helped the figure out the crash site and that's how he met his surprised alien hidden friend turned best friend turned boyfriend turned marriage partner Emerson.

Some time during when Mathis spent a lot of his time teaching Emerson to be a "normal human", Kali was also having an adventure with her buddies from her collage classes. One of these adventures was a party hosted by a frat in an abandoned building in Forgotten Hollow, and at one point in the night she got lost in the woods and began searching for a way out and home. During the walk she stumbled upon a unknown man in the shadows-

She, perhaps influenced by her family name, wasn't afraid of the strange man but instead visited him the next night. Then the next night. Then the night after that. The two grew a very funny unlikely friendship and that's why Kali's future husband Brendan adores he a lot.

After Brendan and Kali's marriage the two were happily blissed with the pregnancy of their dear girl Valeria, who grew with her father's side of vampire powers, which made raising her somewhat difficult as neither Kali or Mathias knew how to care for a vampiric child in the slightest but they managed well.

Mathias and Emerson were like Valeria's second parents more than uncles, and much like her family she grew up very adventurous and although she would get in trouble at times.

Her vampire form;

One evening while Valeria was exploring her home's ground after doing some homework and caught sight of a family camping in the forest near by where her attention was caught by the youngest son of the family, Holden Walsh.

Like her mother Valeria was first to approach and the two fell in love instantly which soon led to a happy marriage even through the discovery of their clans not getting along.

His wolf form;

And after the marriage and union of werewolf Holden and vampire Valeria the pair welcome into the world their first born, their son Frankie.

Frankie ended up inheriting his mother's vampire genes and is still getting the hang of the ways of a creature of the night.

Some time after his birth the family welcome the second born, Janine.

If you want to download the family and mess with them or play with them, same as the others, you can find them on my gallery if you go on the Sims 4 gallery and typing Raestorm666. I also recently just dropped their house on the gallery too!

I was hoping of adding a warlock/witch or a mermaid in the family but I ran out of room so if someone plays with this family PLEASE tell me how the gameplay is going and tell me about the future relationships with Janine and Frankie!

#sims 4 #sims4 #sims 4 family #sims 4 challenge #Spotify

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kellinrk800 · 3 years

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my thoughts on episode 11 of wonder egg priority

tw// neglect, possible abuse, murder, human experimentation

holy SHIT is there a lot to unpack.

first of all, everyone except ai and neiru have now experienced the truth of what happens when you complete the total amount of people to save. at the end of episode ten we saw momoe’s breakdown and panic’s death and at the beginning today’s episode we saw rika find out and mannen’s death. (i previously wrote that neiru and pinky had experienced it but after someone kindly let me know after a rewatch that it was in fact momoe, not neiru. sorry for the error)

however, ai is now the only one who knows about frill and what happened to her. speaking of, there are a RIDICULOUS amount of parallels between the two. i’ll be reblogging some posts that explain it a lot better than i ever could right after i post this.

what i really want to focus on is frill. despite her fairly questionable and downright evil actions, i can’t help but feel a shred of pity for her.

born out of quite literal boredom and under strict surveillance, she was almost destined to be unloved. she was not made to be a human, but simply something for acca and ura acca to love. in the way you might buy a doll for a small child. their mistake was adding such severe jealousy and stubbornness to something they had created to be perfection.

stuck at the age of 14 permanently, it’s no surprise her mental state was damaged. imagine the jealousy, the intense emotions, everything you go through at that age.

she is at least somewhat aware that she is artificial intelligence considering how open those who are around her seem to be about it. however, she does not seem to be keen on accepting it or believing it. after all, she is not programmed to. she is programmed to sense things in the way a human would. and that opens a whole world of other doors about how anyone could be an ai and not know it but i doubt wonder egg priority would get that meta this close to the end.

time to tie up all these loose ends. around midway through the episode we are introduced to a love interest (who i have forgotten the name of, apologies) who causes a split in acca and ura acca’s relationship (marriage), and she soon becomes pregnant with a child. a human child.

frill was programmed to be able to understand her parents in the way a daughter would. she begins to taunt ura acca about his husband cheating on him with the woman he loves and once she finally finds out that the baby is a girl, she decides to kill the mother.

the motivation behind frill’s mental deterioration is slowly becoming clearer and clearer. i strongly suspect that she felt she was being replaced with a human child and realised the inherent inferiority she was going to have once the child was born, and became overcome with jealousy. not only would she now have to take on the role to be a big sister (which she was not programmed to accept or do. she was programmed to be stubborn and jealous in the way a 14 year old girl would be) but she would lose the ability she had to be perceived as a human daughter by the parents who raised her.

imagine being created for the sole purpose of being the perfect daughter for somebody to love, and then being replaced. i am by no means excusing murder, but it’s hard not to see her motivation.

as punishment and as relief of acca’s grief, frill was then locked away with nothing but her ai machinery for anywhere between 12 and 15 years*.

enter himari, the child that survived despite frill’s attempt at murder of both mother and child. she is described as having “saved” ura acca and acca from their state after the mother’s murder and the abandonment of their artificial daughter. when we see her able to talk, she is shown asking ura acca to marry her once she is older to make up for the pain of the loss of her mother. she is stated as being in junior high at the time (*my timespan reasoning for the time frill was locked away). while this scene made me greatly uncomfortable, it might be to show frill’s impact and influence on himari. if they had come into contact, frill would arguably do anything in her power to gain back control of her parents.

perhaps himari asked this purposefully to anger frill, which is supported further by the fact himari was found dead (cause of death suicide) the night later.

suicide. what’s the entire theme OF the eggs? i don’t know about you but i can hear lightbulbs beginning to flicker.

ura acca and acca began research into girls suicides at that age, and found a steady surge around the same time as himari’s death.

acca and ura acca are trying to bring back himari, possibly their wife, and maybe, maybe just maybe frill as well. i think that is the real purpose of the wonder egg project.

we also finally have our answer as to why girls and boys suicides are different with wonder eggs! acca and ura acca are indeed sexists, just not about suicide.

i’ll let you do the rest of the theorising.

now for the loose ends that i don’t think can be tied up.

why are hyphen and dot named after punctuation? is their goal to bring frill back to life?

what was neiru’s family’s involvement in the wonder eggs? in fact, where is neiru?

is frill alive or dead? is there even a way to distinguish with someone in her state?

what happened to acca and ura acca to make them.. well, to make them like that? last i checked, turning into mannequins isn’t a symptom of grief. are they even alive?

MOMOE. WHERE THE FUCK IS MOMOE. GIVE ME MOMOE OR GIVE ME DEATH.

there are a shit ton of new, unspecified entities we’re learning about. what actually are hyphen and dot? are they AIs like frill? perhaps not fully formed? and thanatos and eros?

where do the girls go once they’ve been freed? is “freed” even the right term?

what did mr sawaki say to ai about koito? why did koito die? is mr sawaki going to have a bigger role than a consistently fucking annoying red herring after all?

rika’s father? why have that as a big factor in an episode conflict if it’s never going to be addressed again?

the sketchy lesbian representation compared to the consistent positive trans ftm and gay representation? why have the only canonically wlw character be a product of a harmful stereotype after treating everything else so respectfully?

and most importantly, how the FUCK is this going to get cleared up in one episode?

i don’t even think that’s possible. if it is, i’m really disappointed. after consistent excellent pacing, writing, storytelling, and everything else, cramming everything into the last couple of episodes is just cheap and annoying. if i wanted to drone on for an entire series before an explosion of poor plot points for shock factor, i’d just go watch the second season of the promised neverland (/hj).

the only somewhat reasonable explanation would be a second season, but it is a terrible media decision and i can’t imagine much, if any, good coming from it.

in conclusion, what the fuck. how the hell is this going to salvage itself in one episode?

also i wrote this entire thing while on my sleep meds. if there’s logical, grammatical, spelling or just general errors i apologise and i’ll fix them when i’m not half conscious.

#wonder egg priority #how the fuck are they going to salvage this #wonder egg priority spoilers #wep project #wep #i really don’t know how to feel about frill #wep frill #a moment of silence for mannen and panic

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subbing-for-clones · 3 years

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Stranded Part 2

Savage Opress x Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

WARNINGS: Mentions of death and decomposition, mental illness, fear terror and FLUFF

PREVIOUS NEXT MASTERLIST

Savage's eyes fluttered open to the sun shining brightly through the trans-durasteel panes that decorated the walls seemingly without rhyme or reason. The little one was frying some kind of thin meat strips on the stove and sipping hot caf. Without turning her head, she called over to him.

"How ya feeling?"

"Not great but better."

She turned and strode over to him, still laying down.

"I couldn't do this yesterday but I can today."

"What do you mean..?"

She placed her hands on his bare broad chest and closed her eyes. A warm tingling sensation wafted over him. It felt like sunshine, utter joy and flying all at once. When she pulled away her eyes were a little fuzzy.

"It takes a lot of energy but you can transfer your life force to something and heal it. I was kinda low yesterday," she turned matter-of-factly back to the stove.

Savage had only ever had painful experiences when it came to using the force or having it used on him. He hadn't ever thought of it as anything other than a weapon. He wanted to ask about it but shy away from the topic. Instead, he stood and stretched. He didn't have an ounce of pain. This woman who found him once again amazed him.

While the two unlikely pair ate their breakfast, her eyes didn't leave him, slightly squinting.

"You haven't been like this very long?"

"No. I was altered by the witches of my home world."

"Huh. Did you ask for this?" truly curious she stopped eating.

"No." she cocked a brow at his response, waiting for an elaboration.

"My species is subservient to our women. We live separately and go through deadly trials to be chosen by one for breeding or whatever they want really." He continued eating as the information he provided was simply normal for him.

"Was this..." she waved her hand at his body. "For breeding?" his cheeks slightly tinged in a deeper gold.

"No. I was chosen to act as a weapon for one of the sisters. She abandoned me when I didn't live up to the expectation." the woman noted as his eyes darkened. Wanting to change his mood she lightened up.

"Well, I'm happy you're here Savage. You have much to learn in the ways of the force.. you're strong but your energy is incredibly dark but you... you do not feel that way....." she trailed off in thought and muttered, "certainly an enigma. Very interesting," she tapped her finger against her chin.

Savage's heart fluttered. He had never received any kind of praise from a female before and he didn't really know how to process it. His flush only deepened when she once again undressed in his line of sight, slipping on a shorter, loose grey dress.

"When you've finished, dress and meet me outside,” she skipped out the door and shouted something unintelligible into the trees.

Savage silently hoped she wasn't completely insane while he quickly washed the dishes for her. He pulled on his pants and his long black kilt. Remembering that she had cut off his shirt for a sling he huffed and left the tattered remnant. When he came out, he saw what could've been a scene in a holovid. She stood with under a ray of sunlight, skin shimmering in the glow with a bright smile gracing her face. Her hands were pressed to the forehead of a green Varactyl while a dozen small song birds of every color fluttered around her.

"I think I should call you 'princess,'" he stepped forward cautiously.

She giggled melodiously.

"Mira here won't hurt you I promise. You think I look like a princess?" she flushed and batted her eyelashes.

"More than anyone else I've ever seen."

She extended her hand out to Savage.

"Come here," she cooed. He slowly made his way to her and took her hand. It was soft and warm, she held it for just a moment, running her thumb over his knuckles.

"Do not be afraid. Mira is a friend," she placed his hand where hers was just a minute ago on the Varactyl's head.

"Close your eyes and reach out to her with the force. Gently."

He stood there for a minute before he felt anything. All of a sudden it felt like wind was rushing around him. He could see trees flying past him and a breeze danced against his skin. He leapt from trees, gliding through the air.

She watched with satisfaction as his and Mira's eyes were closed and their breathing synced slowly. She felt their signatures meld for a moment. Savage pulled his hand away and looked at her wide eyed but grinning. Mira chirped happily beside him.

