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#and the night sky also gives us a glimpse into what the universe holds
natsmagi · 2 months
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Tsumugi the cosmos the moon and stars at night, my love.
does tsumugi know he is more vast and wonderous than the galaxy itself............ yknow ive always been a big lover of the night sky
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dear-mrs-otome · 1 year
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Galileo Galilei - White Day
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"These are for you."
MC is startled when out of nowhere Galileo offers her a bouquet of white flowers, wrapped in paper. (I see that wrapping job there sir, nice attempt at casual) They're very beautiful, she can't help thinking, but she's a bit baffled by the gesture - especially given his usual, standoffish demeanor.
She asks why he's giving these to her, and Galileo reminds her how she gave him chocolates last month, right?
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He's merely returning the favor. She hadn't had any expectations that he might, but she's happy regardless.
Aloud, she laughs a little. "You're a conscientious person too," she tells him. (Echoing the way he'd called her that for gifting him Valentine's chocolate as an apology for using his telescope without permission in their very first story)
"I just don't want to be in anyone's debt," he replies.
She gladly accepts the flowers and remarks on how beautiful they are, but she's not familiar with what kind they are. He tells her he's not sure of all the specifics but they're a type of helichrysum - although usually those come in bright colors. These white ones came as a fluke from a university cultivation program, not the color they wanted at all. (AM I THE ONLY ONE READING SOME HEAVY SYMBOLISM HERE?)
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He says when he heard they were just going to be tossed, her words came to mind. (How she'd mentioned, when they first met, that she felt like even chance encounters can have meaning) And with her having said something like that, he thought she would treasure these new flowers.
She's kind of silently stunned he remembered her words like that.
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"You can throw them away if you have no need of them. Do as you please," Galileo tells her offhandedly.
"No!" she gasps. "I'll take good care of them!"
Galileo just does an about face at that and walks off without another word...but as he goes, the last glimpse she catches of his expression seems softer.
Back at the mansion on the balcony, she's looking at the flowers again and musing how they look like she's holding shooting stars in her hand. Maybe the same thing had occurred to Galileo, which is why he wanted to save the flowers? Because he seems to love the stars so much.
She stares up at the night sky, thinking about his still unseen heart.
~~~~~~~~~~
MRS. O'S TINFOIL HAT RAMBLINGS:
I already blathered a bit in tags o a different post about the flower symbolism, but let me do it again. These are white strawflowers, which are also known as helichrysum, fyi.
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Very lovely, and they dry and remain almost perfectly preserved, hence some of their other names: Everlasting, or Immortelle. They symbolize eternal life or immortality - but also something 'always remembered' and some take it a step further and go with 'eternal love'. Usually they come in many different colors of pinks and reds, or white with bright yellow centers.
This has me side-eyeing things so hard though because the very first story we ever got of his involves MC wandering the Timey-Wimey Hallway, being called and cajoled by a sexy voice she later figures out is Galileo's, and she gets to witness a bit of his past and his imprisonment. Drake's story definitely was just a normal, meet-cute on the street style, nothing as mystical as timewalking. I have a feeling this is going to feature prominently in his stories, along with the heavy emphasis that there is no such thing as a random meaningless encounter.
BUT ALSO, here's heavy tinfoil time! Maybe I'm looking too hard but the symbolism doesn't escape me here of him identifying with and feeling empathy towards these white flowers that symbolize eternity (all pale colored, much like our hero, no??) that are an unwanted accident. A misfire of genetics that's only good to be tossed away and culled. I STAND BY MY DHAMPIR/ HALF-PUREBLOOD THEORY.
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baroquebucky · 3 years
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embrace
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soulmate au where when you touch your soulmate you see glimpses of your future with them; the winter soldier touches you and realizes there’s so much more out there
series masterlist // previous // next
part three
word count: 2.3k
masterlist
a/n: hi bffs !!! here is the third installment for my soulmate au !! i think I’ll make one or two more parts and then end it ! let me know what you guys think i love reading your thoughts !! <3 (bonus points if u find all the parallels heh)
You didn’t hesitate throwing your arms around him, tears flowing down your cheeks as you held onto him tightly. Bucky held you just as tight, burrowing his face in your shoulder and a smile on his face.
Bucky felt home. He felt the way he imagined the smell of freshly baked cookies would feel, he felt warm and fuzzy. Bucky felt happy.
“i- where have you been what happened i thought- we all- oh my god steve he’s been going crazy and-” you rambled, a smile on your face. You looked at bucky, he was just as tall as your remembered, his eyes a bit brighter and you felt your heart flutter.
“oh come in!” You chuckled, pulling him by his metal arm into your home, a smile on your face as you led him to your living room.
“i never introduced myself” he spoke, eyes on the ground as you prepared two cups of hot chocolate. You looked at him, laughing lightly.
“guess you didn’t huh” you replied, taking out the cups and putting in some marshmallows before walking back over to the couch, setting the two cups on the table and turning to face him.
“I’m y/n” you smiled brightly, extending your hand out. Bucky grinned, shaking your hand and introducing himself.
“I’m bucky” you felt your face heat up as he smiled at you, much different from the last time when you looked at each other.
“does Steve know you’re here? that you’re you?” you questioned, eyeing him to try and get read on his body language. He shifted slightly, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.
“not really no, i-” he hesitated before fiddling with his hands and speaking up again, “ive been laying low, i just couldn’t stop thinking about you and the visions i saw” he spoke, blushing and you couldn’t stop the smile on your face.
“i couldn’t either” you replied, looking at him before looking at the way the marshmallows melted into the hot chocolate. “I was so worried these past couple of months, i tried helping steve and Sam but it was so much and we were getting no where” you mumbled, heart falling as you thought of all your fruitless efforts.
Bucky noticed the way your voice trembled as you spoke and how you grilled the mug a little tighter. He felt his chest tighten.
“I’m here now doll” he spoke softly, moving to put your mug down and pulling you to his chest, wrapping his arms around you tightly.
You relaxed into his touch, tears welling in your eyes once more, you let yourself lean into him, closing your eyes for a second and enjoying his embrace.
“i missed you so much, can’t believe i could miss someone i didn’t even know that much” you laughed, sniffling lightly as you pulled away
“we’re soulmates dollface, we’re meant to be” he smiled softly at you and you nodded, a small smile as you wiped away a couple stray tears.
It was easy to fall into comfortable conversation with each other. All laughs and giggles as you spoke, the sun high in the sky already and the city wide awake despite it being early in the morning.
You so happy to have bucky with you, a smile on your face as you started to think of all you had to show him, thoughts of the future you had seen made you giddy with excitement.
“oh you have to meet Sam! The two of you would be so funny together bickering all the time- oh also there’s this coffee shop i really like, very quaint but-” you rambled, trying to fit in everything you wanted to tell bucky.
“I’m moving” bucky cut you off, a frown on his face as he glanced over at you. He focused his gaze on you, stomach dropping when you stared at him with a confused expression.
“like here? to New York?” You were quiet, knowing that’s not what he meant. Bucky but his bottom lip in frustration before turning to you with sad eyes.
“romania, i cant be here- not while HYDRA is still out there and I’m wanted for everything I’ve done” bucky frowned. Your heart broke in your chest, you wanted to curl up and cry.
You just got him back. You had lost him twice already, you weren’t sure if you could handle a third.
“you can’t- i just got you back you can’t go” you shook your head, eyes watery already. You held his hand tightly and bucky wanted to badly to stay.
“i have to” he whispered, “you know i do.”
And you did, you knew this was his best chance and you had to let him go. You knew how painful it would be and how much you would miss him. You thought about the amount of time you had cried at night, wishing you could get to the future already.
But you also knew you would get your happy ending, you knew at some point in your life you would be happily in love and laughing in a meadow of flowers watching a sunset with him. And that’s what you held onto.
“promise me you’ll come back to me” you whispered, scooting closer to him, his hands still in yours.
“I always will doll” he smiled, slipping his hand out of yours and placing it softly under your chin, tilting your head so you could look at him. Your watery eyes met his baby blue ones, you swore they sparkled slightly.
“don’t worry your pretty head doll, we still have forever to be happy” he smiled, leaning in slightly. Bucky stopped centimeters away from your lips, your heart racing at his actions, you wanted nothing more than to kiss him.
“may i?” He whispered. You didn’t reply, instead you crashed your lips onto him. It was needy and rough, your teeth hitting each other at one point but you didn’t care. It felt like your heart were beating in sync, you felt whole.
You both pulled away, breathless before laughing lightly, your hair messy from his hands tugging at it. Bucky ran his hand through his hair, a charming smile on his face as you two regained your composure.
“if you kiss me like that again i don’t think I’ll let you go” you teased, heart heavy as he frowned slightly.
“what if i kiss you like this” he mumbled, softly placing his lips back onto yours. It was much gentler, softer and sweet. Your hand easily finding its way to his hair, fingers cascading through his soft hair. Bucky smiled into the kiss, giving you a soft peck before pulling away.
“you’re gonna be the death of me” you whispered, heart thumping in your ears. Bucky smiled at you sweetly, pulling you into his arms and holding you.
You wiggled a bit, laying your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat, your eyes closing and falling asleep before you could even fight to stay awake.
Bucky woke you up at around 1 pm, shaking you gently. Your eyes opened slowly and you realized you were back in your bed, tucked in under your blanket.
“i waited a bit before bringing you back to bed, didn’t wanna wake you again” bucky smiled and you laughed, sitting up and yawning, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.
“i got some food for us, figured you’d be hungry” bucky spoke, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as you walked out of your room when you finished brushing your teeth and changing out of your pajamas.
You looked at bucky with a smile on your face, bounding over to him and tackling him with a hug, kissing his cheek. You silently thanked the universe for giving you bucky as your soulmate as the two of you talked while you ate.
Bucky had never felt so at ease, he wasn’t worried about someone kicking his door down or having to keep running. All he could focus on was the way you would smile anytime he laughed and the way you blushed when your eyes would meet.
The two of you spent the day together, cuddled up on the couch and watching a movie, just like you had seen the first time the two of you ever touched. You smiled to yourself while bucky focused on the movie, his hand mindlessly drawing circles on your arm as he held you. This was how it was meant to be, your soulmate by your side and the feeling of home.
But nothing ever seems to go as it should. By the time night came you were saying goodbye, both of you teary eyed as he held you tightly, not wanting to go but know he had to.
It had taken an hour to move from the couch to halfway to the door, both of you crying messes with soft giggles trying to cheer each other up.
Finally you had reached the door, both of you going through too many tissues and looking at each other with teary eyes and matching pink noses.
“before i go” bucky turned, pulling away from the handle and into his jacket pocket, you could hear the jingling of metal. “I want you to have these, until we can be together again” he smiled, holding out his dog tags.
You didn’t know what to say, tears flowing down your cheeks again as you looked at him. Bucky hugged you, letting you cry into his chest for a moment before you calmed down.
“are you sure buck? I mean they must mean so much to you” you looked at him and he smiled, nodding before easily putting them on you, his heart fluttering as he took in the sight of them on you.
“I’ll see you soon dollface” Bucky smiled, kissing your temple and you nodded, hands clutching his dog tags.
“see you soon lovebug, I’ll be waiting here for you” you smiled, loving the way he blushed at the new nickname.
When you found out about steve finding him in Romania you acted surprised, guilt washing over you for hiding the information from your friend but you knew it’s what bucky wanted.
You offered to go help him and Sam on the rescue mission but they stopped you, telling you it was best for you to stay out of this one. You wanted to argue but you couldn’t blame them, you had been a wreck after bucky left, barely sleeping and crying over your soulmate.
You didn’t expect the bombing at the UN, bucky being framed and the whole team falling out. You had been in New York the whole time, skipping out on the meeting with the accords because you just so happened to have the flu that week.
“oh yeah stay home i can’t afford you getting everyone sick” tony has spoken over the phone, hanging up on you, a frown on your face. Not ten minutes later did you get a notification saying food was being delivered to your house, nice warm soup along with some medicine to help you feel better.
You least expected steve flying you out to wakanda, eyes wide as you took in all the technology, heart thumping in your chest knowing bucky would be right around the corner.
You felt your heart stop as you saw him in a white tank top, running up to him and wrapping your arms around him. Your cheeks hurt from how much you were smiling and bucky held you tightly with his right arm, leaning into your touch.
“oh doll I’ve missed you so damn much” he mumbled, a smile on his face as the two of you held each other for the first time in months.
“missed you so much more james” you spoke breathless, pulling away before placing a gentle kiss on his lips, the two of you smiling and resting your foreheads against each other.
“y/n-” you pressed your lips to his, quieting him. Pulling away you looked at him with love in your eyes, heart racing as he smiled at you softly.
“Steve already told me” you explained, knowing how much it would pain him to tell you. Bucky nodded, his lips curling into a gentle smile as he looked at you. His eyes landed on the outline of his dog tags under your shirt.
“you still have ‘em on” he whispered his eyes soft and his heart melting as you nodded.
“I never take them off lovebug” you replied, holding his hand in your as he smiled up at you. Steve placed a hand on your shoulder signaling it was time.
You stepped away from bucky, his hand holding onto yours tighter, not wanting to let go. You made sure you kept his hand in yours, interlacing your fingers.
“You sure about this?” Steve spoke up and bucky nodded, a tight smile on his face as his eyes flickered between the two of you.
“i cant trust my own mind,” he chuckled dryly, “until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head i think going back under is the best thing” he looked at you with a soft smile, “for everybody.”
You squeezed his hand, nodding your head softly. “don’t worry lovebug, I’m yours forever” you whispered, a smile on your face as he recognized the phrase as the same on you had spoke to him in the flashes when you first touched.
“I’m yours forever, doll” Bucky spoke, kissing your temple before slipping his hand out of yours, and stepping into the machine.
You stood next to Steve as the machine whirred, looking away as it froze over. Steve put his arm around you, leading you away.
You held onto the memories you had made months ago in your apartment. You held onto the flashes you had gotten of the two of you having a picnic in the meadow, giggling with the sunset in the background.
You held onto bucky, your hope.
-
taglist !
@felicityofbakerstreet @newyork47 @classygirlything @ebxny27 @hhaydenn @miaangel24 @shawnie--jo @quinnmaddie @mugscraps @bucky-32557038 @marvelfansworld @hey-there-angels @buckys2thicc @groovyvalentine
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thefanficmonster · 3 years
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Tell Me It’s Not Too Late
(Sequel to Switchblade)
Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)
Warnings: Heartbreak, Swearing
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Summary: When is it considered ‘too late’ when it comes to expressing feelings? Is there even a time limit? Is the chance only momentary - is it a second that passes you by with no possibility of returning? All Corpse can do is hope that’s not the case. Cause if it is.....he’d rather not think about that.
Requested - sort of, but not in a typical way. Thank you to all the readers of ‘Switchblade’ that wanted to see the story have an ending that’d lead to a new start. Here it is, guys! Hope it lives up to what you expected. Love you all to the moon and back. 💖💖💖
I end my stream after almost three hours of constant scares. I sigh, slipping the headset off my ears so it’s hanging around my neck. I don’t feel that fulfilling feeling that I’m always met with upon ending a stream. I look at the countless scratches and little holes on the surface of my desk - evidence of the fear and frustration I experience while playing certain games. Not all of them are caused by that, however - Coming home after possibly the most humiliating night of my life, that desk and a few other pieces of furniture suffered my wrath and are now decorated with stab wounds that were a result of uncontrollable rage, hurt, self-hatred and self-pity. It took me a while to put an end to my hazardous, switchblade wielding rampage throughout my house, but the tears didn’t stop until the early morning hours.
I didn’t care that my feelings weren’t reciprocated. That was and is the least of my troubles. The most amount of hurt comes from the fact that I ruined something wonderful for myself. Corpse is the only person I’ve felt this close to all my life and now, due to my own poor decision making, I no longer have him. He no longer wants to be a part of the shit-show that is my life. Especially not now that he knows how messy things get when I show my forever-hidden feelings. I can’t blame him. I know I’d be running for the hills if I were him. He deserves a person who knows what’s going on in their life. Who has themselves and their surroundings figured out. Not someone who has an irregular streaming schedule and catches feelings for her best friend, ruining the friendship altogether in the process.
As I stand up from my chair, accidentally hitting the handle of the switchblade on the edge of my desk. I look down at it and how tightly I’m holding it. I seem to not be able to let go of it. Almost like I see it as my last bit of link to Corpse. The remnants of the connection I felt between us.
Maybe I should return it.
No, that’d be weird. I’d either have to go over there and give it back or send it via mail which is worse. It just feels like a harsh gesture - mailing something so meaningful as though it’s as worthless as the bills people get in the mail. I can’t send it through others, I don’t want anyone else getting involved. The more people know, the more real it is.
I’m aware I’m being both overdramatic and irrational, but you have to understand how much pain I’m in. I can’t guarantee the pain will go away or even lessen if I let this switchblade go, but it’s the only thing I haven’t tried.
Only problem is - I can’t let it go. I can’t find it in me to destroy it or throw it away. A part of me is willing to take the suffering of keeping it just cause it wants to hold on to that little connection it resembles. It’s evidence it existed to begin with. I believe it’s worth the pain. The hurt will go away eventually, but the memories are forever. I’ll look back at the time I had an amazing person such as Corpse to call ‘best friend’ and I’ll have something to prove to myself that it wasn’t a fever dream.
“Oh for fuck’s sake.“ I mumble as I finally uncurl my fingers from around the damn thing and put in down on my desk.
I take the headset off and proceed to head out onto the balcony to light what I call a ‘stress cigarette’. I’m not a regular smoker, but when everything just caves, I prefer to resort to a quick puff rather than grabbing a drink. I can say no to a second cigarette but not to a second drink. That second will then turn into a third and so on. And I don’t trust myself when drunk. I don’t personally know, but I’ve been told I’m rather unpredictable.
For the first few seconds while I’m standing there I don’t notice the pouring rain by some strange miracle. I can only focus on the chill of the breeze and the fresh breath that’s finally entering my lungs. I take a moment to breathe in the cool air before I start mixing it with the cigarette smoke. 
With my eyes closed, I hear more than I feel the rain on me. Storm noises always distract me from the actual storm, they calm me down. However, the sudden loud thunder causes me to open my eyes in a matter of milliseconds. I frown, slightly upset that I didn’t catch glimpse of the lightning that the thunder probably followed.
I’m not upset for too long, though. A lightning flashes right opposite me, creating the most mesmerizing of pattern you can see in the night sky during a storm. It’s so bright, it allows me to see my whole, usually unlit garden perfectly in that second or two it graces the sky. 
