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randxmthxughts · 1 year

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Just Married - Tsu'tey x Female!Mate

summary: when you stepped into the public eye for the first time after your mating, tsu'tey couldn't contain the overflowing affection he held for you. but because you felt insecure about the way you were being perceived by the clan, tsu'tey decided to prove you otherwise

contains: insecure!reader, fluff, tsu'tey being very sweet and pda-prone

wc: 1.2k

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Tsu’tey was always a reserved man, never someone who openly displayed affection, at least, not for others to see. Known for his cold demeanor in the clan and never really minding that, Tsu’tey kept mostly to himself. That was until he fell for you.

The union between you two came gradually but swiftly, hidden in the unspoken words and lingering touches, like a precious gem that needed to be protected from the prying eyes. And Tsu’tey struggled deeply, because all throughout him courting you, all he wanted was to be consumed by you - to touch you as much as he could, to be immersed in your scent, to hear your voice and make you smile. But there was always the fear of scaring you away, so he contained it and locked it away, waiting patiently until the day you would be officially his - when you would truly choose him, the way that he had chosen you.

And when you did eventually mate, and the realization dawned that he no longer had to keep his heart caged, the love for you spilled out of him uncontrollably. His hands were eager to explore every inch of your being, lips trailing soft kisses all over your skin, as if etching the memory into his mind. So within the initial days after the blissful mating, both of you preferred to seek privacy, never leaving your home to enjoy the newfound connection. During these days, Tsu'tey became inseparable from you, clung to you like a second skin, obsessed with the way you were consuming all of his thoughts.

But as the day of reemerging into the public eye arrived, you suddenly felt intimidated by the idea of getting attention from the clan. Having already inherent innate insecurity, being openly with the chief added a new layer of complexity. After all, he was highly respected within the clan, and the standards for his chosen mate were high, casting a shadow of heavy expectation upon you. And as you returned to your communal duties now together, you attempted to make yourself small next to him, hoping that shrinking in his presence will keep you hidden from the eyes of the others. But his scent lingering on your skin announced the news of your mating loudly. You were naive to think that keeping a distance with Tsu’tey in public and minimizing the touches could be enough.

And while it was unfortunate that it didn’t work, what was worse was that it breathed a wave of insecurity into Tsu’tey. That perhaps, you didn't feel about him as strongly as he felt about you. At first, he tried to write it off to your reserved nature, thinking that you were probably just getting used to his affections, but the more you flinched whenever he tried to reach you, the more worrisome he grew.

As you sat together during the communal dinner, you were anxious, feeling as if you were being watched at all times.

“Yawne, you look… stressed,” Tsu’tey made an observation, reaching for your hand, which you instinctively pulled away from his grasp.

The surge of overwhelming emotions within Tsu'tey turned from pure desire and love to a perplexing mixture of confusion and pain. Even this slightest withdrawal in your response caused his heart to clench, piercing amber eyes searched for the reason behind your hesitance.

“Yawne?” he glared down at your hand now tucked between your thighs, as if trying to shield it from his own hand finding yours, “Are you ashamed of being with me?”

“No, of course I am not ashamed,” you shook your head firmly, surprise flickering in your eyes, “Why would I ever be ashamed of being with you?”

“I don’t know, Y/N,” Tsu’tey’s frown mirrored your own, as if it was a puzzle both of you desperately needed to solve, “Why do you pull away when I try to touch you?”

You shrank under his gaze, ears lowering in defeat or perhaps embarrassment, preparing for a vulnerable confession. Cautiously, you scanned the surrounding crowd to ensure no one was listening in. Tsu’tey reached for you once more, resting his hands over your shoulders, as if trying to snap you back into the conversation.

“It’s just… I don’t want to draw attention to us,” you bit your lip, wishing that you could take words back, “I know that everyone already thinks you are too good for me, so I don’t want to remind them of that.”

His expression softened, hands moving from your shoulders to gently cup your face.

“That is not true, no one thinks that,” his tone was serious, trying to convince you that he meant every single word he uttered, “And it shouldn’t matter, yawne. When it comes to you, I cannot hide my feelings. I have yearned for the moment to hold you and touch you ever since my eyes first laid on you. Please do not deny me that, yes?”

You nodded weakly, ears flattening against your skull in a mixture of embarrassment and flattery. Tsu’tey barely spoke more than a few words, especially when it came to his feelings. But he just wasn’t used to it, if he could, he would have screamed at the top of his lungs about how much he loved you. A mischievous smile then curved upon his lips as his mind raced with an idea to convey his affection to you openly, even without the need for spoken words.

A loud yelp escaped your lips, slicing through the air, as Tsu'tey unexpectedly scooped you up the ground and stood up, throwing you over his shoulder. It was so sudden, that your face almost collided with his back, and you had to frantically cling to his body to grip onto him. Your legs dangled helplessly in the air, desperately searching for the solid ground that had become too far away.

“Tsu’tey! Put me down!” you hissed angrily, swatting at his back, but he only chuckled.

The gesture, of course, drew the attention of the whole clan, and curious gazes fixated upon the scene unfolding before them. Annoyed by the unexpected display, you swatted at Tsu'tey again in an attempt to free yourself from his grasp. But instead of releasing you, he turned around dramatically and spoke loudly.

“Everyone, my beautiful mate and I will leave the dinner earlier tonight,” he announced, still holding you tightly, his hands gripping onto your thighs, “Please enjoy the rest of the evening without our presence.”

You could have sworn in that moment that you were probably turning purple from all of the embarrassment. Your heart raced, adrenaline rushing through your body, as Tsu’tey began to walk through the crowd with a snicker. Yet despite your expectations, there was no judgment in the looks you were receiving from the clan members. Still hanging upside down over his shoulder, you could see them only chuckling and nodding with smiles at the sight of Tsu’tey, always cold and unemotional, finally letting himself relax with his mate.

“Tsu’tey! Everyone’s staring,” you whispered shyly, as he continued to walk, carrying you effortlessly.

“Let them stare,” he chuckled weakly, delivering a soft smack to your bottom, making you gasp in shock, “They need to see the pure joy you bring into my life.” You bit your lip in amusement, his words were clearly aligning with the reactions you were getting. Tsu'tey's carefree demeanor and the accepting murmurs of your clan members reassured you that your bond was something to celebrate, not hide.

taglist: @bigdikzaddy @awriana @scarletrosesposts @abbersreads @mechformers @my-love-of-books @avatarbyamara @robin-the-enby @netemoon @minjix @nilrilie @grierpilots @suntizme @live-laugh-neteyam @misscaller06 @darkacademictrash @arminsgfloll @omnifanfic-copycat @crazyforteyam @sakura-onesan @laylasbunbunny @navs-bhat @cinetrix @nilrilie @amortencjja @bananafruityawne @ttkttt

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give-soup-please · 2 years

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Narrator During a Power Outage Headcanons (reverse hurt/comfort)

After escaping the parable, he’s got a lot of leftover trauma

Most of it doesn’t rise all the way to the surface, but he’s very clingy

He does his best to respect your boundaries, and not follow you to places you don’t want him to go

But deep down, he’s terrified

Of losing you, of going back, of being stuck in never ending offices and hallways

So when your local electric company is doing some maintenance, and the power goes out, he really doesn’t handle it well.

To you, it's nothing out of the ordinary. You roll your eyes because this happens every couple of months, and your neighbors usually gather around to complain about it while wondering how long the current outage is going to be.

To him, he’s suddenly plunged into a too familiar blackness, the kind that appears during a reset. He lets out something between a shout and a yelp and begins to hyperventilate.

You hear his muffled sounds coming from a nearby room, and wonder what’s gotten into him.

You follow the sounds he’s making until you two are sharing a space again.

“Narrator?” You call out, “Narrator, are you alright?”

He sucks in a breath through his teeth and you feel his presence winding around you tightly.

You were mildly confused, reaching out to pet the air without knowing what you were doing.

He seems stressed, so you decide to try and comfort him.

“It’s going to be okay, man. You’re safe.”

He continues to coil around you, and you can feel his panic on your skin.

“You’re still here!” he cries, relieved. “I thought you were- I thought I had-”

Something starts to click in your head, a slight suspicion. Instead of confronting him directly about it, you edge around the perceived problem.

“Yes, you’re still here, I’m still here. The both of us are still together, sharing the same space and time.” You bit your lip, trying to think of what else to say, trying to think of the best way to keep him grounded.

“Narrator? I’d like you to answer a few questions for me, if you can manage.” you said, still trying to feel the air where he might be. You weren’t sure if he was someone who needed to be touched while frightened, but you reached out anyway, wanting to provide what you could.

He takes a deep, steadying breath.

“Okay. What is it?”

“Where are you right now?”

“I-I’m in your living room.”

“Good. I know it's dark, but you can still see some shadows on the wall, right? Could you tell me what you see?”

“I- The couch, the table, the television, and you.”

You smiled.

“Good.” This next question was not going to be easy for you, emotionally, but you pressed on.

“Do you remember who I am to you?”

He scoffed. “Of course I do. You’re my dear listener.”

You grinned, not sure if he could see it in the dark. You loved it when he referred to you like that.

“Yes, I am.” You said, with no small amount of joy. “And I’m very glad we get to live our lives together. Now listen, I’m going to walk outside. Will you come with me?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

Eyes having adjusted to the lack of light, you found the door with relative ease.

Opening the door revealed the beautiful outside world. The sun was setting, and the remaining light shafted through the leaves in wonderful patterns.

Late night bird song trilled in the air, and you took a deep, grateful breath at being able to experience it all

His tension eased, and you were privately thankful. You’d never blame the narrator for being scared or having a bad day, but it was hard to think straight when his panic started to transfer to you, as it often did when his emotions were high.

He still curled around you protectively, but you didn’t mind that in the least. You felt the ghost of a hand in yours, and relaxed.

“See?” you said. “It’s all still here, waiting for us.”

After he was fully grounded, which took a while, you explained the concept of power outages, and you could almost sense an eye roll from him.

“How do humans manage a life where so much happens outside of their control?”

“It’s easier to get through when you have someone to share the chaos with.”

“Yes, well. I am a rather grand being to share it with, aren’t I?”

Heh. he was definitely back to normal now, but you decided to indulge him anyway.

“Yeah. You are. Wouldn’t want to live this life with someone else.”

He let out a pleasant sort of hum, and you failed at hiding a smile.

“Can we stay out here for a bit longer?” He asked.

“Take as much time as you need.”

#the stanley parable #tsp #tsp narrator #i love him your honor #blorbo #headcanon #personal headcanon #stanley parable #yeah there have been some power outages in my area because our electric company is bad lol #and i wondered how someone with a slight trauma of darkness would handle it #feel free to send requests for headcanons in #im not going to be a headcanon blog mainly #but i do enjoy a good prompt every now and then #can be read as platonic or romantic #platonic self shipping?#yeah i have this weird idea that if the narrator isnt in human form hes a kind of presence you can feel #because there are times when he is closer or further from the mic than usual and it gives me asmr tingles every time #to me that speaks of a kind of spirit that comes and goes or a friendly ghost #i think if he existed in our reality you'd be able to pick up on whether he's in a room or not #sixth sense style?#romantic?#i still cant tell how i feel about him #romantic or platonic #narrator/you #narrator x you #tsp narrator/you

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gender-helper · 10 months

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Hey! Can you help me? :,(

So, I’m AFAB. I’m satisfied with my physical attributes. There are a few things I would change, but Im pretty fine being anatomically female. I don’t really like being referred to as a girl though, at least not by people I don’t know well. I’d much rather people see me as either male or some sort of non-binary. So I think I’m a Demiboy? But I’m also scared that maybe I’m just a gender-non-conforming girl who is confused. It’s impossible to tell because what the binary genders “male” and “female” actually mean and feel like are up to the user, but I don’t know how to define those genders! It’s all just very complicated and it makes my head hurt. :(

I’ve taken lots of gender quizzes and gotten mixed results. Demiboy, demigirl, genderfluid, gender-apathetic, non-binary, trans. It’s super confusing! I don’t think my gender is changing, my perception of it is just switching around. So maybe something like genderflux? I don’t know!

This is a very me problem, and I understand if you can’t help! This ask is all over the place and stuff. I’ve just been screaming about this for the past like 4 weeks!

Hi, I’m so sorry for the late response, and I’ll do my best to help /gen

First off, as someone who took a bunch of gender quizzes to try and figure stuff out back when I was first questioning, please treat them with a grain of salt (/nbr). I am no where near my original results as a demixenofluid transmasc mascprox saphtroy butch person, and it could very much be the same for you that those results don’t resonate with you.

Genderflux would be your gender identity fluctuating (like a light that has a dimming switch), rather than the perception changing fluidly. If you feel like your gender changes, I’d look into genderfluid. /gs /nf

If you’d rather people perceive you as a boy/man or non-binary, then it’s very unlikely you’re a confused GNC girl. Does being called a boy/man resonate or seem appealing to you? Would you rather ID as both like solarian? Or even a mix like androx? If none of that fits and identifying as demiboy (magigender and paragender might also fit) makes you happy and/or is something you want, then go for it. Anatomy isn’t the be all end all of gender (/nbr). Trust yourself because putting too much stress on the details can be overwhelming, as you said yourself it’s making your head hurt. I suggested a few labels that hopefully might resonate, but if not, don’t hesitate to send me another ask (/pos). Hope you’re doing okay <3 /p

#longer post #genderask #text

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captawesomesauce · 1 year

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I was tagged a long time ago by @unflappable-wolf and @serenity-made-visible and I swear it’s been on my to-do list!!!! I just got swamped with classes and life.

So here we go!

1. Are you named after anyone?

I am! I can't quite recall the connection, I know she died in either the Pogroms or the Holocaust, but her nickname was Chashka, which they then named me Yechetzkel from. (chetz/chashk)

2. When was the last time you cried?

I honestly don't remember. It's not something that happens all that often, but probably in frustration back when I was dealing with the King Asshat. That man could be so bellicose, so asinine, so fucking belligerently stupid... you'd end up screaming until tears came down your face.

He was the type of person who never suffered consequences, and always made sure that someone else did, often me... for his dumb ass choices. Like when he was driving drunk, with a suspended license, after stealing my truck, and crashed into a parked car and then claimed to be me to the insurance companies so it went on my record and raised my rates.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope.. never wanted any. Never saw the point. I was happy having a cat, and I love giving all of my time, attention, and affection to W... why bother having a kid?

4. Do you use sarcasm alot?

I do but I try not to. I understand how deep it can cut a person, and even if I think it's funny, or others think it might be funny, it's important to know how it affects the person I'm saying it to, as well as how I'm being perceived. Even if it's just being sarcastic about a situation, I don't want to be known as the one who complains/is negative/is THAT guy.

It's an ongoing process though, because if I go full on Mike.... dude.. it's a thing!

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

This is a hard one for me, because the first thing I notice is their demeanor. I spent so much of my life in high stress/dangerous places that it's really ingrained in me to look for threats. Things like always watch a persons hands, more than their face, always look at what side they favor when they walk or stand, it's probably the side with a concealed weapon, always look at how WHAT they're telling you with their body movements, their twitches, their looks, and everything else.

I hate that that is the first thing I notice. I hate that others who have done what I've done / know what I know, also notice that I'm hand watching and can pick me out easily.

When I'm not in "that mode," i think the first thing I notice is a persons hair. Dunno why, but it's just the thing that stands out more than anything to me!

6. What’s your eye colour?

Brown. (probably my only short answer for these things but what else can I say lol)

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

I don't do scary movies. I don't like being manipulated like that, and that's how they all feel. Especially jump scares. The music, the lighting,... not a fan. I know all movies do that, but with scary.. it just seems more blatant and rubs me the wrong way.