"Good, you made the connection. Rather quickly I might add. Mira is a receptive one. Very friendly. She's been with me a couple years now."

"I...I felt what she feels when she hunts," he was smiling at the creature fondly.

"Yes, that seems to be a favorite time for her."

"That felt much different than any other time I've used the force.... was that the light side?"

"I'm sure the Jedi would say yes but I am no Jedi. I don't see the force as light or dark."

Savage looked confused. Everyone called the force light or dark. The woman continued,

"Take a knife for example. In the wrong hands... a knife can take an innocent life, used to rob someone or threaten them other ways. However, in the 'right' hands it can be used as a medical instrument, carve wood or simply chop produce. I think of the force in the same way. The intent is what matters to me. Did you want to hurt Mira when you reached out to her?"

"No..no I didn’t," he stammered.

"That’s why it felt different."

Savage understood what you were saying and turned back to Mira. The animal nudged him gently with her head affectionately.

"Let's go for a ride. I wanna finish stripping the ships you landed on. I haven't been to those ones yet. If you have anything else there, now’s a good time to get it."

The woman strapped large bags onto the sides of the Varactyl. She hopped up onto Mira's back and once again extended her hand out to Savage. He climbed up and took his seat behind her. When Mira lurched forward, he gripped the woman's waist tightly so he wouldn't fall off and she laughed.

"Hold on tight handsome it's not a long ride but it's a turbulent one."

"A-alright princess."

The added weight did nothing to slow Mira down. She was light on her feet and graceful. Leaping high into the air and gliding back down into the canopy. Princess whooped and cried out in excitement whereas Savage just held her tighter. His chest swelled with the rush. He was terrified but also having fun. He was a little disappointed when it ended and the ships were in sight. He slid off first and held his hands out for the princess. She beamed down at him and let Savage lift her by her waist with her hands on his shoulders. Her breath hitched when he pulled her down to him to set her on the grass underfoot. Quickly turning away to hide the heat rushing to her face.

"Alright, anything you wanna take, toss it in the bags. I'm gonna look through some of the others.”

They parted. Savage always traveled light so he didn't have much to take with him. Some extra med gear and clothes, that was it. He hesitated in the cockpit looking down at the talisman that Mother Talzin gave him. It lay in pieces. He exhaled a silent apology, acknowledging that he probably wouldn't find his brother anytime soon. He slipped the pieces gently into his pocket and made his way out. After securing his few belongs in the saddle bag on Mira, he turned around to look for the princess. He could sense her nearby but couldn't see where she was.

"SAVAGE!"

He ran back to the hazardous pile of crashed ships.

"WHERE ARE YOU?"

He sighed relieved when she popped out behind his transport smiling ear to ear. His heart still pounding.

"It’s not huge but there's a Kriffing cargo ship buried under your transport and a fighter. Help me lift them. Cargos are gold mines."

She stood shoulder to shoulder with him; well, shoulder to rib. Both of their arms were raised. It was shaky at first but they managed to move Savage’s large transport off to the side with the force. The fighter was much easier to shift. She grabbed his wrist and cried out excitedly, pulling him along to the sealed door.

"Could you cut it open with your saber?"

He smiled as she watched him ignite his saber and cut through the thick durasteel.

"Yes! Cutitopencutitopencutitopen!" she chanted excitedly and squealed.

Once he kicked the obstacle out of their way she shrieked and dove practically head first inside. When he entered, he was hit with the heavy scent of death. Four Weequay bodies lay scattered and half rotted around the cargo bay. Savage covered his nose with a disgusted look on his face.

The woman however didn't seem bothered by it as she sifted through the containers.

"This was a pirate ship... I haven't seen many of those," her whole top half was inside a rather large container while she spoke.

"Usually lots of credits, jewelry, spice.... not really useful to us right now but if we ever make it out of here, we'll be rich." He made his way to the sleeping quarters and took the standard med gear and hygiene supplies that was fairly standard to each room.

When he came out, he found her pleasantly surprised as she held up some lovely dresses in bright colors to her form.

"I think I can tailor these to fit..." more thinking out loud than actually talking to him. She walked deeper, into the cockpit and tried to fire up the engine to no avail. She didn't have hope, it looked like they nose-dived into the ground anyway. She sighed and checked the common area.

Rations, some cook ware in better shape than hers was, liquor... other odds and ends that would be decently useful. Savage found her holding a Sabacc deck.

"Do you know how to play?" She asked coyly?

"Yeah... some of the other nightbrothers taught me when I was a pup. Do you?" She shook her head.

"Well, I'll show you. We can play together." Her face lit up and something warmed in his chest that he'd never felt before. He pointed his thumb back towards the cargo bay.

"I found something you might be interested in.." she followed him; arms full. He fiddled with a small electronic box and powered it up.

"It won't connect to the net out here but it looks like there are some downloaded holovids,” he turned back to face her. She had dropped everything she was carrying and stared at him in amazement.

"I...I've never seen a holo-player out here before," he smirked.

"Well princess if you can charge it, we can see what's on it."

The two of them loaded up what they had onto Mira. Princess did a thorough once over of the other ships. Finding a blaster with a decent amount of charges was the second best find next to the holo-player. They found a few sewing kits, more rations and med kits, and some crop seeds which also excited her.

They had ended up spending much longer than she wanted to searching through the wreckage. The sun was starting to set and it was falling fast.

"We need to get going. It gets dangerous at night... things come out.." she shifted uncomfortably on her feet looking up into the trees. Mira let out a quiet warning chirp. Savage lifted her up and put her on the Varactyl's back, climbing up behind her. This time when he held her waist it was more protective.

"I think I can sense them... what are they?"

Mira took off but it was slower, more cautious than when they came here to begin with.

"I don't know.. I've never seen them clearly. I know they have two arms, and three long sharp claws. Their hide is tough and... very rough. No fur.."

Savage held his saber in one hand, not yet igniting it. He could see in the dark but these creatures still hid. The sky was a deep, dusty blue as dusk swallowed the atmosphere. It felt different at night. Like the air was hungry.

"I will keep you safe," he said as his eyes darted around. Once they broke the tree line it was only a short distance to the cabin. They unhooked the bags from Mira and she dashed behind the house up the barren hills, as far away from the forest as she could get. Savage and princess walked into the house.

"I've never seen them leave the forest. They've never come out of the trees into the clearing so the house and the yard are safe as well as the hot springs and hills behind us. Savage nodded in understanding.

"Stay here," his voice rumbled, "I'll fetch wood for the fire."

She nodded before he left with his weapon in hand. Princess started putting away their various findings and set some rations out on the table. They were going to have to go hunting again tomorrow. She felt his shift in the force. Fear had a particularly unique wavelength. She took the blaster and right before could get to the door he kicked it open with his arms filled with wood. He hurried inside, dropped the wood and latched the lock. His face was blanched.

"Are you alright?" she asked slowly reaching for him.

"They just stood there. Behind the trees. Watching."

"You have night vision?"

He nodded and looked down at her.

"I... I’ve never seen anything like them. So.. gangly. Tall and.." he shuddered and shook his head, controlling himself. If she lived here for so long it was safe but when he turned back to face her, she had regressed.

"Beasts in the trees....." she still stood but her eyes were blown, her arms crossed over her chest; trembling.

"Beasts in the trees...." she repeated

He quickly gathered her up in his arms and sat on the bed. Her terror radiating off of her. He shushed her softly and rocked gently. With a finger under her chin, he tilted her face up to his.

"Come back to me princess," he whispered soothingly.

"It’s alright, you're safe. I will keep you safe. I've cut down bigger and scarier things in my life. My planet has a rancor infestation. I have you. It's alright," he continued to whisper and hold her until she came down. She splayed her hand on his chest over his hearts. Their strong beat acting as an anchor. She buried her face in his neck. Her breath hot on his skin.

That warm feeling pooled in his chest again. He ran his fingers across her forehead, swishing away the hair that had fallen over it. She finally pulled away to look into his eyes.

"T-thank you Savage... I don't know how much longer I could've lasted alone out here. I feel like I'm breaking as soon as the sun goes down." He thought about his next words carefully as he stroked her cheek.

"My people live in darkness. I have lived with and fought against its terrors all of my life. I swear to you I am strong enough to keep you from harm. Today I found myself... almost glad to have crashed here. Because of you, and what you can show me. But, mostly you princess," his face was hot. She pressed a tender kiss to his cheek.

"We should eat. You especially. I imagine you're starving. The rations aren't bad with the hot sauce I found," she smiled coyly at him.

They ate in a comfortable silence. This time he watched as she slipped off her dress out of the corner of his eye. A feeling of want tingling under the surface. When they crawled in bed together, she wrapped her leg around him and lay her head on his chest. Listening to his hearts beat while he held her close to him.

She stayed like that all night and for the first time in years, she slept through the night.

#savage x reader #savage opress x reader fluff #savage opress x reader #savage fluff #savage opress #savage #swtcw au #star wars #force sensitivity #force sensitive reader #stranded #swtcw #fluff #x reader

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heloflor · 3 years

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So, I have set myself the objective to finish prologue 2 of “As Time Passes” before the end of the month but then the Dennis fic got in the way…

To make it up, and because I kind of want to show stuff about this prologue, here’s a fluffy and angsty WIP about Dakota post top surgery. And yeah, I guess he’s pretty young in the fic for surgery but I like to imagine that, on a social scale, things got better in the future so people being trans are a normal occurence. Also progress was made on a technological level so it’s very safe for teens (bottom surgery isn’t before 16 though since it’s longer and more difficult).

And for context : there are four siblings. Enzie (23, caretaker of the other three), Bettie (19, studies abroad but came back for the summer), Donnie (15, lives with Enzie), Vinnie (13, lives with Enzie). Because I can’t draw, the designs of the siblings OCs can be found on my miitopia game if you’re curious.

Anyways. Enjoy !

(1k words work ahead)

July 10, 2144

Vinnie was in the bathroom, shirtless, looking at himself in the mirror. He looked the exact same as he did a few days ago, aside from one small difference.

He now had two scars on either side of his chest.

He stared at it for a long moment. He had been let out of the hospital only a few hours ago and didn’t have had the time to look at his scars yet.

If Vinnie had to be honest, seeing those scars felt weird.

“Vinnie ?”, Enzie’s voice was followed by a knock on the door.

“You can come in.”, the teen replied, never breaking eye-contact with his reflection.

“How are you feeling, piccino ?”, the older brother asked. “Does it hurt ?”

“No, it’s fine…at least I think ?”, Vinnie replied. He let a finger trace one of the scars.

“Don’t touch it.”, Enzie warned, taking his brother’s hand away. “You don’t want to get it infected.”, Vinnie glanced at the adult and, noticing his expression, quickly understood his brother was serious.

“I know, I know.”, the teen replied defensively. He looked back at the mirror, at his scars. “It’s just…”, he made a hand gesture towards the mirror. “you know ?...”

“Keep going.”, Enzie encouraged, setting himself against the counter.

“It’s just…it’s just…strange, to suddenly see my body look like this. It’s weird to know I had surgery. I mean, my breast didn’t even have time to grow.”

“And that’s a good thing, right ?”, Enzie’s voice was suddenly filled with concern.

“O-of course it’s a good thing !”, Vinnie was quick to reassure. The last thing he wanted was for Enzie to think he just wasted an important amount of money. “I’m happy about it, I swear ! It’s just…I look different. That’s all.”

“Well, if you’re happy about it, that’s good.”, the older brother replied. He then stayed still, his eyes closed. When Vinnie noticed it, he immediately raised an eyebrow.

“You’re thinking about something.”, the teen pointed out.

“I am.”, Enzie smiled. “I’m thinking about the three of you.”, the older brother reopened his eyes, looking ahead of him. “Between Bettie studying abroad, Donnie on the path to become a nurse and now you getting your own life as well…”, he sighed. “You all are growing too fast.”