Wait
My balcony has a clear view of my entire front yard and all it takes a glance to the left to be able to see the front doorstep. 
Don’t freak yourself out, it’s just a trick of the light
I stay quiet and as still as a statue as I await another flash of lightning, my heart speeding past the point of a healthy pulse and into the realm of a near heart attack. The storm seems to be on my side because maybe a minute later another lightning bolt cuts through the black of the night. 
Sure enough, there’s a person standing outside my front door.
Fuck, what do I do?!
The person doesn’t appear to be moving. They are standing just as still as I am, facing towards the house.
I thank the universe the lights inside the house are off. I turned them off cause I wanted the ultimate scary experience playing that game. The only light is the faint glow of my computer screen which is, thankfully, barely visible. I slowly start backing up towards the sliding glass door, never taking my eyes off the figure that I can just barely make out now that my surroundings have fallen into darkness again. If it weren’t for the lightning I would’ve never been able to see them.
I manage to get back inside, soaked as though I just got out of a pool, without making a single sound. Just to be safe, I shut my monitor off. I grab my phone to use as a flashlight in one hand and the switchblade just finds its way into the other, my fingers curling around it tightly, more on instinct than to use as a weapon. I know I probably won’t be able to stab whoever’s out there.
I tiptoe my way down the stairs where all the lights are also off. I flick the blade out as I hesitantly and shakily make my way to the door to look through the peephole. I let out an unsteady exhale as I look at the the figure who is now standing further away and seems to have one arm in the air, curled at the elbow.
Just as I’m about to pull away from the door to dial 911 another flash of lightning illuminates the yard, the figure along with it. 
Can we go back to it being an intruder?
It’s no intruder, surprisingly - to my dismay. 
I turn my phone’s flash off and reach for the switch next to the door, flicking the light on before opening the door and walking out. 
“I NEARLY STABBED YOU WITH YOUR OWN BLADE!“ I yell in a desperate attempt to be heard over the waterfall of rain.
I can finally see him properly thanks to the light in my hallway. He looks like he hasn’t slept in years. He has his hood up but his black locks are sticking out in every direction from under the soaked material, not being protected from the droplets whatsoever. I read the shock in his eyes, almost like he didn’t know I lived there. He doesn’t make an attempt to approach or walk away from me so we just stand there, in the rain, staring at each other as though it’s the first time we’ve seen one another.
I snap out of the trance he has put me in, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of the situation as I step towards him, grabbing onto his wrist, “Come on, we look like drowned rats.” I don’t give him time to react as I drag him inside, closing the door once we enter. “OK, from the top now: Why were you embracing your inner serial killer on my front porch?” I keep blabbering, diverting my gaze to anything but him. “Fucking hell, I could’ve stabbed you! You could’ve gotten really badly hurt! I -...”
“You know, I wish you stabbed me.“ He finally puts an end to my sorry excuse for frustration, I’m aware I look and sound miserable. His voice drags my eyes straight to his, fixing them there. “I know you can’t kill a cockroach on your own, and I know you most definitely wouldn’t even scratch a person, but I wish you had hurt me. Inflict fifty stab wounds on me and you still won’t hurt me as much as I hurt you.“ His hand swiftly pushes the hood off his head, grabbing onto his drenched locks as an expression of pain paints itself on his face. He’s the one diverting his gaze now, “I know what you mistook my silence for and I want you to get that out of your head.“
I wince at the pang in my chest, barely restraining my hand from flying up to rest over my heart, “Don’t humor me, Corpse! I’m not a child and this is not a game!”
“I’m not humoring you. I’m telling you...“ he makes a step towards me, grabbing hold of my ice cold hands, “I’m telling you I’m an asshole that freezes up when it’s least acceptable. I’m telling you I’m the worst at expressing how I feel. I’m telling you I can’t open foil. But you already knew all that. And you still liked me.“ He breaths in, refilling his lungs before continuing his rant, “I know you can be very chaotic. A real handful. A fucking tornado. But I love you. I love you as every natural disaster you represent. And if you could humor me...“ One of his hands releases mine, coming up to push a strand of hair away from my face, resting his hand on my cheek. “...by giving me one more chance. You always let me try multiple times when I stumble over what I’m trying to say. Can you do that, for me? For us?“
I let out a dramatic sigh, rolling my eyes. “If I say yes will you stop showing up like that on my doorstep?“ Of course, my primal instinct is to act tough and cool when my heart rate is once again going at the speed from back at the balcony. The skin of face and neck is red and burning hot. My eyes are rimmed with tears, I hope he doesn’t notice.
“Yeah. I’ll start coming in through the chimney instead.“ He visibly relaxes, a smile dancing at the corner of his lips. He lifts the hand that’s still holding the switchblade, prying it out of my grasp. “No sharp objects, please.”
He drops it in the pocket of his hoodie, finally leaning down to erase any last bit of doubt I have left. This kiss teaches me a lot of things.
Love isn’t linear - nothing about it is linear. Not falling in nor falling out of it. Feelings aren’t digital or binary - it’s not always as black and white as we might want to believe. Feelings don’t just come and go. They are always present, but it depends on us weather they’re suppressed or expressed. We fear the latter cause we fear vulnerability and change. But we also crave the positive outcome we have a 50% chance of getting. It’s a fifty-fifty game, but here’s the thing: if you never express your feelings it’s a zero-a hundred chance that you won’t receive the outcome you’d like.
I took the fifty over the zero chance and regretted it for a day or two. It gave me closure if nothing more. It let me stand under the spotlight and carry my pride on my shoulders despite the tears in my eyes.
My feelings being reciprocated is just another benefit. But no longer being able to call Corpse ‘best friend’ cause he’s now got a bigger and better title is the positive outcome I have been dreaming of. 
He makes it all worth it. He is worth all of it. 
And if I had to go through all that again, you can bet your ass I would.
@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis
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littlemisspascal · 3 years
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Death and an Angel part 8
Helmetless + Death!Din and Cupid F!Reader
Summary:  “You have become the only one in the universe who can claim to uniquely know him.”
Rating: T
Word Count: 2,002
Warnings: fluffy fluff, some plot, swearing, reunions, soft!Din, Kuiil thinks Cupid is a fool, Kuiil’s backstory from canon, surprisingly little angst (it shocked me too)
Author Note: I want to apologize to those on the tag list not getting notified. I have no idea why Tumblr isn’t cooperating and I feel horrible about it. I love each and every one of you who spares time to read this segment/series and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season.
Links to Part 1 and Part 7 and Part 9
Cross-posted on AO3.
Photo Inspiration:
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The next morning you find Kuiil outside welding together two pieces of metal at his workbench. IG-11 tends to the small herd of blurrg the Ugnaught keeps in a large pen, feeding the two-legged creatures their breakfast. Although you were initially wary, the former assassin droid has been nothing but kind to you, if not a little obsessive about checking the bandage on your head every few hours.
“IG was explicitly warned by Death what would happen if your health declined in his absence,” Kuiil had informed you the previous evening when your attempt to stop the droid’s incessant fretting failed.
“He’s such a worrywart,” you muttered as IG-11 scanned your temperature, heart skipping a beat as it always does when you think about Din’s protective nature. There’s something unbelievably attractive about him making threats when it came to your wellbeing.
“A worrywart who left his gunship in my yard.” Kuiil aimed a sharp look towards the entrance of his home, as if he could see the Razor Crest from this distance.
You snorted a laugh at him calling Arvala-7’s desert landscape a yard of all designations, only for the rest of his sentence to register a beat later, making your eyebrows rise to your hairline. “Wait, what? He seriously left the Crest here? Why would he do that?”
“The quicker his trip to Nevarro, the quicker he returns to your side,” was the response, accompanied with a shrewd look implying you were a fool for asking such a question.
Your Ugnaught host reminds you of a grandfather figure; a bit prickly and blunt at times, but ultimately kindhearted and selfless at his core, wanting only what’s best for those in his care. Between his insistence you keep resting in his bed and IG-11’s nurse programming, you no longer wonder why Din chose to leave you with them, thoroughly convinced you’re receiving better around-the-clock care than most people experience in medcenters.
Kuiil turns when you approach him, pushing his goggles back to the top of his cap as he clicks off the welding torch, eyes giving you a cursory once-over. You feel better than you had yesterday, both headache and dizziness gone, and he must sense that since his head dips in a firm nod, satisfied with what he sees.
“Good morning,” you greet, smiling.
“Morning,” he replies. His expression turns repentant, eyebrows lowering. “My apologies for waking you, but I could not let these repairs remain unfinished.”
“It’s okay.” You tilt your head up towards the sky, enjoying the warmth of the early sunshine after spending the entire previous day cooped inside his home. “I’m supposed to report back to headquarters later today, so I needed to be up anyways.”
Hearing the words out loud grounds the upcoming meeting in reality. It’s really happening. Hours from now, you're going to have to tell your bosses everything, now including your new title as Din’s soulmate. Maker, you can just imagine Hess staring you down with those beady, rat-like eyes of his, asking question after question about you and Din.
And if Hess was serious before on the comlink—and you highly doubt the bastard’s ever told a joke in his life—then there is also the very real prospect of Moff Gideon being there to take part in your interrogation.
“Are you alright?” Kuiil asks, noticing how pale you’ve become. Without waiting for an answer, he ushers you over to a nearby stool. You sit, mouth opening to reassure him you’re fine, only to be startled by the knowing glint in his eyes. “I recognize your anxious face from my years as an indentured servant. You fear punishment from your superiors.”
Your eyes widen, stomach suddenly feeling hollow. “You were a servant?”
“From my birth until my hundredth year, yes.” The nauseous feeling intensifies. You knew Ugnaughts typically lived up to two-hundred years, meaning Kuiil had lived half of his lifetime in servitude. “Earning my freedom did not occur without harsh discipline.”
You draw in a shaky breath at that. It feels wrong, being worried about meeting with your bosses when there are others, such as Kuiil, who have endured far worse horrors.
“Those with power think it comes from weapons and control over others through means of fear and violence,” he continues, returning the welding torch to its proper placement in his toolbox. “True power comes from the strength of one’s hope. It allows you to believe in a better future for yourself and so long as you cling to it, no enemy can break your spirit.”
His rumbling baritone washes over you, calming the worst of your worries. You press your thumb against your soulmate marking, a nervous habit that has developed since you first saw it yesterday. You’ve become addicted to the warmth the mark emanates as it reassures you you’re not hallucinating its appearance.
“I just keep thinking about what their reactions are going to be when I tell them about me and him being together,” you confess, feeling shy as you duck your chin to avoid eye contact.
“Are you embarrassed of Death being your soulmate?”
Your head snaps back up, shocked by his bluntness. “What? No. Din means everything to me.”
The words seem too loud against the quiet atmosphere of the planet. They reverberate off seemingly every surface—the desert rocks, the Razor Crest’s steel paneling and the metal roof on Kuiil’s home—echoing for miles in every direction. Despite knowing that isn’t truly possible, you are unable to stop yourself from wincing.
“You gave Death a name?” Kuiil’s bafflement is visible in the way his head tilts, looking at you in a way that is reminiscent of Omera’s puzzled expression back on Sorgan.
"I didn’t.” You shake your head, for some reason feeling the need to clarify, “He named himself. It’s just something for me to call him when we’re around mortals.”
“I have known Death many decades now,” he begins, sounding no less confused despite your explanation. “He’s quite...particular about the mortal traditions he chooses to adopt, such as appearing as a human male and piloting a gunship.”
“Yeah, I know how picky he can be,” you say slowly, not understanding what his point is.
“Not once has he ever felt compelled to use a mortal name because, in his opinion, names establish ties."
“What does that mean?”
“Without a name, he is but another stranger amongst trillions of beings, unrecognized and unmissed,” Kuiil explains, and you find yourself leaning forward, elbows on your knees. “By giving you a name to call him by, he has tied himself to you in a way he has not permitted anyone else. You have become the only one in the universe who can claim you uniquely know him.”
“Huh.” You let out a long exhale, suddenly aware of your heartbeat pounding deafeningly in your eardrums as it begins to sink in just how monumental the gift of Din’s name truly is. “Well how bout that.”
And the shrewd look from last night makes a reappearance, conveying once again how foolish he thinks you are.
“I have spoken.”
~~
People tend to forget a Cupid’s bow is first and foremost a weapon of defense. Comprised of wood from a Brylark tree, sinew from orbaks, and a thin layer of a mudhorn’s horn, it can be compared to Din’s armor in that it is virtually indestructible. A Cupid carries two types of arrows: one made from kyber crystal meant to lighten one’s emotions or, on rare occasions, induce lust, and the other one made from a kyber crystal coated in ichor, meant to inflict harm against enemies. Once a target is hit, the effects are instantaneous and the arrow vanishes in a burst of sparkling light, regenerating in your quiver seconds later.
You underwent rigorous training to learn how to become a master of archery. Your bow is bound to your Cupid abilities, capable of being summoned to your aid and dismissed with a mere thought. You were taught how to control your breathing, learning that the expanding and contracting of your chest cavity during a shot can ruin your aim. Missing a target is one of the worst mistakes a Cupid can commit, meaning you must make every single shot count.
All that to say, Cupids are fierce archers as much as they are dedicated matchmakers.
They are also dangerous when startled unexpectedly.
You’re in the middle of tidying up Kuiil’s tiny kitchen space, a task you had insisted upon after he’d served you a delicious lunch, humming to yourself quietly as you scrub at the dishes when hands wrap around your waist, pulling you backwards towards someone’s chest.
You react completely on instinct, teleporting out of their hold and reappearing on the other side of the room, bow ready with an ichor arrow aimed directly at the assailant. It is only when the meager light of the nearby lantern reflects off their beskar helmet do you realize who you’re facing.
Immediately you lower and dismiss your weapon before pressing a hand over your chest where your heart is fluttering like a trapped bird. “I’m so sorry, Din,” you tell him, limbs trembling as it sinks in just how close you were to shooting him. “Maker, you scared me and—and I thought I—well, I don’t know what I was thinking, just that I had to—”
In between blinks he appears in front of you, yanking his helmet off with such ferocity your words catch in your throat. You have only the slightest of seconds to glimpse the arousal darkening his brown eyes before he slips a hand behind your neck and crashes your lips together.
He kisses you as if you’re gravity and he’ll float away if he dares to spare a moment to breathe, sending a current of warmth surging through your body. You thought the mere touch of his hand had been life-altering, but it is a mere candle compared to the wildfire his lips spark. Your eyes fall shut as you kiss back with an equal amount of fervency, bringing him closer by wrapping your arms around his neck, grinning at the groan the action spurs from deep within his chest.
There is the heavy thud of his helmet striking the ground before he’s wrapping his hand around your waist, slotting a thigh between your legs to ensure every inch of your bodies are touching. Your cheeks rub against the scratchiness of his facial scruff, an invigorating burn you think you could easily become addicted to.
An embarrassingly high-pitched whine escapes your lips when he pulls away a minute later. He’s never looked more attractive, mouth swollen and hair disarrayed from your roaming fingers. His hands cup your face, and it occurs to you as he swipes his thumbs over your cheekbones he isn’t wearing his gloves.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, sounding slightly hoarser than usual and out of breath. His gaze roams your face, like he’s trying to re-familiarize himself with your features after the time spent apart. “Especially with your bow. When you pointed that arrow at me, there was this...fierceness in your eyes I’ve never seen before. Fuck, angel, you looked so gorgeous.”
“Seriously?” you say, raising an incredulous eyebrow, because of-kriffing-course he’d be the one being in the whole universe who is turned on by a weapon being pointed at him.
“Seriously.” He leans in, forehead pressing against yours, noses brushing. It’s hard to focus when he’s this close, like you’ve again entered that separate realm where it’s just you and him.
“Din, look,” you whisper, fighting the magnetic pull insisting you kiss him again long enough to show him your marked hand. “It’s real. I’m yours and you’re mine.”
The smile that stretches across his face when he sees it is nothing short of breathtaking.
“Angel,” he says, tilting your head so the words are spoken right against your lips. “I’ve wanted to hear you say those words ever since I gave you my name.”
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zhongliologist · 3 years
Text
The Persistence of Time | Zhongli
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Pairing: Zhongli x Gender Neutral!Reader
Genre: ANGST!! ANGST!!!!
Words: 3.1k
AN: Sorry this took a while!! I was trying to gather enough lore for this to work;;; I hope it was ok >////<!!! 
Now Playing: How Can I Love the Heartbreak, You’re the One I Love - AKMU; Vocalise, Op.34 - Sergei Rachmaninoff; Pavane pour une infante defunte, M.19 - Maurice Ravel
*
“That era has passed. Nothing that belonged to it exists anymore.”
-Wong Kar-Wai, In the Mood for Love
There was no sadness, no pain,
Just a longing for a moment in my life
Where everything seemed right,
Where happiness was due,
And where you and I existed.
I thought it would encompass infinity;
Towards the recesses of the universe
and the end of time.
Yet it passed us without telling;
It had passed without us knowing.
And I am now alone—
Left with a bleak emptiness,
Knowing what and how it felt to be
Complete.
*
“Please forgive me.”
It was there on that day when the gentle sea breeze became harsh gale, when the serene mountains behind him became tall ominous shadows reflecting the darkness cast upon his face. It was when the monotonous world was painted with vivid hurtful tones of silence and heartbreak; gnashing at his heart as it cut the final slivers of happiness left in him.
On that rather peaceful night, when the layers of dust that covered his heart finally blew away, Zhongli finally unearthed the haunting truth he tried to bury. After thousands of years, after monuments turn into ruins, and monoliths turn into sand, and wash away into the shores of time, he finally felt his heart tremble again.
Please forgive me.
“I am truly grateful to be able to receive your love…”
He could see it. Against the dark void of the cloudless sky, he saw it all in your eyes: the pain he had caused, killing you slowly inside like some torturous mechanism devised only by him. It had also cut him open, bleeding bloodless as he tried to force the words out of his lips.
Please…forgive me…
He didn’t want to say it; he didn’t want to hurt you. If only he could pull you to his embrace, wrap you around his arms so tenderly to ease the woes of your heart. If only he had that choice in the first place. He wished he had at that moment. But this was for the best.
“…and I also have come to realize my feelings for you, but—”
Truly, truly, he loves you. More than you can ever imagine; more than what you were thinking of right now as you stood motionless, awaiting his words. He would move mountains, divide the seas for you. He would do everything for you. And the moment you told him how you felt earlier that night was one of the happiest moments in his life, but even then, the tale must end before it could even begin.
He couldn’t risk it. You who had became so precious to him in a span of a few months, he couldn’t risk it. For you to be with a person like him; you deserved better.