8. Any special talents?

I'm a cat bed. Put a cat anywhere near me and they'll find my chest or lap, revel in the heat, and sleep for hours. It works on W too!

9. Where were you born?

Southern California! I've lived everywhere, but I always end up returning there. I still think it’s where I’m always meant to be. I’m happy elsewhere... but I miss socal, I miss the pacific ocean and being adjacent to everything that makes me happy... museums, bookstores, old places, new places. I hate the traffic, I hate the smog, I hate the earthquakes and the fires and the atmospheric river storms. I hate the hypocrisy, and the bullshit... and did i mention the traffic... cause I’ll say it again, i hate the traffic!

But it’s the best place ever.

Also no hurricanes, tornados and one set of clothes all year round.

10. What are your hobbies?

I have a lot to be honest, but reading and collecting books is primary. I was never a big outdoorsman, I was never big on tv or movies, I was never THE sports guy... but books... I do love books. I find that the one thing I enjoy more than anything, now that I'm older, is reading the same story from different perspectives. I've lived long enough to really grasp the fact that there is no single narrative, there is no single right or wrong, and that everyone involved has their own story of what happened that is just as true.

I'll give you an example... There was a battle in Vietnam that involved a mechanized infantry unit with people on armored vehicles and dismounted infantry, a navy riverine boat unit, scout helicopters, transport helicopters, airborne forward air controllers, and attack helicopters.

I read 10 books that all talked about that single day... 10... all were memoirs ... this wasn't a big enough battle to warrant having books written about it like Agincourt, or the Tet Offensive, or 73 easting... it was a small battle, lasted a few hours, but god... how very very different everything was to each one involved.

The hobby I miss most is photography and exploring.... I'm so glad W and I got to spend a lot of time going places, all over LA, even by subway, and trying and doing so many cool things before COVID broke out!

11. Do you have any pets?

Not anymore. I still miss Mystic (the AwesomeCat) so very much, as well as Sarah. I still think about them every day and every night, and they’re still a major part of my dreams. I can’t believe it’s been this long... but it’s funny .. not long after Sarah passed, Mystic showed up, and shortly after he passed, W showed up... so ... make of that what you will lol

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

In highschool I lettered in Football, Baseball, Soccer, and Basketball. I played rugby in the Marines when deployed with UK troops, and when I was fighting fires in Australia. I also once stood still, very still, on a cricket pitch and had no idea what was going on, where I was, or what I was supposed to do. I'm not even sure if I was part of the game lol

13. How tall are you?

5'7 which is exactly tall enough to fit 2 big cats and 1 small cat on my chest, stomach, and lap, and a giant lab dog between my legs with his head on my hip.

14.Favorite subject in school?

When I was young... none. I hated math though, because I was undiagnosed with dysgraphia... but it also affected how I felt about all subjects because I struggled to write what I knew.

Once I got into college, I'd say environmental science & physical geography. I like looking at things spatially and temporally, I like seeing cause and effect and looking at how things are interconnected. From reintroducing key species to correct ecological damage, to even just looking at how much a single fire can affect an area short term and long term. Few people think about how a small fire can affect a towns water suppy for decades, or how burn severity is a better metric than acres burned because of how it affects re-growth and possibility of additional fires in the area.

15. Dream job?

I know this might sound bad but I don't have one. Getting through each day is hard enough... I love that I can help W and we work so well together because it means I can focus on what's important to me... Spending time with her and being happy.

I never wanted to be a firefighter, but I did it for 20+ years. I never wanted to be an Emergency manager, but i have all the pretty paper now. I never wanted to do GIS, but we see how that turned out lol... I did want to be a Marine... and I'm glad I did that.

Now I just want to live a very long long long life, and be very happy with W and hopefully another cat one day.

#personal

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outofcontexturi · 1 year

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Feb 5th sun 2023 journal 18:38pm

I think I’ve stopped loving. Like I don’t think I can love anyone anymore. I really wish I could but I don’t think I can. Like I think maybe I’m broken and I feel bad about myself cause it’s like I should be better than I am and that’s my perceived truth and I’m stubborn the ideas sometimes so it’s hard to shake off such an idea when you’re so used to championing it whether it’s positive or negative. I remember who I am sometimes then it makes me feel happy now is one of those times. Life is so weird man. I think I say this everytime I journal but that’s one of my facts about my life: it’s weird. The feeling of weird has not left me and I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing I’m just simply observing the nature of my life. I think I have life wrong and maybe I’m or I’ve been living it wrong for so many years now. Thank god that everyday is an opportunity to grow and what not but like damn when you don’t want to change but you do want to change but you’re scared you’re doing the wrong thing it’s very hard to change. I want to be right. The effect being made to feel less than myself being at drama school or even before that and then either expecting so much more from myself so I could convince myself and other people that I was/an worth it and not being able to do it really sent me into a spiral. I don’t know I thank god for sending me down this spiral in a way at least I know what that feels like and looks like. I put alot of pressure on myself to come up with creative thinking and that stress actually blocks my thinking and I get more worked up about it because now I feel I’m wasting time and this is probably the title of this journal entry today : wasting time. And today sponsors of life : wasting time. when you can’t be bothered with life. I wish I had Disney+. I want to watch something. Do I actually want to be an actor is the question I should ask myself? Or do I want to actually do singing or entertaining as I simply put it. are curses real? hm. I’m thinking of Hyfr by drake right now. It’s 18:51pm. I want to watch a movie with Daniel Kaluyya in it. I need a system. I should do a system. That would really help. I’m going to watch the bear or something with Daniel kaluyya. I’m out. Sign out time: 18:52pm

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mvrtaiswriting · 2 years

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How would AOT characters comfort you when you're feeling blue.

Heyy! This is my first work after a while so please be kind! It feels so good to be once again able to write. I hope you will enjoy these little head canons/drabbles! Let me know what you think. Lots of love, Marta. ♡

Gender Neutral!Reader x AOT CHARACTERS (Eren, Armin, Jean, Connie, Mikasa, Sasha)

Attack on Titans (spoiler free) | AU

SFW

Warnings: none

Words count: 1621 altogether

Hi! Are you a new reader? Check my masterlist for more content!

↳tumblr algorithm doesn't count likes as interactions, so my posts wont show up as frequently or as easily, despite the number of likes they receive so please, pleaaaaase leave a comment/or reblog!

Please feel free to reblog or leave a comment :) help me support my art (it’s free!),© bearing in mind everything I post/write is my intellectual property so please don’t steal/copy and paste and post it as yours.

Eren: As soon as he noticed something was wrong, he kissed your forehead and sat down with you on the sofa while wrapping a blanket around you - as if this gesture could make you feel better instantly. And if you had to be honest.. it kind of did; you knew this was Eren's way to remind you that he is - and wants to be - your safe place.

"What's wrong?" he'd simply ask pressing his forehead against yours, his emerald eyes locked on yours, ready to listen to whatever was crowding your mind in that moment. He would patently listen to you, nodding every once in a while just to let you know that he was actively listening to you.

After noticing a tear escaping from your eye, he pulls you into his arms hugging you so tight it almost hurt. He places a soft kiss on the crown of your head, letting you rest on his chest as his arms loosens their grip around your torso, his hands gently following the curves of your body and stopping on your hips.

"I love you." he said, placing another kiss on your head. A soft smile formed on your lips after hearing those words. Eren's face lighted up after seeing your smile, smirking at you before he starts tickling you.

It was only a matter of minutes before your laughter filled the emptiness of the room and a pillow war began.

Armin: Armin had what you'd describe as a sixth sense about you. He just knew when something was wrong before you could even realise it yourself. Your souls were so deeply intertwined that he could just perceive your mood swings - and so could you.

"Do you know that I love you? Deeply, I may add?" he'd say out of the blue, before wrapping his arms around your waist from behind you, his face snuggled in the crook of your shoulder just to leave a soft kiss on your neck.

You'd hum before reminding him that you love him just as much, enjoying the warmth of your boyfriend's body against yours.

"I really am the luckiest man in the world. How did I lend you?" he continued, his lips never losing contact with your skin.

You let out a small laugh, shivering every time Armin's lips touch you. "What is this for?" you'd ask, turning your body in order to face him.

He shrugged his shoulder, smiling at you.

"I just wanted to remind you how much you are loved and that I am so thankful for everyday I get to spend with you. You are the most precious being to ever exist, and I will never stress this enough. I am so lucky to be alive at the same time as you.." he added as his eyes scanned your face as he was trying to remember the smallest detail of your features.

Jean:

Jean would not know how to approach you, at first. He is really goods at hiding his negative emotions despite how passionately instinctive he is. You only saw Jean crying once, and even then, he acted as nothing happened.

"I'm not crying, stop hallucinating." he said, his voice softly shaking as tears silently rolled down his face, trying to keep his composure. He knew you were different, and that scared him. He did not know how to deal with himself, how could he help you without making everything worse?

Your happiness however, is something that Jean valued more than anything else. Your happiness and well-being were his top priorities.

He lied next to you on the bed, slowly lifting up the blankets in which you were hidden. "Peek-a-boo!" he said, letting out a soft laugh. "May I join?" he added, while already sneaking under the covers with you, not really waiting for you to answer.

You were now face to face with Jean, the tip of your noses touching and your breath slowly synchronising with his. He looked at you for a second, cupping your cheek in his hand and gently caressing it by rubbing his thumb on your skin. You enjoyed the warmth of his touch, locking your teary eyes on him. You couldn't bring yourself to talk about what was going on just yet, and you were so grateful for Jean simply being there for you, allowing you to feel every emotion you needed without pressuring you.

Jean's arms were now wrapped around your torso as he slowly pulled you closer to him, letting your head rest on his chest.

"Do you want to make a fort, since we're under the covers?" he asked, leaving a soft kiss on the crowd pf your head. "We could bring the tv in it too, so we can continue watching the show we started the other day?" he added.

You smiled wholeheartedly, lifting your head up to reach his face so that you could leave a passionate yet innocent kiss on his lips.

"Sounds perfect."

Connie:

Seeing you sad was something that really broke Connie's heart. Just like him, you usually were the 'life of the party', so contagiously happy. Connie always thought there was a certain light to you. Seeing you down, not hearing you laugh at your own jokes really devastated him.

"Heyy, what's wrong sunshine?" he'd ask, running an hand through your hair to mess with it. You shrugged your shoulders as you dragged your knees to your chest, becoming so small in your sofa place.

"It's just one of those days." you answered, resting your head on your boyfriend's shoulder. Connie left a small kiss on your forehead, leaving his lips pressed against it while trying to find a way to make you feel better.

This tender moment didn't last for long. You felt Connie's hand travelling down your figure and before you could even realise it, he was tickling your waist.

It was impossible for you to keep from laughing, Connie's fingers running up and down your body tickling you. You tried to defend yourself, almost ending up kicking Connie out of the sofa, tickling his armpits and making fun of how 'smelly' they were. When he finally stopped, you were both laying on the sofa, Connie's figure on top of yours, noses touching as you both breathed heavily trying to recover from the tickling session.

He smiled softly, before kissing your forehead once again.

"I love you. And I love your laugh." he said.

Mikasa: Mikasa knows you like the palm of her hand. She spent an embarrassing amount of time observing you, studying every movement of your body, how the muscles of your faces worked together to draw expressions on your face. She knew exactly how you were feeling just by simply looking at you.

There was nothing more frustrating than the feeling of knowing that there were things she could not control, from which she couldn't protect you from. She hated the sight of you feeling blue, sorrow embracing you.

Mikasa noticed you went out on the balcony in need of some fresh air, watching you from afar before taking a big breath and reaching you outside, carrying her scarf with her. Mikasa walked towards you and stood right next to you, her eyes locked on your figure as you instead watched the horizon, trying to understand what was going on inside your head.

"It's cold here." you said, worrying for her. She nodded in agreement, before wrapping her body leaning on the balcony, placing her hand on your cheek, which was now crimson red because of the chilly air.

"Better now?" she replied, fixing your scarf around your figure. Mikasa slowly grabbed your hand and holding it between hers, trying to warm you.

You nodded, blushing at how caring Mikasa always was.

"Why don't you come inside? The fireplace is on, we can try and defrost you and then you can talk me about what is going on.." she said, leaving a kiss on the back of your hand.

Sasha:

Cheering people up is definitely Sasha's talent. She would have grabbed the sun with naked hands if that was what it was needed for you to feel better.

She stood in front of you, pouting her lips and ask you what was wrong, before giving you an 'Eskimo kiss'. You shook your head smiling, leaving a kiss on her pouted lip.

"It's nothing, really." you'd say, Sasha's golden eyes locked on yours. She shook her head, disagreeing with your words.

"Are you sure?" she asked, sincerely worried about you. You nodded, not really convincing neither yourself nor your girlfriend. She raised on of her eyebrows questioning your answer, before forcing you to get up from where you were sitting and dragging you into the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" you asked whilst sitting on top of the counter as Sasha took ingredients such as self-raising flour and eggs from the cabinet. She shushed you, laughing already at the mess both of you will cause in a second.

"Not only it has been scientifically demonstrated that chocolate improves mood, but making this cupcakes will keep your head busy for a while and it will hopefully make you feel better!" she squeaked, already starting to weight the various ingredients. You laughed watching your girlfriend not only being so thoughtful, but only the messiest cook ever.

You jumped from the counter you were sat on and quickly reached her, saving the milk's bottle from falling on the floor and making a mess. When Sasha noticed, she stained your nose with some flour she already had on her fingertips before continuing to prepare her muffins.

"I love you." you said laughing, making her blush and joining her in her kitchen adventure.

#eren aot #aot headcanons #aot drabbles #eren x reader #armin x reader #jean x reader #connie x reader #sasha x reader #mikasa x reader #sasha blouse #mikasa ackerman #aot x y/n #eren yaeger x reader #jean kirsten x reader #armin arlet x reader #connie springer x reader #mikasa ackermann x reader #sasha braus x reader

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tarotchariotpickyourcard · 3 years

Text

Pick a card reading: What you should like more about yourself!

This one is for the ones on that self love journey, the ones that need a pick me up or have a hard time with self confidence/esteem especially.

So I'm sure it's quite clear. The cards that you pick will reflect why you deserve to be more loving to yourself, what wonderful qualities you have, and maybe help convince you to lessen your negative inner language.

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Please pick one of the groups ( 1, 2, 3 or 4.)

You might be drawn to an item, the card itself, or a number. Please calm your mind and meditate for a minute.

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Side note: If you have a hard time choosing, or nothing seems strong to you, perhaps you could come back later on and try. Do not pressure yourself, darling.

Number one is the badge saying "yup"

Number 2 is the wing

Number 3 is the little bird

Number 4 is the chain saying "BE MINE"

GROUP 1 : (Yup badge)

Morning affirmations, Joy, Strength

6 of wands, 4 of pentacles, Mother of swords

What an interesting blend of character you are!

With the owl, this is a strong suggestion that you are able to see through deep into situations and understand "in between the lines". A great communicator, the queen of swords can be straight to the point, brilliant and not to be messed with. Your ability to say it like it is might be perceived as a little harsh to very sensitive or younger people, however it is a strong and much needed trait in the world. We need people with the organisational skills and know how of the mother of swords! The queen always reminds me of someone who is a good teacher, and a fair person.

With the 6 of wands and the 4 of pentacles, the combination hits in a way of potentially dulling that light. The traits I list may be some that you are aware of in a way, but perhaps have a lesser opinion of. The interesting mix of you is in the way of you being so strong, able to endure and be positive, yet a wonderful balance of being able to have boundaries. Again, I'm seeing the strong ability to recognise when someone is being a "rat" as the animal is right next to the owl. I can't help but get the idea that it is direct experience. I would be surprised if you haven't recently come to a revelation about a person in your social circle, or cut someone out/created more boundaries.