“Yeah.”, Vinnie teased. “Soon we’ll all be out of your hair.”

Enzie chuckled. “As if that would stop me from seeing you as the babies you once were…”, another sigh. “It feels like only yesterday I was taking you all away from Claudia’s clutches.”

“…I guess it’s been a while.”, the younger brother thought out loud. He smiled. “A lot sure has changed.”

Enzie straightened himself. “And I believe it all changed for the better, don’t you think ?”, the two brothers shared a look and Enzie smiled warmly. “I’m glad to see you all be happy, even if things aren’t always easy.”

Vinnie smiled back. “I’m glad you’re doing better too.”, he replied.

Enzie glanced away, his smile faltering. “yeah…”, he whispered.

Vinnie kept looking at his older brother for a few more moments. Noticing the man wasn’t budging, the younger brother went back to look at his reflection. He let his arms rest on the counter, making sure not to touch his scars as the discussion they just had replayed in his head.

“Say…what do you think they became ?”, he asked.

“huh ?”

“Mamma and papà, I mean.”, Vinnie explained, bracing himself when he noticed his brother glancing down, his gentle expression from earlier completely gone and replaced by a building rage. “What do you think they beca-“

“Does it ever matter ?”, Enzie interrupted. “They never bothered for us. Why should we care about them ?”, he spatted.

“I was just asking…”, Vinnie mumbled, avoiding looking at Enzie. He should’ve expected such an answer…

“…”, Enzie sighed. “I guess…”, he started with a calmer voice. “I guess mam- I guess Claudia’s happy she doesn’t have us as a burden anymore. She probably went back to do illegal stuff for money full-time. As for Pietro…”, Enzie’s eyes filled with anger again. “He’s probably alone and miserable, struggling to get by. That’s everything he deserves...”

Vinnie was uncomfortable by the way Enzie talked about their father. And yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to disagree. Their parents were terrible people. Trying to get their love would only leave him miserable. But at the same time…

Vinnie’s thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey.”, his older brother said. “There’s no point thinking about the past, alright ? We’re here now. We’re safe now.”, his grip on Vinnie’s shoulder tightened. “I won’t let anything happen to the three of you.”

Vinnie could only nod at his brother’s words. Eventually, Enzie pointed towards the door. Vinnie followed suit, understanding the message. It was soon time for the older brother to make dinner, and Vinnie really needed to put a shirt back on now.

“There he is !”, Vinnie was startled as Bettie’s voice filled his ears. He turned towards his approaching sister. “Look at that manly man over here !”, she reached her brothers and immediately got a hold on Vinnie, ruffling his hair with all her strength.

“Bettie !”, Vinnie tried to protest despite his own amusement.

“To think I used to believe you were a girl when we were kids ! What was I thinking !?”, the older sister finally let go of him, instead putting her hands on Vinnie’s shoulders. “Just look at you now ! You’re going to impress all the girls looking like such a man.~ ”

“And the boys !”, the younger brother added.

“And the boys !”, she corrected herself.

“Bettie, come on.”, Enzie gently reprimanded. “He’s only thirteen.”

“So what ? I was thirteen when I started getting into girls.”, the sister replied with a shrug. She ruffled Vinnie hair again, this time much more nicely. “Let him live, he’s not a baby anymore. I mean, look at him ! Look at that man over here !”, she joked again.

“I know.”, the oldest sibling replied, a hint of sadness in his voice. It seemed like Enzie really was going to have trouble letting his siblings go…Vinnie couldn’t blame his brother for it. He was always willing to sacrifice everything for them...They were the most important thing he had going on in life…

“And speaking of girls.”, Bettie continued, stopping Vinnie’s from going too far in his thoughts. “I have a certain someone to call. See you at dinner !”, and at that, she walked away.

“Bettie, wait !”, Vinnie called after a few seconds of hesitation.

“What ?”

Before she could react, the younger brother ran back to her and hugged her, almost making the both of them fall between his speed and her surprise.

“Thank you. For the compliments, I mean.”

It took a short instant before the sister returned his embrace. “Always, patatino.”, they pulled away. “Now, how about you try to find a way to scare Donnie using those ?”, she playfully asked, pointing at his scars.

“I’ll see what I can do.”, Vinnie replied with a laugh. Seemingly satisfied, Bettie let go of him and went to her bedroom. Vinnie did the same. He still had a shirt to put on.

As he walked with Bettie’s last words still in mind, he found himself glance down at his chest, at the scars that were now permanently going to be here. He smiled.

That change was weird, for sure.

But that was the kind of weird change he could get used to.

#Milo Murphy's Law #my fanfics #Vinnie Dakota #trans Vinnie Dakota #As Time Passes #As Time Passes Prologue #I might be able to finish it by the end of the week and post the full thing next monday #key word is 'might'#I can't make any promises #btw yes the characters are italian #hence the two italian nicknames Enzie and Bettie give to Vinnie #I've seen like 5-6 people in the fandom using this headcanon and it grew on me #I made a mention of it at the beginning of this prologue #but since it's not posted yet...#in the meantime enjoy a teaser of what my Dakota siblings are like #(I love them so much)#(making them in a video game came VERY HANDY to show the way they're supposed to look)

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yggdrasil-mith0s · 3 years

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I need some serious psychological help: Confessions from the blog owner.

Okay, so feel free to ignore this but I feel like I need to get some things off my chest and seriously talk about some things. This blog has been my lifeline over the past few years with my followers becoming my only friends. My best friends. People that genuinely care about me and listen to me. So I feel the need to say some things, let you all know where I am currently at in life, and possibly receive some advice if anyone reads this.

First, let me say I think I have gone through life with undiagnosed AD(H)D. Everytime I am genuinely interested in something career related or getting back into school, I start to get things together. Before I know it, I lose all interest and completely leave it behind, never to follow through. I have a bad problem with this in almost everything I do. It's also why I have 10 different save files in different games and none of which ever get beaten except maybe 1 or 2. I haven't made any significant strides or moved forward in life at all.

Another thing I have come to realize is I hate who I am. No, I don't mean my morals or how I am genuinely empathetic. I mean I have believed I was a straight cisgender male for 3/4s of my life. Being in quarantine has helped me figure out a few things. Mainly that I am Nonbinary and I am Pansexual. I am sure of that now. It's lead to quite the mental breakdown and uncovering bottled emotions and traumas. Others had me convinced I was cisgender male by hateful words, cunning deciet, and manipulating tactics and twisting my mindset into thinking I was wrong for considering anything other than cisgender male. @prideknights had a beautiful submission that basically opened my eyes to how hateful words have caused me to hate myself, for I was forcing an identity that didn't belong to me to satisfy those that wanted to give identities or take them to fit their agenda/beliefs. I fell for it. And it's no wonder I have been dealing with depression, dysphoria (though I didn't understand what it was till someone recently told me "yeah, that's gender dysphoria notbro (They say notbro instead of bro because they are nonbinary and use notbro as a NB way of saying bro lol). So I have dropped he/him pronounces and go by they/them. Still, I am unpacking a lot of trauma and beliefs that aren't my own mixed with those that are mine. I haven't gone completely public with my revelation because of fear and anxiety. I'm not ready to announce it on FB and have family I hardly talk to and other people know. I'm not ready for that in case I receive hate in any way because that's what caused me to suppress myself to begin with.

It's hard to love yourself while hiding the real you deep inside because of what others have said and done. What society does is create a world where people live in their own bubbles and anyone who enters that bubble is expected to follow their rules and beliefs. Eventually, entering enough of other people's bubbles, mostly toxic ones, will shrink yours to the point where nothing belongs to you, not even your gender or lack there of.

My sister's boyfriend recently moved in. He is great to my sister but incredibly abusive to me. I have left hints but my sister hasn't noticed. He is mentally abusive and recently he shoved me really hard. I can't outright tell my sister because she loves him and I'm kind of scared of what he might do if she breaks up with him because of me tbh. So I am trying to move out but have no money or anything to do so. I have found somewhere I can stay but I need a $250 down payment. I have $70. So I still need $180. The abuse is getting worse and worse and I think he knows I am NB now and I believe he is secretly a bigot. Again, I can't say anything and I am scared for both my sister and I. Though he does treat her really great. I think he just might have issues with me. I'm not sure why, though. Maybe he just hates LGBTQ+ people and knows. My sister knows I am Pansexual and I have brought a trans guy I had a crush on over... So yeah. I need to get out while she is dating him.

If anyone wants to help with my downpayment of $180 then you can donate to PayPal.me/yggdrasilmithos

My email for that PP is [email protected].

That isn't necessary, though. I am also in search of a true therapist because I seem to have a lot of issues and things bottled up that I haven't unpacked. I want to know what's wrong with me and why I always lose interest, why I constantly find myself in traumatic experiences even though I try to avoid it. I want to find out what trauma I continue to hide while it still hurts me.

It might help my depression and anxiety to see a good therapist and truly talk to someone and open up completely without holding a single thing back.

Im trying y'all. I truly am. Please hang in there. Soon I will regain my full interest and post a bunch of content again. One thing that has held my interest is this blog, the people involved on this blog that are friends now, and the Tales of series. Though it fluctuates in how often or how much interests I'm currently holding.

Anyways, if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask. Feel free to message me as well. I could use some friends, tbh. I don't have anyone in real life to talk to which is why I confide in this blog.

Also, if anyone donates and would like a post dedicated to you, gifs of some videos or gameplay made then just message me and let me know. I will make content for anyone that wants me to and donates, even if it is a dollar! I will make everyone gifs if their choosing or random Tales content gifs. My Paypal and email is 5 paragraphs up lol.

But it's 100% okay if not. I posted this just to let y'all know where I'm at in life right now.

Edit: I'm hanging on by a thread and had a good cry moments ago which is why I felt the need to post this and share with you all (my friends).

#personal #op #my life #thoughts #lgbtq #nonbinary #pansexual #breaking from old beliefs #finally free of lies i used to tell myself like i was a cisgender straight male #all lies #okay to reblog

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brokenolivejar · 3 years

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Old childhood photo but in low quality lmao

Gonna explain 3 different backstories let’s a go -cracks knuckles-

Kaito(deer): he was born in a pretty average family and being an only child he lived near the orphanage so he passed by it everyday and on the way there would see Himiko and Kokichi always being left out by the other kids so eventually he hopped the fence to go hang out with them and since then they were best friends eventually Kokichi got adopted so kaito begged his parents to adopt Himiko so she won’t be lonely and eventually they caved in and so he grew up with Himiko as his sister so it just strengthened their bond but his parents were pretty neglectful not that they didn’t care but they kept forgetting that they exist forgetting to feed them ect. Eventually him and his family apart from Himiko got sick kaito made it but for his parents unfortunately didn’t thus making him and Himiko go back to the orphanage, eventually he got adopted by mondo and taka unfortunately having to part ways with Himiko but they kept in touch as pen pals eventually ending up in the same high school and reunited with one another as well as Kokichi and they became an inseparable trio once again eventually he sort of witnesses Kokichi and Himiko growing apart and fighting more often and he eventually gets tired of it and registers not only him but Kokichi Himiko and maki(Himiko spends a lot of time with her) for danganronpa and one day when all of them are arguing the danganronpa van pulls up and then insert kidnapping and danganronpa .