“I have already resigned myself to this loneliness.”
Please forgive me.
Heartbreak is momentary. It will soon disappear, and you will soon forget about him. You will move on and find the happiness that he couldn’t give you in the arms of someone else. It felt like thorns around his throat, poison in his chest when he thought about it, yet it has to be done.
This pain will eventually be forgotten.
As he gazed at you, your eyes stunned and holding back tears he wished he could wipe away, Zhongli felt it pierce through him; more painful than any blade or arrow that ever wounded him. But this was for your own good.
“…why…?” you finally asked, eyes too weak to hold any more tears; leaving him more remorseful than ever before. “Don’t I deserve to know why?”
He grit his teeth, cursing silently at the wind. He always admired how you would never give up despite your gentle nature, but right now, it didn’t make things any easier.
“You and I both know what we feel…” you shouted at him, voice trembling. “So why…? Why can’t we be together?”
It was too much. Clenching his hands into fists, he turned away before he could give in to you; his brows furrowing in pain as he heard your sobs being swept by the wind.
“Zhongli!” you screamed, your chest too tight to be able to breathe as your voice diminished into a plea. “…answer me…please…”
His hand was trembling as he tried to hold the hurt in; to keep it suppressed into a tiny pebble inside his chest. But there will always be a point in time when he had to lose strength, when he was at his weakest—and you perfectly hit that mark when you asked him why with so much vulnerability.
“Not now…” he began, his words finally lost to him. “But if you really wish to know, see me tomorrow. At the Guili Ruins.”
*
If only the weather would also stay true to your feelings, it would’ve been a bit better.
Yet the sun was shining brightly, and the sky a deep cobalt blue with tiny whisps of titanium white clouds as it rolled across the expansive visage of the Guili Plains. Life moved on faster than your heart could ever catch up, even if it got broken just the night before.
And the one who broke it was just a few steps ahead.
Zhongli stood waiting for you just beside the main dirt road, mind always wandering farther than his feet could take him. You always wondered where his thoughts took him, or what was in his mind when he told you he had already ‘resigned to loneliness’.
As you approached him with a dread for the truth, you reminded yourself that this was what you asked for. That night, he seemed like he wouldn’t even give you an explanation if you hadn’t pressed him for it, and you wondered what was the reason for that. Now that you have arrived, it wouldn’t take long for you to finally discover what the answer was.
“…Zhongli,” you called out to him softly, stealing him away from his reveries.
He promptly gazed at you, amber eyes lingering for far too long for it to be just a simple glance. But before you could ask him why, he turned away coldly.
“Follow me.”
It stung you—how easily he could shut you off, how easily he could push you away even though you knew what he actually felt. Your eyes widened briefly, unused to this stone cold Zhongli, but you decided not to dwell on it before it could permanently hurt you. Crying when things had barely begun wouldn’t amount to anything.  
Ruins buried halfway on the ground dotted the green landscape; scattered into miniscule pieces that were no longer discernable. If only you could see how shattered your heart was, it would’ve looked similar to these desolate ruins. As you trailed behind him, unable to look at the same back you once embraced, you once leaned on to; your eyes simply gazed down on the ground just to tame these tumultuous tides of emotions.
If only you knew how much Zhongli tried to contain himself—balling his hands into tight fists, his teeth gritting at the way he kept on hurting you. He once was someone who could wear coldness in the face of carnage, yet right now, as you gazed at him with eyes so hopeful, he could feel the mask crumbling, cracking away piece by piece.
But this is for your own good—he reminded himself for the millionth, billionth, nth time.
Eventually he stopped walking, just standing right before a glowing circle on the ground. You could see a cliff behind him, overlooking a sea of long-forgotten stone ruins.
“The Guili Plains were once home to the Guili Assembly,” Zhongli began as he faced you, expression unreadable. “A precursor to the harbor city of Liyue, the Assembly was once ruled over by the God of Dust, Guizhong, and the Geo Archon Rex Lapis.”
You raised a brow at him.
It was already no surprise that Zhongli is Rex Lapis. You were long suspicious and he eventually told you, but you wondered what was the point of all of this; why he specifically asked to meet at this certain place, telling you a tale that has been buried under the sands of time. All you asked him was why he had to reject you.
“Yet the Archon Wars continued to set the lands of Liyue ablaze, and we struggled to protect the people we vowed to protect,” he continued, eyes holding no semblance of emotion, as if he had left everything behind in the distant past. “In the end, we were not strong enough. I was not strong enough to protect even Guizhong.”
You simply stood there, regarding him silently as the cogs in your head turned. For the first time today, you finally heard his stoic expression crack. Did he deeply regret Guizhong’s death that even after thousands of years, he still hasn’t moved on?
“I was too weak, too powerless,” his said his voice trailing off as he finally gave in to the vulnerability. “There was no reason for her to perish. Guizhong was gentle with her people, more compassionate than I could ever be, yet…yet…I—”
He wished he didn’t have to recall that certain moment which was still etched vividly in his memory to this very day, yet you really had to ask him why. You who had been looking at him so lovingly all this time, harboring no hatred in your heart—Zhongli could no longer conceal any more of these emotions which plague him for millennia.  
As you watched him visibly shake as the stone wall he had set up earlier crumbled into dust, you couldn’t help but feel the pain he had gone through over the years. Your heart ached for him, wondering what he must’ve felt when he lost the people he had once considered close to him. It became clear to you that the one thing he needed the least was loneliness.
Taking the first step, you walked towards him and cupped his cheek; forcing him to face you. It felt like a jab as soon as you noticed the hurt in his eyes, even with words unspoken, you immediately knew how much he had suffered.
“She was precious to you, wasn’t she?” you asked, tracing circles on his skin, your voice soft.
“YN…” Zhongli called out your name, his eyes giving a glimpse of how he truly felt as they gazed into yours. “I…I—”
Finally, he collapsed as you pulled him to your embrace. He held on to you tightly; burying his head on your shoulders, hoping that the pain would at least subside if he was in your arms.
“I…I promised her…back then. I promised…I would become the strength to support her and her people. Yet I could not even fulfill that promise…” he continued as he sobbed into your shoulders. “She was always loving to everyone…yet even I, as an Archon…could not…”
For the first time in a long while, Zhongli allowed tears to pour from his eyes as he continued to embrace you. He was enamored with you at first because of how much you reminded him of Guizhong, yet the more time he spent with you, the more he fell for you, he realized that you were different from her. Yet he still couldn’t deny his feelings. He still fell in love with you.
“I am terrified, YN…if I can’t even protect her, then…how can I even keep you safe…?”
You forced your chest to stop clenching tightly when you heard his words. Of course, there was a pang of jealously—of how much he treasured her that he still carried it with him over the years. But at the same time, you felt sorry for him. Even if he did everything he could, he still blames himself for what had happened.
“If you would die as well because of these hands… then I will never be able to forgive myself. That is why I must push you away before any misfortune shall befall you. This is the only way I could protect you.”
He couldn’t stop. He had to say everything. You had to know.
“Even…even if it pains me to see you leave, to see you love someone else, then I must endure. As long as you are happy, as long as you are alive, then I have nothing to regret.”
Brushing your hands through his long hair, you comforted him the best that you could.
“Zhongli…you blockhead…” you whispered as you rubbed his back gently. “I would never be happier if I couldn’t stay by your side. I would never be happy if you’re in pain. Please don’t carry this burden all by yourself. If I am in your arms, then I will always feel safe. You don’t have to shoulder the responsibility of protecting me all alone, I am fully capable of protecting myself, you know.”
Pulling away, Zhongli gazed into your eyes, as you wiped his tear stained face clean with a ghost of a smile. “What happened to Guizhong was a tragedy that came from a war you had already won. Yet you had led her people safely despite your shortcomings and your mistakes.”
“Look at Liyue now,” you continued. “Do you see how beautiful it is? These majestic plains and pools and mountain tops were sculpted by your very hands. Yes, you may have failed to protect her, but her legacy continues on because of you. Liyue Harbor exists because of both of your efforts, and we would have never met if you had never stumbled and fell. No matter how many mistakes you make, she would’ve already forgiven you, knowing how much you worked hard for Liyue even if you say you’re not suited for it. She’ll be proud of you.”
Again, he felt his heart trembled at your very words; the stone which covered it gradually cracking open. He had never told anyone about his regrets before, and it felt so light, knowing that he had you now, knowing that you would understand him. He wouldn’t have to feel so alone.
“YN…” Zhongli whispered, holding your cheeks between his hands as he stared at you with an evocative gaze.
In a moment’s surprise, he captured your lips in a soft yet vulnerable kiss; pouring everything he felt for you at that moment. You could feel it as he swept pass your lips, the intensity of his emotions and the gentleness of his touch. Whatever happened in the past will stay in the past. Right now, he had you.
Gasping for air, the both of you glanced at each other as words unspoken passed between you. He was grateful to have met you in this lifetime. Considering that he is a god who had lived thousands of years, the chances of meeting someone like you was terrifyingly low. But even then, he felt lucky.
“I know you can’t forgive yourself this easily, but I’m sure that you’ll get there,” you told him as you held on to his hand. “I will always be right beside you; to help you get up if you stumble again. I’ll be your support as you come into terms with your own regrets. It will take time, but we have all the time in the world.”
“Thank you,” Zhongli replied, bringing your hand to his lips, kissing it gently with a smile on his face. “
“Come here,” he told you as he slowly turned and walked towards the cliffside. “I have something yet to show you.”
Curious, you followed him to where he sat; leaning against a stone wall that was once part of a greater structure. Sitting next to him at a ledge, you watched as he produced an intricate cube, floating on the air as he held it closely. It seemed to be made of stone yet the streaks around it were glowing golden.
“This is a dumbbell called Memory of Dust,” he prefaced, turning it around gently. “It was something Guizhong gave to me before I lost her, saying that if I can unlock it then perhaps…”
You turned to him curiously. “Perhaps what?”
He gazed at the object with a sighed. “She was never able to finish what she said, and I was never able to unlock it.”
Humming, you leaned your head to inspect it closely. “She didn’t leave any clues?”
“Unfortunately, not.”
“I wonder what it contains—”
“YN!”
As soon as you touched it however, the sides of the object began moving as Zhongli swiftly moved you away from it, shielding you behind him. The cube continued to move as it floated a little further away and began glowing much brighter than ever before.
In a bright flash of light, the object imploded and the next thing Zhongli noticed was familiar voice that seem to be humming just beside his ear. He stood there, feet frozen to the ground, and simply allowed the moment to happen.
“I see. It seems you had finally understood how to become ‘human’…to be able to connect to someone and empathize, to finally understand love, and how to love whole heartedly, to lay down all your burdens and lean on for support. Now it is time for you to experience it. You have done well.”
“…Guizhong…?”
“Here is the Persistence of Time. It is slow changing and persistent. It will continue to flow like tides and ripples in a vast and never-ending fabric of the universe. Everything will be washed away and buried; tucked away until it decimates into grains of sand. Fragments, memory and meaning—all forgotten as those who remember them had long left this world. Yet as time continues to persist, then so too shall love exist past the constraints of time and memory. I shall continue to watch over you, over Liyue, as the new age of mankind dawns. Live well, my Lord.”
He had never expected to hear a voice he hadn’t heard for such a long time. Yet by the time the presence had disappeared and vanished into the air, he could finally feel some sense of peace; closure.
“Oh? You’re smiling.” Zhongli finally heard your voice as you leaned against him; your eyes seemingly knowing yet refusing to tell.
“Am I?” he asked as he offered you his arm. “I am simply grateful of your love, and of your patience with me. If you had given up that night, I would have never understood.”
You hummed. “There was something in that object after all, but then again, I’m happy. Next time, please don’t just jump into plans that aren’t even well thought out. We have each other now, don’t we?”
In a moment’s notice, Zhongli cupped your cheek; giving your lips a small but gentle peck.
“I shall be counting on you then.”
514 notes · View notes
en-amours · 3 years
Text
safe & sound.
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↣ jay park x reader; angst, royalty au, prince!jay, knight!mc.
the prince should be accustomed to this—always finding himself at the brink of losing so beloved, so dear, come dusk or dawn—yet here he is, falling apart and unable to let go.
warnings: mentions of war, mentions/implications of death
notes: requested by @enha-woodzies! hehe sorry it took so long, ate tee :’) i’m not sure angst is my strong suit, but i hope this is okay? hshsjdjjd but thank you so much for being patient with me <33 hope you enjoy! also pls excuse any inaccuracies in this, it’s my second time writing a royalty au and it is ,,, difficult wow (props to those who manage to write vv long au fics, u guys are incredible ^-^)
♡ — taglist: @yoshinung @kyungminbf @stargirlstories @lovelycharm05 @honeyju @sunooflowerss @ghjasksdk
wordcount: 0.9k
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Jay watches the world fall apart before him, hundreds of footfalls akin to crashing raindrops against windowpanes, the clang of armory and weapons apparent even though he stands miles away from the commotion. Through the frosted glass by the halls, he glimpses a trail of bright orange lights dotting the path from the castle gates cleaving through the middle of the sleeping village, flickering lanterns held by knights and squires and archers mounted on horses to answer the King’s cry for assistance, all unknowing of what the dawn may hold but facing the night with their chins held high, anyway.
The seasons are giving way to war, Jay knows that; he’s spent countless hours inside map rooms and cabinets discussing all possible strategies for battle with the kingdom’s most brandished military advisers and skilled commanders, laid out plans that were to be executed should certain events occur—he has approached everything exactly how an heir is supposed to: calmly, rationally, without a smidgen of doubt, unflinching at the jagged edges of the truth.
But to watch you leave, the gravity of it feels heavier than the crown.
Finally, the prince looks at you, but he does not face you. Jay stares at the reflection of your visage on the window, afraid that once he turns around the fact that you’re leaving might become unbearable. He’d given you not a single glance nor word during the meeting earlier—what, with royal advisors and other members of the family flocking around, panic and urgency creating a buzz around the cabinet room—but he couldn’t gaze at you the same: he couldn’t bring himself to accept the possibility that the space you occupied would remain empty after the fighting, that he wouldn’t be able to glimpse your stifled half-smiles and discreet scoffs at pompous nobles, leaning near him to share whispers, if only the universe was so kind as to spare us from this wretched life.
Alas, he’d always reply, with all the complacence a boy at fourteen could bear, we’ve always known that the cosmos weren’t in our favor.
Alas, his fist tightens; he turns slowly, sweeps his gaze over your face, your eyes, your lips. Eighteen is so young, but you’re both weathered and weary, having seen so much of the darkness when you should’ve been basking in the light. “Commander L/N.”
You put your hand to your chest as you incline your head in a bow, forcing yourself not to shake. “Rest assured, Your Highness, we will not allow this country to be reduced to ashes.”
At the cost of setting yourself on fire.
You exhale quietly. You turn, ready to head towards chaos. Jay’s hand shoots up, wraps his fingers around your wrist, and his touch burns.
“Stay. Please.”
You freeze in place. Jay’s hold trembles slightly. “Your Highness, if it is a matter of concern over your security, you have been informed that Sir Heeseung is to remain here—”
“Y/N,” he croaks, and your gaze snaps to him, eyes quivering. He doesn’t even know what’s taken over him, but his whisper curls itself around your throat and clouds your mind with a heavy fog: his grip is loose, helpless that he knows he can’t stop you, but he tries. “Let me come with you.”
“You know we cannot do that,” you counter, tone softening. “The Queen needs you. Riki needs you. This kingdom needs you—”
“I need you.” He pinches his eyes shut, like convincing himself that this is naught but a dream. His words hang in the air. He promised once that he would defy everything, everything, even the stars, just to stay by your side. He loves you. By god, he loves you, but fate is cruel.
Fate tells him he cannot choose you.
He feels something skim against his cheek, and it’s only when he opens his eyes again does he realize he’s weeping. You come closer, gentle hands brushing away moonlit tears, and you abhor seeing him like this. You want to tell him yes, you will stay. To cease his pain, you would stay. But when you feel him grasp your hands, you remind yourself, again and again: for Jay. For the people. For the kingdom. For the kingdom. For the people. For Jay.
The war might leave you in shambles, and tomorrow appears bleak and blurry, but to let yourself be shattered in exchange for a tomorrow where everything and everyone you love is safe and sound, it is worth it. They are always worth it.
So you hold him closer (he’s warm, like sweet summer days, foreheads touching; you’ll miss this), please, just a little longer. “You’ll always have me, love. No matter how many times we are torn apart,” you place a palm over his heart, thump thump thump, “I will always remain here. Ergo dum me diligis.”
So long as you love me.
Jay pulls away, kisses your knuckles softly. “Always, my heart. Always.”
You plant a kiss on the edge of his lips, and Jay cradles your cheek (you’re gentle, a spring breeze across lush heathers; he’ll miss this). He feels you murmur a goodbye against his skin. Just as suddenly as he felt your embrace, Jay is once again left in the cold, watching your figure disappear into the darkness like a wandering ghost.
A gust of wind blows towards him. In a few hours’ time, he and his mother would be appointed to possibly more duties than he’s ever handled his whole life, fight battles of his own, but now, he lets the sky hear his plead:
Come back to me.
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b0rista · 3 years
Text
— ❝︎ 𝐘𝐎𝐔 & 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐎 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍! 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐀𝐔. ·˚ ༘
♡︎ : the atmosphere i'm going for is frustratingly difficult to describe djjfjg the word "somber" doesn't really do it for me, but it's pretty much these emojis 🌑🌨🎞💸🚬⛓🔭
lowkey just wanted to put this trio & y/n (aka the loml) in a really dark, gloomy, modern metropolis type of place full of cold weather, inner monologues, and cigarettes JFKGK
ALSO my insp was the reiner + annie fanart in the center of the divider i made!! i really wish i knew the artist, but i couldn't find them :(( definitely NOT taking credit, it isn't my art whatsoever. but LOOK AT THEM UGH THE AESTHETIC
to balance things out, i wrote the reader as female! && characters are aged up to their early twenties.