Strength mentions having resilience, coming through things more compassionate, stronger and brighter. Brighter being strong in focus to me, as it is next to joy. Your ability to have fun *despite* issues or obstacles is an enviable trait! I really feel that while you might have your difficulties, you never let them suck you in for too long mentally. You seem to try and stay positive through things, and not everyone can do that. You are also much more smart/knowledgeable than you give yourself credit for. Don't let anyone put you down, because you're being shown that if you go for what you've been studying/working at, with strong persistence you can succeed. I feel like the branches signify people who have acted as obstacles, or your troubles in life. This is confirmation you can rise above them, and if you're stuck right now, please accept my confirmation that things can and will change. Life can't help but flow, no matter how people may try and resist. So if anyone is putting you down, or getting in your way - know that their resistance to your future and well being is futile.

You keep having those boundaries. Keep on keeping on. You're sharp, you're witty, and of all things you have kept your kind heart. One day the joy you try to find in the little things will come to you effortlessly and in x100.

I got the need to call you cherub. Chin up, Cherub.

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GROUP 2 (the wing)

Wait, generosity, magic, peacefulness

The hermit, Ace of swords, Son of swords.

eYou're an extremely thoughtful person, aren't you? I get social activist vibes, the kind of person who thinks about bigger issues than just in their personal world, and could debate very well. The ability to get to the kernel of truth within an argument or bigger pattern in the world seems equal to none. If you have a hard time accepting that your opinions mean something, or you would be able to be persuasive, this is confirmation for you that actually - yes - you do have something meaningful to share with others.

In this pile I'm seeing a more peaceful, patient character. Someone who simply tries to be good, and do good for others. You create magic for other people. My heart swells at this, as I'm seeing reciprocity of kindnesses between you and others over time.

While The son of swords on it's own could potentially be quick to intervene or make a judgement, with the hermit and wait, I'm feeling more that you take the time to think things over. For example, if asked to make a decision, you would want to take your time and really think. If you were asked what your thoughts were on a political stand point, you would think in depth and make no judgements from the surface. This is so helpful, as there's less chance of misunderstanding/unkindness as well as the ability to make better long term decisions for yourself.

Very introspective, and the ace of swords suggests you have great clarity of mind. I can imagine you would be a wonderful person for explaining complicated matters to a wide group of people.

Generosity is what it says on the tin: You are a generous human. That is so, so important. There are many people out there who might feel like no one thinks about them or cares, and you come in and surprise them with something, or offer them help without them asking. It makes people feel valued, and like they are important or have a place in someone's life.

Peacefulness suggests not inviting drama, and I get 2 things. You might be described as grounded, or "chill". As well as this likely suggests your lack of interest in being within a dramatic situation. You are likely very good at looking at others drama, and seeing where it truly stems from, as well as having a good idea of advice for them. If you have friends right now, it's likely they feel peaceful being around you and that they can truly calm down or get your advice on their *own* drama.

You are so important to the people around you, and if there are people that can't appreciate you, I promise you they have *no* idea how lucky they are. You offer so much as a friend, confidant, and as a person who cares for the worlds well being. I appreciate you.

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GROUP 3: ( Little bird

Blessed change, gratitude, engagement, follow your heart, father of pentacles, the empress, the star

You're cool.

Right off the bat, I see your ability to see the silver lining, to take changes as they come (and I don't mean you happily drudge through hard changes, I mean more like you accept them more easily than others). Do you know, it really helps a persons resilience in life if they can have gratitude for things in general, as well as seeing the positive affects of life changes. You have an ability to notice the opportunities in said silver lining. An example I've read in the past involved a man who lost his job, but an opportunity came up for something he was passionate regarding his hobby. He would not have been free to do it unless he was let go of.

You're my free flowing group. Very adaptable. You're able to take time out to really think about what you truly desire in life. When themes like this come up, I really get the idea of authenticity. To put a focus on following your heart, being grateful for what you've taken part in and even quirky circumstances is a massive strength. Do you have any idea how scary that is to people? To wake up and think "My heart wants this, I'm going to actually aim for it because I need to be myself." That's terrifying to many!

Note: If you are finding it hard to be upfront or true to yourself due to fear, this is confirmation that you will be able to in the future. Take your time, as this will come naturally to you.

I know you might be shrugging thinking, but sometimes I get really negative or scared too. I won't say that's not a thing humans experience. What I am saying however, is that you have that strength of character to say actually, nothing would be worse than to answer to my fear. Fear of self expression, fear of being judged. Fear of not having your project liked. These kinds of things.

I feel like you're a fun person who is very interesting to people/has had at least one very interesting or unusual experience. I want you to know the cards are showing that people really enjoy speaking with you, and hearing your stories. So no negative self talk of being boring, or disliked.

Your flexibility, and your ability to be sociable, yet able to pull back appropriately is wonderful. The world needs those who can be more easy going as this can help people de-stress and stop thinking about their worries.

I'm seeing wonderful creativity, and again, being able to be social and talk to many people very well. You're a shining star, and you're supposed to be!

I wonder if sometimes you feel like you need to be "more" productive, but let me tell you... Networking with people is half the job.

I'm also wondering (as a rainbow stands out) if some here are part of the LGBTQIA+ community. It would make sense with the authenticity. If you have a social media presence, or a creative project you want to get out, or expressing your personal experiences to the world - this is confirmation to keep standing tall, stand proud because yes, you do have a lot to offer! King of pentacles next to the empress also suggests you might be on to something that can bring in some income for you. Again, even sharing your experiences is very valued and may well be it. The world itself wants to see you, or whatever you desire to create.

If you have a hard time focusing or being practical, darling, you get along well with others for a reason. Ask for help, whether it's family, friends online, a teacher, anyone. There's help to steer you further in the right direction. You're a beautiful person and you matter to people. You are loved, so please love yourself.

There's something here that seems upset, and I just have the biggest urge to hug you! So if you will, accept my many energetic and virtual hugs!

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GROUP 4: "Be mine"

Worthiness, Ups and downs, courage

Ace of pentacles, Ace of wands, daughter of wands (reversed)

Daughter of wands reversed suggests to me, that you have the traits such as this, but perhaps not the confidence in yourself right now about those things. The book describes her as passionate, visionary, cares more for career and starts a family later; stubborn, strong (i take this as physically actually) and may be going through a spiritual breakthrough or a big change. With this I get the thought that you probably don't recognise just *how* passionate you truly are. You might be finding it hard to go a certain way in your career and studies. There might even be some worries that you might not stick at it. But what you are not realising is your actions have magic in them.

If you are interested in LOA: Your actions manifest not only in a practical sense, but *that's* what truly gets the energy moving. You need physical expression of some kind.

I'm getting such practical, but passionate energy. The ace of wands with courage? That's amazing. Fire sign or not, you have classic fire energy. Even when you lack confidence, you have a strange inner ability to be brave even at your worst times.

Oh, if only you had the confidence to aim!

Your energy and action are seriously magnificent. You have a *lot* of inner energy, spiritual energy, physical vitality. If you have health issues this might sound strange to you - but I get the idea your body was built with a lot of vitality available. You might have really struggled in life with ups and downs here, but I'm seeing you crash right through all the barriers and try to do life the best way you know how. No matter your struggles, you are a warrior here.

The 2 aces here (that is so interesting to have seen) show that you are probably quite good at beginning new things, and when you're motivated, you're MOTIVATED. I'm getting the idea that when you *do* take action on a goal, you go at it with everything and it can surprise people.

I'm seeing creative ability. It's an ability that I have seen myself. An example would be.... A mistake is made in a piece of art. It didn't go the way you wanted originally. But, wait a minute... that's starting to look like something, so I'm going to change it all up and create something completely different than intended.

It's seeing potential in a small detail. I'm seeing original thinking.

I just see a bulls eye, and such great energy and ability, but the lack of confidence. And so, I feel like you're at a time where you're stopping yourself, or won't aim for something out of fear of failing. I also got the sentence biting your tongue. I'm sorry if you're in a situation where you can't speak up for yourself, as this is not aligned with your character.

Overall I believe your a creative but practical person, and have the ability to really pull through and create wonderful things. You can be *very* brave as well as motivated and so I feel you inspire others, as well as surprise them.

I really do feel that with worthiness, it is hinting to confidence/self esteem issues as it says "know that you deserve to receive good in all ways".

You deserve to be successful. You deserve to take the career path that you have been thinking about. You deserve people to treat you well. You deserve to have that hobby, whether you're "good" or not.

Deep down somewhere you know you are bigger than this. I am wishing for a healthy full confidence boost for you and some new energy to help push you.

Please have the courage to aim, as bob ross says:

"we don't make mistakes, we make happy little accidents"

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And that's the last of them! I hope you enjoyed, and I hoped this help you feel a little better about yourself. We need to cheer ourselves up sometimes and let ourselves think good things. We attract more honey with sugar after all!

Until the next pick a card!

Thank you!

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cogcltrcorn · 3 years

Text

Is Technoblade power-hungry?

here’s techno analysis I did all the way back in january on reddit, i still like it, have it

While watching Tommy's pov of the "doomsday" I have been really annoyed at his characterization of Techno, so I've decided to actually write out how I understand his character. (btw, it's not a "I hate Tommyinnit" essay, I kind of get why his character is acting the way he does and I am not even particularly interested in writing an actual rebuttal to Tommy's description specifically. It was just an inspiration.)

Seeing Technoblade, one of the most powerful people on the server, violently oppose everyone in power may prompt one (ghm ghm TOMMY) to believe that he has political ambitions of some sort, that he wants power, control. That is, obviously, incorrect. Techno is always acting according to his beliefs. Everything he does is because and for anarchy. Techno wants freedom. But why? What fuels his opposition?

To figure that out, we can look at one of the most important events in Techno-lore. The Festival, specifically, Tubbo's murder.

Techno's reasoning, which is "I've been peer-pressured" is often disregarded or treated as a joke, but I actually find it very significant. When Tommy mentions Tubbo's death during doomsday, he implies that Techno was making a conscious decision to murder Tubbo and obey Schlatt, because Tommy can't even imagine the truth, which is: Techno is very easy to pressure. Tommy can't even imagine Techno (who's emotions he doesn't acknowledge) being scared, nervous, unable to resist.

Techno has a history of being dehumanized, denied autonomy. He is either perceived as a weapon, a tool to achieve a goal of some sort, aka "the Blade", or he is reduced to an animal. Wild, unpredictable, rabid even. Dangerous. The kind that should be hunted down and killed. He is either used, or, when he "doesn't behave", hunted down. He also is clearly dealing with a lot of mental problems, since "voices" essentially manifest themselves as constant anxiety, paranoia and violent outbursts. Techno's world is never silent, he is under constant stress. All of that makes him EXTREMLY vulnerable, maybe not physically, but emotionally.

And that is the reason why Techno opposes governmental structures. Because if force WILL be applied, he is likely to give in, either because of constant stress and anxiety or because he has always been exploited and used and that is just what he is used to. So he simply tries to get rid of the sheer possibility.

He is clearly trying to deal with the fact that he is so susceptible to pressure. He is leading a pretty hermit-like life, trying to pick his friends VERY carefully (he doesn't want to get used again and there are maybe two people on the server who actually view him as a person) and I imagine his "hoarding" to be a sort of a coping mechanism to make him feel safer.

Techno wants control, sure. Control over himself. Control over his own thoughts, ideals and actions. He wants to be able to choose what he fights for.

P.S. Please mind, that I am saying all of this keeping in mind that like, almost all characters on the smp have committed war-crimes (I kinda want to make an actual post about what actual war crimes have been committed on the smp...) so it's really not a "Technoblade is actually a good person!" post. He is traumatized and deeply troubled and I find figuring out the way his problems affect his actions and beliefs incredibly interesting. anyway, free my man he aint do shit

#dsmp #c!techno #technoblade #dream smp #dsmp analysis #dsmp lore

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drxwsyni · 4 years

Text

Petrified (pt.4)

Yandere Erasermic x f!Reader

SERIES MASTERLIST

a/n: oooooh boy this took a hot minute to write, but i finally forced myself to finish it. and we reached 600 followers recently too!!!! i can’t believe there’s so many of you guys like holy heck. i hope you continue to enjoy what i have to offer :)

4.8k words

Warnings: reader experiences mild anxiety

As much as every ounce of your being begged to escape the confines of your small apartment and return to work, there were certain...motivators, holding you back.

For one, you presumed it’d be safest to heed the words of a medical professional―at least for the time being. Your condition had greatly improved since Friday, disregarding some lingering head pain, and now your self-preservation and common sense seemed to be functioning properly at the moment. In that regard, resting was likely the better idea.

As for the other thing keeping you home...perhaps it would be healthier not to think about it.

You felt ashamed, having been so undeniably intimidated by a couple of men who were simply being kind enough to drive you home last night. However the sensation didn’t come as a shock once you had taken the time to think the ordeal over.

It’s just what came naturally―your brain internalizing experiences, shaping them into something that should scare you.

Any rational person would laugh at your behaviour.

They’re heroes. Clearly what happened was just them expressing harmless concern.

And yet the more you tried to convince yourself of their innocent intentions, the harder it became to ignore the gut feeling that still lingered the morning after.

However, you knew how your brain could be sometimes―refusing to move on from initial impressions despite having rationalized the topic as a whole.

Hizashi was just naturally drawn to affection as a way of showing distress. There was no other meaning behind his lingering touches or endearing nicknames―just concern.

As for Shouta, well he always seemed to be a stern man. It was likely that it just manifests a bit more when he’s worried, it’s just the professionalism in him.

There was no need to stay so fixated on the subject when you could be using your time to catch up on hobbies that you’d greatly neglected as a result of your occupation. Having no reason for doing anything else, a little self-indulgence was practically your only choice.

It was still early, at least for your standards―knowing full well that your lifestyle kept you in bed longer than the average human.

You kept searching for things to do here and there, never staying on one task for too long. First it was cleaning the kitchen, then attempting to read a long abandoned novel. You tried finding something on t.v to watch, but everything only offered you the same empty feeling of boredom. Nothing could pique your interest long enough to hold you to one pastime―and for good reason.

There was a message from Hizashi that remained unopened on your phone since you woke up.

It felt ridiculous, being so hesitant to look at the damned message. Even after telling yourself that there was nothing to worry about, you couldn’t bring yourself to read it. So when you heard the familiar ping not once, but twice in succession while organizing your magazine collection, the feeling of your heart sinking into your stomach did not come as a surprise.

The device was still on your nightstand where you disregarded it last night, and subsequently neglected it this morning. Even through the walls of your bedroom you could still hear the notifications go off.

Inwardly cursing, you had a faint idea that continuing to block out the intrusion would likely lead to more issues between you and the two men. Not that it should, everyone forgets to answer their phone here and there. But you weren’t an idiot―even if it was just paranoia, the consequences of ignoring the messages weren’t something you particularly wanted to think about given the recent behaviour of the heroes.

As expected, the screen was lit up in wait for your return.

From: Hizashi

morning sunshine! just checking up on ya, how r u feeling?

9:17 am

ya doing okay? didn’t pass out again i hope ;)

12:53 pm

if ya keep leaving me hangin i’m gonna get worried songbird…

12:54 pm

Ah yes, you thought, he’s as coddling as normal it seems.

You figured it’d be wise to send a reply before he bust down your door to make sure you were still alive in person.

You:

I’m alright! Just slept in a little :)

12: 54 pm

The response that came instantly was almost a little inhumanly fast.

From: Hizashi

oh thank god, don’t need a repeat of last friday

12:54 pm

You:

Yeah, definitely not. Thanks for checking up on me though!