Himiko(red panda)-proceeds to project horribly into her-: Himiko was sort of raised by her father and mother an only child yes but she was originally born male and her mother wanted a daughter so she was very manipulative of what Himiko wore and forced her to play with stuffed animals and told her she was supposed to be a girl so Himiko genuinely believed that she let her mother down and her alcoholic father constantly abused her and often would attempt to drown Himiko all the time but let her live anyways at one point he threw her into the ocean off of a boat and before he could get “caught” he acted as if she fell in herself and “saved her” and that’s were Himiko developed her thalassaphobia eventually her mother died of illness and her father abandoned her at the orphanage and disappeared Himiko was made fun of for being trans at the orphanage by the other kids and was always constantly left out of everything eventually Kokichi arrived and was out casted as well and they quickly became friends best friends at that eventually they befriended kaito and then -insert the adopt part with kaito- anyways she ends up still being in the orphanage and all alone since no one is there and she keeps getting bullied eventually she snaps and knocks out three kids with a relatively large rock then she burns the orphanage to the ground and runs away eventually running into yasuhiro and he’s kinda just like okay I’ll take you in and his mom is like boy wtf and she ends up getting attached anyways ends up in high school and goes through extreme amounts of dysphoria sense she keeps getting asked if she’s a guy or a girl ect. Eventually she gets partnered up with maki in a project and they get really close and become inseparable eventually falling in love and kiss kiss fall in love, but there’s a problem she’s been doing drugs not only to like transition (along that spectrum) and got addicted and is somehow good at hiding it eventually she wipes out due to overdose and maki finds her laying there bleeding out of her nose and panics and takes her to the hospital and since she’s wiped out due to drugs so many times her brain is slow and she’s tired all the time and the doctors can’t really help that they assigned maki to be in control of her intake of her prescription and Kokichi is super upset about that he’d yell at her all the time for doing something stupid like that and she’d snap back eventually leading to useless fights all the time eventually she got bottom surgery.

Kokichi(fox): born a little brother to a semi rich family with an alcoholic father and whore mother his brother never paid attention to him ect. He was eventually taken away by child protective services and ended up in the orphanage all the other kids thought he was strange and all casted him out he would see Himiko getting bullied and would usually sit outside and eat with her and eventually becoming friends he developed a crush for kaito and Himiko would always tease him for it eventually he got adopted by celestia and he was separated from his two friends and he was raised within a casino taught how to lie and gamble by his goth mother she eventually made a scarf for him and he wore it around his ankle,but since Celeste was super protective of Kokichi it made him a target for people who want to make her lose her composure so she assigned him a group of body guards who became his good pals eventually he came out as non binary so his gang were very accepting of them. Fast forward to when they’re in high school they constantly got bullied by shuichi, kaito and Himiko would always defend them . Eventually himiko ended up in the hospital and they didn't know why until maki texted them what had happened. Kokichi didn't really like maki that much because they genuinely thought she was stealing they're best friend from them even though they knew that they were girlfriends they wasn't jealous because they were still head over heals over kaito. When himiko came out of the hospital they immediately noticed she was so much more tired and constantly zoned out and super out of it and maki was like her guide and never left her side they eventually confronted her about the drug situation since they were the one who went to her house and cleaned her house clean from drugs with hiro and his mother they found all sorts of drugs there that scared them and they would scold himiko for it eventually confronted they just kept fighting over everything and they grew super apart which in the first part they were happy about it thinking she was toxic and stuff but they realized they were being a dick and they started harassing her as soon as she got out of the hospital. they would spend all of their time with kaito.

__________________

Yes some of these are strange but shh this is my au so I can do whatever I want

And for the himiko and drugs please don't ask i- I know how it feels to overdose so shfhdhfh

And that's these three I was considering adding maki as well but I didn't because it's kinda of a separate thing because her story doesn't necessarily intertwine with these three until she starts dating himiko so

There's obviously more but this is like basic yes basic and it's harder to explain through text djdhhfhf

Also sorry for the copious amounts of spelling errors my brain doesn't function properly

#danganronpa v3 #danganronpa #danganronpa killing harmony #danganronpa au #himiko yumeno #maki harukawa #harumeno #catified #dogified #animalized #danganronpa animalized #kaito momota #kokichi ouma #celeste ludenberg #yasahiro hagakure #kiyotaka ishimaru #mondo owada

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gayregis · 3 years

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what's a witcher headcanon you have but has literally nothing to back it up?

like i know eskel would be scary good at estimating times for a microwave and milva would be a god at jenga. why/how do i know this? who's to say

i can actually somewhat explain both of those headcanons. eskel either can cook (correct, wholesome headcanon) or can’t (wrong, stereotypical canon) and both of these possibilities mean he has to know how to use a microwave really really well. as for milva, butches love construction, jenga is practically the science of building houses but as a game.

as for my own... hm kind of difficult because a lot of my headcanons are based in canon so... some of these are more connected to canon than others, but they’re closer to my own uniqueness rather than sapkowski’s work:

dandelion

dandelion’s family (the de lettenhoves) paid for his college education in exchange that he would never use his true name and titles when he published his works, because they are a family largely involved in governmental appointments, and did not want any horrible saucy love poetry (most of what he wrote when he was nineteen) being linked back to them. to this day they’ve disowned him, he lost his lands, and he is forbidden from coming back to any of their estates if not undercover. it’s all very hush-hush. they tricked him into thinking that it was for his own good, telling him that his real name was far too famous, even more famous that he would be soon...

dandelion’s father died when he was young, which led his mother to guide his childhood (basically instructing the servants to raise him) in a strict and masculine direction... this obviously did not work out as planned. but it’s largely why dandelion is regarded as a disappointment by his family, because he was expected to follow in his father’s footsteps to stay at the estates (ha!) and marry (ha!) to create an alliance with another noble family.

dandelion and essi’s entire backstory that i’ve planned out: essi enrolled as a student at oxenfurt and as a first year she was appointed by the department to be under dandelion’s guidance. they hit it off on the wrong foot at first (essi thought dandelion was lazy and slovenly, dandelion thought she was prissy and stuckup). but dandelion quickly recognized that essi was extremely talented and had a gift for music, so he asked her why in hell was she directed for further guidance? she admitted that she had stage fright... horrible stage fright. he laughed, thinking she was joking. she wasn’t. the story that follows then is that essi’s stage fright was symbolized by her iconic hair which fell over one eye, which was mocked by her peers - dandelion advised her to own it instead and turn it into a persona - much like what he did when he was her age, his peers called him dandelion (buttercup) on account of his blonde hair that has a tendancy to fan out like petals, and he adopted it as his persona.

on a similar note, what dandelion’s office at oxenfurt looks like: it’s basically treated as a walk-in closet for outfits he’s purchased but doesn’t have a permanent space elsewhere for. other valuables that can’t be kept on his person or in his saddlebags are kept here too. it’s much less of an office to do work and way more of a storage room. the desk has many finished bottles of alcoholic drinks and a lot of manuscripts stored inside (his own, because of the works he admires, he can recall from memory precisely what was written in them)

milva (sorry all of them are about her being a lesbian)

the dryads of brokilon adore milva more than they would ever let on. they find her very interesting because she’s a human, but she’s also one of them, but she also works with the scoia’tel. when milva comes back to brokilon after a journey, she finds herself crowded by dryads asking her how she is doing and what happened on her trip. because of this, milva’s quite good at storytelling, in her own colloquialisms and manners of speech. the dryads are captured by her stories of the world beyond brokilon, and very much enjoy her company, though milva was unaware of exactly how much they enjoyed it (if you get what i’m saying).

milva realizes she’s a lesbian in toussaint because of her encounter with the baron de trastamara, in which she rebuked his marriage proposal and cried at the kitchen table and in the stables. she appreciated the baron’s friendship more than his romantic advances, and she was crying because she was upset that she couldn’t find true romance in her heart for him. angouleme states at the kitchen table that the hunting trip was overnight, suggesting that the baron asked milva for sex. i headcanon that he did, and milva couldn’t find it in herself to say yes. when the baron became upset at this and pestered her a little to find out why she refused his advances, she had an emotional outburst at him and left at once, for she herself didn’t really know.

additionally, many of the women shopkeepers in toussaint flirted with milva but she didn’t understand their advances. particularly a fishmonger and a fletcher, both of which are OCs... it wasn’t until angouleme (not giving milva an option on whether to accept her company or not) followed milva around on errands one day that she witnessed their interactions and then (in a very annoying little sister manner) bugged milva about how cute of a couple they would be, to which milva took shock and offense. but this got milva thinking about the subject.

regis

regis took on a variety of ridiculous titles when he was younger. “the prince of darkness” and things like this. it added to his already quite-long name. it sounded as stupid as it does with me explaining it.

regis has never paid rent or taxes. he acquired the house and shop in dilingen because he came to the city after he had rehabilitated himself, and found it in a state of disrepair and abandonment. he fixed it up very nicely (perhaps much like as he did with himself... symbolism!) and grew flowers in the windowsills. when city officials came to investigate, accusing him of taking up residence illegally, he simply placed them under a vampire’s spell and told them: “nonsense, i’ve always lived here!” to which they replied, “oh, of course you have, master barber-surgeon! apologies for bothering you!”

in his house and shop in dilingen, the layout is like this: the first floor is the shop, which carries a variety of medicaments, herbal remedies, and also has a setup for surgery. behind a hidden door is the stash of mandrake brew that only select customers know to request (regis only tells them about it if he has vetted them beforehand - i.e., known them well and known them well enough that he knows he will not start an addiction for them, i.e., he doesn’t sell to the young and stupid, or horribly depressed and afraid, but just those looking to enjoy life). the second floor is his house, which is decorated sparsely much like his cottage nearby fen carn. it’s nicer, with furnishings sourced from around the city, but is still humble. the attic is the setup for barber-surgery, but for birds - mostly corvids but other urban birds as well, that have injured themselves or are having other troubles. he welcomes them to roost and come to him with any problems they may be having.

angouleme

angouleme’s biological mother was young(ish) when she had her, which also pressured her into giving her up to relatives - she was an unmarried maiden, and being a noble, that is significant for making political alliances with other noble families. they pretended she was a virgin so she could remarry and bear children in marriage; however, because she and the other nobility of cintra were slaughtered, caught right in the crossfire of the nilfgaardian massacre of cintra, she didn’t survive into her first pregnancy, so angouleme has no bioligical half-siblings.

angouleme is trans and likes dressing femininely, but on account of her situation was never able to on the road, until she got to toussaint and had not only the safety but the finances to do so. somewhat based on canon that she was happy to get out of riding pants in lady of the lake, the narration calls her a “pretty girl”... it’s just nice to imagine her happy and with gender euphoria instead of dysphoria

regis is a good mentor and guardian to her in toussaint. it started as them both being up late in the kitchen and regis (as he does) giving advice, without suggesting any shame or judgement. after a while, angouleme trusted him enough to ask him for help when she got into trouble with local banditry. thens he invited him to help her on heists. he was hesitant at first but agreed, citing that she needed supervision for such activities. he brings a book to read while she does whatever she needs to do, but perhaps is more involved than he would admit - pointing out hidden safes and such in the darkness with his vision.

i didn’t do any for cahir or geralt because i feel like canon’s already gotten them enough?