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the bunch of you met through your college courses— of course, the three of them had known one another since childhood, but you managed to weasel your way into their close-knit friend group. ever since then, you all share the melancholy city life.
during your guys' campus days, reiner worked for his master's in kinesiology. it isn't that big of a shocker that he aimed for something that pertained to his bulkier build,, mans grows up to be an absolute unit, lmao. wanting to maintain an above average salary, he used his education to earn himself a place in the certified training department. currently, he's a personal trainer of many clients, all of which he does his best to maintain.
bertholdt majored in philosophy, and worked toward his master's degree. with his intelligence, he got it. while all three of you (reiner especially), urged him to pursue non-profit professionalism, praising his skill and all around ability to do so, he lacked the confidence to push for it, and ended up going down another path. currently, he's sticking to the safe road, aiming to become a professor in the very course he excelled in. he's yet to get there, though— right now, he's a professor's assistant. it's less tiring, at least. still, he was capable of becoming something better.
as for annie, she majored in political science. unlike the other two, she worked to obtain a bachelor's degree. with that being said, she attended college for a little longer. eventually, she got her degree, and while she was a little lost after graduation, she made her way into the policy analyst game. she had the writing skills, sOmewhat of the drive, and while she's the youngest worker in her office, she's also the brightest. they're all also terrified of her, she speaks .6 words a day.
of course, what you did is entirely up to you! if you took two or three years to get your degree, you likely graduated alongside the boys. if it took longer, no worries, annie's degree took quite a bit.
now, the four of you are living in the same city, and you're all experiencing that said city's constant mournful, dingy atmosphere. the aesthetic is calming, actually; the weather is never nice, it's a rarity that you ever get an actual glimpse of the sun. no matter the season, so long as it isn't summertime, layers are a must. rainfall is a weekly occurrence, as well as the occasional thunderstorm. the merged stench of coffee grounds and burnt oil linger within the streets of the city, simply adding to the melancholy. basically, the general scenery is dark, cold, wet, and quiet. it's a gloomy place,, definitely comparable to forks, washington, but more of a metropolis than a town.
even with all of that being said, you and your friends have a good time. honestly, if you didn't all have eachother, you'd all probably go mental.
while reiner and bertholdt have their own seperate apartments, you and annie share a place. the rent was cheap, especially once split between two homeowners. two bedrooms, one bathroom, and a single kitchen & living area. it was too good of a deal to pass up. fortunately, you and her are compatible roomates.
with that being said, of course, it's often that the four lounge around at your guys' apartment. bertholdt always makes sure to check in before visiting, while reiner has the sour habit of showing up unannounced. you've both had to deny him a key, despite his pleading. you love him, but not that much.
sometimes, the two of them crash in your living room. typically, it's reiner on the couch while bertholdt takes up the floor, waking up the next morning in whatever flamboyant position he'd folded himself into during the night. every now and then, you and annie forget to head back to your rooms, and you crash right there with them. before you all fall asleep, you're typically all huddled up near the glass doored balcony, allowing the rainfall to serenade the four of you into a deep slumber whilst sitting within the crisp remnants of cigarette smoke and freshly opened liquor.
in a way, it's funny, because you all have a tendency to do that on a work night. just the four of you, sitting in your living room, drinking your alcohol, coating your furniture in the brisk stench of pure, solicited nicotine, watching your very own city drown within the darkening sky's tears as little to zero words are even spoken. when it comes to you and your friends, that's something that can never be contradicted; the quiet. these were how you spent your evenings together, especially after a rough day— silence, smoking, and the most peaceful sorrow imaginable.
of course, when you aren't wallowing in your own self pity, you're known to get drinks together. there's this certain booth in a local pub, it had burnt burgundy seats made out of leather. it's your guys' booth, and whenever you go out for a drink or two, that's where you sit. it's way back in the corner, where none of you can be bothered. one time, a couple of rascals had stolen it, and they refused to move. without a second thought, annie slammed one of those motherfucker's faces into the table. in suite, reiner took care of the other one, yanking him from the collar and kicking him to the floor. you and bertholdt only watched,, you were laughing, poor bert simply dragGed his palm down his face.
hey, at least you got your seats back! absentmindedly, you etched your initials into the bottom of the table with your pen. without a thought, the other three did the same, marking the corner as their own. don't fuck with that table, you'll be slaughtered.
when winter hits, it hits mercilessly. it's insanely aesthetic, seeing your group standing on the side of the busy street, all absolutely layered up in buttoned up winter coats and thickly knitted scarves. because they're both unnecessarily large, you depend on them for warmth every now and then. the amount of times you've buried your face within reiner's side while sitting on the subway during the midst of wintertime is stupid. as for bertholdt, he occasionally takes off his very own coat, draping it over you or annie's shoulders whenever either of you are seen shivering. he doesn't mind getting a cold, so long as you're warm.
speaking of the subway, your city has one. it's a pretty average way to travel, and due to none of you actually owning your own vehicles, it's where you go whenever walking or taking the bus isn't an option. the only one who isn't allowed to ride the subway alone is you. there was instance where on your way home from work, you had a run-in with an unpleasant bystander with the means to hurt you. ever since then, a code has been set where if you want to travel underground, you do it with one of them.
^ one time, you didn't listen, and you went by yourself anyway— unfortunately for you, reiner was boarding the exact same stop as you, and gave you quite the scolding. however, it's only because you're special to him. to all of them.
you and annie are actually closer than you'd imagine. being one of the only female friends she's ever been able to keep, you've grown to be an important figure in her life. of course, she'd never admit that to you, but you know. some nights, the two of you lean against one another on the sofa while black & white reruns play on the television, ultimately sending you both to sleep.
once a week, you have lunch with bertholdt at the university he assists at. you know just how glum the work makes him, and fortunately, you showing up every single sunday with coffee and sandwiches never fails to brighten his day. sometimes, you're the only one that can get him through the week.
bert's crush on annie is still very much a thing, even in this universe. of course, he's older, and for the most part, he's grown out of it. still, he stares. not as much as he once did, but he does. you and reiner only watch from afar, quietly sullen that he'd never quite gotten the guts to act on it.
bertholdt is also the group's umbrella holder. it's constantly raining, and due to his height, he's the one holding the bigass umbrella over the four of your guys' heads. when there isn't an umbrella, you just sort of seek refuse underneath his arms, which he gladly gives you. reiner and annie don't really mind, they get wet. it is a thing where you're all rushing to get out of the rain, the two men shielding the women's hair from the storm with their jackets as they run for shelter.
you all smoke. well, actually, whether or not you smoke cigarettes in this scenario is entirely up to you. if you'd like, ignore this part. anyway, cigarette sharing is a given. while reiner's preferred brand of darts is far more lucrative and more likely to kill him (he's dead inside, it fits), he won't hesitate to snatch a cigarette from in between the tips of your lips, bringing them to his own. it's something all of you do, even bertholdt. sharing is caring, you all say. you tend to do the same thing with wine glasses, or beer bottles.
it's practically gotham city, you're all dead inside grownups, god isn't real.
irllydidn'tlikehowthisturnedout-
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Text
Opposites Attract: Part 2
Request: hey may I request a one shot for your Peter Pan story if yes can you, use my real name (Zai) instead of Y/N if you please and can you have me pans total opposite like sweet, shy everything he would hate but in the end he falls for her and becomes really protective
Pairing: Pan x Zai
Warnings: Cliffhangerrrr 
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< Part 1
Heavy, gloomy, and dark atmosphere swept through the camp, the boys quite obviously upset but too afraid to show any grievance in front of their ruthless leader as they held tears back behind their eyes. It had been like this for a week now, but somehow I couldn't seem to share the same sadness with the boys, I didn't feel bad, I hardly knew the boy and what I did know about him I didn't like.
The loud cracks and pops of the fire pulled me from my thoughts, snapping my head up to watch the orange and red flames dance with each other. The golden glow spread across the camp, painting it, contrasting with the dark gloomy sky.
A familiar pair of green eyes were caught staring at me from across the way, meeting my brown ones. I would say it bought a light blush to spread across the King of Neverlands cheeks, but as quickly as it came it left again. It was probably a trick of the light but this wasn't the first time I had noticed him watching me, observing me. Probably wondering if I was worth keeping around or not.
I found myself spending more and more time with the cold leader of the lost boys, not because I wanted to, just because he always seemed to be around me like a phantom slowly stalking me in the night. Never leaving, never straying from the path that I created, always watching, lurking, creeping. It seemed like he kept track of my every word, making notes of where I went and what I would do, who I spoke to.
Sweat trickled down my fare skin, the sudden feeling of grease and muck made my whole body tense up in disgust, I needed a wash and soon. Rising from the makeshift bench I was sat at I began to walk out of camp, I felt his eyes following me.
Stepping over the threshold of the Lost Boys territory I released a breath I didn't know I was holding in.
It was so peaceful walking through the forest at night, there were no animals or birds to be heard as they were all sound asleep by now, there was nothing but me and the trees. They silently watched as I passed them by as if they were guiding the way to the waterfall for me, mapping out the path I would take, making sure I didn't stray, and get myself into trouble.
The sound of rushing water grew louder and louder in my ears, indicating it was a step closer to becoming clean once more.
There it was, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen before. Clear, clean water running down cliff face basking the glory of the pale moonlight causing it to glow with a powerful silver shimmer. Everything surrounded it seemed to glow too, as if this tiny part of the island was untouched by the boy's wicked ways and remained pure, holding the power of a Goddess. The flowers seemed to dance in the moonlight stretching towards the starry night sky to drink up its silver shine. The scene before captured my gaze, refusing my eyes from averting themselves. As if possessed, I stalked forward ever so slowly, scared that the delicate scenery would be ruined by my presence. It was so beautiful, I was terrified I would mess it all up it like throwing a bucket of water over a freshly painted canvas, but it was like the spirits of the water pulled me in closer and closer, beckoning me to come in and be purified by the magic it supplied the island.
Slowly, the top part of my dress slipped off my shoulders, revealing the nape of my neck to the onlooking moon. I had no reason to hide or cover myself, for I was loved, the moon welcomed me, hugging me with its beaming silver light. It continued to fall, showing the beauty of my back which connected to my behind, the cold air was not a problem for the giant in the sky protected me from any harm such as the harsh cold. White cloth that once covered me tumbled down, leaving my entire body exposed to the wilderness. Next to flee my frame were my boots, feeling my feet meeting the grass, letting it rub in between my toes, and grounding me.
I stood, completely naked and free, praising my imperfections. Smiling down at every stretch mark, kissing every scar, appreciating my moles, befriending every freckle that resided on my skin, grasping the love handles at either side of my body and giving out a giggle of happiness.
I felt like I was a child once more, so innocent and carefree. The love that poured into my heart was overwhelming, calming, freeing. As I got closer and closer to the healing water of the waterfall, my appreciation for myself only grew more and more intense. Beautiful roses seemed to empower me, tall trees gave me the courage I needed, the small koi fish which swam around in the clear waters supplied me with the grace I always knew I had.  A single tear slipped down my rosy cheeks soon being washed away by the remedial waters the island gifted to me.
Drops slide over my skin, healing me from the toxicity of my old mindset. I was free, happy, cleansed, and totally whole. There is no reason for me to hide myself anymore, there was no reason to hide myself in the first place for we are all perfect no matter what we look like. Bliss consumed me, bursting into every cell in my body, flowing through my veins as I laughed and smiled, cupping the beautiful water, letting it pour through my fingertips.
I danced and cheered, this was the first time I had felt like this and no words could describe how amazing it is. I had been holding onto society's idea of the "perfect" body for too long and now I see we are all perfect, every single being in the universe is totally and utterly beautiful. All of us, children of the moon, stars, and sun as they lend us their beauty. We are pure. We are whole. We are loved.
It was only then that I caught a glimpse of a familiar figure, perfects poised, leaning against a tree. Vibrant green eyes stood out the most in the dark forest, reminding me of the Cheshire cat lurking in the shadows. His arms crossing over his broad chest, veins almost popping out of them, his shirt hugged his frame nicely as if it were made for him.
I felt proud, not feeling the need to cover up, not like it matter to the king much anyway for his eye didn't scan over me as I had expected them to do. They stared deeply into mine, not moving, a smile played on his lips but there was something about it that was different. It wasn't an act of lust but rather one of amazement, as if I had taken his gaze as a hostage much like the way the waterfall had mesmerized me.
As quickly as the boy appeared in front of me he left again, surrounding himself in a cloud of dark green smoke, leaving nothing but the air in his wake.
Bright stars shimmered in the sky, lighting the way back to camp. I didn't put my shoes back on but carried them in my hands, the dirt and leaves crumbled below my feet. Camp looked more lively upon my return, the boys were finally up on their feet and dancing around the fire, clashing their sticks together and they cheered and hollered.
A small, tired voice sounded, "Zai~" He spoke, pulling on the hem of my dress.
I smiled down at the sleepy little boy, "What's up Daemon?"
"Can you read me a story?" The glimmer in his eyes made it hard to refuse his request, the little boy warmed my heart, giving his place a sense of hope and innocence.
I nodded in reply and with that his little hand grasped mine, guiding me towards his time tent that was lit with nothing but a candle. Hopping up onto the bed he pulled the cute little storybook out from under his pillow, passing it to me.
I ran my thumb over the cover whispering the title into the cold air of the night, "Peter Pan" I almost laughed at how ironic it was, no wonder the small boy had ended up here.
"Once upon a time..." I began.
As time passed the child's eyes grew too heavy for him to keep open and he let sleep consume his body. Silently, I leaned over his, placing a soft kiss upon his forehead.
"You're good with kid's," A British accent whispered, turning to face him he seemed to stand in the exact same position that he had when watching me at the waterfall, like he is a statue.
"You were watching me," I replied in a hushed tone, more as confirmation to myself rather than a question.
"I was, you're good with him," He said, "Daemon needs someone like you to keep him safe, a mother."
"I am no mother," I whispered to the king of Neverland.
"You're more a mother to him than the woman who birthed him," Pan spoke, "She starved him, beat him, and left him for dead in a street alley."
It pained me to know what he had been through, my heart cried for him. He was safe now, here with his family, here with the lost boys. How could anyone do that to someone so pure, someone so innocent and small?
Pan knew that although I didn't respond, I understood. He could see the pain that I was feeling on the boys' behalf.
"You were also watching me at the waterfall," I said.
"That I was, I admired you. Seeing the way that you danced, you were free and happy. You had the power to turn your weaknesses into strength, you're stronger than you look, little one." With that, he gave me a smile before leaving the room.
I felt a sense of pride swell up in my chest, could this be true? Could the ruthless, cold-hearted, cruel, malicious Peter Pan be proud of me? Could I possibly have earned his respect after so long of being here?
As the days passed by the boys seemed to warm up to me, allowing me to hunt with them, dancing with them around the fire, play games with them. They stopped treating me like an outcast and more like part of their family.
"Listen up boys!" Pan's voice boomed, scaring birds from trees and causing animals to sprint away, "We have some visitors."
The smirk on the boy kings face grew causing a shiver to travel up and down my spine, I felt hot all of a sudden.
The lost boys hollard and cheered, we all knew what this meant, pirates.
Excited and eager we all rushed down to the shore, weapons at the ready. The boys were ruthless and bloodthirsty, looking for a fight, I however was on the more cautious side of things. I don't like to fight, I never did, but if I didn't want to be seen as weak again it would be a smart idea for me to join them only if it is for the time being.
By the time my feet met with the sandy beach, the fight was already in full force, the sound of metal clanking with metal and battle cries filled the crisp air. From where I stood the lost boys all looked so small, like ants fighting against another colony.
Silently, I watched the scene before me unfold. People were getting hurt, boys were getting hurt. Thick red blood dyed the golden sand with no remorse and I could do nothing but watch.
So wrapped up in my own thoughts I didn't notice the dirty pirate sneaking up behind me, hand covering my mouth as he attempted to drag me to Hook's ship.
I didn't know what to do, or how to react, but I wasn't going anywhere without putting up some kind of a fight.
Wriggling and struggling against him I tried my hardest to keep my feet planted into the ground, my efforts were useless. I bit down hard at the hand covering my mouth, causing him to yelp out and grasp the attention on the others. A sharp, sneering pain exploded in my side as I let out a muffled scream, trying hard to not look weak in front of the lost boys.
My foot came down hard on his and my elbow swiftly embedded itself into his stomach before he fell to the floor with a groan, in an effort to get as far away from him and possible I stumbled to the tree line. A wet feeling covered my hands, sticking to my shirt and sides. Red, that's all I could see.
"Zai" Pan's voice filled my ears, the look of worry was noticble on his face, it was strange seeing him show any emotion other than angry, "I've got you, don't worry I've got you."
Panic flowed through my veins, who's blood was that? His or mine?
My vision quickly became blurred, it was like I was under a spell, stuck in some trance that I couldn't get out of. The king of Neverlands voice echoed around in my skull, I wanted to reply, I wanted to tell him I was fine, but the words couldn't leave my mouth before everything went black.
"Zai!" the angry shout from the leader was the last thing I heard before falling to the ground.
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imaginealpha · 3 years
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I saved this screenshot over three years ago.
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Today, at 10:50 PM, I made a document titled "I'm gonna bang this out in an hour and submit it at 11:58pm because that's just how I am" and wrote this for my school's literary magazine. I submitted it at 1:15 AM, because that's also just how I am. It's a little long, but that's okay.
The screech of the train’s brakes cuts through the night air, startling you from your light doze. There aren’t many people in the station, and no one seems to want to get on. Except you, of course, because you want to be anywhere but here.
A man hangs out the window of the car in front of you. “First time?” he says, his eyes crinkling sympathetically.
“I’ve ridden the train before,” you snap back defensively.
“That’s not what I asked.” He gestures to the open door.
You lean against the window, making sure to keep your head off of it before the slight shaking gives you a headache. The buildings whipping by are quickly replaced by a rolling countryside. You suppose this is when you consider your place in the universe, as one does on the midnight train going anywhere, but you are content to just watch.
A voice breaks the fog in your mind. “I need your ticket, dear.”
An older woman stands by your seat, the only other person in the otherwise empty car. Wordlessly, you fish your ticket stub out of your pocket and hand it over.
She clicks her tongue as she punches a series of holes into it. “It’s a lovely view on the way, dear. Make sure to watch. I believe it’s quite a sight for the soul.”
She hands it back. When you turn back to the window, you don’t hear her leave.
You don’t know how long it’s been since you closed your eyes. When you force them open, a dusty brown expanse stretches outside the glass, the surface pockmarked with tiny craters. The sky is pitch black but twinkling with a million points of light, steady companions in an ever-changing eternity. A blue planet covered in faint green landmasses and swirling white clouds hangs above, too big and too small at the same time. For a moment, you feel a little less lonely.
In the distance in front of you, a single building sits, quite literally in the middle of nowhere. A neon sign blazes brightly, but you can’t quite make it out. Thin tendrils of smoke rise from the front, where a small group of young adults are sitting around in folding chairs.
As you watch, one of them throws back their head and laughs, while another one stands, holding an empty bottle to their mouth like a microphone. You can almost hear them. That could be you someday.
There is a young child across the row.
“How did you get here?” you ask, a little dazedly.