12:56 pm

From: Hizashi

lemme know if ya need anything picked up, probably not a good idea for you to be going out rn

12:56 pm

Naturally, you wouldn’t let him do that even if you did need anything. God knows how much trouble you’ve been so far―no need to cause more.

You:

Sounds good, I’ll let you know if I do.

I’m actually in the middle of cleaning right now so how bout we talk later :)

12:57 pm

The more you conversed with him, the harder it became to think about anything other than the embarrassing experiences you had with the man. It was probably best if you gave up the conversation, knowing you’d have more than enough time to chat when you regrettably were forced to eat dinner with him and his partner.

Thankfully, he seemed to be okay with the proposition as well.

From: Hizashi

aww alright, don’t work urself too hard sunshine!

12:58 pm

Too bothered to give a proper farewell, you turned your phone off, leaving it on do not disturb to avoid further distress.

_____

You’d spent the rest of the day tidying up here and there. It turns out focusing solely on going to work only to come home for rest had left your apartment shamefully messy. Every now and again your thoughts would drift back to the two intrusions in your life as of lately. It was invasive―not being able to leave well enough alone. You weren’t physically near them they still plagued you with anxiety, even if it was just barely recognizable.

Dinnertime came soon enough, and you’d spent it mindlessly scrolling through social media. The feeling of wanting to chuck your phone across the room was fleeting―but present―as you momentarily laid eyes on a post having to do with Present Mic and his radio show. It would seem not even in your perceived distraction could you distance yourself from the thoughts and feelings related to him and his somber counterpart.

The night went on, slowly but surely. For better or for worse you let yourself get lost in the endless play-through of television. Some shows you’d seen before, others you hadn’t. It didn’t really matter when the only purpose they served was to keep your mind on something that didn’t have your hair falling out from stress.

Eventually you felt your mind become foggy with exhaustion once again―and you couldn’t be more thankful.

_____

Wednesday was spent doing many of the same things as the day before. Cleaning―so much cleaning. Turns out you’d missed a lot yesterday, and the lighting of the somewhat early morning sun was more than enough to highlight all the dirt and grime that had yet to be scrubbed away.

So you got to work, feeling rejuvenated with a good night’s sleep.

By the time you made it to six o’clock you felt thoroughly beat, and in the best way. You spent your time eating thinking about the work day you would have tomorrow. Sure, you were aware that it’d only bring the all too familiar sluggishness to your body. But you were a people pleaser, so really that sensation didn’t matter at the end of the day. What mattered was the motivation you felt that spurred you to work―both the verbal and nonverbal praise those who purchased the fruits of your labour gave.

Expectedly, when you woke up Thursday morning, although it was closer to the afternoon at that point, there was a spring in your step as you readied yourself for the day.

As always the comforting smell of fresh greenery in the air was much appreciated as you stepped into the floral boutique. Your coworker greeted you with open arms, regarding your seemingly healthy recovery. It was nearing the end of their shift, and therefore soon to be the beginning of yours, so you headed to the employee designated portion of the building to make the few preparations for the start of your night.

Naturally, you were quickly subjected to the whims and demands of customers when you took your place at the front counter. Given the monotonous time you spent away from any meaningful stimulation, the activity was appreciated.

You were assorting foliage left right and center, the company you worked for obtaining quite the substantial amount of earnings in the process. The time went by steadily, you working diligently alongside of it. Request after request was met, not even the few unsavoury interactions phased you all the much amidst the bustling atmosphere. A few familiar faces entered the shop, to which you greeted with a comforting warmth only good service could provide.

It felt good to be caught up in routine, making the nearing end of it only the more bitter. But it still came, and you were going through the motions of tending to the final arrangement with somewhat slowed movements as a result of your quirk usage.

The awaiting customer hastily took the finished product before paying and exiting the establishment. People tended to be in a bit of a rush at this hour, likely due to the lateness of the night. You disregarded the occurrence and settled for cleaning up for the rest of your shift.

There was sweeping and disinfecting to be done, along with tidying up the assembly station and checking on the greenery room one last time. You went through the tasks absentmindedly, having done them countless times before. The routine was like second nature, allowing your thoughts to go over the events of the workday.

You were giving a final once over of the plant life when the high pitched jingle of the front door bell rang out through the shop.

Really? At this hour you’re trying to buy flowers even though it’s literally closing time?

Giving a sigh of frustration you stepped out of the room and headed to the front. But low and behold, it was not in fact an incompetent customer waiting to be served.

“Did you even consider staying home for the whole week?” The erasure hero was leaning against the front counter when you entered the room. He was smirking ever so slightly, almost as if he knew that both of you were aware that you wouldn’t stay away from work. His tone was even teasing, making your frustrations go away only to be replaced by a slight feeling of flusteredness under his intense gaze. You didn’t know whether you preferred this side of him or the side that made you want to curl into a ball after being berated by unyielding lecturing mixed with interrogation.

“Hello to you too. I’m sorry if you're here for flowers cause it’s pretty much closing time.”

Just then Hizashi walked out from behind a display stand, making his way next to Shouta. “Not quite listener! Just wanted to make sure you were still up for that repayment we talked about.”

Ah yes, like you could forget that any time soon.

“Of course. Still not sure how it makes up for things but since you insist...who am I to say no?” You were behind the counter, taking stock of today's earnings as Shouta continued.

“I suppose it’s not really a traditional form of repayment, but we promise you’ll enjoy it. To be honest we don’t have company over often, so it’ll be a nice change of pace for us too.”

It was a relief to see that their behaviour wasn’t nearly as hostile as it was a few nights ago. Frankly, you just barely got out of that situation without breaking down from your highly anxious nerves.

“Ya finishing up there songbird? We’ll give you a ride home.” Joyous as ever, Hizashi was all too eager to put you further in debt.

Expectedly, his partner was quick to agree to the proposition. “That’s not a bad idea. Not to sound patronizing, but it really is dangerous to be out by yourself at this hour.”

You wrapped up the assessment of the register’s contents, closing the drawer and locking it up. “Thanks for the offer, but I refuse to impose on you two anymore. Besides, walking home can be kinda therapeutic―at least when I’m not tired out of my mind.” You gave a slight chuckle at the end of your statement, having long gotten used to that recurring condition at the end of the day.

“We weren’t asking, (y/n). You're still recovering, even though you probably won’t admit it. And I won’t beat around the bush―you’re too vulnerable in this state.”

It would seem Shouta’s previous attitude was just for show. Does he ever get tired of being so serious all the time?

It was like second nature at this point―direct confrontation leading to an initially mild panic that would soon snowball into a full blown breakdown if the occurrence persists.

You kept up the friendly appearance nonetheless.“I just think I’d prefer―”

“It’s no problem, sweetheart. You know we don’t mind helpin’ ya out. Besides we still gotta work out when you’re comin over, yeah?” The blond’s smile did little to calm the growing apprehension you felt.

Just be a little more stubborn. Some people need that extra reminder.

“It’s fine, really. I’ll just message you for the details and―”

“(Y/n).” It made your stomach churn―the lowness in the erasure hero's voice. He wasn’t having it. For a moment you pondered whether he’d ever really care about what you had to say.

“Just finish closing up, ‘kay hun? We’ll wait right here until you’re done.” Hizashi kept his eyes on you in wait for a response, or even an action that would show you’d comprehended what they said. And of course you had―you just desperately wished they’d never said it in the first place.

You felt ashamed, and it was becoming an all too familiar feeling when you were around the two men. But it was just who you were, met with compassion but only getting dejected by it. You were uncomfortable, there was no denying that. Backed into a corner that shouldn’t exist, but does because you didn’t have the will to change the situation into your favour.

Despite your distress, the part of you that put others before yourself prevailed.

“Okay, I guess. Just―um...gimme a few minutes please.” You wondered if they could even hear your reply, given that even to yourself it sounded almost non existent. It didn’t matter. You were fleeing to the employee room without bothering to find out.

You stood in front of your locker, hands shaking in the slightest as you got changed―apron off, jacket on, backpack slung over your shoulder. The coolness of the thin metal offered some relief, you keeping your hands atop the closed door for a moment to calm your rapidly beating heart.

At least you’d get home quickly, you thought.

As they promised, the two were waiting in the seating area at the front of the shop, quietly making conversation with each other. The sound of your footsteps alerted them to your presence.

“Ready to rock and roll?” Hizashi stood up from his seat, his partner following suit.

You gave the room a quick once over, making sure everything was where it needed to be. “I think so.” A quiet ride back home was what you hoped for, but there was more to be discussed, much to your dismay.

Shouta held the door open for the two of you, letting you pause to lock up when you had all exited. “How was work today?”

The closeness of his voice as you turned the lock into place made you jump slightly, but you did your best to ignore the temporary fear. “Fine, I suppose. Like any other Thursday night…” You tried to hide the underlying anxiety with a smile, but you couldn’t tell whether or not it did the trick. Giving the front door an experimental tug to make sure it was locked, you turned back to let the two lead you to their car.

You felt a hand settle on the small of your back―Shouta’s hand―as he walked with you while Hizashi remained on your other side, slightly ahead of you. “How’s your head doing, is the medication working?”

The two walked at a casual pace, but to you it felt unbearably slow―what you wouldn’t give to just walk home without the admittedly unwelcomed company. “It still hurts a bit every now and then, but the pills keep the pain at bay for the most part.”

By now you were approaching their car which was parked on the side of the road, the blond opening it for you to step in. Shouta took up the responsibility of driving once again, Hizashi in the passenger's seat.

“Ya gettin’ enough sleep?” You were sitting behind the driver's seat, letting Hizashi have the opportunity to comfortably look back at you while he talked.

“Probably more than enough.”

You heard Shouta start the car before he responded. “That’s good to hear. It’s unfortunate that your work keeps you out so late though.” The car started forward, and you were thankful that at this rate it’d only take a few minutes to reach your apartment. You kept your eyes trained on the passing scenery to avoid any awkward eye contact.

“So when do ya think would be a good day to come over. I’ve got my radio show on Fridays and weekdays don’t always sit too well with teaching ‘n stuff.”

“Yeah...Fridays definitely won’t work for me either. Honestly I don’t really get much time for myself outside of work.” Not that you weren’t used to this reality by now, but every so often you wished your life allowed for just a little more free time. If anything, the horrid state you found your apartment to be in when you were forced to stay home would surely attest to that.

It would seem that Shouta agreed with his partner’s statement, “How about this Saturday? I can come pick you up at around 5:30.”

You contemplated whether it was even worth arguing over letting him give you a ride to their place. And then you remembered exactly what landed you in their car in the present.

You probably wouldn’t get very far with that fight.

“That should be fine.” It was only in your nature to want to offer some form of compensation. You knew that this whole ordeal was meant to be you repaying them, so you should at least try to cater to that reality. “I can make something to bring so you guys don’t have to do all the work. Cooking isn’t really my strong suit but I’m a pretty decent baker―maybe I could put something together for dessert?”

“Nah don’t bother with that babe. We’re supposed to be treating you, remember?”

“Exactly, and I doubt any of us will have room for desert. Another time maybe.”

“Yep! Besides, you being there’s all the sweetness we need.” You didn’t have to look at Hizashi to know the grin he had on his face as he threw around careless sentiments like his literal partner wasn’t sitting right next to him.

The car was pulling into the parking lot of your apartment complex. To be honest you didn’t know how to respond to the nonchalant compliment, “Ah...yeah. Just let me know if there’s any change in plan I guess.” The vehicle came to a stop, you pulling your backpack into your lap while unbuckling the seatbelt.

“Don’t stay up too late, okay?” This time you didn’t make the mistake of looking at Shouta as he talked, for fear that his glare would burn holes through your skull. Instead you pretended to fiddle with something on your bag while responding.

“Yeah, thanks for the ride.”

The car door unlocked, letting you step outside into the brisk fresh air. Before you could close the door you heard Hizashi calling out to you, hand placed behind the headrest of his partner’s seat as he turned to speak to you. “We can give you a ride home tomorrow after work if ya’d like. Shouta’s got nothin’ going on―it’d be no trouble.”

“No,” that was definitely not something you needed, “I’ve got something I need to do after work actually, but thanks for the offer.” There was nothing to attend to after your shift, but they didn’t need to know that. Lying was never something you were the best at, and you hoped the shakiness in your voice didn’t give too much away.

“Alrighty then songbird, just thought I’d ask.”

“Have a good night (y/n).”

You smiled at the blond facing you, “Thanks, you too.” Before they could get another word out, as at this point you felt they would take up more of your time if possible, you shut the car door. Once again giving a small wave before you entered the building, you found it all too hard to contemplate how you’d politely weasel your way out of this newly developed relationship after the ensuing Saturday night.

_____

Friday came and went as expected. Waking up with the familiar sluggishness plaguing your body, moving past the sensation to go about your duties―everything falling into place as routine. Meeting the demands of love-stricken individuals was as taxing as normal, but it was all you had to make you feel like you were contributing something valuable to society. At the end of the day it was worth doing questionable things to your health.

The slightly less honourable motivation in the form of decent tips was always an added bonus. Your co-workers mentioned a few times that somehow you always ended up with a higher profit than the rest of them. It made you feel slightly guilty, but the usage of your quirk was likely the reasoning behind the occurrence.

Nights like these always ended with more earnings than normal―given the sheer volume of customers compared to the typical weekday traffic. Right now you took solace in the reward as you usually do at the end of your shift, thumbing through the few generous bills you received.

Satisfied with the haul, you completed your mental checklist that you’d formed over time to ensure that all tasks were completed by the end of the day. Your keys felt heavy in your wearied hands as you locked up, turning on the heels of your feet in the direction of your awaiting apartment.

You’d be lying if you said you were surprised to see that the two mildly invasive heroes hadn’t checked in to see that you were actually busy after work. Not that you wanted them to―having to lie once again wasn’t in your best interest. Still, the phenomenon that was their recurring presence had not gone unnoticed. More often than not you found your thoughts drifting to past experiences with them, and therefore regrettably resurfacing some unpleasant feelings.

For now however, you did your best to fixate on other, less mentally damaging things. In light of recent events you chose to take the long way home, inwardly shuddering as you passed the alleyway which you ever so carelessly ventured into exactly a week ago.

Maybe you were just hyperaware due to some lingering paranoia, but you could’ve sworn you could make out rustling in certain places around you―places that shouldn’t exactly be making that much noise.

Behind you. No...above you? Or was it both―the sounds distinct but lacking just enough to throw off your comprehension to make a full analysis of their origin.

Forget about it for God’s sake. You’re tired. It’s been a long day and you’re anxious because you got jumped just seven days ago in the same area.

But you could hear it.

Shifting in the shadows. Muffled but there all the same.

Footsteps?

The possibility had your heart rate growing faster by the second.

Not footsteps, just your mind playing tricks on you. You’re okay.

Unconsciously, your pace grew quicker, the patter of your shoes hitting the pavement sounding off below you. In the midst of your panic riddled thoughts you failed to register that you’d reached your destination.

An audible sigh escaped your lips as you observed the towering building with gratitude.

You kept up the hastened strides, reaching your apartment in good time. The time between stepping through the threshold of the abode and when your head hit your pillow was a blur―but really those monotonous details weren’t all that imperative.

As much as you wanted to get a good night's sleep, your subconscious had other plans. You reached the state of deep slumber that you desired, but it was riddled with offending nightmares.

Dark looming figures in the corner of your eyes, disappearing when you tried to get a good look at them. Running from something that placed a deep set fear into your very being, despite not having even seen what the atrocity was.

It left you to wake in a cold, sticky feeling sweat. Disheveled and disoriented, the time didn’t quite matter―wanting only for the feeling of trepidation to dissipate so you can return to a hopefully more peaceful sleep.