#ask #anon #the witcher #dandelion #milva #regis #angouleme #thoughts

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vaindumbass · 4 years

Text

((Here’s a little something for the @flonksfest 2020!! For the prompt of week one: vacation (it’s a bit too late but shh)))

~~~

God, Tonks thinks, aren’t trips to the beech supposed to be relaxing? She looks around, quickly sitting up. Her friends have apparently already gone home while Tonks had been asleep.

Emphasis on had been. She was rudely woken by a beech ball hitting her square on the face. “Hey!”, she yells towards the little girl with the pale blond hair next to her, “Is this yours?”

The girl nods, looking a bit shy. Tonks attempts to throw the ball at her, but it gets caught by the wind. The girl runs after it, and after she’s reached it she looks at Tonks with a toothy smile. Tonks grins back.

Then she closes her eyes and tries to soak in the sun. After the warmth has made it’s home within her core, she slowly opens her eyes again, only to find the little girl staring at her.

Tonks smiles friendly at her, and then goes cross-eyed and sticks out her tongue. The little girl giggles, and tries to imitate her. Tonks raises her eyebrows and opens her mouth in an exaggerated delighted look, and the little girl giggles harder.

Then, and this is where it all goes to shit, Tonks pulls up her nose in a pig-like fashion and wiggles her eyebrows. The little girl laughs so hard that Tonks can still hear it where she’s sitting, and one of the people that had been with the little girl looks up to find the source of her laughter.

This leads to Tonks making eyecontact with the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen. She seems to be the big sister of the other girl, with the same pale hair. She also has gorgeous blue eyes, and she seems almost otherworldly.

Tonks quickly retracts her hand from her nose, but the damage has already been done. The older sister laughs, with a undertone that is most certainly mocking, and then she walks over to Tonks.

“Hello,” she says, and the french accent only adds to the etherealness of her voice. It definitely has some grounded undertones, though. It sounds, Tonks decides, like the sight of leaves blowing in the wind. “I see you are getting along well with my sister.”

Tonks pretends that she didn’t just embarass herself royally, and says, “Oh yeah?”. (Don’t judge her. It’s very hard to make good conversation on a normal day, let alone with someone as lovely as this.)

“Oh yeah,” The women repeats, “You looked very ridiculous. But that was the point, no?”

Fuck. Tonks thinks her bluntness is attractive. As if it makes her more real, somehow? “Well, your sister liked it!”

That gets a genuine, warm smile from the woman. She must care a lot for her sister. (Cute.) “She did. Should I thank you for that, miss? Or is it mister?”

As always, Tonks feels a little spark of joy at being reminded of how androgynous she looks, even though she is a woman right now. “Miss, for now. But you can always call me Tonks!”

A frown appears between two blonde eyebrows. Tonks wants to smooth it out with her thumb. “For now?”

“Well...” Tonks says, one hand coming up to rub the back of her neck. “What can I say? Genders are weird.” Please be normal about it, please be normal about it please be normal about-

The women snorts. “Tell me about it.” Wait what. Also holy hell has Tonks been assuming their gender all this time she should unlearn that habit.

“You are..? Although, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to, of course!”

“I am a trans woman, yes.” She holds her head up high, defiant almost, but Tonks just smiles wider.

“That’s awesome! We’ve got to hang out now.”

She blinks. “We... do?”

Tonks nods. “Yep! Do you know how many trans friends I have?”

“Well?”

“Zero. It’s a tragedy.”

The woman chuckles (it sounds even nicer than her voice). “That goes for me, too. I’ll have to tell my parents we’re “hanging out”, wait here.”

“Your... parents?”

“Yes, I’m here with my family.” After seeing Tonks confused look, the woman laughs, “You thought I was here with my sister, but without the rest of my family?”

It sounds kind of weird, now that Tonks hears it aloud. Not that she’ll admit that. “Well, see you soon then. What’s your name again?”

“It’s Fleur.” the gorgeous woman says, and then she turns around, all flowing blond hair and billowing summer dress.

~~~

Tonks took her to her cousin’s place. They took her to other places too, of course, to the park and movies and whatever caught her fancy, but this one felt different.

(It felt like a milestone.)

Not that they showed it. They opened the door as nonchalantly as ever, announced themselves just as loud as any other time, fell only once while taking off their shoes.

Sirius, after hearing the loud thud, said: “Oh, hi Tonks.”

“Tonks and Fleur!” they corrected him, and regretted that immediately the moment his eyes light up with mischief.

“So this is the infamous Fleur we heard so much about.” Great, Remus was there too.

Remus, at least, had the decency to introduce himself before ushering them into the living room. Tonks allowed themselves to relax.

“What a lovely home you have, mi- Remus.” It’s the most polite thing Tonks has ever heard Fleur say, and just for a moment it knocked the wind out of them. What if she did this because of Tonks, to impress their family? It’s a ridiculous thought, one that Tonks found it hard to let go of.

“Thank you,” Remus said, taking a sip of his tea. At that moment, Sirius barged into the living room from who-knows-where, something book-like held high in the air.

Tonks buried their head in their hands.

“Look, Fleur!”, he said, “I found some old pictures of Tonks!”

Fleur accepted it with a smile. Tonks feared for their life.

“They were such a bald baby.” Fleur said, voice full of delight, and Tonks thought it was almost all worth it for that smile. Almost.

“Indeed,” Sirius nodded, “I have this theory that they want their hair to stand out so much because it wasn’t there when they were young. Like a giant sign saying: ‘Look! I have hair now!”

Fleur laughed. Remus added on: “Well, to be fair, they do have hair.”

“Thank you.” Tonks said pointedly, even though they were pretty sure it wasn’t really a compliment.

“There are a lot of pictures of Tonks hugging you here.” Fleur remarked, her face angled towards Remus. Tonks cheeks flared red.

“Are there?” Remus asked innocently. “Well, they did have a crush on me, after all.”

Fleur sat upright at that. “They did?”

“I’m over it now!” The words left Tonks mouth without their permission.

“Obviously.” Fleur said, one eyebrow raised. What was that supposed to mean?

“It was pretty cute,” Remus commented over his mug, but Tonks just knew that he was smiling smugly from behind it, “They would follow me around, and blush all the time. One time they even dyed their hair the same colour as mine.”

Fleur snorted at that. “What even was the logic behind that?”

Tonks was overjoyed to have an answer to that (not that it was a good answer, per se) “Well, people dye their hair the colour they think looks best, right?”.

“Right.” Fleur said, amused.

“And seeing as he didn’t dye it, brown had to be his favourite!”

“Not true.” Sirius butted in, “Black is his favourite.”

One of Remus’ hands found its way into Sirius’ black hair. “One Black in particular.”

Tonks threw a put-out look Fleur’s way. Fleur nodded, a motion that’s way too graceful for only being so short. “Guess that’s our cue to leave. See ya!”

Sirius broke the eye contact with Remus purely to yell after them. “Are you going to meet her family now?”

Tonks looked at Fleur’s face, hoping against hope that she didn’t hear it. The hope dissipated the moment they saw the thoughtful look on her face. “You’d have to be quick to do that. The plane leaves in two days.”

It’s a very bright, sunny day, but suddenly a cold crept deep into Tonks’ bones. Two days was not enough time. They need months, years, to get to know this amazing person beside them.

“Tonks? You okay?”

Tonks willed their heavy expression to dissipate like a cloud for the sun, paying no attention to the puddles it left behind. “Of course! Just zoned out a little.”

Fleur didn’t seem too convinced. Tonks smiles broadly. “Guess I’ll have to be quick! It’s only fair, you not only got to meet my parents, but my cousin too.”

“Yes, your cousin is very nice.”

As Tonks started a long rant about all the times where Sirius wasn’t very nice, they watched the corners of Fleur’s mouth go up, and they decided to savour the moment for as long as it lasts.

~~~

“Why’s your hair red?” Fleur asks.

She’s laying on Tonks’ bed, in her shitty apartment. Tonks is sitting close to the edge, Fleur’s head so close that Tonks could trail her hands through her hair if she wanted (and oh, how she wants). Fleur is leaving tomorrow.

“Well, remember Charlie?” At Fleur’s nod, Tonks continues. “He’s as ginger as can be, and it seemed a fitting tribute when he left for Romania.”

Fleur hums. “Did you dye it yourself?”

“Yeah. I’ve gotten quite good at it over the years.”

Fleur looks at her hair intensively, as if to see wether that’s true, and Tonks preens a little under the attention.

“Wanna do mine?”

Tonks blinks. “You want red hair?”

“I was thinking of pink, actually.”

Tonks doesn’t answer, but Fleur keeps looking at her, and this is when she realized she hasn’t really answered yet.

“I’ll do it. I’ve still got a full bottle left from last time.”

Fleur frowns up at her. “Will that be enough? I think I want the whole lower half done.”

“I think so?”

Fleur gets up at that. “Where are we doing this?”

“In the bathroom.”

Just before Fleur leaves the room Tonks says: “Wait.”

“What is it?”

“Take this.” Tonks pushes an old, faded shirt into Fleur’s hands. “It’s my dye shirt.” she says under Fleur’s imploring eyes. “It’s already stained and stuff. So that you don’t get anything on your shirt.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

~~~

Tonks has gathered just about everything when Fleur walks in wearing her clothes. It’s as painful as a punch in the gut, but a lot more beautiful. Tonks averts their eyes.

“Is your floor supposed to look like this?”

Tonks nods, “The newspapers are against stains. They are a pretty permanent part of the bathroom now.”

Fleur smiles, then sits down in the chair, looking as radiant as ever.

Tonks swallows. “I’ll apply vaseline around your face first, otherwise your face will be pink too.”

“Sure.”

Tonks realizes, the moment their hand touches Fleur’s forehead, that Fleur could have easily done this herself. They make eyecontact. Tonks focuses on Fleur’s hairline again.

It’s silent, and Tonks feels as if they should talk, as if they should ask about the millions of things they still want to know about Fleur before she leaves, but it won’t be enough anyway. They stay silent. Until they poke into Fleur’s eye, that is.

“Oh shit. I am so so sorry-”

“-It’s okay, really.”

“-I’m just dead clumsy, but this really wasn’t my intention-”

“I know, okay? I know.”

Tonks looks into Fleur’s eyes again, so intent to see wether she was hurt or not that they forget about the closeness for a while. Fleur’s face is remarkably kind, and trusting, and she seems... open. “Okay.”

Once again a silence falls, but Tonks has made as much peace with the idea of Fleur leaving as they can (which means that she’s debated moving to France only twice), and they only say something when they are explaining the next part of the procedure.

Sometimes their fingers brush along Fleur’s neck, and they imagine a shiver, imagine it affects Fleur as much as it affects them. (Tonks wants to drop a kiss on her neck)

When Tonks is done she helps Fleur with putting on a shower cap to protect her hair. Then Fleur keeps her head in the same position, face angled up towards Tonks. Their breath catches in their throat.

“What is it?” they ask, softly, as not to disturb this delicate moment.

“The vaseline is still on my face.”

“Oh. Right.”

Tonks carefully wipes away the vaseline with a paper towel, and they can’t help but notice Fleur’s beauty over and over and over again, in the glint in her eyes, in the arch of her eyebrows, in the smile in her voice.

When all the vaseline is gone their hand travels down Fleur’s face, cupping it. Fleur’s eyes, which had been closed, open at that, and she smiles calmly, before slowly bridging the small gap between their mouths.

Tonks doesn’t stop her, because how could they? There isn’t a universe in which they could possibly resist Fleur Delacour.

Their back is uncomfortably close to the kitchen sink, but one of Fleur’s hands is carding through their short hair, so it’s fine, really.

Then Fleur pulls away, just the smallest bit, and her lips brush against Tonks’ as she speaks. “Finally.”

Tonks just stares at her in wonder, until the realization dawns on them. “Shit.” they say.

Fleur’s eyes widen. “Did you not want this? I am so sorry-”

“No!” Tonks says. “It’s not that. But you are leaving soon, and I’m only making this worse.”

And then Fleur laughs. It starts small, but soon enough her whole body is shaking and gasping for breath. “Merde.” She says. “Tu es stupide.”

Tonks glares playfully at her. “I understood that!”

Fleur pays no attention to that, grasps Tonks’ face between her hands, and says: “My family is leaving, okay? I live here.”

“Oh.” Tonks says, and she’s so, so, relieved. They kiss Fleur again, smiling. Fleur is smiling too, so the kissing is far from ideal, but it’s perfect. It’s all perfect.

((also on ao3))

#this was meant to be shorter i swear #but they started living in my head rent free #flonks #flonksfest #flonksfest2020 #luckily the mods said they were chill #wolfstar #i havent really written wolfstar in a while :(#but outsiders perspective was really fun!#nymphadora tonks #fleur delacour #this was so much fun tho!!#it also feels good to do something about the lack of femslash in fanfiction #altho this is only female aligned fanfiction #tonks x fleur #fleur x tonks #remus lupin #sirius black

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kittyprincessofcats · 3 years

Text

Sisters coming out

A long personal post that I really need to make because I feel horrible and hopeless right now.