They wrinkle their nose. “That’s not a fair question. I rolled the dice, of course.”
“Of course,” you repeat numbly. “Why isn’t it fair?”
“Because everyone rolls the dice, so you’re gonna get the same answer every time.” They shrug simply. “It’s the only way to get on the train, you know. You roll the dice, and if your number is low enough, you can choose to come on the train and roll again. It says so on your ticket.”
You dig out your ticket. It’s punched so full of holes that you can’t make out any of the text anymore.
“I didn’t roll the dice,” you hear yourself say.
The child just stares at you. “Of course you did.”
“Of course,” you say again, for lack of a better answer. “Where are they, then? So I can roll again?”
“That’s not how it works.” The child is rolling their eyes now, and you vaguely wonder if it is socially acceptable to use them as makeshift dice. (It isn’t, obviously.) “Ask me a more interesting question, please.”
“Who are you? Where are you from? And-” you twist around again to glimpse what is now a never-ending ocean rippling below the train, an electrical storm brewing on the horizon. “-where are we? Where are we going?”
“Everywhere. Nowhere. It’s hard to say, really.” They smile at you, something unreadable in their eyes. “I suppose a better answer would be anywhere. It’s up to you.”
“Me?”
Their smile turns sharp. “It really is your first time, isn’t it?”
The waves outside splutter in response. They go on and on and on and on, with no signs of stopping.
You can make out the thin glistening of water pouring softly down the cavern wall from the lights on the outside of the train.
“What’s it like, where you’re from?” the child asks.
“Pretty,” you say noncommittally. “Elegant, in its own way. Normal.”
They hum and swing their legs, gripping the edge of the seat. “And?”
You watch the walls of the cavern narrow in on the train, and a spark of nervousness flares inside you when you think of the train getting stuck. “Trapped. It was a nice place to grow up, but there wasn’t anywhere to go except where everyone told you to go. Sometimes, those places weren’t very special. Not to me, at least.”
“You have anywhere here.”
“I guess so,” you sigh. “The ride has to end eventually, though. I didn’t really think this through, so I have no idea what I’m going to do when we get to the last stop.”
“There’s only one stop,” the child says casually, “but think about what you want to do when you get there. It’ll be a whole new world for you, if you believe in it.”
Watching the tunnel widen again into a room full of gorgeous glowing crystals towering high above you, you think you’re starting to understand.
A lone streetlight stands outside, its harsh yellow light flickering on the ground. Silhouettes of people pass underneath like shadows, fading away into mist at the edges.
“They look like they’re searching for something. What are their lives like, I wonder?”
You square your shoulders bitterly. “They spend decades locked in a miserable cycle of work and expectations and exhaustion, with no real joy or expression left.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what society demands. That’s what people demand.”
The child surveys you curiously. “So they’re looking for emotion? All of them?”
All of them. The confirmation is on the tip of your tongue.
You remember the people outside the desert store. “Maybe not all of them,” you amend. “Some of them had higher dice rolls.”
“They all fade away in the end,” the child observes.
“But they’re brighter.” Happier.
“The dice alone don’t change that,” they remind you.
The streetlight dies.
“Can you rig the dice?”
“No,” the child replies. “But low numbers aren’t always a bad thing. If you add them right, you get a bigger number.”
The chunks of ice speeding past the window start moving backwards.
“Do you wanna play a game?”
You decide to humor the kid, for lack of anything better to do. “Sure. What game?”
“You stomp your feet like this.” They stretch their legs to the floor and pound a steady rhythm on the ground. “When I make this sound” - a series of clicks you can’t for the life of you figure out how to do with your mouth - “you knock against the window.” Another beat, their knuckles rapping gently against the glass. “And I’m gonna do my own sounds, and we’re gonna make a song. But you can’t step in the same place twice, or it’ll get boring.”
It takes you a while to get the hang of it. Before long, you are up and out of your seat, hopping across the car in an effort to avoid landing on the same spot you just stepped. The kid is singing a melody that shoots adrenaline through your veins, lights a giddy fire in your chest, and opens a haunting void in your throat all at the same time. You feel more alive than you have ever been in your entire life.
Here, dancing in the soft white light of the train, with a forest whispering outside and brushing the windows with gentle branches, believing in this seems easier than ever.
The child isn’t there when the sun’s rays spill over the horizon, tingeing the sky a pale pink. The country hills rise around the train again, tiny farms dotting the green. Roused from your deeper slumber, you lazily watch the early morning mist climb over the grass. Distantly, a mass of grey clouds hangs in the sky. If you think about it hard enough, they look like looming mountains. An impossible, majestic journey.
“We’re almost at the stop, dear.” The woman is back, speaking quietly. “I’ll take your ticket stub off your hands for you.”
You pull it out and give it to her. “You were right. The view was incredible.”
Her face softens. “It always is.”
The train finally pulls into the station with another screech. The doors slide open with a hiss, and you step back out onto the platform, breathing in the morning air. You take a moment to turn to the man hanging out the side window.
“Hope to see you again sometime,” he bids you, kind eyes now crinkled in a smile. “Next time, I’ll say ‘Second time?’”
“I look forward to it,” you agree with a small huff of laughter.
The ticketmaster gives you a weird look as you leave the station. “Were you in there all night?” he asks, perplexed. “Did your train even come by? There’s none on the schedule.”
You shrug. “No, it did. It was a round trip.”
You climb the stairs to the ground level and step outside. As you head home, you try to hold on to the feelings you found on the train. Looking for emotion, indeed.
Even when you don’t have an anywhere to go, at least you know there’s always another option. You’ll do what you do best: you don’t stop believing.
What do you think @writing-prompt-s?
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skrltwtch · 3 years
Text
Starving
Prompt: I work at the butcher shop and we've never spoken, but I recognise you from when you come in to buy fresh meat every month. I don't mind keeping the store open a little past closing since you're running late and seem kind of desperate. This may be weird to mention, but did you know your teeth are getting sharper while we talk? (Source in master list)
Word count: 2,782 words
Genre: Feels, supernatural
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
Someone had the bloody cheek to enter as I was getting ready to close up shop. Our opening hours were indicated on the door. The door. You couldn’t get any clearer than that. When did schools and parents stop teaching their charges not to enter business premises two minutes before closing time?
It was her.
I could make an exception this time, I suppose. She came in often enough and bought more than enough for me to consider her a regular. And she was a lovely person to deal with; I couldn’t say the same for a decent amount of my other regulars, whose business I accepted with gritted teeth.
‘I’m sorry. I know you’re closing soon. Just — please, I’ll take any cuts of meat you have left. I can pay extra for the trouble,’ she said.
Oh, God, what had I done to earn that kind of impression?
‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine, thank you.’ Her pale skin and quivering form said otherwise. ‘I just — I just lost track of time at work. I got here as quickly as I could once I could leave the office. I’m really sorry.’
‘Don’t — it’s okay.’ I packed whatever I had left that would also match the typical volume of her purchases. From the corner of my eye, I saw her pacing up and down the shop, holding herself tightly. Every breath she made reached my ears. She wasn’t fine. Forget small talk then. Just like it wasn’t my business what she did with enough meat to feed a large animal in a day every month, it wasn’t my business why she looked close to falling over.
Maybe it was.
I called her over to the cashier, where approximately four kilogrammes of raw meat awaited her. Despite her stature, she never had any difficulties making it out of the shop with that much in tow. That might not be the case today. She was having a tough time simply getting her wallet out of her bag, and she looked absolutely sickly. Were those … were those tears in her eyes?
I really shouldn’t.
I really should.
‘Hey, are you alright? You don’t look too good,’ I said. Understatement: she appeared to be deteriorating by the second.
‘I’m fine,’ she insisted as she struggled with her wallet this time. I narrowed my eyes at her for a better look at what I thought I saw: her canines extending and swelling into fangs. A cross between a hiccup and a sob squeaked past her throat and into the open.
‘You can come back for payment tomorrow. I can help you with this to your car.’ No, it was now my social responsibility not to let her get behind the wheel. She was barely able to stand. ‘Or I can drop you off at your place … or somewhere nearby if you’re more comfortable with that.’
‘I’m fine,’ she growled.
Literally.
‘Shit, I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean to.’
‘It’s … okay …?’ Sorry, my attention was hijacked by the sight of claws, honest-to-God claws, fucking splitting her fingernails open.
She left £100 on the counter and grabbed the parcels I made for her. ‘Please keep the change. You’ve been so kind. I can’t — I can’t come back here anymore.’
I wasn’t given a chance to question why she felt that way. Whatever was plaguing her — and scaring me a little, I had to admit — didn’t give her a chance either to make it out the door, as she’d collapsed not far from the counter. I had no idea how I could even let her walk out alone in the state she was in. I rushed to the phone. ‘I’m calling for help,’ I said.
She got to her hands and knees. That was … encouraging. I think. ‘No, please don’t. You need to go.’ Her voice was distorted and rumbly. Her blouse started to tear across her back, revealing a thin, but growing, layer of … hair. Fur, more like. Not so encouraging anymore.
‘I can’t leave you here alone. What is happening to you?’
She buried her face in her hands — or whatever they were becoming as they stretched and popped. Her feet burst out of her shoes, the same changes happening to them. ‘Don’t laugh.’
‘I promise.’ The rapid decline of her health from when she came in, the physical changes wracking her body, and the animalistic noises she was making drained what I was witnessing dry of any humour. I doubted there was any to begin with. I felt almost like I was seeing something I wasn’t supposed to.
‘Werewolf. I’m a’ — a bark, involuntary, broke up her sentence — ‘werewolf.’
I went to her. Outside, the shades of violet and orange the sky had been awash with were muddling into a dark blue. I ducked my head a little to verify the shape of the moon tonight. None of the passers-by thought to look inside. At this point, I was more worried about someone else becoming privy to her secret than I was about the image of my shop. I didn’t understand how this was happening. It made sense and no sense at the same time.
‘You can stay in the storeroom tonight. You’ll be safe.’
She kept her head down. ‘Your boss? Okay?’ Her speech was strained.
‘I’m the boss of me.’ I knew my decision not to hire extra help would pay off someday. ‘Come on.’
‘Thank you.’
She stood up. I shifted my gaze elsewhere, as tempting as it was to see what a werewolf looked like mid-transformation. I showed her the way to the storeroom. It was due for a cleanup anyway. Her constant twitching and whining next to me didn’t go unnoticed. I took it to mean that she was controlling herself from either changing completely until I was out of her way or hurting me. I could be completely way off base, of course. The only piece of werewolf media I ever consumed was An American Werewolf in London (I was more of a zombie person myself), and … well, from what I’d seen tonight, the filmmakers got the transformation right, I’d say.
She took off what was left of her clothes once she was inside, and her transformation … accelerated. I closed the door to give her privacy — and to drown out the horrific noises. Nothing about the human body should produce what I was hearing. Things went quiet, eventually. I opened the door ever so slightly. ‘I’ll be here all night,’ I said despite not knowing whether she’d know what I was saying, ‘so you won’t be alone.’ I should be safe on this side of the door: the change had stripped her of opposable thumbs. The keyword was ‘should’.
The darkness coupled with her black fur made it impossible for me to see the creature she had become. Did I want to see? I still couldn’t shake off the feeling like I’d been some kind of voyeur; her appearance mattered naught to me, though I’d understand if she thought — she likely did — it would. Then she threw herself against the door, slamming both the actual thing and the door to my maiden glimpse at a real werewolf shut.
She loosed a howl that drove home the point that I had a werewolf in my storeroom. That I had been selling meat to a werewolf for her consumption. That the sweet, cheery petite lady who came in once a month was a werewolf. I wondered, then, if what she was like as a human carried over to her wolf self. If it did, I should be safe, right?
… There it was again: ‘should’.
I went back to what I was doing before what I knew about this world had been violently upended. I thanked God — should I? Did He or did He not exist? — that tomorrow was my day off. I was going to spend it with a good book and minimal to no human contact in the comfort of my living room. Now I was only interested in contemplating my place in the universe. What else was out there? Were any of the people walking past as I went to advertise the shop’s official closure for the day harbouring similar secrets as well?
Baleful whines transcended the door and filled the air. I picked up the parcels she’d dropped. Could she be hungry? It was worth a shot. I unwrapped one parcel. The closer I got to the storeroom, the more charged she got. I never dreamt I’d get to know the extent of damage a werewolf’s claws could do to a door in this lifetime. I threw the slab of meat as deep inside as I could. While she went to examine what it was that I’d left to her mercy, I turned on the lights to benefit us both.
What I got to see at last was ineffective in reeling in my disbelief. Where I’d left a quaking, infirm woman now stood a massive black wolf rending raw meat like paper. Despite looking almost indistinguishable from an ordinary wolf, there was an unsettling quality to her proportions and demeanour that made it hard for me to remember my manners and stop fucking staring. She was … beautifully horrifying and frighteningly stunning all at once. In some sick, twisted way, it made sense that something like her — something like what she’d become — couldn’t have come about naturally.
She turned to look at me, her jaw dripping with blood and her tail … wagging.
I regained control of my senses quickly enough to leave. The slamming of the door failed to mute her whimper at — missing out on her chance at a tasty human? Being alone in the storeroom again? Best I didn’t read too much into it. I fed her the rest of the meat she bought. She refused to eat the last piece, yet she wailed when I left her be.
‘I don’t think I’d taste very good. I’m lean and stringy,’ I said through the crack in the door. ‘And bland, like most English food.’
I didn’t know what to make of the bark that followed my attempt at a witticism.
I felt bad for her. Wolves were social animals, weren’t they? Then again, who’d feel bad for me upon discovering my mutilated body in my shop? No one had attempted to romanticise werewolves like the likes of Anne Rice and the Twilight author had done with vampires, and probably with good reason, as I willed myself to remember how she, a soft-spoken woman an hour ago, devoured almost four kilogrammes of meat in record time. The ending of An American Werewolf in London wasn’t a happy one, for God’s sake! (Maybe I should stop invoking God’s name for now.)
‘Can you understand me?’ I said. ‘Bark … um, bark twice for yes’, so it wouldn’t be a coincidence.
And she did.
Well, fuck me.
I sighed. ‘Are you … are you lonely? Bark twice for yes.’
Silence.
For the longest time, until she barked again, softly, mournfulness plain to hear in the two notes.
✦✧✦✧
My back! G— fuck, my back. How the fuck did I sleep last night?
Right. I slept in a chair outside the storeroom.
I stretched to get rid of the kinks in my back. Yeah, that was it. That was the spot. No, that one. That other one was definitely it. Relief — sweet, glorious relief. How the hell did I even fall asleep in a chair anyway?
‘Hey, you’re awake.’
I turned to the direction of the voice that had no reason to be here at this time of day. Or at all. No one was allowed here but me. Why was I in the shop? Wasn’t today my day off? What happened last night? Why, of all things instead, did I remember not to use God’s name as a synonym for ‘fuck’? I also didn’t remember finding religion last night. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I needed water.
I focused my eyes on the figure in front of me.
It was her.
Oh.
Oh.
‘Yeah, I am now.’ Without a doubt. ‘How are you?’
She declined my offer to have my seat. My legs demanded that I continue standing to get the blood flowing. ‘I’m fine,’ she said. I could believe her this time. She was wearing one of my aprons over the tattered remnants of her clothes. ‘Thank you for … um.’ Her pause made me think her admission last night was the first time she said those words out loud to someone else. ‘Thank you.’
‘It was nothing. You looked … really sick yesterday’: I took a leaf out of her book
She smiled. ‘It’s okay. You don’t have to be polite. I know what I am.’ Her words were shaded with the same tint of sadness as when she confided in me about her loneliness.
‘No. You — the wolf — you were …’ Tame? She wasn’t an animal. She was … ‘You didn’t hurt — I’m fine.’ I held up both my hands to show her the absence of any marks, and she could very well see I wasn’t missing any limbs. ‘I’m fine,’ I repeated, ‘except for this sudden bout of scrambled egg for brains, but in my defence (or not), this is how I am a fair bit of the time. Who put me in charge of a meat slicer?’
‘You’re very kind. And cute,’ I thought I heard her say under her breath. ‘Thank you. How can I repay you for last night?’
‘You don’t have to. The meat’s on the house, too.’ Nothing to do with what I thought she said. ‘I’ll return you your £100 on the way out.’
‘No. Please. I could’ve done something bad to you.’
‘But you didn’t.’
‘Please. There has to be something I can do for you. I’d feel terrible otherwise.’
I truly wanted nothing from her. I survived a night with a werewolf. That by itself was a fantastic reward. I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Well …
‘Were you serious about not coming to my shop anymore?’
‘I … if that’s what you want, I can go elsewhere. If you’re going to tell the other butchers not to sell to me because of what I am, that’s okay, too. I’ll figure something out.’
‘No. G— shit. That’s awful. I’m not —’ Why did she always jump to the worst conclusions about me? ‘No, promise me you’ll come back to my shop. That’s all I ask. And … your name. You’ve been coming here for years, and I don’t even know your name.’ I knew some of my customers’ names — and not necessarily the ones that mattered. Like her. ‘It’s not about the business I get from you, by the way. I don’t care what you are. I don’t know why you are what you are, and I have so many questions, but I do know it’s none of my business. I won’t judge.’
She nodded. ‘Thank you. I promise. I’ll come back. I’ll come back when it’s not the full moon and I didn’t skip lunch because I was too busy with work. And my name’s Eloise.’
‘I’m George.’
‘It’s lovely to meet you, George. Now you know why I buy so much meat on one day of every month. You’re the only person who knows what I am.’
‘I won’t tell anyone. You have my word.’
‘Thank you. I know I’ve said that a lot of times already, but I mean each and every one of them.’ Her eyes roved around the space. ‘I should go now. I have work in a couple of hours at best … or I’m late at worst. And you probably need to get ready, too. You should be opening soon … or I’ve made you late. It’s on your door.’
‘I have the day off today. Great timing, huh? Are you sure you’re good to drive?’
‘Yes, I can definitely manage much better today than I would’ve have yesterday. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was just so hungry …’ She shook her head, expelling a breath signalling disapproval. ‘I’ll return this’ — she yanked at an apron strap — ‘to you tomorrow as well.’
‘Actually … one more thing. So we’re really even.’
‘Yes?’
‘Would you perhaps like to meet for coffee later, please?’ I could only navel-gaze for so long.
She looked taken aback. That and her response, articulated in three softly spoken words — ‘I’d love to’, led me to believe that what she was like as a human did indeed carry over to her wolf self.