_____

Keys clattered loudly on the glass countertop of the side table in the entryway as Shouta haphazardly emptied his pocket’s contents. The sound of a running shower could be heard on the floor above him, making the presence of his boisterous partner known. He removed the heavy combat boots of his hero costume and lazily sauntered to the shared bedroom.

By the time he got there the shower had turned off, and he occupied himself with changing out of his attire for something less restricting in wait for the blond to make an appearance.

He’d just finished getting settled when Hizashi exited the attached washroom to their bedroom, hair still damp and lightly soaking the t-shirt he’d thrown on. “Well, don’t keep me waiting’”

The voice hero leaned against the headboard of their bed, “She didn’t have any plans, I watched her walk straight home after her shift and she never left the apartment either.”

Hizashi’s usually persistently bright smile faltered, “Ah...she probably forgot about them or something.”

“Do you really believe that?”

The disappointment was evident in the blond’s face, “Would she really just lie to us like that, even though we’re tryin’ to help her?”

The erasure hero sighed, “She’s self-destructive, it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve seen her put herself in danger without second thought.”

“God, Shou’―and she’s always shakin’ like a leaf. I don’t even think the poor thing realizes she’s doin’ it either.”

Shouta looked to the ceiling for a moment as if searching for an answer that would please his partner, “We can try and bring it up with her―see if there’s a reason behind all this.”

“And what if she lies to us again, huh? I can’t keep watching her hurt herself babe.”

At that the erasure hero stood up from his position on the bed, making his way over to the washroom in hopes of a shower relaxing his nerves. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Let’s just see how dinner goes first, okay?”

“But what if she never tells us what’s goin’ on? I mean she’s already avoiding us for christ’s sake, what’s to stop her from―”

“If anything happens we’ll deal with it ‘Zashi. I don’t want to hear anything more of it until after we sit down with her, got it?” He paused at the doorway as emphasis, waiting for his partner's agreement on the matter.

“Yeah okay, sorry.”

“Don’t be, I care about her too, remember?” With that he closed the door before his partner could add to the conversation.

_____

When you did finally wake up from that hellish night, almost entirely riddled with disturbing dreams, you were left with a lingering feeling of dread. A pit in your stomach that remained persistent no matter how much you tried to think of something other than the incomprehensible yet sickening scenarios that unwillingly played out inside your head.

Looking at your phone didn’t help you settle into a more agreeable state either.

It was just past midday―giving you roughly five hours until you had to pull yourself together to sit through what was hopefully the last encounter with the two heroes.

For now however, you listened to the sound of the birds chirping outside your window―it was always easier to get lost in your surroundings than actively trying to solve your own issues.

Maybe by the time you had to leave you’d feel better. But even if you didn’t, the dull ache of ailment was always persistent in your life in one way or another―so what was one more problem?

End of Part 4

_____

taglist: @roseloverofpastels @shinsous-eye-bags @tjhonoluluprezstitch626 @pekusofixus @riarora @glitterypinkkitty

#yandere bnha #yandere erasermic #yandere eraserhead #yandere present mic #yandere my hero academia #yandere shouta aizawa #yandere hizashi yamada #yandere mha

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vaguely-concerned · 3 years

Note

Any tips for a TF POV fic? I want to write one because I too went through a time in my life when I let feelings bounce off cuz that was easier, but I feel like that's not quite on point for him 🤔

God I have SO MANY THOUGHTS about this and they’re all so wordless and frustratingly evasive to me yet (I am in the process of writing a looooooong T.F. POV fic and it gives me much more trouble than Graves POV, probably because as a person I’m quite a lot more like the T.F. Type in real life lol). But yes, here we go, let me try to express some of what I personally try to have as my hm ‘anchor points’ for his perspective. (Heavy disclaimer that these are just my personal & disorganized little musings and by no means the only or ‘correct’ way to read the character!)

- First of all I agree, the image of ‘bouncing off’ doesn’t feel quiteright -- it’s in the right neighbourhood but the wrong address sort of thing, but it’s really hard to come up with a way to explain how I feel the nuance here.

*insert three hours later spongebob meme here* Okay, so the metaphor I came up with is: T.F.’s relationship to emotions is a direct parallel to his relationship to water/the ocean: it’s scary down there, it’s dark, it’s dangerous, and if he should ever be dumb enough to try to go in too deep it’ll kill him dead because boy oh boy on so many levels this man just did not learn how to swim. As far as he’s concerned any sensible person would simply bob along on the surface in a sturdily built boat and try not to think too much about the weird shit that lives down there in the depths. (In this metaphor the layer of artifice and performance so habitual it’s basically integrated into the fabric of his soul is the boat. Y’know, the part that’s Twisted Fate and not just plain ol’ Tobias. I’ll hasten to add that I think both parts of his identity are equally ‘real’ and equally him, but the Twisted Fate part is like… protecting the Tobias part. Keeping him from drowning, as it were. I’m not sure he’d think of it like that himself for the longest time, though, I suspect he has more of a ‘that man is dead’ attitude towards the Tobias part after Graves is gone)

I think what I’m trying to get at is the idea that to him, raw emotion is as hostile and unknowable and unnavigable an ‘environment’ as the deep ocean. (And the only time we see him willingly go there, physically and otherwise, is for Graves, so you know let’s jot that down first of all lol.)

- He seems to genuinely quite like and be interested in people – how they think, what moves and motivates them, their secrets and foibles. So I tend to try to keep the uh ‘detail work’ in his POV focused in that direction. Priority going like 1) people 2) people’s valuables 3) the relative availability of people’s valuables at this moment if you have clever hands and a very charming smile haha

- One of my favourite things about T.F. is that he seems, I don’t know… quite genuinely good-natured beneath it all? If you back him into a corner some sharp and dangerous things peek out (he has survived in his line of heh ‘business’ for like thirty years, and a lot of it on his own), but for the most part and when unthreatened he has a sort of mildly amused and intrigued live-and-let-live attitude to the world even as he’s conning it that I find deeply charming. Which to me ties in with:

- T.F.’s first instinctive reaction to danger (perceived or real) the majority of the time seems to be ‘Flight’. Confrontation and violence are basically his ‘when literally everything else has failed’ options. (As seen prominently in Burning Tides, where he just keeps running and running and the only time he actually starts throwing punches is when he has to because Graves is in immediate danger and they’re backed into a corner. Which feels like it means something huh lol, I often think about what could actually make T.F. angry enough that he would openly express it and that seems to be the most likely angle for it in my eyes.)

- My take on one of the fundamental differences between Graves and T.F. is that Graves has A LOT of feelings but doesn’t quite know it (or more like can’t quite conceptualize it I should say) – he has a hard time identifying or finding vocabulary for feelings that aren’t some shade of anger. Meanwhile T.F. KNOWS he has feelings, he just doesn’t like it, ardently wishes he didn’t, and will do pretty much anything to run away and not have to engage with them haha.

Another important difference: when brought out of equilibrium Graves gets angry, and T.F. gets scared. I have the feeling that beneath it all he’s scared a lot, and it’s why his persona is so oriented towards gaining control in ways where people don’t realize it enough to even think try to take that control away from him until he’s already long gone. Misdirection as a way of life babEY

- This might be too deep in the ‘my WIP/process specific’ territory to really count as general analysis, but I think it’s there in canon too – there’s almost a feeling that he implicitly feels like he has to make up for some fundamental flaw or lack he has at the core? (Not a weird thing for him to end up feeling, considering what happened to him as a kid.) All the rest of him, all the cleverness and style and charm, is there to ‘make up’ for how at the end of the day he’s… wrong somehow. As Graves, who knows him better than anyone, focuses right in on, a coward. And that is CERTAINLY not the whole truth and even Graves in a full rage relents when he sees the effect the accusation has on him and once he gets the actual facts of what happened. But I think that sense of deep unworthiness is what’s stuck with him emotionally. His people left him because there’s something fundamentally lacking and immoral about him. He lost Graves because he’s not good enough, because he’s a coward who leaves people behind. He deserves to be alone. Mix in a ton of survivor’s guilt to taste, and I think you have the like… core emotional wound he’s constructed around.

There’s also something here about fear of profound powerlessness specifically in situations where words, generally his strongest card that’s not a literal card (har har har oh we do have fun here), simply don’t work right at the moment when he needs them to the most – he tried to beg for his people not to leave him behind, he tried to convince Graves to get the hell out with the rest of the crew… and it didn’t work. (In Burning Tides you see he’s given up even trying to explain himself, he just wants Out in whatever way leaves both him and Graves tolerably in one piece, even if he won’t be understood or heard or less alone afterwards. It takes him until like half way through the entire chase to even THINK about just telling Graves the truth. In all fairness to T.F. it probably wouldn’t have worked at that moment, but it does vaguely crack me up that he didn’t even consider it until all of Bilgewater harbor was already burning merrily behind them fhsajkfa)

- He has a little bit of a (perfectly justified considering his background honestly) chip on his shoulder, especially when it comes to powerful or arrogant people. There seems to be a special satisfaction in outsmarting and robbing specifically rich assholes (which would also be the people who have the most to steal, so y’know good times all round). From his short stories and few places in his bio you almost get the feeling that he has a funny sort of Robin Hood-esque sense of lopsided justice about it. (Robin Hood-esque only so far as to define ‘the poor’ as the eternally hard-strapped ‘T.F. & Graves Waistcoats and Cigars Fund’, of course lol)

I think T.F. both has a mind that tends more towards analyzing the big picture and also has more direct experience with like… structural/systemic powerlessness and oppression. So the cons they pull are probably partly how he channels the emotions that arise out of that (and the rest he just represses, like the relatable guy he is haha)

- Graves being back would cause some IMMENSE internal conflict in him, I feel – of course all the feelings of relief and attachment and love, but also… so much of who he is now came about specifically to find a way to deal with Graves being gone, with seemingly just shutting down the entirety of his need for real human companionship or closeness for like a decade, things that are suddenly starting to be brought online again and must be tremendously stressful to deal with when you’ve had it completely suppressed and deadened for so long. He’s put so much into trying to be fundamentally unattached to anything, anywhere, anyone (and there are some things here about perpetually being an outsider his whole life that I can’t quite put into words, but that’s a dimension too.) That sort of psychological self defense mechanism doesn’t just contentedly nod its head and go away just because something good happened one time haha. Probably a work in progress there huh (at least he’s not alone in it now <3)

PLUS some bonus Graves POV observations because man. I love writing him, he’s just a marvel of a man

- I know I call him a dumbass all the time, but in a street smart way I think he’s actually quite clever haha, he just has a bad tendency to get hung up on an idea and get tunnel sight. (I’ve based this a lot on the short stories but see also more recently his Sentinel skin voice lines for good examples: he’s incredibly straightforward in that ‘well obviously if it doesn’t affect me personally I ain’t gonna give it that much thought’ way, but you also have glimpses of surprising insight/shrewdness and… I don’t quite know how to put it, but something like an ability to get to the bottom line of something without getting caught up in the details. (I suspect T.F. does find himself lost in the details quite frequently, he’s much more attached to the decorative curlicues of the world.) Graves clearly & frequently has no idea what’s going on, but he strips things down to the essentials very quick: Lucian’s story as a direct thematic mirror to Viego’s, Is There A Sun Lady – Oh, I See, all of this is weird and creepy and needs shooting, and maybe most crucial of all: Isolde doesn’t want to be with her husband anymore so what he’s doing is just like. Extra shitty. He gets what he needs to get and then just barges ahead heedlessly with that. Icon.)

- He’s actually pretty darn eloquent in a gruff sort of way and uses some quite sophisticated vocabulary! And the way this is contrasted with the tendency to slip into blunter coarser language just as readily -- like when he takes the time to describe the monster that takes down the Prince’s ship in such poetic terms as ‘gargantuan’ and ‘the behemoth’s immense, distended jaw’ and it having ‘pallid dead eyes the size of the moon’, and meanwhile during his swim at the beginning of the story we get bastard cold and bastard dark and full of bastard jellyfish and crabs – brings me such immense and unending delight

- He’s more eloquent in his internal voice than he is when speaking (especially noticeable in Destiny and Fate; he does have a tendency to fumble his words when talking lol), and he gets quite easily lost in his own meandering reflective musings in a way I find incredibly endearing. I’d almost call it whimsical at times, honestly, hilarious as that is? Like when he’s literally so absorbed in a line of thought he forgets which way they’re rowing and T.F. has to remind him. (I think T.F. generally has more of a grip of what’s going on around them than Graves does lol)

- There’s an important distinction to be made that Graves actually does, by and large, read T.F: very closely and seemingly also pretty damn accurately. He’s good at (and clearly very interested in) reading his moods, spotting what tactics he’s using interpersonally, when he’s being genuine and when he’s being dissembling.

What Graves is actually bad at is understanding his own emotions, and to not bleed those emotions into other people’s motivations and behavior, especially when he’s upset or in heightened states of feeling, like he is all the way through Burning Tides. He can only name his own feelings in a vocabulary of anger, when it’s pretty clear from the subtext that there’s a whole bunch of other stuff going on there, and he has incredible trouble divorcing those feelings from what other people’s got going on with them right then. He feels hurt, betrayed, and undone by everything that’s happened to him, so the intention to hurt, betray and undo must live in the other person who he feels caused it. In less drastic cases you see him do this a bit when he feels like T.F. is being evasive with him – taking it as a form of rejection rather than realizing T.F. is just lost in his own thoughts, sort of thing. There’s a real improvement in this one between Burning Tides and Destiny and Fate, though, so maybe he’ll have an easier time of it with some time and practice.

Sorry it took so long to get back to you on this and that it’s a bit of a rambling mess, words have been real hard recently. Or rather I have too many words, all the time, left and right, I just can’t put them into the right orders to make any sense hahaha, I hope there’s some useful point in this somewhere for you at least!

#hopefully this makes some kind of sense my brain is in... a state but it was actually really nice to just focus on some character analysis!#tf x graves #league of legends #twisted fate

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orsuliya · 3 years

Text

Dear General, just talk to your wife!

Let it be said: any male hero who interferes in his partner’s reproductive ability without her permission and/or knowledge is usually immediately cancelled in my eyes. That is certainly the case for any piece of media set in modern times. Fantasy/historical heroes get a bit of leeway depending on the cultural context, although not always. But the thing is, just as there are no blanket excuses, there are also no blanket condemnations. And you know what?

I do have to give Xiao Qi a get-out-of-immediate-cancellation card in this case! But not before examining his motivations and all mitigating circumstances. To be clear, I’m up to episode 37 at the moment.

So prepare yourself for Five Reasons Xiao Qi Is Very Much Not Cancelled (But He Certainly Deserves A Very Stern Talking To And Then Maybe A Hug).

To recap: Xiao Qi was told that Awu’s health is fragile and while she is able to get pregnant, any pregnancy is very risky and a considerable danger to her life. Upon hearing this he is visibly moved; three months later, when Awu comes back from the temple, there is a re-do wedding at the Yuzhang Manor, during which Xiao Qi announces that Wang Xuan is going to be the only woman in his life. At some point – either at the temple or after the wedding – Awu starts taking medicine prescribed by the Imperial Physician. The medicine, as Auntie Xu later discovers, is actually a tonic, which can be used to prevent conception. Eventually, though, after a year or two of continuous use, it will render a woman infertile for life. As of episode 37 (41 if I choose to trust the raws) Awu does not know what is going on.

And now onto the list!

1. The man is probably the most panicked he has ever been in his life and his mental state is not that great at the moment.