@camilleseydouxs, thank you for being the only one who read the stuff on my personal blog and for your help and encouraging words. It really means a lot.

@sashaforthewin, thank you for coming up with a great excuse to tell my parents - I really wish it had worked, but Covid ruined everything.

For everyone else who might read this, here’s a short summary of what happened so far:

- About four years ago, I (26) came out as a lesbian to my parents. My dad didn’t take it well at first and tried to convince me I was wrong. He came around a weekend later, but still said hurtful stuff sometimes and tried to pressure me into being feminine. My mom was battling mental illness back then and had a lot of problems of her own. She’s pretty homophobic, said a lot of hurtful things over the years and still believes I’ll “find the right guy eventually.”

- My sisters are F (22, almost 23) and L (15). (I’m calling them by initials to tell them apart.)

- F told me a few months ago that she’s asexual, which didn’t really surprise me since she’s never really shown interest in anyone that way.

- L completely surprised me when she came out to me as a trans girl back in August. I’ve been stressing over how to help and support her ever since, because I knew our parents wouldn’t take it well and I really didn’t want her to have to go through what I went though (just even worse, because trans people have it ever harder).

- I found a therapist for L in our hometown that I’ll make an appointment with soon. I’m also seeing a therapist myself because this has been stressing me.

- A friend of mine who’s a trans man recommended a youth group for trans kids to me and I was going to take L there this weekend. But then unfortunately, stuff happened:

- We told our parents we wanted to go on a hike. Our mom said no just because she has anxiety and says no to everything we want to do. She accused me of “wanting to take L away from her” (which didn’t help at all with my fear that she’ll “blame” me for L being trans).

- Our dad was okay with letting us go, except that he was worried about Covid and said we shouldn’t travel right now. We were stuck on how to convince him, so L finally made the decision to tell him that we want to go there for some other reason, but we “can’t tell him the reason yet”. My dad didn’t accept that and kept asking what’s actually going on until L finally came out to him. And well... he didn’t take it nearly as well as I’d hoped. Kept using the wrong pronouns and calling her by her old name (she goes by her nickname right now because she hasn’t picked a new one yet, but he kept using the full, unmistakably male name). He kept saying stuff like “I’m losing my son”, “What did I do wrong?”, “Am I such a bad role-model as a man that you don’t want to be one?”, “I’ll never call you ‘she’”, “Why is my entire life just falling apart this year?” (To be fair, he has had a lot to deal with this year - both of his parents are sick) - basically it was horrible.

- My other sister, F, figured that while my dad was already in shock, she might as well rip the band-aid off and tell him she’s asexual. He did the typical “You just haven’t met the right person yet” deal but otherwise took it way better than when me or L came out.

- As expected, my dad blamed me. Said I was biased because I’m gay, that I shouldn’t have “just accepted” it when L came out to me (basically he would have wanted me to try and convince her she’s a cis guy?), corrected me when I referred to L with she/her pronouns, said that I was the one who “brought these kinds of topics into our family” - all not great.

- My dad also blamed L for telling me and not him and asked why she didn’t tell him months ago. (Duh? Because she knew you’d take it like this while I wouldn’t?)

- The thing is, despite everything he said I still felt bad for my dad. He looked really heartbroken and like he was genuinely in shock. On the way downstairs, he way he walked was all wonky. He said he felt sick and I think he might have actually thrown up. I really did feel bad that this was getting to him so badly - he reacted as if someone had died, not as if his child just came out to him.

- My dad said that our entire extended family is going to blame him for this and see it as a failing on his part. I, in turn, reminded him that I was well aware that he and my mom would blame me - but I chose to support L anyway because that’s more important.

- My dad also played the “this will drive mom fully insane” card, and said some stuff about moving to a different country and leaving us all. (He also made some remark like “now I have 4 mentally ill people in my family” - as if being queer was in any way comparable to our mom’s actual mental illness.) He kept saying that trans women have it so hard and that’s why he doesn’t want L to be one - but it was pretty obvious that he actually just has a problem with it and that was his excuse.

- L ended up saying that she doesn’t want to go to the group tomorrow anymore, because this talk has stressed her so much that she doesn’t feel ready for the added stress of meeting new people.

- L later apologized to me for making me do most of the talking when we talked to our dad (my sweetheart...). I told her not to blame herself for how our parents feel or how it’s stressing me. (She said she’s only worried about me - my angel.)

- The main thing is that I’ve always been very protective of L. She’s 11 years younger than me. I just want her to have less of hard time than I did. And after that talk with our dad, I feel like she’ll have it ten times worse. And I don’t know how else to help.

#LGBT #Coming Out #Homophobia #Transphobia #Transphobic Family #Personal #I'm glad L finally gave me permission to blog about this here #homophobia tw #transphobia tw #aphobia tw #mentions of mental illness

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hellyeahtrickster · 3 years

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It occurs to me that I have friends here that I don't have contact with in other spheres, so ... life update: my mother passed away unexpectedly last Friday. I'm doing as well as one would expect. Been going through her things as both a walk down memory lane and a goodbye. I keep coming across things she never got around to using, and it hits hard that now, she'll never have the chance. And I can't stop thinking of the stories we watched together that now she won't know the ending to, or shows I wanted to try with her. And then there's all the things we used to do together on the regular -- all the places I can never go with her to again. And all the places we wanted to go to "someday", but now she never will.

We were two weeks out from our second COVID shots, and 4 weeks from being totally vaccinated. We were finally going to get back to EPCOT, to see the Flower and Garden show. Finally going to get back to the Florida Mall. Going out to lunch. That I won't be doing this things with her anymore ... it's unfathomable. I can't wrap my head around it.

Thanks, anti-mask / anti-vaccine Covidiots, for prolonging the presence of this pandemic -- basically stealing the last year of my mother's life. She was anxious to see her elderly mother again, because we don't know how long *she* has left ... and now she never go to see her mother again. I knew losing my mom would happen someday, but my mother was relatively young yet, so I thought it would be a while ....

It doesn't help that she died after the second night on a new bed. See, she slept on her side all the time, what with the couch being narrow, but with a twin mattress, the bed was much wider. She snored a lot -- I highly suspect she had sleep apnea. When I found her the next morning, she was on her BACK. The doctor agreed that her cardiac arrest could have been caused by sleep apnea. In trying to make my mom more comfortable .... Yeah, I know, it's not my fault, but I cannot shake that thought away, that she's not here anymore because we tried to do something nice for her. How cruel the humour of the universe can be.

(I'd put the rest of this behind a cut, but I don't see that option anymore? Sorry!!)

And it REALLY doesn't help that, not only have I lost the person I was closest to, but now I am stuck alone with the person I least want to be with: my dad. I'm pretty liberal, and he's pretty conservative. We fight a LOT. We haven't really since mom died (things got a little tense here and there, but not like we usually are) ... but I know it won't last. It can't -- not when he believes BLM are terrorists, or that gays have an agenda. And now he keeps wanting to do things with me, like watch my shows, and a petulant part of me is like, no, this is mom's territory -- stay out. I don't want to do anything with him. (Especially since I know he'll start ranting once the shows start talking about racism and homophobia.)

My parents always had a volatile relationship. Mom didn't know you could get pregnant the first time, and when she found out she was pregnant, her Catholic family bullied her into marrying him.* And he cheated on her at LEAST once (with a girl who was only a few years older than me at the time -- I was 15, she was 19, he was 33). My mother was far from perfect, so I don't blame all the marital problems on him. But my point is they were married "in name only" for about the last 25 years, so it's ... offensive to me now that he would dare to act bereaved.

I know he can be hella manipulative, make himself seem generous so as to be loved, and then turn on you like a viper, getting irrationally angry. I can't drive, we live in a very rural area with no public trans, there are no friends or fam less than an hour away, I've had next to no job for the last 17 years, I barely feel like a functional human being (am coming to seriously suspect I have ADHD and Dyscalculia; I have diabetes and suspect have PCOS and a thyroid problem; all these things having strong interconnections; and I have no insurance, nor do I qualify for aid, thanks to living in Florida), and I feel utterly trapped. There's a reason Rapunzel is my fave princess. I've had bad experiences with cabs, so using Uber / Lyft kind of terrifies me. Plus, he'd want to know where I'm going, and likely either insist on coming too, or insist I can't go, because his house, his money, his rules. The ONLY time each year I get away is when I go to Dragon Con (and I'm worried he might forbid that in the future -- he has once before).

And then there's the problem of ... he has no one. As much as I can't stand him, he lost his job because of COVID, he's lost his wife, he has no real friends (total homebody), and like it or not, he has supported me financially for so long. Even if someone else were to take me in, or I can get a job and save to leave ... how can I leave him (a person with severe rheumatoid arthritis / in not-great health)? I owe him too damn much, and I feel like it would be entirely callous of me. Yes, I realise that that's the abuse talking, but ... it's also true?

Anyway, I feel like I'm on Sliders, and keep stepping into progressively worse timelines.

* Let me mention that I have long suspected my mother is -- was -- on the autism spectrum, but when I mentioned it to one of her sisters, the sister seemed skeptical, saying that if anything, mom had a penchant for reading out loud, so they thought maybe she had a reading disability, and took her to a specialist, but "that's it". (Mom was in "remedial" classes through high school, so it doesn't sound like they did enough -- and maybe couldn't because the science just wasn't there.) I explained that mom frequently seemed to have trouble grasping concepts, especially humour. Like when a radio ad featured someone reciting a love-letter to a tomato, she was all, "That's stupid -- tomatoes can't read!" Try as I might, I could not get her to understand that the love letter was a playful way to tell US about what makes the tomato so good.)

Anyway, when I talked to my grandmother recently, she said that my mom "always had a special way of looking at things," and that she guessed mom was "what do they call it -- neuro-something? 'Aspie'? High-functioning, but still." And I told my cousin about it, and he said, "Wait, I thought it was common knowledge in our family that your mom was autistic?" (Note: we have other, officially diagnosed family members who are on different areas of the spectrum.) People always commented when I was growing up that it was like my mom's role and mine was reversed -- like I was the parent, and she was the child.

But to think my family had *recognised* that something was up, and left me, a child, to deal with it on my own?? To think they *pressured* someone who was "special" into having a child?

I know my mom loved me, but my whole life, she said she wished I'd never been born, and so she'd never have married my dad -- I know both can be true, that she loved me but wished she'd never had me (she'd have never known what she was missing). She only survived her marriage because I was there; I've always felt she'd have had a better life if she hadn't married him. When she tried to leave him, her mother would not take her in, because divorce was against her mother's Catholic beliefs (never mind that my uncle divorced twice)

I loved my mother, but were fought a lot, and she frequently exasperated me as we struggled to communicate. She frequently left words out, but did not believe that she did; when we met her last PCP the first time, he looked at me and said, "Is she always like this, or is she having a stroke?" And she would always angrily proclaim that I wasn't listening, when most of the time, it's that I couldn't get her to understand that she was working from a misconception or misunderstanding in the first place, because she would focus on ONE THING, to the exclusion of all else.

An example of an exchange (copied from a letter I wrote to a friend): We got into a weird argument yesterday. She had asked me for pain reliever, a glass of tap water (you're supposed to drink a full glass of water with the pills), and a "cold water" from the fridge (it's too cold to drink it all at once, but we both prefer ice water in general). Later, I was picking stuff up from her table-tray, including a bottle of pain reliever, and put a bunch of stuff away. When I passed by again, she asked for more cold water. I happened to look as see that she had the tap water glass still full, even though she had asked tor it half an hour before. I asked if I needed to bring the pain pill bottle back, because she hadn't drunk the tap water yet -- had I taken the pill bottle too soon, or had she forgotten to drink the water? She was all, "no, I said I need COLD water!" I said I knew that, and I would bring it; I was just asking of she had taken her pills already, or if I needed to bring the pill bottle back too. Her (again): "I said I need COLD WATER!" Me: "I know, and I will bring that -- I just want to know why you haven't drunk the tap water yet? Did you take your pills?" Her: "No, I'll take them at bed!" Me: "So I should bring back the pill bottle? Did I put it away too early?" Her: "YOU DON'T LISTEN! I SAID I NEED COLD WATER!" Me: "And I said I will bring that -- I'm just asking if you also need your pain pills?" Her: "You already took the bottle!! Did you forget that already?"