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mcyt-sh1t · 3 years
Text
To the person who read this, It’s been hard for you, I know, and it makes me sad that you don’t see yourself in the way I see you. Sometimes they are things in life that cause us to loose ourselves, and the way you have is so unimaginable painful. I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up the whole room just by the sound of your laughter. I miss the way you accepted the way you look in the mirror without cursing yourself out about how ugly you look. I miss the way you didn’t think of yourself as a failure because everyone makes mistakes, we all have flaws and we all aren’t perfect. It’s painful to see that no one around you seems to see the pain trough your eyes, but, stranger, I do, I see how heavy your heart is and how comforting the sadness for you might be, how afraid your heart is of happiness because it disappears in the end, right? You don’t know how much impact you have in this world and it’s sad to see that your demons fight against you and want to take over you. Because you do make change, it’s something so simple and little that brightens up someone’s whole world, it can be a small smile from your lips, the way you look at things you’re passionate about, the way you make yourself eat even though it’s been hard for you lately, the way you zoom out and go in your own world, you brighten up my world by reading this, it means a lot to me that you’re here, existing, but I don’t want you to just exist, you deserve to feel alive. You deserve to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel something- to feel every damn second alive in this lifetime. It’s heartbreaking that you think you’re not capable of being loved, because you are, I love you trough all my words and I hope you let it happen in your heart. Love is scary, I know, maybe you heart had been broken once and since then you wanted to be rather numb than feel ever again, it hurts me how you punish yourself, does it not deserve love? Because YOU DO deserve love, please forgive yourself, it’s not your fault that the demons want to take over your beautiful heart. You’re not a bad person for distancing yourself from others, but you deserve someone to talk to, you deserve someone to listen. I am listening, you can tell me what’s wrong. It’s everything, isn’t it? There’s something pulling your heartstrings on the ground and no one seems to understand how misunderstood you feel, it’s heartbreaking to know that I am behind the screen and can’t give you a hug, that’s why I will give you a big warm virtual hug and send you lots of love :). You matter. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve good things. You deserve someone to listen. You deserve to eat and drink. You deserve to feel good and alive. You deserve to smile. You deserve a hug. You deserve to be all the things you want to be, because you deserve to have and feel good things happening to you and have a fulfilled life. I know I might not know you personally but I care about you so much, I write this because I want you to stay here with me, I want you to hold on a little longer because you matter so much to me, because I will not let you give up on yourself. I want you to see that you should not give up on yourself because you DESERVE GOOD THINGS. I want you to look back on the time when you were a kid, you didn’t give up when you tried to swim for the first time, you didn’t give up when you tired to walk for the first time and fell, you never gave up on yourself, you always kept on pushing forwards, so why can’t you now? I know it’s tiring, your mentally tired, but dont your younger self deserve good things? look back at your eyes that used to be full of hope, look back on those dreams. Don’t let yourself fall, you deserve better. We will both fight, I will fight for you. I won’t let those demons get to you. You can hold on to me, I won’t let you down :). Whenever you feel lonely, then look at the sky, I always look at it and think about you. Yes, you, because it makes me happy that there’s someone looking right back, maybe we can’t see each other but I can feel your
presence here with me and that’s enough for me, because I am glad your heart is beating and you’re still fighting. You’re so much stronger thank you think, you didn’t leave your spot on this earth even if you wanted to, you belong here, even though it doesn’t feel like it, when you don’t feel like belonging than build your own home here, put all your love in it and dreams. Think of you as a star when you feel alone, you shine because your heart is good, no matter what mistake you made, no matter about the past you had, you’re one of the stars that shine bright in the universe because you’re heart is beautiful, that’s why the demons in your mind wants to have it. As one of the stars you see others stars, maybe they have felt the same way as you do at some point in there life, but they lighten up the universe with each other’s presence. You’re a star for me, maybe you don’t see it yourself but I can see it, you’re beautiful from inside and out, your body is beautiful the way it is. You make me happy by reading this, you make me feel something by your presence and when you can make me feel that way than you also make other people feel that way about you too. I hope you stay for yourself and don’t let your story get written by others but by yourself, it’s your story not theirs. As you can see, I say a lot of “I hope” because I have hope for you even if you don’t have it for yourself, I see hope in you even though you might want to give up. That’s why I hope you won’t see the world in darkness and will see it colorful again, I hope I will give you a glimpse of hope and make the world you see a bit colorful for today. My favorite color is yellow, and I hope the next time you see the color yellow you will think about my words. If someone left you than don’t blame yourself, don’t think you weren’t enough, don’t lower yourself for someone who couldn’t see the awesomeness in you. If you lost someone I am so sorry for your loss, they want you happy, I hope you don’t feel guilty or regret because you were there, you spend enough time with them, they want you to be happy. They are in a good and safe place now. If someone broke your heart than I am so sorry that they couldn’t see the way you look so beautiful because of the heart you have. Anyone who gets to be with you, doesn’t know how fucking lucky he/ she/ they is :). If you aren’t accepted at home or in general than I am so sorry that you have to deal with someone/ something you shouldn’t be ashamed of, I accept you and support you, I accept you as a human being no matter what race, religion, nationality, skin color, or sexuality you have. You’re safe here with me :). You’re not useless, you’re not a burden to anyone. You’re not a problem, you’re human and your feelings are valid. You’re not being dramatic. Please don’t starve yourself, you deserve food and to drink, I know it’s hard. It hurts to see that you’re in so much pain :( you deserve so much man, don’t let your emotions control you. Don’t let them get the best of you. I am sorry no one is noticing, I wish /hope I could take your pain away for today or even for a moment while you’re reading this. If no one told you, I am so proud of you, you’re reading this and it’s enough for me to be proud of you because you’re here and that’s all that matters to me. If it’s night for you, go to sleep, I know it’s hard to fall asleep right now but you deserve a good sleep. If you have nightmares, please, don’t let them fight you. If it’s day for you, don’t start it by such sad music, I know it’s impossible to have a good day with such mindset but take baby steps, start by drinking two cups of water everyday in the morning and so on.. You will start building little healthy habits. If it’s evening for you, you’re probably overwhelmed and stressed, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You don’t need to be scared, of course you’re overwhelmed or stressed, I mean who wouldn’t? But it’s important to know that when you feel that way you should do a little self care, such as taking a bath for example?
You deserve to feel at ease and relaxed. And if you are somewhere in between I hope you know that you’re so strong for breathing despite the pain, I know you will make it :) I believe in you. All I want for you is to stay here, I really mean all my words, even if there is a lot of unsaid things I want to tell u and my text is getting longer and longer,I want you here. I hope one day your smile will become a genuine one where you don’t need to fake it anymore, because I can’t say this enough, you deserve a good smile and to feel alive. You’re worth more than every fucking cent in this world. You can let go for today, I got you, you can cry your heart out as much as you want, but don’t let it tear you down and let your emotions control you by giving up. Crying is not weakness. If you still feel alone I dedicate you a song as your friend. “Dusk till Dawn- Zayn feat. Sia (I prefer the slow version)” I hope you can think of me and will remind yourself of my words, I will for sure think of you. In case no one told you and you’re unsure yourself, you’re a good person and I am so happy you’re here. I hope this is enough to stay today, tomorrow will be a new day, a new start, let go now. Enough with beating yourself up for today, okay? Life for those who couldn’t, smile for those who forgot what a genuine smile is, love like there’s no other, hug like its your last one. If you read all of it, until tomorrow my friend :) have a good day and great years. I love you so much and am so proud of you, I hope you will remember my words- becho, the stranger that cares more about you than anything :)
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Text
Jemtoria Angel AU: part 3
i.
The scent of freshly cut grass and ripe tomatoes surround Victoria in the sweet soft morning. Her hand gently works the wing of a mourning dove. Over the blade of the scapula and soft coverts. It has been three days since her newest little bird entered her coop.
She doesn’t even know why she did that.
Even after so much time, human still sits in a distorted shape in her throat. The bird in her lap stirs and coos, she’s not sure how to even exist near someone else. A dry breeze ruffles the air, blowing her hair into her eyes. She pushes the sudden blonde curtain away with a sigh, turning her gaze to her garden.
There’s the warm glow of bright red hair hiding behind her vegetables. If Victoria had to guess, the girl got up with the sun and busied herself in the soil before her alarm woke Victoria up. The dove in her lap chirps and fusses. Victoria hushes it and resumes her gentle ministrations.
How best to heal this bird?
ii.
Jemima has lived at the house with the blue door for a week and she already knows how every day will go:
-She will wake up first and head out to the garden.
-At 8:00AM, Victoria’s alarm clock will go off and some time in the next thirty minutes, the scent of bacon will waft out the kitchen window.
-By 9:00AM, her silent benefactor will step outside to greet her birds and tend to them, filling feeders and water bowls, examining hurt wings. That’s when Jemima will tend to flower bushes on the far side of the yard.
-10:45AM is the latest that Victoria leaves for work. Jemima can then head back inside before the sun gets too high and hot. She’ll find some leftover bacon on a plate left for her.
-Most of the time while Victoria is at work, Jemima reads or watches TV. She tried snooping around, looking around the house for anything fun or weird, but there’s nothing. No knick knacks, pictures, paintings. She couldn’t even find a stray ID or a letter.
-Sometime after 11PM, the door will slowly creak open and Victoria will walk through, open one of the beers from the bottom shelf of the fridge, and melt down into one of the wooden chairs at the small dining table. Jemima will lower the volume on the TV and, when she’s feeling brave, says hello. She never gets a response. The first time they spoke is also the only time they’ve spoke. She will get a polite wave or, if she asks a question, a nod or a shake.
-Victoria will wash out her bottle, place it in the bin, and shower at midnight. The soft shuffle of her feet always preceding Victoria before she appears to give Jemima a nightly goodnight wave and following her off as she heads to bed.
(There’s a few unexpected moments during her days. During a sleepy morning, she sees Victoria through the flowers, she sees her smile as a mountain bluebird nuzzles against her cheek. From peeping over a rosebush, the image is ethereal. If her father was half as resplendent, she understands why her mother was drawn in.)
iii.
Victoria didn’t mean to do it.
She didn’t mean to see anything.
There was some lemonade leftover at work so she brought it over and just wanted to know if Jem wanted some. She didn’t find the redhead in the living room so she had to be in her bedroom, so she just opened the door.
(She should not have opened the door.)
Victoria knows what her own back looks like. Catching brief glimpses of it in the mirror before stepping into the shower. Bone and blackened tissue that ached heavily, a rotted shadow of a symbol of Heaven’s glory. If Father’s intention was a mark of shame, he did a pretty damn good job.
Jemima’s was different (worse?)
White feathers molting, red raw patches, tufts of down sprouting up and down her back and across her shoulder blades. The waif was surrounded in a circle of white like fresh fallen snow. Victoria gags. Her stomach in instant upheaval at the sight. The tips of her fingers go numb as the moisture leaves her mouth. Her feet acted before she could think and she ran.
(She should not have ran.)
The birds open their wings and take to the sky when she reaches outside. She breathes deep, her chest aches, she tries to focus her thoughts. Her mind parsing through every microdetail with as much scrutiny in her panicked ability as she can get together. She looks up at the night sky and into the eyes of all the bright twinkling stars and, for the first time, she feels like they’re looking back at her.
Oh God, she’s not alone.
iv.
Jemima knows what happens next. She stuffs her bag with all of her belongings. All she needs to do is find another place to live. It’s fine. She’ll be fine. Her eyes watch the open doorway of her bedroom.
And, eventually, just like she expected, Victoria reappears with red eyes.
She waits for the cruel familiar sting of monster but Victoria just stares at her with these eyes, this cruel pitiful expression.
I- I can just go. I’m sorry. Jemima lowers her eyes and moves to push past the other girl. It’s all too bitterly predictable.
No. Victoria grabs her wrists so fiercely Jemima is sure that she’s about to be dragged into town to be burned at a stake. Please, stay.
And Jemima did not expect that.
v.
Between the two of us, we probably have enough for a set of wings, is the first thing Jemima says to her when Victoria shows her the withered afterimage of her wings. Victoria doesn’t know how to react in any way but laughter and it feels rusty in her throat, but good, really good.
Turns out holiness isn’t a factor in being a good dad and that seems to be a universal truth.
Victoria grabs two beers from the bottom shelf of the fridge and the two of them lay out in the garden, drinking to stories about how the shadow of divinity has taunted them. They yell into the void of the night sky at fathers that have fucked them over and what’s the point of abandoning them with enough holy to bitter the blood? Victoria grabs them another round when they start talking about how humanity is just another set of stone shackled to their ankles.
They’re still wiping away the tears from the last set of ab-aching laughter when Jemima asks Victoria what heaven feels like.Victoria hums to herself, a little tipsy, and sinks into the grass.
It feels a little like this, I guess.
vi.
Jemima has lived at the house with the blue door for three months. Long enough for hot dry summer to roll in and for the summer plants to start blooming. She has no idea how her day is going to go.
Last week, Victoria took her into town to get her new clothes. A few days before that, she came home with a blanket and a tub of ice cream for her. They had stayed up late that night because ice cream is received with enthusiasm, even by former servants of a deity.
(The two other colours are two different flavours? This Neopolitan guy is really smart, Jem)
Jemima finds herself waiting at the dinner table, an open beer at the seat across from her, waiting for someone to fill it. The clock hits 10:30 and the front door bursts open. Victoria rushing in to hug Jemima before helping herself to her beer.
Jemima had no idea that someone being excited to hug you could feel as good as a hug itself
That night, they curl up in front of the artificial glow of the television. Victoria offers to share a blanket with Jemima as the redhead scoots under it with pink-tinged cheeks. Throughout the night, Victoria’s breath warms the side of Jemima’s face as she leans in to whisper the occasional question about the television.
(Jemima is suddenly worried about spontaneous combustion cause that’s what this feels like, right? Right?)
Jemima wakes up before the sun rises like she always does. She doesn’t move an inch, coveting this moment in a never-ending form. The soft babble of the television, Victoria’s warmth snug against her, birds chirping outside. She looks around the small house and she can’t believe how much light its contains
Victoria’s eyes flutter open way too soon but it makes Jemima brighten up with what feels like the goofiest smile. Victoria returns it.
Good morning.
Good morning to you too.
What are you thinking about?
Do you know what happens at 4:30AM? You turn gold.
vii.
Victoria hit the earth crying for heaven. Her halo rests crooked.
Jemima's earliest memory was of the sun. Her mother is tearing fistfuls of feathers from her back again.
The girls are wrist-deep in the warm rich soil, worms dripping from the gaps between their fingers in every handful of dirt. They've managed to turn the air into music, permeated with the singing of birds and bursts of deep chest laughter. There was nothing in any hymnal that could rival it. Victoria sits back on her knees, removing her wide-brimmed hat to push down her sweaty hair. She looks up at the sky, vast and inviting.
(What’s wrong?)
It’s not easy, it hasn’t been easy. Half-angels and monster-girls creeping along the spine of the world made for Adam and Eve. There are dark moments: their bed brimming with nightmares and past memories on darkest nights, flinching and holding each other tighter when they’re in town, fat wet tears running down Jemima’s cheeks the first time Victoria acts on the urge to kiss her.
(I’ve been so lonely and so angry and so angry about being alone. I’ve been angry for so long that I- I’m not sure who I am without it.)
But, those good moments, those good glorious moments. Victoria has gawked at rapidly expanding nebulae, she’s stood with her brothers and sisters as gravity collapsed in on itself in an instant and formed neutron stars and black holes, she’s blown the last wisps of steam from a black star cupped in her palms. None of them are as good as Jemima waiting for her when she gets home, or when Jem reminds her that a proper diet includes more than bacon. The light dripping from those big brown eyes every time she showed Vic another sprout pushing to the sun from under the damp earth was something Victoria could savour until the world tires of spinning.
(I can’t promise you that I know who you are without it either, but I can promise that you’ll never be lonely again. A-and I’ve technically been a part of a hivemind since time began, so maybe we can find out who we are together? If you don’t mind staying here a little longer, that is.)
Alongside a narrow dirt road, fifteen minutes from the edge of town, there is a house with a blue door and a beautiful front garden of newly blossoming life and birds taking flight on recovered wings. The doormat has bright yellow lettering, written by two different hands, together.
Heaven is a place on earth.
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xiaoderys · 4 years
Text
❝ Saturated Sunrise ❞ (l.dh, n.jm) I
DISCONTINUED
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pairing: haechan x reader, jaemin x reader
genre: crack, fluff, angst, possible smut soulmate!au, college!au, social media!au mixed WITH narrative
warnings: swearing, slightly suggestive with possible smut in future chapters
word count: 2.5K
parts: prologue , character-profile, I
synopsis: you gradually lose your ability to see colors as you fall out of love with donghyuck
you were red and you liked me because I was blue. but you touched me and suddenly was a lilac sky. then you decided purple just wasn't for you.
You’ve always loved the rain, unlike your boyfriend who would squirm whenever a single drop touches his golden skin, but then again, who could blame him? he was like the sun; a ball of roaring fire that could never learn to love its polar opposite. But you on the other hand, could never hate it even if you tried, there was just something about it, maybe it’s the tranquility of it, the smell, the aesthetic or the fact that it brings you back to the very night you met Hyuck.
It’s quite funny really, you’d think these only happened in movies and tv shows yet there you were, soaking wet and walking side by side with a boy you barely knew under an umbrella that barely covered you both.
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You sighed deeply while looking through the glass windows of the convenience store and up at the dark sky, the rain was pouring and you figured it won’t be stopping any time soon.
You didn’t have your umbrella with you but it was already past 10pm so after a few minutes of internally arguing with yourself, you got out of your seat, walked out and pulled your bag above your head to somehow shield yourself from the rain.
new instagram post from Donghyuck, 1 new text from mom, 6 new notifications from bible study
open? Yes / No
As you took your first few steps outside, you heard the bell ring from behind you, signaling that there was someone going in/out of the store.
You didn’t mind it at first but you heard someone yell “Hey, wait up!” no one else was around so you assumed the person was calling out for you and stopped in your tracks.
You turned around to look and just as you do, a car sped right in front of you which caused the rain water from the ground to be splashed all over you.
“Well, fuck” you exhale.
You lowered the bag covering your head as you were already soaking wet from head to toe and wiped your dripping face swearing to yourself that the universe hated you.
As soon as the car passed, the person on the other side of the road, jogged towards you and adjusted his umbrella over your head “What the hell were you thinking?”
You were quite confused as to why this person was suddenly scolding you so you just furrowed your brows at him.
“Walking home without an umbrella in this weather? Are you stupid?”
“Well what do you want me to do? spend the night at 7-eleven?” you didn’t mean to respond with sarcasm but you just got soaked with rain water and this guy who was nagging you while talking just called you stupid which did not help you and your anger issues.