The first thing to remember is that this whole ‘let’s make Awu infertile’ decision is not taken in a void. It is not a case of an isolated event; the choice comes at an end of a veritable Trauma Conga Line. The exact timeline is very muddled, but in the last few months (up to a year) Awu has been: kidnapped, rescued, attacked by assasins, forced to deal with a rebelling city and then a siege, sent straight into a murderous conspiracy and then recruited to deal with a coup… and only then she was put in the very centre of a second coup courtesy of Daddy Wang. Which caused her to lose her child and her mother on the same day. And let’s not forget all the broken illusions about her family and her first love. That’s a lot to deal with and she is pure steel with a spine of titanium, there is no doubt as to that. But she is not the only one who’s had a really hard year.

From the kidnapping onwards Xiao Qi has been with Awu on this road; more often that not away from her physically, true, but from the moment he declared her his wife who will share his life and death…? He’s been in 100%. And being the strong, dependable, ride or die guy has taken its toll, one way or another.

It is quite noticeable that with every Big Damn Heroes moment he pulls off he gets more and more affected. The bridge rescue and its aftermath? Cool as a cucumber; the guilt and responsibility is certainly there, no fear though. Breaking of Huizhou siege? He’s proud as hell of her accomplishments, but he really came at the very last moment – she was getting ready to be killed rather than taken hostage. And there is this noticeable undertone of relief there. The Red Wedding? By then he is panicking. Hard. Which he readily admits, so it’s not pure conjecture. This man, who has never been afraid of attacking armies and not really afraid of death either, is scared as f***. Mind you, it’s not like he’s ever had anyone to be really scared for before; his soldiers are a different case altogether. And this time he was late, which makes for a really fertile soil for various ‘what-ifs’ during those two days when Awu is unconscious. He was late despite basically pulling off a miracle and risking entering the capital with only 10 000 troops.

And then and only then Daddy Wang pulls out all the stops. Two days of watching his unconscious wife is nothing compared to what happens then. First she runs into the middle of opposing forces, completely disregarding any danger to herself. For him (and her father, but that is beside the point)! I am sure that Song Huaien relayed her words to Xiao Qi once the dust settled. Then... Princess Jinmin dies and Awu starts bleeding.

After… After he claims responsibility for Princess Jinmin’s death. There is no doubt he is feeling doubly, triply responsible for the miscarriage. He can’t really help his wife. And he is grieving for their child. Not only for Awu’s sake, but for his own too.

It all culminates with the Imperial Physician telling Xiao Qi that there is another battle to be fought, one which Awu will probably enter with minimal hesitation and in which he is not going to be able to pull a Big Damn Heroes rescue. So in that moment he clutches at his heart… And – at least I think that’s the moment - takes a split-second decision: NOT AGAIN. Everything after that? He’s only holding to a chosen course.

2. He is feeling guilty as all hell and is overcompensating hard.

Xiao Qi is the epitome of a hyper-responsible hero. And not in the ‘Woe is me, everything is my fault!’ way that brooding heroes tend to veer to. No empty anguish or dramatic self-flagellation there! He is very matter of fact about both his responsibility and perceived guilt. Soldiers die under his command? He will honour their memory and take care of their families. Awu gets kidnapped by his personal enemy? He will admit his guilt without any excuses and offer recompense. Princess Jinmin becomes a victim of a stand-off that he did not even provoke? He will take the blame and then redeem himself by swearing an oath that he will not fail to protect Awu. And he takes his oaths very, very seriously, otherwise the Ma family would have a Really Big Problem.

All that responsibility comes from both his own character and the force of habit. Nobody ever worries about me, he says. To his soldiers he is the strong, infallible one and so he keeps this facade intact despite knowing it’s a load of bull.

So this hyper-responsible man has unwittingly sent his wife into danger, into battle (!) three times already (kidnapping, rebellion in Huizhou, Zilu’s coup) and was part of the reason she entered the fourth one. And while she has acquitted herself brilliantly every time, she paid a very steep price for saving him/the Empire. In his mind, he owes it to her and to Princess Jinmin for it to never ever happen again. And so he is not going to send her into the battle of childbirth for anything under the sun! The thing is, Awu is brave as hell and would enter it willingly in a blink of an eye. So he is arranging things so that she can never do that in the first place.

3. Xiao Qi is trying to spare Awu from mental and emotional anguish. It’s a pattern and one wildly spiraling out of control.

It’s really, really starting to show that Xiao Qi is used to being regarded as the infallible one, the one who must always find a solution and save as many people as he can. And while it is not a problem in Ningshuo, when he needs to tell Awu the truth about her father (and still he hesitates!), it tends to come through quite strongly in moments of stress and/or danger. Which is understandable, I think. In Ningshuo the stakes are not as high, everybody is safe and they are in the middle of Xiao Qi’s fortress, the very centre of his power. If there is any place he feels safe and at home, it’s right there. The capital is a wholly different kettle of fish; even on his first visit Xiao Qi is – quite reasonably – wary and on guard. For him the capital is behind enemy lines. So he reverts to his Infallible General mindset more and more: he keeps telling Awu things, but not all of them (money) and not always immediately (Hulans asking for a bride). Which is really stupid of him since Awu is in many areas just as smart - if not smarter - than him.

It’s not only the Infallible General mindset, though. In fact, that is the least of the problems there. By this point the panic is really setting in and so is the guilt. There is one more thing, though. Xiao Qi has this tendency towards self-deprecation. He does not wallow in it, but the undercurrent of his perceived social inferiority emerges from time to time, moreso in the capital. And it does factor in his behaviour; I sense that he has this need to keep deserving her. Coupled with devotion, it pushes him into a very touching, but also potentially dangerous single-mindedness.

Saving Daddy Wang by kneeling all night long clearly shows that Xiao Qi will stop at nothing to spare Awu’s heart, life and health. Personal pride? Enmity towards Daddy Wang? Political expedience? Disregarded completely. So what’s a year or two of lying if it means Awu lives? He’s set himself a Goal: protect Awu, just as he promised before Princess Jinmin’s grave. And it’s really been blinding him since.

Notice that he did not tell her about saving Daddy Wang either. She had to find out from His Imperial Spudness! True, it all worked out fine then, but whatever his reasons, he still did not tell her. And yes, I get that his reasons were really noble, but! But it is still a pattern, one that I hope she will break him out of rather sooner than later.

4. He is making a great sacrifice too; hear me out! And he does not leave himself an out.

This is the kind of argument that launches a flaming discussion, so please, be gentle. Anyway, we are not going to speak of whether any man has the right to make unilateral decisions about his wife’s body, that’s neither here nor there in this case, since it does not really enter into consideration in the drama itself.

What is clearly very important in the drama is the idea of family lines. The Wang and Xie families are all about this idea of legacy and bloodlines. Bloodlines are Important: propagating the bloodline is Wang Su’s main duty and both families fight over whose blood will sit on the throne. This clan mentality is clearly a Very Serious Business. Admittedly, Xiao Qi is an outsider to the clan-based society of upper classes. But even though his primary social group consists of his brothers-in-arms, he is very acutely attuned to the idea of family being the most important thing. It shows in many aspects of his life: in the care he gives to his soldiers’ families, in the consideration he gives Awu when she encounters another heartbreaking truth about her relatives and in the way he seems to take for granted that she will not stop caring for Daddy Wang no matter what. Also, he clearly likes kids, the mysterious shadow child gave us this much.

So it is not out of the realm of possibility that he would really like to have a child of his own. And why wouldn’t he? Awu may have trouble bearing him children, but there is nothing stopping him from taking a concubine or a dozen for this very purpose. Any other man in this drama would have (maybe except Zilu…?). And the society would not judge him, especially if the truth about Awu’s condition came out. It really is not a monogamistic society. Moreover, since Daddy Wang is not in the picture any more, nobody can even try to force Xiao Qi to keep to one bed (or poison his concubine…), not with his current position and power.

And what is the very first thing he does after Awu comes home? He declares – in public and with great pomp! - that Awu will be his only woman, thus staking his honor and reputation on all his children being hers. Which with the tonic in play means that there will be no children. It is a decision he takes very deliberately and in direct response to the previous events and the Wangs’ fall from grace. In fact, I wager this whole monogamy clause is a way not only to quell the rumours and stop any scheming families in their tracks, but also to keep things fair as much as it is even possible. Awu will not have children, well, neither will he.

5. He is setting himself up and preemptively hogging all the guilt and blame.

The short yet very poignant exchange with Pang Gui in episode 37 makes it clear that Xiao Qi knows quite well he is going to be found out sooner or later. Sure, he would rather that Pang Gui kept mum about everything, but in reality he leaves it wholly up to his judgment. Which tells me that Xiao Qi is not willing to ‘kill’ for this secret. In fact, it might suit his plans if it were to come out… though not at the moment. Maybe after the requisite year or two, once Awu is no longer in any danger. Relying on what we know about his character, I think he is wholly prepared for the truth to eventually come out and then to take all the blame. And I mean ALL the blame. As in: Awu will have no reason to blame herself for her fragile health and thus inability to bear children, if it’s actually Xiao Qi’s fault. He will have gotten her infertile, so her actual ability to give birth safely will be immaterial. She will put all her anger on him and not on herself, and anger he can take, it’s her getting quiet that he can’t cope with. And to hell with what it does to their marriage, she will be alive. Is it stupid, stupid thinking? Sure. But quite probable when you’re dealing with a man this hyper-responsible and clearly unused to family dynamics.

And that’s that. Do I think he is being a single-minded fool? Sure. The man is not perfect after all! Does he need to talk to Awu? Of course, but I get where his unwillingness to do just that comes from. Is it going to bite him in the ass really, really hard? Oooooh, is it! But Xiao Qi is not cancelled and if Awu forgives him, then so should we all.

#this rant may be long and unneeded #but so very satisfying #XIAO QI IS VERY MUCH NOT CANCELLED #why? because I say so #feel free to disagree #the rebel princess #monarch industry #rebel princess meta

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whentherewerebicycles · 3 years

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hey ummm im tipsy too because it's my flatmate's birthday and I'm literally a lesbian woman but sometimes I worry I might not be lesbian and it scares me because I'm scared of men but sometimes I think a man is attractive (like my flatmate) and idk why I'm msging you about that, sorry if it's weird. but you seem to have very valuable insights about life that not many others have (somehow?? idk?) and I respect and appreciate that.

oh it’s not weird! i think one thing i have learned is that it is 100% okay and healthy to hold your own sense of who you are lightly, and to not feel so attached to a particular label that you don’t allow yourself lots of space to grow and change as you have new experiences or meet new people who bring out different facets of yourself. to me the label of ‘lesbian’ is not an Essential and Immutable Truth about who i am (ie something that can never shift or change over time). instead, using that label speaks to a decision i’ve made about how i want to orient myself in the world, how i want others to perceive and interact with me, and where i choose to channel my energy & attention.

when i first came out i spent many, many years feeling like i had to justify and “prove” that i was “really” a lesbian and that i was ~~~pure~~~ of any flickers of attraction or interest in men (there’s a conversation about internalized biphobia to be had there, but we’ll save it!!). i have described this phase (which i think characterizes many young or newly out lgbtq people’s experiences) as “the push,” because for me it was basically like, to get myself emotionally, intellectually, and socially free of the rigid constraints of compulsory heterosexuality, i had to PUSH really, really hard, to get enough distance between myself and all of that stuff. i had to shove it as far away from me as possible to lessen the chance that it would suck me back in. that was a normal and necessary part of moving into a more openly queer identity, and for many women who identify as lesbian the “push” involves completely disavowing any past interest in men or relationships with men or emotional attachments to men.

the push isn’t a bad thing! like i said, i think it is quite necessary at first, especially since women are subject to even more of the “are you sure? i mean, you’re not really gay, right? maybe you just haven’t met the right guy / maybe it’s just a phase / maybe you just couldn’t get a guy to like you / maybe you’re just afraid of men so you’re pretending you like women” bullshit than gay men are. but it’s a phase that i think most people eventually are ready to move out of (well, unless you are on twitter, and then you just live in the wake of the push forever and ever i guess). and that’s because it can be quite an intense and anxious headspace to live in, as you often feel a lot of pressure to “figure yourself out” (ie pin down what exactly you are -- are you a “real” lesbian or not?), as well as a lot of pressure to prove to yourself as much as to other people that you are who you say you are, or whatever. so it’s stressful to live there, and it also requires you to draw a lot of really hard-and-fast lines (like, “this is what a REAL lesbian is, and i’m only REAL if i follow all of these rules or check off all of these boxes all the time, and if i slip up maybe i’m not actually a lesbian, and i’m lying to myself and everyone else”).

over time i’ve come to hold my own identity more lightly, and to demand less certainty and fewer fixed answers of myself (and of others, too!). the identity label i use doesn’t really matter all that much to me - what matters is 1) that i am able to arrange my life and relationships in a way that makes me happy, and 2) that others respect the choices i make (something that’s not always within our control). right now, “lesbian” is the word that i like best as a descriptor, but i also know that labels are very, very generic categories that almost have to be emptied of specificity and nuance in order to encompass a very wide range of people. to borrow & repurpose a phrase from the transfeminist theorist emi koyama: there are as many ways of being a lesbian as there are lesbians. lesbian is just a general catchall umbrella category for an incredibly diverse range of lived experiences, histories, self-understandings, sexual and romantic choices, life narratives, etc etc.

if lesbian is the word that works for you or feels like the closest approximation to how you want to identify & be perceived by others, then call yourself a lesbian! it is completely and totally fine to be a lesbian who sometimes finds men attractive, or who finds herself attracted to a specific male friend. there’s nothing wrong with that! personally, i am a lesbian who has had important emotional and physical relationships with men in the past, and it’s possible that in the future maybe i’ll meet someone who i really click with who happens to be a man. it’s not maybe something that i would go looking for, and if it did happen, it would certainly prompt some soul-searching, as does any new experience that surprises us or complicates the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we want. but holding my identity labels and my sense of self loosely means that i don’t have to feel as threatened by the possibility of changing desires or a shifting understanding of who i am & how i want to arrange my life.

my real true belief is that the vast majority of people are probably capable of forming deep emotional and physical attachments to any kind of person, if the circumstances were right and the person was the right person at the right time and we were open to the possibility of an attachment. i think that very few human traits or preferences are ‘hardwired’ into us in fixed and unchangeable ways. in general, most of our traits are influenced by a combination of nature and nurture, or genetics + experience. so like, idk, maybe some of us who are born cis women are slightly more predisposed than other people to find other women attractive. but nurture, lived experiences, environment, social and culture influences, and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are all play a much, much more important role in determining how we make sense of that predisposition, and whether we come to use words like “lesbian” to identify ourselves. so the type of rigid, stridently defended boundaries or definitions we often feel the need to invoke & defend during the "push” are even less useful here, because how could a fixed set of black-and-white labels (which, btw, only emerged in the last 100-130 years) possibly encompass or account for the wonderful heterogeneity of human experience?

anyway i guess this is all a very long way of saying that i think your worry is completely understandable, and certainly something i spent many years of my own life feeling! but i also think it can be nice to hear from other queer women that there’s a place a little further beyond that, which is basically just this realization: i am who i am, and i accept myself as i am right now, while also understanding that “who i am” will continue to evolve & change my whole life long. you are a lesbian if you say you are a lesbian, and if you want to have a crush on your male flatmate or find a male celebrity attractive or even try pursuing something with a male partner, that’s okay: it doesn’t mean your lesbianism isn’t real, or that you are now going to be pulled back into a compulsory heterosexuality you worked hard to push yourself away from.

but it also doesn’t mean that lesbianism is where you have to stay forever, just because that’s where you’ve landed or what has felt right for you up until now. it’s completely okay, normal, and healthy to allow yourself that space to change. maybe you’ll move into a phase of your life where “bisexual” or “queer” or “pan” will feel like a closer approximation or a better shorthand for how you understand yourself & want others to understand you. or maybe you’ll come to find some other word that you like better, or maybe you’ll decide that you don’t even want or need a word to live your life the way you want. the point is that you aren’t fixed in place. you are free to explore and to experiment and to try out different ways of orienting yourself in the world. and you should do so, in ways that feel exciting and affirming and right for you.