And then I finally spotted the white pain pills on the napkin under the tap-water glass, so I knew that no, I didn't need to bring it. But it's a frequent struggle to figure out how to phrase questions so I get the answer I need -- nearly every time, I get her screaming at me that I don't listen.

She loved me, but she was never mothering. She hated to be touched, so never hugged me; I was pretty touch-starved. I learned to read because she was a very slow reader when reading me stories; I got impatient and learned to do it for myself. She couldn't help me with my homework. She resented having to take me to school recitals and science fairs. She wasn't someone I could get advice from. I admit I was often envious of characters who had physically-loving, compassionate, wise mother-figures (who weren't so binary about morality -- and so weren't always screaming that this or that character should die, no matter how small the transgression).

But I wish she were still here to frustrate me -- that's so much better than not having her at all. And I wish I had been better at keeping my temper.

She was an atheist, and firm in that belief. Maybe she's right, or maybe her firm belief is affecting me, because I would dream frequently about others I have loved and lost, and swear I feel them, but with her ... nothing. Just a gaping hole in the fabric of my waking life, threatening to suck all the light and hope into it.

#mine #rant #personal #tw: death #cw: death #the death of my mom #my mom

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lgbtqiahistoricalromance · 4 years

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Finishing Out Summer 2020 TBR List! - Updated 7/31

Starting back in March, I was adding novel after novel for purposes of reading during social distancing and Summer 2020. I’m hoping you all found some great reads, even if you haven’t been able to read them all. *Here is another batch to round out Summer 2020, and I’m thrilled by the selection that includes sapphic, trans MCs, and more eras and locations than any list to date.

Leather and Lace by Rebel Carter (Good Sky series #5) - May 20th - sapphic

Mary Sophia James came to Gold Sky, Montana to find a husband at the insistence of her overbearing mother. Striking out in spectacular fashion after setting her eye on Julian Baptiste, her options are dwindling, and time is running out. She needs to find a man to marry before her condition becomes…obvious. Her mother’s prejudices and sharp tongue aren’t helping matters and Mary, to her shame, hasn’t behaved much better. But all her plans are derailed when she spots the most beautiful person she’s ever seen across the town square. Alex Pierce is strong, intriguing, looks stunning in a pair of trousers…and a woman.

Gold Sky is accepting of all types of love, and that between women is no different. Still, Alex didn’t expect to be so floored by the sight of the firey haired, yet fragile looking young woman. Mary needs to be married and Alex has a solution. Because in Gold Sky, Montana there are many ways to be married…and not all of them include a man.

Leather and Lace is a 35k word novella set at the same time as the events of book 2, Hearth and Home. It includes a passionate and romantic f/f love in a town where diversity, and love, reign supreme.

Note : Leather and Lace has a bit of mail-order, arranged married, kind of secret baby with some foreced proximity sprinkled on top!

The Sugared Game by KJ Charles (The Will Darling Adventures #2) - August 26th

It’s been two months since Will Darling saw Kim Secretan, and he doesn’t expect to see him again. What do a rough and ready soldier-turned-bookseller and a disgraced, shady aristocrat have to do with each other anyway? But when Will encounters a face from the past in a disreputable nightclub, Kim turns up, as shifty, unreliable, and irresistible as ever. And before Will knows it, he’s been dragged back into Kim’s shadowy world of secrets, criminal conspiracies, and underhand dealings. This time, though, things are underhanded even by Kim standards. This time, the danger is too close to home. And if Will and Kim can’t find common ground against unseen enemies, they risk losing everything.

The Revolutionary and the Rogue by Blake Ferre - August 24th

Perrin deVesey knows pain. As a member of Crimson Rose, a secret club for men who love men, he’s taken the vow “to stand and shield.” Standing together during these perilous times is the only thing keeping their necks from the guillotine. Now their leader is using the club to rescue wrongly accused traitors. After losing a past lover to an unjust execution, the decision to support this treasonous cause is easy…until a devastatingly handsome Committee Officer complicates Perrin’s whole world. Officer Henri Chevalier hates aristocrats. But the man he finds while investigating Crimson Rose is more than just wealthy and fancily clothed. He’s a rogue that could take him to the heart of the uprising and stop it before it starts. His plan to get close to Perrin and steal his secrets backfires, though, when Henri finds himself falling for the damned aristo and his dangerous smile. His heart is even more conflicted as he learns the truth behind their cause…and the truth his own people have been hiding. Together they must make the choice—to stand and shield at any cost—and their love might be the deadliest weapon in all of France.

Healing Lance by MD Grimm (A Warrior’s Redemption #1)- July 28th

A baby’s laughter. A mind uncaged. Lance is known as Scourge, the warrior in the black armor, the dog of the warlord Ulfr Blackwolf. He was just a boy when Ulfr found him and molded him into the perfect weapon. He slaughters and pillages on command, merciless and numb, devoid of emotions. Then a baby girl laughs at him during a raid. And everything changes. When Gust, a talented healer, is out deer hunting and stumbles across a magnificent horse bearing a mortally wounded rider, he has no idea that his life is about to change forever. Gust applies all his skills to his patient, determined to save the rider’s life, and is rewarded when the man opens his eyes. As friendship, and more, bloom between warrior and healer, so does the danger over the horizon. Ulfr has not forgotten, and Lance must take his first steps on the long road to redemption.

The rest of the series is either out this Summer or finishes in Sept!

Unhallowed: A Novel of Widdershins (Rath & Rune Book #1) by Jordan L Hawk - July 17th

Monsters. Murder. Librarians. Librarian Sebastian Rath is the only one who believes his friend Kelly O’Neil disappeared due to foul play. But without any clues or outside assistance, there’s nothing he can do to prove it. When bookbinder Vesper Rune is hired to fill the vacancy left by O’Neil, he receives an ominous letter warning him to leave. After he saves Sebastian from a pair of threatening men, the two decide to join forces and get to the truth about what happened to O’Neil. But Vesper is hiding secrets of his own, ones he doesn’t dare let anyone learn. Secrets that grow ever more dangerous as his desire for Sebastian deepens. Because Kelly O’Neil was murdered. And if Sebastian and Ves don’t act quickly enough, they’ll be the next to die.

My Heart’s in the Highlands by Amy Hoff - July 17th - sapphic - time travel

The year is 1888. Brilliant and beautiful, Lady Jane Crichton has fought the constraints of her Victorian Edinburgh upbringing to become one of the first women to attend university for medicine. Denied a degree because of her gender, she decides to marry a closeted gay man, providing him with political and social cover and herself with the time and money to pursue her scientific interests—one of which is a time machine. Jane’s machine works…but not exactly as she expected, and soon she has crash-landed in the 13th-century Scottish Highlands. There she is rescued by a wild, red-haired warrior woman, Ainslie nic Dòmhnaill, next in line to the chiefship of the great Clan Donald, the rulers of the Sea Kingdom of the Isles. Despite the constant threat of attacks from enemy clans, harsh winters and a touch of homesickness, Jane finds herself bewitched by this land, this time and this magnificent woman. The rough and warlike Ainslie also feels the magic and revels in a passion and love neither she nor Jane had ever imagined. But Jane is hiding a dangerous secret—one that threatens to tragically transform their Highland fairy tale.

Kinship and Kindness by Kara Jorgensen (A Paranormal Society Romance #1) - releases July 29th -trans MC

Bennett Reynard needs one thing: to speak to the Rougarou about starting a union for shifters in New York City before the delegation arrives. When his dirigible finally lands in Louisiana, he finds the Rougarou is gone and in his stead is his handsome son, Theo, who seems to care for everyone but himself. Hoping he can still petition the Rougarou, Bennett stays only to find he is growing dangerously close to Theo Bisclavret. Theo Bisclavret thought he had finally come to terms with never being able to take his father’s place as the Rougarou, but with his father stuck in England and a delegation of werewolves arriving in town, Theo’s quiet life is thrown into chaos as he and his sister take over his duties. Assuming his father’s place has salted old wounds, but when a stranger arrives offering to help, Theo knows he can’t say no, even if Mr. Reynard makes him long for things he had sworn off years ago. As rivals arrive to challenge Theo for power and destroy the life Bennett has built, they know they must face their greatest fears or risk losing all they have fought for. With secrets threatening to topple their worlds, can Theo and Bennett let down their walls before it’s too late?

More under the cut...!!!!

My Highland Laird: Sci-Regency Book #5 by JL Langley - releases August 10th

Bannon Thompson, talented artist and youngest son of the Duke of Eversleigh, is hastily shipped off after his latest indiscretion. After crashing on rural Skye, leaving him and his valet the sole survivors of a diplomatic mission, Bannon must navigate the complexities of a primitive clan society and take up a role he never wanted: helping a sexy Highlander ensure the safety of both their planets.

Laird Ciaran MacKay wants nothing more than to keep his clan safe from the off-world intruders who killed his father. Suspecting complicity among his own people, he has no choice but to trust outsiders from a spaceship crash—and he can’t seem to fight his attraction to the stubborn redhead. Drawn to the handsome laird, Bannon risks a bold affair. But there is more at stake than reputations as they find two lost Regelens and uncover the Intergalactic Navy’s plot.

Artful Deception by Jackson Marsh (The Clearwater Myseries Book #5)

“Deception. The lie that tells the truth."

A damaged painting tempts Lord Clearwater to a final battle with his arch-enemy, and it's not a summons he can ignore.

Archer must free his homicidal brother from incarceration and reinstate him to the title. He will be left humiliated and penniless, but free to live his life with Silas with no threat of exposure. The alternative is death.

Drawing inspiration from a work of art, Clearwater manipulates a series of illusions to stay one step ahead of the endgame. While James, Tom and Silas race to solve clues and reach Archer before the fatal deadline, the assassin, Dorjan, remains hot on his heels ready to kill.

The sixth book in The Clearwater Mysteries series brings back popular characters from previous adventures in a fast-paced, twisting mystery that can have only one of two possible endings.

Or perhaps one of three. After all, deception is the lie that tells the truth.

Ten or Fifteen Miles by BL Maxwell - May 27th

Tim Latham had only been riding for the Pony Express for a week before he has to show the new guy the trail. Being raised on a farm in the Sacramento area, the Pony Express gave him an opportunity to see more of the country beyond his family’s little plot of land. He loves everything about the job: the adventure, the scenery, and the speed. Racing the wind on the back of a horse was as close to perfect as he could imagine.

Jeremiah Rollins grew up in San Francisco under the shadow of his father's successful shipping business. But Jeremiah craves the adventure he reads about in the dime novels he can’t get enough of. On a whim, and despite his father’s disapproval, he signs up for the Pony Express and leaves his old life behind for the steep, rocky trails that cross the Sierra Nevada. Both men are excited to begin their journey on their first ride together to Nevada Territory. They set out, making their way from station to station, racing as fast as their horses can carry them, and their friendship grows every mile. They both wanted adventure, but they may end up getting more than they dreamed of. Every ten or fifteen miles brings new experiences, and new feelings that grow with each mile they pass.