“Better than ending up looking like a wet dog that just played in the mud but I think it’s a little too late for that” he said as he looked you up and down.
“Hey, it’s not my fault! that guy was driving like he’s in grand theft auto!”
“Well if you just stayed back in the store and waited for the storm to at least calm down a little bit then you wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place and I wouldn’t have had to leave my delicious cup of ramen in there all alone” he raised his brow acting as if he made a point.
“No one asked you to do that”
“No one asked me to be so unbelievably hot either but here I am”, you scoffed at his sudden cockiness but you’d rather eat your own arm than feed a man’s ego so you looked at him with a distasteful expression “Just go back to your ramen, I can handle myself”
“Lies. You’ll freeze to death before you could even get half-way home. Here, take this” he took off his jacket and handed it to you.
The cold wind mixed with rain and your wet clothes hit you like a truck bigger than your ego but your stubbornness still got the better of you “I-I don’t need it”
“you’re literally shivering like a little puppy”, he was right but are you going to admit to that? No.
“I bite into my ice cream without feeling a thing and sleep right in front of the air conditioner, I think I’ll be fine”
He poked his tongue in his cheek, showing his annoyance “Why do you have to be so difficult? you’d rather walk home freezing than put your pride aside for a second?” the angrier he got while scolding you, the more he talked in a pout so instead of scaring you into listening, you actually found it a little cute—
“Hey, are you listening?!” thunder struck all of a sudden which made you flinch and Donghyuck swore right then and there that you were the most adorable thing in existence.
After seeing you jump from the thunder, his expression softened and suddenly the rain was pouring heavier than before and you were shivering like crazy. He sighed, and put his jacket over your shoulders himself.
You were gonna take it off and give it back to him but he stopped you “if you take that off, I’ll kiss you” normally, you would love to challenge a bluff but you couldn’t take it anymore, it was so cold and you had no other choice, so you mumbled a quick “fine” and although it didn’t help much, you did feel a lot warmer.
He smiled at you, satisfied with your decision “Great, so where are we headed?”
“We?” you looked up at him confused
“mhmm, were you just expecting me to give you my umbrella and let you go home with my adidas track top?” he said with a ridiculing expression
“pretty much, yeah”
“This is my only umbrella and that jacket costs over a $60, I’m not letting you walk away with it just like that and besides, there are loads of creeps out here”
“$60 for a jacket this thin?” you held up the sides of the jacket wondering how a jacket so thin could cost more than your weeks worth of allowance.
“Yeah, it’s a bit off a rip-off, but that’s not the point, dummy. I’m your only option of getting home safe wether you like it or not”
“You don’t even know me, why do you care so much if something happens?“
“My gentleman nature is truly my biggest flaw-“ you rolled your eyes and turned around, ready to walk away but he held your shoulders back “ah ah, hold on! My mom would never forgive me if she found out I left a girl all alone to walk home in the rain”
You sighed “Fine but no talking, I’ve already used up all my social juice for the day” he nodded cutely and snuggled beside you.
You didn’t get the chance to think about it but he looked around your age and appeared to be a student as well, considering the fact that he wore a tracksuit and was carrying a backpack.
You tried to catch a glimpse of his face every now and then and you weren’t gonna lie, he definitely wasn’t bad looking.
Being a little shorter than him, it gave you the opportunity to study his side-profile; his jaw was quite defined and his features were really soft and he had these insanely fluffy cheeks oh- and you also noticed his plump lips that made it look like he was always pouting.
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer” he said with a straight face, not even bothering to look in your direction.
“What?” you widened your eyes, blood rushing to your cheeks due to embarrassment.
“What? you think I haven’t noticed you staring at me for the past five minutes? you’re practically undressing me with your eyes” he playfully rolled his eyes.
You slapped his arm “No, I wasn’t! what’s wrong with you!”
He let out a chuckle, finding your annoyance and the way you turn red when embarrassed very amusing but you on the other hand just stayed with a pout and furrowed brows.
Donghyuck soon realized that you haven’t caught each other’s name yet “so what’s your name?”
“I thought I said no talking”
“Come on, small talk won’t hurt you”
I guess it’s better than walking in awkward silence “I’m y/n”
“Cute. I’m Donghyuck“ he smiled.
Since you were making small talk, you decided to ask about him more “if you don’t mind me asking, are you still a student?”
“A high school junior, yes, you?”
“Oh my god! same!” Donghyuck noticed how you got a little too excited over something so little but little did he know, that your childlike nature was just a sample of your many unforgettable qualities.
“Really? your height is making me think otherwise”
“Hey! My height is average!” you stopped and started to get defensive.
“And it’s not like you could talk, you’re not even that much taller!” that was a lie, he stood a good 7 inches taller than you making him the perfect height to give you forehead kisses.
“Okay mike wazowski, let’s keep it moving”
“Are you really trying to get me mad?!”
You looked so cute with your brows knit together and mouth forming a thin line that Donghyuck just couldn’t help but laugh “No offense but I literally feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake”
“Do you want to fight?!” and just like that, Donghyuck found his new favorite hobby: annoying the living hell out of you.
“Pftt, what are you gonna do? eat my kneecaps?” he rolled his eyes.
“You know what, take your umbrella, I’m going home on my own!” You were ready to leave and he chuckled “Come onnnnn, I’m just kidding, it’s already-“ he checked his phone for the time “10:57 and I have to be home by midnight”
“Who are you? Cinderella?”
“Yeah but I’m much prettier and charming plus I have a mom who will eat me alive if I stay out too late so let’s get going”
“okay but you have to promise to stop teasing me”
“Alright. I’ll try” and with that you huffed continued with your walk home
You didn’t want to admit it but you really enjoyed Donghyuck’s company, there was just a natural sense of familiarity with him which made you feel at ease.
He would talk about the most random things but no matter what they were, he always found a way to put a smile on your face.
He even talked about his little puppy at home who probably misses him which made you feel bad because the puppy must be so sad right now and here you are, taking up too much of Donghyuck’s time.
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You were both so into these conspiracy theories that you didn’t even notice that thirty minutes have passed and you were right in front of you house.
“Well, uhm, this is me” you smiled softly.
“Oh then I guess I’ll get going now” he responded, getting ready to go home.
“Wait uh- thanks for you know, walking me home and stuff.. I’m really sorry for being rude earlier” you looked at the ground, feeling ashamed of how you acted earlier when he was only trying to help.
He chuckled, ruffling your hair “It’s fine, I won’t exactly be very happy either if I got ground water splashed all over me while it’s 10 degrees outside, but you do owe me a cup of ramen”
“Oh come on, that probably only costed like a dollar or something” you whined
“3$ actually and it was a really delicious cup of ramen so I’m gonna have to get your number because I’m not letting this one slide” if Donghyuck was being honest, he couldn’t give two fucks about the ramen; normally, he’d be really mad about it but the fact that he can use it as an excuse to get your number, made up for it.
“fine” and that was how it all started.
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Now, you could’ve called a cab that night or asked someone to come pick you up but you didn’t. Call it fate or your brain just wasn’t working at the time but you sure as hell know it happened for a reason because that’s what brought Hyuck to you.
There are forces in the universe that we don’t understand, measurable forces that can’t be explained but also can’t be denied and nobody gets it but maybe that’s what it was because right here, right now you’re with a distressed Donghyuck because you both forgot your umbrellas and have to take shade under an oak tree.
He hated the rain, he would squirm every time it hit his skin yet he still gave up his jacket to cover you. He continued to scold you because quite frankly, you stopping to pet every single stray animal you saw was the reason why you got caught in the middle of the rain anyway.
“You know, one of these days, one of those strays will bite or scratch you and you’re gonna get rabies” there he was again with his lips in a pout, annoyed by the continuous droplets of rain meeting his golden skin.
“Hmm maybe, but until then, I’m gonna stop to pet every single one I see because all of them deserve love and attention. You know, if it were up to me-“ he cut you off “You’re gonna adopt all the stray animals in the world and take care of them, I know. You literally never fail to mention that” you smiled at how he always seems to never listen to you yet he remembers the little things. But then you noticed that he was shivering “are you cold? do you want your jacket back?”
“no, I’m fine” he exhales.
You furrowed your brows and looked at him with worry and of course he noticed.
“Baby, I’m fine, I swear, all this sexual tension between us from being so close together is enough to keep me warm”
You playfully hit his arm and he chuckled “No, seriously, keep it, you need it more than me” oh, he hated it, he hated it so so much. He wanted to be anywhere with you but there but he wasn’t gonna admit to that and he didn’t want you to worry.
Youu started to talk in a pout, a habit you unconsciously picked up from your boyfriend whenever you were worried “but you’re shivering, can we at least share it?”
Donghyuck knows the jacket would never fit the both of you but he also knows that you’re not one to give up easily, it’s one of his most favorite things about you, except when you’re arguing or playing games because you’re both egotistical assholes yet you’re the only one who can put him in his place and the only one he sets his pride aside for.
You looked at him snuggled right beside you, trying his best to not let the rain touch you and despite the situation being unfavorable, right at this exact moment, everything just felt right and you know you were supposed to be here.
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Text
This is the second time making this post because i am angry as fuck because for some reason when I added the names it didn't save so I'm doing this shit again 
Hey! I had a stupendus idea, the past few days I've gathered a bunch of mitten squad quotes and captain sauce quotes
Soooo, I'll put wich book of mario characters would say each quote and we'll see what happens
Yes I know 99% of the mitten squad quotes is gonna be bolivia and carbon
Also, some quotes reference characters and locations, so I'll put an [ ] with what I think the book of mario counterpart would be
MITTEN SQUAD SEGMENT 
Lewis:"I have successfully turned an ordinary kitchen utensil into the most valuable fork in the known universe, no one man should have this kind of power, but I am not mortal man, as a sexualy identity as a big rock being thrown into the ocean"
Princess of peaches, talking about 1 TEC-20"The robot wasn't able to pick the lock and I lacked the fire power to blow the bitch open" 
Marc:"I left a broom there too so my bucket wouldn't be lonely"
Carbon:"Calm down vegetarians I am talking about animals in video games, animals in real life matter way less"
Barney one:"Killing it isn't the hard part, the hard part is getting away from the explosion of the goddamm Nagasaki bomb strapped up its ass that was rigged to explode once it died"
Bolivia:"Todd Howard [barbie], even in death you find a way to fuck me"
Bolivia:"We came back to the little shit with the ant problem and killed most of the ants, I left one alive for the boy, either he becomes a man or that ant will have a very good day" 
Goomb:"Me brain fixed gud no hurt no more"
Marc:"Picked up trash for the make a wish kid"
Bolivia, talking about maria:"Because she hits like a bull with down syndrome and has the personality of a piece of plywood"
Belize:"You might be wondering, who is the boy and who is the girl? I won't give it away but I will say this, the knife is a whore"
Maria:"I had armor, i had supplies, i had pockets full of room temperature tomatos"
Bolivia:"For some reason I thought that stupid the horse v2 could fly, bad decision on my part"
Carbon:"For some reason this shrapnel character had 200 BB's, what a weirdo, who caries around 200 BB's?, anyway, I talked to daddy and brought my 300 BB's and headed off to clear off the Jefferson memorial"
Goverman::"Get a juice box and strap on your helmet, because we're going to hell"
Carbon:"I punched a puppy to death"
Marc:"My iq is similar to that of a 14 year old block of cheese"
Lewis:"Theres an oxygen exhaust pipe, the second best tipe of pipe to suck on to keep yourself alive, for those who need hand holding, that was not a drug reference, this is a family friendly channel, it was a suicide joke"
Bolivia:"I got an amazing slow motion shot of dogmeat getting fucked to death by a nuclear warhead"
Maria:"My only option was to become a vampire, wich sucked"
Bolivia:"But just as when like how every virtual dog goes to hell when it dies, what the fuck does that even mean?"
Carbon:"I took advantage of a unconscious military officer and beat him to death"
Barney one:"Nothing else says more victory than overdosing on drugs after a war"
Prof. Ceasar reality:"And decided to go to the much bigger and much more research facility x-13 research facility facility center, WHAT? I think I had a stroke"
Bolivia:"Used more than 3% of my frag mines to blow up a dog"
Carbon:"The last few coursers ran for their non existence lives and I went after them because I'm not letting anyone get away, one got away"
Maria:"I got a warning saying that nuka world is intended for those level 30 or above, Mathematics show us that me being lv11 is close enough to lv30"
Carbon:"Killed a pain-maker and got a glimpse into the big G in the sky who manifested himself as a fire axe floating in the air, this voodoo shit has no place in zion so I chopped of the pain-maker's legs and arms so If there is an afterlife he will be a cripple in hell for all eternity"
Goverman:"Its head turned into jelly, I threw its egg down into the nightmare bellow, and then I jumped after it"
Carbon:"A herd of big hornets paid the ultimate price for being alive"
Goverman:"Used his gun to turn off a woman"
Maria:"Me being the player can't open the door, theres a know you have to twist it its a whole process"
Goverman explained why maria survived the fall:"One of them belonged to God and refused to die"
Goombell, talking about hoko saba:"The dragon I pretended to not exist a few minutes ago is one of my mom's friend's kids so I had to play with him even tho he's weird"
Belize:"There was no hamster's luck in a garbage disposal chance that I would follow this giant fuck all the way to the cit ruins"
Lewis:"Along the way i saved a shopping cart from drowning and returned it to its family"
Prof. Ceasar reality:"Its about 24 million cheez its away from New vegas"
Bolivia:"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to bedworld"
Carbon:"With enough notches in my pistol to spell psychopath in braille"
Gooverman:"I spie with my little eye a ville whore who deserves to die, I cleaved her back in half with my stick and what I saw was glorious"
Maria?:"Its kinda like playing the floor is lava, but you can't see the lava and instead of burning to death you turn into a vegetable"
IDK"I hid from Ringo by hiding in ringo"
Bolivia:"The plate worked as well I thought it would, wich means it didn't work"
Bolivia:"There was a 3 for 1 discount on dead raiders if you use the promo code granade at checkout"
Belize:"The only explanation is that has a 5th appendage wich he pulls out on special occasions, wich probably isn't the case, we all know elmo doesn't pull out"
Goomb:"You don't need those things, Jesus got trough his life without any guns"
Goombape:"When i played it as a children"
Barbie:"Its like how you don't know if your life has any meaning until you die and see your score"
Belize:"This was the most stealth oriented part of the game by a metric mile"
Bolivia:"I stripped him naked, talked with Elliot [lewis] whose face bothered me for some reason,Talked with the samurai[maria], talked with red dead redemption [barney one]"
Carbon:"Some idiot spilled red paint on the clouds"
Bolivia:"Before traveling with the wizard, I spent some time pestering earnie with the prospect of friendship, by walking back and forth in front of him, making him think i wanted to talk to him just for me to keep on walking,I was voted the quietest guy I high-school and I know how loud earnie is screaming inside his head right now, it's kinda fun to be in this side of it :) ,also this isn't related to the video in any way, I just wanted to make it known that i have a sealed copy of elmos letter adventure for Nintendo 64 and you don't"
Maria:"I knew I could use that as a lighthouse of sorts in order to cast myself further into the ocean until i drowned in my own disappointment"
Goombell:"Vulpes[carbon] was adopted, his mother is both infertile and imaginary"
Belize:"Being alone is mental, you can be surrounded by friends family laughs and love on Christmas morning and still be alone in your head"
Bolivia:"I acted in self defense by committing various war crimes"
Carbon:"My throwing spears were broken and wouldn't fly,stupid fucking game" 
Bolivia:"That wasn't a lie, it just wasn't the truth"
Maria:"If there's anything Shaun b knows to do is die"
Boombell:"The number of bear traps I activated for sexual reasons turned my angles into a fine powder"
Goverman:"Where the grass is green and the air is even greener"
IDK"I consulted a doctor who flucked out of medical school and followed his advice by killing myself"
Belize:"Being a futuristic[X-nauti], nazi dominated world version of polly poc,etc it has its own set of drawbacks"
Marc:"They're mass effect 3 of fallout 3's 5th dlc, I've never played mass effect"
Lewis:"Who loves their father like how their brother loves his mother's sister"
Carbon:"Like most existential crises it went away after I killed somebody"
Carbon:"If you're wraped in chains and dropped into an empty bathtub to drown, a snorklew won't save you"
Goombape:""A wise man once said "hi! Jeanie may's here"  and he's right, there has to be a better way""
Browser:"After it took 3 grown man to kidnap a baby with a gun"
goldbob:"The lever action gun riffle can kill a mutant in a single shot if you land a shot that can kill it in one hit"
Maria:"Its 2020, Noone wants to use their hands anymore"
Bolivia:"Before journeying into more death, some jackass hit me with a granade and killed me, not the explosion, the granade bouncing off my soon to be corpse is was what made me dead"
Belize:"Some Neanderthals gave me their bullets to hold in a pretty rude way >:("
Princess of peaches:"Im not worried about offending blind people, it's not like they'll be watching this"
Carbon:"30 seconds is longer than you'd think, ask anyone whose been on fire"
Lewis:"I was as useful as a comatose toddler with a nerf gun at pearl harbor"
Goomb:"I also poused the challenge to satisfy the curiosity of mine regarding the birds in the sky that Don real because birds aren't exist"
Marc:"Any doctor worth their weight in styrofoam cups can fix a leg with their feet"
Bolivia:"I had me a silenced weapon, but I didn't account for today being his birthday, this changes everything, so I shaped for hollow point"
Carbon:"Maybe if Steve earlin had a gun instead of a snorklew he'd still be alive today"
Marc:"It took me 30 minutes and 3 phone calls to get my food because I'm too much of a pussy to go outside at 10 o'clock at night while drunk in a Christmas sweater after news year to steal my own food of one my neighbors doorstep"
Maria:"We've got rogue, tank dampse, and squidword"
Lewis;"And they're no joke, but I am, I am the big joke and my body is the punchline"
Bolivia:"I got mentally Nagasaki'd by this guy at the stables"
IDK"And went outside where Victor is unhappy with me, after killing Victor, Victor came out of the lucky 38 to avenge victor" 
Bolivia:" i shot a kid, i sent that little bitch to the moon"
Sushiya,  testing her products:"The door was of its axis, a plate was misbehaving on the chair, a cattle was dancing on the table like the whore she is"
Carbon:"And went shopping for dead bodies, they weren't in stock,  but i know a guy who knows a guy who could help me out, both of those guys are me"
Bolivia:"Now vault yosh is I your head too, and he won't be going anywhere"
Maria's son:"As much of a monster that I look like, I think it's gonna work"
Sushiya:"But you know what they say, imagination is what happens when annoyance meets drug use"
Carbon:"If they're stupid enough to be in my way they might as well be my enemy"
Goverman:"But the slippery bastard was too clever, he walked around it, I didn't even know that such a maneuver was even possible"
IDK"Homeland security at this point has yet to be impregnated by a sentient barrel of oil"
Bolivia:" if I drunkenly put a giant hole on my sink with a goddam coffee cup imagine what I could do with a gun"
Belize:"Got ambushed in the freezer while searching for chicken nuggets"
Goverman:"But the fucken bullet Williams come flying out of fucking nowhere"
Maria:"The next second you're in a universe where everything that exists is the sick bastard child of a drunken fuckfest between a pin screen and a light brush"
Bolivia:"Ask the cashier if they have a granade, if they say no, say nothing for a few seconds, put a big smile, put your hands on theirs and quietly ask, would you like one?"