#mw #long post #sexuality #gender #it is also completely ok to identify as lesbian & choose to orient yourself towards other women because of fear/mistrust of men #that is absolutely fine and as legitimate a reason as any #but if that fear/mistrust of men is something that troubles you or distresses you it might also be something to work through w/ a therapist #esp if there are past traumatic experiences shaping those feelings that you might feel better & healthier/happier if you are able to #process them and work through them with someone you trust

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itskateak · 4 years

Text

Mint Ice Cream & Bubblegum Kisses - Chapter Three

(Bucky Barnes x Single Dad!Reader)

Series Summary: Y/N L/N works as an intel specialist at the Avenger’s Compound. He scans chatter on the international - and intergalactic - level for any information that might be helpful to the Avengers and other agents. But he’s also a single father to a beautiful eight-year-old girl: Angelica L/N. It’s tough raising a little girl on his own and working a full-time job, but he’s managing. A promotion has him launched up in rank at the Compound, leading him to work directly with the Avengers team. The only problem is it’s a 24/7 job. Life around the compound gets a little strange when his daughter is added to the mix of enhanced humans and ex-assassins.

Chapter Summary: Angelica seems to be settling in nicely and Y/N is still getting used to having his kid around in his workplace. Especially when she's known to be a little mischievous.

Word Count: 2.6

Warnings: Fluff, pranks, like four swear words, discussion of PTSD but it's very brief. Like very brief.

A/N: this is in light of me recently being able to play Black Widow for work. as I said in the last chapter, things will be moving a lot quicker

Masterlist

Taglist is open! PM me, send an ask, or @ me on a chapter to let me know you’d like to be tagged! Strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you, but I will send you a message to let you know :)

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Angelica snuck down the hall toward the common room, trying to keep her steps light or as close to silent as she could get them. She resisted the urge to look up at the ceiling, knowing Peter was just above her. This was a new system they were trying out where Angelica went first as a decoy and Peter would follow for the proper scare.

They had a shared love of harmless pranks and therefore had started a small prank war on the other inhabitants of the compound. At first, it had only been against each other, but they figured out that they could do way more if they teamed up.

Y/N had warned them not to do anything too bad, knowing how some of the people in the compound were affected by sudden surprises. He'd sat Angelica down and explained what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was and how what she might perceive as a harmless trick might trigger something or cause a breakdown.

She had understood and in her very solemn way promised to run her more "fear factor" ideas by him first just to be safe. When he did shut down her ideas, she never argued and dropped the plan. Confuse not abuse was their motto.

Y/N, meanwhile, was working in his office, watching text scroll across his screen. There was a lot less than when he worked general intel, but that didn't mean he could focus any less. Any small detail could make or break whether the information was crucial or not. Everything that came across his screen was very important, but some things had to be taken note of.

He had mastered reading and writing at the same time, his shorthand notes making no sense to anyone but him. He'd learned that the week before when he passed the intel off to Tony and he just stared blankly at the paper. Now, he translated his notes so others could understand. Sometimes, he couldn't tell what he was meaning to say.

A transmission from The Benatar came through and he pulled his seat closer. It was just a simple message about their whereabouts and where they were headed. Gamora had signed it off, saying that it was nice to meet him and that whenever they stopped by next, they had to properly meet. He wrote down their message before typing a message in response.

Received. Glad to know you all are safe and having fun up there. Stop by anytime you want. My daughter would be overjoyed to meet all of you.

- Y/N

Y/N leaned back in his chair, taking up a pen to make notes as information on underground movements possibly related to Hydra agents flooded in. More bases had been popping up recently, despite Steve's attempts to drag them all down in the past. Instead of being against the Winter Soldier, though, he was with them. Which gave them the upper hand since he knew their inner workings.

A knock on his office door made him glance up. Bruce stood in the doorframe, his knuckles still against the wood of the door. He gave a shy smile. "Am I interrupting?"

"Not at all. Come on in, Bruce." Y/N set his pen down and rolled his chair to the end of his desk. "What can I do you for?"

"I just came by to see how you were settling in. We haven't talked much since you were offered the promotion." Bruce sat tentatively on the couch, looking very unsure of himself.

"Things have been going well. It's nice of you to stop by, though." Y/N swiveled back and forth casually. "I like having my own office."

"It's great, huh? I have a whole lab to myself most of the time. Tony invades my space once in a blue moon but he has his own lab somewhere else." Bruce relaxed a little, laughing gently.

"Angelica breaks the peace at least twice a day, but she's my kid so it's not as annoying. Except when I really have to focus. Then I kick her out for a bit." He said with a lopsided grin.

"She wanders into my lab every so often to say hello or ask for help with her science homework. She's lovely." Bruce smiled. "Very bright."

"Yeah, she is...I can't keep up with her at this point. She's going to surpass my skills soon." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Good thing she's got you guys to check her science. I barely passed it in high school."

"Really? I wouldn't have expected that from you." Bruce said.

"I was okay up through my sophomore year but once I hit physics, I lost all understanding. Algebra was never my strong suit, either." Y/N rolled his eyes. Bruce was going to respond when shouting down the hall caught their attention.

Peter sprinted by the office, yelling over his shoulder: "Every man for himself!"

Angelica was a few seconds behind him and she slid into her father's office. "Hide me! Quick!" She slipped around his desk and curled up underneath it.

"Kiddo, what are you doing?" Y/N asked, giving her an amused look.

"Shhhh!" She shushed him and pressed herself into the corner, covering her mouth to hide her giggles.

"Peter Benjamin Parker! Angelica Ellaine L/N! Get your butts back here!" Natasha seemed to be the source of the yelling as she stormed down the hall. She paused at the door to the office, leaning casually in the doorframe. "Hey, boys. You seen a tall spider or a little monster recently?"

Angelica shook her head vigorously in her father's peripheral vision. He pretended not to see her, making sure not to look anywhere close to her location. "Snitches don't get cookies." She whispered as quietly as possible.

"What'd she do now?" Y/N asked. He had to uphold the Code. Snitches don't get cookies, and he'd never betray his daughter.

"She tried to jumpscare me and then Peter swung down from the ceiling and scared the hell out of me." Nat folded her arms over her chest. "So, I'm trying to grab both of them to dump them in the pool."

Y/N laughed and shook his head. "I haven't seen her, except for a few seconds ago. She ran by on Pete's heels."

"Bruce, have you seen them?" Nat turned her gaze to the scientist, who suddenly grew visibly nervous.

"Uh," He glanced at Y/N. "They ran by just a minute ago."

"Uh-huh...Well, I guess I'll just keep looking." Nat pushed off the doorway and started to leave before poking her head back in. "You're still a terrible liar, Bruce." She winked and disappeared.

"Is it safe?" Angelica whispered.

"Yep. Come on out." Y/N rolled back a little bit to give her space to move out. "Good luck out there, kiddo. Watch your back."

"Thank you, Mr. Banner! You deserve a cookie." Angelica smiled at Bruce, the full personification of the smiley-face emoticon. She snuck to the doorway and glanced down the hall before turning the same way Peter had run.

"How long do you think it'll be?" Y/N asked, returning his chair to its proper place.

"Until what?"

His question was answered by a scream from down the hall that devolved into squealing laughter. There was some indiscernible shouting from three different people.

"Until Nat caught her at the corner." Y/N watched as Nat went running by, laughing, with Angelica thrown over her shoulder.

"Peter! Help! She got me!" Angelica yelled through giggles, hand extended out behind Nat's back.

"Angelica! No!" Peter followed, reaching for her. "Nat, give her back!"

Y/N shook his head fondly as the chaos grew quieter the farther they got. "We're settling in well, as you can see. She's making friends and creating chaos. I'd be worried if she wasn't."

"Did she always play pranks on you?" Bruce asked, smiling uncontrollably.

"On more than one occasion, I found shaving cream in my shoes." Y/N wrinkled his nose up at the memories. He had hated that feeling of shaving cream squeezing between his toes in his socks.

"Gross. She and Peter were bound to get along well, then." Bruce glanced at the clock and got to his feet. "I should let you get back to work. If Angelica has a science or math question, you can totally send her to me."

"Thanks, Bruce. You're a genius." Y/N rolled back over to his work station, shaking his mouse to wake his computer up.

"I wouldn't say that," Bruce said as he walked backward out of the room, pausing in the doorway.

"Don't sell yourself short, Bruce! You're totally a genius." Y/N pointed with his pen, smiling as he spoke.

Bruce ducked his head sheepishly and nodded before he left the office.

Y/N returned to his screen, pulling his notes back into reach, and scanned the text again. Another couple of hours before lunch.

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"Your kid." Tony suddenly popped in, holding his phone out to show Y/N what was on it. "Your kid keeps changing my phone background."

Y/N looked up and glanced at the screen before bursting into laughter. It was a photo of a sloth dressed as an astronaut. In the past year, she'd managed to change her father's phone background and laptop wallpaper to that stupid sloth photo without his knowledge at least sixteen times.

"Why?" Tony asked, defeated. "Why is she doing this?"

"She read about someone online who did the same thing to their parents and she took inspiration. I'm happy to see she's moved on to other targets." Y/N shook his head in amusement. "Shouldn't your phone be super secure or something?"

"It is! I don't understand how she keeps doing it. I've changed my password eight times and even had Friday monitor any attempts to hack in." Tony sank down onto the couch, tossing his phone beside him.

"Well, she definitely can't hack things. She's smart, but not that smart. Usually, a password change will keep her from trying again." Y/N swiveled to the side, head cocked.

"This is the second time today," Tony grumbled, brows furrowed. "I don't get it."

"Well, you're the genius here." Y/N snorted, glancing at his screen again. "If my kid's not the one hacking your phone, who is?"

"Oh, my god," Tony said, standing quickly. He rushed to leave but paused in the door. "You're the genius, Y/N."

Y/N arched a brow in mild intrigue. "Uh-huh. You're welcome?"

Tony flashed a smile before turning. "Peter Benjamin Parker, how many times have I told you not to hack into my stuff!" He shouted as he walked down the hall.

"Kid, you're sowing chaos." Y/N glanced at his daughter curled up under his desk.

"Huh?" Angelica looked up from her book, confused. "What's going on?"

"Peter hacked Tony's phone and changed his phone background to that astronaut sloth." He responded, returning to his work.

"Oh, Pete didn't do that." She said, turning her page. "Mr. Banner did after seeing us do it. Somethin' about getting back at him for leaving crumbs all over his lab."

Distant yelling floated down the hall to the office. High-pitched 'Mr. Stark, it wasn't me!'s were the only things that could be properly made out. Angelica made eye-contact with her father.

"Should I?" She asked.

"Nah." Y/N said and they both started to snicker. "He's a big boy. He can take care of himself."

Angelica giggled and returned her attention to her book.

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Y/N pulled himself out of the pool, shaking his head to fling water off his face. He hadn't gotten to use the facilities yet since they moved in. The pool was really nice - way better than any of the public pools he'd been to. He used to swim once a week but work got in the way. Now that it was Sunday, he could enjoy the free access for as long as he wanted.

He grabbed a towel, dried his hair and face, and walked to the locker room. His shirt was folded up on a bench with his shoes sitting beside it. He dried the rest of his body off and pulled his shirt on. He slipped his feet into his shoes and froze.

"Dammit, Angelica!" Y/N shouted as shaving cream seeped between his toes and spilled over the top of his feet. He grimaced and kicked his shoes off, quickly wiping the shaving cream off. He picked up his shoes and went storming off to find his daughter.

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

"Hey, Y/N. Sorry to intrude after hours." Sam knocked on the doorframe to his bedroom.

"Hey, Sam. No worries." Y/N looked up from his book and set it aside. "What's up?"

"Bucky and Steve are coming back really early tomorrow morning. Like, three in the morning early." He wrinkled his nose up. "They might have sensitive intel from their raid so Tony's asked you to be in office by the time they get back."

"I won't yell at you since you're just the messenger, but really?!" Y/N groaned, running a hand over his face. If he wasn't a morning person before, he surely wouldn't be a happy camper at such an early hour. "Guess my plans to stay up reading have been shot."

"Sorry, man. It's what the boss wants. But really, blame Barnes because he wanted to get back as soon as possible." Sam crossed his arms and shrugged. "Always his fault if somethin' goes wrong. Man brings bad luck wherever he goes."

"I think that's a little harsh and biased. I haven't even met the guy, yet." Y/N leaned over to set his book on the nightstand. He snagged his phone and started to set an alarm or two for the morning.

"I'm sure you've heard all the rumors. Some of them are true - about him being grouchy and an anti-social person - but a good majority of the rumors is just scuttlebutt. Er, gossip. He's got a good heart, but man he can be annoying as hell," Sam smiled fondly, though he tried not to look it.

"Sounds about right," Y/N chuckled, sliding his charging phone underneath his pillow.

"He's really slow to trust and open up, so if he's a little closed off and rough around the edges, it's not you. It's all him, so don't worry." Sam explained. "Might want to ease him into meeting the little rascal, though. He's skittish on his bad days and after missions."

"I took the liberty of reading over all of the team's files so I get why. Thanks for letting me know. I should get some sleep so I'm not as grumpy in the morning when I greet them." Y/N yawned on accident, covering his mouth with his hand.

"No problem. I'll let you get some rest." Sam reached forward and closed the door as he left.

Y/N turned out the light and sank down in bed, drawing the covers up. He had at least four extra blankets just for the weight. He liked having the excess weight since it made him feel secure and grounded.

"Hey, Friday?"

"Yes, Mr. L/N?"

"If I don't wake up from my alarms, please wake me."

"Of course."

Y/N fell asleep shortly afterward, not fully aware of how tired he had been. Moving and getting used to the new environment had really taken it out of him and his body was begging to catch up. A shame he'd only get five hours before being dragged from bed. That was going to be one of the very few downsides of this new job.

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Taglist- @supernaturalwintersoldier @shadowolf993 @myybebe

#mint ice cream & bubblegum kisses #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x male reader #bucky barnes x single dad!reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #marvel fanfiction

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mimik-u · 3 years

Text

“Growing Pains” Thoughts:

Dogcopter 6: Til Death Do Us Part: I Now Promounce You Man and Woof. CVVGFFRFGGGGFFFFG. The little immersion detail of the actors in the movie ofc being dogs, so they stick their tongues out at random moments is so funny.

“Everyone’s getting married but me.” JEODOFJDJDNDJDJJDJDJDJD. STEVEN, UR SIXTEEEN.

But I feel Steven @ his depression ice cream/movie binge.

Steven immediately reverting back to his normal coloring after his dad picks up. 😭

Even Greg (through Steven’s initial encouragement) has found a fulfilling lease on life through being a manager, and you can see on Steven’s face that he realizes that the perceived gulf between himself and everyone he loves is deep and wide. Everyone is moving on, and he’s in stasis.

(Just as the Gems were once upon a time—Greg, Lars, Sadie, and all the others, too.)

“It wasn’t important.” 😭😭😭

Steven’s body instinctively reacting after he opens the fridge and sees his proposal glow bracelet. 😭😭😭

Ugh, the “Full Disclosure” ringtone is still so good. And it’s a subtle reminder of the conflict from that very episode—Steven trying to repress all of his trauma.

Hhhhhhhhh, I love Priyanka Maheswaran. She’s such a good character.

“You’re sixteen years old, and you’ve never been to the DOCTOR?!”

Oh, my God, but upon noticing that her panic scared him, Priyanka does her best to soothe Steven: “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ll have a talk with your father later.”