People Like Us by Ruby Moone (Winsford Green #2) - July 21st

Arthur Fitch clawed his way out of the violence and poverty of the slums of London to become a valet to the aristocracy. His ambition to secure a higher position led him to a disastrous appointment with a cold, brutal man, and when things come to a head, Arthur is forced to flee into a snowstorm to find safety. Joseph Wilkinson is the Winsford Green blacksmith. He has a good life, good friends, owns a thriving business, but at the end of the day when he goes home, loneliness consumes him. When he stumbles upon a small man determinedly trudging through the snowstorm, he invites him into his home to shelter. Arthur Fitch is older, smart-mouthed, and as prickly as hell. But, as Joe peels back the layers, he discovers a warm, funny, vulnerable man whose tastes in the bedchamber leave Joe gasping and desperate for more. Trouble is, having found the real Arthur Fitch, how can he convince him that life in a small town can be infinitely better than working for an Earl? That love really is possible for people like them? Particularly when Arthur’s past catches up with him in horrifying fashion.

Seaworthy bu KL Noone (Character Bleed Book #1) - August 1st - bisexual MC - contemporary, but with a lot of historical touches

An epic motion picture! A gay Napoleonic War love story! Ballrooms and battles at sea! Romantic happy endings on the silver screen! And a film that’ll change everything for its stars ... Jason Mirelli can’t play adrenaline-fueled action heroes forever. He’s getting older, plus the action star parts have grown a little thinner since he came out as bisexual. This role could finally let him be seen as a serious dramatic actor, and he needs it to go well -- for his career, and because he’s fallen in love with the story and the chance to tell it. The first problem? He’ll be playing a ship’s captain ... and he hasn’t exactly mentioned his fear of water. The second problem? His co-star: award-winning, overly talkative, annoyingly adorable -- and openly gay – box office idol Colby Kent. Colby’s always loved the novel this film’s based on, and he leapt at the chance to adapt it, now that he has the money and reputation to make it happen. But scars and secrets from his past make filming a love story difficult ... until Jason takes his hand and wakes up all his buried desires. Jason could be everything Colby’s ever wanted: generous and kind, a fantastic partner on set, not to mention those heroic muscles. But Colby just can’t take that chance ... or can he? As their characters fall in love and fight a war, Colby and Jason find themselves falling, too ... and facing the return of their own past demons. But together they just might win ... and write their own love story.

The Engineer (Magic & Steam Book #1) by CS Poe - May 28th

1881—Special Agent Gillian Hamilton is a magic caster with the Federal Bureau of Magic and Steam. He’s sent to Shallow Grave, Arizona, to arrest a madman engineer known as Tinkerer, who’s responsible for blowing up half of Baltimore. Gillian has handled some of the worst criminals in the Bureau’s history, so this assignment shouldn’t be a problem. But even he’s taken aback by a run-in with the country’s most infamous outlaw, Gunner the Deadly. Gunner is also stalking Shallow Grave in search of Tinkerer, who will stop at nothing to take control of the town’s silver mines. Neither Gillian nor Gunner are willing to let Tinkerer hurt more innocent people, so they agree to a very temporary partnership. If facing illegal magic, Gatling gun contraptions, and a wild engineer in America’s frontier wasn’t enough trouble for a city boy, Gillian must also come to terms with the reality that he’s rather fond of his partner. But even if they live through this adventure, Gillian fears there’s no chance for love between a special agent and outlaw. Based on the short story, “Gunner the Deadly.” Entirely revised, newly expanded, and Book One in the exciting new steampunk series, Magic & Steam.

Pirate’s Promise (Pirate’s of Port Royal Book #1) by Jules Radcliffe - May 12th - the rest of the series is also out this Summer!

Press-ganged as a boy, Job Wright must learn how to live as a free man.

For years Job has been a captive, treated as a servant—and sometimes more—by a crooked merchant crew. Until the day his ship is attacked by pirates. English pirates, no less, and Brethren of the Coast, a brotherhood of free men who owe allegiance to no one but themselves. Job thinks he's been rescued at last, but he's badly mistaken. As an Englishman aboard a Spanish ship, the Brethren believe he's a traitor and an enemy. But just when pirate justice is about to be delivered, Garrett Dubh intervenes. He both saves Job's life and recruits him to the pirate ship Audacious.

Surrounded by a fearsome crew, Job finds protection under Garrett's wing. He's ready to do anything for the handsome pirate—things he'd never willingly do for another man. But Garrett ignores Job's shy overtures. He believes Job is too traumatised by his past. Too young to know what he wants. And nothing Job says will change his mind.

To show Garrett he can take care of himself, Job leaves the safety of the Audacious. He joins the most ruthless Brethren crew in the Caribbean, led by the enigmatic and cruel Rusé.

But in the French pirate haven of Tortuga, thoughtless actions can have fatal consequences, something Job is about to discover. And this time, Garrett isn't there to save him.

Chasing a Legacy by D. A Ravenscroft - May 2020

Against the tense political backdrop of the Second French Empire, siblings Camille and Marianne find themselves wrestling with personal demons both past and present. As Camille strives to keep family secrets buried and unveil a plot against them, Marianne becomes involved with the handsome Baron Auclair and his mysterious younger sister. Little do the siblings know that soon their very different lives will come crashing together…

The sequel to a sequel! In this follow up to the unofficial Les Mis sequel ‘Chasing a Ghost’, we follow Enjolras and Grantaire’s children, Camille and Marianne, through dangers untold and family strife. Set in 1866, towards the end of the Second Empire, this story has murder, mystery, romance, drama, comedy, and a pet lion. And yes, it’s very, very queer.

https://www.lulu.com/en/gb/shop/d-a-ravenscroft/chasing-a-legacy/paperback/product-y58wrq.html

Two Rogues Make a Right by Cat Sebastian (Seducing the Sedgwicks Book #3) - June 23rd

Will Sedgwick can’t believe that after months of searching for his oldest friend, Martin Easterbrook is found hiding in an attic like a gothic nightmare. Intent on nursing Martin back to health, Will kindly kidnaps him and takes him to the countryside to recover, well away from the world. Martin doesn’t much care where he is or even how he got there. He’s much more concerned that the man he’s loved his entire life is currently waiting on him hand and foot, feeding him soup and making him tea. Martin knows he’s a lost cause, one he doesn’t want Will to waste his life on. As a lifetime of love transforms into a tender passion both men always desired but neither expected, can they envision a life free from the restrictions of the past, a life with each other?

Best Laid Plaids by Ella Stainton (Kilty Pleasures #1)- August 31st

In 1920s Scotland, even ghosts wear plaid.

Welcome to a sexy, spooky new paranormal historical series from debut author Ella Stainton.

Scotland, 1928

Dr. Ainsley Graham is cultivating a reputation as an eccentric.

Two years ago, he catastrophically ended his academic career by publicly claiming to talk to ghosts. When Joachim Cockburn, a WWI veteran studying the power of delusional thinking, arrives at his door, Ainsley quickly catalogues him as yet another tiresome Englishman determined to mock his life’s work.

But Joachim is tenacious and openhearted, and Ainsley’s intrigued despite himself. He agrees to motor his handsome new friend around to Scotland’s most unmistakable hauntings. If he can convince Joachim, Ainsley might be able to win back his good name and then some. He knows he’s not crazy—he just needs someone else to know it, too.

Joachim is one thesis away from realizing his dream of becoming a psychology professor, and he’s not going to let anyone stop him, not even an enchanting ginger with a penchant for tartan and lewd jokes. But as the two travel across Scotland’s lovely—and definitely, definitely haunted—landscape, Joachim’s resolve starts to melt. And he’s beginning to think that an empty teaching post without the charming Dr. Graham would make a very poor consolation prize indeed…

The Gentleman’s Thief by Isobel Starling (Resurrectionist Book #2)

Tuesday 28th December 1897. Mr. Benedict Hannan, the owner of Hannan’s Auction House in Fitzrovia, London, receives an unexpected visitor at his Bloomsbury home. The man on his stoop sends Benedict’s heart into a flutter, and on inviting the mysterious stranger into his house, he is inviting mystery, adventure, and volcanic desire.

Sebastian Cavell—master thief, gives the impression he has sought out Benedict for the sake of business, but the kind of business Sebastian has in mind has nothing to do with making money!

Cavell has been tasked with finding the whereabouts of a missing German aristocrat. With Benedict’s society connections, Sebastian gains access to his Gentleman’s Club and to men whose behavior is not so gentlemanly!

Benedict is pulled into the circle of a dangerous secret society and he not only learns the truth about the mysterious Sebastian Cavell, but learns the truth about himself and all he truly desires.

The Curse of the Mummy’s Heart by Julia Talbot - June 30th

Something is rising in the desert sand, and between two adventurous men.

Famous 1920s Hollywood actor Douglas Fitzhugh and his brother Donnie are headed for Egypt on a classic monster movie quest. Their mysterious benefactor, a man they call Grant, has sent them to find a stranded archaeologist, and all they have to go on is a handwritten journal. That's just the kind of adventure Douglas loves, and he never passes up the chance to get away from his studio-driven life.

Charles Angeloff is also on his way to Egypt with a special object his father has asked him to return to the tomb he ripped it from. Charles is just out of university, and when he meets Douglas, he falls hard for Douglas' charm and his worldly ways.

As they travel, more men of adventure join them: a cowboy, a rich seminary student, and a librarian. When they're all together, it's like magic happens, and the men all realize they're on a mission to stop the horror that stirs beneath the desert sands, even as that creature sets its sights on Charles. Will Douglas and Charles lose each other just when they've found what they both think is the man they want to be with forever?

Starcrossed: A Paranormal Historical Romance (Magic in Manhattan #2) by Allie Therin - May 18th

When everything they’ve built is threatened, only their bond remains… 1925 New York Psychometric Rory Brodigan’s life hasn’t been the same since the day he met Arthur Kenzie. Arthur’s continued quest to contain supernatural relics that pose a threat to the world has captured Rory’s imagination—and his heart. But Arthur’s upper-class upbringing still leaves Rory worried that he’ll never measure up, especially when Arthur’s aristocratic ex arrives in New York. For Arthur, there’s only Rory. But keeping the man he’s fallen for safe is another matter altogether. When a group of ruthless paranormals throw the city into chaos, the two men’s strained relationship leaves Rory vulnerable to a monster from Arthur’s past. With dark forces determined to tear them apart, Rory and Arthur will have to draw on every last bit of magic up their sleeves. And in the end, it’s the connection they’ve formed without magic that will be tested like never before.

Another Chance For Love by Ellie Thomas - July 4th

Former British Army Lieutenant Adam Merryweather survived the Western Front of WWI and has slowly recovered from his injuries. But can he heal from a broken heart? Torn between family duty and personal happiness, he sacrificed his love for Alf and has never ceased to regret it in the two years since the war ended. Adam is slowly putting his empty life back together, working for the family firm in the city centre of Bristol and trying to stop his mother’s meddling to find him the perfect socially acceptable bride. When he happens to meet Alf out of the blue, Adam is determined to try again. But convincing Alf to give him another chance may be too much to hope for. Can a chance meeting bring them back together? Or has Adam lost another chance for love forever?

The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows by Olivia Waite - July 28th - sapphic

When Agatha Griffin finds a colony of bees in her warehouse, it’s the not-so-perfect ending to a not-so-perfect week. Busy trying to keep her printing business afloat amidst rising taxes and the suppression of radical printers like her son, the last thing the widow wants is to be the victim of a thousand bees. But when a beautiful beekeeper arrives to take care of the pests, Agatha may be in danger of being stung by something far more dangerous…

Penelope Flood exists between two worlds in her small seaside town, the society of rich landowners and the tradesfolk. Soon, tensions boil over when the formerly exiled Queen arrives on England’s shores—and when Penelope’s long-absent husband returns to Melliton, she once again finds herself torn, between her burgeoning love for Agatha and her loyalty to the man who once gave her refuge.

As Penelope finally discovers her true place, Agatha must learn to accept the changing world in front of her. But will these longing hearts settle for a safe but stale existence or will they learn to fight for the future they most desire?

*If more come to my attention after this is posted, they will be added!!!

#lgbt romance #historical romance #sapphic #trans romance #f/f romance #m/m romance #books

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