Sean hampton:"Can't do anything until I have my arms around a fat man"
Barbie:"The premise of this run is that I have no arms and I must dab"
Maria's son:"I told you before that I was a genetic disaster"
Bolivia:"And in that cabin, theres some west Virginian mountain folk who are so deep in incest that one of them somehow managed to be his own father"
Bolivia:"Can you hear that? It's…. It's an air conditioner! And it's so fucking anoying, aw no I hurt it's feelings :( "
Goverman:"He could probably put the end of his musket inside his mouth, pull the trigger and still miss"
Barney one:"The big beaver ended his life in stile, he even made a summersault into the afterlife"
Goverman:"Im a good Christian boy,  I'll save my ammo for my suicide"
Carbon:"I am not Cinderella, I'm a parasite"
IDK"I played with a doggy too, it used the flesh on my arm as a chew toy, and I booked his nose with a nuclear newspaper to show that that kind of thing isn't allowed in the mitten squad household"
Sean hampton:"The crusable is a magical weapon like divorce papers, capable of tearing everything it comes across in half"
Barbie:"The curse of grandma sparkle managed to reach me all the way in hell"
Barney one:"If you are gonna get a cat, you might get a gun aswell"
Belize:"Corn on the Joe sat back not helping his brother's"
Carbon:"I bought 24 regular bullets,28 hollow points, and 60 that need to wear a helmet"
Bolivia:"After the squad died I had to content with the leftovers, the scraps, statically speaking the majority of what remained"
Lewis:"What I need to face is like a toddler with a learning disability, that would be fair"
Carbon:"I took both left eyes of this dead guy "
Carbon:"It took longer to pull out the Esther than it took of kill the general"
Sushiya, while high:"Deeper inside shit got weird, i killed a giant skeleton right? Nothing weird about that, but then his body just kinda danced in place really slowly, I tought speeding up time would fix it, that was a massive fucking mistake, and changing time back to normal was an even bigger mistake, he'll be hunting me until I die, but until then he'll still be dancing"
CAPTAINSAUCE SEGMENT 
Carbon:"They're old, how hard can it be to turn them into blueberry jam and ram them into the grass"
Belize:"I guess if you do electrocute a tank enough it would just explode"
Boliviz:"Id have a better chance of finding a snowball down here than winning a coin toss"
Marc:"How does my Christmas lights break to a stiff breeze but these ones are practically terminators"
Barney one:"I never tought id see the day where I would have to hire a sniper to assassinate a troublesome light bulb but here we are "
Lewis:"I get the feeling if you try to milk a minotaur then you're gonna be its wife"
Sushiya:"In the history of mankind do you think we've ever seen a snake fight an octopus?"
Goverman:"Lets see if you can wobble your way trough the grim reaper" [the grim being carbon]
Goldbob:"Its a steaming pile of something ill tell you that much"
Goverman:"He died? How! Did he have an allergic reaction to the sun?"
Goomb:"Michelangelo is Swiss cheese and where good to go"
Bolivia:"It really looks like I'm taking a sharpened stick to a bazooka fight"
Maria:"HOW DID I GO FROM FIGHTING AN OCTOPUS IN A SUIT TO WW3???"
Princess of peaches, talking about 1TEC-20:"Im playing pictionary with a blind robot"
maria:"Theres on the nose dialogue and then there's punch you in the nose dialogue"
Bolivia,  talking about barney one:"This lady looks like her father was half refrigerator"
IDK"Im supposed to sabotage the mail missile assembly line but it looks like someone got here before me"
Belize?:"And the ghosts of previously murdered pianos???"
Maria:"Im getting outsmarted by puppets"
Bolivia:"After careful deliberation with my associate we've come to the conclusion that the local government must have Removed all quarters from circulation,  the laundromat went under and before you know it the entire society fell into nudism and then anarchy "
Carbon?:"This is like the hunger games of sesame street"
IDK"Im a weird shotgun santa"
Garlic?:"Oh damm! CTHULO IS THICC"
Krump:"What kind of interdimensional time traveling toilet is this?"
Carbon:"Wheater it be cultural appropriation or demonic abomination,  i don't realy care im just gonna try to hit it with a pee bucket" 
Carbon:"THIS IS THE MEDIEVAL RUSSIAN VERSION OF DRIVING INTO BATTLE WITH A TANK BUT SHOOT PEOPLE WITH A BB GUN"
Belize::"I DIDN'T KNOW GRANNY WAS TAKING GRAVEDIGGER TO CHURCH THIS MORNING" 
Goombell:"This isn't a bridge its just the worlds weakest motorcycle trebuchet "
Bolivia:"Oh hellow mr berry"
Carbon:"Giant alien space worm 2020, make America worm poop again"
Bolivia:"When did snuffy[barney one] decide to judas me and join the hobbits?[origamis]"
Lewis:"Theres a surprisingly high amount of chickens in this map and a dramatic lack of eggs"
Bolivia:"Im pretty sure we've sent the first claim to the moon"
Maria:"And yet I'm forced to defend myself from stuff like bloodthirsty scp's using nothing but uncooked t-bone stake, I mean technically its doable but it doesn't make It any less ridiculous"
Barbie:"What's the point of a metal detector if literally everyone here has somekind of cybernetic, like I swear to God If I walk trough here aND you guys start pounding the shit out of me just because I got a couple of extra inches of robo-dong IM GONNA BE PISSED"
Bolivia:"Everyone's wearing slick black suits meanwhile I look like somebody skinned a couch from the 70s"
Sushiya:"Is this bacon flavored weed or weed flavored bacon?"
Sean hampton:"Do you think that Darth Vader ever had to deal with a rebel or a henchmen who was into getting chocked? Like starts force checking them and they tell him to go harder?"
Koopley:"I was stabbed to death by a naked man with a spear and my arm is perpetually running"
Koop kotu:"So I'm crazy enough to be locked behind bars but not crazy enough to think I can fly*
Bolivia:"Usually spooders have 8 arms not 8 abs"
Carbon:"I just bludgeoned Jesus to death with a stick of meat, I'm guessing he's gonna be back in a couple of days he's gonna be looking for me so we'll start running now"
Carbon:"Im done with words, shooty goody time"
Maria?:"Id have a better time cutting down bushes then these strange little robo hobits"
Belize:"Dad this is not the time to be dancing with crabs!"
Maria:"Thats my little brother, who has a fully posable deny devito action figure,I've always been jealous of that one"
Bolivia:"The turns are tabbleling"
Maria, talking about barbie:"She's not exactly the brightest tool at the picnic"
Belize:"Are you kidding me mom? Realy?, you were the one that said you're sick of seeing donkey kongs donkey dong"
Maria:"I have no idea what was in that Wonster energy drink that made him go master roshe style"
Bolivia:"I want to file a complaint against Stacy [belize] for T-posing to assert Dominance over me"
Marc:"Believe it or not dangling a padlock the size of a shoebox from a doorknob does as much work as I want to"
Caesar reality:"You can never have too many rotten floor bananas"
Carbon:"Poisoning your boss is probably not the best way to skip work, but ya boy gotta do what he has to do"
Goverman:"I'll take nicknames of my penis for 300$ alex"
Starvinden?:"I guess we'll just leave you in your special sarcophagus mr tutan-deez-nuts"[browser]
Lewis:"I've been skipping work for 2 weeks now and I'm starting to think that my computer isn't even plugged in"
Bolivia, talking to maria:"Your suit smells like a wet fart and your mouth smells like a ashtray"
Bolivia:"If anyone needs me I'll be on the insane asylum,  why am I caressing a mannequin on top of a boat?"
Carbon:"Would you like to hang yourself or be crucified? Dealers choice!"
Bolivia talking about carbon:"He's doing something ingenious probably diabolical……..or he's dressed as a panda"
Marc:"We should really pay for security around here not only are people breaking in there is also a giant spine breaking chickens"
Maria to Bolivia:"You are very angry at that stake"
Sushiya, after using its products:"I wonder why was I twerking at the office statue"
IDK"WHY IS THERE A GIANT NAKED MAN IN THE LOCKER CHOCKING ME TO DEATH WITH A CHAIN??!!!"
goombell:"I guess we're gonna leave the cookie monster dildo in the locker"
Sean hampton, to Maria:"My love for you is like diarrhea, sometimes I just can't hold it in"
Bolivia:"You're watching me In a Google video platform playing a game from a Google gaming platform that was translated using Google translate, if this isn't a dystopian future I don't know what is"
Bolivia?:"I couldn't have predicted the run after her like a velociraptor made out of pool noodles"
Lewis:"Jumping Jack neighbor help me!"
Bolivia:"Bread! There's no bread,there's your bread! That's a cookie God dammit"
Belize:"So I can be invited to the worlds saddest birthday party"
Maria:"I guess we're playing ring around the Rosie till I lose his dumb ass"
Carbon:"If you see jehovah's witness you tell them to eat shit"
Bolivia:"HOW CAN YOU AFFORD A GUARD BIRD AND NOT A DOOR STOP?"
Bolivia::"For my shopping list I need to find a floppy disk with a s, but for the distraction I could use a floppy dick with sunglasses and a tie"
Carbon:"I really hoped that your little bird bath had a couple inches of water so I could steal a tiny toaster to throw it in with you"
Belize::"Its pretty safe to say Mr voice bad Benjamin good, but we just saw Benjamin talk with the grim reaper and pull around a cart wich is about the size of a child's body"
Goombell:"She may have a crush on the interdimensional death fox"
Maria:"Its like the herpes of craft supplies"
Barney one:"Everyone wants to split checks for keano Reaves, even if they're a 10ft dragon made out of logos and seizures what is going on right now?"
Sushiya, high, again:"When I dilapidated the banana and poked the mayo's brain then had an indept conversation with the strawberry cocoon did bread get arrested? I didn't see the police come by, that would make sense because the alcoholic cat ran away"
Carbon:"IF THEY HAVE AN ASS TO PULL PUNS OUT OF THEY HAVE TO HAVE A BRAIN TO THINK THEM UP"
Goombell:"I think I graduated for the university of food torture"
Well, this is all, took some time but it's here, hope you enjoyed
Frequent reblogers
<《{[(@boom-fanfic-a-latta )]}》>
<《{[( @gumdorp )]}》>
PLEASE REBLOG!
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dumbobsessivebitch · 3 years
Text
Dear Stranger
To the person who read this, It’s been hard for you, I know, and it makes me sad that you don’t see yourself in the way I see you. Sometimes they are things in life that cause us to loose ourselves, and the way you have is so unimaginable painful. I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up the whole room just by the sound of your laughter. I miss the way you accepted the way you look in the mirror without cursing yourself out about how ugly you look. I miss the way you didn’t think of yourself as a failure because everyone makes mistakes, we all have flaws and we all aren’t perfect. It’s painful to see that no one around you seems to see the pain trough your eyes, but, stranger, I do, I see how heavy your heart is and how comforting the sadness for you might be, how afraid your heart is of happiness because it disappears in the end, right? You don’t know how much impact you have in this world and it’s sad to see that your demons fight against you and want to take over you. Because you do make change, it’s something so simple and little that brightens up someone’s whole world, it can be a small smile from your lips, the way you look at things you’re passionate about, the way you make yourself eat even though it’s been hard for you lately, the way you zoom out and go in your own world, you brighten up my world by reading this, it means a lot to me that you’re here, existing, but I don’t want you to just exist, you deserve to feel alive. You deserve to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel something- to feel every damn second alive in this lifetime. It’s heartbreaking that you think you’re not capable of being loved, because you are, I love you trough all my words and I hope you let it happen in your heart. Love is scary, I know, maybe you heart had been broken once and since then you wanted to be rather numb than feel ever again, it hurts me how you punish yourself, does it not deserve love? Because YOU DO deserve love, please forgive yourself, it’s not your fault that the demons want to take over your beautiful heart. You’re not a bad person for distancing yourself from others, but you deserve someone to talk to, you deserve someone to listen. I am listening, you can tell me what’s wrong. It’s everything, isn’t it? There’s something pulling your heartstrings on the ground and no one seems to understand how misunderstood you feel, it’s heartbreaking to know that I am behind the screen and can’t give you a hug, that’s why I will give you a big warm virtual hug and send you lots of love :). You matter. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve good things. You deserve someone to listen. You deserve to eat and drink. You deserve to feel good and alive. You deserve to smile. You deserve a hug. You deserve to be all the things you want to be, because you deserve to have and feel good things happening to you and have a fulfilled life. I know I might not know you personally but I care about you so much, I write this because I want you to stay here with me, I want you to hold on a little longer because you matter so much to me, because I will not let you give up on yourself. I want you to see that you should not give up on yourself because you DESERVE GOOD THINGS. I want you to look back on the time when you were a kid, you didn’t give up when you tried to swim for the first time, you didn’t give up when you tired to walk for the first time and fell, you never gave up on yourself, you always kept on pushing forwards, so why can’t you now? I know it’s tiring, your mentally tired, but dont your younger self deserve good things? look back at your eyes that used to be full of hope, look back on those dreams. Don’t let yourself fall, you deserve better. We will both fight, I will fight for you. I won’t let those demons get to you. You can hold on to me, I won’t let you down :). Whenever you feel lonely, then look at the sky, I always look at it and think about you. Yes, you, because it makes me happy that there’s someone looking right back, maybe we can’t see each other but I can feel your presence here with me and that’s enough for me, because I am glad your heart is beating and you’re still fighting. You’re so much stronger thank you think, you didn’t leave your spot on this earth even if you wanted to, you belong here, even though it doesn’t feel like it, when you don’t feel like belonging than build your own home here, put all your love in it and dreams. Think of you as a star when you feel alone, you shine because your heart is good, no matter what mistake you made, no matter about the past you had, you’re one of the stars that shine bright in the universe because you’re heart is beautiful, that’s why the demons in your mind wants to have it. As one of the stars you see others stars, maybe they have felt the same way as you do at some point in there life, but they lighten up the universe with each other’s presence. You’re a star for me, maybe you don’t see it yourself but I can see it, you’re beautiful from inside and out, your body is beautiful the way it is. You make me happy by reading this, you make me feel something by your presence and when you can make me feel that way than you also make other  people feel that way about you too. I hope you stay for yourself and don’t let your story get written by others but by yourself, it’s your story not theirs. As you can see, I say a lot of “I hope” because I have hope for you even if you don’t have it for yourself, I see hope in you even though you might want to give up. That’s why I hope you won’t see the world in darkness and will see it colorful again, I hope I will give you a glimpse of hope and make the world you see a bit colorful for today. My favorite color is yellow, and I hope the next time you see the color yellow you will think about my words. If someone left you than don’t blame yourself, don’t think you weren’t enough, don’t lower yourself for someone who couldn’t see the awesomeness in you. If you lost someone I am so sorry for your loss, they want you happy, I hope you don’t feel guilty or regret because you were there, you spend enough time with them, they want you to be happy. They are in a good and safe place now. If someone broke your heart than I am so sorry that they couldn’t see the way you look so beautiful because of the heart you have. Anyone who gets to be with you, doesn’t know how fucking lucky he/ she/ they is :). If you aren’t accepted at home or in general than I am so sorry that you have to deal with someone/ something you shouldn’t be ashamed of, I accept you and support you, I accept you as a human being no matter what race, religion, nationality, skin color, or sexuality you have. You’re safe here with me :). You’re not useless, you’re not a burden to anyone. You’re not a problem, you’re human and your feelings are valid. You’re not being dramatic. Please don’t starve yourself, you deserve food and to drink, I know it’s hard. It hurts to see that you’re in so much pain :( you deserve so much man, don’t let your emotions control you. Don’t let them get the best of you.  I am sorry no one is noticing, I wish /hope I could take your pain away for today or even for a moment while you’re reading this. If no one told you, I am so proud of you, you’re reading this and it’s enough for me to be proud of you because you’re here and that’s all that matters to me. If it’s night for you, go to sleep, I know it’s hard to fall asleep right now but you deserve a good sleep. If you have nightmares, please, don’t let them fight you. If it’s day for you, don’t start it by such sad music, I know it’s impossible to have a good day with such mindset but take baby steps, start by drinking two cups of water everyday in the morning and so on.. You will start building little healthy habits. If it’s evening for you, you’re probably overwhelmed and stressed, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You don’t need to be scared, of course you’re overwhelmed or stressed, I mean who wouldn’t? But it’s important to know that when you feel that way you should do a little self care, such as taking a bath for example? You deserve to feel at ease and relaxed. And if you are somewhere in between I hope you know that you’re so strong for breathing despite the pain, I know you will make it :) I believe in you. All I want for you is to stay here, I really mean all my words, even if there is a lot of unsaid things I want to tell u and my text is getting longer and longer,I want you here. I hope one day your smile will become a genuine one where you don’t need to fake it anymore, because I can’t say this enough, you deserve a good smile and to feel alive. You’re worth more than every fucking cent in this world. You can let go for today, I got you, you can cry your heart out as much as you want, but don’t let it tear you down and let your emotions control you by giving up. Crying is not weakness. If you still feel alone I dedicate you a song as your friend. “Dusk till Dawn- Zayn feat. Sia (I prefer the slow version)” I hope you can think of me and will remind yourself of my words, I will for sure think of you. In case no one told you and you’re unsure yourself, you’re a good person and I am so happy you’re here. I hope this is enough to stay today, tomorrow will be a new day, a new start, let go now. Enough with beating yourself up for today, okay? Life for those who couldn’t, smile for those who forgot what a genuine smile is, love like there’s no other, hug like its your last one. If you read all of it, until tomorrow my friend :) have a good day and great years. I love you so much and am so proud of you, I hope you will remember my words- becho, the stranger that cares more about you than anything :) <3
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