OH, THE X-RAYS OF THE GEMS ARE SO COOL. AND THEN THE DETAIL OF AMETHYST HAVING RANDOM STUFF IN HER STOMACH?? A+

OH, MY GOD. HE’S BEEN HEALING HIMSELF EVERY TIME HE’S BEEN SUSTAINING INJURIES.

“Well, you seem to have made a series of miraculous recoveries, but that doesn’t change the fact that you experienced trauma. You’ve recovered physically, but have you recovered mentally?” ... “Not wrong! It's that adverse childhood experiences, or childhood trauma, can have a lasting impact on how your body responds to stress.”

I’m genuinely speechless.

This is some of the most, if not the most important writing to ever come out of this series.

OH, GOD, THE MONTAGE OF ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO HIM SINCE THE STSRT OF THE SHOW

JESUS FUCMK

“Pearl did die.” Because poofing is a form of death, and Steven will always conceive of it as so.

“But that—that was just the early stuff!” 😭😭😭😭😭😭 He literally only got through, like, Season 1.

AND THEN THE MONTAGE OF EVERYTHING ELSE. JESUS CH R

And know what gets me, too? Enemies like the Diamonds and Jasper and Eyeball of course crop up in this montage, but so do the Gems and various other allies, too: Pearl’s spear almost hitting him when he was stuck in Peridot’s pod, Amethyst transforming into Rose, Peridot’s attempts to kill him, Bismuth’s attempt to kill him. Because even the people we love and forgive have the capacity to harm us. And just because we’ve forgiven them doesn’t take away the harm.

Okay. I’m crying now.

“I think all these experiences have been subjecting your body to a harmful amount of stress, and that's affecting your ability to respond to new forms of stress in a healthy way. You've been dealing with genuine threats from such a young age, your body is now responding to minor threats as if your life were in danger!” HHHHHJJNNHH FUCK ME

Upon Priyanka asking if he’s had any stressful experiences lately, Steven clutches his heart, doubles over in pain, and remembers Connie, his body then going through its most painful contortions yet. 😭😭😭 I’m losing it. This episode.

OH, GOD. SHE DIDNT TELL PRIYANKA.

“I CAN’T BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW.” OH MY FUCKING G O D

Him hitting his head on the ceiling makes me think about what further injuries he may have just caused himself

GREG 😭😭😭

“Connie... thank you.” / “Yeah... I’ll be here when you’re ready.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Connie knew that he needed a support system, but she equally knew that it couldn’t be her at the present moment.

Connie placing her arm on her mom’s back as they walk off is leaving me tender

“I proposed to Connie... she said no.” Zach Callison’s delivery here made me cry all the fuck over againS oh my go d

“My body, it's reacting like it's the end of the world! I think I've seen the world almost end so many times now, that everything that goes wrong feels that, that extreme!” 😭😭😭😭😭

“How do I live life it always feels like I’m about to die?” I am fucking sobbin g

The lighting of the bedroom scene is so warm and ambient hhhhhhh.

Man, I love Greg: “Cut yourself some slack. It's okay to be worried and make some mistakes when you're figuring out what to do with your life. That's not unusual.”

Augshhshsushssj, this episode ending with Greg prioritizing Steven. I’m just. I’m really soft. This episode emotionally undid me.

#steven universe #priyanka maheswaran #connie maheswaran #greg universe #s: future #mimiku #you can tell I really love an episode when I start cursing vehemently in my blogs

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margridarnauds · 3 years

Text

@inkandglitter21

This is a VERY good question! And one that I think keeps quite a few people in the field up at night, to be honest, but I’m going to give the best answer I possibly can, hence why I’m giving it its own post. My apologies in advance if this gets slightly technical - Some of this is kind of inherently technical and complicated. I also am going to HAVE to mention that I’m doing my best to represent the closest thing we can get to a consensus of the field, but that doesn’t mean that someone, in a week or so, can’t publish an article that blows this out of the water. It happens.

As a further warning, which I give every single time I discuss the issues inherent to the study of this material: I am not a religious authority. I’m a Celticist. I love the Tuatha Dé, but I can’t claim any form of spiritual connection with them. (As LGE would say, “Though the author enumerates them, she does not worship them.”) So, to anyone who reads this who might have a connection to the figures described....I can’t say anything about the relationship that you, personally, have with them. I can only say what we know, what we don’t know, and what we’re still kind of scratching our heads at with regards to the medieval material. Part of why I’ve, traditionally, sworn off talking about Bríg, Danu, and Morrigan is specifically because they tend to arouse some very strong feelings, and I never really wanted to get caught in something I couldn’t handle.

But, also. What use is a geas if you don’t break it, likely leading you to your tragic-yet-inevitable doom?

So, first off, let’s talk Lebor Gabála Érenn. MAGNIFICENT text, and a personal baby of mine. Chock full of information about the Tuatha Dé, the Fir Bolg, the Milesians, the High Kings of Ireland....basically everything a person could ever want to know. A mythographer’s dream and nightmare all in one. But, there’s a problem with it, and it’s one that I feel like Celticists have never stressed enough to the public, not the least because Celticists, as a group, tend to be a little....terrified of LGE. There are relatively few scholars who want to work with it after Macalister’s edition (to understand the reception to Macalister: A personal hobby of mine is collecting remarks other scholars have made about his edition, because they can be BRUTAL.) It has been described as “almost unreadable.” Which is kind of forgivable given the man was DYING when he made it, but still.

Why are so many scholars scared of LGE? Well, primarily, because it’s hard to say that there was one singular LGE. LGE, as we know it, was compiled in about the 11th century. Or, it began to be compiled in the 11th century. It’s a Middle Irish text (so, it’s coming significantly later than, say, Tochmarc Étaíne or Cath Maige Tuired, which are both ~9th century texts, though CMT was given revisions in the 11th century to bring it in line with LGE). And it is based off of a MUCH bigger genre of pseudohistorical texts, with many of the older texts being missing or destroyed. (The one generally most mourned by us is the one in Cín Dromma Snechta, which could have dated to as early as the 8th century and definitely contained a sort of proto-LGE. We know this because LGE cites it on occasion, so the tradition didn’t fully die out, we just don’t have the full thing.) So, to begin with, LGE is a mixed bag, based off of essentially all the work that came before it, with the scribes involved basically playing a juggling game with what prior scribes jotted down. (You can see it every once in a while, where a redactor will say something like “Certain ignorant people believe ____, but it is clearly not the case, for _________.”)

It’s almost better to view it as a scrapbook than a single text - You have about 3-4 recensions (different scholars identified different recensions) spread out over around 20 surviving manuscripts, each recension containing significant amounts of detail that vary from their counterparts. Also, studded across LGE, you have a variety of poems that are believed to date either before or at around the same time that LGE was being compiled. (Part of what drives scholars up a WALL with Macalister’s translation is that, besides not identifying the original poets for the poems featured in LGE, he also separated the poems from the text around them. And, as someone who did have to work with that translation....yeah, it is a hot mess. Sorry and RIP, Macalister, but it’s a mess.)

Now, you might wonder: Why am I telling you this? You came at me with a mythography question and I’m hitting you with manuscript studies. But THIS is the context that it’s existing in - I know it’s fairly popular to kind of talk shit about the scribes writing this stuff down, but it’s very important to understand that they were really trying their best to understand this stuff, just like we were. And, between the various recensions of LGE, we can actually SEE the tradition evolve. One of the key ways to know that Something Pre-Christian is going on is if NONE of the redactors could agree on someone. If you see someone’s depiction REALLY shifting around, you know that the redactors were having an issue with them, possibly dealing with multiple contradictory traditions.

Enter the Bríg/Dana/Anu/Morrigan problem. AKA “Things that will cause me to have nightmares.” So, let’s try to take this piece by piece.

The term “Tuatha Dé Danann” is generally accepted to be a later addition. There was not, before a certain time in the Irish mythological tradition, any notion of a goddess named “Danu”. (Established by John Carey in the article, “The name Tuatha Dé Danann”-- Essentially, the term “Tuatha Dé” was the original, but then, with the influence of the term Tuatha Dé, or “Tribe of God” to refer to the Israelites, they felt they had to disambiguate it to “Tuatha Dé Danann”, or “People of Skill”, and then people mistook “Danann” as being the name of a goddess...if I remember correctly, since I don’t have it to hand at the moment.) It is very important to establish this off the bat. Now, how did this get started? And where does this web begun to be woven? Well, I feel like someone could probably write at LEAST a MA dissertation on the topic, possibly even a PhD, and it definitely isn’t going to be me, but I can try my best.

So. The Trí Dé Dána (Three Gods of Skill).

Originally, it seems very likely that the genitive component Dána in their name was not meant to be a proper name. They were not MEANT to be perceived as “The Three Gods of Dana”, but “the three gods of skill”. As noted by O’Rahilly (and GOD, it hurts me when he’s right), the first time we really have the phrase referenced is in Cath Maige Tuired, where, he argues, and I have to agree with him, that it refers to Goibhniu, Luchta, and Credne, who Lugh goes to for weapons to fight against the Fomoire. Additionally, you have a gloss on the 9th century text “Immacallam in Dá Thuarad: Ecna mac na tri nDea nDána” that says that their mother was Bríg, though also seems to indicate, specifically, a connection with the filid, which keeps neatly with the LGE reference (and to the image of Bríg as a poetess. I don’t have enough time to talk Bríg here, but if you want to see what I had to say a while back, I made a post here) After the 12th century, though, when the name “Danu” became associated with the Tuatha Dé, a bunch of medieval scribes looked at “Trí Dé Dána” and thought, not UNREASONABLY, “Oh? This is a reference to Danu? Let’s fix that grammar!” So you have, in some later recensions of LGE, the name “Trí Dé Dána” replaced by “Tré dée Danann/Donand/Danand.” It is vital to mention, as Williams does in Ireland’s Immortals (189), that “Danu/Donu” is never attested, it’s always Donand/Danand. So, from the get-go, trying to identify “Danand” with “Anu” was going to be problematic at best. The general consensus seems to be that Bríg and Bres were the original parents of the Trí Dé, and that it’s very possible that they were, originally, specifically associated with the filid, or poets, with this fitting very neatly into both Bres and Bríg’s associations with the Dagda, Ogma, and, of course, Elatha, but that, with Cath Maige Tuired in the 9th century and the new tradition of Bres as a tyrant, it all got muddled, with traces of it lingering into LGE. (Myth and Mythography)

But, what about “Anu?” Who is this figure? And THIS, my friends, is where things REALLY begin to get fucky. She is identified in Cormac’s Glossary as mater deorum hibernensium, “Mother of the gods of Ireland” - That is beyond doubt. This ties in very naturally with the conflation of Danand/Danu as the mother of the Trí Dé Dána that we discussed earlier. It was, to a certain extent, natural that the two of them would become intertwined.

So, this means that Anu is a genuine pre-Christian figure who became entangled up with the whole Danu business?

Well....

Michael Clarke, in his exploration of the intellectual environment of medieval Ireland, points out that the reference to “Anu” is, in fact, VERY similar to both Isidore of Sevile and in Carolingian mythographical compilations relating to the Greek goddess Cybele, indicating that the scribe, when he was jotting that down, might have very well had that in mind (52-53). Does this mean that they invented ANOTHER goddess and then conflated that goddess with another invented goddess?

...not quite.

Because we still have to account for things like, for example, a mountain known as “The Paps of Anand”, which isn’t easily ascribed to a classical influence. (As noted by Mark Williams, with the typical mixture of good humor and good sense that characterizes his writing,“It beggars belief to think that the Pre-Christian Irish would not have associated so impressively breasted a landscape with a female deity.”) (189). Also, as noted by Williams, even the most skeptical argument cannot explain where Anu comes from. It seems unlikely that they would simply create a goddess out of thin air. Even Danu, as sketchy as her existence is, came from SOMEWHERE, even if it was a linguistic, instead of spiritual, basis. But THEN we have to deal with another question: If this figure is so important, why doesn’t she show up in any of the myths? Why let the Dagda, Lugh, the Morrigan, Midir, Óengus, Ogma, and Nuada have all the fun? The Dagda in particular is as close to a BLATANTLY pre-Christian deity as you can get on-page, so it can’t be chalked up to a simple “They didn’t want to depict the mother of the gods on page.” Mark Williams suggests, tentatively, that Anu might have been a minor Munster figure who swelled in popularity, possibly dropped in by some Munster-based scribes who wanted to bolster their own province’s reputation and, equally tentatively, without further evidence to go on, I have to agree with him. I believe there’s too much evidence to suggest that there was SOMETHING, but that there’s also too little to say that she had the range or influence described, and that it’s very likely that, at the very least, the scribe writing that entry had Cybele on his mind. It’s really, really a mystery, though.

Furthermore, as John Carey notes in “Notes on the Irish War Goddess”....why conflate Anu with the Morrigan? “While it may be plausible....to explain a war-goddess’s possession of sexual characteristics...it is considerably more difficult to follow that chain of thought in reverse in order to account for a land goddess with martial traits. Not is there any evident reason for a conflation of Anu/Anann and the Morrígan unless the former were to some extent linked with war already” pointing out that, relevant to the first paragraph of this, it SEEMS like her inclusion among the daughters of Ernmas was forced on the redactor by a prior tradition (271). Sometimes, she’s a fourth daughter of Ernmas, sometimes she’s a replacement for the Morrigan, sometimes, in the later texts, she’s associated with Danu. It’s like the various authors KNEW they had to include her in there somehow, but they didn’t know how, and she didn’t fit in smoothly once they did. Are we looking at a war/land goddess , obscure enough that the redactor didn’t know where to put her, deciding that she HAD to be the Morrigan/one of the Morrigan’s sisters but not knowing exactly how to fit her in? It wouldn’t be the first time multiple traditions clashed like this. Also, as noted by Sharon Paice Macleod, who gave a very thorough (if not always, in my opinion, sufficiently contextual) account of the tradition, there is a location called the “Paps of the Morrigan”, further suggesting a fertility aspect to the Morrigan that also features into Carey’s earlier argument of dual aspects to the Irish war goddess, along with Bhreatnach’s suggestion of the sovereignty goddess, who represents the land in the medieval Irish literary tradition (and into the present) also functioning as a goddess of death. (Indeed, as noted by Bhreatnach, the hag Cailb from Togail Bruidne Dá Derga, who functions as a sort of anti-sovereignty goddess, identifies herself with Nemain and Badb, at 255. Sovereignty giveth, sovereignty taketh away when you don’t fulfill your place as king.)

Basically, as with almost everything relating to pre-Christian religion in Ireland, we’ve really, really got to shrug our shoulders and go “Fuck if I know, mate.”

My best attempt at a tl;dr for...this:

LGE - WEIRD

Danu - Help us.

Trí Dé - Who’s your daddy? (Most likely? Bres originally, though it got out of hand after, like, the 12th century.)

Anu - Who are you? (Who, Who?)

Sources:

Scowcroft, “Leabhar Gabhála Part I: The growth of the text" (For the discussion on the different recensions of LGE.)

John Carey, “The Irish National Origin-Legend: Synthetic Pseudohistory”

T.F O’Rahilly, Early Irish History and Mythology

Máire Bhreathnach, “The Sovereignty Goddess as Goddess of Death”

John Carey, “The name Tuatha Dé Danann”

Mark Williams, Ireland’s Immortals (Who, really, puts this all together in a so much more cohesive way in his book, I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to get an idea of how these things develop.)

John Carey, “Myth and Mythography in Cath Maige Tuired.”

Michael Clarke, “Linguistic Education and Literary Creativity in Medieval Ireland”.

John Carey, “Notes on the Irish War Goddess”

Sharon Paice Macleod, “Mater Deorum Hibernensium: Identity and Cross-Correlation in Early Irish Mythology.”

#irish mythology #celtic mythology #danu #the morrigan #long post #REALLY long post

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